hey @neil-gaiman can you turn on your location real quick i just want to talk

crowley's voice breaking on "you idiot..." i may never recover from this

the way aziraphale doesn't understand he's being rejected until he is, the way from his point of view it's crowley who's rejecting him, i am chewing glass.

crowley says 'you can't leave the bookshop' but aziraphale is willing to do that, and happily, if it means they can be together, and to reassure him he says 'nothing lasts forever', except that's the moment crowley knows they're not on the same page and he needs to leave. and so he says 'i suppose not' and aziraphale smiles, happy that crowley agrees, except suddenly crowley is leaving and saying 'good luck' mockingly and it's like a brick to the face, aziraphale yells 'good luck?!?' not understanding for a second, then he breaks and pleads for crowley to stay, he even says things he's refused to give up until now, 'i need you' and 'we can be together' thinking it'll sway crowley when in reality he's already made up his mind. and then he reins himself in, and it's 'i don't think you understand what i'm offering' because crowley, from his perspective, is the one rejecting him, the one being unreasonable. and then crowley says he knows better (because in a way he does) but that only makes aziraphale shut off quicker. the kiss feels like a taunt, a slap in the face, because aziraphale is in no way ready to accept it (only for a split second and then he's snatching himself back).

the way these two idiots are still so traumatized and entrenched in their beliefs they end up fucking up the one thing they're trying to save, neil it's time to pay my therapist bills

crowley hearing aziraphale spout the metatron bs and still taking off his glasses and bracing himself for it and telling aziraphale how he feels; crowley turning back and giving aziraphale a kiss even though he's just been rejected because he knows aziraphale feels the same way even if he's not there yet; crowley waiting for aziraphale by the car even after storming out because he can't not give aziraphale one last chance, again and again; crowley getting into the car, heartbroken, and still his heart screams out for the nightingale happy ending, and he has to turn it off manually

aziraphale thinking he's found a way for the two of them to be together, figuring it's the best case scenario because he's still trapped in the system that wants to destroy them, aziraphale falling into the kiss after the initial shock and actually caressing crowley's back before pulling himself from it and chastising himself for it, aziraphale looking back in the direction where crowley's just left even when he's prompted to leave his beloved bookshop behind forever, aziraphale reconsidering and almost, almost, very nearly telling metatron he has changed his mind, aziraphale's every single, holy atom of being screaming to rebel to the injustice of it all, to look back at crowley, i may never recover

the way that even after the big confrontation, the multiple rejections, tha hypocrisy, after being kicked to the ground and scorned, crowley still hasn't left, he's standing outside the bookshop, still there, still hoping against hope that aziraphale will see reason, giving him one last chance even after all the chances he's given over a span of thousands of years have been used up again and again and again.... ;_;

actually, being someone who grew up a non-believer in very catholic italy and being constantly attacked by pervasive, hegemonic roman catholicism gives me every right to criticize aziraphale's position, no matter how much of a victim of the system he is himself lol

i'm chewing glass when aziraphale says "you can go back to heaven... and everything". that everything is not an afterthought, he means you can see alpha centauri again, you can see all the stars up close that you love so much. all the nebulas that you helped create. he is giving crowley what he's said again and again is the place he'd most want to go to.... i am unwell

the way aziraphale doesn't care about the bookshop when he thinks he's gonna go back to heaven with crowley by his side as angels... but then suddenly after the rejection scene and crowley storms out, suddenly when metatron tells him he has to leave the bookshop forever for a moment it seems unbearable to him. i really am unwell

can u believe the gay ace angel got sent to turbo mega heaven for homophobically rejecting a love confession by his best friend?

i obtained some super secret images of @neil-gaiman reacting to our collective meltdown