Lord, I confess I want the clarity of catastrophe but not the catastrophe. Like everyone else, I want a storm I can dance in. I want an excuse to change my life.

— Franny Choi, from "Catastrophe Is Next to Godliness," The World Keeps Ending, and the World Goes On

"Lord, I confess I want the clarity of catastrophe but not the catastrophe."

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Catastrophe Is Next to Godliness - Franny Choi - USA

Lord, I confess I want the clarity of catastrophe but not the catastrophe. Like everyone else, I want a storm I can dance in. I want an excuse to change my life.

The day A. died, the sun was brighter than any sun. I answered the phone, and a channel opened between my stupid head and heaven, or what was left of it. The blankness stared back; and I made sound after sound with my blood-wet gullet. O unsayable—O tender and divine unsayable, I knew you then: you line straight to the planet’s calamitous core; you moment moment moment; you intimate abyss I called sister for a good reason.

When the Bad Thing happened, I saw every blade. And every year I find out what they’ve done to us, I shed another skin. I get closer to open air; true north.

Lord, if I say Bless the cold water you throw on my face, does that make me a costume party. Am I greedy for comfort if I ask you not to kill my friends; if I beg you to press your heel against my throat—not enough to ruin me, but just so—just so I can almost see your face—

brain empty 24/7 it's just an empty walnut shell with "am i greedy for comfort if i ask you not to kill my friends; if i beg you to press your heel against my throat—not enough to ruin me, but just so—just so i can see your face—" knocking around in a perpetual echo

HAPPY I WANT AN EXCUSE TO CHANGE MY LIFE SATURDAY GIVE IT UP FOR I WANT AN EXCUSE TO CHANGE MY LIFE SATURDAY

“I want a storm I can dance in. I want an excuse to change my life.”

Franny Choi, from “Catastrophe is Next to Godliness”

i want the clarity of catastrophe but not the catastrophe i want an excuse to change my life i want the clarity of catastrophe but not the catastrophe i want an excuse to change my life i want the clarity of catastrophe but not the catastrophe i want an excuse to change my life i want the clarity of catastrophe but not the catastrophe i want an excuse to change my life i want the cla

━ “Catastrophe is Next to Godliness”

April 9, 2024: Physical Therapy, Franny Choi

Physical Therapy Franny Choi   Ask, first, what your smallest body parts require to sing again: coconut oil for your hair’s dry ends, camphor for the earlobes, rosehip kneaded into fingertips with fingertips. Grapeseed will feed most hungers of the skin. But if even your bones cry January, dip your sharpest knife in a jar of raw honey. Lather it on your thighs, making circles, making certain not to confuse this ache for that other, the one that keeps pulling you to the earth, the one question you still can’t say out loud. Recite instead the names of trees: sumac, sweet birch, slippery elm. Take your palm to the wild place under your chin and count: vein, artery, chokecherry, weeping willow, until your xacto knife pulse slows, holds. Let your mouth fill with gold, almonds, zinneas. Then: soften.

--

In an abecedarian poem, each line begins with successive letters of the alphabet.

Also: + VI. Wisdom: The Voice of God, Mary Karr + Frida Kahlo to Marty McConnell, Marty McConnell + Heartbeats, Melvin Dixon

More by Franny Choi: + Catastrophe Is Next to Godliness + The World Keeps Ending, and the World Goes On

Today in:

2023: Come Quickly, Izumi Shikibu 2022: Heretic That I Am, Tomás Q. Morín 2021: The World Has Need of You, Ellen Bass 2020: Annus Mirabilis, R. A. Villanueva 2019: This Page Ripped Out and Rolled into a Ball, Brendan Constantine 2018: Winter Stars, Larry Levis 2017: In That Other Fantasy Where We Live Forever, Wanda Coleman 2016: The cat’s song, Marge Piercy 2015: The Embrace, Mark Doty 2014: No. 6, Charles Bukowski 2013: A Schoolroom in Haiti, Kenneth Koch 2012: Track 5: Summertime, Jericho Brown 2011: Death, Is All, Ana Božičević 2010: Heaven, William Heyen 2009: April in Maine, May Sarton 2008: Making Love to Myself, James L. White 2007: Publication Date, Franz Wright 2006: Living in the Body, Joyce Sutphen 2005: Aberration (The Hubble Space Telescope before repair), Rebecca Elson

Lord,

if I say, Bless the cold water you throw on my face, does that make me a costume party. Am I greedy for comfort if I ask you not to kill my friends—if I beg you to press your heel against my throat—please, not enough to ruin me, but just so—just so I can almost see your face—

— Franny Choi, from "Catastrophe Is Next to Godliness," The World Keeps Ending, and the World Goes On

desire and doom and american animals

the worm king's lullaby, richard siken // the torn-up road, richard siken // the book of questions, edmond jabès (tr. rosemarie waldrop) // american animals dir. bart layton // the blind assassin, margaret atwood // catastrophe is next to godliness, franny choi // birds of america, john james audubon // olivia, dorothy strachey // lucifer at the starlite, kim addonizio // lake mungo dir. joel anderson // h of h playbook, anne carson // anecdote of the pig, tory adkisson // dog woman, chris abani // entry for not an island, gabriel jesiolowski // snow and dirty rain, richard siken // @/gaycommunist // the unabridged journal of sylvia plath, sylvia plath // wolf in white van, john darnielle // i'm thinking of ending things, dir. charlie kaufman // blud, rachel mckibbens // concerning the book that is the body of the beloved, gregory orr // rosencrantz and guildenstern are dead, tom stoppard // the gods show up, michael kinnucan // haunted house, sir babygirl // revolver, zach villa // the oersteia, aeschylus

On Interesting Times.

Excerpt from Sylvia Plath's Journals / Scene from Lady Bird (2017) Directed by Greta Gerwig / "Catastrophe is Next to Godliness" by Franny Choi / “Dancing Through the Chaos” by Andrew Kelly / “Sign of the Times” by Harry Styles / The “Hell is Real” billboard in Ohio / “I Know The End” by Phoebe Bridgers / Overturned Bus in Chernobyl by Roe Ivan Waroy / Excerpt from “Interesting Times” by Terry Pratchett

catastrophe is next to godliness, franny choi

screenshots of despair / take me to war - crane wives / @/scarhaver / how to maintain eye contact, robert wood lynn / no children genius page / screenshots of despair / screenshots of despair

emma, jane austen / the world is ugly - my chemical romance / have to explode - the mountain goats / converse county - raccoon tour

screenshots of despair / screenshots of despair / catastrophe is next to godliness, franny choi / hate one an otter - newgrounds death rugby / my mom - kimya dawson / @/ell-hs / bad bad things - ajj / the priest - soltero / kiss of the spider woman, manuel puig

— c!vwoop

Catastrophe is Next to Godliness, Franny Choi