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addledmongoose · 5 months

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Best of 2023 Good Omens Fanfiction

This is my list of the 20 best Good Omens fanfiction works I've read in 2023.

A few notes:

These are all complete works; there are no WIPs in the list.

Please feel free to let me know if a link stops working

It's not an ordered list. That would be far too difficult.

You'll probably recognize some of the most popular ones. They're popular for a reason, after all, but I hope you find something you haven't yet read.

The majority are full-length works, but there are definitely some shorter pieces.

These are certainly not the only good works I've read, but they are the ones I'm most likely to read more than once

Click the Keep Reading to see the list

If you're the author of one of these, first off, thank you! But second, if you want me to add your tumblr name to your story, let me know, and I'll edit.

This first section, all the stories are canon-compliant or canon-adjacent. In other words, it's at least somewhat set in the Good Omens universe.

a lighthouse (burning) (108K; Rated M)

This one is canon-adjacent and set in the 19th century. Aziraphale goes to a lighthouse to figure out where all the lighthouse keepers disappeared to, and Crowley follows along. This one is a bit of a spooky mystery along with the romance, and the writing style is simply beautiful. You really get a sense of being trapped in this lighthouse in the middle of nowhere.

***

The Grindr Logo Doesn't Even Have a 'G' In It (79K; Rated E)

It's honestly hard to remember that this one isn't human AU, but they're still just as angelic/demonic as ever. Aziraphale joins Grindr and starts texting (and then sexting) with a charming young man. It's no secret to the reader who this new hookup is. This story is genuinely funny at times. I like the funny ones.

***

The Whole Damned World Seemed Upside Down (103K; Rated M)

This is one of the best reverse omens stories I've read that isn't technically a reverse omens. Crowley wishes things were different after leaving the bookshop, and the universe gives him his wish. He finds himself in a world where Aziraphale hates him, Death has trouble taking lives, and basically everything you knew about the world of Good Omens is upside down. It's very funny. It uses inline footnotes (which is good, because it has a LOT of footnotes), and Death is hilarious.

***

it's a new craze (5K; Rated T)

Another one that seems like it should be human AU but isn't. Crowley and Aziraphale start up a podcast after the Notpocalypse and gain a loyal fanbase who can't figure out if they're a couple or not. They often forget who their audience is and often reference events in their shared history that make no sense to the humans listening.

***

It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a demon in possession of a mobile phone, must be in want of attention (6K; Rated G)

And yes, that is the entire title. Another funny short story where a couple of podcast hosts receive a call from a certain angel whose demon trapped himself in his phone and won't leave.

***

In Mixed Company, or the Corporate Retreat of Heaven and Hell (52K; Rated M)

I've read this one at least three times, and it's probably my favorite of all. Every 300 years, Heaven and Hell share a company retreat on Earth during which angels and demons surrender their celestial powers and hold retreats. It has a great new angel friend of Aziraphale's; Hellish Powerpoint presentations; Gabriel being annoyingly chipper; and Aziraphale and Crowley sneaking around like teenagers trying to find some alone time.

***

How To Woo A Demon (24K; Rated T)

Aziraphale researches demonic courtship rituals and starts implementing them in order to convince Crowley he wants to take their relationship to the next level. Crowley is very confused by Aziraphale's actions. Another cute, funny one.

***

Factory Settings (107K; Rated T)

This one is famous for coming out practically as S2 dropped, making people think whoever wrote it (the author is anonymous) had something to do with the production of the show.

This is the only one I'm going to say anything negative about. There are a lot of spelling errors and typos in it. It needs a hard editing pass. Despite that complaint, I devoured this story as fast as I could scroll. It's that good, and even knowing all the errors are there, I'll probably still re-read it. I'm usually pretty picky about errors like that, so for me to overlook it and even recommend it, means I really liked it.

Crowley gets reinstated as the angel, Raphael, with no memory of his time as Crowley, and Aziraphale struggles to return him to his demonic self. It's heart-breaking and wonderful and I absolutely loved it.

***

One Night In Bangor (And the World's Your Oyster) (17K: Rated E)

Much like In Mixed Company, Heaven and Hell come together for a corporate retreat on Earth. In this one, some totally random demon who's name definitely doesn't rhyme with Bowley created a wager in Hell to see which demon could bed an angel first.

Another funny one. This time, a lot of the humor comes from the demons doing their best to pick up the angels with really bad pickup lines.

***

We Only Said Goodbye with Words, I Died A Hundred Times (9K; Rated E)

If I could learn to write even half as good as this, I'd be ecstatic. The emotions the author packs into this story are mind-blowing.

Crowley receives a cursed amulet that creates an ever-increasing need for the person he wants the most and goes to see Aziraphale.

***

To reveal my heart in ink (29K; Rated E)

Aziraphale starts writing letters to Crowley by mail. The letters they exchange slowly get more and more explicit.

***

Pray For Us, Icarus (66K; Rated G/T)

The author wrote this one as a series, so each one varies in chapter count and rating, but they tell a single, contiguous story.

This was the first long-form GO fanfiction I read, and it was way too close to the ending of S2. I really should've waited a while, because holy cow, is this one heartbreaking.

For three hundred years, Crowley has been reincarnated over and over as a human with no memory of his past. Aziraphale has spent those three hundred years trying to restore him to his true self.

The author, Atalan, is probably one of the best writers on the site. This story is stunning in the quality of its writing, in the pacing of the story, and in the emotions evoked. I normally don't like being sad (like I said, I like the funny ones), but I've saved this story off to make sure I always have it.

***

Pretend For Me (53K; Rated E)

In a panic, Aziraphale tells the archangels that he survived hellfire due to his soul mixing with Crowley's because they're in a romantic and sexual relationship, but now they want them to prove it.

I'm a sucker for fake relationship stories, and there aren't a whole lot of them where the characters are still angel/demon, but this one is. It's another fun one, though a bit more angsty than some of those I listed above.

***

The following are all human AU. Good chance you'll recognize all or most of these.

Married At First Sight (147K; Rated T)

One of the most recently completed stories in the list, this is a fake relationship story where Aziraphale and Crowley join a reality show that marries complete strangers off to each other. Their new marriage starts off on a less than idyllic foot and they decide to fake it for the show. The author is a master of making you want to scream "for fuck's sake, just talk to each other, you walnuts!"

Probably one of my favorite fake relationship stories.

***

Postcards From Paris (12K; Rated G)

The author, ghostrat (@mrghostrat), is a fantastic writer of human AU, and it's worth going through his entire backlist (and read his current WIPs, too).

Crowley moves into his Mayfair flat and starts receiving postcards addressed to the previous tenant from one A.Z.F., who is in Europe hunting for bizarre bibles and rating wine. Sweet and fluffy and the perfect antidote if you've just been on an angst binge.

***

Or Be Nice (151K; Rated E)

I stayed up until 6:30 in the morning reading this one, crashed for three hours, then read until I finished it. Then that night, I started it again.

This is, without hesitation, my all-time favorite human AU. It's funny. I love the author's version of the characters, and I will probably end up reading it again in just a few months. I probably already would have if it wasn't for the length of my Mark For Later and Subscription lists.

Crowley and Aziraphale are neighbors who get into a noise war. They both have their reasons for their actions, though to be honest, Crowley is a bit of an ass at first. Once they really start talking, though, they are absolutely wonderful together.

Even if you've never read a human AU, I recommend at least giving this one a try.

***

What We Make Of It (Shotgun Wedding) (213K; Rated E)

This is the third charlottemadison work on this list. 15% of this list is just this one author. That's how good they are.

Aziraphale works as an English teacher. Crowley is the guardian for his nephew, Adam, and works for a school testing company. Crowley can't risk his job dating his nephew's gorgeous and charming teacher. Unless...

Crowley comes up with a crazy plan. Now he just has to convince Aziraphale to go along with it.

Again, another very popular human AU. One thing I love about this story is how there's a lot less angst between the two characters, and how they both really care for Adam.

***

Slow Show (95K; Rated E)

The very first human AU I read. Didn't even think I'd like that specific genre until I read it. Now, as you can see, it's about half of my reading list.

This is an actor AU. Aziraphale (named Avery here) and Crowley are actors working together on a new show. Avery is an award-winning, straight-laced, well-respected actor; Crowley is a mess who immediately falls head-over-heels for him and somehow has to get through the show without letting his (apparently straight) costar realize that.

***

South Downs (76K; Rated E)

Another actor AU. This time, Aziraphale is an openly-gay actor, well-respected for his period drama work. Crowley is a once-blackballed actor who jumps at the chance to star in a gay Regency romance with Aziraphale in the hopes it can restart his career. The trouble is, Crowley is struggling to play the romantic lead opposite a man.

I love the growing friendship between these two as much as the romance. I love how comfortable and confident Aziraphale is here; and how caring he is toward Crowley's growing awareness of his sexuality.

***

This one doesn't really fit either category, so I'm putting it here.

The Rose and the Serpent (56K; Rated M)

By the same author as Pray For Us, Icarus comes a GO retelling of Beauty and the Beast. Aziraphale is sent off by his older brother, Gabriel, into the forest to be held hostage by a giant snake in a cursed castle. Turns out, neither the snake nor the castle are what he was expecting.

Light-hearted and with very memorable characters, the relationship between Crowley and Aziraphale is simply stunning. I love how Newt and Anathema are used here. The quality of this one is as good as Icarus, and I loved this one so much I could easily have read 300K more words.

***

And bonus: mine!

The Beginning of the End (Again) (79K; Rated M)

The first fanfiction I've ever written and the first book I've written in a decade. I had the first two chapters in mind after finishing S2, and the story grew from there. I actually have a sequel in mind after I finish another, separate fake relationship story.

Crowley spends months drowning his sorrows after Aziraphale accepts the Supreme Archangel position, until a group of demons shows up one day and tells him the Second Coming is nearly upon them, and they want him to stop it. Turns out being a demon isn't much fun if there are no humans left to tempt.

Aziraphale has spent these last months in Heaven looking for ways to stop the Second Coming while mourning the way he and Crowley left things. After discovering that Hell's minions have been tasked by the Metatron to escort the son of God on a tour of Earth in preparation for his Second Coming, he hurries down to see what's going on, fearing the worst.

Instead he discovers Crowley escorting the Messiah around Earth. Is his demon taking the son of God on dates?

#good omens fanfiction

953 notes · View notes

jyoongim · 2 months

Note

Hello!

I would to request if its alright.

Prisoner Human Alastor x Police!Reader.

Alastor were captured by police and was sent to jail and Reader was a professional police also she is virgin because shes too focus on her job even when she was in colloge she never experienced it.

Sorry im bad at explaining but like they fucked in alastor cell in middle of the night because Reader was assign to watch Alastor since hes the biggest criminal in the town.

So llike i dont know how reader ended up in his cell ummm you can just make a reason for it since i dont know how she also inside his cell and getting fuck

So like Reader Hate love when alastor fuck out of her brain for the first time and Instead of Escaping from the jail Alastor just Find a Toy to play with.

This been on my mind pleaseeee im on my knees just for this😭😭

THIS IS MY BIRTHDAY GIFT TO YALL

WHOOP WHOOP THATS THE SOUND OF THE POLICE!!!!

It’s giving Mrs.Officer by lil Wayne hahahaha

themes: 18+! NSFW, fem!reader, human!alastor (criminal of the LAW), so many laws and regulations broken, flirty banter? Jail cell sex, slight dub con, manipulation, subjugation, Loss of virginity, handcuffs, black mail, humiliation, gun play, mention of murders, toxic relationship?

Five years ago

“Alastor DuPont, you are charged with the Bayou Murders! You have the right to remain silent, anything you say can and will be used against you in the court of law…” you snarled at the man, as you slapped your handcuffs on his wrists, hoisting him up from the ground and forcing him to the cop car.

A strained laughed escaped his throat as he glanced over his shoulder at you, white teeth showing “never would have thought you would turn on me doll hehe. How unpredictable…I like that in my women ya know?”The lanky man grinned as you slammed the door, his breath fogging up the window. His deep brown eyes were wild as he maintained a calm composure. You narrowed your eyes at him “remember that it was me who put your ass behind bars”

His eyelids dropped, his crazed smile almost splitting his face “oooh doll I’ll never forget you”

Present Day

The prison was in an uproar when the higher ups found out who they’ll be housing.

Alastor DuPont.

New Orleans Most Beloved Radio Host…was a serial killer.

And you were the unfortunate soul who was his guard.

You looked over the paperwork of your new charge, brows furrowing as you read the arrest and charges.

Disgusting scrum! You thought with a sigh, setting down the papers on your desk.

”Why is he being transferred to my floor? Ain’t that conflict of interest?” You asked the Warden, an older man in his sixties.

You were the officer who had worked the Bayou Murders case, the officer who caught Louisiana's notorious killer and arrested him.

You were just a rookie back then, fresh out of college and putting your all into your work. You were always at the office working late and gathering evidence. Your coworkers often joked that you had no sense of fun, always refusing to go out with them for dinners or parties. You were obvious to romantic advances and often threatened to write a report for misconduct for your male officers actions.

You often heard some of the male officers describe you as ‘Stuck-up, picky, prude’ but you didn’t see an issue with that.

You took your job serious, there was never room for error in this line of work.

You were very by the book.

You saw everything in black and white.

Control and Regulations was your game.

Which is why you were tasked guarding some of the worst criminals in the city.

That now included Alastor.

You groaned, burying your face in your hands. “Just treat him how you do the other inmates. You’re my best officer here to handle something like him” The warden said. You were the best for this. You took a deep breath “Fine, but I want a raise” you grumbled, smiling.

—————————————————————————————

“Inmate 666 rise n shine! put your hands through the open slot” you commanded. You stood outside the steel padlock door, waiting for hands to appear to be cuffed.

Nothing.

You knocked on the door again, a warning.

You huffed, “Last chance inmate! Or I’m dragging you out!”

Silence.

You cursed under your breath and looked to your backup guard

”open the door” he looked worried but followed your orders.

The security door whirled opened and you stood in the open doorway, you hand hovered over your baton as you approached the figure laying in bed, worst case he killed himself; best case…you kick his ass out of bed. “DuPont!” You sneered, kicking the edge of his bed. The figure stirred, groaning at the bright light pouring in the small room, he stretched, joints popping and made a move to sit upon the bed.

He rubbed his eyes, reached for his glasses and finally looked at you. A smile appeared on his face “Well i must have died and went to heaven” he drawled standing up.

You took a step back out of instinct. You scoffed at him ”you wish now put your shirt on and hands behind your back.”

Alastor let out a chuckle as he reached for his shirt.

Your eyes roamed his exposed skin. Smooth, skin riddled with scars. For a lanky bastard he had quite the muscle definition.

He was handsome, the type of guy you would have happily let chat you up.

But you were the truth behind that smile.

”so what pleasure am i owed that I get to see your pretty face after so long?” He asked like he was talking about the weather. You didn’t answer him as you locked the handcuffs and nudged him towards the open door to start walking.

———————————————————————————-

“You will be provided three meals a day. One hour of outdoors activities and you’ll have recreational if you earn good behavior, but i highly doubt that. Am I clear?” You ask as he stared at you with a stupid smile. You frowned “get that smile off your face DuPont.” He only smiled harder “I can’t help it. I enjoy being in your presence my dear”

You leaned across the table, eyes hard as you got in his face.

”listen to me you irritating prick! In here I rule. You listen to everything I say and pray I am in a good mood to deal with your shit. I can make what remains of your life hell on earth. Do I make myself clear?” You hissed.

Alastor leaned back, an amused look on his face, shrugging “Crystal”

”Good”

You walked him back to his cell after he ate and uncuffed him. Walking out you slammed the door shut and waited to hear the lock before moving to make your rounds.

”I do hope you have a good night my dear” you hear him say as you walk down the corridor, ignoring him.

—————————————————————————-

Alastor sighed as he sat on his bed. A low chuckle escaped his throat. Oh how he missed you.

When he met you five years ago, he knew you were the one for him. There was something about you that gave him a thrill.

He admits he didn’t count on you being a police officer; you had fooled him flawlessly.

His cock twitched in his pants. Those pretty eyes that once held warmth were ever so chilling.

How he couldn’t wait to break that cold demeanor of yours.

He just had to bid his time and after all he had all the time in the world with you.

————————————————————————————-

You were focused on some paperwork when two male officers popped their heads in your office.

”hey a couple of us are going for a night out you coming?” Max asked with a smile as Danny was behind him with puppy eyes.

You didn’t even look up from your work “ill pass but maybe next time guys” you hear the groan before leaving.

You shook your head lightly as you finished filling in your notes.

You looked at your watch, it was almost time to patrol.

————————————————————————————-

Alastor could hear the footsteps of the two male guards that occasionally visited his floor.

”she never wants to hang out. Fucking bitch thinks she better than us or something?” A voice whined.

”oh you know how she is. Work on the brain. She wouldn’t be so strict if she loosened up a bit hahaha i would love to fuck that.”

Alastor grimaced. Disgusting trash

He might have been a certified lady killer, but he was still a gentleman. And lowly scrum like them didn’t even deserve to think of you that way.

You were his.

And he’ll make sure of that.

A dark smile crept on his face just at the thought.

———————————————————————————-

It was fairly quiet tonight.

You found yourself standing outside Alastor’s cell.

”You gone say something cherie or stand guard all night. I promise I have no intention of escaping.” He purred.

You frowned “I have nothing to say to you”

You heard him laugh “really? You had a lot to say five years ago”

He was baiting you, you knew this, but your temper was hot

”You are despicable you know that? You think you so smart, but you know something Alastor? You got sloppy. Tell me. Why? Why did you kill all them girls?” You hissed, now facing the door.

You hadn’t even realized his hands were out in the slot until his large hands grasped yours.

You tensed and went to tug your hands out of his, but he firmly kept a grip.

”why? What kind of question is that? The answer is simple.” His thumbs rubbed your hands.

”No the answer was stupid. You commited those crimes, killed those innocent women for pure fun? They should have sent you to the Ward.” You said angrily.

Alastor smiled, through you couldn’t see it

”Maybe but I’m completely in my right mind I assure you. The reason for all the mess? Simple…they weren’t you” he bent down to press his lips to your knuckles.

You ripped your hands back, eyes wide “you’re sick”

He hummed, rolling his eyes.

”doesn’t change how I feel about you darlin”

He was surprise to hear the lock to his cell and the door open to reveal you.

And you were angry.

Your face was balled into a frown “It was never about me! You think I would believe that shit!” Your hand pulled your gun, aiming it at him “You’re nothin’ but a liar and a killer. Ain’t no love in that dark heart of yours. You are incapable of love.” Your lip quivered slightly, giving way to your emotions under the glare you held.

Alastor walked up to you, right up to your gun pressing against his chest, his hands were up, but he was still craning his head down at you “is that what you tell yourself about me dear?”

That sharp smile on his face, his eyes wide “then kill me. Pull the trigger and serve justice.”

His eyes were analyzing you. You were panting, chest constricted in your uniform, cheeks flushed with anger but your plump lips wobbled.

One of his hands gently wrapped around the gun, lowering it as he pressed against your body. The other taking hold of your chin.

He lowered his head til his lips were but a whisper away, ghosting yours lightly “What i feel for you darlin, love ain’t got nothing on it”

Your brain seemed to catch up with the situation you were in and you tried to reestablish control, but Alastor had already sunk his claws in you.

Your eyes widened when his lips slammed on yours, your hand with the gun whipped to hit him across the head, but he caught it and used the momentum of your body to twirl you around and pin your arm against your back, making you drop the weapon as you wince in pain.

His lips were at your neck, nose brushing against your ear

”never drop ya guard dear, didn’t they teach you that?” He taunted.

You struggled against him as he pushed you down on the small bed, pressing you down with his weight.

You thrashed about, body filling with panic as you couldn’t throw throw him off you.

Alastor grunted as you kicked at him, narrowing his eyes as he pressed his full weight against you.

”easy doll easy. I ain’t gonna hurt ya. Well too much hehehe” his brushed his nose against yours, trailing his lips to kiss your cheeks and jaw.

With his hips fixed between your parted thighs, he pressed his hardening length against the softness of your covered mound.

Large hands cupped your breasts, and before long you heard a tear. Your eyes widened as the cold air met your chest and gasped asho Alastor quickly made work of your bra. He let out a hoarse groan as he kneaded the tender flesh, mouth wrapping around a perky nipple, causing you to gasp.

He nipped and tugged the soft nip before lavishing it with his tongue, like an apology for the harsh treatment. ”I knew you’ll have the prettiest pair of tits. So full and soft. I can’t wait to see them bruised up from my teeth”

You clenched your teeth as you tried to ignore the rather pleasant sensations running through you. With your gun somewhere, all you had was your physical strength. You might couldn’t overpower him, but you could use his weight against him.

Taking the distraction of Alastor focusing on sucking at your chest, you tightened your legs around his waist and used his relaxed posture to flip the two of you over. With your arms free, you pressed your arm into his neck, thighs holding his hips down as you tried to regain your composure.

You tried held your elbow into his throat, glaring at him as he just smiled up you.

Alastor lazily placed his hands on your hips as he raked his eyes over you.

You were disheveled, hair fizzy and face flushed. Your eyes were filled with uncertainty and another emotion. Your lips were swollen and your neck was slowly turning red. With your uniform ripped, your tits were fully exposed, nipples perked and littered with bites.

You were beautiful

“I am going to walk out of here and pretend this didn’t happen. You are going to stay right here until I close that door and lock it.” You said sternly, but Alastor wasn’t listening, he was grinding up into you slowly as he trailed a hand up your front, finger fondling with your ripped uniform. You went to slap his hands away when he cupped your breasts but the cold air that met your entire body made you freeze.

”That’s much better don’t you think?” He mused, fingers tapping your hips as he palmed your ass cheeks in full.

You quickly sat up, ready to get off him, when Alastor followed you up, arms locking you against him. He whispered in your ear, voice low and deep “oh you’re so precious. I can’t wait to fuck that tight pussy of yours baby” he kissed your shoulder as he pulled your panties to dip two fingers inside you.

You pushed at his chest, trying to shift your hips away but the motion made you fall back and you grunted as you fell to the floor.

Alastor sucked his fingers, moaning at the taste of you. He sat looking at you, grinning as he moved towards you. You scrambled back, wanting to put distance between the two of you, but Alastor long legs carried him to you and he wrapped a hand around ankle and dragged you back towards him, taking top mount to prevent your from flaring about like a fish.

Tears welled in your eyes as he quickly made work of his pants, freeing his weeping cock. You pressed your hands against his chest, which he took in one hand and held them over your head. He hummed a tune as he pressed his lips to your cheeks, peppering your face in kisses before locking his lips onto yours. You tried to jerk your head away but that didn’t deter him, as he bit down on your lips, crying out, your mouth was invaded by his tongue.

You barely had time to counter, when your breath hitched in your throat, feeling an unknown pressure between your thighs.

A staggered gasp turned into a pained cry as narrow hips thrusted up into you, sheathing his cock to the brim.

Alastor laughed into your mouth, licking at your teeth “Oooh? So I’m your first hehe I’m honored.” He slotted his mouth against yours as he snapped his hips against yours, wanting you to quickly grow accustomed to his brute pace.

The sound of sticky slaps and muffled moans radiated through the cell. Your legs rested on either sides of Alastor’s hips, shaking as he rocked into your body.

“What would the other guards think if they found out you let a dangerous killer fuck you? Hmm? This breaks so many laws baby. Hehe fuck you feel good. You take me so good ha! I knew you could.” A soft whimper bubbled out your throat. Your mind was fighting, but your body was welcoming the unwanted assault.

Your tongue lolled out your mouth as Alastor’s cock dragged along your insides, making your back arched as he hit a nerve that had you moaning.

Your soft moans spurred the man on as he angled his hips, pounding you into the cold floor.

Oh how long he had imagined fucking you. You were like nothing he could have imagined. Your tight cunt clinged to his dick as he bullied it through your walls.

He caught sight of your discarded gun and grabbed it, resting the cool metal against your skin. Your eyes widened, body freezing despite the jolts from his hips.

His brows quirked when your cunt clenched “Scared or horny baby?” He chuckled darkly, leaning back onto his knees, pulling you with him.

He let out a soft moan as you sunk down on him, uttering dirty praise and encouragement. “You gonna ride me baby? Hmm? You gonna let a killer stretch this pussy out? Ill make you feel so good baby” he rocked up into you, softly thrusting.

You rested your head into the crook of his neck, shaking as Alatsor’s hands rubbed your back. The gun slowly trailing up your skin. One hand tangled in the roots of your hair, pulling your head back, as you felt the tip of the gun at your chin.

Alastor cooed as he pulled you down into his thrusts, making your jaw clench “k-kill me bastard” you hissed, eyes clenched feeling his cock bury into you with a wet squish.

Alastor’s body vibrated as he let out a laugh “Kill you? Oh darlin no. then there wont be a pretty face to look forward to see everyday. I have no desire to paint the walls red with your blood haha no I want to paint your walls white”

You leaned into his body, pushing your hips back to meet his thrusts. Your fingers dug into his skin and out of anger for the onslaughter of pleasure you sunk your teeth into his neck.

Alastor’s cock twitched as his hips snapped into yours as a response.

Fuck! He eyes rolled slightly into his skull “careful baby. I hate to put a baby in you so soon” he chuckled.

Then the light bulb went off in his head

On second thought…

————————————————————————————-

You shouldn’t be doing this as much.

This was so wrong! On so many levels.

Many many violations.

Hell you could lose your job!

You almost hoped that another guard would come by and see what was happening so you could get out of here…but that wasn’t going to happen.

This is your floor and yours alone.

”OooH fuuuuccck, p-please! don’t… stop” you whined, throwing your head back, body leaned back with your arms trying to support your body as Alastor rammed up into your pussy. You hadn’t given much thought to sex, but he must be what girls in college use to call ‘packing’. His dick felt like it was splitting you in two, hitting that spongey nerve just right.

The man let out a gruff laugh beneath you, one hand on your hip to bounce you on his cock and the other holding that stupid gun against your clit. The cool metal sending shocks through your cunt. ”Oh you’ve made such a mess darlin” he tsked, eyes focused on his cock disappearing into you. A frothy cream coated the base of his cock, making both of your inner thighs sticky.

“But you’re so pretty when you’re messy.” He smirked, tilting his head

”I-I hate you!” You cried as he pinched your clit, slowly drawing tight circles on the bud. He hummed, kissing up the column of your neck “But your cunt says otherwise” he purred as he started pulling you down harder into his thrusts. Your eyes rolled as loud moans and whines left your throat. You might didn’t realize, but you had been fucking him back since the very beginning.

All that pent up frustration and tightly bound moral code snapping the second his cock breached your virgin walls.

Your cunt fluttered around him as he sucked a tit into his mouth. He released the sore nipple with a pop,tonguing it as he watched your face distort with pleasure as he had you met his thrusts.

“You’re everything I imagined and so much more” he whispered. He couldn’t help but admire you like this.

You opened your mouth to say something snarky, but he caught your lips as he sped up his pace, swallowing your gasps as he hit the sweet spot that had you mewling.

He felt your cunt clench and contract, allowing him deeper access to nirvana.

“Don’t you wanna cum baby? Because i know i do fuuck! Be a good little slut for me baby” Alastor hissed, feeling his dick twitch.

Your orgasm must have been approaching because you started to push against him, hips trying to raise and get off his dick.

Oh you weren’t going anywhere.

A gasp escaped you, your eyes wide as he tightened his hold on your hips “N-no no no no Alastor stop! Dont!” You pressed your hands against his chest to try and lift off him, but to no avail.

He laughed in your ear wickedly ”you are going to cum on my cock whether you like it or not baby ”

He wrapped his arms around you, forcing you to take the full force of his thrusts, wanting to break you from his cock.

You whimpered, eyes clenching as you buried your head in his shoulder. Your orgasm hit you like a truck, making you tense and hips grind into his to instinctively ride out the pleasure

“I’m cumming ooh fuck fuck fuck! Alastor!” You whined loudly, body slumping as you shook against him.

Alastor kissed your shoulder as your cunt fluttered, hips stuttering and with a groan he cummed inside you, pressing you down to take all his dick as he painted your walls.

His dick twitched before he pulled out of you, smiling as his cum slowly leaked out of you as you slipped off his lap, glaring at him as he smiled at you.

Your eyes widened as he pulled a small tape recorder from his pocket.

”I think your boss would be very surprised to hear you fucking a criminal heheh”

tears welled in your eyes as you reached for the device, but he held it out of reach, opting to grab your hair and pull you flush against his cum covered cock.

”but don’t worry my dear, no one will know your little secret…as long as you play nice” his teeth split through his smile as he tapped the tip of of his dick against your lips.

”After all I wouldn’t want to lose my assistant again after breaking her in finally don’t you agree?” He hummed as he pushed his dick into your mouth, sighing as you gagged around him.

“That’s my good girl”

He never forgot about you.

How could he?

You were his favorite doll after all….

—————————————————————————————-

Remember to comment on pinned post to be added to taglist!!!

@doggone-devil @popamolly @yourdoorisunlocked @mariaclarade-la-cruz1 @amurtan @th3-st4r-gur1 @alastor-simp @destinys-dreamer @purplecatsandhearts @alastorsgirl48 @alastorsaries @alastwhore666 @alastorsdear @alastors666creampie @tojirights @okay-babe @altruisticalastor @southern-bayou-beau @confessioncassette @markster666 @strawberrypimp666 @horrorartsworld @citrussmootee @sassuguru @callmeoncette @yunimimii @theveiledlibrarian @karolinda007-blog @rulesareshadesofgrey @nanami1chu @thewinchestah @sincerely-lorely @catherine1206 @jellibean2018 @luzzbuzz @for-hearthand-home @hazelfoureyes @siiv3r @smoky000 @certifiedcrybabyyy @ivebeenthearchersstuff @evedenn @polytheatrix @lunaramune @h3llenwrites @satoruscumslut @kiralaufeyson84 @stawberrypimpsimp @nightshadelm @midnightnoiserose @bontensbabygirl

#hazbin hotel #hazbin alastor #alastor #alastor x reader #hazbin hotel fanfiction #jyoongim #alastor smut #alastor x y/n #alastor hazbin hotel #human alastor x reader

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ayeforscotland · 1 month

Text

In the sex-crazed town of Falkirk, Scotland, we’re all just absolutely addicted to pussy.

This rudimentary Celtic monument has truly stood the test of time. Being excavated by a team of horny archaeologists in the late 90s as part of works locating Roman artefacts around the Falkirk area.

Blessed be the vulva. Hope nobody finds out about the orgies we host at its location, every Friday at 9:57-10:00pm

#ayeforscotland #scotland

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breelandwalker · 9 months

Text

PODCAST RECS - Debunking and Fact-Checking for Witches & Witchcraft Spaces

A collection of podcast episodes fact-checking, debunking, or just providing some clarity on modern myths, misinformation, and conspiracy theories that are frequent flyers in witchcraft and pagan spaces, both theories mistakenly touted by community members and some of the utter drivel spouted by non-witches that still affects us today. Check out these shows on your favorite podcast app!

(Updates to be made whenever I find new content. There will be some crossover with my Witches In History Podcast Recs post and some of the content will be heavy. Blanket trigger warning for violence, abuse, bigotry, sexism, antisemitism, and mistreatment of women, queer people, and children.)

[Last Updated: Dec 29, 2023]

This post is broken into three basic sections:

Historical Misinformation

Modern Myths and the People Who Create Them

Conspiracy Theories and Moral Panics

List of Cited Podcasts, in alphabetical order

American Hysteria

BS-Free Witchcraft

Dig: A History Podcast

Hex Positive

Historical Blindness

History Uncovered

Occultae Veritatis

Our Curious Past

Ridiculous History

Stuff You Missed In History Class

The History of Witchcraft

Unobscured

You’re Wrong About…

Historical Misinformation

General History of Witchcraft

Historical Blindness - A Rediscovery of Witches, Pt 1 & 2 Oct 13, 2020 & Oct. 27, 2020 A discussion of the early modern witch craze and the myths, misconceptions, and theories about witches spread by academics. Topics of discussion include the works of Margaret Murray and Charles Leland, the founding of Wicca, the emergence of the midwife-witch myth, and folk healers as targets of witchcraft accusations. Sarah Handley-Cousins of “Dig: A History Podcast” supplies guest material for both episodes.

Hex Positive, Ep. 36 - Margaret Effing Murray with Trae Dorn July 1, 2023 Margaret Murray was a celebrated author, historian, folklorist, Egyptologist, archaeologist, anthropologist, first-wave feminist, and the first woman to be appointed to the position of lecturer in archaeology in the UK. So why so we get so annoyed whenever her name is mentioned in conversations about witchcraft? Well, it all has to do with a book Margaret wrote back in 1921...which just so happened to go on to have a profound influence on the roots of the modern witchcraft movement.

Nerd & Tie senpai and host of BS-Free Witchcraft Trae Dorn joins Bree NicGarran in the virtual studio to discuss the thoroughly-discredited witch-cult hypothesis, Murray's various writings and accomplishments, and why modern paganism might not have caught on so strongly without her.

BS-Free Witchcraft, Ep 03: The History of Wicca October 06, 2018 On this episode, Trae digs deep into the history of Wicca, and tries to give the most accurate history of the religion as they can. I mean, yeah, we know this is a general Witchcraft podcast, but Wicca is the most widely practiced form of Witchcraft in the US, UK, Canada and Australia… so how it got started is kind of important for the modern Witchcraft movement. (And trust me, there aren’t any pulled punches here.)

BS-Free Witchcraft, Ep. 28: The Burning Times May 30, 2020 On this installment of the podcast, we tackle probably one of the more controversial topics in the modern witchcraft movement: The Burning Times. What were the actual “Burning Times,” where do we get that phrase from, and what really happened? Also, how has this phrase been used in modern witchcraft? It’s a heavy one, folks.

Dig: A History Podcast - Both Man and Witch: Uncovering the Invisible History of Male Witches Sept 13, 2020 Since at least the 1970s, academic histories of witches and witchcraft have enjoyed a rare level of visibility in popular culture. Feminist, literary, and historical scholarship about witches has shaped popular culture to such a degree that the discipline has become more about unlearning everything we thought we knew about witches. Though historians have continued to investigate and re-interpret witch history, the general public remains fixated on the compelling, feminist narrative of the vulnerable women hanged and burned at the stake for upsetting the patriarchy. While this part of the story can be true, especially in certain contexts, it’s only part of the story, and frankly, not even the most interesting part. Today, we tackle male witches in early modern Eurasia and North America!

Dig: A History Podcast - Doctor, Healer, Midwife, Witch: How the the Women’s Health Movement Created the Myth of the Midwife-Witch Sept 6, 2020 In 1973, two professors active in the women’s health movement wrote a pamphlet for women to read in the consciousness-raising reading groups. The pamphlet, inspired by Our Bodies, Ourselves, looked to history to explain how women had been marginalized in their own healthcare. Women used to be an important part of the medical profession as midwives, they argued — but the midwives were forced out of practice because they were so often considered witches and persecuted by the patriarchy in the form of the Catholic Church. The idea that midwives were regularly accused of witchcraft seemed so obvious that it quickly became taken as fact. There was only one problem: it wasn’t true. In this episode, we follow the convoluted origin story of the myth of the midwife-witch.

Dig: A History Podcast - Cheesecloth, Spiritualism, and State Secrets: Helen Duncan’s Famous Witchcraft Trial July 3, 2022 Helen Duncan was charged under the 1735 Witchcraft Act, but her case was no eighteenth-century sensation: she was arrested, charged, and ultimately imprisoned in 1944. Of course, in 1944, Britain was at war, fighting fascism by day on the continent and hiding in air raid shelters by night at home. The spectacle of a Spiritualist medium on trial for witchcraft seemed out of place. What possessed the Home Secretary to allow this trial to make headlines all across the UK in 1944? That’s what we’re here to find out.

The Conspirators, Ep. 63 - The Last Witch Trial Nov. 26, 2017 England’s official laws regarding the prosecution of witches dates back to the 1600s. Those very same laws would also remain on the books until well into the 20th century. In 1944, a psychic medium named Helen Duncan would gain notoriety by becoming the last woman to be tried under England’s witchcraft laws.

The History of Witchcraft Podcast, hosted by Samuel Hume Witches didn’t exist, and yet thousands of people were executed for the crime of witchcraft. Why? The belief in magic and witchcraft has existed in every recorded human culture; this podcast looks at how people explained the inexplicable, turned random acts of nature into conscious acts of mortal or supernatural beings, and how desperate communities took revenge against the suspected perpetrators.

Unobscured, Season One - The Salem Witch Trials Welcome to Salem, Massachusetts. It’s 1692. And all hell is about to break loose.

Unobscured is a deep-dive history podcast from the labs of How Stuff Works, featuring the writing and narrative talents of Aaron Mahnke, horror novelist and the mind behind Lore and Cabinet of Curiosities.

As with his other series, Mahnke approaches the events in Salem armed with a mountain of research. Interviews with prominent historians add depth and documentation to each episode. And it’s not just the trials you’ll learn about; it’s the stories of the people, places, attitudes, and conflicts that led to the deaths of more than twenty innocent people.

Each week, a new aspect of the story is explored, gradually weaving events and personalities together in chronological order to create a perspective of the trials that is both expansive and intimate. From Bridget Bishop to Cotton Mather, from Andover to Salem Town, Mahkne digs deep to uncover the truth behind the most notorious witch trials in American history.

Think you know the story of Salem? Think again.

Witchcraft Practices

BS-Free Witchcraft, Ep. 43 - “Lilith” Jan. 29, 2022 Host Trae Dorn discusses the ongoing debate over whether or not it’s okay for non-Jewish witches to incorporate Lilith into their practices. Is Lilith closed? Is it cultural appropriation? There’s so much misinformation in New Age and poorly written witchcraft books on Lilith, it’s hard for some witches to get a clear picture. It’s common to run into folks on social media talking about Lilith as a “Goddess,” which she very much isn’t. Let’s dive into the origins of the folklore surrounding this figure, and we’ll let you decide whether or not it’s okay to work with Lilith. But, uh, spoiler – we don’t think you should.

Historical Blindness, Ep. 106 - Lilith, the Phantom Maiden November 22, 2022 Host Nathaniel Lloyd explores the evolution of the figure of Lilith, from Mesopotamian demon, to the first woman created by God, and back to a succubus mother of demons. It’s a tale of syncretism, superstition, forgery, and a dubious interpretation of scriptures.

BS-Free Witchcraft, Ep. 55 - Lucky Girl Syndrome and the Law of Attraction January 28, 2023 Trae takes a look at one of New Age spirituality’s most toxic philosophies - The Law of Attraction. The history of the idea is discussed, where it came from, and how this dangerous combination of prosperity gospel, purity culture, and victim-blaming has come back in a major way to a whole new generation as “Lucky Girl Syndrome.”

Hex Positive, Ep. 19 - The Trouble with Tarot August 1, 2021 Tarot and tarot-reading have been a part of the modern witchcraft movement since the 1960s. But where did these cards and their meanings come from? Are they secretly Ancient Egyptian mystical texts? Do they have their origins among the Romani people? Are they a sacred closed practice that should not be used by outsiders? Nope, nope, and nope.

This month, we delve into the actual history of tarot cards, discover their origins on the gaming tables of Italy and France, meet the people who developed their imagery and symbolism into the deck we know today, and debunk some of the nonsense that’s been going around lately concerning their use. The Witchstorian is putting on her research specs for this one!

Stuff You Missed in History Class - A Brief History of Tarot Cards Oct. 26, 2020 How did a card game gain a reputation for being connected to mysticism? Tarot’s history takes a significant turn in the 18th century, but much of that shift in perception is based on one author’s suppositions and theories.

Hex Positive, Ep. 23 - The Name of the Game November 1, 2021 Bree delves into the history, myths, and urban legends surrounding Ouija boards. Along the way, we’ll uncover their origins in the spiritualist movement, discover the pop culture phenomenon that labeled them portals to hell, and try to separate fact from internet fiction with regard to what these talking boards can actually do.

Our Curious Past, Ep. 20 - The Curious History of the Ouija Board August 18, 2023 Host Peter Laws explores the history of the “talking board,” which was wildly popular in the early 1900s, until something happened that would tarnish its’ reputation for good.

Ridiculous History - Brooms and Witchcraft, Pt. 1 & 2 Oct. 13-15, 2020 Most people are familiar with the stereotypical image of a witch: a haggard, often older individual with a peaked hat, black robes, a demonic familiar and, oddly enough, a penchant for cruising around on broomsticks. But where did that last weirdly specific trop of flying on a broomstick actually come from? Could the stereotype of witches on broomsticks actually be a drug reference? Join Ben, Noel, and Casey as they continue digging through the history and folklore of witchcraft - and how it affected pop culture in the modern day.

Historical Blindness, Ep. 116 - The Key to the Secrets of King Solomon May 02, 2023 Host Nathaniel Lloyd continues his occasional series on the history and mythology of magic. In this installment, he looks at the development of the story that the biblical King Solomon was actually a flying-carpet-riding, magic-ring-wielding wizard and alchemist who bound demons to do his will. The origins and content of the legendary Key of Solomon are also discussed.

Dig: A History Podcast - Plastic Shamans and Spiritual Hucksters: A History of Peddling and Protecting Native American Spirituality July 24, 2022 In the late 20th century, white Americans flocked to New Age spirituality, collecting crystals, hugging trees, and finding their places in the great Medicine Wheel. Many didn’t realize - or didn’t care - that much of this spirituality was based on the spiritual faiths and practices of Native American tribes. Frustrated with what they called “spiritual hucksterism,” members of the American Indian Movement (AIM) began protesting - and have never stopped. Who were these “plastic shamans,” and how did the spiritual services they sold become so popular?

Holidays

Hex Positive, Ep. 28 - The Easter-Ostara Debacle April 1, 2022 Host Bree NicGarran puts on her Witchstorian hat once more to delve into the origins of both Easter and Ostara and to finally answer the age-old question: which came first – the bunny or the egg?

Historical Blindness, Ep. 28 - A Very Historically Blind Christmas Dec. 18, 2018 An exploration of the origins of Christmas traditions, with special guest Brian Earl of the Christmas Past podcast. (There is also some mention of Christmas witches!) Further installments of this series explore additional Christmas traditions and iconography which have been falsely claimed to have pagan origins as well as the myths surrounding the history of Christmas itself. (Eps. 47, 63, 84, & 132 in December of subsequent years)

Modern Myths and the People Who Create Them

Ed and Lorraine Warren

You’re Wrong About…Ed and Lorraine Warren w. Jamie Loftus November 8, 2021 Special Guest Jamie Loftus tells Sarah about Ed and Lorraine Warren (of The Conjuring and Annabelle fame). Topics of interest include Connecticut as a locus of scary happenings, New England uncles, and psychic communication with a tearstained Bigfoot.

Dig: A History Podcast - The Demonologist and the Clairvoyant: Ed and Lorraine Warren, Paranormal Investigation, and Exorcism in the Modern World Oct 3, 2021 In the 1970s, Lorraine and Ed Warren had a spotlight of paranormal obsession shining on them. In the last decade, their work as paranormal investigators–ghost hunters–has been the premise for a blockbuster horror franchise totaling at least seven films so far, and more planned in the near future. So… what the heck? Is this for real? Yes, friends, today we’re talking about demonology, psychic connections to the dead, and the patriarchy. Just a typical day with your historians at Dig.

History Uncovered, Ep. 92 - The Enfield Haunting That Inspired "The Conjuring 2" Oct 25, 2023 The Enfield Haunting began with a bang. Literally. From 1977 to 1979, an unassuming North London home was the site of near-constant paranormal activity, from knocking sounds and moving objects to disembodied voices and the terrifying alleged possession of one young daughter of the Hodgson family. But how much truth was there to these happenings? And since the Warrens got involved briefly and subsequently touted themselves as experts on the case (and made money from talking about it), how much of what we think we know reflects the actual events?

"Paranormal" Literature

You’re Wrong About…Winter Book Club - The Amityville Horror, Pts. 1-3 Dec. 20, 2021 - Feb. 6, 2022 Sarah tells guest host Jamie Loftus about the Amityville Horror, how it’s a Christmas story, and buying murder furniture might not be such a great idea. Further highlights include Jodie the Demon Pig, poor insulation and terrible parenting as evidence of a haunting, lots and lots of sunk cost fallacy, and how the book kind of debunks itself.

You’re Wrong About… - Michelle Remembers, Pt. 1-5 March 26, 2020 - April 30, 2020 Intrepid hosts Sarah and Mike delve into one of the foundational texts of the Satanic Panic - “Michelle Remembers.” A young woman spends a year undergoing hypnosis therapy, which uncovers repressed memories of shocking and horrifying abuse at the hands of a Satanic cult. The book became a foundational text for both mental health professionals and law enforcement attempting to grapple with an alleged nationwide network of insidiously invisible child-abducting cults. The only problem is…none of what Michelle remembered ever actually happened.

You’re Wrong About…. - The Satan Seller, Pt. 1-5 June 28, 2021 - August 9, 2021 Sarah and Mike return to Camp You’re Wrong About for another Satanic Panic story hour. This time, the summer book club explores Mike Warnke’s 1972 “memoir” about joining a demonic cult, rising through the ranks of Satan’s favorite lackeys, his sudden downfall and redemption, and the California hedonism that made him do it. This is followed by a discussion of the Cornerstone Magazine exposé that brought the facts to light and thoroughly discredited Warnke’s story.

American Hysteria, Eps. 64-66 - Chick Tracts, Pts. 1-3 March 20 - April 03, 2023 In his own lifetime, Jack Chick was one of most prolific and widely-read comic artists in history. His company, Chick Tracts, published hundreds of millions of copies of pocket-sized bible comics, filled with lurid illustrations of cackling demons, wicked witches, and sinister cults, all hell-bent on corrupting any hapless mortal they could get their hands on. These tracts were meant to be left where they might be found by a sinner in need of salvation, with a scared-straight morality-play approach to Christianity that contributed in no small part to the period in the late 20th century we now call the Satanic Panic. (There’s also a follow-up two-part episode about one of Chick’s “occult experts,” who claimed to be, among other things, a real-life vampire.)

History Uncovered, Ep. 95 - Roland Doe, The Boy Who Inspired "The Exorcist" November 15, 2023 In 1949, priests performed an exorcism on a boy referred to as "Roland Doe," aka Ronald Hunkeler, in a chilling ordeal that became the real-life inspiration for William Peter Blatty's 1971 book, "The Exorcist," and the movie adaptation released in 1973. But what really happened during this alleged exorcism and was there any proof of the claims of alleged demonic paranormal activity surrounding the events?

You're Wrong About... - The Exorcist (with Marlena Williams) December 27, 2023 Marlena Williams, author of "Night Mother: A Personal and Cultural History of the Exorcist," joins host Sarah Marshall to discuss the little possession movie that changed America forever. Was the set cursed by Satan himself, or plain old 70s misogyny? What makes a country going through a cultural upheaval embrace stories about the Devil? And - the most critical question of all - do Ouija boards really cause possession?

Conspiracy Theories and Moral Panics

Secret Societies and Antisemitism

Historical Blindness, Ep. 14 - Bloody Libel December 12, 2017 An exploration of one of the most destructive myths in history - the blood libel, or the false accusation that Jews of the Middle Ages and beyond ritually murdered Christian children, a lie that host Nathaniel Lloyd traces back to its’ roots in medieval England and the murder of one Young William of Norwich.

Historical Blindness, Eps. 56-57 - The Illuminati Illuminated September 15-29, 2020 A contemplation of the modern conservative conspiracy theory of a “deep state” leads host Nathaniel Lloyd back to the dawn of the modern conspiracy theory, the Enlightenment, when the ultimate conservative conspiracy theory was born as an explanation for the French Revolution: The Illuminati!

Historical Blindness, Eps. 38-40 - Nazi Occultism, Parts 1-3 July 2-30, 2019 An exploration of the dark roots of Nazi occult philosophies, from a neo-paganism preoccupied with the Nordic Pantheon, to a folksy back-to-the-land movement that evolved into a nationalist sentiment, to an ideology of racial supremacy all tied up with contemporary myths and pseudoscience. (The host is careful to note with clarity and vehemence at the start of each episode that this series IN NO WAY approves of, promotes, or supports this ideology and Nazism is roundly condemned at every turn. It’s not an easy listen, but understanding how and why this bigotry continues to be a problem in pagan spaces and how to recognize it is very important.) TL;DR - Fuck Nazis. No tolerance for genocidal fuckwads.

DIG: A History Podcast - Werewolves, Vampires, and the Aryans of Ancient Atlantis: The Occultic Roots of the Nazi Party Oct 17, 2021 Modern movie plotlines which portray Nazi obsessions with occultism might be exaggerated for dramatic effect, but they aren't made up out of wholecloth. The NSDAP, or the National Socialist Worker's Party, was a party ideologically enabled by occultist theories about the Aryan race and vampiric Jews, on old folk tales about secret vigilante courts and nationalist werewolves, and on pseudoscientific ideas about ice moons. In this episode, the hosts explore the occult ideas, racial mythology, and 'supernatural imaginary' that helped to create the Nazi Party.

The Satanic Panic

American Hysteria - Satanic Panic, pt 1 & 2 Dec. 10 2018 - Jan. 07, 2019 This two-part episode covers perhaps the most mystifying moral panic in US history, the 1980s and early 90s ‘Satanic Panic.’ For this episode, Chelsey covers the rise of organized Satanism beginning in the late 60s, as well as the adversarial countercultures of the hippies and the metalheads, and their apparent Satanic crimes that would be hailed as proof of their evil, as well as proof that teens, as well as children, were in serious moral peril. Satan was allegedly hypnotizing the youth with secret messages in backwards rock songs, teaching them occult magic in Saturday morning cartoons, and causing suicides through a popular role-playing games, all while helping religion blur into politics for good.

For part two, Chelsey will cover what came next, a serious investigation into an imagined network of Satanic cults ritually abusing children in daycare centers all over the country. Chelsey will try to understand this shocking decade in history, why it really happened, and the cultural issues it was really about.

BS-Free Witchcraft, Ep 10 - The Satanic Panic April 27, 2019 The Satanic Panic of the 70s, 80s, and 90s shaped the Modern Witchcraft Movement in a lot of unexpected ways. Its effects still ripple through a lot of our sources, so in this installment of the podcast we’re digging into this extremely weird part of American history. It’s a bit of a doozy, after all.

BS-Free Witchcraft - Ep. 32: A New Satanic Panic? February 27, 2021 A couple of years ago, we did an episode on the history of the Satanic Panic of the latter half of the twentieth century, but recent events have led us to ask - could it be happening again? It’s very possible that we are at the start of a new wave of satanic panic, and QAnon is just the latest symptom of a larger problem.

Occultae Veritatis, Case #014: Satanic Panic of Martensville Jan. 28, 2018 Today the hosts cover one of the various Satanic ritual abuse scandals that happened close to them. Is it full of hot air and false allegations? Yes. Yes it is.

Occultae Veritatis, Case #097A & B: Dungeons, Dragons, and the Satanic Panic Dec. 07, 2019 - Dec. 15, 2019 Dungeons & Dragons, introduced in 1974, attracted millions of players, along with accusations by some religious figures that the game fostered demon worship and a belief in witchcraft and magic.

[Last Updated: Dec 29, 2023]

#witchblr #witch community #podcasts #podcast recs #history #satanic panic #fuck the warrens

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weeping-for-a-ship-isnt-enough · 14 days

Text

Sick Days In (Mr. Puzzles/Reader)

───── ⋆ ⋅ ⋆ ⋅ ☆ ⋅ ⋆ ⋅ ⋆ ─────

When the Reader gets sick and bedridden, Mr. Puzzles takes it upon himself to help cheer them up (with questionable suggestions).

Header by: @crypticscarecrow <3

Of course— of course! Today just had to be the day, didn't it? Of course your body decided that today, out of the other 365 days in the year, this day, had to be the day you had to be bedridden with a stuffy nose, raspy throat, itchy eyes, and pounding headache.

Never mind the plans you had for today, no! Forget everything you thought you were going to do today, because today, you were going to be in bed suffering with the thought of doing much more productive things than this right now.

Amazing! Awesome! POGGERS! FANTASTIC!

Ugh.

With yet another sniffle, you roll over in your messy bed and stare up at the ceiling, thinking of game plans to catch up with things for tomorrow. You know the gang is patient enough to not berate you in your state, some of them even checked up on you and brought you helpful things; but even then you feel awful for not being productive at all. Even if it wasn't your fault, the guilt overrides the feeling of reassurance from your friends.

On top of that, the fear of missing out is making your situation even worse. You promised you'd help SMG4 with a new video (3 is probably already helping in your absence), go out training with Meggy and Tari (they're probably already having a blast in the training grounds), and (oh god) help Mr. Puzzles with a new script.

Actually, you cannot see him making a script without you, ever since his rehabilitation and integration to the group, he hasn't spent a moment without you. You were his co-writer, his co-host, his co-director, you were all of his co-s! He refuses to not let you have a role in what he makes now. It's rather endearing...

You throw an arm over your eyes, shielding them from the bright light coming through your window.

Honestly, you're surprised he hasn't even texted you yet, yelling where you were and being as dramatic as possible about your disappearance. Knowing him, he's probably terrorizing the group to answer him about your whereabouts, instead of— y'know, checking in your room? He gets so dramatic that he can't even think of the obvious sometimes. But really, it's just charming to you, you laugh whenever it happens. The thought brings a smile to your face, feeling a tiny shine of happiness in your foul and frustrating mood. Funny how it happens, he's not even here and he still brings a smile to your face.

You sniffle again, feeling the gross sensation of your stuffy nose running down before instantly sitting up and getting another tissue for yourself. As you blow into it, a sudden brute force quite literally breaks down your bedroom door with a loud SLAM and CRASH. The sudden noise gives your head a pound of pain, making you flinch and groan loudly as you try to rub the feeling away. When you look up at the remains of your door, you spot none other than Mr. Drama Queen himself, with that crazy realistic look in his screen.

"Fuck! Puzzles!" You curse with a deep frown.

The TV man practically lunges himself to your bed, grabbing you by the shoulders and gripping them as hard as possible (not enough to cause you pain, though). Ignoring the tired and pissed off expression you wear, he leans in dangerously close to you and begins to scream in your face.

"WHO DID THIS TO YOU!? I SWEAR I WILL FIND WHOEVER DID THIS TO MY NUMBER ONE STAR AND KILL THEM—"

"Puzzles, I'm fine— Fuck's sake, stop being so loud, please," you whine at the man, letting yourself be limp to fall back on your pillow. Your attempts are futile, however, because of somebody's hands holding you in place. His screen changes to his crazed-off look, the one that isn't realistically made with eyes and lips but a wide colorful smile and deep shadows above his eyes.

"Well, you don't look fine! You've been in your room all day! You had poor little ol' me worried!"

"Ugh— I don't feel fine, but I am fine. Just a sick day, dude."

"That's why I must find whoever it is that made you contract this awful virus. Nobody gets to make my star actor feel awful and get away with it!" He hisses, slightly shaking you front and back.

This man.

You roll your eyes with an amused smile on your face, you bring your hand to his arm, quietly asking him to stop shaking you. Thankfully, he gets the message.

"Nobody purposefully gave me anything, Puzzles."

"That's what they want you to think." He says with a disdained look. He finally let's go of your shoulders after sitting you up more straight, not even letting you fall back on your bed. Instead, he sits besides you at the edge of your bed, his body and screen facing you directly.

"But— mystery solving aside, how are you feeling?" Mr. Puzzles smiles normally at you, as if just moments ago he didn't go psycho-crazy about killing whatever imaginary person made you sick.

"Like shit," you huff as you fall backwards, leaning against the pillows and the cold wall. A helpful chill to combat that fever (but probably not productive). "I've taken everything for it but it won't take effect until a few more hours."

"Yes, a rather lousy state to be in... That just means I can keep you company until you feel better!" He says in a very chirpy tone, crossing his legs and gently folding his hands together on his knees.

You scoff a smile. "Thanks, but— shouldn't you be working on that script? I don't think you'd like to see me sniffling and— blowing my nose all day."

"Nonsense! I insist. There's nothing I would love more than to bring your spirits up! Even if just a little bit. We can work on that script later when you feel in a better mood."

Your smile only widens, making the corner of your eyes lift and your eyebrows furrow into a softer, appreciative look.

"See! It's already working." The TV gestures at you, obviously proud of the fact he can make you smile.

You hum in agreement, sniffling right after. "Yeah... Thank you."

"Would you like to watch anything in particular?" He offers with a tilt of his head.

"Mm... The Book of Life?"

"Done!" He brings a hand up to his dials and turns one to his left, switching the channel to the movie requested by his favorite star.

As the beginning logos appear, you hum in thought; glancing down at his gloved hands, then back at him, you smile and tilt your head. "Do you want to know why I'm sick today?"

The movie in his face screen pauses, with the symbol on the top right and static lines glitching the image, but he doesn't turn it back to his face. "Very much so."

"Cats." You say with an amused smirk.

"... Cats?"

"I'm allergic to them. I pet one last night and I guess I didn't wash my hands well enough." You nonchalantly shrug.

After a second of silence, Mr. Puzzles' shoulders rise as if he's taking a deep breath and clasps his hands together, pointing his fingers right at you. "... What did the cat look like?"

"Turn the movie back on, I'm not telling you." You huff and scoot a little more to the left, leaving room for Mr. Puzzles to sit on the bed with criss-crossed legs.

"Fine." He reluctantly complies, but deep down you know he never minds playing movies for you. Not you. Never you.

#mr puzzles #mr puzzles smg4 #smg4 mr puzzles #mr puzzles x reader #mr puzzles/reader #smg4 #smg4 puzzlevision #x reader #/reader #puzzlevision arc #smg4 tv adware #ayyy first fic posttt #hope you enjoy <3 #i keep changing and editing a lot of things AND I WILL CONTINUE TO DO IT

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correlance · 3 months

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Say what you will about the Charlie/Alastor (Charlastor) ship, but my God, the fanfiction "Similing Man" by MuseValentine, which was completed on 3 January 2022, so thoroughly called the following:

Alastor feeling insecure and threatened by Lucifer's power.

Alastor and Lucifer having a Texas stand-off over Charlie.

Alastor being a cocky little shit about it towards Lucifer.

The "oh shit" moment of panic where Alastor realizes that Charlie is the daughter of Lucifer Morningstar, and then Lucifer going "have a seat" in order to intimidate Alastor, is also so hilariously well-written.

Art by SpicyUnicornPowder on Twitter.

Excerpt from Chapters 24-25:

The party was really turning up and he was trying his best to be mindful of the drinks so that not even a drop spilled. Thankfully, Charlie wasn’t too far away, and it looked like her mother had found her once again. Keeping a careful eye on the refreshments in hand, Alastor beelined his way back to her, where she smiled at him once more when he returned to her side.

“Oh, you’re back!” he heard her say, and finally safe and still, he looked up to once more greet Charlie’s lovely mother and engage in a polite conversation with the two ladies.

And that’s when Alastor realised then that there was somebody else with them.

And he froze.

“Alastor, I’d like to introduce you to my father….”

This was impossible.

A cruel twist of fate.

There was no way this could be so.

Alastor wasn’t sure what was going on now, but what he did know was that in the short amount of time since he looked at him, his heart started racing and his tongue went dry, as did a familiar but unsavouring tinge of anxiety hit his guts, causing his nerves to start going off the edge, making him feel like the smile he had on was starting to crack.

Oh, how he must have looked like a deer caught in the headlights.

No. He probably looked more like the night they’d first met when all bloodied and crazed from the high of two kills on that corner in Lafayette.

“…Lucifer Magne.”

Standing before him, short and blonde and dressed from head-to-toe in white in a showman-like fashion, was the Big Apple.

“Have we met before?”

Unfortunately for Alastor, it had to be thrown right at his face.

“No, I don’t believe we have.”

But life was funny like that, wasn’t it?

“Strange,” the man – Lucifer – remarked with a tilt of his head, eyes studying him curiously. “You’re an awful lot familiar. Swear I would have remembered you anywhere.”

The mocking glint in the man’s eyes, watching the way he was bluffing, it all made Alastor’s nerves go on a frenzy while he remained still and stone-faced. The man was bluffing – Alastor was made and he knew it. He knew the stakes that were at hand here for him, considering the circumstances.

“You might have heard of him, Daddy,” Charlie quipped with a smile. “Alastor’s a radio host. A very good one too!”

But under all sorts of circumstances, did it have to be the one where he turned out to be the father of his goddamn neighbour?!

“Oh! I thought you sounded familiar!” Lilith suddenly exclaimed with a clap of her hands. “You’re the one who interviewed our darling for her hotel! Thank you for helping her out with that, by the way!”

While Lilith was somewhat gushing, her husband only quirked an eyebrow in curiosity, although the look in his eyes gave away the indication that it was something he already knew.

“A radio host? My, how interesting,” he said in a tone that seemed marvelled although it was clearly not, turning more questioning as he inquired, “Is there anything else that you do, Mr. Carlon?”

Hearing the question that, without a doubt, held a double meaning behind it, Alastor finally broke out of his stupor and cleared his throat, not realising until then how dry his mouth was.

“Nope, nothing else at all,” he answered the lie as calmly as he could, ignoring the scratchy feeling of the dryness of his mouth. “I’m quite a boring egg outside of work, I’ll say.”

The Big Apple only hummed, which might seem out of being unimpressed if not for the fact that Alastor knew better to realise that’s the bunk and he was truly unconvinced. And why wouldn’t he be? The man had seen for himself what he did outside of work. There was no point lying to him, and it was disconcerting to be standing in front of him feeling so bare despite being decked out in his best suit.

Looking away from the eyes of the Big Apple, he turned to Charlie and handed her drink, taking a sip of his gin-and-tonic to quench the cottony feeling of his tongue, although the burn from the alcohol made him wince slightly.

Over her drink, Charlie eyed him in concern. “Alastor? Are you alright?”

Hearing her concern made his grin widened instantly as if it was reflex. “Oh, yes!” he lied through his teeth, “Just that this here’s some real strong hooch.”

A laugh was forced out of him to cover up that close slip-up of his demeanour, but one quick look at her and suddenly he found it difficult to look at Charlie in the eyes, throwing him off immensely. How the tables have turned considering usually he was the one making her look away. Unnerved once more, Alastor moved his gaze away from her, and this definitely did not escape her notice.

But then Lilith leaned in to look at him with worry. “Oh, goodness. Are you feeling alright? You seem a little flushed.”

Alastor was about to give a quick response of assurance if it wasn’t for the look on Lucifer’s face that cut him short. The blond man was eyeing him carefully, watching his expressions and his movements, the corner of lips tilted up in a smirk as if he was waiting for a slip-up from him.

“Why yes, you do seem quite flushed, my friend. I wouldn’t think a simple gin-and-tonic would have such a bite on you.”

If Alastor hadn’t known any better, he would have thought that he was just poking fun at what seemed like his incapability to hold down his liquor. But he did know better, enough to quickly catch on to the last bit of the sentence that sent his nerves on end for the umpteenth time.

Against the sinking feeling of his gut, he forced himself to stretch his grin further as he waved a hand in dimissory. “No, I’m fine,” he exclaimed a tad bit louder than he would like. “And this sure is a hooker! Been a while since I’ve had a good drink!”

The liquor did taste good, probably the most top-notch quality that bootlegged could offer. But the taste was soured by this moment, how it was all a farce on Alastor’s part, as much as it may have been for Lucifer, the both of them eyeing each other intently.

And this definitely was noticed by Charlie, who watched them quietly, sensing the building of tension in the air that came from the both of them.

But that tension was broken immediately by Lilith, who seemed to not have noticed the exchange as she was busy looking elsewhere. “Darling, I see that Stolas has just arrived. Goodness, he seemed to have brought that little toy of his instead of his wife! How scandalous.”

For that moment, Lucifer moved his attention away from Alastor, smiling kindly to his frau. “Now, my love, we shouldn’t stick our noses into his business. Let him have his fun. Shall we say our ‘hello’?”

Seeing that this was the end of their little meeting, he moved to his daughter, giving her a kiss on the cheek as he patted her head affectionately, and Charlie preened at this loving fatherly affection. A sight that would have made Alastor glad to see her so happy if it wasn’t for the fact that it was almost unbearable to look at the both of them together now.

And then a hand came to his shoulder in a friendly pat, immediately irking him from being touched but unable to do anything about it. From the corner of his eye, the Big Apple was looking at him with his lips pulled back into that familiar chilling grin, hidden from his wife’s and daughter’s view and given specially to him.

“Relax, my friend,” Lucifer said cheerily, an undertone clearly noted, “Enjoy the party, yes?”

Alastor could only watch as he linked his arm to Lilith’s and walked away. Despite the noise and activity that was going on around him, he felt like he had hit a standstill in time, his mind racing down a trail of spiralling thoughts, unsure of what to think or feel at this moment, amazed yet disturbed that he didn’t know.

”Alastor?”

Charlie’s voice calling his name in concern broke him out of the almost train wreck of his mind as he turned to look at her with unreadable eyes that did not give way to the turmoil inside him.

“I hope you don’t mind Daddy…” she said reassuringly, looking quite fretful. “He’s a little intimidating, is all.”

A ‘little’ was clearly such an extreme understatement.

[...]

“Have a seat, Mr. Carlon,” Lucifer gestured to the seat opposite his and his desk, and Alastor accepted the invitation willingly.

An intricate silver cigarette casing was taken out from his jacket’s inner pocket, popped open and held out to Alastor, who took one with a nod of thanks. A stick to his own lips and Lucifer took a lighter to graciously alight both their cigarettes.

Alastor took a second to himself to enjoy a much-needed puff as Lucifer circled around the desk back to his armchair. “Are you feeling better?” he asked politely, making himself comfy in his seat.

Exhaling another puff that seemed like a relief to his lungs, Alastor replied, “What gave you the implication that I wasn’t?”

“The look on your mug when you saw mine.”

And just like that, it seemed the smoke did no use to ease him any longer, watching as Lucifer’s face split into a wide grin, laughing softly with a shake of his head. And yet, this was not all that shocking to him, taking a silent breath to himself as he willed his tense body to move, leaning forward to flick the ashes of his cigarette on a nearby ashtray.

“So, we’re dropping the pretence now, I assume?” Alastor questioned blankly, putting the cigarette back to his lips.

“You’re not really someone easy to forget, Mr. Carlon,” Lucifer noted casually with the flicker of his own cigarette ash onto the ashtray. “Or should I just call you ‘Alastor’, now that we’re very familiar with each other?”

“Call me anything you want. Either one’s my name anyway.”

Lucifer only hummed in agreement, and quickly after, a silence ensued. Both men did not talk, just sitting across each other, focus on only their own gaspers within the silence of the study. But while Lucifer was reclining on his chair looking elsewhere, Alastor’s eyes were fixed on him – watching, waiting, anticipating, even though he had no clue what to expect at all.

And that bothered him to no end.

“Come now, no need to be so tense,” Lucifer suddenly broke the silence in a reassured tone. “Did you enjoy the cake, Alastor?”

A strange turn of a conversation, but one Alastor kept up with as she politely shook his head. “Didn’t take a slice, sorry. I’m not a fan of sweets.”

Lucifer looked almost disappointed to hear that. “Oh? What a shame. It’s a lovely cake. Pineapple upside-down. Very fashionable. My wife picked it out.”

Taking a drag before exhaling smoke in a puff, he continued almost mellow-like. “Ah, my Lilith. Such a catch, isn’t she? How I do love her so dearly.”

Alastor only nodded along, keeping a polite smile on his face. Any egg would know better than to show much enthusiasm when a man was talking about his wife, so he kept the niceties to a minimum in this strange atmosphere, still simply watching and waiting.

“Do you know who else I love dearly, Alastor?”

And just like that, Alastor immediately felt his smile dropping just the slightest.

“My daughter.”

Lucifer took a last drag, smoothly blowing smoke out in a smooth stream before butting it out on the ashtray, and that’s when his eyes turned to look at him, narrowed into dangerous slits that seemed reminiscent of a snake ready to pounce.

“Which is why I want to know how exactly did she manage to wind up with you.”

If looks could kill, then Lucifer was intent to do so, withdrawing from under his desk a revolver.

The silence in the room could have been quiet enough to hear the way Alastor’s heart dropped right to the floor as he stared at the bean-shooter aimed right at his head.

Even after he felt the last bits of his cigarette turning to ash and falling to the floor, he was too frozen to even move to discard it on the ashtray. In his standstill, his eyes remained on Lucifer, whose glare only seemed more menacing against his grin.

“Well?”

“We’re neighbours.”

It was the truth, so what else could he have said other than that? But judging from the way his eyes widened in slight surprise, the answer clearly wasn’t what Lucifer was expecting. Then again, maybe it’s how he answered so blankly that threw him off. Alastor couldn’t be too sure at which.

“Apologies if it isn’t as exciting as you might think I had more dire intentions,” he apologised for no reason in particular, “but it is as simple as that.”

The revolver unwavering, Lucifer rested his head on his free hand, looking thoughtful. “That’s not really much of an answer.”

“She’s the one who invited me.”

“And there she was, looking so shy and bashful when she wanted me to meet you,” Lucifer said with a hard edge to his voice, as if the words that left his mouth left a disgusting taste on his tongue at the thought of it. “So, is this some sort of sick plan of yours, then?”

Without a doubt, Alastor was taken aback by the blatant accusation that was directed at him.

“To be completely fair, I had no idea that she was your daughter,” he explained. “I think you yourself could understand that from our very inopportune meeting earlier on.”

Lucifer laughed as if the memory of that meeting was humorous to him, and Alastor couldn’t help but feel the slightest bit peeved that he seemed to be laughing at him. He didn’t appreciate really being taken for a joke, even with a revolver pointed at right between his eyes.

“Well, now you do, so what then?”

“What makes you think I’d want to do anything to Charlie?” he countered back, almost challengingly as though to make a point for himself.

Lucifer may have definitely seen the agitation on his face, looking more bemused as he leaned forward, the revolver inching closer to Alastor’s head, but the radio host he remained calm, not even flinching in the slightest as he continued to observe.

“No need to play coy with me, friend. I’ve seen the stunt you’re able to pull. The way your eyes dilate with the thrill of the kill. Almost seems like you think of it as some fun game!”

Alastor couldn’t help but huff in amusement, his face not denying the truth in the man’s presumptions, which only prompted him to continue with, “So, is that what you’re intending to play with Charlie?”

The room fell into a hushed silence again, as Lucifer waited for his answer and Alastor staring blankly at him.

One would not have felt the spark of irritation that was growing within the man in the red suit. The way Lucifer prompted curiously, pressing him to spill, it admittedly agitated Alastor. He didn’t like having to be given the third this way, especially with the revolver pointed right at his face, as though mocking him into submission.

An inkling in him saw this as a sort of cowardice, that he’d have to whip out a heat just to have some show of power to intimidate him in the slightest. How absolutely obnoxious, he’ll say!

And so, vain and cocky in true fashion, Alastor couldn’t help but bite back even in the slightest, confident and without resistance, doing so with a sharp grin.

“If I wanted her dead, she would’ve been long gone before you even met me.”

Now, that definitely seemed like the wrong thing to say.

Alastor watched as the look on Lucifer’s face shifted, turning darker as his eyes narrowed, his grin starting to become a tad bit more tighter, clearly having a chord struck in him, the murderous intent burning more as the seconds passed by quickly.

Well, quite understandable really, considering he just up and dared indirectly said he wanted to have the curse on Charlie.

Yet, the words that followed the expression had no match at all.

“You know, Alastor, you remind me of a deer.”

His darkening aura started to lighten up as he regained his composure, and the sudden change in the conversation only confused Alastor once more. He was probably getting whiplash from the constant turn of events that he had endured for the just the past hour or so, too stupefied to say anything now. No response came, only silence in waiting for the continuation.

“You don’t seem like so, but such a bravado that exists within you. So poised and elegant, like a buck with impressive antlers – an assertion of power and dominance. How you bring yourself so confidently that it seemed like you rule above all, that nothing could bring you down.”

A loud click suddenly resonated in the room, coming from the hammer of the revolver that’s been pushed down and ready for ignition.

And just like that, Alastor was startled, eyes widening as it darted to the tip of the barrel that was still aimed steadfastly in the middle of his forehead, focus only on that instead of the crazed grin on the Big Apple. It probably wasn’t loud, but he could hear the hammering of his heart resonate loudly in his hearing, almost blocking out the next seething words that followed.

“But put a gun right on them and it’s just an act, revealing nothing more than prey.”

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blackypanther9 · 2 months

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If you had a girlfriend and came out to Alastor – Father!Alastor x Teen!Daughter!Reader

To Anon: Hi there, Nonny ! You see I did some research and apparently in the roaring 1920s there was a “Pansy Craze” (a period of increased LGBT visibility In American culture and New Orleans belonged to the USA since 1803, so it could have also affected them in my researches). From the 1920s to 1933 people from the LGBTQ community performed on stages in Cities around the world. So I thought, maybe they knew and I decided to make a TWO in ONE Oneshot, just to make it a bit fair. One where Y/n found out she was lesbian when she was alive and one when she was in Hell. Just in case someone wants a Human Version too. I hope that is not an issue for ya ! ^^’ Without further ado and my nerdy, scraping over the surface knowledge....I hope you enjoy this Oneshot and I hit your expectations with this ! QwQ

TAGLIST: @meg-giry1 @wen01203

(Drawing belongs to rightful owner)

Words: 6 864

Human Version:

You were nervous beyond belief. Why ? Your Father, Alastor Hazbin, the infamous Radio Host, wanted to meet your Lover. Many would be excited, of course, but your case was different. VERY different. Your Father assumed that your Lover was a man, that you somehow got without him knowing, but it was a woman...just like you. You were so very scared of your Father’s reaction.

For weeks you could hide it from him, your dirty little secret. At least you hoped you could, but he knew you were sneaking out a lot, lying into his face with where you went, you were bad in lying. He could read you like an open book.

For three years you knew that you were a lesbian. Men never interested you in any way that would have screamed love. But females ? You saw one once and she was so pretty that your heart started to do flips, when you talked to a pretty girl, you would stutter which you usually never did. These signs were enough for you, to test something and the results showed, that you were indeed...attracted to woman. Your own gender. Fuck.

Your beloved partner, took your left hand into her own, gently. You looked at her and she gave you a smile, to try and encourage you. After you finished your test, by asking her out, just to test a theory, the two of you became actual Lovers and you were happy, just sneaking around and stealing kisses. Now this could all end abruptly. You took a deep breath. You tightened your hold on your Lover’s hand, to ground yourself.

“Here goes nothing...”, you muttered.

You lifted your hand and knocked at the door of your home. Alastor practically locked you out and said he will only let you back inside again, if you let him meet your Lover. No talking yourself out of it.

So you went to her place a scared mess and explained the whole situation. She calmed you down and agreed to go instantly. The faster this is over and done with, the less you can work yourself up about it.

The door swung open and the face of your Father greeted you both, big smile on his face, which dimmed as he saw you and your partner, assuming she was just your friend.

“Cher...who is this ?”, your Father asked, never having met your Girlfriend before.

You took another deep inhale, while your Lover continued to hold your hand and squeezed it affectionately, supporting you the best she could.

“D-Dad...C-can we c-come in ?”, you asked in a nervous stutter.

Alastor looked at you both in concern, knowing this was something heavy and serious to you, so he stepped aside and let you both enter the house. You both just stood in the living room after you took off your shoes. Alastor gestured to the couch, while he went to the kitchen to make some tea and a coffee for himself.

The both of you sat down and you started to shake and sweat. Your partner gave you an affectionate hug.

“Calm down, Love. I’m sure he won’t hate you.”, your Girlfriend said softly.

You looked at her, shaking like a leaf.

“W-what if he...disowns me...? I-I just want his support. W-what if he won’t...accept me ? Accept you ? Accept us ? I love you, but I also love him. I don’t want to lose my Papa. He raised me for years, Darling.”, you whispered shakily.

She hugged you tighter and ran her fingers through your hair, kissing your cheek.

“Don’t draw crosses on the walls just yet, Love. You told me so many stories about your Dad, that I am almost certain, that he will at least try and adjust to this. You said he always made sure that no man will hurt you, never let any of them take you out on a date...maybe he will be glad you are not into men anyways.”, she tried to comfort you.

You looked at her and kissed her lovingly. She really was your rock right now. You were so scared and nervous, that you didn’t even think of that possibility. Your Pa was always gentle with women, but rarely with men. Maybe he will accept this... Hopefully...

Soon enough Alastor returned with two cups.

“I made Peppermint tea. I hope it will calm you down, Cher. You look ready to bolt away and cry.”, your Father said gently and set the two cups down in front of you and your Lover.

“Th-thanks...Papa...”, you got out.

He saw how much you shook. You looked like you were about to cry for hours and it worried him deeply. Did something happen ? Was your friend with you, because your Lover decided to dump you ? Was he abusive ? Did Alastor have to go on another killing spree ?

He returned with his cup of Coffee and sat down in his armchair. He looked at his daughter with worried eyes, still filled with adoration and love for his little girl.

“Mon ange (My Angel), what happened ? Why are you so nervous ?”, your Father asked gently.

Your Lover squeezed your shoulder gently, encouraging you to come out to him.

“Y-you wanted to m-meet my L-Lover...right, Papa ?”, you stuttered out, wringing your hands in an aggressive manner.

Your partner took your hands into hers and squeezed them, trying to avoid it that you hurt yourself. Alastor nodded.

“Did he hurt you ? Do I have to get police involved ?”, he asked you.

You shook your head and then clammed your mouth shut. Your anxiety was skyrocketing.

“Drink a sip of your tea, Cher.”, your Father suggested gently.

You shakily reached out for it and as you took it, Alastor saw how violently you shook. You almost spilled your drink while you sipped on it. After you sipped enough, you felt a bit calmer, but still very scared. You looked at your partner, who nodded and gave you and encouraging smile.

You looked at your Father again, took a deep breath and then tried to not look so scared. He admired your urge to try and act fearless, but he knew how spooked you are, so he didn’t understand, why you steeled yourself so.

“Pa...I never courted a man.”

Relief and confusion rushed through him at that. No one hurt his little girl, then why were you so scared and here with your friend ?

“Then why are you so spooked, mon petit (My little one) ?”

“I...I said I never courted a man...I didn’t s-say that I was-wasn’t courting someone though, Papa...”

Your hands were clammy and sweaty, the urge to run, cry and vomit was so strong. But SHE grounded you. Your Lover grounded you. This was your Dad. He was always there for you. He might understand... You hoped.

“Then who are you courting, Cher ?”, Alastor asked a bit confused.

You took another deep breath, griped your partner’s hands tighter in your own, sat up straighter pushing your chest out a bit to try and show your confidence and gave your Father a determined look. He was surprised by how strong you try to be now, as if he will yell at you any second.

“Papa...You wanted me to introduce you to my beloved. I introduce you to my Lover. Her name is GF/n and she makes me happy.”, you blurted out, looking from her to your Father again.

His eyes were wide, his smile closed. His eyes swapped from you over to your Lover, then back to you. He looked at his Coffee.

“Am I really drinking Coffee right now ?”, he asked himself.

“You are, Papa. I’m serious.”, you told him, voice a bit weaker, lacking some confidence.

He looked at you again and your Lover.

“How long has this been going on ?”, he asked you, his voice a bit...off sounding.

You started to freak out on the inside, your confidence falling apart. He didn’t take it well, did he ? He is angry... He will kick you out. He will yell. He will shout. He will disown you. He will-

Your Lover squeezed your hand gently and you looked at her. She gave you her charming smile again, nodded gently and flicked her eyes from you to your Father, motioning you to answer him.

“We...we have b-been together fo-for...6 w-weeks.”, you stuttered out.

Alastor looked at you and set his Coffee down, not drinking it at all. He leaned forward.

“How did it start ?”, he asked.

“I-it started as an ex-experiment, r-really. We-we didn’t ex-expect the re-results...”

“Cher, stop stuttering so much. Now, tell me what experiment that was.”, he pressed.

He was actually curious, but his little girl was such a mess. Maybe he sounded a bit...cross ? He really didn’t mean to come off like that, but he was still processing all of it and he wanted to know everything, to see if you were forced into this or not.

You suddenly clammed your mouth shut, looking away, scared. You couldn’t say it, you weren’t brave enough. You tapped your Lover’s thigh gently, telling her to tell him. You were unable to.

She looked at your Father and lifted her hand softly, catching his attention.

“If I may...Y/n’s nerves are all over the place, which made her shut down on us. If you wish, I can tell you how it happened, what the experiment was about, Sir. Only if you wish to. Y/n...she is very nervous and scared.”, your Lover said.

He crooked his head to a side.

“Why would she be nervous and scared ?”, he asked.

“Well Sir, as you may know...not many approve of people like us. I tried to encourage her that you won’t be angry with her. I mean...she told me many stories about you and they were all good, you two barely argued about serious matters, you protect her from many things, you help her out with many things, which she returns as a favor and more. I tried to tell her that you most possibly won’t disown her, for being attracted to the same gender. Now that the cat is out of the bag, she is afraid what your reaction will be.”

He leaned back into his armchair and looked at you. So you were scared that he will yell at you...or worse. He sighed gently and looked at your partner, gesturing for her to tell him what the experiment was about. She nodded.

“Your daughter noticed small signs of her...sexual attractions. She was never interested in men, which she found odd, because no matter what type of man walked up to her, she found no interest or appeal in them, but with women...it seemed different. Quicker heartbeat, stuttering, finding interest in some women, finding them pretty in a different, less appropriate way...you name it. One day she met me and she wanted to experiment around with me. I work in a small bar and some knew that I was just like your daughter, not interested in men, but women. She heard about it and she found interest in me, so she asked me if I would be willing to help her in her own experiment. I agreed and we started to go out together a few times, each time it was beautiful. The more we continued her experiment, the more we fell in love with each other, until she asked me, formally, if I would do her the honors to court her. She was so shy and adorable about it too, some flowers, a package of chocolates and a small handmade scarf. I said yes and we have been courting formally for 6 weeks now.”

Alastor looked at her very interested as he heard her side of the story. You smiled gently at the memory, blushing slightly. Your Father noticed, but decided not to point it out. His smile didn’t drop, but it was a bit more genuine. He looked at you again.

“Cher, how long have you known, that you were interested in women ?”, he asked gently.

You wiggled around on the couch, uncomfortable.

“W-well, with all the signs I had...I suspected it already. If we would go only after the time I assumed this case, then it would be three years by now. When it was fully confirmed...since three months now. I experimented around with GF/n for two months, before I asked for her courtship.”, you answered, still awaiting his shouts and anger.

You were surprised as you heard your Father chuckle in amusement. You looked at your Father and saw his genuine smile, warmth and love in his eyes.

“Now, Cher, why would you ever assume that I would yell at you, for finding Love ? It may be frowned upon in the open, but for Heaven’s sake, if you love her, then you love her. What’s the big fuss about anyways ?”, he said with warmth in his voice.

“Wait...so you...you support me ?”, you asked with shyness.

“Indeed I do ! If she makes you happy, then who am I to stand in your way of your Love life, Cher ? You may be my child, but I am not controlling your life and what you fall in love with. Look at me, Cher ! I am not even married, never found the right one for me ! Hahaha !”

A big smile grew on your face. Your Lover smiled happily as she saw you light up, which also made your Father smile wider. He stood up and opened his arms for you.

“Come here, mon petit.”, he said.

You got up and ran into his arms, hugging your Papa tightly. He wrapped his arms around you too and swayed a bit back and forth, something that comforted you all the time. Happy tears escaped your eyes.

“I love you so much, Papa. You are the best.”, you said into his chest.

He smiled warmly at that and looked at your partner. He opened one of his arms and smiled gently.

“Come on, join in !”, he encouraged her.

She got up and joined into the hug. You felt so full with love and affection from the two people that meant the world to you.

“But just so you know, GF/n...you hurt my little Angel and you will have to answer to me.”, Alastor threatened.

Just because your Lover is a woman, doesn’t that mean he will be nice, if she breaks your heart. He will kill her and you knew that. You knew that you had to make sure you can trust her with that information, so she won’t spill. Because if anything happened to either of you, your Father would make sure they will be dead.

She would find out eventually, so you needed to make sure that she can be trusted with this.

Alastor would look after you and your Lover.

He fully supports you two.

If you would ever want to marry, he would give his blessing.

If the two of you ever argue and you tell your Dad, he will try to help you both sort everything out. He would calm you down and then talk with your beloved, to try and get you two back together and whoever was in the wrong, would get a scolding from him.

Your Father would never force you to marry a man for reputation, status or anything else, not even to cover up your relationship with your beloved.

If someone ever forces themselves on either of you, he will kill them, you just need to tell him.

If anyone finds out about it and wants to use it to their advantage to break you two apart, soil your names or even force one of you to marry them and have children, he will murder them in the most brutal way possible.

He will never arrange marriages with anyone for your hand, no matter what. He rather dies.

If anyone that was close to him knows about your sexual attractions and tells Alastor, he would kill them, after proudly admitting that he knew and supported it. He only left those alive, that didn’t mind it and were happy for you, just as he was.

He would fully support you and your significant other to adopt a child, if you two felt ready for it. He would even gladly help you two out.

At some point the three of you would sit down and Alastor would confess with you that he was the Bayou Killer.

Your Lover would swear secrecy and help if they needed it, after hearing that Alastor only killed those that deserved it. She also might have admitted that she already knew with the few kills that happened to certain men that harmed the both of you.

After Alastor would die, the two of you would continue his work and keep your children safe, if you have any. Otherwise it is to protect each other and other people that were innocent and would get tainted otherwise.

When the two of you die and land in Hell, you would actively hunt down your Father, while he did the same. His Father senses would immediately pick up on your arrival in Hell and he would start a search party.

You would all happily live together and catch up on what you missed from one another’s lives. You three would never split again and Alastor would help the both of you to become Overlords.

Hell Version:

You had no idea that you were lesbian, when you were alive. You just always believed what your Father told you. That you hadn’t found “The right one” yet, like him. But it was so much more complicated.

If you thought back to the past, you should have realized it way sooner. How you felt drawn to other females, how you were suddenly such a mess when you talked to a beautiful woman. You never felt attracted, nor interested, in men when you were alive. Yu thought you were straight, but actually...you were homosexual.

Just to make sure, you started to date a Demoness, behind your Father’s back. After all....what would he think of you, if you got together with a Demoness ? A darn woman ? You didn’t really wanted to find out.

The Demoness you dated was beautiful. She was caring, loving and sweet to you too. She didn’t give a fuck who you were to the public, nor who your Father was in public. Sure, she was hesitant when you approached her and told her about who you were and who your Father was, but she still accepted to help you with figuring your sexual attractions out.

The more you two bonded, the more you two fell in love with one another. You shared stories with her about your Father, which made him sound like an absolute Sweetheart in private, so she was more intrigued to meet him one day, than scared. You said you want to keep it a secret from him, which she softly agreed to, seeing your worries. But...all things must come to an end... Which lead you to a few months later.

You never told your Father, you were sneaking around. The two of you worked in the Hazbin Hotel and you would usually just sneak out at night, when the Hotel was closed, without your Father interrogating you.

You were scared beyond belief, by just thinking of telling him that you are a lesbian. He accepted Charlie and Vaggie as a pair, sure, but none of the two were HIS kids. You were his Daughter and he probably expected better of you, than to fall in love with the same gender as you.

Who was your Father ? Alastor, the Radio Demon.

You knew that your Father was an Ace, or better an AroAce, you found that out a while ago with Rosie by your side. He was never straight. He was Aromantic and Asexual, which, honestly, didn’t help you to be brave enough to tell him that you were Homosexual. It actually made it even harder.

Your Dad doesn’t even know he was an AroAce and he still had no idea what that term even meant. Rosie told him only once that he sounded like and AroAce and he asked her what that was supposed to mean. She never elaborated and you felt awkward telling him, so you didn’t.

The day had been stressful and you were already looking forward to sneaking out that night, just to see your Lover, GF/n. You just wanted to cuddle with her and tell her all about your stressful day, then fall asleep in her arms.

It was 1 in the morning ad you decided to leave. You left your room and tiptoed through the halls, to the stairs, tiptoed downstairs and then to the front door. You left quickly and quietly. You didn’t use your powers, because your Dad would have picked up on it and then could have tracked you down.

What you didn’t know, was that you weren’t as sneaky as you hoped. Alastor knew you were sneaking around at night and that night he sent his shadow after you, to spy, while he read a book in his room. He was concerned what you did at this unholy hour and why you didn’t tell him.

You walked for a while, until you were in Zestial’s turf. Then you stopped at a house and climbed through an open window, landing in the living room. You looked around and then closed the window gently, sneaking into the hall and then up the stairs, stopping at a door, opened it and entered. Inside the room, was your Beloved, reading a book. She stopped reading and looked up, smiling happily as she spotted you, which made you smile brightly too.

She closed her book, put it on her nightstand and got up. She rushed over and hugged you tightly, which you returned.

“Love ! How are you ?! You are late, I was worried you won’t come over today !”, she chirped, happily.

You chuckled and squeezed her gently.

“My Father was a bit longer than usual in the main Lobby and I can’t use my Magic to sneak off, he would track me down, Love. I’m so sorry.”, you answered her.

“It’s okay ! So ? How was your day ?”, she asked and lead you to her bed to sit down, next to her.

You groaned.

“Stressful. I don’t know how Father managed today, honestly ! Charlie had us all running around like headless chicken and the new exercises she wanted to do, were so many at once and so chaotic ! To top it all off, Pentious’ egg boiz blew holes into the ceiling and almost destroyed the roof ! Angel decided to get so wasted that he kept bothering my Father, who was close to blow a fuse and Vaggie is still staring daggers at me, because I am brutally honest with Charlie ! To end my charming day, I was left with a lot of paperwork, from Vaggie, for talking her Girlfriend down, even though I just tried to help and be honest ! It was the double amount my Father had gotten !”, you complained.

Your Lover frowned at that and started to sit behind you, massaging your shoulders, who were stiff and tense. You sighed and hummed, as she tried to loosen up your muscles.

“That really didn’t sound good. Nor is that Vaggie fair. She needs to understand that her partner also needs harsh reminders about reality. She is the Princess of Hell, but she is way too kind to get anywhere. She isn’t using her authority, nor her Power to make people stop seeing her as a joke. Coddling her won’t help her.”, your Beloved said gently.

“That is what I told her TWICE this week ! She doesn’t give a fuck ! Everyone is making fun of Charlie and she still coddles her, instead of telling her to be a bit more aggressive ! If this continues then they can shut down the Hotel entirely !”, you groaned.

She continued to massage your sore muscles and hummed gently.

“How is your Dad fairing, Love ?”

“He is managing better than me, I can tell you that. I was about to blow a fuse as Vagatha threatened me with her spear and cussed at me in Spanish. He was just so close to blow one today, that he decided to hide in his room and get to work on the papers, he is assigned to. Sometimes I am at a loss that he can still keep his smile up ! In his eyes stood pure annoyance today, while in mine was rage to see that I barely kept at bay ! Honestly, at this point I am unsure if I want to keep helping ! I just get backlash anyways !”, you scoffed.

Your Lover hugged you tightly from behind, calming down your boiling anger.

“I feel so bad for you two, Love.”, she said softly.

You sighed.

“There is not one day where we have some peace and quiet. How am I supposed to come up, with a speech, like that ?”, you said in defeat.

“You actually plan to tell him ?”, your Beloved asked you gently.

“I can’t hide this from Papa forever. I am surprised that I got away until now. But I have zero time to ready myself for the possible heartbreak I will go through.”, you muttered out.

She let go of you and kissed your neck.

“I think he will accept you still, even if you are...different.”, she tried to cheer you up, “After all, he accepts Vaggie and Charlie too, right ?”

“Hun, that is different.”

“How so ?”

“Vaggie and Charlie are not his children. I am his Daughter and I feel like I will disappoint him, when I tell him that I know now....why I was never interested in men. Yes, my Papa can be very laid back about a lot of things, mostly when it is me. But that doesn’t mean that he is alright with everything that I do and say. You have to remember that we lived in the 1920s, he lived through the late 1890s until the early 1930s, while I lived in the late 1910s to the late 1940s. Anything besides being straight was heavily frowned upon back then. Either you were straight, or you were a dysfunctional human being to the society.”, you reminded her.

“And you think your Dad will hate you for being...you ? He is an AroAce, that is what you said, with the Overlord of Cannibal Town, Rosie.”

“Cher, he has no idea what an AroAce even is.”

“Wait...none of you told him ?”, she asked in shock.

“Rosie didn’t elaborate, hoping he would research the terms himself, now that he has a label on him that he doesn’t know the meaning of and it was too awkward to me, to tell him. He always thought that he just didn’t find the right person. Imagine his world falling apart when he finds out that he was AroAce the whole time. I didn’t want him to have a breakdown about it. I can only imagine how sad he would be.”

“Now, now. Just because he is AroAce, doesn’t that mean he is incapable to be happy.”

“I know, but...at some points he HATES being different from others. I know so. I was there and at nights he thought I was asleep, he was crying. GF/n...he was hurting often and hid it behind a smile. Earth wasn’t kind to him...nor is Hell. He tries to hide it, but I know his big heart. I know that he is hurting even more and I am worried about him. He is my Papa, I love him very much. I hate to see him hurting so much.”

She gave you a sympathetic look and then a kiss on your cheek. You looked away and took a deep breath.

“As much as he would HATE to hear it...I wish he would have gone to Heaven after death. Heaven would have been kinder to him, he could have reunited with Grandma and...he would be carefree now. Here in Hell...he has to be the opposite. Hide behind smiles, show no weaknesses, be coldhearted...All this...isn’t my Papa. He is a very kind soul, but he can’t show it. And I hate that so much. He is always full of worries and fears, but he never lets anyone know. Not even me. It frustrates me, because I can see the pressure he is trying to carry on his own shoulders, all alone. He refuses help and he tries to do everything alone. He is going under in all the stress he tries to hide, he is suffering so much from it that it makes him a little crazy. I have no idea how to help him out.”, you vented.

“Have you ever asked him ? Spoken about these matters ?”

“I tried. Every time he avoids the subject ! He shuts down as soon as I try to get him to talk to me, so I can help and don’t have to watch, helplessly, how he slowly falls apart !”

Alastor’s smile was small and strained. You knew that he was very troubled. He thought he hid it well from you. He should have known that you could read him easily. After all, you grew up around him, as his Daughter.

But now a lowlife Demoness knows this too, the one you vented to. That won’t do...

He still didn’t pick up on you being Lovers. He couldn’t look through his shadow’s eyes, only listen in. He had to go and kill her when he has time.

“I tell you what. Tomorrow, I will come over to the Hazbin Hotel for a visit. You and I will tell him together about you....issue and then we try to make him open up about his own problems. It is not healthy to carry all your troubles on your own. You always need others to be stronger. Your Pa is making himself an easy target. The mind is a fragile thing, even down here.”

“Are you sure that he won’t...hate me ?”

“You told me so many stories about him and what a Sweetheart he can be in private, that I am determined to say that he won’t hate you. I am 100% sure he will still love you.”

Alastor tuned out after that, already planning her death, while the two of you made out and then decided to go to sleep.

-The next day-

You teleported back to the Hazbin Hotel, appearing in your room, after you gave your Lover a kiss. Venting to her yesterday helped you immensely. You took deep breaths, to calm down and then got ready for the day.

Charlie had you running some errands to get food stocked up, which took you a few hours. As you returned you were just informed that Charlie needed you to fill out important formulas for the Hotel, as the door opened. Everyone turned to the door in the Lobby and saw your Beloved.

“Oh my gosh ! A new guest ! Hello, I’m Charlie ! Do you want to get rehabilitated ?!”, she swarmed your Beloved and not letting her come to word.

“Actually, she is here to visit me.”, you said, coldly, to Charlie, not liking her hands on your Lover’s shoulders at all.

Charlie’s smile dropped and she sulked a bit.

“Oh...”

You approached them and pulled her into your embrace, giving Charlie a possessive glare, as you held your Beloved.

“Mine.”, you said.

Your Lover blushed and smiled brightly.

“Hun, please....”

“As if she would be willingly with you ! You are an Overlord and the Daughter of the Radio Demon ! You don’t have a heart that shows love ! What did you do to her ?!”, Vaggie accused and you glared at her, tightening your grip on your Beloved.

Your Partner glared at Vaggie.

“How about you shut your mouth, before I shut it for you, Vagatha ? Don’t you DARE to speak to me Beloved in that way !”, she snarled in anger.

Everyone stared in utter shock at the two of you. You smiled happily and kissed her cheek. As soon as you two parted from one another, your Father appeared in the Lobby. You looked at him in nerves, while your Lover kept a cool head.

“What is all this commotion about ?”, Alastor asked with a laughing track.

“Vagatha was a bitch towards your Daughter, is all, Sir.”, your Lover answered him politely, still glaring at Vaggie.

He looked at Vaggie.

“Is that so ?”, he asked dangerously calm.

Then he turned to your Lover again.

“And who might you be ?”

“My name is GF/n, a pleasure to meet you, Sir.”

“The pleasure is all mine ! The name’s Alastor, the Radio Demon !”, he greeted back happily.

Until now it seemed to go just swell. You cleared your throat.

“Papa...can we talk in private ? You, GF/n and I ? It is...urgent.”

“Why, of course, mon petit !”, he said happily and then teleported the three of you to his Radio Tower.

“So, what do you want to talk about, that is urgent ?”, he asked you.

You wrung your hands in nerves.

“W-well....you remember when we talked about my disinterest in men, when we were alive ?”, you asked nervously.

“I do, indeed ! I said you just didn’t find the right one yet ! Why ? Have you found him ?”

“W-well...it’s more...complicated, Papa...”

He cocked his head to the side in confusion.

“Oh ?”

“You see...I am...not straight...?”

Now he got nervous. What do you mean you are not straight ? He knows you meant that you aren’t Heterosexual, but what are you then, why are you so scared to tell him ?

“Continue...”, he said, his voice softer.

“I never noticed the signs when I was alive, Papa. I found it all out here in Hell and GF/n helped me to figure it all out. Along the process...we fell in Love and it had been going on for months now, we trust each other deeply, so please don’t be mad when I tell you that she knows about you a bit. I always snuck off at night, because I was scared you will be angry with my sexual orientation, so I wanted to keep it a secret until I knew how to approach you. The Hotel didn’t make it that easy and GF/n offered to support me today to tell you, because I vented to her all my worries yesterday and all my stress and Iamalesbian !”, you quickly ranted out, too nervous to speak calmly.

There was a deadly silence in the room, after you finished. Your Father was trying to catch up with everything you just ranted out so quickly. As his brain caught up with what you just confessed to him, there was a loud record screeching sound and he stared at you in shock.

“You are a WHAT ?!”, he asked in shock.

He wasn’t angry, just shocked that you found it out earlier than he did. He didn’t even know until now. You flinched.

“I...I am a Lesbian...Homosexual...”, you got out shakily now.

Your Father sprung up and rushed to you, before you could react and hide somewhere, he pulled you to his chest into a almost bone crushing hug, which shocked and surprised you.

“Oh, Cher, those are such WONDERFUL news ! You finally figured yourself out ! I’m so proud of you !”, he said happily.

“Wait...you...aren’t mad ?”, you asked in awe.

“Why would I be, mon diable (My Devil) ?! These are the best news I have ever heard ! You found love, my Dear ! And you found out your taste ! Who cares if you like the same gender ?! Why were you so afraid to tell me that ?”, he asked, his real voice coming out.

“W-well...we both lived in times where it was heavily frowned upon... I thought you wouldn’t be happy with me and so...I was too scared to tell you. I feared you would disown me...”, you said softly.

“Mon petit diable (My little Devil), I would never disown you, for being yourself. You don’t have to hide anything from me, Cher.”

He then looked at your Lover.

“Can I be assured that you won’t use anything you know against us ?”, he asked her.

“I would never want to hurt my Beloved. I love her with all my soul.”, she told your Father.

He hummed.

“Alrighty then. I am glad that I don’t have to kill you then, for knowing too much.”

“Daaaaaaaaaaaad !”, you moaned out annoyed.

“I had to make sure that she knows that she isn’t safe just because you two are courting.”, he defended himself.

“Don’t chase my Lover away, Papa !”, you scolded and smacked his right arm, playfully.

He chuckled.

“I would never, mon petit. Now ! Would anyone explain to me what in everything unholy and AroAce is ? And why I am supposed to be one ?”, he asked.

You shifted around uncomfortably.

“I will gladly do so.”, your Beloved answered and you all sat down.

Alastor would be shocked from the news.

He would be delighted to see you finally had a Lover.

Would be happy that you finally figured yourself out.

Would support you.

Alastor would be very protective of you and threaten your Lover that she isn’t safe from him, if she fucks up.

He would keep an eye out on you two.

He would never hate you for coming out to him.

Anyone tries to hurt you two, they will answer to him personally.

If the two of you argue, he will try to find the root of the issue and try very subtly to get you back together.

He would support the both of you through everything and anything.

Alastor would help your Beloved to become and Overlord after she proved herself to be worthy of you, to him.

If you two want a biological child, he will help you two out with his Magic. All he would need is a small doll, crafted to look how you want the child to look like and from each of you a vial of blood, then his Magic would do the rest and you would have a Hellborn child.

He would help you raise your kids and be a great Grandpa.

Alastor would rope Rosie in to be their Auntie. Best friends and all that, plus, Rosie loves kids.

If you want to ever marry, he would give you both the green light, as long as he can lead YOU to the altar !

If anyone has a problem with you two being together, let him know. He will gladly have a snack~

You would warm up to your Girlfriend/Wife and show his softer side to her, just give him time. After all he knows you want her to be treated like Family, he just wants to make sure that she is the right one for you.

He would fool around with your Beloved after he warmed up to her and get very protective of her, just like he was with you.

Alastor would help her out in surprising you with small to huge things.

He definitely would gossip with her about anything and everything, even talk about his past with her.

Your Father would put a lot of effort into getting to know her, her getting to know him and to bond with her.

Best Dad in the world, even if he planned to kill your Lover in the beginning.

A/N: I hope this is good and you won't be mad that I also made a Human Version ! At least then no one can demand for it, because it already exists. *Lol* Two flies with one smack !

Masterlist HERE !

#fanfiction #fem!reader #Hazbin Hotel #alastor x child!reader #alastor x reader #alastor the radio demon #alastor hazbin hotel #If you had a girlfriend and came out to Alastor – Father!Alastor x Teen!Daughter!Reader #Daughter!Reader #Father!Alastor #Alive!Alastor #Alive!Reader #Demon!Alastor #Demon!Reader

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crazymadpassionatelove · 2 days

Text

Cool Girl

Notes: None of this would be possible without my dearest darlings @ab4eva and @precious-little-scoundrel! All the hugs and kisses to you both xo

Here's the thing nobody ever admits about being the other half of a celebrity: it's actually as hard or as easy as you make it. Enter hunky, gifted actor who just happens to be hung like a horse? Well, being his lady isn't hard at all. You just have to know the rules. Number one, you can't hear the noise. Not literally, you can hear it. You must strive to live in such a bubble that none of it matters though. You shop, power walk your gated community, and take cock like it's the only job you have. Truly, it is. Pleasing him is of utmost importance. Be ready to hop a plane at a moment’s notice, or even get fucked on said plane. You're so busy spending your man’s cash snapping up authentic mid-century modern homes before certain celebrities turn them into minimalist gray prisons, raising money for dogs who need prosthetics, and trying your hand at that sourdough bread craze, you really don't even have time to see the Instagram hate being spewed your way 24/7.

Number two, remaining an enigma. Selling energy drinks on social media? Having your man pay off some fast fashion brand to “partner” with you for a collection? Appearing on some campy sitcom as a guest star? Not for you, the thought of it actually makes you recoil. You're too busy doing all the little things and making his once barely furnished house a home. Homemade chocolate chip cookies with the chocolate specially flown in from Belgium on his private plane? Check! Gold vintage jewelry via that cute little flea market in Paris is clanking as you insist on being the ones to change the bedroom sheets. A housekeeper comes once a month, and even she comments coyly about your chemistry. Still, she need not see the soaked sheets from the multiple round of lovemaking the two of you do at all hours of the day and night.

Being seen on the red carpet is not your cup of tea, but it's the equivalent of attending your man's office Christmas party. So you pick out a dress, aka one of the couture houses offers to dress you, and he flies you to Paris for multiple fittings and macarons. Then there's some vintage Van Cleef jewelry that appears on the dining room table one morning, and a fresh new pair of Louboutins is the final piece to the puzzle. Then, looking very demur and shy, you appear on his arm, clinging to it actually. You'll smile at the various television hosts and press. Speak softly, and practically defer to him for all questions. He's the star, you're just a great supporting act. Then, when the night is finally done, you both breathe a sigh of relief and he thanks you for being such a good sport. How about a McDonald's drive thru run, huh? That face, oh that handsome fucking face of his that you've been dying to kiss all night. He just always knows what to say. So that's how you're papped still in your couture gown, he in a wrinkled white button down, his jacket slid around your shoulders, feeding each other French fries and chicken nuggets, splitting a milkshake. How wholesome and Americana honestly.

That night he promises to thank you again. Austin's perfect lips wrap themselves around your puffy clit as two, then three fingers curl, shove, and squelch inside you. “You were such a good girl the whole night, baby.” There's something about being called a good girl that makes you absolutely feral. He brings you to orgasm over and over, you lose count after about 7. He's just getting started though. He hasn't even slipped inside. When he does though, it's rough. The glorious slapping sounds of flesh fill the room as he brings himself to the edge over and over, denying himself a release and giving you an additional, what three or four orgasms? You've left feral behind and have crossed over into absolute animalistic filth as you bury yourself in the goose down pillows and practically shove it in your mouth howling. Letting him have his way as you throb and clench, hot and pink with almost blurred vision as he talks you through it. Peppering the conversation with lots of “that's my girl, my pretty baby cums so damn pretty”. When you think you're in need of a paramedic, he blows inside you something reminiscent of Niagara falls. He knows how much you love a vocal man. You end the night not being able to feel your limbs or do anything beyond closing your eyes with a lazy, bashful grin. He gives you one last slap to the ass then mentions as you drift off, “Could you make some of those brownies of yours for the cast and crew tomorrow?”

The third rule of being the other half to everyone's favorite blue eyed baby boy actor? Less is more. This sort of goes hand in hand with the enigma rule. Those celebrities who traipse around in loud designer clothing and accessories covered in flashy logos? That's not you or your man for that matter. Sure you have handbags that cost more than some people's cars, but they are solid authentic leather bags your guy finds you in far flung corners when he's on location. No one really notices when you're papped and printed in People Magazine. You keep your head down in aviators he takes to wearing, a nice little subtle nod. The bands you each wear on that finger are a solid Welsh gold. Whenever his slightly deranged fans see you, the one thing they can't call you is a golddigger. You drive a jeep or even that old Ford truck he restored himself, no Lamborghinis in your garage.

Part of the less is more shtick though is being able to give a cute little nod to him here and there when appropriate. When he's cast in a certain biopic that alters his career and your lives? You sit tight and let him have his moment, after all, you know all the behind the scenes work that goes into it. The blood, sweat, and tears. There are times when he takes method acting to such a level that it's almost like going to bed with another man. You can't exactly complain though. The slight drawl that appears when he says your name is something he is never able to truly shake and you're glad. When the moment is right though, you post a tongue in cheek Instagram post. Your feed is normally bogged down with pictures of the pets, your baking, and various charities you support. This time though, you post a rare photo of yourself looking like you're a certain sort of American royalty stepped from a time machine. It's a candid shot with you at his feet. Worshiping. Except now it's sort of like you worship two men. It's fairly well received, friends tell you, though there will always be hate. Remember, you can't hear the noise. You certainly can't hear the noise women old enough to be your grandmother are making as they lust over the man who's cock you gag on every night.

Those utterly delectable fingers of his snake inside you, make you hiss and come undone as that tongue in cheek sort of throw back makeup you're sporting runs down your cheeks. “Who's my pretty girl?” He teases you. A good hour later when he finally allows himself his own release he's panting your name into your ear. He settles himself in between your breasts. Didn't his agent once mention the girls on Tumblr call him baby boy? If only they could catch a glimpse of him now. Murmuring against your skin and tracing what feels like hearts on your arms. You scroll Zillow and read out the six-figure price tags on castles in Ireland. How does fucking in a dungeon sound, honey?

Rule number four? Be ready to go to bat for him at any moment, others opinions be damned. Being Austin's other half brings out a protective streak in you. A maternal bodyguard quasi agent of sorts. Always keep your eyes peeled for the photogs, especially when he's indulging in that pesky little smoking habit he doesn't exactly like to advertise. That actual management team of his isn't bad, especially once the Elvis flick is underway and you learn just exactly how bad certain managers can be. Still, nobody has his best interests at heart the way you do. Keep his favorite snacks on hand in your purse, water ready at a moment's notice. Your boy has a tendency to work himself to the bone and you certainly cannot allow him to run himself ragged. Tea with hot honey every night was a must while he immersed himself in Elvis. Be his soft place, let him cry and vent while you run your fingers through those golden locks. Take whatever you can off his plate so he can dedicate himself to his craft.

Some wonder if you've lost yourself in him and his life, but it's the exact opposite. You've found yourself. When that angel boy praises you during press tours and jokes on talk shows about you flying out in the middle of the night to see to it his shirts are starched the way he likes and he eats breakfast, well you just sit there and smile. “I couldn't be me without her.” Those words make you melt and you immediately crave the feeling of his hot cream inside you. Playing Elvis brought out a side of him that never truly leaves once filming wraps. Stressed? Tired? Enamored? Him bending you over while you're brushing your teeth becomes a common occurrence. “That's my baby – take it, take it,” you've gotta talk it all out of him sometimes and that's fine with you. You stand in the wings of the Kelly Ripa show and try in vain to hide your red face when a PA offers you a napkin. “I think you spilled something down your leg,” the young girl offers. Something spilled all right, him inside you with his hands gripping your hair just minutes before he was due on stage.

Everything is just so right, it's only natural that cool girl very quickly becomes cool wife.

#Ashley finally writes #austin butler #austin x reader #elvis presley #cool girl #Austin Butler AU #austin butler imagine #Elvis x reader

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orphicrose · 2 months

Text

The Co-Host (Alastor x FemReader) X

Summary: You are Alastors Co host in life, perhaps more. But are separated by a sudden death. When you are finally reunited in the under world, it is up to Alastor to figure out why you don’t remember him.

Warnings ! ! Mentions of Death and Bl00D

W/C: 2.3K

Note : Thank you so so so much to everyone who has enjoyed this story. This is the last chapter to this book BUT I can make another book if anyone is interested. I really do appreciate the love this has gotten. As when it started I thought no one would open it and now i have so many readers.

@cannibalcoyote @kahlan170 @sugxryratz @multifandom-superlover @t0xic1vi @saccharine-nectarine

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Rage filled his body, replacing his lust. Surging through his veins like some sort of adrenaline booster. "Satan...."

A cane appeared in his fingertips, gripping to tight they turned white. Circulation scared to temper with the angered wendigo. Shadows tailed behind his hooves like an army of deviancy. Nothing more to lose but his second life, but that was meaningless anyway without y/n. His minions disperse from him like pathogens looking for a host, flying through the walls and dimly lit areas of hell, looking for their target. Satan.

Alastor rampaged through hell, his demonic form replacing any evidence of someone who was a human once upon a time. Radio dials replacing his pupils, and black tar like legs emerging from his torso like something from the deep sea. Face like a crazed killer relapsing, reminding him of who he was supposed to be. Lilith hadn't given him this great power for no reason, and he was going to use it.

On the other side of hell, Y/n lay battered on a warehouse floor. Abandoned by its former workers, bought by Satan to be turned into another means of business without a doubt.

"There were no distractions" She spluttered on the floor, arms bringing her away from the dirt. "My numbers are up, I don't understand..."

"Not even your sins can be of deterrence to that fool." The man mumbled, trailing around her like a coyote. "I should of killed him when I had the opportunity"

Y/n sat still, doe eyes following his movements with any anticipation to flee for her life. "I never asked for any of this"

"No one asks for anything!" He bites back, stopping in his step to lean towards the cowering demon at his feet. "I gave you a job to do, and you failed. I gave you opportunities to be a great overlord, a wealthy power to be reckoned with. And what do you do with it?"

She remained quiet, face falling to avoid his gaze.

"What do you do with it?" He repeats. Voice quieter, more sinister. "You don't even use it" The quiet whisper turns to a dark chuckle. Repeating the sentence over and over. "You don't even use it". He can't even comprehend how anyone wouldn't want the power, how anyone would fail to use it.

"What could one want more than raw magic?"

"Normality" Y/n mumbled. Feeling the blood running from her heart to her fingers, a sensation she missed from her previous life. "What do you need a million souls for? " Her tone became accusing, bolder. Climbing to her feet and balancing her stance to oppose the large man in front of her. She couldn't lose more than her life in this moment, she thought. "There is a limit for power, even for a sin as important as you. So, why so many?"

He bared his teeth, psychotic grin turning upside down to a menacing frown. Words nor forming audible, except for the growl vibrating the glare from his fangs.

"Why do you need the souls?" Her voice raised, coming closer. Too close. One move and he could bite her head from her shoulders like a rabid bear.

"Power?"

"I must bring her back!" A vociferous outcry escaped him. A new level of hostility replacing his aura, a hand reaching out and grasping her neck. Restricting any air from escaping his prey. "They took her from me" Guttural sounds gave her goosebumps, watching the tormented memories in his eyes crying, driving him to the brink of insanity as the seconds passed. His anguish pouring out in a storm of shattered words and furious tears.

Y/n clawed at the broken flesh of his fists in desperation, her fear doing the work for her as her body flailed about under his undeniable grasp. Air struggling to escape her muffled ranting for help. Her vision began to fade to the darkness of her eyelids, bloodshot at they roll away from the world. Her fighting against his merciless force taking her life from her.

"You are replaceable, everyone is. That's what they told me. That's what they said when they took her" His fist grew tighter with ever slow word to fall from him. "They took her, so I'll take you"

Something flew through the air, something sharp. Hitting him in the hand, resulting in another nasty outburst of roars and splattered words from the sin.

"So, this is why you are the Sin of wraith. Not very composed, I see. How fitting" Static rung in the air as y/n took in as much oxygen the world around her could offer. Clutching her throat in agony.

The same static got louder and louder from the life outside the building, till it stopped abruptly. The sense of inevitable danger weighed on satans shoulders, looking around in a panicked state for the source.

"A lot more paranoid than I suspected.." A hand landed on his shoulder, and sunk its claws into him. The large figure swung round, landing an elbow in Alastor's face. Stunning him.

Satan took a long second to compose himself of the almighty being in front of him, almost too big for the large ceilings. "Impressive" he put a hand over his shoulder, a flicker of light hitting him before the wound was swiftly removed. "But not that impressive".

The sin tripled in size in just a minute. Legs stretching out, and new ones forming from his torso. Face warping into another species, one that Alastor feared the most. A hellhound, Hades himself would be scared. The absence of skin, replaced by hard bone, gave Alastor a feeling of doubt. Yet, his will to win never making a mark on the sinister grin sprawled across his jaw.

Strong brick and infrastructure of the warehouse began to crumble. Falling around y/n like heavy snow. She had little time to comprehend what was happening as she was pulled out from underneath a falling brick. She sat, confused, on a patch of grass on the outskirts of a forest. A familiar shadow floating next to her on the floor, giving her a sad smile. Gesturing for her to remain in her place, before flying back to his owner.

Green and Purple hues floated atop the skyline, rocks flying for miles around her as the two beasts began their decent on one another. Primal echoes of their agony sent a wave of anxiety into confused citizens. Scared to see what the commotion was about. A symphony of raw power emitting from the two, clashing and crumbling buildings around their feet.

Y/n swallowed her fear, and struggled to her feet. It was true, she had power unlike any other overlord. Gifted to her from a sin himself, maybe she wasn't the most powerful being in the universe. But anything could help Alastor win this battle. She took a deep breath, and let it out. Letting her form sink into the ground with a purple mist following her to her destination. Materializing a few meters away from no-mans-land.

Alastor nor Satan took any interest in her presence. Till the ground shook under their feet, and Violet radiance blinded them. Almost like a storm was brewing from the core of the Earth. Years of pent up aggression and frustration came out in a loud bellow, her form warping into what could only be described as a Phoenix. Her large, dragon like body emerged from the human flesh on her back, ripping and burning it to ashes. Fur mixed with dark scales on her winged being, reminding everyone she was still a being from hell. A large beak let out a god awful screech, gaining the attention from everyone in the pentagram, and deafening those too close. Her feathers Ebony and Royal purple, resembling flames the colour of a dawning sky. Ash settled at the talons that broke the concrete below her weight, ash from her former body.

Everything froze, to admire the beautiful beast in their presence. Mistaken for a corrupt god. Satan would have been proud, if the circumstances were different. He fell backwards a few inches, his form seemingly shrinking. Barely noticeable.

"Y/n?" Alastor's figure remained the same, but the look in his eyes returned as he looked over to the large beast next to him. A mix of adoration and fear overcoming him. Y/n dared to move her gaze to him, then back to the offender. Remaining silent like a titan.

Her stance shifted, a foot coming forward with great force in an instant. Letting out another unnerving scream.

"What in my fathers name is going on here?"

Everyone looked over to y/n. Who did her best attempt at a shrug with her bird shoulders. Eyes widened as she, too, looked around for the source of the voice. The three of them turned to see a small man, hanging in the air with his large wings. Anger painted on his scowl, and arms crossed like a disappointed father.

"Down!" He shouted, like they were animals, as he pointed towards the floor. The three of the beats shares a confused and almost embarrassed look, as they hesitantly retook their position as an average hell being. Shrinking simultaneously to their previous sizes.

"Lucifer! How good to see you aga-"

The small man landed in front of Satan, taking no second to strike him across the face. "What do you think you are doing in pride? Destroying my buildings? Scaring my sinners?"

The large man looked down on him with a saddened look, holding the red mark on his face. "I had business to tend to"

Lucifer let out a frustrated laugh as he gestured to the damage around them. "Ya call this business?" He laughed again, stuttering, and holding his temple firmly "I don't even know what to say. Go home!" He flashed him with his horns for a brief second before letting himself calm down. "We will be discussing this later... But a few of your souls are going to be conviscated!"

Y/n stood awkwardly next to Al, holding an arm with the other. The king of hell turned to the two after Wraith had disappeared from his sight like a toddler with a tantrum. "And you two..." His arms crossed again, looking them up and down. Leaning uncomfortably close to them. "I expect more from overlords of my ring."

"I apologies... You're majesty" Y/n inched closer to Alastor for comfort, who remained silent. Staring at the short man in his gaze.

The king shook his head, mumbling to himself. "This just won't do"

"Do you mind... getting my soul back?"

He returned her question with a very unimpressed stare.

"For Lucifers sake... Alastor!" Y/n's voice echoed through the house like a siren in the deer's ears.

"Yes, Mon Cheri?" He appeared behind her in the kitchen, startling her. He spun and wacked him lightly in the chest in retaliation. "What's wrong?" "You ate the last of the snacks? I was saving them for our movie night" Y/n pouted, holding up an empty box of wafers.

"I did no such thing. I don't even enjoy those bland creations" He pretended to take offence, holding his heart.

"Well, who else would have eaten them?"

He grinned wider, staring at her with little to no expression before grabbing her arm. "We are going to be late for our broadcast, dear. Lets solve this mystery later" He began to drag her behind him.

"I think it's already solved" She mumbled, keeping up with his pace.

After the long journey they had suffered together, the two decided to bring a sense of normality to their life's. Staring a new Broadcasting service for all the rings of hell to enjoy. Y/n and co-host. Her name going from the overlord of souls, to the overlord of media. For now, at least. . They did broadcasts 6 days of the week, updating hell on gossip or general news. Even being introduced to sinners who listened to their broadcasts in life. Growing their names, all over again.

If you want to know what happened to Satan, Lucifer had him put in mandatory therapy for his anger issues. And for his problems surrounding grieving. But y/n's soul was returned to her by the king himself. Well... not so much returned as it was re-located to lucifers possession. Giving a soul back is a lot harder than it sounds. But the point it, it is in a safer place. Satan's Business has been put on hold, for now. Losing over 70% of his workers to lucifer, due to mental instability. Maybe he will rise to power again one day, but at least y/n no longer has to worry about it.

"Good morning you foul sinners, and today me, and my wonderful co-host Alastor, are bringing you todays news!"

"Thank you Y/n! Yes, today is already a day not to forget. Turf wars making their way through the east side of the pentagram with someone known as Sir Pentious!" Alastor chuckled "He doesn't seem to be doing so well!"

The two laughed together. The static from the radio emitting from the small device in a kitchen. Electronic fingers reach out to turn the dial, turning the volume up as the chatter continued. A large figure was perched, listening intently to the noise. A bored expression on his face. "you too, won't be doing so well soon" The boredom shifted to an amused grin. Baring his electronic teeth on his flat face. Static emitting from his body like a circuit. Vox gave a knowing look towards his small radio.

#fanfiction #x reader #alastor x reader #hazbin angel dust #hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel x reader #hazbin alastor #hazbin husk #hazbin hotel charlie #alastor fluff #the co host #hazbin lucifer #hazbin hotel alastor x reader #alastor imagine

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