#but yeah. incredible that she even DID that
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tea!! anything bugsy and spencer
the one with the surfboard | Spencer Reid x Prentiss!Reader
description: there's only one person who could ever get Spencer Reid in the ocean and that's Bugsy
length: 1.6k
warnings: mention of sex, swearing, Penelope and Reid being thirsty for Morgan and bugsy. Pen calls Derek chocolate thunder but this is nothing new! set at beginning of season six.
part of the trouble almost all my life universe
Spencer settled his feet into the warm sand, trying his hardest to make sure the grain didn’t stick to the thick layer of suncream he’d applied not even five minute earlier, his sunglasses hanging on his nose as he watched Morgan and Bugsy hit a ball to one another over an invisible volleyball net.
“You not going to take a swim, pretty boy?” Emily asked, basking on her back in a red bikini, soaking up the sun they rarely got so clearly stuck in their office. His face scrunched up, shaking his head until he remembered Emily had her eyes closed, and it only took one look at where JJ was laying incredibly still to know she’d already dozed off on the sun lounger.
“One litre of ocean water has about one billion microbes of bacteria and around ten billion viruses, so,” He shuddered, his lithe fingers gripping the arms of the chair as he tried not to think about every single one of them entering his mouth if he were to even get close enough it could spray on his face, “No thankyou,”
“Not even if Bugsy asked you?” Penelope pointed out, a sex on the beach she’d ordered with a giggle and a ‘if Morgan gets lucky.’
His lips twitched, feeling his neck grow hot in a way he told himself was just the sun, and he glanced at the technical analyst with something fleeting, “She did ask me, I told her the exact same thing I’m telling you guys,”
“And?” Emily asked, sensing that hadn’t been the end of the conversation because her sister knew exactly how to get her way when it came to men, Spencer specifically.
Rubbing under his nose with his knuckle, Spencer downcast his eyes to the beer Bug had handed him, sand sticking to the green, frosted glass as the liquid bubbled freshly inside the bottle, “She said I owed her an hour of fun,”
Penelope’s face lit up at the innuendo of it, nudging him lightly with her shoulder, “Hell yeah, you’re such a stud, Reid. An hour?”
Emily winced in grotesque, “That’s my sister you’re talking about there, Pen. A sister is very much present here,”
The blonde shrugged, sipping through her pineapple decorated straw, “Not my fault you have a hot sister, Prentiss,”
“Can we stop talking about this? Please?” Spencer floundered, his fingers wrapping over the edge of the seat, his jaw tensing as the words hot, hot, hot, smeared all over his brain like a stamp. And everything he’d tried to deny for months bit at his neck so much so he was quickly fiddling with his shirt collar.
“Agreed,” Emily seconded, taking a long drink of her mojito, and Penelope saw it as a chance to lean in close to him, a smirk on her clementine scented lips.
“Don’t you think watching the two of them play together is like something out of Baywatch,” She murmured, her eyes locking on the two agents that seemed to be on their longest streak yet judging by all the laughing and shouting going on in between hits.
Spencer had never tuned into Baywatch, nor did he have any intention of doing so. But he did have to admit that watching Bugsy jump around in the ocean, her hair clasped back in a claw clip away from her face, her skin practically glowing from the vitamin D both on her face and on her obscenely beautiful body that was free to see in those bikini shorts and mini top, was more captivating than any tv show he could imagine.
He swallowed, shaking his head, “I think you spend too much time with Derek,”
Penelope held her chest in mock offence, her glass empty in her hand as she looked at him with teasing eyes, “I’m going to pretend you didn’t just say that, Reid. There’s no such thing as too much chocolate thunder time.”
Spencer smirked, chuckling to himself and he barely even noticed the two people that were the hot topic of conversation had left the sea until a plastic, bouncy ball went hurtling at Emily’s forehead and rebounded clear off her hairline.
“FUCK,” The woman cursed, opening her eyes where a few rogue droplets of sea water dribbled down her cheek, her peace and serenity completely wiped away where her little sister stood with a hidden smirk, Derek biting his knuckle to hide his laugh, “You fucker, what was that for?”
“Just making sure you hadn’t cooked alive, you looked very still,” Bugsy held her hands up in innocence, even though Emily stood with a vengeance, rolling her eyes at the cheeky grin she got back.
Emily muttered something about her being a childish shrew, before she huffed, shoving past her sister and heading towards the beachfront bar, Derek and Penelope in tow. Which left the two of them, and a sleeping JJ, on their tiny corner of the beach.
“You sure you don’t want to come in?” Bugsy asked, trails of salt water sliding off her hair and down her stomach, the sight of them making Spencer’s mouth dryer than the sand beneath them, “I saw a jellyfish, or at least I think it was, it may have been a condom,” Spencer gagged inside his mouth with an incredulous look on his face, and she chuckled, dropping the ball to his feet, “Relax, I’m kidding. I’m going back in if you want to join, promise I won’t splash you or nothing,”
“I’m good, you go have fun with your new pal; the condom,” He said with a grossed out pull of his lips, though he smiled when she did and she grabbed the surfboard stuck in the ground beside him, trotting off back towards the ocean, “Remember to reapply soon!” He called, and she flicked a look over her shoulder.
“You're as bad as Emily,” She yelled back, taking off towards the waves with a chuckle, the sea breeze blowing tiny shrapnels of sand against her calves.
Spencer shamefully felt his eyes drop to her butt, and as fast as he did, he looked away, because that was supposed to be his best friend. She’d certainly never made it seem like they were going to be anything else. Perverts watched pretty girls running, perverts watched how their skin lit up with the rays of lights bouncing off the water and their hips swung with every step, and he wasn’t a pervert.
He was just… human. And who could ever resist her.
He watched the sea spraying out beneath her feet as she ran right in, and she waded out deep enough that he lost sight of her stomach, the board skirting the surface of the water for a moment.
She was possibly the coolest person he’d ever met, and she was his best friend.
He watched her hop up onto her stomach, keeping an eye on the horizon for a big enough wave rolling in. Deciding on an incoming ripple gradually gaining traction, she paddled out towards it, her arms strong and focused from what he could see where he was sat, nursing his bottle of beer.
“Baby Prentiss got moves,” Morgan whistled as they returned back with drinks cold enough Spencer saw the condensation gathering on the glass already, though that was the only time he actually tore his eyes away from her as she got further away from the safety of land, the black band attaching her ankle to the board the only thing he could really see of her.
“She talked some bar boy into teaching her the Summer she spent in Mexico with my mom,” Emily shook her head as they watched her jump up into a steady stand, the rip gathering under her surfboard and soon she was floating over the water, the concentration evident on her face as she held her arms out to balance.
She went a few more times, the group settling into the quiet they had whenever she was busy, because she was not exactly known for her calm nature, yet Spencer’s eyes were the only ones glued to her figure the entire time, ever the worrier when it came to her daredevil side.
And it was like he was watching it in slow motion; on her fifth turn riding a particularly quick rip her balance got thrown off. Nothing serious, it was only a few ten yards out offshore, and she was a strong swimmer, he’d seen it. She quickly lowered herself back into a straddled sit, only for the wave to gain traction before it fizzled out, crashing into the side of her board right as she was about to take a breath, and he watched her flip sidewards into the water, the tide bringing her close enough he knew she’d be able to stand.
But she didn’t come up for a few moments, and it was enough that Spencer was out of his seat, taking off jogging towards the ocean, every statistic that had been whizzing through that big brain of his about how filthy the water was suddenly evaporating as he watched her throw a hand up to the surface, her board skirting above her being the only pointer for him where to go.
By the time he made it over to her, he was knee deep before he thought of the consequences, the cold hitting him like a freight train, and she was already dragging herself towards land on her hands and knees, her hair stuck to her face, her claw clip ripped out by the current.
“Are you okay?” He asked, but she didn’t respond, only to cough up sea water with a screwed up expression that told him just how horrible it tasted.
“I need a beer,” She wheezed, as he lifted his hands under her arms, tugging her to her feet, his entire torso getting drenched as she clung onto him for safety, still spluttering ocean out of her lungs.
And he shook his head with a smile, brushing her hair back enough for her to see, her eyes sore and red with angry blood vessels where he imagined it stung to get the salty water in them, and all but dragged her back up the rest of the beach where Derek and Emily were laughing at her fail so hard they’d woken JJ up.
“Yasmine Bleeth never ate seawater, Bug, what happened?” Morgan jeered, earning him a middle finger to the face as Penelope offered her a nice big gulp of a margarita to clear her taste buds.
And for the first time all day, Spencer wasn’t even thinking about how much bacteria was all over his skin if it meant she was alright.
#spencer reid x reader#spencer reid imagine#spencer reid fanfiction#criminal minds x reader#matthew gray gubler x reader
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i loved to be desired sm omg. Could i request a joost x reader where reader is partying with joost and friends. they meet ski aggu and are chilling and they tell ski that they are super into joost but joost isnt into them and they are sad about it. The ski aggu makes it his mission to make joost jealous to get them together and there is a lil angst but reader and joost end up together and making out.
loved writing this request!! i love shy!joost in this, hope you enjoy!!❣️❣️
is this as good as it gets? ~ joost klein one shot
My masterlist here ✨💌
Pairing: Joost Klein x female!reader (also Ski Aggu x reader if you squint ig)
Description: When you almost lose all your hope getting with Joost, Aggu proposes an interesting idea to get the two of you together.
Word Count: 2.3k
A/N: title and also vibe inspired by as good as it gets by fizz so i highly rec giving that song a listen! again, you can still send in requests 💌
Warnings: consumption of alcohol and cigarettes, not proofread
You should write Mel a thank you note, really. For one because she always lets you crash at her place whenever you visit Berlin (which happens to be very frequently, actually) but also for tagging along to her party nights with her Berlin friends which also include the famous German rapper Ski Aggu and his dutch friend Joost who you couldn't seem to keep your eyes from. Ever since you first met last time you were in Berlin (which was only three weeks ago) you were crushing on the man - hard. And suddenly you were pretending you knew more about music than you actually did just so you could try to hold a conversation with Joost. And you stepped out one time too many to smoke a cigarette with him when you usually smoked maybe two cigarettes within one year. And overthinking whatever you should wear to go out with Mel and all her friends without even knowing if Joost was gonna be there that evening as well.
And when you decided to visit Mel again just three weeks after having been the last time ("Already?"), maybe Joost was a deciding factor as well. You didn't even know if he was gonna be in Berlin around the same time as well but you were in luck when you and Mel walked into the bar and you could see Joost's figure sitting beside Aggu. You tried to play it cool as you greeted everyone and finally got to Joost.
"So nice to see you again," you said earnestly as you both hugged.
"Likewise," Joost said and gently rubbed your back. You hoped that he wasn't just being polite and actually remembered you.
You were also in luck when there was a free spot beside Joost which you could take as you tried to casually open a conversation with him, talking about whatever the two of you had been up to in the last few weeks. You talked about his hometown, your hometown, why you were visiting Berlin so often and how you were thinking of moving here. You could tell that Joost was taking interest in the conversation and by extension you, but it wasn't enough for you. You knew that you wanted Joost in other ways and you wondered how and if you could persuade him of you.
"I'm getting a new drink," you announced. "Does anybody want anything?" you asked and hoped Joost would say something or offer to come with you to the bar.
"Actually, I'll go with you," Ski Aggu offered instead.
"Alright," you smiled and you two headed off to the bar.
The bar was incredibly crowded and you could already tell that you would have to wait a while until the bartender would get around to take your orders. You leaned against the counter.
"So, does Joost visit here often?" you asked and immediately regretted it as it came out way too obsessively as you had intended to. Aggu laughed.
"Why do you want to know?" he asked amused.
"I don't know, just because I don't live here as well," you tried to casually explain.
"Yeah, well, he's working on new music currently, so he comes here a lot," Aggu said and paused as he seemed to contemplate for a moment. "Joost is cute, right?" he tested you. Blood rushed to your head.
"I suppose," you shrugged nonchalantly.
"Nah, come on, he's very cute, we can agree on that," Aggu pushed jokingly.
"I imagine most girls would agree," you said.
"Maybe, but I'm talking about you," Aggu said and poked your shoulder as he said the last word. "Do you think he's cute?" he asked again. "Or sexy or dreamy or whatever?"
"Yeah, I think Joost is very cute," you blushed. "Is it obvious?" you asked.
"Well, I think Mel mentioned how you're not a smoker when we first met and suddenly Joost is here and all of a sudden you're out with him for a smoke every hour or so," he teased and you hid your face behind your hands in embarrassment.
"Oh god," you groaned.
"Nah, come on, it doesn't matter," Aggu said. "Nothing to be embarrassed about," he insisted and removed your hands from in front of your face.
"Yeah, but Joost definitely doesn't like me," you explained with a saddened expression on your face. Aggu raised an eyebrow.
"How do you know that?" he inquired.
"I don't know, I just feel like he's deliberately treating me like a friend, you know, in a very platonic way only," you tried to explain. "Like he's very persistent about me just being a friend - if that," you said. Aggu looked sceptical.
"Listen, I don't know if Joost likes you back but I do know that he's a little awkward about flirting and expressing his feelings and whatever," he said. "He might need a little help to push him along," Aggu said with a knowing smile. You looked at him with a confused expression on your face. "You can say no to this if you want, but I have an idea for us," Aggu said and you nodded, indicating for him to keep going. "What if we both do a little thing to make Joost jealous?" Aggu proposed and your heart started racing.
"What do you mean?" you asked.
"Let's just try for tonight to spend a lot of time together, laughing a lot, sitting very close to each other, touching, flirting and just rubbing it in Joost's face that you're having a great time with me?" Aggu explained. "In fact, I saw Joost looking over at us standing here a few times already," Aggu pointed out and you looked over to the table where all your friends were sitting and as your gaze crossed Joost's eyes he immediately averted the gaze and looked in another direction. "We've got nothing to lose, either way the outcome, we'll just have a fun evening together," Aggu concluded.
You contemplated Aggu's idea for a second before you decided that he was right - you had nothing to lose. Aggu obviously was a nice and handsome guy so you wouldn't mind having a fun evening with him as well.
"Alright, it's a deal," you said with a smile and extended your hand before Aggu took it for a handshake.
"Alright, let's start with me buying you a drink," Aggu grinned and moved to stand closer to you. You casually rested your hand on Aggus bicep as you kept talking until the bartender finally took both of your orders.
"Is this okay?" Aggu asked as his arm wrapped around your waist to hold you.
"Yes," you said and you wondered whether Joost could see you right now, what he would feel at the sight of you two being so close to one another. "Thanks for the drink," you said and cheered your cup to Aggu's after you got your drinks.
"Scoot over," Aggu directed Joost as you got back to your table. You could read a confused expression on Joost's face for just a second before he darted his eyes back and forth between you and Aggu quickly. As Joost moved over from his spot Aggu could now sit beside him and you could take your seat beside Aggu.
As you were talking with Aggu you made an effort to seem careless and laugh at every joke he made, softly grazing his arm if the chance occurred or bite your lips as you watched his face. It took everything in you to look to the left of Aggu to check on Joost. You were so desperate to see whether he was fazed by your spiel. But you knew you needed to ignore him for the time being. Aggu took the biggest leap so far when he casually wrapped his arm around your shoulders to bring you closer to him as you giggled.
"Alright, I'm going for a smoke," Joost announced almost immediately after. Aggu's arm dropped from your shoulder as you both had to move over to let Joost out of the booth. After Joost got out he stood there for a moment looking down at you with a blank expression. Did he wait for you to join him for a cigarette as you always had in the past? Surely not, you thought before Joost turned around to get outside alone.
~
Joost leaned against the wall outside as his cigarette was slowly nearing its end. Usually, you would be leaning against the wall beside him as well and he would intently listen to whatever story you were telling him, always grateful that you were so good at making conversation. If it weren't for that fact you might as well would have never talked to each other. And although Joost tended to be a little quieter around you, he was hanging onto every word you said. The truth is, Joost was a little shy around you because you mattered to him. Because he liked you, he was way too afraid to mess something up. So he stood back instead.
But now he was cursing himself for doing so. Because apparently now you had enough of him and instead you were attached at the hip with Aggu. And the situation was made worse by the fact that Aggu was Joost's friend. He was annoyed at Aggu for snatching you away from him but he knew he shouldn't feel angry and instead be happy for his friend.
Joost flicked his cigarette to the ground and stumped it out before he decided to get back inside. As he looked over to the table where you and your friends sat he caught your gaze. You were sitting on Aggu's lap, your arm wrapped around his shoulders. Joost stood still, the sight really making him not want to sit back down beside you. Aggu leaned into you and whispered something into your ear as you were still looking over at Joost who couldn't hide the sad expression on his face.
Joost felt uncomfortable and looked down at his phone before he decided to step out again instead of sitting back down at the table. Time for another cigarette or just maybe go back home already. As Joost lit the cigarette in his hand, the door to the bar opened again and you stepped out into the cold.
"Hey," you said softly.
"Hey," Joost replied with a nod. "Want one?" he asked and held out his hand with his pack of cigarettes. Your arms were crossed in front of your body because of the temperature. You looked down at his offer before you declined.
"You know I usually don't smoke," you admitted.
"Really?" Joost asked with a raise of an eyebrow. "That's news to me," Joost said although it really shouldn't come as a surprise to him as he noticed that you never carried your own pack of cigarettes.
"I know," you laughed. "Are you having a good evening?" you asked.
"Not really," Joost admitted honestly.
"How come?" you asked and Joost didn't answer. Instead, he just shrugged as if it wasn't a big deal. You could feel an aura of sadness radiating from him and you suddenly felt really bad for the spiel you and Aggu had been doing tonight. Although you still didn't know how Joost felt about you, you wondered if you had somehow contributed to his bad mood tonight.
"How long are you staying in Berlin for?" Joost asked after he released a puff of smoke.
"Another two days," you said. "You?" you asked in return.
"'M leaving next week," Joost said. "You should come back soon," Joost tried nonchalantly, giving you a sign that he cared about you in some way.
"You think?" you said with a smile.
"Yeah, you're fun to have around," Joost said.
"Well, I'm sorry if I haven't been around you tonight a lot," you said earnestly.
"It's fine," Joost said. If he had the confidence of Aggu, Joost would only have to take one step forward to engulf you in a kiss. "Can't blame Aggu," he said and immediately realised the implication of his words. He looked up at you again and saw a smirk on your face.
"You know me and Aggu aren't actually-," you tried to explain. "We're just friends," you said and Joost could feel a blush creeping on his face.
"Oh?" Joost said.
"Yeah, I'm interested in someone else actually," you said.
"Oh," Joost stated.
"If only he would notice already," you said and looked Joost deeply in the eyes.
"Maybe he's too shy," Joost offered.
"He doesn't have to be," you said and stepped towards Joost. You reached out for his hand and took the cigarette before you put it to your mouth to take a drag. As you let it fall to the floor Joost slowly and carefully reached out his arm to your hip without actually laying his hand on there. You stepped just a little closer until his hand touched your hip and you were standing so close you had to look up to him. "He could just kiss me," you said and it wasn't long before Joost leaned down, his hand finding the back of your neck, and his lips attached to yours.
You approvingly hummed into the kiss. Joost's lips tasted of beer and smoke but it was a divine taste to you as your lips started moving against each other in sync. You rested your hands on Joost's chest where you could feel his calm breathing. Joost's hands tangled in your hair as your lips parted to taste each other on your tongue. Your head was spinning, heart racing as you finally got what you had been looking for since the night you first met Joost.
As you pulled back from the kiss Joost cupped your face and looked down at you with a sheepish grin on his face.
"We should've done this way sooner," he stated.
"That's what I've been saying!" you laughed before you leaned back in for another kiss.
#joostsblog#ski aggu#joost#joost klein#joost x reader#joost klein x reader#joost x you#joost klein x you#joost fanfic#joost klein fanfic#joost oneshot#joost klein oneshot#joost imagine#joost klein imagine#joost fanfiction#joost klein fanfiction
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ditto — e. williams
!! PLEASE READ BEFORE INTERACTING !! - Its still imperative that you do anything you can to support Palestine. You can help by doing your daily click, or reviewing this masterlist. You can also help by not buying TLOU, and here’s why.
aestras notes: WOOOOO GUESS WHO FINALLY DROPPED??? THIS GUY!!!!!! 😝😝😝 tried something new for the banner this time, i think it looks okay. 🙂↕️ anyways!!! everyone thank @softlysunrays for encouraging me yawp yawp!!!!
tags: loser!ellie, theatre kid!dina agenda, modern au sorta?, i suck at tagging a year later, ellie is a nervous wreck, italics indicate internal monologue (most of the time), fluff(?), one small use of y/n, okay that’s it i think
Ellie might’ve had a little thing for you — probably more than just a little thing, because you’d occupy most of the space in her brain 99% of the time. And she was, unceremoniously, an incredibly big loser. She never speaks to you directly, instead stealing glances at you during passing periods or watching you from afar whenever you’d been hanging out with your other friends.
The hallways always seemed to be cramped and crowded, but not crowded enough that she couldn’t see you. Something about you made her always recognize it was you.
Standing at her locker, she’d been joined by Dina as she’d been grabbing some things from her backpack. The hallways were bustling with chatter and bodies, but it seemed to only be them right now.
Dina looks at Ellie as her locker shuts with a small smirk. “I saw you staring at her again.” She teases. “You’ve got it bad!” Dina pokes her softly. She sings a cheesy love song, to which Ellie groans and puts a hand on her forehead. “You’re gonna make me die of embarrassment.” She mumbles.
Dina laughs at her, putting an arm over her shoulders. “Look at you, all grown up and having a little crush.” She says theatrically, wiping fake tears. Ellie chuckles to herself as she looks down at her canvas sneakers.
“Yknow, I could introduce you to her.” Dina mentions without much thought. If Ellie had water in her mouth, she would’ve spit it out dramatically. She stands as stiff as a board as she turns to look at Dina. “Really? I mean — you’re serious? Like 100%?” Ellie seemed excited, but god was she nervous at the thought.
“Yeah, totally! You can sprinkle your little loser dust on her in hopes that you absolutely woo her.” Dina throws her head back dramatically with the back of her hand on her forehead. The pair chuckle slightly at Dina’s antics.
Ellie still couldn’t believe that Dina knew her. Like, a majorly pretty girl? “Pinch me.” Ellie says, clearly in some state of disbelief. “I think I’m dreaming.” Dina pinches her on the cheek and she smiles. “You’re awake, Ellie! It’s me — Dina in the flesh!” Dina smiles at her.
“Dina, I’ve been like, dreaming of this since school started. I will come to your house later. Just please don’t be lying about this.” Ellie did dream about you a lot, and she always wished she didn’t wake up before the good parts. But she always did, so she woke up sulking all morning.
Even when the passing period had ended, she couldn’t stop creating scenarios about the two of you in her head. Well, the two of you and Dina. Cause she’d be there too. Ellie would feel bad to leave her out.
She knew that this was super cliche but she liked how cliche it was in some odd way.
She was staring out of a window with her earphone in, tapping her gnawed up pencil against a wooden desk as she listened to songs that reminded her of you.
Which was, obviously, most of the music she’d ever listen to now because she was just that in love with you. She had it bad. Super bad. Actually, no word could describe it.
Once she started dreaming about you, she knew she was doomed. Even more so now that she’ll actually talk to you.
The anxiety of meeting a pretty girl like you sets in. What if she thinks I’m too weird? But she’s friends with Dina.. maybe it’ll be okay. This is so stupid. God, just focus on her! Her internal monologue was a flurry of ‘you got this’ and ‘don’t be a total loser’.
All of that literally goes out the window the second she makes it to Dina’s house.
As usual, Dina’s home was cluttered but homey, and the walls were covered with Dina in various grades performing in school musicals. Ride The Cyclone, Heathers, all that kinda stuff that she has little to no knowledge of.
“She’s waiting in my room — and stand up straight or something. Body language is important.” Dina says, leading her up the creaky stairs. Ellie almost didn’t hear what Dina was saying as they got closer to her room.
She’s in there! Right there! She thought, a smile creeping onto her face. The door of Dina’s room swings open and there you were, sitting on the edge of her bed.
“This is who I was telling you about! Y/N, this is Ellie. Ellie, Y/N.” Dina smiles at both of you brightly. “Hi!” Ellie blurts out, her voice cracking slightly. She instantly feels embarrassed and clears her throat. “Hello. How are you?” She attempts to reapproach the conversation, but when she saw that you’d been already chuckling and smiling, all her affirmations were lost to her.
“I’m fine. And you?” You asked, smiling at her. “I’m.. I’m good. Totally chilling right now, yeah.” Ellie rambles nervously.
She kinda just stands there awkwardly until she thinks about another question. “How’d you uh, meet Dina?” She asks, rocking back and forth awkwardly on her heels. “We’re in the same theater class. And you,”
You point at her. “You’ve known her since like, forever, right?” She says to Dina, eliciting a soft hum from the girl. You smile at Dina. “I’ll leave you two alone for a while.”
Upon hearing that, Ellie snaps her head around to look at Dina. Her eyes scream “don’t leave me here”. Dina smiles remorsefully before leaving the room.
So now it was just Ellie and you. Staring at eachother while birds chirped softly in the distance. Ellie smiles awkwardly. You chuckle at her. “Are you usually this nervous?” You ask, tilting your head to the side slightly.
“..Yes, but not really?” Ellie would never in a million years admit the big fat crush she had on you, not now that you were sitting infront of her. “Well, I’m not gonna like, eat you or anything. You don’t have to be so nervous.”
“That’s easier said than done when you’re that pretty.” Ellie mumbled to herself. “What was that you said? You think I’m pretty?” You ask, smiling brightly. When she realizes you’d heard that part, she becomes incredibly flustered. She smashes her face into the palms of her hands as her cheeks become flushed.
“I’m truly flattered! It means a lot coming from another pretty girl.” Ellie stood breathing for a moment. She thinks I’m pretty? She thinks I’m pretty?! She truly wants to jump for joy but she doesn’t. Instead she just stares at you.
Once you stand up and start walking towards her, she gets even more nervous because you smell like heaven. “I think we should get to know eachother more.” You suggest as you look at her. “I’ll give you my number.”
“Your number?” She blurts, excitement underlying her tone. “Yeah! It’s no biggie.” You say as you reach for your phone that was previously on the charger.
When you both eventually exchanged numbers, Ellie was staring at your contact in awe. Maybe you were talking to her but she was in her own little world.
She’d finally done it — talked to the girl she’d had a crush on literally all year. And somehow pulled it off enough to get her number.
Has Ellie wooed you? She didn’t know. Were you definitely looking forward to talking to her? Hell yeah you were.
“So I guess I’ll talk to you very soon then?” You raise an eyebrow at her with a smile on your face. Very soon? That could mean tonight! “Yeah, yeah totally. Call me whenever. I’m always free, yknow, never busy.” Ellie said, forming an awkward smile.
I basically just told her I have no hobbies or many friends! How charming is that? Way to go, Ellie. She internally cringes at herself. “Good to know. Bye Ellie.” You wave at her before leaving Dina’s room.
The door shuts and Dina runs up the stairs. “Oh she’s definitely into you.” She exclaims, holding Ellie’s hands. “I’m proud of you for putting your big girl pants on.” Ellie looks at Dina with a stupid smile. “She’s into me.” She mumbled with a starstruck expression. “She’s into me!” She repeats, smiling. I really hope that’s true. She thinks excitedly, squeezing Dina’s hands while looking at her.
#picturingchappell#aestras archive#tlou#the last of us#the last of us two#the last of us part two#tlou2#ellie williams#ellie tlou#ellie x reader#ellie x you#ellie williams imagine#ellie williams x reader smut#ellie williams tlou
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Oil is Thicker Then Blood (Part 18)
N was peacefully in sleep mode, wrapped around something he inherently wanted to protect, whatever it was, it was pleasantly cooler than the rest of his body, and he found himself bringing it closer to him.
“En! En! En!” A small little voice chirped into his audio receptors, but even still he remained in sleep mode, where all that was active was his most base code.
That voice was no threat, it was the opposite, it meant love and protection, it was someone who belonged with him, no need to panic, no need to disrupt recharge.
His programming pulled the source closer.
Love. Protect. Mine. Those keyphrases ran on repeat within the part of his system that was always active, always ready to immediately jump into action even when he was asleep.
“Shhh… Tera let your dad sleep…” A second, very sleepy voice met his audio receptors, sending more code running through that system.
Freind. Partner. Love. Protect. Safe.
Still no reason to disrupt charge. Partner not in distress. Offspring not in distress.
“Zi!” He felt something shuffle against him, and the sudden removal of the weight in his arms, finally he snapped out of sleep mode, visor and eyelights popping on all at once in a sudden outburst of conscious thought.
Tera-
“Huh…?” He asked noone, blinking around dumbly, his eyes landed on Uzi, who was currently filling yet another bottle with oil. Tera was unplugged, rolling excitedly in her arms as she impatiently waited for her feed.
“Sorry, I tried to let you sleep.” She said sheepishly, before finishing what she was doing and rolling back down her hoodie, she rubbed her side, apparently all the attention was beginning to make it sore.
“S’okies…” He slurred, still groggy. Dang, what background process was running that had him this out of it?
“Can't believe you have a full size bed and we both used the couch.” She grumbled as she slowly squeezed the oil into Tera’s port, he blushed, oh yeah, they'd cuddled all night…
“Hey the past week's been crazy, you can't blame me for falling asleep.” He defended, not giving into the fact he'd been having a little trouble sleeping without her there.
“Fair.”
Uzi looked disheveled, like she'd just lost a fight or crash landed, her beanie was crooked and her hoodie was lopsided, there were lines under her eyelights that indicated poor sleep.
“How did you sleep?” He asked on instinct, stretching as he splayed out on the couch, he wouldn't lie, it was incredibly comfortable.
“Meh… weird dream.” That was typical for Uzi at this point, “weird” probably didn't describe them very well “terrifying” and “prophetic” was probably a better description.
“Wanna talk about it?” He asked, only for her to yawn and shake her head, she would put it up on her conspiracy board when she was next home, it was way easier to sort out that way.
“I'm good.”
N looked slightly concerned, he hoped she wasn't bottling in any emotions, she tended to be good at that.
“I got a message from Thad?” She suddenly said, although it was clear she was talking more to herself, N felt his core flip at the mention of the drones name.
Usi had just checked her system messages (and they were nearly always empty) and found several green colored messages awaiting in her inbox.
WID-Thad: Hey Zi, throwing party this wknd, ur still coming right?
WID-Thad: It's gonna b outside. Don't worry, @ nite
WID-Thad: Or r u gonna need a babysitter fr the kid?
The kid? Oh… oh no.
“Thad knows about Tera…” Uzi whispered, living one of her greatest nightmares, how- how did he find out?
“How'd he find out?” N asked as if he read her mind. She wasn't in the headspace to think about that, not when Thad, the least gossipy person she knew, knew about Tera.
“I don't know! I thought I was doing well in hiding it!” She pulled at her hair, eyelights hollow and the feeling of extreme anxiety crawling up her mechanical spine.
Ohnonononononono….
“I mean it's not all bad? What did he say exactly?” N could immediately tell she had started to freak out, and took Tera in his arms, standing up just to put a hand on Uzi's shoulder.
“Uh… if I needed a-uh babysitter to come to his party?” She tried to breathe, maybe it was some sort of weird, oddly coincidental misunderstanding?
“I mean… I would…” He admitted, but that made sense, he was the one who adopted her, that was the main name on those papers, not her.
“Yeah but he asked me that. I'm not- at least not officially!” She stammered, trying to both claim ownership and avoid it at the same time, two juxtaposing desires, to be seen as edgy and mean so that she could protect herself, and all soft and gushy and parental, bragging about her kid.
It was all very confusing.
“It's okay! Maybe it's just Thad?” N offered, smiling like he really, truly meant it.
It was not just Thad.
When Uzi left N's apartment later that day to track down Thad and figure out exactly where he'd found out from. She'd been approached by drones she didn't even know, asking her how the baby was and how N was doing. Like they totally didn't ignore her existence for her entire life.
The entire colony seemed to know. N had just brought Tera home, how has it spread this quickly! And the assumptions! Several drones had asked how long her and N had been together, one had even asked how well her and N's code fit together.
How was she supposed to answer!? Other than how she did, which was a gruff “Bite me, none of your business.” Before she continued her warpath to Thad’s room, a blush slowly but surely growing everytime she was stopped, congratulated, or questioned.
When she did eventually get to the door, she pounded on it with a fury. How the hell did everyone know so soon?!
“Zi? Woah… you look pissed…” Thad opened the door first with a confused smile, then extreme nervousness, glancing from side to side and backing up slowly.
She shoved him wordlessly into his apartment (which was littered with sports memorabilia) and followed him inside, unleashing her tail to close the door behind her with a aggressive smack.
“How the fuck did you find out about Tera?” She asked, so serious that Thad's eyelights gained a few extra lines underneath them.
“Tera? Is that the kids name? It's cute!” He replied, clearly trying to appease her.
Her tail came up to point at him, saliva dripping from it's needle-like teeth, each drip causing his carpet to singe slightly. It's hot organic breath blowing over his visor.
“Wasn't what I asked Thad.” She put a hand on her hip. She wasn't really controlling her tail right now, but she did agree with it's sentiment, less small talk- let's get to the point.
“Right! Right! No need to get the tail involved!” He gulped, backing away from her tail slowly, putting both his hands up in surrender.
“I overheard your Dad talking to some of the WDF! That and Lizzy said she saw you and N walking into his new apartment with a baby! I drew conclusions?!” He stammered out rather loudly. Sweat appearing and falling rapidly down his visor.
“Okay sure, but why does everyone know!” She exclaimed, raising both her hands in irritation and stomping angerly. If it was just Thad she may not have even minded, but it wasn't was it, it was freaking everyone!
“Lizzy is a blabbermouth and your Dad isn't much better…?” He suggested, still attempting to get away from her irate tail, which had begun chasing him as much as it could while still attached to her.
“I didn't say shit Zi! I knew better!” He exclaimed, looking more and more freaked out of the fleshy appendage as it had somewhat backed him up against the wall.
She sighed, groaning as she put her tail away. Of course it was freaking Lizzy!, she didn't even blame her dad for this one, dispite his everything, he kept family matters pretty tight lipped- he probably hadn't said much.
“Dammit… Sorry Thad, I just… didn't want anyone else to find out about uh… her.” Her voice became… not soft but no longer as aggro.
“Hey it's cool. Didn't think you'd ever want kids though, did N wear you down or something?” He chuckled, scratching the back of his head awkwardly, looking at her with an eyebrow raised.
“Uh! No! She's- She's not mine. Er, not mine mine. She's adopted, and N adopted her, not me.” She explained, violet breaching her defenses as she stammered over her words. Dammit not now! Not in front of Thad!
“Oooooh, yeah that… that makes way more sense. He always seemed more the type then you.”
“Y-yeah…” She couldn't help it when her voice lost it's edge. Even when she tried to hide it.
“Lizzy took a picture though, she kinda does look like… yours.” He sent her a photo over short-range, and she immediately brought it up to her view.
And yeah, he was absolutely right.
It wasn't just the fact that Tera had purple eyelights as well (it's not like that was uncommon.) But her and N were looking absolutely enamored with her, she was even gripping onto his arm as they were walking to get a better look.
She uh… did not remember doing that.
She looked back up at Thad, who was smiling warily, trying to look supportive but also looking incredibly nervous.
“Uuuuuuuuugh” A blush had taken over her face again, this time impossible to hide.
So that's how everyone knew… there was a picture floating around. Photo evidence of her being soft and squishy with a baby.
“Uh Zi…?” Thad looked at her with an amused smile, quickly recovering from her threats once noticing her bravado had deflated.
“My life is over…” She replied, looking like she was suffering deeply, her arms drooped to the floor.
“Thats… probably overdramatic.” He chuckled, stepping closer into her personal space, he hadn't been scared of Uzi, not really. He wasn't sure why, but he'd never got the impression she ever wanted to actually hurt anyone as much as just scare them. He knew she could, and the tail was intimidating, but want to? Nah.
“Theres photo evidence of me being-ah!” She yelped, she was also always… dramatic, seemingly overanimated at times, some people found it off-putting, he found it endearing. A nice juxtaposition to his eternal mellow.
“Of you… being, motherly?” He asked with a smirk as she seemed to melt with embarrassment.
“Yes!”
“I don't think that's a bad thing. I mean, has it been bad for you so far?” He asked, cocking his head. Surely it hadn't, she looked happy in that picture, happier then he'd ever seen her before.
“Well uh, no…” She admitted, the people who had stopped her had all been relatively nice… not as mocking as she'd expected.
“I think it looks good on you! You can't be edgy all the time.” He replied, this time a wide smile on his face, honestly, Thad had known about Uzi's soft center for a long while. He had known her right before Nori died, she'd been… much sweeter then. Soft spoken but not shy.
“Yes I can! Bite me!” And there was the shield… oh well.
“Sorry. You're trying to help.” Oh. Now that was new, the Uzi he knew would never apologize for anything, much less for saying “Bite me.”
“No issue. So are you and N…?
“Uh… no, we're not… I'm just helping him take care of Tera, and uh… speaking of.” The way she stammered and sputtered told him a lot. Mostly that she was still hiding something that's for damn sure, but he didn't want to pry.
“Riiiiight…” He said as if he didn't quite believe her, and he didn't. There was no hiding it in that picture. Hell, they looked like they were married, not even just dating, with the soft looks they both had.
“Okay now actually Bite Me!” She shouted as she stomped off, but Thad stuck his head out of his doorway to shout back.
“You better be still coming!”
She grumbled all the way back to N's apartment, still being stopped every once in awhile to be asked questions, either about Tera, or about her relationship with N.
While her first instinct was to still snap at them, she found herself actively beginning to surpress it. None of these people were asking out of any sort of malice or trying to be mean. Some of them even looked genuinely happy for her.
So she answered them, possibly not in the best or friendliest way (her voice was still rough and a little rude.) But she did clear up a few things here or there.
“No N and I didn't have a baby. She's adopted.”
“No, N's on the paperwork, I'm just listed as a caretaker.”
And when she did reach N's apartment and opened the door. She found N on the floor, helping Tera roll around to chase her toy, a wide grin on his face as a peel of laugher escaped his adoptive daughter each time she was boosted forward gently by his hand.
His eyes snapped up to meet her and they immediately softened, and Uzi had to supress another blush.
Now that she knew he liked her, the signs were rather obvious.
“What did you find out?” He asked, cute little head cock and all, she sighed, sending him the picture.
He blinked, before his face seemed to explode with color, taking a gander over the picture he couldn't help but think how much they both looked like parents.
“O-oh.” Was the only thing that came from his mouth, he look another look at Uzi, who was obviously far tenser than usual, she looked at him, and with only a beat of hesitation, threw herself onto his lap, wrapping her arms around him.
“Uh! Uzi-wha-” He stammered, was something wrong? She didn't typically initiate hugs like this unless she was extremely upset.
“Shut up and hold me goober.” Was all she said, holding him gently. He couldn't see the blush or the smile on her face that had appeared after she'd heard his core skip over a cycle when she'd made contact.
“Y-yeah okay…”
#murder drones#biscuitbites#nuzi#uzi doorman#serial designation n#n and uzi#tera doorman#murder drones thad#oof im late sorry about that#uzi can be intimidating when she wants to be#n's subconscious is smarter then n himself#lizzy's a blabbermouth#khan isn't in this case
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Incredibly urgent information found in post-campaign. This is the Lost Ghosts quest from Micah-10. This one is "Oracle" and happens on Nessus. The quest from Micah is about finding various Ghosts that got lost during missions on locations. For the one in Oracle, you had to run Insight Terminus strike to find data.
Running Insight Terminus here is confirmed as canon! Kargen we fight is apparently a clone! More importantly, this reveals a few pieces of information that I am completely and totally normal about.
First, Kargen's clone is once again looking for OXA and OXA is canonically confirmed to be similar, if not the same (!) to the Device of the Future War Cult.
Second, Otzot is the one who ordered this and the order is recent. Otzot is, with this, confirmed to be alive and active. She is also in a faction NOT loyal to the Witness. Otzot is also apparently interested in Sol Divisive's information on the Veil. I am thoroughly losing my mind about this. Ghost is also confused about how these things connect and I'm LOSING IT again because I talked about this well over a year ago in this post, and recently in this one. Prediction machines, Vex technology and the Veil have something going on together, I agree Ghost. I am obsessed with this.
And third, the interference is confirmed to be from Maya Sundaresh which also further confirms her involvement in the Echoes. It has to. I've already speculated on the Echoes image we can see in game as the mysterious figure being some form of Maya/Vex Maya/her simulation, but this confirms it. I've never been more normal than I am now.
Transcript of the video below:
Ghost: I've got Bean's signal. It looks like he's gone deeper into Nessus. It should be easy to follow him. As for what Kargen's clone was doing here, it looks like he was trying to access Vex data on OXA again.
Micah-10: That's the Psion prediction machine, right? Sees the future in branching paths? Future War Cult had something similar.
Ghost: Based on what I'm seeing here, I... I can't be sure they aren't the same thing. The same design. But I don't know how that's possible. Kargen was trying to access the Sol Divisive's research on the Veil as well. I don't understand how all these things are connected. But I can tell where the orders are coming from. A Psion named Otzot, and these orders are recent. I think there might be defector branches within the Shadow Legion... Ones not loyal to the Witness.
Micah-10: And they're trying to pin down potential outcomes, make plans for what, the even of our success?
Ghost: Maybe. But it looks like something's blocked them, but I... I don't know how that's possible.
Micah-10: Why? What stopped Kargen?
Ghost: If this log is correct... Maya Sundaresh did.
Cayde-6: Maya, wha- why does that name sound so familiar?
Micah-10: Why don't you and I talk about that offline, Cayde. Let the Guardian and Ghost track down Bean.
Cayde-6: Yeah, yeah, that- that- that sounds good.
#destiny 2#destiny 2 spoilers#the final shape#the final shape spoilers#my video#otzot#vex#maya#what a lore BOMB#finally. what is oxa and who is otzot. the day has arrived#obviously we know what these things are but MAN. they said it. they finally said it.#also otzot alive......... I never stopped believing but. oh my god.#also enjoy this incredible information with the background of me petting a kitty and that titan nodding at it
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Imaginary Games
▪️Pairing: Kim Taehyung x Fem. Reader
▫️Genre: Romantic, Smut, Exes to Lovers, Smidge of Hurt
▪️Warnings: 18+ Explicit language, sexual content (vanilla), pining idiots, past infidelity.
▫️Summary: The only thing that could make a destination wedding - in which you're the maid of honor, who has to give a speech in front of a crowd, who has to wear a dress that cost you a pretty penny that you'll never wear again - worse is the fact that your cheating ex is the best man.
▪️WC: 8k and some change
▫️AN: Repost from previous blog. Honestly I just really liked this fic. It wasn’t everybody’s cup of tea and I get that. Cheating is one of those things that we all have very strong opinions on, naturally, and that’s totally valid. For me, I just really enjoyed writing this and I liked how it turned out. The whole bit about Taehyungs ruined cashmere alone was enough for this to make the reposting cut 😂🧶
“He isn’t here yet, he won’t be here until dinner tonight so you can relax,” Fi, your best friend and blushing bride-to-be tries to comfort you as she shifts around on her beach chair.
She’s talking about Taehyung, of course, you don’t need to ask. He’s your ex, that you haven’t laid eyes on in two years. Not since the night that he admitted to cheating on you with a co-worker. You’d felt so incredibly stupid. You’d been casually babbling about meal planning of all the mundane things (it’s more cost effective and healthy blah blah!), and he started crying and spilled the whole story out of guilt. You’d been too stunned to argue, or fight, so you did what you always do when someone hurts you: You said nothing, or at least nothing of value, and you walked away. He’d tried to run after you, begged you to just talk to him, tried to wipe the tears that fell from your face in a devastated shower, but you wouldn’t let him. You slapped his arm away so hard your fingers had tingled for an hour, and you told him never to speak to you or touch you again.
A typical person might fight, scream, or try to have a discussion. A typical person would ask questions between bouts of screaming like “Do you love her?” “Did it mean anything?” “Do you still want me?” - the kind of questions that are natural when you’ve been fucked over like that. You definitely dwelled on those questions a lot, but you were too stubborn to ever ask them, because that would mean you’d have to speak to him, and you’d made it clear you were done speaking. If you spoke to him that might give him the impression that you were willing to listen to his side of things, and that might lead to him thinking you could forgive him. Can’t have that.
You’re not a forgiving person, not when the offense is that deep and it was. You loved Kim Taehyung with your whole heart. You planned on doing ‘old and gray’ with him. You built future plans together, he was your best friend, he was your safe place and you were all those things for him as well. It was right, he was Mr. Right.
You find it so unusual and infuriating that even after two years, you feel that pain like it was freshly served every time you think of him.
“I’m relaxed,” you tell her with a stiff shrug, “and this weekend is about you and Joon, not me, so I don’t care when he’s coming.”
In the two years you’d been broken up with Tae, you had found it quite challenging to keep up your friendship with Fi, considering her significant other - and now fiance - was Taehyungs older brother. In fact, they met because you and Tae had set them up on a blind double date. You managed, however, to avoid him at all costs. Until now, because who else would Namjoon choose to be his Best Man other than his brother?
“Yeah you really look it,” Fi snorts, “you’re sitting beside the ocean underneath a warm sun and you look so uptight that I’m scared you’re going to start shitting diamonds.”
“Well maybe I’ll shit a necklace, it can be your ‘something new’,” you tease and she laughs, maybe you’ve dodged the wrath of her observational skills.
You try to go back to your book, you’ve made it all the way to page two, but just like every other time this morning you’ve attempted to read - the words start to blur together when your mind begins to think of the inevitable: He will be here. You will have to interact. You’ll have to play nice.
“You know, Joon says he hasn’t gone out with anyone since you two split,” she offers casually as she flips onto her stomach.
“Fi…” her name comes out as a warning.
“Sue me, I’m just saying that it’s worth noting the man has been punishing himself the entire time you’ve-,”
“Where’s your phone? I need to check the time,” you say quickly, digging in her tote until you feel the shape of the device that you don’t need whatsoever. You’ve got nowhere to be until dinner this evening.
“You can change the subject all you want, but tonight at dinner you’ll have to face the problem you’ve been running from all this time head on,” she reminds you, painfully.
“I’ve not been running Fi. I walked away, with the entire thing blowing up behind me and didn’t look back. There’s a difference,” you point out.
“Fine. Avoiding is the better verb then. Semantics,” she eyes you from under the brim of her hat, “you never gave him the chance to explain what happened.”
You scoff, “Unless his dick leapt off his body and kamikazed into her vagina I don’t really need to know what happened. Do you know what happened?” you ask out of curiosity, though you immediately regret the words, it gives the impression that you give a shit.
“No, I don’t. I promised you I wouldn’t discuss you with him and I haven’t - though he’s tried many, many times - but I do think it’s a conversation you should have with him ___,” she props herself up on her arms, “People move on from affairs all the time, sometimes together, sometimes apart. The point is that they decide what’s best based on all the information, not just the pain it caused.”
She’s making you angry. You bite down hard on your lower lip to ground yourself. You don’t want to yell or fight with her, not this weekend when it’s her big moment. Her wedding.
“Hey, I’m starting to feel the sun,” you say, and it’s not a total lie, “I think I’m going to go in and cool off, get some water and lunch. Do you want anything?” you ask.
You look up towards the hotel and see that Namjoon is on his way down with a towel draped over his shoulder.
“Ah, nevermind,” you pat her on the back, “a buff Sea God approaches. He’ll take care of you.”
You gather up your own things and start walking up the beach access where you cross paths with him.
“Joon,” you greet him with a little nod.
“Hey. So, how many mimosas has my bride had this morning?” he chuckles.
“Four,” you answer, “but those last two had like the vapor of OJ in them, so I think it’s probably time for a dunk,” you wink.
You don’t quite make it into the hotel before you hear Fi’s shrill scream and you smile as you watch Joon pluck her off the chair, toss her over his shoulder and head to the water. They splash and play and you can’t help but enjoy it - but then pain encroaches on the moment and your smile fades as it so often does, and you disappear into the hotel before anyone can see how bitter you are.
~~~~~~~~~~
Namjoon and Fi had wanted you all to carpool to the restaurant together, but you’d insisted on driving yourself for a few reasons.
For one, it gave you an immediate means of escape, should the sight of Kim Taehyung drive you to projectile vomiting. Also, it gave you some time alone to talk yourself up, to psych yourself into thinking you could navigate this evening without succumbing to any emotions. You’d done such a good job, for two long years, of not letting him know what he did to you. Not letting him see how he devastated your life. Most importantly though, not letting him in.
“The Kim-Park wedding party?” you tell the hostess as you walk into the lobby. It must be freezing in here, the way your arms and legs erupt in chills.
“Sure,” she smiles brightly and points across the dining area, “out on the patio, just through those glass doors.”
“Thanks.”
No less than sixty seconds ago, getting out of your car, you’d felt confident. However, as you close in on the patio doors you realize that despite knowing this moment was coming, despite going over it in your head every night for the past few months - you have no idea what to say to him. You’d not practiced the conversation even once in your head, which is unprecedented for you.
You pull your hand off the door like it burned you and slip to the side before anyone from the party can see you through the glass. You press your back up against the cold wall and take a deep breath.
“I think we’re both doing the same thing.”
His voice, so deep and familiar, daggers you. You look over and sure enough, on the other side of the doors he stands there, tall and lean, pressed up against the wall with his fists shoved into his pockets.
He crosses over to you, and you take an instinctual step back, he notices but doesn’t remark on it.
“I’m hiding from you and you’re hiding from me,” he continues.
At some point, you’ll have to speak. Eventually he’s going to think you’ve either lost your voice or worse, that his presence has rendered you speechless and you refuse to let that happen.
“Why would I hide from you?” you ask, correcting your posture and steeling your nerves.
“Because you don’t know what to say, and you hate not knowing what to say,” he answers and your blood boils at the fact that he’s right. You hate that he knows you, inside and out, knows your personality, your faults, your strengths, your comforts. He knows what you look like naked, what you love in bed and how to - STOP. There is absolutely no way you’re letting your mind go there.
“Why would you be hiding from me?” you ask instead of admitting he was spot on with you.
“Because I was afraid at how much it would hurt to see you,” he says, “turns out it was worse than I’d thought.”
He looks at you then, really looks, from your face all the way down to your heels.
“You look so pretty,” he whispers with the saddest smile you think you’ve ever seen on a human being. You think you also see the glint of tears dusting his lids.
“Thanks,” you say in a cold, disinterested cadence, “We should get in there before they start wondering where we are.”
“Listen, __, I’d really like to sit down and talk to you this weekend,” he stops you by placing his palm gently on your shoulder. It may as well have shocked you, the way you stiffen up and shimmy away from it.
“Taehyung,” you say sternly, “We’re here this weekend because your brother and my best friend are getting married. It’s their weekend, and you and I are responsible for making sure everything is memorable and good. That is the beginning and end of my obligations. So I really couldn’t give a flying fuck about what you want.”
Then you push through the doors without giving him a chance to reply.
You hate yourself. You didn’t have to be that cruel, not after two years of giving him the silent treatment. The look on his face tells you that you may have taken it too far.
However, by the time you’ve sat down you’ve already switched gears. You angrily set your clutch on the table. The look on his face? On his face? It’s nothing compared to the look that was on yours. The look you wore for months in the wake of what he’d done. So he can look however the fuck he wants. To Hell with him.
A waiter brings you a glass of champagne and you fight the urge to chug it down and ask for another. That won’t do any good though. The last thing Fi and Namjoon need is for you to get hammered at their party and ruin it. Besides, champagne hangovers are the worst. It’s not worth upsetting Fi.
When you look up to see Fi storming towards you, you think that ship may have already sailed.
“What?” you ask like a child about to get yelled at.
“What did you do to him?” she hisses, taking the seat next to you. You don’t dare ask who she means, else she might smack you out of your chair.
“Nothing?”
“That’s weird,” she scrunches her face, “because Joon is in the mens room convincing Taehyung not to leave! He’s crying ___.”
“Oh for God’s sake,” you roll your eyes.
Her hand squeezes your arm, more violent than comforting, “Go fix this. For two years I have been on Team ___ one hundred percent. I have cried with you, screamed with you, drank with you, wallowed with you and hated on him with you. It’s my turn. Please go be on my team.”
Her words hurt, and you suddenly feel like a villain.
“Okay, okay,” you stand and finish off your champagne, “I’m going right now.”
When you swing open the mens room door you catch sight of Taehyungs disheveled face in the reflection of the mirror. You have to look away because he’s so devastatingly handsome, but also because it turns your stomach in knots to see him hurt, even after everything that happened.
“I’ll just,” Namjoon mumbles, side stepping you towards the door, “yeah.”
You both stand there silent for a long time, the only noise in the space are his sniffles, which echo against the metal stalls. Eventually someone is going to come in so you need to move it along.
“I won’t apologize to you,” you begin with, because you feel like it’s important to outline that boundary. You owe him nothing, least of all an apology. “There are no words that I could use against you that will hurt you more than you hurt me.”
“I’m sorry,” his apology comes out in a hoarse rasp that grates on your deepest heartstrings. “___, I’m so fucking sorry. You have to know that by now. I’ve not dated another person, I’ve not even fucking touched anyone since you walked out of my apartment - two years!”
You don’t believe for a second that he’s been touch starved for two entire years, and you add that on to his pile of lies.
“I love you, still, I’ve loved you every second,” he blurts it all out in a rush, and you expect he assumes you’re going to walk out or slap his mouth shut any second. The words still effect you, the notion that he still loves, after all that’s happened, and you feel your throat tighten with the threat of tears.
“Don’t,” you hold up your hand, “Just don’t. We need to get it together. Namjoon and Fi expect us to be there for them this weekend and that’s what we need to do. So we’re going to walk back in there together like we’re best fucking friends, go on, do what you need to do,” you wave toward the sink.
He sighs, resigning to you, and turns away.
When he’s splashed his face and dried off the two of you end up where you started at the patio doors. He offers you his arm.
“Pretending to be friendly doesn’t require you touching me Taehyung,” you point out.
“Can I at least open the door for you?” he asks, pushing the door ajar before you can answer. The palm of his hand ends up resting against the small of your back. You stiffen and shoot him a look.
“Sorry,” he pulls it away rapidly, “old habits.”
“Break them,” you seethe, then transition back into the party, trying to look pleasant.
Your back tingles in the wake of his touch, or maybe tingle isn’t the right word, but you feel it. Like a phantom pain. You hate that it felt good, natural, and like a comfort.
You try not to think about it. You try not to think about how different this weekend would be had he not ruined everything. You try not to think about how happy and fun it would be to celebrate Namjoon and Fi together, as a couple. Would he have proposed by now? Would he have done it this weekend? After Fi and Joon ride off into the sunset together, would he have taken your hand and walked you down the beach and given you a ring?
You push it down, pretending that you’re not hurting. You smile through a dance with Taehyung and Joons father, and brush it off when he mentions how disappointed he was how things ended between you and his youngest son. You smile through a photo of the wedding party, which just consists of you, Tae, and the bride and groom - thankfully you stand on the opposite end of Taehyung.
You wait until you get back in your hotel room to fall apart.
~~~~~~~
“No rest for the wicked?”
Namjoons voice startles you. You’ve been sitting in an outdoor area of the hotel that overlooks the ocean.
“I don’t get to come to the beach often, just soaking it in,” you tell him and look out over the seemingly infinite darkness of the water against the night sky.
He hands you a beer and sits down in the seat next to you.
“Thanks.”
“Thank you,” he says, “for talking to Tae so he wasn’t a sniveling mess all night.”
“I didn’t,” you reply honestly, “I have no interest in talking, but I did tell him we needed to keep it together for you and Fi.”
Namjoon nods and sips his beer.
“You’re still angry with him?” the question sounds more like a statement, but either way it irks the shit out of you.
“Wouldn’t you be?” you snap a little.
“I don’t know,” he shrugs, “Maybe. I’d think I’d at least want some closure though. So I could move on with life without being so angry all the time.”
“I’m not angry all the time,” you argue.
“Aren’t you?” again, it sounds more like a statement.
“You know, since it’s such a monumental event I’ve been trying really hard not to knock your heads together, but if you and Fi don’t stop dredging up my relationship with your brother I make no promises,” you half joke, half warn.
Namjoon laughs a little, but his smile fades after a few moments.
“Maybe we just see something you don’t.”
“Yeah? What do you see?” you challenge.
Namjoon raises an eyebrow, “Do you want me to be brutally honest?” he asks permission.
“Sure,” you lie and take a difficult swig of beer.
“I see my little brother, who made a mistake. A terrible, awful, stupid mistake - but a mistake no less,” he begins but you cut him off already.
“Namjoon, a mistake is filing your taxes wrong. A mistake is forgetting to pull the roast out of the oven. A mistake is something you didn’t mean to do. Fucking someone else is a very long string of choices in which multiple opportunities to stop occur and the person chooses to continue anyway,” you explain.
“Okay, fair enough,” he sighs, “I see my little brother who made a very awful and stupid choice. I’ve watched him rot in it for the last two years. I’ve watched him punish himself to torture. He won’t let himself enjoy anything, he won’t let himself be happy. He doesn’t smile, doesn’t laugh. I’ve never seen him in such a dark place.”
“You’re breakin’ my heart,” you mutter darkly, taking a long sip.
Namjoon tenses, but he doesn’t scold you.
“Then I see you,” he points the tip of his bottle towards you, “who’s writhed in your own misery for two years. You never even had a conversation with him, you just stamped a period down before the sentence was even over. You love him,” he holds his finger up to shush you when you start to deny this, “Don’t deny it. Just shut up and listen. You love him, because if you didn’t it wouldn’t still effect you so much. He loves you too, by the way. I’m not saying you need to get back together with him, I know it seems like that’s where I’m going with this but I’m not. What I mean is that you need to talk, and I’m sure it will be a very uncomfortable conversation, but you both need that closure. This misery has to end.”
“He cheated on me Joon,” you say pathetically, chin wobbling.
“I know, I know he did and it was so disappointing to all of us. We were all pissed at him, but I also know how uncharacteristic it was. He’s never done anything like that before, and I doubt he’d ever do it again. You’ve got to stop acting that even entertaining the idea of forgiving him or even speaking to him would make you lose this imaginary game that no one is playing,” he says.
An imaginary game that no one is playing.
The words play over and over in your head long after you finish your conversation with Namjoon. They plague you all night, and most of the next day.
Are you playing a game in your head? The more you allow yourself to think about it, the more you realize that you’re no different than you were that night. You haven’t changed or grown or moved forward in any direction in two years. You’re still the same wounded, humiliated, hurt woman who was sitting in his apartment while he told you he fucked someone else. Maybe you should have had a discussion - no maybe - you should have. Probably not that same evening, God knows you were in no condition to have a stable, adult conversation.
In the aftermath though, that’s when people start to rebuild, and you did nothing of the sort. Not with Taehyung by any means, but not with yourself either. You’d chosen to stay miserable, chosen to hold that hate so strong in your heart that no one, not him or anyone, could penetrate it. You’d done it all because you thought it would punish him, but all you’ve truly done is punish yourself.
~~~~~~~~
Rehearsing the ceremony, and going to the dinner that followed was non-negotiable as Maid of Honor. Obviously. This is the part you’d been dreading, because as Best Man, Taehyung was practically your escort for the duration of the wedding.
So far you’ve managed to remain civil, if being completely silent is civility. Thankfully Taehyung has read the vibe and hasn’t tried starting up any type of conversation with you. Eventually the minister pulls Namjoon and Fi off and you and Taehyung are left completely alone.
“Think we’re done?” he asks.
You’ve rehearsed the ceremony no less than seven times, and aside from the bumpy first take, the rest went off without a hitch. The music is on point, you and Taehyung know your cues, Fi’s youngest cousin had a blast tossing her pretend flowers. Everything went according to plan.
“Probably,” you offer him three syllables and no more.
“Good. I’m starving,” he says, resting his elbows on his knees. He starts playing with the sand beneath him, and you watch him. Like this, with his attention elsewhere, you can observe. His hair is much longer, his frame a little thinner and you wonder if that’s got something to do with an emotional issue or if he’s been dieting or something. It bothers you, that he might not be eating properly, and you get angry with yourself. Then Namjoons words echo, “an imaginary game that no one is playing.” Being concerned about a man that you spent loving for so long won’t make you lose anything.
“You’ve lost weight,” you tell him, attempting to keep any emotion from your voice. You pull your arms around you.
“I guess,” he shrugs, looking at himself as if he’s never seen his own body.
“You should eat more, you look thin,” you say, then before you can add anything else, you stand up and walk away toward the banquet room. That’s where the rehearsal dinner will be, and that’s where they can find you if they need you. You can feel Taehyung staring at you as you go.
Everyone is so enamored with the bride and groom that you scrape by without being noticed much. You fill a plate that you poke with your fork, and smile when it’s appropriate. You look happy whenever Fi starts talking to you about anything, and you smile and participate in pictures.
You’re sat next to Taehyung for most of the dinner, but thanks to the chaos of the event with so many conversations going and attention on Fi and Joon, you don’t have to interact with him much.
“These noodles are fucking good,” he says as he slurps some into his mouth.
“Here, take mine, I’m full,” you use the back of your hand to scoot the bowl over to his area.
“Thank you,” he says politely, though you can feel his eyes boring into you as if to ask ‘why are you being nice to me?’
“You’re welcome.”
“Wine sir?” a waiter asks Taehyung and gestures to his empty glass that’s remained as such the entire time you’ve been eating.
“No, some more water would be nice though, thanks,” he says and the waiter nods and trots off.
“It’s good, not too sweet,” you tell him, picking up your own glass and taking a sip. This is your attempt at a conversation, the sweetness of wine.
“I don’t drink anymore,” he says in a way that makes you feel like you shouldn’t ask why. Something in your stomach twists and you think you can probably guess.
He was probably drunk, when it happened, when he decided to bed somebody else. It puts a sour taste in your mouth as you swish the wine around. You force it down your throat and set the glass back down on the table, wiping your mouth with a napkin and standing up.
“I’m going to go lay down, not feeling good,” you tell Fi, and you can see in the way that she looks at you she knows you’re lying. You don’t care. The rehearsal went fine. No one cried. No one yelled. You’re still on her fucking team, but dinners over, and you don’t have to do this anymore, at least until tomorrow afternoon.
As you’re heading out you notice the table where they’re keeping the bottles of wine and champagne being served. With a quick look around to make sure no one’s watching you pluck a bottle off the table, they can consider it your fee for having to make a speech in front of a crowd tomorrow. Small price to pay for gushing about love and happily ever afters when you’d rather eat dirt.
~~~~~~~~
The hotel pool closes at 10PM, and it’s well after midnight as you sit on the edge, skirt bunched up around your thighs, legs dangling in the water.
Fi had come to check on you, and you’d continued the charade of a headache, explaining that you’d taken something and you’d see her in the morning to help her get ready for her big day. She was apprehensive, but left you alone.
Too overwhelmed by the silence of your room, you decided to take your stolen booze and sit by the empty pool. The sound of the nearby ocean should be enough to drown out your thoughts.
Except it wasn’t.
You were still thinking about everything Namjoon had said. You were still thinking about what you wanted to say to Tae. And each time you took a sip of wine, you were thinking about him hovering over his coworker, the scent of alcohol on his breath, as he pushed into her and made her feel good the way he did with you. You felt like vomiting, but kept drinking anyway, call it self-flagellation. A punishment for being a bitter hag who can’t let anything go.
When the pool gate creaks open, you turn, expecting to explain to a staff member that you were just about to leave. It’s not an employee though. It’s Taehyung.
Your gut reaction is to tell him to fuck off, but you stop yourself. He seems to expect it, in the cautious way he approaches, he looks as if you’re about to send him away any second. Instead you turn back to the water, watching the reflection of hotel windows ripple on the waters surface as he rolls his pants up and sits next to you.
“It’s warm,” he says after several moments, when it’s clear you’re not going to snap him in half.
Silence. You sit next to one another for what feels like forever, though only about ten minutes probably pass. You take languid sips from the bottle occasionally, but you don’t look at him or offer any words. You’re just procrastinating, sitting stagnant as you’ve been doing for two years.
“Go ahead,” you finally say.
“What?” he croaks, seemingly shocked that you’ve spoken at all.
“I want to know,” you take a big gulp from the bottle, “I want to know why you did it.”
He takes a long time to answer and you wonder why. After two years, after all the five thousand word essays he tried to send you, shouldn’t he have all this outlined already?
“The entire PR department was at that conference,” he starts. You remember. He’d gone to a week-long conference with the other people in his department, which you’d not really given much thought to, but that’s where it happened. While he was away.
“The group had never been out together, in all the years we’d worked with each other, so on the last night we decided to go out drinking at some bar. It was all just good fun, until it wasn’t,” he says darkly and you waiver, but let him continue.
“We got so drunk, God I was wasted,” he says with a shake of his head, “the kind of drunk where anything sounds like a good idea. Someone could suggest jumping off a bridge and you’d be like ‘fuck yeah, that’s the best idea I’ve ever heard’ because you’re just so out of your mind. Eventually we all had to go back to the hotel we were staying at, but I honestly can’t remember if it was because one of us suggested it, or because the bar staff wanted us out, but somehow I ended up in an Uber with Lia.”
Lia. You’d met her several times at his office Christmas parties, and you knew she was the one he’d fucked without ever having to say her name. You choke down the whimper that wants to escape and wipe your tears away with the back of your hand.
“She randomly admitted to me that I was her work crush, but I could barely comprehend what she was saying. The car was spinning. I kept looking out the window, but then she’d start talking again. She was telling me that her marriage was ending and she was depressed. She felt alone and hopeless - it was all so heavy - and then she started touching my leg, and scooting closer-,”
“Okay stop, stop,” you suck in a ragged breath.
“I’m sorry,” he says, “I thought maybe being transparent was best, but the whole truth - without the gory details - is that there was no reason ___. I was drunk. She was drunk. I think I felt bad for her, but I don’t remember feeling anything. I don’t remember what we said, I don’t remember how it felt,” he drags a hand down his face, “I threw it away for nothing. I ruined us, everything we built, everything I loved, everything I wanted for absolutely fucking nothing.”
You look away from him and hide your face so you can sob quietly. He places his hand on top of yours, and you stiffen, but don’t pull it away.
“Please say something,” he urges.
“I don’t know how to feel,” you sniff, “I don’t know if I should feel better because it was nothing or feel worse because you threw me away for nothing.”
“I’m so sorry,” he repeats and you’re not sure how many times you’ve heard the words, a thousand - millions? Suddenly though, it doesn’t disgust you when he says he’s sorry.
“I hated you,” you say.
“I know,” he cries, “I deserve it.”
“I hated you because it was your fault, you’re the one who ruined everything, you’re the one who should’ve suffered but instead I spent six months balled up in my apartment sobbing, screaming for you, screaming at you, I was a fucking mess Tae,” you sob.
“I know, God I know that I hurt you so bad, and I know you may not want to hear it, and I know it was a different kind of pain but I swear to you I have been in agony for the past two years,” he sniffs.
“I will never be the same,” you admit, to him and to yourself, “I will always feel like I’m not good enough, I will never be able to trust like I used to, and I will always wonder when someone is going to choose someone else over me and it’s all your fault!”
“I’m so sorry ___,” he says. He scoots over close and starts to wrap his arm around you. God damn it you want him to. You want him to comfort you, you want to cry into his shoulder. You want it so bad.
So you shove him into the pool, naturally.
You watch him flail for a few seconds before he realizes the water is only waist deep, then he stands up, flinging his wet mop of hair from his face and sputtering water.
“Are you kidding?” he squeaks, he looks like a drowned mouse.
The look of utter shock on his face has you biting down hard on your lips trying to hold it together, but it comes out anyway.
You laugh. You laugh so hard you can’t breathe, so hard that you snort, so hard that you feel like your chest is going to burst but you can’t stop.
“Sorry, I gave in to my intrusive thoughts,” you tell him between gasps of air.
“Intrusive…fuck,” he mutters, trying poorly to pull himself back onto the edge of the pool. You use your foot to shove him back in.
“___!” he scream-laughs.
“I couldn’t stop myself,” you shrug, still giggling.
“Yeah?” he gives you a look as he pushes his wet hair out of his face.
“No…” you warn, but before you can even get the whole word out he drags you in by your arms.
“Bastard!” you squeal, wiping the water from your eyes.
“Sorry, I gave into my intrusive thoughts,” he parrots and then splashes you for good measure.
You shove him backward and he disappears under the waters surface, until you feel him grab you by the ankles. He pulls hard and you lose your footing, joining him under the water. You fight the sting of chlorine as you open your eyes, finding your target, and you reach out and pinch one of his nipples beneath his ruined sweater before pushing off the bottom to get air.
“Oh that does it!” he jeers, dramatically rubbing his chest and leaping over to where you try to scramble out of the pool. He grabs you by the waist and drags you back down, pinning your arms with one of his and using his other hand to tickle you.
“Stop! Please stop!” you plead between fits of laughter.
You manage to loosen his grip and twist yourself until your chest is pressed against his. Suddenly playtime is over, and it’s just you looking up at him, his arms still around you, unrelenting.
“What are we doing right now?” he whispers, pushing a wet piece of your hair off your cheek.
“I think I’m forgiving you,” you say, and you rest your forehead against his chest as he holds you tighter. It feels so good that you continue to stand there, despite the absurdity of standing in a pool fully clothed.
“This pool is closed, and those clothes are not appropriate swim attire to be wearing in the facilities,” a stern voice intrudes and you both spin around to see a very annoyed looking employee drumming her fingers on the top of the fence.
“Sorry!” you yelp, jumping towards the pool stairs.
“We were just going, we’re very sorry,” Taehyung echoes as he follows suit.
“Yes, well, the pool rules are posted right here,” she taps a sign hanging on the fence aggressively, “for future reference. Have a good evening,” she grumbles, though she looks like she hopes the two of you have anything but.
Taehyung grabs a few towels off a nearby caddy and you pour out the wine, then toss the bottle into a waste basket.
Only a few people stare as the two of you walk towards the elevators, clothes drenched, but then again, there’s only a few people around at this hour anyway. You both grin like cheshire cats as the doors shut in front of you.
Without giving it much thought, you reach over and lace your fingers into his, and when the elevator opens on the floor that’s been rented for the wedding, you lead him out and down the hallway to your room.
“Wait,” he stops short, though he doesn’t let go of your hand as you slide the card into the door lock.
“What?”
“Are you sure you want me in there? I don’t want to wake up tomorrow morning and have you regret all of this,” he says, holding your hand to his chest.
“I’m not going to, at least that’s not my plan,” you assure him as you cross the threshold - though if you’re being completely honest, you have no plan. You have no idea what you’re doing, or if it’s a good idea or a bad idea.
“Then… what?” he wonders, looking like if he breathes the wrong way or says one wrong word you’ll smite him.
“Take your wet clothes off and just lay down with me,” you shrug.
“You want me to get naked, then get in your bed?” to say he looks stunned is an understatement.
“Yes, if it will make you less uncomfortable I’ll sleep naked too,” you tell him with a shrug, pulling your skirt off.
His eyes darken just a bit, “Is this some kind of torture? You want me to press my body against yours and try not to touch you?” he laughs, but his mouth sounds dry as a desert.
“It’s not meant to be a punishment, but yes, that’s what I want. I want to lay here with you, in a very vulnerable state, because I want to know what it feels like. I want to know if it makes my skin crawl or if it makes me want you to fuck me and hold me against you the rest of the night. I’m testing the water, so to speak,” you say. You continue peeling wet layers of clothes off until you’re completely nude, then you pull down the sheets and get in.
Taehyung stands there for about three seconds before he starts fighting his wet clothes off. You watch the lean muscles of his stomach ripple as he tugs the, very expensive looking, ruined cashmere off, and you lock eyes with him as he pushes his jeans and boxers off in one go.
He’s hard, which isn’t very surprising, not that you’re just so incredibly irresistible that he can’t help it, but you understand what he’s going through because you are too. You’re wet, you can feel the slickness with every movement of your lower body. It’s been two years. You weren’t completely chaste in that time, though it was never anything that lasted more than a weekend, and the number of encounters were very few. You also aren’t sure if he was being honest about his two year celibacy streak, you’re not ready to accept that or not, but if it is true he’ll probably combust. You only take a tiny bit of inappropriate satisfaction from that.
When he crawls in as well the two of you just lay on your backs, a whole other person could fit in the space between you, and you stay like that for a little while.
“Skin crawling yet?” he asks timidly.
“Not yet,” you sigh, and turn the lamp off, then roll over next to him, draping your bare thighs across his. You’re a little embarrassed that your slick slides against his leg.
“Jesus christ,” he groans in a whisper as your hand slides up to find purchase on his chest, his arm coming around to pull you in close.
“What about now?” he asks in a strain.
“Nope. Not yet.”
You’re being honest. It doesn’t make you sick, or angry, and it doesn’t make you feel like you’ve lost. There is no imaginary game. No imaginary score. Not anymore, and you breathe the first easy breath you’ve taken in two years.
You take his hand that rests on top of yours and pull it down your torso, his fingertips brush over one of your nipples and your lips part against his shoulder.
“Fuck,” he breathes out, and you continue pulling his hand lower and lower until his fingers rest above your cunt.
“What do you want?” he asks, twisting over so you’re more under him than beside him. His fingers play idly in your soft tuft of hair, but he doesn’t try dipping them any lower.
You take a deep breath, your pussy aching, “I think you owe me one, wouldn’t you say?”
He nods, licking his lips, “I’d say I owe you a lot more than one, tell me, I’ll give you anything you want. Just tell me,” he urges you, his lips ghosting the side of your face.
“I want you to touch me, and then I want you to go down on me like your fucking life depends on it,” you take his mouth with yours, sliding your fingers into his still damp hair to anchor him.
You both let out involuntary moans when his fingers come in contact with your slit. He drags the wetness up from your entrance to your clit, circling around in a way that has you pushing back, spreading your thighs further for him.
He toys with you as you kiss him, tongues teasing, teeth bumping, but his fingers persist. Then he pushes one in, followed by another and you groan.
“Tae,” your voice is soft and pleading, and he delivers, thrusting his fingers into you hard and deep, the way you love. The way he knows you love. He pauses every so often to work your clit, and each time you have to hold yourself back, have to control your body so you don’t cum so soon, so you can enjoy it longer.
“Does it feel good?” his voice is deep and scratchy in your ear and you nod, eyes closed, hips moving in time with his fingers, “Are you close?”
You can’t help the breathy laugh that escapes, “Yes. So fucking close, fuck,” you curse as his fingers go back to your clit, this might be it, but he slows down.
“Do you want me to finish you like this, or do you want me to eat you out? Because I really, really want to eat you out,” he smiles, taking your ear between his teeth gently.
“Tongue,” you manage, “Definitely tongue but please keep using your fingers for the love of God.”
“Absolutely,” he kisses you deeply once more before disappearing under the sheets.
“Oh my god.”
When his tongue drags up your slit, your back arches so far off the bed you’re pretty sure you’ll feel it tomorrow. Your mouth drops open as he fights your hips back down on the bed, tongue snaking and sliding over every centimeter of you. When you finally manage to settle down, he pushes his fingers back into you, lips wrapped around your sensitive bud in a gentle suck.
Your eyes water at the sensation as you gasp and shake, then he switches to soft, wide licks and it finishes you.
“Ohfuckohfuck,” your hands land on the sides of his head and you hold him in position as you cum, contracting rhythmically around his fingers, still buried inside you.
When he resurfaces you immediately drag his wet mouth onto yours and wrap your arms around his neck.
“More,” you tell him, reaching between your bodies to guide his cock to you.
“I won’t last long enough for you to go again,” he warns.
You shake your head, “I don’t care, just keep going, please,” you beg and it sounds so desperate but you don’t care anymore.
“I missed you,” he whispers, and he pushes into your still throbbing cunt. “Oh fuck.”
It feels like forever before he starts moving, thrusting in and pulling out agonizingly slow. You meet him with every push, grinding into him, connecting yourselves.
“I can’t,” he whines, “I can’t hold it.”
“Then don’t,” you tell him, dragging your nails down his back.
“Shit,” he freezes on a particularly deep thrust and you feel him twitch, spilling himself inside.
He collapses beside you, damp from sweat and breathless. He’s beautiful.
You scoot over and wrap yourself around him, like before, and he pulls you in, kissing the side of your head.
“I missed you too,” you whisper, then close your eyes and let yourself rest against his chest.
~~~~~~~~
You wake up to frantic knocking on your hotel door.
“___! Hi, it’s me, Fi, I’m getting married today, in case you forgot - just mentioning it because you and I have an 8:30 appointment for massages and it is now,” a brief pause, “8:27 and I’ve not heard from you!”
“Shit!” you scramble out of bed, grabbing the blanket as you go to wrap it around you.
“Ahh!” Taehyung whines, “Cold!”
You open the door and greet her.
“Oh my God,” she says, looking at your naked, disheveled state wrapped up in a hotel duvet.
“Uhhhh…”
“I’m cold!” Taehyung shouts from the darkness of the hotel room and you squeeze your eyes shut, bracing for her reaction.
“Oh my GOD,” she screams.
“I’ll meet you at the spa, I swear, just…go…just…I’m so happy and this is your special day…but go,” you stumble over the words.
“I…” she points to the hall, “I’ll go. Meet me down there,” she says then jerks you close, “and be prepared to tell me fucking everything.”
You pad back into the room, flipping on the light switch. Taehyung sits up and rubs his eyes.
“Hi.”
You slide into your bra and grab a shirt, “Hi,” you say back. “You have to go.”
“Do I have to go because you’ve got somewhere to be? Or do I have to go because I make you nauseous and you don’t want to look at me anymore?”
You press your lips together trying not to laugh, “You have to go because my best friend and your brother are getting married today, and we both have places we need to be - with them. After everything is over, we can figure all this out,” you say pointing between the two of you.
“Promise?”
“I swear.”
He nods, then gets up grabbing his discarded clothes from the night before.
“This is still wet,” he frowns, showing you his sweater.
“Sorry about your fancy sweater,” you laugh.
You’re not entirely sure what to say or do, so you stand on your toes and kiss his cheek.
“I’ll see you later,” you tell him.
He nods, “Later.”
~~~~~~~~
When you check in at the spas front desk they send you to the waiting area, where Fi awaits you, looking very smug.
“Don’t,” you tell her, taking the seat next to her.
“Don’t what?” she says innocently, “Don’t bring up the fact that I just caught you red handed from spending the night with my brother-in-law?”
“Technically he won’t be your brother-in-law until after 1 o’clock,” you point out.
“Deflecting. Interesting. What does that mean I wonder?” she raises a brow.
“Weren’t you and Namjoon both hounding me, telling me I needed to talk to him?” you ask.
“Talk?” she snorts, “Boy, when you have a talk you sure go all out.”
“We did talk!” you defend, “Before - we had a conversation at the pool.”
“How did that go?”
You think about it for a second and sigh, “Well, it definitely made me sad. It reminded me of everything I felt in those months after everything. I ugly cried clutching a bottle of wine,” you say with a half laugh.
“I can tell, your eyes are grotesque - no offense - we’ll have to fix that for the photography later, but go on,” she compels.
“So yeah, I cried, I told him how much I’d hated him and how miserable I’d been, he apologized for like the trillionth time and I don’t know, I felt different all of a sudden, I actually believed him. So I pushed him in the pool and ruined his cashmere,” you explain.
“The cable knit Celine?” she gasps.
“Jesus Christ,” you mutter, walking over to the coffee bar, praying it’s strong.
“Sorry,” she says, “but that shit is easily more than two G’s. But yes, we’re talking about you, sorry. What made it feel different? And why did you push a grown man in cashmere into a pool?”
“Something Namjoon said, the first night Taehyung was here after the bathroom incident, he kind of put things in perspective for me,” you tell her.
She smiles dreamily, “Yeah, he kind of has a way of doing that huh? What was it he said?”
“Imaginary games,” you say.
“I don’t follow?”
“Would you say I’m a forgiving person? That I handle offenses well?”
“Abso-fucking-lutely not,” Fi says resolutely.
“Agreed. I get in my head and keep score. If they hurt me, I have to hurt them worse and if I can’t, then I act like letting it go is losing, so I hang on to it and stay angry because in my sick little toxic mind, that means I’m still winning,” you sit back down and slurp the coffee.
“Tired of winning now?” she says softly, taking your hand in hers with a squeeze.
“Yes,” you sigh, lay your head on her shoulder, “I’m tired of winning now.”
“Good.”
~~~~~~~~~
Fi was stunning. No, more than that - she was traffic stopping, literally. In her custom wedding gown, guests and even strangers literally stopped in their tracks to stare at her. You cried all day at how beautiful and happy she looked. She glowed. You only looked away from her once really, to see Namjoons reaction when she cornered the aisle and came into view - worth it.
At the reception Fi leans over to you, “I think someone has been itching to get you alone all day,” she whispers, nodding over to Taehyung who’s in the middle of a conversation with a cousin, but you see him side eyeing you every couple of seconds.
“I’m your maid of honor Fi, it’s my job to be in your ass all day in case you need me,” you tell her, resisting the urge to run to him.
“Okay. I appreciate that and everything, but I’m letting you go. Your job is complete, you married me off. Now go,” she nudges you out of your seat.
You walk over to him as the cousin disappears back into the throng of people and he turns to you.
“Dance with me?” he asks, and you nod as he takes your waist on the floor.
You sway back and forth to some romantic jazzy number, resting your head on his shoulder, drinking in his scent and his warmth. You smile.
“So what happens now?” he whispers, “What happens when we leave this paradise and have to go back to the dreary, gray city?”
You look up at him, and he kisses you gently on the lips.
“I think…”
“Yes?”
You tilt your head and smile, “I think we should start meal planning.”
“Meal planning…” he looks perplexed, but then recognition reaches his eyes and his face softens. “Meal planning.”
“Yes. It’s more cost effective, and it’ll be easier to eat healthy if we only buy what we plan for.”
“Sounds like a good plan,” he grins, then pulls your head back onto his shoulder and the two of you continue dancing, even when the music changes to a more upbeat song, you just sway back and forth, pressed together tightly to make up for the distance you held for too long.
#bts fanfiction#taehyung fanfiction#Kim Taehyung#romance#oneshot#BTS smut#Taehyung smut#18+ only#V fanfiction#bangtan#taehyung x reader#Taehyung girlfriend
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My Candy Love New Gen ep. 4
Review
Here I am after finishing the last episode of MCL New Gen ready to give my honest and unasked opinion about it.
Fasten your seatbelts cause we are about to start and i'm not gonna be gentle
LET'S TALK ABOUT IT...
So the episode opens with Elenda who's basically trying to drag us so bad to the Cosey Bear because apparently Castiel was serving there ( No judgement toward Elenda, i wanted to see my husband too). Unfortunately for me and her, he already had left when we showed up to the Cafe. >3>.
Seeing Lynn animated was so cute and a little bit nostalgic but nothing compared to the GASP I emitted when she started talking to Thomas and he told her he was in love with her. GEEEEZ, now i get why that kid was a pain in the ass and RUINED my pic-nic date with Tomato head, THE DOTS CONNECTED. Btw it was a very cute scene and a tribute to Iris that I hope she will show up in Thomas' route.
Moving on, inspired by Thomas' love confession, everybody starts talking about their love life (expected since the episode's name is hearts looking for love). And this is where things went horribly cringe and outrageous: Ofc i'm not talking about Elenda and Devon ( It was cute to know that she had a crush on Devon and, about him, a little peak to where the story is possibly going to lead - a busy man that works his ass off so bad for Devenementiel and has no time to date)or Amanda but about ROY and BRUNE.
Hoooooly shit, the chill of second hand embarassment that I got just by reading the interractions between these two was undescribable I swear( Elenda became basically my guide spirit: her reaction was the same i had. ).
Everything was so outofcontext and nonsense that I'm actually wondering why Beemov decided it was a great idea to give space to something so....childish? I mean, we're talking about (almost) 30yo people.. and they got together because they were...desperate???????
- "Yeah with my exes things weren't doing good so we decided to date even tho we don't talk, don't touch and fell uncomfortable with each other" - COOOME ON, BFR, you guys ok?
Also, I really hope that we're gonna discover something deeper about Roy (or that he's going to get a development at least) that makes him more that what i can pick up and feel from him right now: childish Gymrat fixed on pool that give us nothing. I'm genuine deluded about the way they handled this.
Moving on to JASON PART. He basically shows up when we're still talking sitted by the table. I was obviously expecting the part where he was going to be pointed out as a "womanizer" but what I DID NOT EXPECT was the reaction he had when he overhears our conversation: I felt him being sarcastic as usual but at the end i felt he was kinda....hurt??? idk if you get what i mean, he literally said he had REASONS why he doesn't want to be in full term relationship and this opens my mind to an INFINITE AMOUNT OF THEORIES
Connected to what I've read on some theories here, someone said it's because of the condition ( or the pathology) that made his hair go white...
This is a really good point but I genuine think about something else that is connected to this and the SHOCK NUMBER 2: Why Devenementiel hates Jason so much?
Apparently our "proud and superior" man with an incredible fragile ego had PLAGIARIZED the project the would have helped Devon to found Devenementiel and, because of that, he was fired and disqualified by the contest. So...first things first: PIECE OF SHIT.
Secondly, I genuine would have never thought about him doing something like this and that's the reason why i don't think he did it because he wanted to but perphaps he WAS PUSHED to do so.
Another theorie said that probably he was helped by a third person that played dirty and suggested him the same project Devon did
And I have to admit that this is something very likely, but stil don't really convince me too much.
We can clearly see that Jason has a lot of money, A LOT, and by the way he has so much money i'm assuming he comes from a family that at least has the same amount of capital he has now. We got told that he was basically working as an employer (if i remember correctly) so why trying to steal something from others if you are satisfied and don't need a job? perhaps because you NEED that first place to REDEEM yourself and PROVE someone wrong at least so that.. THE END JUSTIFIES THE MEANS. That's where his family and the white hair make their part: A Dad Ceo that basically disgraced his Son because he couldn't follow or keep up with the family business or - he wasn't good enough- for the role ( and that's why the white hair, because of the stress) . Another thing that might prove this is the fact that Devon told us that he had "private investors" and...i mean, if you're broke, i don't think you can find them just by snapping your fingers and make them appear in front of you, especially when you get fired and disqualified in a competition. He could have use the "family" name and hi charisma to persuade the investors to help him found Goldreamz.
And THIS leads me to the last point: Why no long term relationship?
Because his family has to end with him and he's scared of the consequences that a partner can have in his life.
This reminded me so much Simon from Bridgerton btw. So yeah...I might be wrong (99%) but i want to think that he's a piece of shit just because he's hurt.
His special scene was normal i guess, i love the way my candy was looking at the instagram photos be like - "i'm just studying the enemy...not doing something wrong..maybe".
In the end i decided to try for the Thomas illustration and nothing to complain about, the scene was genuine one of the most cute one in the game so fare and the ilusstration 10/10 chef's kiss and handshake by the president.
#mcl new gen#amour sucre#my candy love#my candy love new gen#mcl#mcl jason#amor doce#beemoov#dolce flirt#corazón de melón#mcl new gen review#amour sucre new gen#corazon de melon new gen#mcl roy#mcl devon#mcl amanda#mcl thomas
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Vox Machina Details
I realized that now that I've completed all of Vox Machina, I wanted to show off the symbols I chose for each member and their designs as some of them I'm super proud of! If you're unsure what any of the symbols are meant to convey, just read blow the line.
Keyleth
(side note, I finished her original version at like ep 35 and had worked so hard to stay away from spoilers so I had no idea what most of the symbols meant and was struggling to think of things)
Kraken- I included it because the kraken fight will go down in my personal history ad the fight that was the biggest... slog to get through. You felt the weariness of it as shit just kept repeating, and unfortunately half the table was slightly drunk making everything worse, and it was so pivotal because Vax died and that chastened his deal with the raven Queen and it was Keyleth completing her journey and it was Tary's first real adventure. It also was right after my Roman Empire Vaxleth quote so it had to have a place.
Goldfish -iconic
Acorn- so this is one that has nothing to do with her journey but it's something I chose to symbolize what I love about her. I love her passion for life and her willingness to protect it. I chose it after she went against Grog during the Whiteness Arc and ran back to help the townsfolk to fight the zombie giant. I loved it because she refused to let those people fight on their own to live and it really stuck with me. Her unadulterated anger at the death of the fire ashari and so many other times she cares about life and I wanted to represent that, so much that I included it in her personal symbol at the top of the designs.
Fire - obvious reasons
Raven feather - gonna represent the love of her life
Snowdrop- yeah Vax got two but I'm so glad I did because that last episode had me sobbing just like Marisha and it's such a symbol of goodbye and love and stolen time
Vex
She is one of the most straightforward ones, another one that I had help on from the community because I didn't want spoilers but did want to encompass her entire journey and not just what I had seen.
Grizzly paw - for the best companion out there
Gold coins - Her greed is such a defining trait for so much of her journey to the point where it, in part, got her killed by wanting to steal the armour. It is her hating to spend 30 gold on a very useful book, it is so much of her and I love it.
Sun - Paelor, since she was chosen by him
Broom - As much as I wasn't a fan of the broom, it truly is such a big part of her, her fighting technique, and her personality again tied to her greed that I couldn't help but add it.
The gun and the dagger - for the two most important people in her life.
Pike
Her ship - It's cute how often she brought it up even when we never once see her at sea. I think Ashley really enjoyed that part of her backstory even asking about it in campaign 2.
Her holy symbol - Sarenrae is the God who has my heart simply for her kindness to Pike. Her warmth and love and how important that relationship is to Pike. More so than any other cleric, it feels like they get each other and I love that. I'm also sad Sarenrae hasn't been around much in the other campaigns. Someone give this God some love please (I'm on ep 46 of c3 so who knows)
The lute - even if they never go on a date during the campaign, that relationship is super important. It was the first relationship I shipped in VM and how often they look out for each other. I'll always be sad Ashley couldn't be there for ep 85
Grog's axe - adoptive siblings for life
Iris - since it's the flower of Westruun, I thought I should add also because Matt was able to pull that out of his ass when asked was incredible and needs to be remembered always.
Glabrezu claw - even if it's not a death we saw, that death echoed throughout the campaign and it affected Pike so much
Scanlan
Scanlan was harder. So many of his moments are intangible. How do you draw a counterspell? A wish? The hunt for drugs that are actually just cooking spices? the meat man? Modify memory? Scanlan will always be MVP of the VM campaign in my eyes, and so it was so hard to do him justice.
The three eyes of Ioun - No one expected Scanlan to be chosen but chosen he was and the world is better for it.
Triceratops - That fight was the first time Scanlan really showed he could hold his own. Hell, the rest of VM came out worse with 5 people than he did. It was the first time you saw how much of a beast Scanlan could be.
Pike's mace- the woman who made him better
The beret - I had just finished the briarwood Arc what I was working on him and I thought this the best representation of Sam willing to just roll with the stupidest running bits.
The Burt Reynolds mustache - His love of disguises and also one of his most iconic lines
The flute - representing his meeting Kaylie and how that changed so much of his journey.
Percy
I struggled with Percy and his symbols because I couldn't always grasp what was important and what drove him as tangible things outside his family, Revenge, and Vex. I also just have the most trouble connecting to Percy so I think that played a part.
The bird skull - I felt it showed his connect to others? As it passed through his hands it showed a care for others and I dunno, this one just stuck with me. So it's there.
Black powder -no way in hell I'm leaving Viktor out
De Rolo crest - His family and all that he lost
An arrow - his future, his shining north star, his better half
Black smoke - Orthax and how much control it had over him
Vampire teeth - a bit corny I know but had no idea how to represent the briarwoods so I rolled with this.
Vax
Snowdrop - the mirror Keyleth, and if you have the prints next to each other with Vax on the right and Keyleth on the left, the snowdrops mirror. They're the only two of the series to have that (can you tell who my favourite couple is?)
The raven Queen mask - she needed her own spot because she is.. the looming shadow over so much of Vax, his choices, and his story. She is unrelenting, she is ever-present, she is inevitable. And I hate her for it.
The arrow - twins for life
The antlers - This man supports Keyleth's rights and her wrongs and I adore him for it. I love that he says if you're going to your death to fight this dragon then I'm with you no questions asked. He worships her and it makes me weak at the knees.
The feather - those wings become as much a part of his identity as the broom is for Vex.
The belt - his love for that belt but also his use of equipment. Vax, more than anyone I think, has his identity was tied to his equipment and his icknic moments. His boots, his armour, his belt, his daggers. They make up so much of him.
Grog
He's another super straightforward one because we'll, Grog wasn't meant to have a deep and rich and complex character. He has amazing moments but again how do I show them? Craven's edge was something I tried for but it just didn't read as exactly that so I sadly left it out. Believe me, it hurt.
The deck of many things - Those cards were Grog's roman empire and it bit him in the ass at the end and I love it. Also just Travis and his absolute inability to not push the red buttons.
Ale - no group has loved taverns as much as VM, and no one in that group loves a night of drinking as much as Grog.
The Lute - for his best bud
The Mace - for his sister
The shapes - callback to the original audio intro with Grog being first
The bag of holding - few things were as paired as Grog and that bag. No one has their inventory as well organized as that Goliath.
Tary
Blondies - I know he was only a portion of it and I think because he was there for the time they mentioned it the most, I connect Tary the most with the Slayers Cake. It's the friendships he formed in his time with the group.
The list - thinking of him saving Keyleth and getting to mark off rescuing a maiden will never fail to make me laugh
The arrow - his best friend
The gun - his other best friend
The book - his many grand tales all documented in one fantastical book
The helmet - I really wanted it in the original design but it just wasn't going to work with the pose I wanted, so it ended up at the bottom.
Yepp so these are the things I connect with these characters the most. It's silly and so much effort for such a small part of the print, but I'm proud of them.
#art#illustration#my art#digital art#fanart#critical role#vox machina#the legend of vox machina#tlovm#cr1#critical role fanart#campaign 1#keyleth#vex#vex'ahlia#pike trickfoot#scanlan shorthalt#percy de rolo#vax#vax'ildan#grog strongjaw#taryon darrington#tary#details
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oh yeah I did watch the Sailor Cosmos Movies a while back.
-It genuinely startled me to hear Mamoru tell Usagi "I love you" (Aishiteru, no less) and I realized this is because I don't think he ever said it in the 90's anime. The closest was saying "yes" when she asked if he loved her. Weird to realize,
-Again, I prefer it to adding dumb shit like Crystal season 1 did, but the movie following the manga so faithfully means it switches location and scene every two minutes.This is fine for a manga where the backgrounds are sparse, everything flows together, you read at your own pace, but absolutely dizzying for a movie. there's no time to breathe.
-this arc is so relentless it really is like a horror movie (in space!) You're constantly waiting for the next person to die, and it's always so quick and kind of unceremonious
-they did tone down the blood though :/ of course. its okay if someone gets stabbed through the chest and dies, but can't have her bleed.
-the movie takes out any ambiguity about Cosmos being future Usagi and offers some additional backstory, with her explaining that a war broke out in Earth and decimated Crystal Tokyo and by the time they finally achieved piece so many had died she realized it could happen again and just thought maybe she should have ended things back then. It only shows dead civilians though. In one part Mamoru is seen fighting or something, but then later Usagi is contemplating the corpses on her own. There's no indication if anything happened to him or the Senshi. I think it would be funny is nothing did, and she just left to go have this existential crisis without them.
-The movie also hammers in that Usagi's choice here shows how much she's grown since the first arc (and from her past), she even flashes back to stabbing herself before saying "I want to live, no matter how tough it is". I always saw this bit of character development but the movie REALLY wants to make sure people don't miss it, which is good because from my experience a lot of people did.
-THANKFULLY the movie makes sure to show us Artemis and Luna and Diana are okay by showing Usagi returning home and Luna talking to her. It always really bothered me that the manga did not confirm that!!! i'm glad they fixed!!!
-it was basically fine, it was the manga but a little rushed and I did like all the extra stuff they added which is incredible by the reboot's standards, and I am glad to see the space opera bloodbath existential nightmare that is the final arc fully animated. That's worth everything else we had to go through. well mostly.
actually maybe it's just worth a quarter of all the other bullshit. It was a shitshow and it's taken them ten years, but it sure got completed and at least looked reasonably good toward the end.
-the fact it ends with Usagi marrying everyone is always so incredible. largely I think it's good the 90s anime is it's own seperate thing but it should have also ended with older Usagi proudly confirming she had premarital sex during her wedding and then having her entire girl squad wear wedding gowns (a tux in Haruka's case. unlike her horrible dress in this one) so they can all get married together
#now that they'd adapted the manga if they reboot it again they'll be forced to do something different#UNLESS they want to animate PGSM id be so down#sailor moon cosmos#sailor moon
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I’m going through my copy of The Lady Tars and this was just incredible.
William Brown (birth name is unknown) may have been the first black woman to serve in the British Royal Navy. While the book here says Brown served for 11 years as captain of the maintop (others say capt. of the foretop), there’s another conflicting account that has her rated as a landsman in the ship’s muster. The Times wrote about her and this is the main source that she was a foretopman. The paper also says that Brown intended to enlist again as a volunteer and it’s completely plausible she did. However, it’s completely unknown either way. What is known indisputably is there was a young black woman from Granada going by the name of William Brown serving on the H.M.S. Queen Charlotte in 1815.
#ripping my hair out coz yes. there was a woman going by William Brown in the navy in 1815#but that’s about all that can be verified#and the fact that there’s this conflicting account from The Times drives me up the walls#I want these people to have been better remembered and personally that’s where the genuine tragedy lies#did she re-enlist? did she have prize money? did she serve for a few weeks or over a decade??#more than likely she wasn’t a capt. of the main or foretop#especially if she really did only serve for a short period#there’s just a sadness in it that we don’t even know her story or really anything about her#that’s why I’ve been reading about all the polly olivers in the navy#but yeah. incredible that she even DID that#I hope she lived a good life#that’s all. I don’t like wild speculation when researching historical persons as tempting as it can be#so I only hope and wish the rest of her life was a good one#also it’s just so important to know these stories or what we can learn of them#a man (or woman) is only dead when their name is no longer spoken#I want to help keep these women alive for as long as I can#also PLEASE double check your sources! I ran into a few instances where person A just makes stuff up about person B’s findings so. please.#I don’t like making assumptions based on what *I* want to be true either so again. there’s very little known about her so take all this#with a few grains of salt#william brown#age of sail#history#women in the navy#(also frustrating coz William Brown was/is a pretty common name…)#I found a couple of other sources talking about her so I’m gonna see if there’s ANYTHING else I can find out#black history#I’ll come back to this and write it clearer. I’m running on fumes#also should add that The Lady Tars is a compilation of auto/biographies of 3 women and this is just from the foreword#but I need to nap rn
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ok i like rushed through the whole orv webtoon way too fast so now i have thoughts going in like 5 different directions but ep121-123 drive me so fucking insane actually. every time i think about those two conversations i have to sit down
#orv#orv liveblog#like i feel like depictions of childhood abuse in fiction tend to depiction the relationship as some version of#'the one evil violent parent and the one good parent trying their best (it wasnt good enough)'#see: the twins parents from lc s2 is the obvious one but also like#going back to my roots lol but enji and rei todoroki? or hell even fire lord ozai and ursa#yknow theres this idea of like theres the one who was trying! and the one who fucked it all up#well yeah rei's the one who scarred her sons face but thats so obviously framed as like a trauma response outside of her control#like its not something youre reeaally meant to blame her for yknow#the WHOLE idea with kim dokja's conversation with yoo sangah is whether he's supposed to blame/forgive lee sookyung#wait ok those conversations drive me so insane like im feeling the alevel literature urge to fuckin close read quotes#that one line where he thinks like this is the vilest form of violence he can use against sangah goes by SO fast but it hit me SO hard#the idea of asking her to put herself in this nightmare situation she has no frame of reference for understanding or empathising with#and then asking her as someone who she rly cares about! to be the judge in this situation she cannot possibly fully grasp#and all of that being framed as an act of violence towards her. like asking her to do this knowing she cant possibly do it#but also 'did you want me to seem pleased to see you' 'a little (lie)' and 'do you think of me as a mother' 'a little (lie)'#like the pretense of a normal relationship over the yeah we know our relationships fucked over the#unfortunately we still talk and think in the same way and we understand each other way too well#ok wait but circling back to the original point. i saw this fucking incredible fanart on twitter that sort of goes into the like#how do you?? handle?? not knowing if youre supposed to blame your parent for something that they did that hurt you#like its this little animation thing thats all in kdj's internal monologue except for one line where its him saying#'im terrible. i deserved what she did to me'#and its like. yeah that would be easier huh. like the self loathing is easier to handle than the confusion and cognitive dissonance#full disclosure i saw that fanart literally a year ago before i knew jack shit about orv and the sentiment hit me SO HARD i just#havent been able to stop thinking about it for a whole year. like as soon as i finished 123 i immediately went to look for it in my archive#i checked the artist has a tumblr but that art is not on it and it bugs me so much i want them to know that they somehow like#managed to make art so painful it defeated both my non-orv reading self and my lifelong severe memory problems#i mean in comparison that line (that also went by alarmingly fast) about how without twsa back then like kdj would not be here today#like not so much to dig into just. Yikes#and him telling ysa all of this with that fucking smile on his face like thats the part that really gets to me just his *fucking expression
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in honor of one year of stellarlune, is there anything you really like about it? there's a lot of things to hate but for you is there still some good in it?
oh! wow! interesting question!
I don't think it's any secret that I have a very deep hatred for stellarlune lmao but one scene did immediately come to mind when I saw your ask.
in the end scene, fitz mentally checking in with keefe (before he does with sophie) and stealing her dagger to give to keefe? trusting him with that?
and the fact that keefe goes through with trying to stab gisela? ough.
this was big for both of their characters I think. fitz has been here. he's held his brothers life in his hands and hes tried to end it before. he knows the anger that keefe is feeling and agh.
for him to be there? for him to acknowledge those feelings and for him to help keefe? to, despite all the tension in the last few books, give him the dagger.
the keefe/gisela and fitz/alvar parallels were strong here and I think this genuinley may be one of my favorite scenes in the book.
#NOTE#this is if any of this is even canon lmao#if i remember correctly. it was not expressley said that fitz gave him the dagger#but there was no other way he couldve gotten it that I can see.#he was on like. the other side of the bubble or whatever.#and fitz was like. between them.#and i think he did touch sophies shoulder at some point? could be wrong about that though#keep in mind its been a year since i read this and i was half asleep when i did read it lmao#so yeah <3 take this with a grain of salt#if this isnt what shannon was going for. well.#missed fucking opportunity#how funny would that be. the most in character theyve been all book and a genuinley incredible moment#and she didnt even intend for it to happen#also i think this does bring up an interesting point fandom wise#when fitz tried to kill his brother. the fandom used that to support the anger issues arguement#to call him toxic and categorize him as a horrible person#but when keefe does it? not a single fucking word#anyway thanks for the ask! that was fun to answer!#kotlc
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feeling so emotional after the most fun wonderful and healing weekend 🥹
#i say weekend but it’s more the last couple days#slowly starting to process luke’s show on thursday and truly just feeling so much#the songs i hadn’t heard at boston calling were coincidentally the ones i was the most excited to hear and ahhh it was incredible#like place in me and comedown and i’m still your boy#i have no words#also!! motion!!#i did not expect to leave that show and have motion be one of my favourite moment of the night#it had been so long since i had so much fun in a crowd everyone was so hype<3#the pure joy i felt in that moment and how that was reciprocated by the people around me#priceless#starting line<3 still can’t believe i got to hear my favourite song in the world<3#fun fact i went to the show with my mom after my friend couldn’t go anymore#her coming to my rescue when i was starting to have doubts about going alone<3#and she loved it so much 😭#guys i love my mom#we made a whole weekend out of it and it was so nice#when i say this whole experience was so healing that’s part of it#to like have this much fun and to share that with my mom meant so much more to me than i realized#she knows wfttwtaf well and it was so cute to see her excited when she recognized a song 😭#also experiencing mum with my mom was indescribable#i just hugged her the whole time and kinda blacked out actually#so yeah!!!! this show turned out to be so much more than i could ever imagined#super happy with my experience with this tour and choosing to do boston calling and a show too#i can’t even talk about luke he was so perfect<3#more thoughts on this later when i reblog things probably
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Why only kiku against kanjuro??? They should gang up against him I don't believe in fair fights
#NAMI NOOOOOOO BIG MOM IS AFTER HER NOW NOOOOOO#jinbe telling robin she frightens him with a smile on his face... incredible... she wants you btw#the blood from zoro's slashes on people being white does not help with the censorship ajdjaksn#red hawk..... of course.... ace wantes to kill kaido too?? i mean of course after seeing tama... but why did he leave....#talking tag#watching one piece#episode 991#so yamato wants to be oden!!! i thought that bow looked familiar ajdhaka#momo standing up against orichi.... you tell him#kiki calling law torao and he doesn't even fight it 😭😭#kiku and izo... that was beautiful.....#also they gave marco his cunty ankle bracelet back.... hell yes#kaido is on the move.... what big announcement...... him saying momos execution is boring ahdhaksjsk#yamato that was such a reveal. i think luffy's brain is too simple for all that. he said HUH two times now. not a good sign#episode 992#luffy got a lip tremble when she said ace spoke about him omg nooooo#kiku in some scenes is just... 👁👄👁#kiku dont cry!!!! put on that sick ass mask and cut his ass in half!!!!#WASNT EXPEXTING KAIDO TO GO FETCH THE ANCESTRAL WEAPONS#episode 993#they want the ancestral weapons AND the one piece???#also i was right... i didnt know uranus was the third one but i assumed it had to do with the sky to complete the trifecta hehe#uhuhuhu kaido realised one puppet from wano gave him trouble and turned to momo to make him the next one.... and he is holding his gaze#GOODBYE ORICHI.... WELL DESERVED!!! ONE LESS THING TO WORRY ABOUT LETSGO#KIKU HE IS LYING!! DONT FAULTER!!!! NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! ASHURA FINISH HIM THEN!!!#NO FUCKING WAY!!!!! FUCK YEAH!!!!!!!! THAT WAS SUCH A COOL SCENE!!!! OH THE SNOW!!! JUST LIKE HER!!!!#AMAZING!!!!!!! KANJURO IS SO THEMATICALLY COEHERENT!!! AN ACTOR WHO DRAWS COPIES OF HIMSELF!!! PERFROMER!!!#and kiku who literally grew up with him had to finish him.... oof#and the mask!!! another performance!!! oof..... they left a hat on his head and everything.....#episode 994
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#i have this incredibly toxic aunt whos probably an undiagnosed narcissist#she video called me for my birthday to greet me#and she asked if i was in a relationship (of course she does)#and i was like nope and she goes 'no boyfriend at 28? it's because you're so fat'#(i'm mid sized but i guess plus sized by asian standards?)#and i was like uh huh yeah probably (i did not give a shit)#but my mom in the background overheard and started yelling#she was like 'if only you knew how many white men in their 60s keep offering to pay off her student loans'#(i've had 2 offers 😭😭)#and she keeps going like 'your husband wont even buy you flowers!' and then she and mom my had a screaming match over video call#any way thats how my birthday day ended ajxjsnnd
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the first time river regenerates is under the care of jack, which is good because he has the (rare) necessary experience of knowing how to help someone who died a little and got better and bad because he now has to figure out a way to explain to amy pond why her daughter is now a completely different child without dying himself.
#jack: do you think if we put you in a wig that might help?#little river: (whose height age skin tone gender- have all changed) yeah probably :)#jack did not intend to take her weevil hunting these things just happen around him. and she’s fine. she’s *fine*.#he’s not this was an incredibly stressful situation for him because none of them knew river *could* regenerate until she just did.#but he can handle it. he’s not having flashbacks to everyone he’s ever tried to protect dying in his arms. he is *not* thinking about the#seconds before river started glowing where she looked so so scared and he couldnt do anything.#hey do you think regeneration energy burns human flesh. asking for a friend. that friend is captain jack harkness. who did not stop hugging#river even while she regenerated.#oh goddamnit i made myself sad about this now#what can i say jack deserves to be traumatized and river deserves to have a family. and also be traumatized.
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