#dan “i'm not a good person”
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anthony is dead: the funeral roast (paid content)
#daniel howell#amazingphil#dan and phil#phan#smosh#anthony padilla#mine#my content#hi sorry i can't get a hold of the person who shared this clip with me so i don't feel comfortable posting it in full#however i'm not a good enough person to Not Gif It#so here u go here's a bit of it in gif form lol#i'm going to sleep i'm sure by the time i wake up the full video will be up#oh also oh my god this clip gives me such super amazing project vibes i almost cried#ok. anyway. it's 8:20am. im drunk still. goodnight im finally going to bed x
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wait so chuuya has angel imagery about him in stormbringer. and dazai is referred to as a demon on more than one occasion. and. hold on. wait. I'm going insane. hold on.
#don't try to figure out the grammar of this post I'm too lazy and having too many thoughts for that rn.#ANYWAY are they literally an angel/demon ship. in a way. bc if so. the dan rights are insane#I've been thinking abt this for awhile idk why it took me so long to post abt it#I'm ngl demon dazai as a concept is already enough to give me rights personally he truly is just like me fr#and . you know how insane i am abt angels. tbh chuuya would make a really good angel he's loyal and has humanity issues doesn't he.#also he is a Fucked Up Creature :) love that about him. but yeah that's another part of it#i wish there was like. more of that. more than just that one time symbolism. i need more. so i can write an essay abt angel chuuya#(if there is and i just missed it PLEASE send it my way. i am asking nicely 🔫)#(ig you could argue he's like an angel saving the ada in this arc but... eh that's not direct enough for me)
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"i hope that people get the message that we can exchange content for support without there being an entitlement to personal lives and that people shouldn't be carried away with fan theories filling the gaps with what people don't tell them and then having self-inflicted disappointment and anger when those things don't come true"
- daniel howell, in the year of 2023
#daniel howell#i'm personally addressed by this too btw before i get anyone in the inbox#this is a good reminder for all of us#coming from a person whose fandom is relatively similar to ours#with intense shipping and an attachment to knowing their personal lives inside and out#it's the bit about the self-inflicted disappointment that's especially potent to me#dan howell#danisnotonfire#dan and phil
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The post "we're all doomed" livestream mood
#personally random#dan and phil#wad premiere#the show was so so good y'all i'm so glad i got to see it
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via
#daniel ricciardo#m:sm#dan#sabbatical23#even better it's literally a super bowl jacket LMAOOOO#probably got it AT MOST literally 24 hours earlier and he's like: hell yeah i'm gonna wear it#AND GOOD FOR HIM#funniest person alive genuinely
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went to see daniel howell's show tonight.
for the very first time i saw a queer person freely making jokes about their sexuality and everyone in the room was cheering and.. it just made me really happy.
#the whole show was amazing obv#dan really is on fire eh#no but really he was so so good. super funny#and obv not the whole show was about him being gay#which made me even happier bc they were just random little comments yk?#in a good way i mean#i dunno it just made me happy seeing a gay man that comfortable and everyone that accepting#not saying it never happens. just saying i'd never personally seen it#i mean i know a grand total of 1 queer person (me)#so yeah#daniel howell#we're all doomed#dan howell#phan#phil lester#(not saying he has anything to do with this. i'm just tagging to find stuff on my tumblr blog thing)#danisnotonfire#danisnotinteresting#youtube#also yes dan is gay but i'm bi so i wrote queer person bc i just mean someone who like me likes (also) the same gender okay bye
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Just when I'm trying to be more social again, something will happen that reminds me why I'm a hermit
#vent ahead:#i tried to get my friends together to celebrate passing my exam#I'm not the kind of person who celebrates stuff about myself but I said fuck it I deserve it and I miss my friends#and they turned it into a drama and gossip fest#i don't care i really don't i just want to play cards against humanity and have a good time#i haven't seen these ppl in months and they either brought their romantic partners and ignored me alltogether#hijacked the evening and made it about them or didn't even arrive#why do they have to turn a simple celebration into something so complicated?#i hate it i hate it i hate pls get out of my house#I'm sitting here staring at the forgotten cards and food#and wondering if this is the point in life where i realize that friendships mean more to me than to the allo people around me#the older i get the more isolated i feel#and being aro makes it worse not gonna lie#i thought i could live without a partner as long as i had my friends but well#funny how that works#dan is rambling again
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Basically how DH and Luocha's 2h long friendship went after DH got pardoned of 'his' sins and Luocha just got imprisoned for his
#muse: dan heng.#Their dynamic is hilarious I'm SORRY#I love Sushang but I adore how DH and Luocha were both fighting for their life to escape from her to the point they made a silent alliance#Not only that but in those 2h they were on the same humor wavelength too like they kept taking slight jabs at Sushang TOGETHER#For better or worse Luocha has also been kind and understanding to DH the entire time & even gave him some (good) advice#and DH actually asked Luocha questions about himself out of personal curiosity?? wild how much happened in 2 short companion quests#and even funnier when after all this bonding and cute times w DH; Luocha immediately got tp'ed to the :| tense talks w JY#^ AND ON THAT NOTE LUOCHA HINTED AT HIS TRUE PLANS AND GOALS IN HIS CONVOS W DH#The Luofu storyline is just peak in every aspect I fear
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it has to be said though, I had a lovely rest of the day after my breakdown this morning. it was very cathartic. painted for like eight hours after that, and had a good time doing it.
#also watched Sad Boyz for... well that entire time tbh#maybe that also helped. probably. Jarvis in particular is always incredibly calming to me. I relate to him so much so it helps when he says#something very eloquent about his feelings or whatever. idk it's just good#big feelings day today I guess#alsooo had a......... long shower... for the first time in a month/since I've been here. if you get what I'm saying. because I'm#uncomfortable saying it lol. anyway that... also helped#removed a lot of the way-too-horny anxiety lol.#annnnnyway no one needs to know that but whatever 💖#then I rewatched the night court episode with the law club where Dan is really just. selfless. and does something so nice for Christine#man I love that episode#he's my good boy. I could totally fix him and show him that he isn't the worst person on earth. that'd be fun#it'd fix me too tbh#or we could make each other worse 💖 I'd be okay with that too#anyway it's bed/daydream time. so that'll be fun haha#it is very frustrating that I can only realise things about myself and my own life through fictional characters and random guys. but#whatever I'll take what I can get#personal
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MAGS!!! HIIIIII!!! I've survived (coming to) half of the school year so far and I finally finished adjusting to school + exams =") I MISSED YOU SO MUCH ISTG IM SO HAPPY I HAVE MORE TIME TO SPEND ON TUMBLR (this also means you'll have to deal with me more now ehehe)
How have you been? I hope you've been doing great! how have your Aki's been? random but i've also noticed your recent love for Dan Heng and I would like to say that I am a fellow Dan Heng lover and enjoyer!
Anyways I can't wait to talk to you more again yayayay I love you so muchhhh <3
YES YES HELLO!!!! CONGRATS AND GOOD JOB!!!!!! 💓
I've been okay!! I hope you've been well too!!! it's so nice to hear from you!!! my akis are good too, they are growing steadily... I fear I will need more space for my collection soon... lol
and omg yes, I've been so addicted to honkai star rail lately and dan heng caught my heart ever since I saw him in the beta but now that I actually get to play.... auuhgrhhh I'm obsessed... I really am obsessed with all the star rail characters though I keep wanting to write more for them hahaha
#dan heng is just so handsome and pretty....#his personality is cute too lol#like aki but if aki was more of an awkward pretty boy#but I love blade and jing yuan too I wanna write something for them also when we get more lore in game#yessss I love you and missed you too#pls feel free to bother me lots!!!!! you are always welcome to#hehehe#and omg good job with your school stuff!!!! I'm proud of you#ask mags
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i have now watched every single new dan and phil games video anywhere from 1-5 times and baby we're working that up to ten
#nightmare.personal#i love them. so much. their content is SO GOOD#they're so much more comfortable and the videos are chaotic and they just seem to be having fun#i mean i don't know for sure lmfao i don't know them but like it's just. really nice to watch#the last time i watched them this avidly i was 13 years old and super mentally fucked without realizing it#and now i'm like a happy openly gay person watching them and it's like. they're happy openly gay people too :')#we made it gamers i'm still alive lfg#i made comments before that i've grown from their sense of humor but actually that's wrong it's still super fucking funny#i'm not much for nihilistic / dark humor but i will accept it from dan howell. he's allowed to do it#he can stick the landing#(to be clear i've been watching them since age 13 i just had a lot of other content phases)#and eventually i'll circle back to dougdoug binging but i think it's going to coexist with this because fuckkkkk#i love these guys. :(((( <333
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Bruh the duck game is a meme and all, but it's genuinely such good background noise?? I've made one of my best artworks yet with it in the background??? I think from now on i'll bring up the vod everytime i draw lmao :)
#i'm so confused??#it's so good lmao#who knew dan playing a stupid duck game would bring me out of my two month long artist burnout :)#rtgame#personal
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actually the alleged piastri lawsuit means SO much to me
#it's perfect i love it it has absolutely everything#LOVE that webber's in it LOVE IT#i desperately want a real look at a drivers contract#psss psss mclaren i got a pretty good grade in contractual law if u could just slide the contract over to me-#love the idea of piastri in mclaren if i need to show up unannounced at some meeting and hit my fist on a desk ill do it#sorry to dan fans it's nothing personal i just think it'd be neat#ALSO the insane similarity to the 'jenson gets sued by williams' situation LOVE IT#i NEED alpine to get dragged i need them to lose i need to see a million memes abt how they fumbled the bag#kajs.txt#ok just got back from work that's why i'm rambling so goddamn much but i'm done now#wait one more thing.. i LOVE that webber's involved#piastri#webber
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just occurred to me this morning as i woke up this morning why i'm (probably) so taken aback by people in orchestra being So Nice to me cause i saw some photos on social media posted by ppl i traveled to [redacted] with, people who only stood to even have a conversation with me as a last resort kind of social option. i have literally Never gotten along with groups of people, Ever, unless that group of people was also orchestra people. seriously
#i wanna talk about me#sasha speaks#i'd say it's kind of sad that most of my irl social life (and half of my online one) begins and ends with other musicians#and probably should've realized YEARS ago what that says about me and my dumb brain (a touch of the 'tism)#but at the same time like. idk i can't truly make myself feel Bad about 90% of my social life#being in the rehearsal hall for the past 7 years#cause i do love playing and i love being somewhere where people don't Fucking Hate Me#(or at least where i'm not constantly the last choice of person to interact with. sometimes below no interaction at all)#and if i convinced myself to hate orchestra on the grounds of it being My One Social Outlet i'd just. idk. die or something#cause i literally have nothing else lol all k have is music#idk maybe music people have an ulterior motive (want me to play good for/with them)#but that's better than not wanting to have anything to do with me at all right?#and anyway. some violist saying he'd rather see me playing principal on the concert than dan. he's got no skin in that game right#except for being nice and liking me as a player#and while i want to be liked as a Person too i'd rather be liked as a player over not liked at all#(i don't think he even necessarily dislikes me as a person. we just never interact outside of rehearsal so i've never really encountered#him in a different context so i wouldnt know lol)#just. agh. getting invited to sit at the lunch table with other people by a pianist classmate. man!!#they don't know that.jpg it means so much to me just to be invited to eat together
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So fricking overjoyed rn
#Realised Dan released a new album#And it's vibes are so rocky and amazing and I LOVE IT#I didn't know he could do this kind of music but it's so fucking good#It's the best of both worlds#Rock and dan#I'd almost stopped thinking about him all the time and it sucked bc he was one of my fav hyper focuses bc hes so sweet and amazing#But I ran out of content and alas it fizzled#As it does#But then!!!#Shadow academy!!! Album!!!!#AND IT'S ROCK#And I'M SO HAPPY I HAVE NEW CONTENT#I feel like I'm discovering him all over again#Man that dude makes me so goddamn happy#If anyone actually for some reason reads this (are you procrastinating or smth?)#I'm talking about Dan avidan#And Ninja sex party#Watched some from game grumps but ain't really my thing so just watched a shit ton of compilations instead haha#He's just so goddamn adorable and wholesome and cute and amazing and sweet#Such a sweet person#And I love nsp music and the other stuff he's done from time to time#But some of it is like... Eh alright#But shadow academy???#All good!!#My fav music genre and now with his voice added ♥️
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dan heng's seen that face before. he remembers it flashing on the back of his eyelids, playing in his mind like a film roll burned into his brain.
where he's seen that face remains a mystery. memories of you are fragmented; split into pieces piercing through his skin and crimson leaks from his fingertips as he picks up the shattered pieces.
it is a bloody attempt to piece his memories of you back together.
(is it even his?)
the xianzhou luofu is a kaleidosope of people; most native, some foxes, few foreigners. feet stilling on the ground, his gaze immediately finds you in the bustling crowd of starskiff haven.
no matter the body, his soul sings at the sight of you. it is you, you, you, long before you turn and let dan heng see that face of a previous life time.
he cannot the help the parting of his lips and the breath leaving his lips.
dan heng's seen that face before. he remembers it being adorned with vermilion on your cheeks, on your lips, on your forehead where it gathers.
and drips.
drips.
drips.
until his bare hands (when had he shed his gloves?) struggle to wipe its brilliant shade away, the color in your face slowly fading; your body engulfed in his embrace with your head lolling to the side, cold.
he shuts his eyes.
this time, it is the darkness that greets him. no memories, no pain, no suffering. nothing.
the steadying breath he takes struggles to leave his lungs. those were memories and nothing more. echoes of the past would never disturb him. they would not shape his present and pave his future. not if he has the choice.
"you look familiar. have i seen you somewhere before?"
dan heng's seen that face before. he remembers its features being beautiful in the same way spring brings back the vitality of the trees from winter, in the same way the sun meets with the moon during each enight, in the same way ease settles in his rib cage and stays there.
"not that i recall."
the amusement in your smile is palpable. "really? it's not some pick up line, you know! you seem so familiar, it's…"
"…as if we've met before?" dan heng continues for you. "it's a possibility. but then again, i just may look like someone you know."
"no! i'm quite of sure of it…" you sigh. then, you let go of it. "look, i'm sorry for taking up your time… maybe my memory's catching up to me. how about a treat in aurum alley for my forgetfulness? that way, i can say with confidence that i've met you somewhere next time we see each other."
dan heng smiles. his reply is, "of course. lead the way."
#hanyi-writing#dan heng#honkai star rail#dan heng x reader#honkai star rail x reader#hsr x reader#this was to the tune of new person same old mistakes by tame impala!#this was totally not based on my previous work lol#where i hint at reincarnation trope LOOOOLLL#sorry with dh it's too good not to write about it#i'm not so sure if it's cohesive enough to be understood!!! bcos my fingies couldn't help itselves!!!#either way loooll i love my hsr babies#i might write jiggie (jing yuan) again bcos i love him sm#so more PAIN!!!
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