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weirdly-specific-but-ok · 6 days

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BACK WITH A BLAHAJ, WHO HAS NAME SUGGESTIONS FOR HIM?

HI MAGGOTS I LOVE YOU I WENT OUTSIDE PROPERLY FOR THE FIRST TIME IN A FUCKING MONTH AND I WALKED WITH A CANE (I AM KAZ BREKKER) AND OKAY SO MY INJURED LEG MAY NOW BE RE-INJURED WITH A SPRAIN ON TOMMY THE HAEMATOMA BUT IT WAS WORTH IT I HAVE A BLAHAJ NOW:

WHY AM I ON THE FLOOR? BECAUSE SITTING ON CHAIRS IS PAINFUL FOR TOMMY DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT ANYWAY MEET THE NEWEST ADDITION TO THE MAGGOT FAM. ANY NAME SUGGESTIONS?

WHY AM I IN CAPS? WELL FIRST OF ALL IT'S ME, AND SECOND OF ALL IKEA OFFERS FREE REFILLS ON THEIR COFFEE. WHO AM I TO NOT TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THAT? I HAD A LOT OF FUCKING COFFEE WITH NO SUPERVISION EXCEPT BY @random-doctor-on-the-internet ON WHATSAPP AND ZE IS A CAFFEINE ADDICT SO I DIDN'T LISTEN TO ZIR HYPOCRISY.

AROUND THE THIRD CUP (FOURTH? I LOST TRACK?) I BEGAN TO SMELL JESUS AND I COULD FEEL MY ORGANS AND MY HEART. SO I HAD TO LEAVE THAT CUP HALF-DRUNK.

ALSO I WAS A FUCKING FOOL AS USUAL AND IKEA IS A DEATH TRAP. I ENTERED, FILLED WITH GOOD INTENTIONS OF NOT WALKING TOO MUCH ON MY INJURED LEG AFTER BEING BASICALLY IMMOBILE FOR FOUR WEEKS. I DIDN'T LOOK AT THE MAP (I'M BAD WITH MAPS) AND INSTEAD CHECKED THE LIST OF SHOWROOM THINGIES AND IT SAID THE CHILDREN'S SECTION WAS NUMBER 9 ON THE LIST OF 1 TO 10, AND I WAS AT 1, NEAR THE RESTAURANT.

SO NATURALLY I DIDN'T READ NUMBER 10 AND I SET OFF THROUGH THE WHOLE FUCKING MAZE OF SHOWROOMS WITH MY CANE, STEP CLICK STEP CLICK, WITH MY POOR RIGHT LEG AND MY RIGHT ARM ALTERNATIVELY SUPPORTING MY WEIGHT. I ALSO GOT LOST. MORE THAN ONCE.

FINALLY I REACHED THE CHILDREN'S SECTION, PROCURED MY BLAHAJ, SAW A TINY WHALE WHO'D FALLEN OUT OF HIS BUNDLE AND ALMOST TOOK HIM TOO SINCE HE'S UNSELLABLE BUT THEN ABANDONED HIM COZ I DIDN'T HAVE THE BRAINPOWER TO EXPLAIN TO THE CASHIER THAT IT WASN'T ME WHO RIPPED HIM OUT, AND ANYWAY. I GOT WHAT I CAME FOR.

THEN I THOUGHT AH SHIT GONNA HAVE TO GO ALL THE WAY BACK TO THE RESTAURANT AND I TOOK A STEP FORWARD AND REALISED... I WAS AT THE FUCKING RESTAURANT???? WHERE I'D BEGUN???????

BECAUSE THE NUMBER FUCKING NINE WAS CHILDREN'S SECTION AND THE NUMBER FUCKING TEN WAS THE RESTAURANT. I'D WALKED IN A CIRCLE. AND LANDED STRAIGHT BACK. I COULD HAVE AVOIDED THAT IF I'D JUST READ THE LAST ITEM ON THE NUMBERS. OR LOOKED AT THE MAP.

OH AND THE PLACE AT THE METRO DIDN'T HAVE WATER SO I DRANK SUGARY SODA AND THEN WENT UP THE WRONG PLATFORM ANYWAY SO TOMMY IS FUCKED NOW I MAY HAVE SCREWED UP WHATEVER PROGRESS I MADE.

HALLELUJAH!

IF YOU READ THIS FAR WOW THANKS I LOVE YOU *BITES YOU TO SHOW AFFECTION* ANYWAY AGAIN THE BLAHAJ NEEDS A NAME AND HAVE A LOVELY DAY I'M SO COFFEE ANEHEHEHEHE

#good omens mascot #blahaj #shork #ikea shark #transblr #lgbtqia #ikea posts #ikea plushies #weirdly specific but ok #asmi #maggots #maggot fam #COFFEEEEEE #HEHEH #fuck you tommy the haematoma #IM SO COFFEE #HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHHEHEHEHEHEH

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omgitsren · 2 months

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Being late to work but still stopping to get coffee is a power move

Tell me I’m wrong

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canideadmeow · 3 months

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iced coffee after sooooo looooong T.T

#the love of my life fr #iced coffee #soooo creamyy and icyyy!!#mcd #made me sooo happyy!! :')#coffeeeeee #<3

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daugterofliterature · 1 year

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How strong do you like tour coffee ?

I want it to show up on a drug test

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cinnamoncatto · 3 months

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My doctor asked how many times i drink coffee a day and i told her twice. It wasn't specified how much coffee is in the mug nor that how big the mug is

#text post #coffeeeeee #dont worry though i did the math i don't drink more than 400mg of caffeine a day #but i also might be wrong #i barely made through math tests in hs

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shit-hit-the-fan · 3 months

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tired triangle man.

#inspired by smth one of my friends made 😭#TIRED #COFFEEEEEE #poor dude

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youregonnabeokkid · 3 months

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for all intents and purposes this is me rn making another coffee or i'll die

#COFFEEEEEE

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succubus-interactivefiction · 2 years

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The most beautiful sound in the morning? No, it’s not the birds, or the cat next to you purring, or even your partner saying they love you if you are so lucky as to have one. It’s the wonderful gurgle of the coffee pot in the kitchen waking you up as you fall out of bed, bounce off walls, and stumble towards that glorious sound like a zombie.

#sleepysuccubus #coffeeeeee #uuuuugh #hate mornings

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l33tsaber · 4 months

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Already voted in the poll for Earako but I am assigning you coffee flavor :]

As you should :D :D :D

#coffeeeeee

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crapncoffee · 11 months

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coffee ☕☕ <333

#no words. just coffee #kape i love you <33 #kape confederacy 4ever <333 #coffee. kape. caffeine.#i have a headache and sound on crack #and i dont care.#i am a coffee addict and proud of it #coffeeeeee

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dcviated · 11 months

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@starryskied sent: A subconscious sniff as the aroma of freshly brewed coffee wafted through the breeze. Even from her workstation, the Liberi was privy to the enticing scent of buttered croissants and black coffee. It's far different from that 'expensive' tea Astesia had the displeasure of tasting. Closing her laptop computer, the astrologist wanders towards the breakroom --- curiosity reflected in her eyes. Ah. So, there is someone here. Except... Astesia can't quite put a name to their angelic face. "That enticing scent? What type of coffee beans are you using?" ( @Enforcer )

There is, of course, equipment supplied for general use by operators in the break room if they wanted to brew coffee. And that in itself is for operators who wish to put forward the minimum effort rather than buying from a machine or otherwise. Some, wait for a pot to be brewed. Others, suffer. For enforce, this machine is suitable for the daily blend he used. It was bitter, dark, and a bolt to the brain and had no need for delicacy or nuance.

For making enjoyable brews, he'll use his own equipment. Looking like a piece of art next to the dilapidated coffee machine plugged into the wall. The various cups and utensils like an ornament to the Gaul press he was brewing his latest blend in.

Astesia's arrival is just in time to witness the lid being placed over the small pitcher, a quick adjustment made to ensure the handle was at the correct height. Anticipation was building already, but exactly 3 minutes 52 seconds needed to pass before he pressed and served.

"I'm not in your way, am I? The coffee is just sitting for now, so I can- ah. You're curious. I see." No harm no foul, Enforcer considers the woman's question, letting his gaze go back to the press. "The beans this time aren't actually that special. Did you enjoy the smell? I roasted them light, and ground them particularly coarse."

The Sankta is continously checking his watch, and double checking against notes that were scribbled in his small notebook.

"I'm sorry, but I don't think we've met. I'm Ezell, but my codename is Enforcer. And you are...?"

#starryskied #starryskied :: astesia #muse :: enforcer #inbox :: answered ic #coffeeeeee

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starssparksandstories · 1 year

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I often wonder why I feel so drained by 4pm and then I remember that coffee is not food.

#It's me I'm the problem #self care check #coffeeeeee #mental health

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canideadmeow · 19 days

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morning folks, the only thing keeping me sane is my coffee :>

#stats is killing me #and healing me??#is that making any sense T.T #but yeah #here's a picture of my new glass jar ^^#summer really is here :D #coffeeeeee #iced coffee #<3 #statistics

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daugterofliterature · 1 year

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don't worry, don't cry, drink coffee and fly

#dark academia #dark aesthetic #dark acadamia aesthetic #grunge #book quotes #books #poets on tumblr #academia #coffee #books & libraries #coffeeeeee #i need coffee #cup of coffee #coffe #books and coffee #coffeshop #coffetime #coffeee

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cinnamoncatto · 3 months

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There is a difference between tenderly bitter coffee and a coffee that's bitter in a slaps me in the face then throws me on the floor and kills me slowly just to bring me back to the life with every sip way

#text post #coffee #coffeeeeee #people who don't drink black coffee won't understand this

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pikslasrce · 9 months

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inspiring! local girlboy decides to go to sleep before 3am after a 3 day streak

#god im so tired.... and its bc we ran out of coffeeeeee #maybe caffeine Does work on me after all 💀#piksla.txt

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