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#chewing glass gnawing my entire arm off
emily84 · 9 months
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i think "tell me you said no. tell me you said no." will play on repeat in my head for the rest of eternity, burned into my frontal lobe until i'm ground to dust or fossilized millions of years from now. thank you neil
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library-of-ohara · 2 years
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anon asked: Hello, may I please request a filthy af, dirty as u can get this, zoro x reader with fem body where they do it in public? It doesn’t have to be but just an example is like maybe their all eating dinner while zoro fingers reader under the table while all the Strawhats are there unaware or vice versa and reader gets him off under the table. It can be modern AU or canon. Just two specifics dirtier then hell and public. Thank you 🖤💚
➪ a/n: oh dear I read doing it in public and absolutely ran with the idea, may or may not have gotten out of hand bc this ended up being absolutely filthy. am I somewhat ashamed? definitely! :,D so take this with what you will, hopefully someone will enjoy where my dirty mind sometimes goes lol - maxx (@sugxrslushy)
➪ details: NSFW//Zoro x afab!reader//w.c: 1.7k //warnings: NSFW MINORS DNI, afab!reader (pussy/cunt used), BORDERS ON DUBCON AT FIRST (there's hesitation by the reader but ultimately consent is given), exhibitionism, fingering, degradation ("whore" + "slut"), alcohol, panties, pussyjob, creampie, technically being caught
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Wild flames flickered in front of your face, the bonfire emitting its warmth on all of those sitting close, lighting up their faces in its orangish glow and dancing slowly. Your face was already a fire on its own, the heat from your blush burning against the skin of your hand pressed to your face. You gnaw at your finger as you survey the faces of your crewmates.
A sloppy kiss is pressed to your neck, Zoro had become rather handsy after his last drink. He’d wracked up a new record this night it almost seemed, the liquor finally getting to him and washing away any previous inhibitions he held. Each touch grew dangerously closer to places you wouldn’t be caught dead letting him touch in public. But you were turning to mush underneath desperate kisses and his heavy breaths in your ear.
“Get a fucking room,” The cook hisses as he collects the empty glass bottle strewn at your feet. Your heart jumps in your chest, head snapping up to look around if Sanji had brought anyone with him. The hand scaling your rib cage only lowers by an inch, Zoro resting his chin on your shoulder to catch the irritated glance of Sanji. 
“Shut it love cook, not like you wouldn’t be doing the same if a girl actually liked you. Too bad all your stupid pervy fantasies only live in your head.” He may have been borderline drunk but his tongue was still sharp as a blade, his irritation towards the cook never dying down. “M’ not even doing anything.”
Sanji sputters in annoyance, a retort dying on his lips when Nami calls him over to refill her drink accompanied by Luffy’s starving cries for more food. He spares you both one last glance then leaves, leaving you in the arms of Zoro who was hungry for something entirely different.
The blanket sprawled across your lap is light, used for nothing more than a little cover on chillier nights. It feels entirely too revealing, too light and see through as Zoro hooks his fingers in the belt loops of your pants and works them down your legs. Your eyes widen in terror when the pants slip past your ass, the sound of your friends around your entirely too loud in your ears. 
“What are you doing?” You hiss, trying to seem inconspicuous as you chew him out under your breath. “You said you weren’t even doing anything.”
“I did, and I was.” Holding your breath, you can feel his fingers ghosting against the now bare skin of your thighs, drifting further up as if on a mission. “But I’m curious…” The bitter smell of alcohol is heavy in his breath, hot against your ear and making you shiver. His fingers running along your skin feel like bugs skittering across your skin, you sit in his lap tensed and resisting the urge to swat them away, your curiosity taking over concern.
His heavy palm cupping your warmth, the feeling of your satin lingerie panties is soft against his hand. You can feel the manic smile against your shoulder. “Why’d you dress like such a fucking slut if you didn’t want me to fuck you?”
Your heart skips a beat and you fight the urge to rub your thighs together, the sharp bite in his tone setting your skin aflame. Was it wrong to be getting excited over this, with the lingering eyes of others passing over you and the way Zoro gripped you so harshly, so meanly. The idea of being fucked right now was enticing, but another shout of your friends singing to the song reminded you that now may not be the best time.
Relaxing against his chest, you face him with eyes wide and full of faux innocence, enough to fool an idiot or possibly a half drunk one. “We’re not doing this here, right?” Zoro doesn’t spare you an answer, the glow of the flame barely lights up his face but you catch his silvery eye scanning the crewmates seated dangerously close to you both. “Right?” You ask again, voice cracking with a genuine unsureness.
The tearing sound of your panties is impossibly loud to you, reverberating in your ears as if it was the sound of your now arrived doom. No one else seemed to hear it. Brooks' singing and guitar was loud enough to be heard from miles away but all you could hear was your own thundering heartbeat in your ears as your anxiety picked up.
“We aren’t doing this here.” You make a pathetic grab for his hand diving down between your legs. All you can muster up is a panicked look, unsure of what to do. A sick part of you was excited, becoming utterly turned on at the thought.
“Oh, we aren’t?” Zoro’s tone is mocking. He doesn’t make a move, testing your boundaries without words and finding yourself giving in, slipping and falling into his trap as you loosen your grip on his hand in a lust driven curiosity. “That’s what I fucking thought.” Gliding his digits through soaked folds, your cheeks are stained dark with the embarrassment of what he’s doing. You couldn’t tell what was worse, him feeling you up in front of all your friends or the fact you were dripping wet over it.
A finger breaches your entrance harshly, just one big enough to sate some of your desire as your thighs shiver and you bite your tongue to cut off a moan. There’s no mercy as he starts thrusting his finger in and out of you without giving you a moment to recover or breathe. The filthy squelching sound quickly becomes all you can hear, blocking out the sounds of anything else.
“Y/n, Zoro. Is everything alright over there?” You swore you felt the drop of your heart into the pit of your stomach. Robin is seated merely a few feet from the two of you, a clear concern written on her face. “It seemed to me you both were arguing.”
Your veins run with anxiety and Zoro plays a drunk fool, giving her nothing but a meaningless grunt in response. His finger is still buried to the knuckle and he’s working another in, fully aware of just what he’s doing. Your mind is crying out with panic, the wet feeling between your thighs and gooey pleasure becoming all you could think about.
“Y-yeah, we’re fine-” You manage to bite out, back to chewing on your lip to try to keep any other voices from spilling out. “Just too much to drink I guess- ah!” You’re shouting every imaginable curse inside your head while Zoro slides his two fingers impossibly deep inside of you, your own wetness spilling out onto his lap. 
Robin’s eyebrows knit together in concern but Zoro is still, thankfully, playing dumb. “S-sorry. Luffy was doing something d-dumb and I panicked.” Sticking the blame on the reckless captain, Robin seems to relax almost instantaneously. She tips her head and walks away talking about leaving water for you two in the morning, but her words are drowned out by the erratic thrusting of Zoro’s digits inside you.
It’s humiliating how turned on you are, mewling softly and bucking your hips against his hand to bury him deeper inside you as he smears your juices over your lips. Zoro doesn’t miss it at all. “What a whore, getting all wet cause we almost got caught. Does that turn ya on, having people watching you get your pussy stuffed full? You like it don’t you?”
You shake your head, a blatant lie you were clinging onto like it would get you anywhere. You would clench around him so tightly even when someone’s eye merely passed over the two of you, it was a damn wonder you didn’t come right there when Robin came over.
“Fucking liar.” He spits aggressively and tears his fingers out from inside of you, leaving you empty and whining to be filled again. Fumbling under the blanket, he carefully turns you to your side and leans against your back, spooning you. “I should make you fuck yourself on me just for saying that, show everyone what a slut you really are. And you’d like it, probably would come so fast all over my cock.” His voice is low, bordering on dangerous.
His throbbing cock smacks against his ass, you hadn’t even noticed him taking off his pants, much less his underwear. You can’t get a word in nor a question, as quick as his cock had been taken out it’s guided between your thigh. Your hopes rise when the cockhead nudges your slick pussy, then drops when there’s no press against your entrance. He slips his cock between your dripping folds, nestled between your pussy lips and merely nudging your clit.
Drawing his hips back, he spares the deck full of your crewmates one final glance then thrusts in. Your entangle your fingers in the blankets, holding on for dear life as Zoro fucks you with quick but shallow thrusts, his cock slipping through your wetness and hitting your clit. Juices smear against your legs, making them sticky and wet but he doesn’t give a damn about the mess, only chasing his own high.
Sparks explode across your skin with every nudge of your clit, your own knot in your stomach becoming tighter much like his. The clap of his hips against your ass is muted from the blanket but you can’t help but feel the rush of it possibly being heard, of your crewmates sneaking glances at the two of you getting off against each other right in front of them. The fire has died down, the edges of the light just manages to reach you both.
Zoro’s balls draw tight, his orgasm unfurling at the seams and with a final thrust he presses the head of his cock inside of your entrance, milky white seed dripping out around his cock slick with your juices. You barely manage to hold in a sob when his fingers move to your clit, rubbing harsh circles till you come undone in a wet mess. The blanket covering you both is dirtied, becoming a reminder of what you had just done.
Zoro presses kisses to your shoulder, rubbing a large palm over your shaking thighs in an attempt to bring you down from your ogasm. To your surprise, no one had noticed. The party was still going strong and the sounds of singing have only become louder, most definitely drowning the two of you out.
Relief floods your veins and you relax against Zoro’s touch, allowing your eyelids to grow heavy till you hear the flick of a lighter from the upper deck, right above the two of you.
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sophiamamamia · 2 years
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From Mariupol.
Waiting for death
I go outside in between bombings. I need to walk the dog. It constantly whines, trembles, and hides behind my legs.
I want to sleep all the time. My yard, surrounded by high-rise buildings, is quiet and dead. I'm no longer afraid to look around.
Opposite, the entrance to the one hundred and fifth house, number 105 is burning down. The flames have devoured five floors and are slowly chewing on the sixth. In the room, the fire is burning gently, as in a fireplace. Black charred windows stand without glass. From them, like tongues, curtains gnawed by flames are falling out. I am looking at it calmly feeling doomed to die.
I'm sure I'll die soon. It's a matter of days.
In this city, everyone is constantly waiting for death. I just wish it wasn't too scary. Three days ago, a friend of my older nephew came to us and said that there was a direct hit on the Fire station. The rescuers died. One woman had her arm, leg, and head torn off.
I wish that my body parts remain in place, even after the explosion of an air bomb.
I don't know why, but it seems important to me. Although, on the other hand, they will still not be buried during the bombing going on. This is how the police answered us when we caught them on the street and asked what to do with our friend’s dead grandmother. They advised us to put her on the balcony.
I wonder how many more balconies there are with dead bodies laid down?
Our house on Mir (Peace) Avenue is the only one that has escaped direct hits. It has nearly escaped twice when hit by shells, windows flew out in some apartments, but it was hardly damaged, compared to other houses, and it looks lucky.
The entire yard is covered in layers of ash, fragments of glass, plastic, and metal.
I am trying not to look at the huge iron structure that has landed on the children’s playground. I think it's a rocket, or maybe a mine. I don't care, it's just annoying. In the window of the third floor, I see someone's face and I flinch in fright. It turns out that I'm afraid of living people.
My dog starts howling and I understand that now they will shoot again.
I am standing in the daytime on the street, and there is complete cemetery-like silence around me. There are no cars, no voices, no children, no grandmothers on benches. Even the wind died.
However, there are still a few people here. They are lying near the side of the house and in the parking lot, covered with outerwear. I don't want to look at them. I'm afraid I'll see someone I know.
All life in my city has been smoldering in basements. It reminds me of a flickering candle in our basement compartment. It is so easy to put it out. Any vibration or a gentle breeze and darkness will come.
I am trying to cry, but I can't. I feel sorry for myself, my family, my husband, my neighbors, my friends.
I go back to the basement and listen to the vile iron rattle there. Two weeks have passed, and I no longer believe that there was once another life here.
In Mariupol, people continue to sit in the basements. Every day it is getting harder for them to survive. They have no water, no food, no light, they cannot even go outside because of the constant shelling.
Mariupol residents must live. Help them. Tell everyone about it. Let everyone know that civilians continue to be killed.
Written by a resident of Mariupol, Nadiya Sukhorukova, translated by Laura Olla AZ Palmer.
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apocalypticgargoyle · 3 years
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I read the edgy!karl, I’ve just finished reading the alt!dream, WHEN IS GEORGE GONNA BE NEXT 😩😩
*cracks knuckles* the hcs that everyone has provided me with has hella prepped me and I'm ready. this is dedicated to 🍭 anon, whose fanart always steals my entire heart. i love u babe
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𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐃 𝐌𝐄. ᶤ 𝐩𝐮𝐧𝐤!𝐠𝐧𝐟
± pairings: punk!Georgenotfound x fm!reader
± word count: ~3300
± warnings: smut (18+), language, tattoo work, sadism, pain kink (if you squint), domination, mentions of needles, asphyxiation
song recommendation: Cent Fois by Alice et Moi
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George’s mind wandered to his curiosity of the shop across from his tattoo parlor; bright neon signs advertising the local psychic. It was a stark contrast to the dark, wet city housing the businesses. Each night he locked up, he found himself standing on the other edge of the street, staring at the signs and draperies peeking from behind the glass windows and considering shedding his skeptical nature just for one night.
While your business was alluring in and of itself, his true draw to the place came after he had spotted you moving into the apartments above. Your clean appearance completely juxtaposed the business you ran. In his opinion, all natural healers and psychics were born scam artists only focused on the quickest way to pinch a penny.
Yet day after day, he found himself having to tear his eyes from your business just to get home or he would actually venture inside. He was rather subtle about his fascination when it came to his co-workers and regular customers, but each day he prayed you would wander in, requesting some kind of tattoo in a place hidden from outside eyes.
A place he’d like to see again in a less professional setting.
You flipped the textbook page after finishing your paragraph, highlighting a date you were looking for before leaning towards your notebook and scribbling down the fact. You gnawed on the end of your pen absent-mindedly, positive you still didn’t know what your professor had been rattling off about in class a few hours prior. Your sights drifted up to the incense burning across the store from you, the stick on its last few centimeters of wood as the smoke went stale.
You chew on the inside of your cheek, debating if you should light another or wait until morning. You capped your marker and stretched your back, the bell over the door letting out a telling chime as a man peeked in.
You leaned over the counter, closing your books. “Good evening! Welcome to After Life. Can I help you find anything?” You rambled, your mind flashing to the sheet of paper tucked into the frame of your bathroom mirror so you didn’t forget the basics of customer service.
The man stepped further into your view, stuffing his fists in his jean pockets as he walked closer in a cautious motion. His dark t-shirt advertised a band you had vaguely heard of, but couldn’t think of a song even if your life depended on it. What really drew your attention were his tattooed arms; branches from a grand tree twisting every which direction to peek out from beneath his sleeves; bright floral designs and litters of birds decorating the dark wood limbs. You bit back a smile at the small mushroom tattoo near his wrist that seemed to be out of place.
The laces of his Chuck Taylors grazed the floor before he was standing in the middle of your store, looking around briefly. “I actually co-own the parlor across the street. I realized I never welcomed you officially,” he stated, hints of nervousness reflecting in his tone. His accent was calming and husky from the season change.
At the mention of the tattooist across the street, your memory flashed to the various walks of life that found themselves in your store after getting work done. You also thought of the fact that you had seen the man before you break up fights in the street stretching between your properties. The tall muscular people seemed to have no effect on him as he’d pull them apart like school children on the playground.
You pushed your books further to the side. “Oh yeah, that’s right! I should have come over and introduced myself, so don’t worry about it,” you eased, swatting the air of his comment.
He chuckled softly before reality seemed to snap into his head, making him step forward and extend a hand to you. “I’m George, by the way,” he introduced. You took his hand, muttering your own name and hoping your attention span would hold for long enough that he would be entered into your long-term memory.
His hand was calloused in yours, something that you wondered came with the job or if he was some kind of carpenter in a past life of his. You gently pulled his hand closer to you, slipping your hold out of his to look at his palm. He tittered nervously, peering at the flesh with you. Your finger traced along the mounts in his hand, finding Jupiter to be the most prominent. “That checks out,” you mumbled to yourself, nodding softly.
His eyebrows perked up. “What? Am… Am I gonna meet a tall dark stranger and take a trip across the sea?” He joked, making you smile as you looked at his Sun line.
“I didn’t peg you as an Outlander fan,” you chided.
His brows flattened for a moment, chewing the inside of his lip and playing with his snake bite piercings. You found it hard to look away from him. “Honestly, I wasn’t. A girl I was fooling around with really liked it. I don’t know…” he trailed off, making you giggle.
Your nail grazed along his heart line. “You guys were just fooling around?” You quirked, eyes meeting his. His expression narrowed smugly as if urging you to continue. “Your heart line begins below your index finger. You’re not the fooling around type.” He let out a snort. “You fall in love easily too.”
He sighed with a slight sparkle in his eyes as he looked at you. You couldn’t tell if he was amazed or mocking you again. “Well, yeah. That’s…” He paused with a swallow, biting back a grin as if he was uncomfortable, but didn’t retract his hand from you. “... That’s why we’re not anymore,” he admitted. He leaned his elbows on the counter as you sat in your chair. “What else does it say?”
Your lips curled into a soft smirk, his curious eyes trailing over your face as if to watch your brain work. “You have a fire element hand which indicates that you’re confident and passionate. Maybe a bit cocky sometimes,” you teased, making him chuckle with you. You could feel his eyes on you, sending heat to your cheeks as you tried not to focus on the mount of Venus under your touch.
You wanted to ask him about his sexual indulgences, mainly because of the prevalence of Venus in his palm. “You have a mount in Jupiter, which means you’re a natural leader, and rather dominant.” You looked up at him again, watching as he bit back a smirk, seemingly understanding the subtle innuendos behind your statements.
George seemed to have some kind of effect on you, your thoughts clouding with the idea of what his snake bites would feel like against your lips. He smelled like cigarette smoke, but there was no discoloration to his skin to suggest he was the one smoking. He watched you through the hair threatening to dangle over his eyes, his gaze hinting at an attraction he had for you below his collected form. “Go on,” he murmured, voice soft and wispy as the space between the two of you seemed to warm.
You made a conscious effort to keep your sultry thoughts at bay as your thumb brushed over the area you had been avoiding telling him about. “You’re driven by desire,” you answered, voice barely above a whisper. “You’re… very in touch with your sexuality and you thrive on your indulgences.”
You couldn’t help but meet his eyes, the dark irises swimming with some kind of cocky smugness at what you had just told him. He pulled away from you, gently standing up. Part of you wished the counter between the two of you would vanish just so you could be pressed up against George at the mercy of his driven mind. “I feel it's only fair I tattoo you now,” he quipped, making your eyebrows raise. Your confidence shriveled yet you swore you wouldn’t let him know that fact.
You chewed on your lip, looking up at him with a hint of suspicion. “Oh, I’ve never been tattooed,” you avowed, voice carrying the slightest bit of your coaxing nature.
He smirked. “I’ll take care of you, I promise,” he cajoled, teeth playing at his piercings again as you were sure he was already undressing you with his eyes. “You read me, I’d like to do the same.”
And how could you refuse such an appealing offer?
You leaned back on your elbows, your skin sticking to the leather chair beneath you as you watched him pull back his hair, elastic band dangling from his white teeth. Despite securing back his locks, bits of his bangs still hung over his forehead. You liked the interior of his parlor, maybe because it was only the two of you.
George began to fill small caps of dark ink. “I think you should get some crystals in here,” you teased, making him smirk. “I could hook you up.”
“What, like a salt lamp?” He joked, pulling on a pair of dark plastic gloves.
You snorted, lying back and looking up at the ceiling. “It might be good. Lighten the place up a bit.” George swiveled his chair closer to you muttering some kind of line about only getting them from you, but his words fell silent on your ears as his hand pushed up your shirt. You were silently thanking whatever divine force above for swaying you towards slinkier lingerie earlier that morning.
You knew he could see the lacy edges of your bra by the way his eyes nonchalantly flashed up to you before laying out his template on your ribs. You could feel hints of his warm breath against your skin as he studied it. “You can look at it if you want,” he stated.
You shook your head, wanting him close to you as long as he could be. “I trust you,” you muttered, your eyes meeting his again. His tongue pressed against his cheek as he struggled not to smile at your statement. He had promised to cover a small scar for you and by the way he explained it, you were ready to be in his hands. You wet your lips as he adjusted the speed on his tattoo gun. “Will this hurt?” You asked, tucking one of your arms behind your head.
The look of unadulterated lust that he gave you made your toes want to curl. “Probably a bit. It feels good sometimes, though,” he answered. He came closer to you, resting his forearm on your stomach to angle himself in the right position. At the feeling of his skin pressed against yours, you swore your body was on fire. It took everything in your power not to moan. It could have been the adrenaline pulsing through your veins, but his soft breath and the anticipation of the needle made you feel like a junky. “I’ll be gentle, darling,” he leered, his accent muddy and low. He let the needles drag against your skin and you bit your lip, trying not to hiss at the pain. His eyes met yours. “See, not bad.”
You let out a breathy wheeze. “Shut up, you sadist,” you quipped, his chuckle coming out rather roguish as he focused on the work in front of him. Your nerves were more focused on the way George’s hands were barely caressing your body as if teasing and hinting at what he could do to you.
You drew in a sharp breath as he hit a particularly sensitive spot. “Shhh shh. It’ll be over soon,” he cooed, his voice sending goosebumps spreading across your body as his lips tugged into a light smirk. By your palm reading, you knew he was enjoying having this much control over you.
Part of you found it almost torture when George would look at you with soft and lusty eyes for merely a second before his gaze jutted back down to his work, murmuring soft praises about how well you were taking the pain. You would go under the needle anytime he asked, just to receive the sultry treatment he gave.
He was so close, you could have driven your fingers into his dark hair if you wanted. “How did you get this scar?” He asked, cleaning off some of the ink before continuing.
“A knife fight,” you answered without missing a beat, making him scoff. “Actually, I fell into my grandma’s glass table one time. My cousin was teaching me the Electric Slide,” you corrected, making him laugh, shaking his head slightly as he filled in a spot.
He let his tongue dart across his lips. “That’s so cute. Did you ever get it figured out?” To this you shook your head, the both of you laughing. You let out a groan as the needle dug into another area on your ribs, the sound making his eyes dart up to you. He leaned off of you, slipping one of his gloves off. “Wanna hold my hand, sweetheart?” He joked, but you took his offer, squeezing his hand in yours when it got painful enough. You held it close to your chest, hoping he would feel your heartbeat quicken each time he looked at you.
As he finished up his work, his thumb brushed against your hand absent-mindedly. You could tell by the way he gripped your hand as well that he enjoyed that the tattoo hurt you. Most of your mind was excited by how easily he was stirred up by you, while the rest was completely unsurprised and even threatened to bite out that he was a cliché.
When he was finally satisfied, he cleaned you up and stuck on a SecondSkin, biting back a grin at his work as he pulled you up by the hand he was holding onto you with. You couldn’t help but smile at how excited you were to see, swinging your legs over the side of his hair and walking towards his mirror. You held your shirt up, chewing on your bottom lip as you grinned at the ink. George rested a hand beside the mirror, watching you beam at his work.
All of his lines were flawless, your scar completely disappearing within his shading. You’d pitched the idea of an ode to the Creation of Adam. While it was cliche, what better to fit in the space below your breast and give George the impression that you were cultured. Yet you told him he could do whatever he wanted to it, resulting in one of the hands resembling a skeleton and the other holding a sucker. As you praised him, he shrugged off your comments, murmuring about it being his pleasure. He reached out his free hand, letting his thumb smooth over one of the edges of this bandage, which brought you closer to him.
Your cheeks warmed at the close proximity to him as his eyes grazed over your body before meeting your own. His hand moved from the bandage to your back. You leaned on your toes, pressing your lips to his. The tension between the two of you dissipated as he hungrily reacted, pulling you against him and savoring your moans as his tongue slipped into your mouth.
George’s hands moved down your body, swiftly hooking around your thighs and wrapping your legs around his waist to bring you back to his chair. Your hands moved into his hair, letting it loose and wrapping the band around your wrist. The leather was cold as your back pressed to it. George leaned back to pull his shirt over his head, revealing more of the tree painting the expanses of his skin.
If you weren’t so eager to be touched by him, you’d be studying the work of art.
As his lips met yours again, you ground your hips against his, eliciting a moan to vibrate through his chest. You raked your nails down his back, trying to further draw out reactions from him as his hands attentively played with the lace of your bra, fingers ghosting over the skin pressing against the cups.
His lips left yours only to travel the length of your jaw and inch his way toward your waistband. Your pants were discarded with a swift tug from him before he pulled your thighs flush against his, grinding his hips against yours, hands gripping onto your sides to keep you in place. You tilted your head back, relishing in the friction as your body screamed to finally feel him take advantage of you.
You reached between the two of you, tugging at his zipper as your hunger for him escalated. His tongue flattened against your collarbone before his teeth pressed into your skin. You could feel his arousal through his jeans at the sound of your whimpering.
He pumped himself in his hand before pressing into you, the feeling of him inside of you making your head spin as if you were on some kind of ecstasy. Your moan came out needy and desperate as he thrust into you, gripping the edge of the leather seat as his breath hummed against your skin. Your fingers threaded into his hair, raking your nails down his neck as he groaned in your ear at the feeling.
One of his hands grasped your wrists together, pinning them above your head while the other wrapped around your throat. His eyes burned into yours as he leaned back, leaning his weight on your wrists and squeezing your throat, the lack of oxygen making each of your senses more heightened as he pounded into you.
Your moans of George’s name were grated as they slipped through your mouth, his relentless pace and intense hold nearly making you drool from the stimulation. By the practice of his actions, you wondered how long he had been stewing on demolishing you in this way.
He loosened his grip on your neck, leaning down to press his lips against yours, dragging his teeth along your bottom lip just to hear you groan from the rough action. You rolled your hips against his, letting him slow his pace to reach deeper within you. A sadistic grin spread across his face as he rubbed a thumb across your cheek, wiping away the makeup smudging around your eyes from his antics and the heat between the two of you.
He pressed his lips to your neck, wrapping his hand around the edge of the chair again to drive himself into you, the new angle muddling your mind and vision as your body ached to come undone. You sank your nails into his back, earning his low, raspy whispers of your name.
At his praises, you came, tugging on his hair as he bit into your shoulder again, basking in the feeling of you clenching around him.
The next day, George stretched his shoulders, peering through the front window of his shop. His mind sparked with the feeling of your legs around his waist and the softness of your skin beneath his fingertips. He could practically hear you whimpering his name in his ears as he went back to touching up a fading tattoo on his friend’s arm.
“OW, George,” Clay rumbled, thigh flinching at the jab from George.
George snorted, his mind still on the high he got from your pure trust in him as you laid out on his chair. “I’ll give you something to bitch about,” George grumbled, releasing just how gentle he was during your tattoo. The way your voice got soft and quiet when he rolled over a spot that was rather tender already would most definitely be a guilty pleasure of his.
Clay barked at him again as George jerked his hand, fulfilling his promise. “I’VE BEEN NICE TO YOU ALL MORNING.”
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From Mariupol.
Written by a resident of Mariupol, Nadiya Sukhorukova, translated by Laura Olla AZ Palmer.
Waiting for death
I go outside in between bombings. I need to walk the dog. It constantly whines, trembles, and hides behind my legs.
I want to sleep all the time. My yard, surrounded by high-rise buildings, is quiet and dead. I'm no longer afraid to look around.
Opposite, the entrance to the one hundred and fifth house, number 105 is burning down. The flames have devoured five floors and are slowly chewing on the sixth. In the room, the fire is burning gently, as in a fireplace. Black charred windows stand without glass. From them, like tongues, curtains gnawed by flames are falling out. I am looking at it calmly feeling doomed to die.
I'm sure I'll die soon. It's a matter of days.
In this city, everyone is constantly waiting for death. I just wish it wasn't too scary. Three days ago, a friend of my older nephew came to us and said that there was a direct hit on the Fire station. The rescuers died. One woman had her arm, leg, and head torn off.
I wish that my body parts remain in place, even after the explosion of an air bomb.
I don't know why, but it seems important to me. Although, on the other hand, they will still not be buried during the bombing going on. This is how the police answered us when we caught them on the street and asked what to do with our friend’s dead grandmother. They advised us to put her on the balcony.
I wonder how many more balconies there are with dead bodies laid down?
Our house on Mir (Peace) Avenue is the only one that has escaped direct hits. It has nearly escaped twice when hit by shells, windows flew out in some apartments, but it was hardly damaged, compared to other houses, and it looks lucky.
The entire yard is covered in layers of ash, fragments of glass, plastic, and metal.
I am trying not to look at the huge iron structure that has landed on the children’s playground. I think it's a rocket, or maybe a mine. I don't care, it's just annoying. In the window of the third floor, I see someone's face and I flinch in fright. It turns out that I'm afraid of living people.
My dog starts howling and I understand that now they will shoot again.
I am standing in the daytime on the street, and there is complete cemetery-like silence around me. There are no cars, no voices, no children, no grandmothers on benches. Even the wind died.
However, there are still a few people here. They are lying near the side of the house and in the parking lot, covered with outerwear. I don't want to look at them. I'm afraid I'll see someone I know.
All life in my city has been smoldering in basements. It reminds me of a flickering candle in our basement compartment. It is so easy to put it out. Any vibration or a gentle breeze and darkness will come.
I am trying to cry, but I can't. I feel sorry for myself, my family, my husband, my neighbors, my friends.
I go back to the basement and listen to the vile iron rattle there. Two weeks have passed, and I no longer believe that there was once another life here.
In Mariupol, people continue to sit in the basements. Every day it is getting harder for them to survive. They have no water, no food, no light, they cannot even go outside because of the constant shelling.
Mariupol residents must live. Help them. Tell everyone about it. Let everyone know that civilians continue to be killed.
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anyoneseenadam · 3 years
Note
Hi! Could you do an azriel x reader where they have a huge argument but it ends with fluff? Thank you!
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pairing: azriel x reader (acotar)
warnings: mentions of self harm and suicidal thoughts, depression, anxiety, shouting, swearing and a butt ton of angst but with some fluff at end
a/n: this is kinda self indulgent because i’m vvv depressed rn and for some reason angst rlly makes me feel better so i hope u enjoy!! pls comment it rlly means the world <3
—————————————————————————-
You knew Azriel was stressed. His hands clenched, lips red from excessive chewing, his gaze stormy and sharp words hurting anyone that pried to deep. You knew you should leave him alone and let him finish whatever he needed to do, but it had been a week and while you had noticed he was stressed, he seemed oblivious to your pain.
You had woken up a week ago with a heavy head, your entire body weighing you down, making everything seem too loud and too bright. The first day you had laid in bed all day, barely eating and when Azriel found you hours later he simply presumed you had just taken an early night.
But you couldn’t sleep.
A few days later you were practically withering away. You had barely eaten in days; you couldn’t sleep, and you missed your mate horribly. Every part of you ached as you dragged yourself into the shower, desperate to scrub away the layer of dirt you could feel on your skin. You stood under the scalding water, hands moving on their own accord to wash your skin, your head moving a million miles an hour as your eyes itched from the hot tears that were mixing with the even hotter water.
You leaned a hand against the counter when you got out, your legs shaky and weak from the lack of food you had consumed, you considered just getting back into bed, but you knew you needed help. You had gotten like this before and it always ended in some form of unhealthy coping mechanism, but you had promised Azriel you wouldn’t do that again so you instead you pulled your clothes on again, not bothering to dry your hair and dragged your feet to the kitchen.
When you didn’t find him there you frowned but went about making yourself some toast to quell the nausea brewing in your stomach. With your food you padded through your house but couldn’t find him anywhere, feeling more hot tears spill as you realised he was out.
You knew his job was hard, but your heart ached as you realised he truly hadn’t noticed the change. You sent a pulse down the bond as you sank to the floor in tears, your head heavy and heart numb. You didn’t get any reply, so you tried sending another one, to no avail, almost as if he were waving away your cries for help.
You cried for about fifteen minutes, before standing and going back through to your room, sitting on your bed, and staring at a blemish in the floor as you fiddled with the toy you had kept since you were young. You felt guilty for the thoughts running through your head, never wanting to make Azriel alone but feeling so lost in your own head that all you wanted to do was die, to feel the lightness you vaguely remembered enjoying as a child. You were standing to move to your bathroom, itching for your razor when you heard the front door open, relief flooding through you that he was finally home.
You walked out the room, fiddling with the sleeves of your oversized hoodie as you went to meet him. He was standing in the kitchen, shoulders tight and your heart panged at the sight of him, stressed and tired. You considered turning and leaving him but remembered that he told you to always come to him when your head was being cruel, so you shuffled forward, wrapping your arms around his back, and pressing your face between his shoulder blades, breathing easier as you inhaled him, your heart feeling some form of peace at last.
But he shrugged you off, moving away from you and you felt white hot dread fill you.
“Not right now (y/n), I’m busy.” His voice was cold as he made himself a cup of coffee, not offering you one as he usually would.
“I- I know I just haven’t seen you in a while.” You fought to keep your voice steady, but he didn’t seem to notice or care about the breaks. You felt your breathing getting deeper and your hands were tingling as the panic rose in you.
“That’s because my jobs fucking important!” he shouted and you flinched, tears swarming in your eyes as you wiped your sweating hands on your hoodie, stepping to him.
“But you said I should come to you if-“ he cut you off by slamming his hands down, shoulder hunched and glare furious as he shouted at you.
“Will you just fuck off! I have important shit going on.” You stopped where you were standing as he picked up his mug, storming out the room and slamming the door to his office behind him.
Tears spilled out of your eyes and you stumbled as you sat down, legs and hands going numb as you hyperventilated, the panic attack hitting you full force as you sobbed into your hands, trying to muffle the sounds so you wouldn’t bother Azriel anymore than you already had. You counted your breaths as you dug your nails into your palm, trying to calm yourself down and thankfully, slowly your breathing began to return to normal as you wiped at your eyes.
Of course he didn’t care. No one else does, you don’t deserve him, and you should be thankful that you have someone so good to you. Half your brain was arguing in his favour as the other half protested, but he hurt you, you can’t let him in again, this is what happens when people get to close.
Your head kept arguing with itself as you pulled yourself upright, walking through to your room and climbing under the covers of your bed, crying yourself to sleep, head pounding and somehow heavier than before.
--
You woke up to an empty bed and pounding headache. You dragged yourself out from under the covers and went to receive a glass of water and some painkillers, finding Azriel in the kitchen.
He smiled softly at you when you came in, but you averted your gaze, going to the sink and filling a large glass.
“Would you like a coffee?” he asked, his hand coming to your hip, but you shook your head, pulling out of his grip and clearing your throat as a weighted silence filled the room. “I’m sorry I shouted at you,” he muttered, desperate to get you to look at him again, but you just turned away, muttering a small “it’s okay,” under your breath and leaving.
You walked back to your room and sat down on the bed as you sipped your water and taking two painkillers. Azriel followed you in soon after, guilt gnawing at his insides and he stood quietly and watched as you pulled the jumper you were wearing over your head, pulling on a clean one.
He inhaled sharply as he saw the change in your body, moving closer to you.
“Have you been eating?” he asked, and you closed your eyes, facing away from him and staying silent as you no longer trusted your voice or temper. “Baby, you have to eat.” While he said it in a pleading manner, your brain heard it as angry, thousands of comments pertaining to how worthless you were springing to the forefront of your mind.
“It’s kinda hard to eat when you want to die.” You snapped and Azriel felt a pang go through his heart.
“(y/n). You promised me you would come to me if you felt that way,” he was frustrated, hating himself for getting annoyed at you but angry that you were ignoring him.
You laughed bitterly and you went to the bathroom, scrubbing the old makeup of your face, “I did. Or at least tried to,”
You stormed past him, pulling on a pair of joggers before moving to leave the house, but Azriel caught your arm.
“You haven’t done anything stupid have you?” he asked, worry and guilt filling him as your eyes filled with tears, finally looking at him enough that he could see the dark circles surrounding your hollow eyes, your skin dull and lacking its usual dewy finish.
“Why do you care.” You pulled your arm from his grip, stepping back and creating space between the two of you.
“Because you’re my mate and I need to know that you’re okay.” He tried to move closer again, but you stepped back so he stopped.
“Your mate huh? Then why haven’t I seen you in a fucking week, even though we fucking live together! Why are you only just noticing that I’m struggling!?” each word hit him like a blow and only his decades of training stopped him from bursting into tears, falling to his knees and begging your forgiveness.
“I was struggling so much, I couldn’t leave my bed, I wasn’t eating, I wanted to kill myself and as soon as I tried to reach out for help you shut me down.” You head was bowed, tears flowing freely as you sobbed into your hand.
He stepped closer his arms wrapping around you as you sobbed into his chest, “I’m sorry baby, I’m so, so sorry,” he kissed your head, his heart cracking at your next muffled words.
“You only care now because you feel bad. I don’t need your sympathy.”
“No baby, I’m sorry. I care so much I was just tired and stressed last night and I know that’s not an excuse, but you have to know how much I care about you. I love you so much and I need you to be okay.” He tightened his arms around you, bringing the two of you to kneel on the floor.
“I’m not okay Az,” you muttered, and his chest tightened as he stroked your back, allowing you to cry for as long as you needed.
“I know baby, but it’s okay. We’ll get through this, together.” He kissed your forehead lightly and you tilted your head to look at him, eyes wide and glassy with tears. He kissed one of the tears that was slowly trailing down your face away and you sniffed, before he kissed you lightly. He picked you up and carried you over to the bed, the two of you lying down together, tucked safely into his arms as he whispered sweet nothings and apologies to you as you fell asleep. Tears drying on their own.
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aka-indulgence · 3 years
Text
Stealing You for a Moment
Commissioned by @yeosin-n​ !!
Thanks for commissioning me you cutie ;>
Ao3 link
(US!Sans/Reader ... and UT!Sans/Reader)
(There’s polyamory in this, only reader and Sans and not between hims!)
Blue is tired of not having enough private time with you.
So he kidnaps you for a date (again?!).
(like said, there’s Fake kidnapping in this! He just steals you for a date really. Also suggestive themes! Fluffy, but also Blue gets pretty hot and smooch-y!)
“I’VE GOT YOU NOW, MY DEAR...” A voice says in your ear.
You’re pulled flush against your captor’s chest, and you’re squirming a little against the arms that were holding you.
Request* by yeo_sin! She wanted fluff with US!Sans while also throwing in a bit of "chill" kidnapping because hey, I can't complain about a bit of fictional kidnapping uwu
It had been any other day. You were at home, walking through a hallway when your skin pricked from the sudden presence you felt behind you. Gloved hands had come over your face before you tried to turn to look at your sudden visitor. It covered your face and mouth, stopping any scream you’d thought to let out.
You’d be panicking, screaming and hitting at the man who held you if you didn’t know there were only 4 skeletons in this world... even if his hands were gloved, you could feel the bone over his clothes.
Oh... what is he up to this time? You thought, withholding a sigh.
“IT’S BEEN ENTIRELY TOO LONG SINCE I’VE HAD THE CHANCE TO JUST BE... ALONE WITH YOU, AND I’M TIRED OF IT.” the ‘mysterious skeleton’ spoke against your ear, his teeth brushing your skin and making you tingle.
“IT’S TIME I TAKE MATTERS INTO MY OWN HANDS.” you felt his smile against your cheek, and he pulled you as he took a step back. You feel the air shift around you, the still air of your home suddenly replaced with light wind brushing your skin.
He must be in one of those moods if Blue was actually using his often-neglected ability to teleport. Blue slides his hands off your face, trailing over your back and brushing your arms before one of
them settles on your shoulder, pulling you close.
You open your eyes to see that he’s brought you to a pond park, sunlight glimmering on quiet, calm waters in the middle, pond reeds sticking out of with lots of grass surrounding it. You hear the sound of nature, chirping birds and buzzing bugs around you.
You’re too busy looking at the pretty scenery and the breath of fresh air to realize that Blue’s hands are on your wrist, with you pulling them away when you felt something hard and cool on them- followed by a click.
“Blue, what-” you exclaim, feeling a tug on your hand when you try to yank your hand away from him. You look down to see there’s a hand-cuff on your wrist(???), connecting your right hand to Blue’s left.
You give him a puzzling look, and Blue only chuckles in response. He brings his free hand to your face, ever so gently cupping your cheek to tilt your face up, and kisses you. You close your eyes and melt into it (it’d take a lot to make you reject a kiss from him ), enjoying the way his teeth shifts against your lips.
“LIKE I SAID BEFORE, MY DEAR...” he murmurs heatedly against your lips, “I’VE MISSED YOU.”
Blue pulls away from you, to look at how red your face had become, practically having swirly eyes from the kiss.
“I GROW TIRED OF ALWAYS BEING INTERRUPTED BY OTHERS WHEN I’M TRYING TO JUST BE ALONE WITH YOU, ALWAYS HAVING SOMEONE ELSE AROUND, GETTING IN THE WAY...” he holds your chin with his fingers, brushing your jaw.
There’s an ominous glow in his eyelights “I CAN BE PATIENT WHEN I NEED TO BE. But,” he lowers his voice, “When It Comes To You, My Beloved (Y/n), I Find My Patience To Be Lacking.”
He smirks, brushing your hair behind your ears, and it takes everything in you not to squeak, bringing your free hand to cover your practically-tomato face. Your heart was going badonkers in your chest, and you bite your lip to make a restrained ‘Mmmf!!’ sound.
You try and fail to ignore the shivers going through you from how intensely Blue seems to be staring at you, and cool your face down. You give him a glance and lid your eyelids at your kidnapping skeleton.
“Oh yeah? What’re you gonna do?” ‘This time?’ you leave the addition in your mind, unsaid. You blink prettily at him, looking from under your lashes, trying to look coy. It apparently works, because when Blue looks at you, his grin twitches dangerously upwards.
“ARE YOU CHALLENGING ME? YOU KNOW THAT’S NOT A GOOD IDEA.” He grabs ahold of your hands and leans in closer to your face. “I’M GOING TO GIVE US A
GOOD TIME...” He tugs you along, being all mysterious and sinister, and shows you exactly what he has in store
for you, which... Is this a picnic?
A classic picnic setup was in front of you. A red and white plaid blanket spread open neatly over the grass, a wicker basket on its corner with one of the lids opened, with some of its contents already on display in the middle. They looked delicious too, with colorful fruits, bread and jam on the side.
You wanted to take a picture- it just looked like the perfect picnic in a scenic park!- but you didn’t have your phone with you when Blue abducted you, which you realize was probably part of his scheme.
You doubt Blue would appreciate you being on your phone when he was trying to have some quality “kidnapping” time with you.
“Oh no, Blue!” you pretend to sound appalled, holding back a snicker, “you’re stealing me and someone else’s picnic? You scoundrel.”
Your comment catches Blue off guard as he breaks character, his menacing face falling into laughter.
“WHAT? I’M NOT SOME, PETTY LITTLE THIEF! HAHAHAH!” you admire how handsome he looked when he smiled like that, “YOU MUST KNOW THAT I’M A MUCH CLASSIER SKELETON THAN THAT, SUNSHINE, UNLESS THIS REALLY MEANS YOU NEED TO SPEND MORE TIME WITH ME. ONLY THE BEST IS GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU, FROM THE VERY BEST.”
You giggle, knowing that this skeleton was well backed with evidence to attest to that. After the culinary-enthusiast skeleton’s lessons a while back his cooking has been nothing short of amazing,
and you feel lucky to be able to eat his cooking regularly; especially since he loves cooking for you.
Blue leads you to the blanket and brings you to sit down on it- and by that, it means that he sits down suddenly, bringing you down with him- ending up with you caught in his crossed legs.
You look up at him. “Ah... heheh... I should...” you push lightly against his chest, pursing your lips; knowing your cheeks must be pink. You practically crawl out from between his legs, but before you can make any space between him and you, Blue holds your arm and pulls you against his side.
“WHY ARE YOU MOVING AWAY, (Y/N)? COME ON, YOU KNOW THERE’S NO NEED TO BE SHY WITH ME,” his cuffed hand holds yours, “GET COMFORTABLE. I CAN’T STAND BEING APART FROM YOU, EVEN IF IT’S A LITTLE BIT.”
Your heart flutters a little from how affectionate he’s being; though he isn’t bigger than you, somehow you feel like you’ve shrunk next to him. You try to laugh it off, “Hah, well, I mean I don’t mind but, don’t you think people are going to- mrrf!”
Blue had put a strawberry against your lips, holding onto its leaves. He’s giving you that smug look again- that expression when he knows you like what he’s doing. You tentatively take a bite of it, chewing slowly and tasting the juice as it breaks down in your mouth.
“You Know I Don’t Care About Anyone Seeing This, My Loved,” he winks at you, his voice slow and deliberate.
You swallow your strawberry hard and laugh nervously. “Oh... please don’t kill me like this,” you sigh, covering your face, “I can only handle so much.”
Blue chuckles, pulling the plate with the bread on it and the jar next to it. He leans in closer to you, “Cute.” and gives you a peck on the head.
You make a little squeak and slap his femur, which makes him laugh even harder.
“I’m gonna die, Blue,” you say dramatically, taking another strawberry to gnaw on. “Goodbye... this is the end for me,”
Blue snickers, and you miss him rolling his eyelights a little when you’re slouched against him, pretending to pass out. He jostles you a little and says “HEY, YOU CAN’T DIE NOW. DON’T YOU WANT TO SEE THE TEA SET I’VE BROUGHT FOR US?”
That wakes you up pretty much instantly, eyes sparkling at your boyfriend. “You brought a tea set!?”
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Teacups and saucers were set in front of you, the porcelain pot in the middle, still steaming from its airhole and its spout. Next to it was a fancy three-tier cake stand, with an assortment of baked goods. A plate with half eaten bread was in front of you, and Blue was pouring himself a glass of fizzy cider.
You were both quiet, looking at the people, monsters, animals that were around the park.
A squirrel skittered across the grass to another tree with another following suit. Ducks were waddling into the pond while dragonflies were flying above it. You saw couples walking hand in hand near the reeds, a pair of friends eating on some sort of blue ice cream ( Oh, was there nice cream around here? ). A bird lands near your blanket, curiously hopping towards you and pecking on some invisible crumbs before flying away.
The tea was delightfully fragrant as you took a sip, watching a bee buzzing around some small flowers, taking some nectar and pollen before flying away.
Your eyes were drawn away when you felt your left hand get picked up by the handcuff. Blue brought his hand over to your shoulder and looked like he wanted to sling it around your neck, but you saw the look on his face when he noticed that your hand was being brought along with his. With his brows furrowed and staring at the cuffs as if it had just offended him made you imagine what kind of thoughts he must be having.
‘CURSE THESE CHAINS! I’VE BEEN BETRAYED BY MY OWN GENIUS PLAN!’
Blue’s eyelights glanced over to you when you giggle, his brows relaxing.
“WHAT?”
You wave your hand though you were still smiling, putting your teacup back down. “No no, it’s just...” you gather your breath, “It seems your plans aren’t so foolproof. You must be swearing yourself that you can’t hold me the way you wanted to, huh?”
“NO, OF COURSE I EXPECTED THIS. I LIKE THESE HANDCUFFS,” Blue insists, “I HAD ONLY FORGOTTEN ABOUT THIS PARTICULAR SETBACK BECAUSE I WAS DISTRACTED BY THIS PLEASANT PICNIC!”
“Aww Blue, don’t be... Blue!” you giggle, missing his sudden change in expression when you made that, “You know you could always just take off the handcuffs.”
Blue raises a brow bone at you. “OH, MY SWEET, WERE YOU ATTEMPTING TO TRICK ME INTO TAKING THE HANDCUFFS OFF FOR YOU?”
“Wh-what? No! I mean, it’s not like I’m going to try to run away from you.” Blue doesn’t seem convinced. “YES, OF COURSE YOU WOULDN’T...” You level him with a slightly peeved look and pout. “Yes, I’m sure I w-”
“YOU KNOW, IF YOU DID TRY, I WOULDN’T MIND. I WOULD LOVE TO PLAY A GAME OF TAG WITH YOU... I KNOW IT WOULD BE JUST FUN TO GET TO CHASE YOU AROUND.”
There’s a look of challenge in Blue’s eyelights, the look of a skeleton who knows that if you did “play tag”, he was going to win.
“You know what! Let’s keep wearing handcuffs.” you turn away, suddenly finding the tea leaves
at the bottom of your teacup very interesting. “I’m having a nice picnic, I don’t really want to get chased around by a spooky scary skeleton.”
Blue chuckles and gives your head a teeth-bonk, pouring more tea to your cup when you pick it up towards him.
You’re not sure if taking a sip of steaming tea is going to help your easily pink face.
“AH, (Y/N),” he sighs while you take a tart from the tiered stand, “ISN’T THIS NICE? GETTING TO BE ALONE TOGETHER, JUST THE TWO OF US.”
“Yeah, this was really fun Blue,” you take a bite out of your tart, “I’m sure you’re enjoying kidnapping a girl just to take me out for a picnic...”
You shrug at him. “You know, you could’ve just asked.”
“THAT’S TRUE. BUT,” Blue tilts his skull at you, “YOU KNOW YOU’RE LYING TO YOURSELF IF YOU SAY YOU DON’T ENJOY IT WHEN I STEAL YOU AWAY FOR THESE MOMENTS.”
You absolutely do not choke on what you’re munching on because of that, because it’s not true and Blue’s the one lying.
“Mm... hmmm.....” you opt to just making vague sounds, finishing about a quarter of your tart in a bite.
Ohhh bad idea , you thought to yourself, drinking the tea to down the snack more easily down your throat.
Peeking from behind the cup, you see Blue pointing at your face. “OH, (Y/N), YOU’VE GOT SOMETHING ON YOUR...”
“Hm?” you sound, licking behind the residue tea around your lips. “Did I get it?”
“NO NO, IT’S STILL THERE,” Blue frowns, “HERE, LET ME GET IT FOR YOU.”
He reaches for you, only to miss your face and instead of going into your hair behind your head, and leans in close.
You put your hands against his chest and squeak, “B-Blue, what are you doing!!”
“YOUR TONGUE’S NOT LONG ENOUGH,” Blue smirks as he easily pushes against you, “I’M SIMPLY TRYING TO HELP.”
You squeal as Blue topples you over and he gets on top of you (SOMEONE SAVE ME) and kisses you, feeling his tongue skirting over your lips to ‘clean you up’ before quickly slipping into your mouth and making you feel warm.
“A-aaah Blue!” you yelp as he moves to pepper kisses all over your face, on your cheek, your forehead, “S-stop aaah!”
“MMMM,” he hums in between kisses, “YOU’RE JUST TOO CUTE, (Y/N), YOU CAN’T EXPECT ME TO STOP,”
You feel him smile, holding your hands and interlocking fingers.
“Eeep!” you peep, when you feel him kissing on your neck, slow, warm breaths against your clavicle. A part of you was reeling at the fact that he was being so- so!! Like this with you, right now, where anyone could so easily see you, but another part of you...
Who cares?
He certainly won’t stop just to be decent around other people in his private time with you, and you didn’t exactly want him to stop either.
Blue kisses you until you feel like your face is on fire, finally pushing himself off of you and pulling your hand to sit you up like a proper gentleman.
“I TOLD YOU, YOU’RE NOT GOING ANYWHERE,” he gives you another tug so you fall into his chest face first, hands forced to grip onto him, “NOT EVEN PULLING AWAY FROM A KISS!”
I take back ‘proper gentleman’ , you thought, pushing slightly against Blue’s shirt so your face wasn’t squished up against it.
The remainder of the picnic has you trying to peacefully eat your food while Blue keeps teasing you, though thankfully for your heart, he was merciful enough not to try to fluster you more than you already have.
(To be honest, you’re pretty sure he’s saving that for later.) When the plates have nothing but crumbs on them, the teapot no longer steams, you and Blue
decide to just bring the rest of the cider home.
You try to help out with cleaning up, but Blue had insisted on cleaning up himself. Halfway through you asking “How are you going to clean up while you’re handcuffed to me”, he had efficiently put the bigger objects back in the basket, stacking plates and putting the tea set back in its place. He simply plopped you on the grass to fold the blanket one-hand, and soon enough he had neatly put everything in the basket.
“DON’T UNDERESTIMATE ME, I AM NOT MY BROTHER!” Blue proudly said.
Now, he had taken your hand, basket in the other, and you were walking along the trail around the pond.
Both of you had simply ignored any weird looks and double-takes when people had passed by and spotted the handcuffs; even when you wanted to react, Blue had turned you to face him (“PAY ATTENTION TO ME, (Y/N),” with a meaningful smile on his face).
When he was satisfied with your attention, you looked at the pond. You had gotten slightly distracted by the quacking ducks, ducklings peeping and looking like they wiggled through the water, when you were rudely tugged by the handcuff to Blue’s side.
“Hey!” you protest as your feet caught up to you, “what was that for?”
“YOU WERE GETTING TOO FAR THERE, SUNSHINE!” Blue warns, a little too cheerful that you know he’s playing the part of ‘possessive kidnapper’ again. “BE A DUCKLING AND FOLLOW ME CLOSELY, ALRIGHT?”
You snorted a little. “It sounds less intimidating when you call me a duckling, Blue. And I wasn’t getting that far!”
“I CAN’T LOSE A SINGLE PRECIOUS MOMENT OF ALONE TIME WITH YOU, DARLING!” Blue proclaims, “AND AS I TOLD YOU, I LIKE THESE HANDCUFFS.”
He demonstrates by tugging your wrist closer to his face, then taking your hand to kiss your knuckles. It surprised a fluster laugh at you, eyes darting away for a moment to see if anyone was looking.
No one was, thank goodness.
You did however, see a Nice Cream vendor nearby, and this time you tugged on Blue to bring his attention to it.
“Nice Cream, Blue! Can we get some?” you put on your pleading face, in case Blue insisted on tugging you along this walk, but it seemed you didn’t need to.
Blue chuckled, “YES, OF COURSE! ANYTHING FOR MY SPECIAL GIRLFRIEND.”
You approach the cart and Blue gets you one Nice Cream, saying that “I DON’T NEED A NICE CREAM TO FEEL NICE, WHEN I HAVE YOU WITH ME!” that had made you both giggle and flush in the slightest. It was obvious the bunny vendor that handed you the sweet treat was eyeing the handcuffs, but to his credit he had withdrawn any weird faces he was about to make and was perfectly polite and cheerful.
“THANK YOU!” Blue waved to him as he walked with you again, then quietly, “My, I’m Still Not Used To Him Being So Cheerful...”
You laugh at the weird face Blue makes and take a bite of your bar of nice cream. You have the sudden impression that you look cute today!
Blue gives you a quizzical look when you put a hand over your face. As if he hasn’t told me that enough today!
Before Blue asks you what that was, you ask him, “How do you keep finding these places anyway, Blue?” you turn to him, sucking on your ice cream a little, “it just seems like... you have to go through so much just to find a place for a date?”
Blue sighs. “YOU KNOW VERY WELL WHY I GO THROUGH ALL THE EFFORT TO FIND THESE PLACES! OF COURSE, OTHER THAN MY DATE DESERVING THE BEST , I ALSO CAN’T LET HIM GET IN MY WAY. AS TO HOW I FIND THESE PLACES, WELL... I’D LIKE TO KEEP MY SECRETS AS SECRETS!” He gives you a wink.
“YOU JUST ENJOY IT,” Blue tells you, looking up at the sky as it starts to color with yellows. “THOUGH THE DAY IS LATE. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF CALLING IT A DATE AND GOING HOME?”
“Yeah, I think I’m good.” You nod, “Though, can you take off the ha-?”
You get cut off as your hair stands on its ends when there’s a sudden, familiar , burst of magic in front of you.
Sans stands in front of you, panting in the slightest, the line under his sockets looking especially prominent. He doesn’t look happy as he gives the both of you a once over, looking less so when he sees the handcuff that links you to Blue.
He marches over to you, and Blue raises an innocent hand. “OH HI, S-” “playtime’s over, blue.” He mutters angrily, grabbing the handcuffs and breaking the chains, just
like that.
“i’ve been looking for you all day,” he grumbles, prying open your cuffs forcefully and ignoring Blue’s pleas (“MY HANDCUFFS!”), “do you know how many shortcuts i had to take before i saw you buying nice cream just now?”
“TOO MUCH FOR YOU TO HANDLE, SANS?” Blue pokes his counterpart, met with a look that’s too tired to be a glare.
“blue,” Sans sighs and puts his phalanges against his forehead, before flicking them away and emphatically saying, “you always do this, why??”
Sans and Blue have sort of been having an ‘arm’s race’, in the way that Blue always looks for new places to take you out on dates, and Sans keeps trying to beat him to it so he wouldn’t keep abducting you. Needless to say, at the moment it seems that Sans hasn’t had much luck in ‘winning’.
“WHAT, I CAN’T STEAL OUR GIRLFRIEND FOR JUST A DAY?”
“you’ve clearly been doing this for more than ‘just a day', blue,” Sans sighs, holding onto your hand.
“YOU KNOW YOU HAVE NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT, SANS. YOU’RE ALWAYS SO PARANOID!” Blue mentions casually, “YOU KNOW NO HARM’S GOING TO BEFALL OUR DEAR HUMAN WHEN I’M WITH HER. ARE YOU WORRIED I’M GOING TO STEAL HER ONE DAY AND NEVER RETURN HER? JEEZ, YOU WORRYWART. YOU’RE GOING TO TEMPT ME!”
“blue, no, ” Sans actually looks slightly distressed (but not too much that you get really worried), “please don’t. i love her, can you just... not kidnap her for a date? what am i supposed to do when i see her phone, unattended, and the owner nowhere to be found?”
“AW, SANS, I COULD LEAVE YOU A STICKY NOTE YOU CAN’T IGNORE NEXT TIME. IT’LL SAY, ‘I’ve Got The Girl, If You Want Her Back Give Me Money’,”
“if you do that, i swear, you won’t be having such a ‘good time’ when i steal her for a change-”
“Ok, ok, that’s enough,” you put your hands on both their chests, before they stop joking and start a fight or something. “You both know of this word called ‘sharing’? I’ve got enough time for the both of you! We’ll have our own date next time, Sans,” you reassure your tired boyfriend, “and we can have a group date too. Please don’t start murdering each other, I like it when you guys play along,”
Sans and Blue trade looks, and both agree that what you proposed sounds quite attractive. Blue reaches for your hand, but Sans pulls you away from him and to his ribcage.
“HEY! I CAN’T HOLD MY GIRLFRIEND’S HAND?” “she’s my girlfriend too, and i think i deserve some time with her after you kidnapped her. again.”
Sans looks more ‘done’ than he does actually angry at Blue that it makes you laugh, and Blue only shrugs at you.
“I SUPPOSE I’LL HAVE TO LOOK FOR A NEW PLACE SOON...”
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alexaplaysgames · 3 years
Text
Title: You’re Lucky Olive You
Pairing: Felix Escellun x GN!MC (Last Legacy)
Rating: G
Summary: Felix really likes his olives.
Notes: Someone should really stop this Last Legacy rampage I’m on.
✦✧✦✧
When I wake, I am alone.
That, in itself, isn’t entirely strange. I know that Felix hardly ever sleeps at night; if one were to look up ‘night owl’ in a dictionary, they would find Felix’s face in place of a definition. I’m almost certain of it.
What is strange, however, is the faintest of noises that I can hear from my place amongst the bedsheets. Fathom Tower may be ancient, but I am (or, at least, I was) certain that it isn’t haunted. Although, given the mass murder that occurred here, it’s not like it’s unlikely.
But it almost sounds like someone humming .
I stare at the ceiling for a few moments before curiosity wins out over fatigue. I can’t help but wonder what that distant noise is. And besides, it’s probably time I force Felix to come to bed. That, or pick him up from whatever armchair he’d fallen asleep him and throw him over my shoulder.
I kinda miss him when he leaves, though I know he’ll always come back to me.
My sitting up in bed causes the wooden bed frame to creak, as do my joints and- no way. I am not getting old, I’m only in my twenties, for Pete’s sake! It’s just all the running around fighting villains and evil ex’s that has gotten me to this state.
With a huff, I throw on my robe and let my feet hit the floor. I definitely don’t yelp as I feel how cold the stone flooring is, nor do I stumble and accidentally stub my toe on the bed post.
No. Everything is going perfectly fine.
By the time I reach the door, I’m regretting ever having left the bed. I’m simultaneously wondering if this is all some odd dream. I throw open the wooden door, which also groans like a drunken sailor, before I step outside into the long hallway.
Fathom Tower is enormous, it’s winding corridors a maze in their own right. They all branch off into dozens of empty rooms that once housed the Starsworn. It makes the entire place feel quite eerie- it’s strange to be living in a building once home to a bunch of now dead people.
I pad along through the empty hallways, the slight slap of my bare feet echoing against the stone walls. All the while, I can still hear that faint humming, which I use to guide me.
As I traipse silently throughout the halls, I can’t help but wonder if the idea to seek out the strange noise was a bit idiotic on my part. I’ve seen enough horror movies to know that things like this are basically a prerequisite for a premature death.
Whatever .
I eventually follow the sound to just outside the pantry, where I pause for a brief moment outside the thin door. What kind of demonic presence hides out in a pantry, of all places? What is it doing, possessing the rice crackers?
I opt to push the door open carefully, hoping to get the jump on whatever waits inside.
It’s completely dark. The air inside the pantry is warm and stale.
Now that the humming isn’t muffled by walls and doors, I’m not longer at a loss as to who it belongs to. I’ve never heard Felix him before, but I’m absolutely sure that it’s his voice.
I snap my fingers. Light emanates from my fingertips. In front of me, a crash sounds. The humming stops.
“Hundred hells!” Felix yelps, from where I can now clearly see he sits on the counter. “Put that blasted light out, dearest, lest you blind someone.”
“Sorry!” I exclaim, dimming the light and simultaneously lowering my hand. As the light steadily nears the ground, I can see the source of the crashing sound from earlier.
Below Felix’s feet lies a shattered jar of what looks like olives. The olive juice runs along the grout in the tile floor. Felix looks downwards at the mess and sighs heavily, dropping his hand from where it had hovered in midair.
“Are those- olives?”
Felix gnaws at his lower lip. “Must you ask?”
“And you were just sitting here. Eating olives. In the dark.”
“An astute observation.”
“It’s 3 AM, Felix,” I chastise, and in the faint light I can still see his cheeks colour. “Why are you eating olives at 3 AM?”
A pause. “I d-do have a penchant for late-night snacking, I suppose.”
“You suppose?”
Felix groans, glaring at me from his position atop the counter.
“Don’t make that expression. Olives are a perfectly respectable choice of sustenance.”
I raise my hands in a gesture of peace. Felix’s shoulders slump as he exhales.
“Did you even eat dinner?”
Felix frowns. He responds by plopping the single olive he apparently had kept guarded in his hand into his mouth and chewing silently.
“And the humming?” I ask.
He looks startled, his eyes reflecting the glow of the light in my hand. “Oh. An lullaby Papa used to sing to Scylla and I. I hadn’t even noticed...”
I shake my head fondly, looking down at the mess still littered across the floor. “You certainly are bizarre.”
“P-pardon?”
“You’re weird, Felix. Very weird. Eating olives in the dark, believe it or not, is not what would be considered normal behaviour.”
Felix pouts. His flush darkens.
I reach for his hand and pull him off the countertop, guiding him towards me over the mess of glass and olives.
He looks at me with wide eyes, and I wrap my arms around him and kiss his cheeks.
“It’s okay. I love your weirdness very, very much. Now come on, it’s late. Time for bed.”
He snuggles his face against my shoulder and yawns. “But my olives-“ Felix mumbles into the fabric of my robe.
“Baby, we’ll get you more olives. And we can clean the mess tomorrow.”
“Hm. I suppose that’s reasonable enough,” he replies, still looking at the fallen olives as I tug him out the door.
“Come on,” I chuckle, “olives later. Right now, I’ll let you be my little spoon!”
It’s too dark to see Felix’s expression, but I can almost feel his faint smile in the dark.
Tags: @demon-paradise @themohawkhelmet @cactus-hoodie @aomiyeon @piningmaybeanartist @another-confused-gay @uselessbeanies @nomnomcupcakesworld @druwuuwu @frozen-daydream @kirakiratears @margitartist @crowtrinkets @fanfic-about-fictif (please let me know if you would like to be added or removed).
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a-dorin · 3 years
Text
querencia
pairing: professor maul! x reader
word count: 1.796k
warnings: angst, cursing, mentions of a breakup, brief mention of alcohol usage, a dash of smut, professor & student relationship, age gap, nc-17
a/n: it’s been so long since i last updated this series, and i am so sorry for that. this semester has been quite unlike anything i’ve ever experienced before. also, sorry if this one is a bit brief. buttttt.. forgiveness? angst? a little bit of smut? i hope y’all enjoy :))
you can read/catch up the previous chapters right here (:
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☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆
“miss ___ i am afraid i need to speak with you after class.”
almost immediately, your head shot up, lips falling into a frown, “is everything all right, professor kenobi?”
a faint giggle erupted from all around, causing you to instinctively shrink in your seat. yet, your eyes remained on professor kenobi as he cleared his throat, placing a stack of papers on his desk, “no, everything is quite all right. i would like to check in with you regarding a more... personal matter.���
“all right,” you mumbled, scribbling down a few lines of homework in your planner.
through the viewports, sun filtered in through the blinds, promising of warmer weather. yet, although spring was quickly approaching, piles of snow still littered campus, the pristine white color now a filthy, wretched beige tone.
if only the sun poked through the january clouds more often, then the snow would be melted away.
and perhaps then you would feel just a little bit of bliss.
letting out a hushed sigh, you noticed the students all around you, deeply invested in the beginnings of the term paper. after all, that was the main focal point of the class. the entire curriculum was based around the paper. which was a ten-page research paper about a topic you were passionate about. it could be anything; the impact of coruscant’s pollution on the rest of the galaxy, the erasure of fraternities and sororities on campus, or even something as mundane as your favorite food.
yet, you found it difficult to focus these days. even with the simplest tasks.
your gaze flickered over to the clock on the wall, a surge of giddiness bubbling up inside. only a few more minutes now, then class would be over.
fiddling with your keys on the keyboard, you aimlessly typed away, gibberish appearing on the document. there were already several key points for your essay, along with a rough outline, but you couldn’t bring yourself to maintain an attention span for longer than ten minutes.
soon enough, the rustle of papers and the zipping of book bags consumed the room, students chattering among themselves as they filed out of the classroom. as more students that trickled out, anxiety began to course through your veins, your palms clamming up.
professor kenobi remained at the pedestal at the front of the lecture hall, glasses sitting on the bridge of his nose as he sifted through some papers. his brow was furrowed, as if he was deeply invested in whatever was before him. every once in a while, he’d lick his thumb, flipping the page.
“don’t fret,” you stiffened, nearly freezing in your seat, “you are not in trouble, miss ___.”
“then why did you want to speak with me?”
a light chuckle cracked the tension, “i’ve noticed a change in the past couple of weeks. you’ve seemed a bit.. off, from your normal self. i am aware of how stressful the course load is for anyone in their junior year, and i was offering my services as a professor. if you need any assistance, with any class, i would be willing to offer tutoring, or find you a tutor to fit your needs.”
“are you sure you don’t want to offer anything else?” you arched a brow, folding your arms across your chest, “the last time we were alone in a classroom, you called me a brat.”
professor kenobi’s jaw clenched, “this is a far different matter than last time. i’ve noticed the changes in your work ethic. at the beginning of the semester, you were submitting assignments a week in advance. now, it’s the day of or an hour before. i care about my students, and i care about their success. is there anything going on outside of class that is affecting this? that is, if you’re comfortable sharing.”
instinctively, you fiddled with a loose string on your hoodie, sucking in a breath, “no, i’m fine, really. i’m just stressed, but which college student isn’t?”
he nodded, shrugging slightly, “well, i guess you’re right. please remember, if you need anything, i’m here for you. shoot me an email or even give me a call.”
“thank you,” you shoved your laptop in its case, “that means a lot, especially since most professors don’t care.”
“well i care,” his tone was light, “and i’ll always care about my students. every single one of them. have a good day, all right? i’ll be happy to give out any extensions as needed.”
“thank you again,” you chewed on the inside of your lip, “for everything.”
“of course,” he bore a kind smile, “anytime, ___.”
slinging your bag over your shoulder, you made your way out of the space, pulling the hoodie over your head. now, a light drizzle cascaded down, causing you to grumble under your breath. students milled about, hurrying to their next class or huddling underneath trees, waiting patiently for the rain to disperse.
as you began the trek to your apartment, a sinking feeling began to gnaw away at you as a shudder ran through your body, the rain piercing through the cotton.
you should’ve wore a heavier coat.
keeping your head low, your line of sight fell on the sidewalk, careful not to hit any patches of ice. the last thing you needed was to slip and fall, embarrassing yourself in front of dozens, if not hundreds of students on the quad.
shivering, you brought your arms to your chest, clinging to your frame. the rain was starting to fall in heavy sheets, the water icy and unforgiving.
in an instant, you collided with a figure, whacking your head against their chest.
“fuck,” you cursed, gritting your teeth as your hand flew to your head, “hey! watch where you’re fuck--”
an all too familiar zabrak stood before you, his amber depths filled to the brim with concern.
“are you all right?”
“i-i’m fine,” you stammered, rubbing your temple, “i--”
his brow furrowed as his eyes scanned your soaked hoodie and damp hair, “why are you out and about with no coat? it’s winter, ___. you’re going to catch a cold.”
“i don’t get sick,” the words were a mumble, barely audible.
“my car is right over there,” the zabrak notioned his head towards the library, “it’s closer than your apartment. you need a hot shower and dry clothes. i’m worried about you.”
“you don’t have to--”
maul put up a hand, cutting you off, “i’m always worrying about you. would you like to come with me or not? we need to get going or else others are going to stare.”
“i’ll go with you.”
the zabraks’ shoulders slump, and his exterior crumbles for just a moment, “i have a lot to apologize for.”
“you can when we’re at the apartment,” you place a gentle hand on his shoulder, nearly flinching as icy water coats your flesh.
for the first time since, the first time in days, your heart flutters as his lips twitch, curving into a miniscule grin.
“we have a lot to catch up on, don’t we?”
☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆  
“sorry if there’s a mess,” he cleared his throat, turning the key in the lock, “i’ve been a bit, uhm, detached from everything lately. the only tasks i have been able to really concentrate on are my duties for my classes. you know, the typical grading and such.”
“how’s the one hundred level class treating you?”
maul pushed open the door, shaking his head slightly, “still as rambunctious as ever. try getting relationship advice from a bunch of eighteen year old women.”
your eyes widened as you took in the sight of his apartment. the space was still as pristine as ever, the only “mess” maul referring to were a few empty bottles strewn about, your heart sinking as you realized they were entire handles of a variety of liquors.
“maul--”
“let’s get you all dry and warm first,” he shook his head, strolling down the hallway, “then we can talk.”
following the zabrak, you enter his room, your teeth nearly chattering as you leaned against the doorframe of the refresher, desperate for relief from the chill. the air around you was cool, almost as if maul refused to turn on the heat.
steam billowed into the refresher as maul turned on the water, grabbing an armful of towels from a nearby cabinet. he turned, facing you.
“let’s get these off of you.”
his hands hook the hem of your hoodie, pulling it over your head, “you’ve been wearing this the whole time?”
you shrugged, “it’s the only remnant i had of you for a while. however, it’s starting to lose your scent.”
“i can give you a new one,” his voice was soft, hushed and quiet, “would you like for me to leave or stay?”
reaching out, your hand found his, lacing your fingers together, “stay. please.”
“i will,” maul nodded, “i will stay.”
carefully, you peeled off your t-shirt and leggings, leaving you in just your bra and thong. as you neatly folded the soaked clothes in a pile, you could sense his gaze on you, how his eyes followed every move.
yet, it was almost as if there was no resentment. no fury. no bitterness. any negative emotion was crumbling away by the second, and you felt at ease as you slipped out of your thong, discarding the bra as well.
stepping into the shower, a content sigh slipped from your lips as warmth enveloped you, the water pattering as it hit the floor. the curtain opened, maul following in suit.
he marveled you for a moment, lips parting as the water flowed down your body. hands connected with your face, cupping your cheeks as his forehead bumped against yours.
“i don’t want to lose you again.”
“you didn’t lose me--”
“i almost did,” the words were laced with a firmness, “and i don’t ever want it to happen ever again. i made a mistake. i let my emotions get the best of me, and treated you poorly in return. you didn’t deserve that. i love you far too much to be treating you like shit.”
your heart raced as his lips grazed yours, thudding in your chest, “you were under a lot of stress--”
“no. i was under quite a bit of stress but it was unfair to lash out on you.”
“i shouldn’t have left your apartment that night.”
“we can talk about it more later,” his lips were on yours, “but for now, i need to take care of my girl.”
“and how do you expect to do that?” you pressed on, anticipating his answer.
maul leaned in, lips ghosting over your ear. his voice was low, edged with a growl.
“i would say if she’s screaming my name, i’ve done my job.”
☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆
tagged: @sapphicstars​  @maulieber @starflyer-104 @alwayshappysith @doobiwankenooku  @magicalkitkat12  @dartheldur  @princessayveke @multifandombtch  @spaghetti-666  @lis-ard  @swimmingsloths @sithmando  @mother-0f-monsters @bonniewinchester @bonesaldente @maidofsionis @bespectacled-bunny @arsonistvoyager @tinalbion @nottodaysatan-8866 @vei-saretti @maybe-your-left @isabewwwa @aki-iko @corrupt-fvcker @ranoutofideas71 @giveusbackourbucky @lonelyhxx @zabrak-cuddles @obiorbenkenobi @lilith-alistar @laorme34 @obiwankenobiness​ @elegantdeergladiator @lydiainthenetherworld @javierpenaspinkshirt​ @the-516th @hounding-around​ @maximumninjavoid​ @elenamiria​ @xcertaindarkthingsx​ @anakinswhore​
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achliegh · 3 years
Text
Positive
Month 1
Thank you to: @walking-crisis, @clearsuitcasecookienerd, @blingywitch, @waltzintherain, and @moonofthenight, @onlydreamofmysoul (If I missed anyone who answered my asks please let me know! I know some haven’t answered yet but I am hoping they will)
TW/CW: High school bullies, Coming out to homophobic family, Slurs, Homophobic languages and attitudes, mentions of sex, and pregnancy, teen pregnancy, probably food and drink. Oh! And cigarettes and underage drinking.
Leo and his family belong to: @lumosinlove
This is very long! :)
Chapter 2
The Tests
December 19th, 2015
Cheer practice was a place where Indigo could just lose herself in the feeling of being perfectly balanced. She loved the feeling of flying into the air, clearing her mind when her feet hit Leo’s hands, she trusted him with every cell in her body. He was always there to catch her, never let her fall. That's why today was the day that marked a change.
She still trusted Leo as much as she could but, she was no longer perfectly balanced, her feet hit his hands fully extended and she couldn’t stay. This having never happened before caused the entire team to pause and stare as she started free falling from her perch named Leo. Leo of course caught her with no issues but she was obviously frazzled.
Leo looked at the coach while still cradling Indigo in his arms like she would break if he let her go. Looking at the coach he nodded towards the door leading outside to an ally between the school and gym. It’s where everyone would go to smoke. The coach nodded looking worried. They called everyone's attention to get back to practice while Leo led Indigo outside.
Once the door closed Indigo slid down the wall of the ally and gripped her hair.
“What's up?” Leo sat next to her, resting his arm on her shoulder and acting like nothing was wrong at all. His calm energy made her want to just sink into his side.
“I’ve never been off balance before…” Leo nodded, it was one thing that the coach always praised Indigo for, her perfect balance. Seeing her off was new to him as well.
“Do you think it’s because of the cold you’ve had recently?” Leo was trying to wrack his brain, trying to figure out what possibly could be wrong. She has been complaining about frequent headaches, she said her boobs hurt like a bitch, she has been more clumsy than ever, and her mood changes so easily it's getting scary. “Not to be that guy” He sighs, being on a team of girls has taught him not to ask this question, “Are you supposed to get your period soon?”
He cringes a little and expects her to chew him out for even thinking that but instead she looks at him with pure terror in her eyes.
“What?” She just grabs his arms so tight he thinks her nails are digging in though his shirt. “What!?” He is getting nervous as she just keeps staring at him, her eyes filled with tears for a moment and then she speaks. Just barely loud enough for him to hear.
“I missed my period last month…”
After being excused from practice early, Indigo drank about three full water bottles and Leo casually bought six or seven pregnancy tests from the convenient store. They gave him an odd look and he said he was throwing a baby shower for his sister and thought they would be funny decorations. The real reason he bought so many was because Indigo was paranoid that something would go wrong and she would get a false positive or even worse, a false negative.
After the convenient store stop they headed to Leo’s house, his parents were gone again to follow a wicked storm in New Jersey, so they had the house to themselves. They decided to use the bathroom next to the living room, it was very large and almost never used because Leo’s parents used their ensuite and Leo used his. So if there was anything weird in that bathroom no one would know.
They pulled open a box and read the directions, Indigo kicked Leo out so she could go p-e-e into a cup. Once she was done, she used a Clorox wipe to disinfect the counter and cup on the outside. She put the first test into the liquid for the designated time. Then put the cap on to wait for the result, she did it to two other tests and then called Leo in to wait with her while her heart was beating out of her chest. They sat in the large tub together, Leo holding her close silence falling over the two as they both thought of each possibility. Everything wrong… and right about this situation.
The timer they set was checked every few seconds out of anxiety until Leo took her phone away and set it on the ground. She rested back against his chest, he wraps his arms loosely around her, soothingly rubbing her arms. He would kiss her forehead every once in a while as a way of saying ‘hey, I’m still here’. Indigo was spiraling and he could tell. She was just staring forward trying to keep all the tears in her eyes, one slipping by every once in a while. It would hit Leo’s arm and the guilt he felt would grow with every tear.
The timer went off, Indigo flung herself out of the tub so fast, stepping on Leo’s leg he grunted in pain. He got up a little slower and followed her over to the tests. They looked at each other, then indigo flipped one of the tests over since they laid them face down so she wouldn’t obsessively stare at them.
Positive. Her eyes widened. Her hands shook as she flipped over the next one.
Positive… The next.
Positive. She collapsed into Leo’s arms, completely numb. He caught her, like always. They ended up one their knees facing each other. Leo cupping her face, wiping her tears. He eventually realizes she can’t hear him over her own thoughts, pulling her into his chest, he lets her sob and yell. She thrashes for a moment trying to get away from him but eventually gives up and sinks into him. Like always.
The alarm was still blaring in the background but neither of them cared. Eventually , they pulled away a little and she looked him in the eyes.
“Can we do the rest of the tests?” She was shaking, Leo of course nodded and helped her stand up. They went through the whole process again with the last four tests. Indigo sitting on the toilet with the lid closed as they waited. Leo between her legs letting her fiddly with her hair as she bounced her knees.
The timer went off again and she froze. Leo got up this time to check.
Positive.
Positive.
Positive
Negative… They both were a little shocked to see the negative symbol. Very confused as well. But it was six against one. They were each laid next to the box they came in and Leo checked the date on the negative one.
Expired. Fuck.
Leo turned to her, still sitting on the toilet looking completely distraught. Her eyes were wide and bright, red from crying. Gnawing on her fingernails she just painted a few nights ago, flakes of white paint rested on her bitten lips. Her other hand was gripping the leg of her shorts, leg bouncing, hair falling out of her messy bun. Leo couldn’t deny how rough she looked.
“Let’s go sit in the living room, yeah?” He holds out his hand for her to take, she grabs it like he's pulling her up front he side of a cliff. It breaks his heart. He leads her over to the soft pleather couch he knows is her favorite. They sit down, Indigo pulls a pillow into her lap and hugs it to her chest. Looking up at Leo asking what to do. “We need to have a conversation, this is your decision a thousand percent, but I know you need to talk about it. Do you plan to keep those cells?”
“I don’t know, my parents will kill me if they find out I’m… I’m” She swallows and Leo takes her hand again giving it a squeeze. “Will they be even more angry if I get an abortion?”
` “I think you need to tell them, but this is your choice not theirs, not mine, not anyone else's, it is your body. You get to decide. Okay?” He is trying to get her to understand that no one owns her body but her.
“Do you want a baby?”
“I have no say either way, I’m not the one having to carry.” He kisses her knuckles and smiles a little, just a sad smile. He wants her to know he will always be there but he knows she doesn’t believe it. “Talk to your parents, maybe that will help you decide? You never know, they might realize how harsh they are on y’all and cut back a little.” It was a stretch to think her parents would back off a little but he couldn’t tell her what he thinks will actually happen. It would scare her too much.
“Okay… Okay I’ll talk to them.” She takes a swallow from the glass of water they left on the coffee table earlier. “Tonight” She then stood up abruptly, putting the pillow back on the couch. “Will you drive me? I left my car at the school.” He nods and is up grabbing his keys before she can even finish her sentence. Walking towards the door, he holds it open for her. They climb into his Jeep and start off towards her house. No music, no talking, just holding hands in silence.
He pulls up to the curb outside her house, both her parents were home as their cars were in the drive-way. Leo kisses her cheek before she gets out of the car. She hesitates for a second still gripping his hand while standing outside the jeep with the door open. She looks at him with her big brown eyes and lets go, his hand falling on the seat. She closes the door.
“Should I wait for you?” He yells before she walks away. She shakes her head and gives him a shaky smile. He nods slowly, swallowing the lump in this throat and driving the twelve blocks back to his house still in silence.
Indigo’s entire family was sitting at the table, saying grace before they ate their dinner. She felt sick to her stomach. She slowly moves to sit in the empty chair next to her brother Peri, she stares at the food on her plate and swallows a lump forming in her throat. This might be the last meal she ever has for her family, she might not always agree with her parents but her family is everything to her, family is one of the big things she lives for.
She feels a kick under the table and looks up at Peri who is sending her a worried look, his head still looked weird from when their parents forced him to shave his head after the whole ‘pink incident’ as her father likes to call it. She doesn’t realize she is crying for the fourth time today until he gestures to her face, her parents are busy taking care of the smaller children to even notice her. She quickly wipes her face and starts to eat, forcing her to stomach the food in front of her even if her anxiety is making her nauseous.
After dinner she is washing dishes with Veridian, he also notices she’s off, but she refuses to mention anything. She just gives him an oddly tight hug and a kiss on his forehead without a word. He stands there confused.
She goes to talk to the twins for a little bit, helping them with their homework. Once they are done, the two get into a petty argument and She just sits back and watches with a neutral expression taking in the fire her siblings have. They look at her and raise the opposite eyebrows, usually she tells them to stop being annoying instead she hugs them both and hisses their cheeks before whispering. “sigan luchando…” Then walks away. Leaving them stunned.
After a couple of hours of staring at her room, knowing she was either going to be locked in it or locked out of the house completely she realizes it's time for the two youngest to go to bed. She goes to their room and sees both already tucked into their tiny beds. Thunder rumbles outside as a night storm falls over New Orleans.
Washing away sins as her mother would say.
She walks into the room and tucks them both in more snuggly and kisses their sleepy foreheads. Then she goes to find Peri, he and her are the closest of the siblings besides the twins. She finds him watching tv in his room. She knocks on the door frame and smiles sadly at him. He gestures for her to come in and sit on the bed. She does.
“Todo cambiará después de esta noche.” She says while looking at the tv, he turns and looks at her surprised, blinking a few times.
“¿Por qué?”
“It just will…” She looks over at him and hugs him so tight, she feels tears in her eyes again, there were more to come and she knows that. “Be good” She kisses his forehead and gets up leaving his room before he can answer her. Closing his door, all she has left is her parents.
She finds them together reading in the sitting room and she stands in front of them, silently waiting for their attention. She knows better than to distract them from their reading. Once they finish their pages and look up at her, the realness of the situation sets in. This is it.
“Estoy embarazada.” Her mother drops her book and her father slams his shut.
“¡Era que Leo no era así! ¡Supe que ese chico era malo en el momento en que lo vi! ¡Has cometido uno de los pecados más imperdonables que podrías cometer! ¿Por qué? ¿Para fastidiarnos? ¿Para causarnos vergüenza y dolor?” Her father stood up, throwing the book into the couch next to his wife, making both women jump. He gripped Indigo by her shoulders and backed her up to the wall so she couldn’t get away. He kept screaming in her face about how she would be a disgrace to the family, how she was a sinner and a slut. Unruly child, delinquent. He was yelling loud enough that some of her brothers were peaking their heads around the doorframe to see what was happening.
Then came the slaps, slapping her twelve times in the name of the Father, the Son and The Holy Ghost. Benign backhanded ten times for Hail Mary. He was acting as if she was his rosary that he threw across the room when nothing was going his way. Her mother pulled him off her. Indigo could feel her cheeks swelling, there would definitely be marks. More embarrassment but need punishment in Francisco’s eyes. Valentina looked down at her, her hard brown eyes showing no mercy, spitting in her face she turned her back. Looking at her husband bubbling over with fury, they make a silent agreement. Walking to the front door, a storm raging in full, she opens the door. She silently gestures for Indigo to leave. Not sparing her another look or another glance.
Indigo looked back at her brothers for a moment, wishing she could take them with her, knowing she can't. She takes a deep breath and walks out the front door, no phone, no clothes besides the ones on her back, nothing. She walks into the rain and is about to look back at Francisco and Valentia, but the door slams before she is even done with her thought.
The walk back to Leo’s house was hot rain and bright lightning. She had a lot to think about, her feet were bare but she just kept walking those twelve blocks. She had a lot to think about, but all she could think about was how she just lost her whole family… All because of a group of cells. Those cells were going to be her family now, and she would love them with all her heart, treat them with respect, there is nothing they would do that would make her kick them put in a storm. When she looked up finally, she was at Leo’s front door. Before she even knocked it swung open and was pulled into Leo’s dry arms. He was her family now. She couldn’t help but laugh a little.
She was free.
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emily84 · 9 months
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hey @neil-gaiman can you turn on your location real quick i just want to talk
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brasskier · 3 years
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Inspired by @valdomarx, @therogueheart, and that one anon, here’s a post-mountain Deaf!Jaskier story. Read it under the cut below or find it on my ao3 here.
Geralt stumbled upon Jaskier for the first time since the dragon hunt early the next spring, at a crowded market a week or two northeast of Oxenfurt. He'd stopped into town to stock up on supplies and maybe pick up a contract or two before moving along. If asked, he'd insist it was a series of hunts that brought him so close to the Academy, that he might as well follow the coin. And if he happened to run into his bard (ex-bard?), and happened to have the opportunity to apologize, and the bard happened to choose to follow him again? Well, so be it. 
He smelled Jaskier before he could see him, head perking up and eyes searching the crowd for the flash of a colorful doublet and that soft brown hair. The market was teeming, thrumming with chatter, and just as vivacious as Jaskier himself. 
"You goin' ta buy that or not?" The stall keeper asked, jarring him back to his abandoned transaction. He dropped a few coins on the stall, pocketed the herb, and disappeared without so much as a grunt. Weaving through the throngs of people, he relied on smell - on that familiar chamomile and saffron - until he finally spotted a glint of emerald green, and the strap of a lute. He watched from a distance.
Jaskier's hands were flashing about as dramatic as ever, glancing back and forth between the balding man tending the stall and another man standing beside him. His companion was as flamboyant as he was, dressed in a regal blue and arms waving about just as exaggeratedly. But then Geralt realized he couldn't hear Jaskier, which was unusual, because the bard had never in the two decades he'd known him been able to keep his voice down. The crowd was certainly cacophonous, but not that loud.
"Jaskier?" He drew a little closer and called his name tentatively. The bard didn't seem to react, carrying on with whatever he was doing. He tried again, a little louder, and then a third time, increasingly forcefully. He was getting irritated now - how dare he pretend to not hear me - and was tempted to simply move on. With a heavy sigh, he approached even further, lingering just a few paces behind him. "Jaskier?" 
"Think someone's calling you," the stall keeper announced, jerking his head in Geralt's direction, and Jaskier waved his hands again before turning to follow the man's gaze. He blanched when his eyes finally met Geralt's, mouth hung open and hands dropping to his side.
"Geralt?" He squeaked out finally, dragging a hand up to his heart. There was an unusual quality to his voice, Geralt was quick to note. Not hoarse, like he'd heard him after many a late-night performance. Just different. 
"Jaskier," he repeated, casting his gaze down to the russet dirt at his feet. 
"Gods," Jaskier breathed. "Just - melitele's tits - I just…" He trailed off, wringing his hands together. Geralt couldn’t help but think he looked like one of the stray fawns that would occasionally stumble upon his campsite and linger frozen for a few moments, cast in the firelight and trembling with fear.
"It's okay, I know." He kept his eyes trained at his feet, trying to pin down the bard’s tone. The way Jaskier produced certain sounds, dragged over his vowels, a little bit of its usual edge missing. He must be overwhelmed, Geralt concluded, but he wasn't particularly convinced. "I'm sorry." He waited patiently, uncertainly, for either his acceptance or rejection. 
"I need you to look at me," he said instead, surprising Geralt. He did as he was told, lifting his chin to face him. "Can you repeat that?" 
"I'm sorry," he reiterated. He felt frustration welling again - he got his apology, does he really need me to repeat it? - but he quickly quashed it. 
"Thank you, Geralt." He could see the emotion brimming in Jaskier's eyes. "We have a lot of catching up to do." Jaskier glanced sideways for a moment, fidgeting with one of his rings. "Perhaps we could share a drink? There's a tavern not far from here." He jerked his head to the right. Geralt grunted, and Jaskier raised an expectant eyebrow.
"Sounds good," he clarified. He was becoming increasingly convinced that Jaskier was toying with him for pleasure's sake. He knew full well how to interpret the Witcher's grunts, after all. And yet the expression drawn across his face looked impressively genuine. Humans are weird.
Jaskier uttered his thanks to the stall keeper and turned to face his companion - who'd been waiting patiently behind him - again. He wagged his hands about wordlessly, and it finally dawned on Geralt that this was not his usual theatricality - this was common sign language, and he wondered when exactly Jaskier had picked it up.
Jaskier was quiet most of the way to the tavern but seemed to perk up once they were seated - in the far back corner, Jaskier's choice. Geralt spoke first, determined to get this apology over with and behind him.
"I'm sorry about what happened." Jaskier tilted his head as he listened, chin resting on folded hands. "What I said was wrong. I shouldn't have blamed you, and…" he exhaled sharply, as if apologizing - or, more specifically, being honest and vulnerable - caused him actual pain. "The best blessing life has given me is finding you again." Jaskier's head tilted impossibly further, and then came the tears, and - fuck - did Geralt say the wrong thing?
"That's awfully sweet, Geralt," Jaskier eventually choked out, and he relaxed a little. "I'm sorry, I just--" He dragged a hand across his face. "That was so kind." He sniffled into his sleeve before finally re-righting himself. "I guess I'm just a tad sentimental." Geralt forced the best smile he could manage across his lips. "Gods, it's been so long. Go on, tell me everything you've been up to." 
"Not much," he replied between sips of ale. "I'll tell you everything later." He chided himself as soon as the words left his mouth for just assuming there might be a later. "How have you been?" 
"Hmm?" He sighed, fighting hard to keep from rolling his eyes.
"How have you been?" Jaskier seemed to spark to life again at this. 
"Oh," he said simply, pushing his hair behind his ear and chewing on his lip. "Well, I returned to Oxenfurt, taught for the winter. I just headed out, actually. I've been a bit preoccupied." He leaned in closer, stared past Geralt at the wall behind him. "I, uhh, I got sick, coming down from the mountain." Geralt hummed, drawing a slow sip of his ale. "I mean, I kinda woke up sick, but then there was the dragon and…" He rubbed his thumb against the rough wood of the table. "Well, I was a little distracted. I don't even really remember making it off the mountain, to be honest."
"I'm sorry I didn't notice." Geralt might as well get all his apologies over with at this point, he thought. Jaskier waved a hand to hush him.
"I woke up at a healer's. Apparently someone had found me not far out of town and dragged me in." He let out a shaky exhale. "He said I'd had an infection in… In my brain." Geralt watched him with a sour mix of pity and regret, unable to shake the feeling that he should've been there. The image of Jaskier, waxy pale and slumped unconscious, trembling in a stranger’s arms, burned into his mind.  "Anyway, I'm lucky I survived. But my hearing did not." Oh. Fuck. Suddenly the pieces slid into place - the sign language, the strange quality to his voice, the incessant requests for Geralt to repeat himself. 
"Fuck, Jask, I'm sorry." He rarely shortened Jaskier's name, but he knew the bard liked the nickname, and it was the least he could do for him. His mind reeled with regret. He should've been there. A random stranger shouldn't have been the one to find him and rescue him. If he'd known, he'd have never - no. No, what he did was wrong outside of the context of what'd happened next, and he was not about to qualify it. Jaskier, for his part, seemed relatively unfazed.
"Nothing you could've done about it, really," he insisted, running his finger along the rim of his glass. "The healer said I just needed to fight it off on my own." This did absolutely fuck all to ease the guilt gnawing in Geralt's gut. Questions swirled in his head - how was Jaskier going to sing or play anymore? Could he still compose even? How was he going to survive; that was how he procured coin, after all? Was he… was he happy? Did he blame Geralt?
"I know, I just… can you still sing?" This question seemed to amuse Jaskier, who laughed heartily. 
"Yes, Geralt, I can still deliver my fillingless pie." Geralt couldn't tell if he was serious or not, and while he used to be able to read his voice a little more consistently, he was unsure now and kicking himself for not making a better study of the bard's facial expressions and body language when they'd been together. 
"You know I didn't…" 
"I know. I know you didn't mean that." They sat in silence for a beat while Geralt wracked his brain for his next question.
"How? Do you sing, I mean, if you can't hear. How are you even talking to me?" He shrunk behind his tankard, suddenly embarrassed by the utter lack of tact that'd never bothered him before. 
"Well, one of the perks of teaching at a premier Academy is access to some of the finest physicians this side of Nilfgaard. I'll be honest, it took a lot of work to relearn how to sing and speak; I was mute for most of my travels back to Oxenfurt, mostly out of shame." Geralt's stomach churned, imagining Jaskier entirely and utterly silent. That wasn't the bard he knew. His Jaskier never shut up, mouth constantly running faster than a horse, always a story to tell or a song to share or a joke to crack. And certainly never worried about whether anyone else wanted or needed to hear him. Jaskier was not quiet. "But fortunately I still have a tiny bit of my hearing - on the lower end, mostly, which is good for you. Plus I have decades of muscle memory, so it wasn't so bad. And as for right now? I'm mostly lipreading, though the pitch of your voice is helpful." Geralt couldn't tell whether he was being genuine or just trying to placate him. "It's just different. Have to feel it more than hear it, which if you ask me more musicians should try."
"I'm glad," Geralt gritted out, nodding at the bartender to bring another round of ale. "That you can still sing." Jaskier beamed.
"I knew you always liked my singing," he declared triumphantly, arms folded across his chest.
"Did you already know common sign?" Geralt asked instead of retorting with something snarky; let the bard have his victory.
"A tiny bit, but the language professor at the Academy was fantastic at teaching me." Geralt closed his eyes and tried to envision the odds and ends of common sign he'd picked up over his years of travel. "I made a lot of Deaf friends; they've been so supportive of me." With a sigh, Geralt decided to give it a try.
"I know a little," he signed, tentative and deliberate. Jaskier's eyes lit up.
"You do?" He signed back, eyebrows raised and grin spread across his face. 
"Not much. I can…" His hands slowed, wracking his brain for the sign for learn. He sighed again and said it aloud instead. There he goes again, assuming Jaskier will stick around long enough to warrant learning more. Jaskier teared up again, and he cursed inwardly, wondering for what must've been the trillionth time that afternoon if he'd messed up. 
"You'd do that? For me?" Jaskier squeaked, pawing at his eyes with a hand tucked in his sleeve. 
"Of course." For a moment Jaskier looked like he might fling himself across the table and into his arms, but instead he fidgeted in his seat. 
"That's enough about me now, isn't it?" Jaskier asked, always a master at changing the topic when he grew bored with it. "Tell me about your hunts." He leaned over, fished around in his pack, and plucked out his notebook and pen. 
"First was an infestation of drowners," Geralt began, taking extra care to face Jaskier as he spoke, and pausing when he went to scribble something in his notes. They spent the next hour like this until, just as Geralt was beginning to wonder if the bard was going to force him to talk all night, Jaskier was tugged to the front of the tavern while excited patrons clamored for a performance. Jaskier obliged, as always, and Geralt watched, as always.  
When Jaskier dropped back into his seat, shuffling his lute unceremoniously to the floor beside him, Geralt expected him to bid him a hurried goodnight, get on his way, and leave. Just a nice day catching up shared between two friends (?), and decidedly not the start of their next joint adventure. But instead of any of that, Jaskier called to the bartender for another mug, busied himself fixing his hair and his doublet.
"Told you I could still sing," he said with a wink as the bartender deposited his ale on the table in front of him. "And something to eat, please," he added before returning his attention to Geralt. 
"I never doubted you," Geralt's reply came easily. It was, perhaps, the truth.
"Now then, would you say it has more or less filling now?" He leaned forward on his elbows, cheeky grin and narrowed eyes, and even Geralt could recognize the facetiousness of his words. Before Geralt could answer, he waved a hand, as if dismissing himself. "So, where were you? Something about a missing cow?" Geralt nodded, leaning back in his seat.
"So the boy told me his father would pay me, if I could find the cow. So I said, 'how much?'" He continued on with his tales, no matter how excruciatingly mundane they felt to him, until Jaskier's head dips forward and then picks back up for a third time. "Think it might be time for you to get some sleep?" He asked, and Jaskier blinked away the sleep in his eyes.
"Yeah, probably," he muttered, scrubbing at his face with one hand, the other dipping down to reach his lute. "Are you staying overnight?" He asked, and immediately flushed at the confused look he received from Geralt. "I just mean… I don't… you can't leave before I get to say hi to Roach." 
"It's too dark now. I'll get a room at the inn." Jaskier’s face lit up, and he followed him in rising to his feet. "Just have to grab Roach first," he said when they finally made it out the door and into the cool early-spring night. 
"M'kay," Jaskier hummed with a fond smile. He rested a hand on Geralt's shoulder. "I'll see you in the morning." It was a firm statement, certain and unquestioning. 
"See you then," Geralt replied, heading back to the stable where he'd docked Roach so he could bring her closer to the inn. And he, too, was certain. 
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aliwritesfic · 3 years
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Our Black Hearts Part 2 (F!Reader x Jack "Whiskey" Daniels)
Summary: You decide it's time to come clean to Jack about the man he's after
W/C: 2k
Warnings: None for this chapter I think, but please tell me if I missed something
Spotify
Part 1
You loved working the towns garden. The feeling of warm dirt in your hands, the feeling of accomplishment watching something go from seedling to edible vegetable in the span of just a few weeks. Hell, sometimes you even relished in the ache in your back after a long day. It let you know you were alive.
It was while you planted a new crop of carrots that you rehearsed what you were going to say to Jack when you saw him next. Hello, I hope you don’t kill me for not telling you as soon as I was sure, but I know who killed your wife, and I think I know where to find him, or at least how to find people who know where he would be. We good?
You frowned as you dug into the earth, unable to escape the guilt gnawing at your insides like a parasite. You know you should’ve told him the first morning, when you woke up encased in his arms. But the way the pale pre-dawn light played on his skin distracted you. Then he woke up and he really distracted you. Then a week passed, and you still hadn’t summoned up the courage to tell him, despite several more rendezvous with him. You knew it would be worse the longer you waited, a somehow larger betrayal.
Of course, you could just lie, tell him you weren’t sure, but that wasn’t in your nature. You hated to lie, and you were fucking terrible at it. You had been since childhood, unable to hide your secrets from the scrutinizing gaze of your mother. Now, every time you tried to lie, you remembered the sharp blow to the back of your head you would receive, and instead you chose to just avoid the truth.
Straightening your back, you turned your gaze toward the cloudless blue sky. It was nearing midday, the hottest and most dangerous hours to be outside would soon be upon you. Already people had sequestered themselves inside, the only ones who couldn’t were those patrolling the perimeter of the town. Large sheets of rusted metal had been erected along the perimeter; the only protection afforded to those who protected the town. It had once struck you as deeply unfair, but now you knew it was necessary. Too many stories of towns being attacked at the suns highest point had reached your ears, chilled you to the bone.
“Chase,” the use of your nickname snapped you out of your thoughts. You glanced behind you and saw Sparkie, the middle-aged man who oversaw the gardens waving to you. “Come inside before you get crispy.”
You obliged, abandoning your shovel in the dusty earth. It was only a couple degrees cooler inside the garden house but being in the shade made all the difference. The garden house was arguably the dirtiest building in the whole town, boot prints and stray tools littered the cracked tile floor, the entire thing smelt of fertilizer and no number of open windows could get rid of the stench. You sat yourself down on a plastic crate and turned your attention to the window.
In the distance you could see the perimeter wall of Deepwell, a single speck of a figure under the small metal sheet. No stupid hat, so it couldn’t have been Jack. You had learnt that he was assigned as a guardsman for the town, replacing the guard who had been brutally gunned down in a raid a month before he had arrived. At the thought of that, the image of the dead guard flashed in your mind – shot so many times in the face no one could identify them until a headcount of surviving guards had been taken. Her name had been Lydia, you found out later, and you hadn’t said more than three words to her.
~
A shrill whistle sounded in the distance, signalling it was safe to be in direct sunlight again. Jack stepped out from the small perimeter shelter and adjusted the grip on his rifle. He had learnt protocols during his first day of what was done directly after Midday. First, he had to make sure no one was trying to breach his appointed section of wall. Most days there was nothing, occasionally a pack of wild dogs or boar would be gathered drawn by the smell of living creatures. Once he had found a Skulker, barely clinging to life, sent crazy by sun and hunger and dehydration. Parts of her skin had melted away from time spent in the Toxic Plains, leaving shiny white bone. That had been an easy kill – a single bullet between the eyes before she had even realised he was there.
There was nothing today, only the ever-present patches dead earth and haze of heat on the horizon. Jack adjusted his dark glasses, traded a year back for a half blunt knife. They had become one of his most prized possessions, a saviour for his eyesight.
The next hour passed quietly on the outside of the wall. A single mutt had appeared briefly in the distance, Jack kept his gun trained on the creature until it had slinked away, disappearing over the horizon. He could’ve shot it, sent word to the fetchers about fresh meat, but the dog wasn’t worth the bullet. Its ribs and pelvis had stuck out from its body, more skin and bones than anything edible.
Sweat was beading down the back of his neck and dampening his shirt when relief finally arrived. His replacement was a burly teenager, arms criss-crossed with scars from a childhood spent living in the lawless no-mans-lands. Jack tipped his hat and handed the shotgun to the kid.
“Happy watchin’,” he said with an easy grin. The kid grunted in response, turning to face the vast nothing in front of them.
It was mid-afternoon, early enough for the water troughs to be devoid of most people and late enough that the water wouldn’t be boiling hot anymore. The troughs were close to the well for which the town was named, though the well was just a hole in the ground fenced off by frayed rope. It was the towns only source of clean water, so deep underground it took almost five minutes for it to be pumped up.
The troughs were worked by just one woman, who Jack thought probably had the worst job in the whole town. Keeping the troughs filled and clean, making sure the stores were stocked with enough for the townspeople to clean themselves with. Not to mention having to wash the clothes of anyone who asked. Jack avoided asking for as long as he could, only going to her when the stench became too much for him to be able to deal with on his own.
Today, fortunately, his clothes weren’t an issue. He stripped down, folding his clothes neatly before easing himself into one of the troughs. He dunked his head under the warm water, scrubbing at his scalp with his fingers. He didn’t have the luxury of soap today, having worn through his last bar before he could find a suitable trade for a replacement. Jack didn’t mind though – sometimes the water itself was enough to feel clean.
“Jack,” Chase was standing at the foot of his trough, hands on her hips. Well this is a nice surprise Jack thought as he sat up, pushing his wet hair back. Her face was shiny with sweat and streaked with dirt that seemed to attach itself to any available bit of skin.
“Hello, Doll.” He had taken to calling her that, preferring it to Chase. At least, he preferred it when he was trying to seduce her.
“I need to talk to you,” she said, and Jack’s blood ran instantly cold.
“You’re not – you know?” He gestured to her stomach. Chase looked down, confused, before realization dawned on her face.
“It’s been a week, Jack, Maker help me! No. Didn’t you learn anything about how babies are actually made when you were married?” Chase raised an incredulous brow at him. Jack shrugged. “I have a book on that, you should give it a read.”
Jack rubbed at his legs with a scrap piece of cloth, knowing he was not going to read that book. “So, what’d ya need, doll? Come to take another ride?” Chase rolled her eyes.
“No. I need to talk to you-” Chase hesitated, looking conflicted. “Look, just don’t hate me, please.” Jack sat forward, suddenly intrigued.
“Well, don’t leave me hangin’ in suspense,” Jack said.
“I know who killed your wife. I can find him.”
Jack’s ears rang for a moment, he wasn’t sure he heard correctly. “You . . .”
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner,” Chase crouched down next to the trough as she spoke, her eyes imploring him to understand. “I wasn’t sure it was him; I thought he was dead! But – but it’s too much of a coincidence.”
“Who is he? How do you know?” Jack tried to keep the pain out of his voice. How long has she known, he wondered, and not told him?
Chase at least had the decency to look ashamed. “He’s – his name is Elijah. He’s missing an eye because ten years ago I stabbed him, thought I killed him too. I tried to kill him!”
“Chase, who is he to you? Are you sure you can find him?”
“I can find him. I still have connections with his old crowd, someone there will know where he is.” Chase rubbed her face, somehow smearing on even more dirt. “If I tell you who he is . . . just don’t hold it against me, okay?”
“No promises,” Jack said.
“He’s my brother. Womb brother, actually.”
“You tried to kill your brother?” Jack was too shocked to feel angry. He was an only child, but from what he knew, the bond between siblings was one of the strongest, especially those bonded in the womb.
“You’ve met him,” Chase shrugged helplessly, “he’s – look I’m not gonna pretend that I deserve understanding for keeping this from you. But now I know he’s alive . . .” she trailed off, chewing on the inside of her cheek.
“Tell me where to find him.” Jack said.
“No, you need me.” Chase shook her head. “You won’t get far without me, I promise you that.”
Jack scoffed at her. “Don’t underestimate me.”
“I’m not, I’m being realistic. You don’t know Elijah like I do. He’s paranoid, delusional, he thinks he’s a fucking god. You won’t get within ten feet of him without someone blowing your brains out. If you’re serious about this revenge thing, you need me.”
Jack pushed himself out of the trough and began to dry off quickly in the sun. Still naked, he turned to face Chase, arms crossed over his chest. “And just why are you so damn insistent on comin’ with me? You could tell me what you know, I could hire any number of mercs who could get the job done better than you, and you wouldn’t have to get your hands dirty . . . well dirtier than they already are.”
Chase took a deep breath, evidently to calm herself down. “I need to make sure what I started is finished. Someone has to kill Elijah, and I won’t be able to sleep until I know he’s dead.”
The look on her face told Jack she was completely serious. He considered for a few moments, pulling his clothes back on. If everything she said was true, he would need her help, to find Elijah, to get close enough to kill him. But –
“If you tried to kill him, how can you get close without you getting your head blown off?” Jack combed his fingers through his hair and secured it with his hat.
“He doesn’t know it was me. It’s a long story but you just have to trust me.”
Jack considered the woman standing in front of him. Of course, he didn’t trust her – it was stupid to trust anybody. But it was his only chance, he was beginning to realise, and she’d have to come along whether he wanted it or not. Which given his current mood regarding her keeping this from him, he did not.
“Alright, get your shit ready. I’m leaving at dusk.”
Tagging: @sharkbait77 @quica-quica-quica <3 <3
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justatiredghost · 3 years
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Living for the Moment Ch20 A series of glimpses at Klaus’ life if he’d met Dave in his mid 20s. His life isn’t magically transformed, love can’t fix either of them when they’re both homeless and in a bad place. They’re not even really ready for a relationship yet. But maybe a supportive friendship can set them on a better path, the two of them inspiring each other to take care of themselves. It’s going to be a long and bumpy ride, and the question is, when will they actually admit to themselves that they have feelings for each other? Read More AO3
Klaus paced back and forth, chewing on his nails, feeling sick to his stomach with anxiety. He knew this was a bad idea, of course it was. He should just go. But he couldn’t help but pause when he peaked back around the corner to where Dave was currently waiting for him. He was leaning casually back against the wall, hands in his pocket, with a serene look on his face as he gazed up at the sky, enjoying the sunlight.
He ducked back around the corner, pulling at his own hair in frustration, trying to ignore the fondness welling up inside him. What was he even supposed to do? Go along with Dave and see how things turned out, as if he didn’t already know it would end in disaster?
But it just seemed too cruel to ditch him. Maybe he owed him an explanation. Why couldn’t Dave see that he was too fucked up to care about anyone else? That his very survival was dependent on that selfishness?
“What are you going to do?” Ben asked, sitting on a dumpster, swinging his legs. He was anxious too, he could tell.
“I don’t know,” Klaus snapped. He knew he needed to make up his mind soon, or Dave would just go and he’d miss his chance.
“It’s not fair to take advantage of him,” Ben said. “And being around him might just make him relapse.”
“He seems perfectly fine with that arrangement,” Klaus pointed out. So why was he having so much trouble with this?
His mind kept going back to the one time he actually tried to date someone. It was for selfish reasons, of course it was, but he’d realized very quickly that he hated it. He hated living off of someone else, having them provide for him, to take care of everything. Sure, Klaus was useless, and he took advantage of people all the time, but somehow, this was different.
Klaus wasn’t proud of much, but he was proud of how self-sufficient he was. He didn’t need anyone, he could survive on his own just fine. And as long as he relied only on himself, he couldn’t be abandoned. He couldn’t disappoint someone so much that they finally realized he wasn’t worth all that trouble. And, he was surprised when the thought came to him that he didn’t want to do that to Dave.
“You could always get sober—“ Ben began.
“Not helping,” Klaus snapped. “And it’s pretty low, using this to get me to do what you want.”
“Hey, I had to try,” Ben shrugged, unrepentant.
“You always were a weird one, always talking to yourself.”
Klaus spun around at the voice, his heart sinking. Somehow, Dick had found him.
“This is a really bad time for me,” Klaus said earnestly. “Any chance we can do this later?”
“What do you think?” Dick said, pulling out a switchblade.
So it was going to be like that, then. Usually, it was enough for most dealers to rough him up a bit, maybe make some sort of deal of exchange to placate them, or Klaus could just suck them off or something. But Dick had always been, well, a dick. Klaus hated fighting. He could do it, of course, he’d trained all through his entire childhood. But why do that when running was a perfectly good option?
He kicked up dirt into Dick’s face and ran. When his plan to lose him in the maze of backstreets failed, he changed tactic. Maybe he could lose him in a crowd if he could get to the main street nearby. When he came around the corner, though, he immediately ran into someone, feeling arms grab him and he started to panic, thrashing out.
“Klaus?”
He looked up at the voice to see Diego in his police uniform. Fuck. Somehow, that as even worse than Dick or one of his lackies. Dick came around the corner, then, also running into them. As he staggered back, Diego’s partner grabbed him too, twisting his hand behind his back to disarm him.
“Nice,” Klaus told her.
“You know this guy?” she asked Diego.
“My brother,” Diego said, with more contempt than he thought necessary.
“It’s lovely to see you too,” Klaus said.
“What the hell is going on here?” Diego asked, keeping a hold of the back of his jacket at the neck, clearly ready to strong arm him if he tried to make a break for it.
“Dick, here, just jumped me,” Klaus exclaimed, because for once he hadn’t actually been doing anything wrong.
“I have a name, you know,” Dick said.
“What, is it not Richard?”
“No! It’s Joe!”
“Whoops.”
“Shut up,” Diego sneered. “If we search you both, are we gonna find drugs?”
Both Dick, er, Joe, and Klaus side-eyed each other. They would definitely find drugs.
“Okay, we’re gonna take you both down to the station,” the partner said as she launched into reading them their rights.
“Diego, come on, you gotta let me go,” Klaus begged as he was handcuffed and led over to the patrol car.
“And why would I do a thing like that?” Diego asked, barely looking at him as he guided him inside.
“I gotta go meet up with a— a friend,” Klaus said, practically falling into the back seat, stumbling over his words as he tried to figure out what he was even supposed to call Dave, and if he’d even still want to be his friend if he didn’t make it in time. “Please, he won’t wait forever.”
“Yeah, you’re not going to meet up with your dealer,” Diego rolled his eyes and slammed the door closed.
“For once, it’s not a dealer,” Klaus yelled through the glass, knowing Diego wasn’t even listening to him anymore. He kicked the back of the seat in front of him in frustration. “Fuck.”
-
“Come on,” Klaus groaned, banging his forehead lightly against the bars.
He’d been generally irritating since he got here. Either it would make them want to get rid of him sooner, or start a fight. At least then something would happen. It was better than sitting there with the gnawing feeling of guilt at inadvertently standing Dave up. Again.
“Shut up,” one of the other guys in the cell with him muttered. Fight it was, then.
“All right,” Diego said, appearing around the corner, holding up the key. “I guess you’re free to go. They’re letting you off with a warning, for some reason.”
“Yes!”
One of the other guys in the cell sighed in relief.
“I’m going to be out on the streets tonight,” Diego said, moving closer and keeping his voice low, threatening. “I better not catch you with any dealers. I won’t go easy on you next time.”
“I know you’ll never believe me,” Klaus said, patting Diego’s face, earning him an annoyed look as he shoved his hand away. “But, for once, it really isn’t what you think. In fact, I doubt you’d even be able to guess.”
Diego made a face like he was imagining all sorts of terrible things. “Just get out of here before I change my mind.”
“I didn’t think it was even up to you?” Klaus said, cackling as he dodged away from his angry brother.
-
Klaus wasn’t really sure what he was expecting 6 hours after the meeting time. He sprinted almost the entire way to the alley from the police station, stumbling to a stop when he arrived. It was after dark, now, but it was still easy enough to see that it was completely deserted.
Frustration and disappointment bubbled up and he cursed, kicking over a trash can. Sure, he hadn’t made up his mind if he was even coming here, but the choice had been taken away and now Dave was probably out there, thinking he hated him. Klaus dropped to the ground and leaned back against the wall, scrubbing at his face.
Maybe he could still hunt Dave down, but even if he did, would he even want to talk to him? To him, it would look like he’d sent a clear message that he wasn’t interested in having anything to do with him. Why did the idea of never seeing Dave again suddenly make him feel so frantic? He thought it would be satisfying to have it all over and done with, he could move on and go back to the way things were supposed to be. But suddenly, all he wanted was to see Dave again.
Light from the nearby street lamp reflected off of something on the ground, catching his eye. He wasn’t really sure why he latched onto it, he had no reason to believe it had anything to do with, well, anything. Maybe he just wanted a distraction. With nothing else to do, he dragged himself to his feet and stumbled towards it.
“Klaus,” Ben said. He was standing down the alley, looking towards a side street.
Klaus waved a hand at him with a hiss, his attention completely on the ground. He knelt down for a closer look and his breath caught in his throat. Dark drops and smears. Blood? And when he looked back over towards Ben, he saw part of a handprint on the wall leading to that same alleyway he was still staring down.
He wasn’t sure why a cold dread was suddenly settling in his gut. He told himself that there was no reason to believe the blood could belong to anyone he knew, but he still had to force himself to keep moving. As he turned the corner, moving to stand next to Ben, he saw a figure sprawled on the ground, unmoving. And even at this distance, he could recognize the curly hair, even if his face was turned away.
“No, no, no, no, Dave,” Klaus exclaimed, running forward and dropping to the ground on his knees.
He was pretty sure he stopped breathing himself as he rolled Dave over. But Dave gasped out in pain, looking up at him blearily. He was alive. But he was not in good shape at all. He had a split lip, bruises on his cheekbone and forehead, and Klaus was pretty sure he had blood caked in the hair at the back of his head.
“Klaus?” Dave said. “You always did have impressive timing.”
“Damn, what the hell happened to you?” Klaus said, looking him over. He noticed he had a hand clamped over his side, blood seeping through his fingers.
“Nothing, really,” Dave said, waving a hand dismissively, trying to muster up a smile. “It’s not a big deal.”
“Dave, you’re literally bleeding everywhere,” he said. He pulled his jacket off quickly and did what he could to get it under control..
“It’s okay,” Dave said. “You don’t have to—“
“Shut up, it’s not okay,” Klaus snapped. “We need to get you help.”
“I’d rather avoid the hospitals.”
“Normally I’m always the one saying that,” Klaus said. “What’s going on?”
“I don’t know if they’ll try again.”
“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” Klaus exclaimed. “You know what? Nevermind. We can deal with that after we stop you from dying.”
“You could take him to Diego’s?” Ben suggested.
“Not unless I want to get stabbed too,” Klaus countered, checking Dave for any other major injuries.
“He wouldn’t stab you,” Ben rolled his eyes.
“What?” Dave asked, looking confused, like he wasn’t sure if Klaus was the one acting weird, or if it was his head wound.
“Are we still on good terms with that veterinarian?” Klaus asked. “I can’t remember what happened the last time we all got high together.”
“You stole his pants and left him unconscious in a public park,” Ben said, deadpan.
“Ah. Hilarious, but probably not him, then.”
“You could always go back to the academy,” Ben said.
“Only if I want to get thrown out a window,” Klaus rolled his eyes. What a stupid suggestion.
“Luther wouldn’t do that in front of mom. Right?” Ben said doubtfully. “Besides, what other choice do you have?”
“Fine,” Klaus said with a groan, realizing they really were out of options. He turned back to Dave. “Shit, I think I know a place we can go, but we have to sneak in.”
“What was that about getting thrown out a window?” Dave asked, alarmed. “Maybe the hospital would be safer.”
“No, no, it’s fine. Probably,” Klaus said, helping him sit up.
Klaus hadn’t been home since he’d been thrown out years ago. Honestly, if he never saw his father again, that would be great, but he needed to find Mom if Dave was going to make it through this alive. Surely even that bastard wouldn’t throw them out before he’d been patched up. Well, then again, he wouldn’t put it past him, but they had to at least try. And Dave was fading fast, leaning heavily against him.
“Don’t you die on me,” Klaus muttered as he did his best to support him along. “I don’t need anymore ghosts haunting me.”
The back window was easy enough to jimmy open, he’d been doing it since he was a kid, running off almost every night. As soon as he had it open, he scrambled inside, practically falling on his face as he did so.
“Be more careful,” Ben scolded him, looking around nervously, like he was worried about being caught too..
Klaus hissed at him to be quiet which just made Ben roll his eyes. He turned to the door, unlocking it so Dave wouldn’t have to risk falling through the window too. Klaus kept stealing concerned glances at him, checking to make sure he was still breathing as he slumped against him, which was probably why he almost immediately ran into someone as they headed into the hall.
“Klaus,” Grace exclaimed when she saw him, looking genuinely pleased to see him. “I thought I heard someone moving about in here. It’s so good to see you.”
“Yeah, you too,” Klaus said in relief, ignoring Dave’s look of confusion. “Is Dad home? Luther?”
“No, they’re out on a mission,” she said, completely unconcerned. “But who’s your friend? And can I get you boys some tea?”
“Good,” Klaus said, practically deflating in relief before remembering why they’d come here in the first place. “Actually, Dave here got himself stabbed. Think you can take a look?”
“Of course,” she said, turning to look at Dave properly. “Oh my, what happened to you, my dear? Let’s go get you all patched up, shall we?” She looked concerned at his state, and honestly that made Klaus even more worried.
“Yes ma’am,” Dave said, still confused and probably a little dazed from the blood loss. He looked even more confused still when she took his arm and was able to support him with seemingly no effort at all.
“How bad do you think it is?” Klaus asked.
“I won’t know until I take a look,” she said kindly. “Wait here, won’t you?”
Klaus didn’t want to, but Mom always did insist they wait elsewhere when she had to tend to one of them after a mission so he’d been expecting it. The problem was, he hated waiting. He’d never been a patient person, but this was just too much. He turned away and started pacing anxiously, ignoring Ben’s sympathetic look. He wiped at his sweaty brow, running a trembling hand through his hair before remembering it was still covered in Dave’s blood.
“You look like a crime scene,” Ben said, finally breaking the silence. “You should probably do something about that. If you go back out there looking like that, you’ll probably get arrested.
Klaus caught sight of himself in a mirror and Ben was right, he was covered in blood. Dave’s blood. He went to the nearest bathroom and dunked his entire head under the faucet, not bothering to let it warm up first, and he scrubbed more roughly than was necessary at the blood now matting his hair.
When he was done, he caught sight of the blood smeared across his shirt, and he thought he was going to be sick. He ripped it off and threw it into the sink as well. He rubbed his face against his arm as he washed his hands and arms, trying not to think, trying to ignore the burning in his eyes and the way his throat tightened. Dave was going to be fine. Mom was made for this kind of thing. He had to be fine. That’s when Klaus realized that, even if he wasn’t in his life anymore, even if he never got to see him again, Dave needed to be alive. That was all that mattered.
Shit.
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yuzukult · 4 years
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under the moonlight || junmyeon & reader
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title: under the moonlight pairing: junmyeon/suho x reader  genre: ceo!reader, hint of soulmate!au, slow-burn words: 8.4k notes: continuation to [city lights]’s junmyeon, journey to him healing his own heart after letting go of his first love for her to be with his best friend who so happens to be her soulmate (chanyeol) // did this because junmyeon deserves some love & also may be a second part + will profread when i get the chance!!
part one || final
Though the living room was filled with laughter and yelling from drinking games, Junmyeon’s attention was locked on the girl of his dreams who stands in the kitchen in the arms of her soulmate, face snuggled into his chest while mumbling a ‘thank you’ for the surprise birthday party that he’d planned for her. In response, he lets out a chuckle as he places a delicate kiss onto her forehead.
Junmyeon knew it would’ve been selfish if he neglected Chanyeol’s wishes when he barged into his bedroom of their shared apartment, hair disheveled with a stressed look washed over his face. “I can’t do this anymore, I need to be with her. She’s all I think about, night and day. I haven’t even had a real conversation with her yet I know everything about her... and I love but hate everything about her because she makes me feel like I can’t live unless it’s with her.” He was aware that the younger male was going through the side-effects of refusing a relationship with his designated soulmate, evidently on the brink of detonation. It was time to let her go, no matter how much he loved her. She belonged to Chanyeol. 
The moment Junmyeon picked up the phone to ask Chanyeol to check up on her while on his business trip, he sensed over the phone Chanyeol’s wariness at the sight of the girl’s frame in bed, shivering from a fever. It was that very second it became clear to him that Chanyeol was biologically her soulmate, someone she could never let go even if she tried. Both of their dreams would be flooded with the thoughts of each other, sleepwalking mid-day to meet unconsciously, and yearning for the embrace of one another though far apart.
Goodbyes were rough. But the goodbye with her especially was the worst. 
Telling her that she wasn’t made for him and that they couldn’t be together while her eyes were brimming with tears was the hardest moment of his life. Breaking the heart of the woman he still loved was never in his plans. But Chanyeol was his best friend and watching him deteriorate day by day was just as painful for himself. 
So he sacrificed his love so that they could be together.
“Junmyeon, you don’t know how much it means to me that you came.” She says, voice soft. They’re standing in the corner of the living room, separated from the group just enough to hear the other speak. “I know how uncomfortable it must be for—”
“Don’t say that.” He interjects, adjusting the black beanie that sits on his head. “I meant what I said that day months ago. Just because we aren’t together like that doesn’t mean I won’t be in your life anymore. You were more than just a girl I dated, I loved you.”
He lied. He still loves her. But he’d never say that.
She’s chewing on her bottom lip, hair cut shorter from their last exchange that strays fall out from the hair-tie and over her face. He wishes he could push it away and behind her ear but that’s crossing the line.
“I loved you too, Junmyeon. You know that.”
“But you love Chanyeol now.” He adds, grabbing his jacket off the coat rack. Junmyeon was ending his night earlier than the rest, claiming that he wasn’t feeling too well from having to wake up early and sleeping later for an assignment at work when really he couldn’t bear to watch the two of them together for long, his heart still healing. “And I’m happy that it’s working out.”
His first love stands there for a moment, silent, despite the sounds coming from the main area as she walks him toward the front door. “Why are you so quiet?” Junmyeon questions, raising a brow.
“Chanyeol and I talked about the topic of marriage.”
Marriage. He hasn’t even fully recovered from the break-up yet and she’s already moved on entirely. 
“But... I’m not ready. I still think of you.” The words would have been more comforting if it resulted with her in his arms instead.
“We both need to move on.” He sighs, one hand on the doorknob and his heart still in hers. “It’s going to take some time but it’ll be worth it in the end. The torture from being without him will stop.”
“How did you know?”
“Know about what?”
“That I had those side effects. I never told you about it.”
Junmyeon sighs, finally turning the handle to open the door. “You started looking more and more tired each day and you complained about it often. So I did some research to see what was wrong. It’s a side effect from denying your soulmate.”
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Forcing himself into work everyday was hard.
After spending so much time with his first love, she was close to convincing him to drop his day job for a career in music. Working in a corporate office was gnawing on him alive, not to mention how unbearably stiff the suits were while he sat at his office for over 8 hours a day.
“Hey,” Someone says. Her voice is tender and calm, capturing his attention. “Junmyeon, right?” You were peeking your head into his cubicle, too short to completely reach over the walls.
You were the CEO of the company he worked at, the founder of a skincare line that you developed the formulas on your own with hands-on operations and testing, utilizing your degree received after University where you studied in the States. He’d only been part of the business team for a short period of time and hadn’t even gotten to meet you yet, despite how heavily involved you were on the floor.
“Yes, I’m Junmyeon,” He says quickly, breaking his gaze before standing up, bowing and extending his hand for a shake. “Sorry about that. Wasn’t expecting to see you.” You repeat his actions and if he didn’t know any better, he’d think you were mocking him.
“Sorry, it’s okay. I came unannounced. Should’ve probably called or something right?” You ask, scratching the back of your head agonizingly, slightly unsure how to act in social situations. “I just thought I could stop by to talk to you.”
“I’m available to talk. Something wrong?”
Straightening the pencil skirt that hugs your lower half, you grin cheekily at him. “I’ve been going around lately, trying to understand the jobs of the people who work here. We’ve been doing so well that I wanted to meet the people who were extremely involved in the impact. Would you like to go out for lunch with me?”
Blinking blankly, Junmyeon is taken aback. You— the woman ran an entire company with products on the shelves of huge department stores to high end private shops just for the elite to take him out to lunch?
He glances over at his lunch bag that sits on the corner of the desk, pausing for a moment. And almost as if you read his mind, you say, “We could always put it in the fridge for tomorrow. Come. Let me take you out for lunch, Junmyeon. Company’s treat!”
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Dropping by your office before making way out, you snatch the jacket off the back of your office chair, slinging it over your shoulders.
Junmyeon just stands in the doorway entering in, leery about coming in any further. Despite you being the one asking him to tag along, he still felt the invisible wall between the two of you, a CEO and just some guy in the business department.
Your office was massive— the windows were stretched from corner to corner, ceiling to floor, with a view of the city that was breathtaking. On the opposite side had a glass wall, seeing out to the rest of the floor where employees work, but oddly enough you never had the blinds of it opened.
“Why are you standing there so awkwardly?” You chuckle, grabbing your wallet, phone and keys from the top of your desk. “You know that you can come in here, right? I don’t bite.”
“Sorry,” he mutters, rubbing his nape anxiously. “Just kind of feels like I don’t belong here.”
You roll your eyes, walking toward him and out the room as he follows, closing the door behind. “Junmyeon, you’re always welcomed in my office. Any problems you have are mine as well. Don’t hesitate to talk to me about anything, I own an entire company for God’s sake! I would do anything I can to help a fellow employee.”
In his department, you had a reputation. Men thought you were hot— so attractive that whenever you’d walk by and greet everyone on your way to your office, they’d drool, eyes never leaving your bare legs or bottom. Women were more of a split category; some resented you for gaining the attention of men so easily, others admire your hard work and ambitions, yet trying very hard to accommodate any of the employees’ issues personally. It was hard to please everyone.
“Johnny,” You call out your assistant, his desk sitting several feet outside of your office. “I’m having lunch with Junmyeon today.”
Johnny is a skyscraper. But when he’s sitting down, he seems so small next to you, almost like a little grocery store in the corner of the block of a big city while at his desk.
“So you’re ditching Eunwoo today?”
“Never said I agreed to having lunch with him. If he comes, just say I left. I’m having lunch with Junmyeon.”
Leaning back in his seat, he has his arms crossed against his chest, squinting at you. Junmyeon always questioned the relations between you and Johnny, but after observing the entire conversation, it seems like he’s just a concerned friend. Most likely why you keep him around.
“Should I say you’re having lunch with Junmyeon? Might piss Eunwoo off.” He says, gesturing toward Junmyeon when he says his name.
“Why are you trying to piss him off? I said I was over it.” You click your tongue, waving off Johnny in dismissal afterwards. “Whatever, I said I’m leaving. See you after lunch.”
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“You’re probably wondering who Eunwoo is,” You unlock the doors of your car, opening the drivers side when Junmyeon stops in his tracks. “He’s my ex.”
“Wait— you’re driving?”
“Yeah, how else would we get there?” Sliding into the driver’s seat, he hesitates for a moment before following into the passenger side.
“Just didn’t think you’d be driving.” Junmyeon responds, putting on his seatbelt over his body. “Were you supposed to meet with your ex today?”
“He assumed.” Pressing the start button, the engine of the Audi roars, a sweet sound to any car enthusiast’s ears.
“You don’t think I drive?”
“More like... I thought you had a driver.”
You shake your head, pulling out of the garage of the company’s building, driving in the direction of a restaurant he’s not familiar with.
“Where are we going?”
“Pick: a five star restaurant or a restaurant that deserves it?”
“The latter.”
“A man after my own heart,” You joke, glancing over his direction with a sweet smile. “My favorite spot. It won’t take long.”
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It’s a ramyun restaurant hidden within a large city without much foot traffic, but he wasn’t going to doubt your plans.
After handing the waiter back your menus with your orders, you rub your hands on your skirt sheepishly. “Uh, do you have a girlfriend?”
Shocked by the sudden question, Junmyeon’s jaw slacks.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean it like that. I mean, have you met your soulmate yet?” Once the words leave your mouth again, you groan at your lack of execution of holding small talk. “Sorry again, ignore that. Didn’t mean it like that.”
“I don’t have a girlfriend and no, I haven’t yet.” He thought your reaction was cute. It was understandable how people were so easily smitten by you. “Do you?”
“No,” You say, voice a bit disappointed but your face doesn’t show it. “But I’m too busy anyway. I meant to ask because you’ve been working endless hours and I was afraid it was taking you away from someone at home.”
You were worried about him. It was different from the way his first love showed that she cared, she was more of a person who showed that she was worried, less vocal than you.
“No,” He chuckles light heartedly. Coming into your car, he was tensed and intimidated by your presence, but seeing the way you stuttered your words made you seem more human than how the employees made you out to be. “I’m alone. No one is nagging at me at home.”
“Ah,” You say, tapping your fingers onto the wooden table. “I see. I’m really impressed with your work, Junmyeon. How did you get into your career field?”
“Just seemed simpler at the time,” He admits, leaning back into his chair. “It was an easy major that my group of friends were considering, and although I really wanted to pursue music, I knew I needed some stability.”
“Music?” You ask as the waitress comes by with glasses full of water as you bow your head in appreciation. “Are you still interested in it?”
“Mm, sometimes. I’ve produced some songs here and there, I enjoy working with my creative side.”
“Would you venture out of your comfort zone?”
“I mean, if I could I would. But I have bills to pay, so I stay where I am now and do the best I can at it.”
You’re quiet for a moment as the server comes by, delivering your bowls of ramyun to the table. The aroma coming from the food made your mouths water, and your stomach growling in hunger in the process. “Sorry,” Your cheeks flush pink. “I’m kinda hungry.”
“Don’t apologize,” A smile tugs on the edges of his mouth softly. “It’s natural.”
Your stomach tightens at his smile but you brush it off as just a reaction from starving yourself from yesterday’s lunch. Business has been blooming, taking time away from your everyday from actually taking care of yourself. Taking Junmyeon here was supposed to be a learning experience about him, something you said you’d try doing frequently with your employees, but getting to eat at your favorite restaurant was your own version of self-care.
“How would you consider working in my marketing department? Well, more of the design or creative team. I have commercials and clips they play in stores to produce, and if you’re interested, maybe you can dip your toes in that. Both working with music and filmography?”
Junmyeon stops in the midst of blowing the steam from his raging hot noodles, lips pursed. “Wait, what?”
After chewing a mouthful of the delicious ramyun that awakens both you and your tastebuds, you blissfully lean back in your seat. “Jesus, just one bite takes me away.” You compliment before sitting back up, preparing yourself for another spoonful. “What I’m trying to say is, if you’re interested, you should consider working in the marketing department. I can’t offer you a record deal, but I can get your foot in the door somewhere.”
“I haven’t shown you a portfolio or anything.” He says, sweat beads forming on his forehead, and he’s not sure if it’s from anxiety or the temperature of the noodles.
“You don’t need to. It’s a learning experience and you grow and improve as you go. I trust that if you enjoy it enough, you’d get better with it. If you don’t, that’s okay. Feel free to tell me and I’d be more than happy to put you back in the business department, hauling away with meetings and conversations with both men and women that you probably hate with a fiery passion.”
“You’re not serious, are you?”
“Do you want it or not, Junmyeon? I’m a busy woman, I’m trying to eat my noodles.”
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Knocking on the tall wooden doors that lead into your office, he discreetly opens it slightly, peering before completely entering. He calls out your name, the gentlest sound you’ve ever heard as your head snaps in his direction. “You asked for me?”
“I did!” You point to the seat across from your desk, gesturing for him to get comfortable. 
“What could I do for you?”
You’re finishing up an email, eyes glued on the monitor before hitting the ‘send’ button before fully giving your whole attention to the male in front of you. “It’s been a week since you’ve started in your new department. How is it?”
You were right, it had been an entire week since you’ve last spoken, occasionally exchanging glances in the office, and Junmyeon can’t believe how quickly time had passed by. You had transitioned him in the marketing department, with hopes that he could get some more exposure to a different part of the industry since his dreams fit more with dipping into his artistic skills. He was enjoying the new experience so much that he had forgotten how much time had passed, assuming he’d only seen you several days go.
“It’s been a week already?” He says without thought, running his fingers through his lightly styled hair. You can’t help but notice the way he makes your breath hitch but you dismiss the feeling by clearing your throat. “I guess I’ve been enjoying it so much I haven’t even noticed how quickly time has passed.”
“That’s good to hear!” He actually seemed delighted with his new job. One of the perks of being in your position was being able to do things like this and see people change, see people be happy. If it fit your means to do it, you’d make it happen. “I’m glad. Please feel free to tell me if you’re having any issues. I’m flexible, if you’re not content with what you’re doing, I can always transfer you somewhere else within the company, or even back to where you were.”
“Can I ask something?”
“Sure, shoot. What is it?” You rest your arms on your large glass desk that seemed so tiny in your spacious office. 
He’s quiet for a moment, licking his lips in thought. “Why are you doing this? I didn’t think it was possible for me to... just switch out of my department and do something entirely new. I don’t have the skillset for it, nor a degree or anything.”
Shrugging, you purse your lips, eyes circling the room. “Because life isn’t easy. Not everyone is going to find what they enjoy in their high school years when they’re applying for colleges. Hell, college isn’t necessarily the place you’re guaranteed to find what you like anyway.”
“But you did?”
“I did, but I got lucky. I’ve witnessed enough people go through those feelings. Graduating from a university with a degree you worked hard to obtain in four years, only to realize that this isn’t what you want?” Taking a brief moment to organize your thoughts, you continue. “I want the people who work for me to be happy, Junmyeon. I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for them, if it weren’t for people like you. In actuality, I think I work for everyone here since everyone is working to make my dreams come true. It’s only fair if I try to do the same.”
Junmyeon wasn’t quite sure why, but he was comparing you to his first love again. 
There was a huge difference between the both—few similarities like how independent the two of you were, how immersed in your careers you’d been, and how much you cared for other people. It’d been the first time in a while since he’d been so observant and drawn someone, so distracted from his ex that he found himself wanting to know more about you.
“That’s... selfless.” 
“Just a thought.” You grin, tapping the pads of your fingertips against your desk again. It’s a habit of yours when you’re dubious about your next action, he picks up. “Do you think you can show me some of the things you’re working on before they air?”
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“I heard you got a new job,” Chanyeol says from beside, startling Junmyeon as he’s grabbing a couple pieces of pork onto his plate. “How’d you land such a great deal? You’re producing the commercial for that skincare line you used to work for, right?”
“Somewhat right,” Junmyeon responds, a bit distracted by cooking the raw meat, placing the completed ones on Chanyeol’s plate. “I still work for that company. They just transferred me out the department to try something new.”
“No way.” Chanyeol’s eyes are huge, but they’re bulging out his head from surprise. “How did that happen?”
Junmyeon shrugs however a smile sits brightly in his face. “CEO asked what I wanted to do, I told her, and here we are.”
“Sounds like she likes you.” Minseok interjects into the conversation, popping open another bottle of cold beer. “You won the heart of the big CEO lady already? Sounds like a Korean drama,” He says, wriggling his brows suggestively.
Junmyeon denies. “Honestly, she does this thing where she has lunch with several employees to get to know what they do everyday since there has been growth in the company.”
“So you’ve had lunch with her?” Jongin is in on the conversation now, eyes from all the men at the table glued into Junmyeon.
“Uh, yes?”
“So, it was a lunch date.” Sehun invites himself in.
“No, it was just a boss and employee lunch. What’s up with you guys?”
“You’ve never really... talked about a girl lately.” Jongdae points out faintly, almost like he’s scared to pull a nerve. “At least, not for this long.”
“She’s nice... I just don’t think someone like her would ever like someone like me, though. She’s attractive, nice, and caring— but guys, come on. She owns an entire skincare line that are on the shelves of every store.”
“Stop talking down on yourself,” Chanyeol’s speaking now, and his warm orbs are comforting when they meet with Junmyeon’s. “There’s no guarantee that you’ll meet your soulmate, especially since the age is coming up. Doesn’t hurt to try shooting your shot with her, right?”
The age. The age where once you turn thirty, your chances of ever meeting your soulmate declines almost to 2%. Junmyeon has already hit the ripe age of 29 with only a year left before his probability descends into the abyss.
“I can’t hit on her.” He furrows his brows, stuffing his cheeks with a bite of kimchi. “She’s my boss.”
“Be discreet. Give her some subtle hints. If she doesn’t reciprocate, then abort mission and pretend you were just being nice.”
Junmyeon rolls his eyes at his friends’ advices. They were constantly interrupting each other with new ideas after another before someone taps his shoulder. “Junmyeon?”
“Oh— hey. Hey!” He says your name; he always says it the same way, the way that it warms your heart to the point you just wish you could grab his arms to wrap around you so you could doused yourself in his scent. He had an impact on you but you held your composure. Maybe you were starting to crush on him, if you haven’t already, because he was just so kind but he’s the type to be kind to everyone.
“Uh, guys. This is my boss...” He introduces, scratching his head. He continues on naming the rest of his group, hesitant about the whole ordeal as you wave cheekily to them all.
“You guys can just call me by my name, I’m not Junmyeon’s boss outside of the office.” You turn to look at the older male, hands stuffed into the front pockets of your jeans.
Even in the horrible brightness of fluorescent lighting, you managed to still look seamlessly beautiful in Junmyeon’s eyes. Your attire was distinct from the everyday work apparel yet you still appeared put together. Maybe Junmyeon was the one crushing.
“Come join us!” Chanyeol says quickly, gesturing the seat on the other side of Junmyeon as Jongdae slides over to give you enough room.
Junmyeon clicks his tongue, feigning a hit to Chanyeol before looking over at you. “I’m sorry, are you here with someone? I don’t want to take you away from them or force you to sit with us if you don’t want to.”
“Ah, honestly, I was just going to order something off the menu and take it home to eat. Unless you don’t want me here?” 
“Oh, no, of course I want you here, come,” Junmyeon responds, tapping the empty seat beside him. Timidly, you shrug your shoulders before taking up the offer and settle at the side of Junmyeon. 
Throughout the night, being with Junmyeon and his friends let you discover a completely new side of him. With them, he was considered the ‘mother’ of the group, nurturing and looking out for the rest of them, despite not being the eldest. He’s admirable, so Yixing remarks, but also selfless because he never has himself on his mind other than his friends and family.
When Junmyeon excuses himself to the bathroom, you learn that he sacrificed his relationship with the girl of his dreams so she could be with her soulmate regardless of the fact that she didn’t want to be with him because he rejected her. You find out that Chanyeol was the friend, and that he wants nothing more than to help find happiness for him as well. 
You pay for dinner. Junmyeon argues with you about it for a brief moment before you jokingly threaten that his job was on the line and he pouts in return. You’re almost bold enough to tell him that if he lets you kiss his pout that he could pay.
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“Uh... Why are you in my office?”
“You cancelled on lunch last time. And a few times before that. I wanted to come so I can spontaneously take you out for dinner instead.”
You squint your eyes at the male in front of you, throwing the pen in your hand on your desk heatedly. “Catch the hint? I’m not very interested in the idea of having lunch with you. Or anything, really.”
“The idea, but you haven’t done it yet.”
Eunwoo is probably the cutest guy you’ve laid your eyes on but after dating for three years, it became evidently clear that the two of you didn’t click at all. Girls were at his beck and call, and you were growing tired of having to tell him which girls had bad intentions. You felt like his mom. He’s too sweet but it was starting to hurt your pride a bit when rumors were going around that he was flirting with others so you immediately put a stop to the relationship. 
“Eunwoo,” You sigh heavily, leaning back in your swivel chair. It’s around 5:00PM at this point, your day filled with meetings and tasks regarding a new launch approaching soon. “This... is really sweet of you. But we broke up.”
“I’m obviously here to try again.”
“You’re so oblivious about women all the time! I’m tired of teaching you, I need someone who doesn’t need to be groomed to fit me.”
There’s a knock on the door, and both your heads snap toward the direction to only see Junmyeon’s head peeking into the room. “Uh, sorry, am I interrupting something? Johnny said I could come in.”
You wanted to call Junmyeon your own personal superhero because he’s standing there in what seems like his best work outfit, and you’re almost drooling at the sight of him. Maybe it was because it was already so late in the day, and he looks like he’s been at his desk for a long time since his tie is loosened around his neck, and a button is undone.
“No, please, come in.” Eunwoo’s glare could pierce through you right now but you keep your gaze away. 
“Sorry,” Junmyeon bows at the other male before Eunwoo takes a seat in the corner of the room where the black leather couches were. He wasn’t backing down any time soon. “I... finished the video.”
“Oh?” He’s handing you a small flashdrive that you take willingly, inserting it into your computer before clicking around on your desktop before you reach your destination.
“Do you have headphones or something?”
Your brows crinkle in confusion. “What?”
He pulls out his keys, flipping open a case that holds his AirPods, placing it into the palm of your hand as you tilt your head when he rounds your desk, helping you bluetooth the device in. “Why are we doing this again?”
“Just a bit embarrassed about my first project. I don’t actually want to see you watch it.”
Eunwoo has his legs crossed, eyes shooting darts in the direction of you. He must be bursting with jealousy with how Junmyeon is seemingly close to you, making his way back to the seat in front of your desk, settling comfortably. Eunwoo observes that this is definitely not the first time the other male has been in your office.
After a few moments, you pull the buds out from your ears, placing it back into the white case and returning it to Junmyeon. “Wow... I--... Honestly, Jun, that was one of the greatest things I’ve ever seen. I mean I have some notes, don’t take it the wrong way, but... this is different.”
“I hope you mean a good kind of different?”
“Of course.”
He’s gifting you that warm smile again. “Send them over. I’ll take a look and send you an updated version.”
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“You like him.”
“Hm?” You hum heedlessly, typing away on the computer with your comments still fresh in your mind. Junmyeon had left your office moments before, taking his leave home.
“You have a crush on that guy. I just saw you give him that look.” Agilely turning your head to face your ex-lover, you heave out a sigh. “What look, Eunwoo?”
“You used to look at me like that. I remember it because it’s when I knew that you returned those feelings for me and I went for it.” 
Frustrated, you push your keyboard away. “What? I can’t just look at a guy now? All of the sudden you’re an expert at these things? And why does it even matter? We’re not together anymore.”
“Because he’s competition? What else?”
“Eunwoo, get the fuck out please.” You say through your gritted teeth before throwing a post-it note stack at him as he makes his way out your office. “Okay, okay! I’ll be back though!”
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There’s another knock at your door. Glancing at the clock that hangs above your desk, it reads 8:30PM and you could have sworn you told Johnny to go home hours ago. If it wasn’t Johnny, then...
Getting up from the couch full of loose papers and your laptop, you walk up toward the door, swinging it open. “Eunwoo, didn’t I tell you to fuck off—”
“Uh, I take it that the guy in the room earlier was Eunwoo then?”
In a pair of grey sweats and a T-shirt, Junmyeon is standing in your doorframe underneath a baseball cap. In his hands are bags of takeout, raising it up for your viewing once your eyes laid on it.
“What’s this?” You step aside to let him in, watching as he reorganizes the papers on your coffee table and places them onto another part of the couch, setting up the food. “You didn’t seem like you were going to cave into having dinner with that guy, and the launch is happening soon. I figured you’d still be here and skip dinner.”
In all honesty, this is what you would’ve wanted Eunwoo to do. Back when the two of you were dating, you had been stuck in the same scenario— couped up in your office, drowning yourself in paperwork without any time to make back home until the night before the launch day to get ready for the event. You wanted Eunwoo to take notice, doing something similar as to this, bringing food to you instead of forcing you to go out when you didn’t have much time to spare.
“I— I don’t know what to say. Thank you, Junmyeon, really. I was starving, but with how security is at the door at this time of night, delivery would’ve been a bit of a hassle.”
“Don’t sweat it, boss.” He jokes as you sit on the couch and he plops himself onto a seat across from you. “I got you the ramyun you had last time from that place you took me.”
“You did? How’d you remember what I ordered?”
“It was so spicy, I smelt it and sneezed a couple times.” Snapping the disposable chopsticks, he hands you the pair. “Plus, who would forget a name like ‘the Diablo Ramyun’? There’s a picture of a dragon breathing fire right next to the name on the menu.”
Junmyeon kept you company that night. He eventually started reading Webtoon comics on his phone after having dinner, laying on the couch before falling into a deep slumber, mouth agape. Grabbing a spare blanket you kept for nights you spent in your office, you drape it over his body, and pulled off his hat.
He looks angelic like this— albeit he has drool streaming from the sides of his mouth. Not obligated to stay, but nonetheless he did, all because he didn’t want you to be alone or feel lonely. Although you insisted he should go home, he contends, eventually winning the argument by comfortably designating the spot on the couch to himself. 
You don’t miss those soundless nights in your office anymore. Junmyeon’s snoring along with your tumultuous typing sets a new standard of bliss.
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It’s been about two months since that night and Junmyeon is frequent in your life. 
He’s on speed-dial when you want to try new restaurants or go to events that are in the city, and he never fails to come by your side to keep you company. Sometimes, his smile catches you off guard, fluttering your heart, but other times, you think he feels as though his presence is necessary because you gave him his dream job.
“So, rumor has it: Junmyeon sleeps over at the office.”
“What makes you say that?” 
Johnny eyes you suspiciously. “Other than the fact that he leaves your office bright and early in the morning with slightly damp hair with an outfit that’s just barely different from the day before?”
Your breath stops, but your fingers continue to tap away at an email. “Does he?”
“So, you sleeping with him?” You stiffen, scowling at your assistant. “No, I am not.”
“What’s he doing in here then?” 
“He just... sleeps over whenever I’m having a late night session.”
“Oh, so you are sleeping with him.”
“Johnny.” You say firmly. “I am not. He just keeps me company ‘cause I’m all by myself here and it’s dark out.”
He’s reclining in the armchair in front of your desk, toes pushing off the ground while rocking the seat. “Why don’t you just ask him out if you like him that much? Why are you wasting your time just... ‘keeping company’ instead of... being his companion.”
“I’m his boss.”
“And? That’s a sexy thing. He might like a strong, self-sufficient woman. Hell—I know I do. But you’re not into me, so I’m gonna help Junmyeon if I can’t help myself.”
Ears now crimson, you admit defeat and lounge in your large work chair with a cumbersome sigh, playing along with his game. “I don’t have time to date.”
“He’s here at least once a week spending the night with you. You have time, and if you don’t, he’ll make the time to be with you.”
Pausing a moment in thought with a hum, you hit the tip of your fingers against the glass desk. “I’m not his type.”
“Oh hush, I see the way he looks at you. He thinks you’re gorgeous.”
Pursing up your lips, you assert, “I don’t believe that. What if I meet my soulmate?”
“Stop doubting your looks, he practically salivates at the sight of you that it’s all over the floor. Also, that soulmate thing? That never stopped you from dating Eunwoo, so why is Junmyeon any different?”
You shrug, playing with the pen in front of you. “His ex dated him and ended up being with her soulmate.”
“You honestly think you’re going to meet your soulmate? Tell me. You were in that research group for a couple years, what’d you gather from that?” If it wasn’t for HR, you’d probably have you hands wrapped around Johnny’s giraffe neck by now.
Back in University, you decided to partake in the Soulmate Research Group for your co-op program, rationalizing that this could help you find your ‘the one.’ The group resulted in slapping you into reality, educating you the chances of finding your soulmate had declined to almost none when considering the probability. It was the worst year of your life, having to come to terms that this fairy-tale that everyone in your life had made love seem was just something that only lucky people got to cooperate in.
“I... yeah, I know. It’s just so many goddamn people met their soulmate already, what about me? What makes me so different from the bunch?”
Johnny says your name, this time sweetly with a tone he never uses. “I never met my soulmate either. But Junmyeon is almost hitting 30, right? Imagine how he’s feeling. He can’t even get laid by a pretty girl that he sleeps in her office for on the most uncomfortable couch, let alone find his soulmate.”
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“Do you like me?”
“What kind of question is that?” He glances at you quizzically, fixating his attention back under the hood of your car, twisting off the cap of your car sump, checking the oil levels. An oil light had popped onto the dashboard a couple days ago and you texted Junmyeon what he recommended to do, only for him to dispute that he’d check it himself.
“I don’t know, just answer it. Do you like me?”
He chuckles, shaking his head in disbelief as he wipes the oil rod with a rag. “Of course I like you. Why else would I hang out with you and change your oil?”
“No,” You groan, leaning against your front headlights, slouching in annoyance. “Like... not as a friend. As a woman. More than a friend, someone you want to date.”
He stands, slack-jawed. 
“Listen— I totally get if you don’t see me in that way, but Johnny said he saw the way you looked at me, and I figured, ‘hey, why not try to ask him out’ so—“
“Of course I see you that way. Who doesn’t? I kind of just assumed you weren’t into me since you were always rejecting my advances.”
“Advances?”
Lifting up the dirty rag in his greasy, stained hands, the sides of his mouth twitches upwards. “Like I said, why would I change your oil? Plus, how many nights have I slept in your office on that god awful couch? I also have a toothbrush in your bathroom. And spare underwear. Need I say more?”
Chewing on your bottom lip and watching as he finishes up, closing the hood of your car, you tap your shoes anxiously against the concrete ground. “Can I ask you something else?”
“What is it?”
“Can I kiss you?”
You can already imagine how difficult showering is going to be later, but with Junmyeon’s plush lips pressed against yours, how could you complain about his tarnished hands underneath the fabric of your shirt, caressing the skin of your waist?
Guiding your hips to sit onto the hood of your car, your arms snake around his neck, playing with the longer strands of his hair that brush against his nape. The way he kisses feels like he’s going to suck the air out of your lungs but you couldn’t care less— you finally had him in your embrace and you weren’t going to let go.
He’s amiable, even though it’s contradicting that he’s tugging on your lower lip between his teeth, your lips swollen and plump from the aggressive make-out session. He doesn’t push too far, just right where you’re comfortable, especially when you’re in your opened garage out for your neighbors to see. 
You’re not sure how much time has passed but he’s already claimed the territory in the middle of your legs, towing you close with a grip on your thighs. Placing the palm of his hands on either side of you on the car, he grins cheekily after pulling out of the kiss, heavy pants against each other’s face.
“Did my boss just make-out with me?” You slap his chest, rolling your eyes in unison. “Stop it. I know you’re enjoying this, I feel it.” Wrapping your arms around his lower frame, you pull him close, pressing your crotch against his as his groans. “Now you stop it. I’m not taking you here.”
Junmyeon is a gentleman. He declares that he wouldn’t be taking you anywhere near the bedroom until he takes you out on a proper date, in spite of the fact that you both had broken his rule of no kissing and no sex before a date. 
If you thought that you had everything you wanted before, you were wrong. Not until you met him.
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“I met my soulmate.”
Straightening the paperwork on your desk, pretending to preoccupy yourself from this conversation and stay cool, you place the manila envelopes flat back on your desk, eyes eventually locked on the figure in your office. “Okay?”
“This means we can’t go back to what we ever were again...”
Feelings of uncertainty arise in your stomach—it’s obvious it’s jealousy. Was it because he found his soulmate and he was never coming back or that you haven’t even met yours? 
Eunwoo stands in the middle of the room, hands in the pockets of his dress pants, contemplating what to say next. 
“We’re not together anymore.”
He knows this—he knows this so well with the amount of times you remind him that it’s embedded in his brain, nonetheless in the general picture of things, Eunwoo always thought that you’d find your way back home and into his arms. He’d tell you this, despite the amount of times you’ve rejected him, but hearing now that he really won’t come back because he has a soulmate hits different. 
Maybe Eunwoo had been a back-up plan. There’s never 100% bliss in a relationship, and you never saw yourself getting married to him and having kids but the thought of having Eunwoo in the back of your head meant that even if you didn’t find ‘the one,’ Eunwoo would be the replacement. It sounds fuck-up, it all sounded fucked-up but who would love a woman who ran an entire company by herself and barely have time for anyone else in her life?
“It means... I officially can’t come back to you anymore and you can’t expect for me to fall back into your hands like putty. I’m done... but it doesn’t mean I don’t love you anymore.”
“I know, Eunwoo.”
“It’s just— it’s my soulmate.”
“Don’t miss out on that opportunity.” You say sternly. 
Thwarted by your reaction, he snaps. “I’m so sick of this. I should’ve just given up sooner—I’ve been in your life for 6 years, we dated for 3, and you can’t even be happy for me? You can’t even tell me that you still love me although you’re the one who left me?”
Head dropping onto the back of your chair, you close your eyes for a moment. “Eunwoo, I’ll always love you, I never thought I had to remind you of that. But we never worked out, we stopped clicking after a year in. We’re on different pages, we’re doing different things, and I never had the time to spend with you anymore.”
“It wasn’t that you never had the time, you never made time.”
“Don’t say that. I didn’t have time. You never made the effort to spend it with me.”
“What?” He says sharply. “Tell me, what could I have done differently? I want to hear it?”
Running your fingers through your strands of hair frustratedly, you grumble in discontent. “I wanted you to be here with me on those nights I spent in the office. I wanted to have dinner with you here, but you always insisted we go out. I wanted you to be part of my projects, do things with me because we’re in the same field, yet you couldn’t even do that. I wanted you to be around and try in other ways even if it was hard to spend time with each other.”
“You’re the one who stopped trying!”
“I stopped trying when I saw how much effort you were putting into meeting these girls instead of me! How do you think I feel when you’re out buying coffee and delivering it to your co-worker? You couldn’t even do that for me.”
Clenching his jaw, he gives you a look before saying his last words. “You’re right. Maybe we weren’t right for each other.” As he’s walking toward the doors existing your office, you silently say, “She was your soulmate, wasn’t she? The co-worker.”
He turns to look at you, eyes sudden soft compared to moments ago. You were right. You’re always right.
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Junmyeon is handsome in this lighting but it’s difficult to focus on the date with your argument with your ex from earlier.
He planned everything for the night—the lights, the picnic blanket, and wicker basket filled with delicious foods that he had cooked himself, a skill that he had been trying to improve lately since his roommate, Kyungsoo, had left for the military, and Chanyeol moved out to live with his soulmate. 
Pulling out two wine glasses, following with a bottle, he pops the cork out before pouring some into yours. “So, what’s on your mind?” Snapping back into reality, you laugh awkwardly, rubbing your arm.
“I’m sorry? Did you say something and I missed it? Nothing’s on my mind.”
“No, something is definitely up in there. I can see it in your face.” Handing the glass to you, he’s taking out the rest of the food from the basket; he’d packed everything from kimchi to kimbap, even cheese and deli meats. There was also pie— jesus, did he have to try so hard to get to your heart? You would be melting in his affection at this point if your head wasn’t so occupied.
“Uh... honestly, there’s something. But I’m not really in the mood to talk about it because it might ruin our date.”
“I’m afraid it would ruin our date if you don’t say anything.” He raises a brow.
Shoulders dropping in defeat, you take a sip of your wine for a boost of confidence. “Fine, fine. Eunwoo met his soulmate.”
Junmyeon nods, lips pursed. “Ah, I see. And you always thought that if it didn’t work out with someone else, you’d at least have Eunwoo?”
You freeze.
How’d he know that?
Almost like he read your thoughts, he’s speaking as he’s unraveling the plastic off the plates and containers. “I can kind of tell. You never fully pushed him away. If you didn’t want him in your life at all, you would’ve asked Johnny and the building to kick him out once he went through the lobby doors. Never happened— he’s even on your calendar for lunch, even if you don’t go.”
“You’re rather observant, aren’t you?”
“So I’ve been told.” He grins, taking your hand and giving it a light kiss. “Listen, I understand. Does it have to do with the soulmate thing?”
“A bit...” 
He shakes his head in condemnation, gaze drifting off at the sun that slowly begins to set in the horizon. “I hope you’re not upset because of me just because my ex left me for her soulmate. Not everyone meets their soulmate, you know? So if you met whomever it is, I’d want you to be with them.”
Ugh, Junmyeon is the epitome of a perfect man. It had been a thought that was on your mind recently, although you knew your chances of meeting your soulmate was slim, there was always that chance. 
“Thank you, Junmyeon. I feel the same way about you, you know.” With that, he nods in agreement before sticking a fork into the cheese, lifting it up to your lips. “Less talking about sad stuff now. Cheese?” With a smile, you comply with his offer and open your mouth.
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The sun has long disappeared for the night and his friend, the moon, makes an appearance. Junmyeon is even more beautiful under the moonlight, if possible, laying on the blanket with his head resting on his arm as he admires the stars in the sky. 
Dinner was amazing— Junmyeon never fails to impress. You have to thank Chanyeol’s soulmate later on for going back to him because if it wasn’t for their bonding, you would’ve never actually met him. The previous year had taken a toll on you; the constant traveling from Japan, China, and Korea was deteriorating your health that you’d spend most of time in your office. Junmyeon didn’t even meet you until about two months ago. 
Your mind wanders off. Questions like: ‘how did Chanyeol meet his soulmate’ and ‘what stopped him from wanting to get to know the girl’ or ‘did any of your other friends meet their soulmate’ all flooded your head. You figured the night had been going so well you’d avoid the topic of soulmate and save those questions for another time. After what seemed like a moment, another inquiry lights a bulb over your head.
“Wait... we never talked about this before, but do you have a marking?”
“Of course,” He looks at you confusingly. “We all have markings.”
“But I never saw yours, and you never saw mine.” You clarify, and he nods at your statement. “Well, okay, yes, that’s true. Did you want to see it? Where’s yours?”
“On my hip-bone.” You respond, tugging down on the fabric at the hem of your shirt gingerly. Eyes bulging at your response, his body tenses. “What?”
Meticulously lifting the end of his shirt up, there’s a daisy that sits on his hip-bone and you finally understand why he’s giving you such a strange reaction. Mimicking his actions, you show him yours— a daisy.
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wickedmilo · 3 years
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LOVE LIKE THIS | MILO & METZLI
PLACE: Metzli’s Apartment TIMING: 8:20 PM SUMMARY: Grappling with his feelings of loneliness, Milo decides to confide in Metzli WRITING PARTNER: @deathisanartmetzli CONTENT WARNINGS: Addiction tw (brief mention of an intervention)
Milo was never sure how much blood Metzli kept in their apartment. And for numerous reasons, he felt it was better not to ask. Given their history together, Metzli might think he was being controlling, or refusing to trust them when it came to maintaining a healthy diet. But he also didn’t want to give the impression that he was eager to deplete their precious stash. It was why, as he knocked on the door to their apartment, he was grateful for his own stash, and the two blood bags he had slipped into his backpack before making the journey to see his friend. He still felt strange after their conversation. Even over text, being honest, and open could be emotionally draining. It was almost as though now that he had finally, in a way, said the words out loud, it was impossible to deny them. Impossible to ignore the aching in his heart, the longing for something that was so out of his reach. Rubbing at the marks on his throat, evidence of the trauma that was causing him so much turmoil, he did his best to repress his emotions. Metzli had invited him over to comfort him, he knew that much, but that didn’t mean he needed to dwell on why. “Metzli- it’s me, I mean you already know it’s me. I don’t know why I said that. Just- open the door?” 
“Door’s unlocked!” Metzli yelled from the kitchen, finishing up making Yuca’s dinner. She was meowing in excitement, trotting around in circles as if to try and hurry their owner along. “If only you knew how spoiled you are, chiflada.” They smiled at her and led her into the living room where her food perch was. Leaping up, she completely ignored the familiar visitor walking in  to focus on her food.  
Metzli had a few movies picked out for the night, and of course, as they had mentioned, there were the signature Hispanic blankets with tigers on them. They were incredibly soft and always made them feel so comfortable and cozy. Nothing matched the impeccable designs or craftsmanship. “Pick out what movie you wanna watch first.” A finger pointed to the cases on the coffee table, knowing they’d get a great reaction from Milo.  
Milo let himself into the apartment, his gaze searching the room as he kicked off his Converse. Letting the door swing shut behind him, he pulled the two blood bags out of his backpack so that he could abandon that too, carrying them both to the kitchen where he could hear Metzli preparing Yuca’s dinner. He wrinkled his nose as the smell of cat food hit him, but he couldn’t help feeling a rush of affection at the sight. It was so nice seeing Metzli in such a warm, and domestic setting. Regardless of what they told him about how it felt to exist without a soul, it was obvious they still cared about the animal. “I brought dinner for us.” He explained, setting the blood down on the nearest counter. “Hopefully it’s far more appealing than that.” He nodded his head in the direction of the food bowl, only turning his attention away from his friends when he was instructed to decide upon a movie. He wandered back into the living room, failing to hold back a peal of laughter when the various covers jumped out at him. “Underworld, Let Me In, Vampires vs The Bronx, 30 Days of Night, and… Twilight.” He read aloud, faltering as he reached the final movie. As funny as Twilight was, Rio had been the one to make him watch it. And suddenly he was bombarded by memories of them curled up on Rio’s couch, teasing each other about the ridiculous world of the Cullens.  
And there it was again, that sense of heartache, of something missing from his life. He forced himself to ignore it, forcing it back down until it was nothing more than a minor discomfort. “I haven’t watched half of these since, y’know- since becoming a vampire.” He admitted. “Jeez, it’s so weird looking at them all…” From the quiet, ominous vampires of Let Me In, to the bloodthirsty, monstrous vampires of 30 Days of Night, every writer had their own interpretation. Their own version of what it meant to be undead. “Do you have a favourite?” He called. “Shit, you were alive when all of these came out. Like, an adult- I mean. Did you see any in the cinema?” 
“That’s so rude.” Metzli blew a raspberry at Milo and trotted over to the kitchen and heated up the blood in two mugs to prepare for the movie. They pondered on what he had just said, not seeing any of the movies since becoming the very thing the movies glamorized. The microwave beeped and Metzli grabbed both mugs before heading back to the living room and answering Milo’s question with a somber look on their face. “We didn’t really have movies, you know? All the myths were basically just left to the imagination until, well, it wasn’t just that. Got to see the real thing up close and personal while I think...maybe four or five attacked me? It’s been a long time.” A clack sounded from the table from the mug being placed down, and a soft sigh pushed past tight lips, sitting down slowly. 
With a shake of their head, they sipped and chuckled a little to alleviate some of the tension. Even though it was a little bit of a sensitive subject, it didn’t hurt nearly as much as it used to. Besides, Metzli wanted this night to be about friendship and care, not their troubles. “I really like horror, so 30 Days of Night is definitely one of my favorites. Pretty gory too. But no, I’ve never gone to the movies. Always thought the concept was weird.” 
“I meant no offence.” Milo laughed as Metzli stuck their tongue out, listening to them absentmindedly as they readied the blood. It only took a few seconds in the microwave for the smell of copper to permeate the air, and he felt a familiar thirst constrict the back of his throat. Sometimes no matter how well fed you were, the temptation was there. It was undeniable. Glancing back up from the table to offer Metzli his full attention, he gratefully accepted his mug as they brushed past him, curious to hear them speak about being raised without movies. It was something he hadn’t considered, hadn’t really dissected in his mind. The world had been a very different place when Metzli was born into it. A very, very different place. Suppressing a shudder as he thought about how terrifying it had been to be targeted by a single vampire, he couldn’t imagine the abject horror of being attacked by four, or five. He took a drink from his mug, distracting himself with the rich, comforting taste of warm blood. It was strange to consume the same substance repeatedly without growing bored, or sick of it. When he was human he would obsess over a favourite food until he could no longer enjoy it. Until his body demanded he take a break, and find a fresh new flavour to fixate on. But somehow blood tasted better each time he tried it, he knew that was never going to change.  
“I guess I didn’t really think about what genres you might like.” He shot his friend a sheepish grin. He should start paying more attention to the interests of those around him. Sometimes he got so lost in his own problems, he forgot other people were equally as complex. Everybody had shit to deal with, in the same way everybody found something different in books, and films, and other forms of artwork. “You’ve never been to the cinema? Not even once?” He asked, unable to hide his incredulity. He joined Metzli on the couch, picking up one of the blankets they had laid out ready for him. Setting his mug down so that he wouldn’t spill his drink and stain the material, he ran his fingers along the soft fabric, enjoying how gentle it felt against his skin. “You’ve not even been a little curious?” 
Metzli shrugged, not really caring if Milo had ever thought that deeply about them. To his credit, they hadn’t really delved into interests and preferences. This was one of the first times the two had been able to sit down and take a breather from all the impending doom. “No, never been interested. Why bother going out in public when I can just watch a movie here? Can’t even have the snacks there.” The television came to life and the Playstation soon followed. There was no need for a dvd player when everything could be condensed to one console. 
“All right, have you picked yet?” Mug in hand, Metzli leaned back and let an arm drape over the back of the couch casually, taking special care to make sure Milo didn’t notice. He seemed a little distant, not taking to his usual snarky personality where the two could go back and forth easily. Something was gnawing at him, but they weren’t sure if prodding was the right move. Taking the risk, they nudged their hand forward and ruffled Milo’s hair. 
“You okay, Depresso?”  
Milo laughed, shaking his head. “But it’s about the experience. There are some seriously cool cinemas out there. And even if the cinema isn’t the greatest, midnight premieres and shit can still be so much fun. It’s nice to sit in a room knowing you share a passion with everybody in there… I guess you kind of have that with your art gallery, huh?” Settling down against the cushions, picking up his mug again to cradle it in both hands, he watched the Playstation logo appear on the tv screen, chewing thoughtfully on his bottom lip. The Twilight DVD kept drawing his attention, and he couldn’t help but remember the same DVD on Rio’s coffee table. The way Rio’s face had lit up when he inserted the disc into his own Playstation. “I don’t know.” He answered, his voice far more disinterested than he had intended it to sound. He pushed his glasses up his nose, attempting to compose himself, although he knew there was no real use in making the effort. Metzli knew him, and the entire reason for him being here was his emotional state. He quite literally couldn't hide from them.  
As if to prove his point, Metzli leaned back to join him, and he avoided their gaze, staring straight ahead despite there being nothing to watch just yet. “What? No, I’m fine-” He insisted, not moving away in time to avoid his friend’s hand. Pouting like a child as he surrendered himself to the treatment, he didn’t bother brushing his hair down again. Leaving it tousled, and unkempt almost to spite them. “I’m just-” He broke off, wondering whether he should finish his sentence. “I’m missing someone- Rio. I’m missing someone called Rio.” He was suddenly grateful for his inability to blush. “We got close a while back… he actually showed me Twilight to make me feel better about all of this. But he’s gone… he left, and I don’t know if I’m ever going to see him again. He was the first person to ever make me doubt what I want… you know? And now…” He hesitantly caught Metzli’s gaze, looking away again almost immediately. “It doesn’t matter, I’m being stupid.”
Seeing that Milo didn’t bat their hand away, they attempted to just run their hand through his hair, trying their best to be comforting. Missing people was extremely hard, especially when they made such a big impact on you and when you don’t know where they went. Metzli’s voice took on a caring tone, giving as much as they could to their friend, their…“Kid, that’s not stupid. You know how hard it is to get close to people? You did it and now that connection is just gone. That would hurt the strongest of people. Hell, I—” Their hand continued to show their affection and they secretly hoped he’d let them continue. “I would be pretty devastated if you left after we built this connection. You’re one of the few people I can stand, and one of the very few people I can trust. So no, Milo, it’s not stupid.” 
Metzli looked concerned for Milo, wishing they could mend whatever wound was laying deeply and heavily on his heart. “Do you wanna say it? What he made you doubt?” The way he trailed off and seemed to dismiss his own feelings didn’t sit right with them. Though they knew what it was like to be in that position. A part of them understood the need to try to push it off, believe it wasn’t really there. Accepting the pain made it more real, and made it inescapable.  
Milo stared down into his mug, tapping his fingers against it as he listened to what Metzli had to say. He felt ridiculous for being comforted by the hand in his hair, but he was. And he made no effort to move away from his friend. “Part of it is just… we were friends before, but we became real friends like, a month after I died. It was all so overwhelming and he just wanted me to be okay. I didn’t realise until after he left that I…” He swallowed, taking a sip of his drink so that he could avoid stating the painfully obvious. “I’m just mad at myself, I guess. For not kissing him when I had the chance.” It was the first time he had admitted anything close, even to himself, but there was no weight lifted from his shoulders. He didn’t feel any better for the admission, even if acknowledging it was somehow a relief. He had been confused for so long, maybe going forward he could be a little less so. “You mean it?” He caught Metzli’s eye, a frown creasing his brow as he stared at them. “That you can trust me?” Even his own parents didn’t trust him. And he knew there were a handful of people in his life dedicated to seeing the good in him, but it still didn’t feel real sometimes. It still felt incredible to hear.  
Taking a deep breath, exhaling slowly as he considered his options, he leaned into Metzli’s touch. Not only did it give him the assurance he needed, it meant he had no choice but to move closer to them. With his cheek resting against their shoulder, they could no longer see his expression. “He made me doubt whether I really want to be alone. And for a moment I wasn’t… even Alex was someone. But when Alex kissed my neck it was like- like being back there. Like being attacked all over again, and I panicked. What if sex just isn’t a part of my life now? I don’t know what to think about that… I don’t know how to feel.” He knew sex wasn’t the only way of sharing intimacy with a partner, but it was something he had relied on for so long. The excitement, the rush, the physical pleasure… he didn’t want to lose that. And to begin to want more when he couldn’t even handle the bare minimum was so difficult. It caused his chest to ache with longing. “I never even tried… having a boyfriend, I mean. I never wanted that. And now I’m wondering whether I left it too late. What if I have? What if I wasted my opportunities and now I’m just… alone forever?” 
“I mean it.” Metzli scooted closer, letting their legs touch and draping their arm a little more over Milo. They longed to comfort him, to take his pain and just feel it for him instead. He didn’t just lose a friend, he lost more than that when he was bit. A part of his innocence was stripped away, and made him feel scared and lost. “Milo, you have forever to live. This pain is something to grow from, and there is no set time line when it comes to healing. I know that doesn’t make it less real, though.” A firm grip rested at his shoulder, gradually pulling him in, letting him know he wasn’t alone. He never had to be alone again. Not if Metzli could help it. Even though they couldn’t fill that romantic gap, they could do their best to fill in the rest, and they knew Bex would do the same.  
Milo’s hair moved around their hand as they doted on him and did what they could to appease the beast of longing and loss. “We’re kind of opposite. I think I’m gonna be alone forever, yet I fuck whatever woman will say yes. When all I really want is someone to be with in that way. It’s hard to be that vulnerable. It feels nearly impossible. Especially at the beginning, especially after you’ve been turned.” Metzli raised the mug to their lips and took a moment to pause and drink. A ball was forming in their throat, and this was the best way to push it back down and remain composed. “You’re thinking of everything in such finality when you haven’t even given yourself the chance to experience grace. Not from others, but yourself. You’re expecting to be okay, but that’s not how it works. You’re not going to be okay for a while, and that’s okay.” 
Metzli placed the empty mug on the coffee table, breaking contact completely and not returning to it when they faced Milo. “You’re a catch. You have a big heart. And you just started your forever. Let yourself begin before you settle on an ending.” 
Milo faltered, reminded suddenly of the way his mom used to wrap her arms around him. She would sit with him on the couch like this, or curl up beside him in bed just to help him feel safe. He blinked away tears, shrinking in on himself as he allowed Metzli to comfort him. They were right, of course. He did have forever, but that was an equally terrifying thought. He couldn’t imagine outliving his friends and family, he couldn’t imagine existing in a world without them. But one day he wouldn’t have to imagine, one day that would be his reality. Struck by a sudden urge to call his parents, he buried the feeling, focusing on what Metzli was telling him. “No, I know…” He murmured, a frown creasing his brow. Why did he have to heal, and grow? Why couldn’t he just be okay? It felt so unfair that he was struggling due to the actions of another person, another vampire. None of this was his fault. “We’re not opposites.” He added, still clutching his mug to his chest. He couldn’t drink from it without jostling Metzli, but the smell of the blood was enough to relax him. “I used to do that because I didn’t want anything more…  and it was so easy.” Falling silent again, surprised by his friend’s honesty, he took a deep breath, mulling over the new information.  
“You want to be with someone?” He echoed. “Really?” He wasn’t sure being vulnerable was the issue. He couldn’t let somebody near his neck without being transported back to his final moments, but that wasn’t about vulnerability. Was it? “It’s been seven months, Metzli. I should know what I’m doing by now.” As if they could hear what he was thinking, they continued, telling him he was valid in his frustrations, complimenting him in a way that he was far from used to. “Why, though? Why can’t I just work my shit out already? So many people I know aren’t struggling… I mean, I don’t think they are.” He knew everybody had parts of their life that weren’t necessarily easy to navigate. But he also knew more than a few people, supernatural people, who didn’t seem to let what they were get in the way of their lives. It was natural to them. They almost embraced it. “I’m not settling on anything.” He let out a quiet huff of breath. “I just- I don’t know what I want. I thought I did and now… everything feels so screwed up.” 
“Here’s the thing, Milo. No one knows what the fuck they’re doing. All you can do, is try.” Metzli’s voice trembled slightly, knowing all too well what Milo is going through. “Everyone sews together masks with their heartstrings, the most vulnerable and delicate things. All in hopes that trying is enough. And it is. It’s akin to success.” The words felt almost preachy, but they were exactly how Metzli felt, what they wished someone had told them when they were sitting on the highway of loneliness. Thousands of cars drove past, but somehow it still felt so empty. When all they needed was someone to sit next to them, buy them time with nothing in their wallet. The time they needed to figure it all out. And since they didn’t have that, they had to settle for scarring their heart with all the blood they had to sell to pay down the debt of loss and misery. Milo didn’t have to do that. Not while they were around.  
With a single nod, they smiled and pulled Milo into their chest to hold him tightly. “Yeah, I do. After over a fucking century, I do. And it doesn’t have to take that long for you. ‘Cause you don’t have to be alone in figuring all this shit out. I won’t let you.” Metzli chuckled for no other reason than the surprise of them uttering those words. It wasn’t one of amusement or humor, it was one of joy in being able to love a friend. “Everything is so screwed up now, and everything feels like a bandaid or wrong answer, but I can be your best guess. Bex can too. We can lay in the mess and clean it up together ‘cause doing it alone sucks. You’ll heal. Little by little. God that sounds so preachy and lame, but fuck it.” Tears fell down their face and they had to rush and wipe them. They couldn’t help but wonder when the fuck they got so sappy. 
“I knew what I was doing before somebody decided to murder me.” Milo muttered, his voice quiet, and petulant. Things had been easier, yes, but he wasn’t entirely sure his words were true. His lifestyle hadn’t been sustainable. He lived each day to the next, never knowing where he was going to sleep, or how he was going to pay for the hit he was craving. His life plan had simply been to keep going until he inevitably burned himself out. Maybe that was why he felt so lost, because he actually had a future now. A vast one that stretched out impossibly before him. A begrudging smile tugging at his lips as he registered Metzli’s words, he hummed to let them know he was still listening. “Hm… you sound like a Hallmark card.” He made no effort to hide his affection for them, sincerely hoping they might be right. If trying could be considered enough, then maybe he was enough. He was trying for quite possibly the first time in his life and that had to count for something. 
Allowing himself to be pulled closer against his friend, even if he wanted to withdraw he knew he wouldn’t be able to. He felt like a child again, transferring his worries and his pain over to an adult, somebody who could hold him and tell him everything was going to be fine. “I didn’t realise you wanted… is that why you’re so close with Macleod?” He asked, unable to stop the words from escaping him. He was curious to know, and it was a good distraction from his own thoughts. Eventually slipping out from under his friend’s arm, he missed the contact almost immediately. Vampires didn’t offer a lot of warmth, but the comfort of an embrace was still very much the same. He pulled his knees up to his chest, watching them to see if they were crying. He strongly suspected they might be, it was the only reason he had moved away from them, but they had already erased any evidence of their tears. 
“I think it sounded nice.” He left no room for them to argue, taking a long drink from his mug so that they wouldn’t be able to counter his statement. No longer preoccupied by the feeling of his fangs pressing down against his lower lip, he realised it would feel far more strange to drink without them present. Yet another way he was growing used to his life now. “I’m really glad I have you, Metzli. And Bex, and Macleod and everyone else who cares… but especially you.”
“Did you, though? If you’re lost now, you were definitely lost before. It was just simpler then.” Metzli retorted quietly, smiling wryly and letting Milo put some space between them. At first they thought they had done something wrong, pushed too far, said too much, but no. Milo was checking on them. Soft eyes clung onto him and they continued on to begrudgingly answer Milo’s question. Not even they knew the answer, but maybe they’d find it along the way. “Not sure how close Macleod feels to me. I have feelings. And god, we connect. But…not sure she’d ever feel something for me, or if anyone could. But I think—sometimes—I…” It was so difficult to say it aloud. Once it was out there, there was no taking it back. “Sometimes I feel like I want to be with Bex. I know it’ll never happen. And I won’t act on it. But I love her. More than I’d like to. I think a lot of it has to do with how similar we are and how strong our connection is.” Metzli swallowed, but continued. “And if I’m that fucking nuts to possibly be in love with—I don’t know. Maybe it’s fine. Means I’m capable of it. Of loving. But I have no idea what I am, if I’m being honest. Maybe this is just strong platonic love and I don’t know how to decipher it.” 
Knees met chest, making them so small as they uttered their truth. All Metzli could hope for is that Milo never mentioned it to Bex. “Wait what? Why especially me? Aren’t I like, the worst parent of the year or something?” 
Milo wanted to deny what Metzli was telling him, he could already feel the beginnings of defensive anger. But it wasn’t fair to fight back, not when he himself had been thinking the very same. “Maybe.” He admitted, finishing what was left of his drink. Setting the empty mug down on the coffee table, he moved to rest his chin on top of his knees, holding his friend’s gaze as they answered his question. Their expression was so gentle, it was difficult to imagine anybody reserving that look for him. Maybe it was for Macleod, even before they clarified he had been so sure they shared a connection with her. But there was a chance it wasn’t quite as strong as he first assumed. Metzli didn’t seem to be in love with her. Feelings could mean almost anything. “Are you still seeing her?” He asked, curious to know whether their adventures were a thing of the past. If that was the case, he should be glad he was no longer going to be subjected to stories about what they got up to when they were together. But the idea actually made him sad. It was fun to feign disgust, but he had secretly been enjoying the idea of the two people he looked up to becoming romantically involved.  
“Wait-” He blinked, his brain taking more than a moment to catch up with what Metzli had said. Bex? Surely they couldn’t mean Bex Bex. He could feel the illusion of a familial unit shattering, rearranging itself to fit this new piece of the puzzle, a piece that didn’t connect to any of the others. “You’re in love… with Bex?” Confusion was written across his features, and he stared at his friend, a million questions running through his head. “I thought not having a soul… can you love somebody like that?” It sounded insensitive, and that hadn’t been his intention, but his desire to know far surpassed his desire to tread lightly. Metzli certainly wasn’t treading lightly. “I mean, do you think it could be? I’ve never been in love, I only know how people talk about it… can you confuse romantic love with platonic love?”  
Noticing the shift in Metzli’s body language, the way they seemed to be making themself as small as possible, he swallowed, inching closer to where they were sitting. “It’s okay, I’m not about to tell anyone. It’s for you to figure out.” He assured them. It was the least he could do after they had listened to him. “And no, obviously not.” He added, a smile tugging at his lips. “Organise a couple of interventions and maybe you’ll be getting there. You’re actually pretty great, y’know.”
Despair filled Metzli’s eyes and they felt a pang of embarrassment as they were asked if they could even feel anything. It was a good question, one they didn’t know the answer to. For all they knew, this was just an infatuation gone incredibly wrong. “I haven’t seen Macleod since coming back. I’ve reached out, but there’s been no response. I want to see her. She’s…wonderful. She’s so fierce and aggressive, but can be so kind and sweet. There’s no one like her, but l don’t even know if she’d be interested in something more.” Their hand reached for the pendant around their neck, the one Macleod had given to them. They hadn’t even taken it off except for when they thought it might get damaged.  
“I don’t know what this is honestly, Milo. I just know that I love her. Intensely. In my own, soulless way, I love her. But of course, I need to ask you to not say anything. I’m still trying to figure it out.” Metzli sighed and shut their eyes tightly to string another sentence together. “I’ve tried researching ‘cause I’ve never felt it either. So many things point to platonic while others say romantic. I don’t know anymore. But the only thing that matters is that I let myself figure it out. Sorry.” Eyes avoided Milo’s ashamedly and they sighed again.  
Metzli grew sad at the thought of Milo thinking his parents were bad because of what they tried to do to help him. Interventions were scary, but they were ultimately for the betterment of the person receiving them. They came from a place of love. Anger bubbled but they pushed it back down. He was lost, and forcing him to find the path wasn’t going to help. “I’ll have to tell you about this werewolf and then you’ll think differently.” The mood shifted a little more positively and Metzli ran with it. “Let’s pop a movie in and just…forget shit for a while. How does that sound?”
Milo smiled when Metzli began to talk about Macleod. He felt a sense of pride that he couldn’t really understand. Macleod wasn’t any relation to him, and she was far older than he was. He had no right to feel proud of her simply because somebody else saw the same spark, and yet, he definitely did. “Huh…” He knew Macleod had accompanied Metzli to confront the vampires sent by Eloy. Had it been too much for her? Was it possible she was distancing herself? “I haven’t spoken to her in a while, actually… maybe I should message her.” Glancing down at the pendant Metzli wore, he wondered whether it had been given to them by Macleod. He couldn’t remember ever seeing it before. He thought back to the first time he had seen Metzli after their journey, the awful open wound that had been ominously wrapped around their throat. Macleod was the reason they were still alive, probably the reason their head was still attached to their body. A truly terrifying thought. “I’m not going to say anything, Metzli.” It was in his nature to stay out of other people’s drama, especially when there was potential for him to get dragged into it. He knew when to keep his mouth shut, both for somebody else’s sake, and for his own.  
“Hey…” He prompted them to look back up, hoping to dispel any of the awkward embarrassment they were obviously struggling with. It was weird, and confusing, but nothing for Metzli to be ashamed of. “Don’t apologise, okay? It’ll work out… everything will.” He knew he couldn’t promise that, but he so badly wanted his words to be true. Saying them out loud felt good, even if the statement was undeniably shallow. “Oh, Jeez-” A laugh escaped him at the sudden shift in conversation, and he shot his friend an easy grin. “I don’t want to hear it, okay?” He pretended to be horrified by the prospect. “That sounds perfect. Anything to get you to keep your mouth shut.” Climbing off of the couch, he pointedly swiped Twilight from the coffee table, making his way over to the Playstation so that he could slip the disc into the disc drive. He could hear Metzli behind him, getting more comfortable with their blankets, he could hear Yuca padding about the apartment, no doubt planning to join them the moment the movie began. And he could still smell what was left of the blood, the scent thick, and warm, and familiar. Things were complicated, he was beginning to realise they were always going to be complicated. But Metzli was right, the past wasn’t easier just because his problems were different now. He had so many things to be grateful for. As long as he had bad movies, a reliable source of blood, and Yuca, and Metzli, and every other person in his life that he cared for, then things were okay... Things were okay because he was okay. 
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