my roman empire is definitely the fact that dark forces was meant to be a trilogy (or even a tv show with 13 episodes if it did really well)

Ellen McLain’s commentary from my trivia playthrough

Self acceptance

When Thunder stays with Clear Sky for a while, does Clear ever insist on referring to him as Thunder Sky?

Towards the end yes, as the final detail to Thunder Storm that Clear Sky doesn't love him. He wants to ERASE him.

If Clear Sky recognizes he's made a mistake in casting Bright Storm away with their child, he's incapable of seeing it was wrong because it was cruel. He wants what he realizes he threw away, because he now sees it has value. He wants to own his oldest son the way he wants to own the entire forest-- as a reflection of his greatness.

Anything that makes Clear Sky uncomfortable about Thunder Storm has to be sanded down. The assertiveness was the first thing, he feels insecure when he's challenged, the child must learn to follow before he may learn to lead.

The second is that leg, presenting a prosthetic as a gift (that he isnt allowed to refuse), because he can't have been wrong about the choice that killed his younger brother-- here is a SOLUTION that simply didn't exist before! Behold how resourceful and wealthy his cats are, compared to your old group. We've fixed you.

(This prosthetic is a clunky piece of shit that is annoying to strap on every day, gets in the way and makes a ton of noise, and itches like hell, but the change in Clear's demeanor is immediate if Thunder doesn't wear it.)

But somehow, Thunder Storm was willing to take all of that. In hindsight, it bothers him that the tipping point wasn't the other two things.

Bright Storm gave her son her own last name. When Clear Sky sent them away and the Mountain Cats permanently split, it was pointed. "My only survivor is named for myself." SHE would raise him, alone.

Bright Storm herself slowly seemed to lose sight of the meaning, encouraging him to understand his father's good aspects, but in the meanwhile it took on a new meaning to Thunder. His mother raised him. He found a father in Shaded Flower. He grew up next to Lightning Cry and Acorn Swoop. Thunder Storm means this. It's the person he made himself, and the love they've all put into him.

Thunder SKY is just another monument to Clear Sky, stripping away the life he lived without him. And WHY? For ego? For comfort?

"What am I letting him DO to me?!"

It wasn't the final STRAW, but it was the tipping point. Once Thunder Storm had this realization, the minute he was not going to budge on something, that confrontation was inevitable. The blowout fight was making reservations.

Sunlit Frost is still the breaking point, the injury from his burn going sour, but I'm going to emphasize the way that Clear Sky only called that meeting in the first place as an abuse game. Thunder Storm knew it was coming-- but it still sickens him that it was something THIS monstrous.

Jonathan in my Itakiss AU:

au where mike narrowly escapes the upsidedown while on patrol and gets an obscure curse to be a catboy for a month. this is amusing to everyone but mike.

Annually remembering i can draw whatever shit i want and making it everyone your problem

I’ll defend the end of rogue one to my dying day as good narrative storytelling BUT it is retroactively noticeable that it killed off the most notable canon concentration camp survivors (cassian, jyn, and melshi) and therefor literally killed off one of the darkest canon recognitions of fascism, therefor also avoiding the ethical questions of imperfect survivors rather than peaceful corpses

UMM okay I have a question for. You: if prism was in some perilous situation and her robots were present, do you think they'd actually do what she says and leave her to die? How would they feel about the whole thing?

i think they would be incredibly hesitant, but ultimately i don't think they would have much of a choice. as lifelike as they are, they are robots, and they follow prism's instructions to a tee when she gives them any. in a best case scenario, they might find someone else who would be able to help prism for them.

i think they would feel very guilty regardless of whether or not prism survives a circumstance like that. for entities who can essentially reanimate as many times as they need to- so long as they have back ups of themselves- losing someone permanently has got to be a very unexpected and traumatizing ordeal for them.

... though, now that i think about it. if prism did die, i think that would be the equivalent of striking a hornet's nest with a baseball bat. canonically, the robots care for her very deeply, and canonically they're physically capable of getting very, very mad. and without prism to tell them to hold themselves back or flee, i don't think its out of the question that they might want to avenge her- even at the expense of some of their lives.

Given all the alternatives and original-divergent takes presented throughout Trigun's different versions, sometimes trying to wrap my mind around its complicated timeline gets my thoughts tied into a tangled knot of confusion. But I also appreciate the freedom it gives to reshape the order of pivotal events and stick to the telling which you find to your personal liking -- since they all are equally canon. However, there's one instance where I prefer to stray from each version, and that is the circumstances under which Knives crosses paths with William Conrad again.

As Trimax has it, Knives goes on his search for Conrad after he and Vash fall apart in that village where Knives cuts his brother's arm off. But for such a climactic episode in both of the twins' stories, it's always seemed to me a bit underwhelming. And why would Knives team up with a human after cutting ties even with Vash, anyways? So I found myself gravitating towards how this scene is written in Tristamp as it raises the stakes significantly, with Vash opening his gate for the first time and Knives hurting him in an attempt to stop the chaos it causes from spreading. One other difference from Trimax this scene presents is that at this point in the Tristamp's narrative Knives has already met and joined forces with Conrad.

I like to intertwine both versions in my mind, creating a single sequence of events, and that's how I personally see it. Vash and Knives separate under the circumstances described in Trimax. For decades after the Great Fall they only have each other, building no connections with humanity; not falling apart, but not growing any closer to each other, either. It ends with Vash straightforwardly sacrificing his well-being for the sake of the people he doesn't even know -- the choice that gets him chained to a metal pole as a hostage. Knives without any hesitation massacres the whole village and forces a gun into Vash's hands so that he can defend himself. But instead of much-expected gratitude he faces Vash's shock and disbelief and sees that very gun pointed at him. In the heat of it Vash accidentally opens the gate. Knives slices his left arm off. They separate. And only after that Knives proceeds to search for Conrad, seeking answers for what was that power he witnessed. He knows Conrad was among those at least partly involved in a research that Tesla was a subject for, and therefore Conrad might have some insight into independents' abilities. He might have something that Knives himself doesn't. Knowledge.

When the twins meet again years after that, Knives already displays full understanding of how his gate works, and he uses that knowledge to forcibly activate what power lies dormant in Vash, causing Lost July.

Of course, it's just a personal interpretation and I'm very well aware that in some ways it fails to align with what's canonically confirmed, but I guess it's just the reading that paints the most meaningful picture for me.

I've been rereading Here Be Dragons by thorinoakentwig and I've been daydreaming of the concept of Maedhros (after his death and being sent to the void) begging for redemption, if not for himself then at least for his brothers and father for failing to complete the oath. Eru listens to him and grants him his wish, allowing his family to rest in Mando’s halls instead of the void. Feanor is furious, not for being upstaged or whatever, but at the idea of his son suffering for him, more than he already has

(Fingon got to see a glimpse of red hair that burned like molten lava in the Halls before Maedhros was taken again. He closed his eyes for just a moment to feel and settle his grief before moving into action once again)

As per their agreement, Maedhros must save a life for every one he and his kin have ruined, however, he is not sent back as an Elf, but instead is reborn again and again in the form of Men and Dwarves and Hobbits with their mortal lifespans and limitations. He struggles with each rebirth to remember the last one, for mortal memories are so flawed compared to those of the Elves, but he gets the sensation of deja vu often and has strange dreams, and knows he has a Purpose.

But no matter the life he lives, he always has brilliant red hair, his eyes are always light in colour if not grey, he is always tall for his race, and at some point in his life he will loose a hand. Its not always in response to the Enemy- one lifetime he was whittling a toy horse and cut his palm, which became so infected that it had to be amputated.

He goes around helping people, as a doctor, a smith, a teacher, but more often than not he feels at home with a blade in his hand and the burden of responsibility for a people on his shoulders. He has led armies, villages, bands of mercenaries, counciled lords and ladies, and on one occasion commanded a ship full of Men. He never knows why he has such a drive to help people, why helping makes him feel so guilty, why he has nightmares of dark shadows and pain and three brilliant lights, why the chill of winter makes him feel safe, why he's always wanted a large family yet never once in all his reincarnation has had any desire to marry.

That is, until one day when he is reborn as a Man by the name of Doegred, he is take to the sea side by his parents as a gift for his 6th birthday. He looks west and is filled with such a profound longing that when asked whats wrong, he points towards the setting sun and says "i used to live there. I miss my home." As the sun sets, and as his parents digest the strange statement of their son, a voice comes floating by on the wind.

Its melodic, but melancholic in such a profound way that it moves all those that hear it to tears. Young Doegred tears away from his parents and races down the sand towards the vpice, red hair snapping behind him like licks of flame. Once his parents catch up to him, they are met with a strange scene.

An Elf, for no other being is as tall or looks as beautiful even in such a neglected state, is knelt on the shore, weeping and clutching their son to him as if he is afraid he'll vanish if he lets go. Doegred, for all that is worth, is making calming soothing croons while patting the matted hair of the Elf. He looks up at his parents, and with a glint in his blue eyes that almost makes them look grey, says "this is my younger brother. I left him behind once and I dont plan on doing so again."

(When they go home, it is with a much cleaner elf named Maglor in tow and much confused acceptance as two exasperated parents of a strange child can bare.)

Maglor stays in their village for a time, helping Doegred help others, until the Man becomes 18 and is leaving home for an adventure. He takes Maglor with him to the Elven city of Eregion, where they meet with the Elven lord there and much tears are shed. Doegred slowly begins to remember his past lives, reliving moments in dreams and second hand from tales told by Maglor and Celebrimbor. They in turn start to learn the full details of his agreement with Eru, of the burden he placed on his shoulders for his kin.

He helps his former nephew with the more political side of running his city, and tries his best to ignore the reverent whispering of the Feanorian Elves. Celebrimbor, not wanting to the news of his guests to spread, shuts his city's gates to outsiders and turns away a slightly peeved Maia in the process.

Doegred ages, as all Men do and it isn't long by Elven standards that he is once again on his deathbed and soon ready to start life once again, to have another turn at penance for he and his family- even if he still does not fully remember them. When Doegred closes his eyes for the last time a city wails at loss, and scouting parties are sent out in search of a red haired babe.

A red dawn breaks with a hobbit babe opening grey eyes for the first time. Black smog forms from the mountains in the southeast. War is the horizon. And a boat sailing from the west comes with two passengers bearing ill tidings and offering support against the growing Evil.

One has hair of spun golden silk, the other with braids of thick ebony ropes. One carries a sword and a flag with a golden flower. The other has only a harp and a bow.

Within the safety of Gladden Fields, the new Hobbit mother adorns her baby's swaddle with a golden ribbon. It seems like it will bring good luck

doing dishes isn't supposed to be a monumental task but you know what sometimes it is and I can't explain why. anyway today I did all the dishes in my apartment yay me

Rio! I have a random question about nesta as a girl who grew up overly pushed and forced into "feminine perfection" by her mom, how did she experience the realization that she couldnt fulfill those toxic expectations that her mom forced on her because of her own trauma and the what the cauldron did to her? Not me asking bc of my own mommy issues lmao sorry if you already talked abt this here! Also idk if i made any sense wiith this question in my head i did

euge my darling i could kiss you on the mouth. i've been sitting on this ask for like 2 weeks now because it's just so juicy and i've been wanting to do it (and nesta) justice in how i answer it with regards to my portrayal.

honestly? i don't think nesta HAS come to this realization. and i say this because i don’t think she is in a space mentally or emotionally to understand that those expectations ARE toxic. certainly not in a canon world LMAO but not really in my interpretation either. i think that the rotten roots that her mother dug into her at such a young age are so deep that it will likely take decades for nesta to really even understand just how badly she's been harmed. and the canon treatment she receives at the hands of the IC absolutely does not go far in mending the mindset she's been brainwashed into either.

i mean. people can talk about how prythian doesn't uphold the patriarchal ideals that the human world does because it's an entirely different culture and species but the fact of the matter is that that's just complete bogus. men rule prythian. and you can argue that amarantha was in charge and blah blah blah the human queens blah blah blah but the fact of the matter is, tamlin wasn't putting feyre down when he told her there weren't high ladies among the fae. he was simply stating a fact. viviane of winter court (arguably an incredible leader considering the winter court did not sway under amarantha's rule while kallias was under the mountain) was clearly slighted when rhysand made feyre the first high lady.

and don't even get me started on the treatment of illyrian women. the abuse that those young girls and women are subjected to by illyrian men (rhysand's people!) is very close to the treatment that nesta expects as someone who grew up knowing that her only fate, the only role she would fit into, was that of a submissive wife to ensure her family's care. that those women are being violated so horribly because it's "tradition" just further proves to her that safety is not an option. that freedom is not an option.

all that to say, nesta can't break out of those expectations because she doesn't have the tools or the knowledge to be able to do it. not even when she goes to live in the supposedly amazing world of the fae that her baby sister so dearly loves. she is forced into “fae ideals” which are not far off from what she’s already familiar with. she is “promised” (mated) to a man for the “good of her family” (the IC/rhys/feyre) whether she wants to be or not and “society” (the IC) expects her to stay quiet and accept it and do it beautifully and to stop being in pain so loudly. because that’s feminine perfection of course!

i think that. even if she DID realize this. she would be in deep denial. lune and i are giving nessian the story that they deserve, but trauma is trauma. and like i said it’s going to take a long time for nesta to uncover how badly she’s been hurt for so long. but even just uncovering it won’t “fix” or help her. there are so many layers to the way her mother’s expectations cut away at her (and continue and will continue to do so!).

i believe nesta knows her mother was cruel, but she wouldn’t believe she’s been harmed without reason. which is why, even realizing that the expectations foisted on her were terrible and she couldn’t meet them if she really tried, she would simply be devastated that she could fail so badly. because that’s all she does in her own eyes, you know? she failed her mother, she failed her sisters, she failed her father, she fails cassian, she fails herself. she wouldn't think, "gee i shouldn't have been treated like shit like that", she'd think, "wow i can't believe i became high fae and i still can't manage to take care of my fucking family". i think it would be a setback in her healing and she’d have to climb those stairs too.

also man. I've been debating on patreon for a bit because a) I want a place to post my smut b) desperately need to lessen up on commission work because I'm NOT in a great place for it and I'm just super burnt out and c) I want to feel like I can like, breathe a bit and create what I want to create. but holy shit is imposter syndrome real lol

why does everything have to be a hecking issue with my sister