once in a while when I'm trying to focus, my brain just reminds me of "still beautiful, still dean winchester" and I become inconsolable the entire day
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post finale, dean is alive, cas is back. they try to start a kind or normal life. they have to get identity documentation so they can get jobs and an apartment or something and cas' social security card says castiel winchester. Btw.
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ok yknow what? I really dont like when Apollo's Dodgeball of Prophecy predicts irl bad shit happening.
I feel deeply weird about it all. both like I'm not taking actual GENOCIDE seriously by involving it in my fandom bs, and just... really, REALLY WEIRD (I dont have a better word for it) abt the fact that my convoluted Supernatural Postcanon S16-18 Infinite Crossover Mythfuckery somehow made this genuinely sickening, disheartening irl development make SENSE
....and even worse that I'm kinda vaguely maybe sorta totally using the emotions im getting from it (NOT the thing itself) as fic/novel fuel. like thats fucked up, right? I know authors use fanfic and original writing to process their actual emotions, and that's kinda what creative expression is FOR but... eeeeesh.
(Also no, I have no idea how to briefly give the fic/mythfuckery context for any of this, its so complicated and weird, it cites Homeric Hymns and Ovid and Shakespeare and W.B. Yeats all at once)
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im cas coded because when playing never have i ever at a party, i will always win, but when playing with my friends, i am the first one to be eliminated
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playung with us like dolls
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coming back to castiel full time after i finish being gay in the states
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Digital painting by me . It’s pretty personal and I’m very proud of it :}
(It has to do with Castiel SPN but also my angelic being)
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