Imogen and the gods - c3e79 / c3e77 / c3e81

Thinking about the Dawnfather. A god of light, a god of harvest, a god of the sun itself. Good but not nice, kind but not soft. Life-giving but also scorching. Protective, warm, and kind, but also stern, harsh, and abrasive. His light can foster growth, can protect and guide, but it can also scorch and burn. The sun is warm and nurturing but don’t stare at it too long, child, it’ll blind you.

Was he always so hard? Did he always hide his face with the harsh light of the sun? Or was there a time when he smiled and laughed, let others see him as he truly was?

Thinking about the Schism. Was the Dawnfather close to the Betrayer Gods before they turned? He must have been, Asmodeus wouldn’t be so hung up on him if he wasn’t. Speaking of Asmodeus, he was once a being of light, like the Dawnfather and the Everlight are now. Were they closer than the others? When the Gods came to Exandria, did they come from the same place or were they scattered, a ragtag group of survivors fleeing from predators seeking to devour them? And if the latter is true, did these three beings of light come from the same place? Siblings, born from the same stuff, forever tied to one another?

If this was the case, then, what was their relationship before the Schism? Did they call each other “Brother” and “Sister”? Did they hold each other when they were scared, dry each other’s tears, laugh and joke and tease and fight and make up because they were siblings and they’d always be together, and they loved each other with every fiber of their being and they only had each other. When Predathos came, when it devoured two of their newfound siblings, did the Dawnfather hold them both and promise them that everything was going to be okay because he was their brother and he was going to protect them, all of them. The gods, mortals, the world itself, they would not be devoured, they would not be destroyed, because he was there and would fight until his very last breath to keep them safe.

Wondering then, was that the moment when Asmodeus truly grew to hate their creations? Seeing his brother and sister and siblings risk their lives just to protect some mewling mortal wretches when they could just leave it all behind and start somewhere new. Was that the moment when he realized that mortals had done something to them, changed them when they were not supposed to change. Why else would they risk being devoured by Predathos, why else would they suffer through war with the Primordials? Why else would they choose them over him!? Was this the moment when he decided to conspire with the Primordials and the other Betrayer Gods? To destroy this world and the mortals on it so they could finally leave. And they would leave, of course, because the Dawnfather was his brother and the Everlight was his sister and the Gods were a family, and at the end of the day, they would always be together, and once the corrupting influence of those mortals was gone, they would surely all see reason.

And when the Dawnfather discovered this betrayal, when all the Prime Deities did, he must have been furious. How could they!? His kin, his brother, who had always been by his side through everything, how could they turn around and destroy their creations, their children. And so he and the other Primes took up arms and fought against their own family to protect this world they had created, and their children who inhabited it. Those battles must have been brutal, bonds of comradery broken, kin clashing against kin, screaming curses as they tore each other apart.

During those final battles of the Schism, when the Dawnfather clashed against Asmodeus, did they scream at each other in rage? A twisted reflection of previous squabbles, different because this time it was real, this time there is no forgiveness, no making up. When the Dawnfather knocked Asmodeus down, crushed his throat under his foot and banished him to the Hells, was he yelling when he disowned him? Or was he quiet when he did it, his voice going into a low growl, deadly calm as he told him that he was not his brother anymore. And moments previously, when the Dawnfather could have easily killed him, did he look into Asmodeus’s eyes and see his brother? Scared and hurt by his hands, hands that once held him and swore to protect him. In that moment, did the Dawnfather realize he couldn’t kill him? Because that was his brother and despite everything, he still loved him, and hurting him brought him more grief and pain than he could ever imagine. So instead, he banished him, locked him and all the other Betrayers away because he and the other Primes couldn’t bring themselves to kill their family, but they also couldn’t let them free.

Was this when the Dawnfather obscured his face? Hardened his heart because otherwise he would break, and he cannot break, because the other gods need him to be strong, because Exandria needs him to be strong. And so he stayed strong, despite the grief, despite the guilt, despite the pain of heartbreak, of hurting the ones he loved to protect the ones he loved. And this hardening must have continued, running himself ragged during Calamity, beating back Tharizdun, protecting Ioun after she almost died, sheltering the Everlight after Asmodeus once again betrayed her, stabbed her in the back and left her broken and weak when all she wanted was to do was get her brother back, to save him from his own wrath. Failure after failure after failure to protect those he cared about, to protect his siblings and mortals and Exandria itself. The guilt of his failures must be overwhelming, and these are his failures: Predathos devoured his siblings under his watch, his siblings betrayed them under his watch, Calamity ravaged Exandria under his watch, and even now, the threat of Predathos has once again returned under his watch.

No wonder he is so harsh now, so controlling now: because every time he has failed in his vigilance the world has suffered for it. He can’t fail again; he can’t lose any more siblings. And so, he continues hardening his heart, continues fighting, because the sun must always rise again in the morning, no matter what.

Tonight on 4-sided dive

what happens when mortals remember where gods get their power?

fresh cut grass asking the changebringer “are you worth saving?” in a tone so different from the demand deanna made of the dawnfather; fresh cut grass asking the changebringer “are you scared?” and hearing yes and saying “ok. I’m coming.”

I’ve been thinking about the Deanna’s Commune scene from e64 a lot, because I think, for once, it has a lot more nuance than the “are the Gods worth saving” rhetoric we’ve seen ad nauseum beforehand. And I appreciate that!

First, Deanna’s a cleric. One with a complicated relationship with her patron diety, but still a cleric.

She is also direct, to-the-point, and no-nonsense when she gets miffed. Which first happens when she finds out the other half of Bells Hells did some rather disturbing stuff, because of some distrubing stuff perpetuated by her diety.

So of course that’s the first question she asks. I’m paraphrasing here, but “hey, is working with these people gonna help because I just heard some fucked up shit” is kind of important as the first question asked. It implies she still wants to help out, but some of the group’s actions seem to be counterintuitive to helping.

The “uncertain” response she got felt a bit rude to her, but on the sidelines here, it’s interesting. Either the Dawnfather is unaware that half of BH was involved in the killing of a Paladin, a Judicator, and an Angel and ousting his influence from a leyline nexus point, or he is aware and his uncertainly about whether they’ll help or harm the gods has some fascinating implications, such as the Dawnfather seeing BH as not a direct threat despite what they did. If he is aware, he probably is upset that they did that, but based on his answer BH isn’t in “it’s on sight” territory.

So with that out of the way, Deanna moved to the second thought on her mind - the disturbing stuff she heard was done in the name of the Dawnfather. And she received a “it’s for the greater good” response. The “I’m not going to outright say ‘yes’ directly, but sidestep and try to be truthful without actually saying ‘yes’” response.

The cast say “ooh, wrong answer”, but I don’t think it’s because there is a fundamentally correct or incorrect answer to that question (D&D alignments aside, moral greys are everywhere, including in the gods) - I think they say that because it was the absolute worst thing to say to Deanna specifically. She encouraged the temples of Uthodurn to help people when and wherever they could, and encouraged the diarchy of the same, and here is her own God telling her that his people did some harm to some people, but “for the greater good”, which I think is something Deanna seems staunchly against.

This is important, because I think that influences how Deanna’s final question is framed. And I think the final question might have been different altogether if the Dawnfather had answered differently.

“Are you worth saving?” is the question Deanna asks after hearing someone she (essentially) works for, admit to doing something that would piss her off. Based on everything that happened, “Are you worth saving” seems way less like the high-concept philosophy we’ve all grown to get annoyed at, and more like a deliberate, sharp, beautiful reprimand.

Deanna says this, and I think she means “I don’t like your tacit approval of forcing your influence into places where it isn’t wanted. I don’t like good normal people having their lives disrupted because your followers did something shitty and you never told them to stop. I think it’s wrong, I think normal people should be cared about just as much as our followers, and if you keep acting this way I can and will Karen you about it.”

But of course, this is the Dawnfather, and she came in to that Commune intent on matching the intensity of the sun. Which is why I think her final question came out like the sharpest barb in the universe, rather than lengthy nuance.

Maybe Sunny D will start thinking about it, maybe not (he is kind of a dick, so...), but it is now established that one of his own followers admonished him for his shitty behavior (and then he kicked her off of the call, lol). And I think that’s neat.

And when we finally kill the gods neither hell nor heaven will be waiting for them because they created those to imprison us

(quote via @malewifecombat)

[ID: The Dawnfather gazes dispassionately down at Zerxus who is standing in the hand of Asmodeus. His face is metallic and the features are smoothed and mask like. Light pours from his eyes. There is a starburst behind his head. The entire scene is lit in yellow and red.

RIP Clerics being left on read by their divine deities (whom have literally commanded that you die for them)

✨Over a thousand leaves and buds and I still think it doesn’t look grand enough ✨

"Only in darkness can we truly see the light."

"My sun, Inanis. Make me proud. You always were my favorite."

-

new pc in a d&d game i'm in. he's an aasimar druid of dreams and cleric of pelor named inanis vagari, and i love him. his dad is also literally pelor, who he finally got to meet last night.

here's his original drawing, too;

Deanna: *sigh* It's nice to be at peace.

Dawnfather: Ok, time to go back.

Deanna: Wha- Why?!

Dawnfather: They cast the spell.

Deanna: What?

Dawnfather: They cast the spell, you gotta go back.

Deanna: But, I'm one with everything.

Dawnfather: Don't know what to tell ya kiddo, they cast the spell. Byeeeeee.

It is fascinating how the Raven Queen’s vision was so different from the Dawnfather’s and the Changebringer’s. Yes, Ruidus is a threat to everyone, not just the gods, and it’s clear the gods don’t want to die and don’t want humanity to suffer a terrible fate. But whereas the Dawnfather’s message to Deanna was, “I returned you to life and granted you gifts, now you must aid me against this threat,” and the Changebringer’s message to FCG was, “something terrible threatens us all, walk my path and grant me your faith so we can defeat it,” the Raven Queen didn’t speak at all. Orym asked how the group could help and she didn’t speak on behalf of herself. She showed them what’s happening to Vax, her beloved champion, how he was stolen from her protection and trapped in endless suffering. She didn’t appeal to the greater good of the world. Her answer was, “Someone I love is suffering and I cannot reach him. Save him. Free him. Help me by helping him.” There is something beautifully, selfishly human in that.

The Dawnfather: leave or be judged.

Prism Grimpoppy, apprentice mage of the Cobalt Soul who was in her first combat literally yesterday: hmm. I think the proper response to this is to use the Dawnfather cleric's lifeblood to summon a greater demon right on top of the Dawnfather's angel. this seems correct.

deanna coming back to the others and saying “hi. ok, speedrun. I died 200 years ago, came back. dawnfather thing. we’re not great. F.R.I.D.A.’s my best friend. and we” – gesturing to chetney and fearne – “had a three-way, but I think that's been covered.” (bonus: laudna saying excitedly “oh, I died 30 years ago! then again three months ago!”)

Vex’ahlia, Champion of Pelor The DawnFather ☀️🌳

(2/7)

pelor, watching this battle from behind a divine brick wall, squinting at laudna: is that my champion?

pelor, watching laudna transform into her form of dread: is that my tree?