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Merlin S1 rewatch: episode 5

here we go! again!!

today we are watching the Lancelot episode. just a few random comments because. I am so very sleepy and I deleted the first draft by accident.

A nice little episode all in all. Nice set up for an incredibly sexy recurring character. Some nice foreshadowing. What's not to like?

• I like how this episode opens. Merlin picking mushrooms, looking so baby. Eyes full of awe and wonder. Looking like... like he's never seen a mushroom in his life, in fact. Anyway, something very cottagecore about this. Fairy vibes.

• Also he's scarfless? For much (most?) of the episode? It looks like early in the series they weren’t so obsessively attached to Merlin’s neckerchief as part of his character design

• I love how Merlin doesn’t even try to use magic against the Griffin. He just falls on his back, shuts his eyes and goes, “Welp, guess I'll die”

• HOW DID MERLIN CARRY LANCELOT BACK TO CAMELOT

• “Ever since I was a child I've dreamed of coming here. It's my life's ambition to join the knights of Camelot.” -> Guy who's spent his whole life dreaming about becoming a knight of Camelot doesn’t know the first thing about the job requirements

• (No but really, the funniest thing about this episode for me is Lancelot’s utter shock at finding out only noblemen can be knights. That's, like. The first thing about the knights of Camelot, it seems like. You’d think he would have done some basic research beforehand. But that's also how I apply to jobs so I won't make fun of him too much)

• Merlin is such a hype man, “LANCELOT THEY'RE GOING TO LOVE YOU!!” This is literally what he says! He’s adorable.

• Merlin's acting like a kid who's found a stray puppy on the side of the road and is trying to convince his dad to keep him. “He’s great, you’ll love him, I promise. He won’t be any trouble I’ll walk him every day”

• MERLIN: “He's saved my life” / ARTHUR: “That's blown it for starters” -> ARTHUR IS FUNNY. I just feel the need to point out that Arthur is funny, actually. Especially when he’s being a cunt.

• MERLIN: “You're not a nobleman by any chance, are you?” / LANCE: “haha, good lord, no” -> someone didn’t read the job description 👀

• The way Gaius pointedly glares at Merlin after telling Lancelot he’s sorry he can’t be a knight… Like, he knows his son might be tempted to do something stupid about it (commit crime)

• I did not remember Lancelot’s tragic Origin Story!

When I was a boy, my village was attacked by raiders from the northern plains. They were slaughtered where they stood, my father, my mother. Everyone. I alone escaped. I vowed that day that never again would I be helpless in the face of tyranny. I made sword craft my life. Every waking hour since that day, I devoted to the art of combat, and when I was ready, I set forth for Camelot.

"Every waking hour since that day, I devoted to the art of combat" -> Yeah that sounds like a sane and healthy way of dealing with the trauma of losing both your parents and your entire village in one go, well done my boy

• Merlin looks SO proud of his little fraud scheme! BE GAY DO CRIME

• Seriously he is such an instigator! He says, “DAMN THE RULES, THE RULES ARE WRONG”! But he can see Lancelot’s obvious reluctance so he’s like, “We're not breaking the rules, we're bending them” HE’S SO SNEAKY I LOVE HIM

• This is such a basic narrative trope (if it even is a trope) but I love first meetings of characters who are going to become famously important to one another. I'm talking, like, Holmes and Dr. Watson. Or yes, Merlin and future King Arthur. There’s just something about it that I find delightful. "They don’t even know!! They have no idea. But I do!" This is about Gwen and Lancelot.

• Such a cute Meet Cute™. I love the way it plays with what we know is going to happen. Even if we don’t exactly know how it's going to happen in the series, Guinevere and Lancelot’s romance is the stuff of legends. I love their obvious and immediate mutual attraction. The slight awkwardness. The foreshadowing! “I'm not a knight yet, my lady” / “And I’m not a lady.” NO YET, BUT YOU WILL BE!! AAAAAH

• I didn’t pay much attention to it the first time I watched this episode but Lancelot speaks in such a formal, lofty way compared to everyone else. He literally sounds like he walked out of a book of chivalric romance. "I faced it myself, Sire. Some days past. I struck it full square. I wondered how it endured"; "Arthur stands in mortal peril", like WHO TALKS LIKE THIS. BE NORMAL. But it never crosses the line into being obnoxious, and I love how his character is defined through his speech as well as by his behaviour. Well done, writers.

• LANCELOT: "Are you two...you know" -> Lancelot wastes no time in checking if Gwen is on the market. GOOD FOR HIM. (I like how Merlin finds the idea of dating Gwen literally laughable. Bit harsh, that).

• “She seems lovely. Guinevere.” / “Oh, yeah. Yeah, she is. And the best seamstress in Camelot, I promise” -> MERLIN THIS MAN DOES NOT CARES ABOUT GWEN'S SKILL AS A SEAMSTRESS OPEN YOUR EYES YOU SILLY CHILD

• (But no, to be fair to him, he did notice)

• Arthur just... just BITCH-SLAPPING Lancelot out of the blue is actually hilarious. He's a comedian and he doesn't even know it.

• Merlin still acts like a bit of a teenager with Gaius in this ep. When Gaius discovers his forgery of the seal of nobility, Merlin tells him, “if you wanna punish me for it, go ahead” and then walks off! I’m sorry, this is a teenager acting out against his dad.

• Merlin does seem to be still testing boundaries with Gaius, but in a way that's an obvious request for reassurance, too – later in the episode he asks him: “Do you even care what happens to me?” (!!) And back in episode 1x02, when Gaius said, "What do I do if you get caught?", Merlin asked: "what would you do?" Insecure teen behaviour. Please Gaius just tell him you love him!! (He does tell him here, thank God).

• The broomstick fight scene. Much has been said about it already. The rituals are, indeed, intricate. Something so homoerotic about Arthur’s attempts to poke Lancelot in the chest with his stick. What I want to know is – did they know? Did they know when they were filming it that it would look like this. Like, was it deliberate

• @sapphickittykatherine it’s not much but there are some hints of Morlance in this ep. During Lancelot’s knighting scene, Morgana looks at him with obvious interest and asks “Who is this man?” And also later at his celebration (I’ll get to it).

The celebration scene! I love it! I’m gonna break it down into parts:

• “You played God, Merlin" -> I like this line. I think Gaius put his finger on an important character trait of Merlin’s here. He always means well, but he can be manipulative and controlling. Not so much here, perhaps, but it does emerge more in later eps.

• Not Arthur looking at Morgana with incestuous intent 💀💀💀

• “Tell me, do you think her...beautiful?” / “Yes, Sire. I do.” -> Another favourite trope of mine – two characters talking to each other but having two entirely different conversations. A bit like that cursed scene in the Disir, and with Arthur just as much oblivious (actually, could someone tell the poor guy what's going on. just once)

• Meanwhile, Morgana’s making sexy eyes at Lancelot while biting into a… cherry? I can’t tell. Some kind of sexually-connoted fruit, that’s for sure. I love how she also looks murderous while doing it. Praying mantis energy.

• Merlin and Gwen’s conversation is so cute. I’ve said it before but it’s giving girlie-and-her-gay-best-friend vibes. Look at them! They are a woman and her gay friend sitting in a bar, exchanging notes about the men around them. Over drinks. The way Merlin encourages Gwen to commit mischief too! “OH YOU ARE NO FUN GWEN. COME ON, JUST PLAY ALONG. WHO WOULD YOU RATHER F—”

• Arthur or Lancelot? I think I know what Merlin’s answer would be. At least at this point in the series. (Hint: it's not Arthur).

• “I think our Sir Lancelot might have eyes for you, Gwen” -> Merlin playing matchmaker already. I love that he’s noticed, and that he’s trying to push these two together because LOVE MUST TRIUMPH. He’s such a romantic.

~ END OF THE CELEBRATION SCENE ~

• Oooh no, Lancelot’s ruse has been discovered, SIR YOU’RE UNDER ARREST

• “You are not worthy of the knighthood bestowed upon you. You never were. And you never will be” -> possibly the worst thing anyone could’ve said to Lancelot, SIR PLEASE STOP YOU’RE BREAKING HIM. CAN’T YOU SEE HE’S ABOUT TO CRY.

• All I can think about when I see gifs of Merlin talking to imprisoned Lancelot is, “it’s okay hun”

• It’s interesting to see S1 Uther so unwilling to accept that the creature they’re trying to defeat might be magic when later in the series he will relish the chance of accusing anything and anyone of being magic. ...Growth?

(The bisexuality of this scene. Off the charts.)

• It seems to me like they were setting up Lancelot to be more of an important character that he ended up being? I mean, he was important, just by virtue of being Lancelot, but he was in a grand total of 6 episodes. But, I love that we can see Arthur’s obvious attachment (for lack of a better word) to him already. A bit like with Gwen and Lancelot, it hints at what’s to come – he is destined to become Arthur’s favourite knight (I know people like to say that it's Leon, but I think it was Lance. And after Lancelot's death it was Mordred, eventually. If you must know.) I love it, foreshadowing. You can feel the future hanging heavy in the air.

• I didn’t remember that Gwen and Lancelot met again and she begged him not to go and I think they should have kissed here

• It’s so funny that while Merlin’s trying to master the spell to defeat the Griffin, Gaius goes, “Don't worry Merlin, we have plenty of time” GAIUS NO YOU LITERALLY HAVE LESS THAN 2 HOURS

• Actually this is a thing Gaius does a lot, telling Merlin he can make it when the chances of success are pretty slim, which on one hand is very sweet, like I get it he's being a supportive dad, but on the other hand it's also... setting Merlin up to be HUGELY DISAPPOINTED if he fails? I don't know, just something I've noticed in other eps.

• The scene of Lancelot killing the Griffin is actually pretty cool? I like the glowing blue spear (how did Merlin think Lancelot wasn’t going to notice) and THE SOUNDTRACK!!

• Merlin's PURE JOY after Lancelot's killed the Griffin is SO adorable, you just feel so happy for him. YES BABY YOU DID IT!!

• I love the parallel “You did it!” scenes with Arthur & Lancelot, Gaius & Merlin, and Arthur & Uther. Very nice, big fan of symmetry

• Gaius’s pride when Merlin comes back victorious is so heartwarming. I’ve said it before but I'll repeat it, Merlin and Gaius’s relationship is possibly my favourite in the show. I think Gaius doesn’t get enough credit for being Merlin’s main source of love and hugs during his Camelot years.

• “The Code bends for no man” / “Then THE CODE IS WRONG!” (!!) -> SAY IT LOUDER MY MAN!! S1 Arthur is so vocal with his father about what he believes is right and wrong, we love to see it

• Lancelot saying he must prove himself worthy of being a knight – of course, he might have been holding the spear that killed the Griffin but he wasn’t the one who actually defeated it, and this will not do. He must now abandon his life-long dream of being a knight and go fight strangers in a cage for money. It’s the only logical next step.

• LANCE I LOVE YOU BUT WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS

THE END!!

next episode is... one no one really cares about, but I really really liked it the first time I watched it so. hopefully it will live up to what I remember :3

The Tournament - Chapter 8

You can find this on AO3!

Summary: Cobb led his horse from the field with a smile on his lips and a slight skip in his step. He'd won. The first round, sure, but he'd beat a knight, a noble from some Clan from far away, and he'd passed on to the next round. He knew that the fight was far from over and that it would likely only get harder from here, but he was so proud of himself. There had been a moment, just before their lances had met, that he'd thought he wouldn't be able to make it, that this had all been a terrible idea and he was going to lose. That he was going to be revealed as a fraud and his hard earned armour would be taken from him.

But then he'd won the bout, and Prince Din congratulating him had felt like the sun was shining on him.

Notes:

Not quite as exciting as last chapter, but fun all the same!

Chapter 7

——————————————————————

"They go by the name 'The Krayt Dragon'." - Cobb

Cobb led his horse from the field with a smile on his lips and a slight skip in his step. He'd won. The first round, sure, but he'd beat a knight, a noble from some Clan from far away, and he'd passed on to the next round. He knew that the fight was far from over and that it would likely only get harder from here, but he was so proud of himself. There had been a moment, just before their lances had met, that he'd thought he wouldn't be able to make it, that this had all been a terrible idea and he was going to lose. That he was going to be revealed as a fraud and his hard earned armour would be taken from him.

But then he'd won the bout, and Prince Din congratulating him had felt like the sun was shining on him.

He couldn't have been more grateful to Jo for the design on his armour. It made him feel like he belonged there, that he had made a Clan of his own with her and Peli, and now it had become a part of his persona. He hated that he had to remain silent when Din had addressed them, but he knew that his voice would have been recognisable.

The Prince had still smiled. Briefly, but it was still a smile, and even if he ended up losing tomorrow, a part of him would be happy to have achieved that.

Chenin, the gelding Peli had decided would be the best choice for him to ride (and least likely for anyone to recognise under the caparison), had done well, and Cobb was determined to reward him once they reached safety. From the sight of Ser Jaonar, half-armoured and walking with a swagger in his step, he got the feeling it wouldn't be anytime soon.

"Congratulations," the noble said, his voice holding only amusement. "I don't think anyone's had the crowd so riled up in years."

Cobb paused and looked at him, remaining silent; he couldn't take the chance that this idiot would recognise him.

The knight waited -- probably for him to say something -- before deciding that waiting was too boring and chuckled. "You're a bit of a showman, aren't you? Have to say, I kind of wish I'd thought of that. Wouldn't have worked so well, what with my superior and, unfortunately in this instance, easily recognisable armour, but it would have been fun, just to see everyone's faces when I revealed myself."

Cobb leaned back a little to imply some sort of agreement, though he was more reeling over the fact that Jaonar was talking to him as though he was something approaching an equal rather than a simple stable boy.

The knight grinned. “I thought so,” he said. Leaning down a little to try and look through the visor. Cobb took a step back. “Aw come on now, you’re not out there anymore. You can show me your face.”

Cobb’s hand tightened on Chenin’s reins, but he otherwise kept his stoic demeanor.

Ser Jaonar tilted his head, the amusement beginning to fade. “Now you’re just being rude. It’s one thing to hide who you are to the rabble, but it’s just you and me here.”

It wasn’t. There were people all around them. The knight had stopped him in the middle of a thoroughfare in fact, and people were stopping to watch.

When the knight made to step closer, Cobb put his hand on the hilt of his sword.

“Woah!” the entitled lordling said, bringing his hands up and stepping away. “Message received! You could have just said something.”

Cobb narrowed his eyes at him.

Jaonar smirked. “I guess that would ruin the image if you did though, wouldn’t it?” He stepped back further and shook his head. “I suppose I’ll have to watch your joust then. We’ll all know who you are once you lose.”

Cobb sneered until the nobleman turned and left.

Entertainment -- or at least the potential of it -- now gone, the spectators also started to move along, and Cobb forced himself to start moving again. All the joy he’d felt from winning had been squashed down and replaced with the fear of being discovered, of Jaonar being the one to do it, and he quickly led Chenin through the makeshift camp.

It took longer than he’d hoped to get to the tent Peli had set up, hidden away between a laundry area and a temporary storage place for barrels of ale owned by one of Cobb’s friends. As soon as he and Chenin were safely ensconced within and the tent flap secured in place, he removed his helmet with a relieved sigh.

Unfortunately, due to the nature of his secrecy, he had to remove his armour himself, which was both incredibly difficult and time consuming. The straps were in awkward positions, and his body ached from being battered by a lance and almost losing his seat, but with patience (and a lot of cursing) he was able to remove enough of it to remove the caparison from Chenin. He’d loosened the saddle and bridle straps already, but the additional fabric would not have been comfortable in the already stuffy tent.

Once all the armour had been removed and he had returned to his usual clothes, he packed everything away into two burlap sacks and placed them over the back of Chenin’s saddle before leading him back to the castle stables, just as he would be doing on any other working day.

“I send you out to take that poor thing for some exercise, and you’re gone for the whole morning!” Peli exclaimed as he arrived, hands on her hips.

“It’s the Tournament, Peli!” he replied. “There are people everywhere!”

“That sounds like bullshit,” she said.

“Have you seen what it’s like out there?”

“I’ve seen enough to know it shouldn’t have taken you all morning to take a horse out for some exercise.”

“Sometimes they need a whole morning!”

“Oh, so now the whole morning was because of the exercise and not because of the Tournament?”

“Peli…”

"Look, if you wanted to watch, you could have just said so! You don't have to lie about it."

"I'm not-! I didn't go to the Tournament!"

Peli looked him over with her scrupulous gaze. "Take Chenin to his stall."

"I was about to."

“If this happens again, I’m docking your pay.”

“How is that fair?”

“Maybe if you manage to clean up the stalls like you’re supposed to, I’ll rethink my offer.”

“Offer?!”

“Did I stutter?”

They shared a heated glare, but Cobb turned away first with a huff. “It wasn’t my fault.”

“Those stalls won’t clean themselves!” she called after him as he led Chenin away.

When he was safely hidden away he grinned as he heard Peli muttering about incompetent stable hands as she walked away.

It was all going according to plan. Peli had already cleaned up the stalls, of course, but they had to put on a show in case anyone had been watching, which meant that Cobb could hide his armour and care for Chenin in peace, and he took full advantage of it. The gelding had performed beautifully, behaving so well in front of everyone, and following Cobb’s every request. He was richly rewarded with mint leaves, his favourite treat, and a good brushing and fresh oats. It was as he was finishing his brushing that he heard a knock on the stall door.

“I brought lunch,” Jo called through the opening, sending him a knowing smirk.

“I’ll be right with ya,” he answered, and stroked a hand over Chenin’s nose. “You were such a good boy for me today. Think you’ll be up for it again tomorrow?” The horse huffed in what he took to be a yes, and he smiled, pressing his brow to the space between Chenin’s eyes. “Thank you.”

With one last pat he headed out and greeted Jo with a smile and a hug.

"You did so well," she said into his shoulder while she had the chance, then held up her bundle when she pulled back. "I have leftovers from the feast. And before you ask! Yes, I did get your favourite."

"Marry me," Cobb said, only to laugh as she pushed him away by his face.

"You're not my type."

Still snorting, the stable hand retrieved the sacks from earlier and slung them by the adjoining rope over his shoulders. "Peli! I'm going for lunch!"

"What you telling me for?" his boss said from one of the stalls. "It's not like you don't take breaks whenever you please!"

He rolled his eyes and shared a look with Jo. "I'll be back soon!"

Before she had the chance to reply again, they left and headed for the ramparts. The guards up there gave them a nod in greeting, well used to their presence for midday meal, and allowed them to sit on the edge with a good view of the list field. From this distance he couldn't tell who was up, but he could see armoured figures charging and hear the distant cheers of the crowd.

"How are they doing out there?" Cobb asked as Jo unravelled their lunch, revealing a mildly warm pot of Tiingilar, some bread and cheese, and a selection of cold meats.

She shrugged. "As well as you'd expect. They're hitting each other off of horses with long sticks, then whacking each other with swords until one of them falls over."

Cobb snorted. "That sounds to be the long and short of it."

"Someone got their leg broken earlier."

"Oh?"

"It was one of those assholes from last week."

"Oh."

He used the bread to scoop up some of the spicy stew and all he but melted when it hit his tongue. He really did love Tiingilar, but he didn't have the time to make it, or the facilities. Most of the time he ended up grabbing food he could easily cook quickly in a pot at the end of the day, usually while he was practicing with his sword, but every so often the kitchens would share a little taste of heaven and he'd regret never having the time.

"There's this one knight that everyone's talking about though," Jo said mischievously. "You probably missed them while you were working."

Cobb raised his eyebrow at her as he chewed.

"They go by the name 'The Krayt Dragon'."

Cobb almost inhaled his Tiingilar and ended up coughing up what felt like half a lung. A knight? People thought he was a knight? That was flattering, but oh was that bad. That was very bad in fact. Joining a tournament under a false name was one thing, but impersonating a knight was a punishable offence.

“Wh-what?”

"They’re calling them ‘The Dragon Knight’,” Jo continued, eyes flickering to where the guard must still have been standing, a warning that he kept himself under control. “Which is simply absurd considering they’ve already given themselves a title. Plus they haven’t said anything about being a knight. Or anything at all really; no one’s heard him say a word, even after they won their round.”

“That is strange,” Cobb agreed, his appetite waning in his worry but he continued to eat anyway; the Tiingilar was too good to waste. "What else are people saying?"

“Well, there’s speculation about who they are, of course,” Jo explained around a mouthful. “People think they might be a knight from some noble house that’s down on their luck, but that doesn’t sit well with most. Some people think they’re after the Prince, but with the way they bowed to him, that doesn’t sound right either.” That anyone thought that at all made his stomach churn, but he only nodded and waited for her to continue. “Some people think they’re just ugly or heavily scarred or something, and that either they can’t speak or they just don’t due to some vow or something.” Cobb snorted. He couldn’t picture himself ever making a vow of silence.

“Then there are those who think they’re maybe a disgraced knight, or even a mercenary.” Jo paused to drink some ale from her waterskin, offering it to him once she was done, which he took gratefully. “My personal favourite is that they’re some lowborn who got their hands on some armour and a good horse. Call me sentimental, but those nobles need a bit of humbling.”

“Couldn’t agree with you more,” Cobb said as he took one more swig of ale. “Best of luck to them, whoever they may be.” They’d certainly need it.

——————————————————————

Notes: Chenin is a play on Chenini, one of the 3 moons of Tatooine.

Chapter 9

Harry was staring up at the ceiling in his tiny bedroom. This summer after the Tournament had been one of the worst with the Dursleys. Right at the end of the Tournament he had been kidnapped by Voldemort and used in a ritual to bring the Dark Lord back. In his attempt to escape he had been hit with an Avada. Instead of killing him it had apparently killed some aspect of Tom’s soul that had been attached to his own. When he saw his parents in the weird “in between” place, they told him it was a Horcrux. When he woke up, Tom and his followers had been taken by surprise allowing him to reach the cup and Portkey back. Dumbledore had still sent him back to his awful relatives, who proceeded to beat him and starve him worse than ever.

He was lucky for his hidden stash under the floorboard. Otherwise he would have died of starvation this time. He was lucky the twins were sending him packages. They were the only ones sending him mail this summer. According to them, it seemed Dumbledore had told everyone not to send him letters or anything else. Luckily, this had caused the twins to lose faith in the meddlesome old bastard. Harry had a running list in his mind of everyone who was going to pay. Vernon and Dudley for the constant abuse. Petunia for the neglect, and for turning a blind eye when Vernon took Harry into the special room in the basement. Dumbledore had lost his little weapon, that much was for sure. Harry wanted to ruin the man before killing him.

Of the Weasley’s, he knew the twins were with him as was Charlie. He wasn’t sure about Bill yet. The rest could go fuck themselves, including Ron. As for the rest at school, he had Hermione, Neville, and Luna. No one else believed him about Voldemort coming back, and Dumbledore had thrown him under the bus to the ministry to save face. So Harry lay there, his 15th birthday ticking closer. He stared at the tempus he had wandlessly cast and held, trying to ignore the pain from today’s Harry Hunting adventure. He watched as the time rolled over from 11:59 to midnight. He barely got a wish out, just wanting to be able to be who he wanted to be. Suddenly, pain flared through his whole body and the world went dark as he slipped into unconsciousness.

He was awoken several hours later by a pounding on his door. “Freak, where’s our breakfast, how dare you have a lie in. I’m coming in there.” Harry popped up quickly, reaching for his glasses. His hair seemed to graze his neck and as he ran his hands through it, it was smooth and silky and had grown several inches. “What the bloody hell” he thought. He tried to scramble from the bed but was tangled in the threadbare sheet he was given. Vernon burst through the door just as Harry was standing up. His uncle’s eyes were filled with shock and rage as he stared at the other person in the room. “What the fuck freak? You couldn’t keep yourself from getting any freakier could you.” Harry looked down for the first time. It seems he had shrunk despite already being small. This had caused the huge t-shirt from Dudley to slip off a shoulder, exposing a small breast. Harry could see a matching one under the shirt as well. Eyes widening in terror, Harry realised he had a pussy as well. He jumped back as his uncle screamed at him. Vernon was leering at him and Harry began to quake in fear. “Seems you need time in the special room today girl. Come here!” With that, Vernon grabbed the young child by a fistful of hair and began dragging her through the house.

~A.L.A.H.P.~

Later that evening, a lone figure was looking upon the house at Number 4, Privet Drive. Feeling very much himself, more so than he had in decades, Tom Riddle, commonly called Voldemort or Dark Lord, stared as he watched the three muggles pile into some sort of muggle transportation with trunks and take off. “This is where the Light kept their so called Savior. With muggles of all things.” It had taken months before he was able to come find the boy. First, he had to deal with the results of Pettigrew botching the potion for the ritual. He was supposed to come out looking like his former self. Once back, he did realise that a large amount of his sanity had returned to him. He realised he was a fool to have split his soul as he had. As soon as he had done it the first time, all of his plans began to take a more violent and insane approach. He quickly gathered his Horcruxes and performed a ritual to restore his soul and even more of his sanity. Then it was time to hunt down the boy. It was just random good luck that the one tracking spell had hit the boy. Once he was sure he was alone, he stretched out with his magic to check the wards on the house. He stepped back in shock to find nothing of the sort on the building. Cautiously, he slipped forward.

Nothing, absolutely nothing was keeping him out. Stretching out he felt darkness in the house. It first led him to a small door under the stairs. It reeked with darkness as he pulled it open. Absently he realised the door could only be opened from the outside. Inside he found a school trunk. Then his eyes caught something written on the wall. “Harry’s Room” was written on the wall in what could only be blood. Shocked he looked around, finding a few broken toys and a crib mattress tucked away. Tom tried not to let his thoughts go where the evidence was pointing. No he could not pity the boy. He was here to finish what he started. Yes, he was sane again, and he should have never listened to that half a prophecy to begin with, but he had made it true by marking the boy. He couldn’t stop now. He quietly shut the door and moved up the stairs until he came to a door with seven padlocks on it and a pet flap at the bottom of it. He could practically see the darkness seeping out under the door. It was far heavier here and for once Voldemort was terrified to open a door. Steeling himself and waving a hand he proceeded to unlock all the locks and open the door. His eyes fell immediately upon the tiny bed in one corner. There stripped naked, limbs bent at entirely wrong angles, and wounds bleeding so much the bed was tinted red, was a young girl looking barely twelve. Glancing up the famous scar was still on her forehead. He needed answers, ones he would not get if she died. He pulled his wand and placed it to the mark on his own arm, calling to a very specific follower.

~A.L.A.H.P.~

Severus was lounging in his study at Hogwarts. It was just before bed and he was reading the newest potion journal and sipping on firewhiskey. He had his own research published in this issue, under a false name of course. This was why he loved summer. No students, and he could work on his research and even produce new formulae to patent. He was far wealthier than anyone knew thanks to several medical formulae he had perfected. He had just picked his tumbler up when a searing pain lanced through his left arm. He dropped the tumbler, cursing as he quickly threw on more appropriate robes and hurried out to the edge of Hogwarts’ wards. He quickly apparated straight to his lord and fell to his knees as soon as he arrived. “Get up Severus there is no time for this. I hope you brought potions or have access.” His head snapped up hearing emotions in the Dark Lord’s voice he never thought possible. Glancing around he realised he was in a tiny room in a place he did not recognise. “What was that smell? He wondered. “Move it Severus, Harry Potter is dying and not by my hand.” Severus’s head whipped up to stare at his master’s face only to find it staring elsewhere. He followed the glance until he beheld the sight on the bed. “This is a girl my lord.”

“Severus be glad I need you or I would be cursing your incompetence right now. Look at the scar. I don’t know how, but Harry is now the girl-who-lived and I would know why she changed and why she is dying.” Suddenly, both men froze as the girl coughed harshly, blood spraying from her mouth. Lily’s green eyes stared back at them barely focused. “T-tom, here to kill me. Just end it please!” Both men were shocked, but Severus was pushed to action as the girl's body went completely limp. He was pulling potion after potion out of his robe, which had a special pocket linked directly to his private stores. “My lord, I will do what I can but even a cursory glance tells me there are injuries here beyond my skills. We need to get the girl to Narcissa. Her healer training far outweighs my own.” Tom merely nodded and let Severus work. Severus eventually informed him he had done what he could and Tom scooped the girl up in his arms. He marvelled at how light she was and tried not to let his rage blind him. With that he Apparated directly to his room in Malfoy Manor, Severus right on his heels. “Tinky!” he yelled out. As the house elf appeared he was already giving instructions. “Go get Lady Malfoy and bring her here immediately.” With a pop the elf was gone and he laid the girl on his own bed. There was a pop and a shriek behind him. “Unhand me you loathsome...Oh my Lord, what is requested of me?” The Lady Malfoy was attempting to look less ruffled as she bowed. Suddenly, her eyes alighted on the bed and noticed the famous scar on a very female body. “My Lord, Severus, what has happened?” Tom spoke up, swallowing his anger. “All will be talked about, after we save her life. Severus did what he could.”

It took well into the morning, but finally Narcissa breathed a sigh of relief. “She is out of the worst of the danger my Lord. There is much yet to be done to bring her to full health and she should really see the Goblins to find out the extent of what has been done. I cannot tell if her magic changed her to look this way or if this is her original form and she was held under some sort of potion or spell.”

Love After the Fact Chapter 21: Getting to know one another was a terrible decision, here’s why. Plug your ears.

Lance: Feelings, oh no Keith: Feelings, what are these and what do i do with them? Adam: Pfft, feelings, I- Wha- Um. I kicked a baby today? That's so evil guys, come on! Lance: *skeptical look* Keith: *skeptical look* Adam: Alright, fine! Feelings, gross! And I didn't kick the baby... I just took its candy.

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Keith stares at the boiling-hot rock at his feet, ear twitching with curiosity.

“Oh dear. We’d best run inside.” Alfor places a hand between Keith’s shoulders as they make a break for the hole in the castle wall while more rocks fall from the sky. "This happens sometimes! You get used to it!"

“Is this why Lance doesn’t know what rain is?!” Keith shouts as they dodge screaming rocks.

“Yes! He’d lose his quiznaking mind if you told him about it!” Alfor yanks Keith out of the way just as a flaming rock smashes right where he was about to be. Alfor opens a hidden door (which Keith makes note of for later), yanks him into the hall. Alfor pants, doubled over. “Ancients, I'm old. Are you alright?”

“I think so. Does that happen a lot?”

“Only every few phoebs. You might have noticed, but we have an asteroid belt for our innermost planetary ring. It's where much or our ore comes from.”

“I thought nothing of your rings, until now.”

“Well you and Crown Prince Lancel will get to hear all about the minor inconvenience of it when you hold court tomorrow.” They’re back to formal names, like taking off clothes. Or perhaps like putting them on.

“Excellent. I can’t wait. You know, every time you make me go to court, I lose an egg. Infertility is already almost assured-”

“Don’t even bother, Prince Yorak. I’ve been enduring court for centaphoebs. It’s someone else’s turn.”

“Worth a try.”

Alfor chuckles. “I’d best go attend to my husband. I have been working, for better or worse, and he misses me. Be careful, Prince Yorak. Love complicates things.”

“Ke- Yorak!” Lance comes running up, immediately puts a hand around his waist. “Are you alright? It’s stoning outside!”

“Yes, we’re fine.” Keith sighs. “Can you, um. Would you mind showing me the way back to our quarters? I don’t know it.”

“Sure. Come on.” Lance slips his hand to the small of Keith's back, guiding him away. Keith pulls his braid over his shoulder, twisting the end through his fingers.

“Crown Prince Lancel.”

Lance freezes, turns to look at his father. Keith feels a buzz of energy coming from the hand on his back. He can feel the breath Lance takes before he responds. “Yes, King Alfor?”

There's a long, pregnant pause. Then, “You’re doing an excellent job, Lance. With everything. I’ve… I’ve never been more proud of you.”

Lance swallows audibly. Aside from that, the Altean is disturbingly still. Keith twists the end of his braid, says nothing. Finally, “Thank you, Father.”

Back in their room, Lance frantically inspects him. “Are you alright? Were you hurt? What did he say to you?”

“You forgot to mention that an Altean marriage is void without consummation.”

“Nevermind that! You were alone with my possibly corrupt father and then out in a stoning! Are you alright?”

“I…” Keith stares blankly at his spouse while Lance turns his face this way and that, deeply concerned. He swallows. He’s in danger of making this whole mess so much more complicated that it ever needed to be.

“Keith!” Those blue and pink eyes glass with worry. “Are. you. alright?!”

“I- I’m fine.” Keith twists the end of his braid, clenching his jaw before he can chirp and embarrass himself.

“You say as you display a brand new nervous habit,” Lance mutters, still fussing. “Also, your ends are split and you should let me trim it.”

“Sure.”

Lance opens his mouth, pauses. “What, really?”

Keith nods, not trusting himself to say more than a single, monosyllabic word at a time. Lance tilts his chin up, looking into his eyes. “Are you sure you’re alright? You don’t seem like yourself. You didn’t get conked on the head, did you?”

“N- no. I might have taught the king a new swear word, though.”

“Okay.” Lance draws back. He doesn’t sound convinced, but he lets it go, runs a hand through his starlight hair. “Go… take a bath or something. Rest. Relax. Whatever you want. The stoning will be an issue for the rest of the night, so do stay inside.”

Keith nods, grabs some nightclothes, slips into the shower. He stands under the water, draws his hair over his shoulder, unraveling it. He’s being stupid. He can’t cuss out a king and start falling for his husband all in one day.

Actually, cussing Alfor out had been pretty fun. But the rest is incredibly stupid. Keith lets his forehead tip against the smooth white walls.

He is incredibly stupid.

Back in the main room, Lance paces. Adam watches.

“I just don’t understand why I care so much. I mean, I've taken good care of my lovers, but he's firstly, not a lover and secondly, I never cared this much about anyone else!”

Adam smirks, pushes his glasses up his nose. “Perhaps Lady Renli is right. Maybe you do have a thing for kids. Oh, I’m sorry. Kits. ”

“You are disgusting. Why do I keep you?”

“Because you’d die without me. Speaking of which, someone tried to assassinate you both while you were out today. Unilu, we suspect.”

“Oh. Did you kill them?”

“With my bare hands.” Adam smirks, scales flashing with perfect timing. It's highly unsettling.

Lance blinks. “Really?”

“Of course not. I paid someone else to do it. You think I’d get blood on my hands? Do you have any idea what blood can do for soil acidity? I wouldn't have to explain this to Takashi.” Adam scrolls through his datapad, typing on his holographic keyboard.

“I don’t know; I just had this incredibly vivid image of you popping up behind someone and snapping their neck and then calmly going to have brunch with Keith’s littermate as though murder means nothing to you. Also, I'm telling Keith you've got first name privileges. Even he doesn't seem to have that.” Lance has never been more concerned with the person he appointed as his attendant.

“You’re partially correct. You don’t get to know which parts. Also, no one says 'no' to me. Not twice anyway.”

“That's highly disturbing. Are you at least flirting with Shiro?” Nothing. Lance pouts. “Whatever. What do I do about Keith?”

“Do you love him?”

“...No.”

“Do you want to love him? Do that thing people that aren't me do where they love each other and have a fulfilling relationship?”

Lance glares, sticks out his bottom lip; Adam raises an eyebrow; Lance crumbles immediately. Mumbles, “...Kind of?”

Adam sighs, smiles. “Then, just do what you’re already doing. You’re working hard to fulfill both his needs as a kit and as a person. You respect him, you're letting him grow on his own, and you're working to include him in your life. That last bit is so incredibly important.”

“You know, growing up, I never imagined I’d one day be raising my own husband. I just hope I can raise him right. I don’t want to be a deadbeat with a worthless spouse who sneaks out after dark and runs wild with all the other delinquent child brides.” Lance shakes his head in mock disappointment. Keith sneaks out a lot to go wander aimlessly in the woods and he has absolutely no problem with that. He trusts him to come back.

“You’re morally dubious, your Majesty.”

“And you’re morally bankrupt, my friend.”

“I never even made a deposit.” Adam smirks, smug and satisfied.

“You say that like it’s a good thing. You actually sound proud of that.”

“Tell me something, your Majesty. Where would you be if I had?”

“Do you two need a minute alone or…?” Keith steps into the room, hair soaking through his nightshirt.

“Excuse you, I am a married man. How dare you, sir?!” Lance grins, holding out a hand to Keith, who takes it, sits down on the bed a respectful distance away. Keith seems okay. A little… small, like he wants to vanish, but he doesn’t seem injured- wait. “Hey, did you hurt yourself?”

“Hm? Oh.” Keith holds up his burned arm. “I hadn’t noticed.”

“You’re still bleeding,” Adam pointed out. “How did you not notice?”

“I was distracted.” Keith starts twisting his hair, until he notices the Alteans watching him.

“You didn’t tell me he had a new nervous habit. When did he develop a new nervous habit? Do you have any idea what this could do to my-”

Lance pinches the bridge of his nose. “Adam could you maybe-”

“Lay the fuck off?" Keith suggests. "Just this once.”

"Hey!"

“Wow your language is really awful today. Adam, do shut up please.” Lance munches his lip, tries to figure out how to set his spouse at ease. “Do you want me to cut your hair?”

“Okay.”

Lance smiles, thanks Adam when he materializes with a pair of hair scissors and a fine comb. “Here, you can sit in Adam’s chair, since he’s up.”

“Oh, thanks so much," Adam grumbles. "I’ll see you tomorrow. You’re welcome for not being dead!”

“Dead?” Keith asks, turning to him with alarm as the doors close. “What?”

Lance draws on his quintessence, runs his fingers over Keith’s wound. “Assassination attempt. Adam took care of it.”

“I bet he didn’t even blink.”

“Certainly not, as he watched his own assassin break my assassin’s neck.”

“Adam has his own assassin?” It occurs to Lance as Keith asks his question that they should likely be way more concerned about this. Eh. Facts of life.

“I imagine he grows them like tubers in his garden. Or perhaps in a jar.”

“I believe it. I bet he keeps the jar illuminated so he can watch it grow while he falls asleep like a very macabre night light… I’m glad you weren’t assassinated- Why are you petting my wound?”

“Look.” Lance smiles as Keith gapes down at his arm, sees his skin closing. It is pretty miraculous. Both the healing and the fact that Lance managed to do it without blowing them up. “Hey, I’m sorry you got hurt. And that you had to deal with my father. I know he’s not exactly your favorite person.”

“It’s fine. I still hate him, but… I think I understand him better. So that’s something.” Lance hums, pulls him into a chair. Keith sits, feels a comb running through his hair, the *snick* of the hair scissors. ”You won’t cut off too much, will you?”

“No, I won’t ruin your beautiful hair. You will, if you keep clawing at it when you’re stressed… You’re surprisingly vain.”

“I'm not vain about everything. It’s just the one thing… What are you doing tomorrow?”

“Uh, court, then studying crop yields. Wanna come? You can learn all about… I dunno, plants I guess.”

“Hm. sounds exciting. Yeah, I’ll come.”

“Great! It’s a date,” Lance teases. “It’ll be so romantic, learning about shreika feces or whatever. But we could use a higher sustainable yield so we’re more desirable for interplanetary commerce.”

“I take it there’s a long-term aim in mind?”

“Two. Firstly, alleviate poverty and the resulting bitterness among the people who grow my food. Secondly, start creating interplanetary relationships based on something other than the terror of our vicious army and merciless, excessively destructive armada.”

“I like that idea. Perhaps we can go speak to some of the farmers? People… People like to know that they’re valued. Talking to them instead of researching them in your enormous private library will go a long way toward gaining their respect. Also, agrarian communities tend to be close-knit, so you may need to start with small things before they'll open up to you.”

“Oh, like adjusting taxes? Done! But I’ll keep that in mind. There you go! Hair’s all cut. I worked a bit of quintessence into it to keep it healthy.”

“Thank you… My father kept his hair long. He, uh. When I was a small kit, my mother was fighting and I was too young to be left on my own. My father would give me the end of his braid to play with while we were hunting. We’d have to be still and quiet for a long time, and it helped if I had something to do. We didn't have much.” Keith pulls a lock of hair over his shoulder. It feels nice, nicer than before. “It seems stupid, but he was so strong and brave and this is my way of honoring him.”

“I don’t think it’s stupid. I think it’s nice that you found a way to remember him. Also, I wanna see you strangle someone with it. It’d be super cool.”

Keith laughs, soft and sweet. Lance smiles at the sound of it. “Well, maybe someone else will try to assassinate us and you’ll get your wish.”

Lance flops back on the bed, wriggling up to the pillows. “Yeah. If Adam doesn’t spoil the fun with his stupid efficiency.”

Keith flops, wriggles to lie next to him. “Yeah. He’s terrifying. I think he’s the most dangerous person here.”

“Oh. Yes, without a doubt. He’s pure evil and we should all be afraid. Except Takashi.”

"What?! That's not fair! Even I don't call him that!"

"I know. Can you even imagine? Pure evil and pure good teamed up together? They could do anything they wanted. Anything at all."

“Mhm. Goodnight, Lance. I'll teach you about 'fuck' tomorrow.” Keith nestles himself down in the blankets, yawning sleepily as he curls himself into a ball, tail up by his hands. He's exhausted, deserves a good night's sleep.

"Ooh, can't wait." Lance activates Keith’s datapad, dims the lights. He leaves the fire crackling. Nights are getting cold; winter is on the way. As he burrows into the bed, he remembers something, sits back up. He reaches over, rubs at the base of Keith’s velveteen ear. The Galra purrs, leaning into the touch as he settles deeper into the bed.

Lance smiles. “Goodnight, Keith.”

Once Bitten, Twice Stupid prt 110 prt 2

They hadn’t had that discussion...

“As smoothly as things are at the moment, I would still prefer you remained in Platt, at least during the night. You may visit, but I have noticed you’re particularly clingy to Keith right now. I think staying with him will help continue to keep your hormonal and emotional levels stabilised. You react strongly to touch and scent”

“Should I be taking off work?”

Lance shook his head quickly

“Babe, I’ll be okay. I know you want to be with me, but you’ll lose track of everything if your focus is on me alone...”

“I don’t want you alone if it isn’t good for you”

Coran chuckled at the pair of them

“Lance doesn’t like to be smothered, even by you. He’s very stubborn like that. I’ll check the schedule with Kolivan, he’s been forced to swallow his pride over the stalling in the search for Sendak. I’m sure if he was made aware...”

“No!”

It wasn’t a yell, but it wasn’t not a yell. More like a very heated and very solid “No way in hell”. Lance sighing softly at him, a sigh that told him they’d be having a serious talk about this later. Shiro pinched the bridge of his nose. Coran looking almost confusidly alarmed. Mami still watching the black blob on the screen. Keith’s gaze dropping to his feet. He didn’t want special treatment... that so ingrained in him that it made it hard to be honest

“We’re waiting. Until things settle down, we’re waiting...”

“Keith is right. It’s not like we’re not going to tell them, but for now we’re doing what’s right for us. We want to wait and grow a bit more confident over what’s happening”

This is why he had Lance. Lance translated his stupid words into something other people got. The baby might be there now, but he just... He was a feeling a lot of things he couldn’t verbalise. Excited. Proud. Shaken. Drained. Slightly horny... Proud. Worried. A lot of things. Rubbing the back of Keith’s hand with his thumb, Lance drew his gaze back to him. His boyfriend smiling at him, expression filled with love and wonder. He felt kind of chicken shit for being more scared of a baby than a vampire

“It’s okay, Babe. You don’t need to look so sad. I’m okay, and this little one is still there. Soooo, Mami, what do you think?”

Lance effortless took the attention off him and he was grateful

“I think that old Colleen has nothing with her new great-great-grandson. Not when my baby boy is going to be a father. Oh, I can’t wait to rub this in her face”

“Mami... Seriously, who knew nursing homes could be so competitive. Next you’ll be taking bets”

Mami laughed as she patted Lance’s hand. Shiro took the bait

“If we’re taking bets, I’m betting on a boy”

Lance laughed then cut himself off, moving his hand to his belly

“Oh, god. Don’t make me laugh... Coran, are you nearly done?”

“A few more clicks... Hmm... a betting pool isn’t a bad idea”

“Put me down for a girl. Call it mother’s intuition”

Shiro nodded, pulling out his phone

“We’ve got a boy from Coran. A girl from Miriam. Sorry, Miriam, I’ll side with Coran on that one... Two for a boy... Keith, what should I put you down for?”

Keith didn’t know... either would be adorable if they took after Lance...

“Don’t tease him like this. We don’t mind as long as their healthy”

“You two are no fun. Shall we say $50 to winner? Or split the pot?”

“I’ll be happy to take your money... don’t go leaving town before you pay up”

Mami was ruthless, Shiro snorting with laughter. Lance squirming again

“Guys, seriously. Not cool”

Coran apologetic as he clicked the mouse connected to the ultrasound machine

“I’m sorry, Lance... give me... okay, there we go... all done”

Lance let out a long breath of relief, starting to sit up, despite his belly still covered in gel, the moment Coran pulled the wand off

“Thank God for that... sorry, Mami... I just really need to pee”

Mami didn’t mind, she probably understood. From the movies Keith knew pregnant people seemed to need to pee a lot

“Off you go. Why don’t you take Keith with you?”

“Yes, why don’t you two have a few moments to process today’s scans while I clean up here. Off you boys go”

It felt like they’d been evicted as they headed to the locker room, Lance striding in ahead of him, leaving Keith to drag his steps so his boyfriend could have some privacy peeing. When he finally made it into the shower/toilet area, Lance had locked himself away in a cubicle, Keith wondering if it was weird as he stood outside the door

“Babe?”

“I’m all good... this lube stuff is seriously sticky”

Keith snorted. Lance didn’t love sticky things but seemed perfectly fine with it during sex

“Want help?”

“Nah... hold on”

Opening the door, Lance was rubbing at his belly with a wad of toilet paper

“See, almost all gone. God... I really needed to pee. Next time I’m waiting before drinking that water... I felt like I was going to burst when Coran pressed on my stomach”

“I’m sorry”

“What are you apologising for? You’re not the one with a bladder that decided it needed to be pea sized today”

Keith shrugged, stepping back out the way, Lance slipping past him, throwing the toilet paper in the bin before washing his hands

“I don’t know. I don’t like you being uncomfortable”

“Babe, I’m fine. Crisis adverted... How are you? You didn’t say much, but you’ve still got tears in your eyes”

“It was kind of amazing... I guess...”

His boyfriend huffed at him, crossing to close the distance between them before pulling him into a hug

“More than amazing. I’m okay and the baby is too”

“I’m sorry... it’s just... I’m still scared”

“That’s why you asked about the heartbeat. It doesn’t really feel like this ball of cells is going to be an actual person”

“I’m still scared it’s not going to be”

Lance nuzzled into his neck

“I know, but... it’s... we can still be happy, you know. I know we over think things, but Coran isn’t messing around”

“No... sounds like he did enough of that when he was younger”

Lance laughed, raising his head to shoot a brilliant smile at him

“That he did... but good news, us messing around won’t hurt this little one. Before you say it, I know you want to wait, but honestly I feel so happy right now I want to cry that I’m about to jump up”

Keith was not prepared. Lance jumping up and looping his legs around his waist had him stumbling into the closest sink. Laughing happily, Lance clang to him, Keith not even grumpy about the lack of warning as his boyfriend dived in to kiss him. Several long kisses later, Lance pulled back enough to lap at the blood beading on Keith’s lips

“I love you, Keith Kogane”

“I love you, too, Lance Bratty-Arse McClain”

Lance’s happiness was infectious. Keith grinning up at Lance, his hands supporting his boyfriend by his arse

“Good. Because you and me, we made a baby, and it honestly feels like things are looking up... like a whole baby, babe... we did that... I was so worried trying to think of what to say if today hadn’t gone well... and I know I’m getting ahead of myself...”

“Babe, shut up, I get it. You’re happy”

“Very... and cold. This place is freezing...”

Keith snorted. The shower area wasn’t that cold. Lance was being a baby

“That’s because you’re like an ice block”

“Am I at least a cute one?”

“Very... but I don’t know if I should be feeding your ego. 6 weeks is still really early”

“Mhmm... but for now, can we just be kind of really in awe...”

“Can I be shocked? I’m still really fucking shocked”

Lance laughed at him. God. He felt like it’d been too long since Lance was jumping into his arms happily

“I am too. I don’t know why I decided to leap up on you, but I feel really good that this little one is okay. Should I get down?”

“Nah, you’re fine... I feel like you haven’t been smiling much lately”

“I feel like I didn’t have as much to smile about... just wait until the embarrassment kicks in...”

“For jumping on me?”

“For letting myself be happy. Are you happy? Are you okay? I’ve been all about me and today hit you hard”

“I’ve been... better... but I feel better knowing the scan was good”

“That’s good. You always stress so much. You’re going to get wrinkles way too young”

The way Lance pout at him made him want to kiss him all over again. Which was playing with fire... Once the relief had worn off, and he was back to feeling himself, he’d have to reassess how he felt over being intimate

“And you’re a brat. What happened to the 45 year old dressed in seven layers?”

“Coran heated the office. Rose my core temperature... but you’ll snuggle with at home, keep me warm, right?”

“Depends. You were fucking freezing when you came back to bed”

“Mmm, but you were nice and warm... Wanna go home and watch the scan again? The two of us? Pidge wants me to call again, but right now that’s what I want to do...”

That sounded nice

“Sure... provided you behave long enough to get home”

“I always behave. It’s the snow that’s out to get me, not the other way around”

“Right... I’m pretty sure snow is older than your old arse”

Keith regretted the words as soon as he saw Lance’s face fell. His boyfriend climbing out of his arms to wrap his arms around his waist in a self hug

“Babe... I was joking”

“But that’s the thing... maybe I am too old? And what do we tell them when they notice I don’t age? I’m old... like way older than you... you could be happier with...”

Nope. Grabbing Lance, Keith pulled him back

“I shouldn’t have said it like that. I like you, and you’re not that old”

Lance raised his right hand to rub at his eyes, he wasn’t wearing his glasses today. His boyfriend really wanted to see the scan clearly

“I’m 45... most people have kids your age... and... I know you were joking. I do... but it’s something I’ve been thinking about. Fuck. Here I was lecturing you and now I’m... I’m sorry”

“It bothers you a lot, doesn’t it?”

He’d been careful with the grey hair jokes because he knew Lance still held a lot of sensitivity over them... Making a mental joke, he was going to have to avoid age jokes all together for now

“Yeah... I was trying not to think about it... but like, I don’t get older... and I hate it so much... I know you’re okay with it, but it’s something I’m not okay with... throw it in with my body changing and it’s... yeah... Sorry. Can we go home now?”

The change in Lance just about gave him whiplash

“You know I don’t care about that... You’re still you”

Lance hardly acted his age, unless he needed to. He was so full of love and life... Keith liked the man inside the body... though the body was pretty smoking hot

“I do... I mean. I know. It hit me again out of nowhere... I think... maybe I’m going to have some problems with it until I settle down. I’m like so relieved they’re okay that it’s not even funny”

“Me too. Do you want to get anything on the way home?”

“Nah... I just... I just want to watch the scan alone with you... I love Mami and I love Shiro and Coran, but I want to watch you watch it again...”

“Why? What did I do?”

“You were crying but you were smiling... I really love it when you smile”

Keith’s heart went funny as he ducked his head. Only Lance could make him feel like this... and feel braver about that letter

“When we get home, there’s something I want... I need you to see with me”

“Is it bad?”

“I don’t know, but I think I’ve left it long enough”

“Alright, Mullet. Let’s go... I feel pretty rude leaving but I need some alone time with you right now”

Mami had come for the scan and sure, Keith liked her, but Lance and their baby came first. Besides, the scan was over... He wasn’t letting Lance go out in this weather on those slippery roads. His heart had enough trouble letting Shiro drive around

“Yeah. Funnily enough I do to”

Episode 170

Honorable mentions:

Blyke is pissed at this guy

I’m not sure if I can call the superhero posse the superhero posse anymore because Blyke is kind of doing his solo superhero thing now, but I mean he’s part of the posse, and nothing is really contradicting. Yeah I’ll keep calling them that. The nature of the group changed, but not the basics.

Superhero posse is Remi, Blyke, and Isen btw

At the end of my first paragraph, when I say, “-with the complications of a real world situation,” I am aware that the UnOrdinary universe is not real, lmao. The phrasing I used is to try to convey that the factors of things like actual performance ability in regards to power are the roots of this system. So rather than being presented with a society whose classifications exist just for the hell of it, like it seems with a lot of stories, it is clear in UnOrdinary that the hierarchy is prompted and necessary, which makes it harder to debate the morality of its nature when presented with issues like discrimination or abuse of authority. Just a quick note. Probably should have made that more clear, but I didn’t want to go too off topic lol. I do that too much already.

Tfw you didn’t think you would find much to write about and the all of a sudden you have pages of writing

No clue what to say about the end of the episode. I don’t have any predictions as to what Kuyo might want. His history with Rei could go either way because we still don’t know if he stayed a hierarchical abuser or if he eventually turned to Rei’s side. Until we know that, and maybe even then, I won’t say anything.

^^also just lazy this is long already and I have to write another of these

My eyes are numb to this sorry if the transitions are confusing

Low Tiers vs. High Tiers: Newside and Origin Edition:

So, and I’m aware this is a skillfully awful way to start this post, we’re all aware of how bad the tensions are between different tiers, especially in places like Wellston. But in this episode, and the few before it, there’s finally a chance to explore into this concept outside of the select group of teenagers that make up Wellston Private High School. And, yes, we’ve gotten a few examples outside of this when Remi spent time as a vigilante, and also when the superhero posse got into some trouble at Kovoro mall. I don’t know, Remi just brings out the injustice in people for some reason? Anyway, I’m bringing this up now because I don’t think I’ve really talked about this before even when the other examples were relevant. To be fair, I don’t think I was writing these for most examples and during the first superhero arc (Remi’s), I had just started and my posts were like maximum 300 words long. Anyway, I really wanted to take advantage of this opportunity now. It’s always really refreshing to see outside the small bubble we’re normally confined to as the usual focus of the story is on the hierarchy struggle in Wellston and everything to do with it. Though this Blyke arc is very much centered around his struggle with his power and his goal of advancing in the hierarchy, it also opens a window for us to see out, again, into that underlying concept similar to Wellston’s power struggle, but on a more extreme scale. Obviously, the villain of our story, John, is the main focus in the comic because he is the main character, but the villain(?) of the UnOrdinary universe is painted to be the struggle between low and high tiers. The hierachy’s paradoxical creation of social imbalance and social stability is the underlying focus behind uru-chan’s writing in this comic. This is a comic about class struggle with the complications of a real world situation (see honorable mentions above for clarification).

The social dynamic between the different tiers is magnified in the recent chapters’ events and location. We are already aware and comfortable with the concept of higher-tiers (not like high-tiers but higher) preying on low-tier districts to gain power quickly, so it’s a bit less noticeable, or standout, now, for me anyway. But in comparisons to the power struggle at Wellston currently (Joker situation), the situations in these worse off towns is still significantly worse. I’m just going to summarize what’s happening really fast, but hopefully you already know what’s happening because I’m bad at explaining. So basically: lower/mid-tiers or straight up mid-tiers (no known naturally higher-tiers have done this to our knowledge, but more on that later) pick a district known to be filled with low-tiers (always weaker than the offender) and attempt take over in hopes of gaining authority and power. Because no higher-tier has been seen attempting this, I want to say that the cause of this is the feeling deprivation of it in their normal life, where their ability grants them nothing special. Similar to how John reacted shortly after he gained his powers at first, they want to become the oppressor instead of the victims that they’ve always been. By going to lower-tier districts where around a 3.0 (or with aid, something higher), give or take is stronger than anyone else around, these people become “trigger-happy” for lack of a better word. They take advantage of finally being able to do something that they never have before and take it a little far. I do not think there are many motives other than this, especially because in this episode when Blyke was approaching the Newside woman, she thought, “Does he plan on toying with us, just like Lance did?” Take note of the word toying. From her word choices in her conversation with Blyke, I’ve pieced together that all Lance really did was mess things up around Newside, never really doing anything focused or thought through. He was thoughtless and impulsive. Destroyed their town and terrorized its people only because he could. I’ve also hinted at a little bit the use of ability enhancers. From Remi’s superhero arc, we know that some of these lower-tiers are injecting themselves with this enhancement drug to shoot up in strength to be able to attempt anything like this. This means that even if you are the lowest of the low, you have a chance at tasting power, which obviously stretches the number of people pulling something like this. I’m not too concerned about this today, however, because it’s kind of separate from the topic of hierarchical conflict, or at least enough for me to separate it from this post.

This entire concept of low-tier invasion and takeover is an example, probably the most telling one, of the dangers that come from such a polarizing system as the UnOrdinary hierarchy.

Everything I’ve said really seems to lead to the fact that dealing with both injustice and discrimination around ability and people trying to change who they were born to be is unavoidable in a world like UnOrdinary. Obviously, this ranking system was put into place for a reason as exemplified by Rei’s reign at Wellston. But as the world reaches new ages and innovative thinking, the confines of the hierarchical ladder aren’t as stable and reliable as they used to be. I’m sure in the past, the hierarchy has gone along almost without a hitch, but as violence grows due to the harsh pedestal the hierarchy unintentionally puts high-tiers on, and radical ideals are being placed into the heads of anyone who will listen (UnOrdinary the book), the structure of the hierarchy is becoming more fluid, which is confusingly ironic. It’s like the historical Age of Enlightenment reborn. People as a whole are growing more and more restless.

So, the big question is whether or not the hierarchy is still the best design for UnOrdinary’s society. Because while it has created a cushion for accidental and catastrophic incompetence in a more general, everyday context, it has evolved into less normalized, yes, but harsher clashes between the different ability levels. I will say that I, personally, support the idea of the hierarchy because order, when done right, will always defeat brute force. What I’d like to say is that, with proper involvement with the authorities, I think the hierarchical system would run smoothly. And yet they are caught in this circle of trying to stop revolutionary thinking among its civilians. This is why the authorities are trying to put an end to the superhero movement, not because the heroes are helping to clean up the streets, but because in doing so, the superheroes are disrupting the natural hierarchy. See the irony? The authorities aren’t doing what they need to do to stop the hierarchical uprising because they’re busy trying to stop people from rising up against the hierarchy, which somehow contradict. Now, all of this needs a beginning. This cycle obviously had to start somewhere or else the entire history of the hierarchy wouldn’t be so good and desired. The superhero movement is this start for this cycle and they all stem from the same thing: the revolutionary ideas that came from revolutionary thinkers: the book UnOrdinary. Obviously, before this there were some issues with the hierarchical system (allowing John to abuse his power as king), but the issue is more extreme and relevant as I explained in the second paragraph (the thick one), because of the lower-tiers feeling unsatisfied and acting out on other low-tiers because of that. But I really want to let myself believe that UnOrdinary set off a chain reaction in the UnOrdinary universe leading to the class struggles in the extreme state they are currently in. And as the comic is obviously called UnOrdinary, I like to think that there is a reason for that title rather than something so personal and niche as a sentiment of John’s.

Matters of the heart Ep 6

Matters of the heart Episode 6 Spook spectacular {OPENING CREDITS} {Cut to morning in Old Corona; Varian is hitching the horse up to the wagon; Ruddiger paws at the horse and it snorts at him startling him and making him retreat to behind Varian’s neck} Varian: *laughs* I told you, Ruddiger! Chessie isn’t fond of other animals! *he pats the horse* Ruddiger: *chitters angrily* Varian: let’s see… I got gout gel, feverfew essence, apple salve, lavender calming elixir...yeah I think that’s it! Ruddiger: *chitters happily* Varian: Isaiah?... Isaiah come on son! I have to deliver this stuff to the main city. {Isaiah walks out with a giant knitted covering over his head making Varian drop his clip board} Varian: umm...Isaiah..Wha...What are you wearing? *snerks* Isaiah: it’s a babushka...It’s called fashion Dad! Read about it! Varian: *laughs* Isaiah why are you wearing that? Isaiah: I have my reasons! {he goes to get in the wagon but Varian stops him} Varian: is this about your scar? {Isaiah visibly flinches} Varian: oh buddy, I know you’re scared but- Isaiah: I’m not scared! Varian: O-okay! Okay!... Isaiah, I swear it’s going to be okay...don’t let people’s opinions dictate what you think of yourself...I don’t… I believe in you buddy… Isaiah hesitates: he reaches up and takes off the babushka revealing a large scar on the left side of his face; he looks up at Varian and smiles} Varian: That’s my boy... {Varian lifts him up onto the tailboard of the wagon; he walks around to the front and gets on the driver’s seat; looking back at Isaiah he smiles and flicks the reins} {cut to the Main city of Corona; Rapunzel(holding baby Flynn}, Eugene, and Lily walk down the main road} Lily: um...dad? Eugene: yeah princess? Lily: is there a reason we’re all going out into town or is mom being in one of her crazy happy moods again? Rapunzel: Hey! Eugene: *chuckles* ok firstly, your mother is always crazy happy like that. Rapunzel: um I’m right here! Eugene: and secondly, We have very special visitors coming today? Lily: not more diplomats! Rapunzel: no not more diplomats...Your uncle Lance and Aunt Adira… Lily: Really!? I haven’t seen uncle Lance for so long! Eugene: well this time they’re staying for a while! Lily: oh my gosh! Really!? Why!? Rapunzel: Your auntie recently had a baby boy. They’re considering moving here for safety. Lily: aw why couldn’t it have been a girl!? {Lance comes in off screen}

Lance: hey come now! Boys aren’t that bad… {Lilly turns around and squeals before running over and jumping into Lance’s arms} Lily: Uncle Lance!!! Auntie Adira!! Lance: Hey there kiddo! Give your uncle Lance some love! {He hugs her tightly; Rapunzel and Eugene walk over and hug them as well} Eugene: Good to see you, man… Lance: you got old! Haha! Eugene: look who’s talking! Rapunzel:: Hi Adira! Ohhh! Is that your baby!? He’s beautiful! Adira: thank you, your majesty. {Adira looks around worriedly} Adira: Earrings, she’s gone again... Lance: huh? Oh for the love of...Akina!! {A girl a bit younger than Lily pops out from behind a stall; she has dark olive skin, brown almond-shaped eyes; and black hair pulled back into a short poofy ponytail} Adira: come small one. There is no danger here… {She walks over and hides behind Adira} Rapunzel: Hello Akina!...I’m Queen Rapunzel but you can call me Aunt Punzie...okay? Hmm...oh! This is your cousin! Lily! You met when you both were little!..say hello Lily. Lily: Hi! {Akina hides herself behind Adira} Lily: I promise I’m not mean! Come out! Adira:...go on small one...give your greetings… {She slowly comes out} Akina:...h-hello… {Lily squeals and hugs her making her scream and run behind Adira again} Lily:...too soon? {lance looks over to one of the stalls and gasps; he proceeds to rush over} Lance: oh no no no no! Look at this tall lanky man! {He laughs and picks up Varian and spins him around before crushing him in a bear hug} Varian: augh! Oof! L-Lance!? Lance: how ya been little man!? Haha! Varian: i’ve been..ack..great! Isaiah: dad? Who is…? Lance: hmm? Oh, no...now way this is that little small fry from before! Varian: yup that’s my boy. {Lance picks Isaiah up and lifts him up high} Lance: C’mere little guy! Let me get a good look at ya! {Isaiah stares at him Confused and slightly afraid} Lance:.......what happened to his face? Isaiah:......put me down… {Lance gingerly sets him down} Adira: Last time I saw this one he was quite young...hmmm...what to call you… Isaiah: huh? Eugene: Adira tends to give nicknames… Isaiah: if she calls me “scarface” we’re going to have problems… Eugene: *snerks* Rapunzel: hmm..Oh! I have an idea! Why don’t Lily and Isaiah go play with Akina! Varian: sounds good to me! Lance: adira...hmm? Adira: I...Suppose small one could use the interaction… Lily: Yay! Come on Akina this will be so much fun!! Eugene: just so long as they don’t go looking for the “ghost of the dungeon” {all three looks up} Isaiah: What? Varian: an old legend a man named Xavier told me...they say a prisoner went mad in the dungeon and scratched the days into his cell wall...when he died he proclaimed that anyone whom sought out his spirit and gave him an offering of food, water, or clothing would have a wish granted for them. All 3: wowww…. Rapunzel: but it’s just a legend and that’s all it’ll ever be! That part of the dungeon has some very real dangers! I forbid any of you to go there! Lily: aww mom….finnneee...come on guys… {all three leave} Rapunzel: Really? Eugene? Eugene: Relax Sunshine! That part of the dungeon has been condemned for years! The kids aren’t that gullible. Especially our lily! She’s got my mind remember? Rapunzel: that’s what I’m afraid of… {Varian sees Zapada pass by} Varian: uh...you guys...I’ll ummm...see you later...welcome back Lance… {He walks off} Lance: speaking of minds...haha what’s on his? {cut to the kids walking into the castle} Lily: okay...so...lets go ghost hunting! Isaiah: wait what? Akina: A-Aunt Punzie said no! Y-your highness… Lily: just Lily is fine Akina…I know the way down to the dungeon and everything! There’s this passageway that takes you to all the parts of the castle! Isaiah: she’s right Lily! And I’m in enough trouble as it is! Lily: we won’t get in trouble! Think of it as an adventure that ends in- {She runs into a door} Lily:....Glory…. {Isaiah face palms; cut to the Cult HQ and Cassandra is sparring with some members} Noremoth: m’lady she is close to mastering her capabilities. Cult leader: indeed she is...she was a good choice… {Cassandra  blocks an attack and throws her opponent against a wall} Noremoth: m’lady if I may speak freely? Cult leader: please Noremoth...call me Larkspur… {Noremoth blushes slightly} Noremoth: o-oh alright...Larkspur...I have worries that we should merely retrieve the moonstone sliver ourselves… Larkspur: hmm? Why would this be? Noremoth: although she is a strong vessel Zhan tiri’s power can only control her actions for so long. And Corona is of personal value to her. Her mental state out of trance is delicate and if people who once knew her become wiser to her act...plus what if turns against us and asks for help. Larkspur: *giggles* Noremoth...sweet little Noremoth Noremoth: ehh? Larkspur: you worry too much...her close relations are precisely the thing we need to obtain access to Corona...they’ll be so naively trusting of her...and as for her spilling the truth….the lastest infusion took care of that...if the power within her senses her attempting anything of the sort it will pilot her subconscious from there….and she doesn’t want that… {Cassandra yells as she releases a shock of pink and green lightning electrocuting her sparring opponents; she gasps and covers her mouth in horror at what she has done} Larkspur: *watches her cry* hmmm..Perhaps you’re right...I’ll send you and a few others to watch over our vessel from a safe distance. Do not let yourself be seen… Noremoth: yes m-...Larkspur… {cut to the kids walking a dusty, dark, corridor with Lily holding a map; Lily stops walking, Isaiah and Akina run into her making her step on a trap} Isaiah: GET DOWN! {Isaiah jumps on them and forces them to the ground as arrows fly over them} Isaiah: Lily we should go back Akina: Scarface is right. Isaiah: I said we’d have problems if I was called that Akina: sorry… Lily: We can’t go back now! We’re so close! It should be right around the corner here! Akina: but it’s so dark!...i’m...I’m frightened… Lily: Hey Isaiah? Do you have anything that glows? Isaiah: wait what the f-why would I have something that glows? Lily: seriously? Mr.Varian is always carrying some sort of science like thing, shouldn’t you!? Isaiah: Lily in case you haven’t noticed I kinda...lost any and all alchemical privileges so… Lily: Oh?...ohhhh… Isaiah: yeah...sorry… Akina: um...Lily? Lily: I think we found it… Akina: yeah...was gonna say… {infront of them is an old stone door with two lit torches by it} Isaiah:..ladies first? {both girls look at him} Isaiah: ...no?...fine… {he opens the door and it turned out to be a secret passage to the condemned part of the dungeons} Lily: well? Isaiah: oh yeah...we found it… {They all walk in and look around at the crumbling medieval dungeon; Isaiah looks in one cell and gasps; on the wall are thousands of scribbles counting the days} Isaiah: guys...this is it… Lily: mother of the sun… Akina: wow.. Lily: so an offering of food, water, or clothing...I have a muffin from the royal kitchen… Isaiah: I have my goatskin I filled with water… {both look at Akina; Akina looks at them and hesitantly takes out her hair tie} Isaiah: food, water, and clothing...ok… {They lay out the objects on the ground} Lily: don’t speak your wish...or it won’t come true!...think it only! {They close their eyes; Lily wishes to be a good leader; Isaiah wishes for his family to be happy and whole again; Akina wishes for friendship; as they make their wishes the ground beneath Akina begins to give way} Akina: {Screams in terror} Isaiah: AKINA! {Isaiah grabs onto her arm and starts sliding} Isaiah: LILY HELP! {Lily grabs onto Isaiah} Lily: nghh...A-Akina… reach up with your other hand...and we’ll pull you up… Akina: I-i’m frightened!...I can’t! Lily: Yes you can! Look at me, Akina! {Akina looks} Lily: We won’t let you fall… Isaiah: We promise! {Akina nods and reaches up; Isaiah grabs her other hand; He and Lily pull her up} Akina: *sobs once safe and hugs them* Lily: see? You can trust us. Akina: hehe...is everyone this friendly here? Isaiah welcome to Corona… {they laugh; cut to the castle living room; the fire is glowing and the gang is back together laughing; all three kids walk in filthy and with tattered clothes} Varian: Isaiah what the-!? Lance: AHH! My baby!? What did you do!? Akina: Mama! Papa! {Akina runs over and hugs them} Adira: Small one y-you’re wearing your hair down! Akina: It was so much fun! We explored and dodged arrows and Mama I made friends! Real friends! {all eyes glare at Lily and Isaiah} Eugene: Young lady… Varian: Isaiah… Both: we know...Grounded… {END CREDITS}

Reporting for justice!

What a night...

I thought to myself after I left the bathroom to clean myself. It was my turn to do night shifts for the next couple of weeks in favor of some who asked to do day time for a bit. Normally, I would have asked to pick someone else but we're only a few who I can trust, especially the new ones, I had to make some sacrifices for now.

Which was something that wasn't new to me.

I'm very thankful that life DID had send me some important people to help me. Even if it's someone you'd never expect to become best friends after high school and used to be in gangs.

I walked down the apartment's resident to see my friend just took out some supper. No, I don't mean Sheba this time. She'd burn water.

It was someone who had red pointy hair, a red beard to match, a navy blue tailor coat and that Scottish accent. That friend is Woody McPecker, an ex-Irish gangster now a reformed journalist.

I settled down on his dinner table that was big enough for two maybe three if you can squeeze small enough.

I can't believed even years from that day, I never expected I'd be friends with someone who used to be in an Irish gang.

If I told you that we actually first crossed eyes in my high school years, you'd say this sounds cheesy like you're eating a grill cheese sandwich that was stuffed with a whole, cylinder, block roll of cheddar cheese. You don't need to taste it if it is actually THE cheese. Maybe too cheesy.

Actually, that's way too overboard with the cheese thing. But the main point was that we crossed path in high school and then we officially met couple of years back when I was in the police academy training.

“There, this should be warm enough to eat. My grandma used to make these back when she was in the homeland.” He then set a plate of Shepard pie for me as he'd probably went to get something to drink.

For a guy who's current job as a novice journalist, I'm surprise he can cook despite that most of his time was the 'eating on the go' type of guy. Although some areas of his apartment might need a bit more cleaning overdue or he's taking a page on my nephew's habits.

But then again, at least his cooking skill can make it to the second course compared to Sheba. No offence, but Sam did asked for her cookies one time and then told me secretly he can use them as treats for his 'friends that didn't like him and us.'

“So tell me, why were you at Bendy's mansion alone? Cat's got too curious?” I looked up to the direction of his voice to see him using a bottle opener for a single bottle of Apple cider. “I thought that you'd agree in front of all of us NOT to go after that dancing demon solo. Your feet would almost be part of a construction material of a bridge if I'd haven't intervened.”

“I know. First of all, I DIDN'T go off alone chasing after Bendy. They were the ones who got me behind my back when I was paroling. Second, how did you know where I was when that happened?” I know he doesn't own a car unless he borrowed one and even if he did, surely they would noticed anyone tailing them to the DeMon's mansion.

He then settled down after he did his bottle and then started to explain. “Let's say according to someone telling me about your shifts, you were doing night duties for the moment and I was just looking out for ya since my job is more time convenient rather than a 9-5 pace thing. Luckily for you, I have gang experiences long before you studied one in the academy. They're may be Italians, but their work of operations were hardly any different than ours if with few exceptions. Like how we used to do mostly dealing 'goods' while they mostly use violence in the underworld scene of Chicago.”

Like I've said, he's an EX-gangster of an Irish mob.

“I'm not here to bust you, black knight. Besides, I thought that we've bonded over some near death experiences we've had previous to this.” He jokingly asked.

“I don't think that you can count almost being shot out of a circus' canon one time from Bendy and Boris as one when they tried to kidnap a white tiger for his skin. Thankfully you and Sam managed to get me out before I blasted off.” I sighed as I took a bite to eat. I haven't felt that scared since I almost fell off of a high pier one time.

“Anyways... how about you tell me what stories were you supposed to uncover this time? I'm sure that it's not about me tonight.” Time convenient or not, Woody knows that he can't put things off anytime he wants.

“You could at least say thank you that I managed to get us out of there safely before Bendy notice we were gone and found his minions knocked out.” He smug a grin.

I can't deny Woody's speed abilities and knife fighting skills. He's like the only person that can mimic Bendy's skills even when his eyes goes red that makes him almost invincible. His stabbing/slicing techniques makes up from his throwing knife skill sets so that one difference. The other was that at least he's now a good person.

This might sound exaggerated, but one time a thug throw a wooden staff at us like a lance and Woody 'stabbed' so fast that all that was left was saw dust. When I say his 'spirit animal' is a woodpecker, I am not joking.

“I never said I wasn't thankful. I am grateful that you saved me. But what I'm worried is that you've haven't published anything lately asides your several pen names for trivial topics. Interviews or life stories are one thing, but big news like what is happening to the world or serious issues is what the journals and people are mostly interested.”

“Bah!” He waved it off. “You worry too much! We should at least be thankful that things are quiet for now so that we can take a breather. You know? You sometimes focus way too much on others that you forgot to think about yourself once in a while. Heck! You might have been in coma for two weeks, then woke up and you'd ask if everyone we're OK when you YOURSELF aren't. Single parent or not, you'd need to learn to take care of yourself a bit once in a while too, ya know?”

I know that I get that for some people who think that I think way too about others than myself, but I have a commitment as a detective police plus two kids to take care of and they both are trouble makers like my sister was at that age. “That would be the same day that the twins would behave and that's not gonna be anytime soon.”

Woody chuckled after he finished his dish. “Felix, those kids haven't reached the double digits yet. It's common for boys at that age to be a bit rowdy. They mostly want to have fun and enjoy themselves. I know cause I was just like that and look how I turned out!” I just stared blank with a 'really?' look.

“Ok! Ok! Maybe I had been on the wrong side of the law before, but I certainly do not harm any innocents and I learn the errors of my ways! I am now a changed good fella!” Woody swore with one hand on his heart and the other in the air. I exhaled and decided to let it go. Yes, I know that he didn't started out as a good kid image, but I do believed that anyone can change if they are willing to try.

“So let's get back to the journalist topic, what stories are you going to do? Is there anything that you might want to ask me for?” I could at least return the favor.

“Now that you mentioned it, I do have some cases that I might need your detective help to solve. Since Bendy boy is going to California for a 'restful retreat' and your cousin not in the states at the moment. We all can investigate together. I know some folks who can look after your kids!”

I stopped him for a second. “Wait! Wait! Wait! Hold up! What do you mean by we ALL investigate together?”

“Oh that? I meant us two with Sammy and Matty. Us four will go investigate on these small but unusual cases.” He clarified, but I had to say this: “Look, I get that things aren't that busy for now, but don't you think that the other two would be busy? Matteo, I would understand if he's not busy on most days, but Sam's...” I didn't have much to say about him for now cause I haven't heard him from the court house lately.

“Oh, he didn't told you yet? He's taken' a little break after winning that big case today. So he's free on most days since he's not gonna work much unless it involves you-know-who.”

“Oh... I forgot about it. It's the big case with that soda fraud. I must have been busy earlier to hear the news.” I was so busy with the kids before my shift that it slipped my mind. Sure, there was a mild case that there were counterfeit sodas during these past few weeks. It's not a major news but the effects is that people were giving money to crooks who gave the cheaper priced sodas from the local markets. The drinks quality weren't as good, they tasted awful and some didn't had that fizz. Some people tried to get a refund, but the 'sellers' weren't there anymore.

“We're glad that you were the one who took the photos of those people as one of the most effective evidence. A good majority of them were caught and brought into questioning.” We did had other evidences that was convincing, but Woody was the one who really saved the day. “Nah! I'm just taking their 'good' angle for when the photos will be printed in the papers tomorrow.” He smirked. “Anyways, back to some cases in question, there are some that us 4 need to go together.”

“So there's a detective, a journalist, a lawyer and a coroner in one group. That sounded like a start of a bad bar joke.” And none of them aren't even funny for a drunk man.

“Stay with me on this. There are some claims that involves supernatural cases.” He took out some case files that were in thin binders, but I set the line there. I had reasons NOT to go in these kind of cases.

“I'm out! Look, I said this a couple of times already, but let me be clear. Just because I have this 'ability' doesn't mean I'm into supernatural cases. I can't afford to do some of this stuff on the side when we're in a middle of the operation 'take down.' There's no way that the chief will approve any ghosts, 'spiritual' mediums or fictional monsters. There's needs to be more than just someone in a costume that's not on Halloween day.”

“That I agree, cause some of these cases had their 'victims' being scammed or harassed. Kinda like that soda counterfeit case where it's not exactly the type of soda, it's brand or the market that sells them. This would require some investigation and prevent more people falling into their traps or stop those people from attacking others in a costume.” He tries to convince me.

On the first phase, I do agree that some people would try and take money from innocent buyers out of products or false readings. The second... I do get that idea of being attacked by an unknown person. That doesn't need any 'scary' costume to frighten anybody in the night.

So I eventually decided to help. “Alright. I'll help if these cases are as serious as you said it is. But I'll need to report any cases that 'we' uncovered and solved.”

Woody shakes my hand. “I knew you'd be there for me, cool cat! Now, here's the first one we're gonna go...”

Another scary night Another spooky fright And you just might be in danger.

Thus began our formation of the 'freelancing' investigation team. A group of people with separate talents that barely had any connections to one another.

The first one was about a group of teenage girls from a prestigious, all girl school reserved for rich or gifted well... girls. The case was that there's a club that specializes fortune telling and connecting the 'other side' jazz that charges not only their classmates a pretty dollar, but some grieving folks that wanted to talk to their deceased loved ones.

Getting a reading wasn't easy considering the 'no boys allowed' in most of the school's properties unless it's a visiting male relative. Woody managed to get one of the members to set us up for a 'seance' session at night when there's fewer teachers on guard in exchange of paid in cash and some photos... of Sam, Matteo and me for some odd reasons...

Look! I'm not saying that we're not all ugly! Just... why?! I mean, Sam's actually a good looking man in his 30's and Matteo had that mysterious Italian vibe going for him. Not to mention they've probably had better pay than I do that might play a hand in it. But why me?! I'm not that- Oh! Never mind! I do not need to know! ANYWAYS! Ohh the ghost is here and it's always a fake The ghost is here and there's no reason to shake The ghost is here, oh give us a break It's fake.

When we've arrived at the scene, we played out as a group of guys who wanted to contact my 'deceased' relative. We picked that story cause we wanted to be as convincingly true. During the middle of a chant-like seance, that the lyrics sounded like something that I've read in a children nursery rhyme, there's a faint image of a ghost that floated in the middle of the circle. The ghost wasn't exactly 'frightening' but Woody got spooked and he forgot to let go of my hand when he ran away in a panic. Dragging me along, we hit a wall that was actually a rotary door that lead to a hidden room with another member that handled a projector. Thus, this ended the investigation. All members of the club were then exposed as a fraud, we reported it to the dean about it and then later, their parents had to send them away to a different school after some either got expelled or suspended for a few days.

We DID however almost got boiled in hot water when we ourselves actually had broken the 'no boys allowed' rule. Thankfully Sam had pointed out the evidence about the money, the people, their projector that was actually the school's property that they 'borrowed' it that we actually need to stop them. The dean then decided to let us off the hook, but we were warned and told to ask her permission if ever we encountered a similar case like this. Another ghoul attack She's breathing down our back So we're making tracks for the exit.

The second case was about a creature called 'Night beast,' original, that haunts a cemetery the past few months. Rumors from chased out eye witness say that during night time they hear someone digging whenever they walked across the area. The ones that did went to 'investigate,' they met with this some sort of a horrid, man-sized bat-like creature and was chased out.

At first, I thought that it was just some sort of a vampire prank, but when I heard some reports of getting slashed, not to mentioned that Matteo felt something of a 'disturbance' among the 'resting' and that he felt like he needs to do something. Oh the ghost is here and it's a crook in a suit The ghost is here and he's protecting some loot The ghost is here, oh give him the boot He's fake.

So we devised a plan. Me and Matteo will be playing as the night visitors for a 'relative' of Matteo to lure them out while Sam and Woody will be hiding to catch out bat of the night with a well set trap.

On that full moon night, me and Matteo walked into one of the tombs to see if our 'guardian' of the cemetery will be in tonight. It doesn't take much steps inside when he broke free from the newer caskets. I took out a hand mirror, upon Woody's request to see if this 'guy' doesn't have a reflection.

Yup, it's some big guy in a costume. Now we run!

It doesn't matter where we go, we know A ghost is gonna show and so We look for the bogus We look for the scam And every time the ghost is a sham.

We make sure that during the day time, we'd memorized the tombstone's placements so that we knew exactly which direction we need to take for us and him to follow. Once we've passed the trees that the others were hiding, Matteo rang a little bell and then they pulled the cord. Thankfully, it worked and now our target is eating dirt and before he realized it, he was tied up very quickly thanks to Woody.

He took off the mask only to reveal he's a small time thief that was wanted from a neighboring state. Not only that he was wanted for stealing jewelry from wealthy homes, but he was also wanted for stealing jewelry from the cemeteries too!

Well, that would explain a good part...

Thankfully, he was then transferred to the neighboring state he was wanted and we manage to find his stash from the newer caskets that he hid and a good majority was returned.

Matteo noticed that we might have knocked over a couple of makeshift flower offerings during the chase. I offered to help him place them with him and we got along fine...

We see an eerie light And if the mood is right Then you just might sight a monster.

We had several others before we came to the last rumor with a 'vengeful,' mutant, fish-man that's frightening most of the seafood sellers from the street markets during evenings. This was personal to me.

Not only does this masked fish-man was scaring off the workers, but there were reports of that 'mutant' stealing their goods!!

At this point in the game, I'm getting convinced that even if this isn't as big as the Alfonzo Mafia case, but taking an important food aliments from small business owners, only to get them in a much more expensive price point from another competitive fish market? This takes the fish cakes!

No one takes a basic human and cat food rights just for a few dollar more! Not on my cat eye's watch!

Oh the ghost is here, it's our frightening task To face our fears and the creep in the mask So the ghost is here, there's no reason to ask He's fake.

We followed the clues, witnesses and a theory that this might be a dirty strategy for the competitors to scare their rivals, take their goods and sell it for a higher profit. Upon sneaking in one of their warehouses where they shipped and stored their goods, we checked for any markings.

We've set up a plan to track down their goods by marking them so that we can find and then prove the guilty people to be held responsible for this mess. This time, I was with Sam in the main storehouse while the others went to find the light switches in the power/control center. We were using flashlights and looked for the recently 'new arrivals' to check if they had the matching numbers that the victims marked.

It's a match. However, that not the only discovery we've made... Our fish mutant is also the security guard!

We both bolted through the isles as it chases us. Sam told me to go corner it in the canned seafood section as he used his hook shot techniques to go up. I get that I'm supposed to lure him there but for what and what is he doing?!

I was then cornered and I was close to that fish mutant within feet from each other. Not that I'm not a skillful fighter, but I've had some troubles with opponents that are almost body builder types like Boris. Not to mentioned that the claws were an addition to a heck-naw! Flair.

Suddenly the lights went on to brighten up the whole warehouse,  it blinded the fish mutant but it's the same for me. All I did was trying to adjust my eyes to the lights and then I heard someone being tackled into the wall of canned sardines. I had to take a few seconds more to see that Sam had taken my handcuffs on this unconscious security guard.

It didn't took a second long before we heard the police siren and soon some officers, which are the ones that I'm familiar with and another high ranking officer to see us. Woody was ready for a picture as we all see that underneath the fish mutant was one of the rival employees that was harassing the local fish marketeers and taking their goods.  

It's been almost a week since that last case we did as a team. Sure, it's not a major news like taking down that notorious Alfonso mafia, but it did brought us quite a praising reputation. We we're referenced as the 'freelance investigation team' according to the public. Woody did a pretty good job as a journalist rather than an officer of the law. I think it was for the best when he decided to do so a few months ago.

We decided to celebrate as to throw a big party at a fun family dinner including the guys, Sheba, Kitty, the twins with a couple of their friends. Just to keep them company asides from adults. It was an enjoyable moment with just us as friends and family get together. I felt like it was like that old times when it was with my father, sister and the twins when they were younger.

Unfortunately, it got interrupted by someone. It was in the middle of a pinball machine contest, where I was holding Inky while Woody was holding Winky so they can be high enough to use the controllers. I felt something smacked at the back of my head as if someone tried to get my attention. I looked to see that my cousin was standing behind me. “I was feeling quite distress that I wasn't invited, my dear cousin. I thought that we we're close... well, I'm the better one but still, we we're so close.”

“What are you doing here, Alex? You weren't invited.” Woody noticed what was going on.

“Aww! Did I ruffled your little feathers, you annoying parrot? Well too bad. I'm obviously not letting 'him' have a goodnight this time. You've been getting too lucky lately, cousin. Have you forgotten that this will not last forever? That there might be someone who, oh, I don't know... MIGHT be in danger while you're 'resting?'” He teased me as to make me feel guilty of taking a night off for this. I grew wary of his attitude ever since he reappeared for more than 2 years. I can take whatever he's throwing at me as long as it doesn't involves those who were close to me, but as much as I want to stop him from smacking my head, I can't break off from Inky at the moment and neither Woody can.

He suddenly stopped when a shadowy appearance entered our situation. “Why hello, dear old 'friend.' I've seen you've recovered from our last... encounter. Did you find another decent job or just a 'temporary' part-time?” Matteo might have spooken one of our nine lives if he's gonna continue like a grim reaper facade. I remembered how Matteo once told me how he and Alex met and almost killed in Egypt, but I've yet to know how Alex got wary of Matteo since. I mean, Matteo had to wear a mask for his eyes thanks to him, but why is he afraid of him now? Have he and Matteo had a second encounter before coming here?

He took a step back but maintained his composure. He knows that he can manage Matteo well cause his melee fighting skills weren't his forte. Awakened or not, he's still not a match for Alex.

Unless someone else who just happens to return from the gentleman’s restroom. Alex only took one step back to hit him and looked up with eyes wide opened. He might have a toe to toe advantage for us three, but Sam's a different story. It didn't take much for Sam to knock him out with a fist on the head. He might not be a boxer, but he can do knock out punches.“Please let me take out this thrash. The waitresses are busy enough with something else tonight.” Sam picks him up from the jacket as they both left... Thank Ra that the girls are in the ladies room at the moment and that it's not crowded tonight. Even the kids didn't noticed but I think it's the fact that they're busy with the game to notice their surroundings. For this time, I'll take it and talk to him next time.

“Cheer up, cool cat. This ain't the time to be pessimistic. In fact, I've got a nice juicy reward for all of us excluding cue tip there.” Woody said before the pinball games were done.

“What surprise?” The twins heard that. Aw, Tuna Fish! Once they heard that, it's almost impossible to change the subject. But that didn't stop Woody to try. “Oh, I'm afraid it's for the adults and there won't be any kids you age there, kittens. But don't ch'a worry! If you both behave really good, you can spend a whole night with Coach Tony and his son!” They both got that sparkle in their little emerald green eyes like they just heard a message from God.

Not only coach Tony is like another father figure to them, but he's one of the kind heart adult that would make every kid included, even if they're not the best. The kids love him and his son too. I think that they almost looked like they're triplets. My kids would probably only be on their best behavior around him more than I can think of.

They soon started begging me to go to the 'adults only' event, so after thinking about it quickly, I said to then only if they behave and to stick to the rules, they can. They hugged me and then they ran over to Kitty and Sheba as soon as they came.

“What's with them?” Sheba asked. “Oh, Felix will tell about it later. He just needed to be informed about what's gonna happened in a couple of weeks. I'm sure we'll be there.” Matteo smiled and Sheba was a bit charmed.

“Ohhhhh! You're so mystique when you say that! Felix! You better give us all the details later!” Sheba told me as they head to the table to get their things as they passed by Sam once he's returned. She and Matteo got along well since... well, our introductions a couple of moths before.

“Alright! Now that they're distracted and that us guys are all here, guess what's gonna be happenin' big this time around here!” Woody reached over my shoulders and Matteo's as to make us closer while Sam just bended down a bit. Judging from their faces, I'm guessing that they've have planned on something. “So! Just to finish our celebration of our teamwork during the random cases, which involves money scams, robberies and harassment, we've been invited to the Chicago's summer ball this year.” Woody announced with a big grin.

What? The annual Chicago's summer ball? That's like one of the big events in the city annually. Normally, only the first class, important business owners, politicians and sometimes big guest stars gather for an evening night club jazz and a garden stroll that's decorated just for the event before reopened for the whole public. Anyone like ourselves would only dream to attend at the event.

“The old mayor gave all of us exclusive VIP tickets for our works and a couple of extras for the girls. We were chosen for each of our talents separately and since this would also be part of my journalist career, it would mean quite a lot to me if we can all go together!” Woody flashed the tickets. As much as this was a very good news, I had to...

“But... I'm not exactly social elite type. Not to mentioned that Bendy and Boris will be there too since they're required to attend AND they never turn down free alcohols and five star meals.” Not to mentioned mingling with top class women who wanted to climb the latter or gold digging their ways... Another reason why I don't like about him is that he uses his money to get whatever he wants. What ever happened to being loyal to one partner for life?

“Bah! I wouldn't worry about that brat and his wolf rug on that night, Félix.” Sam waved a bit. “Animator or mafia boss, even he can't get away with anything on that particular night. There will be guards, photographers and even people that aren't in his favors at the event. Some of it will be in papers and television wide after all and well... there will be too many eye witnesses everywhere.” He's got a good point. Bendy can be maliciously calculating but he knows better than plotting something within these events.

Well, 'inside' the events. If you can count his lower crew members to do his dirty work outside in the city else where.

“This would be my first time attending to such event, si? It would be interesting if it's any different from where I came from and it would ease me if you can come.” Matteo charmed in as if he wanted me to attend too.

“Come on, ya old bugger! Think of it as a free date in a fancy dinner restaurant with special guest stars! Ya girl will love it!” Woody is really urging me to go.

You know what? What the heck! What can possibly go wrong?

----Author's Notes-----

You have NO idea of how long it took me, even in quarantine times, that I wanted to finish this but I was too numb to do so... Like I wanted to do it but I'm lacking of motivation to do so?

So anyways, I decided to redo my second OC of Woody McPecker as an ex-Irish gangster now journalist. I did watched previous years on the war between the Irish and the Italians gang members who wanted a piece of territories in the new world. Long story short, they were at war with each other. So I thought that this would be an interesting concept for someone who's a former gangster, knows the strings of operations in between the gangs and knows their methods of how they work.

So I thought that it would be interesting if there's like a redeeming character like that and hopefully Woody would be a much better OC for this that he was in my Golden Eyes series. I thought that he would be done as an extra but after some thoughts, he would be just fine as a journalist and knows stuff like Sheba's level and my first personal favorite OC, Sam Toucan.

That was inspired by an old Scooby Doo VHS movie back in the 90's and this song inspires it.

I bet it would be neat if this would work out like that Scooby Doo vibes with a larger character casts like that on the official BBTIM AU!

I hope that everyone is doing fine and that hopefully we will see the light at the end of that tunnel, stay safe!

BBTIM Characters belongs to @marini4 and some Ocs belongs to me.

icepack

fallen hero fan fiction sidestep era chargestep ~2.2k words

------

“And then you just… POW right in the mouth!”

“Shut up!” You try not to laugh. “It was either that or let him shoot you.”

“You must really kill at the clubs.”

“Maybe I should have let him shoot you.”

“No, no, it was great. Damn, where are my keys? Oh, thanks.”

“You’d forget your own head if it wasn’t for me.”

“I’m not that bad.” The door knobs jostles as Ortega fusses with the lock. “You should’ve seen Sentinel the other week, we spent an hour looking and he had his keys the whole time.” The door swings up and light from the hallway floods into the darkened apartment. Getting through the door is a little awkward with Ortega’s arm slung over your shoulder, but the two of you manage to crab walk your way in. Ortega flips on the lights as you pass through the kitchen.

You let her lead the way to the living room, and gently sit her down on the couch. “How’s that knee feeling?”

“Like I told you, Ariadne, it’s fine.”

“Fine my ass.” You snap back. She limped the whole way home, hell you had to help her up the stairs. She’s as bad as you, you swear.

“That’s pretty fine too.”

You stiffen, the ghost of her arm still felt on your back. “You should get a professional to check on it tomorrow. Just to be safe.” You must have misheard that.

“I’ll be fine.” Ortega rubs her leg, scrunching and stretching out the fabric of the skinsuit. “You’ve certainly walked off worse.”

“Yeah well, I don’t exactly have…” You bite back the words in your mouth, swallow them down.

“What?” Ortega gives you a curious look and it’s too much. You need to escape it. Turn your back on her and retreat to the kitchen, hunting through the cabinets for plastic bags. 

“It’s nothing. Look, just get it looked at, okay?”

“Mierda, I don’t need two moms.”

“So help me god, Ortega, you should thank your lucky stars it’s me and not Tiá here telling you.”

“I don’t know whether to be ecstatic or terrified at how well you two have hit it off.”

You roll your eyes, not that Ortega can see it. “She’s just grateful someone’s out there making sure her daughter doesn’t get herself killed is all.”

“She wants you to come over for the holidays, did she tell you that?”

You pause, staring into the freezer with a handful of ice. “Huh.” The lance of cold in your hand pulls you back out of your head and you resume filling the plastic bag. “Like the day of the dead thing?”

“Dia de Muertos.”

“Yeah. That.”

“You know how I feel about parties.”

“Ari.” Her voice is sharp. “This is a private family thing.”

“Here.” You walk back into the living room hold a plastic bag full of ice. You carefully wrap it in a towel you stole hanging off the dishwasher and toss it to Ortega. “Keep that pressed on your knee, it’ll–“

“I know what an ice pack is mamá.” Her voice is teasing but you wince anyway. “You should come.” And she’s back to serious again.

You linger, leaning your arms on the back of the couch, grateful for the barrier it makes. How Ortega has to tilt back and up to see you. “I don’t… it’d be weird, wouldn’t it?”

“How would it be weird?”

God, she’s really going to make you spell it out? “You just said it. It’s like, a family thing, right?

She scoffs at you. “What? You think you aren’t family?”

You roll your eyes. “Ortega, we’ve known each other for barely three years.”

“And yet we’re practically sisters already.”

Something about that comment makes you wince, makes you want to stab back. Why? “Oh, so now I’m your sister? I thought I was your mother before.”

Ortega takes it stride. “Nothing says you can’t be both.”

You have to bite your lip to keep form laughing. “That’s kind of fucked up, isn’t?” You shift position, “Scooch over, I’m sitting down,” you warn before vaulting over the back of the couch, sliding down next to Ortega.

“You know, one day you’re going to break the couch doing that and there’ll be hell to pay.”

You don’t even try hiding your laughter this time. “You’ll have catch me first old woman.”

“Hey! 29 is not old.”

“Practically obsolete. Sorry Sparkles, but thems the breaks.” You can’t help the grin on your face now as Ortega glowers at you, right hand too preoccupied keeping the ice pack pressed to punch you. 

You touch a hand to your face– oh. Wince. “Well, I guess if I’m staying here awhile…” You try not to think about whether Ortega’s eyes are on you as you pull your mask off, running your other hand through your hair as is takes the new freedom to spill out all over your face in spiraling waves of reddish brown. It’s getting too long. You need to cut it back before it starts being a problem.

“I was wondering if I’d get to see that face today.”

You narrow your eyes at her as you drop your mask on your lap to continue fixing your hair. “C-cool your jets Carmen, or you’ll lose face privileges again.” You know perfectly well your face is awful, you wish she’d stop making jokes about it.

It doesn’t help that the way Ortega is looking at you is just making you more anxious. You shift position on the couch so you’re facing the balcony window. Huh. Still haven’t replaced the railing. Embarrassing. “Hey, I’ve been wondering,” Ortega starts and you brace yourself. That’s a terrifying way to start a sentence. “Are you seeing anyone?”

You freeze, both hands in your hair, mind blank.

What? 

“Oh– sorry.” From the corner of your eye you can sea Ortega reach back with her free hand to rub at her neck. “I was just… You’re always getting an earful from me and well,” Ortega keeps rubbing the back of her neck. “I just wanted you to… uh, feel free to vent your own troubles?” She glances at you. “I mean, if you want to, is all.”

You don’t look at her. “This is about that music guy isn’t?” Are you angry? Anxious? Both?

“How many more times do I need to say sorry about that?”

You press your lips into a grim smile. “At least two more milkshakes.”

“Well that’s not so bad.”

“You’re hard to stay mad at.”

You don’t have to be looking at her to know she’s got that smug grin on her face. “I’m just naturally charming.”

“Three milkshakes now, old lady.” You bite your lip, tracing patterns on your leg as you stare out the window. “You really don’t need to keep trying to set me up with people. It’s… weird?” 

Ortega huffs and leans forward, trying to intrude on your field of vision or see you face or both. “Why’s it weird?”

“It… it just is, okay?” You can’t tell her. It’ll beg too many other questions. Questions that you aren’t ready answer. Aren’t ready for how it’ll change things. You like what you have now. Too much maybe. You should have known better than to have gotten this comfortable with the Marshal. “I’m… not interested, is all. I guess.” You press your finger into you thigh, little patterns you’ve learned by heart now. You don’t want her to look at you differently. Like a man or like a–

There’s a brief moment of merciful silence and then– “So you are into women then.”

You choke. “What?”

Ortega laughs at the look on your face. “Honestly. I should have put it together after how hard you crushed on Sunstream.”

You can feel the heat on your cheeks. “God, what? I was just– Look. She’s been through a lot okay?”

“You were just worried for her.”

“Yes!”

“As a friend.”

You turn to look Ortega in the eye. You really need to snip this in the bud now or you’ll never hear the end of it. “I’m serious! You know how hard she took the Nanosurge.”

She raises a hand, “Okay, okay.” She doesn’t sound like she believes you.

You can feel the anxiety in your gut as the silence stretches out between you. “…I hope she’s okay.” You admit. No one’s seen or heard from Sunstream since the letter with her surprise resignation. You’ve done some poking around on your own, and it’s only given you a sinking dread the more you’ve looked. It feels like a warning shot.

Carefully, Ortega puts her hand on your knee. “I’m sure she’s doing fine. I think she’s got family out east.” Does she really think that or is she just trying to reassure you?

“I… I hope so.” You let out your breath, slumping into your seat. 

There was a time, before you started taking pills, that you found certain… men and women, had a… magnetic quality. They drew your eye whether you wanted it or not. It almost always got you nothing but trouble during missions. To say nothing of other, more dysphoric, thoughts. It had been a relief when that all went away. 

Or… it seemed like it had. Was Ortega right? Had you been crushing on Sunstream? But your concern had been strictly altruistic, hadn’t it? It had to have been, right? The idea that maybe you had some alternative… predatory(?) motive… You have to swallow down the nausea.

“I don’t know… how do you…” You bit down on the inside of your check hard enough to make you wince. “You’re the expert.”

Ortega raises her eyebrows at you. “Uh-oh. What’s this about?”

You roll your eyes at her, look away. “H-how do you know if you like someone?”

“Uh–” You glance back at her. You’ve made Ortega uncomfortable again. That seems to be happening more often lately. You can feel the knife of tension in your guts. Whatever it is you keep doing wrong, you wish you could stop.

She rubs at the back of her neck with her free hand as she looks away. Lost in thought? “Well, it’s.. you just know. I guess? Something clicks and off you go.”

“Sorry.” You whisper. “That was a weird question.” This is too much. You can feel your throat pinch too tight. Try to swallow it down. You push off the couch so you can pace by the window. Put that nervous energy to something besides hurting your leg.

“Being a celebrity doesn’t help.”

You shoot her a look. “You poor thing.”

“I’m serious!” Ortega’s voice is light but she’s not smiling. “Sorting out who’s genuine and who’s not… having some gossip rag blowing up every coffee into a new relationship… You’d be better off asking literally anyone else. I think my perspective might be a little warped.”

“I thought you said you ‘just knew’ or something.”

You watch Ortega squirm on the couch through her reflection on the glass window. “Well…” She forces a laugh. “I guess it isn’t really that simple.”

A thought occurs to you, bringing your pacing to a halt. “Wait.” You look at her, “Do you–” You cut yourself off. You don’t want to finish that sentence, or hear the answer you’re sure to get. The impossibility of the thought already hurts too much.

“What?”

“I–it’s– it’s nothing.” You lie. “S-sorry.” You roll your shoulder, feel the little pops and cracks. “Just stop trying to set me up with guys, okay? I’m… I’m not interested.”

Ortega looks back at you. You know that expression, like she’s trying to figure you out. Why do you keep talking to her? The more you talk the more she learns, the more dangerous she is. “No more men then?” She says.

You narrow your eyes. Like you wouldn’t catch that. “No more anyone.”

That gets a smirk, and Ortega waves a hand in defeat. “Alright, alright.”

You run a hand through your hair. Should have brought some bobby pins with you. “I don’t even get why you care so much.” You say as you return to the couch.

“I just want my friends to be happy, that’s not a crime now, is it?” She laughs. “It’ll be awkward if I have to arrest myself.”

You punch her in the arm, “Buzz off with that, Sparkles. I’m plenty happy as is.” God this whole conversation is fraying your nerves. You laugh, letting anxiety transmute into more nervous energy. “What do I need some dumb boyfriend for when I’ve got a best friend?” 

Ortega gives you a strange look, one you don’t know how to read. A kernel of panic starts in you mind before a grin breaks across her face. “So you’ll come to Mamá’s then?”

The question catches you off balance. You thought you’d successfully evaded that one. “I…” You look at Ortega, the expectant impression on her face. “Fine.” You say, admitting defeat. “But no more of this… w-weird matchmaker business. Okay?”

“Alright.” There’s that smug grin again. “If you ever change your mind though, I’m happy to help you out.”

You roll your eyes. “I– I won’t, I promise you.”

noctuary

Noctuary: a record of what passes in the night; a nightly journal.

In the early days of his childhood, before he knew of monsters and demons and things that went bump in the night, Dean Winchester kept a diary.

Most of the entries were normal—just documentations of everyday life.

Dad taught me the proper way to throw a baseball. I can’t wait until I can start playing for reals.

Today we made apple pie for Thanksgiving, and mom let me have the biggest piece.

Sammy read his first book today. He’s going to be smart, I can tell.

He would write an entry every night, just before he went to bed, and he did so for many years. Every day written down, in a special journal that Dean kept in a box under his bed. To him, it was just a nice routine, a bit of fun.

Until all of a sudden, it wasn’t.

It began when Dean was ten.

Dear diary.

I think there’s something in my closet.

The door opens without me touching it, and sometimes I hear noises coming from inside. My room feels cold some days, and it moves around while I’m asleep. I keep my eyes closed really tight when I can hear it, and hope that it will go away.

When Dean tells his dad, John laughs it off. “There’s no monster hiding in your closet, Dean. Monsters aren’t real.” To placate him, though, John wedges a chair under the closet handles that night before Dean goes to sleep. “There you go,” he says jokingly, “the monster can’t get you tonight.”

Dean is relieved. That night, he doesn’t write in his diary.

In the morning, when he wakes up, his chair is back under his desk as though it was never moved in the first place.

~

Dean’s dad doesn’t believe him when he tells him about the monster, and his mom doesn’t listen at all, just brushes it off as his overactive imagination. His diary becomes his only outlet.

Dear diary,

I heard the monster tonight.

Dear diary,

I’m scared. Please send someone who can help me.

Dear diary,

Dear diary,

Dear diary.

~

Dean writes in his diary for weeks. And in those weeks, the darkness he can feel lingering in his closet spreads dark tendrils of fear into his room. Things move, deep growls rumble through his room at night, lights flicker on and off—but it never touches Dean. Just lingers.

What it’s waiting for, he doesn’t know, but he knows it’s there, even though the closet is always empty whenever one of his parents open it.

For weeks, the thing spreads, and nothing happens.

And then one night, everything happens at once.

~

It’s very late on a Sunday night, and the whole house is asleep.

The whole house, bar one.

Dean had almost been asleep when he’d heard it—the sound of claws rasping against wood, something dragging, slithering. The sounds are coming from his closet.

He pulls his covers up over his head and trembles, hoping the blankets will muffle the sound that only he seems to be able to hear—but they don’t. The scraping gets louder. He can hear the monster breathing, and fear wraps around his heart in a cold grip. The monster has lain dormant for so long that Dean can’t even begin to imagine why it’s here, or what it wants from him.

He knows, though, deep in his heart, that whatever its plan…

It’s happening tonight.

The closet door creaks as it slowly, slowly swings open.

Dear diary, Dean thinks. Please, I need someone to help me, I’m—I’m so scared. Please help me.

And then he hears something else.

Something new.

It’s like a hum, except made of a thousand different voices each singing a slightly different tune. They blend into an overwhelming harmony that at first makes no sense, but slowly… the sounds recombine into syllables, and then into words, and then Dean can hear.

“You’re sure this is the place, Castiel?”

A second voice speaks, now, in a different harmony, made of a thousand new voices. Dean likes this one better than the first. “Yes. I can feel it. There is something sinister in this house, Anael, of such intense malicious intent and so strong that I can feel its power growing with every passing minute. We must hurry.”

Their voices are in Dean’s head, but somehow he knows that these people—are they people? Whoever, or whatever, they are—are nearby.

He holds his breath. In his closet, the monster growls again, louder and deeper than Dean has ever heard it. The house is otherwise silent, creaking occasionally in the wind, his family surely all fast asleep. A cold sensation starts in Dean’s toes, slowly creeping upward along his legs. The wooden end of Dean’s bed creaks and snaps beneath the strong grip of claws, and he trembles harder.

Please, please, please. Help me.

And then the windows of Dean’s room shatter inwards.

His head still tucked under his blankets, Dean is protected from the shards of glass that rain across the room, but he hears the monster screech horribly. The sound is like talons on metal, and he cries out as the pain of it lances through his head.

“Protect the child!” the first voice orders, and all at once, Dean feels the cold that grips his body subside. He squeezes his eyes shut tightly and stays where he is, curled into a ball beneath the covers. Whatever is going on out there, he knows he doesn’t want to look until it’s all over.

The monster shrieks again, knives and nails and the screams of so many tormented people, but this time there are words laced into the earsplitting sound. “Mine,” it snarls, in a voice so awful that every single one of Dean’s hairs stand on end. “My chosen prey. You angels have no right.”

The harmonic voices come again, filling Dean’s head with light and sound and more stimulation than he can possibly take.

“He has prayed. He is protected. Leave this place.”

“Not until what I get what I have been waiting for. Preying on. Biding my time to consume. You will have to kill me before I give it up.”

“So be it.”

Dean’s mind implodes.

He covers his mouth with his hands and screams silently as the room explodes with cold— light—sound—darkness. Everything changing, too quickly for him to process and so overwhelming. He shakes under the blankets as outside his protective cocoon, the two voices—angels? Could it be?—fight against the monster that has been lingering at the edges of his nightmares for so long.

He is protected.

The noise—the unearthly screeching, and the sound of bells and voices so loud that Dean’s ears must be bleeding—continues and continues for a timeless age, until the foundations of his house creak and groan and shake, until Dean can’t take any more, until—

All of a sudden, it stops.

There is silence, and then the second voice says, “Track the creature, Anael. Don’t let it escape. I will tend to the child.”

Dean is blissfully empty. Free of unbearable cold or burning heat, earsplitting sounds or lights so bright they seem to have burned themselves into his mind, despite his eyes being so tightly closed. For one pure moment, he just is.

Slowly, shakily, he uncurls from his defensive ball and opens his eyes.

From under the edges of the blankets that he’s pulled over himself, Dean sees a soft, blue, glowing light.

“Dean Winchester?”

The voice seems… softer. It’s still a thousand different voices in his head, all combined into one, but the words are quiet. Tentative. Whatever is speaking to him, it doesn’t want to frighten him.

When Dean blinks, his lashes are wet, and he realizes he’s been crying. “W-what?” he whispers quietly. His voice shakes.

The light outside his blankets shifts and brightens. “You can… you can hear me?”

It sounds almost surprised.

“Yes,” Dean says quietly. He curls his fingers around the edge of the blankets, and the glow gets brighter as he lifts them up just a little. “I could hear you, and—and the monster.”

He wants to see the angel, and he sits up, pushing the blankets off himself.

“Wait—“ says the voice as he moves, but it’s too late.

For a few seconds, the blue glow filling Dean’s room is too bright, to the point where he has to squint against it and hold his hand up to his eyes to shield them. And then it slowly fades away, and Dean’s eyes widen at the sight before him.

Crouched in Dean’s room is a creature so big that it shouldn’t possibly be all fitting in here—and indeed, the room feels off, like it’s been modified and stretched and manipulated just to be able to accommodate this… angel.

It has three heads; one lion, one crow, and a human one in the middle that watches Dean with ethereal, blue, too-large eyes. It has paws and hooves and feet and it’s so squished into Dean’s room that he can’t see just how it all fits together, but the one thing that stands out are the two blue-black wings pressed against the walls of Dean’s room.

They shift and sparkle, constantly moving, stars and galaxies confined within those ink-dark feathers as though this creature holds the entire universe on its back.

Dean can only stare, completely lost for words.

The angel blinks once, slowly, then leans in closer to Dean. None of its mouths move, but Dean clearly hears it say in his head, “You can see me?”

“Of course,” he replies, like it’s the plainest thing in the world. “You look nice. I like your wings.”

In Dean’s mind, there is a sound like bells and wind chimes. The angel is happy. He smiles.

“Thank you for saving me from the monster. Mom and dad thought I was lying about it, but I told my diary. Is that why you came?”

“We came because you needed us, Dean Winchester,” the angel says in his head. “You are protected.” It reaches out one huge paw and settles it gingerly on the end of his bed.

Dean puts his hand on the glowing, blue fur. It feels soft and solid, but a shiver runs up his arm, and a taste like static electricity sparks across his tongue. When he looks back up, it almost feels like the angel is smiling.

“I am the angel Castiel,” it says. “I must go now, but I am sure we will meet again, Dean Winchester.”

It spreads its wings, and they ripple with the shifting of a million tiny stars and galaxies. The room is filled with a flash of light, so bright that Dean finally has to close his eyes against it, and when he opens them, the angel is gone. His hand falls to the bed.

The house is silent once again, as though nothing had ever happened.

At the foot of Dean’s bed, though, balanced atop the quilted covers, lies a single black feather. He picks it up and runs his fingers along its length; it feels impossibly, ethereally soft.

Dean smiles and holds it to his chest.

I am sure we will meet again, Dean Winchester. 

Chapter 21: Carry & Sunny

Sunny liked the way Joss' messed-up hair framed their face. Joss only wore it open when presenting female; it was the biggest cue Joss had given. Clothes may vary on how they felt, Joss generally preferred pants and suits so that wasn't much to work with and not every day Joss felt female, Joss also had the energy or mind to put on make-up or such. For Joss personally, hair was an important issue. It had always been an important part for her to feel it frame her face, falling loose, play with the slight curls she would get if not straightened, while during his time thinking he was trans, he had found it empowering to shave it off. Either way, there was never a hair out of place with Joss though; Joss was quite the perfectionist overall. So to see it not just loose – which Sunny had seen a lot already – but messed-up and fluffed-up was... very endearing.

“Are you staring at me...?”, grunted Joss, voice gruff from sleep, dark eyes blinking open.

“Yes, I am. You're cute when you're sleeping”, hummed Sunny unapologetically. “Good morning.”

“Mornin'... coffee...?”, asked Joss hopefully.

“I don't drink that awful stuff and since I wasn't expecting you to stay over, I have none”, chimed Sunny, maybe a little more apologetic. “I make a mean hot chocolate though, if you'd like.”

“...Fine”, sighed Joss, sounding clearly disappointed.

The two of them had been on a relatively spontaneous date last night. They had gone dancing and afterward, tired and with Sunny's place closer, they had both gone there. Nothing had happened, Joss had even slept on the couch, being perfectly polite and a little flustered, but it was somehow still nice to wake up with Joss right there. While Sunny prepared breakfast, Joss disappeared into the bathroom. The whole time, Joss' phone was buzzing with new messages. Curious.

“Emergency at work?”, asked Sunny when Joss, with the phone in hand, walked in.

“No. It's... something else”, sighed Joss, running a hand through their hair.

Once they stood right beside Sunny, they kissed her softly on the cheek, making Sunny smile. Daisy, Sunny's very much beloved little terrier, was chirping and circling Joss in excitement. There was something Joss was hiding, but Sunny was content to wait until Joss was ready to share it.

“You know you could tell me, if you wanted”, offered Sunny, picking Daisy up and kissing her little forehead. “I'm a good listener, or so have I been told. And whatever it is, it seems to weigh on you.”

“...We're planning a jewelry heist and we can't seem to fully agree on the details.”

“I can't tell if that is a joke-answer or a metaphor or... oh you are literally planning a... what.”

Joss rubbed their face and sat down on a chair facing Sunny. “Literally. There is a... very valuable jewel that is... in the possession of someone who is not the rightful owner... to put it mildly.”

“So you're... stealing it back?”, asked Sunny intrigued.

“You could say that”, confirmed Joss, tapping their fingers against the table.

“Who's we?”, asked Sunny next, concern evident on her face. “I mean, a good heist needs a good team. Ocean's 8 is all I'm gonna say there.”

“It's... a good team, I suppose”, chuckled Joss softly. “But... I think it's better if you know as little as possible... just in case anything goes South. I don't want you involved in this.”

“Okay. Let's talk about something different then. When am I going to meet your friends? We should schedule that soon, because planning your birthday party with total strangers would be awkward.”

Joss made a face, while petting the very insistent Daisy with one hand. “You're really going to throw me a birthday party, aren't you...? I'm not much for parties, Savitri...”

“I know that. So let's not call it a party”, offered Sunny gently. “I just... You, me and your best friends. A small round. We could play... board-games and eat good food together, that's all.”

Joss grumbled softly and with a head-shake gave up. “I have to leave. I have to get home and get showered and changed before work. We'll talk later, okay?”

Sunny pouted, just a little bit, but she leaned in to kiss Joss gently before they left. Toward the end of her breakfast, her phone started buzzing. Her mug of hot chocolate in one hand, she reached for her phone with the other to check. She had been added to a group-chat, titled Joss' Birthday Not-Party. Joss had started the group-chat. And left it, after adding various numbers. Angelique Lamour, Sebastian Weinberg, Sander Hancock, Melanie Maguire, Elizabeth Liddell, Noxia Black, Alina Preston. For a not very social person, that was a rather impressive list.

Sunny recognized the names, having listened closely whenever Joss was telling her something personal. She knew Angel was Joss' best friend, they had met through work. Alina, Noxia and Elizabeth – Lizzy, Laureen's little sister – also worked with Joss. Sebastian, Sander and Melanie were part of Joss' book-club that Sunny was considering to join.

A small smile found its way onto Sunny's lips. She knew Joss acted grumpy but even Joss wanted to be surrounded by the people they loved on their birthday. Sunny hummed happily, before getting distracted by an incoming text from Joss on their private chat.

Hope you're happy now. NOTHING big though.

Sunny smiled to herself at that, but before she could type an answer another text came in. When is your birthday? You haven't told me yet.

That was right. Joss' only had come up because, well, it was coming up. October 8th. So you still have five months go go, no worries ;)

With her mood high, Sunny went about preparing herself for the day.

 ~*~

 Carroll Lewis was a woman with ambition. Her ambition had brought her where she was... and would bring her where she wanted to be. At the top. Being pulled into the Zodiac-nonsense was the best that could have happened to her; the power she now wielded.

If only her boss wouldn't have a personal agenda. Making these things personal was... never a good idea. This should be treated like business, because it was. They could make so much money with this, instead of playing cat and mouse with the goodies. It was going to end in a disaster, she could already tell. However, she was not being listened to.

When out of nowhere, she was suddenly wrapped up in vines in her own living room, she blamed that very not listening to for that. If they had just cleaned up and taken care of this earlier, then there would not be a merry band of heroes in her villa right now, leaving her – and her bodyguards – tied up in thick, sturdy vines. She gritted her teeth. Her reflexes were good, if she was expecting it.

“We're not going to hurt you. We just want Libra”, stated Sagittarius seriously.

Carroll rolled her eyes irritated. “So boring. Harming is half the fun.”

Leo approached her and took the brooch from her. She did wonder how they had figured out her secret identity. That was the problem. One could not take the jewel while actively bonded with the Zodiac and using the powers. And this had come too sudden for her to act.

“I'd like to pay you back for what you did to me”, whispered Leo, sounding bitter.

“Oh, bu-hu”, sighed Carroll bored. “I told Serpentarius I should just finish the job and take the jewel from your body, but she had... 'plans', whatever that means.”

“Who is Serpentarius?”, asked Taurus, pointing her golden lance at Carroll.

“You'd have to hurt me to get that out of me and you wouldn't”, snorted Carroll unimpressed.

“You're awfully... neutral on this whole situation”, observed Gemini with narrowed eyes.

“Libra is strong, yes. But there are so many constellations to choose from. Take this from me, I will not be powerless. I'll find out who you are and you'll regret this.”

The great heroes exchanged looks at that. All very dramatic, really. How annoying. At least with minions, they simply followed orders. This bunch, they were probably all 'democratic' and made decisions based on not harming others. Morals, such a hindrance. Though she was going to have some strong words with a certain snake-bearer about this mess. If they had done it Carroll's way, they would have at least half the Zodiacs already, instead of letting the 'heroes' get away with everything and for the main part just play around with them, waiting. Carroll was done waiting.

 ~*~

 Sunny was admittedly surprised to find Joss in front of her apartment when she got home. She had spent the past two days texting with Joss' friends about the birthday not-party and she felt like she could quite like them – especially Angel seemed like such a cheerful and delightful person.

“Did we have plans? Did I forget something?”, asked Sunny softly when being pulled into a kiss.

Joss was wearing his hair in a tight bun and, pressed up like this, Sunny could feel that today he was definitely binding. Two very clear indicators. He was also looking that very nicely cut vest that Sunny loved so much because it outlined his frame so nicely.

“I'm sorry I didn't contact you much since our last date”, whispered Joss.

“I assumed... you were busy with your... heist”, hummed Sunny and unlocked the door, leading Joss upstairs to the apartment. “I take it, everything went well, since I'm not visiting you in jail?”

“We stole a jewel from Carroll Lewis yesterday. Yes, the Carroll Lewis. It's... not just a jewel. You've been paying attention to the news too, right? The superheroes. There are jewels that bestow these kind of powers to humans. She... was using it for bad things so we took it back.”

“You... took it back...? What does that mean?”, whispered Sunny, trying to keep up.

Joss sighed and rubbed his cuff-links, just to be surrounded by a bright glow – and who remained was Gemini... one of the heroes that were all over the news. Sunny gasped and stepped back.

“I wanted to tell you, however I also did not want to get you... dragged into this”, admitted Joss.

“Then... Then why are you now?”, asked Sunny, eyebrows furrowed.

“You're a Libra. October 8th”, said Joss like that was in any way an explanation.

“...Is that supposed to mean anything...?”

“There is a lot I have to explain to you in detail, but the short of it is that... these Zodiacs can only bond with those born under their sign. As a Libra, you can bond with the jewel of Libra. Me and... my team... spent all of yesterday debating who to give it to and...”

“And you volunteered me?”, yelped Sunny, to equal parts flustered and shocked.

“You're the kindest, sweetest person I know, you would use it for good... and you would treat Libra right. He's... been abused by Carroll and above all else, he deserves to be treated right.”

His eyes fell onto Daisy there, peacefully sleeping on her pink little bed. Confused but intrigued, Sunny accepted the pink marble. It immediately started glowing and Sunny somewhat understood. A dog appeared, an all-pink dog with his tail between his legs. Carefully, Sunny sat down.

“Hello there, sweetie”, whispered Sunny gently. “It's okay. No one's going to hurt you. Are you hungry? I have some very good dog-treats here – Daisy can attest for that.”

Daisy stirred at the sound of her name, shaking her head which made the pink bow in her fur flop back and forth adorably. Curiously, she jumped out of her bed and went to sniff the new dog.

“...Treats?”, asked the pink dog, sounding unsure – and okay, the dog could talk.

With both eyebrows raised did Sunny regard Joss. “You owe me so many explanations there. But for now, please change out of that silly outfit. And you, little guy, get some treats.” Daisy yelped. “I'm sorry. The both of you are getting some treats.”

“Can I have treats too? Non-dog please”, requested Joss with the fondest smile.

“You. You are glad I am fond of you”, huffed Sunny, wagging a finger at Joss.

There was a sheepish look on Joss' face as he changed back to his regular outfit, though... an owl appeared next to him. A pretty black and white one. Sunny had so many questions.

Read here on AO3!

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Welcome to the Family - Chapter 1

(Next Chapter)

A Voltron: Legendary Defender fic Central Characters: Keith, Lance Word Count: 1,976 Modern Day/High School AU Read on AO3

Summary: Lance had been excited about his family taking in a foster kid, eager to get to meet his brand new little brother or sister, who would surely adore and idolize their super cool Big Brother Lance. What he got instead was a sullen, quiet, temperamental teenage housemate with a criminal record and a disastrous haircut.

“He’s our age,” Lance said the moment Pidge and Hunk had connected to the Skype call, his voice coming out in practically a whine. “I cannot fucking believe it. Our age.”

“Okay, yeah, we’re gonna need context here,” Pidge said, rolling her eyes. “Who’s our age, and why do you sound distraught about it?”

Lance huffed out a breath. “Remember when I told you about how Mom and Pop-pop were planning on becoming foster parents since everyone in the house keeps growing up and moving out? And they did those interviews and home visits and stuff?”

“Vaguely,” Pidge said.

“Yeah, not like you mentioned how excited you were to be a big brother, what, forty times a day? Fifty?” Hunk added.

“A conservative estimate if I ever heard one,” Pidge said with a smirk.

“Shut up,” said Lance. “Well, apparently they got their foster kid assignment, told me and Rachel about it today. He’s gonna be moving in on Wednesday and guess what? Guess fucking what?”

“He’s our age,” Hunk said flatly.

“He’s our age! Hell, he’s older, technically. Same grade, but he’s got a fall birthday. I just - God, I had plans, you know? I was getting ready for some cute little eight-year-old to move in and be in awe of their amazing big brother Lance. I was gonna teach them how to dive and help them with their homework and, like, go kite-flying and give piggyback rides and - ”

“I’m sorry, time out,” Pidge interrupted. “Do you even know how to fly a kite?”

“I was going to learn!” Lance snapped. “Point is, I was finally, finally going to not be the goddamn baby of the family for once, I was finally going to get to do all those big-brother things that Marco and Luis got to do. And what happens? I get assigned a guy who’s our age.”

“Well, your age,” Pidge said.

“Our grade, whatever. How am I supposed to do all that with someone my age, huh? How am I supposed to get him excited about genius brother Lance helping him with his homework if he’s in the same grade as me? I can barely help myself with homework!”

“Aw, Lance,” Hunk said, reaching up to pat his webcam as if he were patting Lance on the head. “Maybe he’ll want to do the kite-flying and piggyback rides anyway.”

“Believe it or not, Hunk, I don’t want to give a piggyback ride to someone who’s months older than me.”

“Bummer.”

“I just - gah!” Lance set his elbow onto his desk hard enough for a thunk to echo through it and began kneading the heel of his hand into his forehead. “I wish my parents would’ve given me some warning, you know? Let me know ahead of time that they were planning on fostering a teenager.”

“Quick question,” said Pidge. “Did your parents ever actually say, specifically, that they were going to be fostering a little kid, or did you just assume?”

Lance grimaced. “Okay, no, they didn’t specify. But come on! When you hear the words ‘foster kid’, you don’t picture some fifteen-going-on-sixteen-year-old, right? You picture, like, a little orphan Annie type age range.”

Pidge laughed. “Oh my God, you were fully prepared for your life to become a musical, weren’t you? Did I not warn you that joining drama club was going to end up screwing with your brain?”

“Oh, hush up, I wasn’t being literal about the Annie thing. Just the age.”

“What else do you know about this guy?” Hunk asked.

“Like, next to nothing? His name’s Keith, he’s going into sophomore year like we are, and I’m supposed to be nice and make him feel welcome. That’s all the information I’ve got.”

“Well, then, for all you know, this could still be fun, right? Sure, you’re not getting a little brother or sister like you wanted, but you’re still getting a new brother, yeah? So, make the most of it. Maybe he’ll still want to do a bunch of fun stuff with you and still let you teach him things and all that. You can still do some of that stuff with someone your own age, can’t you?”

“Yeah,” Lance sighed. “But it’s not the same. And plus, I dunno, just… the whole thing about having someone the same grade as me living in my house, it’s kinda…”

“Kinda what?” Pidge asked.

“Well, like, okay, we’re probably going to be in some of the same classes right? So what if he’s the type of person who comes home and immediately reports to Mamá every time I bomb a quiz or something? Or what if he’s one of those slackers who will be copying all my work?”

“If you’re bombing quizzes, it’d be pretty stupid of him to copy off of you,” Pidge pointed out.

“Maybe he’s just not that bright, you don’t know. Or, God, even worse, what if he’s one of those perfect student, straight-A, never-does-anything-wrong types and I end up having to deal with a bunch of, ‘oh, Lance, your brother’s such a good student, why can’t you be more like him?’ And also, like, what if he’s hot?”

“Lance,” Hunk said, face suddenly grave, “Please promise me you’re not going to try hitting on your foster brother.”

“No, God, that’s not what I meant. But I mean, there are only so many dateable people at our school as is. The last thing I need is for someone from my own home to swoop in and start taking up all the good ones for himself.”

“Ever the romantic, aren’t you?” Pidge said.

“I’ve got a lot of love to give, Pidge. I just - I don’t need that, you know? I don’t need someone moving into my house and just suddenly becoming my competition for everything. That sort of thing wouldn’t be a problem if it was going to be a little kid, but now - ”

“Lance,” Hunk said, “Are you hearing yourself right now?”

“It’s Lance, of course he is,” Pidge remarked. “If ever there was a person who loved hearing the sound of his own voice - ”

Hunk pressed on as if he hadn’t heard her. “You haven’t even met this guy, and already you’re declaring him to be some sort of rival for you or something.”

Lance sighed. “Fine, yes, you caught me Doctor Hunk, I’m jumping to conclusions. It’s much more likely that this Keith guy is going to show up, decide I’m his role model, never quite measure up to me but be delighted to learn the ways of life at my feet, isn’t it?”

“You didn’t seriously expect your imaginary little brother to do that, did you?” Pidge asked. “I mean, dude, you are a little brother, and you sure as hell didn’t do that with any of your siblings. Or have you suddenly blocked off all your childhood memories? I was there for a bunch of them, you can’t fool me, McClain.”

“Well, yeah, but we’ve been siblings since birth. It’s different when it’s a foster kid, right? Like, getting to be all excited and happy about having a new family and a better life and stuff?”

“Is there a way I can get a transcript of this whole conversation? Because I want to show it to Keith when he gets here, give him a warning about what kind of nonsense he’s in for.” Lance rolled his eyes.

“For the record,” Hunk said, “I think it sounds really cool, getting a foster brother your own age.”

“How do you figure?” asked Lance.

“Well, like, you’re going to get to know this guy well and share classes with him and all, so he could end up being, you know, a really close friend for you, like me and Pidge. Except in this case, you don’t go off to your separate homes at the end of the day, you can just keep hanging out, like, on and on and on. It’d be like having a sleepover with a friend every single night. Oh, and you can partner up for group projects at school and you never have to worry about arranging times and places to meet up. And you can share your clothes with each other and you guys can go on double dates and wear pairs costumes on Halloween and - ”

“Hunk,” Pidge interrupted him, “You are going to be in for such a rude awakening when you go to college and get a roommate for the first time.”

“Come on, it could happen!” Hunk insisted. “Like Lance said, we don’t know anything about Keith. He could very well be a super friendly, fun, cool guy that Lance would love to spend time with! Sometimes it’s good to think best-case scenario when you’re anxious about something.”

“I’m not anxious about Keith,” said Lance. “I’m just… I dunno, I’m not anything!”

“Besides disappointed that he’s not an eight-year-old,” Pidge said.

“Right, besides that. It’s all up in the air right now, is the thing. I could be getting the greatest brother ever or the worst, could go either way. Can’t find out ‘til Wednesday.”

“Do your parents have any more info on him?” Hunk asked. “It’s not like a social worker just came up to them and told them, ‘Hey, you’re getting a kid, his name’s Keith, incoming sophomore, pick him up on Wednesday, the rest is a surprise.’”

“They don’t know anything that would matter to me,” Lance answered. “Mamá got this binder on him, but I’m pretty sure it’s all just case history and medical stuff. Wouldn’t do me a whole lot of good to know his former addresses and his blood type.”

“In that case,” said Pidge, “Guess all that’s left to do is wait.”

“Yeah,” Lance sighed. “I guess.”

“Hey, be excited,” Hunk said. “You’re getting a new brother. And odds are, you’re getting a new person to add to our group, so I guess Pidge and I get to be excited too.”

“Good point,” Pidge said with a nod. “What would the Three Musketeers be without their d’Artagnan?”

Lance blinked at her. “What would what?”

“What would the Three Stooges be without Shemp?”

“Ah. Well, you’ll get to meet him soon too, seeing as he’s gonna be our classmate and all. So if he’s horrible, you guys get to suffer with me, okay?”

“Sounds great.”

“Let us know when he gets in, okay?” Hunk said. “Text us your first impressions, get a picture, stuff like that.”

“Aw, isn’t it cute?” Pidge said. “Hunk’s even more excited about your new brother than you are.” Hunk just shrugged.

“Sure, fine, I’ll give you all the live coverage,” Lance said. “And Hunk, if he shows up and he’s not the mega-friendly new best friend you promised me, you owe me recompense for getting my hopes up.”

“Ooh, look at Lance, pulling out the SAT words,” Pidge laughed.

“Fine, deal,” said Hunk. “I’ll place my bet now.”

“And I’ll join that betting pool,” said Pidge. “My money’s on him being a hellspawn maniac who tries to murder you in your sleep.”

“Pidge,” Lance said, “Why the hell would you say that?”

“To mess with you.”

“Great. So my options are ‘crazy murderer’ and ‘angel who was crafted specifically to be my perfect friend’.”

“As a group, we’re really not that great at considering the middle ground, are we?” Pidge said.

“Keeps life interesting. All right, signing off now, I’ll keep both of you updated on the Keith situation, okay?”

At the confirmations from his friends, Lance ended the Skype call and pushed his swivel chair back from his desk with a long, slow breath.

Wednesday. Keith would be coming on Wednesday. Today was Monday, so he had two days to prepare. Two days before he got his brand new brother.

“Damn it, Hunk,” he muttered to himself, “You’d be better be right about him.”

Too Many Dads

Rating: 16+ Fandom DCU: Pairings: Cassandra Cain/Raven/Harper Row

Archive of Our Own

For The Summer of BatGalPals. I was super busy all July and am only now getting around to finishing some of these.

July 3rds General Prompt: “Meeting batdad”

Raven groaned as Dick made a fourth pass over her makeup and outfit. Ever since she had let it slip that she was going on a date he and Kori had hounded her relentlessly for details. They bickered like an old married couple about what she should wear and how she should style her hair, advised her to drink or take drugs in moderation and worst of all gave her a speech about the safety of procreation that went far too long. The birds and bees demonstrated with the help of Beast Boy did not help. It began to feel like Dick was more invested in this date than she was at this point.

“Alright, I think we’re perfect!” Dick finally confirmed before packing up his makeup case.

“You’re going to blow them away.”

“I can blow you away right now if you want.” Raven grumbled though Dick didn’t seem to notice.

The one saving grace about this whole fiasco was that her partners weren’t fairing much better. Occasional messages and cries of help came through her phone culminating in a string of Snapchats showcasing Harper and Jason devolving into a literal fist fight over the best style of leather jacket. Tim had apparently tried calling in a ringer since he didn’t know much about punk outfits himself and he wanted to focus more on trying to get Cass to wear a proper dress.  It looked like he might be regretting that.

“Oh look at the time! We’d better hurry if we want to make it to Gotham by five!” Dick dragged Raven along to his ‘borrowed Bat Mobile'.

“Remind me again why I don’t just portal to Gotham?”

“Because I need to return this car as well and you love a good road trip.”

“I don’t.”

“Well you will after this! You like show tunes?”

“We are not listening to Wicked the entire trip.“

The doors of Wayne Manor swung open as they approached to reveal Tim and Jason, both clad in slacks and sweater vests waiting. The unnerving display caused Raven to begin to question Dick’s own sweater vest ensemble. While this wasn’t an out of place outfit for Dick with the three in coordination something seemed clearly off.

“Hey there Dick, good to see you.”

“Likewise Tim.”

“How was the trip?”

“Fantastic, we listened to Wicked for the first half and Bye Bye Birdie for the second!”

“Little too on the nose there don’t you think?” Jason asked.

“Not at all, the perfect show tunes for a road trip if you ask me.”

“It was a nightmare.” Raven cut them off before they could continue farther.

A bizarre little shuffle went on as Dick shook first Tim’s hand then Jason’s before they were guided inside. Raven had been to the Wayne mansion a handful of times before with Dick, it was how she had met Cass and Harper after all, somehow though the majesty of it all wasn’t overwhelming. The opulence reminded her of Azarath and of home.

The four of them traveled down the main foyer into a small guest seating room on the left. Inside Raven momentarily forgot all about the weird way the boys were acting because there was Harper and Cass and oh boy was Raven having a gay moment.

Jason and Tim seemed taken aback as well. Raven wasn’t surprised, instead of the outfits they had been getting them into earlier the two were sporting nothing but light workout gear. Harper was in nothing but a skeleton motif tank and loose black shorts while Cass was in skin tight shorts and a black sports bra with attached bat eared hood. If you asked Raven they looked amazing. The toned muscles and various patterns of scarring telling her just how much trust they had in her and how comfortable they were in showing her so much.

“What happened to our planning?” Jason just sank in despair. "I thought we bonded through that brawl."

“You guys got so worked up we were ready like five hours early. We got bored and went for a workout.” Harper shrugged.

“Comfier.” Cass added.

Jason simply wandered aimlessly out of the room, as if his whole world had come crashing down around him.

“What’s up with him?” Raven asked.

“Oh I told him if he helped me dress up Harper it would impress Barbara.” Tim flashed a momentary shit eating grin before becoming rigidly serious again and locking eyes with her. “But onto the real business.”

“Ahem.” Dick cleared his throat. “You two ladies better look after my girl here. Treat here right you hear?”

“What? No, no, no, your girl needs to make sure she treats Cass and Harper right!” Tim countered, upset that Dick had usurped his moment.

“I’m the adult here and I’m going to make sure Raven is treated how she deserves!”

“Well I’ve been teaching these two for years now and I need to know that they’re going to be in good hands!”

Raven felt a small tug at the bottom of her dresses skirt. Turning she found Cass holding one finger over her lips for silence and Harper looking ready to bust a gut. Motioning Cass lead the two quietly out the door, leaving the two siblings to bicker behind them.

“God I can’t believe what dorks they are.” Harper laughed once they were out of earshot. “Do they really both want to be dads that badly or something? And Jason! Oh my god I can’t believe I managed to convince him to wear that stupid sweater vest.”

Cass and Raven snickered with her.

“At least you two got to change into something more comfortable, Dick and Kori made me take a five hour car ride in latex. This stuff doesn’t breathe you know.”

“It’s worth it.” Cass pulled Raven into a side hug, burying herself into the empath’s side and stealing a quick kiss.

“Yea, honestly it suits you a lot. Looks super cute and you don’t even notice the fact that it was probably bought from some kink store.”

Raven was dressed in as Kori described it a ‘Latex Galaxy Print Emily Dress’. A simple black latex dress with blue, purple and red galaxy print swirls across the chest portion, short puffy shoulder sleeves a somewhat short skirt and a high almost sailor collar, finished off by an O-ring attached right in the center.

“Uhg” Raven groaned. “I let Kori pick it out but didn’t take into account her lack of tact and understand when it comes to certain social customs still. A pretty dress is a pretty dress is all she said. Though I have to admit her matching the galaxy design with your hair was a stroke of genius.”

Raven ran a hand through Harper's hair before pulling her down for her own kiss.

“Again, you hardly notice it looks kinky or anything. Either that or I’ve just been spending too much time around the local capes and hoods. Have you seen Cat Woman’s outfit? The dress really doesn’t stand out that much in our line of work.”

“I suppose you’re right.”

“So, we have a surprise for movie night.” Cass beamed at her pushing Raven to raise an eyebrow in interest.

“Oh?”

“It’s an anime. I’ve finally gotten Cass fully into anime, and now it’s your turn.” Harper laughed.

“As long as it’s Cass picking that’s fine with me, the last time it was your turn to pick we ended up watching that god awful Lance and Masks.”

The three settled down together in one of the side rooms, a massive TV adorning the far wall and one large comfy couch for them to quickly pile onto. Raven let Cass guide her in between herself and Harper. While they’d definitely had movies night before this was an entirely new situation for Raven. Previously she had always been off to the side while the lovebirds cuddled. She could definitely get used to this though, something about the way the two of them embraced and held her just made her feel so safe and warm. Harper pulling her almost on top of herself and Cass spread out all across both of them kept her in such close proximity it was almost impossible to tune out their feelings of affection that washed over her like she was being dipped in a warm comfortable bath. It was pure happiness.

Bruce was tired. He had finished his patrol late the night before and hadn’t had time for sleep before dealing with the various Wayne enterprises that required his attention. Refusing to take a day off he had just finished his second night straight of patrols and was running on fumes when he made it back to the mansion.

Upon arriving the first thing he found was Jason passed out in a patio chair dressed like what Bruce could only assume was an attempt at Mr. Rodgers. He didn’t want to know. In the foyer he found Duke scolding Tim and Dick both also dressed in outlandishly PBS father figure style outfits. He had to blink a few times and then go double check on Jason to make sure he was seeing everything correctly. Those three wearing matching outfits was not a good sign.

Checking in on Harper and Cass who he’d heard were opting to spend their weekend at the mansion for once instead of at either Harper or Stephanie’s apartments was delighted to find all three girls snuggled up fast asleep together on the couch. A large comfy blanket sprawled out across them.

“Wait.”

It didn’t take the world’s greatest detective to realize that something didn’t add up, namely the number of people in the pile. Silently he went through a mental checklist of who all was there. There was Harper and Cass yes. But the third girl was someone he didn’t recognize. It wasn’t Stephanie, or Barbara, or Carrie or Kate. Not Violet not Harley(thankfully.) not Selina and not anyone else that sprung to mind.

Rubbing his eyes he wandered into the kitchen where he found Damian eating breakfast and Alfred putting on a new batch of coffee.

“Oh thank you Alfred, I definitely need that today.” He groaned as he plopped down into a seat at the table next to Damian.

“I think what you need is a good sleep sir.” Alfred replied but began grabbing a third cup nonetheless.

Bruce hummed to himself a moment in thought.

“We didn’t adopt any new kids recently have we?”

Damian and Alfred looked at him in confusion.

“There’s a third girl with Harper and Cass. I don’t recognize her.”

“Ahh. That would be Miss Raven.” Alfred turned back to the coffee maker. “No, she is simply here as a guest, from my understanding those three have begun dating. She’s one of Dick’s Teen Titans.”

Bruce nodded in acceptance.

“Okay good. I was worried we would need to renovate and add another bedroom.”

“I’m pretty sure that won’t be a problem.” Duke said around mouthfuls of toast. “Looks to me like they’ll be sharing a bed anyways.”

And that was not what sleep deprived Bruce needed to be thinking about right now. Anything would have been better than his children's relationships, god a Joker attack would be better.

“And do you know what’s going on with?...” he let the question die out.

“On second thought I’ll ask Dick what they were doing tomorrow. Alfred please ignore my earlier request for coffee and cancel my eight o clock, I believe we should still be able to reschedule to tomorrow for that. I’m going to go get some rest after all.”

“Of course sir.”

“Have fun at school Damian.”

“Tch.”

Yea. Bruce definitely wasn’t dealing with whatever else all of this was until tomorrow.

Chugging caffeine to try to fight the inevitable crash- with Shiro and Lance for your coffee shop AU

Summary: Never any romance ever coffee shop AU. Sometimes all it takes to get through finals week is a little bit of extra help. The whipped cream and sprinkles don't hurt either. Available on AO3 as well.

Notes: A little bit of a spoiler for the series since Lance hasn't made an official appearance yet. At this point in the story, he is one of Shiro's regular customers (and Hunk's biggest fan).

“How many cups has he had?”Shiro leaned on the barista bar next to Ryner, his voice low.

Ryner glanced over at theyoung man at the corner table, mostly hidden behind stacks of text books. Thewindow behind him was dark and splattered with rain, but the string lights hungacross the beams of the porch twinkled cheerfully in the gloom.

“He’s on his sixth cup, plusthe white mocha I compted him when he came up for his fourth refill lookinglike he was about to cry,” Ryner shook her head.

“I think it might be time tocut Lance off,” Shiro folded his arms over his chest, “next time he comes up,offer him tea or hot chocolate on us.”

“Will do,” Ryner nodded, “weshould spike his tea with chamomile or something and see if we can get him totake a nap.”

“Maybe as a parting gift onhis way out,” Shiro laughed softly, “what is he working on?”

“He’s studying for finals,but I’m not sure which ones,” Ryner squinted, trying to make out the titles onthe stacks of text books, “it probably wouldn’t hurt to get some food into him.I don’t think he’s eaten since he got here, and that was right after lunch.”

Lance reached up blindly forhis mug, balanced somewhat precariously on top of a stack of books. He tried totake a drink, but upon finding it was empty, let his head fall to the tablewith a thump. Ryner and Shiro winced.

“Definitely time for asnack,” Shiro straightened from the counter, “he’s been doing peppermint whitemochas lately, hasn’t he?”

“On the rare occasion that hegets something besides a drip, yes,” Ryner nodded, “peppermint white chocolatehot chocolate, then?”

“Yeah, thanks,” Shiro headedin the direction of the large soup pots behind the counter, “I’ll get him somesoup, and we’ll see if we can get him at least a little de-stressed.”

Shiro opened the lid of thewarmer pot, and took a deep breath of the warm, spicy smell. Hunk wanted to dosomething new every day for their soups, but they were always so popular thatcustomers wanted to have them again. Shiro had finally talked him into doing aweekly rotation based on the season.

Today was borscht or cinnamonspiced sweet potato. They were well into the evening and out of borscht, but therewas still enough sweet potato soup for another cup or two. Shiro ladled out acup and dropped in a double helping of maple croutons. Hunk had had to makeextra croutons because the staff kept snacking on them.

“Hey Lance,” Shiro came to standin front of the table, a wall of books between he and the young man.

Lance pushed himself up witheffort, blinking tiredly at Shiro, “hey Shiro. Are you guys trying to lock up?I can get this stuff out of here.”

“Nope, you’re good. We’reopen late during finals, so you’ve got a couple hours still,” Shiro reachedover the pile of books to set the cup of soup in front of Lance, “do me a favorand eat that though. We’re trying to finish off the last of it so we can cleanthe pot.”

Lance gave him a suspiciouslook, but the soup smelt good, and he hadn’t eaten since lunch. He picked upthe spoon and dug in.

“Hunk is a genius,” Lancesighed happily in-between spoonfuls.

“I know,” Shiro grinned andslid onto the bench next to Lance, stretching out his legs, “that’s why I hiredhim.”

While Lance ate, Shiro eyedthe piles of books. There were a handful of texts, Introduction to ChineseLiterature, Ecology of Coastal Wetlands, and Organic Chemistry. The rest werelibrary books, including a pile of Monkey King comic books.

“So how many finals do youhave left?” Shiro asked.

“Finished the paper for litand the research report for bio, but that,” he waved in the direction of thechemistry book, “is an abomination to mankind.”

Shiro snorted softly andreached for the chemistry book, flipping it open.

“I had to take a level twochemistry, but everyone said p-chem is awful,” Lance let his head fall backdown on the table, “I like biology though, so I thought organic chemistry mightbe okay, but it’s not. It’s awful! And if I don’t get at least a B on the final,I’ll fail the class, and it’s too late to withdraw and get a refund and I can’tafford to lose a whole class worth of tuition, but none of this makes any senseat all and…”

“Whoa, Lance, slow down,buddy,” Shiro set the book down and started rubbing circles on Lance’s back whenhis voice dissolved into sniffles, “it’s going to be okay.”

“No, it won’t,” Lance pushedhimself up and rubbed his eyes on his sleeve, “I can’t figure it out, and I’m goingto ruin everything.”

“No, you’re not,” Shirosqueezed his shoulder, “because I happened to have staffed my café withgeniuses.”

As if on que Ryner appearedat the table, setting a mug piled high with whipped cream and topped with blueglittering stars in front of Lance. Lance blinked at it dumbly, then lookedbetween Shiro and Ryner.

“On the house to make up forcutting you off from caffeine,” Shiro grinned at him.

“… I’m cut off?” Lance gavehim an utterly confused look.

“Definitely,” Shiro nodded,“but Ryner knows every science known to humanity, so I suspect she can help youmore then another round of caffeine.”

“Only a slight hyperbola,” Rynergave Shiro an amused look, motioning him up, “about the science, not thecoffee. You really don’t need any more.”

Shiro stood, giving Lance’shair a ruffle before letting Ryner slide into his spot.

Lance looked between the twoof them, eyes suspiciously bright before he dropped them to stare down at hisglittering drink. He sniffled, rubbed his eyes on his sleeve again, thenstraightened his shoulders.

“Thank you,” he smiled up atthem, still looking a little teary eyed.

“It is my absolute pleasure,’Ryner smiled back, “drink your hot chocolate while it’s still warm, and give mea few minutes to look over your study guide and text.”

Lance handed the papers andbooks over to her, then started making his way through the mount of starrywhipped cream with a spoon. Shiro left them to it, heading back to the counter.

As he cleaned and organizedbehind the counter, he kept glancing over at Lance and Ryner out of the cornerof his eye, their heads bowed over sheets of paper and books, Lance’s shoulderslowly unhunching. It was a little thing, but it felt good to be able to helpsomeone before they spiraled too far into despair and exhaustion. It reallyhadn’t taken much.

A laugh burst from Lance,light and easy, and Shiro felt light as well.

Staying open late for finalsweek was absolutely worth it.

Does Valter Know What He’s Saying?

Tiny Big, Fuckoff meta here, kind of concerning events that happened earlier today. I was talking with @galdrgraced about it and I kind of made a startling conclusion I realized I’d never expressly talked about on this blog before. At the end of this flaming garbage fire of a conflict, Valter goes from being totally 100% on board with the “LET’S GO EAT US SOME HERON MEAT” to “HERON MEAT IS DISGUSTING AND AWFUL AND YOU’RE A WEAK-ASS BETA MALE CUCK IF YOU WANT TO TRY IT!!!” in literally a matter of seconds.

Why is that? Does Valter realize what he’s saying sometimes? How much of it is an act? Why would he criticize a (largely nonexistent) group of people for something he himself was fully willing to try mere seconds ago?

Honestly, the TL;DR explanation is this: The fucker is legit crazy. Not even getting into the whole “wanting to eat someone who could talk” thing, it should be noted that Valter is completely and legitimately insane. 

I guess it’s important to define what I mean by “insane” here, which is a tricky area tbh, but I’ll do my best. In this context, Valter’s insanity is summed up as, “A generally non-medical term referring to mental defects which are so severe and debilitating that the prevent a person from functioning in a lawful, socially acceptable manner.” Which I’m sure we can all agree is a definition that fits Valter like a glove.

Now, to all the people out there, I just want to make it CLEAR that I’m not saying that those with mental illnesses are potential Valters. I have them, several of my “good” characters have them (Walter, Asugi, and Gaius if we’re just counting the active ones), and furthermore, I have TONS of villain characters who do NOT have mental illnesses. (one of which you’ll be seeing very soon with any luck!) 

And tbh, Valter isn’t even mentally ill. He’s cursed! This is all thanks to his Lance, which pretty much wiped clean several of his mental faculties so it would better serve him. Getting a mental illness is not what caused him to act like a crazy jackass -- Dark Magic Bullshit is!

Now that the sticky business is out of the way, yes, Valter is definitely this definition of insane. He won’t go jumping off a building or anything, thinking he can fly, but he does lack certain capabilities. He’s brash, impulsive, and aggressive, and most interestingly, he’s INCREDIBLY hypocritical. To the point where he’s basically a walking case of contradictions.

Now, to be sure, from time to time, everyone’s hypocritical. It’s kind of written in our DNA to be as self serving as possible and to never see ourselves as “in the wrong”. (”Everyone who has credit card debt is just irresponsible -- EXCEPT FOR ME because I only buy important things with them!”) But the extent that Valter does it is truly frightening, especially because of what it tells us about his overall world view.

He says that the old way of determining worth by social status is antiquated and needs to be done away with because peasants are stronger and "more worthy" to have such wealth, and yet he actively uses his own widespread influence to terrorize the people in his own damn lands. 

He says that someone who's naturally weak "has it coming" that they're mistreated and treated like trash by those stronger than them, but fully expected and felt like he DESERVED hand-outs when he was initially struggling in the military

He thinks that chivalry and honor are outdated and that anyone who gives up a chance to get an underhanded advantage against their opponent is a fool, and yet if anyone TOUCHED his long, and very grabbable hair in a fight, he'd fly off the fucking handle and call them scum of the earth

His brain legit does not work like other people’s. It seems like it does and sometimes he can also seem very convincingly sane, but he absolutely is not.  It’s like a soggy warm heap of paper towels held together with duct tape. 

In short, whatever belief is the most self-serving at that very second is the one that is “right”. All it takes is one little thing and he will totally disassociate with what he was JUST SAYING BEFORE and not even sense that anything had changed. He is a master at doublespeak, and in a way, is a master at convincing people that THEY'RE the morons for sensing a contradiction.

Now this isn’t to say that Valter doesn’t make contradictory statements or outright lie to further his own gains -- he absolutely does, and meticulous gaslighting is actually one of his go-to methods for breaking his “pets”. But it's kind of telling that it’s near indistinguishable from when he's being completely genuine and just directly contradicting himself in most cases (generally, if he’s grinning cockily, he knows what he’s doing and saying, but he’s also a really cocky guy in general, and also he knows how to act like he believes what he’s saying most times, so... you’re kind on your own tbh).

Someone with such a tenuous grasp on reality in the first place honestly can’t really ever come to sensible conclusions 9 times out of 10. It one of the several reasons why trying to reason with him mano a mano isn’t really recommended. Most times you’ll just get hurt trying.