#but this is what kept me from posting art online in the first place so whatever. i will curbstomp my insecurity in the ground | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

faffreux · 7 months

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can you tell us about when you fell in love with fawful? :)

Yep. In fact, I'll write a whole mini essay for you so I can add it to the FAQ section of my website coming up shortly LMAO (SINCE I NEED TO FULLY ANSWER THIS QUESTION FOR THERE ANYWAY, RIGHT???) CLICK UNDER THE READ MORE TO SEE IT BECAUSE THIS IS GOING TO BE THE LONGEST THING I'VE EVER POSTED HERE, LMAO.

To preface, I have been a fan of the M&L games going back to the early-mid 2000s when I was a kid. I had no involvement with fandom or anything of the sort back then but I used to hop on my mom's bulky computer and look up fanart and other related content as early as 2004/5 and as a result, ended up captivated by the characters long before I knew who they actually were. (As a result of this, I have the names and art styles of various old M&L fandom creators permanently ingrained in my head and often wonder where they are today since a good deal of them vanished..!) It wasn't until 2006 that I got my first handheld console (DS Lite) and of course, what did I do? Immediately begged my mom to order me a used GBA copy of Superstar Saga.

When I finally had the game in my hands it was like coming home to a colorful world that I'd been captivated by for so long but never gotten the chance to actually explore until now. The characters felt like old friends and the Beanbean Kingdom as a location felt familiar and comforting to me. (As a side note, Popple quickly became my favorite. Shocker, right?)

I used to sketch various beans in my notebooks as well as on printer paper we had lying around the house. Long story short, I finished Superstar Saga and then a few years later in 2010 I picked up Bowser’s Inside Story and THAT’S WHEN THINGS SHIFTED–

BIS brought Fawful and his personality to life in a way that captivated my imagination like nothing else had prior. He quickly overtook Popple as my favorite character from then on forward… and that’s where it ends! Or.. is it?

Nah, that’s where it gets funky. Life got a little chaotic after that and not only did I stop playing video games altogether for many years, but I also almost completely gave up on art - the one thing I was most passionate about above all and thought I would make a career out of someday. A series of depressing events caused me to lose all hope and motivation for anything I created and the spark I’d kept inside of me for so long all but died out as a result.

We’re going to timeskip again, this time to late 2019. I’d just moved away from home permanently for the first time and had been getting settled in and no matter what I did to make my new apartment a cozy place it always felt like something was missing. My mind would keep wandering to the fact that I never made art anymore despite it having been such a key part of my life when I was younger. I so desperately wanted to change this and over the next few months the frustration only kept growing until on January 1st, 2020, I sat down in the living room with a pencil and paper in my hand and shut my eyes tightly before saying under my breath:

“I do not care what it is, I don’t care how it comes. Just please… PLEASE send me something to bring my art back. Anything… anything at all. I don’t care what I draw, I just want to be drawing again.” And with that, I placed the lead onto the paper and began to sketch…

And from there… a familiar face appeared!

(Now I could ramble to you about how much I do NOT like this drawing and how off model it is from how Fawful actually looks… but I’ll forgive myself since I hadn’t touched the M&L games in over a decade at this point and had forgotten most of Fawful’s character. And yet?? Here he was.)

How else can I explain it except that in that moment it felt like the pencil in my hand had suddenly become one of these:

A joy that I hadn’t felt in SO long suddenly filled my entire being and without wasting another second, I immediately went online and ordered both Superstar Saga and Bowser’s Inside Story to replay again. In the time waiting for the games to arrive I had started drawing daily again - sketching out various old characters of mine with dozens of doodles of the bean man stacked in between them all.

There he was… always smiling, always happy to see me, and oftentimes with his arms outstretched as if to give an encouraging hug. When the games arrived I worked through them quicker than I ever had prior - finishing up Superstar Saga in less than a week and subsequently moving onto Bowser’s Inside Story with a LOT of excitement built up for it.

It was my first day playing and I was having the time of my life! The way Fawful looked in his little grey cloak with that enormous, charming grin of his as he bamboozled Bowser into eating the Vaccuum Shroom had me giggling with joy while words repeated in my brain over and over of: “I need to draw this later, I NEED to draw this later!!!” I WAS EXCITED ABOUT ART AGAIN… AFTER ALL THESE YEARS. I was practically hopping in my seat from the happiness I felt in my heart and chest every time Fawful appeared at this point!

This was how it felt until the moment I arrived at the Fawful Theatre and watched as he began dancing on the stage floor. THIS time.. something different came over me. If you’ve felt it before, then you’ll know what I mean when I say that it was like my entire body turned warm all at once, like some sort of flame had been lit inside. I’d never felt it for anything or anyone prior to then, and that's partly why it hit me as hard as it did. I was practically sweating.

Heck, I was so absorbed in my feelings that I had forgotten there was anyone else in the room with me! That is.. Until my roommate at the time spoke up:

Her: Are you alright? Me: Uhhh… yeah, why? Her: You’re red as a beet. Are you sure you’re okay?

By this time I had realized what was really going on so I reassured her I was fine, grabbed my 3DS, and ran to my room to finish the playthrough on my own so I wouldn’t embarrass myself any further, hahaha.

In the days, weeks, and months following that moment I became dedicated to drawing the best art of Fawful I could possibly create! What started as a challenge to myself to ‘give back’ to the person who’d given me back the ability to create again turned into someone I genuinely could not stop drawing for how much fun I was having doing it. The desire to make better and better art in order to honor him drove me to improve at a speed I never had prior, and soon thereafter I created Jolligig as a way for me to be in this colorful world with him and to express the deepening affection I was feeling for him with every day that passed by.

By some miracle, my prayer had been answered and here it was in the form of a grinning lima bean.

[End of Part 1. Interested in the rest? Yes… there’s more, I’m sorry. Please let me know in the comments. This took a while to write so I thought splitting it up would be best if folks are interested, LOL.]

#ASKS #MY GOD I AM SORRY (no i'm not)#fawfultalk #important

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tozettastone · 15 days

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(This post contains non-graphic references to child sexual abuse.)

So okay, last year, when the eSafety commissioner was all like "hey so twitter failed to answer Australia's questions about how they meet the basic online safety expectations in relation to child sexual exploitation and abuse material and activity and we are going to try to fine them $610,500 for non-compliance," I deleted my remaining twitter account.

Now, to be clear, a number of big tech companies didn't come out of this process looking great. For some, the eSafety commissioner said there were gaps in their processes. For others, like Google, they said the answers to the questions in the notice were too vague and issued a formal warning.

However, Twitter just straight up did not answer several of the questions, "including the time it takes the platform to respond to reports of child sexual exploitation; the measures it has in place to detect child sexual exploitation in livestreams; and the tools and technologies it uses to detect child sexual exploitation material." [X]

Up until then I kept an empty twitter account for checking up on public posts. (Even after I decided I didn't want to actually spend time talking on twitter... I'm like a cat who likes to be tall to see what's going on!) But after learning about this, I felt uneasy about using the platform. I determined that, regardless of what cool art or conversations were going on over there that I wanted to view, I personally didn't want to use and tacitly endorse a platform that refused to respond to requests for basic information like this.

So I got rid of twitter. The end. (For me, at least. You can do what you want.)

But in context I find this interesting, because this is the first AO3 donations drive season I've seen since that happened, right?

So now I actually have a pretty clear idea of what an average guy (me!) does when they discover a platform they use has an unacceptably lax policy around CSEM content.

Listen, I'm not a moral pillar of my community. Something I learned about a platform made me uncomfortable and I stopped using it. That's barely even a moral stance. But what it tells me is that if people genuinely believed that AO3 was intentionally lax towards absolutely, truly morally unacceptable content (whatever that is, by their own personal reasoning), they'd be outta there like they were fired from a fucking cannon.

#乁⁠(⁠ ⁠•⁠_⁠•⁠ ⁠)⁠ㄏ #tozette.txt

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yungchaeng · 2 years

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Roommates (Twice series: Chaeyoung)

III: Grass genre: fluff - word count: 3414 content warning: detailed marijuana use in the latter half of the chapter

chaeyo.0: cool shirt, new hair, same me

Chaeyoung had posted a photo you took of her during lunch, showing her new hair-do. Finally, you found out about her online presence when she asked you for your account in order to tag you in the photo.

Her Instagram was…interesting. It was quite cool and alternative. It emphasized her love for art with some posts of her own works, or pieces she admired. There was the occasional mirror selfie, but also a bunch of random pictures of her like one where she stared off into the distance with a strawberry in her mouth.

Yes, it was odd. But you couldn’t help but smile at her feed. It represented her very well. And you grinned at the thought that you now had a place on her feed as well.

In the midst of your fawning over your roommate and her Instagram profile, you locked eyes with a random guy on the other side of the library that was probably wondering what was making you smile like an idiot by yourself. You shot him an awkward tight-lipped smile and quickly buried your head back into your book in embarrassment.

You were supposed to be studying for multiple exams and writing essays which was why you were in the library in the first place. However, concentration didn’t come easy as your mind kept wandering to a specific place, a specific person.

You and Chaeyoung were cool. Whenever you both were home, it was comfortable and never really awkward which you were glad about. You hung out and there was always a light-hearted vibe which you liked, but it was always short-lived as she always seemed to be going somewhere. Sometimes she was already gone by the time you woke up and sleeping when you came back from the library.

Although you two didn’t spend as much time together as you were hoping you could, she did have her ways to occupy your mind during the day. Some days she’d randomly send you artworks, clothes she saw on Pinterest that reminded her of ‘your style’ and most days you’d be flipping through your notebook in class and she’d left a little doodle on the corner of a page, probably when you left it open on your desk.

But you didn’t mind thinking about her this much. In fact, you liked it – a little too much.

Seemingly out of your control, your hand wandered back over to your phone that was still open on your roommate’s Instagram page.

“Hey there,” a voice sounded out, saving you from the rabbit hole you were bound to fall in again looking at Chaeyoung’s Instagram.

Nayeon plopped down on the seat next to you with her own roommate sitting next to her. You had grown close to both Nayeon and Jeongyeon over the past few weeks. As they have been at the college longer than you they could help you out and their chaotic dynamic together was always entertaining to you, so you were at their place quite often.

“How’s studying going? Or should I ask how insta-stalking your roomie is going?” Nayeon asked.

“Oh my god, I wasn’t insta-stalking.” You blushed under Nayeon and Jeongyeon’s knowing smirks. “She tagged me in a post, so I wanted to like it…”

“A post of 138 weeks ago?” Jeongyeon quipped, gesturing to the particular post that was open on your screen.

“Ah, shut up.” You pleaded, defeated. Maybe if you lay face down on the table for long enough they would go away?

“What are we talking about?” The voice of your classmate and friend Jihyo chimed in, chirpy as always. She joined the table with another one of your classmates, Momo, completing the small group of people you usually hung out with.

“Someone here has a little crush on their roommate.” Nayeon sing-songed, nudging you in the process.

“Jeongyeon?” Momo asked, genuinely confused.

“Ew, no.” The said girl grimaced teasingly.

“Whatever, I’m out of your league anyway.” Nayeon shrugged and stuck her tongue out at Jeongyeon. “But no, I’m talking about this one here.” She pointed to you.

“Ah, is that the one that make little love drawings for you during class?” Jihyo teased.

“Oh my god, love drawings? You don’t tell me anything, do you?” Nayeon feigned offense and slapped your arm.

“Ship.” Momo simply stated while rummaging through her bag for something to eat.

“I’m your mentor, you know? I should be helping you through these moments in life.” Nayeon went on.

“You’re my mentor. Not my mom.”

“Mom, older sister, mentor, same difference.” The older girl shrugged. “But tell me all about this Chaeyoung!”

And so you did. You firmly stood your ground that you weren’t crushing on the girl. However, seeing your friend’s smirk as you told them about her interests, habits, cute gestures and whatever else you rambled about, you knew they weren’t believing that for a second. Honestly, you slowly were coming to terms with it yourself.

The girl’s teased you relentlessly over your soft spot for the girl, but didn’t seem to know her in the way you did as they said they wouldn’t expect you to be into such a ‘rebel type of girl’.

You understood that she seemed that way though. The tattoos, her slight introvertedness and a slight air of mysteriousness that followed her would make it logical that she would be some sort of hard-ass. However, you knew that that idea disappeared when she smiled at you.

No rebel without a cause could have a smile as sweet as hers. Impossible.

“Okay,” you sighed. “Maybe I do have a bit of a crush on her then.” The table was silent, your friends simply giving you a look.

“Anyone surprised?” Momo broke the silence followed by a string of laughs and shaking of the heads of your other friends.

After what seemed like ages of teasing you, you and your friends all got back to studying. You were surprised at how much faster it was to do your schoolwork with them – it was probably more efficient anyway since you couldn’t distract yourself thinking about Chaeyoung without getting called out for it. Before you knew it, you were done typing up your last essay and were packing your bag to go home.

And boy, you couldn’t wait to get home. You had been fantasizing about diving into your bed as soon as you got back all day and that was exactly what you did when you walked through the door. You groaned into your pillow, releasing all the pent-up stress from being busy with schoolwork for so long.

Much to your surprise, Chaeyoung walked through the front door and paused at the sight of you. It seemed like neither of you expected the other home at this time, but it was a pleasant surprise.

“Hey?” she said, a look of amusement on her face. “You’re back so early.”

“Yeah,” a sigh escaped your lips as you looked at her. “I’m finally done with all the deadlines, which is good…but now I just hope I did well.”

“Aw,” she cooed. “Don’t worry. You worked so hard, so it’s definitely going to be okay.” Your roommate moved over to her own bed and lied down, looking over at you with care in her eyes. “Are you stressed?”

“Yeah, a bit I guess…”

She simply hummed in response and thought for a second. “I think I might know something that could calm you down?” Chaeyoung bit her lip and in a split second she walked over to her desk and rummaged through the top drawer. You watched her pull out a little plastic bag from it, with something inside that you couldn’t quite make out yet. When she sat next to you on your bed you realised.

“Chaeyoung, is that…” you lowered your voice to a whisper and scanned the room as if you two weren’t the only two in it, “marijuana?”

Your roommate chuckled at your antics, “Yeah, it is.”

You fixated on the green bud in the plastic bag. “Is that even allowed in here?”

“I don’t know,” she shrugged with a mischievous smile, “probably not, but no one is here to stop us, right?” She had a point and you thought for a second. “But please,” Chaeyoung locked eyes with you as she went on. “No pressure, alright? It’s just a suggestion, okay?”

Maybe it was her genuine expression, the residual stress you still felt from school or simply just your curiosity, but you decided. “Okay, fuck it. Let’s do it.”

“Cool,” she simply said with a smile.

You watched her as she walked over to the kitchen table and took out some stuff from a little bag next to her bed and took the bud from it’s plastic bag. You weren’t sure what exactly she was doing but she seemed like such an expert at doing it. Before you knew it, the little bud had been rolled into a joint and you looked on fascinated.

You didn’t realize you were biting your lip watching her lick the paper as the last step until her eyes met yours when doing it. It was the quickest you have ever looked away from anything, but you still managed to catch her smirk at you. You awkwardly cleared your throat as you felt yourself blushing.

Chaeyoung had moved your desk chairs over to the open window and you sat down next to her. “Have you ever smoked before?” she asked. You shook your head and rubbed your arm. “Do you know how to?” When you shook your head once again, she smiled. “Okay, that’s fine. I know a way that might be chill for you.”

She explained that there was a way for you to smoke by her inhaling it first and transferring it over to you in some kind of way. You had no clue what she was talking about, but trusted her when she told you “Just inhale when I guide you to, okay?” Chaeyoung got up from her chair and stood in front of you. She cupped her hand to shield from the wind as she struck her lighter.

As she was so focused on that, you took the chance to look at her. She wore sweatpants and a cropped t-shirt, stained with what was probably paint or ink of some sort. You couldn’t help but check her out. Her hair in somewhat of a messy bun, cheeks rosy from the cold wind on her, her clothes showing off her mid-riff and soft tummy…

As if she could read your mind and your deepest desire, she came closer to you. Chaeyoung lowered herself to face you by going on her knees in front of you and placed her hands on your thighs. Your breath hitched as she leaned into you and she softly tapped you. Taking that as the said signal, you closed your eyes and tentatively inhaled the smoke coming from her parted lips.

When you opened your eyes they met the worrying eyes of your roommate. “Are you alright?”

You nodded. The feeling of smoke in your lungs was definitely something you had to get used to. Then it was as if everything hit you all at once. Chaeyoung’s hands still on your thighs, her scent, her face only inches away from yours, her presence, her lips. Everything. “Wow. Yeah, but wow.”

Chaeyoung only laughed and the sound and it sounded like music in your ears. Chaeyoung helped you the same way a few more times and a combination of the weed and her proximity to you made you feel lightheaded in an odd, but good way. You rest your back in your chair, letting the pleasant wave of euphoria wash over you.

“Relax, okay?” she instructed and sat back down in her own chair. “and let me know if you need anything.”

You pouted and held your tongue. What you wanted was for her to come closer again, but that would be silly to say, right?

“Tell me about your day.” She said, taking a hit for herself. In your mind her eyes bore right through you. You don’t know if it was just the weed, but it felt like the first time you truly had someone’s full attention in order to talk about something as mundane as your day.

So you did as told. Told her about your school assignments, procrastinating in the library and your friends joining you (you skipped over them teasing you ofcourse). You even rambled on about the smallest detail, until you saw her smiling to herself. “Oh my god, should I stop talking?”

“No, don’t.” she reassured and leaned her back against the wall, eyes closed. “Your voice is very soothing.”

You internally thanked the gods for her eyes being closed so she couldn’t see you blush. “It feels like I’ve been talking for hours…”

Chaeyoung took her phone out and chuckles slightly. “Yeah, that’s the weed.” She said and showed you on her screen that only five minutes had passed. “And even if you were, I wouldn’t mind.”

Honestly, you wouldn’t mind talking to Chaeyoung for hours either. The idea of having a moment like this with her last for so long actually brought a giddy smile to your face, one that you didn’t even mind hiding.

“You know, for someone who’s kind of quiet you have a good way with words.” You remarked earning a giggle from your roommate.

Chaeyoung giggled “Thanks, I guess?”

“Anyway, the floor is yours. Talk to me.” You slouched down in your seat and closed your eyes, awaiting her voice to fill the room.

She talked about her day with a smile, describing how she went to an art studio with some friends to paint and listen to music together.

“Is that where you always are?” you cocked your head to the side, “You’re not actually here very much.”

“Aw, did you miss me?” she teased. You held your tongue as you felt yet another blush coming on. Due to the embarrassment you felt of her being kind of right, you only managed to playfully roll your eyes at her. “Yeah, I guess. Either there or in the library or something.” She went on (thankfully). “I noticed you were heavy on all your school work for the past week or so, so I didn’t want to, like, distract you or anything.”

You paused for a beat. You wanted to tell her that there was no problem and that she wasn’t distracting you at all, but from the few times that you actually did study when she was home, you knew that you would be a lie. After reading every other word, your mind drifted to her and what she could be thinking or doing on the other side of the room. You couldn’t help but glance at her every now and then and admire her.

When you thought she wasn’t looking, you peeked at her. Looked at her reacting to videos on her phone and smiled at the way her eyebrows furrowed then or happily sighed at the sound of her soft giggles. Or when she was furiously typing away on her laptop you yearned to ask what she was doing, just to hear her voice fill the room again.

Had she noticed that? Is that why she left? Was it weird? Is that why she kept leaving? Were you being weird right now?

Omg, say s o m e t h i n g

“Oh,” you simply let out.

The other girl burst out laughing and you weren’t sure why. She held onto her stomach and actually folded over in laughter. And for some reason, you couldn’t help but laugh with her. After you both laughed for what seemed like ages she wiped happy tears brimming at her eyes. “You were thinking for so long, and you had the shortest reaction.”

“I think my brain might have just glitched,” you chuckled.

“No worries.” the other girl smiled. “Anyway, you should come with me to the art studio sometime. It’s really pretty, plus I think my friends would really like you too.”

“Sounds like a plan.” You smiled.

The two of you talked longer, every minute felt like an hour and you enjoyed all of it. You learned so much more about Chaeyoung. You watched with adoration as she described the intricacies of “Girl” by The Internet and explained to you why it was her favourite song at the moment. You admired her as she went on and on about Justin Bieber, trying (and failing) to hide her inner Belieber. You smiled as she told you about a new spider tattoo she planned on getting on her hand and you laughed at how she cringed when telling you about her first kiss.

You were enthralled by her. Captivated.

“I could go for some food, how about you?” she randomly spoke up, breaking a small silence that had fell. She stood up and walked towards the kitchen area.

“You read my mind.” You muttered as you shuffled behind her.

“Good,” she chuckled. “I got some Ramyeon.” she smiled bright and held the noodle packs next to her head.

“Ah, it’s my favourite flavour as well!” you exclaimed.

“I know, I noticed you preferred it over the others. So I buy mostly this one now.” Your roommate casually said as she prepared the food. “You’re right. It’s really good.”

“Oh my god, Chaeyoung. You’re such a sweetheart.” You let out, admiring your roommate. She laughed at your remark and you went on, “I can’t believe I was intimidated by you at the start?”

The other girl burst out into laughter when you spoke, “Ah, you make my day. Me? Intimidating?” she put her hand against her chest and raised an eyebrow, acting offended. However, she quickly composed herself and turned the amused look on her face into the most adorable wannabe gangster one you have ever seen. “I mean, yeah, as you should.” She cutely quipped.

“Shut up, chae.” You slapped your roommate’s shoulder. “You’re not fooling anyone.”

When the food was ready you ate, going on and on about how this was the best Ramyeon you had both ever tasted – although that was probably just due to the munchies. Both of you were sitting on your roommate’s bed, still talking while tiredness was slowly taking over. Your voices had gotten lower and you had somehow, someway slowly found comfort being close to each other. Chaeyoung sat up against her bed frame and you rested your head against her shoulder. From this position, a seemingly permanent smile was plastered on your face as you got lost in her eyes.

You were taking turns asking each other random questions, being stubborn and trying to avoid falling asleep. “what is your ideal date?” she had asked you. It was a good question. Not one you had really thought about before.

“I don’t really know actually,” you admitted. “Having a bite to eat with them would definitely be on the list. Maybe also do something cool before or after? Like visit a concert, or an aquarium or something – I don’t know. I also enjoy the arcade. I always used to go on my birthday when I was younger.”

“That sounds fun.” Chaeyoung said. You could hear it in her voice, she was tired too. “When is it actually, your birthday?”

“Saturday.” You said, mindlessly snuggling up closer to your roommate.

“What? So soon?” the other girl said, slightly taken aback. “were you going to tell me this?” she jokingly quipped.

“ah, no big deal.” You replied through a yawn.

You didn’t know if it was an after effect of the weed or the comfort you felt laying on Chaeyoung’s shoulder, but it felt like you had never been as tired as you were at that moment. However, stubborn as you were, you didn’t want the night to end.

“I disagree.” The other girl muttered under her breath. She looked down and chuckled at you fighting your natural urge to close your eyes. “You’re tired.”

“I’m good.” You tried.

Your roommate swung her arm over you, pulling you closer into a more comfortable position. “uhm,” she started tentatively. “you’re welcome to stay with me tonight…I mean, if you want.”

You melted in the comfort of her grip, and through the tiredness you managed to smile at her. “yeah, I’d like that.”

And just like that, you closed your eyes and another day was gone.

#twice #twice x reader #twice x fem reader #chaeyoung #chaeyoung x reader #chaeyoung x fem reader #roommates chaeyoung mini fic #completed series #twice fluff #chaeyoung fluff

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transienttheologyproject · 8 months

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i hope my followers & others keeping up & supporting this project know that whenever you leave a kind message on my post — whether it be something as simple as a tagging your reblog of my posts with ‘!!!’ or as personal as sending me a message to the effect of ‘this type of work means so much to me thank you for doing it,’ you are helping me keep my momentum going.

bit of a whole big rant below, sorry for the length, but tl;dr i’m just immensely grateful for what support this project has received because the backlash it has gotten has taken way more of a toll on me & my mental health than i anticipated, and your kindness has helped in motivating me to not just completely wipe this whole thing from the internet.

today yesterday kinda sucked. a lot of the past couple weeks have sucked, especially since pushing more of an online presence with this zine, because of course, with something like this you’re naturally gonna attract a range of Christians, from those ‘gender-criticals’ (whatever that means) who think I’m misguided, to those who begin their messages by calling me & my work perverted, to those whose vitriolic transphobia manifests in sending me Gospel verses weaponized as straight-up death threats. and obviously i knew this was going to happen, and it did, even from as early on as when i was posting the calls-for-art.

and at first i handled it well — i deleted whatever i felt wasn’t worth my time responding to, and if i could meme a hate-comment into a promotional tiktok, then i kept it around to do exactly that. and that worked. i told myself i wasn’t going to get defensive and bound up in keyboard wars because the purpose of this specific project, this specific platform isn’t for debating or dialoguing with Christians who don’t affirm trans+ identities — it’s to serve those who are trans+ and Christian, and I didn’t want this intra-community effort to become an inter-community debate forum. dialogue is a perfectly necessary thing, don’t get me wrong, but there’s a time & a place for everything and this project wasn’t meant to be it.

as the weeks went on, however, the negative attention this project was receiving began to take a toll on me. it didn’t help that in addition to the anticipated pushback from Christian peers, some of the trans+ folks i knew gave me a hard time for ‘bootlicking the oppressor.’ i was, and still definitely am, having the most intense experience i’ve had to this day of the exact type of ostracization that inspired me to pursue this project in the first place — too trans for the Christians, too Christian for the trans folks.

receiving comments calling an academic research project i dedicated my entire summer to “perverted” made me doubt everything i had worked so hard on. accusations of “heresy” and “blasphemy” i had expected and received plenty of, but perversion was not something i had anticipated. comments like “you make me sick” made me second-guess everything i had done leading up to that moment — am i sickening? i was falling for the false narrative that exists as the backbone of much of today’s transphobia — that trans+ people are inherently groomers, monstrous predators. i was perverting my body, they said, and scripture, too — and i began to wonder if they were right.

receiving comments like “enjoy your insanity! I hope the boot still tastes good when they've taken away all our rights so you could feel like ‘one of the good ones’” made me doubt my identity as a Christian. yeah, it’s no secret that the anti-trans legislation running rampant and scaffolding an era of fascism in the United States is the result of neoconservative Christians who represent more the Rome that Jesus mocked & condemned than Christ’s mission itself. i began to worry if calling myself Christian identified me with the oppressor and if talking about transness from a Christian perspective was really a helpful endeavor or if i was essentially stabbing my trans+ community in the back.

you’d think that given the nature of this project, i would be better about not letting those sorts of interactions wear me out. because i’m conducting a project that’ll say “hey, trans+ Christians, you don’t have to choose between those two facets of your identity because they’re not mutually exclusive,” you’d think i would’ve had that mindset confidently internalized. or maybe you wouldn’t think that, but i guess i thought so myself. and i guess i thought that expecting the petty backlash & having done enough research to dismiss it was enough to be prepared for it. not really.

from the beginning, i told myself, “don’t let the mean ones get to you, you’re smart and have done your research and know what you’re talking about.” but there was such a separation between myself and my work this summer that i never truly internalized what i was writing about — i believed it, but i didn’t necessarily believe it for myself.

this project has been a labor of love. and i definitely think the labor part got the best of me this whole summer. the literary review was a drag. writing up the annotated bibliography was immensely frustrating and took me way longer than i would have liked. same with the zine’s section prefaces. and i had planned and hoped to meet with and interview several professionals in the various fields examined in the zine — and i totally dropped the ball because of… something that felt like burnout, which actually made me feel like i had committed the biggest blunder of my professional career before it had even begun. I’m still recovering from that.

the mental and emotional toll this has caused me, the academic, spiritual, psychological, and physical strife this whole endeavor has proven to have been has resulted in me sort of dissociating from the project; i talked about it as though it was a passion project of mine — which it is — but as i was working on it, i felt so disconnected from the material. as if it were akin to a homework assignment in a class i couldn’t care less about.

i’ve been in a tough spot regarding mental health for a long while now (for various other reasons besides this), and i’ve reached the point where i’ve wanted to pull the plug on something to just try and break whatever vicious cycle im trapped in, whether that something be as large-scale as dropping out of university, or as low-scale as shaving all my hair off, or maybe…well, maybe since i can pinpoint these online interactions and this research pursuit as a whole as contributing substantially to my poor mental state, maybe i should pull the plug on the zine. screw it, delete the social media pages & the website, make sure artists get their copies & be done with it.

but i have folks who have been legitimately looking forward to this — not even just people of the intended audience! i have cis Christian friends on my college campus who had never met a(n openly) trans+ person, let alone a trans Christian, before they had met me who have demonstrated such a genuine eagerness to learn from the expressions of faith and gender from myself & others like me. i know a Catholic mother — the sweetest woman — who is ordering a physical copy of the zine so she can try to understand and support her two trans+ daughters, and any other trans+ people she meets, better. i’ve had countless people — strangers — message me “this work you are doing is incredible and incredibly needed. thank you for doing it.” i’ve seen several people, folks just scrolling through their tiktok for you page who don’t even usually follow after leaving me comments to the effect of “yknow, this is a strange crossover episode, but i’m here for it, this is cool!”

there are people who want this work out there. and what’s more is that there are people who need this work out there. and i guess every time someone goes out of their way to extend some kindness towards me and gratitude for this project, i am reminded that i am among those who need this work. those little moments ground me in the purpose and mission of this project — to serve my trans+ Christian community, particularly those who may be having trouble reconciling their intersection within those identities especially within the current socio-political climate. and like, that’s me!!! i am a member of my community, i am a part of the people i am hoping to serve.

everything i was (and truthfully, still am) anxious about, everything that was (and is) weighing on my heart is everything that this project hopes to challenge. all the doubt i’ve been experiencing as of late is exactly what inspired me to do this work in the first place.

and the kindness and gratitude so many of you have extended towards me in the past few weeks, especially within the past few days, have truly helped ground me. i’m still struggling to get back on my emotional feet per se, which is why i will ask that if you find a moment, you keep me in your prayers — but i genuinely mean it when i say that every positive tag on a reblog, every share on one’s story and every kind comment serves as a reminder to me that a.) there are people will be genuinely served by a project like this, and not only that, but b.) i am one of those people. you all remind me to take a look at what i’ve done from the perspective of a trans Christian, not of a student researcher or a graphic designer or a social media moderator or any of the other practical roles i had to take on this summer. you remind me to look at this project as the type of person it’s meant to serve. you remind me of my initial hopes and goals with this endeavor.

you remind me to allow myself to be transformed by the work i have done.

when you share with me how inspirational this project is to you, you remind me to let myself be inspired by the work i’ve done. when you share how much this zine means to you, you remind me to let myself take meaning in it.

and i think it’s sort of ironic in a very beautiful way — so much of this zine focuses on the idea of entanglement and the interdependence of many facets of our lives, and it wasn’t until this project became entangled with you all so much that your experience with the zine is no longer just dependent on mine, but that ours are interdependent on each other. the positivity you feel at learning about this project is poured back into my cup, giving me the breathing room to finally allow myself to feel positively about it, too.

so truly, from the bottom of my soul, thank you. thank you for your kindness and your support, and for making it this far in my ramblings if you have. i know it was quite disorganized and probably very repetitive but this is my first time sort of articulating what i’ve been feeling so heavily recently. so, thank you again — i hold each and every one of you always in my heart, mind, and prayers!

<3 - Soup

(the man behind the curtain)

#tw transphobia #wow this is a lot #thanks for reading #i love yall #transgender christian #trans christian #trans and religious #trans and christian

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mmemory1 · 1 year

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What are you looking for? - Ch. 1

Writers Note: Whooo, first time posting writing online. I don’t write a lot so please be gentle :)

Far among the stars sits the Carina Hub, bigger than the planets and smaller structures that surround it. The citadel sat with a large bulb at the bottom, the rest of the structure built of dozens of rings as it came to a point at each end. The middle had the largest rings, the rest decreasing in size as they neared the opposite ends of the structure. Shuttles from the artificial moons orbiting the citadel flew in and out of the lower rings above the bulb.

The stars whisked past the windows as we neared closer to the Carina Citadel. The shuttle was thinly filled with various aliens, big and small. I sat huddled with my knees up to my face in a corner close to the doors. My face was completely covered by an intricately patterned metal mask and my body with a hooded jacket.

Outside, the sky was fading into a beautiful reddish haze. I could see the lights of the hub blinking further in. I’d only ever travel here twice before so the clouds surrounding the hub were breathtaking. Despite the nebula’s less than favorable reputation of being deadlier than half the stars surrounding it, the hub was still busy as ever. The hub itself was the biggest one for thousands of miles so it was the only affordable place I could find a human-owned pharmacy.

The intercom crackled awake and started speaking. The builders for Carina’s shuttles had the forethought to have the announcements in the most common auxiliary language, which was nice for everyone else but I could only understand a fraction of the words. I watched for the others on the shuttle to start gathering their things and copied them, grabbing my small bag and slinging it over my shoulder. I looked out of the window as Carina loomed overhead. Up close, the individual rings were huge.

We pulled into the lower station, the airlock sealing behind us. The doors opened and everyone filled out, with me leaving last. The station intercom crackled on and everyone exited quickly before the airlocked opened again for the shuttle to leave. Carina’s lower station was the largest and had six shuttles leaving and arriving at all times. Hundreds of people pushed past me to board the next shuttles. The ceilings were high and the lights inside were dimmer than the rest of the hub. Graffiti covered the walls inside the waiting area of the hub. I saw a couple of people adding more onto some of the taller parts of the wall. Unlike most places, the graffiti here was all connected in one way or another, the colors and shapes all fitting together. Carina’s workers never tried to remove it and the Overseers let it stay.

I walked with my head down, dodging kids that were running around and playing. A few looked up at me with curiosity, noticing the mask’s unique texture and color. One of them, a young Tank, whispered something to their friend and they giggled, waving at me and chasing down their other friends. I kept walking until I was at the next ring, one floor above the station. Here was a loading bay for goods that were delivered. The airlocks were smaller and the corridor I was walking in was separated off from the rest of the loading area. Compared to the lower hub filled with art and color, this floor was sterile and white, constantly being cleaned as new deliveries arrived from different parts of the galaxy. I made my way to the elevators at the end of the corridor and took one that was empty. I pushed the button for Floor 46, just below the center of the citadel. The elevators were fast, moving past the increased gravity with ease using huge electromagnets.

Outside, the solar winds pushed around the clouds. New stars had formed since the last time I was here. I took off my mask and pressed my face against the glass to look at Eta Carinae themselves, the two great stars at the center of the nebula. One of them was significantly brighter than the other, the dimmer one being towards the opposite end of the nebula. Despite their instability, they had yet to blow up so the engineers decided to take a chance and build the citadel here, almost 2,000 light years away from them. The stars were bright and it hurt to look at them for more than a few seconds, even with the citadel’s shading on the glass.

The elevator stopped at my floor, dinging loudly and saying something that I couldn’t understand, all except for the number “46”. I quickly put my mask back on and turned up the oxygen flow. This floor was much more active than the station and loading bays. It was a mix of restaurants, homes, and gardens with thousands of people walking around, talking and eating happily. Unlike the lower floors, the lighting here was dim to give off the illusion of dusk. I stepped out of the elevator and did my best to stick to the sides of buildings where I was out of the way of everyone. My mother always told me to, “Keep my head down and walk fast.” when I was anywhere as crowded as here. Crowded places made me nervous and all I wanted to do was leave or stick to the lower floors like the last time I was here.

I did my best to listen for footsteps following behind me but that was useless over everyone talking and the louder, heavier footsteps overtaking the smaller ones. I just kept walking, looking up occasionally to look at everyone walking by. There were aliens that were tall and thin, moving with an odd gracefulness. Others were just taller than me but built of almost pure muscle. Some were tall and bulky with natural armor covering their shoulders and back. Tanks. Humans stuck out compared to most aliens. We weren’t particularly colorful or muscular and tended not to stick with our own kind. Even now, I could see other humans eating happily with creatures half their size. They were braver than me.

I slowed down and moved back into a small alleyway so I could keep watching everyone. Besides the small colony of people, I’d been mostly isolated my whole life. I was the only young kid among twelve other adults and I was never smart enough to help the scientists or engineers.

“I’ve always been a little lonely,” I muttered to myself.

“Me too.”

I whipped around, quickly drawing a small knife from under my sleeve. The person behind grabbed my wrist faster than I could see. They were human like me but shorter. They looked surprised, but not afraid of my knife just a few inches away from their face.

“Okay… you’re certainly something.” They took a deep breath and slowly brought up their other hand to show me it was empty. She had curious, blueish eyes that looked over my mask, investigating the details I carved in.

“Two– no, three questions,” they let go of my hand and clasped theirs together. I pushed myself against the wall, still holding onto the knife. “One, do you always talk to yourself in New Colony’s English? Two, where’d you get such a nice mask? And three, what’s your whole,” they gestured to me, looking me up and down. “..deal?”

“My deal?” I asked quietly.

“Yeah. You’ve got some weird Old Earth traveler outfit here and the tiny weapon. And you’re paranoid, holy shit, you’re paranoid.” They let out a small laugh at the end.

“Were you following me?”

“Not originally but I saw you get off a transport a while ago and I thought, ‘Oh, a human from the Old Earth colonies, haven’t seen one of those in a while.’ and I tried getting your attention but you never responded. Anyway, follow me,” they grabbed my arm and pulled me along.

We stayed off the main pathways and took smaller hallways and staircases up almost ten floors. The whole time they kept talking about the citadel, telling me about the different floors above the center and the different paths and halls they found while wandering around. As we got to the final floor of the center, they stopped. We were standing on a structural walkway above the entire Central Hub. Behind us was the massive glass paneling that made up most of the walls here. I looked out the window and saw all different types of ships flying around, some making their way further into the clouds of Carina.

“You can take off your mask here,” they lightly jabbed my side and mimicked taking off a mask. She leaned over the railing opposite to the windows. “Nobody comes up except me and some construction guys and I haven’t seen those guys in a long time.”

I kept looking out of the window and took off my mask slowly. My face was immediately met with cool air. I hooked the mask onto my pants and leaned against the railing, facing in the opposite direction of the human. I kept my head turned away from them and let out a small sigh.

“What’s your name?”

“Oh, come on! Do you only ask questions,” they groaned. “You’re not making a good first impression, fellow human.” She pushed off the railing and got in front of me. They were smiling. In the brighter lighting, I could see their face better. She had dark brown hair with streaks of copper scattered throughout and their eyes were more green than blue. And, unlike all the other humans I’d seen back at the colonies, they had no oxygen mask or breath support. They let their hair hang loose and wore minimal clothing. Just a black undershirt with the sleeves rolled up to their elbows and a thin jumpsuit that wasn’t even zipped up past their waist.

I stayed silent for almost a minute before her expression finally changed and she let out another groan, “My name’s Velora but you get to call me Cat. Most people do.” She looked up at me, expectantly waiting for me to answer.

“Why Cat? That doesn’t make sense,” I said back to her, meeting their gaze. Her expression changed immediately.

“Do you not have any manners? ‘Oh that’s an interesting nickname. Here’s my name, Cat. Let’s talk some more,’” she badly mimicked my voice and sighed. “You know, most people I meet are pretty eager to talk or at least exchange pleasantries and small talk. You are sad.”

“It’s Maximilian. I don’t have any weird nicknames. And, I’d rather not talk a lot, I have to find something.”

“Oh, finally, normal sentences and not just questions,” she smiled. “What are you looking for, I’ll help.”

I opened my mouth to tell her I didn’t need their help but she put her hand over my mouth before I could get a word out. “I’m helping you. It’s the least I can do for another human. Now, what are you looking for?”

#scifi #og work #original work #what are you looking for?#writing #humans are weird #mmemory1

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alfietalksaboutcomics · 26 days

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The Comics I've Read in March

I've devised a new type of monthly post for this blog, I'm going to keep track of and talk a bit about comics I've read each month that are either some of my favorite reads or ones that I'd find it interesting to ramble about. This is in large part to keep track of what I've read in any given month and to create little time capsules for myself. Without further ado let's get into what I read this month starting with my the single issues.

Single Issues

X-Men Forever #1 by Gillen and Maresca

X-Men Forever #1 by Kieron Gillen and Luca Maresca is a weird issue. It exists in this bizarre liminal space in terms of continuity. It takes place after Immortal X-Men but before the already released first two issues of Rise of The Powers of X. So essentially the issue is playing narrative catch up, it's explaining how we get from Immortal X-Men to Rise of The Powers of X. That being said it's not like you could read this before the first two issues of Rise of The Powers of X, it is very much is built around the expectation that you have already read those first two issues. So like I said, the book finds itself in a bizarre liminal space.

Despite all that weirdness, the book is still fantastic. It was an exhilarating read that just didn't let up. The hits just kept up coming at a breakneck pace. It feels like the book is weaving together two halves into a complete article of clothing, picking up threads from one half and effortlessly weaving it into the other.

On the art front I was happily surprised. I didn't dislike Maresca's art on Children Of The Vault but I didn't love it either. I don't know if it's that he has stepped it up or if it's the fact that this is a different colorist but it's exceptional work. The facial work in particular blew my breath away on several occasions. To return to the coloring for a second, in the past I haven't considered myself a fan of Blee, I had thought of his colors as bland and washed out. But for whatever reason here I absolutely adore his work and I can't exactly say why.

I have two favorite panels from this issue, the first is Sinister Doug's little chest hair, it's absolutely adorable.

The other is actually a set of panels. It's when, upon learning that the mutants who walked through the gates are alive, Charles Xavier falls to his knees and breaks down into tears. It's a perfect payoff to when he broke down in tears when he thought he sent them all into a meat grinder at the Hellfire Gala.

Resurrection of Magneto #3 by Ewing and Vecchio

I haven't really talked about Resurrection Of Magneto by Al Ewing and Luciano Vecchio online in any form so let me rectify that here. Resurrection Of Magneto serves as a coda to Al Ewing's time in the Krakoan era, it only makes sense that in this final stretch the focus shifts to his two primary focus characters in his X-Men work, Magneto and Storm. Resurrection Of Magneto has been a fantastic book all the way through and this issue is no exception.

Despite Ewing's always fantastic writing, the most continually notable thing about this series to me is the work Vecchio is doing in it. I was a fan of his work even before this series, but even I must admit that his work in Resurrection Of Magneto has been a improvement by magnitudes. It's honestly been shocking to see him shine like he has in this series where before his art wasn't nearly at this level.

My favorite panel from this issue is rather silly but it's the panel where we see the array of the Phoenix's opposites. It has to be my favorite because it brings in a deep DEEP pull in the first fallen. A bizarre character from the tail end of Claremont's return to Uncanny X-Men in the late 2000s.

X-Force #50 by Percy and Gill

X-Force #50 by Benjamin Percy and Robert Gill is the final issue of Percy's run on X-Force. I've been a massive fan of this run all the way through. Percy has been doing what seems almost impossible in big two comics nowadays, a slow burn story. Indeed making it to fifty issues is pretty miraculous at this point and time.

X-Force #50 gave me a adrenaline rush while reading it, but not for the reason one might hope. No, all the while reading this comic my brain was racing with one question: "How the hell do they wrap this up in 20 pages?". The answer? They rushed to the conclusion. It's not bad but it does feel uncharacteristically rushed. I have the feeling that Percy thought he may have had more runway then he actually did, that he had to wrap up unexpectedly quickly. Which sounds insane to say considering he already had fifty issues worth of story, but given what we know about the sudden editorial change in the X-office it seems possible that if Jordan White stayed on perhaps Percy would have been on X-Force for even longer.

As is X-Force #50 is fine, it's a utilitarian ending for a story that feels like it needed more room to breathe. That being said overall Percy's run on X-Force is exemplary comics.

Series

All-Star Superman by Morrison and Quitely

Before All-Star Superman by Grant Morrison and Frank Quitely I never read a superman comic before. Hell, the only other DC I read was Spirit World #1. So in a effort to read something other then a marvel comic I decided to pick up one of the most famous and beloved Superman stories of all-time.

I find All-Star Superman to be a exceptionally hard series to write about. Even though it's only twelve issues, those issues are dense. I've always thought that Morrison does a great job making a single issue feel like six. All-Star Superman is no different, the issues are dense and feel like they tell their own complete stories.

Based off the iconic cover to the first issue of the series and knowing a little bit about the basic premise I honestly thought that it would be an exploration of the character of Superman and how he deals with his impending death. I was admittedly, very wrong. The series is in fact not an exploration of Superman, but his mythology. The series spotlights the major characters of Superman's mythos like Lois Lane, Jimmy Olsen, Bizzaro, Lex Luther, and more. It feels like a celebration of Superman and the characters history.

On the art front Quitely delivers amazing facial expressions as always. I first encountered Quitely's art in New X-Men, where he really gets to shine by having so many weird freaks to draw. All-Star Superman doesn't nearly have as many bizarre freaks which does make me sad, that being said the work is still incredible.

A complete aside but, my favorite character from All-Star Superman has to be Lex Luthor, the man just has impeccable hater energy.

Lex Luthor is Ahab and Superman is his Moby Dick, I just have to admire the complete and total devotion to hating one man with every fiber of your being.

Moon Knight by Lemire and Smallwood

Back in January I wrote about Moon Knight by Warren Ellis and Declan Shalvey. I would describe that run as sleek and stylish, it largely runs on vibes. Back when I wrote about it I put a lot of attention on the fact that the series really doesn't focus much on Marc Spector's interiority. Moon Knight by Jeff Lemire and Greg Smallwood sits on the opposite end of the spectrum, focusing so much on Marc's interiority that the fourteen issues almost entirely takes place inside Marc's mind.

The series is a deep dive into the fractured mind of Moon Knight. Marc and all of his alters get a focus. The first arc starts off with a lot of inertia but honestly kinda slows down at a certain point, it doesn't feel like it needs to be five issues. In the second arc the focus shifts primarily to the alters and we see the world from their perspective which is conveyed through different art styles, it's a pretty smart way to go about fill in artists. The last arc sees Marc reconcile with his alters and go after Khonshu who is trying to take over their body. The last arc is by far the strongest in the book in my estimation, Smallwood returns as the primary artist and his work is just so above all of the fill in artists.

The art across the series is stellar. Smallwood is the primary artist and he brings a otherworldly feel to the comic. It honestly reminds me a little of Sienkiewicz's work at times, which makes sense given he worked on the original run of Moon Knight. Special mention also has to go to colorist Jordie Bellaire, who brings the same careful use of color and it's absence like she did in the Ellis and Shalvey run. Both Smallwood and Bellaire's combined talent lends the book a almost chalky look? Which sounds odd to say but it's the best word to describe the look of the series.

My favorite sequence from the run has to be a flashback that takes place after the funeral of Marc's father. Marc laments to his mother that his father hated him, when she retorts that his father did indeed loved him, Marc experiences a dissociative episode and Steven takes over. Marc's mother reacts poorly telling him to knock it off.

This sequence deeply resonated with me. While I don't suffer from D.I.D I do suffer from Bipolar and I can recall having similar conversations with my own mother when my episodes would flair up. The tragic thing is that for both Marc's mom and mine it doesn't come from a place of malice but a misunderstanding of their child's condition. It's a wonderful depiction of what it's like for your loved ones to not truly understand your condition and it's the moment that most impacted me.

Silver Surfer Requiem by Straczynski and Ribic

Silver Surfer Requiem by J. Michael Straczynski and Esad Ribic is a beautiful series both visually and narratively. It's kind of funny that I read this so soon after All-Star Superman since they have such similar premises. A being of great cosmic power—in this case the Silver Surfer—is faced with their own approaching death. It's a fairly superficial connection but one I find funny all the same.

The writing is quite lovely but the real draw is Ribic's art. There are ample splash pages which are so amazing and breathtaking I want to frame them. I've always thought that Ribic's art has a mythic quality to it and here is no different.

It's very hard to pick one splash panel to showcase here, there are so many amazing ones in this short four issue mini. The one I ultimitely landed on showcasing is this one:

It's a page of the Silver Surfer before he was the Silver Surfer approaching Galactus with a bargain to save his home planet. It's a pretty simple page but something about it just sings to me. Galactus's machinery is a precursor to Ribic's later celestial technology in Eternals. And something about Galactus's face just feels so omnipotent, so beyond human, so unknowable.

Black Cat by MacKay

Before I go any further I feel the need to give some context, in preparation for the upcoming Marvel event Blood Hunt I decided to read all of Jed MacKay's major marvel works, some of which I go over later in this post. I'm calling it my MacKayathon. Black Cat was the first step in that and my god is it a good first impression.

Before reading MacKay's Black Cat I had no opinion on Felicia Hardy a.k.a the Black Cat. around twenty-eight issues later I find myself utterly obsessed with this character and her world. MacKay's Black Cat run is stretched across two volumes, two annuals, one giant-sized issue, one one shot, and one mini. Even when spread across multiple titles, twenty-eight issues of Black Cat is insane.

Black Cat is all about heists. In fact the first volume is essentially her stealing stuff from everyone in the marvel universe, including, Doctor Strange, the Fantastic Four, Iron Man, Danny Rand, and even fucking Kade Killgore. The highlight for me has to be the last two issues where in the process of stealing from Tony Stark, Felicia creates the Iron Cat suit of armor, which is really an amazing design.

The supporting cast is also great, from Black Cat's crew Bruno and Dr. Korpse, to her aging mentor the Black Fox, to her rival and leader of the Thieves Guild of New York Odessa Drake. It's a great cast and MacKay made me care deeply about all of them. Generally Mackay has that effect, of taking characters I either didn't give a damn about before or didn't even know and elevating them to become some of my favorites.

On the art front for the first volume, Travel Foreman does a great job but his pencils is occasionally hampered by colorist Brian Reber, who's colors are fantastic with all the other artists on the series but don't gel with Foreman's pencils for whatever reason. The future lead designer on Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse, Kris Anka does two issues and brings his trademarked stylistic flair to the book. In my opinion though, the artist who best fits the series is the one who comes in for the last two issues, MacKay's future collaborator on Avengers, Carlos Villa. Villa just feels like a star who is waiting for the right book, something about his expressive faces and style just feel perfectly suited to big two comics and especially the expressive Black Cat.

One complaint I have about the art is the way Black Cat is sometimes sexualized for the male gaze. For the most part outside of the first annual this isn't really a big issue in the interiors, but the covers for the first volume it's a entirely different matter. J. Scott Campbell's covers for the first volume most resemble pin up posters, it's a little gratuitous and just feels gross.

Sadly due to covid related reasons the initial run of Black Cat was cancelled prematurely. Fortunately the second volume came out only a few months later, however it starts somewhat oddly. Black Cat volume two begins with three event tie-in issues. They are by no means bad, they are quite fun in fact, but they do interrupt the flow of the book somewhat. However after those first three issues the new volume picks back up the threads of the old volume and starts to continue the story.

Issues five through seven of the series comprise The Gilded City arc which is essentially the pay off to everything that has come before it. It's a wonderful end to the story of MacKay's Black Cat. However that's not quite the end, there are still three more issues that comprise the Infinity Score arc of the series. The Infinity Score arc is a weird one, It's building off of the Infinite Destinies series of annuals that introduce hosts to the infinity stones. Some of the annuals are good but others are pretty bland if I'm being frank. In Infinity Score Felicia must assemble the infinity stone hosts to pull off a heist. Unfortunately the series was cancelled again, with only three of the infinity stone hosts gathered. The silver lining to this is that MacKay gets to finish up the story in Giant-Size Black Cat: Infinity Score, even if seemingly the original plans had to be changed as no more infinity stone hosts join Felicia's team and she has to make do (much like MacKay) with what she has to complete the job.

For the second volume the bulk of the issues are penciled by the returning Carlos Villia. However the Gilded City arc has Michael Dowling, a fill in artist for the first volume, return. Dowling's style is much more reminiscent of Foreman's then anything done by Villia. But honestly he works wonders none the less. Luckily the cover artist has changed from Campbell to comics superstar artist Pepe Larraz. Larraz's covers much like all of his work are breathtaking, and unlike Campbell's work it manages not to sexualize Felicia for the sake of the male gaze!

The last bit of MacKay's run on Black Cat is a five issue mini, Iron Cat. This series sees the return of that exceptional Iron Cat suit of armor as Felicia's ex, Tamara Blake steals the armor and makes a attempt on Felicia's life. Black Cat must team up with Iron Man to take her down and get back his armor.

The art team on Iron Cat is Pere Pérez on pencils and Frank D'Armata on colors. Pérez does a great job, his work is very detailed but still has a lot of life to it. D'Armata is someone I have complicated feelings about, his color work often gives comics this weird glossy look, as if everything and everyone was covered in Vaseline and shoe polish. His colors often are very cold to me, especially building interiors. However here his work doesn't bother me so much, sure I still would have preferred Reber but D'Armata gets the job done.

Iron Cat is a good bit disconnected from the rest of the run. For instance Bruno and Dr. Korpse, two central characters in both volumes of Black Cat, barely appear at all. But it's still a great comic and one that compliments the rest of the run.

Taskmaster by MacKay and Vitti

Taskmaster by MacKay and Alessandro Vitti is a fun and short series, it's only five issues and it's plot is pretty straight forward. The basic gist of the plot is this: someone has killed Maria Hill and framed Taskmaster, Black Widow is after him to avenge Hill but Nick Fury Jr saves Taskmaster's life and recruits him to finish Hill's mission, which involved securing a old H.A.M.M.E.R a doomsday device, the only wrinkle is that to get access to the doomsday device Taskmaster must get close enough to three super spies to copy their biometric signatures or whatever. And that's essentially the plot of the book, sure there are a few twists towards the end but now you largely understand the structure of Taskmaster. Each issue focuses on Taskmaster getting the biometric whatever of one of the super spies, rinse and repeat till it all comes to ahead in issue five.

The thing that makes the series worth the read though is Mackay's voice for Taskmaster. Mackay's Taskmaster is just a lovable goofball.

Taskmaster is just a real joy in this series, he is just such a silly little guy. That being said MacKay doesn't pretend that Taskmaster is all jokes, he's a competent mercenary who knows when to put his straight face on. He's simultaneously lovable and pretty scary, it's a great balance.

There are really only two notable things about Vitti's art in this series to me. firstly his men are big and bulky, which doesn't really speak to anything deeper but is the main thing I remember about his art here. The second thing is that he gets a lot of range of emotion out of a skull mask, Taskmaster is constantly expressive in pretty extreme ways, that alone deserves some props.

I'll just present my favorite panel from this series without comment.

The Death of Doctor Strange by MacKay and Garbett

I wouldn't regularly pick up The Death of Doctor Strange by MacKay and Lee Garbett. I'm just not a huge Doctor Strange guy. That being said, it's the precursor to MacKay's run on Strange and Doctor Strange and by the rules of the MacKayathon I am compelled to read it. With that being said I quite liked The Death of Doctor Strange.

The titles really gives the central premise of the book away, Doctor Strange is murdered, the twist however is that he is going to solve his own murder! This is possible because a unspecified amount of years ago, Doctor Strange took a week off his life expectancy to create a version of himself to avenge his death, the wrinkle though? He only has that one week to solve the case! This is a pretty fun and clever concept and by far the most compelling thing about the book. Seeing this past Strange reckon not only with his future and the choices of his future self makes for good drama.

Upon Strange dying a magical protective seal around the world fails, thus enters the Three Mothers, a trio of beings who capture magic users to feed their eldritch and fetile master, the Peregrine Child.

Besides being creepy and serving as antagonists these villains start a funny trend across MacKay's work at Marvel, the elaborately designed weirdo villain team. Two examples of this from his later work would be the Twilight Court and the Bloodcoven.

It's just a funny recurring beat I've seen in his work.

I honestly don't have strong opinions on Garbett's art generally, his work somewhat reminds me of Joshua Cassara's, especially in the faces. Both artists employ pretty blocky anatomy. Antonio Fabela's colors are quite nice, they especially pop when it comes to the more magical moments.

Earlier on in this post I talked about how I admired Lex Luthor's raw hater energy. Well Doctor Strange has his very own hater, Baron Mordo. I know just about nothing about Mordo except for the fact that he hates strange and hates the idea of Strange dying by anyone's hands but his.

Closing Thoughts

So that concludes the "My Favorite Comics I've Read in March", this post honestly turned out a lot longer then I expected clocking in around 3,500 words. But overall I think this has been a worth while exercise. See you next month, the MacKayathon will continue!

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silphwave · 2 years

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Hi! That other anon that asked you if you've taken classes about pixel art made me wonder what other experience you have with art. Are you self taught? What kinds of art have you practiced before pixel art? I'm curious because your style of pixel art and use of color is so unique and striking.

Hey, I appreciate the interest. I studied Fine Art at university, although I learned zero knowledge about any traditional techniques such as colour theory, composition etc. The art school was sadly obsessed with conceptual art. They didn't care if you could draw, paint, sculpt or craft with skill and beauty; only the message mattered. In hindsight I should have expected this, I didn't really have a message, just a mood.

I still remember one of the senior lecturers looking at the work hanging up in my art studio and he sighed "Hmmmm, it's just a bit too nice isn't it?". Then he sat me down and began asking "What do you hate? You should make some art about that..." He then proceeded to try and get me to make social and political art, which has never been in my nature. Art is a relaxing hobby for me, a form of escapism, a happy place away from the world. So I continued what I was doing regardless, making surrealist collages from vintage magazines and old books and scraped a bare minimum pass.

I went under the online alias of "Dharma_Collage" from about 2014-18. Maybe there's still some remnants of work online (I'll see if I can find any to add to this post). It slowly transitioned into the work I'm doing now as I used the old collaging techniques to make my first Pokémon art. I don't think I learned anything practical from art school that's helped with the art I make now, it's just been purely led by following my own interests and making what excites and motivates me. The Internet has endless help and resources for anyone willing to learn on their own.

As for pixel art, I seen some pixel art online and just instantly thought to myself "Wow, I want to make that!". So I briefly studied and researched and then jumped head first into it and just kept putting in the hours. Started small, using pixel apps on my phone etc and gradually upped the scale and complexity. I had another page called "Pixelad" for about 6 months before Silphwave, I'll add a few of those earlier images here too for comparison.

When something doesn't look right, whether it be colours, composition, texture, font etc it really offends my brain. There's some kind of OCD factor that compels me to fix what I'm looking at. Most of my art is rearranging and recolouring things until it no longer annoys me. Almost like some feng shui process, especially for the cluttered album cover type designs I make.

I always liked drawing things as a kid, we didn't have much money for toys, game consoles or Pokémon cards etc; so I'd make my own. I filled a notebook with my own Pokémon gameboy experience, I drew locations on every page and made teams for dozens of trainers and gym leaders I'd fight along the way and had extensive stat tallies for all my Pokémon that were constantly getting erased and updated. It was basically a one man D&D adventure 😅 I'd make my own Harry Potter wands and Witches and Wizard cards or LotR weapons and maps. This kind of lore expanding, creating fan art was pretty much ingrained in me from an early age. Maybe that's why the nostalgic theme is ever present through my art as that's essentially what I'm doing, reliving and continuing my childhood.

(Sorry for the long convoluted answer, I found it helpful for organising my thoughts. You've prompted me to think of some things I hadn't considered before, thank you)

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capow02 · 1 month

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hi hi hello hi I think you're my only sio mutual that's active anymore (': I looked up the welcome 2 elsewhere site because I just randomly remembered it earlier and honestly am I the only one who misses that era? like the bright and colorful aesthetic with the super trippy and horror visuals? the arg they put together? the dyed hair? like maaaan don't get me wrong I'm happy about the new era but elsewhere was taken from us too soon </3 maybe I need to make more art of it lol

Hi!! I'm so glad you sent this ask because I love the elsewhere era so much, I could genuinely talk about it for hours. So here, have this extremely long essay about my experience.

I discovered set it off in early 2021, so the elsewhere era was the first full album cycle I experienced. And my god it was perfect! I was on holiday when the website went up along with the teaser for skeleton, and I remember so clearly trying to figure out all the puzzles before retreating alone back to our hotel room to figure out minesweeper. The feeling of excitement as the discord was going crazy trying to figure everything out was unmatched!

And then skeleton came out, and I was genuinely obsessed. I had just moved into an awful shared house for my second year at uni, so I drowned all my sorrows by putting the song on repeat, drawing the band almost constantly and of course, making the lyric video that would start my channel! The hype was so massive, the dyed hair was iconic, I genuinely lived and breathed the multicoloured aesthetic. I bought every single merch thing I could (my room decor and t shirts still reflect this.) I got a switch that year, and immediately named my island elsewhere.

Every time the website changed, the excitement was so palpable that I dropped everything I was doing when it happened. Of course I had projector and who's in control on loop when they came out, and while I didn't like them as much as skeleton, they built so much hype for the album it was unreal. I even attended an online concert a couple months before the album came out, and it took place so late at night that I went to sleep at 5am while having to get up at 8. I was that committed.

And remember the teasers they posted to instagram and twitter? The ones they posted at 5pm every wednesday and sunday, where unscrambling the code revealed the next song title, the ones I based my elsewhere lyric videos off? I actually set an alarm on my phone so I could catch these as soon as they appeared, I was that desperate to know the next title! And of course the discord went crazy each time, the energy was unmatched. And when the album actually came out, oh my god. It was on loop for over 6 months. I thought taste of the good life was a gift from god, the amount of times I listened to it.

The hype continued throughout 2022, as demos kept coming out through the fanclub (which I paid full money for, getting one of my favourite ever hoodies in the process) and each demo seemed to be better than the next. I still have no idea how the truth about lying was cut from elsewhere and playing with bad luck stayed.

Also, I was so excited for my first ever sio concert that november. And the day 100% lived up to the expectations! I gave the boys some stickers in vip which they loved, and even got a hug from zach after explaining an obscure talk it off reference on one of his stickers. I made some great friends in line, even though I got seated tickets so I had to be separated from them, but I did still get great seats. And the concert itself!! I'm so glad I can say I've seen third wheel live, even if it was in the medley. And I still remember the pure joy I felt when I waved at cody and he waved back at me during uncontainable.

By the start of 2023 and all the "scandals" and stuff started happening, along with their slow retreat off of all social media, I could tell the era was gradually ending and I was really sad. It fully sunk in when they stopped dying their hair, and I was devastated, I almost forgot what they looked like with natural hair. Although I will say I probably got more closure on the era than you guys in america, because I actually made it to one of the end of elsewhere shows here in the uk.

I have to say, that was probably the best night of my life. I paid full price for the vip this time, so I got to actually hang around and talk to them before the show. I also got standing tickets, and managed to get barrier, which was so close to the stage I could've reached out and touched cody countless times. It was wild, and I enjoyed every second. Of course, 4 days later punching bag released, marking the proper end of elsewhere. (And they haven't toured the uk since.)

I miss this era so goddamn much. I have so much nostalgia for it, even though its barely been a year since it ended, and I really wish the current era's branding was as strong. I always felt so close to the band during elsewhere, with all the talk it off episodes and them noticing me on social media. The sense of community was strong, and I miss it a lot now they've stopped posting anything. Idk, I might be biased because it was my first time experiencing a full era.

Anyway, if you actually read all that, thanks! I really needed a good reminisce. And yes, you should make more art of elsewhere! The visuals were unmatched, especially in the music videos 💜💜

#oh my god i actually spent an hour typing all of this out #can you believe elsewhere is my favourite sio album? shocking right #i definitely shouldnt have written all that #i just felt like i needed to get it off my chest #lol its 3am now i should probably go to bed #someone asks me about elsewhere and i just black out #im both ill and sleep deprived what a combination #set it off #set it off band #sio #pow asks #elsewhere

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eternalglitch · 2 years

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Hi there! First of all, I’m not kidding when I say lfls is one of the best stories I’ve had the pleasure to read in a looong time and I can’t thank you enough for sharing such a wonderfully written story :D

When I started reading the fic it had about 5k kudos and not many chapters were plagued with comments. Now there’s like more than a hundred comments in the latest chapters with 10k kudos and still growing. How does that feel? Does it get overwhelming? What kept you motivated when the numbers weren’t as high? I’m so curious to know how the growth in popularity has been on your part!

I’m also loving the lfls playlist. Have you heard Karma by AJR? Idk why but I feel like it goes really well with the story.

Hoping you’re having a great time in your day to day and once again thanks for sharing your work!

youtube

The numbers and statistics on every single one of my social media accounts don't feel real to me, I will be honest.

In 2017 I had another decently big fic (or so I thought), and I was (positively) overwhelmed by waking up to about 24 new comments the next morning when I posted a chapter and that was about it for that chapter's comment count. Now I get maybe 50 within the hour of posting and about ten new ones every day.

I think the first three months of writing lfls I had no concept of anyone really watching. Chapter two got maybe two comments within the week it was posted, but I was also studying abroad at the time and had plenty of things irl to keep myself busy with over in Singapore.

I never had an issue by the (lack of) numbers in the start, because I thought the fandom was too small in the first place to get numbers. I was just writing this for myself. In a fun reversal, sometimes it's harder to write with the bigger following because of stage fright for me. What if I make the wrong call on a plot twist? What if I leave an embarrassing typo that thousands of people will now see? These weren't issues when it felt like no one was watching. But if I get stuck in that mindset for too long, I simply vanish for a break. Make like Avatar Aang and go hibernate for, say, 6 months away from my fic. I've done it before, long enough that I forgot that there was anything to really be nervous about. That was back when this first started really snowballing in attention though, and I think I've grown a bit more used to it all.

Still, my friends make fun of me because my brain can't fully understand just HOW MANY people follow me. It feels like I have 50 followers, when this is not the reality. As a fanfic writer surrounded by very talented artist friends my entire life, I had grown used to the idea that on social media I would never really get a following and would just cheer my friends on for that. The usual script is that the artists get more attention on Tumblr and Twitter, and the writers get their time to shine on ao3 or fanfic.net, but not elsewhere. And I was totally okay with that! I am always very happy for my friends' success. Visual art gets consumed faster and is quicker to draw attention and that's that. But then suddenly this was not the case AT ALL for me. I made it as one of the exceptions. It's really nice to have this weird power to boost other people on social media and get their work seen and recognized in turn.

Because of this popularity, I'm also exposed to a lot more opinions about my work because usually people only find and talk about the fanfic that meets what they are looking for. Now that lfls has fully escaped containment and is in most Rise fandom areas, people that do not seek out or read angst are trying angst. My condolences to those poor souls, I would say my writing is not actually that dark to people that enjoy these tropes but it sure is quite the shocker (lol) if you're new to the scene. Or maybe I'm just terrible at judging how dark I write, I genuinely think some chapters are breathers and yet have seen jokes online that those are some of the most emotionally heart wrenching ones.

But yeah, getting fanart and comments every single day is SO GOOD for keeping up enthusiasm for a long fic. I dread the final chapter a little because it's been an awesome ride that I don't want to end. Excited to show everyone the rest of the fic too, though! And maybe some people will stick around for my next writing adventure.

I think the real crisis is I'm about to maybe even OVERTAKE in kudos one of the fics I really look up to and have aspired to write in that kind of quality for the past 6 years. Which sounds fake. That is FAKE, I haven't gotten my skills sharp enough to do that yet.

And yes I do know that song!! I can definitely see it for lfls. I found it with a Steven Universe amv a few years back.

Thank you for reading and enjoying my work in turn! :}

#glitch answers #and it feels full of it to talk about tbh AHAGJDKG #just know I am very greatful to everyone that helped get me here and still stunned so many people are willing to spend time on lfls art

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moboxcritique · 8 months

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Blurry sent me an ask today

I won't include the ss because he seems angry in this one (idk if Kev will post it though cause I've spent a long time typing out this ask and I do NOT want to go out and check and rewrite this entire thing AGAIN😭) But he's holding a grudge against me for accidentally outing him as trans to his dad, which happened back in July 23rd and it happened in twitter replies.

1), I didn't mean to blurry, I assumed your dad was purposely misgendering you, especially when he was being transphobic to me calling me "a little whatever you are", plus, my other assumptions was that your dad had twitter, and I thought he knew your socials and you were openly trans online. However, I shouldn't have assumed and kept quiet about it, Kev told me about it back in July and I felt guilty finding out about it. Here are old messages from July when I was talking to Kev about my mistake:

No, starry (they're a follower of mine), wasn't apart of it, it was only me who accidentally outed you as trans to your dad, not Kev, not Kev's friends, only me. If there was anyone else, they had nothing to do with us.

2) your dad was threatening me and another minor, alongside with threatening to 'find where Kev lives' alongside with violence, your dad has said to another minor "you're 17? I'll wait" with more of the violence he said to us with "they'll put me away once they'll see what I'm about to do to you", and all because he wanted to protect you

My evidence? The twitter replies are deleted, but I'll show them anyways as you can see the dates on the replies and the context in my replies (you can see when I outed blurry as trans in one of them, a couple times infact)

- I know I posted the proper evidence on my twitter back in July, however when I search through my tweets, twitter is being a pain in the ass. BUT once I find the proper evidence, I'll send them in! I'm not sure if I posted them on this blog before, I think I did? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

- I got a new phone a couple months ago, so no I don't have any backed up pictures, my evidence is lost! But I can always rely on my old twitter posts, and with this blog and Kev, since they archive a lot of evidence.

- it's suspected that Marcy and blurry are still friends, if you guys don't know even though I talked about it twice, Marcy is a groomer and stole 3-4 OCS from Kev and tried to sell them. I talk about it a couple times in the ss with me and blurrys dad in the twitter replies. cause blurry for all we know is probably still friends with the two predatory proship artist creators, I even once told him about one of them with their bad behaviour and like 6 months later he's still talking to them and is in their helluva boss discord server. Blurry once reached out to me on Tumblr and I told him stuff about mob, he said they weren't mutuals and that he'd stop talking to mob, but then me and Kev find out blurry rebranded after he deleted all of his accounts and went into mobs discord helluva boss server despite what we told blurry about mob with given evidence 😭

3) anyways, continuing, you and your sister disregarded your dad's actions, your sister went out to DM Kev and to tell her to stop, however I won't forget how the both of you defended your dad's actions in threatening kids with creepy behaviour.

Although, I told Kev back then to split blurry and blurrys dads behaviour, as I felt like blurry shouldn't have any blame with his dad's actions. But blurry and his sister instead just tried to downplay their dad's actions towards me, Kev and a minor. Even if his dad is sorry, he shouldn't have done any of that in the first place.

Anyways, blurry sent an ask to Kev too (I know the blog already seen this but I'll still include it) this one doesn't seem personal like what blurry sent to me. Because this is just plain vile and deserves to be on display, sorry blurry ┐(´ー｀)┌

Here you are, calling Kev and her friends "harassers" yet you send in this ask to Kev. Calling her art shit, with other insults.

I understand you're angry blurry, but I'll have you know that just yesterday, Kev was planning to make a doc on you and Marcy, when I told Kev not to (for now)

Infact, there are times I told Kev to consider at least some of your opinions. but instead it disappoints me that you send in a hateful ask to Kev out of anger, I don't know what happened, If this has to do with Kev making a debunk thread on twitter, or if it's me talking about Marcy here and suspecting the two of you are still friends, despite the fact Marcy is a groomer and stole Kev's OCS plenty of times.

I'm aware both blurry and Kev talk crap about each other's art style, however I don't want to be involved in that, cause I can't do anything about that 💀

However I don't agree with anyone and everyone here talking crap about each other's art style, cause that's none of my business and it shouldn't be anyone elses. However that's frequently normal when it comes to a 'problematic content creator' with their art style. people shit on the danganronpa art style a lot on twitter, same with the fnf art style sometimes, etc etc. However it shouldn't go far to where it involves harassment. Now blurry bursted out in anger for whatever reason and just sends in a sudden ask to Kev with insults 😭

^^^^^^

Yeah, we got evidence of Blurry's dad saying that stuff to Starry and Kev as shown here and here

The guy's being a literal hypocrite like always, not only insulting Kev but insulting an entire streaming service, basically an entire community. It's insane

#mod cagney #ask #blurry kun #cultc0re #zombifykid

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v2is-baby · 10 months

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i'm very bad at sending asks bc im chronically the shyest person on EARTH but i just need you to know you are a phenomenal artist to me and i love the work that you post here, it's incredible!! i know a lot how it feels to be mentally in a very bad place (im very low right now too) and i know too how it feels when that leaks into how you feel about your art. so i don't know if it helps, but seeing your work inspires me, it makes me so happy and im always excited to see you online. you have such fun + neat ideas, like all of it from silly posts to design work to just lovely compositions, i adore seeing it every time!!! it's wild!! i'm sorry if this is too personal or anything, but i really wanted to thank you for sharing your work and i sincerely wish for better days for you!!! please take care

Oh I just don't know what to say. I have a hard time trying to find the right words. You make it look easy! I just don't know how words work when someone tells me very nice things. I just shutdown!

I can only tell you one thing though, one thing that I know is for certain and that's that without you I wouldn't have this blog. Your cute and so detailed art got me into this fandom! When I heard about the game thanks to a friend the first fanarts she showed me was yours and I was like OOO.

So I kept looking! And looking more of your stuff on Twitter.

I'm in love with your art style. You make simplicity complex in an unique cute way.

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reactivatedrockstar · 8 months

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Rules

I am on mobile, so my tags are very minimal.

Do not reblog threads you are not apart of. This also applies to my headcanons, but I'm confident that the only people who reblog those are ppl who find it and don't realize this is an RP blog.

I'm lenient about this, but do not reblog art or memes from here, as it clogs up my feed.

Don't poop on the floor

You never know what you're going to get with me. You may get a multipara starter/reply, you may get a few sentences. I don't expect you to match my length, especially if I've written a behemoth of a starter... but I do ask that you try to match my effort. If I'm writing a huge reply and you respond with something that doesn't match the setting or context, (and do this consistently,) I'm more than likely doing to drop threads, and if this keeps happening, I'll just soft block you. Yes I do this for fun, but I put abouts and rules and everything you need to know for a reason, and if you can't be bothered to put in the effort to read it, or properly read my responses, then don't even bother.

I am a mobile user. Maybe once in a while, I'll pop onto a computer at the library to fine tune posts like this, but it's hard, if not impossible for me to use the site to its full extent. As such, icons will not be used, tags will be scarce, and trimming posts will not be done the way I like.

Trimming posts are a strange area. I have adhd and autism, so the best way for a thread to be trimmed is with the last response still attached. This way I can remember what's going on in the thread, which will lead to an overall better rp experience. If posts don't get trimmed, I'll just have to make the reply and hit that big red X button that deletes everything before my response, so take that as a warning.

RESPECT MY FUCKING BOUNDARIES. I've had some issues with one individual who sucked me into this Fandom, they refused to take no for an answer, and forced me to rp an incest ship. This has scared me away from the rpc for years. If I say no, it does not mean "convince me," it means no. I have a three strikes your out policy.

Due to this experience, I'm in a very weird place with ships, I currently don't ship Bonnie and I go back and forth as to whether or not I will in the future. You are free to talk about ships with me, but you must must MUST communicate with me!! Even if we have a ship, please communicate with me if you want to change something or break them up, please don't just end it without warning or talking to me first. I'll never force you to ship a ship you don't want, but if you don't warn me first, I will think that you want Bonnie to try and save it.

I have a full-time job as a daycare teacher. I am not always online. Do not pester me for replies.

I like to talk in the DMs!! Please don't think that this is a passive aggressive attempt to get you to reply, as eager as I get, this is a hobby, and I will not rush you intentionally!! Please tell me politely if I make you feel rushed or don't want to talk via dms. (I personally just think that writing is more fun when you know your partners.) That being said, I do not want you feeling like you are responsible for my personal feelings, and vice versa. You are allowed to say no, I am allowed to say no. If you try and guilt trip me, that will count against your three strikes. (And I will warn you dw.)

In addition to this, if you do NOT like communicating via dms, please tell me, and I will stop. If you just ignore me or ghost me, I'm either going to continue to try and reach out, thinking you forgot or didn't get notified, or I'll become intimidated, and think I did something wrong. We're all adults here, we can use our words. You don't have to follow me if you don't want to interact.

I have kept up with the lore moderately well, but if I don't know something, or have forgotten something, do not bully me. I have zero tolerance for it. You respect me, and I respect you.

From now on, this blog is run from a separate blog as well as this one in an attempt to distance myself from my toxic ex-friend. Since tumblr thinks this blog is now run from two separate blogs, DMs will not be able to be used from here any more, therefore, all DMs will have to be sent to @twoiesfnafocs. If there is some sort of emergency, and you need to contact me quickly for any reason, you will have to send an ask, even just sending in "hey can you log in, I need to talk to you asap," I will.

If you want to let me know you've read these, go ahead and like it, but it's not required, I use an honor system anyway.

#Rules #Out of Cake

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wastelandhell · 1 year

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Thank you so much @bokatan and @h3raklion for the tag!

I can tell this is going to become a patented Furby wall of text™ so I'll just throw in a cut now. tl;dr: I love you all and i draw danse way too much

This has been an interesting year mostly in that its my first time posting personal art online in, what, 7 years? I stopped doing this kind of drawing shortly after high school. I picked up painting flash and have been focusing on my tattooing since then. In that time I never did any digital drawing or character drawing until 2 years ago this month, when I drew Val for the first time.

I was terrified to post anything anywhere, I think I posted one piece to reddit, but besides that I kept everything pretty private until April of 2022. I originally made this blog as a place to silently post my drawings and screenshots while providing a sort of devlog of my mods for my own records, and didn't think I would be noticed. I didn't realize people tracked the paladin danse tag, lol!

I'm really glad for all the people I've met through here, I never would have kept this blog up if it weren't for the wonderful messages from all of you guys. So much of my art, both in subject and execution has been influenced by the other users I've had the pleasure of interacting with and I hope to keep it up this year!

You all know I mostly just draw Val and Danse, and this is the palette I use for most things:

These are all pretty drab, I use different of blending layers and photoshop adjustments to get the colours how I want them at the end.

I usually try to use different brushes in each of my drawings, but these are the ones I come back to most often. The first one is a variant of one of these brushes, I modified it to change size based on direction and tilt. I used the brush almost exclusively until august and its still my favourite for quickly laying out forms and values. I use this one for freckles. The rest are some of my top picks from True Grit Texture Supply, mostly from Chromagraph and Monomania.

I'm glad I was able to really get into drawing this year, and going through my folder I'm pleased with how my anatomy and faces have improved. However I am disappointed in how much of it is just the same ginger fuck. I'm really stunting my growth by not varying my subjects, and now that I'm more comfortable with the tools I want to push myself to actually. uh. try. Put in the effort to make art that says something, tells a story. Less single characters floating in blank voids. More people interacting, scenes, environments. I also really want to get back into digital painting, I used to be really into digital painting and in theory know how to do it. I'm going to try and dig out that old knowledge lol.

Despite being bit bland, and having some glaring errors that still bug me, that Danse drawing is still one of my favourites. I think I spent at least 8 hours on it. I was dealing with some personal issues at the time and just really wanted to scratch that brain itch that the bos knight uniform gives me. It's stupid, I hate it, I can draw it nearly completely from memory by how often I'm looking at it.

The 'tried something new' panel is difficult because I feel like a lot of my recent work has been pretty stagnant. It's all done with the same technique, same palette, same boring cel shading, same layer order, boring. This is one of the few times I did any proper digital painting, and tried to adapt the looser style that I use when I'm drawing in analogue mediums to my digital work.

I just talked about art here and not mods because that would be a whole other wall of text. But it would boil down to: love to do it, no time, and expensive.

Also, if anybody is interested, I do my drawing in Clip Studio Paint and Photoshop on a Surface Laptop Studio.

#i do not expect anyone to read all that i just like hearing myself talk #er...you know what i mean

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awwyeah107 · 5 months

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Forays Into Fandom

I felt it would be appropriate for one of my first posts on Tumblr to be about fandoms, and I’ve had this bouncing around in my head for a little while, so I wanted to share it. Basically, it’s my timeline of discovering fandoms and hyperfixations on media as well as some thoughts on my experiences with fandom recently. Also, heads up, it’s pretty long XD

One day, when I was 8 years old, I was at over at my best friend’s house and found a book with an orange cat on the front of it. I was intrigued, and I asked to borrow it. From the very first page, I was captivated.

Thus, I was introduced to my first real fandom: Warriors (aka Warrior cats).

And the rest is history.

Over the years since then, I’ve had the joy of discovering many more fandoms. I was in many fandoms before I knew what the term was, and I wrote fanfiction and drew fan art before I was aware that those were things other people did.

Around the time I first found Warriors, I started discovering more fandoms, most of which were book-based and of the fantasy fiction genre. This kicked off what one might call my “fantasy phase,” which I would say is still technically going. Back when it started, however, it was marked by devouring any and all (mostly) age-appropriate fantasy books. As I said, I don’t think my fantasy phase ever stopped. But that time of my life was when my love for all things magical and mythical came alive. My tweens brought more fandoms, including bigger/more well-known fandoms like Percy Jackson, Harry Potter, and Avatar: The Last Airbender, as well as smaller fandoms like the Books of Beginning, the Land of Stories series, and Michael Vey.

The next major milestone in my fandom life came when I started watching the TV show Once Upon A Time. OUAT was the first fandom TV show I ever seriously watched, and it introduced me to my first OTP: Captainswan. I don’t think I have ever fangirled harder over a fictional couple nor shipped characters more intensely. I literally put their wedding anniversary (the date their wedding episode aired, that is) on my Google Calendar: May 7th, 2017. I love Once Upon A Time so much; I love how hopeful it is, I love the fantasy elements, and I love the characters and their relationships.

Then, my Tolkien hyperfixation started when I went to go see The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies in theater. It was my first Tolkien movie, and although people often criticize The Hobbit movies (myself among them), I will always be grateful for that film. It drew me into Middle-Earth and kept me spellbound throughout the entire movie. I had read The Hobbit when I was younger, for a book club, so I was generally familiar with the story: I knew Bilbo and the dwarves journeyed to Erebor to take back the mountain from the dragon Smaug. Despite the changes in storyline that they made for the movie, I was able to follow along enough to enjoy it. This led me to watch the other Hobbit movies and some behind-the-scenes/making of videos.

Right around the time I started watching Once Upon a Time and saw The Battle of the Five Armies, my mom started letting me use her Pinterest account (and then shortly thereafter, she let me create my own). Pinterest was my gateway into social media, and more importantly in this case, fandom media. I knew Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook existed, but I didn’t know of Tumblr until Pinterest. I was surprised and delighted to find that people posted online about books, TV shows, and movies that I enjoyed. Tumblr posts on Pinterests were how I learned of the term “fandom” in the first place. They were how I learned of the “golden age of Tumblr,” of SuperWhoLock, of iconic Tumblr posts (e.g., none pizza with left beef), and of fandom overall.

This marked another turn: I stumbled across a piece of fanfiction. And I was enthralled. Most of my reading was Hobbit and Captainswan fanfics. However, I felt quite guilty for reading it, because my parents had told me that I shouldn’t browse any websites they hadn’t approved first. I didn’t ask them because I was scared they would say no, since they didn’t know what it was. So although I enjoyed reading fanfiction, I felt like I had to hide it from my family. Finally, after two weeks of summer camp and vacation where I didn’t have access to any electronic devices that I could read fanfiction on, the habit was broken, and I stopped reading fanfiction. However, I dreamed that perhaps one day, I could admit what I had done to my parents and I could read fanfiction again. (More on this later.)

Because I needed something to fill the gap that fanfiction left, I decided to dive into Tolkien’s stories. I read Lord of the Rings and then took on The Silmarillion. Those took me into my freshman year of high school, along with Marvel movies—I started watching those with some of my friends, and Marvel was one of my top hyperfixations for quite a while. I also discovered a few other fandoms in high school that I really enjoyed: two of the more well-known ones would be Fablehaven and The Selection (the latter was my first taste of a romance-focused series). I was still an avid Once Upon a Time fan, though my hyperfixation on it waned when season 7 aired (I didn’t watch past the first couple of episodes because the majority of the main cast was gone and the overall story was different).

In late high school, after Once Upon a Time had finally ended and my Marvel hyperfixation started dying down, I began watching Doctor Who. I had always thought the show sounded interesting, but it wasn’t until a friend of mine insisted I sit down and watch the first couple episodes with her that I decided I wanted to watch it. (I have never, ever watched a show for which I have gotten SO many spoilers. Never. Most of that was definitely my own fault, because I had seen lots of SuperWhoLock content on Pinterest and I wasn’t super careful about avoiding spoilers once I started watching the show, but occasionally I would just run into something on social media or a friend would tell me something. I still haven’t fully caught up on the show, lol.)

When I started college, I found a roommate who, among the many amazing things about her, shared a love of fandoms with me. We had a lot of big fandoms in common, but also some smaller or less-known ones too. Because of this, we have had tons of discussions about different fandoms, watched TV shows and movies together, and freaked out about new announcements concerning fandoms. To this day we still do those things; we’ve been sending each other stuff about the upcoming Percy Jackson TV series, and we watched the first two Doctor Who 60th anniversary specials together.

Another turning point came when I discovered the band Greta Van Fleet in 2021. Before this, I had enjoyed different bands, but I had never really found a favorite band, so to speak: one where I liked all the songs, where I knew all the members’ names, where I kept up to date with their tours, where I watched interviews with the band, where I knew lots of background info about the band, etc. Most times, I heard a few songs from a band and went “They’re cool, but I’m not hooked.” This time was different. I really liked their first song I heard, Talk On the Street, so I decided to check them out. I listened to their songs and thought, wow. Their songs match my taste in music SO well! I was like “YES, I’ve found a band that plays the exact kind of music I like to hear!”. Another reason I liked the band was that the songs were not all about drinking, drugs, and sex. Most of them were about other, more philosophical things, without any loss of rock ‘n roll. This, I would say, is really where music and fandom collided for me. A band fandom (“banddom”?) definitely feels different than a media/fiction-focused fandom, because these are real people, and as such, I’ve drawn different boundaries in terms of how I engage with it. My hyperfixation on Greta Van Fleet has calmed down a bit, but they still have a very special place in my heart.

My newest fandoms are Inkheart and Shadow & Bone/Six of Crows, which I discovered in 2022. Inkheart was one of the books that had been on my to-read list for forever, and I finally decided to read it. I absolutely loved it (and the sequels); the style really took me back to the start of my “fantasy phase” when I was younger. As for Shadow and Bone, one of my friends persuaded me to watch it, and one night when I didn’t have any schoolwork, I decided to watch a few episodes. After the third episode, I was invested enough that I had to finish the first season, and then I read the books before the next season came out. I hadn’t realized before what a large fandom the Six of Crows books had, but upon reading the books, I immediately understood why—the character arcs and relationships are so compelling, and the setting and plot aren’t what I would expect of the typical fantasy world in fiction. (Interestingly, Inkheart and Shadow & Bone/Six of Crows are the first two fandoms I have published fanfic for!)

Sometime during college, I started reading fanfiction again on and off. And I found myself comfortable with admitting to my parents/family that I used to read fanfiction, and that I read it now. I haven’t discussed it with them further, and still don’t really talk about it much (though sometimes I'll tell my sister about fics I’m reading). January 2023 saw me getting back into reading Tolkien fanfiction, especially Tolkien fanfiction. I found some of the old fanfics I had read during my first fanfiction era, and I felt like I was 14 again, reading the stories I had read back then. I reached out to one of the authors, and it gave me so much joy to tell this person, “Hey. I couldn’t tell you back then, but I read your stories years ago and they’re some of my favorite stories. Thank you.” I’ve kept reading Tolkien fanfiction since then, and weirdly enough, it prompted me to read The Silmarillion again (it was my third time through, and it was the easiest time I’ve had reading it by far). I’ve been in the grip of the Tolkien fandom all year, and I’m planning on sharing a “Fanfiction Wrapped” soon (well, it’s going to be a fic rec list, but now I’m thinking of doing a real Fanfiction Wrapped…lol) for my favorite Tolkien fics I’ve read this year, as well as the handful of fics for other fandoms I discovered in 2023. I’ve found so many great stories and wonderful authors this year, and I want other people to get to experience the joy of new stories and authors too. Plus I love finding fanfic rec lists, so I thought it would be fun to do a rec list of my own.

For so long, I didn’t realize how much of a community aspect there is to fandom—and I think that’s because my parents kept me safe from the internet. I understand that and I will always be grateful that they kept me protected from really nasty, dangerous things that are present on the internet. I don’t feel any resentment towards my parents for that whatsoever. But now, as an adult in my early 20s, I’ve discovered that I can make my own choices about the community side of fandom and how much I choose to participate in it. It’s still something I’m pretty tentative about, at least when it comes to posting publicly; I’m very aware that anything that is put on the internet may very well be there forever. Public Discord servers feel a bit more private, because you have to join them to see the conversations taking place there, but they’re still public. Especially at this point in time, internet safety and privacy is quite important. However, you can still have fun while being safe, so that’s what I’m hoping to do. I’ve created this blog, I’ve joined some public Discord servers for fandoms, and I’ve even posted fanfiction. I have no idea how much further I’ll go into the online world of fandoms and fandom community—or just into the world of internet interaction and posting in general—but I’m interested in seeing where the journey will take me.

And who knows, maybe there’s a kid (or teen, or young adult) out there like me, who is tentatively taking their first steps into fandom and figuring out what this is all about. If that’s you, hello! And if not, hello to you too!

At the start of the year, I discovered the song “Still Into You” by Paramore through a YouTube compilation of Hobbit TikToks. (Yes, I know, I’m literally 10 years late to the game on that song, lol.) But it made me think of all my fandoms that I’ve had hyperfixations on and that come up now and again, like the Tolkien fandom.

So, to my fandoms: after all this time, I’m still into you :)

#fandoms #my fandom journey #hyperfixations #Warrior cats #Once Upon A Time #Tolkien #Marvel #Doctor Who #Greta Van Fleet #banddoms #if that's even a word #Inkheart #Six of Crows #Shadow and Bone #Grishaverse #fanfiction #fandom community #discovering fandoms #to my fandoms: after all this time‚ I'm still into you

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rivetgoth · 1 year

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what do you think of cursedindustrialconfessions on instagram? and other fandom style confession accounts?

personally i don't find much issue with the accounts themselves but some of the comments and confessions are truly cursed 💀

Been sitting on this ask since I woke up trying to figure out why it doesn’t sit right but yk, here— I don’t have any interest in name dropping specific accounts or pages and talking shit on them (OR conversely praising accounts who I think are the "right" kind of fan). I obviously vagued a few specific instances I’ve seen of behavior I found inappropriate from online “industrial fans” in the original post I made but even then kept usernames out of it and even then I was trying to emphasize that all of these are examples of a larger problem, not that One Particular Guy is the harbinger of inappropriate industrial fan behavior lol. I already shared the bulk of my thoughts about “fandomizing” real life musicians and real life music subcultures/communities and my distaste for it, but ultimately every single topic (especially things that are ultimately not life threatening and I’d even go as far as to call a First World Problem) is going to have plenty of nuance and grey area and I think it’s counterproductive and even hypocritical personally for me to start making lists of the Good and Bad industrial fans/pages. That just as much goes against my view of the industrial scene as a community as the stuff I was bitching about to begin with.

I’m honestly a little nervous about the post I made getting a decent amount of notes to begin with because it’s not like I was trying to write the absolute manifesto on Correct or Moral fan behavior, though I think sometimes my posts are mistaken for such because I write a lot and very passionately (sorry), I was just complaining about trends I’ve seen in online industrial music spaces that feel disrespectful or rub me the wrong way, and ultimately was just trying to strongly emphasize that this subculture is an incredibly important real life community for me full of people I absolutely adore and I don’t like seeing the music or the people who make it fandomized or treated like weird quirky characters, with their experiences and traumas not taken seriously. Obviously there is a grey area to any of it, and ultimately I think stuff like memes or jokes about these guys, fan creations ranging from DIY’d clothing to fan art to fan edits to cosplay to whatever else, and even expressing sexual attraction towards them is generally harmless and normal when it’s done respectfully and thoughtfully, keeping in mind these are real people with real traumas, who are not that famous, who can and do look themselves up online and see what’s going on, or have friends who do and then send it to them. Like, I was planning to make that post BEFORE Ogre spoke up about how he was reading comments online about people complaining about the show not being as bloody as prior ones and how it upset him because the older shows were an expression of authentic pain and suffering and even literal self harm and this new show was an intentional movement towards something new and the fact that he’s in a better place in life now… He said that because he saw firsthand what people were saying about him online!

So idk man. But ultimately if you really really want my thoughts? I think any time something is described as “fandom style” in the context of real people or an active real life music subculture all of my hair bristles like a scared animal and my fight or flight response kicks in lol. And I ultimately think that y’all are gonna have to decide for yourselves what you’re okay with rather than ask me, because Lord knows I am not the keeper of all that is objectively right and true. I think some of MY opinions for what is or isn’t okay might actually be more extreme than others (like I said in my previous post—I’m much more neutral on RPF than many I’ve seen, which I think is a controversial take? I just think like anything else there is lots of nuance in that conversation. Idk.), I just encourage anyone calling themselves an industrial fan or viewing it as a fandom to try dipping their toes into an IRL alt music scene and start talking more to old timers and going to shows and clubs and making friends and connections that way with other people who are devoting parts of their life to actively engaging with the community surrounding this music face to face because I think it can very quickly change your perspective for the better and kinda demystify some of the more fandom-y mindsets that these guys are larger than life caricatures to be memed on the same way you would talk about like, Herbert West or Will Graham or whatever.

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