#but there was fully like 60 people at this thing and i DID drink more than i meant to but i wasn't paralytic which is good | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

bloodypeachblog · 11 months

Text

NSFW Vash x F!Reader headcanons/drabble (Bottom Ver.)

~~~♡♡♡~~~

~~~♡♡♡~~~

Y'all saw this coming. Now it is here. Let us rejoice. Not fully headcanons, not exactly drabble, it's more similar to the Wolfwood headcanon post where it's part headcanon/part fanfic, just please enjoy the feast. Warning: You gon' get sad, feel warm and fluffy, and probably get horny at the same time. I hope you're prepared for that roller coaster. (Btw this applies to both 2023 and 1998 versions)

~~~♡♡♡~~~

• You and Vash have been travelling together for a LOOOOOONG time. Like, enough to where you both know each other like the back of your hands, like you know each others' blood types, your favorite things, what you dislike, what the other is thinking, etc. (I like to think in this, you're also part plant, so you guys have been traveling together for the longest time, like 60 years or something, WAY before the gang showed up).

• You two were so close, people already thought you were dating or married. You'd have to explain that you're both just partners.

• but deep down, you wish it was more. And what you didn't know is that Vash thought that too.

• it was always a 'will they, won't they?' thing with you two. You two knew you loved each other, people could easily tell you two were in love, but neither of you thought the other felt the same way.

• you love how kind and protective he is, how he's willing to risk his life to save anyone in danger, even though that frustrated you to no end. You also love how much of a goofball he is, he always made you laugh just by being himself. You even love his dumbass moments, sometimes.

• Vash loved you because of how caring, strong, and sweet you are, you saved him from a group of bandits when you first met by finding him tied to a pole and freeing him, treating his wounds once you two were far away. Your hands were so gentle, he could tell you weren't a violent person.

• Vash loved your smile, your laugh, your voice, everything. He fell for you almost immediately. Like, hard. Smitten, infatuated, bedazzled, just head over heels in love with you. He could never say it though, for....reasons.

• you also loved everything about Vash. The way his hair shone in the sunlight, those smiles he always gave you each time you saw him, you even love that goofy 'love and peace' thing he always did.

• Milly was so happy that you were in love and wanted you two to be happy.

• Meryl wanted that too, but she didn't see what made you fall for that idiotic freak-o-zoid.

• Nick was going all, "Oh Jesus Christ, just PROPOSE ALREADY! I'll officiate it even, just fucking quit with the lovey-dovey shit, goddamn..." whenever Vash gushed about you to him when they were alone.

• Roberto said he didn't care and it wasn't his business, but deep down, he thought that as long as Vash didn't break your heart, he would give his blessing. If he did, he'd show up with a sawed-off shotgun. (You and Roberto had developed a kind of father/daughter relationship)

• everything changed one night when you and Vash finished helping people in a town and you both decided to stay at the inn.

• but it seemed someone already reserved a room for you two. Some priest with two women and a man drinking from his flask.

• you and Vash looked at each other and smiled, both thinking 'well aren't they so nice!'

• the issue was...when you got in the room, there was only one bed.

• goddammit, of course they planned this...

• Vash blushed and started to say that he didn't mind sleeping on the floor and wanted you to be in the bed.

• but once it was bedtime, you walked over to the bed, got in, opened the blanket up, looked at Vash, and patted the spot next to you on the bed. There was enough room for two, after all. And you didn't mind if it was him.

• Vash's blush got even redder and his heart started to race at the idea of being in the same bed with you.

• but after seeing your reassuring smile, he caved and got into the bed with you.

• you both just looked at each other, staring, both of your hearts racing and your faces were flushed.

• something deep inside you felt it was time, time to finally confess. There was no better time to do it.

• but neither of you could speak. You tried, but you ended up going silent.

• but you both inched closer to each other, your faces getting closer. It was like your bodies knew what to do, so they automatically did it.

• you closed your eyes, slowly leaned in, and finally...you kissed.

• it was a tender, slow, and soft kiss. One that wasn't intense, but oh, so full of love. You both melted into it and ended up wrapping your arms around each other.

• the kiss did start to get a bit intense as it went on, though. The soft moans escaping both of your lips drove you to the point where Vash got on top and where you started to lift his shirt and he started to unbutton yours.

• but all of a sudden, he stopped and broke the kiss, pulling back from you.

• "I can't..." he said breathily as his face started to look bereft.

• "Why?" You ask softly. You wanted to know what was stopping him. Was he scared? Was he nervous? Was it something else?

• That's when Vash started to cry, a few tears fell on your cheek.

• "I don't deserve you..."

• you were surprised, concerned, and confused at the same time. "Why don't you deserve me?" You asked.

• he then talks about how he feels he's not worthy of being loved, because of all the horrible things he'd done, including stuff he did before he met you.

• you knew about his past, but you didn't think any of it was his fault.

• but then you remembered something.

• you remembered a few times where Vash was forced to kill people who were threatening your life and/or other people's lives. He must've also had to have done that before he met you.

• then the memory of the time he tried to save you and another woman came to mind.

• a gunslinger grabbed both of you and tried to run off with you, but Vash wasn't letting that slide. He ran after the man until he got him cornered.

• Vash had his gun pointed at the kidnapper and the man had a knife to your throat. Vash knew there was no way to get you out of this without blood being spilt.

• so he looked for an opening and when he found it, he fired.

• but the man ended up quickly moving the other woman closer to him, using her as a human shield, fatally wounding them both.

• that broke Vash. You still could see him trying to fix the woman's wound and try to get her to stay alive. You remembered the woman putting her hand on his, stopping him, and smiling. You could still hear the painful yell he let out when she finally died...

• that night in your tent where you held him as he broke down crying, begging for forgiveness and begging you to not leave him or hate him was one of the most painful nights you've experienced.

• you knew he was a pacifist, never wanting to take a life. He understood that in certain situations in this world, it was necessary, but it still haunted him.

• no matter what happened, he almost always ended up with blood on his hands.

• That's why he felt he didn't deserve you...he felt he didn't deserve happiness and love for what he'd done...and it's haunted him all these years...

• you reach your hand out and caress his cheek while wiping his tears away with your thumb.

• you smiled warmly and kissed him again, as a way to comfort him, to tell him you still loved him regardless.

• once you both broke, he was stunned. He just stared at you and said, "Y..You still...after all I've done, you still love me..?"

• you nodded.

• he hugged you tightly and cried in your chest. In response, you held him close and petted the back of his head, letting him cry.

• you could hear him saying softly and tearfully, "I love you...I love you...please forgive me..please don't leave me.."

• you said you did forgive him and you promised that you'd stay with him forever, saying you loved him too, which caused him to hug you tighter.

• after a bit of hugging and crying, Vash looked up at you and you both stared at each other for a few moments.

• you both knew what you wanted.

• he wanted to repay you for your love and kindness and show you how much he loved you, you wanted to show him how much he's loved and deserves to be loved.

• and you both knew what could do just that.

• hey, sometimes sex can be a last resort to make someone smile.

• you said softly, "are you sure?"

• He nods. "As long as it's you, then...I'm okay with it.." His eyes said it all. He wanted you, needed you, and he didn't care how he got it.

• you pulled him to you and kissed him softly but deeply.

• During the kiss, you turned him over so you were on top of him.

• as some soft moans escaped your mouths, you both undressed each other.

• you then broke the kiss and see all the scars along his body.

• Large gashes, bullet wounds, knife marks, scars from stitches, and where his metal arm connected to his shoulder. He had been through pure hell just to save people.

• he always felt insecure about his scars, so he always kept them hidden.

• instead of trying to hide himself away, he just laid there, letting you look. It looked like he trusted you enough to where he felt okay if you saw them.

• you smile and kiss him again, this time a bit deeper.

• you could feel your lower half starting to warm up just from kissing this man.

• and you could feel something of his starting to grow against your leg..

• you broke the kiss to kiss his neck, then down his chest, then kissing each scar he had on his body, showing you loved all of him, imperfections and all.

• hearing his soft whimpers and moans of pleasure was music to your ears.

• "mm...ah.."

• you kiss down his abs, then start to go towards his groin, then you carefully pull his pants down and reveal his cock.

• you remember seeing it on accident once when he was changing, but never like this, and especially not erect and throbbing.

• you noticed how soft the skin felt in your hand, how hot it felt. You knew he wasn't human, so there was not a single hair in sight down there.

• it had a lovely reddish-pink head and a few visible veins, but they didn't pop out.

• and his size and length were pretty good too.

• with how gorgeous he was, it only made sense he had a cock to match.

• let's just say it's a 9/10.

• you saw his reactions were of embarrassment, as he covered his face with his hand.

• "You ok?" "Yeah..it's just...I'm shy..."

• with that, you started to gently rub the shaft.

• he started to breathe heavily and gripped the bedsheet. You could tell it felt good by the look on his face.

• you watched as a bead of precum dripped down his shaft and you gently lick it up, causing him to gasp softly.

• it was an oddly sweet yet slightly bitter taste.

• you decide to keep going and lick up his shaft slowly.

• you could feel his cock throb against your tongue and you could hear him moaning softly and trying not to writhe too much.

• "Y/N...*moan*..."

• you give the head a few kisses then you swirl your tongue around it, licking up any more precum dripping out.

• soon, you slide the head into your mouth and gently suck on it, to get his reaction.

• he gasped softly and he gripped onto the bedsheet harder.

• you slide more of his cock in your mouth, soon getting a good amount of him in your mouth without gagging.

• he starts to moan and as you suck, you feel him start to thrust his hips a tiny bit out of instinct.

• you start to bob your head up and down as you sucked on him.

• he soon put his hands on your head, cautiously trying not to grip, just keeping them there for purchase.

• soon enough, you felt his cock start to twitch and throb more and you heard him speak softly.

• "Y/N, I...I'm...nghh...HAAH..!"

• with that, he came, his cum flowing on your tongue and down your throat.

• you swallowed it all down, and if a few drops escaped, you licked them up because they tasted so good.

• he laid there, panting and trying to catch his breath. He saw as you licked your lips and he saw a bit of white on your tongue, which made his cock twitch and his blush grow.

• before you knew it, Vash had you lying on your back as he slid your panties down and tossed them aside, your cute pussy on full display.

• you had to admit, a part of you felt a bit shy about him looking at you nude. But the rest of you was too much in heat to really care.

• Vash grabbed your thighs and pushed your legs up so they were over his shoulders.

• then he dove right in and started to eat you out.

• but this wasn't in the masculine top energy kind of way, it was the 'pussy-drunk submissive femboy' kind of way. (..if that makes any sense)

• your mind started to get a bit hazy from the pure pleasure you were feeling, grabbing his hair to pull him closer to you.

• you could've sworn you heard him moan when you did that.

• this guy was addicted to your taste, like, he couldn't get enough. His eyes almost looked glazed over from how much he was lost in his desire.

• you softly gasped once he started to lick and suck on your clit

• he was relentless on your little bud

• soon enough, you felt your orgasm building up and then you saw stars in the back of your eyelids as you came hard.

• Vash's mouth was soaked with your juices and he drank it all up, licking up any drops he missed.

• now it was time for the main event.

• you had Vash lay back again and you got on top.

• you positioned yourself so your pussy lips would rub against the underside of his shaft as you bucked your hips.

• that's when Vash finally breaks.

• "Y/N, please...I can't wait anymore..please put it in..I want to be inside you so bad..please..I want you...I want to feel you..I want what only you can give me..please..!"

• tears are in the corner of his eyes, he was serious. Poor baby needed you so badly.

• How can you say no to that face?

• As you align his cock to your opening, he's watches with anticipation and amazement.

• and he sees as you slide him in with ease

• the shock of pleasure up his spine makes him turn his head from side to side, trying to handle the pleasure until he finally moans out.

• you couldn't help but moan too once you reached the base of his cock, feeling him reach so deep inside you.

• he puts his hands on your hips to keep you on, and also for him to hold on to something.

• you started to ride him, you started off slow to ease him in and soon, you find a pace that works great for you.

• both you and Vash were losing your sense of reality as the pleasure coursed through the both of you.

• it was like nothing else existed or mattered except the two of you, connected as one.

• it felt way too good..

• you can feel him hit the soft spongy bundle of nerves inside you that intensified the pleasure, causing you to moan more.

• and Vash was loving it.

• he couldn't help but thrust his hips to match your bounces.

• the pleasure was so intense that neither of you could say anything except moans.

• but it wasn't too long until he finally said something.

• "Y/N..! I..I can't..! I..I'm gonna..!"

• you tell him to go ahead and cum, let him fill you up, you needed to feel it

• with that, he cries out and cums inside you.

• each time his cum spurted out into you, your pussy convulsed as you came too, causing you to flinch.

• after a few minutes of the orgasm, you both relaxed and tried to catch your breath.

• you got off of him and laid next to him, not even caring about the mess you both made.

• you'd just pay extra for the cleaning once you left.

• Vash pulled you close to him and snuggled you close, his arms wrapped around you and his cheek resting on your chest.

• you pull up the covers and held him, your hand petting his messy hair.

• as you both basked in the strong afterglow, you hear him say softly, "Y/N..I love you so much..please don't ever leave me.."

• you kiss his forehead and say, "I won't. I promise."

• he smiles and quickly falls asleep, feeling so in love and so safe in your arms.

• you soon fall asleep too, feeling the happiest you've ever felt in your life.

• the next day, it wasn't long until the others found out about you two finally dating.

• the girls were asking so many questions because they knew you and Vash had done it by the looks on both your faces.

• Nick was just relieved that his plan worked. Roberto was just glad to see you so happy.

• later on, Vash had to talk with Nick about something.

• "Hey, um...if I asked Y/N to marry me..would you be able to officiate it..?"

• the smile on Nick's face said it all.

370 notes · View notes

titleleaf · 3 months

Text

I’ve wanted to watch more Roger Corman films for a long time — he’s been a pivotal force in the careers of a lot of directors whose works I enjoy and his impact on some of my favorite silly horror tropes is off the charts — but tonight we did a questionable thematic double feature of Corman’s Masque Of The Red Death (1964) with Visconti’s Death In Venice (1971) and hoo boy… my Vincent Price thirst… is strong…

Some thoughts:

- It’s a delight to have an adaptation that engages with Poe’s use of color and the color palettes of all that highly saturated, artificial, Star Trek TOS-looking costuming is a pleasure after “the Middle Ages were brown and gray” has been the norm for so many years now. The presence of the Red Death is undercut by the liberal use of red in the courtiers’ costuming but the costume/character design fucking rules.

- On the flipside, every single one of these costumes could be dated like a tree trunk slice; they are pure 1964 and they look like if you held a match up to them they’d melt. I would loved to have seen more Bogus Renaissance Italy vibes rather than Bogus Generic Medieval but I get that they were working with what they were working with.

- If I saw this movie in 1964 as a teenager it would have blown my tits right off. Arch, sexy, incredibly nasty Prince Prospero low key holds a virtuous peasant girl hostage in exchange for sparing the lives of her lover AND her father, then proceeds to attempt to seduce her into his philosophy of cynicism, skepticism regarding organized religion, and also Satanism, while his clearly pretty lonesome consort is off doing her own thing with Satan and they have a truly bonkers triangulation with exquisite wife-mistress femslash potential and also there’s a lot of evil bathing and evil dressing??? Also there’s a pretty loosey-goosey adaptation of Hop-Frog but I don’t give a fuck, Hop-Frog (excuse me, Hop-Toad for some reason in this) is my favorite figure from Poe and while the ending of the film is a bit Hays Code-y (just too many people being spared!) him and his lady love getting away clean is always a lovely element. (Even if the choice to cast him with an actual adult little person actor who’s appropriately super charming and scheming and her as an ADR’ed child is: super super weird. It was the 60s, I guess.)

- @allthestoriescantbelies pointed out to me that Jane Asher is also the protagonist of The Stone Tape and damn, girl cannot catch a gothic break, no matter what era she’s in. She’s lovely in this.

- I want to show this movie on repeat to all historical costume accuracy discoursers.

- I also want a bunch of Jacobean revenge tragedies costumed exactly like this. In some alternate reality where all the incest wouldn’t be a dealbreaker I think Corman could have cleaned the fuck up adapting Webster and Middleton and whatnot. Hell, do Corman’s Hamlet.

- All the courtiers’ debauchery is pretty tame at first — they canoodle fully clothed, impersonate animals, and drink a lot of wine — but when that finale hits, it really hits.

In conclusion I feel like this film gave me an injection of vital villain/heroine essence directly to the bloodstream.

#ska watches a thing

39 notes · View notes

marksbear · 1 year

Note

So I was thinking about Sub Steven and reader going into a bar to have a nice little date at. There is a pool table and personally I think Steven doesn't know how to play so reader teaches him. A couple minutes later when Steven is bended over the table to reach the ball but he is doing it wrong and his ass is sticking out so then reader goes over and lays on him to help him hit it but all Steven can feel is his dick on his ass and starts grinding on it not listening to reader. Reader asks him if he understood what he said and snaps him out of it and says yes. When they were over they get drinks and sit on a lonely stoll in the back. Reader sits down and yanks Steven to sit on his lap. He grinds trying to not get readers attention and then reader says in his ear if he is having fun which he says yeah again which leads to reader taking Steven into a nearby alley and starts grinding/humping him hard and whispers in his ear is he really is a pretty cock whore from him wanting to be near his cock the whole night.which then leads to reader fucking steven. Also I was wondering if you got my last message from 1/15/23 at night because it says again a problem so as again idk if It sent when you see this.-🐻‍❄️

Yes I saw your last message! You know dam well your worth more than 30% on this blog. Lets say you're 60% while i'm forty! Because in full honesty you have more worth on this blog then half the stories I write.

HEAVY SMUT

SUB STEVEN GRANT X DOM MALE READER

Y/n is leaning on the hood of his car hood in front of his boyfriends apartment waiting for Steven to come out.

"S-Sorry love! I lost track of time" A British voice calls out rushing out of the apartment door in a hurry.

A smile appears on Y/n's face as he turns around facing his boyfriend. "Don't be." Y/n says trying to reassure him. Y/n walks over to Steven wrapping his arms around his waist bringing him in for a deep kiss.

The two stay like arms around each other tightly as they share a deep passionate kiss. Steven is first to pull away gasping for air while Y/n laughs at him. "What did I tell you! You always need air first." Y/n teases unwrapping his arms from Steven's waist before taking a hold of his arm walking him to the car.

"You look pretty great for a simple bar date." Y/n praises opening the car door for Steven.

Steven goes inside the car with a blush on his face. Once Steven is fully inside Y/n shuts the car door and goes to the drivers side going into the car. Y/n starts the car and plays whatever on the radio driving to the bar.

But sometimes Steven couldn't help himself to stare and gaze at Y/n. His eyes were locked in some sort of trance every time he looked at his boyfriend. Steven couldn't help to stare and think about Y/n's cock each time he looked at his crotch. He would stare and day dream about all the things Y/n would do to him and can do to him.

TIMESKIP

"We're here." Y/n announces parking the car into an empty space before turning around looking at his half sleep boyfriend. "Cmon sleepy head." Y/n teases shaking Steven fully awake. "I'm up. I'm up." Steven responds wiping his eyes awake.

Y/n gives Steven a smile before turning off the car opening the door and leaving the car before making his way to the other side opening the car door for Steven. "Why are you acting like a gentleman today?" Steven asks suspiciously before taking Y/n's hand following him inside. "For an early sorry when I whoop your ass in a seconded in pool." Y/n half jokes before going inside the packed bar.

"Pool? I have never played that before." Steven confesses looking around at all the people here.

"Really? Well I just teach you then have a couple practice rounds then i'll really whoop your ass." Y/n offers him before adding. "And don't worry about how crowded this place is. I already saved us a spot and a stall." Y/n turns his head towards Steven giving his cheek a light kiss before walking in.

"C'mon let me teach you how to play before people start fighting for the pool tables." Y/n says with a wink dragging Steven to a pool table in the back.

Y/n takes one pool stick handing it to Steven while he takes his own before giving Steven a wink. "Okay. This is how you hold it." Y/n walks closer to Steven showing him how to hold it correctly. "The only thing you really have to do is get low and make a bridge with your hands like this."

Steven tries to copy his boyfriend, but fails miserably earning a slight laugh from Y/n. "Not quite love, but good try." Y/n says getting behind Steven putting one hand on his back and the other on his waist. "You gotta bend down." Y/n tells him pushing his back down as he moves his waist back.

"Like this?" Steven asks as a shiver goes through his body as he feels Y/n's clothed cock against his ass. "Yes! Exactly that good. Now do you see the white ball with a little red dot in the middle?" Y/n asks earning a nod yes from Steven.

"What you gotta do is ------------------ And then you have to try---------" Everything Y/n said to Steven felt death to his ears. Steven's whole body felt hot as he pushes his ass against Y/n's crotch grinding himself onto it. Steven lets out quiet moans and heaving breathing. Steven feels his pants tighten his hard cock pressed against his pants. "And that's about almost everything about what you need to know." Y/n says moving away from Steven looking down at his flushed face.

"Do you understand? Or you want me to explain it more?" Y/n offers taking his stick and gets in position to play. Steven shakes his head getting his thoughts back together before saying. "Yeah! uh yes! I-I understand."

"Good. Well then lets play."

After a couple rounds of playing and Y/n keeping his promise that he will whoop Steven's ass they retire from the game going to a stall in the back of the bar with some drinks.

Y/n sets the drinks down on the booth table before sitting down on the seat watching Steven turn to sit across him before suddenly yanking Steven's arm down sitting him in his lap. Steven lets out a small squeak from the surprise before relaxing into his boyfriends lap. "So. How was your first time playing pool?" Y/n asks letting his chin relax on Steven's shoulder.

Steven didn't answer. He was too busy grinding his ass on Y/n's crotch at a slow movement. Steven grips on the table for dear life as he moves his hips front and back and up and down while quiet and some loud moans escape his lips, but is blocked by the music.

"Stevey?" Y/n says his boyfriend's name with confusion in his tone. Y/n opens his mouth to speak again, but shuts it when he feels so much pressure and weight on his crotch area.

"Oh...Such a fucking filthy whore." Y/n mumbles moving his chin off of Steven's shoulder before sitting back arms laying on the back of the chairs watching Steven grind on him.

Steven is in such pure bliss not even noticing Y/n talking to him anymore.

After a while of this Y/n moves his head closer to Steven before whispering in his ear. "Are you having fun?" Y/n's voice in Steven's ear makes him jolt and get back into reality.

Steven tries to speak or really tries to explain what was going on, but gets shut down by Y/n by him saying. "Yes or no. Are you having fun grinding that slutty ass against my dick? Yes or no." "Y-yes..." Steven stutters out.

"Cmon. Follow me. Let's go have even more fun." Y/n says in his ear before reaching for his drink downing it before taking Steven's hand leaving the bar.

After a while Y/n finds an empty nearby alleyway and pins Steven on the wall so his chest and stomach is one the cold stone wall. Y/n bends Steven over against the wall so his ass is out.

Y/n rubs his hard cock against Steven's ass grinding on him back and forth slowly as Steven lets out loud moans and whimpers.

"You like this huh? Being bent over on a wall in some alleyway" Y/n asks earning a moan "Yes! Yes oh~ yes." from Steven.

"Such a fucking pretty cock whore you are Stevey. Such a pretty whorish thing you are." Y/n says moving Steven's legs more apart before putting his hands on both sides on Steven's waist moving his hips up and down humping his cock against Steven. "You wanted my cock all night didn't you Steven. I saw the way you stared at my crotch the entire time we were driving. You wanted my cock so bad that you started to grind on me in the bar."

Y/n bends over a little so he can whisper in Steven's ear. "My pretty cock whore. So eager for more cock I love it. Be a good cock whore try to be quiet." Steven nods his head yes frantically as Y/n pulls Steven's pants down alongside his underwear down to his ankles. Y/n continues to hump Steven mercilessly as Steven cries and moans holding onto the cold wall for support.

"Y/n! Y/n~ pl--please! fuck me already please! I'll be your cock whore! please stop humping me and fuck~ me already!" Steven begs out with a cry feeling his cock ache even more than it was in the bar. "D-don't even hAve to prep me!---- I want it now please I want it so bad!~"

Y/n sighs with a smirk on his face before giving in to his boyfriends begs sliding down his pants and underwear letting his hard cock spring out. "I-- I wan'it dry!~ please ahhHH~ fuck me dry" Steven begs.

"Someone is really being such a whore today for me. Begging for it dry such a fucking cock whore." Y/n says with a laugh before lining his cock towards Steven's hole.

Y/n tells Steven to take a deep breath before pushing the tip inside Steven's tight hole. Steven bites his lips and covers his mouth to prevent the screams and moans. Once Y/n was half way inside he gives Steven one last kiss on the neck before snapping his hips down all the way inside Steven causing Steven to scream out a loud moan. "Y/N! OhhHh g-god!~"

Without wasting no time Y/n thrust back and forth at a fast pace abusing Steven's tight hole. Skin slapping and moans can be heard throughout the alley and probably could be heard from different ones from how loud the couple are being.

Steven throws his head back his hand barely muffling any of the noises escaping from his mouth. Steven uses his other hand going to his hard leaking cock jerking it off at the same rhythm of Y/n's thrust.

"Y-Y/n! cumming! I'm cumming!" Steven moans out with tears in his eyes. He didn't know why he was cumming this early, but god he didn't even care. Y/n aims his thrust for Steven's prostate as Steven cums hard on the wall panting it white. Y/n grabs Steven by the hair yanking it up so Steven is closer to him as he fucks him roughly.

Y/n pulls out before turning around Steven picking him on and fucks him even faster holding him up against the wall. Steven wraps his arms around Y/n's shoulders and wraps his legs around Y/n's waist throwing his head back against the wall as Y/n fucks his abused hole.

Steven struggles to keep his eyes open as his throat becomes dry and aching from all the moaning and screaming.

"My pretty cock whore!~ Such a dirty whore for me! I'm bout to cum! Fuck! Stevey i'm cumming!" Y/n warns his thrust becoming sloppy and messy as he goes deeper and deeper inside Steven most likely his stomach has Y/n's cock outline bulge in his stomach.

With a few more thrust Y/n cums deeply inside Steven. Burring his seed deep inside him making Steven feel all hot and filled. Y/n continues to thrust in and out of his until he is completely out of his high. Y/n pulls up Steven's pants and underwear for him before doing it for himself before carrying Steven to the car.

Once they got to the car Y/n lays down Steven in the backseat before taking off Steven's pants and underwear and shoes. Steven's entire waist under is naked as cum overflows his hole and leaks out so his thighs and ass is covered in cum. "Had to take off your pants and everything off for you Stevey didn't want them to get dirty." Y/n explains to him before going to the driver seat starting the car and driving home.

"Going to my place by the way. I want a round two in there not some alleyway again. I didn't mind it though and I will totally fuck you again in some place like that. But seeing you now you need a quick little break."

"Love you y/n..." Steven mumbles out.

"I love you too my pretty cock whore," Y/n responds back with a smile.

THE END

#steven grant x male reader #steven grant #steven grant x reader #moonknight x male reader #moon knight #x male reader #male reader #marvel x male reader #the bear club

253 notes · View notes

yappacadaver · 2 months

Note

Pls more Raymond headcanons I’m starving 😵

Hooh me too bbg im hungryyy

I'm gonna compile a couple of old hcs in this one, and add some new ones too. a misc hc drop for u ♥♥♥

tysm for sending a request!

Sex/Attraction

sorry this gif is the first thing i think abt when i consider his sexuality lmao 😂😂

some kinks he has AND IS AWARE OF:

hair pulling (receiving) scratching (receiving) biting (giving and receiving) hickies (giving and receiving)

these kinks are UNLOCKABLE and currently REPRESSED:

edging (giving and receiving) overstimulation (giving and receiving) praise (receiving) body worship (giving) pred/prey dynamics (pred) rope (receiving) toys (giving and receiving) olfactophilia (uhh not sure how to describe this in terms or giving/receiving, he likes to snoff lol) voyeurism (voyeur)

He's most attracted to curvy/hourglass body types, especially soft thighs

Prefers a bare face (but can be easily fooled with natural makeup)

Prefers full bush

Lost his virginity the summer before college to a girl he wasn't that into

Best sex he ever had was at a college party sneaking off with a stranger drunk off his ass

If you asked his face what the hottest thing is, he'd say something about soft curves and an eager personality

if you asked his dick, it'd be something closer to consumption. An attraction that could peel him open from the inside and wrest from him his rotten core-- for the purpose of ingesting it ofc-- leaving him purer for having been picked through and so thoroughly enjoyed

Physicality

This one is semi-canon but his thighs are covered in moles/freckles

capable of a nice tan, if his schedule would ever allow it

teeth are crooked from decades of jaw clenching

the body hair situation is kinda silly... he's got tons of hair in some places and looks so naked in others... im talking like bushy pits and balls but like a tiny sprinkle of sad little hairs on his chest and belly lol

His elbows and knees click when fully extended

Love/Friendship

Friendship never came extremely naturally to him but as a young man in the 50's/60's it's not like the expectations were extremely high

In grade school he mostly had friendships of convenience-- boys from his neighborhood/class

College was where he began to really relate to others, connecting with people who had similar experiences with death and grief

David Whitlow was a friend and not just an employee to Raymond (he was killed with a scalpel to the face)

Other friends from his 20's and 30's eventually fell off as he became more withdrawn and involved with "work"

Raymond never had an affair, but his eye did wander especially as his marriage began to fall apart in the early 80's

Despite this, he would absolutely consider Maria to be the person he loved most

Habits/Preferences

Black coffee, Marlboro reds

Has decided to give up drinking

Meditates daily

Tries to eat out once a week, as a treat

HOT hot showers

chronically dehydrated, i s2g getting this man his 8 glasses wouldn't cure him but it would blow his goddamn mind

Terrible sleeper, snores like a chainsaw, nightmares, talks in his sleep, walks in his sleep, has false awakenings, sleep paralysis, insomnia, the works

#yappa answers #Raymond Delver #the mortuary assistant #will i ever stop with the rotten fruit metaphors? nough

11 notes · View notes

spiderh0rse · 18 days

Text

freeman's mind notes part 12, e56-60

e56

"ngyah."

believes Murphy's law is out to get him

ROCKET LAUNCHER POG

willing to drink reactor coolant water. Tbh it is clean.

silly Freeman. These aren't Shock Troopers

thinks honor in fights is a useless or detrimental thing.

dodges barnacle meat

more guns, less madness

so upset he's right about everything. Wishes his conclusion about the reactor melting down was incorrect

thinks he's the only person with enough urgency in the situation

screams at the possible murderer guard

oh I know where we are :>

out of 9mm ammo!

"YOU WEREN'T THERE AND NOW YOU'RE REAL. THIS IS INNSBRUCK ALL OVER AGAIN." now what does This imply? ghosts? more drugs than usual?

his hallucinations shoot back at him, he claims

e57

keeps worrying about the building collapsing on him

MORPHINE

immediately gets it in him. uh. where?? Did he inject that?

underwater mumbling :)

talks about the morphine as him needing that. well I'm sure he's in a lot of pain

"it's flooded! I'm a hero!"

running panicking yelling

hit by the electricity and just kind of flinches and yells

hasn't felt this good since he thought he was going to leave Black Mesa

he generally just seems a lot calmer and less inclined to putting together complex thought right now

repeating himself a tad

worried about an overdose if he takes more morphine

talks to a crate

more morphine anyways.

HEV SUIT VOICE HEV MY LOVE

gman sighting :D

ceases to be drowsy upon getting shot at

"we've got enough monsters for at least nine weeks"

"I was meant to turn this"

buttons! :D taps a ton of buttons

considers cold fusion a bad joke

thinks the portals are trying to read his mind

thinks the metric for not taking too much morphine is He's Still Walking

sir why are you asking some guy if he's an oracle

favourite dirty harry movie is the one where he kills some giant tentacle monster

wants to skip down the hallway

got a BEE in his Mouth

upset that alien blood made the hallway all dirty. He wanted to roll around in it before, when it was clean. Not now.

"bah >:("

now convinced the teleporters are holograms

thinks he's impressed by the hellportalroom because he's high

hes going to test his theory like a true scientist (on drugs)

plays with the portal output and walks into the portal input and cuts out immediately

e58

new intro, residue processing outside segment

thinks he just lost memory and that explains why he's suddenly somewhere else

BARELY avoids getting impaled on some falling metal

knows Mr. T's catchphrase :)

"I'm *Gordon. I can do both your jobs."

Eddie can't do makeup for shit. This does mean he's let Eddie do stuff to him, or watched, at least

thinks sugar is functionally the same as food

does not drink the soda.

can't decide if he'd rather have food or more bullets but doesn't want to eat headcrab rn

points his rocket launcher at a guard

hates when he's made to kill his target and him both

fully thinks there's not going to be any survivors of Black Mesa. Presumably including himself

cheers at explosions :3

thinks surprises where people end up dead are the biggest ones.

thanks a corpse for giving him more bullets

can't be sure if HECU talking are just voices in his head or real

has only now noticed he's outside

"ahhhhh. Ah."

loses track of what he's doing in the middle of doing it. Stands there for a moment.

correctly predicts the black ops actions

wishes he had a walkie talkie to decoy soldiers towards his voice

he has the power of chemistry (being very drugged) on his side

burning alien smells better than he thought it would

spacing out CONSTANTLY

return of the door opening ghost!

clickyclickclickclick

no longer trusts the ghost

a ghost mildly harassing him, giving bad advice, is something he's not as prepared for as people attacking him

thinks he can lift a giant concrete slab

e59

can't lift the concrete

wishes the HEV suit had pneumatic jacks

sneezes!

doesn't want a dying man to touch him

the weird yowling is back

doesn't like performing dance of the Geiger counter

delighted to see a soldier getting eaten by a barnacle

doesn't like that zombies are getting smart

flash of green?

thought he heard someone green.

aware he has head trauma. Thinks he may have synesthesia

if he thought he could pull it off he'd put a zombie in his HEV and let the military kill it

Slur count: Seven.

he's seeing the stupidest soldiers, he thinks

wants to publish a research paper about musics effects on soldiers in active warzones

sounds a bit more lucid right now I think?

has never seen anyone in Black Mesa die from carbon monoxide poisoning. This is not true of every job he's held.

kills space rancher's alien pets :(

loud elevator music...

didn't get to see how his unethical experiments on his coworkers went because of the rescas

lets a guy live because he cowers appropriately

green flash two...

does try to rescue a half headcrabbed guy

he's aware he's going to remember certain worse parts of these days more than others

chuggachuggachuggachuggachuggachugga

suddenly loud and violent

"no, this isn't working! let's do it some more!"

giant aliens are determined to fuck him any way they can he says

goes to his death kicking and screaming. green flash three.

e60

gets back and immediately shoots a single scientist. Conveniently the same guy Martinis kills on accident

thinks he's been summoned like a demon

referring to himself as The Freeman again

TELEPORTATION POG

he is dizzy from awful rotating teleporter room

wonders how the teleporter works. Thinks he may be making clones of himself and dying on loop whenever he enters the portal

"making sacrifices for the greater Gordon"

pronounces calliope as an american would

doesn't feel any air displacement with the teleporter. That's. Actually really interesting

oh hey that was gmans miniature sun

didn't notice the numbering on the portals

food still on the mind

wonders about the redundancy of teleporter testing bullshit

yells as he falls a great distance. Clocks that momentum isn't preserved when going through portals. that's so cool.

unimpressed at vortigaunt teleportation now that he can also teleport

episode cuts off as he enters a portal

#freeman's mind #gordon freemind #mindverse #rmanotes #this has the morphine episode btw #he's so interesting in that one if i may note things after the fact #he genuinely seems just. calm. he's been incredibly stressed all series and this is basically the first time since before the rescas #that he HASN'T seemed to be on the verge of a breakdown (even the rocket launcher only did so much for a couple minutes)#get this man out of black mesa and in front of a documentary i swear #he needs somewhere with nothing important or dangerous going on so badly #please.

7 notes · View notes

expatesque · 20 days

Note

Oooo if you’re open to helping us shop please help me find my wedding dress (big ask)? I feel like I’ve tried on every dress in London and am about to give up! I’m not tied to it being white (blue? metallic?) I just want it to feel special enough that I don’t look like my own guest, but not a full meringue moment because there’s only going to be 15 people total. Vibe is casual Saturday afternoon picnic in the park and drinks at our local afterwards, my budget is £2k!

Sorry I should have added that I’m super short so midis tend to fit better, maxi not really my vibe and I’m worried it might feel too formal for the picnic!

Oh my god this is my dream task. First off - congratulations! Sounds like it's going to be a beautiful wedding. Okay so I've got a few thoughts first before we dive in: (1) You can get anything shortened - I'm also relatively short (well, actually I have long torso and short legs, but works out the same) so 90% of my bottoms are tailored. And what better time to invest in some good tailoring than your wedding! Assuming the dress isn't beaded / heavy on appliques, it's usually<£30 to have something shortened, and it's the same price to have something taken up half an inch vs taken up a foot, to make a maxi tea length. So I'm going to recommend a few things that are longer but know that I always mean you should have them shortened if you want. (2) Have you thought about a veil? I just think it's the easiest, most obvious way to say 'Wedding!' but still keep things cool. Personally I love a birdcage moment but I'm also partial to a short veil, particularly if you get something meaningful embroidered on it (this one is fully customizable and I love the look of the phrase running down the side).

Okay now that we've done that, some thoughts: Rixo makes cute, special but low key dresses. For a city wedding feel, I love the shorter ones (60s vibes! This CAPE) but there's loads of cute options (remember, you can have the longer ones taken up!). They're also v affordable which is always nice.

On the less classically bridal end of the spectrum, we have La Double J who go big on color and pattern. Again, I'd consider adding a veil (maybe in a fun color?!) to feel more bridal. I'm not sure your body shape but this top and skirt combo! With a pale blue veil?! Come on. They also do have more classic bridal pieces as well. There's also Zimmerman - flirty and flouncy, their dresses have pure romantic vibes. Something like this could definitely read bridal (+ a birdcage viel and a little shrug maybe?). If you're not put off by black (again, veil and accessories can help) then this is to die for and super re-wearable. Or embrace the chill vibes and go yellow! They have loads of great options.

I'm sure you already know this but just in case: Reformation does bridal. Like their normal dresses, the options skew towards people with model proportions but they've got some gorgeous ones - love this minimal take. I'd also recommend Wolf & Badger again. Do you want to be a hot and cool minimalist? A sea foam mermaid? (I'd personally have the slits closed a bit and the whole thing taken up but that's me). A ball of spring flowers? The Badge has you covered.

And then of course, a net a porter troll. Are you a disco queen? The most elegant woman alive? (Prob not best for the park, but def could work for a pub). A garden fairy? A jumpsuit (!) babe? A queen of less is more? (maybe with tulle gloves!) A column queen? (I'd style with blue shoes that match, I have this pair from Ferragamo that I love).

Again for lots of these I think accessories are key. You add a veil, a glove (consider short too!), a white shoe and all the sudden, bang it's clearly bridal. I hope some of that is helpful, and good luck!

(okay also you did not ask about this but just a thought: you can get really beautiful, affordable, old embroidered white table clothes fairly easily online and at antique shops. How gorgeous would your wedding picnic be on all white 'blankets'? Maybe with something waterproof underneath because, London).

#this was so fun thanks babe #if you have any further revisions or thoughts happy to refine and keep searching!!#we're gonna need a tag for this huh #personal shopping #s shops #wedding #correspondence

6 notes · View notes

alexin-wonderlust · 1 month

Text

Day 2 - Japan Blog - 8 February 2024

Disneyland

I promise this blog wont be as lengthy but I really wanted to share my tips about hot to get in to Japan; today we are off to Disneyland. Let's get it off the bat, first thing, straight to the good stuff. Starting the day with a Squeeze Squeeze (my favourite Orange Juice, it is the most pulpiest juice ever, it's like biting into an orange) we started the commute to Disneyland.

Now; I wanted to get there early -- I didnt think ropedrop was necessary but apparently it was. I missed out on the Space Mountain priority pass AND the Enchanted Tales with Belle priority pass (the one you have to pay for...) I was actually blown away. The amount of planning I did; and that still wasnt enough to anticipate the crowd that was the day we attended. I managed to sweet talk one of the lovely Cast Members at Space Mountain and she gave me a Switch Rider Pass, arigato -- so I could come back and use that at a later time (just like a fast pass). Ben didnt want one because he isnt a "ride guy". Fair enough, but SPACE MOUNTAIN IS AMAZING -- if you are a ride guy and want to try something awesome, please give it a go. You wont regret.

After being sad and chucking a tantrum about not being able to go on the ONE RIDE I SO BADLY WANTED TO RIDE... I was satiated with a cute pink Mickey beanie and Ben got the matching glasses (because Valentines Day is next week!!) and then we went on to Toontown to see the bits of the park we missed last time.

This is my sixth visit to Tokyo Disneyland and while there have been some changes -- It's so nice to see it back to "normal" since COVID. When we visited in November 22, there was so much magic missing and there still is; ahem -- single riders line, paper maps... just to name a few. But there are also some good changes and the merch is back to being fun and cute. I really enjoyed shopping at Disneyland a lot more this time than I did in 2022.

(Bring back single riders lines and paper maps because I need it!)

Ben got to go on the Pirates of the Caribbean ride which I have been raving about for years (it was closed for refurb last time) and we even got to have a beer before hand -- Since when can you drink beer in Disneyland!? This is new and I like it! Also, seeing snow (albeit dirty piles, I dont care!!) in the park is SO GOOD -- I had fun doing a squish!

For dinner, we settled on the Queen of Hearts Banquet which -- of course, was mediocre at best. But, I mean. Its a counter meal, it is easy, fun and the theming is cute. Although my phone battery was starting to deplete and the charge bank I brought with me turned out to be a pile of trash.

Here's a TIP! If you are going to be spending the day out and about -- PLEASE CONSIDER BRINGING A FULLY CHARGED BATTERY BANK.

If you cant, there are some options; but Disneyland struggled to meet our needs and here's why.

-The charge spots are in Japanese. No issue, except I need my phone to translate and that drains battery.

-You need an APP to hire a battery bank. This is also in japanese and you cant translate it.

-You have to scan the QR code 3 or 4 times which means people are hanging around in the area, which is ANNOYING because therye in the way and you're stressing out because of the next point...

-It doesnt accept any other payment method except CREDIT CARD. Not debit card, not paypal linked to a credit card, not apple pay. It has to be "enter your CREDIT card details" to make a payment.

This was very frustrating because by the time I had located the charge spot; tried about 3 times; downloaded the app, created an account, tried to link my debit card, paypal, etc... my battery is now on 2%. EEP!

HOW TO FIX; I went to the HOME STORE next to the American Waffle Co near the Main Street and they sell battery packs for approximately 2900YEN. Which was about $30AUD. This thing was amazing. It had enough charge to fill both ben and my phone to at least 60% and get us through until back to the hotel. Thank you Disney! :)

I wanted to keep this short so I will just say the next things in dot point form:

-Minnies Funderland promo is super cute but the girls hogged the picture spots and there were massive line ups for the special foods all day.

-Got some super cute pictures at Golden Hour at the castle.

-Ben got his sherrif pin for winning the Shooting Gallery and getting 10 shots in a row!

-Rides we went on were Space Mountain, Star Tours, Pirates of the Caribbean

-The electrical parade is amazing but its TOO COLD -- the fireworks were bloody pitiful. Sorry, but they suck.

Then we start the long trek through the crowd back to the hotel (this is why I prefer to stay onsite when I go to Disneyland... its just easier for a hotel thats not much more expensive...!)

On the way back we found a supermarket and I stocked up on some "healthier" options; like a banana and I organised myself a bath and a face mask for my first relaxation, pamper session. One of my favourite things to do in Japan. While I was in the bath; Ben went to the 7/11 and they had an onigiri which has now plagued my brain -- pork and wasabi. I need more and I need them all.

#japan #japan travel #alexinwonderlust #travel #travel blog #bennyandthelex #disneyland #tokyo disneyland #japan february 2024

3 notes · View notes

ranboo5 · 10 months

Note

Ooh, you mentioned c!Techno — any c!peerpresurduo headcanons? I may or may not be a bit obsessed with them :)

REAL AND ALWAYS TBH CPEERPRESS THE WORLDDDDD when I was more I active I was fully a cpeerpress blog at heart tbh and I like to think in essence I still am... they really are all that matters. Under cut for. Oh my god I was worried I wasn't gonna be able to deliver but THEMMMM

Headcanons wise I'm not gr8 at dragging up novel stuff on the spot BUT . I do like to think wrt offscreen interactions - I laruve cRanboo litol Hypixel backstory . The fashion thing is extremely covered ground but I do thing they discuss also specifically the angle of like . OK so going off Techno's skin Ranboo's skin and hell even applying it to Squid's tuxedo I like 2 think that fictional Hypixel fashion sense/movements just kind of are like that (see: Myzzy design!!!) so I think they should trash on people's wardrobes. - Idr if I ever posted this but it's fine. Philza being the kind of guy he is definitely has some kind of preserved:tm: cellar and he among other things at one point gets into keeping a ginger bug. He produces a decent amount of pumpkin sodie using the farm and the bug and ofc his store is officially open to both of the other commune denizens, which they both do interpret as an "at all times" thing. Which it is, even if Phil didn't necessarily intend to get woken up by the world's unstealthiest insomniacs walking into his house in the dead of night in search of a carbonated drink - I don't know if they run across each other during this or if it's during an excursion of some kind but I have the image in my mind so strongly that at one point in conversation Ranboo as like a haha yeah semi-sequitur just drops an episode of The Horrors as like . It's not Quite a litmus test but it's there, both spontaneous and dragged out like pulling teeth somehow, and even someone more astute than Techno wouldn't have a clue what to do with it. Fortunately, Technoblade, being greatly socially competent at Chilling and Having Fun, takes only a second before going "oh yea. HATE it when that happens." I don't know what the Horrors being obliquely referenced in just enough graphic detail to be unsettling while also deeply useless in figuring anything out are so I also don't know if Techno knows how it feels:tm: or not odds are strong either way tbh but regardless of that he DOES say "oh yea. HATE it when that happens" - on a lighter note one day Techno gets sick for an excursion and fervently denies this, which Ranboo dutifully yes-ands while also handing Techno tissues every five minutes - Ranboo once explained the cobblestone decisions made about the sky city EXTENSIVELY to Techno, and in this explanation also never got around to mentioning what they were building or why. Techno didn't ask. - Techno successfully taught Ranboo at least one recipe that he did not know prior to teaching it as if he'd known it for years. If this happened multiple times it has a roughly 50-60% success rate wrt making things that are good - I think it does matter that during and leading up 2 Ho16 proper Ranboo was not in contact w/ people at the commune . After it respawns somewhere locally it takes off in disgust as soon as it can, makes for the mangled desert, falls asleep in an alcove of sandstone somewhere and is awoken when a wandering enderman chances upon the sand it's walled off with, and before it can say anything they ask Ranboo if it's lost. The question pulls him up short and he finds himself saying something like "a little bit, I guess," and the language isn't as clumsy in their mouth as it was last month and a nondescript memory of talking at Phil slowly clicks into focus Techno is dealing w/ his Distraction Of The Week when Ranboo walks back into the commune -- this week he's reading about bead recording and is trying to figure out if and how to apply this to Syndicate signaling. It's not going great. Anyway the snow rustles and Ranboo clambers awkwardly over the fence across the yard, and when Techno throws him the "sup" he just stops mid path to his house and walking circles into the snow explains that he is going to bed which manages to start a ten-minute conversation about nothing that lasts until Ranboo attempts to lean on a fencepost in fidgeting and nearly passes out asleep on the spot, in similar kind to when you pop into a Discord call for "just a minute before bed"

12 notes · View notes

addictwoapen · 9 months

Text

then vs. now

there are two versions of my father that exist.

“you can do anything you set your mind to” dad. And “not all men” dad.

as a child I was told it doesn’t matter what other people think or feel, I can do what I want. I can be an athlete, I can be smart, I can do whatever I want and fuck everyone that says otherwise. And while the sentiment was there, two things could not be true, or it didn’t feel like it could be anyway.

When I was a kid, I loved sports. I still do. I love playing sports and learning mechanics, and I have since forever. I was the boy my father never had with two older brothers who never quite learned how to throw a ball correctly. I remember being told I had a good arm in first grade, and how I was faster than the other boys at recess. I remember, even though it’s blurry now, thinking I could not be both a tom boy or a girly girl. How I had to choose if I wanted to wear pink or be good at sports. Even at the age of six I was aware that boys thought girls sucked simply because of my double X’s. I was aware that “boys rule” meant more than a harmless us vs. them type of pride.

So I chose. I decided girly girls were dumb and insipid. I chose to be athletic and school-smart. I was praised and held to high standards. No Cs or you’re grounded, no tennis lessons unless I went to the gym. Because all that could be demanded of me was excellence. As a kid, I thought this was just strictness of my parents beliefs about education and hard work. As an adult, I’ve come to realize it stems from mom and dad’s insecurities. We are at the mercy of grandparents even when they’ve been gone for years.

I hated the color pink from second grade on, and I still do to this day. I hated being called Barbie since I was the stereotypical blonde-haired-blue-eyed white girl. I hated that all I was allowed to be was pink. It felt like no matter which side I looked at, I was stuck in a box. I couldn’t be angry because it wasn’t ladylike, I received much more punishment for swearing as a teenager than my older brother did. It wasn’t until I was 20 in a Jewel Osco during Covid that I told my father to grow up and get over it. I was an adult and I would make my own decisions about the way that I spoke and behaved.

It wasn’t until I was a bit older that I realized that girls and women had the capacity for so much more, but suffered with self-actualization and introspection much earlier than our male friends.

When explaining the waves of feminism to my dad on a bike ride in 2021, he said “I don’t know anything about this waves of feminism shit” and I replied “must be nice”. He didn’t get it.

The first version of my dad loved his daughter fiercely. I was daddy’s little girl who was a little spoiled but wasn’t a brat. We played catch together. We played HORSE together in the driveway where he spray painted basketball court lines for me on the ground to practice my free-throws in sixth grade. We went to the tennis courts to practice my serves in seventh grade. We traveled to Texas in college to watch me play at Nationals. He said I could do anything I put my mind to.

It wasn’t until I was an adult that he said “well...”.

And there it was.

The stipulation that he knew that the world would treat me different and that while it may be unfair-I had to adjust, and it shouldn’t be the other way around. When I talk of creepy men in the gym I had just started attending, it was “yeah but I don’t do that,” when I talk of 60+ year old men hitting on me and asking me out to drinks when I was 19 it was “that’s not that weird,”. It’s invalidation at it’s finest, and understanding that he will truly never get it.

I often think of a memory. I was in elementary school. My dad and I often used to go on hikes together on the weekend in the forest preserves of the suburbs of Chicago. I couldn’t pinpoint my age but I wasn’t fully self-aware yet, so it was pre-fifth grade. He would say “no matter what anyone tells you, you can do anything you want, and it doesn’t matter that you’re a girl”. This was in reference to a woman we passed who was hiking on her own, and even at a young age, I was aware of the danger she could be in on a 5am hike in the middle of a forest with no houses for miles. I remember thinking as a young girl “why would I risk getting hurt?”. It was a memory I would come back to often throughout childhood, as I reminder that I could do anything. But as I approached adulthood, I sometimes revel in my father’s naivety.

There are always stipulations.

As an adult, my dad still thinks I can do what I want, but if I have to work harder to fight prejudice because I am a woman, than that is what I must do. I shouldn’t cry about the injustice I have and inevitably will again face. I should suck it up and power through it. Because as a middle-age white man with a steady job, he has never faced discrimination or prejudice for things he can’t change about himself.

The latter version of my father makes no excuses for his behavior. He says “if you don’t like it, I don’t care”. Despite his secretly hidden desire to be seen, to be heard. He says he doesn’t care what others think, but I think he cares too much sometimes. We are the same in that regard, and it is terrifying. His lack of empathy towards others of different experiences is astounding when he raised a daughter that has an excess of it. His anger is often misplaced and rooted in toxic masculinity and the idea of a traditional family despite a certain lack of religious or traditional upbringing.

There are two versions of my father that exist.

Naïve and Jaded.

#barbie #feminism #femalerage

3 notes · View notes

unalomepath · 4 months

Text

365/365

Hi Dear Me!

What a year! Last post done in the end of 2022. Let's summarise!

Moving abroad.

Well, I knew that it wouldn't happen. I didn't even want that. I guess I was trying to convince myself that it is a good solution and time to run from Poland, but deep in my hear I just knew. In the end the main reason was that we did not find a proper flat due to be expats. Also we couldn't take our cats. Everything with that idea was a mess and I completely forgot about it a little later.

Job change!

New opprtunity to develop in a strong worldwide company and great salary (60% rise). Am I dreaming?

Mess in my head.

In the beginning of May, I am not sure, I started therapy. I could not bare anymore panic attacks and feeling just like a trash. I felt responsible for every fucking misfortune. May long weekend we spent in Greece, Corfu. Only because I had a really high pressure that I need to go somewhere. It's been 6 months of staying at home, it is unacceptable! But the weather was bad - half of the stay heavy rain, and if not - almost all the time fully cloudy. It affected the whole experience. And I was utterly sure that it is my fault. Also we spent sooo much money for that trip only because it was in a desirable date. We were arguing, I was depressed and annoying, everything went awful. At least in my head.

During the therapy I learnt to think and see myself and the world differently. My therapist made me aware that the wather is not under my control and that I forgot about everything good - like the fact that I am a great planner when it comes to the sightseeing or renting a car.

New job is going worse and worse...

New dream job turned out to be a disaster I hate. I realised that it is not me. It a imagined me, extravert, confident and proud. I had to go on a official trip to Germany, I felt there lost, I did not understand a thing, everyting was so confusing. I did not receive any onboarding, any explanation, any introduction. Only more and more calls and upcoming requirements. I started stressing me and I felt so stupid. A job that I couldn't tell a word about. But my holiday were soon I stopped caring at leat in the summer.

I am a fiancee!

The 10 days in Zakynthos, Greece, were my best holidays ever. Everything finally went perfect. PERFECT. The hotel, food, sea, beach, trips, views. It overcome my expectations. Best holiday ever! And the main point was that my partner gave me a ring, so I finally after almost 8 years changed my status from girlfriend to fiancee.

Come back to the old job.

After holiday I realised I need to run from my "dream new job". Quickly. Somewhow my previous company took me back. Of course not too easily - I went great during the interviews, but to punish me for leaving they lowered my salary in comparison to the other people in the team. And there is nothing I can do about it. And it is really fucking annoying. I am not progressing with my salary due to the high inflantion for the past 2-3 years.

After job change I started again to have panic attacks and issues with myself. Unfortunately my therapy had to end in July because the owner of the medical center decided to close it... But I learnt back then a lot. I just need to remember to follow the rules.

2023.

Some points about 2023.

I got engaged. It means that I am important in this big world.

I had a short adventure in another company that allowed me to pay off the car, go to therapy, buy a computer, and benefit fully from the holiday. I quitt because it was the best choice for my mental health and money wasn't worth it.

I realised I do not need social media to live. I feel better without the knowledge what everyone is doing! If it is something interesting, they will tell you.

I realised that life is not about building it the same as other people. You choose. You have your own, special priorities. You have your own plan.

Me is the most important (of course besides my fiance). I live only for myself, I do not have to fit in, drink alcohol or enjoy the same stuff. Big NO.

Health is the biggest value. Doing overtime, skipping lunch breaks, trying be always the best IS NOT WORTH YOUR HEALTH. Both, physical and mental!

Life is about living, so close this virtual blog for today. :)

0 notes

matsukawamatt · 6 months

Text

Starting New

Its finally here, I’m finally down in Australia for my first time since 2017. I haven’t been here very long — still less than 24 hours — but this still feels so crazy. Like, what am I even doing here?! It doesn’t feel real even. Yesterday I walked around and I think I was on autopilot. I’ve felt a mix of everything from nervousness to excitement. Sure, I’ve been a bit anxious too. Everything is a mystery right now and I feel like I’m starting new. I’ve got a new phone number, I’ve applied for a tax number, I’m getting a new bank account, in all, I’m doing things that are getting me started for a (possible) year long journey down here. I don’t have to stay the entire length of the visa, of course, but that option is always there. Its incredible.

The weather was gorgeous when I landed. It didn’t seem it was going to be that way on the airplane’s approach to the Australian coast. There were massive cumulonimbus clouds and it seemed as if Sydney was having a massive thunderstorm as we moved closer to land. As we made our way through the clouds, they all seemed to disappear at once, and nothing but the morning light rising to the east had shown over a sleepy Sydney. It was beautiful. Landing, I was hit with the familiar scents and warmth of humidity that comes after a rain and a heavy storm — I guess we did just miss the weather. I made my way through customs and got into the country. First thing I did was I walked outside of the terminal. Paradise. I walked back in to set up my phone’s sim using the airport wifi, made my way to “Macca’s” for a quick 7am cheeseburger, and proceeded to the train station. I got myself an Opal card and topped it off at $60 AUD — thinking that this would be PLENTY. Well, one thing the Aussies do when you take public transport leaving the airport is they charge you a massive amount of money. So as I exited my station at Bondi Junction, I noticed my balance was now $39.87. WHAT? Okay, I didn’t mind. My friend Emily told me that they only do that from the airport. Since then, I have brought the balance down to around $34, but that was after several train and bus trips through the city.

First thing I did this morning after getting to the hostel was to change into my bathing suit. The weather could not have been more perfect, and I mean it. Between the beautiful gentle breeze, cooling me down and relaxing me, and the tall waves crashing down in front of me at a nearly-empty Bondi Beach, I was in heaven. I write this now at 3:30am, completely succumbed to the will of jet-lag, and hoping for a repeat day. Something about all the beach bums with their long hair and wetsuits was really phenomenal. I can’t believe how many beautiful people exist here too. This place is, just, really something.

In recent days I’ve battled with whether or not I would post here on this page. This was after learning SOME people have access to it :’). But, that was a short self-battle. I’ve always posted here, and I will continue to do so. This is a public forum and I’m glad that I was reminded of this. Nothing about posting online is personal so why should I pretend it is? Its not a big deal, even if I was a bit embarrassed at the fact that there are actually people reading this, and that I’m writing (at times) some extremely personal stuff, as I will below.

I have not really talked about the past week or whats gone on. Last week, before my move to Australia, a friend of mine had come to visit me. This was a friend whom I met in Greece, at a bar in Kalabaka. Thats not entirely true. We met on Tinder, but after meeting for drinks and talking, I gauged everything to be friendly. We kept in touch as we went separate ways — me to Prague and back home, her to Iceland. While I was home she wanted to meet up. I thought about going up to Montreal, but I decided against it and all I could think about was my last visit up there. That was magical. So, I agreed, fully knowing how challenging it would be to try to settle my affairs at home and still travel northbound. She was excited and made plans for the both of us, meanwhile I was trying to find ways to get out of my agreement. I ended up telling her it just didn’t make sense for me to go up there. She, immediately, offered to come down and said she could stay with me. Okay, sure, “yeah, you can stay at my place” that’s okay. She came down, brought me some tim hortons (which I really missed), we mostly watched Star Trek — in separate chairs, we hung out, Mittens hissed at her worse than he’s done to anyone, we went to the Boston Athenaeum and spent half a day there, played trivia together, and we slept separately at night 2 nights in a row. She left that next day.

This is where it gets personal. I guess all of that wasn’t satisfactory for her. She felt confused, I guess, and as it turns out I misread everything. Well, she wanted to come back down before I left, and we set the rules that we are NOT looking for anything together. She again, came down, brought tim hortons again, and I got us a hotel room. It was a great time, we went out into the North End and got dinner and walked around a bit, talked, and hung out. We didn’t do anything that night, but at 3am the both of us woke up and we slept together. Honestly, I couldn’t stop thinking about my ex, and the sex was awful. It really was awful. I hated everything about it. She was beautiful, she had an amazing body, everything was perfect. But I couldn’t help but think of Katie. Now, SHE was good, this was just so bad. I will leave it at that. She really liked it, and she made that known, but man, this made me miss Katie so much. After everything, I stayed in the shower for a very long time and just thought back, replaying memories in my head, imagining her cute little smirk that told me “I love you, Matt” as she…. ugh… well you know the rest probably. I can’t go further with that. Again, this is a public forum, and now that I know it will be read, I’m hesitant to say things that I know would get me into trouble. Still, if I learned anything from this little fling, I learned that I am not over her yet — and that I took the sex for granted. I hope kt still thinks that I was good 😂😂 not that it matters. I’m hoping things will be different down here in the Land of Oz.

p.s. This all took me a while to write and two of my roommates at the hostel have been talking (and moaning??) in their sleep. I’m the only dude in this room of 8 people which is insane. Anyway, I have to pee and have been trying not to get up, but I definitely have to now. I’ll try and update as my life gets more interesting. Also I need a pair of socks like this guy:

0 notes

sickviking-fr · 7 months

Text

You guys wanna hear a funny story?

Below cut because I can't summerize

So a week or two ago, some work friends and I were sitting at a table eating lunch when we were joined by a likable old man who stealthily guided the conversation from dinosaurs into Star Trek, for which no one minded, Star Trek fucks severely.

I forget how the conversation evolved but at some point he goes "and you know what's funny? I could decide right now that I'm a woman, and go tell [the boss] that I'm a woman and want to use the women's restroom, and he has no choice but to let me! I could do that right now and be peeing in the women's bathroom in 20 minutes."

Let me tell you. We are his five favorite people, right? He talks to us every chance he gets. We joke together, all share drinking stories and random recipes and tiktoks. And clearly, He Does Not Know.

He did not realize any of us were trans, much less the entire fucking room. Of the six people currently in the room, one is a pre-everything openly trans man, one is his NB wife. One is a 100% passing but fully open trans woman, one is a fully stealth trans man and one is I, a passing-most-of-the-time-only-out-when-it's-funny trans man. And then theres Mark: 50-60 something cishet male.

And so he says this and we all just look at him with this fully synchronized hive mind level of head turn, with varying degrees of added head tilt, and in near unison say "That's not how it works".

He looked like he was about to shit himself. And we all just dissolve into tales of how hard it is, how long it took in our various transitions before we could safely use our respective genders restrooms, tales of how often Val got beat up by boyfriends and dad's of women in the restrooms when all she wanted was to pee. How A, being pre-everything, had just twenty minutes previously been grabbed by a customer and "politely" guided out of the men's room and into the women's room. And after the first story or two it was mostly talking to each other sharing experiences and giving advice to A.

Every single one of us had multiple horror stories to tell, and marks mouth just slowly fell further and further open as he suddenly realized that we might not be as "cool" with that comment as he thought.

But to his credit, he didn't argue, didn't make excuses, didn't interrupt. He listened. Seemed shocked the whole time. And when I got up to get new food (my salad was rotten and I'd been putting off going to buy something else) the conversation seemed to be slowly making it's way back to star trek and dinosaurs. When I returned, he was still sitting there, but now everyone was on their phones watching Netflix or I think G was playing DND over discord.

But yeah. Marks been a little awkward and a bit more avoidant ever since, but not like. In a bad way, I guess. Like he's more embarrassed than hating us or anything like that. But bruh learned a few things that day. Primarily that the Ankylosaurus is the best dinosaur. That had to be embarrassing for him.

#not fr #lgbt #lgbtq #lgbtqia #educating #bro got served

1 note · View note

nikkijisbackagain · 8 months

Text

MAKE ME ADMIT STUFF

1. Would you have sex with the last person you text messaged? i did

2. You talked to an ex today, correct? sure-- more than one

3. Have you taken someones virginity? yes

4. Is trust a big issue for you? yes

5. Did you hang out with the person you like recently? yes

6. What are you excited for? cock

7. What happened tonight? i was at work

8. Do you think it’s disgusting when girls get really wasted? depends

9. Is confidence cute? yes

10. What is the last beverage you had? wine

11. How many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust? depends what the opposite sex is

12. Do you own a pair of skinny jeans? yes

13. What are you gonna do Saturday night? work

14. What are you going to spend money on next? lube

15. Are you going out with the last person you kissed? yes

16. Do you think you’ll change in the next 3 months? no

17. Who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything? sex

18. The last time you felt broken? when i had a gang bang

19. Have you had sex today? twice

20. Are you starting to realize anything? i ama slut

21. Are you in a good mood? yes always 22. Would you ever want to swim with sharks? no

23. Are your eyes the same color as your dad’s? yes

24. What do you want right this second? cock

25. What would you say if the person you love/like kissed another girl/boy? lets do it

26. Is your current hair color your natural hair color? no

27. Would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh? not

28. What was the last thing that made you laugh? HIM

29. Do you really, truly miss someone right now? yes

30. Does everyone deserve a second chance? daily

31. Honestly, do you hate the last boy you were talking to? no

32. Does the person you have feelings for right now, know you do? yes

33. Are you one of those people who never drinks soda? yes

34. Listening to? tv

35. Do you ever write in pencil anymore? yes

36. Do you know where the last person you kissed is? in the next room

37. Do you believe in love at first sight? define love

38. Who did you last call? my pimp

39. Who was the last person you danced with? sexually HIM

40. Why did you kiss the last person you kissed? i wanted HIM

41. When was the last time you ate a cupcake? yesterday

42. Did you hug/kiss one of your parents today? sorry no

43. Ever embarrass yourself in front of a crush? yes

44. Do you tan in the nude? yes

45. If you could, would you take back your last kiss? nope

46. Did you talk to someone until you fell asleep last night? yes

47. Who was the last person to call you?my pimp

48. Do you sing in the shower? no

49. Do you dance in the car? yes

50. Ever used a bow and arrow? no

51. Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer? no

52. Do you think musicals are cheesy? no

53. Is Christmas stressful? no

54. Ever eat a pierogi? yes

55. Favorite type of fruit pie? apple

56. Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid? waitress

57. Do you believe in ghosts?no

58. Ever have a Deja-vu feeling?yes

59. Take a vitamin daily? seerveral

60. Wear slippers? 6no

1. Wear a bath robe? yes gown mostly

62. What do you wear to bed? whatever HE wants

63. First concert?Abba

64. Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart? target

65. Nike or Adidas? nike

66. Cheetos Or Fritos? neither

67. Peanuts or Sunflower seeds? peanuts

68. Favorite Taylor Swift song? all

69. Ever take dance lessons? yes

70. Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing? no

71. Can you curl your tongue? yes

72. Ever won a spelling bee? no

73. Have you ever cried because you were so happy?yes

74. What is your favorite book? the one i am reading

75. Do you study better with or without music? with

76. Regularly burn incense? have yes

77. Ever been in love? daily

78. Who would you like to see in concert? not sure

79. What was the last concert you saw? diana krall

80. Hot tea or cold tea? iced

81. Tea or coffee? coffee

82. Favorite type of cookie? toll house

83. Can you swim well? yes

84. Can you hold your breath without holding your nose? yes

85. Are you patient? no

86. DJ or band, at a wedding? dj

87. Ever won a contest? yes

88. Ever have plastic surgery? yes

89. Which are better black or green olives? green

90. Opinions on sex before marriage?often

91. Best room for a fireplace? bedroom

92. Do you want to get married have done that

0 notes

fingfamily-blog-blog · 2 years

Text

More Mid-October

Everyday is a new day. "Sometimes I feel so happy. Sometimes I feel so sad." Actually, quoting Lou Reed there, I wouldn't say 'sad' is the right word. Frustrated, weary, those are more appropriate. Sometimes my students ask, "Have you had any culture shock in Malang?" And I tell them, "A little." But the bigger shock really is technology shock. I've been lucky at my home in the States, to have a wife and kids who are willing to do the technology stuff for me. They have the Uber accounts. I've depended on my university to set me up with Zoom. I've never paid for anything using my phone in America. Here in Malang, I'm on my own, and I'm having to tackle things I would have gladly avoided at home. I've mentioned, in a previous post, that I knew I needed Grab (the Indonesian Uber) to expand my range here and live a more normal life. But uploading Grab has only partially helped me. The good part is that, yes, I have widened my range of experience, going new places and meeting new people. But the bad news is that Grab is erratic with my preferred method of payment - a credit card. My bank at home stopped my card for a fraud investigation, and that appears to have put the spook into Grab. Sometimes they allow me to use the card, which is ideal, right? That I can order and take the ride without using cash? But sometimes they don't take the card, and I have to pay cash, which has put me out, because I don't have a lot of cash and I don't have a bank account. My colleagues tell me, "Well, then, get an Ovo account. No problem!" But they didn't tell me that Grab meant Ovo. And I sit here today, right now, fully assured that once I set up my Ovo account, there will be another problem which will supposedly be solved by another downloaded app. This tentacular technological creep is something I've always wished to avoid, and honestly, have left up to my wife and kids. So is that culture shock because of Indonesia? Or is it just me entering the modern world entirely on my own? Does it matter? Have I talked about the VPT Gym in my neighborhood? I paid about $120 for 6 months access to a serious workout center, run by an Australian gent and his wife, both serious (and I guess professional) body-builders. It has all the equipment and lots of free weights and ropes. When I come in, there are often classes of 5 or 6, and a few private lessons going on as well. I run straight for the elliptical, but, since I've not worked out for over a month upon arrival, I've taken to the rowing and the stair-stepping machines as well. I calculate that I'm exerting about 500 calories in just under 60 minutes, and its such a great benefit to me. I'm not so tense when Grab screws me over (although I am tense about that). I eat well and sleep better. It's just great - very happy to be back in that routine. I've also been buying fruit at a local vendor in my neighborhood, and I bought a blender to make smoothies and juice. That has been a godsend too. Today I did pineapple, mango, a little banana, a splash of yogurt, and a few shakes of turmeric. And it tastes like a tropical rainbow! The energy and freshness and health just sizzle as I drink it down. I also went out on my own for lunch today, to a nearby Ramen shop. I've mentioned my snobbishness about Japanese food anywhere but Japan, and I knew to keep my expectations down. But I've seen the shop a few times in my wanderings around campus, and I wanted to try it out. I won't be bringing my Japanese-food-snobbish family to the place, but it was passable. A traditional ramen has a slice of roasted pork in it. But not here in Muslim Indonesia. So they put a few pieces of kara age (that's battered and fried boneless thigh pieces - very nice) in it! The noodles were inauthentic, but the miso broth was passable, and it had kamaboko (pressed, processed fish) and nori (seaweed). I enjoyed it, without thinking I'll be going again. I'm working on my first expense report and finding that my food budget allows for more eating out than I've done so far. Not that I'll change that, but it's nice to know that I could go out a bit more - if I found places that served food I want. I'm actually in the middle of a class right now! It's a test-prep class, and I've given the students 40 minutes to write an essay, which we will look over using the criteria the exam (called the IELTS, a TOEFL equivalent based in Australia) uses. Australia really dominates Indonesia regarding western culture, exchanges, and education. It's not far away, so that makes sense. And of course, the Dutch history means there are plenty of Dutch influences still around. It's not all USA, USA all the time. Got to get back to work!

0 notes

livingwithlosingyou · 2 years

Text

Living with Losing You - 8/19/2022

Just Keep Swimming.

When you were in residency (and you were struggling) I found this little Dory figurine, and told you to “Just keep swimming”. Well, when we moved into the La Mesa apartment, you happened to put it up on the light in the bathroom. We never took it down. When I am struggling sometimes I will go in there and look at it as a reminder that you’d want me to keep fighting. You want me to live the best life I could ever live.

I really didn’t sleep well the night before, since I wasn’t feeling well. Though I honestly don’t feel like I ever fully sleep through the night ever. It’s gotten worse since you took your life.

Anyway, I ended up waking up at around 5:30am and talking with your mom. we always have good conversation. I am excited that i’ll be in Kentucky in a week! I am really trying to rest up to make sure that I am healthy for that trip.

After that I forced myself to get out of bed (this was painful, literally), made a smoothie for breakfast, then quickly logged into work to inform my team that I was unwell and that we would need to move things around, etc, I had to reach out to a few other employees as well. Things have really been tough to catch up on since I have been out. I hope everyone understands that I am trying my best, it’s really all I can do right now given everything.

Fortunately, I was able to take a 45 minute-ish nap into the early afternoon. I was feeling pretty exhausted, and did wake up with a fever. It’s been a mix of chills and sweats with consistent body aches and throat pain, etc.

After that I decided that I needed to actually eat, so I made my way into the kitchen and started eating my GF bundt cake. I quickly realized that while this was delicious, I needed real food. I ended up Door Dashing my lunch again today. I decided to get Pho and and banana smoothie. This was a great choice. The soup definitely helped my throat, but I also decided to try and drink a couple cups of tea. Let’s just say that it somewhat helped but still is very sore.

I did end up reaching out to my PCP because I thought it was strange that I had such sudden onset symptoms that were so similar to COVID. She advised me to go into urgent care to get some testing done, so I did.

I ended up coming back negative on a rapid strep test, the flu test, and the chest x-ray looked normal. While this is good news, it does not explain what I am currently struggling with. They really do not think it’s the COVID rebound, and believe it’s just a random virus. They did not want to PCR test me for COVID because it wouldn’t necessarily answer any questions since most people who have contracted it test positive anywhere from 60-90 days.

Luckily this was a shorter visit, as I just so happened to come in at a time where they really didn’t have much of a wait time. I drove straight home after so In could let Sadie out. She was so good today with just being chill and matching my energy. Also could be since she has two crazy back to back days at her puppy camp. It was interesting, because she started smelling something that had been yours, and slept in the chair that you used to love for the first time (that I have seen) since you passed. It was really sweet.

I ended up talking to Mark (another great conversation), facetimed Bri as she gave me a tour of the new Farmer’s Market lay out (not as effective as the prior lay out, said it and meant it), and watched some new shows.

I really am trying to just be still and rest today. I was able to get through the third book in the grief book series that Heather gave me. Those books are really good at keeping me in perspective, and giving myself grace. One more book left!

I am currently sitting in bed, and am likely going to try and get some sleep here soon. There were some tears today, but not breakdowns. Even if there had been, I would have been okay. I just have to keep manifesting the good. Even when it feels like all is lost.

Even though I am slightly feeling better, it is very unlikely that I will be able to go to the Padres game tomorrow. Especially with still having to be on medication to keep the fever down. I am also extremely bummed that I am missing the boy’s first race in the morning. I really had been looking forward to this weekend. I had lots of plans, but little did I know that the universe / God had a different plan for me. I need to be better about being still, I get that. I am undiagnosed ADHD, but I think I have it.

Anyway, James, you will always be so loved. I promise I’ll do what I can to “Just Keep Swimming”.

Please send prayers for quick healing and trusting in the Lord’s process.

I included a few pictures.

Rest in Peace, James Burton Nichols.

10/1/1993 - 7/16/2022

0 notes