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pinchinschlimbah · 1 month

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On "Coming Out" and Noel Fielding

I mentioned forever ago that I had this post in mind and then never got around to it, but now with the new interview quote I was yelling about recently it feels like a particularly good time to get it out of my brain and onto the page! tl;dr: musings on the concept of "coming out" as it has evolved over time, whether it's something that should continue to be necessary or expected of queer people, and why Noel is particularly inspirational to me in that regard since this is, after all, my brainrot blog. This may be extremely long and a bit disjointed but I hope some of y'all will enjoy it!

So a while ago myself and several friends were discussing the concept of coming out. All of us are some flavor of queer both in gender and orientation, but each is in a different place along their self discovery and identity journey, with some being long since out and proud, and others just starting to dip their toes into exploration past the expected cishet.

This discussion actually was prompted by a different discussion about Noel, spurred by comments we'd come across slamming him as being homophobic/transphobic on Bakeoff for making comments suggesting he has romantic or sexual attraction towards Paul, referring to himself with female-centric terms, playing female characters in the skits, and a particular moment where he brings up Old Gregg while talking to KimJoy and says "he was a sea transsexual....quite a demanding role for me" while laughing to indicate that that last part was said in jest. Hey fellas, is it homophobic/transphobic to be a little bit gay and trans? This got us talking about how the current culture of queer identity has evolved to the point where "coming out" feels more like something the public feels they're owed in order for them to view one's expression as valid, rather than its original purpose as something one does for themself in order to live most authentically. I don't think I need to go into detail about how many artists have been harassed by their "fans" into coming out before they were ready because people wouldn't accept the validity of that person's work without knowing exactly how that person identified, there've been plenty of articles and video essays and better written tumblr posts about that, but it's definitely a concerning trend. It can be particularly dangerous when it comes to people who aren't feeling confident or safe enough to come out, who end up being criticized and shunned by the queer community as being somehow problematic for not being able to fully articulate to a group of strangers the ways in which they're experiencing their identity. In this situation, the people who are struggling the most end up with the least support. Forcing people to either declare an identity or get out just leads to more people staying closeted out of fear of doing it "wrong" and never getting the chance to explore the most authentic and joyful versions of themselves, or even worse, feeling the need to out themselves before they're in a safe place to do so and suffering the resulting consequences. Questioning or cautious people deserve space in the community to experiment even if they haven't yet or maybe never will come out! My high school's Gay Straight Alliance was comprised entirely of "straight allies" when I was there. There was not a single "out" person in the school at the time. Nearly all of us in the GSA ended up being some flavor of queer or trans years later after graduation. But whether it was intentional closeting or just feeling an innate affinity towards something we couldn't quite pinpoint at the time, we all knew we belonged there and made that space for ourselves and others like us. Back when "coming out" first became a concept in the public consciousness, it was during a time where cishet identity was not just considered the default, but the only option. By coming out, queer people were giving genuinely revolutionary representation for themselves and others like them by telling the world that, as the old saying goes, we're here, we're queer, get used to it! Nowadays, we're lucky to live in a culture that is much more cognizant of queer identities being a thing, so in many cases coming out has become less about having to explain to those around you the basic concept of queerness existing, and moreso about which specific identity you fall under, and that's where things get messy.

My friends and I shared our own thoughts and experiences. One is currently identifying as "unlabeled" because they haven't found a term that feels correct yet, and therefore hasn't come out because they wouldn't know what to say. One spoke about how when they first came out they were much more insistent on what terms or pronouns people used for them but as time has gone on they've grown to find joy in being inscrutable and letting others wonder what they're perceiving. One expressed that given the state of the world they've been retreating somewhat back into the closet for safety reasons rather than being super outward with their queerness like they used to and is working on learning to embrace those parts of themself again. One said they felt like they'd already been existing as queer and expressing that queerness "before I even had the terms to come out to myself" and is now working on catching up on the conscious end of figuring out what's what. I myself never really had an official "coming out", I just became increasingly visually/socially/vocally queer as I became more and more confident in who I was and what I wanted to be and who I had on some level always been, and decided if people didn't get the hint that's their own problem. I came into consciousness of my queerness during the early 2010s original tumblr MOGAI microlabel boom, where there was a ton of focus on figuring out the hyper specific identity labels that exactly described what you were experiencing. I did a lot of digging and soul searching and experienced a lot of unnecessary stress trying and failing to find my perfect labels and landed on clumsy terms like "full time drag queen" because it was the closest I could get to what I was feeling about my gender, only to be told it was problematic for me to call myself that as an AFAB person because drag "belongs to cis gay men" (don't get me started on that statement, that's a whole other essay lol) It was a real wake up call once I distanced from these aggressively labeled and segmented online spaces and made my way into real world queer communities where I was relieved to find that in fact no one there asks to check your membership card before letting you in, if you feel like you belong there you're welcome no questions asked.

I had other people in these communities referring to me as "queer" and "fag" and "gay" and "queen" before I felt comfortable doing so myself based on online Discourse I'd experienced over who is Allowed to use certain terms, and having these community leaders I respected recognizing those things in me and welcoming me in like that gave me the confidence to really find my own footing in ways that attempting to find my exact correct identity label so that I could officially proclaim it never did. Once I could answer the question of what I was with a shrug and "queer I guess!" things became so much easier. Microlabels can be incredibly helpful and liberating for some, don't get me wrong if it works for you that's great, but let's not pretend that everyone is going to have the same experiences.

So anyway, back to Noel. Noel has never, to my knowledge, ever had any sort of official “coming out” or explicitly referred to himself as queer. So I know there are people out there who will disagree with me considering him to be queer. But so much of what he’s said and done throughout his several decades long career has indicated to me that this is clearly someone of queer experience navigating the world as such, and just as the queers in my local community welcomed me as one of them before I knew to do it myself, I extend that welcome forward.

Let’s take a look at some of the facts. In the public span of his career, Noel has.....(in no particular order, also if anyone wants to add additional instances of note in the reblogs or comments please feel free, this is by no means a fully comprehensive list) -repeatedly called himself "the woman of the Boosh" or Julian's/Howard's "wife" in ways that suggest that's how he actually felt about it rather than it just being a punchline that he was mistaken for female in the show [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] [7] [8] [9] [10] [11] [12] -referred to himself at the GQ "Man of the Year" awards as "never been a man" and "a sort of girl, he/she" -been referred to by Sandi Toksvig as being "on the cusp" in regards to gender, to which he reacts with amusement and acceptance -consistently expressed excitement and appreciation when others refer to him with feminine terms or say he looks like a girl [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] -said "I love being a man-woman, it's much more interesting than being one or the other" and expressed that the loved shooting the Boosh Electro episode for this reason -referred to Vince Noir (a character who he's been pretty open about being based on himself) as "wasn't seemingly one gender or the other" -expressed that he felt most free and happy when presenting femininely [2] -had Julian, one of the people closest to him, express that Noel and Sandi (an out lesbian) may have "real sexual chemistry" because Noel is "all over the shop, he's a different sex" -used the "Confuser" line of "Is it a boy? Is it a girl? I'm not sure I mind" to refer to himself rather than Vince, and express that he's had to work to find new ways to feel as androgynous as he'd like now that he's older -referred to himself as a lesbian [2] -said that he "sometimes looks in the mirror and sees a woman", in the same interview that Julian implies that Noel is in fact a girl -referred to himself as a "girl/boy" -consistently referred to himself with feminine terms on panel shows and bakeoff -made a joke on bakeoff about not being a testosterone-based person -responded positively when asked about the ways Boosh had influenced queer and nonbinary youth -has said he's "quite obsessed with the man/woman mixup thing" -has said if he was an animal he'd want to be a seahorse because the males get pregnant -Had Lee Mack, who Noel used to live with, refer to him as "the little transsexual one, yeah I think she's fantastic" in a Boosh documentary and "a young lady who came out here happy to be herself" in response to Noel's Wuthering Heights drag performance -had his own mother refer to him as "the daughter I always wanted" -described his own appearance as that of a "transsexual witch" and when an interviewer attempted to make fun of him for calling himself "a transgender witch" by showing Noel a drawing the interviewer clearly found repulsive, Noel responded that the interviewer was "holding up a mirror" and called the image his passport photo

And I'm not even going to bother citing sources on the countless times he's made comments suggesting romantic or sexual attraction towards men. Literally just watch any non-character appearance he's ever done, it's kind of his whole thing??? Not to mention his penchant for picking up explicitly queer and gnc character roles, and also just [gestures vaguely to everything Noel and Julian have said about each other suggesting romantic and sexual tension between them and how they used their characters as an excuse to explore those feelings in a less scary way, again that could be a whole other essay on its own but ooh boy] I also think there's something interesting to explore in the idea of Noel repeatedly referring to his appearance as transgender or transsexual rather than identifying himself as such- at what point does the appearance of something become reality?

It all begs the question- is it even a joke anymore if it's that consistent? Either it's not a joke and it's an authentic expression of his real feelings and experiences, or he for some reason really really wants everyone to believe that he's queer when he's not, with this behavior spanning back to a time before the concept of queerbaiting was on anyone's minds and when being publicly queer could mean the end of your career. Which scenario do you think is more likely? And, does someone who’s been conducting themself like this for their entire career really NEED to come out? Honestly, I find this level of simultaneous authenticity and inscrutability aspirational.

In this Velvet Onion interview from 2012, Noel compares his penchant for dresses to both Grayson Perry and Eddie Izzard. This is interesting because those two people represent pretty opposite intentions behind their presentation- Grayson identifies solidly as cis male, and for him the shock value of crossdressing is the point, saying “I signed up for a gender and I want them to be very clearly delineated so I know I’m dressing up in the wrong clothes.” This doesn't seem particularly in line with where Noel is coming from given him famously referring to himself as "the Confuser" and stating in that same Velvet Onion interview that he "never even bothered giving it a label, I never went oh I'm a transvestite, I just went yeah if I fancy wearing a dress I do, never really thought about it really" Eddie on the other hand has famously said "They're not women's clothes. They're my clothes, I bought them." indicating that they were a genuine part of her authentic expression rather than a crossdressing costume, and has subsequently over the years identified more and more solidly as transfemme. I find Eddie's trajectory particularly fascinating because it's been so non-linear. In the 90s when the language for transness was much less public knowledge, she referred to herself consistently as a transvestite- a cishet man who enjoyed dressing as a woman, as well as using terms like "male tomboy" and "male lesbian" and "a full boy plus extra girl". Despite doing most of her standup shows in femme looks, most of her acting jobs were male-presenting, and there was a period of time in the 2010s where she dropped the femme presentation entirely in an attempt to be taken more seriously as the "crossdressing" was seen by many as a gimmick. Swinging back around more recently, Eddie has been explicitly identifying as genderfluid and transfemme, and in recent years has made the decision to "be based in girl mode from now on", and use primarily she/her pronouns. Since this announcement, in her trans advocacy work Eddie has described herself as being "out" as trans since the 1980s despite all of the above. She always knew who she was, it's just she's gotten access to more accurate terms over time to describe what she was experiencing, as well as feeling more safe to do so the more that transness became a known and accepted concept in the public eye.

The interview I mentioned at the very start of this post isn't really a coming out from Noel. And I don't think we'll ever really get one from him. In my opinion Noel has spent the past several decades conducting himself as someone who is in fact already out- it’s pretty clear Noel knows and is proud of who he is regardless of how he chooses to describe that identity. At this point, making some sort of official statement would just be for the benefit of others looking for clarification on their own perception of him and people who want to be able to put him in one box or another, and that’s not what coming out should be. The statement in the new interview is not "I am genderfluid", its "I've always been genderfluid", simply putting an accurate name to what's always been publicly visibly true now that he's got the terms to do so.

#noel fielding #gender files #gender files masterpost #gay yelling #the mighty boosh #shouts into void #a lot of this could also apply to my other wife #but that discussion is way more of a minefield so I'm not touching that for now plus many more people already have

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nostalgink · 2 months

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Due to some past trauma from previous fandoms, I'm not particularly one to engage in fandom related discourse anymore, but when you not only name-drop me, but continue to perpetuate lies about not only me, but also my friends.... that's when I'd rather "clear my name" than allow for a nasty rumor to circulate when I know it's out there.

I want to go through everything that went down in order as best as possible. Even though I’ve spent so much time on this receipt post, truly this issue was something very small, the root of the issue lies with CookieRuby herself, given she decided to continue to create and perpetuate lies and rumors about myself and others. I know she will most likely continue to make up whatever she wants to have happened to obtain pity from those who do not know the context, but I thought that if she was going to do so regardless, I might as well let everyone know mine and my friends’ side of things. Because sadly I got some very worried and confused messages wondering if the statements were truthful. Hopefully this reassures most that they are in fact not.

I also would like to say while I am deeply upset that someone would lie about me like this and continue to emotionally manipulate, then double down on it all… I still do want to say that if you know people who act as such to please help them get the help they need. The timeline of this basically showcases us interacting at 3 points ever, but its obvious in her own obsessive world she has created, it has been brewing with her much longer. Which all of this is genuinely concerning and I hope she gets help. Despite my anger.

In the beginning

I believe I knew about them prior to them joining the old Darkwing Duck RP server I used to be active in back in 2022. If you know me, I follow practically every artist in the fandom. Especially as the fandom loses traction and there are less and less of us actively creating works. So naturally I followed. I even found her oc interesting. I mean why wouldn’t I? Magentus, while more of an oc now than he was in the past, at the end of the day still is my sona so to speak. I love seeing others put themselves into their own work in their own ways. Unfortunately once I got to know them, their attitude towards others when it came to their oc soured my interest.

In a lot of her posts, she makes claims towards my friends and I (as well as I suppose vague unknown other “harrassers” prior to us. I only put it in air quotes because the amount of lying she does, ironic I know, makes me question the validity of anything she says.) that we actively hated and made fun of her for disliking Drakepad. As you can see in the screenshots provided, that is exactly the oppposite.

I also want to mention the screenshots here are an anonymous friend’s server that I used to be active in. In the screenshots provided by Soy, it refers to their old server. Though I believe there is a point in our screenshots where one is referenced in another. (I am currently not looking at them, so I can recall which is referenced in which.) I wanted to make sure there was no confusion with that. These were provided to me by Drake. I could not find them on my own. This was her asking about playing her oc initally. and some stuff I didn't screenshot previously I think?

On Soy’s Side of things

Initially I had another draft of this whole rant, but because of these screenshots I got so peeved that I spiraled into a mad disorganized rage due to the ridiculousness of all of this. So I thought it would be best to rework my words into a more composed response. Personally I had read the first set of messages after they had happened, but when it comes to the discord screenshots, these were new to me. We were all suspicious of her potentially using an alt account on tumblr to ask as a “friend”. Because while I cannot say the same for my friends, I had online friends when I was young who pulled very similar stunts to continue to emotionally manipulate me into remaining their friend and under their thumb. I do not fuck with that sort of behavior anymore. And to note from Soy they said that they had joined their old dead DWD server and immediately dmed them. The obsessive manner of her continuing whatever game she thinks this is is a genuine concern and big alarm sounding that she needs to talk to someone. She is older than me, but I have already dealt with extremely similar people in my preteens, so it’s sad to see someone being so immature like this. (I hit the 30 post limit so the screenshots will be in the reblogs for anything missing)

responses to tumblr posts

Starting with the post that finally prompted this response, I want to cover my personal opinion of each thing mentioned. Unfortunately as you will see, I do not have proof for my own ponytown run in personally, but if you read all of the messages provided, you can probably tell who’s more truthful considering it’s a 1-0 with me having evidence and her none. You’ll notice she remains vague when she can, which is most of the time.

First we need to all heavily note that this was a supposed dream. She is her character Hannah in her dream, alongside Drake. Soy, an anon, and myself appear as “hooded people” in her dream and do an incantation on her in order to curse her to not be with Drake. I suppose this causes a curse that forces Drakepad to be real in her dream? Then we say quotes she is claiming we said. I will get to that in a moment. This is a summary so that if she deletes the post linked, you still have me explaining it. (I wrote this last night, unfortunately as of right now while I was acquiring links she did in fact delete the post. Likely because of my warning post from the other day. So she is stalking my account still.) Then her own oddly crafted happy ending where the spell is broken and she gets her ending of support.

Now I’ll cover the “quotes”

“Drakepad is the only true ship”

You will here her claim people saying this to her often. In reference to my friends, such claims have been proven false. We supported her opinion despite our own. Even comforting her and letting her know its awful for anyone to try and pressure her over such a simple difference in taste. Also adding the fact we supported her oc x canon even though she could not RP it in the old server.

“Darkwing DENIED YOU” with her claiming it is something I said to her in Ponytown.

I will go more in depth in exactly what I said in ponytown further down, but I never once said this. She insisted that my opinion was that her oc x canon was not valid. I was Negaduck in game, then I specifically swapped to my Magentus pony and stated how hypocritical it would be for me to say such a thing. Then proceeded to let her know, though I was annoyed, that it’s alright for her to not ship something she does not like, but continuing to bring up that you hate a ship to people you know don’t mind it or even ship it themselves is rude. Then she proceeded to do something I can only describe as something I am seasoned to as the son of an emotionally inmature mother. Again I will elaborate in the ponytown section.

“She gaved me PTSD by her DrakePad hate. And with her tumblr post who HURTED my friends saying we “FORCED” Drakepad on our server she lied.” Which was aparently what Soy said.

I cannot speak to how soy feels completely on this, but I know they did not develop post traumatic stress disorder from this. Nor have they said this quote if you could not guess. I believe the friend was the one in the screenshots between them and soy on discord I shared above. Again, I do not trust that these are her actual friends. This is not to say she couldn’t potentially have friends who agree with her, I just don’t trust her truthfulness especially with said discord dms. But you as the reader can make your own opinion on that. From what I was told by Soy, they joined (I believe after they realized they couldn’t do oc x canon with our Darkwing in the old server, which was his choice to make.) and asked if they could do darkwing x hannah. Soy and others kindly let her know that they were working on a drakepad relationship, but saw no problem in doing dw x lp x hannah. She accepted I think? But regardless then returned to our server to both brag about how someone finally let her, but soon ranted about how uncomfortable poly stuff made them. Some of this is word of mouth, but you can see other parts referenced back above.

“You deserve no friends.” by an anon

Again, I question the validity of this claim, but assuming someone actually said this to her this is horrible to say to someone. Back in 2020 I dealt with prosh*ppers in a problematic fandom harrasing me because I outwardly was against their adult x minor ship. Unfortunately if you know what fandom I mean. (keep guesses to yourself, I don’t want to bring it up in public.) You know it’s very popular unfortunately. I was sent death threats and people telling me how unworthy of friends, love, or anything they could throw at me. I would never say this to another nor condone saying this to another. Even if CookieRuby is in the wrong here. Everyone deserves the chance to have friends and flourish as a person. I’m angry but I’d never wish such a thing. And while I’m at it I would like to suggest to you as the reader that if you are considering doing such a thing don’t. Block her, move on. It’s not worth it. I’m only here right now to give context, then I’m done. I do not want anyone going after her. I’m just here to show my receipts, not to harrass her. I’d just prove her point if I did that. I’m not that sort of person.

And I was shown her speaking about her inferiority complex. I do not have one, so I cannot speak to how true this is, but considering this was March 2023...it seems despite her admitting this, she has obviously continued to lie about people. So I don’t know if she has that complex, but she is a chronic liar at the very least so there’s that I guess.

Ponytown run ins

The provided screenshots below are from before what I’ll be describing to you. I had to re-listen to a voice note I sent after this. It’s all I have besides the discord message of me realizing it was her. I do not want to attach it just because I keep my voice to myself most times. I’m shy gang.

Starting off I was just finishing my Magentus pony. For a while they had a color palette I had just chose myself without reference and I was finally giving them their reference colors. I was returning to the darkwing rock circle I was hoping to start a darkwing pony hangout at, when I saw a Darkwing pony approach. Now, I don’t know if this was coincidence of perhaps she knows about the hangout from my story. Considering she has alts, she probably was checking my story, but that is speculation. I immediately am eager to friend them because of their pony. But of course the first words from her are “why do you have me blocked?” my mood immediately changes as it hit me that someone had told me prior she had an account. Likely due to the incident in the other ponytown screenshots. I ask to confirm if it’s her and she says yes.

So I simply put that she cause discomfort to my friends and I and that I use the block liberally. During this I am scrambling to try and block her on ponytown too, but unfortunately my block list is too full because I have been blocking Dream SMP ponies left and right. So I decide maybe here is where I can put my foot down on things. I also mentioned a side thing about how the old server I was in had a policy about posting over people, but she seemed to focus on this more. (I do not recall if this was enforced at the time, but still it was focused on way more than the main issue I was bringing up.) I mentioned how she’d post over others. I told her that it wasn’t my main point and to forget that and move onto the main issue. I explain to her as adult as I can back to her Drakepad issue that “You were being rude to people because you could get your ship. We tried to be nice and I just blocked you because I didn’t want to deal with that [anymore].” and the only thing she got from that was me saying “rude” I suppose so she responded saying “oh so I’m the toxic one?” and boy have I heard this one get pulled on me before. It’s giving emotional manipulation. I calmly reply “That is not what I said.” I said something else that I couldn’t recall, though likely just me restating what happened, then she said “well I guess I’m sorry-” I was on a call at this time with my boyfriend while he was on break as this went down, so I began speaking to him irl. I guess I did not respond to her in time because she continued with the classic backhanded comment of “Since everyone wants me to apologize anyway” or something to that effect. It was in that way that someone who does this wants you to just accept the apology even though it was not a meaningful one. She does not have to apologize, no one is making her, but that was her attitude about it. I thought I’d just end it off there with a joke to myself so I didn’t lose it. I went “I have a mother, I can be emotionally manipulated at home, I don’t need this game from you. Bye.” and logged off. Honestly there is when it actually got personal. Somewhere in the middle she insisted what I had mentioned earlier with us hating oc x canon and drakepad and all that and that statement from earlier still follows.

I even have a later note worrying there would be a post on her tumblr, but I checked once and there was nothing so I thought maybe she had gotten over herself…..we are here now so nope. Also this was 2/2/2024 for timeline’s sake.

I was transcribing from a voice note, so if it seems like there are any holes in that ask me, I’ll try to fill in what I missed.

Misc

Lastly here are things I did not know how to organize into the rant. As well as some people making mention to their experiences with her in reply to my Instagram story. I swore I would get all I could and I meant it.

And anyways thank you to those who actually took the time to read all of this mess. I don’t know how I did drama back in the day this has truly been so exhausting to write, but it was important that I did. Honestly despite my anger this is really dumb to have to make, but I do not like being lied about. I especially don’t like my friends also being lied about. And again just block her and do not engage. I do not condone harassment of any kind. I am going to go sleep as I finish writing this. This was a tiring experience. She’ll probably continue but now I am satisfied knowing we’re all on the same page.

#jack flaps #callout post #receipts #drama tag :/#darkwing duck #ducktales #oc

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ryuichirou · 17 days

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Replies

And now, back to our regularly scheduled programming.

Anonymous asked:

I’m sorry you went through all that crap. I hope things are better for you. ):

Oh, if you’re talking about the situation from my past, then yeah, it’s much better now! Thank you so much for your concern <3 It is very sweet of you.

However, we do have a more serious situation on our hands right now, but I won’t go into details. This blog is for discussing the colour of Idia’s nipples, not this.

Speaking of which…

Anonymous asked:

I want to lick Idia’s chest. Apologies.

Quickly, Anon, Ortho is holding him just for you to lick! Ahh shoot he ran way…

Anonymous asked:

a lot of people tend to forget we’re asking you about /your/ hcs. and it’s perfectly ok if we disagree! what fun would the internet be without different opinions (the only valid hc is rook’s love language is stalking lol).

anyways who out of the cast do you think would own yaoi manga/doujins? personally i think idia would. maybe. if it’s physical/paper he can hide his naughty stuff from ortho and his mom…

Exactly! A lot of things influence the way people come up with ideas, this is such a complex thing, of course not everything is going to cater to everyone – this is simply impossible. Picking and choosing and reading stuff that interests you while avoiding things that annoy or hurt you is always the way to go.

(Rook’s love language is stalking, fuck yeah lol)

Oh, that’s a fun question. I feel like Idia would be the only one, and he would also probably have this excuse/explanation, like he really isn’t into BL, but this particular work is just very good, it has great art style, good writing + Idia’s favourite artist was influenced by this manga/series of doujins, so of course he had to get it, this is an important otaku artifact! And OF COURSE it’s paper, that’s the whole point! Even if it’s smutty, it’s art!

Ortho could start getting into BL himself; he would start by reading this one manga that Idia owns lol Idia was sure he’d hidden it well.

The rest of the cast strike me as normies… but hey, Lilia could have some! If he has any manga at all, I can imagine him owning a BL book just ‘cause. But since he probably bought it years ago when he was traveling around the TWST equivalent of Japan, it might be a bit outdated lol And probably a little cursed, which is why Lilia got so into this book back then.

Anonymous asked:

I just think it’s cool how you’re so detailed with the characters and their personality/psychology etc. You could even explain how each of them would go skydiving and I’d think, “yeah, they would do that.” Toodles.

Thank you so much, Anon! It truly means a lot. This is one of the most fun parts of writing replies and drawings stuff, to be honest: the cast is so good that the jokes write themselves sometimes lol

If only I knew enough about skydiving to write or draw something about it…but thankfully, we have a lot of other things to do. 💪

Thank you for enjoying our stuff, I am very happy to hear that.

Anonymous asked:

That's just fucking wrong. Jade is EXTREMELY well behaved for a Leech. "ill behaved" my ASS!!!

+Anonymous asked:

TO BE CLEAR IM JOKING JADE IS A FUCKING FREAK MENACE

LOL YOU’RE GOOD ANON, no worries! <3

“For a Leech”!!! Exactly! Which means he isn’t well-behaved at all!

Anonymous asked:

my guy, my friend,, my buddy,,,,

a hetalia mention? in 2024? why would you do this to us? 😭

Anon dear… Hetalia is a party that is never over 🥳🥳🥳 It forced itself into our lives in 2009 and has been there ever since.

In all seriousness, we do come back to it from time to time; some of the drawings that we have for it are pretty recent!

#replies

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mariacallous · 1 month

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There’s a nasty not-so-secret secret no one likes to talk about, so it’s best to start there: Black women are among the most hated demographic worldwide. In America especially, anti-Blackness is the air. It’s everywhere even when you can’t see it. From the ivory halls of Washington to C-suites at Fortune 500 companies, Blackness is treated as less than. And because that is how it works and how it has worked generation after generation, not even Beyoncé, currently the most commanding force in music, can escape the fangs of misogynoir.

Tell me if you’ve heard this one before: A Black woman was told she did not belong, that she was not welcome in a certain space, so she paved a path all her own. That’s the story Beyoncé recounted in an Instagram post in March, the day she announced her new country album, Cowboy Carter. “The criticisms I faced when I first entered this genre forced me to propel past the limitations that were put on me,” she wrote. Unlike other musical genres, country is infamous in who it chooses to exclude. The genre’s history is rife with allegiances to the old ways of American prejudice, and no bearing or social position can change that.

The sweet irony, of course, is that now we have Cowboy Carter, the second installment in a three-act project of historical and musical restoration that Beyoncé began in 2022 with Renaissance, her dance-floor tribute to house music. She is on a mission to reclaim her time. The rare artist who can pull off such a canny move, Beyoncé now represents something bigger than music. She’s an industry unto herself: swaggering and audacious in reach, with a built-in fan base that anticipates every album drop, Instagram post, and product release. Whether you agree with the motivations behind her work or not (and there are valid criticisms to be made for artists who create at such a grand scale as her; mass influence in all arenas of life necessitates questioning, there’s no denying that), no other contemporary Black musician will bring more awareness to country’s gated meadowlands—its past, present, and possible futures—than Beyoncé. If nothing else, she gets people talking.

“I’d like to actually thank the CMAs for pissing her off,” X user @gardenoutro wrote Friday morning, just past midnight, in the hour following the album’s official release, calling attention to Beyoncé’s 2016 performance with the Chicks that was later shunned by Country Music Association members. Where Lemonade was scorned memoir and Renaissance flirted with fantasy—a disco-lit dreamscape where freedom and love have no inverse—Cowboy Carter unravels like autofiction, blending biography with novelistic flair on songs like “Daughter” and “Spaghettii.” It takes country into uncharted terrain. “It’s easy to listen to 27 tracks when they’re all good,” songwriter Rob Milton wrote on X.

That’s the other thing about the Beyoncé Effect: There is no room for dissent in her universe. Online, and particularly across social media, new albums of hers are given billboard status. It is cause for celebration but rarely one for challenge or sharp inquiry.

“A lot of people still want to join in with something larger than themselves. Fandom offers them a way to do that. It is not, though, entirely a utopian space,” says Mark Duffett, a professor at the University of Chester who researches fandom. “The concerns and issues that society has are mirrored in fan communities. They do not escape from being part of the wider social world.”

As powerful as her music can be, the release of a Beyoncé album exposes the fiction of a shared internet. There is not one but many. In its most intense form, fan logic thrives in isolation. On Beyoncé’s internet, as with comparable fan cultures, logic finds comfort in the sideways geometry of the echo chamber. Its reasoning animorphs into blind zealotry, wagging its finger in the face of disagreement. Fan logic butts against balanced judgment. It has led Barbs (Nicki Minaj fans), Beliebers (Justin Bieber fans), Hive members (Beyoncé fans), and the like into a cycle of heated confrontation, and sometimes wild irrationality.

Brittany Luse wasn't expecting death threats when she commented about a Cowboy Carter ad that was projected onto the front of the Guggenheim Museum, but she also knew “the Hive can be so intense in their defense of any criticism of Beyoncé, let alone any perceived slight. So I wasn't expecting nothing to happen.” Luse is the host of NPR’s pop culture podcast It’s Been a Minute and a fan of the singer. “I maintain a pretty low-key presence online, so over the years, I’ve only dealt with wild social media attacks a handful of times, with the Swifties or the manosphere, but never death threats. They probably should have stressed me out, but they mostly just confounded me. I said I didn’t like an ad, and now you want me to choke? That’s too much.”

That, more than anything, is the tenor of fandom on the internet today: Perceived disloyalty is met with Tony Soprano–style intimidation. The rise and permanence of social media has led, in part, to the decomposition of fan culture. Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram brought us closer together. Platforms that prized connection boosted the careers of artists from burgeoning to box office stars. But it had costs, Luse says. Instant access to celebrities rewired our relationships entirely.

“You can find seemingly endless content from your fave and befriend other fans more easily than ever before. Of course that would bring people joy,” she says. “But that constant, instant access also at least partially fuels an us-against-them mindset that puts some people into attack mode over their favorite artist.”

But perhaps the problem is not that such intense fandoms exist, but where they take root and make a home. “Another thing that has happened is that fans might be talking on social media to each other in ways that they do not necessarily anticipate nonfans will seek out or understand,” Duffett says. “It raises the question of whether a community can keep to itself and yet communicate in a public space.”

Beyoncé represents a monoculture at a moment when monocultures have gone all but extinct. For her, extreme fandom is both anchor and ascendence. There are downsides, unquestionably so, but the people who power Beyoncé’s platform provide a necessary function too: When the door has been slammed in her face and she’s told she’s not welcome inside, or when the Recording Academy twice overlooks her for Album of the Year, it is her fans who give her the authority to reboot country music in her image, and perhaps, in doing so, chart a new course altogether. “It would be cool if she never mentioned the Grammys again,” Luse said on X. “When you can do all this, who cares?”

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sheryl-lee · 1 year

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"gifs = art" could you please elaborate on that besides the skill that goes into it?

🫥 i have no idea why people are looking to me to explain something that has been repeated by many gifmakers and content creators for *years* and should be common sense anyways but...

beyond the skill that goes into gifmaking (the time it takes, the practice required, etc.) the different colorings, typography, blending and other proccesses that some gifmakers use in their creations absolutely can and should be considered an artform. look no further than the gorgeous gifsets some of my very talented mutuals have made:

@yenvengerberg becca's colorful sets are art as far as i'm concerned! like just look at this. she transforms the media she gifs and makes it look completely unreal in terms of sheer beauty and creativity.

@sith-maul one of the best creators on this site. nik is just so so talented. everything she creates is so stunning; you can't look at a set like this, for example, and tell me that it isn't art.

@hoe-biwan again, everything that flo posts is beyond incredible. i don't even watch star wars and i still silently nod my head and gape in awe when one of her sw sets is on my dash. just scroll through the comic book-inspired sets flo's made!!! that's art <3

@buffysummers ok alexandra is such a talented creator and a HUGE inspiration for me when i started giffing years ago. her eye for coloring and scene picking is out of this world! this is a recent set of hers that i particularly adore.

these are just a few examples, but if you scroll through my own blog or the various edit tags for fandoms, you would see more of what i'm talking about. there are so many talented gifmakers and editors on this site who take time out of their busy lives to create for us, and it breaks my heart when their work is discredited or disregarded or underappreciated. for their work to be invalidated and not considered art when it very much is? not only is it rude, it further demotivates creators from contributing to the site and makes them feel like nothing they create is good enough - believe me, i know that feeling all too well.

i've made extremely detailed and color-specific sets before like these, and it took me 3-4 WEEKS. EACH. i'm not exaggerating in the slightest. and since posting them, they've already been reposted here on tumblr and on other sites like pinterest, twitter, instagram, etc. if you even have like a shred of empathy you can understand why that would anger and upset me.

i don't know why people assume that gifmakers copy and paste the same 5 settings on their gifs, export them, and call it a day - it's not that simple at all. so much more goes into making gifs, and the majority of people on this site continue to laugh in our faces, steal the edits we spent so much time and energy on, belittle our work and claim that it isn't art (and friendly reminder! we do this free of charge and ask for nothing in return beyond clicking the reblog button, and so many of you can't even do that much). i shouldn't have to sit here and validate any of that - the creations should speak for themselves. you consider fanvids, fanart and graphics "art" - so why not gifs, which make up the majority of the edits on this site and, in theory, help foster/sustain discussion and fandom?

reposters all run up and down claiming that gifmaking "isn't that difficult" with zero experience... yet if they tried it themselves, they would know that's so far from the truth. and they DO know that deep down, or they wouldn't steal our gifs from us in the first place if gifs were that easy to make 💀

#i really shouldn't have to be saying this in 2023... like ur on tumblr djfdjkdfjk where gifs make up so much of the creations posted here #all we ask for is some respect and to support us when our edits get stolen... what isn't clicking here.#use your brains and don't be a dick! why is that so difficult to comprehend #💌 answered 💌

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genericpuff · 1 year

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Did you hear about the "do not trace or use my work" update RS has on... I think her Twitter? @hestia-is-ace-pass-it-on knows more about this. I'm just wondering if this is going to affect Lore Rekindled at all since your series is an AU thing?? (I hope not cause I really like Lore Rekindled).

lmao yeah I heard about that, frankly I'm not worried, it's not going to affect Rekindled in the slightest as far as I'm concerned because even the panels that are sourced from S1 LO (like the Persephone looking up at Hades one, the Cerberus one, etc.) are still redrawn by my own hand from the bottom up, I don't directly trace them and I'm not copy + pasting them from LO and just calling it a day. Not to mention (and IDK if Rachel realizes this or not) those kinds of "please don't trace/use my art" warnings are more for people who trace/rip art and pass it off as their own, i.e. deliberate theft. Lore Rekindled is advertised as a fanfic/foe fic/AU project with proper credit given to Smythe and disclaimers that Lore Rekindled is not affiliated with Smythe beyond the original idea and art style that it's aiming to mimic - she can't copyright an art style, the Greek myth inspirations, or the brushes that are used, and there's nothing she can do about people making AU comics.

If she theoretically wanted to put her foot down on Rekindled, she'd have to go after the entirety of the fanfic/fanart community 😂 She has next to no ground to go after any derivative or fan projects inspired by her work, not unless they directly try to impersonate her and/or make a profit with the Lore Olympus name/branding/etc. (hence why there isn't a Patreon for Rekindled). Even the direct edit accounts themselves don't try to pass themselves off as LO or Smythe, they always show the original panel and make it clear in their bio descriptions that the accounts themselves are for LO which is easily sourced as not belonging to them.

One could argue that it's generally bad taste on the grounds of it being rude to edit other people's work, and yeah, that's valid. It casts the presumption that there's something "wrong" with how an artist wants to express themselves and that the edit makes it "better". But, for starters, we all know why these edits exist because LO has gone down in quality and people are having their own fun time trying to restore that original vibe in tribute to Rachel's original version of LO; second, it would be a lot more heinous IMO if LO were still some small series being made by a nobody, but ... it isn't, it's a massive commercial product within its industry and fanwork/foework is par for the course with commercial products; and third, there still isn't any sort of legal ground for Rachel to stand on because those accounts still aren't pretending to be her or her work, if anything they may as well be advertising it.

Plus, a lot of those edit accounts are more like redraw accounts, so many of them may as well be DTIYS prompts rather than direct edits (that's not a bad thing, just a statement of fact) save for a few accounts that deliberately try to mimic the old LO style as much as possible when editing new panels. Those kinds of stylized redraws are legit just fanart.

For many of these accounts, a lot of it's still work they're doing themselves and they're not trying to pass off their edits as legitimate LO products. No one's ripping these panels and re-posting them and going "look what I drew today!" (ex. Love's Divinity did this and a lot of people rightfully called the creator out on it, thankfully it seems like they've learned and moved on from copying directly from LO and other webtoons) they're going "hey, so this is what the webcomic looks like now, and here's what it looks like in my style" or "hey, this is what the webcomic looks like now, but here's what it would possibly look like if it still looked like S1 LO". None of it's meant to be maliciously stealing or impersonation, the pettiest it can get is just people saying "Rachel, your art sucks" which may as well be the only reason she edited that into her bio in the first place.

Like, if this IS aimed at the edit and redraw accounts, she's basically only upset about the panel edits that call out her obviously declining art IMO. Especially considering she's retweeted edit stuff before, many of them being from the anti/ULO community which I don't think she ever even realized ? 😂 But regardless, she shares edit panels a lot so it makes that bio notice come across less as "don't trace or use my work" and more as "don't do edits that make me look bad!!" when she's already doing plenty of work on her own end to make herself look bad 😂

In my personal opinion beyond the legalese... yeah, her work really does suck nowadays. I get how awful working for Webtoons is, I get that Rachel might not even be into drawing LO anymore, I can empathize with her maybe not being able to put in the same amount of emotional investment or time that she was able to put into it back in S1, but every single edit account is pretty sincere in doing it simply because they want to express how they wish it could look if it hadn't dropped in quality.

Phew, that was a lot of words for a very simple question, but rest assured, I'm not really worried it's going to affect Rekindled. 90% of the panels are completely original compositions save for the few panels that are referencing older moments in S1 LO that I brought back for Rekindled's plot, and even those panels are still redrawn from the ground up and given different outcomes (ex. Persephone punching Hades in the face lmao). Probably won't be doing much of that from here on out but more so just because the plot's going to be shifting even further from original S1 LO; but it's def better safe than sorry on my part to just make that 90% into a 100%, I suppose.

As a last point, I don't blame the edit accounts who ARE stepping away from editing panels out of respect. While it might not be a technically legal issue, I can still respect those who still want to respect Rachel's requests and do better as creatives and individuals. Just because something isn't against the law doesn't mean it isn't a cruddy thing to do, and I say that fully as someone who cut their teeth on edit content. We have tons of other ways of expressing ourselves creatively in this fandom than directly editing old panels.

The DTIYS stuff though, I don't think that should be off limits. It's fanart and that's completely fair game IMO especially for someone like Rachel who's creating a commercial piece of work. It comes with the territory. Welcome to being a pro.

#lore olympus critical #lo critical #antiloreolympus #anti lore olympus #ama #ask me anything #anon ama #anon ask me anything

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violetskies65 · 7 months

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The Boondocks & Cultural Relevance

Well, Aqua Teen Hunger Force got old.

I needed something new, or something bingeworthy. Unlike most people, I pretty much binge anything with little to no actual regards for plot development and continuity. I have been working a lot, and just relaxing and going to bed at night to various adult animation blocks & adult swim shows.

I was then woken up at 6am by Robert "Grand-dad" Freeman yelling and berating the beloved Riley.

Well, I gotta say, I have enjoyed my time spent watching The Boondocks, and it's view on pop culture and version of events. Some plot lines themselves can be "dated", but actually still hold true and remain valid to modern issues, especially those plaguing the black community. A community in which my white ass is not apart of.

Nevertheless, most if not all jokes land to me. But that is just me, someone who grew up in a painfully extremely white area, who has had to learn about true racial issues via the internet, because I mean, we know how modern school glosses over them. With this being said, both the Boondocks comic strip and cartoon have solidified a place in black entertainment, and I feel as a show it goes further than others in using it's voice to rain concern about cultural concepts and issues. I mean, there was a whole episode surrounding the CEO of B.E.T, and how it is affecting black youth in America.

The Boondocks also parallels a lot with the real world, in a comedic fashion. One episode even referenced famed southern racist singer, Johnny Rebel, as "Jimmy Rebel", in which he teams up with Ruckus. I mean upon further research you could just see that even though the plot is just an outlandish "ruckus is a self hating racist" plotline, it ties back into our sad reality and past with racism, as at one point, a spiteful human being.

On a lighter note, we also have episodes within The Boondocks that are direct ties to figures such as Tyler Perry, Barack Obama, & Oprah. But really, it is a must watch, and there is more to the series other than "Well, Well, Well".... iykyk

#the boondocks #adult swim #cartoon #adult animation #culture #history #comedy #satire

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elainsweetcobalt · 10 months

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Hi, I saw that a court of thought answered this anon and I am sure that she is talking about you... fyi

"I saw your back and forth with one of the nastiest El/riels in the fandom and I wish I could have saved you from the effort to talking to a wall. I'm not surprised to see her reputation continues to set the way for her and her friends. Her phrasing and condescending "sweet girl" attitude is super easy to put together, she is fooling no one. She is also OBSESSED with some of the big Gwynriels in the fandom.

My suggestion block her, and while you can't stop them from using burner accounts, if they go through the effort of stalking you, says more about them at the end of the day.

I can't believe we have to remind people these are fictional characters, shipping characters should be fun and lighthearted. Someone shipping another potential couple is not life and death and it gives nobody the right to behave like a scorned lover out for blood and revenge.

Elain IS NOT REAL. What she thinks she is feeling is a projection of her own limited interpretation of the text. It is laughable how much some people take for face value vs taking in all the context. If SJM wants Elain and Lucien to be together, guess what, SHE WILL PUT THEM TOGETHER. For someone who is getting multiple degrees, I'm genuinely concerned of the education they've received if they don't understand consistent patterns. Imagine thinking Elain wearing blue is sign of endgame but Gwyn's bracelet with blue caused an uproar. Mor wears red, does that mean she is truly Cassian's mate. Oh Emerie is associated with purple, Feyre, out the way dear, Emerie was Rhy's true mate all this time. There is a reason El/riel's jumped ship in 2021 and their engagement is dropping. Not the other way around. T"

her response.

A young girl referring to others as "honey" and "sweetie" in a condescending way is pretty much a calling card for immaturity. So is throwing around the degree they were obtaining at 20, acting like it proves how serious and superior they are to all others even though a few years later they are taking delight in instigating fandom drama.

My sister has two degrees and she completely lacks common sense. My husband has a Masters, can build a computer from scratch and code a video game but often struggles with adulting.

My father in law dropped out of high school at age 16 yet managed to work his way up to Vice President of a company in New York City (before his retirement), where he traveled all over the world and ended up having box seats for Super Bowls.

Degrees are wonderful but many times, they don't mean much of anything except for someone's ability to memorize information. And they definitely don't make someone more mature.

And the point you were making about the characters and their colors is valid. They latch on to something so long as it supports their ship while acting like there is no possible meaning behind it if it comes to another.

At the end of the day, the only thing that matters in this fandom is trying to get into the head of SJM by paying attention to her patterns and writing style.

It doesn't matter who is a doctor, who is a lawyer, who is an author themselves, who is a server, who is a psychologist.

None of that matters because SJM could care less about what any of us do or whether her characters are following the patterns we expect of them. She only cares about what SHE wants and where her characters take her and our personal lives really don't factor in to any of that.

Truly, the only way we can get a leg up on the future of the series is pay attention to the type of author she is, the romance she prefers, and what she's done with characters in the past.

I've been following you for quite a while and I haven't seen you being nasty or any of the things she says, I hope that doesn't affect you.

Hello Anon! Ok I'll start with this sigh First, why is this so long?

I don't know what reputation they're talking about or how I'm such a nasty person, I also don't know what big Gwynriel accounts I'm obsessed with when I only interacted with a gwynriel once and it wasn't a BIG account. If someone wants to call me a witch, go ahead but at least have proof of that.

We all know that they are fictional characters, I never said that it's not funny how this person uses that argument and immediately tries to embarrass my professional education, I have NEVER used my professional title to validate my arguments, I think that only the people closest to me know what I do for a living, I did not say hey I studied this so my argument is more valid, so as usual they are simply a lot of lies.

about the response of A court of thought, I don't think I can say much. I'm glad her family is well and multitalented I guess.

I never thought that the word "Dear" was an insult and I didn't think that would lead someone to insult me because of my age someone who had already tried to shame me for my age before. I'm 24 not 14 please, or tell me directly that "must respect my elders", nor that someone treated me like an idiot and after blocking me edited their reblogs.

I'm tired of condescension and hypocrisy, among other things in this fandom. Thanks for reaching out, and I hope you continue to follow me and enjoy the content I post, but it's not worth the time or frustration. She can say what she wants, but those who know me know the truth.

#anon aks #I'm a little tired of this fandom

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acourtofthought · 11 months

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I saw your back and forth with one of the nastiest El/riels in the fandom and I wish I could have saved you from the effort to talking to a wall. I'm not surprised to see her reputation continues to set the way for her and her friends. Her phrasing and condescending "sweet girl" attitude is super easy to put together, she is fooling no one. She is also OBSESSED with some of the big Gwynriels in the fandom.

My suggestion block her, and while you can't stop them from using burner accounts, if they go through the effort of stalking you, says more about them at the end of the day.

My sister has two degrees and she completely lacks common sense. My husband has a Masters, can build a computer from scratch and code a video game but often struggles with adulting.

Degrees are wonderful but many times, they don't mean much of anything except for someone's ability to memorize information. And they definitely don't make someone more mature.

At the end of the day, the only thing that matters in this fandom is trying to get into the head of SJM by paying attention to her patterns and writing style.

It doesn't matter who is a doctor, who is a lawyer, who is an author themselves, who is a server, who is a psychologist.

Truly, the only way we can get a leg up on the future of the series is pay attention to the type of author she is, the romance she prefers, and what she's done with characters in the past.

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sky-chau · 1 year

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Hi, my name is Sky-Chau. I've been on this platform since I was 13. I'm 20 now and as such I've learned a lot and come to realize a lot of the things I've said done and believed, in the past were genuinely fucked up and harmful to both myself and the people I've come to know as my friends. Some of it was ignorance and niavate, but not all of it. In the grand scheme of things, my intent at the time is irrelevant as none of that changes the negative impact it had on the people around me, and for that impact, I am deeply sorry.

I'm not perfect, no one is. I'm a firm believer that evil is not an inherent thing you are but rather a thing you do. By classifying evil as a behavior, it allows people to grow and change for the better. You don't have to forgive me or anyone else that's hurt you. That's up to you and your own personal comfort and safety. I'm not asking you to forgive anyone.

Forgiven or not, I'd like to make a few things clear going forward. Some of these are corrections to things I've said in the past and others are things that I want to make sure anyone who follows me understands. In no particular order:

1) Trans women are women, and whether or not any individual identifies as always having been a woman or having grown out of a comfortable agab childhood into a woman, doesn't change their current woman status and is ultimately none of my business as it's a descriptor of a lived experience.

The same goes for trans men and NBs.

Experiences of dysphoria and the choice to medically transition is none of anyone's business. Trans people can do whatever makes them comfortable, and anyone who insists there's such a thing as "faking it" is missing the point. It's about people's lives, for a lot of people it's not a choice. For other people being transgender is a choice and that's equally valid. People have a right to control and express their own gender identity in whatever way helps them thrive.

I can say without a doubt policing other people's identities, is most definitely not making your own life any better.

2) Black lives matter, the culture and dialects of black people are important. Any non-black person in America should be conscious of the safety, benefits, and advantages that we received from slavery, systemic exclusion of black people from economic opportunities, and inequality. (Note that consciousness doesn't mean personal guilt.)

3) Cis men and masculinity are not the enemy. The phrase toxic masculinity refers to the ways that our cultures idea of manhood harms society and individual men. Any proposed solutions for gender inequality under feminism need to do more than simply elevate women. In the same way the high matinence aesthetic expectations of femininity need to be abolished, the crushing and dangerous social expectations of masculinity need to be dissolved.

The construct of gender hurts everyone in different ways. Men shouldn't have to put themselves in danger by signing up for the draft or working construction. These should be opt in choices for anyone of any gender.

4) No culture is primitive. Every society holds a different set of values and priorities. A society that prioritizes the health of the earth is going to use their enginuity differently than a society that prioritizes wealth and the future of it's children.

5) Antisemitism is both very real and ancient. Listen to Jewish people when they voice their concerns.

6) My lesbian flag sucked. Despite my deep convictions about its design whilst I was in highschool. The symbolism comes off as rather performative in hindsight as yeah, that's the level of maturity and understanding of the world I was at when I made it. I can't stop you from using it but just know that I currently consider my plan to solve the "too many lesbian flags" problem by proposing yet another flag to be foolish and dumb.

7) Everyone is still learning, all the time. It's not your job to teach them, though kudos to you if you have the mental strength to try. For many people deep in an ideological rabbit hole, being taught will not necessarily make them learn. At least not right away. Ideological change doesn't happen overnight.

#apology #sky-chau #feel free to reblog this #i dont mind either way

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mytrouvailles · 2 years

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ROTTMNT SPOILERS I WONT EVER GET OVER THIS OK LETS GO

so as a fan of tmnt 2003, 2012, the 2007 movie and rise i have a TON of analysis to get off my chest about the dynamic of these turtles in the rise movie. and first off is leo and raph ofc.

first off in the past versions (especially 2007), leo and raph always seem to be going at it because of some “leader/soldier” vibe going on between them. raph never liked being bossed around, leo was always a sensei’s pet, etc. raphael’s anger has a history of being unnecessary, and leonardo’s responses never helped the situation either, he refuses to admit he’s wrong in some cases. see 2007’s rooftop argument, literally the whole thing lol

rise 100% changes this dynamic from the beginning and i LOVE it! first we’ve got no leader leo, just some goofy 14yr old boy who throws out one-liners in the middle of battle (other leos actually do this too, but their overall demeanors are way more, let’s say pensive, having to deal with their brothers’ lives on their shoulders and the responsibility of leader). the statement that rise leo is basically other leos if they had 0 responsibilities is 100% valid.

so in rise we’ve got a leader in raphael! which i honestly thought was a nice take when i first watched the show in 2018, why not give the famous hothead a crack at being leader? only this time he is also the oldest, the strongest, and has actually controlled (or really never had) his temper. there’s a lot of maturity there that we really haven’t seen in other raphs before and i ATE. IT. UP. but, raph is still a teenager, a teenager who cracks under pressure and believes the entire world falls on his shoulders. he became more of a self-declared leader, as the oldest and biggest, and the others had no problem with it. he carries the weight of leader because he feels that he HAS to, he has to own up to all of this responsibility in order to become his own image of an ideal hero, who does good simply because he can. see Pizza Puffs, you know Red Angel Of Preventing Harm? yeah this guy LOVES being needed by people, going on 100% of their missions and all.

we see the more serious side of leadership in raphael near the end of s2. throughout the series, there were noticeable times that the others (normally leo) would step up as a leader, give raph a break, and save the day with some motivation and a wacky plan that ended up working. see Origami Tsunami. however by the end of the series, we see raphael’s breakdown, his fear of failing his family, and it is here when he realizes that he must trust his family the way they trust him, and allow the team to work equally and carry each other.

then immediately after that we get leader leo! if there’s one thing i wish would’ve been handled better, it’s definitely the pacing to get to splinter’s decision to appoint leo as leader. BUT i do get that the rise crew had to work with what they were given, and honestly it could’ve been done worse so no complaints here.

leo and raph (like in every version) are opposites in many ways. rise raph’s mindset pushes him to do good because he can, and he has a desire to be needed by others and help them in any way he can. he is a caring mother-hen to his brothers, who he just wants to be able to take of themselves when needed. see Hot Soup: The Game and Pizza Puffs.

on the other hand, leonardo is most concerned with his image, whether he’s the best at what he does or not, and has a desire for people to want him. this taps into his insecurities shown throughout the series. see Portal Jacked! and Minotaur Maze. even in the movie, he admits to casey that while he thought his brothers needed him, the reality is that he needs his brothers. leonardo constantly tries to prove his worth to himself, to prove that he is a champion among his brothers. this obsession (more so in the movie) leaves him lacking in team cooperation, but like raph, believing that he must do everything himself. but this is the exact moment when the difference between leader raph and leader leo come out, while raph felt a sense of responsibility and duty to carry everything on his own, leo did so simply in order to prove that he could. he shows the confidence in himself to do things the way he wants, but fails to put that into play when it comes to cooperating with his brothers.

one thing that i love about the movie is that raphael’s anger never originated from any form of resentment or hate for his brother for taking his position. raph was noticing a dangerous pattern in leo’s behavior, one that he believed would harm himself and his brothers, and he was solely focused on getting leonardo to understand that he must take responsibility for his actions. it’s a very familial type of anger, one that comes from worry and love. leo’s response was pretty nonchalant, reading a comic book while raph was trying to talk to him and all. this attitude stuck with him until his talk with casey, who criticized him for acting as arrogant as he was, implying that leonardo was nothing like his future self. and then you know what went down, when he had to fight raph, with donnie and mikey captured in the background. seeing his brothers in the state that they were in was his turning point, he realized that being the leader doesn’t make everything about him, but rather makes it more about what he can do to make sure that they all make it home.

by the end of the movie, it’s obvious that leo’s sacrifice wasn’t made in an attempt for glory (see Minotaur Maze). leo spent the entire movie holding that one photo of his family, at the end he was smiling at it, crumpled in his hand, as krang pounded him into the ground. leo knew that his sacrifice meant that his brothers were safe, and at the end of it all, that’s all he wanted.

#this is just one big blob straight from my prefrontal cortex #i will not be getting over this ever #i pulled an all nighter because of this #I MADE A TUMBLR PAGE BECAUSE OF THIS #but yes anyway live laugh love rottmnt go watch the movie #rottmnt #rottmnt movie #rottmnt movie spoilers #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rottmnt leo #rottmnt raph #tmnt 2018

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wild-at-mind · 10 months

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Just listened to the new episode of Tortoise’s Slow Newscast about Gender GP and it’s sooooo bad. Maybe I should have known better than to bother with it, but I’ve enjoyed their non-gender related stuff. I also know at least one person who uses Gender GP, and I separately have been hearing from an FTM support group I’m in that a lot of NHS trusts are no longer willing to do shared care with Gender GP while still doing it with other similar services. I had hoped maybe it would shed some light on why that might be, because even though trans healthcare is vital it’s still important that it be done ethically and held to the same standards as other healthcare. But no, instead it was basically a referendum on whether medical transition is good/bad. Again. Fucks sake.

(For non-UK people, Gender GP are a private service for transition related healthcare but they can, or have in the past, worked with the NHS to provide shared care e.g. blood tests for HRT monitoring. It is needed because it’s a very, very, very long drawn out and difficult process to access NHS transition care.) The podcast’s thesis was that the founder of Gender GP (a cis GP named Helen Webberley) is not practicing ethical healthcare because there isn’t enough assessment before providing HRT. They do treat children but the majority of their customers are adults. However you can guess which demographic was focused on. No children or adults who had undergone treatment with Gender GP were interviewed. There was a suggestion from the interviewer that maybe Helen Webberley is y’know a little bit ditzy, naive as hell of course, but also isn’t she bad for making money out of this? In this way she is juxtaposed against the NHS, which is the Good and Right way to transition, because they don’t profit off trans kids I guess. This argument stops working in any country that doesn’t have free at point of use healthcare of any kind, but never mind that. Also the podcast to its credit acknowledges several times that there are no currently practicing NHS gender clinics in the UK, and that this is a problem. But that’s about all we get in that department. There’s a waiting list, but no clinics. That list gets longer and longer. It’s so fucked up.

I would argue that the podcast is sceptical about the entire concept of being transgender, and I wonder if they even realise this about themselves. Two mothers of trans sons are interviewed, one who used Gender GP and one who accessed black market hormones. The first mother says that Gender GP ruined her child. But she was still referring to her child as her daughter and using she/her. You would think that if medical transition was the only concern, the mother would have been fine with the social and 100% reversable changes in pronouns and name. I know it’s hard for someone who has known you their whole life as one name and set of pronouns to remember at first, but this was different, she just hadn’t done anything. Without saying it out loud she was clearly waiting for it all to blow over, and not even considering that it might not. Meanwhile the child’s father (they were divorced) is helping the child access Gender GP, which can’t have helped matters. The mother sadly laments how Gender GP tore her family apart. The 2nd mother was worried about her child accessing black market hormones and using home syringes. This is a valid worry. However she also referred to her child purely as daughter, she/her and actively aschewed his new name. I don’t even know why she was interviewed as her son wasn’t using Gender GP, and this wasn’t a perspective about what Gender GP was clearly designed to be- a safer option in between black market hormones and the endless wait for the NHS. It was very clear she was even more ‘wait for it to blow over’ than the first interviewee. She spoke with apparent disgust (though to be fair was voiced by an actor who may have been hamming it up a bit) that since socially transitioning at school her child was suddenly really popular and was liked by many people he wasn’t before, and they all loved using his new name....that part felt especially weird, like she was angry that her child was being called a name he preferred by his friends. It’s not the first time I’ve heard of parents alluding to children coming out as trans at school to become popular. I read an article where a parent was relaying what their child had said, where apparently their classmate came out as trans in assembly and everybody clapped. The idea that there might be other factors involved, such as novelty that will wear off for the classmates, the classroom social standing of the child in question, or even in the case of the 2nd podcast interviewee’s son, increased confidence post coming out making him more sociable, was ignored. I do understand that this is a relatively new area of medicine without much long term data to draw on. However all types of healthcare has to start somewhere, and I wouldn’t have thought that the fear of an army of angry and betrayed detransitioners one day (which the interviewer was clearly disappointed that Webberley had never seen) should hold back progress. There are older adults who transitioned as children out in the world. On tumblr almost a decade ago I remember young trans guys in parts of the US accessing hormones through informed consent clinics, to much hand wringing from certain reactionary internet circles-see if you can contact those people. How are they doing?

There is so much more I could talk about but I have to stop there or I’ll go on all night. Edited to add: this should not be interpreted as a defence of Helen Webberley, only as a condemnation of the podcast episode’s framing of the concept of gender services that don’t require stringent assessment as very dangerous and scary and automatically malpractice. There’s a reason why I listened in the first place- because I had heard not great things about Gender GP. Sadly I didn’t get a look at its problems and its founder’s problems, I got yet another highly biased condemnation of the entire concept of transness with way too much airtime for parents who don’t believe their teenage children have their own internal selves.

Edit again: I understand now what the podcast was saying about clinics- there are currently no gender clinics in England that treat children. There are a few in the country that treat adults over 18, and the waiting lists are really long but at least you can refer to one in any region. My referral was for Nottingham even though I’m in the south as it currently has the shortest waiting list on the tracker.

#tw transphobia #uk trans healthcare #gender gp #tortoise media #quick disclaimer- i keep saying uk in this but it may be just england and wales #the NHS is regional between countries #but tbh i doubt scotland or NI are doing any better or i'd have heard about it #un-proofread sorry #i admit i was cringing at some things helen webberley said though because it was very 'this person is clearly inherently trans'#which is what she needed to say in that moment to not cause a serious backlash #because if she gave any doubt they would have crucified her- it had to be yes definitely trans #i don't think it's as simple as x is trans and should transition and y is not trans and should not transition #but that's the level the health service operates on #i think it's like that in most healthcare setting's understanding of transness and transition #a more nuanced idea of gender and its role in our lives clearly needs to happen #but i'm not holding my breath so we have to work with what we have

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van-zieksy · 2 years

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Dear van zieksy,

Hello how are you? It is I, your dearest Reaper-san. It hasn’t been long time since we last exchanged pleasantries but since then I had many ideas on questions I woulf like to inquire. I will keep it simple. This question is not that particularly hard because I am simply curious about your ships with Barok van zieks. Who do you think out of Kazuma, Naruhodo or even Herlock would be most suitable for him and why they in particular would make the bets romantic interest for our reaper. Obviously this is just all hypothetical and if you don’t feel comfortable you can analyze from more plantonic perspective and well since we already established the most ideal type for Barok van Zieks I think we can delve deeper into people around him. Also this is all based on the fact Barok isn’t straight which brings me into second question - do you think Barok doesn’t care about gender when it comes to romance (I l know you said he treats all people equally in court and even more so in personal life bit I forgot if you mentioned whether you seem him as pan/bi etc.)

Once again thank you very much forr inputs on our beloved prosecutor

All the best,

Yours

Reaper-san

Reaper-san!!!

I am doing quite well. Thank you for asking. I hope you are doing excellent! Thanks for reaching out to me.

I would like to preface this question with the following because I have seen some people get very upset about certain ships:

I generally stay out of the whole shipping aspect of characters quite simply because I try to remain neutral about it. I do have my favourite ships, but to me, all ships are valid (as long as we’re talking about adults, which should go without saying). We are hypothesising about fictional characters, so people should be allowed to ship whoever they want without being provided grief about it from other fans. Fictional characters and fiction are supposed to bring us joy. Why agonise over something that only exists to entertain us? It is fine to theorise and analyse fiction—which is also what I am doing—but once we try to apply real-life principles/ideals/etc. to it, it can quickly get ugly because not every piece of fiction is deep, a representation of real life, or supposed to be taken too seriously. It is okay to analyse, as long as we always keep in mind that fiction is fiction. Since I have started to draw a clear line between real life and fiction, I am much happier and am able to enjoy things with a more carefree attitude. With that being said, I can see Barok with pretty much anyone. A beautiful piece of art or a well-written story about a particular ship is always welcome, regardless if the ship would make sense canonically or not. People are free to express themselves. All opinions are valid. For example, I have recently had someone discuss Barok and Mme Tusspells, which is not a very popular pairing amongst the fanbase, but what they described was interesting and it is just as valid as any other ship, regardless of how I or others feel about it. When I share shipping-related art or similar on my blog—which I rarely do—it simply means that I am enjoying this particular work and appreciate the effort that went into it, nothing more.

As for Barok’s orientation and if he cares about gender as far as romance is concerned. In the context of this fictional universe, I definitely think that anything is possible. If Barok falls in love with someone, it is regardless of their social standing, their gender, their past etc. He falls in love with someone based on their character and how he feels when he’s with them. We are all people, and he knows that. Barok may be a stickler for etiquette and often say or do things in the game that are a reflection of his status as a noble, but he’s also quite the free spirit who does his own thing without much concern for his status. So yes, Barok is probably happy to enter a romantic relationship with anyone, but I would like to refrain from officially naming or applying a certain orientation to him (that is up to each individual to decide; everyone's opinion is valid).

Now then, let’s delve deeper into Barok and his possible love interests. But again, all three ships you’ve mentioned are equally valid to me.

Ryunosuke:

Barok and Ryunosuke were total strangers when they met. Over the course of the games, they developed mutual respect and admiration. Ryunosuke admires Barok for his dedication to the truth/fairness, the way he treats people in court and his brilliance. Barok admires Ryunosuke for his courage and determination. Ryunosuke cares about Barok’s well-being because he has respect for him. He specifically sought him out after the latest attack on „the Reaper“. He then wanted to defend Barok because he fully believed in him. He was one of the few people who eventually realised that Barok is misunderstood by many and falsely ostracised because of that. And once Barok got past his initial impression of Ryunosuke (i.e. his eyes reminded him of Klint and Genshin + Ryuu defending a clearly guilty man), he specifically sought him out in court because Barok a) respected Ryunosuke's courage and determination, and b) tried to understand what happened in his own past through him. It was interesting to see their relationship develop in front of our eyes. There were little hints we could pick up on that told us exactly where they were in their relationship at any given point in time. While I never saw them as rivals or enemies in the way I see certain other AA defence attorneys and prosecutors, we can’t deny that they were on opposite sides in the courtroom, even though both of them were seeking the truth. So the whole enemies-to-lovers trope is very intriguing. Barok allowed Ryunosuke to become more confident and can benefit from Barok's "calm-as-water, keep moving no matter what" persona. Ryunosuke can help Barok regain his trust in people with his sincere attitude. Both are down-to-earth and seek tranquility/peace. With Ryunosuke going back to his home country after DGS2, it may be hard for them to develop a romantic relationship. However, I do believe that they stay in contact, exchanging letters and pleasantries, clearly longing for each other’s presence. I can see Barok visiting Ryunosuke in Japan, where they then realise that their feelings for each other are more than just friendship. Eventually Ryunosuke ends up in Great Britain for an extended period of time, and that’s when they officially enter a romantic relationship. I actually like the idea of Ryunosuke settling down in Japan for a while but Barok stays in Great Britain because he wants to have a positive impact on the justice system as Lord Chief Justice or Attorney General. They lead a long-distance relationship for a while, visiting each other throughout the year. A few years into their relationship, they both become restless and want to lead a more stable lifestyle. While Barok is more than happy to finally retire and move to Japan, Ryunosuke makes the decision to leave his law firm in the capable hands of the attorneys he has trained. This allows him to permanently relocate to Great Britain in order to live with Barok, who does everything in his power to support his lover’s career in his new home country. Ryunosuke is also excited to be able to be around the friends he has missed so dearly. Maybe they will both retire to Japan once the time comes. Their future remains undetermined.

Kazuma:

(Just look at that face. Clearly Kazuma is up to something lol.)

With Kazuma becoming Barok’s apprentice, they are bound to spend lots of time together. Initially I see them as in sort of a healing phase based on the events that unfolded in the last two cases. Barok learning to accept that there was more to the events ten years ago than he was aware of, that he needs to stop letting past events and long-gone people dictate the present and the future, and that he is a stronger person than his brother ever was. Kazuma getting over his „inner demons“ (anger; okay with having a not-so-innocent and an innocent person die) and learning to accept that while his father was innocent of one charge, he was guilty of something else and not as pure as he thought. Both have lost something and someone dear to them, but the only people to blame for that are their respective family members and one particular overzealous individual. Both have looked up to someone who turned out to be not-so-perfect after all. Both have to start looking into the future and realise that their families and their past don’t define them. They are not to blame for anything. They are more principled. Kazuma’s and Barok’s destinies are intertwined. They are both very dedicated, kind and sincere human beings and professionals, so I am sure they will achieve a lot together. As they get to know each other better, they realise how similar they actually are. Kazuma allows Barok to finally open up again and learn to trust someone. Kazuma, on the other hand, benefits from Barok’s composure, experience and quiet dignity. They now have a professional relationship where one can completely rely on the other. I think the difference in power (i.e. Barok the mentor, Kazuma the mentee) is not necessarily an issue because I see Barok treating Kazuma as an equal. He doesn’t think of himself as above Kazuma, even if that may be the case on paper. Of course he will have to give orders to Kazuma every now and then, but overall I see it more as Barok providing Kazuma with the tools he needs to help himself. Kazuma is intelligent and independent, yet he appreciates to have someone around who guides him. After all, Kazuma is in a new country pursuing a new profession, so he can’t do it all by himself. I like the idea of Kazuma living in one of Barok’s guestrooms. Barok has more than enough space and could benefit from having someone other than his staff live with him. They are experiencing many wonderful things together. There are challenges, which is normal when people live together. Eventually they get to the point where they realise that there is romantic attraction. Of course they are both too stubborn to admit it, so there’s much awkwardness and dancing around the facts. Instead of confessing their feelings for each other, the truth comes out on a random day during some random shared activity. Example: Think Barok’s ungloved hand accidentally touching Kazuma��s as he is leaning down to point to a particular paragraph in a book. Awkward silence and blushing. But they simply can’t contain themselves anymore and go for a kiss at the exact same moment. More awkward silence after that kiss. Then Barok just picks up Kazuma to take him to his room. Kazuma wants to protest because he has his pride after all, but quickly decides against it because it’s what he’s been yearning for all along. Kazuma grows into a fine prosecutor. And newly-appointed Lord Chief Justice Barok van Zieks finds it hard to not give preferential treatment to prosecutor Kazuma Asogi.

Herlock:

(They already know how to act like exes to the T, so there's that...)

I firmly believe they have a shared past and the reason they feel superficial animosity for each other is because of what happened ten years ago and because they are in very different positions requiring very different approaches to fighting crime. Let’s leave it at that. They are going to spend more time around each other because of Iris. My headcanon is that Iris learned who her parents are when Yujin and the others were discussing her heritage in the antechamber after Barok’s trial, but she’s feigning ignorance in order to get everyone to stop worrying about her. Eventually she confronts Barok, though. She wants to spend as much time around him as possible to make up for the lost time, and during some of their outings, Herlock is present. Barok and Herlock really are very different. Barok is calm, collected, serious and goal-oriented, Herlock is, well, Herlock. :D I think eventually they realise that opposites can attract each other. While Barok is still annoyed at Herlock when he’s unintentionally inconsiderate and disrespectful to other people, Barok sometimes has to suppress a chuckle because of how over-the-top his new friend is in such situations. Yet I also think that Barok’s nature will inspire Herlock to become more calm and considerate. And Herlock will inspire Barok to be less serious, smile more and partake in activities Barok never even considered, such as visiting shady markets to acquire questionable substances for Herlock’s experiments, or spending time at pawn shops so Barok can buy him all kinds of oddities. They complement each other with their different personalities. I think Herlock does not really have much romantic experience, so when he starts having feelings for Barok, he naturally thinks there’s something wrong with him. He can’t explain why he blushes around Barok, or what that warm feeling in his chest is, or why he is much happier when Barok is around, or why he is having dreams of doing things to Barok he never thought were even remotely possible. He tries to find a scientific explanation for it, and the result of his analysis is that he’s having some weird disease that is so far unknown to the human species. He approaches Iris with his concerns and all she does is laugh. She tells him that the only cure for this ailment is to face the root of the issue. Either he doesn’t tell Barok and will regret it for the rest of his life, succumbing to far worse symptoms, or he tells Barok to find some relief and turn those symptoms into something far more beautiful. One day Herlock is visiting Barok in his office to drop off some paperwork. Without knocking, he enters Barok’s office and proclaims, „Iris says I am in love with you and if I didn’t tell you I’d die, so here I am. I am quite fond of my life. Please accept me, my dear fellow.“ Barok, who is sipping some of his wine as he’s looking at notes from today’s trial, is clearly shocked and doesn’t even know how to respond. He's heard the detective say some very ridiculous things before, but this is clearly the icing on the cake. „Oh, may I add I observed you from the gallery today, my dear Mr. Prosecutor? You looked splendid. I surmise your flexibility will come in handy once we are ready to partake in some of those activities I have been dreaming of for the past few weeks.“ There’s the death glare we’ve all come to know and love from Barok. After he politely asks Kazuma, who has been giggling from the desk in his corner, to take his leave, he’s now ready to address the subject. As it turns out, Barok has been harbouring feelings for Herlock for quite a while, but he wasn’t ready to come forward with it just yet. He appreciates how Herlock allows him to be more carefree and would like to take this next step in their relationship. There are many ups and downs in their relationship because they are so different, but this is exactly what pushes both of them to re-evaluate who they are as individuals and what they want out of life. This introspection allows their relationship to bloom.

I love all three ships and think they would/could all make sense.

Wishing you a great weekend! Until our next exchange. <3

With my kindest regards,

#barok van zieks #ryunosuke naruhodo #kazuma asogi #herlock sholmes #baroryuu #baroaso #vanlock #ace attorney #the great ace attorney chronicles #tgaac #tgaa #dgs #dai gyakuten saiban #asks #reaper-san ask

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pinnithin · 2 years

Text

work got me down as usual so i gotta ramble

a master sergeant who works in my flight apologized to me yesterday for something i didnt even take offense to. long story but its annual award season so a lot of our time right now is spent workshopping the award packages from our squadron so they'll be competitive at the wing level. and this guy wrote one for an airman who'd done really well this year, but due to a misunderstanding it looked like he'd plagiarized the previous year's, and we discovered this in the middle of the meeting in front of the other flights and it just kinda made us look dickish.

anyway, i didn't really care, because i didnt do it. felt bad for the airman but she'd earned a pretty significant early promotion like a week prior so it was probably fine if the award got tossed (it didnt - they let us rework and resubmit it). but in the end nobody died, nobody got hurt, whatever. it wasted like 3 hours of everyone's time but we're salaried so its not that big of a deal. the master sergeant in question was not present at this meeting to defend himself, but my superintendent called him to give him a piece of his mind because he made us look like assholes in front of the other flights. i didnt get into it because i didnt really care.

this week rolls around, the guy catches me to apologize and explain that it was a mistake and he thought he was copying valid bullets from past awards (common practice - theres only so many ways you can explain that a guy inventoried a warehouse real good). he told me he felt like shit all weekend because of it and he dreaded coming to work this week after "putting us through that" in front of the squadron. and i was like, man. thats a really small silly thing to feel like shit over.

and i was all "man its okay, they let us resubmit it, mistakes happen, nobody got hurt etc etc" and he was like no but you still had to defend your reputations in front of the other flights and my mistake put you in that situation and i was like, really? thats what youre upset about? MY reputation? you realize i dont care what any of these people think about me, right? and i didn't even make the mistake - that was you! and if people think im a jackass because one of my guys made a mistake that was easily fixable then thats their problem. there are way more important things to worry about.

he looked relieved and then got really quiet and was like, how are you like that?

like what?

how do you just let this stuff go all the time? i beat myself up all weekend over this and youre just... fine about it?

this isn't the first time someones asked me this, albeit more casually like "youre so chill LT i wish i was as chill as you" yknow but he seemed like genuinely concerned and i had to pause for a second before being like. therapy? its therapy. im like this because im in therapy.

i mean its also the constant exhaustion and being jaded and desensitized to this hellish war machine, but i can cope a hell of a lot better with it. i have to actively work at it to maintain a healthy mindset or ill go berserk. this is not my natural state i had to build this.

this guy is ten years older than me, has been in the air force for, i wanna say 13 years? crippled with anxiety and guilt over, what, embarrassing (not really) his boss? i just felt so fucking bad for him.

and theres so many people here who are like him, who hold themselves to these impossible standards because of the weird mind games this brutal industry puts everyone through. i have met more people with work induced neuroses in the three years here than ive ever seen anywhere else in my life, and im sure i have a collection of my own that im blind to as well. this job is merciless and will grind you into dust with no remorse if it means making the jets fly faster.

like, duh, its the military, what did you expect. obviously working for the business that kills people will mess you up. but it still sucks, right? ive met really good people here who have been irreparably damaged in their service and they wont even get help because theyre too afraid to damage their career in the job that hurt them in the first place. it sucks. it sucks to see.

not just people who've been here a long time, literally everyone i know here deals with some kind of trauma (mild though it may be for some of the newer kids, youre still getting shipped away from your family and everything you know for a job you might not even like, in a cruel profession, and thatll upset anyone just a little at least). i know people who've been here 3 months who are like this is the lowest ive ever felt. i know people who are 3 months from retirement who are like i put my life into this job and all it did was chew me up and spit me out.

once again. military. it should be obvious. i can still be sad about it though i think. maybe nobody whos a good person voluntarily joins the military, so maybe we all kind of deserve it, but i think we're still allowed to be kind of upset about it.

i have one year left. i have complicated feelings about it. ive also been irreparably damaged here, but at the same time im at the point where i really like the person i am and i would not be that person without having to go through the fucking pits of hell in this shitty ass job. i know part of it is because of my own efforts to unfuck myself after i got horribly fucked over and had a nervous breakdown in mid 2021, but now i kind of have that point of reference to ground me? like anything i do from now on has never been as hard as that part of my life was. and i dont think i would have taken therapy and recovery as seriously if i wasn't dealing with ptsd. so i dunno.

im not sure where im going with this its just like. fuck this place. fuck this fucking job. i only care about the people ive met here and i feel like im abandoning them by getting out next year, but if i stay inside a burning house i'll die too yknow

#this is so long and uninteresting dont feel compelled to read #i just had to process something #pin talks #views and opinions expressed on this blog dont reflect those of the us air force blah etc etc

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