#but yea if I want to do stuff I can still do stuff
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"Hanfu is too clumsy, you can't do anything while wearing hanfu"
.......and here are 4 people snowboarding in hanfu lol.
#酷毙了 帅呆了#hanfu#武阵天王 杰哥#I'm a bit clumsy in hanfu mostly bc I dread the cleaning process#but yea if I want to do stuff I can still do stuff#ofc this does depend on what kind of outfit you are wearing
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can the mediator of vengeanceclan really fall in love with a kittypet?...
#my art#jack of hearts#she hulk#jack hart#jennifer walters#warriors au#sensational she hulk#marvel#this was a break from studying and i was like well. might as well be insane#i would do a human piece i have planned but jack's dumbass armor would take too long to draw... so Kity it is#also i love using tags because it's lore time.#jen is a warrior of vengeanceclan (tha avengers) specifically a mediator#cuz it's like the equivalent of a lawyer! and i think that aspect is more interesting to capture than her superhero stuff#but ofc she still kicks ass. she must#she's a maine coon so she can be a Big Kitty#jack is a half-caracal bc he's half alien and i wanted him to be half another cat species but not one that's too diff from domestic cats#it was harder for me to adapt his themes though bc there's not a great equivalent for uh. nuclear reactor powers#but yknow what is a theme of his! isolation! and so he's a kittypet and out of place in vengeanceclan :)#yea i'm really normal rn thanks for asking
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okay fine i'll read homestuck. whatever. i've cracked i can't take it anymore i need to fuck around and find out.
#🐉#james reads homestuck#btw i know some people have legitimate objections to it so im fully prepared for that#and im not going to be an idiot and just try to ignore that and bury my head in the sand#but im curious as hell and even if some of it sucks i want to understand why#its such a compelling and beloved story to so many people#and hell i want to actually understand why some of it is Bad (for lack of a better word)#and not just take the word of random internet strangers as objective truth without further investigation#because thats the opposite of using my critical thinking skills#if you think reading media with some shitty stuff in it makes you a Bad Person just by exposure well idk why youre still following me anywa#but yea heres your warning that i will become aware of homestuck if thats something you cant stand#even though the likelihood of me blogging about it is slim#and if i do ill probably like. make a sideblog so people who really dont like it can avoid it.#MAN. okay. sorry for the disclaimer im just worried people are gonna think im an idiot or something and send me condescending asks#or assume the worst about me as a person#because. internet.
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i feel like there must be a gold mine of yo-kai watch stuff that my moms bought and then never actually gave to me.
i have this now-
#puppy rambles#yo-kai watch#it's just a novelization of the first anime episode meant for. level 2 readers i guess. whatever that means-#my yo-kai watch collection is growing without me even doing anything i haven't bought anything but the games#okay that's a lie i did buy my jibanyan and rudy plushies. but other than that-#i have the jibanyan baddinyan n robonyan medal moments figures courtesy of my moms buying them years ago#when dollar tree sold yo-kai watch stuff (i miss those days)#that one jibanyan feature you can pose and change the expression of with stickers also courtesy of dollar tree#a bunch of medals courtesy of blind bags i got for my birthday and also a yo-kai watch that i got at the same time#i have a komasan figure that's like the jibanyan one somewhere. and a jibanyan figure you can switch to baddinyan. also from dollar tree#oh i have a komajiro medal moments figure from one of my elementary school friends who liked yo-kai watch. okay we weren't really friends#we were kinda friends. we mostly just bonded over liking yo-kai watch and never talked beyond that-#god i miss those days 😔#oh right i also bought the manga volumes i have myself. still need the others. should probably put them on my wishlist#anyways. yea i didn't buy 90% of my yo-kai watch merchandise-#also those medal blind bags basically just got me a bunch of snotsolong. i got like five. i got a lot of other stuff too#but i have so many snotsolongs. five different snotsolong wanted to be my friend i guess-#i have no use for the yo-kai watch tbh. it's way too loud 😔#cool to have tho
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Brain’s been all over the place recently, here’s some of those places
#WIPs#yea it’s like a very random assortment of fandoms rn I’m really out here doing whatever I’m feeling like#Especially since I’m at a skill level where I feel that revisiting some of my older fandoms#Would be fun for me since I can draw the fanart I’ve wanted to draw for a very long time#That’s why I’ve been trying to make a good codeLyoko piece for instance#Also wanted to draw krpk again I miss himmmmmm#Still enjoying my newer interest tho I’m caught up on HC and stuff I just don’t currently feel like drawing much of that atm#Have a good day yall#luv u muah
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Gen questions but what do i do in this situations
i really wanna draw moray n starlo stuff again,
But with twt stuff blowing and uty theyre popularity rising up, saw many starlo ships am not so sure and begin unconfident with mine uty art anymore,
Of course i do adore these charas, But with many artirsts drawin starlo with other ships, but theyre not mine interest and stuff Expect moray art yaa
feels like maybe i gonna switch up interests, But i do get attached to em :[
#milkpost#undertale yellow#undertale#object show community#honestly its more like#this happened on every fandom but#literally starlo was this huge main and of course everyone loves him#but mine nonbinary moray barely got spotlight an all#And its hard even if i wanna draw them#i don't much enjoyed other starlo ships be honesy#Expect for moray n starlo you can guess why#and its hard wanted to like something knowin that other people will likely draw em more often than i do#Auggghhhh am idk#Still might draw em#But yea#And with like fandoms stuffs yea#its kinda hard to enjoyed the chara but artirsts drew attached to them#idk what to do aaaa
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my dudes i just had another idea for a ScarVio comic art thing thats also just fanservicey to me in particular... but it involves me drawing two more ideas i had before so now i Have to draw it all to fruition helpp. just when i thought the brainrot receded..
#if my art looks wonky its cuz i prioritize completing things and executing ideas#over visual appeal now 😂 i have too many fandoms too many ideas#also drawing fast is a skill i wanna improve cause i do be a full timer actually#anyways yea.... i cant wait to see what i cook up#frankly im terrified of my own power#i rly just black out for 3 hrs or something and come out with banger stuff#aishi.txt#ideas over visual appeal in art is still foreign to me cause i also want to let ppl know...#that i CAN draw good LMAO but i havent done a full piece in aaaages 😭#last was for a commission#my need to let ppl know i can draw good is bc i Do want to get commissions but 😔 not like i get any opportunities for that lately too lol#so im taking the downtime in commission orders to do whatever the hell i want. for now#btw me getting thru my backlog also involves all those other previous fandoms like prsna and stuff...#truly am living up to that multifandom moniker. i think. i mean im trying to
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got tagged by @greypetrel for WIP Wednesday earlier this week so. consider this a wip whenever x'D Had to clean up a couple things before i felt ok showing my progress lolol but! I am still working on this :]
hair is very low on my priority list rn lol, and color won't come into play until i'm at least 80% done with everything else. I am mostly trying to figure out how to arrange the clothing & extras layers to make them work together properly (gonna maybe do that with hair later too to make them fit with horns better, but not rn). Also me @ all the picrews with sparse beard options: watch me
#wip whenever#my art#can you tell i had way too much fun with the facial hair and the horns jkfjksdf#and the ears too#had to hold myself back from not making more lmao#(i might tho)#still missing sections for body scars and different accessories among other things#and i am also considering splitting some of the left/right stuff like the horns for more customisability#i wanna do stuff like horn accessories too but that would be tedious and/or messy in the menu i think...#but yea! if you do try it out and notice anything wonky please tell me!#and also i am. open for suggestions 👀#cant promise anything but i am very bad at making accessories n stuff lol so knowing what ppl might want would help!#oh or hairstyles#since i havent started those yet & there are. so many options
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Why do so many psychiatrists love to gaslight. Okay, Hannibal Lecture.
If I had a nickel for every time a psychiatrist straight up told me lies I would have too fucking many and that's a problem.
#like first a psychiatrist tells me my seizures r psychological BECAUSE of my history of Forbidden Disorder and anxiety#and then they get worse and its clearly epilepsy and im on meds now and my condition was neglected bc a misdiagnosis based on stigma#and then now im like hey so i am still struggling with Forbiden Dissociative Disorder can i get some resources or a mf therapist rec#and this psych straight up tells me DID isn't a diagnosis anymore (I FOUND NO EVIDENCE OF THIS CLAIM BTW)#AND tells me my amnesia is bc of seizures.... LIKE I LIVE IN MY BODY AND U HAVE LITERALLY ONLY SPOKEN TO ME VIA PHONE#IDK I THINK I KNOW MYSELF A LITTLE MORE THAN YOU DO FUCKING JEFF#and i know the mf difference between switching and and HAVING A SEIZURE like???#those r very different things. like ik theres different kinds of seizures but for ME theres just no comparing theyre 2 different things😭#there is a clear difference between me collapsing and becoming unresponsive on the floor like a fish outta water#and me telling people to call me a different name and having completely separate identities that others notice. and i cant remember#and like ive dealt with it all long enough that I'm aware and can communicate w my alters n stuff and i have to to function#and for YEARS since highschool its been like. i talk to professionals and theyre like hm yea u basically would meet all requirements#however u might as well not get diagnosed bc no one wants to deal w that.#LIKE IVE LITERALLY BEEN TOLD THAT MULTIPLE TIMES ALMOST EXACT WORDS#and i hate how i know fake claiming being a public thing has rlly fucked w peoples perception of did n stuff#idk im so fuckin pissed man. reverting to my will graham era i fucking guess
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will my mum ever understand that i don’t like talking (as in it’s really physically difficult) sometimes, especially in the morning, and not get upset with me and make me feel guilty about it despite telling her countless times that this is why? 😃
i just vented in the tags sorry bout that :S
#i wouldn’t say non verbal but pretty close#it’s the same with everything#she just doesn’t understand at all and it’s so draining :/#she constantly makes me feel bad for trying to set boundaries so i just give up#like no i genuinely can’t do some things without help no matter how many times you explain it to me i’m sorry?#no i don’t like that food because the texture makes me want to rip my hair out#i want to try different foods i just have bad anxiety about it and you making comments about it doesn’t help#yes i do need to have headphones or earplugs in most of the time bc sometimes it’s unbearable not to#yes i want to spend time alone in my room bc a) it’s a normal thing to do and b) it’s the one place where i can just be myself n not mask#no i’m not ignoring you you actually just interrupted a conversation i was having with my friends#‘i wish you would talk to me more about things’ I WONDER WHY I DONT#and i can’t even say any of this to her because she’d just cry and tell me what a bad mother she is#like… yea exactly#don’t even get me started on queer stuff#yknow i came out two years ago as not straight#and she hasn’t said a single thing about it since#not even vaguely supportive#i can’t even remember if she told me she still loves me#she said ‘i don’t know what to say’ and left me sobbing by myself#i have to censor myself around them bc i still don’t know how they feel about it#the worst part of it is that i convince myself she isn’t that bad so i just forgive her#and never do anything about it#even now i’m thinking ‘ yea but she genuinely isn’t that badi’ 🤡#i want to leave so bad or at least not be in the same house#but i’m not financially independent yet#and i genuinely don’t know if i could cope living on my own#:’D#just gotta deal with it for now#thank god for this safe space 🙏 love u guys#about the only thing keeping me (partially) sane atm
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it's so crazy to see strangers on the internet showing more empathy towards me than my own sister 💀 like girl ???
#she deadass asked me for money the other day#for some stationery stuff she wants to buy#and i asked ''you DO realize i've just lost literally my whole entire house and everything in it right?''#and she was like ''yea it's just dad said he'd buy this stuff for me but now i can't ask him to do that bc of the current situation''#girlie that's my current situation too.#she hasn't shared a single link or post about it on any of her socials#and it's wild to me ?? like#my older sister is going around trying to see if any of her friends can donate any clothes to me#bc winter is coming and i'm out of warm clothes#and her own clothes don't fit me bc i'm way larger than her but she said she'll still try to find smth that might fit#meanwhile my younger sister is acting as if 70% of our state isn't collapsing#and today my mom was like ''ur sister cried yesterday but she didn't tell me why''#ma'am i've been crying literally every night.#i know she has her problems but it's hard to feel any empathy for someone who's acting so self centered lately#🌙.txt
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Given that I can make textposts here and don’t need to rely on drawing and posting images I could, theoretically, delve deeper into oc lore and explain things n stuff. This is however made more complicated by the fact that if anyone asks me anything abt the lore my first instinct is to want to lay down on the freeway and let the Lord choose what will be of me
#but i mean…if you Do want to ask…. *twirls hair*#i just need to get over the five stages of grief but i’ve gotten very good at speedrunning it so don’t worry#also i will likely inevitably still have to draw stuff if i want to explain anything bc i cannot be normal abt anything ever#yea tldr you can ask stuff if you wanna you just have to be patient w me WHFJEJFEJ😔#pyporapyposting
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everyday there's somethin goin on. like the day. or somethin like that
#just me hi#[squinting] there's always something going on#but also ?? what's been happening lol ?? i am only like 34% sure things happened recently#not like i forgot things (i did but-) it feels like nothin is happening. but also there's always Something hbsh#//anyway. my software is being funky again lol :)#kind of wanna do stuff but blaaahahahah#blaaaaaaaah#no motivation really. so sads#GASP but wait i wanted to work on Hid's natural form cuz i want it to be a lil less human-looking#trying to figure how i'll do that though. hmm :^#cuz see he may have wings but he didn't originally. this is due to Fate stuff but that means he won't have bird legs or summin lol#/MAN and i should digitize Fate asap when my puter gets back lol#i think i've mentioned her like twice but Ough. i gotta draw her ehehegh :33#/but yea i dunno what angle i wanna try for hid lol !!#something........ sooooomething.......#/cannot WAIT til i've finished the little world stuff i was writing !! boop has all my files tho so until then...#condensing information is my passion hdvhs#//speaking of i gotta make new refs for everyone HH#i just made those new ones last year i think and i Do still like them but aoh. they're inaccurate now hfvsh#like oath's hair changed as did kira's and also i'm redesigning hid So :^ :>>#//man. anywhoogh#i'm gonna skedaddle rn n see if i can get somethin done lol :3#toodles man !! [skitters away]
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talked about this with a friend a bit last night but like. lowkey sad about how quick the iswm fandom dipped entirely. for all that it encompasses and the content it has in it, im surprised how quick people were to just drop it. like im very much still into it and I think about it often still despite being into other things but a bit hard when most people have drifted off
#speaks#shoutout to my friend n mutuals✌️ literally the last fuel of this interest#obviously I know I can still just do stuff and make content for it#like it’s not completely dead but it’s definitely not like it was when it first launched#and even then specifically I feel like it didn’t last very long. like that’s my main point here I wish the uproar was still there for it#mostly cause I feel like there’s so much to discuss still and there’s so much content to it#so yea it does surprise me how people just kinda jumped the gun after a few months >_> not a bad thing I get it there’s other things#but in space was so cool….I want to see more discussions about it….#ones that aren’t just trying to connect wkm to iswm at the very least
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Having a post get popular enough to be independently reblogged by someone you follow but aren't mutuals with is. Wild
#yes it was the sex poll obvs#given the person is a minor i'm very glad they picked answer one lmao#like i do think minors in general are allowed to want and even have sex (with each other obvs) but when it's a minor i personally follow it#would just make me feel pretty weird lmao. like on a personal level ya feel? i mean when u reach an even closer level it becomes not weird#again like my dear friend ness (17yo) who afaik doesn't actually HAVE any sex but occasionally wants to and i support her hot girl summer.#but as stated this person barely knows i exist i just follow his blog (i used they earlier but this was incorrect but tumblr won't let me e#edit the tag 😔) and he's 16yo so seeing him talk about wanting and/or having sex would have been. uncomfortable. like obvs he'd be allowed#to because my personal discomfort is no indication of morality but you get it. like if my big little cousin (she's 15 now by god the years#don't stop coming) were to talk about sex and stuff to me or within earshot i would ummm. throw myself out the window? but like i'd still t#try to be supportive and if push comes to shove then yes i would give her condoms 😔 cuz like if a minor wants sex i will not be able to sto#stop them lmao but i can at least try and make it somewhat safe y'know#actually i remembered i have literally given a 15yo a condom before lmao she's prolly over 20 now but like as the adult dormmate it was alm#almost like a responsibility y'know like what do you want me to DO?? let her get pregnant?? anyway enough tangent lmao#btw all this is also why in the poll i included 'too young' but didn't specify an age cuz that's individual y'know. some people are p late#bloomers (i was one) while others choose to have consensual sex by 14 y'know. not something i like to think about but that doesn't mean it#won't happen ya feel. i mean what am i the american education system? lmao. so some ppl have interpreted being 17 as too young but there's#also folks like this who clearly consider 16 old enough and that's defo ppl's good right. and again i usually don't mind just the fact that#he in particular is someone i already knew made it uncomfy. but anyway yea back on topic it's very interesting in general when your post#gets big enough to independently make it to ur dash thru a non mutual lmao. love the hellsite honestly where else amirite#personal#mine#ok to rb ig#like the actual body of the post anyway. i'd be pretty uncomfy if said person saw my tags on this cuz y'know it's kind vagueing even if it'#not negative but anyway. anyway#*kinda
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i have so many feelings and i hate it
#and regrets of any time ive acted up or feel like in hindsight it wasnt cherishing the time i have w them as i shld be and#and things i want to do with them still and ways to love them and be loved and understand their way of loving and#i think we can be so good together and. i miss them. and i hope they miss me.#i really hope theyll miss me soon and want me again and . ik its maybe a little messed up but i want to believe and trust and#its hard and it hurts but. i really feel theres a great connection and if i need to chill out a bit and remember myself more thats fine#and on me for getting so like. moody recently. altho i kinda feel like part of that is med changes but u__u still i need to be able to like#be better and i think they make me better and so happy and. im so comfortable with them and i love them and i wld want to make it work#even if it had to be distance but i dont think i want to just be their friend like maybe but it would hurt a lot bc i love them so much#and i hope they wanna be with me too still and will allow me to romance them yknow flowers and adventures and love and take care and... yea#and maybe some of this was just them going thru a lot rn and im sorry for adding pressure to it and i want to be the comfortable respite an#auurgrgghfhdhdhhfhfdhh i miss them#i just keep thinking abt them like ill have periods of not but then i do again and. idk.#theres also a lot of complicated feelings and thoughts and its like i want to like. idk. know some of their friends n stuff n. :^( idk#i dont feel well from the stress and emotions and ow of it all#i really hope it isnt just a way for them to let me down i really hope they come back eventually like i wanna believe they will but#ourgsghthfhdhfhghghdhdhwkelftk4bfbhwiwjtjejAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA#i love them a lot. and need to listen more abt more alone time stuff bc it is good for both of us but not like this u_u#ok sorry for rambling i needed somewhere to write feelings so here we are#i guess part of me is hoping theyre thinking abt me at least a bit and maybe will check this and see it and be like wow i do miss them too#but ik thats silly and eitth3u2ieigjtb4jirifjwji24jgntn aahhhhhhhhhhh. i say a lot of things wrong esp when scared or overly emotional and.#urgevshehrhtjrjeitjtnjeeitjtjwjeiigvjiw9384847rhfbwjoe4j4n4j289djrnrnf#i just really really hope they come back soonish and like want me and are like yes i do want you sorry for that but not a huge sorry bc#like i understand where theyre coming from and. and. yeah. idk. soon doesnt have to be today or tomorrow but maybe a week or 2 idk#i just realy miss them and it hurts and i really dont want them with someone else or to just throw it all away andni want to prove i can#like. idk. love them and be better and more positive i guess we've both been dealing w a lot of stuff and i do need to learn to accept and#more patient w how we communicate differently and we do have to face that but its a difficult topic to confront ig and aurh4hwhshhrlffff#i think they love me i want to trust and i really hope they dont try to make any decisions for me or like based on what they think best 4 m#bc i get to decide that :^(#when i said let down i meant like. leave my life and never talk to me again and stuff.. ;^(. idk how to feel abt some things but. idk. idk.#theres so many feelings and that all is just a pretty vague tip of the iceberg ugh
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