#dan get a car challenge make this a reality
Text
you’re just gonna be a passenger princess, imagine phil
#GET OUT OF MY WALLSSSS#too aware#i hate it here#dan get a car challenge make this a reality#dan and phil#dnp#phil lester#daniel howell
213 notes
·
View notes
Text
Family Traditions (We Are a Family...Right?)
Summary: Summary contains AGIT spoilers! Inspired by the Christmas season, Vlad takes his two charges Dan and Dani to select a Christmas tree for their first Christmas together. Dani is thrilled by the outing, Dan...not so much. And Vlad is left to ruminate on his nostalgic memories and the meaning of the word family.
Happy Holiday Truce @northerngrail! I'm your Secret Santa! I really hope you enjoy your gift this year! Thank you for the wonderful prompts! I decided to go with this one for your gift:
Prompt: The Masters family (Vlad, Dan, Dani) doing something incredibly stereotypically "family bonding" ie: fishing, road trip, etc. And suffering through it (happily)
AO3
CW: AGIT Spoilers!
Family Traditions (We Are a Family...Right?)
He didn’t know what drove him to think this idea would go well. Maybe he thought this living arrangement meant more than it actually did. Maybe he finally had some hope that something would change. Or maybe he was just getting soft and senile in his old age. Vlad realized with a sharp jab of annoyance mixed with pain that it was probably the latter.
He couldn’t really put a name on what living situation he had now with the young Danielle and the redemption-seeking Dan. Parent? No, that felt far too familiar. Warden? In the case of Dan that sometimes felt appropriate. Caretaker? He certainly did watch out for them, but even that seemed a little distant for the paternal relationship he’d started to build. Guardian? That seemed to fit the best as a good mix of responsibility and affection.
But would that make them a family? He felt loath to ascribe that much affection and companionship towards what they had. He could catch a glimpse of it sometimes, especially from Danielle, but he didn’t feel that quite met the criteria for family. Then again, he didn’t have the best example of that growing up, but when he looked at what the Fentons had…he didn’t see that in his current living situation.
So if he didn’t see them as a family, then why did he think it wise to embark on something that most would consider a family tradition? He still couldn’t rationalize those competing principles in his mind, just like he still couldn’t explain the pull he felt towards this activity. He could say he got caught up in the infectious holiday spirit surrounding him, or the yearning for a family tradition, but in reality it had been a thought: a simple thought that pushed him to change his entire approach to the month of December. This was the first Christmas he would spend with children under his roof - and he painfully realized it would be the first Christmas he would spend with anyone under his roof since he was a teenager - and he needed to make that special for them. Whether he was their parent, warden, caretaker, or guardian, that meant he bore the responsibility of giving them a Christmas and rolling out all the stops. The decorations. The stockings. The presents. The Christmas meal. The Christmas movies. And that also meant…the Christmas tree.
Wrangling them into the car proved to be a challenge. Dan was a malevolent, violent ghost stuck in a teenager’s body, which proved to be a disastrous combination on the best of days, and Danielle was mischievous and far too inquisitive for her own good. Neither of them responded well to the idea of an unannounced drive to an undisclosed location for an activity. His suggestion was met with suspicion and questions, and even though he managed to convince them to join him in the car, the suspicious and inquisitive questions had not ceased.
Christmas music crooned out of the stereo to set the mood as Vlad turned off the highway and onto a country road. Sure some people sold suitable trees in the city, but this was less about the tree and more about the experience, and he wanted to find a small local shop off the beaten path. As they pulled into the small dirt parking lot, Dan’s eyes focused on the large cars with cables and trailers and harnesses already equipped. He watched as a family walked out from under a white canopy strung up with warm Christmas lights as they pulled something heavy behind them.
Dan shook his head as he frowned. “No…no wait no. I see what you’re doing here. Are we–”
“Picking out a Christmas tree!” Dani interrupted in sheer joy as she pressed her face against the cold car window to look out at the selection of pine trees that covered the snowy ground.
“Yes, that is what we are doing,” Vlad confirmed as he out-maneuvered someone to get a close parking space. They didn’t need a closer parking space - all of them were fit and able to walk and carry a tree a long distance - but this was about the principle and the status of managing to find and obtain a closer parking space.
Dan groaned as he slumped into his seat with his arms crossed over his chest. “Why can’t we just get a plastic tree from Target like everyone else? Or better yet, none at all.”
“Because that’s no fun,” Dani pouted as she turned around in her seat to face her…sibling? Herself? Her future? Vlad wasn’t quite sure how to quantify and label their relationship either. “This is so much better! I’ve seen this on TV. You run around and look at all the trees and pick the best one. Don’t you want to do that?”
“No,” Dan quickly retorted.
“Really?” Dani pressed.
“I would rather be in the thermos.”
“We can arrange that,” Dani muttered under her breath as she turned to look back out the window.
Vlad took a moment to build his patience (a patience he’d been working incredibly hard to develop after finding himself a guardian) before he turned around to look in the back seat. “No one is being sucked into a thermos. Now we are going to look at some Christmas trees. Maybe we don’t need to look at all of the trees,” he conceded. Dani opened her mouth to protest but Vlad held a hand up. “We can find a perfectly good tree without looking at all of them. But we are going to look, understand?”
Dan and Vlad locked eyes for what felt like minutes to Vlad, but he knew in reality it only lasted a few moments. He’d engaged in his fair share of these battles of wills with the malevolent ghost before (and he’d lost his fair share as well), but he had a purpose this time and the genuine hope this would do them all some good, and that pushed him to stand his ground.
Finally Dan huffed out an annoyed breath and stepped out of the car. Vlad slumped in his seat in relief. He really didn’t want this argument to escalate further, but with Dan he never knew. He genuinely felt that the ghost was trying to make good on his second chance, especially since they both knew Clockwork kept his eye on them, but sometimes he acted out in anger and it turned violent. Vlad could take the abuse until he could calm him down, but he preferred not to cause a panic in public around so many families.
Dani seemed to sense their victory. The tension bled out of her and a smile returned to her face as she jumped eagerly out of the car. He had originally been wary of bringing Danielle into the house after he took charge of Dan’s rehabilitation, but she had actually proven to be a stabilizing force in the house. Maybe she served as a gentle reminder of Dan’s prior innocence, Vlad couldn’t quite say, but in the absence of Jazmine (who Dan surprisingly listened to), Danielle could hold quite a bit of sway. They still argued, but she could hold her own and put him in his place when needed. Sometimes they even teamed up, and while Vlad appreciated seeing them working together, that never bode well for him.
He followed his two charges out of the car and led them towards the first row of trees as the snow crunched underfoot. What a stereotypical sight they must make: the single parent leading a sullen teenager and a wide-eyed younger child to pick out a Christmas tree. It felt reminiscent of those horrible Hallmark channel movies that he absolutely did not hate-watch in secret, but how wrong anyone would be to think that their arrangement was anything close to that stereotypical display.
“Don’t even look at the prices,” he instructed as they reached their first row of trees. Wafts of fresh pine scent assaulted them, and Vlad took a moment to breathe deep of the nostalgic smell. He couldn’t wait to have it spread through the living room once they installed the tree. “Just pick out a tree you both like.”
Dani clapped her hands happily and ran off down the row to look at trees further in, but stopped short as soon as Dan spoke up and pointed ominously at the very first tree. “This one.”
Dani stopped and turned around as she stomped her foot. “Ugh, you dummy! You didn’t even look at the rest of them!” Vlad raised an eyebrow because Danielle may very well be the only being in both the realm of the living and the realm of the dead who could get away with calling Dan a dummy.
“I didn’t need to. I like this one,” he said firmly.
Dani opened her mouth to argue again, but Vlad spoke first. “And why do you like this one?” Maybe he had a genuine reason for liking this tree, but he doubted it.
“Because it’s the first one.”
Both Vlad and Dani groaned. “We’ll keep your preference in mind, but we’ll keep looking at other trees,” Vlad decided. He didn’t want to dismiss Dan’s preference if he truly felt a connection to that tree, but he had a feeling the only positive quality that three possessed was being the first of the lot.
Dan retreated further into his sulk as he bowed his head lower, but he trudged after them as Dani ran through the trees. They had their work cut out for them, because all the trees were lovely. The recent snow dusted the branches with white powder and it looked like a perfect winter wonderland; he would be happy taking any of them home. Thankfully Dani seemed to have a vision and she inspected trees that caught her eye with an expert, critical gaze.
“What about this one?” Vlad suggested as he pointed at a well-shaped tree that Dani walked right past.
She turned to give it a second look as she placed a gloved hand to her chin, but she shook her head. “Nope. It’s too…piney.”
“Too…piney?” Vlad asked in confirmation.
“What the hell does that mean?” Dan asked as he raised an eyebrow.
She shrugged. “I don’t know. It’s more of a feeling. It’s just…too much pine.” And as if that statement cleared everything up, she dashed off to another tree.
“She’s drawing this out,” Dan complained.
Vlad sighed. “We’ve barely been here five minutes; this is hardly being drawn out.”
“There was nothing wrong with that tree,” Dan pointed out. “She shot it down because she doesn’t want to be done.”
“And what’s the harm in that?” Vlad probed. “Let her look at some of the trees, get a feel for what’s out there, and then we can press her into choosing one.”
Dan rolled his eyes and trudged after them as he scuffed his boots stubbornly through the snow. Occasionally he’d kick the trunk of a tree just to watch the snow shake and fall from the branches, but mostly he sulked behind them while Dani debated the features of different trees and the quality of their pine needles.
“Oh stop looking like you’re being tortured,” Vlad finally spoke up. “This is far from the worst thing you’ve ever had to endure.”
“Don’t you remember I hate Christmas?” Dan pointed out.
“Part of you may,” Vlad conceded. He remembered hearing Jack complain incessantly about how young Daniel could not get into the spirit of Christmas. He’d planned to use that at some point to his advantage in recruiting the young Daniel, but now…well he had enough versions of the boy that he didn’t need to add another under his roof. “But the other part of you secretly loves Christmas. I know because that part is me. So maybe you should listen to that other part.”
“I usually lean towards hatred,” Dan quipped sullenly.
Dani poked her head out from behind a nearby Christmas tree, her hat covered in snow. “Well, then maybe you shouldn’t.” She gave Dan a pointed look and a shrug before she disappeared back behind the foliage.
Vlad had to hide a chuckle behind a gloved hand at how simple the suggestion seemed. Danielle had a way of cutting through the attitude to find the cheery solution. He didn’t know where that quality came from, because while Daniel could be overly hopeful at times, he wouldn’t necessarily describe the boy as cheery. She hadn’t had a cheerful existence so far (he meant to change that) so he couldn’t say that positive outlook came from her prior experiences. Maybe she forced herself to adopt that perspective specifically to deal with her experiences? He’d have to ponder that a bit more. But whatever the explanation for her optimistic demeanor, he appreciated her view on the world and tried to adopt a little of it himself now and then.
Dan also seemed intrigued by her suggestion because he grew quiet and pensive. It wouldn’t last long, it never did, but maybe he took some of what she said to heart.
Suddenly a tree caught Vlad’s eye and he stopped in front of it. A wide base with a tapered point, taller than him, no patchy spots - it resembled the quintessential tree from any holiday catalog. “Danielle, what about this one?” Vlad suggested as he inspected the branches. He gave them a good shake and they seemed sturdy and capable of holding even his heaviest Packers ornaments.
Dani doubled back and gave the tree some serious consideration. She walked around it a couple times and even got down onto her knees to look up under the tree at its bones. She scooted out from under the branches and shook her head. “No, that’s not our tree.”
“Are you kidding me?” Dan snapped. “It’s perfect!”
“That’s the problem,” Dani stated as she lifted up one of the branches. “It’s too perfect. You want the tree to have some character.”
“I can’t believe this,” Dan groaned as he looked up at the sky like it held some kind of salvation.
“Well, then we’ll keep looking,” Vlad agreed, though it pained him to walk away from this picture-perfect tree.
“I still don’t understand why we’re doing this,” Dan spoke up.
Vlad took a moment to close his eyes and collect his patience before he spoke up again. “Because we need a Christmas tree,” he tried to say through a controlled, even tone.
“Okay, but why are we doing this?” Dan asked with added emphasis on his real question. ”Why not just send Skulker to grab one? You send him on all your other mundane errands.”
“Because he wouldn’t grab the right one. And he wouldn’t take the care needed to transport it back. And he’s on a date.” There, three practical reasons that should hopefully quell Dan’s query and avoided the true emotional reasons for the trip.
Dan stopped abruptly as he blinked a couple times. “He’s what?”
Vlad turned around and quickly noticed the shocked wide eyes and gaping mouth, and he took the slightest bit of delight that he could catch the ghost off guard like that. He actually greatly resembled Daniel in that moment in more than just appearance. He didn’t often see pieces of the Daniel he knew in Dan - he must have torn it all out when he rid himself of his emotions - but occasionally they would bleed through. It was refreshing to see. “Well, he didn’t call it a date. He’s off destroying the world with Technus. But it’s a date. We all know it’s a date.”
Dan shook his head minutely as a look of revulsion colored his shocked expression. “I don’t want to hear that.”
“What, do you have a problem with love?” Dani asked as she emerged from behind them. She had clearly been crawling around under trees because pine needles stuck out of her hat and jacket.
“No - I mean yes,” he countered quickly. “Yes. I hate love.”
“Riiiight,” Dani said as she rolled her eyes. She gave a slight wink to Vlad who hid a chuckle behind his glove. “Hey, shouldn’t we be worried about the ‘destroying the world’ part?”
Vlad waved a hand dismissively. “Oh, I wouldn’t be too worried. It’s Skulker and Technus after all: hardly a pair to be concerned about. Besides, I’m sure Daniel will find a way to ruin their fun.”
“First good thing that brat’s done,” Dan quipped.
Dani put her hands on her waist as she leaned in close to Dan’s face. “Why are you so against them dating?” she asked as she squinted to study his face.
He took a step back and lightly shoved her out of his space. “Because I’ve seen them in the future. Look, can we talk about anything else? Like what about this tree?” he asked as he tapped the tree next to them.
Vlad smiled that Dan seemed to be getting into the spirit enough that talking about a tree was an acceptable alternative. It also seemed to work because it completely distracted Dani who rushed over to examine the tree.
“Nah. This one sheds too many needles,” she decided as she pulled a handful of needles off.
“You can’t–every tree will lose its needles if you pull on them like that!” Dan argued in exasperation.
“Yeah, but this one lost more,” she countered. “So there. Not a good tree.” She scampered off before Dan could get another argument in.
He clenched a fist and breathed out a long, slow breath. Vlad hiked an eyebrow in interest because it looked like some of those anger management techniques were actually working. He’d have to thank Jazmine later. “She’s being unreasonable.”
“She’s just having fun,” Vlad sighed. “I promise, I’ll make her select one soon enough, just bear with her.”
“Oh I’m bearing with her alright,” Dan muttered through gritted teeth as he watched Dani dismiss another perfectly good tree.
While Dan might be suffering watching her traipse through the rows of pine trees, Vlad actually found the whole event quite enjoyable. The whimsy of watching Danielle play around amongst the trees and inspect each one filled him with a paternal glow. Watching a Christmas tradition unfold through the eyes of a child filled him with a happiness he couldn’t really explain and renewed his Christmas spirit more than any other activity could. Now if only his other charge would find the tender happiness of the moment with them, then it could all be perfect. Alas, that seemed to be too much to ask for.
“If none of these trees are right, then why can’t we just get a plastic one? It would save us all a lot of time,” Dan pointed out.
“The plastic ones just don’t have the same feel to them,” Vlad explained as he stretched the limits of his very limited patience to stay civil. How he longed to turn around and brandish the ‘because I said so’ that all guardians use at some point, but he knew that would only end in conflict and would force Dan to pull away even further. But god would it be easier. “A real tree has a scent and a presence that the fake ones don’t have. And the experience of selecting a tree is far more thrilling.”
“I can’t say I agree with the ‘thrilling’ part of that statement,” Dan grumbled.
“Because you’re not letting yourself. But selecting a tree for Christmas…why it’s one of the few happy memories I have of Christmases past. My parents were usually too busy for their trophy child, but Christmas seemed to be the time when they remembered why they had a child in the first place. Every Christmas we would pick out a tree from some small lot like this one here. Mother would watch and smile as I picked out a tree. I could actually hold my father’s attention for a time. We had no distractions or anything else demanding their attention. It was us as a family picking out a Christmas tree.”
A soft smile settled on Vlad’s face as he thought of those happy, nostalgic memories. He didn’t have many happy memories of his childhood as they were mostly filled with loneliness and boredom, but the few he had of Christmas he held very dear to his heart. And being back amongst the trees, with the snow and the pine and the excited squeals of children pointing to trees brought him right back to the happiest of his memories.
Dani stopped her inspection of a tree’s branches, and when she turned to look at him, Vlad could see the sympathy creasing her slightly teary eyes. He wasn’t really trying to get that reaction from her, but he wanted to share how much the nostalgia of this trip meant to him. She reached a comforting hand out towards him, but stopped when Dan’s harsh voice cut through the silence left by Vlad’s story.
“You forget old man that I have those same memories too,” Dan growled with a slight edge to his voice. While Vlad clearly drew warm feelings from these memories, Dan’s reaction gave him the distinct impression that he was not as pleased to be reliving those old memories. “I don’t need the reminder. So I ask again why are we doing this? And I want a real answer this time.”
Vlad opened his mouth with a quick businessman answer full of bluster and smoke and mirrors, but faltered when he realized that this wasn’t a business meeting. This wasn’t some pitch that he needed to sell to a stranger whose feelings and opinions didn’t matter. This wasn’t some cut and dry business proposal that most people would forget about two days later. No, this was his ward and he owed him more than some superficial response. He deserved to hear the real reason, even if Vlad still didn’t know what that real reason could be. How was he supposed to explain to the ghost who tore out his own feelings a decade ago that he did it because he yearned to give his wards a warm memory to hold on to in the cold and lonely months that seemed to come for everyone in their later years, like he had of his own Christmas traditions. He couldn’t rationalize it or explain it in a logical way that would make sense to him, because all he had were feelings and a hope, and he could hardly find the words to explain that to himself, let alone to the other ghost.
Dani, however, seemed to have no problems putting that feeling into words. She stepped in between them and looked at them both with that infectious smile of hers. “Because it’s what family does.”
A silence fell about them as the word ‘family’ rang in their ears. Dan stared down at the snow-covered ground and refused to meet either of their eyes. He slid his foot in the snow just to make some kind of noise to fill the awkward silence. Vlad also shifted uncomfortably as he grabbed his other arm and ran his hand along his sleeve as he lost himself in thought.
Family. So Danielle somehow believed they were a family? Why was he so shocked to hear that? He’d thought it earlier that night and even multiple times before that as he planned this out. This was the sort of activity a family did together. He wanted to share this with them because he saw them as family. It all made sense in his head, and yet for some reason the word never felt right when he rolled it around in his head. He always felt it wasn’t quite right for what a family should be, but maybe that had been his problem. For Danielle to say it so plainly…well it made it all the more plain to him too. Maybe it wasn’t the family everyone else had, but it was the family the three of them got, and didn’t that make the word all the more meaningful? The fact that three outcasts who never really belonged to anyone had found each other (sometimes in very strange circumstances) and managed to make it work meant something to him, to Danielle, and hopefully to Dan based on his reaction.
Dani must have realized she said something poignant because she let the other two sit in their thoughts for a long, awkward moment before her eyes grew wide. She pointed into the distance as a huge grin spread across her face. “That’s it!” she cried out before she shot off down the row to the tree that caught her eye.
Dan glanced up from the ground and took a step forward to follow after her, but Vlad held a hand out to gently stop him. He knew Dan didn’t like being touched and he was putting his own safety in danger by doing so, but he had a feeling he would allow it this time. “Wait. You want to know why I’m doing this?” he asked, which turned Dan’s warning glare into a look of curiosity. “I’m doing it for her.”
Vlad gestured towards Dani who jumped about her newly selected tree with excited hands clasped together. “Maybe you don’t care anymore, or maybe even can’t care anymore, and that’s fine. Maybe you don’t think we’re a family, and that’s fine too. But she does. And she has known very few Christmases since she…well since I brought her into this life. I wasn’t ready to make them good Christmases before…but I am now. And I want her to have a good memory of this, like we did.”
He gave Dan one last little nod before he met up with Dani at her chosen tree. Dan fell silent and stayed behind, but Vlad didn’t mind. Giving him a chance to think and ponder those thoughts seemed like it would be helpful in the long run. “Well now, let’s see this tree.” Like many of the others they’d pointed out, the tree had a good wide and full silhouette and was tall enough to fit the ceiling of its destined room. He nodded his head in approval as he circled the tree and studied it from all angles, but his inspection unfortunately uncovered a gap in the tree. And not just a gap, but it appeared all the branches below that gap seemed to be drooping, like something heavy had pulled them down. He grabbed those branches and tried to move them up to see if they were broken, but the branches still remained firm. So they were attached securely to the tree but had just been shaped improperly.
Vlad sighed as he released the branch and dusted his hands off on his jacket. “I’m sorry to tell you this Danielle, but your tree has some drooping branches on this side.” She would be crushed to hear the tree that captured her heart had such a noticeable imperfection.
“I know,” she said simply. “That’s why it’s perfect.”
“...I’m not following,” Vlad admitted. She’d dismissed so many other trees for the tiniest of details (some of which she made up) so how could she so easily ignore this one?
“Because it’s not made perfect. It’s not the perfect example of a tree, and maybe it’s not exactly what you expect or want when you think about a tree, but it’s still good. It’ll still make a good tree,” she pointed out as she held one of the branches and ran her gloved fingers over the pine needles. “And you can love the tree not just in spite of its flaws, but because of its flaws.”
Vlad quickly realized this had become far larger than just picking out a tree. Somehow she had turned this into a metaphor for herself. She wanted a tree that had its flaws just as she had, and knowing that tree could still be chosen and loved and desired was important to her. He realized he had caused that insecurity too. By chasing after a “better” clone, a clone more like Daniel, he had dismissed his other creations as failures without caring about how that made them feel. He had a lot to atone for, more than what he could do with a Christmas tradition, but he’d start that atonement by showing her that yes, she could still be chosen and loved because of who she was.
“Well, then it sounds like it’s the perfect tree for us,” Vlad agreed with a smile as he placed a hand on her shoulder. A slightly broken tree for the slightly broken family. It felt right.
Dani squealed in excitement and jumped up and down in place. “Yay! I can’t wait to put all kinds of garland and ornaments and lights and - ooh tinsel! We can put tinsel on it too!”
Vlad chuckled as he shook his head slightly. Tinsel sounded like a horribly messy thing, but if tinsel brought her some holiday cheer and joy, then he’d let her throw tinsel all over that tree. “Whatever you’d like. Now, let’s take this tree number to the–”
“Oh, sorry pal,” a voice spoke up from behind them. Vlad turned to see a middle-aged couple walk over to them. The bearded man gestured towards the tree. “We already paid for that one.”
“What?” Dani asked as she turned her wide, sad eyes onto Vlad, as if pleading for a different answer.
“For this tree?” Vlad asked in confirmation as he placed his hands on the branches of the tree.
“Yup, that exact tree. Number 251. Best bang for its buck on the whole lot. Managed to get a discount on account of the defect,” he crowed proudly.
“But…but…” Dani stammered as she looked back at her prized tree. “But I spent so long looking for this one…”
Vlad felt a frustration rise up within him, but he tamped it down as he put on his best businessman face. He didn’t need to let his temper get out of control here. He had to remind himself that this couple didn’t understand or know how much this tree meant to her, but surely they could be persuaded. And if the joy of a child couldn’t sway them, then he was sure money could.
“Any way I could persuade you to pick a different tree?” he cajoled as he took a step closer. “Pay the cost of the difference to another tree perhaps? My dau–young Danielle here, she really has her heart set on this tree.”
“It’s perfect,” she pouted as she held onto one of its branches like a young child held the hand of a beloved stuffed animal.
The couple looked between each other for a moment, but when he met Vlad’s gaze again he shook his head. “Sorry, but we worked hard for the deal we got for this tree, and as a point of pride we’d like to take it home.”
“Extra money then,” Vlad pressed. “The difference in price for another tree plus an extra hundred to spend on decorations or whatever you’d like.”
The man shook his head again. “Sorry pal, but we’d like this tree, and we did find it first.”
Vlad clenched a fist as his ectoplasm boiled in rage. Really they were just being unreasonable. The tree, while perfect for them, could not possibly be worth this much to the other couple. It seemed like the more he argued for it, the more value they found in their initial purchase. He normally believed everyone had a tipping point, but he feared that these individuals were too stubborn for their own good. Perhaps he could arrange a little…situation on the road, where the tree mysteriously fell through their car on the way home. He’d tried to handle this nicely, but he wasn’t above some ghostly trickery to get that tree. Yes, that could work. He would just need a duplicate to follow them and then–
“He made you a reasonable offer,” Dan growled out from behind them. Vlad turned to see Dan practically vibrating in his anger, like his skin could barely hold the rage building up inside him. His clenched fists shook from the effort it took to keep them at his side.
“Now Dan, we don’t need to–” Vlad tried to intervene, but Dan cut him short with a steely glare.
“I’m not talking to you, old man. I’m talking to these two,” he snarled as he focused his attention on the pig-headed couple as he took slow, controlled steps towards them, like a careful predator stalking his prey. “He made you a reasonable offer and you said no because of what? Your pride? So you can have a trophy and congratulate yourselves on how you got such a good deal at the expense of the dreams of a child? You’re pathetic.”
The man bristled and stepped in front of his wife. “We saw it first. We already paid for it. That means it’s ours.”
“Oh no it isn’t. No, this tree is ours now. You want to take this tree from her?” he asked slowly as he gestured towards Dani. “On her first real Christmas? Her first Christmas with her family? No…no you’re not going anywhere near this tree. I’ll make sure of that,” he promised as a sinister red light flared in his eyes.
“Brad,” his wife squeaked up from the back, but he shook his head and took a brave (and foolish) step forward. He took a moment to size the teenager up with his dark jacket and thick black boots. Vlad realized that the man probably thought he had this “teenage punk” all figured out - oh how wrong he would be.
“You think some teenager with a mouth will stop me?” Brad asked as he puffed up his chest with fake confidence. “I’ll call the cops and shut down your tough guy act.”
“The cops won’t save you from what I have in store,” Dan threatened as his eyes glowed a uniform red. A white ring of light formed around his waist, and as it split apart it revealed the massive, muscled form of Dan Phantom. Brad took a terrified step back on shaking legs as Dan advanced on him, towering over him. He grabbed the man’s shirt in his fist and easily suspended him in the air. The man grasped at the hand around his shirt and kicked his legs as he begged for mercy, but it only made Dan’s malicious smile grow wider.
He flew the pleading man up into the air, higher and higher before he simply released his hold on the man and dropped him. He screamed as he plummeted quickly to the earth, but Dan swooped down to grab him again. He held him in the air and grinned at his screams for mercy. “If you think that was bad, you should see what else I have in store for you,” Dan threatened as he held up a fist wreathed with green ectoplasmic flame.
“Oh butter biscuits, we’d been doing so well for a public outing,” Vlad sighed from down on the ground. As much as he felt great pleasure (and maybe pride?) upon hearing the unreasonable man squeal in terror and fright, he didn’t actually want the trouble of having Dan hurt the man. As much as he wished for the man to suffer pain for his stubborn attitude and refusal to help secure Dani’s dream tree, as a guardian he couldn’t actually let Dan hurt the man.
“Are you going to stop him?” Dani asked with a slight tremble in her voice. She must still remember the last time he had to stop Dan and took quite a beating in the process.
“Eventually,” Vlad sighed as he kept his eyes focused closely on Dan. “If he does anything that’s actually harmful I will of course rush in.” For now though, it seemed like Dan found satisfaction enough in terrifying the man, and judging by Brad’s high pitched squeals of “You can have the tree! You can have the tree!” he had a feeling the tactic worked.
“But first, let us rescue that tree, hmm?” Vlad suggested as he smiled down at his young charge.
Dani’s smile lit up her face as she reached over to give Vlad a hug from the side. He stiffened slightly in surprise only because he didn’t expect such a physically affectionate reaction, but it melted his heart all the same in a way he’d never felt before. He placed a hand on her back and gave it a comforting pat.
He looked back over at Dan who had moved on to threatening the man by slowly sinking him intangibly into the ground and he noticed the gleeful yet sinister smile on his face. Dan reacted so strongly to the potential for Danielle’s dream to be dashed, and he had even used the word family in his threats. He admitted they were a family.
Somehow, in their own strange way, this trip had brought them closer as a unit and…yes as a family. This off-the-cuff idea that he stitched together with a feeling and a hope had actually proven to be a happy outing that he knew generated some formative memories for all involved. Maybe he had done it. Maybe he had created a new Christmas tradition for all of them. For his family.
Their own family tradition.
Notes: I just wanted to make a note that I don't actually have anything against plastic trees. I myself have 3 plastic trees and have never had a live tree (I'm too paranoid about the fire risks). So that was all Vlad. But I do have a romanticized idea of what selecting a live tree would be like!
Also @northerngrail I hope you noticed the little nod to one of your other prompts in there!
This is also a first for me on a lot of levels. First time including Dani in a story. First time writing from Vlad's POV. First time writing anything post-AGIT. So hopefully I did it all justice!
I hope you enjoyed your gif!
#danny phantom#danny phantom fanfiction#fanfiction#phandom truce 2023#holiday truce 2023#masters family#agit spoilers#a glitch in time spoilers#post agit#christmas fluff#found family trope#family fluff#minor angst#but mostly fluff#parental Vlad Masters#Vlad Masters POV#christmas tree#christmas spirit
40 notes
·
View notes
Text
How Much of the World Is It Possible to Model? Mathematical Models Power Our Civilization—But They Have Limits.
— By Dan Rockmore | January 15, 2024
Illustration by Petra Péterffy
It’s Hard For a Neurosurgeon to Navigate a Brain. A key challenge is gooeyness. The brain is immersed in cerebrospinal fluid; when a surgeon opens the skull, pressure is released, and parts of the brain surge up toward the exit while gravity starts pulling others down. This can happen with special force if a tumor has rendered the skull overstuffed. A brain can shift by as much as an inch during a typical neurosurgery, and surgeons, who plan their routes with precision, can struggle as the territory moves.
In the nineteen-nineties, David Roberts, a neurosurgeon, and Keith Paulsen, an engineer, decided to tackle this problem by building a mathematical model of a brain in motion. Real brains contain billions of nooks and crannies, but their model wouldn’t need to include them; it could be an abstraction encoded in the language of calculus. They could model the brain as a simple, sponge-like object immersed in a flow of fluid and divided into compartments. Equations could predict how the compartments would move with each surgical action. The model might tell surgeons to make the first cut a half inch to the right of where they’d planned to start, and then to continue inward at an angle of forty-three degrees rather than forty-seven.
Roberts and Paulsen designed their model on blackboards at Dartmouth College. Their design had its first clinical test in 1998. A thirty-five-year-old man with intractable epilepsy required the removal of a small tumor. He was anesthetized, his skull was cut open, and his brain began to move. The model drew on data taken from a preoperative MRI scan, and tracked the movement of certain physical landmarks during the surgery; in this way, the real and predicted topography of the exposed brain could be compared, and the new position of the tumor could be predicted. “The agreement between prediction and reality was amazing,” Roberts recalled recently.
Today, descendents of the Roberts and Paulsen model are routinely used to plan neurosurgeries. Modelling, in general, is now routine. We model everything, from elections to economics, from the climate to the coronavirus. Like model cars, model airplanes, and model trains, mathematical models aren’t the real thing—they’re simplified representations that get the salient parts right. Like fashion models, model citizens, and model children, they’re also idealized versions of reality. But idealization and abstraction can be forms of strength. In an old mathematical-modelling joke, a group of experts is hired to improve milk production on a dairy farm. One of them, a physicist, suggests, “Consider a spherical cow.” Cows aren’t spheres any more than brains are jiggly sponges, but the point of modelling—in some ways, the joy of it—is to see how far you can get by using only general scientific principles, translated into mathematics, to describe messy reality.
To be successful, a model needs to replicate the known while generalizing into the unknown. This means that, as more becomes known, a model has to be improved to stay relevant. Sometimes new developments in math or computing enable progress. In other cases, modellers have to look at reality in a fresh way. For centuries, a predilection for perfect circles, mixed with a bit of religious dogma, produced models that described the motion of the sun, moon, and planets in an Earth-centered universe; these models worked, to some degree, but never perfectly. Eventually, more data, combined with more expansive thinking, ushered in a better model—a heliocentric solar system based on elliptical orbits. This model, in turn, helped kick-start the development of calculus, reveal the law of gravitational attraction, and fill out our map of the solar system. New knowledge pushes models forward, and better models help us learn.
Predictions about the universe are scientifically interesting. But it’s when models make predictions about worldly matters that people really pay attention.We anxiously await the outputs of models run by the Weather Channel, the Fed, and fivethirtyeight.com. Models of the stock market guide how our pension funds are invested; models of consumer demand drive production schedules; models of energy use determine when power is generated and where it flows. Insurers model our fates and charge us commensurately. Advertisers (and propagandists) rely on A.I. models that deliver targeted information (or disinformation) based on predictions of our reactions.
But it’s easy to get carried away—to believe too much in the power and elegance of modelling. In the nineteen-fifties, early success with short-term weather modelling led John von Neumann, a pioneering mathematician and military consultant, to imagine a future in which militaries waged precision “climatological warfare.” This idea may have seemed mathematically plausible at the time; later, the discovery of the “butterfly effect”—when a butterfly flaps its wings in Tokyo, the forecast changes in New York—showed it to be unworkable. In 2008, financial analysts thought they’d modelled the housing market; they hadn’t. Models aren’t always good enough. Sometimes the phenomenon you want to model is simply unmodellable. All mathematical models neglect things; the question is whether what’s being neglected matters. What makes the difference? How are models actually built? How much should we trust them, and why?
Mathematical Modelling Began With Nature: the goal was to predict the tides, the weather, the positions of the stars. Using numbers to describe the world was an old practice, dating back to when scratchings on papyrus stood for sheaves of wheat or heads of cattle. It wasn’t such a leap from counting to coördinates, and to the encoding of before and after. Even early modellers could appreciate what the physicist Eugene Wigner called “the unreasonable effectiveness of mathematics.” In 1963, Wigner won the Nobel Prize for developing a mathematical framework that could make predictions about quantum mechanics and particle physics. Equations worked, even in a subatomic world that defied all intuition.
Models of nature are, in some ways, pure. They’re based on what we believe to be immutable physical laws; these laws, in the form of equations, harmonize with both historical data and present-day observation, and so can be used to make predictions. There’s an admirable simplicity to this approach. The earliest climate models, for example, were essentially ledgers of data run through equations based on fundamental physics, including Newton’s laws of motion. Later, in the nineteen-sixties, so-called energy-balance models described how energy was transferred between the sun and the Earth: The sun sends energy here, and about seventy per cent of it is absorbed, with the rest reflected back. Even these simple models could do a good job of predicting average surface temperature.
Averages, however, tell only a small part of the story. The average home price in the United States is around five hundred thousand dollars, but the average in Mississippi is a hundred and seventy-one thousand dollars, and in the Hamptons it’s more than three million dollars. Location matters. In climate modelling, it’s not just the distance from the sun that’s important but what’s on the ground—ice, water (salty or not), vegetation, desert. Energy that’s been absorbed by the Earth warms the surface and then radiates up and out, where it can be intercepted by clouds, or interact with chemicals in different layers of the atmosphere, including the greenhouse gases—carbon dioxide, methane, and nitrous oxide. Heat differentials start to build, and winds develop. Moisture is trapped and accumulates, sometimes forming rain, snowflakes, or hail. Meanwhile, the sun keeps shining—an ongoing forcing function that continually pumps energy into the system.
Earth-system models, or E.S.M.s, are the current state of the art in combining all these factors. E.S.M.s aim for high spatial and temporal specificity, predicting not only temperature trends and sea levels but also changes in the sizes of glaciers at the North Pole and of rain forests in Brazil. Particular regions have their own sets of equations, which address factors such as the chemical reactions that affect the composition of the ocean and air. There are thousands of equations in an E.S.M., and they affect one another in complicated couplings over hundreds, even thousands, of years. In theory, because the equations are founded on the laws of physics, the models should be reliable despite the complexity. But it’s hard to keep small errors from creeping in and ramifying—that’s the butterfly effect. Applied mathematicians have spent decades figuring out how to quantify and sometimes ameliorate butterfly effects; recent advances in remote sensing and data collection are now helping to improve the fidelity of the models.
How do we know that a giant model works? Its outputs can be compared to historical data. The 2022 Assessment Report from the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change shows remarkable agreement between the facts and the models going back two thousand years. The I.P.C.C. uses models to compare two worlds: a “natural drivers” world, in which greenhouse gases and particulate matter come from sources such as volcanoes, and a “human and natural” world, which includes greenhouse gases we’ve created. The division helps with interpretability. One of the many striking figures in the I.P.C.C. report superimposes plots of increases in global mean temperature over time, with and without the human drivers. Until about 1940, the two curves dance around the zero mark, tracking each other, and also the historical record. Then the model with human drivers starts a steady upward climb that continues to hew to the historical record. The purely natural model continues along much like before—an alternate history of a cooler planet. The models may be complicated, but they’re built on solid physics-based foundations. They work.
Of Course, there are many things we want to model that aren’t quite so physical. The infectious-disease models with which we all grew familiar in 2020 and 2021 used physics, but only in an analogical way. They can be traced back to Ronald Ross, an early-twentieth-century physician. Ross developed equations that could model the spread of malaria; in a 1915 paper, he suggested that epidemics might be shaped by the same “principles of careful computation which have yielded such brilliant results in astronomy, physics, and mechanics.” Ross admitted that his initial idea, which he called a “Theory of Happenings,” was fuelled more by intuition than reality, but, in a subsequent series of papers, he and Hilda Hudson, a mathematician, showed how real data from epidemics could harmonize with their equations.
In the nineteen-twenties and thirties, W.O. Kermack and A.G. McKendrick, colleagues at the Royal College of Physicians, in Edinburgh, took the work a step further. They were inspired by chemistry, and analyzed human interactions according to the chemical principle of mass action, which relates the rate of reaction between two reagents to their relative densities in the mix. They exchanged molecules for people, viewing a closed population in a pandemic as a reaction unfolding between three groups: Susceptibles (“S”), Infecteds (“I”), and Recovereds (“R”). In their simple “S.I.R. model”, “S”s become “I”s at a rate proportional to the chance of their interactions; “I”s eventually become “R”s at a rate proportional to their current population; and “R”s, whether dead or immune, never get sick again. The most important question is whether the “I” group is gaining or losing members. If it’s gaining more quickly than it’s losing, that’s bad—it’s what happens when a covid wave is starting.
Differential equations model how quantities change over time. The ones that come out of an S.I.R. model are simple, and relatively easy to solve. (They’re a standard example in a first applied-math course.) They produce curves, representing the growth and diminishment of the various populations, that will look instantly familiar to anyone who lived through covid. There are lots of simplifying assumptions—among them, constant populations and unvarying health responses—but even in its simplest form, an S.I.R. model gets a lot right. Data from real epidemics shows the characteristic “hump” that the basic model produces—the same curve that we all worked to “flatten” when covid-19 first appeared. The small number of assumptions and parameters in an S.I.R. model also has the benefit of suggesting actionable approaches to policymakers. It’s obvious, in the model, why isolation and vaccines will work.
The challenge comes when we want to get specific, so that we can more rationally and quickly allocate resources during a pandemic. So we doubled down on the modelling. As the covid crisis deepened, an outbreak of modelling accompanied the outbreak of the disease; many of the covid-specific models supported by the C.D.C. used an engine that featured a variation of the S.I.R. model. Many subdivided S.I.R.’s three groups into smaller ones. A model from a group at the University of Texas at Austin, for instance, divided the U.S. into two hundred and seventeen metro areas, segmenting their populations by age, risk factors, and a host of other characteristics. The model created local, regional, and national forecasts using cell-phone data to track mobility patterns, which reflected unprecedented changes in human behavior brought about by the pandemic.
S.I.R.s are one possible approach, and they occupy one end of a conceptual spectrum; an alternative called curve fitting is at the other. The core idea behind curve fitting is that, in most pandemics, the shape of the infection curve has a particular profile—one that can be well-approximated by gluing together a few basic kinds of mathematical shapes, each the output of a well-known mathematical function. The modeller is then more driven by practicalities than principles, and this has its own dangers: a pandemic model built using curve fitting looks like a model of disease trajectory, but the functions out of which it’s built may not be meaningful in epidemiological terms.
In the early stages of the pandemic, curve fitting showed promise, but as time went on it proved to be less effective. S.I.R.-based models, consistently updated with mortality and case data, ruled the day. But only for so long. Back in the nineteen-twenties, Kermack and McKendrick warned that their model was mainly applicable in an equilibrium setting—that is, in circumstances that didn’t change. But the covid pandemic rarely stood still. Neither people nor the virus behaved as planned. sars-CoV-2 mutated rapidly in a shifting landscape affected by vaccines. The pandemic was actually several simultaneous pandemics, interacting in complex ways with social responses. In fact, recent research has shown that a dramatic event like a lockdown can thwart the making of precise long-term predictions from S.I.R.-based models, even assuming perfect data collection. In December, 2021, the C.D.C. abruptly shut down its covid-19 case-forecast project, citing “low reliability.” They noted that “more reported cases than expected fell outside the forecast prediction intervals for extended periods of time.”
These kinds of failures, both in theory and practice, speak at least in part to the distance of the models from the phenomena they are trying to model. “Art is the lie that makes us realize the truth,” Picasso once said; the same could be said of mathematical modelling. All models reflect choices about what to include and what to leave out. We often attribute to Einstein the notion that “models should be as simple as possible, but not simpler.” But, elegance can be a trap—one that is especially easy to fall into when it dovetails with convenience. The covid models told a relatively simple and elegant story—a story that was even useful, inasmuch as it inspired us to flatten the curve. But, if what we needed was specific predictions, the models may have been too far from the truth of how covid itself behaved while we were battling it. Perhaps the real story was both bigger and smaller—a story about policies and behaviors interacting at the level of genomes and individuals. However much, we might wish for minimalism, our problems could require something baroque. That doesn’t mean that a pandemic can’t be modelled faithfully and quickly with mathematics. But we may be still looking for the techniques and data sources we need to accomplish it.
Formal Mathematical Election Forecasting is usually said to have begun in 1936, when George Gallup correctly predicted the outcome of the Presidential election. Today, as then, most election forecasting has two parts: estimating the current sentiment in the population, and then using that estimate to predict the outcome. It’s like weather prediction for people—at least in spirit. You want to use today’s conditions to predict how things will be on Election Day.
The first part of the process is usually accomplished through polling. Ideally, you can estimate the proportions of support in a population by asking a sample of people whom they would vote for if the election were to take place at that moment. For the math to work, pollsters need a “random sample.” This would mean that everyone who can vote in the election is equally likely to be contacted, and that everyone who is contacted answers truthfully and will act on their response by voting. These assumptions form the basis of mathematical models based on polling. Clearly, there is room for error. If a pollster explicitly—and statistically—accounts for the possibility of error, they get to say that their poll is “scientific.” But even with the best of intentions, true random sampling is difficult. The “Dewey Defeats Truman” debacle, from 1948, is generally attributed to polls conducted more for convenience than by chance.
Polling experts are still unsure about what caused so many poor predictions ahead of the 2016 and 2020 elections. (The 2020 predictions were the least accurate in forty years.) One idea is that the dissonance between the predicted (large) and actual (small) margin of victory for President Biden over Donald Trump was due to the unwillingness of Trump supporters to engage with pollsters. This suggests that cries of fake polling can be self-fulfilling, insofar as those who distrust pollsters are less likely to participate in polls. If the past is any indication, Republicans may continue to be more resistant to polling than non-Republicans. Meanwhile, pre-election polling has obvious limitations. It’s like using today’s temperature as the best guess for the temperature months from now; this would be a lousy approach to climate modelling, and it’s a lousy approach to election forecasting, too. In both systems, moreover, there is feedback: in elections, it comes from the measurements themselves, and from their reporting, which can shift (polled) opinion.
Despite these ineradicable sources of imprecision, many of today’s best election modellers try to embrace rigor. Pollsters have long attributed to their polls a proprietary “secret sauce,” but conscientious modellers are now adhering to the evolving standard of reproducible research and allowing anyone to look under the hood. A Presidential-forecast model created by Andrew Gelman, the statistician and political scientist, and G. Elliott Morris, a data journalist, that was launched in the summer of 2020 in The Economist, is especially instructive. Gelman and Morris are not only open about their methods but even make available the software and data that they use for their forecasting. Their underlying methodology is also sophisticated. They bring in economic variables and approval ratings, and link that information back to previous predictions in time and space, effectively creating equations for political climate. They also integrate data from different pollsters, accounting for how each has been historically more or less reliable for different groups of voters.
But as scientific as all this sounds, it remains hopelessly messy: it’s a model not of a natural system but of a sentimental one. In his “Foundation” novels, the writer Isaac Asimov imagined “psychohistory,” a discipline that would bring the rigor of cause and effect to social dynamics through equations akin to Newton’s laws of motion. But psychohistory is science fiction: in reality, human decisions are opaque, and can be dramatically influenced by events and memes that no algorithm could ever predict. Sometimes, moreover, thoughts don’t connect to actions. (“I can calculate the motion of heavenly bodies but not the madness of people,” Newton wrote.) As a result, even though election models use mathematics, they are not actually mathematical, in the mechanistic way of a planetary or even molecular model. They are fundamentally “statistical”—a modifier that’s both an adjective and a warning label. They encode historical relationships between numbers, and then use the historical records of their change as guidance for the future, effectively looking for history to repeat itself. Sometimes it works—who hasn’t, from time to time, “also liked” something that a machine has offered up to you based on your past actions? Sometimes, as in 2016 and 2020, it doesn’t.
Recently, statistical modelling has taken on a new kind of importance as the engine of artificial intelligence—specifically in the form of the deep neural networks that power, among other things, large language models, such as OpenAI’s G.P.T.s. These systems sift vast corpora of text to create a statistical model of written expression, realized as the likelihood of given words occurring in particular contexts. Rather than trying to encode a principled theory of how we produce writing, they are a vertiginous form of curve fitting; the largest models find the best ways to connect hundreds of thousands of simple mathematical neurons, using trillions of parameters.They create a vast data structure akin to a tangle of Christmas lights whose on-off patterns attempt to capture a chunk of historical word usage. The neurons derive from mathematical models of biological neurons originally formulated by Warren S. McCulloch and Walter Pitts, in a landmark 1943 paper, titled “A Logical Calculus of the Ideas Immanent in Nervous Activity.” McCulloch and Pitts argued that brain activity could be reduced to a model of simple, interconnected processing units, receiving and sending zeros and ones among themselves based on relatively simple rules of activation and deactivation.
The McCulloch-Pitts model was intended as a foundational step in a larger project, spearheaded by McCulloch, to uncover a biological foundation of psychiatry. McCulloch and Pitts never imagined that their cartoon neurons could be trained, using data, so that their on-off states linked to certain properties in that data. But others saw this possibility, and early machine-learning researchers experimented with small networks of mathematical neurons, effectively creating mathematical models of the neural architecture of simple brains, not to do psychiatry but to categorize data. The results were a good deal less than astonishing. It wasn’t until vast amounts of good data—like text—became readily available that computer scientists discovered how powerful their models could be when implemented on vast scales. The predictive and generative abilities of these models in many contexts is beyond remarkable. Unfortunately, it comes at the expense of understanding just how they do what they do. A new field, called interpretability (or X-A.I., for “explainable” A.I.), is effectively the neuroscience of artificial neural networks.
This is an instructive origin story for a field of research. The field begins with a focus on a basic and well-defined underlying mechanism—the activity of a single neuron. Then, as the technology scales, it grows in opacity; as the scope of the field’s success widens, so does the ambition of its claims. The contrast with climate modelling is telling. Climate models have expanded in scale and reach, but at each step the models must hew to a ground truth of historical, measurable fact. Even models of covid or elections need to be measured against external data. The success of deep learning is different. Trillions of parameters are fine-tuned on larger and larger corpora that uncover more and more correlations across a range of phenomena. The success of this data-driven approach isn’t without danger. We run the risk of conflating success on well-defined tasks with an understanding of the underlying phenomenon—thought—that motivated the models in the first place.
Part of the problem is that, in many cases, we actually want to use models as replacements for thinking. That’s the raison d’être of modelling—substitution. It’s useful to recall the story of Icarus. If only he had just done his flying well below the sun. The fact that his wings worked near sea level didn’t mean they were a good design for the upper atmosphere. If we don’t understand how a model works, then we aren’t in a good position to know its limitations until something goes wrong. By then it might be too late.
Eugene Wigner, the physicist who noted the “unreasonable effectiveness of mathematics,” restricted his awe and wonder to its ability to describe the inanimate world. Mathematics proceeds according to its own internal logic, and so it’s striking that its conclusions apply to the physical universe; at the same time, how they play out varies more the further that we stray from physics. Math can help us shine a light on dark worlds, but we should look critically, always asking why the math is so effective, recognizing where it isn’t, and pushing on the places in between. In the nineties, David Roberts and Keith Paulsen sought only to model the physical motion of the gooey, shifting brain. We should proceed with extreme caution as we try to model the world of thought that lives there. ♦
#Covid-19 | Pandemics | Mathematics | Statistics#Artificial Intelligence (A.I.)#Mathematical Models#Our Civilization#Dan Rockmore#The New Yorker
0 notes
Text
F1 Re-Watch 2013: Round 3 - China
I am FINALLY picking up my 2013 watch through again. This was always going to be a chilled out thing but just have no had the headspace lately bc of various life things constantly kicking me in the teeth 😭
Anyhow, despite still being early on in the season we’re already nearing the end of races I haven’t seen at all, but I obvs still know the main bits of what happened (Fernando winning, Seb and Lewis battling for P3). So, let’s finally jump in!
gonna say it again, the old F1 intro my beloved
also also this was the first race post Multi-21 (I did start this re-watch out of order, if you’re wondering why Malaysia is the first post in my tag) so I assume we’re going to get some spicy comms (or an attempt, since it’s Crofty and Brundle)
also also also, I legit miss Shanghai on the calendar. Maybe it’s nostalgia, but we had some really good races there, it’s a really good track.
aaaaand starting grid: Lewis on pole, Fernando in 3rd, Dan in 7th in a Toro Rosso, Jense in 8th Seb down in 9th... Jev in 15th 😭
(god it feels SO WIERD seeing Rosberg on the grid as a driver, does not compute)
lol Webber starting from the pits bc he ran out of fuel in quali.
oh, this was Lewis’ first pole for Merc 🥹🖤
[Formation Lap]: Helmet watch: I loved how Lewis’ yellow helmet with the red and green accents had a blue, green and amber multichrome visor to match. (Yes these are the important things that we discuss here at racingliners.tumblr.com)
Just F1 culture things: the mad dash of mechanics and engineers running from the grid to the garages.
“Whatever way round it was it was still a [Red Bull] 1-2 in Malaysia” oh we are getting some spicy comms after all
Helmet watch 2: Seb’s red helmet is v pretty
[Start/Lap 1]: Lewis having a v zoomy start, we love to see it
While Raikkonen got dropped by both Ferraris
Meanwhile cars going three wide in the midfield bc insanity
oh no Force India on Force India violence at the last corner
[Lap 2]: Webber makes his first stop, inch resting
Man, the ever constant of Lewis and Fernando racing against each other
[Lap 3]: Lewis 8 tenths up on Fernando we love to see it
Livery watch: of the many iterations Team Enstone have raced under, the black and gold Lotus livery is very much one of my favourites (Pink Alpine will always be superior though)
[Lap 4]: damn Fernando really caught up with DRS
Seb finally making moves and passes Dan for 8th
[Lap 5]: ...not both Ferrari’s getting past Lewis on the main straight. what the DRS
meanwhile Seb got past Jenson, and passes Rosberg at the hairpin for 7th
[Lap 6]: and one of the Force India’s has a broken rear wing, and Mercedes just did a double stack
This race went from 0 to 100 very quickly
oh shit the Force India’s brakes are now on fire
Team Silverstone’s no good very bad Chinese GP
oh no it was Gutierrez who just ploughed into the back of him. whoops.
[Lap 7]: Alonso pits
I am barely paying attention to tyre compounds with all the demolition derby shit going on
aaaaand Lewis back to being the fastest on track. noice.
cut to Jev v Bottas for P11. ngl it’s very wild watching these races back knowing how some of these guys careers have unfolded a decade later.
(Jev’s a double FE World Champion, so fuck you Marko)
ahem back to racing
also hi Pastor Maldonado
[Lap 8]: Oh my god Hulkenberg is leading the race after all the pit stops and carnage what the fuck
but more importantly Seb P2 and Jenson P3 🥰
in reality Alonso is the net race leader bc everyone in front of him is yet to stop I’m just living in delusion
[Lap 9]: whoops some drivers allegedly used DRS in a yellow flag zone, that was silly
[Lap 10]: ngl, I really miss it when we had a legit mix of possible strategies (in this case a 2-stop vs a 3-stop). Pirelli make better tyres challenge
[Lap 11]: What is a polar bear (Di Resta) doing in Arlington, Texas?! (5th place).
Good for you though Team Silverstone I love you Team Silverstone
Livery watch: the glossy metallic blue with purple accents rbr I MISS YOU
[Lap 12]: of rip not Fernando being 1.6 seconds faster than Seb on his new tyres 😭
anyway now I’m finally paying attention, the soft and mediums were the tyre compounds for this race
[Lap 13]: Seb and Rocky team radio interactions my beloved 🥰
[Lap 14]: How the fuck is Hulkenberg still leading????
Meanwhile Alonso is just cutting through the field like butter fvhaeudhu. He’s up to 4th
[Lap 15]: lol rbr pitted Seb to get him out of Hulkenberg’s dirty air and he pits anyway
but Seb jumps him in the pits!
the devil works hard but RBR mechanics work harder
NOOOOO WEBBER CRASHED INTO JEV
back to back races of Red Bull on Red Bull violence. oof
“How does the car feel?” “Not too bad” HIS FRONT WING HAS BEEN SHREDDED
[Lap 16]: oh not Raikkonen going into the back of Perez
both incidents happened at turn 6, what was in the water in the lake in the paddock?
aaaand cut to a slow moving Webber (and a depressed looking Adrian Newey)
[Lap 17]: Oh shit there goes Webber’s right rear tyre, just... rolling across the track
[Lap 18]: Meanwhile, Jenson is in first so I think we should just stop the race and call it a day
There has been SO MUCH GOING ON
[Lap 19]: “Should they remove the car? It’s not on the racing line” My lord jesus christ IT’S ON THE TRACK CROFTY
Obviously you can’t see me as I’m typing this but I’m looking into the camera like I’m on the office
They haven’t moved the tyre either it’s just sat on the grass run off, that is NOT SAFE MY DUDES
[Lap 20]: Meanwhile Massa and Rosberg pit again
And Seb up into P5 🥰
“Button leads the race” STOP THE COUNT
“Alonso catching Button but he cannot pass him... Jenson Button doing a fine fine job” I love this song
[Lap 21]: ...nvm Fernando took the lead going into turn 1
It was wonderful while it lasted, considering the 2013 McLaren car was painfully average
Rosberg pits again???? I wondered why they cut to a bemused looking Merc pit wall
[Lap 22]: The synchronised Merc and Lotus pit stops *chef’s kiss*
Lewis comes out in 9th but considering the massive pace difference between old and new tyres he should be back on the top 5 pretty soon
[Lap 23]: oop Rosberg retires with a mechanical fault
mild shock, I just about understood when Jenson said over the radio. He didn’t sound like static for once
and Lewis overtakes Dan for 7th
[Lap 24]: Jenson pits for his first stop, and Fernando for his second
...Jenson and Grosjean under investigation for using DRS in a yellow flag zone 🤦♀️
Braincells boys, braincells
[Lap 25]: anyway hiiiii Bono
Just Lewis things: collecting fastest laps like pokemon
[Lap 26]: And Fernando moved into P2.
...and now he chases down Seb
man this race is just peak 2010′s F1. Fernando racing Seb and Lewis, Lewis chasing down Jenson (and Jenson’s car not being completely shit for once). Raikkonen just vibing and somehow being faster after he got a broken front wing and nosecone
also while I haven’t had my obligatory “TEEEEED” reaction, he is in the pitlane living his best life.
[Lap 29]: And Lewis passes Jenson on the main straight.
and we have passed half distance!
[Lap 30]: And Fernando takes the lead
“It’s Alonso, Hamilton and Raikkonen for the top 3″ damn Brundle’s third eye was wide open (spoiler alert, that’s our podium just with Lewis and Kimi swapped round)
[Lap 31]: that is a very tragic sight of Raikkonen passing Jenson with his very broken nosecone
[Lap 32]: Seb makes his second stop, but he still has to run the softs
and he’s already moving back up into 6th place
[Lap 33]: ...and now into P5
He is zooming
[Lap 34]: Oh the old tyre strategy graphic!! I did not know I missed it until I saw it, it’s way easier to follow all the different strategies if they just have all the tyres drivers have ran thus far on screen 😅
[Lap 35]: Not Seb being 2 and a bit seconds faster than Jenson 😭 (a combo of 2 stop vs 3 stop, and it being the 2013 RBR vs the 2013 McLaren)
[Lap 36]: and unsurprisingly Seb passes Jenson for 3rd
The current race order being Fernando, Lewis, Seb, Jenson and Raikkonen
[Lap 38]: And Lewis makes what I think is his final stop
He comes out in 6th, behind Ricciardo
[Lap 39]: So Fernando has to stop again, but he has a decent gap over everyone else. Seb and Jenson who also have to stop again less so
“What’s the situation in the race?!” Ted is me and I am Ted. mainly because I started this after 10pm my time
Lewis once again collecting the fastest lap. Purple really is his colour.
‘Use of DRS in yellow flag zones for cars 1, 2, 7, 17, 19 and 23 will be investigated after the race’ I had to pause bc I couldn’t stop laughing.
That’s an awful lot of paperwork, the stewards are booked and busy bc Jenson and Jev were already on that list
so about a third of the grid potentially doing something very unavoidable. F1 is a Serious Sport™️
[Lap 42]: Anyway, Fernando makes his final stop, and only comes out in 2nd behind Seb.
[Lap 43]: And he once again passes Seb going into turn 1, so just second and third to sort out.
[Lap 44]: Raikkonen passes Jenson for 3rd at the last corner
[Lap 45]: ...and Lewis passes Jenson for 4th a few corners after
seeing your fave driver go from 3rd to 5th vs seeing your other favourite driver get into 4th
[Lap 46]: 10 laps to go
[Lap 47]: “No need to push” “I’m not pushing” Fastest Lap: Fernando Alonso. rguheuraghu
Fernando Alonso certified menace to society
[Lap 48]: Seb (2nd) and Jenson (5th) still haven’t stopped yet, so they’re either leaving it as late as possible, or going to try extending to a two stop.
[Lap 49]: ah nvm Jenson’s race engineer said they were doing one more lap before stopping 😅
also YIKES the soft tyres sucked that much this race if they only want to do 7 laps on it
[Lap 50]: and Jenson finally pits for the soft tyre, he comes out in 7th place
[Lap 51]: Jenson passes Massa for 6th
and he’s setting purple sectors 🥰
[Lap 52]: Seb makes his third stop for softs, he comes out in 4th
*5 Laps remaining klaxon*
and apparently Jenson’s tyres are already dying 😭
Pirelli you can and will meet my fists
[Lap 53]: meanwhile Lewis is close to Raikkonen, but not close enough to try a pass
[Lap 54]: ✨Seb fastest lap✨
and Di Resta pits which promotes Jenson to 5th
oh jeez the amount of marbles off the racing line, they could legit make a whole set of tyres, the track is literally black where they’ve all gathered
[Lap 55]: Seb closing in on Lewis at a huge rate of knots
last lap spice you say? 👀
[Lap 56]: the gap has gone from 5.2 seconds to 2.0 seconds in about two laps. whew.
A Lewis and Seb battle is the superior battle, you cannot change my mind
although Lewis is caught up in a train of traffic, which is allowing Seb to catch up even more.
[Finish]: Fernando wins, can we cut to Lewis and Seb please
MASSIVE LOCK UP FROM LEWIS
oh jeeeeeez it was a drag race to the line and I think Lewis got him by a front wing end plate. WHEW.
Final Top 5: Alonso, Raikkonen, Lewis, Seb, Jenson
Oh jeez that race was actually really decent! Normally I hate strategy races BUT in this case it made things genuinely interesting bc there was a good split of drivers using the 2-stop or 3-stop, and most importantly it gave us some decent battles and made the results somewhat unpredictable! And the last lap chase of Lewis v Seb was SO GOOD. It literally wasn’t over until the last lap, and it being between Lewis and Seb was just even better, and podium or not Seb had such a great comeback drive from what I think was a brake issue in quali the day before. And that’s before you get into all the stuff going on at the start... WHEW.
Easy 8 out of 10 race, next one is Bahrain!
0 notes
Note
Hello! I'm very new to fe and I was just wondering if you could explain what you think will go down if Ticktum and Lotterer crash? I know what Ticktum said about overtakes and I've established that Andre has an.... Assertive™ style of driving sdfghjkk but why exactly is it going to be a shit show? Is it just because they're going to butt heads or will it lead to a conversation about safe driving in fe in general or something? Feel free to ignore, I'm just curious on your take on things
Andre is a fucking terrorist that has hit pretty much half the grid but he has never hurt anyone. Its so common the drivers themselves use the term "lotterered". A lot of people get riled up when it happens (Sam, Antonio)
But the thing is they make up. Pretty much all the drivers are very very good friends. Whole grid + commentators. This isn't the fandom style fanfic shit you get when f1 fandomizes the drivers relationships. its absurdly and weirdly real. They share beds while half naked, attend parties as a group. They often talk about their group chat they keep with all the drivers and many ex-drivers they are still friends with. When Daniel Abt (ex-driver fired under cruel conditions) is on track for commentary they interrupt his interviews by shouting his name and coming over for chats. These guys could be yelling at each other in the pitlane and an hour later lounging in the airport together waiting for a delayed plane making insta stories (true story). Hell when Oliver Rowland had his son, both the London E-prixs (his home races) happened, so he showed up to the track and visited the garages to show everyone his 9 day old baby. The thing that sticks out in my mind more than anything is Diriyah last year, when Alex Lynn and Sam collided and had a huge spat. Next day, Alex and Mitch collided and Alex's car was sent flying into the air, flipped, landed on its roof and skidded like 10-20 meters down the track. Mitch (who was not damaged, still in the race and Sams teammate) drove to where Alex was and got out of the car to help get him out, ending his race while he was in the points (i believe). And the conflict between Alex and Sam wasn't touched on or even remembered after that because what was more important to Sam and Mitch (who were in feeder together with Alex, along with Robin, Palmer, Stoffel etc) was that Alex was (somehow) uninjured and the race ended with everyone okay.
This close bond is due to a number of things. Most these guys grew up together in feeder, sometimes living together or being in the same friend group. Some of them were mistreated by the same sport or team (red bull usually) and found support in other drivers and formula e. I'd challenge anyone to find a bond between two drivers as strong as JEV and Andre. Or a series where the drivers love their commentators as much as FE love Dario and Jack, who go to dinner with them/do silly challenges with them a LOT.
Dan has
1. A reputation for aggressive crashes that have hurt people
2. A very firey temper. He doesn't know any of the FE guys well and does not have the history or repore the rest of the grid has. And most importantly he
3. Has never been positive about Formula E (similar to how Stoffel has a bi-annual cry in an article about the sport) which is a big no-no for a lot of the drivers, because to discount it is to discount their skill and driving when the reality is they didnt end up in staying other motorsport because of junior program fuckery, mental health problems or money problems. With Dans collision with Antonio, who is literally the most well liked guy on the grid and a respected champion of the sport, Dan is not off to a good start to say the least.
When Dan and Andre come together— and they will come together, your Lotterering in this series is inevitable— it will be nasty. Dan has a backbone, I will give him that. He doesn't back down and is happy to go off on social media. Andre is used to that. And hes a shit. He will rile Dan up, he will like memes about Dan on twitter. And if Dan continues to disparage the series, crash with other well liked drivers and just be himself in general, chances are JEV and some other drivers will take Andres side.
62 notes
·
View notes
Text
Reminscing Hours
Pairing: Bryce Lahela x F!MC (Casey Valentine)
Book: Open Heart
Warning: none, just.. bittersweet fluff. Minor mentions of death.
A/N: I AM BACKKKKK, and with finals is over. I am finally writing once more, I have loads of plans and I am excited. I am so sorry if updates is very slow, I been in up and down lately but... I mange to finish this piece. It is dedicated to a close friend of mine, who had lose someone close to her. @jaxsmutsuo , I hope you loved it as much as I enjoyed writing it. It’s a bittersweet tale, as some of these... just its hard to write. I didn’t cry but, its just.. hit hard in a way. This fic, mostly revolves around Casey but, Bryce plays a part into it too. I hope all of you enjoyed it as much as I do. <3
Tags: Tags: @bitchloveskcbaseball , @storyofmychoices @jaxsmutsuo , @mvalentine , @princess-geek , @lahellacute , @this-person-is-busy , @annekebbphotography , @mrsbhandari , @dcbbw , @choicessa , @choices-confessions ,@fantasyoverreality98 , @baltersome , @ofpixelsandscribbles , @thundergom @starrystarrytrouble, @kelseaaa , @rookie-ramsey , @bratzlahela , @choicesficwriterscreations , @soft-for-drake , @lalizah , @drethanramslay , @arcticlumineer , @choicesstan1 , @aveeiro , @eleanorbloom , @openheartfanfics
MY MASTERLIST
It was a rare occasion for the Lahela family to take a leave, as both of them are doctors which shows the harsh reality of full schedules either, it begins on midnight or 12 p.m. The family will always be absent in the house. But, everything changes after Louis was born. After that, Alexis and Kailani came to grace into their lives bringing a joy that no one would compare. It was a compromise, but they manage to still continue medicine despite everything. And, today was a different day. Casey decides to finally introduce a huge part of her childhood to the kids.
It was a beautiful Friday morning, as they begin their journey. The trip consists of a few snacks and gas stops, followed by a tradition that Casey and Bryce created which includes a small picnic along the roads of Boston. The Lahela children were enthusiastic on the family trip despite it clashes with their school timetables except for Alexis who is much pleased on skipping a day of school, which hints a bit of Bryce rebellious phase that had maybe inherit inside of her.
‘Let’s get the party started!’ An enthusiastic Bryce shouted in the car, as Casey laughs in delight at her husband’s actions. The kids were jumping along the enthusiasm, as they hit the road. After a few hours, they arrived at the destination. It was a breath of fresh air as it is home.
--------------------------
As the modern architecture was in view, she felt a small lump in her throat. It happens every time she came to visit. It was that wave of nostalgia that is begging for her to be hit. The view in front of her, was different than what she remembers a decade ago, maybe two decades ago.
It was wooden before, as it was modernized once more. Every part of the area was scanned as a memory appear, reminding her how life used to be. Happiness, screams that followed in between and the nastiness of junk food can be seen throughout the area.
She was greeted with a familiar face, her grandmother. Alice Valentine, who has been crushed into a hug by the kids. Bryce steps forward and pulled her into a hug too, as the scent of chocolate chip cookies can be smell from afar making the kids jumping in joy.
‘Who wants the best chocolate chip cookies??’ Grandma Alice says in joy, as the three of them yelled simultaneously with huge grins that made the parents smile too.
After the commotion was over, Bryce noticed the stiffen atmosphere around Casey. She has been seen zoning out as they arrived, and he knows that particular look. The look where she is almost on the edge. Bryce took her hand in his, and said.
‘Hey, it’s gonna be alright okay?’
Casey wipes the tears that had managed to accidentally fall, and nods giving his hand a squeeze. The parents started to unload the stuff, as they started the short getaway together.
The day went well, as Alice and Casey teaches the whole family on how to make chocolate chip cookies from scratch. It ended up with a huge success, as the cookies came out perfectly even from Bryce which earns a surprise look from Casey. Afterwards, they ended up walking together around the small town, for dinner supplies which is a tradition in Casey’s family.
The house was quiet, as Casey and Bryce put the kids to bed. They decided to hang out and enjoyed each other’s company that night where they bumped into Alice, Casey’s grandmother who is fetching her night medication.
‘Casey honey, Bryce. Come, let’s chat. I have been busy with the kids and haven’t gotten the chance to check in with the both of you.’ She gestures on the couch as the couple made their way over there.
As they all were seated, Grandma Alice scoots forward and took their hands into hers giving it a squeeze.
‘How are you both? How is the family doing and everything?’
Casey smiles at the question, as she let both of their hands go.
‘We are doing great, the hospital been quite busy and with the kids too…’
‘It can be a lot, but we enjoyed a challenge!’ Bryce continues her sentences as he place an arm around her.
‘How are you Gran? I am so sorry we haven’t came sooner, our schedules were packed and I literally begged mom to watch the house for us to leave..’ Her reply earned a small laughter from the elder.
‘I have been okay, did some groceries, water the plants and the usuals! When your mom called me about your upcoming visit, I was ecstatic! I missed the kids, and playing with them once more add ten years of my lifespan.’ She said, as her gaze dropped onto the small whispers in the other room where the kids were found whispering among themselves, a smile tugged on their faces.
‘I missed your cooking gran, especially the homemade stew and the cookies, nobody could make em like you did.’ Bryce compliments earning an eye-roll from Casey as Alice laugh in delight.
‘Well, I can packed some for you to bring back home yes?’
Bryce nods enthusiastically earning a shoulder punch from Casey, who smiles at his frown. Alice looked at them and smile, somehow reminiscing an old memory.
‘Grand, you okay?’ Casey scoots forward, and held her hand somehow warm in her touch.
Her eyes were closed, as a smile appears on the corner of her mouth. In a split second, she opened it once more, somehow teary and the happiness were still visible on her face.
‘I am okay, seeing the both of you; reminds me of your grandfather. Fun and bright just like your husband there, and somehow, seeing both of you here. Reminds me of our fondest memories…’ She stood up and came back a few moments later with a medium sized box in her arms. Both of them stood up, and held her, as Bryce took the box from her hands.
They all sat down once more, as curiosity fills their mind especially Casey’s at the sight of the box.
‘What is this grand?’ She gestures onto the box, as Bryce scoots forward aswell.
Alice smiles, as she unlocks it. It was filled with pictures, trinkets, a few visible letters and a plated straw hat that Alice immediately holds in her hands. She traces the lines and texture of the hat, somehow visible tears could be seen.
‘This was his, he would wore it everytime we go out. I thought it was an embarrassing gesture as he would walk on this world with that beautiful smile of his…’ She passed the hat to Casey. She took it and held it, somehow felt like it was a treasure.
‘This was his favorite, I remembered when he would take me on his bike rides. He would wear it with his beach shirts and we would eat at the crack of dawn…’ The tears starts to flow in her eyes, as Bryce scoots on to rub her shoulders.
‘Y’know Bryce, if he was still here… he would loved you. I think he already has.’ Alice said with a smile on her face, as she took out some of the trinkets from the box, bringing back all kind of memories for both Casey and Alice.
‘Based on the stories Casey told me about him, I think the feeling is going to be mutual Mr.s Valentine.’ Bryce smiles as he takes a look at the pictures, and stop at one in particular which is a pic of baby Casey in her grandfather’s arms.
‘You look very cute Cas.’ Bryce presented the photo to her, and a smile appeared on her face despite the tears that kept on flowing.
‘I am a cute baby after all, right grand?’ Alice laughs at the statement, before answering.
‘Between you and Dan, I think both of you are equal. I love my grandkids too much to pick in between them.’ Alice replies, earning a stifled of laughter from Bryce, as Casey pouts from the answer.
They sat there looking at old memories for a while, until the clock finally strucks at midnight earning a look of surprise from the three of them.
‘I can’t believe its already midnight..’ Casey states in disbelief, as she held onto some more memories.
‘Your grandfather would still be awake at this time, screaming and yelling at the television over soccer. Ah, good times.’ Alice states one more, as they started to tidy up the mess.
After a few minutes, they were done. Before she had a chance to stood up, Alice passes her a brown envelope with cursive writing onto it.
‘This is…a letter from your grandfather years ago. We did do the same for your mom too, why not for our favorite grandchild too? We gave Dan, his letter already. But, we kept yours as he wanted to give it to you after you graduated med-school. We planned to surprise you during your first day of residency; but… his life was cut short. But, now… it seems to be a good time for you to have it.’ She gestures at the envelope, as Casey pulls her into a hug.
Bryce stood there smiling upon the scene, before he was pulled too into the hug by Alice herself. The three of them hugged for a while, and let go as the both Casey and Alice’s eyes were watery from all the emotional turmoil of the day. It was a tiring end for a day, but it was worth it.
---------------------------
The walls were cream, as the 5th paper was crumpled once more followed by a groan by a young man who is in his 30s.
‘James, that’s the 5th paper today. What’s wrong?’ Alice asked, as she made her way to the study area of her husband.
‘I wanted to write something good for Casey, dear. I already wrote for Dan, and everytime I start… it seems to get worst.’ He rubs his temple as Alice massages his shoulders slowly as a hint for some rest.
‘You are a story teller dear, just write anything you can think of. It will make sense on paper, I promise.’ She gives him a kiss on the cheek before moving onto the daily tasks leaving him with his thoughts.
A smile appear on his face, as he starts scribbling through the day. It ended with a satisfied look on his face, as he reread it once more; a small practice for him to read it to her dear granddaughter one day.
-------------------------
Casey was awake at 3 a.m. as she couldn’t sleep, somehow the thought of the letter kept her awake. She decides to give in, and took the letter in her hands. She made her way to the balcony of their bedroom, and took a seat on the wooden floors. Western Red Cedar, a small callback to her childhood.
The wind was blowing, as she shivers in the night. She took a deep breath, before tearing the small envelope with delicate movements. Her hands is shaking at the moment, fear overcoming her as the words were written somewhat visible to her vision.
A deep breath was taken once more, before she starts reading it. A vision of himself rereading it can be seen through her subconscious.
My dearest Casey,
I remember the day, your parents told us about your arrival. We were over the moon; we were excited to meet another grandchild of ours and I was surprised that we were announced of a baby girl. Your mother was our lucky shot for a girl, as all of our children were boys. I was ecstatic, and I remember calling your mother every day; asking everything about you. Before you were born, we knew you were going to be an amazing human being, a beautiful daughter indeed.
There was a story I wrote before, about a pair of siblings on an adventure. It somehow reminded me of you and our Daniel. We had watched you both grown into your phases and, I am very lucky to watch you grow from your first step to your first full meal. One day, I would love to show you more of my stories. All the worlds I created in, as you would live in this world with all the joy and happiness.
We never know what the future will hold, but I promise. I am there with you, when you are happy, scared, lonely, sad and even during your lowest point. Life as a story-teller teaches me, somehow the stories we wrote are a reflection of who we are, and when I looked into those emerald eyes of yours. I saw a million of stories in one that is waiting to be written in the future. I am excited to watch you grow into the amazing woman you were meant to be.
Lots of love,
Grandpa James Valentine.
She felt herself tear up as she reached towards the end, as she traces the words on the letter. It felt like it was written a lifetime ago, as it brings back the memories from the past before. She folded the letter, as she found the familiar hat in her position once more. A pair of arms were felt hugged around her, as Bryce held onto her. The Lahela’s stood there into the night, as Casey continues to reminiscing the old times with the love of her life.
There was a time, she wonders how the world will look like, how life would turn up if any of these didn’t happened. She wonders what types of conversations she would have with her late grandfather, as they took a sip of cocoa during winter nights, but… she is grateful for the time and memories she had with him. She knows, she will see him again one day in another life.
THE END.
#playchoices#bryce x mc#bryce x f!mc#bryce lahela#casey valentine#open heart#anotherbeingsworldwrites#fics#tw: death#fluff#open heart second year
40 notes
·
View notes
Text
trial (objection p.2)
i love htgawm connor is such a problem child
*
“So your father was already incapacitated when you murdered him,” Andrew deduced, leaning back in his chair. He spun the land-line’s coiled cord around his finger, looking over the ceiling sconces of his office. The place was definitely built at least half a century ago, and the remnants of its previous occupations were everywhere, from the covered-up fireman pole holes to the sound-proofed insulation.
“When I killed him out of self-defence, yes,” Neil returned. His portion of the conversation would always be under surveillance.
“Way to make my job harder, Wesninski.”
“What good would I be, otherwise?” he retorted. “Also, please don’t call me that. I’m figuring out a new last name. How does Neil Smith sound?”
“Dreadfully boring,” Andrew said. “Don’t say that word. I don’t like it.”
“Which one, exactly?”
Andrew grit his teeth. “Please.” It still sent shudders down his spine. “There’s no time for pleasantries.”
“Fine,” the man said. “Is that all you wanted to waste my time on? The position my father was found in, when I - when he died?”
“Considering that there are extremely graphic photos of his predicament for the jury to gawk at, yes. How is it self-defence if there’s no threat?”
“He wasn’t cuffed there: I was. The DNA evidence was tampered with to remove traces of the skin tissue that the cuffs had scraped away. Have you even looked at those photos? His wrists are clearly free. I thought you were talking about the eyes.”
“What about them?” Andrew hedged.
“They’re gouged out,” Neil muttered. “I hate that our eyes are - were - the same.”
“You did that whilst the two of you were fighting,” Andrew suggested. “Unless its clear you did it with a knife?”
“All I had was his cleaver,” Neil said. “I used the handle. That’d look like fingers, right?”
“Right,” Andrew agreed, just as Wymack appeared at his doorway.
“Could you keep the gruesome mutilation discussions off the worklines?” the old man demanded. “Matt just threw up into Dan’s paper-shredder.”
“I’ll have to call you back,” Andrew said, vastly unimpressed.
“I was going to say,” Neil said, sounding vaguely amused. “You have quite a stomach. Till next time, Andrew.”
“Bye, Neil.”
Wymack had his arms crossed when Andrew threw the phone back onto the receiver, his glower shrouded and unknowable.
Andrew gave it right back to him, refusing to stand as he mirrored Wymack’s stance. “What?”
“First you viciously reject the case,” he said. “Then you drive to see him. Now you’re calling him every day?”
“He’s in prison,” Andrew said. “I can’t just invite him over to interview him and gather evidence.”
“There is no valid reason for you to buddy up to Wesninski like this,” Wymack objected. “You barely speak to your clients unless they’re escapin’ juvie.”
“You’re asking no questions, so I’ll give no answers,” Andrew responded cheerfully. “Have a nice day, boss.”
Wymack pointed at him. “No murder talk on the worklines. Three strikes and you’re out, Andrew.”
Andrew swivelled back around in his chair, knowing true and well Wymack had warned him about upwards of 72 different infringements of people’s delicate psyche. He had a job to do: if someone got in his way, he wasn’t going to be nice about it.
Not for the first time, he wondered if Neil had a contraband mobile phone. It’d make his life a hell of a lot easier. For about twenty minutes he scrolled aimlessly through emails from desperate idiots convicted of white-collar crime, simultaneously considering how he might get a mobile phone to Neil next time he visited. He could go on the weekend, after Nicky’s godforsaken family night.
Oh, shit, Andrew thought, when he noticed he’d lost an hour of his day making plans to see Neil again.
Maybe Wymack was on to something.
*
“You do seem awfully invested,” Betsy suggested, leaning on the porch railing as Andrew smoked through a second cigarette. She’d come along to Nicky’s Friday night fiasco at his request, seeing as Aaron had Katelyn and Nicky had Erik. It seemed a little ridiculous to being his old therapist, who was much more of a mother than a therapist, but Andrew’d wanted to talk to her anyway and their schedules clashed too much to meet up for lunch.
“His case is simple,” Andrew objected, glaring at an owl that’d settled on the gangly tree in Nicky’s front yard. “He’s got physical evidence of his father’s cruelty, even though it’s been a decade. I’ve uncovered the DNA evidence tampering. Neil clearly acted out of self-defence. It’s open and shut, but no one’s going to want Wesninski’s child out on the streets.”
“Jury?” Betsy inquired.
“Jury,” Andrew confirmed sullenly. He fucking hated jury catering. When a case was on thin ice, it was up to selecting the perfectly biased (or prejudiced) people that’d think with their heart, not their head. Andrew was an excellent judge of character, but emotional evaluations were taxing and laborious.
“You’ll do great,” Betsy promised, smiling her all-knowing smile. “You always do.”
Andrew hummed gently, taking one final drag of his cigarette. Before he could chuck the butt into Nicky’s shrubbery, Betsy pinched it between her fingers and dropped it onto an ashtray atop a rickety windowsill.
“It’s an interesting story,” Betsy continued. “There’s every reason to be intrigued by it.”
Andrew just grunted.
“Though,” she remarked. “I figured that case between the young girls was even more perplexing and intricate, but you seem rather enamoured.”
“Shut up,” he mumbled.
“I’m sure I don’t have to remind you about professionalism,” she said airily.
“No,” he agreed. “You don’t.”
But - damn it all to hell - Neil was interesting. He was only a year younger than Andrew was, intelligent without seeming overbearing or arrogant, confident but reserved, a man of constraint taught by hardship but also a man of growth and reflection. Andrew was rambling and he knew it. Neil Wesninski was attractive, intriguing and completely out of Andrew’s reach. Even if he were just your average guy walking down the street, he wouldn’t look at Andrew twice.
Andrew was fine with that. He didn’t need someone chasing after him, just like he didn’t need emotional intimacy or empathy or gentleness. It was like those nerve-endings had been scoured till they were numb and useless. The pathways were still there, but they echoed a nothingness that he’d never really figured out.
Whatever. Whatever. Neil was just a challenging and well-paying case. That’s all he’d ever be.
He was getting existential and over-contemplative. Betsy knew this and smiled, letting him take her by the elbow inside for a cup of cocoa. It was late when the other four finished their game of Monopoly and Nicky finally permitted everyone to leave. Betsy let Andrew walk her to her car again, warmth crinkling her eyes.
“If you’re seeing your Neil tomorrow,” she said, with a wink. “Tell me all the juicy details.”
“You’re a leech,” Andrew declared, pushing her car-door shut. She waved out the scrolled-down window as she careened off, leaving Andrew to his quiet but volatile thoughts.
Your Neil, she’d said.
Now wasn’t that a confronting idea.
*
“Suppose you are a danger to society,” Andrew drawled. They were sat opposite one another at another metal table, handcuffs dangling off one of Neil’s wrists, his blunt key being fiddled with in the other hand. “Suppose you are just as marvellously unhinged as dear old Dad. What then?”
“Why bother entertaining the possibilities?” Neil cocked an eyebrow. “We both know I’m fine.”
“You are the furthest thing from ‘fine’,” Andrew retorted.
“You’re no paragon of mental health yourself,” Neil laughed, and Andrew wondered how the fuck he’d got himself here.
Two months ago he’d met Neil for the first time. In two weeks his trial would begin, in his lovely hometown of Baltimore, Maryland. It’d be less of a drive for Andrew, so he didn’t mind.
In two months, Andrew had found himself hanging onto every conversation. At first he clung on with apprehension. A wariness born out of unfamiliarity: he’d never been in the realm of wanting to associate with someone. Wanting someone’s company, their thoughts and opinions, their attention. It was ridiculous. Neil was a convicted murderer in a max-security prison.
Then again, Andrew was the one who knew that Neil was undeserving of that title best. At most it was manslaughter. In reality it was a blessing. Ridding the world of the Butcher, a renowned and horrifically twisted serial killer, was a service to the public rather than a hindrance.
And so Andrew had found himself in a strange position, between professionalism and exceptionalism. He almost couldn’t help it. He wanted to know what happened behind those ocean blues.
“Someone’s been bored again,” Andrew accused, lighting a cigarette. That was illegal but he didn’t give a fuck. Neil gazed at where it rested between his lips, conflicted.
He shrugged, caught out. “You’re an interesting person. Would it scare you to know we’re similar in more ways than one?”
Andrew let a small smirk twitch around his smoke. “You should be more scared than I should be.”
“Maybe I’ll go to law school when I’m out,” Neil leered, grinning. “Beat you at your own game.”
“You can try,” Andrew said. “You’ll lose.”
Neil hummed. His shackles jingled as he reached over the table for Andrew’s cigarette, his fingertips brushing over Andrew’s lips as he snatched it away. For a moment he watched the cherry’s glow, before letting it rest at the corner of his mouth.
Unimpressed, and also oddly flushed, Andrew glared.
“That sounds like a challenge,” Neil said, returning to the conversation like he hadn’t just stolen the cigarette out of Andrew’s mouth. Like Andrew hadn’t just let him. “If you get me out of this hell hole, I’ll prove you wrong.”
“And if you don’t?”
Neil grinned. “Then you lose anyway. Don’t worry: I won’t cry.”
“Good,” Andrew muttered, leaning back in his chair with his arms folded over his chest.
Neil filled the rest of their valuable time with inane chatter about the more twisted happenings within a male max prison: Andrew had heard of similar stories and worse, but seeing as Neil instigated most of the fights, he still found it rather entertaining to be told.
Before he knew it, their time was up. He stood, plucking the butt out from between Neil’s lips.
“Till next time,” Neil said, a forlorn look at the cigarette between Andrew’s fingers.
“I’ll text you about trial prep,” Andrew said, pointing at him. “Read it.”
Neil sighed. “Not like it’ll help me in any way. But fine. I’ll waste my limited credit and battery on the shitty flipper for court etiquet.”
“You’d better, you ungrateful shit. I got you that phone.”
Neil just winked and blew him a kiss. At Andrew’s scowl, he laughed.
The laugh haunted - no, teased - Andrew all the way out of the stupid prison complex, across the car park, even as he blasted music on the way home.
*
Andrew took one look at the woman who squirmed in her chair, leaning anxiously away from the middle-aged man next to her. It was instinctive and ingrained in her behaviours. An abusive father, then. Or, perhaps an abusive husband, if the twisting of her wedding ring was anything to go by.
“Accept,” Andrew declared.
“Do you have any qualms about gang violence?” the prosecution asked a balding man, lounging in his chair.
“It’s a toxic function of our society,” he answered.
The lawyer looked to the judge and smiled. “Accept, your honour.”
Fucking hell, Andrew thought. He glanced back over to the table, where Neil was cuffed to the iron loop. He didn’t smile, but simply tipped up his chin. An acknowledgement. Confidence in, well. Andrew.
Something in Andrew’s stomach settled. He turned back to the man that the prosecution had accepted. “So you have heard of the Wesninski case?”
“It was ten years ago,” he objected.
“What did you think of it?”
“It was well resolved,” he said.
“So you still garner some form of opinion against Wesninski?” Andrew eyed the Christian Society badge pinned to the strap of his messenger bag. “Surely your god would have some qualms with your inability to forgive,”
“Mr Minyard,” the judge insisted. “That’s enough.”
It didn’t matter. The man was already spitting mad, going bright-red in the face. He pointed at Neil and hissed “He’s a monster, just like his father. God should’ve had him killed!”
“Denied,” Andrew drawled. The man shuffled out of the jury box, frothing mad.
By the end of the selection process, Andrew was sure that at least half of those sitting in the box would think emotionally rather than pragmatically. He settled back at his desk, ignoring the prosecution lawyer’s filthy glares, and tapped his fingers on Neil’s file.
“I didn’t miss this,” Neil muttered, picking at the skin of his cuticles.
From Andrew’s pocket he drew out Neil’s favourite key, of which he’d swiped after they’d searched Neil from head to toe. The man looked at him with undeserved awe, taking the blunt key and spinning it between his fingers.
“Thank you,” he said.
“Shut up,” Andrew retorted.
The court was called to stand: Neil’s hearing had begun.
*
FUCKs sake i was gonna try do this in three parts but the trial will be a whole part and the post trial too..... dammit lol
next we find out: what does the prosecution have up their sleeve? how will neil’s testimony go? what chaos will andrew cause in the courtroom? whose key does neil continually trace?? will neil be inevitably driven to distraction by andrew’s dope-ass suit?
#andreil#lawyer!andrew#felon!neil#law au#law firm!foxes#andrew minyard#neil josten#david wymack#betsy dobson#all for the game#aftg#hope u like this disaster of a fic lol#can someone please tell me what to name this au#i cant call it the htgawm au#(how to get away with murder)#unless?#idek#jem writes
457 notes
·
View notes
Text
Sister raped and murdered in 1972. And a European sister was raped during the 1973 Carnegie Hall campaign.
Dr Joseph Sheftick:
Then I heard that the sister whom we had witnessed to on the bus team had been raped and murdered [in 1972]. Father said she was an offering and would go to a good place in the spiritual world.
‘40 years in America’ book, page 44
____________________________________
Hisako Watanabe:
When I came to the United States, Father spoke to Mr. Kamiyama and he organized a team to go out and sell tickets for the Carnegie Hall speech—the tickets were about $2. We were a group of international brothers and sisters. A European sister was raped then [September 1973]. Sometimes it was dangerous. Sometimes people said, “Come to my apartment.” I knew it was dangerous to go with them, so I didn’t.
We had a holy ground in Central Park. Mr. Kamiyama gathered us there, and we reported every day. We sang and gave testimonies. We sold a lot of tickets and we had a lot of hope. But very few people came. Like the Bible, the guests were invited to the wedding but they didn’t come. Mr. Kamiyama said to us, “Go outside and get people to come in. Get anyone and tell them it’s free. Don’t sell any more tickets.” Anyone who was walking by we brought in. So then all the members came inside and took seats. We were so sorry to Father that we couldn’t bring people. This was our first opportunity to bring people, but it didn’t work. We had a good feeling, but the reality was so miserable. One old lady stood up and spoke up negatively. It was so intense.
‘40 years in America’ book, page 96
____________________________________
Dan Fefferman reviews the book:
40 Years in America—an Honest Appraisal of the Life of the Unification Movement (PDF)
The recently released 40 Years in America: An Intimate History of the Unification Movement is an important book for several reasons. First, although size doesn’t count in all things, this is a big, gorgeous book, comprising 602 pages and including an impressive array of photographs from the early days of the US movement to the present day. Second, it is indeed an “intimate history” that presents not only the grand actions of its messianic leader but also the trials, tribulations, victories, and reflections of its rank and file members. Third, and for me most important, it is also a self-reflective book with a refreshingly honest approach to the challenges that US Unification movement has faced so far and will face in the future.
Credit for this impressive project goes to editor Mike Inglis for conceiving and coordinating it, to church historian Mike Mickler for the painstakingly researched and thought-provoking history that meanders through its oversized pages, and to designer Jonathan Gullery for making what could be a dry historical treatise an absolute delight to the eyes and heart.
... But one also reads of stagnation in membership growth, an American movement of an increasingly oriental character, division and disillusionment over the Zimbabwean Heung Jin episode, the bombshell effect of Nansook Hong’s book, and a movement facing demoralization even as its leaders proclaim victory after victory.
Mickler’s analysis is too far reaching to deal with in depth here. Let me touch briefly on two aspects that I felt were particularly interesting. The first has to do with what went wrong with the movement in the 1970s. The second deals with where we stand as we look toward the future.
As most long-time members recognize, the American Unification movement experienced substantial and rapid growth in the early 1970s, virtually doubling in membership every year from 1970-1974. Mickler offers an intriguing thought as to the nature of the brick wall we hit after that. He sees the experimental Barrytown training project in 1975 as symptomatic of a departure from the American tradition that had previously brought such success. He cites four factors:
1) the sharpening of in-out distinctions between the movement and world
2) an extreme emphasis on fallen nature and obedience to central figures
3) a counterproductive shift away from center life and toward individual pioneering by young members and
4) the creation of an unattractive sense of desperation that failed to bring about the hoped for Pentecost.
But Barrytown was only one symptom of a larger problem. “To a large extent,” says Mickler, “Barrytown was a Japanese import... The Japanese outlook and modes of operation became even more pervasive in the church’s mobile fundraising teams.”
The result was a new church culture. College-aged Americans took on a soldier-like demeanor that had little appeal to their peers. They wore ties while witnessing, spoke urgently of the dangers of Communism, testified less frequently to the joys of their international community, stopped singing popular songs in favor or oriental Holy Songs, and sometimes even spoke in stilted English with a Japanese accent. The American movement may only now be fully recovering from that cultural shift. Even as we create new federations, hold successful meetings, develop high level contacts, build media empires, and establish internal institutions for spiritual renewal, the fact remains that American Unificationism seems incapable of recreating the magic that enables new members to join.
As he looks to the future, Mickler sees a movement potentially divided among four alternative approaches to its apparent failures:
1) those who critique the orientalization of American Unificationism and call for a stronger sense of continuity with American culture
2) those who see the problem in terms of lack of faith and seek spiritual renewal through programs such as Cheongpyeong
3) those who call for a renewal of a communitarian approach in which center life and other community expressions of the Divine Principle ideal are emphasized and
4) those who see the solution in terms of a realization of “elder-sonship,” agreeing that we need greater continuity with American culture but presenting this as a natural evolution rather than a criticism of the past.
Of course, these categories are not hard and fast, nor are they mutually exclusive. And this only part of the story, about 20 pages out of a 600 page book. Mickler concludes on a hopeful note, looking to the future and the emergence of Hyun Jin Moon as the heir apparent to True Father who can realize the principle of elder-sonship.
Mike Mickler is to be commended not only for a stimulating essay, but also for memorializing a tremendous amount of detailed history in what I found to be a highly readable narrative. Yet even if one never gets around to a thorough reading Mickler’s history, 40 Years in America is guaranteed to give readers many hours of enjoyment, reveling in past victories, mourning fallen soldiers who have come and gone, and pondering what the future will hold for our children and grandchildren. ...
_____________________________________
Nansook Hong, transcripts of three interviews, including ‘60 Minutes’
Nansook Hong In The Shadow Of The Moons
Black Heung Jin Nim – Violence in the Moon church
Christiane Coste was raped, stabbed repeatedly, mostly to the face and neck, and strangled in New York on February 24, 1978 while delivering The News World to her area in Harlem.
Jin-joo Byrne was raped and murdered in August 2002.
She was just 18. She was fundraising on her own with costume jewellery in Charlotte, NC. Some time later it was arranged for Hak Ja Han, on a visit to Seattle, to meet the family. She was not very sympathetic. A Korean person understood what Hak Ja Han said.
The Purity Knife – Jen Kiaba
Hiromi Kazuni disappeared, and was likely killed, while fundraising.
Montreal girl (probably Ruthie) killed while fundraising for the Unification Church in 1977. She was hit by a car.
http://www.tparents.org/library/unification/books/40years/
3 notes
·
View notes
Link
Grand Theft Auto 5 is re-released on Smart phone, too, such as Android as well as IOS. So GTA 5 Android is precisely comparable to the PC/Consoles variation, and the storyline as well as game mechanics are just made portable with the same gameplay, so it is perfect for the mobile players out there. Basically, the changes that are made in GTA V mobile is simply the control as well as video game device. Riding the automobiles appears rather very easy as a result of the easy control mechanism established by CRAZE especially for smart phones.
After each hazardous battle, gamers can quit anywhere to see the scenery of the city. Each scene in this video game is meticulously polished in regards to the image. So it is not only a disorderly area however also includes much poetic beauty. They once failed, however after that they found each other and also the distinction in their characters is what links them to becoming a team. Since then, they have actually been involved in numerous major objectives, showing resistance to the government and simultaneously damaging other distressing challengers in the underworld. Therefore, if you are a gamer that suches as to discover the criminal world.
Whenever a phone is seen on ads, it constantly has a battery life with one sector missing out on (the battery level appears to be at 69%, an additional reference to the 69 sex setting). However, personality's phones have unlimited battery life. In older versions of the video game, if the gamer has twin handguns possessed as well as gets a call, Carl will take out 2 phones. In the console variations of the video game, the phone can likewise be utilized as a type of "extremely handbrake", to instantly quit any type of vehicle, no matter the rate.
For example, the patrol car chase in the game has actually been completely redone, and also the bank break-in mission. The enhanced version of the video game likewise includes the new moped lorry, which can cross the countryside without excessive trouble. The storyline is based upon the renowned book/poem 'We Are Older' written by William Christner.
As GTA V go back to Xbox's preferred Game Pass from Thursday, it has actually additionally been revealed that the video game will certainly now be playable on mobile phones likewise. Make an entrance directly right into the activity ofGTA 5 Mobileby downloading and install the documents at this moment! You must just get break for Android catch and also you're good to go. Attempt not to waste your time on remote continuous communications or emulators with various layouts.
The video game is currently available for gaming consoles and also Windows COMPUTER. It will be launched for PlayStation 5 and also Xbox Series X in late 2021. There is likewise an on the internet multiplayer mode where up to 30 gamers explore the open world where each player can engage into a participating or affordable interaction between themselves. This game series is extremely well-known by gamers and also reviewers for it having a flexible story as well as loaded with action. This GTA 5 for Android has the very same attribute as the PC variation and also PS3/PS4 variation have. The only thing that differs in this version is you can not play this game on your android tools in the first-person mode. We are still trying to make it feasible on this version.
Bear in mind, you'll be play the preferred game only via Vapor Link, which is the electronic distribution service. Rockstar additionally said that although it may shed some "performance", it will certainly acquire brand-new features also. Rockstar defined it as being a contemporary phone, with Dan Houser saying that the player will certainly use it for things like "accessing the web",.
The various other one is created apples iphone, iPads, and also various iDevices that are fit for boosting the game. GTA BOOM is the initial source for all things Grand Theft Auto. We are the only site devoted to publishing everyday GTA information and also have the biggest collection of GTA game guides readily available anywhere. Using the invincibility cell phone cheat codePlease read our FAQ if you experience any concerns utilizing these cheats, or if you have any type of concerns.
Even more information was launched on the internet site on 24 August, 6 September, as well as 13 September. Superstar Games initially verified the video game's existence on 25 October 2011 in an announcement on its main website and also Twitter feed. Take-Two Interactive's share cost ultimately enhanced by 7 per cent. Journalists said the statement stired up substantial expectancy within the video gaming market, which they owed to the collection' cultural significance. The game did not fulfill its initial forecasted March-- May 2013 release day. By 30 October 2012, marketing posters had spread to the Internet, as well as a listing by the store Game had actually dripped the forecasted release date.
Superstar Games made their ton of money from this highly prominent in addition to debatable franchise. The entire series redefined the standard of open world gaming. Grand Theft Auto V is the current entrance in the schedule, originally introduced on PlayStation 3 and also Xbox 360 in 2013.
If you bought the video game from an additional Store, you would certainly need to add the executable data of the game to Heavy steam. The developer did a wonderful job on their parameters and also images. The programmer attempted to keep all the functions as well as move the video game to Android phones and also tablets without shedding capability. If you have not attempted the video game yet, after that we advise that you do it today. This video game is not a main growth of Superstar Games. The video game is improperly enhanced, so it will certainly be tough to run it on the majority of smart devices.
These two video games are additionally quite prominent till currently in the entire Grand Theft Auto collection due to a range of factors. In this contemporary gaming period, Graphics make a decision how effective any type of game is. There is no comparison in between the graphics of GTA 5 and also GTA San Andreas, GTA 5 functions excellent and top notch graphics that look even more sensible than GTA San Andreas. We understand there is a significant difference between the release day of both of these video games, but to be really honest GTA 5 is a clear winner based upon realities and logic. Hundreds of people are currently able to play this GTA 5 on their Android devices.
If you remember i have published GTA 5 Lite 100MB variation prior to yet this game is various. This video game is developed by MikeGaming who has a working YouTube Network. You will get to play Its GTA5 mod apk Objective with mostly all primary game information on it Grand Theft Auto 5 was released in 2013 as well as is still amongst the most played video games, many thanks to its ever expanding on the internet setting called GTA Online. As well as while the video game doesn't have a mobile variation, it's really feasible to play on your Android phone if you desire. The game first introduced on the Xbox 360 and PlayStation 3, after that made its means to COMPUTER.
We will certainly update new functioning download links immediately. Feel free to ask your any kind of question related to this tutorial via comment section, we will reply you soon. After seeing lots of passion of Android users towards GTA 5, Superstar has actually determined to make this game feasible to operate on Android OS. SO they had developed and launched GTA 5 Apk in beta version.
Superstar in fact made it out of the park from the GTA franchise business. With the arrival of mobile video gaming, they have additionally released many games for Android and also iOS tools. Darrell is a blog owner who likes to stay up to date with the most up to date from the technology and also money globe.
The game welcomes you with wonderful affection to comprehend you for fairly a long time or even months. If you have ever play GTA 5 on your Computer system after that I don't think there is any kind of need to tell you features of this game. Yet you are playing it for the first time then allow you recognize what fantastic functions are included this brand-new game of Superstar Games.
But is is time to take pleasure in GTA V for all Android Gamings fans. One of the most distinguishing characteristic of GTA 5 APK is a revamped story play making up 3 varied protagonists. Michael De Santa, an outlaw that ran away being jailed as well as set himself in a spacious manor where he deals with locating a purposeful lifestyle. That introduction of three separate characters is absolutely something brand-new as we practically have separate storylines as opposed to one extensive plot aimed for one character development. By doing this the gameplay of download GTA 5 is way a lot more interesting.
Considerable adjustments have been made with the increase in the variety of tools modifiers and also the capacity to take turns. Consequently, you can actively switch guns as well as extremely versatile sources whenever you go anywhere. This game's new functions make it much more sensible and also difficult than previous Grand Theft Auto games. And like in various other games of this kind, you will be given numerous alternatives in terms of garments, hairstyles, and also facial expressions.
The storyline teems with twists and turns, and also it's quite remarkable how the entire video game plays out. I never get tired of soaring mobsters, driving about in my individual Lamborghini, and also viewing the property of the abundant as well as famous burn down around you-- all while earning money for it. First COMPUTER variation development started in parallel with PlayStation 3 as well as Xbox 360. COMPUTER growth later paved the way as emphasis shifted to the console releases however ultimately resumed. Since the team had planned a COMPUTER variation from at an early stage, they made technical decisions ahead of time to promote later on growth, like support for 64-bit computer as well as DirectX 11.
The sites asserting to offer you the mobile variation of GTA V are phony. We can only wait for Superstar Gamings to lastly re-release GTA V for mobile devices. Till then, we can take pleasure in the other titles they have currently launched. To get the complete version of the video game, you need to get the OBB documents together with the information documents. The GTA V APK data alone is not enough to permit you to play and also enjoy the premium variation of the video game on your cellphone.
The initial thing that you were going to need to do is confirm that your device hardware is set up as well as powerful sufficient to run the game in the first place. If you 'd enjoy absolutely nothing greater than to have the chance to play this innovative video game on your favorite Android devices, you're going to need to obtain your hands on a proper GTA 5 APK. No, the GTA 5 APK is not created by the main GTA engineer. Some video game designers have actually developed the mobile APK variation.
However, with the increasing interest of players in GTA V, it projects to locate a solution to download and install GTA V on mobile devices. Before downloading as well as mounting, you have to make certain that you have actually totally removed the previous version or cost-free variation of GTA5 from your Android gadget. If you missed this action, your installment will certainly be failed at any time and you will unable to set up and also play the game effectively. Pavlovich discovered that while Rockstar appointed the team objectives to compose songs for, a few of their arbitrary creations influenced various other missions and triggered motivation for further score advancement. He reviewed a "stem-based" system made use of to make music fit vibrant game variables where the group would certainly make up songs to highlight end results players could make quickly after completing objectives.
That song is a simplified variation of the GTA I motif's background songs. It was additionally the pager's ringtone in GTA III, and also remained in the GTA Vice City introductory under the retro Superstar Games logo design. If the gamer changes or fires weapons after a telephone call, the phone will certainly not disappear on CJ's hand. Changing to various other weapons, or entering an auto would certainly then eliminate this technique. If Carl has his phone out and also faces water being sprayed from a Firetruck, possibilities are that if he is just finishing a discussion and also is about to place his phone away, he instead will certainly maintain it in his hand.
1 note
·
View note
Text
10 + 1 Grand Fondo Bike Rides in Seven Months
Hello people, my name is James. I am neither a pro cyclist nor a barista, so don’t take my opinions on either subject too seriously. I just love brewing/drinking coffee and riding my bike; I think the two are a match made in heaven. Not surprisingly, a lot of people think so too.
To start things off, allow me to chronologically share 100-km bike routes I’ve taken within the past seven months of cycling.
1. Lower Antipolo, Caloocan, North Caloocan. 101 km.
This was my first metric century ride, a month into cycling. I had planned a coffee delivery route and a schedule and was fully expecting to make it to each stop in good time. On paper, it didn’t seem that hard. How naïve I was. What the map doesn’t tell you is how horrible the roads are, how hot the weather is, or how crowded with trucks some streets are. Add to that the fact that Komoot is not a good on-the-fly navigation tool, and I was on the fast lane to disaster. Getting lost in a totally janky area on the bumpiest roads was not fun at all.
I was dying, but I kept at it. I was a noob who refused to admit defeat. After getting out of the sticks known as North Caloocan, I hit the mythical wall and bonked. As I thought that things couldn’t get any worse, it rained. Thankfully I was close to a Jollibee so I refueled and let the rain pass. Later that day, I did laps close to home just to complete 100 km since I was just a couple of km short.
4/10. It was totally my fault for being unprepared, but this ride sucked. I’d give it a 3/10 but there’s a bonus point since it was my first long ride.
2. Tagaytay via Daang Hari and Paliparan. 140 km.
Tagaytay seems to be a test of courage or rite of passage that every budding cyclist has to undertake. And it is quite an undertaking. However which way you slice the cake, you’ll have to climb. If gradients aren’t your thing, you’d quickly question why you’re doing this in the first place.
Like every long ride (I know this now), it requires adequate preparation, i.e. time, weather conditions, road and traffic conditions, hydration and snacks, and physical fitness. I was more prepared than I was the first century ride, but we started late and therefore finished late.
I had good company during this ride and being with them made the exhaustion bearable. It was hot on the way up and the traffic was dreadful on the way back, but we survived thanks to Pocari Sweat and Choco Mucho.
7/10. This was a good “beta test” for me. Could’ve easily been an 8/10 but the Mang Inasal at the roundabout ran out of inasal. I got the last piece, but Jilson and Dan had to settle for something else.
3. Pililia Windmills via Binangonan. 114 km.
This was my first time riding with a large group. There were seven of us. As this was in the same week as my ride to Tagaytay, I came into this fairly confident and with high morale (aside from the fact that I was the seventh wheel). It slowly got lower as mishap after mishap occurred; a flat tire, a broken chain, another flat tire...
On this ride, I learned that it’s essential to have an idea of each person’s capabilities so you can set the right pace and adjust where and when necessary. We all had different types of bikes, different fitness levels, and different experiences biking on the road. It couldn’t be helped that some were dropped and others had to wait. In this regard, it was a tough and long day and toward the end of it, I was itching to be home.
6/10. At the time, climbing Pililia felt like treading through mud, but making it to the top was very rewarding. Good food and good conversation made up for aching legs.
4. San Jose Del Monte (Fake Eiffel Tower) via McArthur Highway. 111 km.
This started out as an easy ride on flats. We were all prepared and even the traffic and heat didn’t hamper our confidence. Once we were out of the highway and passing through barangays, the views became nicer. There was less pollution too. We saw the fake Eiffel Tower and met a couple of lolos who were still going strong. It was a good day that was only made better by a tasty, cheap, meal.
By this time, my fitness level and technique were steadily improving, and I was starting to enjoy climbing more. The way back was hilly, but it was no trouble for me. The cause of stress was, as usual, the traffic on the way back. If you can help it, don’t ever pass through Caloocan! It’s the worst. Commonwealth is also a horrible place to ride a bike.
7/10. Good times with good friends! The stop-and-go, clip-and-unclip traffic was a bummer. AG cramped up, but proud of him for powering through it and clocking in his first 100-km ride.
5. Tagaytay via Nuvali and Cardiac Hill. 136 km.
Second time riding to Tagaytay. This time, we rode out early. Iver and I met up in Makati and rode straight to Nuvali where we were to meet the rest of the guys. All was going well and we were maintaining a steady pace, till we made a mistake and met an accident.
Instead of making a right to Greenfield, we went straight to CALAX. We were none the wiser, so it felt strange when workers started screaming at us. While Iver was looking at them, one of the security personnel near the toll gate stepped in front of me. I had to stop and since Iver was still looking at the guys yelling at us, his front wheel hit my rear and he went over the bars. When I felt the impact, I looked back and I kid you not, I saw him go over in slow motion! He landed on his shoulder and he burst an eyebrow; thank God for helmets!
As he sat with his blood dripping on the pavement, I was torn between taking a photo and making sure he was okay. I went with the latter, but later on, he told me that I should’ve snapped the photo. What a guy!
Cardiac Hill was a bit of a challenge. In fact, it was the hardest part of the way to Leslie’s. I stopped at the base of the hill for a moment just to steel myself and went up the hill without stopping. Slowly, but surely.
8/10. As usual, the traffic was the worst. Sorelle was in so much pain that going all the way back to Manila on two wheels was out of the question. It was getting late too, so we decided to stop in Bacoor and take a Transportify back to manila. The first and only time (so far) I did the forbidden technique, but it was the smart thing to do.
6. Pisong Kape via Sumulong and Teresa. 103 km.
One of those rides where we didn’t have a fixed destination. We just wanted to go up Antipolo and down Teresa and back, and maybe climb to the windmills if we felt like it.
A fairly easy ride up Sumulong Highway and a fun time descending to Teresa. It wasn’t all good vibes though, since one of the guys punctured a tire on a descent, which we think caused his crash. He was okay, but his brand new cycling jersey wasn’t.
We made it all the way to Tanay and had breakfast silog there, and decided to head to Pisong Kape at the base of Pililia. When it showed signs of rain, we decided to turn back. More mishaps. Someone got a flat, and another one dropped a chain and had FD issues on the way to the climb to Antipolo from Teresa. We got split up at some point too.
5/10. This is what’s referred to as a bad juju ride. Hot, traffic, and a ton of things we’d rather not experience on the road. I stopped and waited for a good half hour at Decathlon Masinag, but left and rushed home since I needed to poop, lol.
7. Nuvali via a straight and narrow road through barangays and National Highway. 102 km.
It was the day before heading to Baguio for the holidays and I made brunch plans in Alabang with Elle. I was really excited to bike to her but more so to see her. If I left the house late, it would be hot and traffic would be terrible, so I decided to leave at dawn and make a long ride out of it and go all the way to Nuvali.
I didn’t want to take the service road like last time, so I followed the map through I don’t even know what road this is. All I know is that it was straight and narrow and clogged with tricycles. It spanned several barangays in Pasig, Taguig, Pateros, Sucat, Alabang, etc., and eventually led me to the National Highway.
It was all flat and this was my first ride on carbon wheels. I was riding solo, so I could go as fast or as slow as I wanted. I made it to Nuvali in 2:20. After resting for half an hour, I took the same route to Alabang and was there in 1:30. On the way back, I took the service road.
ELLEven/10. The route sucked both ways but it was a good day with Elle. What else can I say?
8. Macabebe Beach via Obando. 175 km.
The flattest route I’ve taken, both literally and figuratively. Levi and I rode out from the Mandaluyong circle at 3:30 AM and cut through Manila to get to Monumento. From there, we opted to avoid McArthur Highway and instead took the more scenic, Obando way. I say scenic, but in reality, all we saw was black. We only stopped to buy pandesal and to navigate. As the sun rose, we found ourselves getting closer to the longest 24 km of my life.
It was a hard left turn from the highway about a km from the arc of Pampanga. The streets were narrow, and we passed through about four barangays. There were a lot of cars on the road, which was quite irritating because we had to stop when they did. The straights never seemed to end; in fact, I went “Look Ma, no hands!” for about what seemed like a couple of km. As we neared the beach though, we were rewarded by breathtaking views on both sides. The beach itself was mediocre and we stayed only for half an hour to eat our pandesal.
The way back was more difficult. You guessed it, it was due to the heat and the traffic and the horrendous roads in Bulakan. We stopped for coffee and to shield ourselves from the burning sun a few times, but overall we kept a steady, okay let’s be honest, frantic pace. We got to Makati a little over 1:00 PM. Levi and I made it in less than 10 hours. With stops. I was spent.
9/10. This was quite an experience. I always wanted to try a purely flat ride, so I did. It was boring. I’m not saying it was easy -- far from it. Being on flats takes a certain type of mindset and discipline, not to mention you have to be strong. The effort it takes to get from point A to B in a specific time is the same back and forth. Unlike climbing, there’s no descending that comes after. You can’t freewheel down the mountain and recover. I learned a lot on this ride, one of the things being that I like gradients more than watts.
9. Tagaytay via RevPal, Sungay, and Sampaloc. 110 km.
Tagaytay take three, route three. This time, we drove to Alabang and started there. What we should have done is start in Nuvali. But Luz insisted on starting in Alabang. This was not a good idea, lol. I want to preface this with the statement that as it was, the planned route was a killer. It didn’t help that I had little sleep and had a hard workout the day before. Another bad idea.
Let me give you a TL;DR: We climbed up RevPal from Nuvali, went down to Taal via Sungay, and climbed back up to Tagaytay proper via Sampaloc. From there, we went back down to Nuvali via Cardiac Hill.
Easy on paper, not so much in action. RevPal is steep, but not impossibly difficult. Part of the difficulty is avoiding all the other cyclists occupying the road, weaving their way up (known as nag tatahi) while staying out of the way of cars. At some point, my right knee started acting up, adding to the difficulty level of the ascent.
What was unexpected though was how scary the descent on Sungay was. I won’t get into detail, but suffice it to say that we should have taken it as a sign when we saw that other riders were dismounting so they could walk down... That said, what an adrenaline rush!
The climb up Sampaloc was tough with an aching knee (which by the way has no ACL), but thankfully there were a lot of trees and cover. Not my best performance, but I still made it up without stopping. The descent from Tagaytay proper was meh. From Nuvali, we rode with our friends who had the brilliant idea to park there. I slept on the way home.
9/10. I officially dubbed our group Mountain Goats after this ride. We have a lot of rides that are less than 100 km, but we often reach over 1000 meters of elevation gain. On this outing, we hit 1,640. I wonder how I’ll fair if I do this again in good condition.
10. Sierra Madre Loop via Teresa. 118 km.
I think this is the most fun Grand Fondo I’ve done. It’s the highest I’ve climbed in the fastest time. 1740 m in 5:43:28. Arguably the most fun I’ve had on a bike. The climbs could kill you if you don’t pace yourself, but the descents were so rewarding.
The only sucky part about this ride was motorcyclists who go up on their underbone bikes and bank the corners like they own the place. They don’t signal when they turn. They take sudden U-turns. They overtake you, swerve, and suddenly stop in front of you. They are a danger to themselves and others. In fact, Levi mentioned that when she was there, a guy on a Mio overshot a corner and he and his bike went under the guard rail onto the cliff. Thank God he was alive.
10/10. The chicsilog was made even more delicious by the view from the top of the mountain.
10 + 1. Laguna Loop. 192 km.
Laguna Loop is fun they said. You should try it, they said.
Well, I did. And I hated it. THEY LIED. This is by far the worst Fondo I’ve done. It was fun climbing Antipolo via Cabrera Road. It was fun going down Teresa. It was fun going up Pililia (which was so much easier than the first time). It was fun going down Mabitac. And that’s where the fun ended.
From that point, it was flat. It was hot. It was traffic. And the drivers were so bad. By bad, I mean jempoy bad. By jempoy bad, I mean trying to ride you off the road and driving at your side with their window down to argue with you. It was not fun. Have I said that it wasn’t fun?
2/10. Not gonna lie, I don’t even consider this ride as a Grand Fondo (which is why it’s a +1 and not a solid 11); the only part of the ride that counts is the first part with the ascents and descents. The rest was just really getting it over with. One point for that first part and another for the good company. WILL NEVER DO THIS AGAIN.
Okay, that’s it. It’s quite a long post but it should be okay since it’s the first one? I hope you enjoyed my unedited reviews of my 100-km rides. Again I’m not a pro so don’t take these scores seriously. Ride the routes yourself if you can and let me know what you think!
1 note
·
View note
Text
Bob’s Burgers most reliable holiday provides another lowkey enjoyable, but messy episode. Whereas the latest Simpsons strikes a really sore vocal node.
The second holiday episode of Bob’s Burgers’ 11th season, much like the previous Halloween episode, this one also fails to live up to the series’ even higher Thanksgiving standard
That’s not to say “Diarrhea of a Poopy Kid” is not a good episode, but it does fall into the category of Bob’s Burgers episode I typically respond to the least: Character-based storytelling vignettes. The writing on these segment driven episodes tend to be looser and playful bending the show’s reality, but much like every time the other Fox family leaves the Springfield plane of reality into a pastiche styled playground for the writers to plug the characters into.
The overall animation and visual-based gags on this episode offers some of the best moments of the season and series in general. Having the Belcher stories revolve around action movie pastiches of 90’s action movie schlock like Air Force Once, Armageddon, and late 80’s Predator are extremely punny and really grasping hard for satire. The walk to Louise’s Breadator is succinct and makes total sense for Louise’s character to tell this kind of story, whereas Tina drawing inspiration from Air Force One for her story sags the episode down. This episode also has the gall to bring in Gayle, a character that usually elevates all of her episodes nothing much to do until the third and best segment told by Bob. Teddie is also frustratingly nowhere to be seen and Teddie is one of those characters that really only needs a small scene explaining away his absence like in the episode “Gayle Makin’ Bob Sled,” which Variety and I consider to be among the best of Bob’s Thanksgiving episodes.
Nitpicks and reminiscing on past glories aside, what’s most impressive about an episode as conceptual and overstuffed as this one, an episode that’s also poopy and gross-out from the very beginning, still manages to pack undeniable heart. Seeing a character as relatable and sad sack-y as Bob Belcher be passionate about his one favorite holiday reminds me of the everlasting and evergreen Ray Bradbury remark about how everyone is capable of writing poetry as long as you ask them to talk about something they are truly passionate about. Seeing how this episode climax revolves around Gene and Bob’s love of food and proves a powerful sentimental moment. Bob’s Burgers sentimentality works because the show’s core is silly absurdism, light and fluffy gross out gags and quirky twee-ness. Introducing the action movie element feels like the series trying to branch out its audience and try to catch some eyeballs of viewers looking for something more like Archer, American Dad, Rick and Morty, or even Treehouse of Horror style genre exercises. Bob’s Burgers and action comedy feels like putting garlic pesto on cinnamon toast, but Ryan Reynolds doesn’t think so.
Yes, that’s right. The biggest news out of the Bob’s Burgers camp…probably ever…is that the Molyneux sisters, the writers of this very action packed episode, have been hand selected by Mr. Detective “VanWilder” Pickachu himself to be head writers on the upcoming third Deadpool movie. Seeing that we live in a post Russo brothers world and how Dan Harmon was conscripted to punch up Doctor Strange scripts none of this should really surprise me, but I am still very much surprised by this development. The Deadpool 3 creative team and Reynolds is still promising to deliver an R-Rated Comedy, a rating and promise that is very much why Deadpool is the sensation that it is.
In the current media landscape the only way a big budget R-Rated comedy can get made is if it’s attached to something like a mega superhero sized brand. At this point in time Deadpool is the closest thing kids have to a Mel or Al Brooks and it is what it is. If anything Ryan Reynolds personally choosing the Molyneux sisters for a project like this makes me like Ryan Reynolds a little bit more. And he’s a man I previously had no real feelings or opinions about. The only other thing about Deadpool I know about is that the franchise has developed a particularly shitty reputation in terms of its treatment of main female characters and literally freezing them out of the plot. The future of comedy is being driven by the significant increase of women gaining these kind of writing gigs and it’s a beautiful thing to finally see witness. Especially when a company like Netflix has been really shitty to both of its own female driven comedies: Glow and Tucca and Bertie.
Sigh. I am thankful for all the sad little boys and girls wearing too much or maybe the right amount of eye shadow that will inherit this flaming Earth.
Three and half pear shaped pals out of an Oedipus Rex Complex.
////
Nerds! Nothing but a lousy rotten sniveling dweeb! You dorkus-rex! You body pillow huffing geek get over here and let the Simpsons set some things straight for you: A Comic Book Guy driven episode of the Simpsons is often where the show goes off the rails. The Comic Book Guy marriage episode is was one of those late day Simpsons that feel like a bad piece of dreamed up fan fiction that you found on the cutting room floor. Is the show interested at all with the fact that comics and being nerdy have become as mainstream as the Bible? No? They’re still treating geek culture as some sort of low hanging piñata fruit lousy with cheap references in place of actual jokes? Good! I don’t know why I would ever allow myself to think for a second that the Simpsons would challenge its own status quo 32 seasons in, but I keep coming back.
What I should really do is back up. The title of this episode is “Three Dreams Denied.” Ah, Dream Denial! That’s exactly what anyone watching an animated sitcom hopes for: dreams being crushed. This isn’t some kiddy Davy and Goliath feel good wholesome fable, this is the Simpsons where characters are given dreams, and those dreams get denied. The next part of the title I want to break down is the fact that there are specifically three dreams that being denied. Three! That’s a comedy number! As long as you have three of anything you’re doing comedy. Plain and simple.
During the Robert Zemeicks arc of the Blank Check podcast Griffin Newman, co-host and comedian extraordinaire and someone I generally admire a lot, has been bringing up the fact that he’s been spending a lot of his Quarantine rewatching the entirety of the Simpsons. By the episode of Used Cars Newman has already gotten past the Movie era and is in the 20th seasons. One observation he made about later day Simpsons is that these episodes have a tendency to end abruptly on a pile of unusable and reality bending plots still in the process of tying themselves up. And there’s no better/worse example of this than this episode.
Comic Book Guy goes to a comic book convention. Bart becomes a voice actor after befriending the comic book guy’s temporary replacement. Lisa feuds over her saxophone chair in the school orchestra with a new pretty boy voiced by the underwhelming Ben Platt. One of these plots is not like the other. This used to be the signature of a quality Simpsons episode that managed to tweak and divert expectations from the typical A & B sitcom storylines. This episode fundamentally fails to deliver on any of the three storylines and what makes it worse is that it’s an intentional choice.
Now I know I have spent this review harping on Comic Book Guy, but he’s not even why this episode for me is such an abomination. And it’s not because the cutesy, flimsy Lisa subplot either (although I do find it noxiously amusing that a week after an Yeardely Smith took issue with the Queer Interpretation of Lisa would feature her going moony eyed over a boy voiced by a defiantly queer actor), no, what tips this episode into the territory of the truly terrible for me is the Bart becomes a voice actor subplot.
The only defining quality of season 32 that I can discern is that the flagrant trolling on behalf of the writers. Can you believe we had three vignette driven episodes of the Simpsons in a row? Can you believe we would have meta reality breaking voice actor related moments back to back? When Lisa Simpson’s voice actor Yeardley Smith voiced the real world character of herself in the previous Podcast based episode it was clumsy and awkward as hell. Having Bart become a voice actor that ends up voicing a character of the opposite gender is the sort of kind of a funny thing that resembles a joke that the latter day Simpsons revel in. The characterization of voice acting work in this episode is downright insulting and explains exactly why this show suffers.
The character of Phil that serves as the Comic Book Guy’s replacement is a working voice actor. He let’s Bart know this by doing a series of completely basic, broad and unremarkable impersonations that Bart is seemingly impressed by. All you have to do to become a successful voice actor is do a silly voice and you’re golden. Maybe from the perspective of a series as lazy and indulgent as the Simpsons is when it comes to voice acting. The complete denial of Julie Kavner’s deteriorating voice that at this point sounds like gentle elder abuse. There are times when Kavner is downright incomprehensible at times. The other oldest member of the Simpsons voice talent, Harry Shearer was wrongheadedly trying to defend his right to voice Characters of Colors because in his words, “the job of the voice actor is to play someone who they’re not.” Obviously these words were not spoken by someone that thinks very highly of acting either. There is no one job an actor has to do, because the job of an actor is always changing from job to job. The character of Phil is not even attributed to anyone! I have spent over thirty minutes getting testy with IMDB search engines and reading another website’s recap and no one can tell me who did the voice of the Voice Acting Character on Simpsons. Lovely.
Much like the Comic Book Guy the Simpsons heart is in bad shape. This is a show whose entire existence seems to be made out of spite. Or to garner enough funds for Matt Groening to prevent him from ever having to serve any prison time for his exploits on the Lolita express. Great, see I’m bringing up the Lolita Express at the end of a Simpsons review. This episode really left me in a bad mood, but thankfully that’s what Bob’s Burgers is for.
SKIP. The only people that should watch this are people teaching a screenwriting class that need examples of what happens when you break your episode by haphazardly shoving three plots into one episode. If you can’t tie up one story in a satisfying manner then you really shouldn’t be telling a story at all. There’s also one really magnificent visual joke involving Homer and beer tea that is absolutely wasted on this episode.
5 notes
·
View notes
Last Seen Blogs
yuraliang
Sunny Girl~
boywithflowersartgallery
Boy With Flowers Art Gallery
purrrrrrin
Hai, Here's my blog
carcinac
LIFE'S A FICKLE BEAST.
say--geronimo
Night will fall and drown the sun