#but yeah big time vaginismus here | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

trexrambling · 2 years

Text

This Part of You

Pairing: Dean x Reader

Word Count: 1992

Warnings: smut adjacent scene, medium angst, mild language, discussion about vaginismus

N/A: Request: “A while ago I read a story where the girl had something called vaginismus and the story is how I found out I had it. Anyway I have looked everywhere and have only been able to find that one, it's a big part of my life and keeps me single for the most part and I would really love a fanfic where Dean’s girlfriend has it and doesn't tell him, super angsty, no smut, just him being upset that she hid it for months then fluff and he tells her it doesn't bother him.” - @foxywritter101

His hands are fire on your skin, pulling you closer to him with each kiss. His mouth leaves your lips, trails down your neck, and you let out a low moan and run your fingers through his hair, down his bare shoulders.

His hands leave your back, move to trace warm patterns into your sides, traveling lower and lower.

Everything inside of you immediately tenses up, and then your brain switches from pleasure to panic as his thumbs dip below the hemline of your shorts.

You try your best not to jerk back, try to gently pull away, to keep it lighthearted as you say, “Hey, it’s getting kind of late, Dean. I should probably turn in for the night.”

He clears his throat and leans back, two hands supporting his weight on the bed, hair sticking up in little tufts from where you’d pulled at it. “Um…okay?”

You slide off the mattress and onto the floor, brushing your hands down your clothes to smooth out all the wrinkles. “Yeah, so… I’m gonna just…” You back up towards the door, try to make it playful, flirty. “Gonna call it a night before we get too carried away.” You wink, shoot him finger guns. Why the actual living hell did you just shoot him finger guns?

“You can stay here tonight,” Dean says, the look on his face reading both amusement and confusion. “If you want to.”

You force a smile to your face. “Maybe another night, Winchester. I’m beat.”

Your hand finds the doorknob, and you slip through with a quick “goodnight” thrown over your shoulder. Before the door closes, you hear him mutter-

“It’s always another night.”

And you hate yourself. You hate yourself for leaving him, for the feelings inside of you screaming at you to run away. But you hate the thought of what could have happened even more.

--------------------

“Hey!” Dean pokes his head into the kitchen, scaring the living daylights out of you as you spit coffee back into your mug so you don’t choke on it.

“Oh, sorry. But hey, you feeling up for a drive this morning?”

Your eyes narrow at his tone of voice. “Um…why?”

He smiles and walks over to you, kisses the top of your head. “Just to get out for a while, maybe have some time to talk.”

To talk. That’s never good.

“Sure?”

He chuckles. “You sound so certain. If you don’t want to go-”

“No, no I want to go. It sounds fun.”

It doesn’t sound fun. It sounds like a trap. But you get changed into jeans and a warm sweater anyways and follow him out to the Impala.

--------------------

Dean doesn’t waste much time once Baby’s wheels hit the backroads, the question rolling off his lips within minutes of departure.

“Y/N, is everything okay…with us?”

He’s holding your hand, so he has to notice the immediate dampness that overtakes your palm as nervous energy begins to course through your veins. He doesn’t say anything, though, just squeezes it tighter and waits for an answer.

“Why are you asking me that?”

You know why he’s asking.

His grip readjusts on the steering wheel. “I mean, last night. And last night wasn’t the first time, but it seems like whenever we’re, you know, getting close, it seems like you just…” He’s trying to find the right words, trying not to phrase it wrong. And you’re biting the inside of your cheek so hard you’re surprised it’s not bleeding.

“Do you find me…attractive? God, I hated that coming out of my mouth. But I’m just trying to figure out why…you know…why you don’t want to…” He lets go of your hand, wipes the residual sweat on his jeans before rubbing the back of his neck. “I mean, if you don’t, that’s okay. I’d understand. People fall in and out of how they feel about each other all the time. I just-”

“Dean,” you interject, finally finding your voice, “it’s not that. I swear. You’re the man I want by my side, nobody else.”

He glances over at you, puts both hands on the wheel. “Then…what is it, Y/N? Because I don’t know what to do anymore, what you want anymore. And it’s damn confusing.”

‘Don’t tell him,’ your mind yells at you, ‘you’re going to ruin everything. He’s not going to want you anymore. No one wants you once they find out.’

“Y/N?”

You turn to look at him, the wrinkle lines in his forehead matching the worry in his voice. His eyes keep leaving the road to look at you, and you know he can read the conflict on your face like a book.

“Is it something I did?” he asks. “Something I said? Because-”

“I have vaginismus.”

You spit the words out so fast, before they have a chance to retreat again. Your face immediately goes warm, and you clench your hands tightly together in your lap. The inside of your cheek is bleeding now.

The car decelerates, the rumble strip coming in contact with the tires as Dean slowly pulls off onto the side of the road. He turns the engine off, swivels in his seat to face you, and tries to hold the eye contact that you are desperate to avoid.

“You have what?”

God, how could you be so stupid? But you’ve already blurted it out, so now you’re stuck in this ditch, this grave you’ve dug for yourself.

“Vaginismus,” you whisper.

You still can’t look at him, but when he reaches for your hand you don’t pull away.

“Okay…and that is?”

You take a deep breath, let it out slowly. You don’t even realize that you’re crying until Dean’s other hand wipes some tears off your cheek.

“Talk to me, Y/N.”

You shake your head. “It’s bad.”

“I think I can take it.”

You pull your hand away from his, hastily wipe the tears from your face as the sadness shifts to anger. Anger at yourself, at your dumb body, at how this always happens, with everyone. Angry that you let it happen with Dean. God, you can’t lose Dean.

“My body doesn’t…it doesn’t work right. It doesn’t do what it’s supposed to.”

“Your body doesn’t… what do you mean, ‘what it’s supposed to’?”

“I can’t have sex, Dean,” you spit out. “I can’t have sex, and I know you want sex, every man wants sex, and I want to have sex with you. I want to be close to you like that, but whenever anything goes down…there… It hurts. It hurts like hell.”

Silence follows your words. You can feel a new set of tears coming on as you kick off your shoes and draw your socked feet up in the seat, bending your knees to rest your chin on top of them. The car has gone cold without the heater on, and your breath makes tiny ghosts that drift away from you into oblivion. You wish you could disappear like that right now.

“Are you okay if I ask a question?”

You nod.

He clears his throat. “So you do want to have sex…but you don’t actually want to, you can’t…because it hurts when you do?”

Another nod.

“I mean, is it something that will go away with…you know…practice?”

You close your eyes, try to keep your breathing even so you don’t hyperventilate. “So the muscles, they just tighten up. I can’t stop it, I can’t make them…release, or whatever. And god, Dean, I’ve tried. I’ve been trying for years to get past this.” You laugh sadly, “Hell, I can’t even use tampons when I’m on my period. It feels like I’m being stabbed.”

“Wow.”

You turn your head to the side, look at him leaned against the driver’s window. He’s looking at his hands, rubbing his knuckles between his fingers. Feeling the weight of your eyes, he pulls his head up, meets your gaze.

“I’m so sorry,” you say gently. “I’m sorry I can’t fix that part of me, that I can’t fully be what you need me to be.” The next few words are the hardest, but you get them out. “I’ll get my stuff packed up when we get back, get a motel room, maybe start the drive back home tomorrow.”

But what even is home? Because right now, in this car, freezing your ass off… this feels like home. Dean feels like home, and has for a long time now.

“Wait, what?” His face is twisted, words thick. “I don’t want you to leave. Is that what you want?”

“I can’t make you happy the way you deserve,” you continue, throat thick as the tears break through again. “I’m broken. And you deserve more than that, more than me.”

He moves at your words, slides across the space between the two of you and cups your face between his hands, holds you in place so you can’t look away from him as he wipes the tears off your cheeks with his thumbs.

“You’ve got it all wrong, sweetheart,” Dean says gently. “You are far more than I could deserve. You’ve seen me through hell and back, and you didn’t leave me. Why do you think I would abandon you over something like this?”

You sniff back snot, clasp your hands tightly together. “Because I know how important it is to you, what it means to be able to connect like that, to get comfort and…and…be satisfied. Everyone wants that, Dean, and I can’t give that to you.”

His hands travel to your shoulders, squeeze them tightly. “Y/N, if it’s you or sex, I choose you. Every damn time.”

“But that’s not fair to you-”

“Okay, so?” His voice has lost its softness, irritation wrapping around his words. “In the grand scheme of things, after all we’ve been through together, this is so small.” You feel your face constrict in pain at his words, and he catches your shift in emotions, adapts his method of approach. “I know this isn’t small, I know you’ve had to struggle with this. I really can’t say I get it, because I don’t, but god, Y/N, I’m not just going to up and call it quits because we aren’t having sex.”

“But what if it’s not enough?” you ask through your tears. “What if you need more than what I can give you?”

He smiles for the first time, pulls you into his warm chest and holds you close against him while he strokes your hair. “You are enough. You’re more than enough. And we’re going to work through this, going to make changes so we’re both happy when we’re close to each other. Time with you, it should only be good. And if you aren’t enjoying it, if you’re in pain… I’d never want that for you.”

You cling to him, will yourself to believe what he’s saying. It’s the first time you’ve heard it, the first time a man you loved didn’t immediately run away. “I don’t want to hurt you, either.”

He hugs you closer, and the Impala suddenly doesn’t feel so cold anymore. “We’re going to be okay, Y/N, because we always are. You, me, we can do anything as long as we have each other.”

You stay like that for some time before Dean starts the car up again and you begin the trek back. You stay curled up against his side, his arm tight around your frame, your head resting on his shoulder. And it’s not like you magically believe that everything is going to be easy from now on, that things are just better. Because you know it’s still going to be hard, that working through this isn’t easy, that it takes immense patience on his end and mountains of trust on yours.

But you do trust him. You trust him with your life. And, for the first time, you decide to fully trust him with this part of you, too.

--------------------

#dean x reader #dean fanfic #vaginismus #dean comfort fic #dean winchester #spn fanfic #requests

80 notes · View notes

diaphragmjellyfish · 3 years

Text

I Have This... Thing

Not My Gif

So as someone with vaginismus, it’s sometimes frustrating to read fan fiction, specifically smut. Y/N always has sex so easily and with very little foreplay, finishing with no issues. And it’s so great for people who can do that, but it’s not the case for all of us. Some of us can’t have any sort of penetration without pain. Some people can’t finish without toys, or hours of work. Some people will never be able to have penetrative sex. There’s all kinds of people, and there’s all kinds of sex. But not near enough fics featuring Y/N’s with these issues. So I’m going to write some, and feel free to request any issue with any character, and if I don’t know that character, we can collaborate to find a character you like that I do know.

Paul Lahote x reader smut.

You had lived in Forks for about 6 months now. You’ve known your new friends here for 5 months. And you’ve been the imprint of Paul Lahote for 3 months. Well, you’ve been his imprint since you guys first locked eyes at La Push when you first hung out with Emily, but he didn’t tell you about the whole werewolf/ imprint thing until 3 months ago. Safe to say it came as a shock. Your friends, the people who had welcomed you so easily, helped you move furniture around, and gave you tours of the new town, were WOLVES. Or engaged to wolves. *cough* Emily *cough*. You had to take a few weeks break from them after they told you. After Sam explained the legends, the lore. After Paul told you that you were basically his soul mate. It’s a lot to take in!

But you quickly realized that you had grown to love the pack. And now that you knew the big secret, things were easier around them. No more lies about where they had all been. No more avoiding talking about their mysterious injuries that only seemed to last for a couple hours. No more awkwardly dancing around why Paul stared at you constantly and wouldn’t let any other guy get within 6 feet of you without having a rage attack and sprinting into the woods. Things were going good.

Well… as good as they could be without sex. Yep. You and Paul had been together for 3 months and you have not had sex. You didn’t give each other head. You didn’t take your clothes off around each other. You didn’t even dry hump. And you knew it was your fault. You could tell that Paul was getting nervous about the fact that you wouldn’t let him touch you like that. He would never ask you about it, because he wouldn’t want you to feel pressured or rushed, but you could tell it was on his mind. The little sad smile he would give when you stopped things from going further. The hover of his hands over your ass before landing back on your waist. The way he looked almost guilty after looking at you in a swimsuit or crop top.

See, vaginismus made relationships difficult. You never had a long term relationship before Paul. You were either too scared to tell partners about it, and just dealt with the excruciating pain, which would lead to resentment and breakups, or you would tell them and they would ghost you. Guys don’t normally go for girls who’s opening line is “Hi! I cannot have sex without crying.” You’d been dilating for almost a year now. It was going okay. Some days hurt more than others. A lot of times, Paul would ask you to hang out when you were in the middle of your physical therapy, and you would have to make up some excuse as to why you couldn't. Too tired. Headache. Stomach bug. He was starting to catch on.

One day, you guys were hanging out at your apartment watching a movie. You had been making out, but as soon as it started getting slightly heated, you had pulled away and got up to get a drink refill. Paul, having gotten used to the routine, didn’t question you. While you were in the kitchen pouring some more juice, Paul asked “Hey babe? Do you have a charger I can borrow?”

“Yeah it’s in the top drawer of my bedside table,” you haphazardly yelled back.

You heard him get up and go into your bedroom, rummaging around a little. Then silence.

“Hey babe?” he said hesitantly. You thought he just couldn’t find the charger, so you began walking towards your room to grab it for him. Once you got to the doorway, you stopped dead in your tracks. Eyes wide. Face bright red. Paul held up the dilator you were currently on, which was about 5 inches long and looked… well let’s be honest. It looked like a dildo. The bottle of lubricant that was also in the drawer didn’t help your case. How the fuck were you supposed to explain yourself? You expected Paul to tease you, make some sex jokes, and maybe try to make out with you again, but he didn’t. He looked absolutely crushed.

“Do you not want to have sex with me?” He asked, sounding on the verge of tears.

“What?! Paul, of course I want to have sex with you!”

“Then why this?” he pressed.

“You don’t even know what that’s for. Let me explain,” you pleaded, afraid he was going to lose that infamous temper. You’d never witnessed it before, but you were scared you were about to.

“I think I have a pretty good guess about what this is for!” He exclaimed, holding it up. “You won’t even let me kiss your neck but you have this that you obviously use when I’m not around. You don’t want to have sex with me. Why didn’t you just tell me?”

“Paul! That’s not true at all!” You were starting to get irritated at his assumptions. “It’s for physical therapy.”

“Oh, is that what we’re calling orgasms now?” He questioned, exasperated.

“I’m not talking about orgasms! If you gave me two seconds to explain, you would know that that does not bring me an ounce of pleasure. I hate having to use it.” You started to tear up at this, all the memories of your struggles surging back up. At this, Paul stopped. He looked super confused, but also worried about you. God forbid you shed a tear, Paul would rip the world apart to make you happy again. “Come sit down,” you said, resigned, as you moved to sit on the edge of your bed. Paul, still holding the dilator in his hand, sat down next to you. The silence seemed to last an eternity, but you knew that the longer you went without explaining, the more hurt Paul would feel.

“I wasn’t lying when I said it was for physical therapy,” you whispered. “I have other ones. All different sizes.” You realized you might not have been helping your case with this.

“I don’t understand. Why do you need them if you don’t use them to get off?” He looked like a kicked puppy.

“Well… I have this thing. It’s like… a condition? And I need them so maybe one day I can have sex without any pain.” He still looked wildly confused, and you knew you were going to have to elaborate. “When I first started having sex, it hurt. A lot. But I always heard that it was supposed to hurt the first time. So I just kind of put up with it. It was bad though. I always tapped out, couldn’t go for more than a couple minutes. It felt like this really intense stinging. Like a rugburn all inside me. And it didn’t stop, even after I started doing it more. It never went away… I ended up googling it, and it’s actually something that a lot of women struggle with. I made a doctor’s appointment and was lucky enough to get diagnosed the first time. Lots of women are told they’re making it up. My doctor gave me these dilators, told me how to use them, and said that with enough time and physical therapy, I could have painless sex one day.” When you finished, you turned to look at him. He was staring intently at the dilator, thinking.

“So, you have to like… stretch yourself? Were you just born too small?” He phrased it delicately, but you knew what he meant.

“Basically, it’s an anxiety disorder with very physical symptoms. My pelvic floor muscles constrict when I try to put anything inside me, which makes it super painful. It’s like an involuntary reflex. Like blinking when something flies near your face. And I have to condition my body to learn that penetration doesn’t hurt, and that it doesn’t have to tighten up like that. The condition is called vaginismus. You can google it yourself if you want.”

“Oh.” A pause. Paul knew you had some anxiety, but he never guessed it could cause something like this. He knew you were embarrassed. He could tell. And the last thing he wanted was for you to feel like you couldn’t be open and vulnerable with him. Did you think he would leave you? Or get mad? “Why didn’t you tell me?” Was the question that came out.

“It’s humiliating. I could tell you were getting antsy about us not having sex, and I guess I didn’t have the heart to tell you that it’s not going to happen anytime soon. This physical therapy, it takes a while. I’ve already been doing it for almost a year, and I still have three sizes after this one.” A tear fell. You wiped it away quickly, hoping he Paul wouldn’t notice, but he did. He moved to wrap his arms around you, putting the dilator back on your nightstand. He embraced you, and the reassurance that he wasn’t going anywhere was more than you could handle. You burst into tears as he pulled you onto his lap and rocked you both, rubbing his hand up and down your back. You guys stayed there until you stopped crying, and then he finally spoke.

“Y/N, I don’t ever want you to feel like there’s something you can’t tell me. I love you. And yeah, I would love to have sex with you one day, but I’m with you because of who you are. I don’t care if we never do it. You are my person, and I will spend the rest of my life trying to make you the happiest you can be. This? This thing you think is such a problem? It’s irrelevant to me. To my love for you. And I will be here every step of the way, supporting you, cheering you on, until you don’t want me anymore.” He brought your hand up to his mouth and kissed it.

“I love you, Paul,” was all you could say. You leaned in and shared the sweetest, most loving kiss either of you had ever experienced. His hand cupped the side of your face, thumb rubbing your cheek. When you pulled away, the tension in the room was gone, replaced with you and Paul’s usual light, fun energy.

“How do you use them?” He smiled as he asked, nodding his head towards your nightstand where the dilator still rested. “Do you like… just ride them? Or..?”

You laughed, which made his smile broaden. “It’s not a sexual thing. Basically I put a towel down, cover the dilator in lube, and put it in as far as I can without pain. Then, I just sit there and leave it for like 20 minutes. And then I take it out.”

“So you just like... do homework while you do it?” His concerned face made you laugh again.

“You have to make your body associate it with pleasure, so no, I don’t do homework. Normally I’ll watch a funny show or eat some candy or FaceTime you.”

He froze at this. “You do this when we FaceTime?”

This made you blush and look away from his piercing gaze. “Sometimes. I can stop if it makes you uncomfortable. It’s just a nice distraction.”

“No, no. I don’t want you to stop. It’s just… can I see you do it?” This question shocked you. Not just the question itself, but the fact that you didn’t hate the idea. You loved kissing Paul. What better way to associate therapy with pleasure than by kissing him while you do it?

“Are you sure? Like I said, it’s not exactly sexual. Or sexy. Like at all. I literally just sit there.”

“I know, it’s ok. I want to be able to help you, but if you don’t want to we can just go back to the movie.”

“I mean I do still have to do it today.” You thought for another second, before jumping up and saying “Okay. Let’s do it.”

Paul looked happy and excited, but also lost. He didn’t know what to do with his hands, or with his eyes. Did you want him to touch you? Or just watch you? Or just sit in the corner of the room and face the wall? You were spreading a towel across the middle of the bed, and went to untie your sweatpants before looking at him.

“Guess we haven’t really gotten this far, huh?” alluding to being naked in front of each other. It did make you a little nervous, and nerves equal tight muscles, which means pain.

“Why don’t you put a blanket over yourself? That way there’s less pressure,” he suggested, and you could have kissed him for it. You smiled, nodded, and grabbed a throw blanket from the chair. He turned around to face the wall while you took off your pants and settled under the blanket.

“Ok, I’m good.” you said. He turned back around, coming to kneel beside you on the bed.

“Do you want me to just… hold your hand? Or sit here and talk to you?”

“Would you want to sit behind me?” You suggested nervously, leaning forward slightly.

“Of course! Yeah, I can do that.” He took this seriously, and you appreciated that. This was a scenario you had thought about many times, and though you knew he wouldn’t be the type to ask you to have sex with him despite the pain, it was always a possibility. The fact that he didn’t take your pain lightly, and let you be in charge so you would be comfortable, meant more to you than he would ever know. Paul gently climbed behind you, putting his legs on either side of you, and hesitantly rubbing your shoulders. You leaned back into him, as if to say I’m okay with this.

“Can you hand me the… “ You nodded your head towards the nightstand, and Paul didn’t need to hear the rest of the sentence before he leaned over and grabbed the dilator and bottle of lube, holding them out in front of you both. You muttered a “thanks” as you took them from his hands, and brought them under the blanket. After slathering the dilator with a good amount of lube, you closed the bottle and tossed it towards the foot of the bed, leaning back and shifting your hips down. Paul clearly didn’t want to overstep his boundaries, so he was slow and careful as he wrapped his arms around your torso, giving you time to say stop. You didn’t, though. He felt your body tense slightly as you dragged the tip of the dilator around your entrance, so he started to rub his hands up and down your sides, kissing your cheek. You turned your head to look at him, and he met you with a sweet kiss. You guys pulled away slightly, before going back in as you began to push the dilator in further. He kissed you with love, tenderness, and care, so as not to hurt you or make you feel uncomfortable. It was clear that you had the reigns, and Paul would stop as soon as you gave the slightest indication that you were uncomfortable. The dilator was about half way in, and you felt a slight stinging sensation, but kissing Paul distracted you. You brought one hand up to cup the side of his face, pulling him back in.

Paul kept kissing you, waiting for your lips to part so he could brush his tongue against yours. This is normally where you would stop him, but he knew everything now. There was no expectation of more, and damn. Paul was a really good kisser. He sucked lightly at your lower lip, before nibbling it and letting it go, coming back in with his lips. The combination of Paul’s kisses, the slight heat they brought to your body, and the pressure of the tip of the dilator inside you had you shift your hips, and involuntarily let out a small moan. It was barely audible, but Paul and his super senses heard it. You pulled away and slapped a hand over your mouth, your face turning bright red. He chuckled deeply, the sound going straight to your body, and brought his hand up to pull your hand off your mouth. “Don’t you dare hide those sounds from me,” he teasingly whispered into your ear. You shivered, and Paul started to kiss your cheek, down your jaw, and onto your neck. He sucked on the soft skin, hands squeezing your waist and rubbing up and down. You wanted to try something. For the first time, dilating actually didn’t feel so obligatory, so mechanical and stiff. You pushed the dilator deeper in, just about a centimeter, but enough to give you that feeling you had moments ago. You let out a breathy sigh as you tilted your head to give Paul more room on your neck. He felt you shift your hips again, and brought one of his hands to rub circles on your lower stomach. Skin on skin. And it felt good.

You kept going like this for a few minutes, and Paul could feel your skin grow hotter by the second. Your back was arched, your neck covered in light red marks, and Paul had the intense desire to see you unravel. He brought his lips from your neck up to the side of your face, getting as close to eye contact as he could in this position, and said “Can I touch you?”

You knew what he meant. The thought of it made you nervous. No one had touched you without it hurting before. It was almost as if he read your mind when he followed with “I can just stay on the outside…” Oh. You could be down with that. You turned your head to him and nodded.

“Just try not to touch the dilator,” you said softly. You trusted Paul. He was already being so kind and patient with this, and you knew he would die before he would ever hurt you. The hand that had been rubbing circles on your stomach travelled lower. Lower. Lower. Until he could feel the slight stubble of a past shave, and then your soft, wet skin. You gasped as he touched your most sensitive parts, even more so because of how turned on you were. He gently made small, tight circles over your clit, your eyes rolling back in your head as you fell completely slack against him and let out a moan. A real moan, that Paul swore he would never forget. And he made you make that sound. It only spurred him on. He applied slightly more pressure, but not so much as to overwhelm you. And he knew that when girls were feeling good, the secret wasn’t faster or harder, but to keep doing exactly what you were doing. So that’s what he did, and it had you writhing. Your moans kept coming, and your legs had started to shake. However, because it felt so good, your muscles had started to clench around the dilator, and it was beginning to hurt.

You didn’t want to rain on the parade. It was going so well. But Paul being the attentive lover that he is, noticed you begin to tense up in a new way. He brought his hand back up to your stomach, concern racing through his brain, and asked “Are you okay? Does it hurt?”

“It’s kind of starting to. Not you, the dilator. I think I might take it out.” You stared down at his hand still touching your stomach. Such beautiful hands. You didn’t want it to end.

“Do you want to try a smaller one? Or do you want to stop?” He questioned.

“I really don’t want to stop,” you laughed. He breathed a laugh as well, and waited for your direction. You had a thought. Paul’s index finger was smaller than the dilator. Much smaller. If you just told him what to do and what not to do, that could feel really good. “Would you want to maybe… Nevermind.” You got nervous.

“Hey, hey. No. Don’t do that. Tell me what you want,” He brought a finger up to your chin and moved your face towards him. “Tell me. Whatever it is, Princess. It’s yours.” Your whole body shuddered at this. He’s never called you that before, and to say it did something to you would be an understatement.

You let out a breath, gathering courage, and said “Would you want to… use your finger?”

He stopped at this. “Like, put my finger inside you? That wouldn’t hurt?”

“I don’t think so. It’s smaller than this,” you said, bringing the dilator out and up. “And as long as I tell you what to do, it could be really good,” you said the last part shyly.

“Okay, Princess. I can do that. How do you want me to do it?”

“Try to do more… pressure, and less… friction? Like try not to go in and out so much, but you can move it around inside.” Your face was once again blushing intensely.

“Anything you want. You just have to promise that you’ll tell me if it even hurts a little.”

“I promise.” You said it confidently enough that Paul brought his hand back down under the blanket. He circled your clit a couple times, making you shiver and release a breathy sigh, before moving his middle finger even lower, circling your entrance. He gathered some of the lube that was there from the dilator, coating his finger, and you brought your hand down to hold it, guiding it inside you at a speed that was comfortable. It was smaller than the dilator, so he was in you in 15 seconds. He stopped, and gave you a minute to adjust. Your hips writhed again because of how turned on you were, so Paul brought his other hand down and began circling your clit again. Your head fell back on his shoulder as you began to moan again, hips moving even more now. Paul took this as his queue to press his middle finger up against your inner wall lightly, causing a loud moan to leave your mouth. You were too far gone to be embarrassed.

“There you go, baby,” he praised. God, this was the hottest thing he had ever seen. He was barely touching you, barely moving his finger inside you, and you were a mess. He had been rock hard since you guys started, but your ass was rubbing against him as you moved your hips, and he released a small growl at the feeling. This only turned you on more. He kept moving his finger in you the same way. Pressure, not friction. Pressure, not friction. He kept telling himself this. He wanted to finger bang you into oblivion, but the risk of hurting you was too high, so he kept up with rubbing the tip of his finger against that spot on your upper wall, in a “come-hither” motion. Your moans began to get higher in pitch, your body tensing even more.

“Relax your muscles for me, sweetheart,” he encouraged, and you did. Your release was approaching rapidly, and you wanted to grind against his hand, but you didn’t want to risk pain, so you trusted Paul to get you there. You were panting, hips shuddering, face scrunched, as your climax hit you like a wave. Your legs shook as you opened your mouth in a silent scream, and Paul carried you all the way through it. You came down, and lightly grabbed his wrists. He knew that that meant stop. So he slowly withdrew his finger, brought it up to his mouth, and sucked on it. Head still up in the clouds, you watched him, slack-jawed, as he popped his finger out and moaned. “So sweet,” he purred. Watching him suck on his finger like that made you think of something you’d like to suck on, and you looked down at Paul, still rock hard, and turned around in his lap.

“Let me return the favor,” you said with a smirk.

#twilight #paul lahote #paul lahote x reader #paul lahote smut #wolf pack #seth clearwater #embry call #quil ateara #sam uley #jacob black #jared cameron #robert pattinson #bella swan #edward cullen #vaginismus #dilating #paul lahote x reader smut #twilight smut

1K notes · View notes

imagine-loki · 3 years

Text

Blushing in His Colours, Chapter 27

TITLE: Blushing in His Colours CHAPTER NO./ONE SHOT: Chapter 27 AUTHOR: fanficshiddles ORIGINAL IMAGINE: Imagine Loki being a Daddy Dom, his adores and loves his little, worships the ground she walks on. She has vaginismus, but he couldn’t be more supportive with her. RATING: M

‘What the bloody hell was that?’ Tony asked when they heard a loud bang, it almost sounded like an explosion inside the base.

He went to investigate with Natasha and Steve. They headed up to the rooms as that’s where the noise came from, but everything looked ordinary from out in the corridor.

‘Let’s check in with Loki and Mia, see if they heard anything.’ Steve said as he went to their door and knocked. But there was no answer.

Tony put his ear to the door and frowned, he could hear more banging from inside. But not the usual, bed rocking kind of banging, it was like someone was hammering a wall down or something.

He tried the handle and found the door was unlocked, it swung open and Tony nearly had a fit at what he saw.

There was a huge hole in the wall of their bedroom, well actually, there was no wall there anymore. It had been taken down and now connected their room to the one next door.

‘So we could put a sofa there. A table here… The TV could go over there.’ Mia said excitedly as she pointed to various places in the what was once a spare room.

‘What the hell have you done?’ Tony shouted as he stepped inside with Natasha and Steve.

Loki and Mia stopped talking and looked over at them. Loki smirked.

‘Since we are now sharing a room, we decided to expand. Give us more space.’ He grinned at the others.

Tony was speechless, just staring at them. Steve had his face in his hand and Natasha was shaking her head, but she was amused and trying not to laugh.

‘I thought you both agreed the room was big enough anyway?’ Natasha asked when Tony stormed out and Steve followed.

Loki shrugged. ‘It is. But we wanted more space to ourselves, somewhere to chill out that isn’t our bedroom.’

‘Did you get too used to being alone while at Tony’s villa?’ She smirked.

‘Likely.’ Mia nodded, smiling at her.

‘Do you think Stark would mind if we took the sofa from the den?’ Loki hummed, tapping his lower lip in thought.

‘I think he would likely squish you with said sofa if you take it.’ Natasha folded her arms over her chest and wandered over to lean against Mia’s desk.

‘I figured that would be the answer… Oh well, I’ll take that risk.’ Loki wiggled his fingers and suddenly said sofa appeared in the room.

Mia giggled as she went over next to Natasha, leaning on the desk too. They watched as Loki got rid of the bed that was in the room and the wardrobe too, since they didn’t need two of them. He got some more bits and bobs, such as another TV, Mia and Natasha dreaded to think where from. Though they would no doubt find out sooner or later. Loki also had a coffee machine appear, making a mini kitchen. Including a mini fridge. He really was thinking of everything.

‘Tony is going to go nuts.’ Natasha said quietly to Mia.

‘Tell me about it.’ Mia laughed.

‘He’s not worried about flaunting his powers now, is he?’

‘Nope.’ Mia grinned. ‘I like that though, that he’s more comfortable and not worried about hiding it from me. Or anyone else, really.’

‘Did you enjoy your vacation with him?’ Natasha asked, smirking and bumping Mia with her hip.

‘I did… It was, amazing.’ Mia beamed happily.

‘You two certainly seem more loved up than before. Are things still going well in the bedroom department?’ She asked quietly.

‘Yep.’ Mia nodded. ‘Really, really well. The uh, dilators are definitely helping.’

‘That’s good. I’m glad you’ve both found happiness with one another, you both deserve it… But don’t tell him I said that.’ Natasha winked.

‘I do have ears.’ Loki said loudly, while still concentrating, just as he had a book case appear. One that looked awfully similar to one from the library…

Mia and Natasha just laughed.

‘I’m gonna kill him!’ Tony snapped when he found his coffee machine from the lab missing.

‘Oh leave them be, Stark. They’re excited about moving in together. You can easily get more stuff, it’s not like you can’t afford it.’ Natasha said, still finding it all rather amusing.

Bruce, Wanda and Vision walked into the lab. ‘What’s happening?’ Bruce asked.

‘Loki has been… re-decorating, their extra room.’ Natasha smirked.

‘Yeah, with my things from other rooms!’ Tony grumbled.

The others chuckled and carried on with what they were doing.

Loki wandered in not long after, but managed to avoid Tony’s wrath. Only just. Because Mia came in too, saving Tony from going off on one after getting a glare from Natasha.

‘What time is the party starting tonight?’ Wanda asked Tony.

‘Usual, about eight.’ Tony shrugged.

‘Party?’ Mia queried.

‘Of course. To celebrate.’ Natasha said.

‘Celebrate what?’ Loki raised an eyebrow.

‘The fact that you’re staying.’ Bruce smiled.

‘Aww, Stark. You’re throwing a party for me?’ Loki teased.

‘You know I like any old excuse for a party. Besides, it’s more for Mia… and a little for you, too.’ Tony shrugged.

‘Admit it, Stark. You’re glad I’m sticking around.’ Loki teased, winking at Mia.

‘Don’t push your luck, reindeer games!’

After doing some work in the lab, while Mia did some social media work, everyone went to get ready for the party.

While Mia was doing her hair, just in her underwear before she picked a dress, Loki poured them both a drink to get a head start. He put it down on the dressing table next to her and stood behind her, watching in the mirror.

Mia blushed from the way he was watching her. He looked incredibly handsome, he was wearing a suit with a green tie. And his hair was slicker than usual.

‘I’m rather jealous of how you can be ready at the flick of your wrist.’ She smiled as she curled more of her hair.

Loki chuckled and stroked the back of her neck, making her melt. She was so distracted she nearly burned herself with the curling tongs, but Loki quickly grabbed them from her.

‘Careful, sweetling.’ He put them down on the table.

‘You’re distracting me!’ She whined, grabbing them again to finish her hair.

Loki smirked and removed his hand from her, knowing he was distracting her. But he struggled not to have his hands on her all the time, she was too irresistible.

‘Are you looking forward to the party?’ He asked as he took a seat on the end of the bed, still in her view in the mirror.

‘Uhm, yeah. More than I normally would, anyway… You know me, not really a big fan of lots of people at once.’ She shrugged and turned off the tongs as she was finished.

Loki smiled, he went back over to her and helped her up to her feet. He slipped his arms around her and leaned down to kiss her gently on the lips. He stroked across her bare back, making her shiver as his lips moved with hers.

‘What uhm… What about you, are you looking forward to it?’ Mia asked quietly over his lips.

‘Hmm…’ Loki trailed his fingers up and down her arms. ‘Similar to you. However, maybe we should just have our own party here instead.’ He grinned.

‘I’m down for that.’ Mia giggled as she threw her arms up around his neck.

They were swiftly interrupted by incessant banging on their door. ‘Loki? Mia? Come on, the party has started!’ Thor called through loudly.

Loki growled angrily and his jaw clenched.

‘Don’t think we will get away with not turning up, will we?’ Mia asked, hugging her God.

Loki sighed and placed his chin on top of her head. ‘No, I don’t think we will… But as soon as we can get a good excuse to retire for the night, you’re all mine.’ He growled and slid a hand down to squeeze her bum, making her squeak and giggle.

#Loki #Lover #Submitted fic #submission #Blushing in her Colours #chapter 27 #fanfichiddles

30 notes · View notes

secret-ssociety · 4 years

Text

Soulmate

Pairing: college!Peter Parker x Reader Warnings: Harassment, cursing, a little angst, a liiiittle violence, fluff Summary: Girl meets boy. Girl goes on a date with boy. Girl tells boy to be just friends at the end of the date. Boy spreads rumors about girl. Girl gets harassed in campus. Girl has a conversation with best friend about dating and soulmates. Fluff follows. A/N: not like a trigger warning but there is a some God-related talk in the following lines and if that makes you uncomfortable don’t bother reading because I don’t want complaints

Masterlist

When Peter graduated high school he made a vow to himself to no more silent crushes. His days of stealing glances and staring in awe from across the hall were over. Of course he hadn’t met you yet.

Right into his first day in his dorm, his roommates had started ranting about a girl, a freshman like himself, that was absolutely drop-dead gorgeous. She came from California, they only knew that much about her, even her name was a mystery.

The next day, at his first class, he saw you enter to his same class room and instantly knew you were her. He didn’t even need you to introduce yourself, you were exactly what everyone had described and he immediately understood why everyone was head over heels for you.

You were shyly looking for a place to seat before the class started and Peter didn’t know what had taken over himself when he pointed to the sit next to him and said “this seat is empty” but you looked at him with the most beautiful smile he had ever seen and he didn’t regretted it.

One could say things moved on pretty fast from that moment on between the two of you, you gave him your number at the end of the class and had lunch together the next day, started studying together which led to you meeting his roommates (and befriending them easily now that you were more comfortable in college) and basically spending any free moment together. He even adjusted Spider-Man’s schedule to be able to hang out with you.

In no time, you were best friends and he knew from good source (Aunt May) that college friendships were known to be more lasting, which would’ve been great if a friendship was all he wanted with you. To say that he liked you was an understatement, he loved you, he wanted to marry you and be the father of your children. Not that he was going to say anything any time soon, though.

You were at the beginning of fifth semester and he still hadn’t said anything.

Silent crush.

But now it was march and the new year was just picking up. That particular day was sunny, the air smelled like spring, classes had ended early and it was the easiest part of the semester anyway. Everything was great, right?

Wrong.

Because you were at a date with some frat douche at that very moment. Therefore Peter was laying face down on his bed, windows closed, lights shut and not making the slightest human interaction. His roommates had been trying to get him out of bed for the past hour and, seeing that none of their efforts paid off, they decided a more intense approach was needed.

They turned him around violently, two grabbed his legs, one grabbed his arms and he was dragged (thrown) to the shower under the threat that they wouldn’t let him get out of the bathroom until he got his shit together. By that moment, he already knew his friends pretty well and he knew they were absolutely capable of starving him and using the bathroom of a gas station if they had to, so cooperating was his best option.

Once he was clean and dressed, he was dragged to a party he didn’t even know was happening. None of his friends left his side, which he deep down appreciated, and tried vigorously to cheer him up, trying to tell him that you were not the only girl out there and pointing at many others present at the party. But none of them were his Y/N.

It was probably eleven o’clock when he was able to go back to the apartment he shared with his three friends. He threw the keys over the coffee table and made his way towards his room, where he plopped on his bed sticking his face between his hands.

A slight knock on his window startled him and when he turned around he saw you standing on the fire exit with half a smile, he quickly opened the window and greeted you, instantly noticing that you weren’t as happy and cheerful as you usually were.

“How was your date?” he risked to ask, feeling his heart clench, you just shrugged sitting on his bed, your back turned to him “not that great, I don’t think there will be another one” you answered playing with your fingers. Don’t smile don’t smile don’t smile he thought. You had picked your hair in a ponytail and were wearing a short pink dress, you were looking so cute it almost hurt.

He opened his mouth to ask but you talked first “I really don’t want to talk about it. I came here as soon as he dropped me off, I hope you don’t mind” he quickly shook his head no and you sighed, facing him for the first time “can I stay over? The girls will want to interrogate me and I don’t feel like it,” Peter nodded with a sweet smile caressing your cheek.

A small smile cracked in your lips, just to fade when you turned around to take off your shoes and free your hair from the hair tie, you had already wiped your make up off with some baby wipes you kept at your purse so you just proceeded to lay on the bed, your head finding your rightful place in Peter’s chest.

“Were you drinking? You smell like rum” you said after a few seconds and felt his chest vibrate as he chuckled.

“Well, I had to do something while you ditched me” he joked, feeling your smile before falling sleep.

Peter caressed your hair absently, making you crack a small smile in your sleep. You had already slept together, no big deal, specially at finals each semester where you took any moment you could and napped together, but his heart still fluttered when you cuddled against him. It was beating so fast, he couldn’t understand how it hadn’t woken you up.

He knew very little about your date, he only knew he was an economics major, his name was Michael and how did he land a spot at the MIT remained a mystery. If he had landed a spot in the University of Arizona, it would remain a mystery. How he graduated high school remained a mystery.

... okay, maybe he didn’t know that much.

But he hated that guy’s guts for the only reason of having the courage to ask you on a date and the luck to have you say yes. When you told him, he couldn’t believe it. In your three years of college you had never went on a date and not for lack of suitors. Eventually your singleness prompted dozens of myths among freshmen.

You were a lesbian. You were asexual. You were a virgin with vaginismus. You were an alien and whoever attempted to get you laid would see the tentacles you tried so hard to hide. You were part of a cult that forbid you from fancying anyone. You were part of a cult that encouraged you to fancy people and lure them into a cave where you had to sacrifice them to pagan gods, but you didn’t since your affiliation to said cult came only from your parents being founders of it so it was easier to not see anyone.

Freshmen’s creativity could be terrifying.

But somehow this asshole, with nothing that made him somehow more special than any of the dozens of idiots that had asked you out before, had landed a date.

Lucky for Peter, you didn’t want to got on a second date with the lucky bastard and now he could go right back into silently planning the rest of your lives together in peace. Or so he thought.

It was about two in the morning when you slowly started to get up form the bed, trying not to wake Peter up. “Where’re you going?” you heard his sleepy voice when you were slowly opening the door, you turned “I have a two hour lecture in half an hour” you replied vaguely, your cold tone almost hurt but Peter understood that you weren’t in a good mode, “why?” was all he could manage to say.

You smiled fondly looking at Peter’s sleepy and confused self, you walked over him and laid him down gently, running your fingers through his hair “I arrived to inscription late” you explained making Peter laugh “idiot” he mumbled and you rolled your eyes “good night, loser.”

You were at the door when, again, his voice stopped you, “you sure you’re okay?” he asked shyly and you smiled at him “yeah, I mean it’s over.”

Little did you know it was still far from over.

Apparently Michael didn’t like being rejected and within twelve hours he managed to have the whole campus talking about how you were ungrateful, a tease and a prude, among other things. Turn the other cheek you kept telling to yourself, but it continued getting harder and harder.

Guys walked next to you with a mocking smirk, subtly mumbling something about you being a bitch that thought she was better than them and leading poor Michael on when finding out he had a massive crush on you. Girls gave you the side eye while, not so subtly, calling you a slutty prude —if that makes any sense— and how Michael was so handsome they would have “finished what you started.”

Now, Peter had never been one to start a fight, he was rather pacific, but when a group of you date’s classmates whispered the words “fucking tease” when passing you through the hall, he snapped. His sight blurred and suddenly everything he could see was red. He had been hearing comments about you all the fucking day and just couldn’t take him anymore.

He wasn’t very tall or overly muscly, but he pushed that guy with an unreasonable amount of strength. Everyone stood there in absolute shock, even the guy, who was obviously a jock, but as soon as Peter took another step towards him you grabbed him by the arm and dragged him to his apartment before he caused more of a scene.

“What the fuck is wrong with everyone today?” he asked as soon as the entered the living room, you sat on the couch, clearly tired, and he sat down in front of you on the coffee table grabbing your hands tenderly, the softness of his touch almost made you cry after the day you’d had, “what happened on that date?”

You sighed “I just told him I wanted to be friends” you whispered glancing at the floor “I never knew how curious people could be about me not wanting to go on dates. Michael asked and I wasn’t sure how to explain him that when he asked me it felt different.

“Different?” he asked.

“It felt right” you answered and couldn’t ignore the way his jaw clenched.

“I don’t want to be like the people here, Peter” you explained quietly “people like to just see people to keep themselves entertained, that’s not what I want. What do you want?” you asked him. “I guess...” he started thinking “I want someone who’s going to make me feel that I have everything in the world, who sets a before and after in my life.”

You crossed your legs in butterfly, leaning a little into him and not letting go of his hands “I know what everyone says about not overthinking the future and living in the moment, but I feel like if you’re not dating for marriage, you’re dating for heartbreak. Maybe not even marriage, but a lifetime commitment” you explained gently playing with his fingers, he decided to return the touch “you want to get married?” he asked cautiously.

“Yeah. Someday” you replied.

The Sun had started to fall pretty quickly, leaving you in darkness except for the soft light of the lamp pole outside the window, since neither of you had turned the lights on on your way in.

“And you want that to be with the one” he continued. He didn’t know what he was doing. Maybe he was doing what he thought he was doing. Maybe he was doing something completely different.

“I know it sounds dumb, childish” you sighed “but I believe that God created each and one of us for someone else, that there is a particular person out there that is meant to fit us. I know that’s part of the plan He has for every one of us.”

Until this day, Peter had never really heard you talk about God, conversations simply never led to that topic, but know he just couldn’t take his eyes off of you, he couldn’t stop dreaming about what you were saying. You were practically whispering, so he leaned into your voice.

“And when I pray for love” you proceeded “I don’t pray for Him to send me someone. Michael is someone, the guys on the hall were someone, Mark, John and Carlos are someone. I don’t want someone. I want not a boyfriend but a life-mate. I want the love of my life.”

The two had, unconsciously, leaned into each other, your faces inches away, your slow breathing hitting each other’s face.

“How will you know when you find the right person?” you were still playing with each other’s fingers.

“Maybe I won’t right away” you said after a couple seconds, looking at the mess of your fingers in his while his eyes lingered on your face “that happens to a lot of people, but I don’t know if it will be the same for me. I don’t expect to be love at first sight, but maybe familiarity. One day looking into their eyes and seeing everything you want in life, feeling the hand your meant to hold the rest of your days” slowly, you intertwined his fingers with yours.

You looked at him, despite the darkness in the room, gazing into his lips, his jaw, his nose, his cheeks, his eyes... You thought about him in the last couple of years, how he had cared for you, opened you to his life, how you almost looked for him after a test, a hard lecture or simply a bad day, longing for his embrace, how you had went to his place as soon as your date was over, the way you always seemed to gravitate towards him...

Haltingly you leaned into each other, almost as if physically pulled. Your lips where slightly parted as his own brushed the tip of them softly, your own breath got stucked in your chest at the feeling of his touch but that didn’t stop you from ending the gap and meeting his kiss.

It was slow, caring, even careful, completely unhurried as you felt a complete fulfillness wash over you, fitting perfectly on his soft lips and feeling something similar to when you’re putting together a puzzle and one of the pieces falls right into place. His hand found a place in the back of your neck to sweetly pull you closer, if possible, and your hand cupped his cheek.

“I think it’s you, Peter Parker” you whispered “It’s going to be you.”

231 notes · View notes

i-am-my-own-goal · 5 years

Text

Word vomit

I’m at M’s with terrible service, so hopefully this will post.

I wish therapy was starting sooner. I have another two weeks to go I think. I’m not managing my depression well. I made a post earlier in the week about slipping up and self harming again. It needed stitches, but Florida terrifies me because theyre super quick to commit people. I butterfly bandaged it instead so at least it will heal somewhat okay.

But that was super eye opening. I haven’t been at that level of harm since early 2015. My depression has been worse, but I had a better grip on my impulsivity I guess.

I’m weighed down so much right now about this sex stuff. I told M we had to put that part of the relationship on hold right now. I need to work through all the sexual trauma I went through in my marriage first.

The other night we were talking and he said he was “managing” not having sex. And that set me off. I don’t wanna be in a relationship again with someone who’s just “dealing” or “getting by.” I spiraled down that night. Heavy drinking. Self harm. A lot of negative self talk. I also don’t want to be in this place where someone’s words or actions can affect me that much.

He surprised me and took off work one night to come see me. Later on in the night he said he wanted to clarify what he meant by “managing” and that as soon as he said it, he realized it was the wrong wording. So he reexplained to say that basically he wants intimacy with me and while hormonally he wants sex sometimes, he doesn’t want it if we’re not both engaged in it and not both emotionally enjoying the connection because without that, he’s not enjoying it either.

So idk. I feel a little better about it but I’m still concerned. We’re both in therapy now tho so I’m holding on to see how all this works out.

In the new year, I’ll start seeking out medical help again for the vulvodynia and vaginismus and seeing if i do have PCOS. I feel overwhelmed by that too. And at some point I’ll probably have to talk to M more about that...expectations and limitations.

Surgery is not an option I’m willing to pursue unless it starts affecting me daily. My lack of desire to pursue certain treatment was a big issue in my marriage. My ex wanted me to pursue some bigger things to make our sex life better to benefit HIM and I wasn’t willing to put myself through the bullshit for that. And I don’t know if that was selfish or not.

So here I am again, in a relationship where I can’t perform again due to trauma and physical limitations...how far do I push myself for his sake or for our sake?

Cause like, sure sex can be good sometimes, but I’ve never needed it personally. Hormonally, yeah, it’s a want sometimes. But it’s not life or death for me. It’s not worth surgeries or hormones or anything extreme.

So far I’ve tried several different hormone birth controls to ease the pain/raise my sex drive. One which made my chest ache so badly I couldn’t wear a seatbelt, another that made me real emotional, and another that made me straight up suicidal. I’m done that route. I’m not doing hormones.

Lidocaine to numb me during sex. Cause hey, if I can’t feel it it won’t hurt. So I won’t get pleasure or pain , but gotta do what ya gotta do to please your man right? Uhm. No. But the lidocaine does help for flare ups. So that was like, 50% helpful.

Steroid cream which made unprovoked pain worse. I was in pain almost all day long. Couldn’t even think of sex, but I’m sure that wouldn’t have helped pain during sex.

Estrogen cream which I never had a real chance to use. I was prescribed it a week before my ex decided we were getting divorced. I stopped trying at that point. I still have it tho so maybe I’ll give it a try now.

I had a hormone panel done but nothing came up abnormal. So idk why my sex drive is so low. Or why I feel intense pain around my ovaries a couple times a month (not related to ovulation pain). Why my acne is so out of control or why my facial hair is out of control. Or why I get so many other PCOS symptoms. Doctors just look at me like “uhm. You’re an idiot” like I don’t know my own body. All this stuff didn’t start happening until like, 2014.

—

Unrelated to vaginal issues,

I’m also having a hard time again processing my divorce. I thought I was healed from it, but I guess I just buried it.

M and I watched part of “Diary of a Mad Black Woman” (I think that’s the title?) and so many of the scenes hit so close to home about her divorce and then meeting someone who treated her right. And I cried a lot during the movie (we haven’t finished it yet). And like, I’m really grateful for M because he’s definitely showing me what healthy is and I feel like he’s so good to me and for me, but there’s still so much of that unresolved pain from my marriage. There’s still things I haven’t let go of. And it’s all sitting right under the surface. It’s like, M will do something so nice or unexpected or say something so kind and I’m overwhelmed by how great it is, but then this pain comes over me because I’m realizing more and more how awful my marriage was.

Example: when we were talking about the sex stuff the other day, M was so supportive about therapy and about doctor appointments. He’s like “anything I can do to support you, you tell me. I want you to get help for you. That’s priority” verses my ex and how we didn’t have money for it, how I needed to just suck it up, how it was all in my head and I just needed to relax, it wasn’t as important as other things we had going on. So I cried when M said that. Because it meant so much. But also made me sad for past me. And I can’t let go of the pain of past me.

—

Congrats if you read all of this. I left my journal at home and needed to process somehow.

I’m a mess currently.

#mental health #depression #anxiety #vulvodynia #vaginismus #pelvic pain #dating m

19 notes · View notes

diaphragmjellyfish · 3 years

Text

Careful

So after I wrote that last Paul fic involving vaginismus, I got quite a few messages saying how much it meant to some of you and I just want to say how much it warms my heart to bring others joy or comfort through my writing. Like I’ve been telling a lot of you, fan fictions are amazing. I love them. But they’re not always realistic, and that can be damaging to people who think sex is supposed to go a certain way and then blame themselves when it’s not like that. We’re all different, and everyone deserves to have a partner that cares about your well-being and pleasure. Don’t settle for less.

Seth Clearwater x vaginismus!reader smut

(Seth is 18+ in this)

Being with Seth Clearwater was, in a word, magical. He truly was the best boyfriend you could ever ask for. He was always there for you when you were upset or having anxiety, always made you smile and laugh, got you cute little presents or sometimes cool rocks that he found on patrol, and was super physically affectionate. Hugs, kisses, cuddles, hickeys, hand-holding. Y’all were the poster children for PDA. It made you nervous when you first started dating, because you thought he would want to get intimate right away. You knew that if you told him you didn’t want to have sex right away, he would be more than understanding. That’s just the kind of person he was. But you feared that holding off on intimacy would damage your relationship. Seth’s love language was physical touch. Yours was too, so stopping things every time it got too heated was a big roadblock in the relationship. Or so you thought.

The day came where you had to tell Seth about your vaginismus. He had asked tons of questions before letting you know how he felt about it all. What causes it? What does it feel like? How does the physical therapy work? Is there anything I can do to help? Once you explained the logistics of it all, you guys could start to be more open and honest about what you were comfortable with doing. It turns out, he thought you just didn’t want to be intimate with him. He thought you were only sticking around because of the imprint bond. Once you explained that yes, you definitely really really want to have sex with him, you just can’t right now, he was all smiles and wanted to try all kinds of stuff that didn’t involve penetration. You guys would have super open conversations about what he could and couldn’t do to you, and started experimenting with the things you were comfortable with. Let’s just say, Seth became an absolute master in the art of oral sex. For a while, it was all he could do, so he did it. A lot. I mean, you’d have to physically pull him away sometimes when it got too sensitive. He loved knowing that he could make you feel so much pleasure. It made him feel needed. Wanted. And of course you returned the favor.

You guys definitely have the foreplay routine down pat. Seth was almost always there when it came time for you to dilate every day. He would sit next to you, hold your hand, kiss you, or just talk to you about his day. Whatever you wanted, and whatever would distract you. He was so supportive, that when the day finally came that you wanted to try having penetrative sex with him, he said no. He didn’t think you had been using the biggest dilator long enough. What if he hurt you? What if you just didn’t like it? What if what if what if…..

But you had been waiting long enough. His support honestly turned you on. Every day when he would sit there while you did your therapy, you wanted to jump his bones for being so. Damn. sweet. No guy had ever cared about you to the point of withholding from sex for you. They always just let you put up with the pain. Not Seth.

“But baby, what if it hurts you?” he voiced.

“Then we can stop and try again another time.”

“But what if-”

“Seth,” you cut him off. “I know my body. Believe me, I’ve had to pay attention to it every day for the past year and a half while I did my exercises. I’m ready. If you don’t want to, that’s fine, but don’t say no because of me. I want to try.” You sounded so soft and adorable while you said the last part that he nearly melted through the floor. Here he was, with the most beautiful girl on the planet all but begging him to have sex with her, and he was hesitating. That’s what love made you do.

“Ok, we can try. But you have to promise, I mean really promise, that the second it starts to feel anything but good, you’ll tell me.” His voice was laced with concern.

“I promise,” you said with so much confidence that he had to believe you.

“Alright. So we’re doing this. Did you want to… try it like, now?” The poor boy was a blushing mess right now. You just nodded your head and smiled. “Okay. Cool. Yeah, that’s cool. We can do it now. I’m totally down with that.” You knew based off of the way he was acting that you were going to have to make the first move, so you walked up, grabbed his face between your hands, and kissed him.

He seemed stiff, so you pulled away and said, “Everything ok?”

“Yeah! Yeah, yeah. Everything is perfect. I just… do you want to go to my room?” Again, you just nodded, and let him take your hand and lead you into his bedroom, closing the door behind you guys. Jeez, he seemed more nervous than you were. You sat down on the middle of his bed, and reached your arms out and did grabby-hands until he laughed and joined you, lying you down and hovering over you. He kissed you sweetly, giving you every opportunity to say stop. You didn’t, but instead threaded your fingers up through his inky hair and pulled him closer to you. He took this as a green light to deepen the kiss, and brush his tongue up against your own. You guys continued kissing for a while since this was comfortable territory for you both. He eventually started moving his hands under your shirt, first massaging your stomach with his thumb and then moving up. He pulled back from you suddenly, eyes wide. “No bra?”

“Nope. I didn’t want anything to get in the way today,” you smirked and slid your hands over his shoulders. He had a look of awe on his face as he pulled the hem of your shirt up. You sat up and took it off, throwing it to the floor. Okay, yeah, so you were eager. You’d never enjoyed sex before and you thought you actually might for the first time. It was exciting.

As you laid back down, his eyes never left yours. He came back down for another kiss before trailing his mouth down your jaw, suckling at your neck for a few minutes before it was covered in faint red marks, and moved down to your breasts. Seth had always worshipped your chest. It was one of his favorite parts of your body. The size, the shape, the feel, were all beyond perfect to him. You gasped as he took a nipple into his mouth, your back arching up into him. He brought his hand up to massage your other breast while his tongue continued swirling around the first one. You closed your eyes and tipped your head back, just relaxing into the feeling and letting your muscles be at ease. He sat up for a second, which was far too long, to take his shirt off, and you opened your eyes to admire his sculpted body. You would have loved him even if he wasn’t a shapeshifting beast, but damn, the muscles that came with were such a nice bonus. And they weren’t just for show. You never told him this, but whenever he picked you up so easily or carried you around or pushed you up against a wall, you got beyond turned on. You always wondered what it would be like to have him actually get rough with you, but that would be for another time.

Once Seth thought your boobs had been shown enough attention, he slid his hand back down to your stomach, and then lower. He fiddled with the waistband of your jeans before popping the button at the front and dragging the zipper down torturously slow. You felt so hot at this point that you thought you would climb out of your skin if he didn’t touch you properly soon. You raised your hips in a silent signal for him to take them off, but he was too distracted by the feeling of your soft skin to notice.

“Seth,” you whispered. He looked up at you, hand already stilling in case you wanted to stop.

“What’s wrong?” he panicked.

“Nothing is wrong. Can you help me take these off?” His eyes widened at this, and then he smiled. He sat up on his knees, gripping the waistband of your jeans on either side of you, and you raised your hips as he pulled them down slowly, admiring your legs as each inch of them was revealed. His breath caught in his throat as he took in the lacey g-string you were wearing, which you had bought specially for this moment. You never really cared about wearing cute underwear before since it would always end up on the floor anyways, but this was a big day. At least you hoped it would be. So you wanted to wear something cute, and boy did Seth appreciate it.

Once your jeans were all the way off, he gave a low whistle and said, “damn. My girlfriend is the most beautiful woman alive. How did I get so lucky?”

You hit his shoulder and looked away blushing at this. And then… oh, then.

Your sexy werewolf boyfriend lay down on his stomach in between your thighs, lifting your legs onto his shoulders, and gave you a smirk that could only be described as savagely canine. He kissed the insides of your thighs, nipping here and there before soothing with his tongue, inching closer and closer to where you really wanted him to be. He liked to take his time with this part. He flattened his tongue and gave your center a broad lick over your panties, eliciting a small gasp. He did this several more times until your hips were writhing and grinding, desperate for more friction. He reached under you, gripping the fabric of your underwear before all but ripping them off you.

“Hey, easy. Those were expensive,” you haphazardly pointed, too lost in the moment to really care.

“I’ll buy you new ones,” he spoke lowly into your center right before diving in and wrapping his lips around you, sucking and kneading with his tongue. You gave a small moan, fingers once again tangling in his hair. He kept this up, alternating between firm licks and small sucks, his tongue constantly flicking that perfect spot. Seth heard in Paul’s head through the mind link once that porn wasn’t accurate at all to what women actually got off on. You were supposed to pick 2, maybe 3 key moves and do those until she was close, and then just keep doing exactly that until she came. Women are about consistency and rhythm, so if you change it up, they have to start all over. This advice had not failed him yet. Had not failed either of you, and you could have kissed Paul if you found out that that’s where Seth had gotten this tip. Fifteen delicious minutes later and you were teetering on the edge. You used to be insecure about how long you took to finish, but Seth had always reassured you that he just wanted you to feel good, and he would spend all day between your legs if he could. You were right there, legs shaking and eyes screwed shut, but couldn’t quite get that knot in your stomach to unravel. Seth pulled away, sensing your impatience, and knew you needed a little push. He got up and opened your bedside table, pulling out the large bottle of lube that you used for dilating, slathering his middle finger in it, and laid back down between your legs.

You knew what he was going to do, and trusted him enough to be careful, so you lie back and relax, knowing he would get you there no matter what. He dove back in with his lips, tongue flicking and rubbing for another few seconds before positioning his finger at your entrance, swirling it around to distribute the lube. He looked up at you, knowing you liked to guide his hand at first to make sure you were comfortable. You grabbed his hand, sliding his finger in slowly, inch by inch. You were pretty worked up at this point, so it didn’t take very long before his finger way fully inside you. He stilled his hand, waiting for you to give the all-clear, still sucking at your clit like a starving man. You tugged at his hair, shifting your hips against his hand, which he knew to be the cue to start moving. You didn’t much like the in-out feeling of being fingered. You preferred the pressure of him pressing on certain spots. He twisted his finger slowly so that his palm was facing upward, and began to stroke your top wall, making you shudder.

This was going to push you over that edge. Several minutes of consistency, pressure, and suction had you cumming hard, grinding on his face and moaning his name loudly. When you came down, Seth was still going, though more gently since he knew how sensitive you got post-orgasm. You had to whine and tug on his hair to get him to take his mouth off you, his finger stilling but remaining inside.

“Wow,” you breathed, eyes closed in a haze.

“Wow yourself, Gorgeous,” he winked at you. You made a move to reach down and grab him through his sweatpants, but Seth was quick to pull your hand away. “This is about you tonight,” he said with total sincerity. You wanted to argue that it was about both of you, but you knew he had his mind set on taking care of you, so you decided to let him. “You ready to try, baby?”

“Hell yes,” you laughed, sitting up. “Maybe I could start on top? That’s how I dilate and I could control it better that way.”

“I was just about to say the same thing,” he teased back. He moved to lie back against the headboard after taking his pants off as you kneeled on the edge of the bed, grabbing the bottle of lube. While you were turned away from him, he brought his hand to a cheeky slap on your ass, catching you by surprise.

“Hey!” You squealed and then giggled, turning to give him a playful glare.

“I couldn’t resist! It was right there,” He said, holding his hands up in surrender.

You simply rolled your eyes at this, grabbing a condom from the bedside table as well. You turned to him, still kneeling, and handed him the condom, which he ripped open with his teeth (and it was so hot). He slowly rolled it onto his rock hard dick, keeping a hand around the base as he looked up at you. “You absolutely sure about this?” he questioned.

“Yes Seth. I really want to.”

With this, you climbed up to straddle his lap, squirting generous amounts of lube onto him and spreading it around with your hand. You knelt up, positioning him at your entrance after throwing the lube on the floor. He sat straight up, hands going around your waist, one reaching up behind you to cradle your head. He gave you a passionate kiss as you lowered slightly, letting the tip of him find its way in. You stopped here, doing some deep breathing as Seth stared intently at your face, looking for any signs of discomfort. Seth was slightly smaller than your largest dilator, but what had you slightly concerned was the friction. The in-out-in-out factor usually caused you pain when you tried bouncing on your dilators. You would just have to keep the lube on stand-by and remember to breathe with your stomach.

When you were sure you would be ok, you lowered more, sinking down an inch with every exhale. Seth lovingly rubbed your back, hand petting your hair as he waited patiently for you to adjust. You felt unbelievable around him, but he didn’t want to express too much pleasure, fearful that you would put up with any pain for his benefit. He settled for nuzzling his nose into the crook of your neck, holding you as close as he physically could. You lightly scratched at his shoulders, holding on for dear life. You had to stop for a moment at the half-way point, trying your best to control your pelvic muscles and picturing a flower bud opening in your mind. Slowly, you lowered another inch, and then another, and another, until you could feel his thighs touch you. At this, you sat down fully on his lap, his cock sheathed fully inside of you.

I need a minute you thought. This was a lot. Silicone dilators were one thing, but to have your boyfriend inside you like this was completely different. He was warm, hot even, and you could feel his pulse, feel the throb in his veins. The twitch of him deep inside you.

“Fuck,” Seth gasped quietly, as if he didn’t want you to hear.

“Feels good?” you questioned.

“Mm-hmm. Are you okay?” He asked right back, face still buried in your neck.

“I think so. Just give me a second.”

“Take all the time you need, baby. Do you want me to touch you?” His hand came over from your back and he grazed your lower stomach with his knuckles.

“No. Too much,” was all the answer he needed before he wrapped his arm around your back once again, massaging your skin soothingly. This was going on too long, you thought. Seth was probably dying right now. You didn’t want him to suffer, so you lifted your hips a couple inches, sinking back down on him. You felt a stinging sensation at your entrance, but ignored it. Before you could lift your hips again, Seth grabbed your waist in a vice-like grip, still holding you against him but stopping all movement.

“Don’t you dare,” he spoke softly yet firmly. “I can feel how tense your muscles are right now. Relax and then you can try again.” You wanted to cry at this. He was getting frustrated. He was going to break up with you! But you silenced those negative comments and realized he was right. So you took some deep breaths again, focusing on the pressure of his tip deep in your walls, the feel of his fingers grazing your back, his other hand playing with your hair. You closed your eyes and focused only on the sensations. “There you go, Sweetheart,” he said as he felt you relax around him. Instead of going straight up and down this time, you ground your hips against his, making circles on top of him. And it felt… good? Jesus. For the first time in your life, sex wasn’t hurting. It still felt a little tight and stiff, but it didn’t hurt. So you kept at it. Your breathing picked up at the sensation, along with the exertion of kneeling for so long. Seth pulled his face out of your neck and used the hand that was petting your hair to pull you into a passionate kiss. You guys made out as you continued to circle your hips, both of your breathing labored. Seth gripped your ass in one of his hands, helping control your movements as your legs began to shake.

“You getting tired, baby?” he questioned, even though he could see that you were. You just nodded, slowing down a little. “Do you want to try a different position? Maybe one where I could do some work?” You wanted to, but were nervous. The trust you had for Seth was absolute, but what other position could work?

“Like what?” you questioned hesitantly.

He thought for a moment, hands stilling your hips, before he cracked a smile. “I have an idea. Here,” he spoke as he shifted you both further down the bed and laid back so he was flat on his back, you still on top of him. He brought you down so you were stomach to stomach, hands going to the small of your back, and planted his feet on the bed. He held you close as he lightly thrusted up into you.

“Oh,” you breathed a moan. This felt really good. Being on top and controlling the movement had been good to adjust, but having Seth fuck up into you like this was another level of pleasure. He barely thrusted, but still hit the right spots. And you could still easily lift your hips to pull away if it started to hurt.

“Good?” he whispered.

“Mm-hmm. Oh my God,” you whispered to yourself, reaching up with one hand to grab the headboard. You thought you heard him breath a laugh, but were too lost in the moment to pay much attention to anything but Seth’s movements. He kept a steady pace of small thrusts, going slowly, never questioning the pace or pushing your limits. After a while, you started to push your hips back against his as he went into you.

“You want to try going a little faster, Sweetheart?” he questioned gently.

“Yes,” you said with half-lidded eyes as you looked right into Seth’s coffee-colored irises.

He brought himself out a little further at this, pushing back into you slightly faster than before, and hitting that perfect soft spot inside you that had your toes curl. You released a real moan this time, and Seth swore he could have cum from that sound alone. He kept this pace up, not daring to go any faster since you both were already enjoying it so much and he didn’t want to risk ruining the moment with pain. For the first time in your life, you felt actual pleasure from penetration, and you wanted more. You wanted to cum, and you felt like you actually could. With this realization, you brought one of your hands down to your swollen clit, rubbing tight circles on it that had your moans go up in pitch.

Seth grabbed your hand, putting it back on his chest as he reached down and began rubbing you with his own fingers and cockily stating, “That’s my job.” You felt your eyes roll back in your head at this, and it was the hottest thing Seth had ever seen. You felt a knot begin to form in your stomach, tightening faster than it ever had before. After just a couple more minutes of this, you moan “Oh, Seth. I think I’m gonna cum.” Of course this only spurred him on to keep going. Consistency, he reminded himself. Don’t change a thing. And he didn’t, not until you were seeing stars, trembling on top of him and screaming his name as your climax crashed into you like a wave. You had to rip his hand off your dripping center when the sensations became too much, and he stilled inside of you.

“Did you finish?” you questioned him once you came down, confused. If he had, it had sure been subtle.

“No, but I didn’t know if you were okay to keep going. You seem pretty sensitive right now.”

“Seth, I want you to cum too. Just… do you think you could like, not take a while? Like, could you finish in the next couple minutes? I’m okay now but I don’t want to push it.”

“Baby, I can finish in the next 30 seconds after looking at your face while you came like that.” You blushed deeply at this, breath picking back up again as he continued to gently thrust into you. He screwed his eyes shut after a couple thrusts, losing rhythm in his hips as he spilled into the condom with a growl and relaxed underneath you. “Fuck,” was all he said.

You laughed. “Yeah, fuck.”

He let you sit up and pull off of him at your own pace before dismounting and moving to walk to the bathroom.

“Wait! Wait,” he almost yelled, startling you half to death as he sat up, removed and tied off the condom, and hopped off the bed to throw it away. “This is the part where you let me clean you up and take care of you.”

“You just did take care of me, Seth,” which made him giggle.

“Not like that silly goose! Just stay there.” He joked as he made his way into the bathroom, coming out with a damp towel. “Spread ‘em,” he motioned towards your legs. You laughed deeply, obliging. He was ultra gentle as he wiped the lube off the insides of your thighs, kissing your knees as he finished. Then, he threw the towel into the hamper and retrieved his softest sweatshirt and placed it over your head as you moved your arms into the sleeves. “And now, we cuddle.” He looked so damn pleased with himself.

You laid your head on Seth’s warm chest, his arms coming to wrap around your waist. You two stayed like this for a while, just soaking in the details of what just happened. You did it. You had sex with your boyfriend. Actual penetrative sex, and it didn’t hurt.

As if reading your mind, Seth spoke. “I’m so proud of you.”

#twilight #twilight smut #seth clearwater #seth clearwater x reader #seth x reader #vaginismus #dilating #booboo stewart #paul lahote #embry call #wolf pack #sam uley #jacob black #jared cameron

1K notes · View notes

its8simplejulesblog · 4 years

Text

Most People Spend Their Time Snapchatting At 2 am

Me? I watch Ted Talks. Obviously, each night is different, but tonight, I must’ve gotten sucked into some kind of black hole. As we all know, I am very much interested in neuroscience and how that translates into sociology and psychology and the way that people interact with each other. Earlier tonight I was thinking back on a conversation my mom and I had about attraction. Why are you attracted to who you’re attracted to. I don’t know if you all know this already, but clinically defined attraction is determined by the symmetries of your face. Therefore, the more symmetrical your features are on both sides of your face the more conventionally attractive you are. When you think about it though, if someone had a perfectly symmetrical face, that would be terrifying, so it’s nice that we all have some little imperfections. And, there has always been a myth that you’re attracted to people that *generally, there are absolutely exceptions* are of similar, relative attractiveness to yourself. So, I wanted to follow up with more information on that topic and since it had seemed like all my friends had disappeared, I had nothing better to do. What this ended up turning into, however, was multiple hours of me watching Ted Talks about dating and self love and happiness and giving no fucks (this was actually the title of one of them) and soulmates, but the ~science of these topics, more so than the typical “how to get a boy to like you” bullshit we’re used to seeing. Here’s what I learned

I almost didn’t write this particular post because it might get very personal and that scares me a lot. I really think there are a solid 5 people that read this though, so maybe just getting it out there is more of a strength for me than anything else. Anyway, when I think about telling people “yeah, I’m just sitting here watching Ted Talks about how to seduce people,” that is REALLY creepy haha. And yet, it was SO fascinating and if you watch it you’ll see why (I decided I’m going to link the ones I mention specifically at the bottom). First of all, this man’s VOICE is so funny. The way he talks is so British and so mechanical it’s hilarious. He talked about a social experiment where a bunch of college students went on dates. Those who asked the person out were confederates or associates of the study, while the people that got asked were the subjects (they were informed after that it was a study..cause you know, ethics). During the date, the confederates had to perform one of three tasks: agree with everything your date says, agree with nothing your date says, or disagree for the first half of the date and then agree for the second half. Interestingly, they found that the last group, rather than the first group of subjects found their dates to be the most attractive. Why? Because they felt like their date didn’t like them at first, but as they got to know each other, the date “warmed up to them.” Dr. Persaud said this is because people like to feel like they have an impact on you..and scientifically THAT is what seduction is all about. Obviously, that’s a little bit different than what people typically think about. You would think about romantic seduction, but think about it: if you’re infatuated with someone and you hook up it’s like cool..that was fun (maybe), but your mind will find a way for you to focus on something else. Conversely, what if you have, a concept, some substance (not in a dirty way, freaks). Imagine a world where you are attracted to someone and you take slightly more time to get to know them. I don’t mean five years or 5 hours or even a hour, it could just be a few minutes of humanizing them. He uses Casanova as an example because he’s in love with this actress that has a lisp so he writes her a play and...ya know..just watch it yourself. The point of this IS, is that seduction takes attention, interest, and maintenance. You have to recognize that people are individuals that really just want to be noticed and paid attention to and you’re instantly more attractive it’s not that hard.

I then ended up clicking on three of the most influential videos I think I have ever watched.

The first was a video on self-love. The presenter basically discusses the importance of marrying yourself before you devote yourself to anyone else in any regard. Anyone that knows me knows that I talk about this all the time lately. It’s something that you’ll hear over and over again until the meaning becomes a little bit meaningless. Everyone knows that self love is important, but no one really thinks about what this means. Your ability to take care of yourself, and meet yourself where you are in life is absolutely essential to the way that you will be able to provide for others. If I spend every waking moment thinking about every single person that took from me I would be too burnt out to give anyone the love that I so desperately want to give. Devote your energy where it’s needed, on yourself. It’s not selfish, it’s powerful and necessary. I promise, I PROMISE though, symbiosis only occurs when both people have something to give. If you are always giving giving giving and getting nothing, cycle back and focus on yourself first. It sounds repetitive, but once you do that, then your world will prioritize your comfort and once you are comfortable you will be in the right state of mind to surround yourself with people that provide you with what you need.

The next video was on happiness, a topic, again, so frequently discussed that its physical definition means nothing to me. Obviously, happiness is not a thing, it is not just a feeling, it is not tangible success either. Instead, and I completely agree with her definition more than any I’ve heard before, but happiness is our ability to use our gifts to enhance what we already know. For me, it was obvious in that my skill is relationship building. I LOVE to know people, every little thing. There is nothing I take more pride in than knowing as many people as I do around the world: and each one profoundly impacted me as much, if not more than I think I impacted them. Just knowing that there’s unity in spending quality time with people is THE source of my happiness, more than anything else I could possibly concoct. She also talked about the five people that we all need in our lives to maintain our happiness: that being, a cheerleader, mentor, coach, friend, and peer. I’ll let her explain that, but it really stresses the importance of the people you surround yourself with. Another mantra of mine that she mentioned when talking about those five people is that you really are a reflection of the people you spend your time with. Think about that, because you could be self sabotaging your happiness by spending time with people that couldn’t care less about their impact.

The last video I watched hit me the hardest and after watching it, I just shut my computer completely and stared at the ceiling. It was about waiting. The contents of this particular video were on the speaker’s decision to wait to have sex until she got married. Was this my personal decision as well, no, but here’s why it still impacted me more than I would have thought. This woman is 33 years old (or was at the time of the filming). She always had this vision in highschool of her first time, and was immediately shot down by her friends. She was “unrealistic” and her “standards were too high.” And yet, she had faith that she was on the right track. I can imagine that waiting, in this society, could be infinitely more difficult by media pressures that make sex a trend..and that’s really what it seems like. I think that if you’ve learned anything from the previous two paragraphs is that doing or saying something over and over decreases its value. I loved this video so much though, not because she was talking about sex, but because she related it to self worth. Everyone deserves to be treated like they’re not...”just another ___” whatever that may be. If that means waiting 33 years, hey, so be it. The more time I spend in quarantine, the more I recognize the value of my body. Everyone is so fragile and our lives are so short, don’t push yourself to a breaking point just to say you did. I, personally, do not want to let just anyone in on that vulnerability anymore. She talks about the four things we should really all be waiting for in life:

1.) The person who sees you for you...and loves you regardless. - This is the essence of acceptance. It’s the sheer concept of meeting people where they are, without making them change, without making them feel bad..about ANYTHING. It’s about complimenting each other, rather than dominating or controlling them. The people that say you have to “become like one person” have it so wrong. You are two individuals who bring out the best in that individuality. *This is where this post started getting hard for me to write so bare with me please, this is uncomfortable for me* It was fitting that this point was so prominent in this video and I happened to stumble upon it at this point in my life. There are very few people, currently, that know this, but I have a condition called vaginismus. Essentially, sex is horrible (correction, the *majority* of the time it’s horrible. If you like numbers like me, I would estimate 80% of the time). It isn’t anything that isn’t treatable, but the root cause of it in most people is either trauma or innate/ subconscious anxiety. There’s no need to talk about it in depth (unless you..wanted to?) The point is, it is a long process to get over it. Mentally, it takes a big toll on me daily. I cry probably once a day about it, but for the most part pretend like it doesn’t exist. I just sit and cry and cry and internally abuse myself over it because it’s not like I had a choice. And, if we’re digging deeper, the truth is that embedded in a society that glorifies sex I feel everyday like the world is judging me for not being able to comfortably do the only thing that seems to matter to anyone at this point. It quite literally is a pain both physically and mentally. The kind of mental pain that kicks the air out of you and makes you panic and think, “what is wrong with me..really?”

With that being said, as I always mention, I am constantly learning. Is it debilitating? Yes. I can never be as carefree as everyone always assumes I am because this will always be in the back of my mind and you never know how people will respond to it. It’s just another one of those things that makes life more stressful than it needs to be. It makes me wonder why anyone would wait around for me to figure myself out when so many other normal people exist. And I quite literally have had this point proven to me, that they won’t, even if they say they will. And for many people, an activity that is finally a source of respite is scary for me..and I feel like a liar if I say otherwise. I can love how my body looks, and other people can like what they see, but at the end of the day I hate it for not being able to do one of its most essential functions. But would anyone know that? No. And I thought I wanted it that way. It’s a mood killer and a snap back to reality when I so badly want to escape it sometimes. Who, in their right mind, would ever want to deal with *waves hands around* this. The good news, it’s not endgame ( not the marvel movie lmao). The right people/person will meet me exactly where I am and together you work around it. If they don’t, frankly I don’t need them around.

2.) The one that values what you value- I think this is simple enough. Never lower your standards for someone else. Compromise is only valid if both parties are still considered in the outcome.

3.) Purpose, not fear- This one I FELT, because she rooted it in faith. In relationships, you have to have a strong insurance in the things you hope for, even without evidence. You have to go into it giving someone the benefit of the doubt. There is something so uplifting about living life with faith. In anything really. It’s like a high, because the possibilities are endless. It’s important that you know that everyone you meet is capable of being good for you. You just may not immediately know how :)

4.) The one that makes you a priority- This one...hmm..the wording. I think that, yes, they should make you a priority. However, even more than that, they should make you making yourself a priority their priority (haha). That would then go both ways. You would put them making themselves a priority as a priority. When you care about someone, you want the best for them. Trust me, you will know the difference between genuinely wanting the best for someone and only wanting the best for them if it simultaneously benefits you. This will seem so much purer. It may not always be easier, but in the end you will always feel better.

In retrospect, it was an emotional night. I thought a lot about what I valued and what I expect. My standards are high as hell and I don’t regret it. There is a lot of me to unpack and clearly some people were too lazy to do it. That’s okay though, because now I have no issues being absolutely genuine about who I am and what I want. No one deserves to feel like something they value is unimportant. As I said earlier, I almost didn’t want to write this one because of how vulnerable it is. The idea of certain people reading this freaks me out a little bit, but the more I think about it, the more I realize how many people need to hear some of these things. There is so much strength in being nothing other than who you are.

But it’s worth it

Ted Talk Links

Seduction: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3E46oWB4V0s&t=628s

Happiness: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yZRCFK1n-NM

Self Love: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P3fIZuW9P_M

Waiting: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8zw7AXwnb8M

I love you guys so much

-Julia

0 notes

imagine-loki · 4 years

Text

Blushing in His Colours, Chapter 1

TITLE: Blushing in His Colours CHAPTER NO./ONE SHOT: Chapter 1 AUTHOR: fanficshiddles ORIGINAL IMAGINE: Imagine Loki being a Daddy Dom, his adores and loves his little, worships the ground she walks on. She has vaginismus, but he couldn’t be more supportive with her. RATING: M

Mia walked into the party feeling a little shy, she looked around quickly and spotted Natasha and Wanda. So she made a beeline straight for them.

Parties weren’t exactly her favourite scene. But she had promised the team she would attend, considering she had managed to make up an excuse not to go to the past few.

Ever since she started working in the tower with The Avengers, her life had changed rather drastically. She had only gone there originally for work experience through college, but the team liked her and Tony wanted to keep her on in charge of their social media presence. She was super nice, so helpful too in other areas. Nothing was ever too much bother for her.

Being offered her own room in the tower and a well-paying job there had been too much to pass up, of course. There was no downside really… Well, aside from one, maybe.

She had a bit of a crush on one of the team members. Or maybe, a huge crush. But what made it a little tricky, was it was the trickster himself. Loki. She had been mesmerised by him from the first moment she met him.

He was a charmer, had welcomed her with a kiss on the back of her hand. Making her blush like a schoolgirl. She often tried to be in the same room as him when possible, without looking suspicious. But at the same time not getting too close to him. Luckily, she’d become good friends with Natasha and Wanda, so was often hanging out in the main living room where Loki sometimes frequented.

She was barely able to get the courage up to speak to him. He was a literal God, after all. She even struggled speaking to Thor sometimes, but it was worse with Loki because she found him so attractive. It wasn’t just his looks, but his intelligence and mischief too. He seemed fun to be around, was often pranking the others which made her laugh.

It was his voice that always hit her the most though. She could just listen to him speak about anything at all, it was such a soothing and lovely voice he had.

But something she would never admit to anyone, not even Natasha and Wanda, was in her mind she thought that Loki was perfect Daddy Dom material… But then, she wasn’t sure if it was maybe just her fantasies that made her think that of him.

‘You look beautiful, Mia!’ Natasha said as she hugged her, so did Wanda.

‘Thanks.’ Mia blushed a little.

‘Did you pick that colour for a certain… Someone?’ Wanda asked, winking.

‘You do suit green though.’ Natasha said as she looked her up and down.

‘I… kind of.’ Mia said sheepishly.

Natasha and Wanda knew about her crush. Not that Mia had told them, but they had worked it out quite quickly. The way her cheeks went a little red whenever Loki was in the same room, how she would always glance over in his direction. Her general demeanour always perked up when Loki was around.

‘Oh, speak of the devil.’ Wanda said quietly, sipping her drink as she looked over Mia’s shoulder.

Mia froze, feeling a shiver run down her spine as she knew he was behind her.

Loki had spotted a lovely figure in green, as he moved to get a better look, he was stunned to see it was Mia. She had her dark walnut coloured hair up nicely too, in a messy type of bun. He’d always found her rather adorable, but she was so shy and he was never able to get her alone to chat properly. She was a bit of a flight risk, often darting off when he made his way towards her. He felt she was intimidated by him, which he wanted to rectify if possible.

‘Ladies.’ Loki greeted with a nod, his voice like smooth velvet as he came into her view at the side. But then he looked directly to Mia and smiled. ‘Mia. You look beautiful, that dress is very becoming on you. If I may so.’ He said with a slight twinkle in his eyes.

Mia thought her face was going to combust with how badly she blushed. ‘Oh… thank you, Loki.’ She said quickly, not quite able to make eye contact with him.

He was looking very regal in his Asgardian armour, him and Thor always went all out for the parties. Making sure everyone remembered they were royal Gods.

‘I also couldn’t help but notice you didn’t have a drink… May I get you one?’ Loki asked politely.

‘Please… Thank you.’ Mia spoke quietly, able to look up into his eyes for a moment.

Loki nodded and went to fetch her a drink. She turned to look at Natasha and Wanda, who were grinning at her.

‘This could be your chance!’ Natasha said as she nudged her playfully.

‘Don’t be silly. He’s just being… polite.’ Mia shrugged as she looked over in Loki’s direction, he was getting her a drink from the bar.

‘He never compliments anyone, Mia. You should feel honoured.’ Wanda said, then went quiet when Loki returned with a drink for himself and Mia.

Mia was surprised when he handed her favourite to her. ‘How did you know what I like to drink?’ She asked, curiously.

‘I remember from the first evening you were here, when we all had a few drinks.’ Loki grinned and winked at her.

Natasha and Wanda shared a knowing look with one another. ‘We’re just going to get some food.’ Wanda said as she dragged Natasha away.

Mia’s eyes widened a little at being left with Loki. She started sipping her drink straight away, hoping to get some alcoholic courage. Loki could tell she was nervous. He wasn’t sure why she was so nervous around him. Though he was glad she hadn’t run away from him yet this time. But her constant blushing when he was around did make him wonder…

‘It’s nice that you’ve joined us, I know you tend to avoid parties normally.’ Loki said as he motioned for her to walk with him.

She walked along next to him around the side of the room. ‘Yeah… I just, am not too keen on big crowds really… Do you enjoy parties?’

‘Not normally, similarly to you I am not overly fond of huge crowds. Although, I am rather enjoying this party because of the delightful company.’ He winked at her.

She almost choked on her drink, but managed to quickly compose herself. Was he actually flirting with her? She almost couldn’t believe it.

The two sat down on one of the sofas near Pepper, Tony and Clint. Thor was over by the bar with Steve and Bruce, telling one of his jokes. Loki shook his head. ‘He thinks he’s hilarious.’

‘His jokes are better than yours.’ Tony said to Loki.

‘You’re the biggest joke here, Stark.’ Loki snarked back at him.

Clint and Mia laughed, making Loki grin.

‘Glad you could join us, Mia. Bad choice of dress though, wearing Loki’s colour.’ Nick said as he joined them at the sofas.

‘Don’t be mean. She suits that colour. Green isn’t just Loki’s colour.’ Maria said as she also sat down with them. Natasha and Wanda came to join too.

‘But you did wear it mainly to get Loki to notice you?’ Vision said, he had been hovering at the back.

If Mia thought she was embarrassed before, she certainly was now. With so many people staring at her, and Vision blurting that out.

‘I… need to go to the bathroom.’ She said, quickly getting to her feet and almost running out of the room.

‘Vis!’ Wanda chastised.

‘Sorry, was that not the right thing to say? I thought that was the reason.’ Vision seemed genuinely confused.

‘I’ll go after her.’ Natasha hopped up and rushed after Mia.

Loki frowned. ‘She wore green to get my attention?’

‘Duh! If it wasn’t clear to you by now, she likes you, Loki. But is too shy to speak to you.’ Wanda sighed.

Natasha found Mia in the corridor heading back to her room. She managed to catch up with her. ‘Mia! Wait!’ She called, glad when Mia stopped. Her eyes were watering, she felt so embarrassed.

‘Hey, you ok?’ Natasha gave her a hug.

‘I’m so embarrassed, Nat. Now Loki knows, how will I be able to face him again?’ She said sadly, looking down.

‘I certainly hope you will face me again.’ Came Loki’s voice, making Mia freak out internally as she looked up and saw him coming down the corridor towards them.

‘Loki.’ Natasha said in warning as he reached them.

‘Can I talk to Mia privately?’ Loki asked.

Natasha wasn’t totally sure, but she looked at Mia who nodded.

‘I’ll just be round the corner if you need me.’ Natasha said.

Mia was fiddling with her hands on front of her. ‘Loki… I’m sorry… I didn’t mean to disrespect you… Or anything. I just… I…’

‘Shhh.’ Loki said softly and he cupped her chin, lifting her head up to him. Her heart was racing as she looked into his eyes. ‘No need to apologise, and why would you disrespect me?’ He frowned.

‘I don’t… I don’t really know.’ She swallowed hard.

‘Did you really wear this colour for me?’ He asked.

Mia knew he could tell when someone was lying, so she knew there was no point trying.

‘Yes… I wanted to try and get you to notice me… so stupid.’ She admitted, wanting the ground to open up and swallow her whole. She would have to leave and get a new job, there was no way she could stick around here now that Loki knew she had a crush on him.

Loki brushed his thumb up over her cheek, making her skin tingle as she realised he was still touching her. And he didn’t look angry at her admission.

‘Oh darling.’ He hummed, smiling down fondly at her. ‘You’ve always had my attention, right from the very start. And you are far from stupid, Mia.’ He said so softly she thought she was going to start crying with how nice he was being.

‘You’re just saying that.’ She laughed nervously and tried looking down.

‘The first day you came here, you were wearing a knee length dark blue dress, long sleeves with leggings and flat black shoes. Your hair was down and straight, if I remember rightly it was to help hide the blush on your cheeks when Fury introduced us. I know that your favourite snack is a double chocolate chip cookie. When you work, you are so focused you don’t even notice what’s going on around you. But you are so kind to others and extremely helpful, you go out of your way to help other people. Even if it’s just getting them a drink. Your eyes light up entirely when Maria brings her dog to work, so I will go out on a limb and guess that you love animals. You’re not a morning person, but you prefer getting work done first, so you have the rest of the day to relax. Purple is your favourite colour and I do believe that you love rock music.’

Mia was completely stunned, she was gazing up at him with her mouth parted.

Loki had taken note of all these things over the few months she’d been there. Also hearing bits and pieces from when she conversed with others. But he had stored everything he knew about her away in his mind.

But the rather lovely moment between them was ruined when Natasha came rushing down the corridor. ‘YOU FOOL!’ She whacked Loki’s arm as she stood at the side of them, hands on her hips.

Loki narrowed his eyes at her as he let go of Mia’s chin.

‘You’ve liked her all this time but haven’t said or done anything about it?’

Loki ran his hand down his face. ‘You’ve been listening?’

‘Of course! To make sure you weren’t going to be an ass.’ Natasha said.

Loki clenched his jaw, but knew she looked out for Mia, they were good friends. ‘In my defence, I didn’t think you would be interested in me.’ He said as he looked at Mia. ‘Because you’d always avoid eye contact with me, would barely speak to me. I thought you were maybe scared of me.’ He said honestly.

‘You dumbass. That’s just because she’s shy!’ Natasha said, hitting him again.

‘Stop hitting me, Romanoff.’ Loki growled.

His tone made Mia’s stomach lurch, in a good way. She loved it when he went all growly…

‘Nat… Maybe uhm, give us some time?’ Mia asked quietly.

Natasha looked to Mia, then back at Loki. ‘Alright. See you back at the party.’ She nodded and headed off, this time actually leaving them to it.

Loki looked at Mia, unable to stop smiling. He was really fond of her, he just had no idea how much she liked him, too.

‘May I take you out to dinner tomorrow night?’ Loki asked, taking hold of her hand and running his thumb across the back of it, causing goosebumps on her skin.

Mia couldn’t quite find the words. But she nodded quickly, over eager, making Loki chuckle.

‘Excellent.’ He grinned.

They did return to the party. Loki promised Mia that he would personally hang anyone who dared to make her feel embarrassed about wearing his colours.

She was secretly really pleased about that.

#Loki #Lover #Submitted fic #submission #Blushing in his Colours #Chapter 1 #Fanfichiddles

76 notes · View notes

diaphragmjellyfish · 3 years

Text

You Just Wait

gif is from @twilightofficial

A/N: The hardest part of writing a fic is honestly choosing the love interest XD I have so many fictional boyfriends it’s hard to choose just one. I have noticed a significant lack of Jared Cameron content and he’s super adorable so here it is! Also, I left the concept a little bit more vague so more people can relate to it. It doesn’t specifically say vaginismus, it’s more of a general “sex doesn’t normally go well for me” type thing.

Bottomless, covered in chocolate sauce, walking through the woods, phone dead, in the middle of August on a weekday. How did you end up here? Jared Cameron. Your boyfriend. He had roped you in to an elaborate prank on Paul that hadn’t exactly gone as planned. Needless to say, you were desperate for a shower and a nap. A hot meal wouldn’t hurt. And you were beyond irritated, not even looking Jared’s way as he walked next to you in a similar state.

“Babe, if you let me carry you, we’ll get home way faster,” he whined.

You didn’t respond, only walking with more frustration around the roots and fallen trees. It was growing dark, just about twilight, and you knew you wouldn’t be reaching either of your houses at this rate. You were miles into the forest. But your pride kept you from accepting Jared’s wolfy-back ride, because he tended to make lots of jokes about being between your legs and you riding him and blah blah blah, and you honestly might punch him right now if he did that.

So you just kept ignoring him, arms folded tightly against your chest because, yes, it was August, but this was also the Washington coast. It got pretty chilly no matter what time of year it was.

“I can see you shivering from here,” he pleaded, almost sounding in pain at the thought of you being uncomfortable. “It’s only gonna get colder. Let me help you.”

You ignored him.

“C’mooonnnnnn,” he cried. His preferred way of cracking your silence was usually by annoying you out of it, and it was working. “C’mon, c’mon, c’mon c’mon c’mon c’mon c’m-”

“Jared, I swear to God!”

“Aha! She speaks!” he laughed.

“”Only to tell you to be quiet, or I’ll-”

“Or you’ll what?” he cut you off. “I’m way stronger than you!” He was teasing you into talking to him. Even if it was in the form of arguing. Damn, he always got you to crack. You stopped walking, turning to face him, arms still held tightly around yourself. You couldn’t resist a good bicker, and Jared knew that. He would get the sass to come out, and then once you got tired, he’d apologize and you’d be made up within half an hour. That’s what always happened. And you couldn’t exactly stay mad at those big brown puppy eyes for long.

“Physically, maybe,” you chided, “but I’m definitely way smarter than you.”

He stepped closer to you, a playful smirk on his face. “What, are you gonna read me to death or something?”

“I’m gonna strategize a huge plan, manipulate you, and leave you here in the forest by yourself. That’s what I’m gonna do,” you sassed. He never took arguments to heart, which is one thing you loved about him. He knew how grumpy you could get and would let you vent, and then make you forget all about the problem.

“Oh, okay, yeah sure,” he giggled, hands going up in defense. “I’m just saying that in this situation, there is no way you come out on top. You run, I catch you. You hide, I sniff you out,” he teased. This made you crack an almost imperceptible smile, but one he noticed nonetheless. “And if you did somehow manage to get away from me, you’d freeze to death in an hour flat.” The cold breeze that caused you to shiver more violently could not have had worse timing. Obviously, Jared noticed, and his face dropped. He approached you slowly, silently asking if you were still mad enough to not let him touch you. When you didn’t step back or stop him, he wrapped both his arms around you and brought you into a huge bear hug. You sighed at his warmth, wrapping your arms tightly around his torso. He’d given you his hoodie hours ago, and was left in only a pair of shorts, though he didn’t seem to notice. Damn him and his werewolf heat.

You still shivered in his arms, but his feverish temperature was a relief to your aching bones.

“See? Could’ve been warm hours ago,” he teased once again, noting your clinginess.

“Shut up. I’m still mad,” you mumbled into his neck. He laughed softly to himself, rubbing his hands up and down your body to create more heat. After a few minutes, you were starting to struggle to keep your eyes open. It had to be close to 2 in the morning, and you’d been walking for what felt like hours. Jared could have easily run home and let you brood alone, but he stuck with you no matter how long you went without speaking to him.

“Sleepy?” he murmured into your hair. You just nodded softly, and didn’t protest as he bent down, one hand going behind your knees and the other staying around your back. He picked you up with ease and started walking through the woods once more with an “Okay Princess, I got you.” His stride never faltered, easily avoiding tripping over roots or slipping on rain-soaked moss. He must have been walking for about 30 minutes, never so much as breathing hard or shifting you in his grip. You didn’t sleep, but welcomed the rest he allowed you. Your eyes were closed, head resting on his shoulder when you felt him stop. You looked up, and in the distance, maybe 50 yards away, you saw a small building.

“Hunter’s cabin, I’m guessing. No one’s home,” Jared stated, anticipating your questions.

“Think there’ll be blankets?” you wondered, tired, yet still playful.

“What, am I not enough for you?” he feigned mock hurt as you giggled at his unshakeable good attitude. Without another word, he began walking towards the small cabin, which was about the size of an average bedroom. When you reached the door, he set you down gently, holding his hands close to your waist while you found your footing, and then wrapping an arm over your shoulders to keep you warm.

“I’m assuming it’s locked,” you sighed, disappointed.

“Babe, no door is locked when you have super strength. Honestly, I thought you’d have more faith in me by now,” he smiled brightly.

“You can’t just go around kicking random people’s doors in!” you scolded.

“Okay, first of all, I can tell by the smell that no one’s been here in years. Second of all, how would anyone know it was us that broke in and not, like, a deer? And third of all, I’d say this counts as an emergency,” he sassed right back at you. You looked at him in annoyance, too tired and cold to actually care.

After a long sigh, you muttered “fine.”

He immediately turned to the door, not letting you so much as inhale before he slammed his foot into the space next to the knob, the door all but flying off its hinges. The whole scene caused deafening noise that interrupted the silence of the trees.

“Jesus!” you called out in surprise, a hand shooting up to your pounding heart. You look around, though knowing no one was around for miles. Jared only turned to look at you, a cheeky smile adorning his face, and said,

“See? Told ya.”

You rolled your eyes, but couldn’t help the loving and admiring energy that overcame you. Jared really was one in a million, and you were lucky to be by his side. He could be in the worst situation in the world and still find something to laugh about.

He motioned for you to go in first, ever the gentleman. Walking through the door, the first thing you noticed was the dust. The entire inside of the cabin was covered in a thick layer of it. There was a small, rickety couch with cushions so worn they had holes in them throughout. And the fabric… my God. It looked like something from the 60’s, an obnoxious floral that had faded over time, and now just looked flat out stained. There was a flimsy throw blanket over the back of the couch, a cooler in the corner of the room that was covered in dirt, and on the opposite wall, a fireplace! No wood, no matches, but it was there. The floor was scattered with bullet shells, receipts, and decayed leaves. It was obvious no one had been in here for at least 3 or 4 years.

“Okay, I can work with this,” Jared said. You really were jealous of his optimism. But, as disgusting as this place was, it beat the frigid breeze of outside, and had a place where you could rest your heads. You walked over to the couch, grabbing the blanket and beating the dust off of it. It was really only meant for one person, but you guys were okay with getting close. It would do.

Jared walked over to the opposite corner where the cooler sat by the fireplace and opened the lid, peeking inside.

“Just water,” he said, sounding almost disappointed.

“Were you really gonna eat whatever was in there?” you spoke incredulously.

“Babe, I’m starving. You have no idea how close I am to licking that chocolate sauce off of you,” he voiced. You had almost forgotten about the sticky sauce that covered both of your clothes. That prank really was a disaster. You looked down, face heating at the thought of Jared’s mouth on you like that, and turned to the fireplace where he stood. He was looking on the mantle, oblivious to the effect his comment had on you, and exclaimed “Aha!” before reaching up to grab something. “A lighter. We’re saved! Well, you are,” he laughed looking over at your shivering form once more. “Stay here and get comfy. I’m gonna go get some wood.”

You tried your best, sitting on the edge of the couch and immediately feeling a spring poking you in the butt. The couch really was tiny. You guys were gonna have to bundle up close to fit. The thought excited you. Sure, you and Jared had always been comfortable touching and holding each other, but there were certain areas of your relationship you had yet to explore. More… intimate areas. It was your fault mostly. To make a long story short, you’ve just never enjoyed sex. You found yourself not able to get aroused, which made things painful. Sure, you wanted to. You’d thought about it a ton. But in the moment, your head was so full of thoughts of ‘What if he thinks I’m ugly? What if I smell? Am I doing this right? Is he having a good time? Am I taking too long?’ that you just stopped trying. And obviously you wanted to have sex with Jared, but you were worried he’d be disappointed. By the time he got back, just a few minutes later, you had brought your knees up to your chest, holding your legs close in an effort to preserve warmth.

“Doing okay Sweetheart?” he asked gently. You gave a small smile and nodded in response. He plopped the logs in his arms down into the fireplace, scavenging the floor for receipts, dried leaves, anything that would catch fire. He dumped these into the fireplace and lit them, the fire catching within seconds. He walked over to the other side of the room where the couch was before bending down, grabbing the bottom lip of it, and pulling it (and you) across the floor, one-handed, and closer to the fire. “Better?” You had always been in awe of his strength. Let’s be honest, it was just plain sexy. Again, you just nodded your head, staring at him in adoration.

He sat beside you on the couch, throwing an arm over your shoulders again, and leaning back, taking you with him. You cuddled into his side, watching the fire.

“Ya know, if you take away the shitty couch and sticky clothes and add a few more blankets, this would actually be pretty nice,” he finally spoke.

You laughed softly, replying, “It would. The couch isn’t even awful, but these clothes are really ruining the mood for me.”

“Well why don’t you get out of ‘em, hot stuff?” he joked. You knew he wasn’t serious because you guys haven’t gotten that far yet, but something, maybe the exhaustion or the way he kept challenging you today, made you want to actually do it. Before you could lose your nerve, you reached down, pulling off the hoodie and shirt in one go and tossing them onto the floor. You relaxed back into his arms in just a bra, acting like nothing had happened. He was frozen beside you. Maybe it was mean, but you wanted to tease him a little. He’d put you through a lot today, so you wanted to mess with him a tiny bit. So, coolly, you brought a hand onto his thigh and began running it up and down, going higher and higher with each pass. He was still frozen, so you gave a light squeeze, and heard him inhale sharply, though he tried to hide it.

“I thought you were tired,” he commented.

“Guess I’m not anymore,” you responded, turning to face him boldly. He immediately leaned in to kiss you, softly as always. You reciprocated, bringing your other hand up to cup his face. His arm that was around your shoulders slipped down around your waist, pulling you in further. Jared had always been gentle when kissing you, so you knew you’d have to make the first move to deepen it. Which is exactly what you did. Running your hand up his head and grabbing his hair, you pulled him towards you even more and traced your tongue across his bottom lip. He responded by matching your energy, tongue slipping out to caress yours before bringing your bottom lip between his teeth and nibbling softly. You guys had never kissed like this before. You felt a bead of warmth pool in your abdomen, something you’d never felt with a guy before. Sure, you’d been turned on while watching certain videos or reading certain fanfiction by yourself, but you’d never actually experienced it with someone before. It was exciting. Maybe it was the knowledge that you could stop things at any time and he wouldn’t be upset, or maybe it was how in love with you he really was, but you didn’t feel nervous or worried. You felt comfortable.

Taking things a step further, you swung your leg over both of his, moving to straddle his lap.

He pulled away slightly at this, making you ask, “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong,” he responded, “I just don’t wanna make you do anything you don’t wanna do.”

You smiled, “I’m not doing anything I don’t wanna do. Are you?”

“Are you seriously asking me that question right now?” He laughed, making you giggle along.

You leaned back in for another kiss, when he stopped you again. “What exactly… are we doing, though?” You knew what he was silently asking. Are we about to go all the way? And you didn’t know yet. This had started out as playful teasing, but now you were beginning to think that maybe you did want to try something. With Jared. He was it for you, the one you wanted to spend forever with. If you couldn’t trust him, you couldn’t trust anyone. And he’d taken such good care of you these last few hours, keeping you warm, making sure you were storming off in the right direction, that you knew he’d appreciate you in a more intimate sense.

“I- I kind of would like to try… some stuff,” you answered.

He looked at you, eyes wide, before answering, “What kind of stuff? I mean, I will do literally anything you ask me to do and you know that, but I didn’t really prepare for this. Like, I don’t… have what we need.” Oh, a condom. What a responsible boy.

“I’m on the pill,” you replied a little too quickly before looking down and fiddling with your hands. “If you want to.”

“Y/N, I would be absolutely fucking honored,” he breathed, before cupping your face and pulling you into the most heated kiss yet. Your tongues danced, hands wandering. Yours, across his muscled chest and abdomen, and his, down your waist and around to cup your pantsless ass, squeezing firmly. It felt nice. He handled you in a way that was gentle and painless, but still dominant and firm. And it made the heat in your belly grow. You continued kissing for several minutes, your hands moving up his neck and eventually landing in his hair once more, and his remaining on your ass and waist. You softly sucked at his lower lip, nibbling slightly, and it made him let out a low growl and pull your hips forward onto his, where you felt something hard push against you. You knew what it was, and it didn’t scare you like it normally would. You did, however, feel your damp underwear. Shit, that’s never happened before. You were normally bone dry at this point. You let out a soft sigh, grinding your hips onto him once more.

He softened his kisses slightly, bringing a hand around to your stomach and running his knuckles lightly across your lower abdomen.

“Can I?” He questioned delicately.

“Yes,” you replied almost immediately. He brought his hand under the waistband of your underwear, when you said, “Wait,” and he stopped. “Just one thing. I kind of… have never been able to do this without it hurting a lot, so maybe you could just try to be gentle?”

“Oh, baby, you’ve been in pain before? I’m so sorry,” he whispered genuinely.

“It’s okay, I just…” It was now or never. He should know. “Normally I’m super nervous about everything, so I can’t really… get into it, and when girls aren’t into it it’s kind of… dry? And that makes it kind of hurt really bad.” You faded out at the end, feeling embarrassed. He brought his hand out of your underwear and up to your chin, tilting your face up to look him in the eye, looking concerned. “But I’m into this, I mean, right now. I’m excited. I just thought I should warn you,” you awkwardly laughed at the end.

“You promise? Because you know that if you want to stop we will, and I would never be upset or pressure or anything like that,” he spoke sweetly, making your heart flutter. And you did know that, which is why you felt comfortable. Every other time, you felt that if you went past a certain point, you couldn’t say stop. Couldn’t call it off without making whatever guy you were with super mad and then… who knows what would happen. But when Jared spoke those words, you believed him.

“I promise. And I know you’ll stop. But I don’t want you to.”

With this, he scanned your face one more time for any signs of hesitation, and when he found none, brought you down into another heated kiss. You felt his hand trail from your chin down to your breasts, skimming over your bra, down your stomach and once again to the waistband of your underwear. Only this time he didn’t go under. He stayed on top of the fabric and brought his hand down between your legs, index finger brushing lightly against your core. You barely felt it, and began to worry that you’d once again feel numb. Oftentimes, when guys would touch you or go down on you, you felt nothing. It was like you were broken or something. And you started to become concerned that tonight would be no different.

But he brought his finger down again, repeating the same movement, only with significantly more pressure this time, and it had you release an involuntary sigh. And instead of removing his finger like he had the first time, he kept it over your clit, drawing firm circles.

Your mouth dropped open in a silent moan, Jared staring intently at your face.

“Oh, wow,” you finally breathed.

“Good?” he asked cockily, wearing a large smirk. He repeated the movement again, drawing a line from your core to your clit, stopping to rub circles.

“Mmm hmm,” you sighed. He leaned in once more to meet you with the sloppiest, dirtiest kiss you two had shared yet, and it only made you grind your center into his hand. He repeated the action several times over, and you were a writhing mess in minutes.

He brought a finger under your waistband once more, stretching the elastic out before letting it snap lightly against your skin. “Let’s take these off, hmm?” You’d never stood up so fast in your life, practically ripping the panties off of you, taking your bra off with it. Jared stood up to remove his shorts, but stopped to stare.

“What?” you questioned shyly, moving to cover up.

“You’re literally the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen in my entire life.”

The boy quite literally had heart eyes for you.

“Oh,” you responded meekly, cheeks heating up. When you kept looking back at him, he seemed to snap back into the moment and hurriedly ripped off his shorts and underwear, sitting back on the couch and opening his arms for you. You moved to straddle his hips the same way as before, and he brought his arms around to embrace you as you shared another heated kiss. One of his hands moved up to cup your breast, thumb rolling over your nipple as if you were made of glass. Jared pulled his mouth off of yours and trailed his lips down the side of your face, to your jaw, and down onto your neck, suckling lightly and leaving wet kisses. You tilted your head to the side to give him better access, and brought one of your hands down between you two to grasp him. He shuddered, only grabbing your hips and bringing you impossibly closer. His other hand trailed down to your center once more, going straight to your core and gathering the slight wetness there before bringing his finger up to your clit and circling. With your underwear out of the way, you felt almost lightheaded at his touch. You never knew how girls could cum during sex before, because you never seemed to feel much at all unless it was pain, but with how aroused you were right now and Jared’s movements, you thought for the first time that you may actually be able to finish. People do say that 90% of sex is mental, and you guessed this is what they meant. The more into it you are, the more physical sensation you actually feel. Groundbreaking.

“Can I finger you?” he murmured huskily into your neck.

You tensed slightly at this, but trusted him. If you said stop, he would. “Ok, just go slow.”

“Of course,” he responded before placing a sweet kiss on your shoulder and bringing his index finger back to your core, swirling around the entrance a few times. You took a few deep breaths to relax your muscles, and he looked at you, wordlessly asking, Ready? You nodded, and he slipped his finger in, just to the first knuckle, and held it still while he brought his thumb to your clit and continued rubbing. When he noticed you visibly relax, he slipped his finger in further to the second knuckle, stopping for a few seconds, and then all the way. He kept it here again, giving you time to adjust or tell him to stop, all the while keeping you stimulated with his thumb. It felt really good. Well, you didn’t exactly feel his finger at all, which was better than pain, and his thumb was making you crazy. Your breathing was labored at this point, eyebrows furrowed as you held onto his shoulders, nails digging in and sure to leave scratches. He pressed the finger inside of you onto your front wall suddenly, massaging the ridges firmly, and you let out a moan. Your first real moan ever. And damn did it get Jared excited. He continued this motion again and again, building in intensity and pressure slowly. When he felt how wet you had become, he pulled his finger back out to the first knuckle, and added his middle finger next to it, sliding them both back in slowly so as not to hurt you. Your eyes widened at the stretch, but it didn’t hurt. It felt amazing.

“Oh, fuck,” you whispered to yourself, before moaning once more as his fingers began the ‘come-hither’ motion once more.

“Am I hurting you?” he asked, concerned at your cursing.

“No, feels so good,” you moaned, and he smiled at this, increasing the pressure even more. Your eyes screwed shut, hips stuttering over his hand, letting him finger fuck you for several more minutes as you began to feel a tightening in your stomach. He brought his thumb off of your clit finally, adjusting his hand for a better angle and bringing his other hand off of your waist and up to his mouth, licking his thumb and bringing that down to your clit, resuming the tight circles. You could hear how wet you were, feeling too good to be embarrassed. The heat in your stomach was building, spreading. You felt your legs begin to shake, muscles begin to tighten around his fingers, and your eyes screwed shut as you opened your mouth in a silent scream and came. The waves of pleasure washed over you for a long time, Jared slowing his movements down so as not to overstimulate you. When you finally opened your eyes again, you were panting, legs feeling like Jello. Jared was staring at you with a look of absolute awe on his face, mouth agape and dick rock hard, red, and leaking precum. He was more turned on than he had ever been from actual sex before, and it was only from watching you.

“Fuck, baby that was so hot,” he all but moaned.

You reached down to grasp him, panting a “your turn.”

He grabbed both your wrists, stopping you. “Nuh uh, this is about you. Lie the fuck down.”

You gasped, his dominant tone turning you on despite your recent climax. You both knew that if you were even slightly uncomfortable, things would stop immediately. But it was fun for both of you to let him be a little aggressive. You did as told, lying long ways across the couch cushions, Jared moving to kneel between your legs, moving your knees softly apart so he could look at all of you. You didn’t feel insecure being exposed like this. You felt excited.

“Are you absolutely sure you wanna do this?” he questioned.

“I have never been more sure, Jared baby, I want to,” you pleaded. This was enough for him, so he brought his dick down to line up with your entrance, rubbing the tip up and down a few times to collect your wetness. He was worried that there wouldn’t be enough lubricant, so he brought a hand up to his mouth and spit, rubbing the saliva on his cock.

“You just wait ‘til we get some real lube and a real fucking bed, Princess. You won’t be able to walk for days.” You shuddered at the thought of this, and of the sensation of his dick rubbing around your clit and back down to your entrance. He pushed in slightly, letting the tip in before pausing and checking your face for any signs of pain. When he found none, he pushed in slightly more, and more. He was being extremely slow, and you appreciated it. Guys normally would just shove themselves inside, not giving you any time to adjust before pounding away. But Jared was careful, despite how turned on you knew he was. He still had your best interest in mind. Within a couple of minutes, he was fully seated inside of you, staying still until you told him to move. He brought his face down to give you a sweet kiss, waiting for you to give him the signal.

After a few seconds, you didn’t feel any sort of stinging or pain, so you nodded, saying “Just start slow.”

“Of course,” he replied genuinely. He pulled his hips back just a few inches, before slowly grinding them back into yours. You closed your eyes, focusing on keeping your muscles loose and relaxed as he continues this movement a few more times. The next time he pushed in, he ground his hips further into yours, hitting the deepest parts of you. This had you release a gasp, eyes opening to meet his. “Okay?” he questioned.

“Yes.”

He did this several more times, letting you get used to the feeling of him being so deep inside of you, before your hips began to grind back into his. It felt really good. When he noticed this, he began pulling his hips back more, pushing back in slightly faster, and this had you moaning. You threw your head back, back arched, just enjoying the sensations. Your hands were grasping at his shoulders, definitely leaving scratch marks.

“Oh my God,” you whispered.

“You’re so fucking gorgeous,” he responded, planting sloppy kisses to your neck and collar bone. “Baby, I’m not gonna last much longer.”

You smiled at this, glad he was enjoying it as much as you were. “Go ahead, cum for me,” you spoke, and your words had him right on the edge. He pulled out of you quickly, hand fisting his cock as he stared at your sweaty, writhing body below him. He came hard, spilling onto your stomach as he growled out, the sound making your toes curl, almost animalistic. You both remained in this position as you came down, breaths labored and eyes barely open. He stood up fully off of the couch and reached for the flimsy blanket on the floor, using it to wipe off your stomach. He threw it into the corner of the room and lay down next to you on the couch, gathering you up into his arms to cuddle.

“Did you have a good time?” he asked almost nervously after a few minutes.

“Nah, kinda sucked,” you teased, and he let out a playful laugh, lightly shoving you away before pulling you back and planting a kiss on your temple.

A pause. “For real though,” he prodded, beginning to panic slightly.

You burst out laughing. “Of course I had a good time, Jared. Best i’ve ever had, if I’m being honest.”

“Ok good,” he sighed, relieved but trying not to show that you actually had him nervous for a second.

Another pause. “Did… did you have a good time?” you questioned back at him.

He seemed almost offended at the question, bringing a hand up to cup your face so that your eyes met his. “Y/N, this was the best night of my entire life. That was perfect. You are perfect. And I’m glad you trusted me enough to do that with you.”

You felt your eyes sting slightly, emotions running wild. You considered yourself the luckiest girl in the world to be with Jared Cameron. Not only was he totally gorgeous, but kind, hilarious, and great in bed.

In an effort to switch the tone back to a more playful one, you replied, “Yeah, well I was promised some more fun involving real lube and a real bed so…”

He tugged you further into him, wrapping his arms around you in a way that made you think he might never let go. He laughed, and said “Oh, you just wait.”

#jared cameron x reader #jared cameron #twilight #wolf pack #paul lahote #sam uley #jacob black #embry call #seth clearwater #quil ateara #edward cullen #twilight smut #vaginismus

514 notes · View notes

imagine-loki · 4 years

Text

Blushing in His Colours, Chapter 4

TITLE: Blushing in His Colours CHAPTER NO./ONE SHOT: Chapter 4 AUTHOR: fanficshiddles ORIGINAL IMAGINE: Imagine Loki being a Daddy Dom, his adores and loves his little, worships the ground she walks on. She has vaginismus, but he couldn’t be more supportive with her. RATING: M

It had been a few days since Loki’s discovery.

And he had a plan.

He’d tried a few different tactics over the last few days. The one that got him best results was when he asked Mia to hand him something in the lab, she did it instantly without question. He then let Good girl slip instead of a thank you. It had the desired effect, he thought her entire face was going to go up in flames. She was very giddy and flustered.

So she definitely has a praise kink. That he was certain of. She was a pleaser.

But his plan, he was putting into motion tonight. He’d asked her to another date night, but to wear her comfiest pyjamas. She was highly confused, but was pretty excited none the less.

He went to her room and knocked, smiling when he heard her rushing over to the door.

When she opened it, Loki was pleased to see she was in pyjamas already. They were Minnie Mouse pyjamas. She sheepishly looked down at herself. ‘Sorry… I don’t really have, uhm, sexy kind of Pyjamas.’

Loki smiled and picked up her hand, bringing it up to his lips he kissed the back of it. ‘You look beautiful, darling. Never apologise for wearing whatever you want to.’

There was that delightful blush that graced her cheeks, that he loved so much on her.

‘Are you ready?’ He asked with a grin.

She nodded. ‘I’m really intrigued to see what you’ve got planned.’

Loki was wearing comfortable clothing too. Leather trousers with a green Asgardian tunic type of top. But Mia always thought he looked amazing, he could probably wear a bin bag and still look handsome.

First stop was the kitchen, Loki had a mini buffet type of set up going on. But it was bowls of popcorn, nachos and chocolate. He grabbed a tray and put it all on, then motioned for Mia to follow him as he headed to the lifts.

Mia raised an eyebrow as she followed him. ‘Where are we going?’ She asked, getting into the lift with him.

He didn’t say anything, just grinned. They stopped a few floors down, Loki then led the way to the library. It all made sense when they entered.

Loki had borrowed Tony’s projector and had set up a film to play on the empty wall near the back of the library. He’d also taken lots of cushions and blankets for them to sit or lie down on and keep cosy. Some candles were lit, giving the room a lovely calming and romantic vibe.

‘Oh wow. Loki, this is amazing.’ Mia said excitedly.

‘I’m glad you think so. It took a lot of persuading to make sure the others would stay out of the way for the night.’ Loki said with a frown.

‘What kind of persuading?’ Mia asked, curious.

‘I had to say please to Stark.’ Loki cringed, making Mia burst out laughing.

‘Well, it certainly seems worth it.’ Mia grinned.

Loki and Mia got comfortable on the cushions, Loki used his Seidr to make them all into a bed type of shape with a bit at the back for them to lean against comfortably. He pulled a big blanket over the both them, he was absolutely delighted when she snuggled right in against his side.

‘What film are we watching?’ She asked when Loki used his Seidr to have the tray of food hover just on front of them, but not blocking the view, to save having to get a table over.

Loki didn’t reply, just grinned as he grabbed the remote and started the movie up. Mia was shocked when Frozen Two started.

‘Really? I didn’t think you would be a Disney fan? We can watch something you like.’ Mia suggested as she turned to face him more.

‘Not at all. I remember over hearing you speaking to Wanda about wanting to see it when it’s out.’ Loki smiled.

Mia then frowned. ‘It’s not even out in cinemas here yet. How did you… Wait, did you get Bruce to get it for you?’ She asked knowingly.

Loki’s grin grew even larger and he wiggled his eyebrows. ‘Perhaps… I have my ways. Now shhh, it’s starting.’ Loki put his arm around her and pulled her into him again.

She was secretly so delighted that he’d managed to get the film. She had been desperate to see it. And what could be better, snuggled up comfortably with Loki? Nothing could be better, that was for sure.

Mia was totally engrossed in the film, she almost missed her mouth a few times while eating. Eyes glued to the screen.

Loki couldn’t resist stroking her hair, letting his fingers slide through her locks. It was soothing for both of them. Perhaps too soothing for Mia, she could feel herself slipping into little space. Something she didn’t really want to do on front of Loki, not wanting to freak him out.

But it was difficult, he was pressing all the right buttons.

It became even worse for Mia when he ended up gently pulling her onto his lap. She blushed hard, but kept her eyes on the movie, leaning back against him as she curled up comfortably.

Loki slid his hand under her pyjama top and started stroking her back softly, she squirmed and giggled when he went too far round to her sides, making him smirk. ‘Ticklish?’ He grinned, pressing his lips to the top of her head.

She didn’t reply, just whined a little and shuffled slightly on his lap.

His touch against her back felt so heavenly, she was slipping hard. Loki noticed her take the tips of a bit of her hair into her mouth and he smiled. He hadn’t seen her do that before, but he had a feeling it was something she did in little space…

Once the film was finished, Loki didn’t let go of her. He never wanted to let go of her, actually. He kept stroking her back and nuzzling into her hair.

But Mia suddenly snapped out of it, realising how she was acting. She struggled to get off his lap, Loki reluctantly let her go.

‘I’m sorry… I…’

‘Whatever for?’ Loki frowned as she moved away from him and sat up on her knees, looking scared.

But she didn’t answer, just looked really scared still. So Loki decided to take a chance.

‘You’re a little, aren’t you?’

Her eyes widened at that, but he noticed her shoulders relax a tiny bit. ‘You… what? How did you…’

‘I will be completely honest here… I came across a Daddy Dom and little relationship online, after having… suspicions. And I felt that you just seemed to fit being a little. So I may have been trying to coax it out of you.’ He said a little sheepishly.

‘Wha… What? Why though? I mean… Are you…’

‘A Daddy?’ Loki finished for her.

She nodded, still keeping a little distance.

Loki smiled. ‘I had never thought about it before, but when I read up on it, I found myself really wanting to be your Daddy.’ He admitted. ‘I seem to fit some of the personality traits and it was very appealing, I must say. Even though I had never thought about it before.’

Mia put her face into her hands and rubbed her face a few times before looking at him again.

‘Are you serious? I mean… I didn’t expect… This.’

Loki reached out and took hold of her hands, so she couldn’t hide her face again.

‘All I am asking, is that you think about it. You are safe with me, Mia. If you want to go into little space with me, you can. And I would love to be able to look after and spoil you.’ He smiled and rubbed the back of her hands.

He was slightly confused as to why she still looked so worried.

‘Have I got this all wrong?’ He asked, frowning. It was his turn to be looking genuinely worried.

‘No… not at all… I… I want this more than anything. From the moment I met you I found you to be… Daddy material.’ She said quietly.

Loki let go of her hands and stroked her cheek gently.

‘So what’s got you so scared, pet?’ He asked quietly.

She looked down and started fiddling with the bottom of her pyjama top. ‘I uhm… There’s something else you should know before you decide if you do want to… Be with me. It wouldn’t be fair not telling you…’

‘What is it?’ He asked, tipping her chin up.

She took a deep breath before answering. ‘I’ve got vaginismus.’

Mia felt like time was stood still as she waited for Loki’s reaction. Expecting him to get up and walk out.

But to her surprise, there was no change in his facial expressions.

‘Why would that make me not want to be with you?’ Loki asked, confused as he took her hands again.

Now it was Mia’s turn to look confused. ‘Do… Do you know what it is?’

‘I do.’ Loki nodded. ‘It doesn’t change who you are, darling.’

Mia couldn’t help but let out a small sob, surprising Loki. ‘Hey, shhh. It’s ok, come here.’ He pulled her back onto his lap, so she was straddling him with her legs at either side of his thighs, into his embrace. He rocked her back and fore as she buried her face into his neck.

‘I’m sorry… I just… The last guy I dated couldn’t get away fast enough, thinking it was some kind of disease he could catch. And the guy before him who I had been seeing for a while, got fed up that he couldn’t… penetrate me. No matter how much we tried, it was like there was a literal road block down there.’ She said openly, leaning back slightly as Loki cradled the back of her head.

‘Well in that case they don’t deserve you. There is so much more to relationships than penetrative sex. SO much more.’ He wiped her tears off her cheeks with his thumbs and then cupped her face as he leaned in to press his forehead against hers.

‘Not that we would be jumping into anything sexually so soon, but if I may ask, have you been to the doctors about it?’

‘Yeah. It seems to be more psychological than anything else we’ve decided… I uhm, can get one finger in but it took a long time… and I have a small dildo that I try with but it takes a long time to use and I’ve only ever managed twice, often by the time I get to the stage where I might be able to take it, I’m too tired and just give up. It’s like I just can’t relax down there enough, even though I know it doesn’t hurt as such if I am properly ready. But I think I freaked myself out a bit last time I got it in, when I started moving it, it was a little sore and uncomfortable then I struggled getting the damn thing out and really panicked.’ She was blushing hard while explaining to Loki, but she wanted him to know exactly what he was getting into. Or more… what he wouldn’t be getting into, so to say.

‘Well that’s good you’ve made progress yourself, though. You can do it, it can happen, it just takes time… Mia, even if we could never have penetrative sex, that doesn’t change the way I feel about you. I don’t know in this early stage if anything will blossom between us, although I certainly hope it does, but I really want to try, darling.’

Mia felt like crying again in utter relief and happiness. But Loki could tell there was still something niggling.

‘Speak to me, sweetling.’ He whispered, smoothing a hand through her hair.

‘I just… I’ve never had a Daddy before. I’ve always dreamed and fantasised of having one and having kinky fun with him. Being able to just be taken against a wall or bent over the sofa and taken that way. But that can’t happen for me, I don’t even know if normal sex will ever be able to happen for me!’

‘Shhh, calm down. It’s ok.’ Loki soothed. ‘Well, there are ways to help your body accustom to penetration. And even once that happens, while you may never be able to have sudden-little-warning-sex, not many can without some foreplay, there are still ways to make fantasies come true.’ He purred, winking at her.

‘Really?’

‘Of course there is. But you know, there are millions of ways to have kinky fun, for the both of us, without the normal cock into vagina scenario, you know.’ He smirked, making her giggle.

‘Just don’t over think it, don’t worry about something that doesn’t necessarily even need to happen.’

‘But I do want it to happen!’ Mia said quickly.

Loki smiled and trailed his fingers down the side of her face. ‘I know you do. But it will take time, trust and a lot of patience. It won’t be something that can just happen overnight. But if you want that to be your end goal, we can work towards it. Slowly. But just have some fun, is the main thing.’

‘I have done sexual stuff before. And I do enjoy it all, so it’s not like I just don’t want to do anything like that. Because I do. So much.’ She was blushing again.

Loki chuckled and kissed her forehead. ‘Just because you have vaginismus doesn’t mean you can’t love other things to do with sex. Stop worrying.’

She leaned into him again and hid her face against his neck. He slid his hand up and down her back soothingly. ‘I get the feeling rule number one will be not to overthink this.’ He rumbled.

Mia shot back a bit, looking at him with wide eyes. ‘Rules?’ She squeaked.

‘Of course. Why, you didn’t think just because I am new to this you would get out of not having rules, did you?’ He smirked.

Mia’s mouth parted but nothing came out, making Loki chuckle.

‘You did!’ He smirked, sliding his hands under her top and tickling over her back.

She squealed and tried to move away from the tickling but that just made her move closer into Loki’s body, thus trapping her as his fingers tickled down her sides, making her laugh as she squirmed to try and get away.

He stopped and just held her against him, his chin on top of her head. ‘There will be consequences if you break a rule, sweetheart. But we can go over rules another day, once you’ve had time to think it all through.’ He kissed the top of her head as he felt her relaxing into him completely.

Loki had a feeling she wasn’t going to need time to think anything through.

Or he certainly hoped not anyway.

#Loki #Lover #Submitted fic #submission #blushing in his colours #chapter 4 #fanfichiddles

59 notes · View notes

imagine-loki · 4 years

Text

Blushing in His Colours, Chapter 3

TITLE: Blushing in His Colours CHAPTER NO./ONE SHOT: Chapter 3 AUTHOR: fanficshiddles ORIGINAL IMAGINE: Imagine Loki being a Daddy Dom, his adores and loves his little, worships the ground she walks on. She has vaginismus, but he couldn’t be more supportive with her. RATING: M

When Loki saw Mia the following day, a blush instantly graced her cheeks, making him grin. He went over to her and kissed her cheek in greeting, making the others around them all ‘oooooo.’ He glared at them in return.

‘The date went well last night then?’ Clint asked with a smirk.

They were in the kitchen having breakfast before starting their day.

‘A gentleman never tells.’ Loki said as he held his head high.

Mia went to sort out her breakfast, unable to stop blushing at being the main focus of the conversation within the team.

‘You’re far from a gentleman.’ Stark snorted.

Loki narrowed his eyes at him and folded his arms over his chest. ‘I’d beg to differ.’

Mia had her back to the group as she poured milk into her cereal. But she did speak up. ‘Loki was the perfect gentleman last night. More than rest of you are, that’s for sure.’

Loki grinned and looked rather smug. The team all laughed.

‘Oh no, his mischievousness is already rubbing off on you.’ Tony said as he put his face in his hands, then he looked at Loki. ‘Do NOT corrupt our sweet and innocent Mia!’

When Mia turned around, she met Loki’s gaze and he winked at her with a mischievous smirk. ‘I am making no promises.’

Because Mia’s job was to keep up their social media appearance, it meant she was often right in the action. Taking pictures of the team ‘behind the scenes’ providing it didn’t compromise any mission, as the fans loved to see what the superheroes got up to at times.

So she found herself in the lab with Loki, Tony, Bruce, Fury and Vision. She was typing some stuff up on her laptop in the corner, Loki kept glancing in her direction, unable to stop looking at her.

‘Oi, stop staring at your new girlfriend and concentrate!’ Tony remarked as he tossed a pen at Loki, but with his quick reflexes Loki was able to catch the pen before it hit him, glaring at Tony.

Mia had heard and she couldn’t help the big smile that spread across her face. She tried to concentrate on her work though, even if she could feel the God’s eyes on her often.

Later on, Mia disappeared to get something to eat from the kitchen. When she returned, she had food and drinks for everyone. Including Loki’s favourite flavour of muffins that she had baked a few days ago. When Loki thought about it, she often went out of her way for other people, especially him. She always seemed to get his favourite drink or food and would always beam happily when he thanked her.

The following day Mia was down on the training floor on the benches, watching Thor, Steve, Natasha and Clint training. She was taking a few pictures and posting onto their media. She was thinking about heading off, but Loki entered the hall and she decided to stick around for a bit. Smiling like mad when he waved at her.

He had his full armour on, like Thor, and jumped in to start training. Everyone knew he was deliberately showing off because Mia was watching, even she knew. But she found it flattering, and was always impressed with his skills.

But he was caught unaware.

He had just tricked the rest of them using his illusions and pinned Thor down with a dagger at his throat. When he got up off Thor, he looked over to Mia. He winked at her and grinned, but that’s when he was blindsided by Natasha getting him in a headlock with her ridiculously strong thighs and knocking him down to the ground with a loud thud.

Thor, Clint and Steve all burst out laughing. Mia laughed too and put her hands over her mouth. Loki got up, rather flustered as he flicked his hair back from his face and wiped the dust from his arms. He looked over at Mia sheepishly.

He wandered over towards her as she gathered her things up and stood to meet him.

‘Impressive.’ She smiled up at him.

Loki chuckled and rubbed the back of his head. ‘Aside from the end.’

‘Still impressive. Not many would be able to get up unscathed from being taken down by Natasha.’

‘True. And I was a little distracted by something rather beautiful.’ Loki reached out and tucked her hair behind her ear, then trailed his fingers along her jawline.

‘There’s uhm… the monthly Avengers interview coming up. I was wondering if you fancy doing it?’ She asked, giving him puppy dog eyes.

It was something new she had started doing, Tony was the first one last month. A small five-minute interview that Mia posted. Just to give fans a little personal insight into the team.

‘Of course. Give the fans who they really want.’ Loki smirked.

‘You do have quite the fanbase, actually.’ Mia laughed.

‘I do?’ Loki frowned, but was intrigued.

‘Oh yeah. They call themselves Loki’s army. Quite the army too.’ She grinned.

Loki titled his head, but he did look a little smug. ‘Well, they have good taste… Are you in my army?’ He raised an eyebrow.

Mia smirked, deciding to play a bit. Feeling brave again. ‘I dunno. Maybe I’m team Hulk.’ She shrugged.

Loki’s mouth parted in mock shock. ‘Well, I will need to work harder to get you on my team.’

‘Sooo… Is that a yes for the interview?’

‘Of course. Anything for you.’

Mia had asked Loki to meet her before breakfast the next morning in the living room, to do the interview. It would give her time to come up with some good questions.

But Loki decided he wanted to do the interview somewhere more private. So he went along to her room an hour before he was due to meet her.

He knocked and heard Mia call out to just come in. When he entered though, Mia was surprised to see it was Loki.

‘Loki! Hi.’ She stammered quickly, surprised.

Loki was also surprised, she was in her pyjamas. Light blue, with cute baby penguins on them. But his first thought was how adorable she looked, with her messy hair too.

‘Oh gosh! I was expecting Wanda. Sorry, I uh… Let me just get changed real quick.’ She said in fluster, practically sprinting into her bathroom.

Loki smiled and waited until she was dressed. That’s when his eyes were drawn to what she was watching. He was a little confused when he noticed it was on the cartoon channel. But he didn’t think overly much of it, until he then spotted something peeking out from underneath her pillow. Curious, he went over and had a look, it was a colouring book of Disney characters.

His first thought was, did she have a secret child here? But he shook that off, knowing it was ridiculous. He was slightly confused as to why she would have a colouring book. Then he just thought perhaps it was something she enjoyed doing in her down time.

Loki stepped away from her bed, just as Mia emerged from the bathroom. She was looking embarrassed as she stuffed her pyjamas away in a drawer.

‘Sorry… I uhm, should probably check who’s there first.’ She said sheepishly.

‘Not at all. I should’ve said it was me.’ Loki smiled and walked over to her, he rubbed her arm and then leaned down to kiss her on the lips, making her squeak a little and blush so hard. ‘I was rather hoping we could do the interview somewhere private? The others will be a distraction in the living room.’ He chuckled.

‘Yeah, sure. Where would you prefer?’ Mia asked, still slightly flustered from the innocent kiss.

Loki shrugged. ‘Here, if that suits you? Or we could go to my room if you’d rather?’ He asked.

‘Here is good.’ Mia nodded and went over to her desk, clearing some space.

During the interview, Loki couldn’t help but be besotted with her. It was a good excuse for him to be able to just stare at her without being called out on it from the others. He kept his flirting to a minimum, knowing this was going online.

Mia managed to keep her cool when she asked him questions, she had set up a camera to film him so it was more personal for the fans. They went nuts over the first one with Tony, so she hoped this one would be an even bigger hit.

Once it was uploaded, Mia showed Loki some of the comments. His fangirls were going crazy over it. Especially when Mia had asked him what he thought about having a fanbase. He’d replied in a charming way, saying he appreciated having so much support.

He read one comment: Heck, Loki can rule over me any day! I would kneel for him without being told to!

‘Quite a few say similar. Your, uh, attempt at ruling Earth is all over Tumblr and YouTube. Many have made fan videos out of them.’ Mia said with a laugh.

‘Really? I thought everyone would have been repulsed by what I did.’

‘Not everyone. I mean, I’d kneel for you.’ Mia said without thinking as she shrugged. Then she realised what it was she had just said. Her eyes widened.

‘Oh, really?’ Loki growled a little, leaning down closer to her as he was stood behind her, while she sat on the chair at her desk.

Mia cleared her throat and tried to ignore the fact she had just openly admitted somewhat a fantasy to Loki and that his breath was hot against her neck.

‘This interview is already a huge hit, more so than Tony’s.’ She said to try and change the subject. But Loki spun her chair around so she had to face him as he put his hands on the arms and trapped her in.

‘No changing the subject, pet.’ He chuckled at her doe in the headlights look.

‘I… wasn’t… really… I just don’t know what to say after that.’ She blurted out nervously, her eyes skittishly moving all over his face, unsure on where to look.

But she was saved by the knock. Wanda had arrived, which Mia was slightly relieved for. Though she had a feeling Loki would try and bring it up again later.

He left the girls to it, heading back to his room.

His mind kept wandering to what he’d found in Mia’s room. Or what he’d seen. He went to his laptop and sat down, after thinking for a moment he went to google to see if he could find some answers.

After some researching, he wasn’t entirely sure how he ended up on a kink site. But there he was, reading all about a Daddy Dom/little dynamic.

Some of the characteristics of a little suited Mia to a T. It really got him wondering if she was in fact a little. He then realised that while thinking of her in this kind of way he was slightly aroused.

He looked through a Daddy Dom’s characteristics and was surprised to find he fit a lot of them. When he thought about it, being in that kind of relationship with Mia was very appealing to him. And he thought how it kind of made sense why one girl actually called him Daddy during sex once… Perhaps he just oozed Daddy Dom appeal, he thought smugly.

But he now had to figure out for certain if Mia was into this kind of thing… or if it was just a coincidence. He could of course just ask her outright, but he didn’t want to scare her off if that wasn’t something she was into. He wasn’t going to lie, now he knew about the subject more and had thought about it, he would be a bit disappointed if she wasn’t…

‘Hmm…’ He tapped his lower lip in thought, deciding how to proceed.

After a lot of mulling it over, he decided that trying to coax it out of her naturally was going to be his best route.

#Loki #Lover #Submitted fic #submission #Blushing in his colours #chapter 3 #fanfichiddles

45 notes · View notes