JESSE LEE SOFFER as Jay Halstead CHICAGO P.D. / 10.03, "A Good Man" (2022)

You and I walk a fragile line

I have known it all this time

Never ever thought I'd see it ｂｒᵉ𝓪Ｋ

Never thought I'd see it—

Same Reasoning but Different Font

AKA: Jay and Mouse’s Reason for going back to the Army

this. this is terrifying. i do not want 10:00 pm to hit. it hasn't really hit me that he's leaving tonight. it doesn't feel real, and i know i'm going to cry, but lets be honest about something here: i am going to be mad if they do anything other than kill jay off. if he takes the blame for something hailey did, or something voight did, i am going to be pissed off. it's going to make it worse. i would rather him die than have JAY HALSTEAD take the blame for VOIGHT, which would just contribute to jay's recently very shitty character writing.

i'll be mad, i will be, so i hope/would rather them just kill him off than make him leave chicago, because the jay halstead all of us have known for 10 seasons would never leave chicago. if he's made to leave for the job, he'd probably quit than leave chicago. he has his wife, his brother, and his whole life in chicago, and what, we think he's gonna give it up? no. if he doesn't die, i'll be mad. if he does die, i'll be sad.

and i'd rather be sad than mad.

It will be perfect (as long as you are with me)

Fandom: Chicago PD

Chapters: 4/?

Relationships: Jay Halstead/Hailey Upton, Jay Halstead & Hailey Upton

Characters: Jay Halstead, Hailey Upton, Kim Burgess, Adam Ruzek, Kevin Atwater, Hank Voight, Trudy Platt

Summary:

Hailey's had a hunch for a couple of days now, and she thinks she's ready to find out once and for all if it is what she think it is. How will she tell Jay?

Link to read: AO3

Hi friends, how are you? Haven’t really taken up the time to write a blog post. Oh, I’m obsessed with Willifer now, couldn’t you tell? New favourite ship… In this time, I have watched, finished then rewatched Criminal Minds. Love JJ, Derek Morgan, Emily Prentiss and of course William Lamontagne Jr for the life of me. Cannot wait for season 2 of Evolution, I love that silly show.

And I’ve started watching Grey’s Anatomy, I never thought I would be that person but Disney + man, it’s a godsend. I’m currently on Season 4 and I have a few unpopular opinions about that show as well.

Now, the reason I’m back… I’m sure you’re all just waking up or have reacted) to the news that Tracy’s leaving CPD.

… And I’m not sad, I’m actually relieved which is so messed up when you think about it but I’m sure a lot of Upstead and Hailey fans can relate when you love something as deeply as Upstead is loved, their entire foundation only for it to be ruined in an entire season for actually NO REASON (like fight me on this, Gwen could’ve chosen a different route instead of more trauma), was really difficult and emotional for me that I didn’t watch the season, apart from the first three episodes, only the two centric Hailey episodes after 10x03, 10x20 I only watched that unbelievable ring taking off scene and Voight and Hailey’s talk… that angered me, the less I say about that episode the better apart from the fact that Tracy’s amazing, and a literal goddess and we all know about the two episodes before that, character assassination, we’ll be here forever if we go into this.

But yes, Hailey Upton is an amazing character and even though it’s a tv show, I feel strongly for and about her and with the fact that she’s an amazing, amazing cop, her marriage to Jay is everything to me because what they’ve gone through individually in their own lives just to find that right person in each other is beautiful and I do think it’s a testament to how your person should be your best friend and someone you trust explicitly. Plus, Jesse and Tracy are amazing and I loved them the moment I saw them on screen together so… 🥰

Tracy Spiridakos is an amazing actress and as much as I will miss Hailey Upton, I know Tracy’s gonna kick ass with whatever she will do next. Her range is incredible, I can’t sing her praises enough, I absolutely love that woman.

Now, my long speech is over. See you for whenever Season 11 airs, hope you all are staying safe, healthy and happy.

And as ALWAYS, Upstead Forever ✨

Do you think the Upstead goodbye was written intentionally? Do you think the dialogue was intentional so they can bring it up again later on? I know it's a hard time to have hope for our favorite ship, but I feel like a lot of scenes in 10x03 were written intentionally for the future. Jay saying that Hailey is the love of his life, and promising her that they will get through this. Chief giving Jay one year to come back and continue at CPD. Rewatching all those scenes gives me hope that Upstead will get the happy ending they deserve.

I 100% can't tell at this point, but I sure hope so.

The way they wrote 10x03 certainly does not lend itself to everything they have written since. While I hope there is a plan to bring it all around for a happy ending, now I fear they are (1) running out of time in the season and (2) have made the "angst" so extreme that any ending they give will feel unsubstantiated and rushed with the time they have left.

I hope they have a plan, and I hope this plan is actually true to character and the 10x03 scene, but I also acknowledge that they can just as easily go the other way with this.

No pressure asking about that meta for Jay's exit and the song "She Calls Me Back" because I love your metas and I'm going to be trying to start the show on peacock this month!

First of all, I am thrilled for you to start CPD. Please message me with all of your thoughts. And, of course, when you get to the love of my life, Mouse. Seriously, I am here for all yelling and thoughts and babbles at all times. Unfortunately, I'm attached to this show and all of its characters - yes, even the ones I don't like. It's less that Voight has grown on me and more like... I can't wait to see how his story ends? Whether that means the end of the show or if he gets written out sooner than that. He fascinates me, but that's a different meta.

Jay's exit, though...

I have a lot of thoughts about Jay's exit in general, though I think my overall opinion of it seems to be unpopular? I loved 10x03 and the exit that Jay got, and all of the little details of it, and, because I'm me, how well it ties into how Mouse was written out six years ago. I don't agree with the general consensus that the episode was "bad" or that Jay was "out of character" or any of that. It was an hour of television that I genuinely really enjoyed, so I'll talk it up and praise it with every breath I take because oh my god.

(under the cut for babbles)

Look, I will admit that hearing about Jesse leaving the show worried me at first. They've been playing up the idea of Jay taking over Intelligence one day since season 6, I even had a theory about how Jay was going to become a sergeant and take over the team from Voight over the course of season 10 that I really did believe in. And then we got that headline, and it hurt. It was taking away this storyline I really, really wanted to see, and it was upsetting. But I came to terms with it, and that hurt didn't ruin my enjoyment of the episode by the time it aired, if that makes sense? And then the way they did it... wasn't a disservice to that idea they've been playing up for so long.

And the way they did it, which I still love so much, for every reason - wonderfully in character for Jay, the callbacks to Mouse (probably not intentional but I loved them anyway), the open ending so he can come back - really does consume my every waking thought. Kit and Cíara have heard a lot about my thoughts, however incoherent they might be at times, and however much my thoughts are just... Noah Kahan lyrics.

Because so much of my thoughts on this are just the bridge of She Calls Me Back on a loop. That kind of... stepping back from the what's expected, which was staying in Intelligence and eventually leading the team in a post-Voight era, and stepping into something familiar, which was going back to the army and kind of... marrying these two lives he's led. Jay is off in Bolivia, now, taking down cartels and stopping drugs from even hitting the streets in the first place. he's still Jay, trying to make the world a better place and doing things by the book, instead of changing himself to become Voight because he thinks he needs to take over one day.

Really, that's what was happening. A lot of season 9 was him (and Hailey) getting dragged into Voight's nonsense - covering up deaths, committing more felonies and covering those up, the things that Voight's been doing for the last decade plus that Jay has been trying to stop him from doing since the first season. I really appreciate that Jay's exit involved him looking at that path he was on, saying "I don't want to be this," and turning himself onto a different path that he actually wants to be on, you know? I love the autonomy that gives him, as a character? He saw this life he didn't like and found a way to stop living it, and I'm incredibly proud of him for that.

And the final scene he had with Hailey doesn't make me doubt their marriage or their love or their future at all. There's absolutely no doubt in my mind that Jay will take this time to himself, get through his eight months in Bolivia, and when he's back in Chicago he'll keep that autonomy that the narrative gave him, and he'll continue on a path that he wants to be in, instead of falling back into the path that he was kind of... put on? Because Voight told him he would take over one day, it wasn't like anyone asked Jay if he wanted that. It was just expected to happen. And I don't remember if it was a deleted scene or not (because I binged 4 seasons that week end everything blurred together) but immediately after that happened, Jay was stunned and confused and reached out to Hailey while trying to process the idea. i don't think he ever actually wanted to lead Intelligence, but I think the idea of it fed into his exit, in a way. He is leading his own team, in Bolivia, and calling the shots the way he wants to do it, on his own terms. And it's crazy to think that there are very few things in Jay's life that he's gotten to choose for himself, you know?

He enlisted in the army and then stayed there until he nearly died and didn't even have the option to stay in. He joined the police force and did what was expected of him until he climbed ranks to make detective. He chose Intelligence when he had the choice of where to go after a major bust (CFire s2), but I could write another essay about how he potentially only chose it because it was what everyone was aiming for. It was this elite team and he had the strings to pull to get on it - did he want to be there or did he feel like he was supposed to want to be there so that's what he thought he wanted? And then he was told that he would one day take over. Never asked. Then there was the case in 10x03, where he jumped in and took matters into his own hands, took the lead the way he would one day have to if he stayed on this track, and he realized where that would one day lead - to becoming Voight.

I really think that is why he left. And he chose every part of it. He got to make the choice to not become Voight, and to stay Jay, even if that meant stepping back from a life he built to figure out what changes he wanted to make.

Which (finally) brings me back to the bridge of SCMB:

all the pain I should have saved oh, I was too afraid of living life in your footsteps in your heart or in your head oh, I was too afraid of living life in your footsteps

Jay saw the footsteps he was following, and he could see far enough ahead to see where they ended, and he didn't want that. He didn't want the journey or the destination, so he changed it.

Asking my favorite PD related pages this: if you could have written Jay’s departure, what would you have done?

First of all, I’m honored🫶🏼

Second of all, ohh boy. Are we talking under the same conditions—aka 3 episodes in & no or uncertain likelihood of Jesse’s return? If so, here’s my three episode break down following s9:

10x01: I wouldn’t have changed the commendations. I think that was the logical outcome of the Escano case (Anna situation aside), and I enjoyed seeing them all together and in their blues. I would’ve had Voight off the job still with Jay unofficially spearheading the unit in the meantime. At the ceremony, instead of having Jay cover for Voight, I would’ve had the chief throwing off a comment about him being impressed with how seamlessly he took over for the team. They’d have a case, it’d wrap up well, and the episode would end with the team going out for drinks to celebrate the commendations - they invite Voight, but he doesn’t show up and it fades out to Jay glancing over at the empty chair they saved for Voight.

10x02: Voight would be back at work, but there would be a TON of rifts. A lot of it would be him dealing with the Anna stuff, but also the team readjusting to him calling shots instead of Jay. They’d have a high stakes case that would trigger Voight’s recklessness, Jay would try to reel him back in, but would ultimately be unsuccessful. This would be an upstead heavy episode, so I would have a home scene of them talking about what they should do about Voight. Hailey would try to say there’s nothing they can do, Jay would push back a little like he did in the finale—say he could try to save him from himself, but the conversation would end with them not fully reaching a resolution for how to move forward with Voight. Hailey would play a big role in this ep. She would be a voice of reason for the both of them as they work the case and manage Voight’s actions (kinda like she did in the actual s10 premiere).

10x03: Jay gets called to the Chief’s office. He again brings up being impressed with Jay’s leadership in Voight’s absence, and he asks if he’s considered what he wants his future at cpd to look like. Jay says he’s unsure, and the chief recommends he take the sergeant’s exam because the sergeant of another unit is retiring and he thinks he’d be a good fit. He immediately gets called onto a case, so he doesn’t get to fully think about it or talk it over with Hailey. This case hits close to home for Voight for whatever reason, and they find themselves butting heads again - Jay trying his best to keep him in line and Hailey trying to be the metaphorical line for the both of them. Voight ends up doing something that makes them have to cover for each other and that’s when Jay makes his decision. Hailey is super supportive of him moving up, but a little sad that she won’t have her partner anymore. He tells her how important it is that she stay in Intelligence because it’s gonna need a leader one day when Voight’s gone (a cute little parallel of him passing along the baton Voight gave him in s6).

In this scenario, Jay stays in Chicago and Hailey doesn’t have to go home to an empty apartment every night. Three episodes wasn’t nearly enough to give Jesse the exit he deserved, but it certainly was enough to do literally anything other than what they actually did. And I will forever be upset about that, so dreaming up this much more sensible alternative was very cathartic for me.

ya'll can disagree all you want with me on this but jay's exit last night and him these 3 episodes in general made sense to me.

sure was his whole personality a 180, a little, but i think it was inevitable to happen. we've seen characters many times who get close to voight reach their breaking point, we see them lose themselves in trying to be who they aren't. . it's been shown time and time again, you want to emulate voight, there's a price to pay. we hear jay say it to voight in 9x09 "it's the price we pay for you"

i think after the s9a fallout and jay telling voight "you bring me in and we figure a way out" was the turning point for this change we see in jay in the first 3 episodes of s10, it wasn't obvious as it has been these last 3 eps, but it was there. he's getting close to voight because he's seen it destroy those he loves and he wants to protect others from that, mostly hailey. voight has no one in terms of family, however he needs someone in his corner so he doesn't completely fall off the deep end, and jay steps into that role because he feels like he has to, because he feels like it's the right thing. are the choices he's making in these 3 eps the right ones, no, because in him doing what he believed was the right thing, he lost who he truly is.

the climax of 10x03 snaps jay back into himself, "we're doing it again" and he can't handle the person he became because he wanted to keep voight in check. he lost himself in trying to protect those around him. so him quitting the cpd and rejoining the army in a special-ops is what he needed. he needs to see a clear picture of right and wrong again, he needs to find his moral compass again. and yeah it's massive blow for haliey and their marriage, but she understands that he needs this, he isn't himself and he needs to find that again, she wants that for him as much as he wants it for himself. she understands not only because she loves him but she too lost herself in the job, she says in 8x03 that going to nyc for a few weeks to work with the feds is "what i needed at the time", so she gets that this is what he needs now. the final upstead scene broke my heart, that emotion from jesse and tracy was palpable and damn that scene will always hurt

while i hate to see him go, it was done in a way i think was honorable to the 10 years jesse lee soffer dedicated to this show and his character. and hell if he is proud of the episode and his work, then i am too.

feel free to disagree with me, these are just my thoughts

i think Gwen writes good episodes in general but the interviews and what was said about upstead especially when 10x03 was watched irritates me because it was said that Jay "left" Hailey but because of the last upstead scene in 10x03 it's not true because when Jay said " i changed" Hailey cried and said "i'm so sorry" so that's why she broke up with him... so I'm wondering why it's filmed like Jay broke up??!! that doesn't make any sense to me when writing it should also be based on the facts and facts and things shouldn't be twisted around so that it suits you... (sorry for my tone) what do you say to that? Everyone has their own opinion at least that's mine

Jay and Hailey didn't break up. They aren't taking a break. They are still married and still love each other.

There really aren't many different interpretations to Upstead's 10x03 scene. Jay told Hailey that he quit CPD and is going to Bolivia to figure out who he wants to be. But he promises her that he will only be gone for 8 months and that they will get through this cause they are the love of each other's lives. And Hailey, being the supportive partner that she is, decides to let him go, even if it pains her to.

If that's not what you got from that scene, go rewatch it.

JESSE LEE SOFFER acting his talented heart out in the worst ever episode of CHICAGO P.D. (10.03 "A Good Man")

It’s the way that if I focus on the fact that they’re standing in the same spots and their height difference is so good then maybe I can forget that these are two moments to change the course of my two favorite relationSHIPS😩

is it all over for you in general with 9x09/9x22 or only really after 10x03?

This is entirely dependent on how 10x3 goes. If Jay is still living offscreen, then I’ll maybe go back and re-watch what’s going on in 10. But I still don’t have any intentions of watching live when it airs.

However, if the writers do something stupid then that’s it. CPD ended at season 9.

you said adam cant afford to buy a bigger and nicer house on a cop salary and because he has a kid. then how does kevin afford to own a whole building on a cop salary? in 9x05 adam mention the cpd real estate program. cant he use that to buy bigger and nicer house? if herman can afford nice big house with 5 kids and cruz with 2 kids why adam cant afford a nice big house with 1 kid especially through cpd real estate program?

Quick question - is it fun to create multiple tumblr accounts to send the same ask multiple times? Cause like…I can keep blocking all day.

As for the question - Kevin has at least four extra years on the job over Adam which means a higher income, and if you’re buying property for real estate they’re more likely to give you a bigger loan. Plus Kevin *already had a house* his mom left to him when she died that he could use for collateral. He never had to pay rent so could save, especially when Jordan and Vinessa moved to Texas.

Herrmann also owns a bar that does pretty well. Chloe and Cruz are in a two bedroom apartment where Javi and Otis share a bedroom, there was a specific scene where they talked about not being able to afford the apartment they wanted because of costs going up in either 10x03 or 10x04.

just wanted cpd 10x03 and im not ok.