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zaraomarrogers · 1 year

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Always and Forever - 14

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Fem!reader

Warning: Angst, Fluff, 18+ content (Minors DNI)

A/n: A very special to thanks @sunshine-on-my-mind for helping me out with this chapter. Meera, I wouldn't be able to do it without your help. Thankyou for your endless support.

~*~

Dear Y/n,

I thought it was time to let you know about what happened, and if you have figured it out by yourself, I’m not surprised it took you so long.

Our mother, had made me a pawn in her game. She had framed our father and alleged him of cheating when in truth she was the one who had an affair.

And she had always played games with our family for her own gain. She used me to separate you and Steve and manipulated me.

Steve was drugged. He never cheated on you while you two were together. What happened after that- it’s better to not think about.

Also, few years ago I heard couple a rumours swirling around the firm that our mother might have a hand behind Joseph Rogers death. Yes, it wasn’t just a cardiac arrest. I ignored them in the beginning but a lot of things about her behaviour has started surfacing recently and I had to probe.

I’m sending you whatever evidence I pulled off of our mother’s transgression. You are not as naive as you were before, so I hope you wisely decide what to do with this information. I apologise for not using my own brain and be a tool in our mother’s game.

Regards,

Peggy

~*~

Tiny specks of dust seemed to dance in the shaft of afternoon sunlight that slanted through the long glass window. Y/n pressed her temple harder from her left hand while still trying to remain focus on the designs in front of her. The sun light had started to cause her eyes squint making her migraine ten times more worse. She pressed the button on the extension phone to call Lily in her office and as soon as she came in, she rushed towards the desk where Y/n was seated with her face hidden in her hands.

“Are you okay?” Lily asked worried.

“Just migraine, can you please close the blinds and turn off the extra lights?” Y/n said in a low voice.

“Sure. Do you want me to call the doctor or something. You don’t look good.”

“No, no. I’ll be fine, just gonna sleep it off. Call me an Uber and go through these files, and give ‘em to Steve in the meeting. He’ll have it discussed with the financers.”

“Okay. Do you want me to tell Wanda or Mr. Rogers about you leaving early?”

“Oh no, no need. Just inform them in the meeting.”

“Okay. Are you sure you don’t want to see the doctor?” she was genuinely concerned.

“No Lily! I’ll be fine.”

“Okay, okay. Your Uber is 5 minutes away.”

“Okay, thank you Lily.” Y/n tried to stand up on her feet not without a faltered step, she immediately hold the edge of the table. She took her sunglasses out of her bag and put them on. Taking off her heels and holding them in her hand she slid her purse on the shoulder and walked towards the elevator. Lily offered to accompany her to the ground level where the ride was waiting for her but she refused.

It had been a week and a half since she’d been sitting on the email she received from Peggy. It took her couple days before deciding that she should share the content of the email with her father before saying anything to Steve. But Wanda and her had planned a vacation trip for Daniel and Alice for their wedding anniversary and she couldn’t burden her father with this vile information she knew nothing about. It was better to wait for them to come back and then she’d accost the issue.

Peggy’s confession didn’t exactly make her feel relieved that Steve was blameless, deep down she knew that and the confirmation had just stamped Steve’s innocence. Her heart was breaking for Steve and the burden of guilt he had been carrying for four years. She didn’t remember how many times in the past week she wanted to just hold him tight, and protect him for whatever this was but she couldn’t do anything but wait for her parents to come back. She wasn’t even sure if she could completely trust Peggy and because of the extra information Peggy had given her about Steve’s dad had her mind numb with thinking of different scenarios and things that could go wrong. Keeping everything from Steve was right thing to do for now. It was her way of protecting him from the inevitable but the least she could do was try.

Steve was in his office with few other people from the finances to discuss the yearly expenses when Lily entered the room with a gentle knock. She placed the file in front of Steve.

“Where’s Y/n?” Steve asked a little confused when Lily started telling him and everyone else the details of the file that Y/n had managed to complete.

“She left early. She wasn’t feeling well.” Lily said fixing her glasses on her nose as a nervous habit.

“She was fine this morning.” Steve almost mumbled to himself. “Lily, what is it? She had prepared this file, and is expected to lay out the plan.”

Steve didn’t mean to come off as harsh as he sounded. He apologised immediately to Lily when he saw her flinched.

“She was having a splitting migraine. I booked her an Uber on her request, could barely hold herself together.”

“Why didn’t you inform me?” Steve’s voice was low and full of concern. Other people could see the softness and worry in Steve’s expressions.

“I wanted to but she stopped me. Told me not to disturb you before meeting.”

“Well, there’s no point of having this meeting when Y/n’s not here. She had worked hard on planning the yearly spends, I can’t decide on the plans without giving this file a thorough read.” Steve said standing up on his feet, “I’m sorry guys, but I think we’re holding up on this meeting for couple a days - good thing we still have time, so a little delay won’t be bad.” He dismissed the meeting with a tight lipped smile. His mind was wrapped up in the news Lily just gave him. He had been distant from Y/n after seeing her and Andy the night he stayed at her house. It wasn’t intentional, the hurt was doubled with fear, the fear of losing her for good had him thinking worst possibilities He kept the interaction between them bare minimum, and wasn’t surprised when Y/n didn’t make an effort to reach out to him, not that he was expecting her to be. He was just in his head that he didn’t even notice that Y/n was also uncharacteristically quiet, even with Malcolm she was not engaging. They both were in their own heads and none of them noticed that.

Steve entered Wanda’s studio that was on the top floor of the building and spotted her working on one of her many master creations. Steve looked around and silently praised her hard work.

“Wanda..” Steve cleared his throat, “I’m going to pick Malcolm up and head to Y/n's.”

“Mhmm...” She nodded, eyes still glued on the mannequin in front of her.

“Y/n has already left. She wasn’t feeling good.” Steve said again when Wanda didn’t say anything.

“Why? What happened?” She finally looked at him with a slight frown.

“Lily said she was having a migraine so she left. I’m just going to go check on her... if she needs something.”

“Oh no! She’s got migraine.” Wanda whispered to herself. “Okay, keep me posted, I’ll drop by once I’m done with this.” She said mentally figuring out her busy schedule.

“Sure.” With that Steve left. Something was not right, he could feel it in his heart. Worry started to take over him as he sped up the car. An unsettling feeling had crept into his heart the moment he entered Y/n’s house. He put down Malcolm from his arms on the floor.

“Y/n?” He called. He made his way up the stairs and into Y/n's room, Malcolm hot on his tail. He could hear the low voice of coughing from the bathroom.

“Y/n? You okay?” He peeked into the bathroom from the door, seeing Y/n bent over the toilet, vomiting and coughing. In long strides he covered the distance and sat on the floor, legs drawing on either side of her, he gently pulled her hair back from one hand and slowly rub her back.

“S – Steve, just go. It’s gross.” Y/n said in a low raspy voice. She slumped against Steve’s chest, on the cold tiled floor of the bathroom. Steve wrapped his arm around her protectively.

“Do you want me to call the doctor? We can go to any walk-in clinic? Do you need some meds? Y/n... sweetheart?” his voice was laced with concern and worry. Malcolm came to stand in the door way, clutching his stuffed puppy, worried seeing his mama like that.

“Mama?” Malcolm’s voice wavered with emotions. Steve and Y/n both looked at Malcolm’s who had tears in his eyes now.

“Mal-pal, go get mama’s pain meds. You know which one right.” Y/n said in a barely audible voice. “I’ll be fine, Steve. Don’t worry.” Her head was throbbing in pain. Malcolm made his way towards the sink cabinets, he stood on the step-stool and opened the left one and took out a bottle of prescribed medicine. As he came towards Y/n , she felt another wave of nausea hit her, crouching over the toilet she spewed the contents of her stomach. Steve, again pulled her hair back and rubbed her back. Malcolm grabbed the towel from the sink counter and brought it to his mama and handed her the painkillers.

“Mama pwease be okay.” His lower lip trembled and Y/n opened her arms to hold him while still seated between Steve’s legs.

“I’m okay, sweetheart. I just have a headache. I’ll be okay when I wake up. You know that right, Mal-pal?”

Malcolm nodded, kissing her on the face. He stepped back and hold out his hand to hold her, so that he could take his mama to the bedroom. Steve was silently witnessing them, his heart clenched assuming that this wasn’t the first time it happened. Malcolm had seen and been through the situation before.

“Here bubba, let me help mama.” He said, taking Y/n in his arms and carried her bridal style to the bedroom. The dim light from lamp made her squint her eyes. Gently, Steve laid her down on the bed, tucking her under the covers, he placed a sweet kiss on her forehead.

“Go to sleep, I’ll be right here when you wake up.” He whispered and kissed her hair again.

He looked around and see Y/n’s pile of clothes on the floor that she changed from after coming home. He picked her work clothes along with her bra and panties and dump them in a laundry basket. Malcolm was right behind him, watching his dad cleaning up the toilet and picking up the used towel and throw it into the hamper. Steve left the bathroom light on and door slightly ajar, he turned off the night stand lamp, turning the room dark. The only light coming was from the bathroom.

“C'mon bubba, let’s fix you something to eat.” He carried Malcolm in his arms and came downstairs in the kitchen, setting him on the counter he asked him what did he want to eat. After a little debate, the father – son duo agreed on having some fruits and yogurt. They spent rest of the evening painting and colouring in hush voices. Malcolm told him that Y/n had had migraine before but he was unable to explain it that got Steve more worried. Dinner time rolled around real quick for Steve and Malcolm who were snuggled on the couch in the living room, watching Ms Rachel on YouTube.

By the time Wanda dropped by, Malcolm was tired and already sleepy. She brought Chinese takeout for Steve and Malcolm.

“Thanks for the dinner, Wanda. I really appreciate it.” Steve said taking a seat on the couch across from Wanda. Malcolm was in Wanda’s lap, quietly playing with the loose thread on her sweater.

“Oh, it’s no problem, Steve. How is she? Still sleeping?”

“Yup. She took the pain meds.” Steve fiddled with his fingers, unable to form a sentence. “Is – is it umm normal thing; I mean her migraine. She threw up couple a times, she’s in so much pain.”

“Yeah, whenever she gets this.. migraine, it’s always worse. It’s not a usual occurrence, something triggers it. I don’t know what does it this time. She seemed fine to me. But the only thing doctor had said is to sleep it off and rest.”

Steve nodded, “Did it happen in front of Mal too? I mean, he knows where her meds are.. I – I panicked when I came here.”

“Yes, she kinda explained him that if she gets it and there’s no one home, Mal knows what to do, and where to get her meds. Don’t worry Steve, She’ll be fine when she wakes up, a little drowsy but that’s the meds effect, once it flushes out of her system, She’ll be perfectly fine.”

“I can’t help but be worried. I’ve never seen her like this and its killing me. Mal's too small to – “ He didn’t finish, just sighed heavily and leaned against the back of the couch.

“I know what you mean, Steve. Its just – she wouldn’t want us to carry the weight of her worries, she’d internalise everything. I have to dig her sometimes, get to the root of her stress. She’s stubborn like that.”

“Yeah, I know. Same old Y/n" Steve smiled.

“So...”

“So?” Steve raised an eyebrow at her.

“I’m here, I mean if you...”

“I don’t want to be anywhere but here, Wanda. If you want to stay, you’re most welcome.”

“Oh okay. Guess, I can trust you with my sister and nephew.” Wanda teased.

Steve rolled his eyes and Wanda chuckled.

“I know you will take care of her and this little guy.” She slightly nudged Malcolm in the ribs who was soundly asleep.

“Ohhh...” she whispered looking down at Malcolm.

“Here let me take him to his bed.” Steve offered standing up.

“It’s okay, I’ll put him to bed and check up on Y/n.”

Steve nodded, “You sit and eat. It’s all cold now.” Wanda whispered while taking Malcolm upstairs to his room. Malcolm started stirring when she tuck him in, whimpering a little he opened his blue eyes.

“Where daddy?” he panicked.

“Mal, he is downstairs, eating dinner.” Wanda whispered rubbing his back gently.

“No, daddy. I want daddy. Pwease daddy.” His sleepy eyes were filled with tears.

“Sshh, let me...” Wanda took him in her arms again.

“Here, bubba. I’m right here. No need to cry buddy.” Steve must have heard his voice so he entered the room right when Wanda was about to take Malcolm back to him.

“See, Wan Wan is trying to help you go back to sleep.” Steve gently rocked him in his arms.

“Stay daddy.”

“Okay, I’m not going anywhere. You want some chicken noodle soup? There’s some spaghetti as well.”

Malcolm nodded his head and they made their way back to kitchen. Wanda reheat the food in the microwave while Steve sat Malcolm down on the dining chair.

“Thank you Wanda.” Steve said with a genuine smile.

“No problem Steve.” She returned the smile. “I’m gonna get going. I’ll stop by in the morning. If you need anything just call or text... or whatever okay?”

“Sure. Thanks again.”

Once Wanda left, Steve finished the dinner, putting the plates in the dishwasher, he cleaned the kitchen while making small conversation with Malcolm who just had few bites of spaghetti. He took Malcolm to his room, both of them whispering and laughing and just being silly. He changed Malcolm into his night suit, brush his teeth and tucked him again in the bed. Two and a half story later, Malcolm finally fall asleep. Steve looked at his little bean lovingly, his heart melts and he placed a kiss on his nose. It was hard for him to decide who hold the more power over him – his little boy or his baby's mama. He would do everything in a heart beat for both of them. They were his purpose of living. His happiness. His all.

He got up after kissing on Malcolm’s forehead one more time and came to check up on Y/n. He sat down on the floor leaning against the bed. Y/n was still sound asleep, her left hand hanging from the edge of bed. Steve took her hand in his, kissing the back of it. She stirred a little, tightening her grip in Steve’s hand she folded their intertwined hand on her chest.

“Did Mal eat?” she asked in raspy, sleep laced voice. Her eyes were still closed.

“Yes. He has.” He whispered. He couldn’t comprehend the emotion he felt.

“Did you eat?”

“Yes. Go back to sleep, sweetheart.” He said trying to restrain his feelings. He just wanted to take her in his arms and ease away her pain and all the stress that’s causing her all the suffering.

Steve didn’t realise when he had fallen asleep in the same position, his mind was still foggy when he felt soft caressing brush in his hair and on forehead. It took him couple a moments to register the soft touch of Y/n’s finger tips on his skin, just like the old times. He opened his eyes to meet her sleepy gaze, didn’t know what time of night it was.

“C’mere.” Her voice sent tingles in his body.

“Yeah? You okay?” He got up in a speed.

“Come. Lie down here.” She moved and patted on the now empty space on the bed. “You’ll get a sore neck.”

Steve was dumbfounded, had no clue how to react. Every fibre in his body wanted to join her in bed, cuddle and go back to sleep but there was this hesitation in his mind. She wasn’t his anymore. His heart churned at the thought. He opened and closed his mouth unable to respond to her.

“Please Steve. It’s okay.” She felt his hesitance and without giving it much thought he moved underneath the covers. Y/n didn’t wait for him to settle, she wrapped her arms around his torso and snuggled into him. She was still under meds effect so it didn’t take more than few minutes for her to fall back to sleep, Steve smiled and closed his eyes, letting her soft breaths on his neck lulling him to sleep.

The next time he woke up when he felt something or someone poking in his ribs, like someone’s trying to shake him awake. He slightly opened his eyes, trying to adjust his vision and the reason behind this sudden intrude.

“Daddy?” Malcolm whispered near his ear. Steve immediately turned to look at him. He was big spooning Y/n, their legs tangled and Y/n’s head was on his arm, her back pressed against his chest.

“Daddy, I go pee.” Malcolm whispered again. Steve slowly moved away from Y/n trying his best not wake her up.

“C'mon bubba, let’s go to the bathroom.” Steve carried Malcolm to the bathroom and sat him on the toilet.

“Why you sweep with mama, why no me, daddy?” a small pout was formed on Malcolm’s face while he was still sitting on the toilet.

Steve turned around from wiping his freshly washed face on the towel and looked at his son bewildered, totally clueless of what to say.

“Umm... because mama asked me?” Steve shrugged earning a frown from his son.

“Why? Why no ask me? I mad.” He complained.

Steve chuckled, a little loudly much to Malcolm’s dismay, he folded his small arms on his chest.

“Okay, I’m sorry. When mama wakes up I ask her to let you sleep with her tonight.” Steve came to sit in front of him.

“C'mon bubba, let’s clean you up and make some breakfast.”

“I eat same wike you.”

Steve ruffled Malcolm’s hair and after changing him out of night suit, he brushed his teeth and washed his face. Both of them headed to the kitchen, Steve made scrambled eggs for both of them. He decided on keeping Malcolm home for the day. After breakfast, he gave Malcolm his paints and books to colour while he started working online. Y/n came downstairs a little late. She was better than yesterday but still tired and lethargic. Steve made her cereal and be his usual protective self. Wanda came by to check up on Y/n but she was fast asleep on the living room couch. She dropped off the lunch she made for them and left after a while. Y/n was in and out of sleep, only waking up for an hour or so and went back to sleep again. Malcolm had a less to no eventful day, he was bored but Steve got him busy, engaging him in conversation and making few promises to Malcolm that would probably land him in trouble once Y/n would be up and better. Their day was slow and dull, the only best thing was that Y/n was getting better as the medicine worn off.

~*~

"Where daddy?" Malcolm’s eyes were still closed and he was still in a sleep haze but first thing that came out of his mouth was asking about Steve. Y/n chuckled ruffling his hair one more time she opened the curtains and blinds of Malcolm’s room.

"Mal-pal wakey time." She started picking up the stuffed puppy from the floor that must have fallen down while Malcolm was asleep.

"Daddy? Need daddy." Little boy whined again.

"I'm right here, bubba. Wakey wakey." Steve came in and lightly tickled in Malcolm’s ribs and sleepy giggles filled the room. Y/n rolled her eyes while taking out Malcolm’s clothes from the closet.

"Wana go pee, daddy." Malcolm whined in between his laughter.

"Go ahead! You know the drill buddy." Y/n said.

"No, with daddy." Malcolm said clinging to Steve’s neck who was still sprawled on the bed. Y/n shook her head and Steve laughed taking the little boy in the bathroom.

Y/n's phone rang, Wanda was face timing her just to check in.

"G'morning!" Y/n smiled. She came down to the kitchen to fix coffee for her and Steve.

"Morning! How are you?" Wanda stuffed her mouth with a spoon full of cereal.

"As good as I can be." Y/n hummed.

"Back to mama duty yet?"

"Still on break. Malcolm wants Steve to do everything for him. He's making him brush his teeth right now. He won't let me do anything. I think Steve’s making him breakfast as well."

"Awww that's cute. Good for you, get plenty of rest, hit the salon and do your nails and stuff. Want me to book your appointment?" Wanda winked.

"No thank you! I'm good. Still got few things to work on before I come back to work."

"Ugh! Y/n, you're so boring. Steve’s got all your work done, don't worry about it."

"He's been loaded with work, Wan. I can't ask him for more. Besides, Mal's not letting him have at least a moment."

"And I'm loving every bit of it." Steve hollered from the stairs with Malcolm sitting on his shoulders making silly noises.

"Don't worry about the work stuff, I'll have it all covered. Just relax and rest." He smiled at Y/n with pure adoration in his eyes.

"Hi Wanda!" He came around the corner of the kitchen island picking up his coffee mug.

"Hey Steve! Wassup!" Wanda smiled at the sight of Steve and Malcolm.

"Hi there cupcake."

"Hi Wan Wan! And mama just west and we'ax. 'Kay mama." He repeated Steve’s words and the three adults in the room burst into laughter including Malcolm who was now in his mama’s arms. Y/n kissed on his nose and then on cheeks and sat him on the kitchen island.

“Mal-pal, what do you wana have in breakfast?”

“Same as daddy. ‘wambled eggs.”

“Okay. Let me fix some for all of us then.” She chuckled taking out eggs, butter and milk from the refrigerator.

“Oh no, you’re not.” Steve snagged a bowl from the cabinet and all the ingredients as well. “You’re still off the duty, it includes this as well.” He pointed to the scattered items on counter. “Just sit and relax.”

Y/n narrowed her eyes on him that he efficiently ignored and started whipping the eggs in the bowl.

“Steve’s right, you know. Just enjoy doing nothing while you can.” Wanda chuckled looking at her sister’s annoyed face.

“You two are – ugghhh.” She huffed in annoyance over how Steve and Wanda was treating her delicately as if she was going to break or something.

They ate the breakfast mostly talking about Malcolm having fun at day care, kind of a heads up for the little boy who wasn’t ready to leave his parents. While Steve took Malcolm to drop him off at the centre, Y/n put the dishes in a dish washer and cleaned up the kitchen. Steve wasn’t going to let her do that but the glare she gave him, had him surrender rather quickly. When Steve came back home, Y/n was all showered and changed into comfy lounge pants and a hoodie. Her towel dried hair and clean, make up free face got Steve staring at her with his heart in his eyes. She smiled catching him staring at her, a deep blush formed on his cheeks and he turned to sit on the kitchen table resuming his office work and few online meetings that he had to attend. Y/n left to go to her room and when she came back, she had her iPad in her hand, few of Malcolm’s toys and what looked like a photo album. She got herself comfortable on the couch and looked towards Steve who was busy talking to one of their co-worker. He felt her gaze and looked over only to find her smiling at him. As soon as he ended the call she patted the spot next to her on the couch. Steve raised an eye brow at her mischievousness but still came to sit beside her leaving an appropriate gap between them.

“Here.” She handed him a memory book that said Malcolm’s first year. Steve looked at the book and then her, she gently nodded at him. Gulping hard, Steve opened the book, his heart beating fast and a storm of emotions swirled through him when he looked at the black and white image of a sonogram and at the bottom in Y/n’s hand writing, three weeks was written.

“It’s him.” She pointed at the tiny peanut size spot on the image. “This was my first check-up after finding out about him. I was already three weeks along.” She smiled at him, he couldn’t return her smile.

There were all the sonograms pasted on the book, from a size of peanut to a squirrel and then a fetus, Y/n had a story to tell with every image. She made Steve laughed through his tears, letting him in on the journey she took alone.

“All the sweet things I’d had craved for, Mal loves them. I wonder still I’m not diabetic yet.” She chuckled. “You know, Alice used to make me brownies every other day, I’d finished ‘em and she’d make another batch. During my second trimester, I ate brownies like a mad person.” She sat with her legs folded, without noticing she covered the distance between them. She was now pressed into his side as she turned the page of the memory book.

There were pictures of new born Malcolm in Y/n’s arms taken at the hospital.

“I told you he was born a little preterm, right?” Steve nodded. “He decided to join us in the 36th week, Dad and Alice were on vacations...” She lightly chuckled, “... Wanda and I were home, I invited Buck to have dinner with us, Wanda had been crushing on him ever since...” She laughed, “... and just when everything was set on the table, my water broke. We rushed to the hospital, I started my contractions but it was really far apart so they sent us back home. And you know what, when we got back Bucky was still running late.”

“Typical Bucky.” Steve muttered rolling his eyes.

Y/n laughed, “Well, at least he made it just in time to take me to the hospital again. Because I couldn’t eat or rest, I was just so stressed, seven hours later we hit the hospital again and they finally took me in. I was only six centimetres dilated so we had to wait another few hours and contractions gotten worse.” Her brows were furrowed as she gently touched the picture of her and new born Malcolm.

“The pain was so much, I felt like my bones were crushing, but... you know what Steve, it was all worth it.” She smiled and looked at him. He had tears in his eyes, she gently took his hands in hers and squeezed. “Just when I was ready to deliver, doctors were there, everything was set, they could see his head but Malcolm decided to turn inside, changed his position, his head bumped into my pelvic bone and the cord was wrapped around his neck. He was getting concussion. Everything happened so fast after that, doctors made on the spot decision and cut me open. It was an emergency c-section...” Steve sighed heavily, closing his eyes. Tears slid on his cheeks and Y/n was quick to wipe them away. She gently turned his face towards her.

“Hey, it’s okay. It was all worth it. Steve, look at me.” And he did. He saw a beautiful smile on her face. “I missed you so so much I can’t even tell...”

“I’m sorry Y/n, I would spent every breathing moment apologising to you and still won’t make it up to you.”

“Shusshh!” She intertwined their fingers. “I’m telling you all of this not because I want you to feel bad or make you regret, but, because I want to let you in all the experiences that I’ve had without you. I want you to be a part of it. I don’t want you to live with the burden of guilt that you’ve been carrying, Steve.”

“Easier said than done, Y/n. You went through it alone, I wasn’t there when I should’ve been.” Steve gulped hard, his worry lines deepened.

“Forgive yourself Steve. Let the past not affect our present and future. Please Steve. Whatever happened four years ago, had already happened. It’s time to move on. I don’t want you to live like that.”

“Like what Y/n? I’m fine.”

“Bullshit!” She scoffed. “Why do you think I’m keeping this memory book for? Yes, I wanted to cease every moment of our little boy growing up. I wanted to capture all of it but deep down I was doing it for you, no matter how angry I was, I still wanted to share everything with you Steve, because you deserve it. You deserve to know about every single detail of our son's life. Please, you gotta leave the past in the past. Please don’t carry this weight anymore. Forgive yourself, Stevie. Please for me, for Mal.”

“Y/n, I can’t. I just can’t.”

“Why not?”

“Have you? Have you forgiven me? – “

“Yes.” She replied promptly.

“Before you say anything Steve, let me tell you that I was ready to forgive you even when I didn’t know about you and my sister. And I have still forgiven you because I know you, Steve, I know that you’d never do what you were made to think you did. You don’t remember anything from that night right?” He nodded. “Dad and I both think that you were drugged, we don’t have a proof but it could be a possibility. Now, why would I be mad at you for something you don’t have a control over and I told you this in New York, didn’t I?” He nodded again.

“I was angry because you didn’t come but you know what, I’m not... not anymore. You made a mistake, we all do. I wasn’t the only one hurting, you were hurting too and it took me long enough to realise that you don’t deserve to live with this guilt. You don’t deserve to be punished for the one mistake you ever made Stevie. I’m sorry I didn’t realise this sooner.” She cupped his face, wiping his tears with the pad of her thumb.

“let it go, Steve. Forgive yourself please. If you’ve ever loved me, you’d forgive yourself. Please.” She knew what she was asking him to do. That was the least she could do for him.

“I have always loved you Y/n and you know that.”

“Then what’s stopping you Steve. Let’s put everything behind us.”

“I can’t promise but I’ll try.” He gave her a tight smile. Covering the small distance between them she pressed her lips on to his. She didn’t move her lips, just pulled back enough to see his eyes widened. She chuckled lightly, leaning in to him again but just when she brushed her lips on his, he pulled back and placed a soft kiss on her forehead.

“You have a boyfriend.” He whispered placing his forehead against hers.

“Oh! Yeah?! Yes.” She looked disappointed. “I’m sorry I made you uncomfortable.”

“It’s fine.”

They sat in uncomfortable silence, steadying their rapid heart beats. Steve focused his gaze on the book that was in his lap. With a small smile he was staring at the pictures.

She stared at him in wonder, unable to keep her thoughts straight. Everything about him was beautiful, everything about him was enticing and loving.

“Can we be friends?” She asked couple a minutes later. Steve tore his gaze from the pictures to see her looking at him expectantly. For a second he couldn’t comprehend her question, not believing his ears.

“It’s okay if you’re not – don’t...” She rambled seeing Steve struggling to say something.

“No! No its not what you think...” Steve cut her off almost immediately. “Honestly I wasn’t expecting you to ask me that. I- I mean I just couldn’t believe if I heard you correctly.” Steve said sheepishly.

“So?” Y/n chuckled.

“So, I say let’s be friends.” Steve said enthusiastically making Y/n laugh out loud. “I mean I’d be whatever you want me to be. Ya know if you’re – I mean...” Y/n put a finger on his lips shushing him.

She slid her arm in his arm, rested her head on his shoulder getting comfortable in his warmth. She dragged the book in the middle and sighed lazily.

“Let’s start with being friends.” She looked up to see him with widened eyes. “What? Friends do sit like this. Now just relax Steve.” She nudged him in the ribs lightly getting his attention back on the memory book. She started showing him all the baby pictures of Malcolm and all the stories along with it making him loosened up a bit. They watched the videos on her Ipad, Steve cried watching Malcolm took his first steps towards Y/n. The video was made in Bucky’s phone, Y/n was sitting on the floor when Malcolm stood up on his feet holding the coffee table and took a step forward without any support. He landed straight into Y/n's arms, cackling and laughing. All the adults in the background cheered on the little boy's first milestone.

There was another clip of fifteen months old Malcolm who had just started saying small words like no and yeah. Y/n made video of him sprawled on the bed playing with one of his toys babbling new words when he uttered Dada – his first clear words.

Steve gasped, emotions bubbling in his chest as he replayed the video letting his tears fall freely.

“Hey... it wasn’t suppose to make you cry.”

Steve shook his head, wiping his face with the back of his hand. He glanced at her with all the raw emotions flashed in his still red eyes.

“Why – Why’d you do that? Why’d you let him know me when I wasn’t there? I don’t deserve – “

“Would you stop with your bullshit, Steve?” She sat straight facing him, her knee touching his thigh.

“Every child deserves to know their parents, no matter how complicated the relationship is. Knowing you as his dad has been the best thing happened to him. In his eyes, you’re perfect Steve and I’d like to keep it that way... because you make him the happiest. You’re his favourite and that makes me envy you.” They both chuckled. “I know what’s going on in your head but, please, do not give in to those thoughts. You aren’t your thoughts, Steve. You’re the best father to Malcolm and both of you are lucky to have each other.” She smiled fondly at him.

“I promise I’ll try with everything in me to be the best version of myself - for Malcolm and for you, Y/n.”

Her heart did a somersault the way her name slips out of his lips. His deep soft voice sent tingles through her skin.

“I believe you.” She whispered softly. They indulge themselves to stare into each other’s eyes filled with pure love and longing. Just for a split second Steve’s gaze moved towards her lips, and it didn’t go unnoticed by her. She leaned forward again hoping that this time he might reciprocate her actions but to her disappointment, he pulled her in a hug. She sighed in his embrace wrapping her arms around him. Her palms pressed against his back gently moving up and down the length of it, made him bury his head into her neck holding onto her tightly. Their desire for each other was evident in their actions. None of them were ready to pull back. Steve knew if he’d let her kiss him, he wouldn’t be able to hold back, he’d dive headfirst in to his primal desire for her. He always knew that their love was soul – to – soul connection, it’s one of the raw, sensual connection where everything else was secondary.

Self control had always been difficult for him when it came to her, if he’d requite her kiss, it’d only make things more complicated especially when he knew she had avoided talking about her boyfriend, where the heck was he when his very new girlfriend was sick and in bed. Had they broken up already? Oh, the thought definitely made him happy but he knew better.

As much as he was elated to have her back in his arms, as friends. He was also confused of her sudden change in behaviour, but that was least of his concerns right now. The wishful part of his brain taking over the rational thoughts, he inhaled deep in her hair, the smell of her shampoo calming down his nerves as the only thought that was left was; they started out as friends many years ago, that changed and blossomed into an epic love – he was ready to take on that journey again.

~*~

#steve rogers x reader #steve rogers au #dad steve rogers #steve rogers smut #steve rogers #steve rogers angst #steve rogers fluff #steve rogers fanfiction #steve rogers fic

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apoptoses · 16 days

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Armand absentmindedly playing with his and Daniel’s hands, making a (subtle, elegant) show of comparing the size difference while going, “so, Daniel, does that make you my ‘daddy’? 🥺🤔🫣😌” oh god what have you DONE ilysm!!! now I’m going to be thinking about this all night xoxo DA 😩

please DA that man would die of cardiac arrest LMAO times like these i really understand his need to drink, who wouldn't need a few shots after having armand stare them in the face saying that.

now if you'll pardon me, me and my hand fetish need to go lie down, i feel like a victorian woman needing her smelling salts over this whole message🤣

#apoptoses answers #dungeon anon

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luverleaver · 9 months

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starcatcher live reactions

Fate of the faithful straight up fucks and is a perfect opener for the album holy shit dude

Waited all your life has be sobbing

THE GUITAR SOLOS BRO OMG OKAY JAKEY

the falling sky makes me wanna breakdance every time

I haven’t bopped my head this hard in so long thank you Daniel

“you know what I’m talking about” SHUT TF UP I JUMPED JUSTICE FOR RUNWAY BLUES THIS SHIT GOES HARD JOSHUA MY JAW IS LITERALLY ON THE FLOOR

the indigo streak opening is so sexy

OKAY HARMONY HELLO

My brain has short circuited

there’s so much happening in indigo streak I feel transported AND THE GUITAR?? WHAT IS THAT

Danny in the beginning of frozen light sent me into cardiac arrest

I thought frozen light was gonna be something cute and dreamy but no this shit is sexy as hell SAMMY ON BASS IS SO DELCIOUSSOO

GROWL GROWL GROWL 911

“dreams in gold” I’ll kms

joshys vocals are so pretty

Jake Kiszka is making me love acoustic this album okay

The archer makes me wanna frolic around a fire in the woods this is so piratey and like medieval times hehehehe GIVING ME FANTASY

who tf is sara

THESE DRUMS ARE GONNA GO CRAZY LIVE

cant wait to look up all the lyrics later

um what was that little cool noise at the end of the archer

mtm will always be that bitch idc

crying

ok ya such an amazing album I’m obsessed not a single bad song

#thought y’all might enjoy this #I love this album so much it will be on repeat for the next month #greta van fleet #gvf #sam kiszka #jake kiszka #josh kiszka #danny wagner #starcatcher

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countlessmoviethoughts · 1 year

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My thoughts throughout Season 6 Episode 10 Of 9-1-1, enjoy :))

[SPOILER WARNING FROM HERE ON OUT]

- the blood boiling up from the glass is HORRIFIC

- “Really hope it doesn’t strike twice” NOW YOU JINXED IT

- Buck calming the kids with science, I love him so much

- Buck taking care of the kids HES SO GOOD WITH THEM AAAAA

- My brain “Oliver Stark is so ho- OH MY GOD JOSH!!”

- THEIR PARENTS ARE COMING THIS WEEK!? FUCK

- Buck and I had the same reaction to Chim calling him Evan lmao

- THE BUCKLEYS ACTING LIKE DECENT PEOPLE?? WHAT??

- CHIMS PARENTS!?

- Hen’s fashion sense >>>

- CRIME FIGHTING FAMILY BITCH I ABSOLUTELY LOVE THEM ALL

- Aaaaand I’m back to being worried about Bobby

- MORE BOBBY AND BUCK COOKING STUFF MY HEART THIS IS WHAT I WANT

- AND AN INTERACTION WITH THE CREW (- Bobby) ALL TOGETHER AAAA IM SO HAPPYYY

- That car crash with the baby is one of the most stressful things I’ve seen on this show oh my god, the sigh of relief when the baby started cry im on the verge of tears

- Ok, what is up with the Buckleys??? Why are they all nice and supportive all of the sudden??

- THEYRE TALKING ABOUT DANIEL IM GONNA CRY AND BUCK SAYING HE THINKS IT WOILD BE JUST LIKE THIS AMDNDJHDJSJAJ

- Ok here we go, the lightning strike has to be coming up rn

- I’m shaking so much my teeth are chattering oh god

- I knew it was gonna happen, I knew it, and I’m still not ok

- WHAT THE FUCK

- WHAT THE FUCK WHY WAS THAT THE ENDING YOU COULD HAVE AT LEAST SHOWN HIM GETTING TO THE HOSPITAL WHAT THE FUCK

- HES STILL IN CARDIAC ARREST YOU COULD HAVE SHOWN THEM GETTING TO THE HOSPITAL WHY

- NEXT EPISODE CANT COME SOON ENOUGH

- Oh god, looking back on that Daniel comment, do you think he’ll be alive in the ‘In Another Life’ episode? Do you think the reason Buck won’t be a firefighter is because he never left home and therefore never went to South America and therefore never saw the movie? Because if that’s true and I’m not delusional, I’m not gonna be ok.

#911 show #911 fox #911onfox #911 season six #911 spoilers #chimney han #bobby nash #evan buckley #hen wilson #eddie diaz #maddie buckley #911 season 6 #athena grant

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lightelfearthling · 1 month

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Please, although it's hard to do it all the time, try to keep an eye on what your kids do on the internet, this loss of minors' lives for these stupid challenges has been going on for over a decade now, it may never stop so your careful supervision may save their lives!

#lethalchallenges

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ziltoidcoffee · 2 years

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Drabble: Sith Terry and Padawan Daniel

(No one asked, but I delivered? Don’t super need to know Star wars to get this drabble. I’m not even that confident in writing the world either. P But I did it anyway. Might make this a drabble series.)

“Excuse me.”

The unfamiliar voice pulls Daniel from his trance, dark eyes fluttering open. The world around him slowly comes back into view, but he’s not met with the vibrant green foliage and trickling streams of the meditation garden

Standing over him is a man, a stranger with wide shoulders, blue eyes, and dark hair pulled back in a ponytail. His height is imposing, practically looming over him, but Daniel’s not intimidated nor is he scared. The dark robes the stranger is wearing are those of a Jedi Master. Though this alone does not calm Daniel. It is the stranger’s soothing force that brings him peace of mind. He is not at all concerned by his presence. They are in the Jedi Temple, after all. But even Padawans like himself know it’s rude to interrupt a meditation.

“Master Miyagi?” he speaks again, and Daniel turns to his master sitting cross-legged beside him in the grass. He opens his eyes and tips his head back to stare up at the other Jedi though he says nothing.

“I’m sorry for my rudeness. But I wanted to introduce myself,” the stranger says and bows similar to those of Master Miyagi’s home planet. “My name is Terry Silver. My master was Kim San Jang of Malachor. My master sends his respects. Master Kreese—or Darth Kai—was my Master’s first Padawan.”

Daniel’s eyes widen, stunned by the man’s mention of Master Kreese. The former Jedi attacked his own student at the dorms after he lost to Daniel in the Apprentice Tournament. He revealed his true allegiance to the sith and demanded Padawan Lawrence come with him or meet the end of his saber. Luckily for Daniel and the other padawans, Master Miyagi reached them in time and defeated him. While Master Kreese lost an arm in battle, he was spared his life and taken to the containment cells. Padawan Lawrence was assigned a new master and taken on a mission to the outer rim. That was the last Daniel he heard of the Sith, now going by the name Darth Kai.

“Word about what happened didn't reach Malachor until now,” Terry explains. “My master apologizes for his student’s betrayal and dishonorable actions.”

When Master Miyagi stands, Daniel joins him on his feet, coming up to Master Silver’s shoulders. “Accept…apology,” his master declares. “Not…your master fault.”

Master Silver nods. “I know,” he agrees. “But my master and I feel responsible. Master Kreese confessed he was struggling with the force. But we did not treat this admission with enough gravity and brushed off his concerns, which is why I am here now. To bring Darth Kai back to the light.”

Daniel smiles, impressed by Master Silver’s ambition. There have been many failed attempts to convert a sith back to a Jedi.

“Hope you can be successful,” Master Miyagi tells him.

“Unfortunately, I arrived too late,” he declares with a frown. “Darth Kai will be buried as a Sith tonight.”

“He’s dead? What happened?” Daniel blurts, and Master Silver turns to look at him, sending heat to his cheeks. This isn’t the first time he’s spoken out of term to those ranked above him. But his master is forgiving, unlike some Jedi at the temple.

Though Master Silver doesn’t look angry either. For a second, he swears the Jedi’s eyes almost sharpen and the edge of his lips curl up. But then his sullen expression returns as he answers, “Yes, cardiac arrest.”

Master Miyagi rubs his chin. “I sensed disturbance in force. Not long ago. Could be reason.”

Daniel nods. “I felt it too,” he admits. His master may be stronger in wielding the force, but he’s always been very sensitive to shifts and changes.

“I felt his passing as well,“ Terry announces, and his gaze stays on the Padawan. “He left us moments before we were supposed to meet.”

“I’m sorry about your friend,” Daniel whispers, and Terry smiles a little bit.

“When I was a Padawan, I looked up to Master Kreese,” he explains, “He was an excellent Jedi then. But after losing his first student, it just broke his heart. He was never the same. Grief does something to a man.”

Though his master doesn’t look surprised, Daniel is floored by this news. He had no idea Master Kreese had a Padawan before Johnny or that they died. “Understand,” Master Miyagi says but doesn’t elaborate, not that Daniel’s surprised. His master doesn’t speak often and sometimes in riddles, but he’s still the best teacher. He would even call the older man a friend.

Terry smiles and lets his gaze sweep over Daniel. “Is this your Padawan? The champion?” he asks suddenly.

A rush of self-consciousness comes over Daniel at the attention. “Yeah, I guess,” he chuckles

“Our apologies to you too,” Terry tells him, but Daniel just shrugs.

“It’s okay, really. It’s just a shame to lose another Jedi to the dark,” he says, repeating what Master Miyagi said the other day.

Instead of replying, Terry stares at him a moment, and Daniel can’t help himself, reaching out with the force to read the Jedi Master’s mind. It’s a bad habit he picked up ever since he learned how to control his telepathy. But this gift earned him a spot among the Padawans in the first place. At first, Master Miyagi and the other masters were impressed, considering his age and experience. But most days, they were annoyed and yelling at him to stop. Though he doesn’t usually last very long.

They sense his presence quickly and immediately start to shield, giving him seconds to pick up anything. But Terry’s mind is like a steel trap, stronger than even the Jedi on the council. He can’t get even a single tendril inside. Then as Daniel tries to leave, he feels what must be Terry’s force take hold of his own.

His heart thunders in his chest. He’s been caught. But instead of reprimanding him, Terry’s mouth quirks up at the corners.

“Hello there,” Daniel hears in the back of his mind, and as fast and hard as he can, he pulls the tendrils away.

Thankfully, Terry lets him go and turns to Master Miyagi. “Again. I'm sorry to interrupt your meditation,” he declares, acting like nothing happened between them, as if two strangers connecting through the force wasn’t a rare occurrence.

“Thank you,” is all his master says.

Daniel takes a second to gather his composure to speak, feeling strange after his brush with Terry’s force. “I’m sorry about Master Kreese,” he manages to get out.

“Thank you, Padawan,” Terry replies, and something about his tone sends a chill down Daniel’s spine.

As the Jedi Master leaves the garden, Master Miyagi turns to him. “Come, we continue meditation.”.

He follows his master’s command and returns to the grass, shutting his eyes. But for the rest of his meditation, Daniel struggles to push away any thoughts of Master Silver.

#silverusso #terry silver x daniel larusso #terry silver #daniel larusso #mr. miyagi #cobra kai #the karate kid 3 #fanfic #drabble #my writing #star wars au #star wars #you can probably guess where is going and thats the fun of it #1000+ words

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abbyholmes · 1 year

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Ok. I saw THE episode.

Whoa.

Best episode of the Season so far. Maybe one of the show’s overall best. What I loved:

- The way Buck is once again amazing at calming down two scared children. I mean I‘m not a parent-y Person, but that man is so Dad-shaped it melts my heart.

- May and Athena undercover!!! I was LIVING for May‘s sarcastic addict performance. She clearly has her mom‘s investigation-genes. And I love that they are supporting Bobby in investigating his sponsor‘s death.

- I still hate the Buckley Parents but I do like that there is some kind of progress. Don‘t get me wrong I think cutting ties with bad parents is totally legit and I hope Maddie and Buck always Keep them at an arm‘s lenght. But I do like that there seems to be some kind of healing going on and I hope it will bring Maddie and Buck more peace of mind in the long run. (Bobby and Athena are still Buck‘s parents and the 118 is his found family, Zero doubts there.)

- Albert being back!!! Even though I wish he hadn‘t brought his dad. But maybe it will be good for Chim to finally tell his father how angry and hurt he really is.

- Buck‘s smile after his conversation with Maddie on a world where Daniel hadn‘t died. It was so short and yet had so many layers. Buck looks so content in this moment. As if, yes, life isn‘t perfect and his biological family is Even further from perfect, but he has Maddie and Chim and his niece and his 118 family and life is good anyway. Idk the smile did something to my heart.

- Mom-Hen. I just like her. And I hope Danny comes clean about his Dad soon and they can find a good patchwork solution that works for everyone and makes Danny feel happy, loved and protected.

- Hen saying That Karen Lobes surprises but the definitely does not. (Same, Hen. Same.)

- Athena worrying about Bobby. I just love those two so much.

- Buck offering to listen to Bobby and really actively being there for him. It is just the essence of Buck and I‘m so here for it.

- THE. CHILLI. CONVERSATION. I mean…it had me smirk with tears in my eyes. Peak Television. They are father and son, your honor. (And I prefer to put very dark chocolate in my Chilli instead of coacoa powder. But you do you, Bobby.)

- The way the pregnant Woman on the Uber was hilarious before the Crash. I love me some light-Heartedness in the darkness.

-And then: All the foreshadowing in the episode. Buck going up instead of Chimney. ‚Go get them, Cowboy‘. ‚What is that?‘ (A THUNDERSTORM, you adorable dumbass), THE SILENCE After Buck gets hit by lightning. Eddie struggling back to his feet. Buck dangling up there. The disbelief on everyone‘s faces. Eddie screaming Buck‘s name in growing desperation. ‚Come here, kid‘, Chimney forgetting Medical facts because this is Buck and Buck can‘t be in cardiac Arrest, ‚Eddie, You’re driving‘, Eddie’s desperate ‚Talk to me, Buck!‘ (IS THIS ANOTHER TOP GUN REFERENCE After ‚you can have my back anyday- or you know, you could have mine’? Is this a ‚Talk to me, Goose‘?!? I HAVE QUESTIONS), the immense shooting / Eddie trapped Below the ground Parallels!!!

- Stellar Performances all around!

This Episode has WRECKED me. My Heart hurt so much for Buck and for all of them. I am seriously worried for Bobby. It‘s going to be so difficult for him. A Part of me hopes That there might be some Buddie-Realization on the Horizon for both Eddie and Buck. (I love them both as bffs and as a ship and I think both interpretations are equally valid even though I would prefer a Potential bisexual slowburn on a popular Show actually becoming canon).

I am excited to See how Eddie will Deal with his emotions. How the Team, Maddie and Athena will Support each other through this. Who will sit watch at Buck‘s side. What Cheistopher will say. If Eddie will Talk to Coma-Buck and be angry with hin for Not Waking up. What Coma-Buck will experience. It‘s…the storyline is so sad and so intriguing and has so many layers. 911 did it again and I love it.

I‘m so glad Fox already gave us some pictures of Oliver still being on Set. I would have seriously worried if they are going to kill Buck otherwise.

#911 spoilers #911 speculation #911 on fox #911onfox #911 tv show #911 season 6 episode 10 #911 season 6 #911 s6b #911 s6e10 #evan buckley #evan buck buckely #buddie #I LOVE THOSE CHARACTERS ALL SO MICH LORD HELP ME

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f1-disaster-bi · 2 years

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I need your advice. I'm writing a Dando fanfic in which Lando gets seriously sick and I don't know if I should kill him off or not, what would you do?

Cause in the fanfic Lando and Daniel has been dating for a while and Lando wants to tell people but Daniel is too scared, then Lando gets sick and ends up in a coma and Daniel still hasn't told anyone they're dating so he isn't allowed to see him.

And Daniel is really upset cause Lando always looked so happy about telling others but they never ended up doing it and then he might die.

So should I kill Lando off for the angst or not? I figured you're the expert on stuff like this so do you have any advice?

Ooooo anon I'm living for the angst of this. I think there's three possible ways thag you can go with this, and really it comes down to what feels right with the narrative you're creating

1. Lando dies - Daniel is stuck in limbo not being able to see Lando. He's breaking down and no one will tell him anything and maybe a few more people show up, maybe some friends and they're asking why Daniel is so distraught and Daniel breaks down to one of them....just in time for someone from Landos family to come out to tell them Lando went into cardiac arrest and passed away queue Daniel just whispering "I didn't get to say goodbye. I didn't get to say goobye"

2. Survives - Daniel at the hospital freaking out because they won't let him in and Lando is in bad shape. He's there realising that nothing matters but Lando in that moment and he's arguing with hospital staff, showing them pictures until someone break protocol and let's Daniel and when Lando wakes, maybe Dan is asleep and his mother is there smiling because "you've got a good one baby, he fought his way back here to see you"

3. The half/half - combination of the two with Daniel being brought back by Landos family after they find out that Dan is the one Lando has been dating....but as he gets to see him, Landos heart stops and he has to watch them revive him and hear its touch and go still, and realises he's wasted so much time being scared when he could have been loving Lando and promising never to hide them again. It takes a few days, but Lando wakes up

Honestly, there's a lot of potential here! It comes down to what you feel you want to do. What fits the plan in your mind

#dando #daniel/lando

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callmebrycelee · 1 year

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9-1-1 REACTION

This reaction is for the season 6, eleventh episode "In Another Life" which originally aired March 13, 2023. This episode was written by Lyndsey Beaulieu and directed by Joaquín Sedillo & Jann Turner. Spoilers ahead!

***LAST TIME ON 9-1-1***Maddie and Chimney prepare for the arrival of Margaret and Phillip Buckley at their new home. Albert surprises Chimney when he brings their father all the way from Korea. Bobby investigates the death of his sponsor, Wendell, with the help of Athena and May. Buck gets struck by lightning while responding to an emergency.

Now that we're all caught up, let's chat about episode eleven - IN ANOTHER LIFE.

We begin the episode at Maddie and Chimney's house. We see Maddie making tea and talking to her mother, Margaret Buckley (Dee Wallace). The latter offers to go shopping for flowers and plants with Maddie. It seems like she is really trying to have a better relationship with her daughter. Reading some of the comments on Reddit this evening, a lot of folks aren't into the whole parent redemption storyline. I don't mind it because it seems like Maddie and Chimney's primary motivation for bringing the families together is for their daughter to have grandparents.

While Maddie goes to check on Jee-Yun. There's a knock at the door. Margaret goes to answer it and we don't immediately see who is there. Margaret calls out to Maddie and when Maddie comes to the door we see an officer. Maddie sheds her first tear of many in this episode when she asks him, "Which one?". Speaking of which one, we see the ambulance arrive at the hospital with Buck. Bobby, Chimney, Hen, and Eddie are working on Buck, trying to get a pulse which they get. Bobby tells the doctors that Buck is prone to having blood clots and that he has an allergy to naproxen. As they wheel Buck away, the rest of the 118 look beyond miserable.

Title card (sort of)!

Buck wakes up in a hospital room. His doctor (Aaron Staton) tells him he fell off a ladder and hit his head even though Buck's memory tells him otherwise. Maddie arrives and she's sporting the cutest pigtails. She calls the doctor Daniel. Maddie is Buck's nurse? The doctor tells him he is free to go home. Maddie tells Buck about family dinner and he asks, "Whose family?"

Buck arrives home with Daniel (his doctor and also his older brother). Buck is fascinated to see his parents doting on him. We learn via Margaret and Phillip (Gregory Harrison) that Buck is a school teacher in this reality. It totally makes sense that someone like Buck, who has compassion for everyone, especially children (as evident through his relationship with Christopher Diaz). is a teacher. Buck, however, is shocked by this revelation. He then sees a toy ferris wheel which reminds him of the tsunami that hit the pier back in Season 3. We even hear Christopher's screams. Buck sits down to watch a game with his dad and older brother, Daniel. He seems content with his new reality.

In our next scene, Buck and Daniel arrive at Maddie's house. Buck sees a painting of a winterscape which reminds him of the time Maddie was abducted by her ex-husband and she ended up fighting for her life in Big Bear. We (and Buck) learn that in this reality Maddie has a daughter named Genevieve (Autumn James Hallisay) and Chimney is not the father. Turns out, even in this idyllic fantasy world, Maddie is married to Doug Kendall (Brian Hallisay). Buck, like me, is very confused.

Back in the real world, Buck remains in critical condition and has been placed in a medically-induced coma. Maddie arrives at the hospital with Margaret and Phillip. Bobby tells them that the lightning strike sent Buck into cardiac arrest. Maddie sees Chimney and tells him she's worried about Buck. Chimney feels extremely guilty because it was supposed to be him on the ladder until Buck asked to swap places with him.

Back in Buck's fantasy world, Doug is talking incessantly about being a surgeon. It appears that Doug Kendall is an asshole in any reality. Maddie seems annoyed and uncomfortable especially when Doug says her food was salty. Everyone goes into the living room to play cards giving Buck the opportunity to confront his sister. He asks her what she's doing with Doug and tells her that he's not a good guy. Maddie assures him everything is fine but Buck sees the bruises on her arms. She tells she had an accident but he's heard that line before. Maddie gets upset and walks away from him just as Daniel comes into the kitchen. When Buck asks him about Doug, Daniel seems oblivious although he encourages Buck to stay out of whatever's going on between Maddie and her husband. Buck asks Daniel if someone in a coma can have dreams but Daniel says he doesn't know. Bucks asks him if he can take him somewhere.

Buck goes to see Chimney who doesn't recognize him. In this reality, Buck never became a firefighter so he never got to meet Chimney. Chimney shuts the door in Buck's face but decides to invite him inside when Buck says he knows the meaning behind his nickname. Naturally, we, the viewer, do not get to hear the meaning behind Howard Han's nickname. Well played, writers! Buck sees a toy firetruck which reminds him of being a firefighter. Chimney likens Buck's situation to the film It's a Wonderful Life which I should see at some point since it always seems to be in the cultural zeitgeist. Chimney believes that like the main character in the movie, Buck needs to learn a lesson in order to return to his real life. Buck thinks he needs to fix Maddie's issues and tells Chimney that Maddie is with him. Chimney asks him to leave and Buck decides he's going to go see Bobby. A dark look falls over Chimney's face. He tells Buck that Bobby died five years ago. Bobby Nash is dead. The news is enough to stop Buck's heart and he collapses on the floor.

Back in the real world, Buck is having trouble breathing and Chimney calls for help.

In the next scene we see May talking with Athena. The former asks her mother about Bobby. Athena tells her that Bobby's not doing great and that he blames himself for what happened to Buck. May thinks that's ridiculous. It's not like Bobby has the power to control lightning. Athena reminds her that Bobby will always feel responsible for his team - especially Buck. May says she wishes there was something more she could do to help him. Athena believes that Bobby seeing her face will be enough. May worries that with Bobby dealing with the death of his sponsor, if something happens to Buck, it's gonna send him spiraling. I have the same worries, too, May. Buck's nurses and doctor (Ana Dela Cruz) arrive in his room. Back in the fantasy world, we meet Dream Hen who has been summoned by Dream Chimney to help Buck. In the real world, Chimney, Maragaret and Phillip watch as the doctors manage to stabilize Buck. Back in the fantasy world, Buck appears to be okay.

In the hallway, Real Chimney talks to Albert and updates him on Buck. Chimney makes a comment about how it's easier handling your kid dying when you're a thousand miles away. This is clearly a dig at his father, Sang. Eddie and Real Hen arrive and the latter tells Chimney to go home and get some rest. Chimney points to Bobby who has been at Buck's bedside the entire time.

Back in Buck's fantasy world, Dream Hen tells Buck about the plane crash (Season 1). Neither she nor Dream Chimney knew about Bobby's addiction prior to him dying. It makes sense. Back in Season 1, Buck tries to sneak a peek at Bobby's black book which causes the latter to lash out at Buck. It is Buck and Hen who head over to Bobby's apartment after he fails to show up for his shift at the firehouse. They find Bobby and this is where Bobby tells them about his drug and alcohol addiction. Bobby then asks them for help. Since Buck became a teacher, he never got to meet Bobby and therefore he never had a chance to intervene. Buck asks about Eddie and Chimney tells him that Eddie went off the deep end when he lost Christopher. It was at this moment that my heart stopped. Thankfully, Chimney quickly clarifies by saying that Christopher was taken by Eddie's parents. Because Bobby died, by the time Eddie showed up at the firehouse, there was a new captain. The new captain wasn't as accommodating as Bobby when it came to Eddie having a child with special needs. Oh, and because Buck never became a firefighter in this reality, he never met Abby (Connie Britton) which means he never met Carla Price which means he never got a chance to introduce Carla to Eddie and Christopher.

Back in the real world, Carla (Cocoa Brown) brings Christopher to the ICU unit. While Carla distracts a nurse, Eddie sneaks Christopher in to see Buck. Poor Eddie looks so sad in this scene. Christopher tells Buck that he's going to be okay. He asks Buck to come back.

Meanwhile, Buck, Dream Hen, and Dream Chimney arrive at the hospital. Buck feels like he's running out of time. Dream Hen tells him that the hospital is connected to Buck.

We then see May bring Bobby food. She tells him to eat and Bobby teases her by saying she reminds him of a certain person. Bobby says there's no change in Buck. May says it must be hard not being able to do anything. She reminds him that her mom brought two kids to their marriage and Bobby brought one - Buck. May says that Buck is stubborn and that he will find his way back to them. She tells Bobby she loves him. I love their relationship so much.

Buck's doctor tells the Buckleys they are gonna check to see if Buck can breathe on his own. They take him off the ventilator. Now it's up to Buck. Back in the fantasy world, Buck sees a toy plane. He has flashes of the plane crash from Season 1. Buck thinks he sees Bobby and goes after him. I thought it was cool how the hallway kept getting longer and longer. Buck finds Dream Bobby in a medical supply cabinet filled with drugs. Dream Bobby is serving some serious junkie realness. Buck thinks he's in purgatory. Dream Bobby tells him to relax and warns him that if things become too real in his dream world, he will end up getting stuck there. Dream Bobby sees the real Bobby in Buck's hospital room. Dream Bobby tells Buck he could be dying or he could be fighting for his life. He has to choose. Dream Bobby believes Buck can fix things. Buck says his parents never really saw him when he was growing up because they were too caught up in their grief over losing Daniel. For the first time, even if it isn't real, they are seeing him the way he has always wanted to be seen.

Back in the real world, Bobby has his rosary in hand and is keeping a vigil over Buck. Athena arrives and tells him to take a break. Now that Athena is alone with Buck, she reminds him that he never gives up. She reminds him that Bobby has lost two children and won't survive losing him. She tells him to wake up.

Back in his fantasy world, Buck yells at Athena and tells her he's trying. I thought it was a nice Easter egg to show all of the pregnant women in this scene. It reminded me of the scene in Season 1 where a bunch of women in a yoga class all go into labor at the same time and Buck and Bobby have to deliver three babies. Dream Bobby reminds Buck that he can't fix everything. Buck tells him that he fixed the real Bobby. We get flashes of Buck and Bobby over the years. Dream Bobby reminds him that he is Buck and that's enough. He tells Buck to go and Buck starts running. He runs past Chimney and Christopher (who is looking for his dad) and his parents. When he gets to his room, he is stopped by Daniel who tells him he can't leave. Buck tells Daniel he loves him but he isn't real. Daniel blocks the door. Buck manages to get through the door but Daniel tells him it's too late. Buck sees himself in his hospital room being removed from the ventilator. His oxygen levels are dropping and if he doesn't take a breath, the doctors will have to reconnect him to the ventilator. Buck takes an axe and breaks the glass separating himself from the room. Daniel turns into Buck or as RuPaul would say, his inner-saboteur. Buck does manage to breathe on his own which releases him from his dream world. Buck regains consciousness and is told he needs to take two weeks off from doing any heavy lifting or rigorous work. The doctor tells him he has visitors and the entire 118 including so rando firefighters enter the room. Buck hugs Christopher.

We then see Buck relaying all of his dream to Bobby while they play cards. Bobby tells Buck that his parents do care about him. Buck tells Bobby that he saw him sitting next to his bed with his rosary beads and honestly, if I were Bobby I would've been so confused as to how Buck knew that. Buck tells Bobby that he is the one who helped him find his way home.

In our penultimate scene, Myung-Soon (Jenny Baek) talks with Chimney. She tells him that his dad is sorry. She tells him that his father was ashamed and he felt like a failure. Everything about being in the United States reminded him of his failures. He couldn't save his business nor his marriage which is why he left the country. His ultimate failure was not being able to convince Chimney to come back to Korea after his mother died. Myung-Soon tells Chimney that he and his father have a lot in common. They're both prideful. Chimney sees his father, Sang (David Young Lee) playing with Jee-Yun. He asks if he and Myung-Soon can stay longer. I thought it was funny that even with Buck being in a coma, he was still helping his friends.

In our final scene, Buck comes home to his apartment. He has so many flowers and cards and Maddie tells him there's even more at the firehouse. Margaret and Phillip offer to buy Buck a sofa since he no longer has one. While they go off in search of a tape measure, Maddie kisses Buck on the forehead and he hugs her back.

While others may disagree (I'm looking at all you bitter Redditors out there who are acting super pissy about there being no 'Buddie' in this episode, I think this is one of the best episodes of the show. I first binged this show back in 2020 when we were all in lockdown and I've rewatched every available season at least four times a piece. What makes this show so special to me is how well-written each of our main characters are. Buck is the heart of this show. At first glance he is a bit of a loose cannon who likes to go off half-cocked. But, upon deeper exception, he is also very loyal to those he calls a friend. He would move heaven and earth if it meant keeping his sister, his best friend, his teammates, his captain, and his mother figure (Athena) safe. I love how this episode was a celebration of the very thing we all love about Buck.

I thought this episode was well done. I like the bouncing back and forth between the real world and Buck's fantasy. I love that we got to not only see Daniel, we got to see him as an adult. I thought they did a great job of casting someone who looked like he could be related to both Oliver Stark and Jennifer Love Hewitt. The biggest complaint I've seen about this episode is how little Eddie we got. It is pretty obvious what the writers are doing this season. There has been very little interaction between Eddie and Buck which is so funny considering they are best friends. I've been a fan of their friendship since Eddie's introduction in Season 2 and as a queer man, I never thought there was anything romantic about their relationship. I find it baffling, honestly, that this show has had multiple gay and lesbian characters, most of them POC, yet a very vocal part of the fandom would rather ship the two straight-coded characters. I get it though. Buck and Eddie are extremely attractive and their friendship is free of toxic masculinity which is a breath of fresh air. Plus it's very rare to see two men, two straight-coded men, co-parent a child on-screen. But at the end of the day, what I wish Buddie shippers would realize is that these two are not a couple and it would be way more revolutionary if they remained as is. Unfortunately, the writers, who are most likely as weary of these shippers as I am, have gone out of there way to ensure that Eddie and Buck never get together (which I'm perfectly okay with) but it's at the expense of not having them on screen together (without Christopher serving as a buffer) and that honestly sucks. This is the reason we can't have nice things. Sigh.

Anywho, as I mentioned before, this was a perfect conclusion to the events of last episode. I'm happy our beloved Buckeroo is safe and it won't be long before he's back in action with the rest of the 118. Until next time ...

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insidious-apple · 1 year

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It’s spotify wrapped time

the whole fuckin thing

1. Soldier Poet King by the Oh Hellos 2. Test Drive by John Powell 3. She’s a Handsome Woman by Panic! at the Disco 4. 5 Years Time by Noah And The Whale 5. Meet Me At Our Spot - Live by THE ANXIETY, WILLOW, Tyler Cole 6. Once Upon a Time by Toby Fox 7. Buttercup by Jack Stauber 8. Waving Through A Window from Dear Evan Hansen 9. Sweetness by Jimmy Eat World 10. Camisado by Panic! at the Disco 11. My Ordinary Life by The Living Tombstone 12. Hang ‘Em High by My Chemical Romance 13. What I Got by Sublime 14. Wild Heart by Bleachers 15. ROOFTOP RUN: ACT1 by SEGA SOUND TEAM, Tomoya Ohtani 16. Vegas Lights by Panic! at the Disco 17. Death By Glamour by Toby Fox 18. Life By The Sea by Tubbo, CG5 19. I Was a Teenage Anarchist by Against Me! 20. Shut Up And Drive by Rihanna 21. Daniel In The Den by Bastille 22. Forbidden Friendship by John Powell 23. LA Devotee by Panic! at the Disco 24. Thanks fr th Mmrs by Fall Out Boy 25. Metal Crusher by Toby Fox 26. No Shows by Gerard Way 27. Heaven Is a Halfpipe (If I Die) by OPM 28. Kyouran Hey Kids!!! by THE ORAL CIGARETTES 29. Romantic Flight by John Powell 30. Peach Fuzz by Caamp 31. space girl by Frances Forever 32. Crooked Teeth by Death Cab for Cutie 33. Even Flow by Pearl Jam 34. The Only Difference Between Martyrdom And Suicide Is Press Coverage by Panic! at the Disco 35. Home by Toby Fox 36. Rät by Penelope Scott 37. The Jetset Life Is Gonna Kill You by My Chemical Romance 38. I Wanna Get Better by Bleachers 39. Coming Back Around by John Powell 40. Superseded (feat. Adam Tell) by Simpli, Adam Tell 41. The Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny by Lemon Demon 42. Speak Easy by 311 43. Brazil by Declan McKenna 44. Jolene by Dolly Parton 45. Don’t Look Back In Anger by Oasis 46. The Curse of Curves by Cute Is What We Aim For 47. You Reposted in the Wrong Neighborhood | Glue70 Mashup by Shokk 48. Concrete by Lovejoy 49. Never Let You Go by Third Eye Blind 50. Savior by Rise Against 51. Coconut Mall by Arcade Player 52. Delfino Plaza by Qumu 53. Look Who’s Inside Again by Bo Burnham 54. World’s Smallest Violin by AJR 55. Cabinet Man by Lemon Demon 56. Minecraft Pigstep - Remix by FlyxTheKid 57. Cool Party by Mal Blum 58. I’d Do Anything by Simple Plan 59. INFERNO by Sub Urban, Bella Poarch 60. The Games by Patrick Doyle 61. Dogsong by Toby Fox 62. Second chan... by sunscin 63. Achilles Come Down by Gang of Youths 64. Run-Around by Blues Traveler 65. This Is Berk by John Powell 66. Boys Will Be Bugs by Cavetown 67. Pretty Pimpin by Kurt Vile 68. Here (In Your Arms) by Hellogoodbye 69. Cardiac Arrest by Bad Suns 70. Undertale by Toby Fox 71. Syndicate by Derivakat 72. It’s Not a Fashion Statement, It’s a Deathwish by My Chemical Romance 73. Mary On A Cross by Ghost 74. Rollercoaster by Bleachers 75. POLTERGEIST! by CORPSE, OmenXIII 76. Bubble Toes by Jack Johnson 77. But It’s Better If You Do by Panic! at the Disco 78. Choice by Jack Stauber’s Micropop 79. Kingdom Dance by Alan Menken 80. Banana Pancakes by Jack Johnson 81. Make You Mine by PUBLIC 82. Fallen Down by Toby Fox 83. Hidden In the Sand by Tally Hall 84. Content by Bo Burnham 85. Mama by My Chemical Romance 86. Good Day by Luce 87. Jamie All Over by Mayday Parade 88. Nails for Breakfast, Tacks for Snacks by Panic! at the Disco 89. Lazy Eye by Silversun Pickups 90. Dead on Arrival by Fall Out Boy 91. I Would by One Direction 92. Nearly Witches (Ever Since We Met) by Panic! at the Disco 93. Spider Dance by Toby Fox 94. Rainbow Road by Qumu 95. Domino by Jessie J 96. Joy To The World by Three Dog Night 97. Turn Back Time by Derivakat 98. Ready To Go (Get Me Out of My Mind) by Panic! at the Disco 99. Not So Fireproof by John Powell 100. Hey Julie by Fountains of Wayne 101. No Mercy by The Living Tombstone, Black Gryph0n, LittleJayneyCakes

#spotify wrapped #sorry if u had to scroll past this

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twinkodium · 8 months

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okay SO no one asked BUT i need to get this out

i didn’t watch fp2, i just heard about osc and daniel crashing and didn’t think more about it (like yeah sad but i just hoped they would fix the car quickly)

and then i’ve had practice and family dinner and so on so i haven’t been on any social media, and then i went onto tumblr now and saw your reblogs of posts with liam? and i just found them so cute 🤭 i was about to send you an ask and say something about him, but then i continued to scroll down your blog and saw your tags on the “i am so sorry for what im about to become this weekend” post and went “…..wait a damn minute….. wdym liam and oscar battling………”

so i continue scrolling and “!!! danny ric in a cast? :( he can’t possibly drive then, can he- wait a damn minute”

and then it just clicked and i am now FREAKING OUT like i’m several hours late but my heart is pounding so hard 😭😭 god im so happy for him! liam!!!! i have so much love in my heart for that man, i hope everything goes well for him this weekend 🥺🥺 obvs heartbroken about danny but liam 🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶

Jackie hiii! You’re always welcome here to let the steam out!

I was taking a nap after work and set my alarm to wake up to fp2, obviously overslept and when I tuned it they already talked about Daniel’s possible wrist injury 😭 and saw Oscar down in p19 with the p next to his name… I had to rewind the session to figure out what happened and let me tell you I’m happy I was not awake to see that… so damn terrifying especially seeing Daniel speeding into the wall 😕 my pulse rate was over the top and genuinely saying was close to a cardiac arrest 😭

Yeah sometimes I go over some tags and reblog loads of shit 😂 so it might not be as surprising 😂 oh oh👀 penny for your thoughts? 😌 I still have nightmares of Oscar and Liam battling in Baku back in 2021… shoving each other close to the walls and I’m being a nerve ball, praying for them to stop and leave each other alone 😭

Danny walking in the paddock with a cast… such an upsetting picture and man looked crashed and disappointed, I feel for him. Was so happy to back in the car, prepared well over summer break and for what? 😩

TELL ME ABOUT IT! I’m so happy for him too!! And I was afraid that he might not get a chance at all cuz we all know and happened during the last round in Superformula 😅 obviously it wasn’t the way I wanted him to be driving, seeing another driver injuring himself badly that he has to be replaced 😕 same same same!!! Fingers crossed for him to have a nice weekend and also not crossing paths with Oscar, I can take much but I’m at my limit with the crash already, don’t need them to battle like mortal enemies 😭

Speedy recovery for Daniel ofc 🫶🏼 and good luck for Liam🧡

#asks #answered #oscnorris #Jackie 🧡#I was genuinely surprised there you sent me an ask 🥺#I still think about you as one of the most known Oscar blogs here and i was like what is she doing in my inbox..? I’m below average here😭#but oh well I’m so happy to see you here 🫶🏼#you deffo need to share those thoughts with me about Liam tho 👀#I know it might be about the six packed picture I’ve reblogged 😌#love you for this long ask and for the visit 🥹🥹🥹#liam

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northcarolinaprelawland-blog · 2 years

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Family of Mizzou Hazing Incident Seeks Justice for Danny Santulli

By Camille Bosshard, Wake Forest University, Class of 2024

June 16, 2022

“These hands don’t haze”, a phrase commonly uttered by college students during National Hazing Prevention Week in September, has become barely more than a catchy slogan at this point. According to Hank Nuwer, professor and hazing researcher, in 2021 alone there were five deaths in the US directly tied to fraternity hazing, and he continues to investigate more.[1] Hazing isn’t a new phenomenon, it has plagued college campuses for years with only the worst stories escaping a college-lead coverup and making media headlines. But the recent tragedy of former University of Missouri student Daniel Santulli, who suffered significant brain damage that has left him unable to speak, walk, or see, will go down as one of the most tragic near-death hazing cases to date. On Thursday January 27th the family of Santulli filed a civil lawsuit against 23 defendants, including officers and board advisors for Phi Gamma Delta. Although a settlement was reached with the defendants, of which no details have been disclosed, the Santulli family is still hoping that prosecutors will make criminal charges. Following the June 10th announcement of the Boone County Prosecuting Attorney’s Office stating they will review the results of the hazing investigation, major-media attention is drawing a spotlight on hazing accountability and prevention.[2]

Daniel Santulli, 19, from Eden Prairie, Minnesota entered his freshman year at the University of Missouri, commonly known as “Mizzou”, with plans to join the Chi Mu chapter of Phi Gamma Delta, known as “fiji”. According to the Santulli family’s attorney David Bianchi, a hazing litigation specialist, the fraternity had a “pattern of unsafe and dangerous behavior”.[3] Since 2017, Fiji had received six documented violations of alcohol distribution policies and two hazing violations. Unaware of this history, the Santulli family supported Danny’s decision to pledge Fiji during his fall semester. Early in the semester, his parents received a letter from the fraternity informing them, or perhaps warning them, that Danny would “face situations where his values will be challenged” which the letter referred to as “testing points”.[4] One of these “testing points” sent him to the ER after he obeyed orders to climb into a trash can with broken glass, which left him requiring stitches and crutches.

FIji was sanctioned by the University of Missouri and prohibited from having alcohol on October 3rd, 2021.[5] Almost two weeks later on October 19, Danny reported to the chapter house to participate in a tradition known as “the family bottle.” On this night Danny’s appointed “pledge dad” handed him a full bottle of Tito’s Vodka, which he was expected to finish by the end of the night. Video footage obtained by ABC from the fraternity house shows members of the pledge class walking down the stairs blindfolded.[6] Later footage from before 11 pm shows Danny falling backwards and losing his balance, prompting other fraternity members to carry him to a couch where he layed until he fell off at 12:30 am. Footage shows Danny lying on the floor for 15 minutes until fraternity members finally picked him up. When they found him, he was unresponsive, with pale skin and blue lips, but instead of calling 911 someone put Danny in his car and drove him to the hospital. Hospital staff determined that Danny was in cardiac arrest and had a BAC of .468, over 5 times over the legal limit.[7] After spending six weeks in the hospital intensive care unit, Danny transferred to a rehab hospital in Colorado. The brain damage he suffered will leave him with permanent injuries. His mom told ABC news that he still can’t talk, walk, or see.

David Bianchi claims this is an “obvious hazing case”, in which prosecutors are “refusing to enforce the law”.[8] The State of Missouri defines hazing as behavior of a person who “knowingly participates in or causes a willful act….that recklessly endangers the mental or physical health or safety of a student or prospective member for the purpose of initiation or admission into or continued membership in any such organization to the extent that such person is knowingly placed at probably risk of the loss of life or probably bodily or psychological harm”.[9] Missouri law categorizes hazing as a class A misdemeanor, “unless the act creates a substantial risk to the life of the student or prospective member”, in which case it is a class D felony. When interviewed by ABC, Danny’s father said, “I want to see specific kids receive felony D’s. It’s going to wake them up. A misdemeanor is not going to wake them up.” Ultimately, it is up to the prosecutor how this case will turn out. Prosecutors have charged fraternity member Alex Wetzler with two misdemeanors, one for supplying alcohol to a minor, and one for purchase/attempt to purchase liquor by a minor, but no felony or misdemeanor hazing charges have been brought against fraternity members.

As mentioned earlier, Boone County prosecutors have hours of surveillance video of Santulli’s alleged abuse. Many would argue they have everything they need to proceed with criminal charges, yet they haven’t. David Bianchi addressed the prosecutor’s office on ABC News saying, “If you’re not going to enforce the hazing laws in Missouri under these circumstances, then you’re never going to enforce them.”[10] Anti-hazing advocates are eagerly awaiting to see whether the Boone County prosecutor’s office will make an example out of this case or fail to acknowledge what they view as an obvious hazing incident. In the meantime, those who believe the prosecutor should enforce Missouri’s hazing statute can visit www.justiceforDannySantulli.com to sign a petition calling for action.

______________________________________________________________

Camille Bosshard is an upcoming junior at Wake Forest University studying Sociology with a concentration in Crime and Criminal Justice and minoring in Politics & International Affairs. Her passions for advocacy and investigative research fuel her desire to pursue a career in the legal field.

______________________________________________________________

[1] Nuwer, Hank “U.S. Hazing Deaths Database Part 2: 2000-2022” https://www.hanknuwer.com/hazing-destroying-young-lives/

[2] Herbert, Madeline, (June 10, 2022), “Interim Boone County Prosecuting Attorney Reviewing MU Hazing Case” KOMU

[3] Associated Press,(February 2, 2022), “Parents of Missouiri Student Sue Fraternity Over Hazing” U.S. News & World Report

[4] Steward Tilghman Fox Bianchi & Cain, (February 2, 2022), “STFBC Files Lawsuit Against Phi Gamma Delta & 22 Others for Severe Brain Damage” STFBC

[5] McKinney, Roger Columbia Daily Tribune

[6] ABC News, (June 9th, 2022) “Family of Mizzou Student Allegedly Hurt After Hazing Incident Speaks Out” ABC News

[7] Steward Tilghman Fox Bianchi & Cain, (February 2, 2022), “STFBC Files Lawsuit Against Phi Gamma Delta & 22 Others for Severe Brain Damage” STFBC

[8] Crime Stories with Nancy Grace, “Teen Boy Boy Force Fed Alcohol, Brain Dead With Blue Lips at Frat Party” Crime Online Staff

[9] Stop Hazing, “Missouri Anti-Hazing Law”, Stophazing.org

[10] ABC News, (June 9th, 2022) “Family of Mizzou Student Allegedly Hurt After Hazing Incident Speaks Out” ABC News

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ashintheairlikesnow · 3 years

Text

Misread Details, Part Two

CW: Described death of whumper, BBU, implications of pet whump, references to noncon, dehumanization, sadistic whumper

Part One: Nanda | Part Two: Brute | Part Three: Robert

The Unsolved Murder of Henry “Brute” Hanlon and the Box Boy Killer

r/LetsTalkTrueCrime

•Posted by u/oshaycanyousee

2 weeks ago

I’m back, r/LetsTalkTrueCrime! I really appreciated the questions and discussion under my last write-up, and a few of you really encouraged me to keep working to provide a part two to my Serial Killer Box Boy series, so here it is!

In Part One, we looked at the mysterious death of Nathaniel “Nanda” Benson, who died of cardiac arrest due to an undiagnosed heart defect (and likely head trauma played a part) and was found at the bottom of the stairs inside his California home. The only valuable possession missing from his property was his legally-purchased Box Boy, who fled the city wearing Nathaniel Benson’s shoes and using his money to buy a bus and then train ticket.

The last confirmed sighting of the runaway Box Boy (and Benson’s possible killer?) was in Red Hills, California, a large-ish city a couple hours south of Benson’s house by train.

Questions remain around Benson’s death: did he suffer cardiac arrest and fall down the stairs? Did the Box Boy push him, with the shock of the trauma and injury leading to the heart attack that killed him?

Is the Box Boy merely a witness to a tragic but natural death, or the prime murder suspect?

And most importantly: If he wasn’t guilty, why did he run?

Less than a full calendar year after Benson’s death, the question of where the Boxie went after Benson died was answered… but even that answer only opened up more questions, and the sudden death of a second man places even more uncertainty into the story of a Boxie who might simply be an innocent victim - or who could be a serial killer whose makes a victim out of those who give him shelter.

Which leads us to the story of Henry James Hanlon, known to nearly everyone - including his wife - as “Brute”.

Henry Hanlon was born in a small town in Texas, but moved to Red Hills, California after finishing a stint in the Air Force.

His parents, James Hanlon and Estella Hanlon, maiden name Brickers, had had their first child, Henry’s older brother William “Bill”, right out of high school, born six months after their wedding day. Henry came three years later, and his sister Roberta “Bobbie” one year after that.

Henry was a perfectly normal, cheerful little boy, always toddling after his older brother and trying to join in the games of the older kids in town. His parents recalled him as the quintessential “middle child”, always resolving disputes and quietly getting things done. He received his nickname of “Brute” in fifth grade, when a classroom bully was harassing a female friend of Henry’s and Henry decided to take action. The only information I could really hunt down on this was some old school records that I found on a message board, and I can’t really verify if they’re real, but they suggest that the bully was sent home injured and Henry received a three-day suspension.

After that, it seems, anyone and everyone - even teachers - called Henry Hanlon “Brute”, and he never seemed to mind.

He received perfectly average grades, enlisted in the Air Force, served without distinction but without any significant incidents, and afterwards he moved out to California, where he settled into Red Hills (then a city with a thriving industrial district that was slowly beginning its slide into something rougher) and took a job with a manufacturing company, working in their warehouse.

“Brute” dated around a bit, but it wasn’t until three years after his move that he met the woman he would marry, Ellen Patricia Barry. She was a few years younger than him, and they met at a local bar that both were known to frequent. One of Brute’s former coworkers told police that Brute was big into pool and poker, both of which he would engage in when he went to the bar, and that he met Ellen during one of the poker nights, and that Brute stated that how easily she beat him was one of the reasons he was interested in her romantically.

Ellen claims they first spoke while playing pool, not poker, and also claims she’s never played poker in her life. Why Brute would have told his coworkers a different story is unclear.

They dated for about a year before they wed at Grace Baptist Church on a sunny summer day in 20XX. Ellen’s father gave her away while Brute’s little sister was the maid of honor. A year later, Brute’s daughter Elizabeth was born, and a couple years after that, their son Daniel.

The Hanlons lived a charmed life - they owned a cute three-bedroom cottage home (bought and given to them by Ellen’s parents as a wedding gift) in a good part of town with a little white fence around the property and a yard big enough for the children and dog to play in. Ellen was part of the local PTA and active in her church, and Brute himself had the appearance of a man totally content with everything he had.

But Brute Hanlon had a secret.

Ellen continued to believe he was employed by the manufacturing company, but he actually left his employment there years before his death. Instead, he seems to have transitioned into making his money “under the table”. Ellen wouldn’t discover any of this until after his body was located… in a secret house he’d never told her about, in one of the roughest parts of Red Hills.

Without her knowledge, Brute purchased a two-bedroom home with cash directly from its previous owner that was badly in need of repair in the Pauls Mill neighborhood. Once a “company town” from the 1930’s - 1950’s that was absorbed into Red Hills as it grew in the 60’s, Pauls Mill today is the kind of neighborhood where everyone knows if you belong there, or don’t, and it’s best if you belong.

Brute performed a few very cursory repairs to keep it livable, laid down some new carpet, and then used it as a kind of secret base for the unsavory activities he didn’t want Ellen or the children to know about.

While his family believed he was at work at the factory, Hanlon was in fact hosting poker games, selling illicit narcotics and unlicensed firearms, and generally making quite a bit more money than he had with legal employment entirely under-the-table. He would spend his day making connections (and money) through these activities, then go home right at 5 pm sharp to his loving family, eat dinner at 6 pm, help his kids with their homework and hear about their day, and settle in for an evening playing the loving husband and doting dad.

Somewhere during this time period, Brute told Ellen he was setting up a “poker night” with his friends again, now that the kids were school-aged.

What he did instead was drive down to the corner of Holt and McCormick streets, known to all locals as the Red Hills “red light district”, and pick up prostitutes, usually simply meeting with them in his car, but occasionally taking them to a nearby motel.

After his body was found, police showed his picture around to a variety of the individuals who make their living at Holt and McCormick, and more than a dozen locals immediately recognized him.

Some described him as a regular customer who wasn’t particularly special or notable beyond the simple fact that he never tried to renege on payment and could be relied on to always be looking for someone on a particular night of the week… but others, almost entirely male, said he could be violent. A few described being injured enough that they had to seek medical treatment after meeting him. The same individuals stated that he insisted on using dehumanizing and insulting language to speak to them during these encounters, and that he was often unable to perform unless he did so.

One individual, who gave his name as “Mix”, mentioned that the last few times Brute had engaged his services, he had brought along a collar and insisted Mix pretend to be a Box Boy.

During this time period, Brute continued to be an active, involved, and loving parent.

He was home right on time every night except “poker night”, attended his chlidrens’ recitals and baseball games on the weekends. He often took them to the Red Hills Zoo, local parks, and even did a weekend trip to Berras to see the Berras Aquarium, stay overnight in a hotel as a family, and then visit a redwoods park before returning home.

Six months before his death, Brute’s visits to the red light district abruptly stopped. Instead, he apparently met with a local prostitute, engaged his services, and took him home… for good.

The best record we have is that one woman, Needie Brandt, remembered seeing Brute leading a shorter, angular young man to his car one night, and described the young man as “one of those runaway Boxies, collar and all. Poor thing was half-starved”.

Runaways, especially Romantics, are picked up by police from time to time in Red Hills. Most Romantics don’t really know any other way to survive, so prostitution is a common way to make ends meet. Needie said the young man had been seen around the area for a couple of weeks, right alongside the rest of the working people in the red light district, and that after this one night she saw Brute Hanlon lead him into the car, she didn’t see him again.

Asked if she remembered a name, Needie only shrugged and said that even if she did, it wouldn’t be a real one. Which is probably a good point.

Somewhere in here, Brute began to date outside of his marriage while his family believed he was out with friends playing poker. He took dancing lessons with one Susan Krieger, had a serious relationship with a Lucy Graham, and was apparently occasionally taking a Natalie Dorn out for dinner.

Ellen was never informed about these out-of-wedlock interests.

Brute’s family knew nothing. When his eldest son went to state with marching band his freshman year of high school, Brute Hanlon was right there cheering him on.

Then, just two days later, he presumably went right back to brutalizing the Box Boy he was keeping in his secret second home.

We don’t have a record of what exactly transpired within the house after Brute took the runaway Box Boy in. What we do know is what the police found later on.

On October 18th, 20XX, around midnight, Ellen Hanlon called police to report her husband missing after he did not return from his regular poker night. His car was located in the parking lot of an abandoned FoodMart, but a friend of Brute’s came forward to say he often parked there and carpooled with friends when going out.

None of Brute’s possessions were inside, and it didn’t appear the car had been touched by anyone but Brute himself when it was dusted for fingerprints or signs of DNA. Brute’s friends who knew about his secret activities weren’t telling, and Ellen and the children didn’t know anything about their seemingly loving husband and father’s double-life.

At first, the trail seemed like it would go cold, and investigators were frustrated that they had so little to go on.

Then, on October 29th, 20XX, Brute’s neighbor (who apparently asked that his name not be given) called the police department complaining about how the small two-bedroom house next door had begun to smell “like something died in there”, and that he hadn’t seen his neighbor leave or return in days, which was very unusual.

When police arrived, the front door was unlocked. Officer William Keys, the first one inside, later described the smell as “unmistakable. I knew exactly what we’d find the second we walked in that door.”

He was right.

What they found was the bloodied and decomposing body of Henry “Brute” Hanlon, lying on his back in the middle of a small unremarkable living room, on a dirty and stained carpet. He had been viciously stabbed more than fifty times. One even went so far into Brute that there was an exit wound through his back. Medical examiners would later state that at least seven of his wounds would have been directly fatal, but that he had died within the first few and most of the wounds were technically post-mortem.

The murder had been committed by someone who had a very personal reason for the killing. Investigators believe this individual was “absolutely enraged”.

Next to his body was the murder weapon, along with a set of buckles and strips of leather that mystified the officers. These were eventually identified as modified leg braces, but rather than straightening bent or injured legs, they forced the wearer to keep their legs at nearly right angles, which would ensure they had to crawl rather than walk. They appeared to be homemade.

Bloodied smears and footprints led the officers down a hallway and to the bathroom, where there was evidence someone had showered, changed clothes, and then left.

The same neighbor who informed police about the smell also remembered seeing, on October 16th or 17th (later determined that it was likely the 17th, the day that Brute did not return home from “work”), a young man wearing an oversized coat, sweatpants, and a too-large t-shirt walk out of Hanlon’s house and down the street. The young man was on the short side, the neighbor said, had an angular face, and a visible scar at the corner of his mouth and another along the side of his face. He had the collar of the coat flipped up, and the neighbor doesn’t recall if he wore a collar or not.

He had dark eyes, and short but shaggy dark hair that seemed to have been cut hurriedly and unevenly, and he waved at Hanlon’s neighbor without pausing or speaking as he walked past.

Tests on fingerprints and DNA located within Brute Hanlon’s secret second home would reveal that the Box Boy who once ran from Nathaniel Benson after his death was the exact same one who ran from Brute Hanlon after murdering him. The Boxie’s fingerprints were all over the murder weapon… and everywhere else, too.

Within Brute’s home, more knives were found, along with what looked like a badly-crafted homemade whip and some other supplies. A few of the things investigators found appeared to be essentially identical to what was found in Nathaniel Benson’s home. Other things were different (“animalization” was mentioned in some of the reports, but what I’ve been able to find is seriously vague for some reason).

Possibly related, a series of dog leashes purchased from a local pet-supply store were found throughout the home, but there was no evidence of an actual dog. In the home’s main bedroom was a perfectly normal queen-sized bed that was clearly Brute’s, with a small side table, a large dresser, and an attached bathroom.

There was absolutely nothing outwardly out of the ordinary, besides the room being very plain and impersonal. Makes sense, since Brute almost never slept there.

In the second bedroom, however, there was army-style cot with a thin blanket and sheet, three folded shirts on the floor, two sets of bloody metal handcuffs hanging off the cot’s frame at the top and bottom, and a bucket next to the bed. Two metal bowls, clearly of a style meant to be a dog’s food and water bowls, were next to the door. One still had water in it. The window was painted and nailed shut, and bars had been installed over the windows.

Investigators determined the bars were on the house when Brute Hanlon purchased it and had been installed by the previous owner. No reason for that installation was ever given.

Investigation revealed trace amounts of evidence of blood, but nothing much. However, the living room and dining area both showed poorly-cleaned bloodstains that were much older than Hanlon’s murder, including discolored patches on the walls.

A contract for a 24/7 “master/slave” style relationship was found in the top drawer of the dresser, signed ‘Pet’ at the bottom, and with Brute’s name alongside it. However, both signatures match Hanlon’s handwriting, and the Boxie is not believed to have actively signed it, as he would be illiterate at best. Plus, Box Boys are not legally allowed to enter into any contract, anyway, since they can’t understand obligations at that level, so even if he had signed it, it wouldn’t have been considered remotely valid.

I mean, not that those contracts are legal, but... you get my point.

Also located in that drawer were more than one hundred photographs showing the Boxie in a variety of compromising situations and positions. Several of these photos had Brute himself clearly visible in them, and a few had other individuals who have since been identified as Brute’s associates in his more illicit activities.

Interrogations of those associates led to more than seven further arrests for illegal gambling, the production and sale of illicit drugs, and illegal weapons sales. Those interrogations are also how we know about what Brute Hanlon was up to in-between Little League games and Girl Scout meetings.

Those associates claim that Brute kept a “secondhand Box Boy”, muzzled him so he couldn’t speak whenever guests were over, and that often ‘poker night’ simply turned into a game where the assorted guests and Brute himself repeatedly assaulted the Boxie. The associates claimed they thought the entire thing was consensual, but frankly… given the overwhelming evidence that the Boxie had to be kept restrained and was often seriously injured by these assaults... that’s doubtful.

Ellen and her children, who had previously been very visible and spoke often to local news stations about Henry’s disappearance, withdrew after his body was found and his second, secret life revealed - and have never given a single public statement or made a public appearance since.

Ellen moved her children out of Red Hills, moving back in with her own parents, briefly, in northern California. Where they went after that is unknown, but they appear to have left the state and Ellen may have changed her surname. Investigators are firm in their belief that Ellen knew nothing about her husband’s secret life.

I would give my right arm to know what his son and daughter think about it, and if they ever suspected what their devoted dad was up to when he wasn’t at home.

So, what happened to the Boxie after he left the house and disappeared down the block from the witness who saw him?

In short… no one knows for sure.

After murdering Brute Hanlon and cleaning off the evidence that must have been all over him, the Boxie simply fades away. He could have been anywhere, doing anything at all. There is a brief sighting of him on CCTV footage at the local bus station, where he is in line to buy a ticket… and then abruptly looks up, apparently noticing the camera and looking directly into it, then turns and walks quickly away.

The footage is grainy, but the Boxie does appear to be wearing his collar.

He isn’t seen in Red Hills again.

Instead, he reappears one more time before his final murder and disappearance… more than a year later, in a little town right along the border with Nevada.

Part 3 will go into how the investigation into the death of a quiet little oddball named Robert Weber reveals a basement full of skeletal bodies. But our Boxie isn’t the cause.

Instead, Robert Weber’s murder solves a series of related murders police had been stymied by for more than a decade, and a Box Boy who may have been meant to be Weber’s next victim instead turned accidental vigilante with a final killing of his own.

Or maybe I should say, his final killing so far.

@astrobly @finder-of-rings @burtlederp @whump-tr0pes @raigash @eatyourdamnpears @orchidscript @doveotions @pretty-face-breaker @boxboysandotherwhump @outofangband @whumptywhumpdump @whumpfigure @thehopelessopus @downriver914 @justabitofwhump @butwhatifyouwrite @newandfiguringitout @yet-another-heathen @nonsensical-whump @oops-its-whump @endless-whump @cubeswhump @gonna-feel-that-tomorrow @whumpiary

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