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therenlover · 3 years

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Would The Danny Bunch Survive A Holiday With My Family?

A/n: In the wake of recent life garbage, I have neglected to write a whole fic, and I’m sorry. In the interim, please enjoy this writing exercise I have put together in the hopes of nailing some characters I haven’t written for in the past in time for a larger project I’m working on! Cheers!

Characters: Laszlo Kreizler, Alex Kerner, Niki Lauda, Andrea Marowski, Ernst Schmidt, and Helmut Zemo

Rating: T

Warnings: Swearing, Mentions of Mild Misogyny, Mentions of Alcohol/Alcoholism, Mentions of Mental Illness, Non-Graphic Mentions of Death, Minor Spoilers for The Alienist Season One, Minor Spoilers for Goodbye, Lenin!, Spoilers for Rush (2013), Minor Spoilers for The Cloverfield Paradox maybe??? I haven’t actually seen the whole movie, blame Wikipedia if things are wrong.

Laszlo Kreizler

As the first of all of the Dannys to be put through the ringer, Laszlo Kreizler unfortunately would not survive a holiday with my family.

First of all, this man does not like massive huggy kissy crowds, so he’d already be off his game the second he walked into the packed house. That’s not why he’d die though, surprisingly.

His downfall would be his status as an Alienist.

There is simply so much mental illness and childhood trauma present at my family holidays that he would combust within 15 minutes of sitting in a room with all of my relatives.

Even if he were to somehow make it past the introductory phase, my family is nosey as hell, so they’d be grilling him about his arm and his own childhood trauma within the first hour.

Laszlo, for all of his strength, simply wouldn’t be able to withstand it.

His death wouldn’t come from the initial combustion though. No, it’s not that simple.

Knowing Laszlo, once he had combusted and entirely lost his composure the first time, he would become extremely intrigued about the interconnected nature of everyones issues with each other and he would start asking questions.

That’s where the problems would begin.

Because it’s one thing if my drunk great aunt starts badmouthing her sister at the table for abandoning her 90 year old mother for a lake house with her new boyfriend. That’s fine.

But when Laszlo hops in and starts picking apart the mommy issues and underlying reasons for their decades long sibling rivalry?

Oh it would be over for him.

The yelling would never end.

And, I have no doubt that Laszlo would start to psychoanalyze whoever started to yell at him, which would only lead to more yelling.

In the end, someone would throw a probably full and probably fresh out of the oven casserole dish at his head and he’d be unable to defend himself because of his weak arm.

We’d have to cart him out in a wheelchair and even if he were to technically survive, he’d never come back.

Therefor, Laszlo Kreizler would fall victim to my family and die before we even got to dessert.

Alex Kerner

YES

Ah, little baby Alex! A great contender here for holiday survival.

He seems relatively young in comparison to most of the Dannys on this list, though I don’t actually know how old he’s supposed to be.

Based on his relative youth, he would automatically get points with the fam for not seeming like a creep or sugar daddy. Instead, he could be just about any dude I brought home from college.

His skillset as a semi-skilled laborer would also earn him some points, seeing as several members of the family are in similar professions.

Alex might get lost in some of the more complex conversations about the local organic scene or the fine details of running a fine art gallery, but he would fit right in with the majority of the younger members of the family, smiling and nodding his way through the conversation.

His enthusiasm and optimism would brighten the room and leave everyone excited to see him around again.

There’s also the semi-small detail of him caring for his mother, which would earn sympathy from the older members of the family as they are in charge of caring for my deaf, blind great grandmother.

Now, all of these aspects have already set Alex up for a successful survival of a holiday dinner with my family, but the real secret weapon he has up his sleeve is what really cements him in place as a survivor.

What is his secret weapon, you may ask?

Lies.

Alex Kerner is really, really good at lying, and is even better at figuring out increasingly convoluted ways to keep his lies straight.

If he managed to hide to fuckin’ Berlin Wall coming down from his mother for as long as he did, he could keep a couple of white lies up for appearances if he was asked any potentially embarrassing or weird questions that would make him look bad.

He could also lie about enjoying my great aunt’s cooking, which is a vital skill for holiday survival in my family.

Therefor, at the end of the day, Alex Kerner would not only survive a holiday with my family, but he’d probably enjoy it and get invited back for every subsequent holiday he could possibly attend.

Niki Lauda

Niki is another Danny that falls very firmly into the category of characters that would absolutely not survive a holiday with my family, for many, many reasons.

First of all, just like Laszlo, Niki is not huge on going to big huggy kissy parties.

Both adults and children would be all over him the second he walked in the door, which would probably make Niki get very uncomfortable and cagey.

Little does he know at that point that people aren’t just all over you when you get in the door.

No, no, no; from the moment you show up to the moment you leave, if you’re at a holiday with my family you are being basically accosted with questions and hugs and conversations that get weirdly personal.

It doesn’t help that the whole entire house is packed and there are eyes on you at every moment, so he wouldn’t even be able to sneak in a break for air or a cigarette.

If my own mother can’t sneak out for a smoke when she’s been going to these events her whole life, the new guy who’s still being vetted by the family sure as hell won’t be able to either.

Needless to say, Niki would start to get really, really tired of it all in an hour tops. I’ll give him until dinner at most.

That’s where things would start getting really sticky.

See, a lovely little fact about the Niki Lauda that lives in my brain, as portrayed by Daniel Bruhl in Rush (2013), is that he’s just a little bit misogynistic. No more than would be period typical, but a little misogynistic.

Another fun little important thing to note is that my family is entirely matriarchal in nature.

There are only 4 reoccurring male guests at family holidays out of about 20 to 25 guests at each event; My great aunt’s husband of many, many years, the two male siblings my mother has that live in the area, and the young son of one of those siblings.

Men, specifically boyfriends, simply do not last in my family. They are considered pretty disposable and easily banned from family events after breakups or small mishaps.

So, not only would Niki not have any other manly men there to chat about sports with over a scotch and a cigarette, he would be surrounded by so much estrogen that he would definitely struggle with his inner asshole even more than usual.

In fact, we never have sports on, even on Thanksgiving. Poor Niki would be stuck hearing conversations about artisanal candlemakers and how to hand felt a woodland elf puppet.

Back to his downfall, the second he made a slightly sketchy joke about women in the kitchen at the dinner table to my great uncle, his fate would be sealed.

If you thought the yelling at Laszlo would have been bad, this yelling would be ten times worse, because he would be surrounded by like 20 very angry, very defensive, and very strong women waiting to beat the shit out of him and I would not be any help.

He dug the hole, so he can climb out of it.

In the end, his death would come when he tried to light a cigarette and calm himself down at the dinner table while trying to rescind his earlier statement, because smoking inside around all the precious textile art? Thats a big no no.

My great aunt would grab the lighter right out of his hand, light up whatever cocktail she had at the moment, and throw it all directly into Niki’s face.

It would be like crashing his car all over again, only this time he would be surrounded by people who would rather he burn than try to get him out of the situation.

Moral of the story, Niki would die within the first few hours of a holiday with my family because he made an asshole comment to a room full of women who don’t put up with that shit. Don’t be like Niki, even if you think you won’t get killed for it.

Andrea Marowski

YES

Andrea is pretty much the polar opposite of Niki here, and I love him for it.

He is very soft, very kind, very pure, and would never dare to say something rude at the dinner table like a certain racer we all know.

He couldn’t even say something rude if he tried to, because he probably wouldn’t have the English in his vocabulary to say the things he wanted to say even if he intended to say them out loud.

But let’s be honest here, Andrea would never.

Even with his limited English, Andrea would appreciate being surrounded by a whole bunch of people who think he’s the sweetest little thing since the invention of cake.

My great grandmother, despite being almost entirely blind and deaf, would say he looked darling and he would immediately be a member of the family from the moment he stuttered out his thanks.

Andrea, like Alex, is also relatively young, so he would get points for not being old enough to be my father.

I feel like, because Andrea was shown living happily in a tiny village by the ocean with two old ladies, he would have an appreciation for craft, so he wouldn’t mind sitting quietly as my great aunt pawns off a handmade blanket from my great grandmother to him.

He would also happily sit with the younger children and do whatever craft or simple game one of my aunts brought for them that time.

The cherry on top with Andrea is his skill with the violin.

My family is one that appreciates fine art a lot, but more than anything we appreciate music.

I wouldn’t say that any of us are anywhere close to Andrea’s proficiency, but we definitely aren’t terrible, and we all can appreciate the effort, practice, and talent that goes into getting truly good on an instrument like Andrea is on his violin.

He would be encouraged to play, of course, and he would happily oblige.

If he felt comfortable enough, I could even see my great uncle grabbing his guitar, my cousin sitting at the piano, and my sister bringing out her own violin to do a little quartet with some simple song they knew as everybody else sang along.

By the end of the holiday evening, once dinner was served and people were heading to the cars, Andrea would definitely be considered a member of the family.

Needless to say, he’d survive and pass their tests with better than flying colors, even despite the language barrier.

Ernst Schmidt

Now, Ernst was probably the most difficult one on this entire list to put into the living or dying category. In the end, though, there were a few things that couldn’t be overlooked that send him into bad territory.

To be fair, though, he would last the longest out of everyone who would die tragically at one of my family’s holiday gatherings.

He, like the past two victims, would not be exactly suited for the mushy crowding that’s inevitable when it comes to my family.

That being said, I think he would deal with it a little bit better than the other two did and would make polite conversation with the family when he could.

The fact that he was trapped in a packed house filled with drunk people who have several generations worth of beef with each other, though, would start to get him eventually.

If we consider all of the shit that happened while he was in space to be canonical minus, you know, the earth getting really fucked up, he would probably start to go a little bit nuts while packed together with that many passive aggressive people.

The second someone burst into tears on the way to the bathroom he would start to lose his shit.

Still, I think Schmidt would probably be fine-ish until dessert was served, because that’s about the time where all the adults are absurdly drunk, so insanity ensues.

They would start poking at him about his credentials and experiences as a physicist.

He would answer their questions at first, but, unfortunately for him, the questions would turn more and more personal and uncomfortable as time went on.

Did he ever still think about what happened up in space? Did he blame himself for not getting things to work correctly? How much did he miss his old world and old life? Did he ever have nightmares about what he saw? How much did it hurt to get shot?

They’d poke and poke and poke in their drunken state until poor Schmidt would snap at them, flying into a slight rage at their insistent probing.

From there, he would be swiftly asked to leave and then “accidentally” run over while calling an Uber to take him to wherever he’s staying as my drunk great aunt tries to back out of the driveway to drive down the block to her house.

In the end, Schmidt and his wit would be really close to surviving a holiday with my family , but he would, unfortunately, let his anger get the best of him, and it would be the last thing he ever did. Literally.

Helmut Zemo

YES, BUT ONLY BARELY

Okay, so my earlier comment about Ernst being the most difficult out of everyone was incorrect. Zemo was, by far, the hardest to put into one category or the other.

His wit and charm won out in the end, though, and I determined that he would survive one single holiday with my family.

If he ever came back for a second he definitely wouldn’t make it, but he would succeed in living past the first one.

Helmut’s problems start, surprisingly, not with the fact that he is a criminal. In fact that doesn’t even cause any problems for him.

No, instead they start with the fact that he is 43.

I am 99% sure that my mother is 43, and I know for a definite fact that he’s older than one of my uncles who would be present. I, at the time of writing this, am 18.

Needless to say, literally everyone would be massively suspicious of him and his intentions the second he walked through the door. The amount of money in his bank account definitely wouldn’t help in this situation either.

The family would warm up to him eventually, though, because if there’s one thing Helmut is good at besides killing people, it’s making people like him even if they absolutely shouldn’t.

With his expansive knowledge of what feels like literally everything rich and niche, he would slowly win over the older members of the family. Who knew the strange old man Jac brought home was so well versed in the American pottery scene, or that he could name specific jewelry artists from across the world that my family had done business with for years?

My family definitely wouldn’t. At least, not at first.

Oh how they’d learn, though.

Another nice thing about Zemo that would allow him to survive is his aggressive politeness.

No matter how many weird glances or dirty looks he got over the course of dinner, he would simply continue to be the best version of himself in the hopes of impressing everyone.

He would even pretend to enjoy my great aunt’s cooking and get himself seconds, because I’m sure it would be easier to scarf down than whatever he and his EKO Scorpion squad had to eat while serving in the Sokovian special forces.

On the tail end of reasons he would be accepted, Helmut Zemo drinks alcohol like it’s water, so he would fit right in drinking white wine and cocktails through the night with the rest of the adults.

((I think he’d totally tease me about not being able to drink with him, but that’s a story for another time. Anyways...))

His slight downfall would come from something entirely uncontrollable by him or anybody else.

And that something would be my flirty aunt.

I love my aunt. She’s wonderful in her own special way.

That being said, I know if a hot Sokovian baron with a nice smile and a fat pocketbook showed up to one of out holidays, even if he was introduced as my partner, she would be going for the kill all night long.

This would make Helmut more and more uncomfortable as she got more and more drunk, because lets face it, he’s probably not very comfortable with being touched by near-strangers anyways, and being touched by a drunk member of his partners family who is very obviously coming on to him?

That’s even more difficult to deal with.

That being said, Helmut is a man who has been shown to be extremely in control of his emotions.

He would swallow down whatever awkwardness he felt, make it to the end of the night, and, once he had escaped her clutches, he would politely say that he was never going back to another holiday function with my family again, though he would be happy to facilitate me still attending them.

So, in the end, Helmut Zemo would survive one holiday with his sheer stubborn politeness alone.

I will say that his patience would absolutely wear thin if he attended a couple more holidays and he would eventually die of a stress induced heart attack after being unable to politely decline my aunt’s advances.

For now, though, he’s safe.

#zemo #baron zemo #helmut zemo #daniel brühl #daniel bruhl #niki lauda #andrea marowski #ernst schmidt #laszlo kreizler #alex kerner #jac rambles #imagine #the danny bunch

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buck-nialled · 4 years

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Two Million Minutes (5) - N. Horan

NOTE: phew...hope y’all are ready for this one. Please let me know how you feel about this part, feedback is vv appreciated!

PLAYLIST // PART ONE // PART TWO // PART THREE // PART FOUR

Thick tension flooded the house in the days following Niall's outburst toward Veronica. They cooked their food and ate it in their respected rooms, or Veronica did at least. Niall usually obtained the couch to enjoy his golf matches, leaving her in a position too uncomfortable to approach him. Over this span of days, Niall ventured to play guitar and destress. While mentally, he was still dazed by what he had learned to play, his muscle memory was not lacking in the slightest. Foreign chord progressions and strings of lyrics he never remembered writing down but did remember singing flew from him like the last five years of his life was something he could evoke well.

The reoccurring dreams with Veronica also continued. Some innocent, others explicit but every one held intimate undertones. Niall was in the dark when it came to know if they were actual memories resurfacing in his unconscious or chaotic figmentations his mind introduced to mock his lack of a relationship. If Niall had continued his string of occasional one-night stands prior to his hospital visit, maybe this was a way of telling him he was overdue for one.

But to hook up with his roommate? His platonic roommate? Not only was the timing inopportune, but she was the single-most trustworthy person nearest to Niall in the central Los Angeles area. To ruin the enigma of a “bond” they had built over the last few weeks seemed like a step too far. Therefore, Niall concluded he would not risk such a thing just to appease his sexual frustrations. In fact, all Niall wanted to do in his moments of quiet was talk to her about something other than the problem.

It was one-night Niall entered the living room to find Veronica sat on the couch. Her dark tendrils fell along her back which was clad in a large sweatshirt as her back rested against one of the arms. Her eyes were focused on the television as she flicked through the channels with little care. It was obvious her mind was elsewhere by the countless number of shows she scrolled over that she adored. Wait, when did Niall suddenly remember she liked Real Housewives and Animal Planet? Shaking his head, he approached the sofa and sat himself down in front of her. Pausing her thumb against the channel button, her eyes flew to his.

“Hey…” she resituated her position on the couch, bringing her knees closer against her chest. Niall took in their silky-smooth appearance in her cotton shorts. “Did you want the TV? I wasn’t really—”

“I came to say I’m sorry.” Niall sighs, bowing his head. “I shouldn’t have yelled at ya like that. It’s just…tough remembering the hard stuff. And…I’m not sure how much hard stuff I can take.”

“What do you mean?” She warily replies, feeling goosebumps rise on her skin from the cold feeling flooded her insides.

“I’m saying…I don’t think I’m ready to start remembering for a while. Do ya reckon...we could just take a break?” Veronica strains to keep her features calm and expression solid, but Niall catches the twitch in her lips as she nods up and down.

“Yeah…that’s fine.” She whispers, looking back down to the warm remote in her grip. Niall caught tears brimming her eyelids before her head craned down. Though he does not quite recall how tight-knit his relationship with the girl was, he does know they must have cared for one another to a massive extent.

“Vee, what’s wrong?” A shattered gasp comes from the woman as her head snaps back up to face him. The nickname was something subconscious, but Niall knew it triggered something within her. “Was that…did I call you that a lot.” She nodded her head up and down, lips trembling.

“Only you called me that, always. Niall…”

“Yes, love?”

“I-I know you’re scared…” the way she began her sentence, Niall knew she would somehow manipulate the subject to point to her suffering. “But…god, this is gonna make me sound like an asshole.” For some reason, her acknowledging the words to come made Niall’s slow-boiling anger come to a simmer inside of him. Or maybe it was the soft spot he had grown for her, which is still very much being dug into him. “I’m scared, too. I know, I can’t know what it’s like to be in your shoes but…damnit I hate being in my own right now.” Niall only nods, allowing her to continue her flow of thoughts, uninterrupted.

“I-it’s just there are so many things for you to try and look back on and I know some of them you’re just gonna skim over. Like a book with a—a boring chapter or an episode to a show that makes no sense I feel like you’re just gonna glimpse and be done with it, and—and I—” Her chest heaves continually while her body crunches into broken sobs.

“I don’t want to be someone you throw away. I-I don’t want to be looked over, Ni. You mean so much to me and I—" Some syllables were drawn out more than others due to her uneven tone and shaky breath. There was no more she needed to say but Niall knew she needed to say it for her. Neither had noticed how they inched closer to one another until her tears fell from her chin, sprinkling, and soaking into Niall’s legs. Her hands flew to her face as she sniffed, but they remained for only a second before Niall’s larger ones blanketed them.

“Hey, hey…” Niall coos, slowly slotting their fingers together. How comfortably they fit together was something the man was ignorant of. But Veronica would be grateful for the gesture for the rest of the night, and weeks to follow. It was the most intimate the two had been in advance to his concussion. “I’m not going to throw you out, okay?” He comforts, dragging their joined hands away from her face. “I won’t.”

“P-promise?” She questions, voice quaky.

“How about this? I won’t give up on you, Vee, but you can’t give up on me, either. I’ll try and remember, but we gotta go at my pace, okay?” The woman sniffs, nodding her head frantically.

“Deal. Deal.” She repeats, removing her hands from his and slinging her arms around his neck and pulling him closer to her. When his hands came to rest at her mid-back, the feeling of home Veronica had been so urgently pining after for weeks settled snugly at the bottom of her stomach. Meanwhile, Niall’s insides became victim to a nervous fluttering sensation he felt best he not let show.

“Do you want t’ watch a movie?” Niall offers once they untangle from one another. When the cold air hits her skin once more, Veronica wishes he would have held on longer. “Goonies always cheers ya up…” Niall points, before letting his lips part in surprise by his knowledge.

“That’s right.” Veronica bares a little of her teeth, and the sight is enough to make Niall regret his earlier words. Now he was digging around his head, trying to see if he could remember anything else about the woman, but was fruitless. Veronica began playing the film and snatched a soft blanket hanging off of the sofa’s back pillows. She swung it out to cloak both her and Niall in its clean-cotton softness. Each line the girl could recall, she would recite along with the character verbatim, and that was what she occupied herself with during most of the film in between small laughs. Niall, however, immersed himself in the sight of Veronica enjoying herself with him present in the same room with a similar grin. She paid little notice to his stares and sunk further into the couch every few minutes as the warm blanket aided the restlessness, she had suffered the past few days.

Eventually, Niall’s arm brought itself to rest on the back of the couch and Veronica had slouched against his side. Neither protested the organic attraction of their bodies and rather, situated themselves closer. Niall’s neck craned down at one point to inhale the refreshing aroma of her hair. A new set of images flashed through his mind this time. His view was fogged with steam, the showerhead projected scalding water over Niall’s and Veronica’s bodies as their bodies repeatedly collided against the tiled shower wall and each other. Their collective moans were a symphony and that same scent Niall was being subjected to now, at that moment, made Veronica particularly insatiable.

Veronica’s eyes nearly sealed themselves shut when the thumping of Niall’s heartbeat picked up rapidly and his build grew stiff. She picked her head up off of his shoulder to find him staring ahead at the living room wall.

“Niall? Is everything okay?” Her hand pressing itself against his chest made his throat tighten. A familiar feeling runs through him, but he was certain he had never felt it until then. A friendlier version of fight or flight overcame his system and exposed him to more endorphins than he reckoned the human body could hold. A lump formed in his throat and at that moment, Niall would not have been surprised If it was his heart trying to leap out onto his sleeve. Beads of sweat formed in his palms which he tried holding still to not concern the woman beside him. In addition, he felt his face grow hot with intensity from the thoughts appearing in his mind without his consent. They flooded him instantaneously but skipped like a broken record. The mysterious, reoccurring face who starred in Niall's dreams now held clarity, and confirmed Niall's ceaseless wonders. He and Veronica could not have been just roommates. Unless Niall was desperately in love with the girl and pretended to be okay with the fact. Once acknowledging that his acting was sub-par, the first one remained his hypothesis.

“Yeah. M’fine.” He insisted, pleading internally for his body to relax against his couch once more. So much for remembering at my own pace, he thought.

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jcogginsawriter · 3 years

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Hand to Hand: Mark Waid’s Flash

I have been a fan of comic book characters for a long time. I started with the cartoons, and as I got older, I began doing deep dives into wikis, reading fanfiction, and participating in that shallowest of internet past times, the vs debate. I dabbled in writing fanfic for myself, but I spent far more time thinking about writing fanfic instead. I would come up with all these ideas about what I would take from the various different versions of the characters, and don’t get me started on the idea of Crossovers. The point is, I knew a lot of what happened in the comics, but I never read many comics. I didn’t know where my local comic shop was, and even if I did, I wouldn’t have had the money to spend on them. The comics that I did read were usually fan translations of manga. I did read a few comics, big name stories like Death of Superman or Crisis on Infinite Earths, but they were few and far between.

Recently, I’ve begun to change that. I now follow several comics as they come out, most notably the current X-line. This change sprang in part because I began reading a lot more comics criticism. In particular, I followed the blog of a certain Superman fan, and began to eagerly digest his various takes. I wanted to be able to ask him questions about new comics without looking like an idiot (This is how 90 percent of my interactions on comics twitter go, BTW) and that was a kick in the pants for me.

After getting into a steady habit, I decided to look into reading some of the classic runs I’d read so much about throughout life. To go from knowing them second hand, to knowing them first hand. After a bit of hemming and hawing, I’ve settled on Mark Waid’s legendary run of Flash Comics to start off with.

(Spoiler Warning for some 30 year old comics, by the way)

As of this writing, I have read up to the final issue of his story arc Dead Heat, wherein Wally does battle with the speed cultist Savitar. Before we get into things like plot and characters, I want to discuss the art, because no discussion of comic books is really complete without talking about the art. Unfortunately, the art in this run hasn’t done much for me, but that’s not really it’s fault. I read this comics in manner that they were not created to be read, digitally and zoomed in. These comics were drawn with physical issues in mind, and I don’t doubt that they’re good in that format. It also doesn’t help that I’ve read far more manga than I have American comics. American comics have never clicked with me the way manga does. Even now, I still find the layout of manga more legible than the layout of an American comic. That’s not a value judgment, it’s just my personal experience.

I do distinctly recall thinking that the art was better up to issue #79 (The conclusion to the Return of Barry Allen storyline), than it was after. I prefer the less exaggerated character designs, and lighter inks, though it could very well be a case of me having gotten used to the initial style and not liking the change. One thing that thing I can say about the art is that it helped me grasp how Wally’s costume differed from Barry’s. Before this, I was incapable of separating them in my mind, but seeing them side by side made it clear to me how different Wally’s Costume was colored and shaded.

Now, onto the writing of the run, we’ll start with the lead, Wally West. My previous touchstone for Wally was the Justice League series from the DCAU, which I watched a lot as a kid. The Wally in these comics comes off as more serious that his DCAU incarnation. Not too serious, he still cracks jokes, but he’s more on the ball. He takes his adventures as seriously as any hero would, rather than the more carefree attitude I recall his DCAU version having. This is not unsurprising, Wally here is the lead whereas there he was part of an ensemble cast, and here we get his internal monologue which gives us a much more thorough sense of his headspace. Not to mention, the DCAU version was voiced, so we know with no ambiguity what tone his dialogue’s in. In text, tone is more up to interpretation.

Perhaps the biggest thing that set Comic Wally apart from DCAU Wally is that the Wally in the comic was more consistently angry and frustrated. While his DCAU incarnation had hidden depths, I can’t recall a time when he got seriously angry. This Wally is frequently irritated, usually by things which are enitrely understandable. On occasion, his irritability causes him to be rougher with the bad guys than he could be, and that feels uncomfortable sometimes, though thus far he hasn’t gone too far.

Going into this, I knew that one of the issues that Wally had to overcome was his mental block about surpassing Barry, and to my surprise, it wasn’t as much of a through-line as I expected. I was expecting it to be a reoccurring issue that was solved by the Return of Barry Allen storyline, but in reality there are only one or two times something like it comes up, usually in the context of him not being able to do the vibrating through walls trick. In the Return of Barry Allen, it feels more like an issue introduced in that story than a long running plot line. Granted, it may only feel this way because I’m solely reading Mark Waid’s Flash. I didn’t read the issues prior to his take over, so that storyline could have been more apparent there for all I know.

Moving on, starting with Waid’s run had another knock on effect, that being that the character introductions aren’t introductions. I came into this expecting to see when Wally met Linda, when he met Jay Garrick, when Pied Piper redeemed himself, but all of that happened before Waid took over the book, so they’re already part of the cast from the start. Again, not a flaw of the work, it’s just a result of my personal experiences. Now, let’s take a look at some of these characters.

I’ve heard a lot about Linda and Wally’s romance, and so far it’s not bad. I wouldn’t rate it as one of the best of all time, but I haven’t gotten to most of the major moments yet, so that’s not a huge surprise. One thing that’s very apparent is the Lois Lane DNA in her character. Some of that is to be expected, which the love interest to your superhero is a reporter, but I see a lot of similarities in their personality as well. There’s a lot of the same fire in her. Fortunately, the fact that Wally’s identity is public lends a very different arc to their relationship than what you see with Lois and Clark, so Linda doesn’t come off as a Lois rip-off. Linda’s concerns that there’s no place for her in Wally’s wild superhero life is the kind of relationship hurdle that isn’t present in Lois and Clark’s Relationship.

Next, let’s take a look at the first Flash, Jay Garrick. Within this series, Jay is perfectly pleasant, and by no means unlikable, but he also comes across as...kind of superfluous? There are three elderly male speedsters in this comic, and of all of them Jay is by far the least defined and has the least role. Max Mercury is the Wally’s mentor in the ways of speed, the one with the most knowledge of the Speed Force. He’s basically what I expected Jay Garrick to be going into this. The third of the group is Johnny Quick, a speedster who is the father of another speedster, Jesse Quick. Jesse is also very skeptical of Max Mercury’s teachings, which veer from the scientific into the mystical.

Because Johnny takes the role of skeptic, Jay is left without a role in the narrative because being the nicest of Wally’s friend group. Veering over to Hollywood for a second, whenever a book gets adapted into a movie or TV Show, minor characters get lost in the transition. Either they get composited with other characters, or they get cut entirely. Game of Thrones is the most prominent example in recent memory. I bring this up because, if Waid’s Flash were to go through that process, it’s hard to argue that Jay wouldn’t get the ax. Despite being the most important of them in the context of the universe at large, Jay is the least important Speedster in this narrative. Of course, Jay’s importance in the context of the larger universe means that in this hypothetical adaptation, he probably be composited into either max or Johnny. More likely Max, since mentor is the logical position for the first Flash to take in the Third Flash’s narrative.

I mentioned Jess Quick there, so let’s talk about her. Thus far, her most prominent role in the narrative has been to call Wally out and be his critic, though she does have very good reasons to be angry. In the Terminal Velocity storyline, Wally believes he’ll die soon, and tells the Flash Family that Jesse will be his successor, but it turns out to be a lie in order to motivate Bart Allen to take things more seriously. Jesse has remained angry with Wally since then, though it hasn’t seriously impacted her hero work. That’s good, because her continued competence lends legitimacy to her anger within the narrative. She’s not being punished for being mad at Wally for mistreating her. Hopefully it stays that way going forward.

Now let’s take a look at the character Wally chose over Jesse, Bart Allen AKA Impulse. I’ll say up front that I’m not reading Bart’s solo series during this read through, as I didn’t want the hassle of going back and forth between books. As such, the only issues of it that I’ve looked at are the ones that tie into the Dead Heat arc. I feel it’s important for me to say this, because I’m basing my opinions of Bart primarily on his showings in Wally’s book, not his own. In Wally’s book, Bart’s character flaws are more on display.

Bart is a character deliberately designed to be obnoxious, and such characters are a hard tightrope to walk in fiction. Gotta be annyoing enough to get the point across, but not annoying enough to turn people off from the work. Bart in Wally’s book isn’t perfectly balanced, and tends toward the too much pile. Not to an egregious extent, but a little bit. I found myself echoing Wally’s frustration with Bart more than a few times. In Bart’s defense, Wally does share some of the blame here. He doesn’t do a very good job as a mentor, and handing those duties off to Max is probably for the best.

I find it interesting, that a character like Wally who is so defined by inheriting a legacy is a poor mentor, to both Bart and Jesse. He makes different mistakes with both of them, but he still fails both of them. I’m eager to see how that plays out in the future issues.

Now that we’ve discussed the supporting cast, let’s discuss some of the book’s villains. We’ll start with the one who is most infamous, Eobard Thawne. Thawne’s spends the majority of his time in this book thinking he’s Barry Allen, and if I’m being honest, he’s more effective under that guise that he is as Eobard. The scenes where what appears to be Barry Allen turns evil out of jealousy of his successor are powerful, more so than the more traditional villain Eobard displays after the reveal. Not that it would have been a good idea for it to actually be Barry, of course. Much as I prefer Wally to Barry, having Barry go full supervillain would have been very out of character. In any case, this run had a profound impact on Eobard’s character going forward, solidifying him as an agent of toxic fanboyism, making him a dark mirror of Wally West.

The next major villain of the run is the cult slash terrorist organization Kobra. That might bring thoughts of GI Joe to your mind, and you honestly aren’t far off. So far as this run goes, the biggest differences between DC’s Kobra and Hasbro’s is A) DC’s version prefer green over blue, and B) Hasbro’s version has more in the way of distinct characters. Kobra thus far is more of a plot device than anything else. They’re generic terrorists with little to make them distictive. Their storyline, Terminal Velocity, is more notable for it’s introduction of the Speed Force, Wally preparing for his upcoming ‘death’, and Linda going on a revenge quest after said ‘death’. All things that Kobra is incidental to, any villainous organization would have sufficed.

The final, as of my current point in the run, major villain is Savitar. Savitar was formerly a soviet test pilot who gained a connection to a the speedforce, gave himself the name of Hindu god, and started a speed worshipping cult. It says a lot about my mind that my immediate thoughts upon reading Savitar’s origin were. “Huh, an AU where Hal Jordan became a Speedster the same way would be neat.”. Savitar is in some ways an improvement on the Kobra Cult from Terminal Velocity. This time the Cult has a more direct connection to the Flash and his mythos. Dead Heat is by no means a retread of Terminal Velocity, but if you wanted to mesh them into one story, it wouldn’t be hard. And it’d improve on both, in some ways.

One of the things I like to do in my fanfic ideas is connect the other speedsters to Thawne’s theme of Toxic Fandom, and it wouldn’t be hard to do that with Savitar. His entire motivation is to deprive those he considers unworthy of their speed, and that can easily by played as a metaphor for gatekeeping.

Over all, while the run is far from perfect, I must say I’m enjoying these comics a good deal, and if you’re like me and have read a lot about comics without actually reading them, I don’t think you’d regret jumping into them.

#opinions #personal experience #dc comics #The Flash #wally west #mark waid

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gloves94 · 3 years

Text

To Be So Lonely [Draco Malfoy] 27

Rating: M Pairings: Draco Malfoy/OC Chapter warnings: Numb! Suicide Thoughts! Verbal Abuse!

CHAPTER MASTERLIST

MY MASTER-LIST

“And then? What happened?”

“Nothing,” The girl shrugged her shoulders as she sat on the floor of the greenhouse surrounded by growing vines leaning her back on a wooden table on which dozens of colorful pots which held some strange and most peculiar plants. “I told them about it.”

“My father will hear about this!” Daphne paced around the Slytherin Common Room late one night. “He’ll know what to do,” She said referring to the fact that her father was a fearsome prosecutor in the Wizarding World.

Normally Tracey would’ve made a joke of Daphne sounding like Malfoy, but it really wasn’t the time or place. The Quidditch fanatic was sitting with her head ducked in between her hands.

“Don’t. There’s no point,” Nel let out a drained and exhausted sigh. “Ellar Lestrange is practically ‘untouchable.’”

“Why is he?” Tracey suddenly snapped her nostrils flaring as she sat up erect. “Why is he so damn godly and untouchable? Just because he’s a Lestrange?” She spat out the last name with resentful bitterness.

“We have to do something,” Daphne insisted. “If not, he’s going to do the same thing- perhaps, something worse to somebody else,” she stressed the somebody and the importance of holding him accountable for his assault.

Despite Daphne’s insistence and Tracey’s frustration Nel remained silent. She had her knuckles pressed to her lips and she seemed lost in thought, head pessimistically shaking slightly from side to side.

“What can we do?” She gave them both a defeated look. She really had turned ever nut in bolt in her head endlessly trying to think of a way to even things out – even a way to hurt Ellar Lestrange.

“Please,” Tracey scoffed, dark eyes rolling. “Everybody has a weakness. We just have to find out what his is!” She said determined, her expression mimicking her friend who was sitting next to her in the black leather sofa.

“Yes,” Daphne began murmuring. “Yes, yes, yes…” She anxiously paced over, and over which made Elowen dizzy. It seemed like the lightbulb went off when she finally stopped and clapped her hands together. “I’ll write to my cousin in France. Perhaps she knows a thing or two.”

“I’ve also written to Professor Lupin. Maybe he knows a thing or two as well.”

“Lupin?” Daphne wrinkled her nose in distaste at the werewolf. Why? Her knitted brow said. Nel ignored it.

“A werewolf? Teaching?” Nathair interrupted. “Filthy,” He hissed. “I’ve seen them, lost packs hunting together in the Forbidden Forest. Formidable creatures.”

Irritated Nel lightly flicked the tip of the snake’s snout. The adder hissed at her in response flashing its large fangs. She seemed unfazed by this gesture. “Most creatures seem to agree with me.” It spoke to her as it coiled around her neck seeking the warmth of her human body.

“Professor Lupin is a good person. He could be a vampire for all I care.”

“Walking leeches,” The adder added to the bloodsucking creatures.

“What if I was a werewolf?” She mused more to herself with her arms crossed and resting on her knees. “Maybe then I’d have a pack to run around with,” her voice dulled into a pessimistic feeling as the waves of loneliness and missing a family that there never was came. “I also am already formidable.”

“Oh, I know what are,” The serpent whispered in her ear.

Upset, lost in thought Nel dusted the dirt of her clothes and left the greenhouse with the snake snuggly coiled around her neck. Her shoulders were pessimistically slung. She rounded behind the greenhouses and sat behind them on a small grassy hill that overlooked the Whomping Willow and Hagrid’s Hut and pumpkin patch. The Forbidden Forrest bordered in the distance. “What do you think I am?” She asked solemnly fisting some grass in her hand and ripping it up from the ground. She met the adder’s beady red eyes with a profound sadness. It seemed like the more she dug into her past, the more she questioned and wished to know who her family had been or if she still had one the worse things got and the uglier her past appeared to be. Perhaps… it was best this way. Perhaps there had been a reason for her abandonment at Wool’s Orphanage all of those years ago.

“You’re just a silly little girl who’s afraid of water with too much time to spare. Shouldn’t you be reading? Or doing somebody else’s schoolwork?”

“I hate reading,” She huffed humorously. Maybe Nathair was right, maybe she should use her time wisely and continue working on other’s assignments. After all the more financial cushion she had the better for the future. Inhaling a deep breath, she held it for a moment before ripping a strand of weeds rather aggressively and releasing the blades of grass for the wind to carry. “Maybe you’re right. You’re a snake and have always been a snake and I’m just a stupid girl and I’ll always be a stupid girl.” Nathair’s loud hiss made her head rapidly tilt to the side.

“Self-depreciation does not suit you,” it advised.

Rising to her feet again Nel rose and brushed the few strands of greenery in her hands.

“Terribly hiding spot if you ask me,” A familiar voice broke the momentary peace. The snake hissed slightly at it and hid its head and tail inside the student’s sweater and underneath her coat. “It’s that boy that looks like there’s something stuck up his-,” the snake whispered into her ear. She ignored it. “Maybe it’s all that cologne he wears. I can smell him from a mile away.”She ignored Nathair’s comment, no matter how humorous she found it.

“If I was hiding you wouldn’t find me,” She shot back at Draco without missing a beat.

He stood a couple of feet away with his hands sank into the pockets of his dark coat. Hair parted on the side, bangs falling across his forehead. “You’ve been avoiding me,” he said his lips twisting into a frown.

Not a lie.

Her frown turned into a scowl as she marched past him. Or at least attempted to.

“I don’t understand why you’re so damn upset,” He followed his temper quickly flaring in frustration.

Not wanting to engage she walked away from him. After being on the verge on an ongoing identity crisis that seemed to be reoccurring every couple of months, she really wasn’t in the mood to argue.

“Nel, come on,” He implored. He stopped following when he realized she wasn’t going to stop in her step. “You’re not a mudblood.”

Halting she turned and zeroed in on him with a deathly glare.

“I’m going to bite him.”

“Would it matter?” She snapped furiously at his filthy comment. “What?” He looked startled at her sudden rage. “Would it matter if I was?” She marched up to him. “Would it make any difference to you if I was a muggle or mudblood or whatever disgusting and prejudiced, racist, narrow-minded spat of a word you use to call these people?”

He looked startled at her question. “Of course, it would,” He admitted with narrowed eyes looking at her as if she had just grown a second head. She was questioning an ideology that was deeply rooted inside of him. The Malfoy family, like many others privileged wizard families, had reaped and sowed from with their elitism in the Wizarding World. It was a dangerous ideology that had been planted in his young brain and nurtured to grow into a toxic vine that seemed to both wrap and stretch to ensnare every aspect of his life.

She pursed her lips and slowly nodded her head understanding, “Right.”

“But you’re not,” He insisted arching his eyebrows. “You’re a Parselmouth, you’ve clearly got some wizarding blood in you.”

She opened her mouth ready to protest that the status of her genealogy was absolutely nonexistent.

“I don’t understand why you’re so angry.” He was sincerely flabbergasted.

“I don’t understand why you hate them so much,” She shook her head just as perplexed. “What did they ever do to you?”

She stepped closer still looking at him in disbelief waiting for a logical reasoning to his rooted prejudice.

“Well, the other sort,” He scratched the edge of his nose before running a hand through his bangs as he fidgeted uneasily. “They’re just not the same, are they? They haven’t been brought up our ways.” He reasoned with ease.

“Just like you don’t know theirs,” She retorted sharply. “Draco, I was brought up with muggles. Wizards and muggles are more alike than you think.”

His eyes widened and eyebrows arched at what he took as a serious offense. “Nel, we’re biologically superior to them. You can’t argue with that.”

Okay, true. A muggle really was no watch for a wizard. The average wizard’s lifespan extended to more than 200 years while muggles only lived a fraction of those years. Her silence was her answer.

“Don’t be a traitor to our blood,” he spewed words hailed by pure blood supremacists.

“Please?” He added, his eyebrows knotting in the center of his forehead after hearing her silent response.

“Being with them, muggles,” He spat the word out with disgust. “It shows weakness in one’s character. They’re filthy. Brutal, uneducated in our ways- they use their hands,” He raised his pale hands in front of his chest and lightly waved his fingers “To do things. Like muggle-brawling. It’s barbaric,” He scoffed in disgust.

“Those aren’t your words,” She glared at him. He was sounding more and more like Lucius Malfoy by the minute. He stood in silence looking at her with pleading eyes. As he asked her to agree with the ways he was so sure of.

“I am my father’s son,” was all he said.

The two shared a silence. It wasn’t awkward. It wasn’t uncomfortable. It wasn’t pleasant. It was heavy and lingering and allowed the other to know where they stood in this argument. “I see we’re not going to reach an agreement,” she said quietly now averting her gaze from his. The scaly texture of the snake hidden underneath her clothes a reminder her she had places to be. Sensing she was about to walk away Draco summoned every ounce of strength that he had, and once again spoke.

“Nel,” He attempted to catch her eyes with his. “There’s something I have to say to you.” One of his hands which had been nervously twirling the emerald ring his mother had given him was now pulling at one of the velvet black buttons of his coat. He tried his best not to fidget as he remembered the conversation, he had had with Theodore Nott what now seemed to be ages ago. He had insisted that he tell her whatever it was that had been keeping him up at night and always had him starring at her lost in thought in Transfigurations class. He tried to ignore his pounding heart. He had a feeling she wasn’t going to take whatever it was he was about to say well.

“Whatever it is- I don’t want to hear it Malfoy!” She barked eyeing him from head to toe as if he was covered in filth. His vulnerable body language completely going a miss to her.

“Give me a moment,” He demanded entitled reaching for her shoulder boldly stopping her from taking a harsh turn when it happened.

Draco let out a small yell and immediately flinched bringing his hand back to his lip biting down on the fresh venemous bite.

Nathair revealed himself from the inside of Elowen’s clothes and crept out resting like a diamond patterned scarf. The adder’s snout was open in a dangerous snarl as it bore it large fangs in a threatening snarl. Its body was still as it coiled aggressively sensing its master had been threatened.

“Your snake! It bit me!” Draco cried out. Eyes wide at the stinging realization.

‘Disgusting!’ Nathair spat out in a pronounced hiss. ‘And I won’t hesitate to do it again pretty boy!’ Nel looked at the snake in astonishment, sure she was upset but she wasn’t expecting her pet to attack!

“It bit me!” Draco cried out exaggeratedly. “I’m going to die!” He shouted dramatically holding his hand which was beginning to turn pink and swell from the venom of the adder.

Oh boy, this is the same person that had been kicked by a Hippogriff and had the ‘bloody chicken’ almost beheaded.

“Draco,” Nel began slowly and carefully inching closer towards him. “Get that damn thing away from me!” He looked at the snake with fear. The girl paused and picked up the snake from her neck before putting it down near the front of the green house. ‘Never put your fangs in the hands of the ungrateful,’ The snake sneered in disappointment at what it perceived to be a lack of thankfulness. Its master gave it a warning look that could be interpreted as an ‘We’ll talk later.’ The snake slithered away complaining about how disgusting human flesh tasted even tossed a ‘Swine’ somewhere in its rant.

“Okay- you need to calm down,” She approached him with a wary look hands stretched out hoping he would become more appeased.

“Are adders venomous?” He asked with a panicked expression. All the blood seemed to have drained from his face. For a second she pondered if she should lie or not. “Yes,” Nel responded carefully hoping not to elicit an explosive reaction from him.

“I’m definitely going to die!” He wailed in desperation. She instantly regretted telling him the truth. Merlin, he was acting like a child. It was only a snake bite. Didn’t he worship serpents? His whole family being in a House with one in its crest, even wearing one engraved on one of his rings? “Adders are venomous, but their bite is rarely fatal. If anything, it’ll just swell up for a couple of weeks. The venom might cause some damage and discomfort, but certainly nothing fatal,” She explained calmly. Or at least she wished she could’ve completed that short explanation. Instead, halfway through Draco’s eyes seemed to go blank before his body tilted forward as he collapsed, his body going limp.

xxx

Madame Pomfrey walked across the Hospital Room with ease as she retrieved something from her cabinet of special potions and ointments.

Nel sat on a chair with her arms crossed a bored and unconcerned look on her features as she looked down at the pale boy in the hospital bed.

Hearing the sound of chattering enter the Hospital Room, Nel looked up and waved at her two friends that entered the room and immediately rushed towards the bed standing across from their sitting friend.

“What did you do to him?” Daphne asked her eyes wide in awe as she looked at the unconscious Slytherin in the bed.

“I love that you assume this was my doing,” Nel sniggered proud at the formidable reputation she had built for herself in her past 4 years at Hogwarts.

“A snake bit him,” She explained in brevity.

“Is he-?” Tracey asked as she looked down at her school mate with a concerned look. “Not that I’m concerned or anything, but- this means there’s a slot in the Slytherin Quidditch team!” She finished her sentence in an eager and upbeat tone.

“We thought something happened to you!” Daphne whipped up a note that had been sent by owl that in six words read: Come to the Hospital Room. – Nel. “Be more detailed next time, Stars,” Daphne shook her head irritated from the panic attack she had suffered from rushing to the Hospital Room. Nel apologized for the worry she must’ve caused the two.

It was then that Madame Pomfrey shooed the two Slytherins from the side as she walked behind them and poured what looked like pumpkin juice and placed a bar of fudge on the stand next to Malfoy’s bed. His hand had already been lathered with ointment and bandaged.

“Mr. Malfoy will be just fine; he can leave as soon as he wakes up. Nasty little shock is all,” Pomfrey explained before once again retreating.

Both Tracey and Daphne looked at the back of the Healer as she retreated and back to their friend.

“He fainted?” Tracey failed to hide her laughter. “He actually fainted?” She held her stomach as if it was the funniest thing she had ever heard. Even Daphne couldn’t stop her giggling. “Not before throwing a fantastic tantrum,” Nel added joining them in their laugh.

“How did that even happen?” Daphne asked.

Nel shrugged. “Accidents happen in the greenhouse all the time,” she said dismissively really not wanting to explain she had been venting to a snake.

“And you two were there – together?” Daphne’s eyebrows arched so high up they almost vanished into her hair line. Eyes wide. Tracey who looked like she hadn’t been thinking about the scenario now looked intrigued by the blonde’s question.

Nel felt like she was on the hot seat in the middle of an interrogation she really didn’t feel like answering.

“Malfoy,” She derided with an exaggerated overemphasis. “You know how he is,” She let out an irritated sigh. “Just wanted to torture me.”

“What was he doing in the greenhouse?” Daphne pressed heavily sensing there was a missing piece to this story.

“Looking for me,” Nel retorted sharply and much more rapidly than she intended. She bit her tongue rapidly switching topics before she could ask any more questions. “Anyway- I wanted to read to you two the letter I got from Professor Lupin.” She said digging a hand into her coat’s pockets and whipping up a wrinkled and crumbled letter.

“Right here?” Tracey asked wondering why she would read the letter to the two of them in the middle of the Hospital Room. Her dark eyes looked down at the sleeping boy.

“He’s passed out.”

“You know, you don’t have to wait for him to wake up, right?” Daphne asked her eyes squinting as the edges with heavy suspicion. She was observing her friend closely waiting for her skin to flush or for her to stumble on her words and reveal a glimpse of sincere emotion.

“I feel obligated,” Nel responded cooly leaning back on her chair with her arms crossed. She pretended the hot flash that she felt behind her neck wasn’t really there.

“Sure,” Daphne responded with a satisfied smirk. Her suspicions had been right all along. Theodore had also slipped to her about a little talk he had had with Draco only a few weeks ago. Tracey appeared to be clueless to all this.

“Anyhow-“ Saintday cleared her throat and she brought the parchment paper Lupin had written to her eye level. She skimmed over most and simply read over the relevant parts of it.

‘Ellar Lestrange comes from an ancient wizarding family of pureblood fanatics. Many practice the Dark Arts and have been known to be vocal and the most loyal supporters of You-Know-Who. His father Rabastan has been in Azkaban for the violent torturing of two Aurors. His mother Cloelia, I believe it is rumored feigned being a victim of domestic abuse as a way of being coaxed into following You-Know-Who.’

Nothing they didn’t already know.

“Is that true?” Tracey asked sounding concerned. “If she lied that’s really messed up!” Daphne said in awe. “We should always believe victims but this-“ She hesitated to finish her sentence and instead decided to remain silent.

Nel thought about all of the mental and physical abuse she had endured when living under Cloelia’s roof. She liked to think that a victim would never do something so monstrous to another person, much less a child. However, maybe she was more than familiar with torture methods having picked them up from her husband. Still, with the Lestrange’s one never knew.

“Honestly, I wouldn’t put it past him,” Nel responded in a dull tone, her expression pained as she continued to read. The possibility of Cloelia being a victim of a life of domestic abuse no matter how far-fetched was possible. “Like I said- they were known to be some of You-Know-Who’s most loyal followers. I can’t help but get an ill feeling when I think about the strange reason, they must’ve had to adopt you. I wish I-“ Nel stammered and soon lost her voice.

Again, nothing they didn’t already know.

Tracey and Daphne asked her to continue. When she didn’t and they noticed her glassy eyes, they became concerned. She kept the next part to herself.

‘I wish I could do more for you Nel. I would be proud to be your guardian, but due to my condition I’m afraid it is not safe and would make the adoption process impossible in the eyes of any court.’

“Sorry,” The girl mumbled weakly as she wiped the inside of her eye with her thumb fighting back the tears that had threatened to spill.

The thought of having an adequate guardian. Somebody as kind as Professor Lupin. Someone that didn’t scream, yell, lock you in a room, or hurt you – It seemed like such a far away ideal. A dream the girl had long accepted would never become a reality.

“I would advise you to do everything in your power not to return to them this holiday.”

She lowered the parchment down to her lap and sucked the inside of her lip in deep in thought. The majority of information was useless. If anything, it only confirmed what the three already knew, that the Lestranges were in fact very dangerous people.

“So, what are you going to do then?” Tracey asked. “You could come home with me for the holiday if you’d like,” She offered kindly willing to provide a sanctuary to her best friend. Nel’s face lit up. That would be ideal! The two would have the best time going to Quidditch matches and staying up late talking about the best and worst flavor of Bertie Bott’s Every Flavour Jellybean or watch Muggle films

“Really?” She answered loudly grinning broadly.

“Wait-“ Daphne interrupted the moment the two were sharing. She also didn’t offer her home. Knowing full well what would happen to her and her guest if she even dared bring home somebody whose surname wasn’t listed in the Sacred Twenty-Eight. “That doesn’t tell us anything about Ellar. Nothing we didn’t already know,” She said returning to the focus of the conversation.

“I heard back from my cousin in France,” she began. “She used a very colorful language to describe Ellar. Said he’s a – what was the word she used? ‘Manipulative snake,’ that he can be downright foul. Apparently, he event went a far as assaulting a muggle-born witch that worked in the same Department. It got so bad she eventually quit.”

“Like- sexual harassment?” Tracey squinted.

“Does it make a difference?” Daphne arched an eyebrow. “Not that my cousin ever did anything to stop it-“ She admitted regretfully. “But this is exactly what I am trying to say!” Daphne slapped her hand on her thigh as she continued to speak her tone becoming louder and more passionate. “You’re clearly not the first girl he’s done something like this to – and you’re obviously not the last. Who knows how many more survivors there are-“ Greengrass didn’t realize the shift in emotion in her friend’s whose face twisted into a confused expression? “Survivors?” She coughed with disdain. “-If he did this to you, and to this girl, he’s going to do it to someone else!” She finished with a concerned look. “We have to do something about this.”

“What do you recon we do?”

“I also heard back from my father,” She began to explain. “He said this is very serious. However, he says conviction cases for these types of crimes are very low. The success rate of a conviction in England is 5.7%.”

“5.7?!” Tracey’s mouth went a little slack.

“And that’s coming from an even smaller percentage of victims who actually speak up.” Again, Nel lightly flinched at the word ‘victims’ it wasn’t something she would ever wear as a label. If anything, it was something she saw as a branding to her identity. She wouldn’t allow Ellar, Wool or whoever to have that type of power in her life. Daphne took in a deep breath before continuing. “He also said it’s going to be even harder to prosecute considering we have no physical evidence including your memories which most Wizarding courts consider to be unreliable, and even if we did - The Lestranges have too much power in the judicial system.”

“Bunch of crooks,” Tracey shook her head disappointed biting down on her thumb as she appeared to be deep in thought.

“You have to do something about this Nel,” Daphne insisted. Her friend looked at her with a pure look of negation. “As much as we hate him, you have to tell the Headmaster.” She looked between the two girls. “Tell Dumbledore?” Eyes were wide in disbelief at what the Slytherin had just suggested.

“I can already tell you what would happen if Dumbledore knew,” Tracey leaned back on her chair. “Absolutely nothing,” She said pessimistically. “We’re Slytherin. He hates us.”

Daphne’s shoulder’s slumped in defeat.

Going to Dumbledore had also been Nel’s first instinct. Something Snape had strongly advised against. His reasons unknown as the old bat kept his agenda so cleverly hidden. Regardless, there had to be a valid reason. Either Snape knew no good would come from it or he was protecting Ellar Lestrange. There was no in between and Elowen wanted to find out which it was. “Trace is right,” Nel admitted sadly. “He was already expelled from Hogwarts once. What are they going to do him? Expel him from Beauxbatons?” It was a hard pill to swallow but people like Ellar Lestrange – privileged entitled, monsters – more than often got away with only a slap on the wrist.

“The least he can do is protect you,” Daphne continued pressing.

“I’m not telling Dumbledore. Why are you being so pushy?” Nel scowled bothered on how much her friend had been insisting she tell the truth to Dumbledore. Daphne looked greatly frustrated. “This is such bullshit!” The Parselmouth angrily kicked the hospital bed making the boy in it let out a deep brown and the sudden disturbance. She seemed to ignore this.

“You need to do it Nel,” Daphne again insisted, this time her tone stern. “You’re a victim.”

“I am not a victim,” The other snarled in denial. “I refuse to allow this, or any other sad incident define my life!” The girl said terribly upset speaking through gritted teeth. “Do you know what would happen if I told on every single person that’s ever-“ She brought herself to a halt before emotionally shutting down. Both Daphne and Tracey saw the distant look in her dark eyes. “This is my battle to fight.”

“We’re here to help you. You don’t have to do it alone,” Tracey said gently. The tension increasingly growing between the two parties. “Alone. This is my battle to fight alone,” She corrected defensively isolating and building high emotional walls around herself. Her head hurting and suddenly feeling hot as an incoming migraine began to set in.

Tracey looked wounded. Daphne’s nostrils were flaring. “I can see we’re not going to agree,” She retorted flatly.

“I guess not,” was the other’s answer, her tone made it seem as if her mind was many miles away in some distant faraway place.

Daphne stood up and angrily walked away without looking back. Tracey called after her. Her eyes darting between her blonde and brunette friend. With one last woeful look towards her friend, with a tucked tail she followed after the blonde.

Sitting alone in the Hospital Room the orphan pinched the bridge of her nose in great frustration and lowered her body to bury her head on her knees. If only life were as easy as Daphne made it seem. If she told on Ellar odds were, he would only receive a slap on the hand and he and his terrible mother would come after her with a blind wrath. It wasn’t a risk she was willing to take. She was betting this was what Snape was afraid would happen.

She fought back the tears that were threatening to spill and sucked in an exhausting breath as she tried to think of nothing.

“You can’t tell Dumbledore,” A throaty voice interrupted. She didn’t move an inch but heard Draco’s sheets moving as his body shifted positions. “It’ll only make things worse. My father always says he was the worst thing that ever happened to this place.”

She could hear him drinking the juice that Madame Pomfrey had left out for him.

“You heard everything?” She asked meekly.

“You wanted me to. If not, you would’ve left,” He rationalized.

“Touché,” She said sitting up using both of her hands to comb all of her hair and bangs away from her swollen face. Not wanting to think about Ellar, the drowning or her awful fight with her friends she looked at him with a lopsided grin and instead decided to bully him. “Is it true you fainted? Like- actually fainted?” She joked mocking him just like he had done to Harry the year before.

However, he didn’t laugh.

“You sent your pet after me,” He ignored her jab and downed the rest of his juice.

“If I wanted to hurt you, I would’ve done it myself,” She answered her voice returning to an unfriendly tone.

“Right,” He agreed. Afterall, she wasn’t the type to shy about this kind of thing. Considering he wasn’t freaking out about the snake bite Nel assumed he had also overheard everything that Madame Pomfrey had said about his condition and the status of his health.

“That git,” The words rolled out of his lips in a dangerously angry voice. She looked at him confused and noticed how his hands were tightly clenched into balling fists. “I’ll make him pay. I promise.”

She knew that if Draco was anything he was determined. She had no question he meant what he had just said. Yet she couldn’t help but be confused by his words.

“You don’t have to do that,” She squinted perplexed. “Not for me. I can take care of myself,” She said lowering her head, her voice dropping to a whisper as her hair once again came down hiding her emotion. After all this was her own fight, one she wanted to win or lose alone. She sat with her head lowered and her shoulders tensed when she felt a soft hand gently press against her forehead. Keeping her gaze lowered, she allowed him to push her brown hair out of her face and comb it over her forehead.

He let out a small chuckle. Nel wasn’t sure whether it was at the strange expression she must’ve been wearing or at the thought of whatever evil plan he was crafting to hurt Ellar. “I’ll enjoy this,” He said maliciously.

Something about the way he said it embarrassingly made her heart skip a beat. Draco was now sitting up still wearing his weekend clothing. He had brought his uninjured hand to his chin and was twirling one of his rings with fascination as he looked deep in thought. The slightest of growing smirks on his face as he concocted the fatal details of his vengeful plan.

“Wait-“ She paused snapping out of his charming behavior. “Let me get this straight. You can do this for me- but you can’t learn to accept muggles as your equal?”

“Muggles are dangerous,” he began to explain lowering his hand and relaxing in his bed. Hadn’t he just said wizards were superior? “I’m not contradicting myself. What I mean to say is- haven’t you paid attention in History of Magic?”

Obviously not. Merlin’s beard it was the most awful class in all of Hogwarts with Binns mindlessly lecturing which seemed to go on for hours and hours. “Muggles used to persecute our kind, burn us at the stake, drown and torture us.” Nel visibly recoiled at the mentioning of the word drowning. “They singlehandedly almost destroyed our kind and forced our world into hiding. It shouldn��t be like that.”

She pondered on his words for a moment. “You have a point,” She finally agreed with him. “But I know muggles. They are more scared of us than us then we are of them. They fear what they can’t understand. I don’t blame them for-“ “For what? For massacring hundreds of our kind!” She wasn’t expecting him to raise his voice.

“How many of them have we killed?” She shot back just as loudly. “Hundreds? Thousands? How many did You-Know-Who kill? Or your father?” She spat coldly.

Ouch.

He grew silent at the mentioning of his father’s illicit activities as a Death Eater. His icy eyes were hard when he looked at her. For once Malfoy didn’t have a snarky comeback or any colorful words to throw at her.

“Don’t. Bring my father into this,” He sneered out in drawled out sentences.

“He’s cruel and vile and I will be bringing him into this as long as he continues to poison your mind. Go out there into the real world and once you’ve seen what it’s like I’ll let you make up your mind about it. Because you know what-“ She hadn’t meant for it to happen but her eyes began to water, her voice cracked at the emotional exhaustion of the day something he had not been anticipating happening. “As of right now,” She broke, trying her best to hold it in together, to not allow the stinging tears from spilling. “I have met many, many more cruel wizards in this side of the world than in the other and that’s from someone that was raised by Cordelia Wool,” She let out a doleful weak laugh.

“Who’s Cordelia Wool?” Malfoy asked after a moment as he racked his brain for any instance in which she might’ve mentioned it. He remembered her saying Wool’s more than once. Maybe this is what she meant.

One hot tear followed by another which meant it was time to go into hiding being the recluse she was. “Forget it,” She said rising from her chair wiping her tears and walking away without bidding him goodbye or good riddance.

Draco tossed his head back and looked at the ceiling feeling a great frustration. Why was it that something always come in between them and royally fucked things up? Perhaps it was better to leave things the way they were, spare her the pain as Theodore had once suggested. However, looking up she was horrified to see Professor McGonagall standing in the entrance of the Hospital Room. The look in her eyes severe, lips drawn into a thin line. It could only mean one thing.

Fuck.

“Ms. Saintday, the Headmaster has requested to see you.”

Xxx

Dumbledore’s office was warm and welcoming like it always was. McGonagall escorted Elowen into the office keeping a close mistrustful eye on the student.

Walking in she crossed paths with Daphne Greengrass whose gaze was hard and did not meet her friend’s as she brushed past her on the way out.

Fucking Daphne.

Nel felt the pits of her stomach bubbling with rage. Looking at her. Tracey following behind with an apologetic look and then back to Professor Snape and Professor Dumbledore who gravely stood before a fireplace both wearing solemn expressions on their faces. It was obvious Daphne had croaked.

Elowen was livid. How dare she. This was her story to tell, NOT HERS. Nel was the affected one, NOT golden haired, precious, privileged, beautiful, Daphne Greengrass. A deep scowl formed in her features as she shot a chilling glare to the girl’s retreating back.

“Ms. Saintday,” The Headmaster acknowledged her momentarily seizing her attention. “It’s been a while since our last visit,” He said smiling at her softly. The man stood tall as he usually did, wearing his half-moon glasses holding both hands resting on his lap.

Snape looked at her with a condescending look.

Nel remained silent at the greeting ignoring it.

“Ms. Greengrass and Ms. Davis have just come to me with a most serious concern,” Dumbledore began. “Perhaps accusation is a better word of choice.”

Her mouth felt dry. McGonagall was still standing behind her. Snape’s bottomless eyes carefully fixed on her. Dumbledore looked as if he was attempting to pry into her mind with his twinkling blue eyes. “Before any actions are taken, we wanted to hear the story from your own account as it happened.” He stretched out a hand signaling for her to take a seat before the fireplace. She did no such thing and remained standing looking at the two with hard eyes.

The silence was deafening with the exception of Fawkes combing over his feathers and the fire softly cracking in the background. She could also feel the eyes of the many former Headmasters and Headmistresses of Hogwarts’ looking down at her in judgment.

She could feel him now physically attempting to pry into her mind. She emptied her head out of all thoughts and the vision of a safe shut tightly and the dial spun hiding away her thoughts and secrets.

“Your master has taught you well Elowen,” Dumbledore commented at her growth in occlumency. Wait- how did she know that word? Occlumency, the art of magically closing one’s mind against Legilimency, or mind readers. She didn’t know how, but somehow, she knew what the word meant.

Again, she did not say a single word. His eyes moved over to Professor Snape who uncrossed his arms and from inside one of his sleeves pulled out a small vial containing no color and bubbling slightly. “Know what this is?” He drawled out; his voice emotionless.

“Bubble bath soap?” She retorted with dripping sarcasm.

Snape did not seem amused.

“Veritaserum,” He responded. “Three drops of this and You-Know-Who himself would spill his darkest secrets.” She looked at him incredulously. Certainly, they weren’t hoping to use it on her. “The use of this on a student is regrettably forbidden. However, seeing as Mr. Lestrange’s involvement in this anecdote cannot be ignored and since he is no longer part of this institution my hand might just slip on his pumpkin juice and we might have to hear his version of the events.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” She lied flawlessly as if her life depended on it maybe it did.

Snape exchanged a look with Dumbledore.

“Elowen, Ms. Greengrass claimed that Ellar Lestrange lured you into the docks some time ago. There he not only threatened you, but he also made an attempt on your life mocking and attempting to drown you in the Black Lake. Is this true?” Dumbledore leaned forward as if attempting to pull the truth out from her.

“It’s a lie.” She answered flatly.

“Elowen,” He pressed again this time taking slow strides around her almost like a shark rounding its prey. His eyes looking for any sign of betrayal. “This is a safe space. This institution does not tolerate the harassment of others. Much less if it endangers the life of one of our students.”

‘Rich coming from the same people that allowed Slytherin House and others to bully me for the majority of my time in this institution,’ she thought with bitter resentment.

“Ellar Lestrange is my adoptive brother. Why would he hurt me?” She probed in her best reasonable logic. “I’m just as aware of his reputation, sir, but tell me- this being true, what reason would I have to protect him?”

Dumbledore nodded his head slowly. “Ms. Saintday, if you confide in us. I can assure you that no harm will come to you. The steps that would follow would be taking Mr. Lestrange’s witness, then contacting his parents, and then-“ She had to interrupt. “And then what? He’d be expelled from Beuxbaton and transfer to Durmstrang? Just like he did from here, right?” She responded with snark.

Dumbledore allowed her to continue.

“I think the real question here is why Ms. Greengrass and Ms. Davis would make up such an elaborate lie.”

Again, silence as the three professors exchanged knowing looks.

“Saintday has a point,” Snape suddenly broke the silence. She tried her best not to look at the Professor with surprise. So, he was siding with her. She was holding up her end of the bargain and keeping her mouth shut to what had happened. Her suspicions were correct. If anything, Ellar would only receive a slap to the wrist, get away with it and then she’d have to deal with Cloelia’s blind wrath. To her it seemed like they were in the same page.

“I assure you I keep a close eye on my House Headmaster. Specially on Saintday who seems to have the keen ability to surround herself with... trouble. I can assure we would not be standing here having this hopeless discussion, if I had caught wind of this rumor before.”

Dumbledore stopped now holding his hands behind his back as he gazed at the fire deep in thought as he marinated on the Potion Master’s words. “For as much as you persuade Ms. Saintday, I don’t believe you,” He looked back at her with a mistrusting gaze.

“But you believe Professor Snape, sir,” Nel shot back her body language mirroring the Headmasters.

Behind her McGonagall looked at the interaction with concern.

Snape gave Dumbledore a look that seemed to say this conversation was over. After all, they had no arguments if they didn’t have the main witness admitting to the events. However, unknowingly to the student all of this had been pre-rehearsed and already discussed amongst the two men.

“Very well,” It seemed like Dumbledore had given up. “But do tell me Elowen, and I hope you are truthful. How do you fancy your new guardian Ms. Cloelia? Real nit-picky student from what I recall.”

It was lie, after lie, after lie. Nel had never lied so much to a person before. She was surprised at how easily the lies slipped from her mouth. She wasn’t aware that Dumbledore didn’t seem to believe a single word that came out of her mouth and if she did, she didn’t care. Instead, the Headmaster was looking at her moving mouth and edging grin with a fearful eye. It wasn’t the first time he was witness to it, but the shadow of a lonely orphan boy from a familiar background who also possessed the affinity to speak to snakes and the ability to flawlessly lie was instead standing before him.

His assumptions, as always had been correct. Despite Severus best efforts to protect her. Nel Saintday was beyond salvation. The evil within her louder and bolder than ever. It was then that Dumbledore decided that “The Girl Who Died” would have to return and die at the hand of her creator.

Professor Snape walked Nel down the stairs of Dumbledore’s office and lead her down to the dungeons and to his office. His hand in the form of a C was angrily pressing on the nape of her neck as he quickly ushered her inside of his office.

“Let go off me!” She slapped his hand away and looked at him with a furious expression. “I am not a child anymore!” She heaved drained from the restless day she had had.

“You insolent, stupid, dunder-head, foolish, girl!” He exclaimed and whipped his wand behind him to lock the door of his private office. This spew of insults and verbal abuse coming from the Professor was sadly not unfamiliar to her. She wasn’t expecting him to be so upset.

He was acting as if she had signed someone’s death sentence.

“Shut mouths catch no flies,” He raised his want in offensive. Triggered she did the same not blinking afraid the professor might strike her. After all, it had never stopped anyone before. Putting on a brave face, she attempted not to show the fear she felt or how her knees were trembling as she expected to be gravely wounded. There was no way she’d be able to take on a Hogwarts Professor, much less somebody as ruthless as Snape.

“Foolish girl. You had to open your damn mouth and babble to Greengrass, Davis and Merlin know who else.”

“What Lestrange did was fucked up and you know it,” She spat vulgarly not minding she was speaking to an adult. Neither lowering her trembling hand or stance. Jaw clenched tightly as she hoped her focus would be of an advantage to her. Snape’s body mirrored her own.

Just looking at her made an emotional wound on his chest soar with painful heat and a burning guilt. Dumbledore felt Elowen was beyond reason. That her nature had long ago sealed her fate. That, that awful curse that branded her face had also sealed this same destiny.

But he liked to believe otherwise. He liked to believe she could be good. That she had a choice.

There was no use in beating around the bush when it came to discussing why it was best not to take any action in punishing Ellar Lestrange with the juridical system involved. Both saw the bigger picture and were in the same place. Snape wasn’t protecting Ellar, he was protecting her, but why?

“He can’t kill you,” He said directly.

“Why?” Her sharp tongue followed suit.

“You serve a very specific purpose for the Dark Lord and have been placed under the custody of the Lestranges because of it.”

“Right,” she answered with a deep canyon forming in between her brows and a tightly clenched jaw. “That I gathered. A Parselmouth orphan taken into the home of one of Voldemort’s most loyal followers I could hardly expect it to be charitable.”

“Good, you’re catching on. Perhaps you have matured since last time we met.”

She ignored this. Whatever he meant by saying last time. This conversation. This scenario it almost felt like it had happened before as if they had already had this conversation, but something had gone awry wrong. It was almost like dejavu.

“You’ve been teaching me occlumency, not how to control my emotions or whatever bullshit that was.”

Snape remained silent. It was true.

“Why?”

“You will find that just like today the ability to hide one’s thoughts is a useful one and I haven’t the slightest doubt that others, witches and wizards more dangerous than the Headmaster might even rely on sadistic methods of torture to pry the truth from your big mouth.”

“Who else knows about the incident with Ellar Lestrange?” He questioned.

“No one,” She lied without hesitation. Snape whipped his wand, and a red spark stung her arm like a pinch, she winced at the sensation. “Dare you use my own spells against me.”

“Draco Malfoy,” She spat truthfully with a look of concern. “He won’t open his mouth. “I trust he won’t,” Snape added swiftly knowing well that Draco Malfoy had more on the line than Elowen did. Being directly related to the Lestranges he wouldn’t raise any hell towards them. Nel decided to keep what Draco had promised her to herself. Snape slowly lowered his wand and guard. Elowen didn’t. “He’s got more bidding on the line than you do if he spreads your precious little secret.”

She bit her tongue standing angry and frustrated. “Why does he want me? What does he want from me? What could I possibly give him? I have nothing. NOTHING! I am nobody,” She heaved as her emotions came crashing like waves and spilled like tears. Like broken risks, recordings of Wool telling her she was worthless, locking her in the Chokey, Lucy going missing. Not having a parent, a name, a single galleon owed to her worthless life. This life that Elowen had been given… She didn’t want it. It was numbing moments like this that made her feel like it wasn’t worth living.

“Same reason he wants Potter,” Snape cleverly lied to hide the Dark Lord’s true intentions and motives.

“To kill me,” Nel nodded and lowered her wand slowly as the horrible realization sank in. The only reason Ellar hadn’t killed her that one night or Cordelia had all summer long was because they were saving her like a pig for slaughter. She thought about the way most of the Purebloods looked at her, the way Mr. Malfoy always so strangely looked and fixated on her. He obviously knew this – How many more people knew? Did Draco know? “He need not bother, at this point I’ll do him the favor myself and give up on this miserable existence.” She wasn’t expecting her wand to fly out of her hand or for Snape to look at her with such fury, in his eyes was reflected a broken look. Again, Snape was haunted by the dark flashback of the night Elowen came to be during that obscure evening all those years ago. The guilt of the atrocious things he had done still rocked him to his core.

“I do not take threats such as suicide lightly Saintday,” He warned her. “I still expect many things from you, cowardice, is not one of them,” he glowered with cold contempt.

Snape again pointed his wand at her and Nel flinched expecting him to wound her instead a chair behind her crashed into the back of her legs forcing her to sit down. Emotionally defeated she complied and sat, wiping away the numb tears that slid down her emotionless face. She now felt a burdening guilt at the words that had just left her mouth. Where had that venomous thought come from? The terrifying thought made her body violently shake as the tears continued to spill.

“I will not apologize for my tone or harsh words towards you,” Snape began harshly now speaking in a collected and calmer voice. Hands behind his back as he stood tall looking down at his student. “Life is hard. We learn and we grow and I’m afraid I will not allow you to have a choice in this or leave us behind to pick up the broken pieces of your short, sad and pitiable life,” He soothed in his own twisted way. Words which didn’t alleviate her pain or made her feel any better about the horrible thought she had just had.

“It is her purpose,” Dumbledore said coldly with much indifference. “As I’ve told you before, it does not matter where Elowen Saintday resides, the Dark Lord will find her. How many more lives must be lost?”

Snape swallowed hard displaying the slightest glimpse of emotion. Be it his guilt, he always felt a sense of responsibility to protect the creature sitting before him. He had brought her to this world and because of that this monster was his responsibility. Burden or not. His alcoholic muggle father had once walked out on his mother and him, be of relationship to this child or not, would he be able to do the same? Was this something he had inherited from his bastardic nature?

No, that wouldn’t be him. He wasn’t his father. With a deep sigh he approached her and stood before her. She sat deep in thought, miserable, friendless having pushed everyone who cared about her away. She was so lost in thought she didn’t hear the Professor clearly saying her name until he knelt on one knee meeting her eye level.

How many times had he had the poor girl crying her eyes out to him? How many times had he failed in his ways to show her the smallest glimpse of humanity?

“Nel,” She stopped sitting with a surprised look on her swollen, red face. She couldn’t remember if he had ever addressed her by the name, she considered to be her own. “Look at me,” his voice was softer than his typical nasal tone. She obeyed, nastily sniffing and wiping the snot that was coming down her nose.

Seeking the bits of humanity that were left in him Severus chose to look inside his heart. What would Lily say? What wisdom would she provide to the broken girl sitting in the Potion Master’s office chair. “I understand,” He spoke in brevity. He chooses not to divulge any details about his personal life. “Perhaps I was out of line,” He admitted regretfully. “I’m aware that I can be rather harsh, but I want you to understand it comes from…” He paused for a moment masterfully and very carefully picking the words he would say next. He’d never vocally admit to it coming from a place of care. “I want you to be strong. Life isn’t easy. We both know yours hasn’t and it is not going to get any easier.”

She didn’t respond to his unfamiliarly kind words.

“Just know,” He said placing his large hand on her upper arm in a familiar way hoping to comfort her. His brown eyes zeroed in on her dark ones and maybe from up this close Snape looked human and not like a giant sulking bat. He smelt of salts and other potions ingredients. Even the middle of his forehead was sunken in genuine concern.

It took great will power to make the following promise. A promise he intended on keeping. “I will do everything in my power to protect you.”:

Unsure of what came over her the girl threw her arms around the professor and held him tightly. He held the child back.

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hcldenbitch · 3 years

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wanna play 20 questions?

what are 3 flaws your character has?

3 of holden’s biggest flaws are; he deprives himself of any sort of affection. sure, he’ll come fuck you, but the second you start trying to be weird and cuddle after he’s gotta go. he was told a few times by a shit ex that he was OVERLY affectionate, so he took that as a hint to fucking stop altogether. he likes to think he can take care of himself, he can handle any sort of chaos that comes his way with no problem, but the fact is, holden struggles A LOT when it comes to being responsible, or when something unexpected happens. he likes to think that he’s got his addiction under control - and for the most part, he does - but holden struggles with it every single day and just doesn’t know how to deal with it. therefore, he buries his dick in someone and calls it taken care of when the itch of wanting something comes around.

what are 3 insecurities your character has?

holden’s always afraid that he’s gonna relapse. whilst he has a pretty okay grip on his addiction, the temptations are ALWAYS there - especially with the company he keeps around. holden’s also insecure that he’s gonna be alone all his life - whilst he has a load of people he talks to all the time, there’s a few he really considers his friends / family. but he has that voice in the back of his mind always telling him that they’re just keeping him around as not to hurt his feelings. he really struggles with his health in general - his mental health is a fucking nightmare; with constant nightmares when he’s capable of falling asleep, to sleep paralysis demons, to full on panic attacks holden doesn’t feel it’s anything he needs to talk to anyone about. he’s always telling himself ‘well, if you hadn’t fucked up your life then maybe you wouldn’t have so many fucking issues’ and refuses to be a burden to anyone. he likes to play like he’s superman, but he isn’t.

what is something your character is most proud of?

the thing holden is most proud of, is his career. for someone that wandered the streets, selling himself, drugs, and even going as far as stealing, this is a huge accomplishment for him. and he’s amazed that so many people can appreciate his work as well. holden puts his heart and soul into each and every tattoo and sketch that he does because he wants people to be fucking proud to have his art on them for good.

where does your character feel most comfortable?

the tattoo parlor. holden finds himself at ease at love hate tattoo, the people there are his kind of people, the clients are always interesting, and holden gets to show off his skills. so when he’s there, he feels like he just belongs in the space, and no one is sitting and judging him.

where do they feel most uncomfortable?

anywhere that he’s alone. holden and being alone have never gone hand in hand - before johan arrived to the apartment for residency holden was never there. if he had to be, he made sure he had someone over. if not, he’d be out in the bars, finding company and solace in someone else. when he’s alone, he thinks too much, and when he thinks too much, he gets that itch for a line or two to shove up his nose.

what are some hobbies of your character?

he’s a gym rat; holden absolutely loves being in the gym to keep up with his physique. ever since he’s been in recovery, building up muscle and tone so he doesn’t look like that lil sick, thin, deathly looking man he used to be. he actually likes hiking, too! anything that requires him to be outdoors, sign him up. he also has a drum set, but given that they live in an apartment he’s been unable to play it like he wants to.

are they more extroverted or introverted?

definitely extroverted. there’s not one person that holden wouldn’t talk to - if a brick wall would respond, you could bet your ass he’d have a conversation with it as well.

does your character have any scars, how did they get them?

holden has too many scars to even count. however, they’re mostly covered in black ink, or in places people can’t see and he prefers to keep it that way. most of them are from using needles to shoot up, some are self harm scars, some are just from being completely stupid. but a huge majority are due to his self sabotaging ways.

what is/was your character’s relationship like with their mother and/or father?

holden’s always been the black sheep of his family; his mom and dad had his life planned out for him before he even arrived on earth. the meant to be lawyer was anything but what they expected. a rambunctious, rowdy, and hard to get anything done kid was their soon to be worst nightmare. once they found out that holden wasn’t going to comply to their expectations, and they found out that he was on drugs, they kicked him out and disowned him on the spot.

have they any siblings, if so, do they get along?

he has an older sister, elisabeth. the two of them haven’t spoken since she found holden overdosed in his apartment.

has your character ever had a reoccurring dream or nightmare, what happened?

it’s very seldom that holden sleeps; he has insomnia and finds himself awake more often than not. when he does sleep, more often than not he’s paralyzed in bed whilst a figure that looks like a mixture of gollum and the broke neck lady ( from haunting of hill house ) looks over him and holds him down. nine times out of ten it starts with the creature just sitting on his chest, staring him down with drool just oozing from it’s shark like teeth. they then lean over holden’s face and breath this hot, sulfur smelling breath right in his face and they slowly start unhinging their jaw ( think pennywise in IT ), trying to eat holden’s face and he can’t move. so needless to say, if he can skip the sleep, he does.

what qualities does your character look for in a friend?

holden just looks for someone that can be as annoying and as hilarious as he can. someone that doesn’t take life too seriously and he can just vibe with. as long as he can get along with you, that’s all that matters to him. ( they also gotta not mind him stealing their food whenever they go out to eat ).

what qualities does your character dislike in others?

people who take life too seriously. holden likes to think of himself as a jokester, so if you’re going to be around him and suck the fun out of every little thing, don’t even bother speaking to him because he will put you in your place. he also hates when people are overbearing, and naggy, and just a fucking negative nancy.

how does your character react to confrontation - are they a fight or flight?

fight definitely. holden has no issues taking a problem head on ( unless it’s a problem that relates to him ). if he sees someone in trouble, or if someone comes to him saying something happened - holden is the first one to ask where they are and how he can find them.

how easy or difficult does your character find it to say ‘i love you’ to someone? have they ever said ‘i love you’ without meaning it?

saying it and meaning it, is something holden can’t bring himself to do because he truly thinks that love is some made up concept that he’ll never understand. faking it, that’s a different story. he just laughs and says thanks and goes about his day. holden has never said it without meaning it though, except the one time he told his ex right before they started getting bad.

what does your character believe will happen to them after they die? are they in fear of this belief?

holden’s convinced that he’s gonna come back reincarnated as one of the queen’s corgi dogs. and if they’re dead before he dies, he claims he’ll come back as a cricket so he can piss everyone off.

how does your character react toward children?

he hates them. they’re gross, needy, rude, they ain’t his cup of tea.

does your character have any fears? if so, what are they?

holden’ afraid of swimming. he once nearly drowned during a swimming practice when he was 8 and ever since then, getting in the water - whether it be a pool, sprinkler, or ocean - he just ain’t having it.

if your character could relive one memory they have, which would they choose and why?

it would more than likely be the moment he realized what love really was. when he felt it, it was unlike any other feeling in the world that he had ever encountered. and he would give up anything just to feel that little bit of happiness just one more time.

#amore:task002 #tw drug mentions #tw mental illness #jesus this took FOREVER #AND I GOT 2 MORE TO DO

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thestupidhelmet · 4 years

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Twitter recently talked about how Melissa was supposed to be a reoccurring girlfriend for Hyde according to her actress but faced racism and was unpopular with the cast and reduced to a one off. Aside from the racism in that decision, do you think based off that one episode that she would have been a decent reoccurring love interest? He never had one before Jackie so it would have been a major change - so do you, and how do you think it would have changed things for Jackie/Hyde if it would?

I heard that Melissa was supposed to be Hyde’s girlfriend during season 4, too, and that “Hyde Gets the Girl” (4x04) was produced during season 3 -- along with a few other early season 4 episodes -- but always intended to be aired during season 4. Unfortunately, I don’t have any primary sources for that information.

I think Melissa had a lot of potential as a character, but she’s used a device to give Hyde’s characterization an overhaul. This is also done via Jackie in “Prom Night” (1x19), but where that episode rewrites Hyde’s core for the better (i.e. from self-serving to self-sacrificing), “Hyde Gets the Girl” transforms Hyde into a socially inept boor – one who doesn’t even know to ask the girl he’s interested in if she wants a drink without being prompted

HYDE: So I'm gonna go grab a beer. MELISSA: Thanks. Get one for yourself, too. HYDE: No. I … can I get you a beer? MELISSA: There you go. Thanks. HYDE: Right.

This is their first interaction we see on-screen after their initial introduction. This characterization of Hyde contradicts what we’ve seen of him previously. In “Kelso’s Serenade” (2x21), for example, Hyde is shown bringing Jackie a Coke from the kitchen after their platonic “date”. She’s in the basement, and he brings the Coke downstairs to her. Granted, Jackie could’ve asked for it off-screen, but far more likely – considering the context of the rest of his treatment of her in the episode – he offered to bring her one without needing to be prompted.

Moreover, in “Jackie Bags Hyde” (3x08), Hyde self-corrects after he acts like an ass toward Jackie during their date, both reassuring her verbally that he wants to be on the date and offering her his soda to make up for his behavior.

Hyde’s OOC behavior aside, Melissa’s direct but mildly humorous reeducation of Hyde in his treatment of a potential girlfriend characterizes her as someone who respects herself and won’t accept disrespect from others. Combined with her first scene in the show, where she demonstrates a sarcastic sense of humor and a sense of fun, she could’ve been a great match for an in-character Hyde.

Unfortunately, Hyde and Melissa’s next interaction goes as follows:

HYDE: So, you havin' fun? MELISSA: That reminds me. I have to go.

Melissa’s response indicates that her time talking with Hyde was unsatisfactory to her. But we don’t know why because we’re not shown their conversation. He could’ve been as awkward with her as he’d been during their introduction (i.e. “I like air. How about you?”), expressed a philosophy of life or ideas she doesn’t agree with, didn’t speak at all, or inadvertently insulted her. Again, we don’t know, and that lack of knowledge makes Melissa’s curt response to him come across as disrespectful. She doesn’t tell him directly that she’s not having fun or why. She expects him to read the subtext of her response, which is clear: no, she isn’t having fun.

To be fair, though, she might have suffered too many fools while dating. She might have no patience for Hyde’s conversation – or lack thereof – whatever it was. She might have felt disrespected by him during the conversation. She certainly seemed to feel disrespected by his (OOC) ineptitude about asking if she wants a drink, so if his conversation continued in that vein, then her desire to extricate herself from an uncomfortable situation – as efficiently as possible -- is absolutely understandable and justifiable.

Again, the issue here is that we’re missing the connecting dots to understand why she responds to his question the way she does.

Right after her announcement that she has to go, the following exchange takes place:

HYDE: Uh, Melissa, um … I was wonderin' if maybe you wanted to do somethin' sometime. MELISSA: Sorry. I did something last night, and I already made plans for sometime.

I believe the writers’ intention here in Melissa’s response is to highlight Hyde’s continuing ineptitude at dating. But combined with her previous two reactions to him, she’s coming across as someone who, at best, misinterprets discomfort as disrespect and, at worst, lacks empathy.

Hyde is clearly feeling awkward and overwhelmed by how attracted he is to her. We see that from his initial reaction to her when Donna introduces them. But Melissa replies as if Hyde is being rude when he says, “I was wonderin' if maybe you wanted to do somethin' sometime.” This goes back to what we don’t see of their previous conversation. Perhaps he did insult her, intentionally or not. Or was so wholly awkward that he barely strung two coherent sentences together. If it’s the former, however, then I don’t believe she’d agree to go on a date with him at all.

More likely, she’s again trying educate him on how to interact properly with a romantic interest. And also to be fair to her, she’s not responsible for his feelings of awkwardness.

HYDE: No. Wait, wait. Uh, let me try that again. Um, look. If you're not doing anything Friday night, I'd like to take you out to, uh … to-to dinner and a movie. Pizza? The mall? Bowling?

MELISSA: I'd love to. Call me.

This exchange partially answers the question set up by their previous exchanges – but it comes too late in the episode. Melissa expects Hyde to be specific, to give her specifics, and not be awkward with her. As written in this episode, she has no patience for the vagueness Hyde’s feelings of vulnerability creates in his communication. Her treatment of him comes across as patronizingly maternalistic. Essentially, he’s written as an immature little boy who needs to be schooled by his more mature (potential) romantic partner.

HYDE: Call you? That's a little unorthodox. … [Upon seeing Melissa’s mildly disapproving expression.] I'll call you.

Hyde’s lines here reaffirm the boorish part of his new characterization. If, indeed, he exhibited this quality during their conversation at the party, her curtness toward him makes sense. What doesn’t make sense, though, is her even considering going on a date with someone like that. She should have – and would have – said, “I’m out,” and been done with him.

Because we didn’t get more episodes between them and more character development for her, we can’t fully interpret or understand the reasons behind Melissa’s reactions toward him. We have only the context of what happens in “Hyde Gets the Girl” to interpret her responses, and that episode skips a vital point of interaction between them.

Definitively saying she lacks empathy for Hyde is both unfair and isn’t supported by the facts. The possibility she lacks empathy does exist, however, as does the possibility she’s taking pity on his ineptitude by giving him cues if -- interpreted correctly by him -- will allow him to self-correct. She calls out his behavior in an effective but a hybrid assertive / passive-aggressive way. But in the long run, if she continued to try to “train him” using that method, her treatment of him could become toxic and abusive.

Another note about Hyde’s characterization in this episode conflicting with previous characterization of him. In “Eric Gets Suspended” (2x09), Hyde is shown conversing easily with his date (i.e. Patty). He isn’t inept, awkward, or boorish. One can reasonably say the difference here is that he’s not overwhelmed by his attraction toward Patty whereas he is by his attraction toward Melissa.

In “Punk Chick” (1x22), however, Hyde falls hard and fast for Chrissy. He declares he loves her during their first meeting, and he’s able to talk to her without being inept, awkward, or boorish.

I can’t say I like the direction Hyde’s character would have taken if his dynamic with Melissa had remained the same as it is in “Hyde Gets the Girl”. He and Melissa are not written as equals in that episode. She is clearly written as his superior – in her maturity level, her treatment of him, and in his ineptitude, awkwardness, and boorishness. Her having to school him continuously on proper boyfriend behavior wouldn’t be fair to her.

Further, him being cowed by the “tough love” method of her schooling wouldn’t be fair to him, someone who was abused and neglected by a mother who withheld her love and berated him for never being good enough. As set up in “Hyde Gets the Girl,” Melissa and Hyde’s relationship would be unhealthy for both of them.

Jackie and Hyde, on the other hand, are equals in their romantic relationship. They challenge each other to grow and change, both having to learn how to be in a healthy relationship. They teach each other how to think beyond their limited worldviews and how to show the other respect when the other fails at it. Not to say they don’t have their issues (often from inconsistent writing), but they’re shown to have a healing effect on each other. They both have flaws that are acknowledged (when bad writing doesn’t creep in). And, most importantly, they get the benefit of three seasons’ worth of episodes to explore their romantic relationship – the good and the bad.

Melissa and Hyde get one.

So I can’t say how Melissa and Hyde’s relationship might have affected or changed Hyde’s relationship with Jackie. It all depends on how Melissa and Hyde’s relationship would’ve been written.

#That 70s Show #That '70s Show #Steven Hyde #Melissa #Jackie x Hyde #Ask #carouselunique #My Meta #My Essay #Meta #Essay

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jess-the-vampire · 5 years

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Quick question why did you like Tom in the beginning of the series, I understand liking the character as we get to know more starting season 3 and forward (considering that he wasn’t an important character and especially not at the beginning of the series) but he was and asshole.

Anonymous said:Also, why do you treat Tom as if he were a relevant character that needed tons of recognition .I have seen post showing you being a huge Tomstar fanboy/girl being angry with how the show treated Tom and even though is ok in liking a character, don’t you think you like him too much which clouds your judgment. Because Tom was treated fairly, maybe it would have been cool seen him happy with someone else, but he got his happy ending

You make it sound like people can’t enjoy characters who are jerks and act like jerks, those are pretty popular and fun characters for some people, after all, why do you think villians are so beloved despite being evil?

regardless, tom’s really not the worst at all in the first 2 seasons.

He’s not as great as he is now, but he’s not abusive and it really doesn’t take long to feel bad for and be attached to him. Literally by his second episode he’s already becoming more mature and trying to fix his mistakes.

Tom’s not one of these characters that has no moral compass, he feels awful about things all the time that are his fault, takes little pleasure in hurting people he cares about, and his entire motivation is to feel loved.

he doesn’t go about it the best of ways and he’s not perfect and he still did really dumb things, but he’s mostly harmless since the crew was at least careful enough not to make tom so bad he couldn’t be redeemed.

Tom never ended up truly doing any serious damage to anyone or anything, so it’s a lot easier to want him to be better then say…mina.

I just found tom fascinating because he felt a lot more like a character, i could understand why he felt the way he did, why he did what he tried to do, and why he was the way he was.

and without the show always needing to spell it out either.

he’s one of the few characters i think in this series where you can easily tell why he thinks and feels certain ways and when stuff happens in episodes with him, the impact actually CARRIES.

Marco’s talk in Mr Candle causes tom to stop bothering star, which causes tom to stop bothering her during CS because he learned he needed to respect her wishes, which leads to tom being mad and confused when star is like “No, bother me!, you’re being a total jerk for ignoring me now!”, which then leads to them warming up to each other, which then-

Tom’s a really fascinating case and one of the few times in this series where his emotions feel actually valid and natural (outside of the later half of s4b which was the only case that it didn’t)

I love seeing characters go through these kinds of growths, and i was really rooting for tom to earn true happiness from his character growth and have friends that love him because that feels like the true end for the arc of a friendless character who constantly feels like a failure and alone.

dude, i swear to god if you’re the guy who went on my other blog to insult me for not liking the end of tom’s arc and saying all my criticism was invalid, without actually providing any evidence….

my god, i really don’t wanna have to repeat myself but here we go

Tom’s not relevant? He’s been around since s1 and was on BOTH the posters for s3 and 4 (Over eclipsa, might i add?), tom is VERY relevant because of how prominent he was in the show and how much of a reoccurring character he was.

He wasn’t like janna who was mostly for comedic relief and didn’t really play a role in too many plots in the series, Tom was given so much screen time in most of the important episodes of the series.

This dude, had an actual ARC, an arc they dedicated episodes towards.

No, there is no happy end for tom, in what world is a happy end for a character to be constantly mistreated by their girlfriend and have them almost immediately leave them for their best friend, and then completely forget about them in another dimension….and then not even receive any actual sendoff in the finale at all?

Do you really think making tom feel inferior and unloved and him being OK with it is somehow fair at all? There’s nothing uncomfortable about that?

It’s just ok for our main lead to make him feel awful about himself? Not even apologize to him for kissing his best friend? That’s fair to tom?

This ain’t even a tom only thing, most of the cast in the series didn’t feel like they got a proper goodbye, the only end that felt fitting for the most part, was ludo.

Most of everyone else’s ends were them kinda saying they’re doing fine after being gone for ages, and that’s about it.

I’m gonna tell you this again, it’s not enough for tom to just “Get better”, it actually needs to AMOUNT to something for TOM, he needed an end that made up for all the clear and obvious pain he’d been going through.

Zuko had this, his arc amounted to him changing roles, fighting his sister and becoming the next fire lord.

Characters like Lena from DT have this, where their shift causes them to overpower their fears and superiors and and find a real family that actually cares about her.

What did tom have?

Well, he’s friends with star and marco….but that was something he had a season ago before the last one…..so…what did he get in the finale because of his growth? Nothing, he loses his girlfriend and his best friends completely forgot about him.

You made tom suffer for so long, something the show makes very clear, and….he gets nothing, in fact they just made him suffer more and his anger management really didn’t end up amounting to anything or any relief at all at the end.

He just gets completely blown to the side by the end even though he’s supposibly one of star and marco’s close friends and he really ends up with nothing that fits all the pain he went through.

who in their right mind wanted to watch this happen to tom after last season? After conquer? where tom sacrifices himself for his best friends and it’s shown how much he cares about and loves them?

After all that, star and marco just completely blow him off without even considering him? And that’s fair to tom? Are you serious?

By how these arcs normally work tom’s arc should’ve ended with him feeling confident in himself that he’s not inferior to marco, but that never happens.

by how it works he should realize his friends do value and care about him, but that doesn’t happen.

by how these arcs work tom should’ve found true happiness, but that doesn’t happen.

none of this is shown.

So it’s not satisfying.

This is like if ludo’s arc lacked dennis staying with him at the end or his family helping him rebuild his castle as he gets his band back together, he grew past his issues but….he’s unfinished….it feels like he didn’t get anything deserved to him.

star and marco were dang important to tom’s growth, they’re the most important relationships he has in the series, and he doesn’t even get an end with them, they both almost entirely forget about him.

and you cannot go around telling people their criticism is somehow invalid because they like a character as if none of that criticism is relevant at all because they like a character.

if anything, shouldn’t the fact someone was so knowledgeable about a character make the criticism more relevant?

i told you this before, you can’t just say everyone’s wrong “Because they are”, you say it’s satisfying for tom but don’t give a valid reason. it’s amounted to “ because it is” or “Tom’s not important enough to have a proper end”.

I’m sorry you don’t think tom was important but he was a heavily prominent character and a big favorite and this is such a horrible end to his story and it’s so unsatisfying to watch his end be to get shafted like this after everything he was put through.

people tend not to like watching characters who try so hard suffer time and time again and then end up basically alone and abandoned by their friends by the end.

#star vs the forces of evil #svstfoe #svtfoe #tom the demon #tom lucitor

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wonderfulworldofmichaelford · 4 years

Text

Michael in the Mainstream: Epic Rap Battles of History

In September of 2010, a series began that would spend the decade growing, expanding, improving, and even attracting controversy: Epic Rap Battles of History. The concept is simple - take two characters from history or pop culture and have them get into a rap battle where every single line is loaded with clever allusions to the participants. From there, it can go in really any direction - rappers can jump into the middle of a battle, rappers can team up, battles can be heavily skewed in one direction… there’s a lot of variance.

Watching the series grow into something as impressive and well-done as it is nowadays has been quite an experience. The first battle, “John Lennon vs Bill O’Reilly,” is honestly pretty bad by today’s standards, with a weak beat, poor costumes, bad impressions, and just a general lack of polish. But it did have something to it, something that would come to light as more and more episodes were released - Peter Shukoff and Lloyd Ahlquist really had a knack for rapping. I think the best part of the series over the past ten years is watching them go from the green rappers in that original video to incredibly talented and clever writers, singers, and actors, delivering stellar performances left and right in the more recent seasons.

With their first decade behind them, I’ve decided to go season by season and look at what worked and what didn’t as the show grew and evolved. I give an overview of each season, talk about some of the strengths and weaknesses they exhibited, and then go over the best and worst characters and battles of each season.

So, as the announcer says at the end of every intro... BEGIN!!!

Season 1

It’s hard to totally hate this season, but boy is it hard to love it. This was their first season, and their first batch of battles, so I think a little leeway needs to be given here; it’s clear they’re trying to find their footing and see what works and what doesn’t in terms of matchup and characterization. This leads to a lot of the battles of season one feeling really weird in hindsight, with the infamous “Genghis Khan vs The Easter Bunny” being the most standout example.

However, that’s just the most notable bit of wonkiness; there are plenty more decisions and matchups that really seem baffling in hindsight. One of the biggest ones is when Peter portrayed Lady Gaga in a rap battle against Sarah Palin of all people. This leads to a lot of the jokes Palin lobs being a bit more uncomfortable than they would have been if a woman played Gaga; this is notably the only time a female character has been portrayed by a man to this date.

Beyond that some of the matchups are just really nonsensical or rely too much on outdated memes. The worst offender in both regards is probably “Abraham Lincoln vs Chuck Norris,” which features Peter delivering one of his greatest performances in the series as Lincoln against a Lloyd-portrayed Norris who does nothing but spout “Chuck Norris Facts” thst we’re tired and unfunny even back in 2010. Likewise, Vince Offer popping up as backup for Billy Mays is pretty of-the-time, but that battle is actually good so it gets a pass.

Still, there are a lot more battles that do work or at least show a lot of promise. Look no further than the second battle in the series and the one that put them on the map, “Adolf Hitler vs Darth Vader.” While it’s a bit basic lyrically and not quite up to the later standards of the series, it’s easy to see why this became as big as it did. Zack Sherwin and George Watsky get their first guest spots here as Einstein and Shakespeare respectively, and both of them kill it in their roles, with the former even being part of one of the season’s best battles. It’s definitely easy to see why these two are the most reoccurring guest stars in the series.

Ultimately, season one is uneven and experimental, but shows a lot of promise. I think the datedness of some of the battles, particularly in regards to the ones featuring characters like Justin Bieber and Lady Gaga; using these two in particular so early in their careers really robbed us, particularly in the case of Bieber, whose decade-long downward spiral would have made for some really interesting disses. Then there are characters like Mr. Rogers and Genghis Khan, who are just wasted on completely mismatched opponents. There is good stuff here, but it lacks the polish later battles would have, making it hard to recommend revisiting this one. I’d say that with a few notable exceptions, you can safely skip this season.

Best Battle: “Albert Einstein vs Stephen Hawking” is probably the best battle of the sesaon; while the original Hitler/Vader battle is iconic, this one was one of the more clever early battles and if nothing else gave us the first Zach Sherwin performance and an awesome and faithful rendition of Hawking.

Worst Battle: “Genghis Khan vs the Easter Bunny.” As if it could be anything else.

Best Characters:

Lloyd: Abe Lincoln, despite being in one of the weaker battles of the season, immediately cemented himself as one of Peter’s best characters, and it definitely helps he has some pretty hard and creative disses, particularly his line involving Chuck Norris crying his cancer-curing tears on his filmography. It’s no wonder Lincoln is the only president who keeps coming back.

Peter: Darth Vader became one of the most iconic characters in the first few seasons for a reason, and despite his weaker lines here than in his sequels, he still manages to be as cool and intimidating as Darth Vader in a rap battle should be.

Guest: Albert Einstein was Zach Sherwin’s first appearance in the series, and what a first appearance it is! It really isn’t a shock he has been invited back time and time again, as he is an absolute blast in this battle.

Worst Characters:

Lloyd: Chuck Norris is the clear loser in terms of Lloyd’s characters this season. He’s nothing but a string of tired memes, and offers no insight into Norris at all. Frankly it would have been nice if they ripped into Norris harder, seeing as he’s a right-winger, homophobe, and Trump supporter. Portraying him as some cool, unstoppable force really leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

Peter: Lady Gaga, hands down, and it’s not that hard a decision. She was portrayed terribly and it really is a shame they didn’t wait until later in her career to use her, because there is so much more interesting things to say about her now than back when they made the rap battle and the most interesting things to riff on were the stupid rumors that she was a hermaphrodite and her weird outfits.

Guest: Alex Farnham’s Justin Bieber is whiny, obnoxious, gets few good lines, and is more than a little mean-spirited; keep in mind, this was made early in Bieber’s career, when his only crime was being a kid with a music career who made songs some people hated. It just seems cruel, and considering how he would turn out a few years later, a world of missed opportunity… but that’s par for the course for season one.

Season 2

Season two was the proverbial “growing the beard” moment for the series. Coming out a month after season one, the new episodes already seemed bigger and more polished, starting off strong with a rematch between Hitler and Vader more epic than the original. Things continued solidly until the season peaked with the masterpiece that is “Steve Jobs vs Bill Gates.” That battle was a huge game changer, and took the series to new heights, heights the rest of the season after struggled to meet.

The big problem is that about half of the battles post-“Steve Jobs vs Bill Gates” are incredibly forgettable or even bad. “Doc Brown vs Doctor Who” is on the forgettable side, as is the first-ever election battle, which pitted Obama up against Mitt Romney. Romney alone should tell you why this battle is so forgettable; it’s a battle you really had to be there in the moment for, and is frankly a good argument as to why election battles should not be done. It’s not awful by any means, but it really isn’t memorable or relevant.

On the bad side, we have “Frank Sinatra vs Freddie Mercury,” “Batman Vs Sherlock Holmes,” and the infamous “Adam vs Eve.” The former two mostly suffer from awful characterization, with Sinatra being set up in the same way Justin Bieber was to be the clear loser. There’s nothing wrong with a curbstomp rap battle obviously, but considering how Sinatra is NOT a reviled figure like Bieber, this one goes over very poorly. Batman on the other hand mainly suffers from being horribly characterized and having extremely repetitive verses, with both his verses basically reiterating the same points. Neither battle is godawful, but they don’t really make good cases for themselves.

Then there is “Adam vs Eve.” This battle is widely regarded as the worst battle of not only the season, but THE ENTIRE SERIES. There is a very good reason for that: this battle is a massive departure from the style and tone of the series. Adam and Eve here represent stereotypical sitcom man and woman; there are very few Biblical references and the whole thing is very one-sided in Eve’s favor, with the battle basically ending with Adam apologizing for calling Eve a bitch… after she spent the past few minutes insulting his sexual prowess and penis size. There are a lot of double standards here, and it would only have been worse if God’s planned cameo was kept in, where he unambiguously sides with Eve.

But let’s not pretend like these are more than exceptions that prove the rule. Season two is remarkably solid, to the point where some battles have aged far better than you would expect. The prime example of this is “Cleopatra vs Marilyn Monroe;” at the time derided by audiences as just a battle consisting of nothing but slut-shaming, looking back it is a very strong yet lighthearted entry between two incredibly intense battles that has a great beat, clever lines, and strong performances from the two ladies. There are a couple of other underrated gems of the season but this one takes the cake.

The season is notable for a lot of big firsts. This is the first season to nab mainstream celebrities as guests, getting Keegan-Michael Key, Jordan Peele, and Snoop Dogg himself to portray Gandhi, MLK, and Moses, respectively. Unsurprisingly the battles featuring them are some of the very best of the season. It’s also the first season with a woman vs woman battle where both characters are portrayed by women, to much better results than the previous one. It’s the first season to have a two-on-two battle, with the second battle of the season featuring the Mario Bros battling the Wright brothers.

The biggest first however was the new style introduced in the finale: the Royale. This style of battle is basically a one on one to start, with each rapper getting one verse and then after the second rapper’s verse a third party barged in to school them, followed by a fourth and then a fifth. This first one featured famous figures from Russian history: Rasputin, Stalin, Lenin, Gorbachev, and Putin, and it is fun and hilarious, though Putin’s portrayal is definitely a product of its time and clearly made before people realized how evil he is.

This season also has some notable missed opportunities unique to it. The first is that there is a whole scrapped battle that was even teased in the trailer for season two, which would have had Hillary Clinton rapping against King Henry VIII. Peter and Lloyd were disappointed with how the audio came out and so permanently shelved it, though the audio is available online. It would have been interesting to see how it would have turned out, though the audio does not paint the best picture and the battle likely would have been forgettable. Still, it would have been interesting to have both parties in the 2016 election battle be returning rappers.

The second is that, to date, season two is the only season to use video game characters, with Mario, Luigi, and Master Chief being the sole representatives of the art form. This gets weirder with every passing year, as video games continue to become more mainstream and characters like Solid Snake, Samus, Phoenix Wright, Lara Croft, and Kratos continue to be popular suggestions for battles. It just feels like a lot of opportunities are being missed, though there’s always hope now that fans have more say than ever.

Overall, season two was a big, confident stride forward for the series. While there are a few stingers and forgettable battles here and there, the majority live up to the title of the series. I’d say that, moreso than season one, this is a great starting point for the series, This season marks the beginning of what I’d like to call the Golden Age, and I would say there are very few episodes here you should skip.

Best Battle: “Steve Jobs vs Bill Gates,” which is not as easy a decision as it seems considering the quality of the season overall. Still, this one probably holds up the best out of all of the episodes, with the rhymes, flow, disses, and beat all being legendary and the surprise interjection from HAL 9000 being nothing short of awesome.

Worst Battle: “Adam vs Eve,” which again, is probably also the worst battle of the entire series.

Best Character:

Lloyd: Gorbachev is the winner here. He’s just a funny, goofy ditz of a Russian leader, and he definitely schools all of the other arguing Russians. His beat is unique and a lot of fun, which definitely helps him stand out even more.

Peter: Peter has a lot of great roles this season, but it’s hard to not give the win to Santa, because Peter was able to hold his own against SNOOP DOGG. Speaking of which...

Guest: Snoop Dogg’s Moses is the standout in a season with no shortage of cool guests. I mean, come on, it’s Snoop

Worst Character:

Lloyd: Adam, hands down, and keep in mind Lloyd also played the now-irrelevant Mitt Romney this season. Adam sucked so bad a bland politician outdid him.

Peter: I’m not sure who told Peter to play Batman like that, but… yeah. Batman sucks here. I hope they bring him back and do him justice someday.

Guest: Jenna Marbles is completely wasted as Eve.

Season 3

Out of the three Golden Age seasons (2 - 4), I think season three is the most uneven and messy. While there are obviously some great battles here - it is part of the Golden Age after all - there are a lot of bad and awkward battles, or at the very least there aren’t as many great battles to make the bad ones seem less egregious. The tone is set by the season opener, the third and final battle between Hitler and Vader which despite a cool Boba Fett cameo ends up feeling underwhelming and boring.

The real issue with this season is that, while there aren’t too many genuinely bad battles this season, even the good ones feel a bit off. For the bad, we have “Miley Cyrus vs Joan of Arc,” which wastes one of history’s most badass woman against a flash-in-the-pan pop star; this battle has very few defenders, and gave woman back woman rap battles even more (undeserved) flack. To the season’s credit it doesn’t really get worse, and the only other weak battles are “George Washington vs William Wallace” (which not only conflates the fictionalized version of Wallace from Braveheart with the real one, but makes George Washington way more boring than he should be) and “Rick Grimes vs Walter White” (which feels like a ratings grab riding off of the coattails of two popular shows, though Lloyd really kills it as Walt).

For the good ones, a lot are held back from the lofty greatness of season two’s best by disappointing flaws. “Superman vs Goku” is fun and performs the miracle of making Ray William Johnson cool for two minutes, but it just feels way too short, especially considering the massive histories of the characters. The finale has a similar issue with shortness; “Artists vs Turtles” pits the TMNT against their namesakes, and the first verse and beat are fantastic, but the turtles get absolutely shafted on lyrics and the whole battle comes off as feeling uneven. This wouldn’t be so bad if this wasn’t a four-on-Four battle. “Stephen King vs Edgar Allen Poe” is so close to being great, as it has fantastic lyrics and a great Watsky performance, but Zach Sherwin chose a weird, raspy voice for King that brings the battle down a bit. It’s kind of sad that a battle between ERB’s two most popular guests is hampered by such an odd choice.

Still, when the season is great, it is GREAT. Key and Peele return, this time playing MICHAEL Jordan and Muhammed Ali respectively, and they kill it. Weird Al shows up playing Isaac Newton and, as expected, is amazing in his battle against Bill Nye. And the series introduces a new, very interesting type of rap battle - the story battle/gauntlet battle. Basically, there is one consistent rapper, and they rap against multiple opponents in succession, usually with some sort of storyline. And what better story to turn into a rap battle than A Christmas Carol? Scrooge goes up against Donald Trump, J.P. Morgan, Kanye West, and the Grim Reaper to learn the true meaning of Christmas, and it’s every bit as awesome as it sounds.

Season three is definitely a good season, and the weaker battles are still worth a listen even if they do have some issues; the only one I’d say is unlistenably bad is “Miley Cyrus vs Joan of Arc” due to how offensive the wasting of Joan is. I feel like people listening to this season will have wildly different opinions on which battles are good, bad, and great, so even if it feels a bit wonky there’s no denying it’s worth a listen.

Best Battle: “Donald Trump vs Ebenezer Scrooge” is a real game changer, and is not only fantastic, but as its only use of profanity is censored you can reasonably play this at a holiday party! If you ever need your quick fix of the Dickens classic, this is the way to get it, as this is remarkably faithful and very good at condensing the story into a rap battle.

Worst Battle: “Miley Cyrus vs Joan of Arc” is just absolutely unforgivable; Joan deserved a more fitting opponent than Cyrus. Katniss was often a suggested opponent, but I feel like even that would be bad, as Katniss has faded from the cultural consciousness over time unlike someone like Harry Potter. Still, Joan deserved way better than to be wasted for some throwaway curbstomp battle.

Best Characters:

Lloyd: Lloyd shows how good it feels to be a gangster with his portrayal of Al Capone, which manages to elevate the battle a bit higher despite the rather cheesy (but not bad) portrayal of Blackbeard opposite him.

Peter: Death, the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come, is utterly chilling, devoid of humor, and delivers one of the most legitimately terrifying verses in the series. This is why this ghost doesn’t usually get to speak in adaptations - because not only is he utterly terrifying, he steals the whole show. Peter really killed it with this one.

Guest: A lot of good guests popped in this season, but only one of them was Weird Al as Sir Isaac Newton. His flow is incredible, showing he has come a long way from “I Can’t Watch This.” He even gets a fast rap segment where he gets to show off his “Hardware Store” skills.

Worst Characters:

As uneven as the season felt, Peter and Lloyd actually managed to stay remarkably consistent; Lloyd didn’t play any character I can say was ‘bad’ by any stretch. For a given value of “worst,” Peter’s Donald Trump just pales in comparison to Lloyd’s a couple seasons later. But again, as uneven as the season was, Peter and Lloyd really didn’t do bad. This is the point where the duo really began to come into their own and develop as performers, with them rarely turning in a bad performance from here on out.

The guest, on the other hand... Michelle Glavan’s Miley suffers from the same problems Bieber did two seasons prior - except her battle feels less like a funny curbstomp battle and more like they actually tried to make Miley Cyrus on the same level as ST. JOAN OF ARC.

Season 4

This is, without a doubt, the absolute best season of ERB. This is when they truly found their groove, knew what they were doing, and did nothing but pump out hit after hit after hit. It’s to the point where there is really only one bad battle in the season, and it’s not nearly as offensive as previous season’s stinkers.

Right out the gate this season proved itself by ditching the old tradition of Hitler and Vader and instead delivering up a highly requested matchup - in this case the Ghostbusters and the Mythbusters. The real treat isn’t merely the pitch-perfect portrayals, but the appearance at the end by the B Team and the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man, which cemented this as a fantastic and unique opening. From here, it was almost nothing but fantastic battles until the midseason finale, which was a battle royale of film directors.

Many argued that the season lost steam upon coming back from break, as “Lewis and Clark vs Bill and Ted” was a bit underwhelming as a return, but from there the season picked up with the criminally underrated “David Copperfield vs Harry Houdini” and then continuing up with the quality, the season peaking with “Eastern Philisophers vs Western Philosophers,” a fantastic showdown between some of the greatest thinkers of history. Somehow “Shaka Zulu vs Julius Caesar” kept up the pace, but I will say the season faltered a bit at the ending.

While “Jim Henson vs Stan Lee” is not bad, and is especially sweet and heartwarming in light of Stan Lee’s death, the use of Walt Disney as a soulless supervillain representing the monopolistic tendencies of his company and not the man himself is a rather contentious choice. It doesn’t help that the battle feels a lot more mellow and peaceful, which mostly has to do with the two men battling. It frankly feels like this should have been the midseason opener and the philosopher battle should have been the finale, since the latter battle feels a lot more epic and climactic.

The only truly bad battle of the season is, unfortunately, “Oprah vs Ellen,” which did nothing to alleviate the stigma of women characters in rap battles. I feel like the major issue with this one is that Oprah just has terrible lines and delivery, with some of her lines having painfully forced rhymes. Not helping is that it came hot on the heels of “Jack the Ripper vs Hannibal Lecter,” one of the best battles of season four’s first half.

Still, that’s a small blip on this season’s radar. To wrap things up on a more positive note, this season features perhaps the most unique battle in the franchise: “Zeus vs Thor.” Not only is it the only battle between deities so far, it is also the only battle animated entirely with Legos. It not only helps it stand out due to its unique style, it makes the battle more timeless and not prone to aging poorly in terms of visuals. It’s just overall a showcase of the brilliance of Peter and Lloyd - which is really something that can be said of the whole season.

This is, once again, the very best season of the show. It’s almost nothing but incredible, fantastic works from start to finish. Even the couple of battles that I feel are a bit weak tend to have some good stuff going for them. This was really where the series was at the top of its game, and I genuinely feel that there was nowhere they could go from here but down… and down they did go.

Best Battle: In a season full of fantastic battles, the gold medal still undoubtedly must go to the philosopher battle. The awesome beat! Laozi beatboxing! Nietzsche! It’s really something special.

Worst Battle: “Oprah vs Ellen,” for the reasons stated above. It’s not even so much that it’s bad as it is really underwhelming and filled with awkward lines, but it does stick out as notably poor in an otherwise stellar season.

Best Characters:

Lloyd: This is another Stellar season for Peter and Lloyd; it’s hard to pick just one great performance, but Lloyd voicing Stay Puft is certainly a hilarious treat.

Peter: Peter’s portrayal of Julius Caesar is one of the best showcases of his acting talents this season. I’d say it’s tied with Robocop, who Peter also knocks out of the park.

Guest: This season was absolutely stellar in regards to guests, so honestly picking the best is really a tossup. A personal favorite of mine is Dan Bull’s Jack the Ripper, who is equal parts chilling and entertaining.

Worst Character: It could only be Oprah, what with her painful rhymes and poor verses. That being said, she’s probably the only rapper I could stretch to call bad this season, as Peter and Lloyd has no bad showings and the other guests were pretty great.

Season 5

Welcome to the Dark Age. Season five is without a doubt the most divisive season of the series, and I do feel that that is a bit unwarranted because there are some truly fantastic battles here, probably more than there were in Golden Age seasons like three. The major issue with this season is not really a problem with the battles themselves, but a two-pronged meta problem: burnout, and the toxic fanbase.

The burnout was a long time coming. Peter and Lloyd had been doing ERB nonstop for half the decade at the point this season came out, and as the finale of the season, a rematch between Peter and Lloyd, showed the two were tired, frustrated, and hitting walls in terms of creativity. They obviously loved the series - there was still plenty of passion, creativity, and wit in the battles - but they needed a break, especially since Peter had recently become a father.

The other issue was far less predictable. When the 2010s began, making fun of Nazis and conservative ideology was cool, fun, and pretty much what anyone with a functioning brain was doing. But over the 2010s, a lot of radicalization began occurring due to social media and its ability to give platforms to awful people who shouldn’t be allowed to talk. Nazis, alt-right, conservatives, anti-SJWs, they all started building up over the decade and trying to wage a culture-wide war on sensitivity and empathy, instead trying to convince others that the plight of those who are disadvantaged due to how the ruling class structured society is not worth addressing and that things are fine the way they are. Trump’s depressingly successful presidential campaign did nothing but embolden and strengthen the resolve of these creeps, and that kind of leads into the three most contentious battles of the season - “Frederick Douglass vs Thomas Jefferson,” “Donald Trump vs Hillary Clinton,” and “Bruce Banner vs Bruce Jenner.”

“Frederick Douglass vs Thomas Jefferson” got a lot of flack for seemingly being one-sided in Douglass’ favor, with him almost solely attacking Jefferson for his owning of slaves and not really establishing himself well. While the battle isn’t particularly engaging and I didn’t really come out feeling like I learned much about Douglass, a lot of the criticisms at the time seemed more focused on being angry that this battle addressed that slavery was actually a thing at all and that the battle watered things down to “Jefferson bad!” This is of course disregarding that even Douglass admits in his final verse that Jefferson did a lot for the country, but that we need to address the bad parts of him more than we do. Still, this was small potatoes compared to the latter two battles.

These two battles are what made Pete and Lloyd really pause due to the negative reactions both battles garnered. The election battle received a lot of criticism for seemingly having a “left-wing bias,” as despite it following a similar structure to the previous presidential election battle, Lincoln’s appearance was a lot more focused on berating and abusing Trump. One needs to keep in mind though that Trump had already definitively shown he was a racist, misogynistic scumbag at this point in the presidential race, all of his lines were based on things he actually said, and he was pretty much the strongest rapper in the battle, getting in a lot of good disses. The battle is only “one-sided” in the minds of people who want to be angry at everything; it’s no more one sided than any of the Hitler and Vader fights, it just so happens that one combatant is more evil than the other and so deserves more abuse.

“Banner vs Jenner” seemed to get flack almost entirely due to its acknowledgment that trans people exist. I will be the first to admit that Caitlin Jenner is not really the best person to be using to push a pro-LGBT+ message, especially considering her political leanings, but the fact remains that there was a massive influx of transphobic comments in regards to the battle, mostly with very tired “The connection is they are Bruces who turn into monsters Lol” jokes. This drowned out a lot of legitimate criticisms of the battle - namely, that Jenner got to ramble on for several bars in her second verse while Hulk barely got to get in any good jabs. It’s even more disappointing because the first verses for both rappers was fantastic, and the second half of the battle looked to be shaping into something great… and then Jenner rambled on and on and on. But it was hard to find much constructive criticism because there was just so much hate and tasteless comments. Stuff like that upset Peter and Lloyd, as they had assumed their fanbase was more progressive and forward-thinking, but with how the internet works, they severely misjudged the kinds of people who had infested their fanbase.

It really is a shame that those battles tend to overshadow the entire season five conversation, because boy are there some really great battles here. There’s underrated gems like the overhated “Wonder Woman vs Stevie Wonder,” strong female rappers like Julia Child in her battle against Gordon Ramsay, long-requested matchups like “James Bond vs Austin Powers,” and even a great story battle with “Ivan the Terrible vs Alexander the Great,” which has Ivan murdering his way through historical figures with “The Great” in their titles. It’s a lot of fun, and Peter’s performance as Ivan is a showcase of his talents.

However, the season’s greatest contribution to the series is most definitely the penultimate battle, which is “Theodore Roosevelt vs Winston Churchill.” This might very well be the most epic battle in the series: the ever-popular announcer for ERB’s news jumping in to battle the only man in history who could possibly be ballsy enough to stand up to him. It’s to the point where even as the battle ends, the two are still roughly on even footing and it’s hard to say who won. If this had been the season finale, or even the series finale if they had decided not to continue, things would be perfect.

This season is overshadowed by controversy, and it really isn’t totally fair. Most of the controversy is around the guys trying to be more progressive and for punching hard at Trump but not Clinton, and while I can’t say I love the results (the controversial battles are definitely the weakest of the season) it really shouldn’t be held against them for trying to be socially conscious and they certainly should not be shamed, berated, or told to leave politics out of their battles (rap is an inherently personal genre, so politics are always going to find a way in, especially if the characters they’re portraying are, you know, politicians). I think a lot of great battles are overlooked, all because of the more controversial ones, and that’s a real shame, because this is a solid season only held back by the controversy it found itself mired in due to the state of the internet at the time.

Best Battle: “Theodore Roosevelt vs Winston Churchill,” naturally.

Worst Battle: “Bruce Banner vs Bruce Jenner,” though it entirely comes down to how the second half of the battle was handled; having this be the battle was not in itself a bad idea, and was actually pretty clever. The poor, lopsided battle biased in the favor of a character who is a terrible person in real life simply because they’re trans (or at least that’s kind of the vibe the episode gives) really doesn’t help. Frankly I wish they had given the first trans character in the series honor to someone more worthy, like the Wachowski sisters.

Best Character:

Lloyd: Teddy Roosevelt is the obvious choice, but I almost feel like it’s cheating since he is a mainstay on the channel. If we discount him, Frederick the Great is the clear winner for stealing a whole battle in twelve bars.

Peter: It’s honestly a tie between Austin Powers and Ivan the Terrible. Peter really rocked it with his performances in this season, and those two are some of his best roles ever.

Guest: In one of the most out-there yet awesome guest spots ever, we have T-Pain as Stevie Wonder, ditching the auto tune and delivering sick rhymes while tastefully portraying Stevie’s blindness.

Worst Character: Once again, Peter and Lloyd manage not to put in any bad performances, which really is a testament to how far they’ve come as entertainers.That only leaves one spot, the guest, and it really has to go to the elephant in the room: No Shame’s Caitlin Jenner.

I don’t really blame No Shame here; because she had the unenviable position of playing Jenner in the first place; Jenner is not exactly a beloved figure in the LGBT+ community or otherwise, and while it is cool they got a trans rapper to play a trans character, I feel like backlash here was inevitable just because of who it was.

What doesn’t help is that Jenner rambles on for a ludicrous amount of bars, getting in way more disses than Hulk did and not having any of her negative qualities addressed, which is especially baffling considering her real life political leanings and manslaughter charge being ripe for mockery. It ultimately comes off as tokenism, like they were trying to force a win for the first trans character by handicapping her opponent and ignoring her flaws, which ultimately backfired as most people give the win to Banner/Hulk as opposed to Jenner.

I really hope ERB does a trans character again, because there are plenty of interesting trans people throughout history, but I really hope they avoid the pitfalls Jenner fell into and make it a fair and balanced rap battle.

Season 6

After a hiatus that lasted through 2017 and until the end of 2018, the boys dropped a bonus battle to show they were coming back. And lo and behold, in the spring of 2019 season six dropped! While it is only half over by the decade’s end, one thing is for sure: Peter and Lloyd are back in top form.

The battles this time around seem to be a lot of highly requested matchups, which is not a huge shock - I believe certain tiers of donors who support them get a direct line to speak to the people behind ERB. It’s to the point where Robin Williams appearing in the comedian battle Royale was not the original plan, but he was so highly requested they added him in. Continuing the trend of popular requests opening seasons, this one kicks off with the long-awaited “Freddy Krueger vs Wolverine.” It’s clear how much their lyricism has improved, and the visuals in the battle are incredible, setting the bar high for the season.

Most of the battles in the first half sadly don’t try and go for creative backgrounds, sadly; only “Joker vs Pennywise” and “Jacques Cousteau vs Steve Irwin” really do interesting stuff with their backgrounds. Still, the other battles make up for it in other ways, typically with deft lyricism and great flow. In fact, even though not all the battles are top-tier, it’s telling that the weakest battle so far is “Mother Teresa vs Sigmund Freud,” which only suffers because of how repetitive the disses get, especially on Freud’s end - Teresa’s flow and disses hit hard, Freud has a solid second verse, and the best is very fun. The worst thing I can say about it is that it feels like a holdover from season two, and considering this has been a matchup they’ve wanted to do for a long time, it wouldn’t shock me if it is.

The production values are astounding, and the overall visuals are the best in the series, but alas there are some hiccups. Freddy Krueger and Thanos in particular look a bit off; their battles are obviously not bad, but the costumes leave something to be desired, though considering these guys aren’t a multimillion dollar film studio it’s fair to cut a little bit of slack. What can’t be excused, however. Is the constant use of outdated memes, the worst offender being a reference to “What Does the Fox Say” in the rap battle between Che Guevara and Guy Fawkes (Side note: it is absolutely hilarious that Guy Fawkes and Joker both debuted in this season, considering… well… this). Almost every battle so far this season has contained a dated visual or lyrical reference, though they don’t really ruin the battles.

Overall, the season is extremely good so far, and showcases perfectly how far Peter and Lloyd have come since that first rap battle between John Lennon and Bill O’Reilly. The flows, the beats, the lyrics, the costumes… it’s all so good now. Long gone are the awkward days of the early seasons, and the burnout that was evident in season five is truly gone. These guys are having fun again, and I look forward to the rest of this season in 2020.

Best Battle: So far this season has almost been nothing but smashes, but perhaps their greatest accomplishment is “The Joker vs Pennywise,” which manages to play off the relevancy of both killer clowns while giving us some of Peter and Lloyd’s best performances to date, with Peter in particular doing a phenomenal Mark Hamill impression. The battle is also a bit longer than usual, with each rapper getting three verses, allowing them to cram in numerous references. Joker is definitely the wittier and funnier rapper, but Pennywise has a much better flow, which honestly plays to their actor’s strengths. This is my personal favorite battle of the series.

“Jacques Cousteau vs Steve Irwin” is honestly tied, as it also plays off the duo’s strengths and is very fun with an energetic, badass beat.

Worst Battle: A lot of people point to “Vlad the Impaler vs Count Dracula” for its slow pace and goofier take on Dracula, or “Ronald Mcdonald vs The Burger King” for being recycled from their “Flash in the Pan Hip Hop Conflicts of Nowadays” side series with very little in the way of improved lyrics. On both counts I disagree; I think both are good battles, with the latter being one of my favorites due to how goofy it is. So far, though, the battle that was the biggest disappointment was “Mother Teresa vs Sigmund Freud.” This was one a long time coming, but the payoff isn’t quite worth it. Most of the jokes on Freud’s side are incredibly repetitive, and in general his flow is weak compared to Teresa, who just absolutely kills it with creative and witty deliveries. It leads to this weird feeling of Freud being a season one character in terms of quality, which is a real shame.

Best Character:

Lloyd: Lloyd just oozes the charisma of Steve Irwin and Robin Williams when he plays them, easily making them the standout performances of this half of season six.

Peter: Peter brings his A-game as Joker, as mentioned above, but he also manages to be incredibly chilling and awesome as J. Robert Oppenheimer, easily outdoing Thanos in their rap battle. Oh snap!

Guest: This is a season of ties, it looks like, cuz Jackie Tohn as Joan Rivers and Gary Anthony Williams as Bill Cosby really change the tone of the comedian royale for the better. Cosby barely gets any lines, mind you, and spends most of the battle drugged and getting abused by Tohn’s Joan Rivers, but there’s just something hilarious about the ERB guys getting Uncle Ruckus to play a drugged-out Cosby. As for Rivers, she’s just perfect.

Worst Character: Visually, Thanos is not the best, and lyrically, Freud isn’t great, but I don’t think either of them deserves to be called ‘the worst.’ So far, this season has managed to avoid any overt stinkers.

And so we come to a close. Ten years of rap battles, ten years of growing and improvement, ten years of a rollercoaster ride of quality… it really is amazing that Peter and Lloyd have consistently managed to come back to this series and find new ways to breathe life into it. Considering their more recent videos, I can only hope they keep up this level of quality into the next decade. Here’s to another ten years of ERB!

…

Oh, alright, I’ll talk about the bonus battles. So far, there have been two: “Deadpool vs Boba Fett” came out between seasons four and five, and “Elon Musk vs Mark Zuckerberg” came out a few months before season six kicked off to show us all that, yes, the boys were back, and they weren’t messing around. Both battles are pretty indicative of the time period they were made; “Deadpool vs Boba Fett” has that extremely high level of quality in terms of writing and characterization that season four did, and “Elon Musk vs Mark Zuckerberg” has the sort of rejuvenated, fresh feeling the season six battles have. I will say I much prefer the former than the latter, as the latter does at least somewhat come off as an attempt to recapture the glory of “Steve Jobs vs Bill Gates,” only with two far less charismatic inventors, but it’s still pretty fun and clever in its own right. “Deadpool vs Boba Fett” is, without a doubt, one of their best battles ever, and does justice to two of the most beloved ensemble darkhorses in all of media. I can only hope any bonus battles in the future are up to these two in terms of quality.

Now with all that said… here’s to another decade of ERB! May they only continue to grow and improve in the 2020s!

#Michael in the Mainstream #Review #web show review #epic rap battles of history #ERB #rap #nice peter #epiclloyd #history #rap battles #comedy #Youtube

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thefloatingstone · 5 years

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Hey C-Puff! So I know I keep saying that I love your taste, but I'm curious, what would you consider essential scifi movie viewing?

Oof! (and thank you! 8DD) It really depends what kind of mood you’re in. Because “sci fi” is essentially a weird genre, because it can be mushed with literally any other genre and still work without straying too far from the ‘sci fi’ concept. Sci fi is a genre the same way fantasy is a genre or horror is a genre. You can make a horror-comedy or a fantasy comedy, but you can’t make a drama-comedy (At least without some major tonal dissonance). So it REALLY depends what you feel like watching or what mood you’re in or what tolerance level you have in some aspects.

I can list a few though which I feel are super essential viewing but are vastly different from each other. I’m not gonna give a full summary break down of each one because it’ll take me like 3 hours to write (these things take a while sometimes) but I’ll give a little indication!

Edit: oops…. I ended up spending 4 hours writing this….

1: Alien (1979)(Sci-Fi horror)

These days the Alien franchise seems to automatically = Xenomorphs. So it can be hard to remember the very first movie that not only started the franchise but literally changed sci fi as a genre, you barely see the Xenomorph on screen, and when you DO the film does its best to hide what it actually looks like with lighting, camera angles and editing. Because the first movie’s Alien costume was not really good, and the movie had a VERY small budget comparatively speaking. So it literally has the opposite goal of trying to show off the xenomorph as much as possible.

Originally sold as “Jaws but in space”, the whole idea of the film was “What if you were a bunch of truckers in the middle of space and nowhere to run, and something unknown started picking you off one by one. Where can you run? Who can you contact? What can you do?”

The original’s entire focus is on fear. From long sequences of Ripley running where it’s filmed facing her so you can’t see “behind you” as the audience to instill paranoia, to hearing what sounds like extreme amounts of gore off screen where you can’t see it, the entire film is designed to be terrifying.

It’s difficult to remember that with what the franchise is known for today.

Also noteworthy is that so much of what is Alien came from Jodorowsky’s “Dune” which was never made, but nevertheless still achieved Jodorowsky’s goal of changing sci fi forever.

2: Blade Runner (1982)(Sci-Fi Noir)

in 2012, Ridley Scott said in an interview; “30 years ago, I saw the future”.

As far as I am aware, the first movie to ask the question “where exactly does ‘being human’ start or end?” regarding robots. The original Blade Runner is filmed in a way to replicate a 1940s style crime noir story, complete with brooding detective and femme fatale. However, it is set in the FAR OFF FUTURE of 2019.

The story follows our detective, known as a “Blade Runner” chasing down a specific class of robot which is illegal on Earth (but used in off-planet labour deemed too dangerous for human work) after the model number started a riot on one of these off-world labour camps. Detective Decker is tasked in finding and “retiring” a group of robots recently landed in futuristic Los Angeles, especially since the robot group is tracking down and murdering the designers in charge of creating their line.

However, the further Decker investigates things, the more uncomfortable questions he finds himself asking. How are these robots so much more different than us humans? What are their motives? Are they really just machines gone berserk? Or is there something very very human they are trying to achieve.

A film that exploded in Japan and essentially caused every anime between 1982 and 1995 to be in some way a Blade Runner fanfic, it changed the genre even more than Alien did. This time letting philosophical questions and atmosphere do most of the work, as the cyberpunk aesthetic of future Los Angeles was as important a character to the story as any of the human players. It was the first time we truly saw Cyberpunk, and literally EVERYTHING we consider “Cyberpunk” these days came from this movie’s direction and cinematography.

Watch the Director’s cut. DO NOT watch the Theatrical version. The Theatrical version was forced to add narration to the long stretches of silence as the movie distributor thought audiences would be too stupid to handle a movie with so little dialogue in it. The Director’s Cut is how the film was meant to be watched, doing away with all the needless talking and letting the film’s visuals and music speak for itself.

3: Close Encounters of the Third Kind (1977)(Sci-Fi Mystery)

Yes yes I’m biased because it’s my favourite movie. But even if it wasn’t it’s an essential film to watch in the Sci-Fi genre.

Some people will think E.T. holds this title, but E.T. came out 5 years AFTER Close Encounters and so, Close Encounters is one of the first movies if not THE first movie that came out and asked… “What if the Aliens came and were our friends?” Because up until this point, All the “Big-Eyed Grey Aliens in Flying Saucers” movies portrayed them as invaders trying to take over the planet. And the sci fi stories and movies that DIDN’T have this narrative, the aliens were always human looking (Star Trek, The Day the Earth Stood Still etc)

And so, this is one of the first movies that suggested that maybe the weird looking space aliens from another planet who look nothing like us could be our allies. Would want to speak to us. Would want to know us.

Not that the movie is full of love and friendship. in some places it feels more like a horror movie than anything else. But that’s because the film thinks its audience is smart, and it doesn’t have to have a character EXPLAIN things to us. We can understand what’s happening by WATCHING. And if something is strange and doesn’t make sense, it either will by the end of the film thanks to context, or it was never that important to understand anyway.

Also a giant part of the film’s power and influence comes from its visuals, but even more importantly, its soundtrack which I can’t communicate in a gif. And so I am left linking a trailer.

I think it says a lot that it was THIS movie, not Star Wars, that helped the first Star Trek movie to be made a few years later, and with that, helped give us Star Trek TNG. Not bad.

(You can watch any of the 3 cuts of the film. I’m most familiar with the Director’s Cut so that’s my fave and what I would recommend but I haven’t heard of any of the 3 cuts being “the bad one”)

youtube

4: Total Recall (1990)(Sci-Fi Action)

It was only a matter of time before Arnie showed up on this list, being in no less than 3 Sci-Fi game changers in the 80s and 90s.

What makes Total Recall Unique, however, is that we have Paul Verhoeven as director, who likes movies that have a little more to say than “Arnie shoots a bunch of bullets at things” (as great as that is, don’t get me wrong) And I think the fact that people will STILL debate this movie says a lot about it.

The story is set in the far future, where normal construction worker Arnie is bored with his normal life (which is weird considering he’s built like a truck and married to Sharon Stone but I’m not here to judge). He’s been having reoccurring dreams about going to Mars, as well as a strange woman he meets there. One day while traveling home on the subway, he sees an ad for a copany called “Rekall” who can use a sort of brain implant machine to give you instantaneous fake memories. Basically, you can take a vacation that lasts 6 months in your memories within the span of 10 minutes real time.

Arnie’s character decides to visit, and asks that his fantasy take place on Mars, and describes the woman he meets there. However, during the fake memory implant something goes wrong. VERY wrong. The machine drags up suppressed memories Arnie has of being a sleeper agent, put on Earth until needed, as well as images he’s been seeing in his dreams. The Rekall employees have to sedate him and send him home, refunding him for the poor experience.

However, Arnie can no longer just forget what the machine dragged up from his subconscious, and starts to question if his life really is his life. If his wife really IS his wife. (after all…. Someone who looks like Sharon Stone married to a construction worker who looks like Mr Universe living in a very cushy apartment? Something doesn’t add up.)

Arnie finds himself suddenly dragged into a massive conspiracy plot revolving around Mars, the corrupt governor running it, the rebellion and its mysterious revolutionary, as well as who the hell WAS he before he was who he is now?

That’s the movie’s plot at least. But as many people who watch the movie has pointed out, despite the movie itself never making a point of it, funny how all this adventure and conspiracy hits Arnie right after he’s plugged in to a fantasy machine at Rekall. Convenient.

Nobody to do with the film has given a straight answer as to how real the movie’s events are supposed to be, and film fans have been arguing to this day of it was all real as the movie shows it to be… or a meta narrative.

5: Robocop (1987)(Sci-fi Satire)

The movie that very almost got an X rating for its violence, also directed by Paul Verhoeven and even more biting in its meta-narrative than Total Recall.

The STORY of the movie is that future Detroit is a complete shithole so full of crime that the police force just can’t keep up. After a police officer named Murphy is blasted to fuck, his corpse is used by the CPO company to create a “robotic law enforcer” meant to be put on the street to handle crime. Robocop is his name, and if he proves to be effective, CPO is planning to mass produce them. During the course of the film, however, Murphy learns to regain his humanity through the help of his police partner, and uncover the scrupulous CPO company’s hand in the city’s crime wave.

So that’s the STORY of Robocop… but it’s not what Robocop is “About”.

Robocop is essentially an enormous criticism of Corporate America in a way that’s basically come true since the movie came out. Robocop is one of those rare movies that is BETTER now than it was when it came out.

OCP is essentially Apple or basically any current American company. Focused on rushing out products for the good press it’ll give them before ironing out the problems and bugs, and taking MASSIVE and inhumane shortcuts in development to meet a deadline, uncaring who gets hurt in the process.

This message is further highlighted by the fake commercials peppered into the movie, a very clear criticism of everything from America’s extreme focus on its military and racism of other countries, American manufacturer’s disregard for what is environmentally safe in favour of “Status Symbols” in its fuel guzzling cars, America’s obsession with defending people’s ownership through unethical violence, Medical and health advertised on television like a luxury product, as well as just the inane meaningless garbage that is/was American television.

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As a native of the Netherlands, Verhoeven pours so much cynicism and criticism towards American culture, both in the jokes as well as the core theme of the movie, that the film as a whole is less “Watch Robocop shoot his handcanon at bad guys” and more a dystopian nightmare, and finding humanity in it despite it all.

The only movie to top Robocop in its criticism of American culture would be “Starship Troopers” also directed by Verhoeven. But that movie is so depressing I almost can’t even reccomend it, despite it being GENIUS.

It’s the movie where the human race wins a war against giant bug aliens… and that’s the worst ending that could happen.

6: Enemy Mine (1985)(Sci-Fi drama)

*leans forward and smiles at you* hey there, friend. Do you like aliens? Do you like enemies to friends to lovers? Do you like found families? Do you like “Racism is bad” narratives? Do you like non-binary aliens who have no gender? Do you like romantic undertones between non-binary aliens played by a male actor and a cis white dude also played by a male actor?

Because BOY DO I HAVE THE MOVIE FOR YOU.

You think I’m joking with that description…. I am not. Not even a fucking little.

I very rarely see anybody talk about “Enemy Mine” and that’s a fucking crime because this movie is friggen AMAZING. The fact that it exists at all, let alone was made in the 80s is borderline absurd.

The movie takes place in the future. Humanity is in an intergallactic war with an alien race called the Dracs. Battles and skirmishes between the two races explode throughout the galaxy on various planets whenever the two species run into each other, and we follow our human main character Davidgewho, during a spaceship confrontation with the Drac, crash lands on an uninhabited planet, along with the Drac pilot named Jeriba Shigan.

The planet they crash on is a violent world battered by meteors and storms, which forces the two pilots to seek shelter in a cave near their crash site (and there was only one cave!). Despite them both needing shelter, the two absolutely despise each other, completely prepared to kill the other one the second they make a move. It’s a tense and paranoid stand off where each one waits for the other to move first. Neither of them do.

They find out that the planet is sometimes used by human miners for its rare ore (who use captured Drac as slave labour) but they only visit the planet periodically when the years- long bad weather settles. And so, Davidge decides to wait for rescue, despite knowing it may take several years before any human comes to the planet. Until then, he just has to survive and NOT get killed by the Drac he’s sharing the cave with.

So… the two wait. And a weird truce is called. And they wait… and time passes… and with literally no other life to turn to for company… well…. they start talking. First spitting and insulting each other. Then, slowly, learning more about each other. Then, slowly, sharing cultural information with each other, learning about their different species, learning about what each’s species have been telling them about the other. And well…. after several years… it becomes very hard to see the only living person you have been talking to for years as an enemy.

And then, after a while, Jeriba (nicknamed “Jerry” by Davidge) brings up a tiny problem.

He’s pregnant.

Davidge asks how the fuck that’s possible. Jerry explains his race has no gender or binary sex, and they produce asexually. So… ok…. Now you’ve got an alien you don’t FULLY trust who is pregnant and going to have a baby on this hostile planet.

…..oops.

Also, as time goes on another problem arises. The humans who will eventually show up to mine this planet use Drac as slave labour. This wasn’t ORIGINALLY a problem…. but it’s kinda become a problem now.

This movie is fucking amazing and nobody talks about it. Go watch it. Although be prepared for tears and feelings.

7: Galaxy Quest (1999)(Sci-Fi Comedy)

In modern day America (or rather 1999 America) there use to be a show called “Galaxy Quest” which DEFINITELY WAS NOTHING LIKE STAR TREK OK???

It was a very big show, but it eventually got cancelled. However, it is still considered a massively popular and influential tv show, enough to have its own conventions and dedicated fanbase. (AGAIN. IT’S NOT STAR TREK STOP SAYING THAT!)

The actors who starred in it many years ago now struggle to get work in other roles which they all deal with in different ways. Our Kirk Character played by Tim Allan is an egocentric selfish asshole who bathes in the “glory” of his role as the captain, despite it having been years, in complete denial that he’s a has-been and the fact that none of the other cast like him. Our Spock character is played by Alan Rickman who wants to know where his life went wrong. He use to be a REAL actor. He use to star in Shakespear plays. How did it come to this? He hates all of you. As well as Sigourney Weaver who had the important role of “Sexy Girl” in the show (a fact she resents) and a handful of others.

One day at a convention, they are approached by some super awkward and weird cosplayers, who ask them in-character if they could help their alien species, the Thermians, who are getting decimated by a warrior race lead by a General Sarris. As the Thermians are peaceful and have no experience in battles, they’ve come to ask the “Crew of the Starship Protector” to aid them. Alan Rickman agrees, believing it to be a promotional gig, and signs up his co-stars (only telling them after the fact which they resent him for)

The next day they play out their roles as they did on the show rather unenthusiastically, ordering the Thermians to simply shoot at General Sarris to defeat him, and then take them home.

Things turn complicated tho when the Thermians show up again and say “uhm… it didn’t exactly work. general Sarris is still alive and killing out people.”

And then our motley crew find out… the Thermians are NOT actors. They are in fact a real alien race. An alien race who are unfamiliar with the concept of “lying”. Their species had picked up the radio waves from the Galaxy Quest TV show and, believing it to be a historical record, modeled their entire civilization after the show. And now they need the crew of the “Protector” to help them in the face of this threat that could wipe them out as a species.

So our washed-out has-been actors find themselves pretending to really be their characters in a real space mission to save an alien race. Which is kind of a problem considering they have no idea what they’re doing at any point during this adventure.

8: Terminator 2 (1991)(Sci-Fi action)

I could have put the first Terminator movie on here… but I didn’t. Beause although both are excellent I personally prefer the second one. You don’t really need to have seen the first one to understand the second one either. I saw the second one first and it’s pretty easy to follow since the first movie’s plot wasn’t that complex.

10 or so years ago, Sarah Conner was visited by a time traveler who revealed he was from the future, and that in 1997 an AI known as “Skynet” would launch all the world’s nukes, causing the human race to almost become extinct. But Sarah Conner is the mother who will one day give birth to John Connor, the human rebel leader who will one day vanquish the machines. The machines know this, and Skynet sent back a robot called a “Terminator” to kill Srah Connor before she can give birth to humanity’s last hope.

Fast forward to this movie, Sarah Connor has been put in a mental institution (for rather obvious reasons) and her son, John Connor now 10 years old, lives with his aunt and uncle and is what we call a “problem child”. With no father figure in his life and his mom “going nuts”, John is a kid who smokes, steals bikes and is constantly in trouble. Then, one day, a robot from the future shows up to kill him. An advanced NEW kind of terminator sent by the machines, made of liquid metal, it is another attempt by the machines to kill John Connor before he can grow up to be the rebel leader.

This time however, Humanity has sent someone else to protect John. The exact same model of Terminator who tried to kill his mother, repurposed and reprogrammed to protect John from this lethal machine.

John, being a child, has to cope with the fact that not only is a killer robot trying to murder him, but ALSO his “nuts” mom turned out to be right. And he also starts developing a weird relationship with the robot sent to protect him. Looking for some kind of father figure to fill that hole in his life.

Although the first Terminator might have been more impactful in terms of visuals and ideas, the second Terminator is the one people remember as a movie. This is where “Hasta La Vista Baby” come from. This is where “Made from Liquid Metal” comes from. This is where THIS comes from

and where this comes from

and this

I don’t know if I can call it a BETTER movie than the first Terminator… …except it kinda is…. And one of the very few sequels where it ended up having more of a cultural impact than its predecessor.

9: Star Trek 2: The Wrath of Khan (1982)(True Sci-Fi)

One upon a time there was a show called “Star Trek”. It then had a movie which did kinda of ok at the box office but many thought was rather boring.

And then they made Star Trek 2.

Set several years after the original show, where all the main characters are off living different lives. Kirk is an admiral working on Earth behind a desk. Spock is a training instructor to students who will one day be pilots and crewmembers in the Federation. The rest of the Enterprise’s former crew are all scattered across the Federation, either on Earth or on other Starships.

Far off in space, a Federation ship is looking for a dead planet to test a brand new technologcal creation called the “Genesis Device”. While doing so, they find Khan and his crew, who 15 years ago were left on a lifeless planet by Kirk after they tried to take over the Enterprise for use in Khan’s mad plans revolving around Genetic engineering. Khan and his crew take over the ship and learn of this “Genesis Device” with its power to destroy all life when unleashed on a living plan. Khan only has one goal in his mind; Revenge.

While on a 3 week long training mission under Kirk and Spock, the Enterprise picks up a distress signal, and go to investigate.

This movie honestly has no right to be as good as it is. Even if you have 0 knowledge of Star Trek (as I did when I first watched it) it makes complete and perfect sense on its own, and its extremely easy to understand what’s happening and why. It helps if you’re familiar with the characters, but the film on its own portrays their friendships and relationships with each other so perfectly that you completely buy every scene with them together, and WHY they’re friends. And how LONG they’ve been friend, without having to watch seasons and seasons worth of episodes to catch up. You don’t even need to watch the first Star Trek movie.

The film is a story about revenge… but it’s main core theme is about grief. Grief in many forms. Khan’s grief over the death of his wife which he blames Kirk for and his burning fiery hatred. Kirk’s grief as an aging space captain, unable to cope with himself growing old and the fact that he never truly learned how to handle loss, as someone who ALWAYS believes there is a way to save the day. Grief over lost relationships with his ex-lover and a grown son he never knew about and lost an entire relationship with.

Despite being about spaceships in space shooting at each other and long drawn out tension filled scenes between Kirk and Khan, it’s a movie about mortality, and the need to face it.

10: The Last Starfighter (1988)(Sci-Fi Adventure)

I could have put many things down for “Sci Fi movie about having an adventure”. I could have put ET or Explorers or Flight of the Navigator, but I decided to put The Last Starfighter. Even though ET may be the better known adventure film, it’s also the movie most people will have already seen, and Flight of the Navigator might look better, but it’s story is far weaker. So Last Starfighter it is.

In backwoods tiny-ass American town there lives completely normal teenager Alex Rogan. He doesn’t have that much going for him. He lives in a trailer with his mom and younger brother and has just recently had a scholarship rejection. Frustrated with his life and with little else to do in the trailer park, Alex spends most of his time playing the only arcade machine called “The Frontier”. After a lot of play and effort, Alex manages to get the high score on the machine.

After doing so, he is approached by the creator of the machine called Centauri, who is there to offer him a ride in his fancy car as a prize for holding the grand score. Having been taunted by the other teens around the area, Alex decides to take Centauri up on his offer, only to get abducted. And not in the “Teenager kidnapped by a creep” kind of way, but the alien kind of way.

It turns out there is a very real intergalactic war going on between Rylan Star League and the Ko-Dan Empire. And the arcade machine had been placed on Earth as a sort of recruitment tool for new pilots to fly for Rylan Star League.

Given the chance to actually have something happen in his Life, Alex has to learn how to be a Starfighter with the help of Centauri who reveals himself to be an alien, and the rest is simpy fighting the Ko-Dan Empire and saving the day.

Most notably, The Last Starfighter’s space battles were all done using early CG and it has… .not exactly aged that well tbh.

But is still incredibly impressive for 1988 and helped paved the way for special effects, leading to their peak in Jurassic Park in 1993. But although the CG might be why the movie is important to the genre on a technical level, the reason most people remember this movie is nostalgia in its purist form.

Who wouldn’t want to be so good at a video game that aliens come and give you a spaceship and ask you to save the galaxy?

I personally find the scenes on Earth without the CG to be the better parts of the movie, but it does what it sets out to do. To be a sci fi adventure film for teenagers and kids to watch and enjoy and see the hero win. Uncomplicated, fun, and easy to digest as a movie.

I was gonna leave it at that but I gotta add one more

11: 2010: The Year we make Contact (1984)(pure Sci-Fi)

in 1968, a year before America landed on the moon, Stanley Kubrick made the groundbreaking movie “2001: a Space Odyssey”. The movie is a sort of horror movie in space, but also not quite. It tells the story of an enormous black rectangular monolith being found on the moon in the year 2001. Upon human astronauts touching it, it sends off a signal into space. Not long afterwards, another monolith, this one more than several kilometers in size appears orbiting Jupiter.

A crew of 5 men and an AI computer are sent to investigate. But the AI, called the HAL 9000 goes mad and kills off all the crew except for one, named David Bowman, who takes the HAL 9000 offline before leaving the spaceship and entering the Monolith.

The original movie is a masterwork of film, suggesting that the monoliths are responsible for jumpsarting human evolution. But it is also a very SLOW film. Famously taking 40 minutes before the first line of dialogue is spoken. And its horror of distrusting computers maybe be seen as rather old fashioned by today’s standards.

Then in 1984 they made a sequel. 2010 takes place 9 years after the first movie (obviously). Several American astronauts and scientists are approached and recruited for a secret mission joint sponsored by America and the Soviet Union. Their mission is to travel to the long abandoned space station, find what information was retrieved from the monolith, and try and discover what caused the HAL 9000 to malfunction. Time is of the essence as the abandoned space station will crash on Jupiter’s moon Io soon. The Soviets want to know what caused the disaster, but they need the Americans’ help to get into the space station, and an uneasy joint mission is formed, lead by Dr Floyd who was in charge of NASA when the original disaster occurred and had since been disgraced, but who would prove the best person to find out what happened to cause the disaster.

The movie, although perhaps slow by modern standards, moves at a much better pace than the original, and although you could say its plot is more basic, it’s also easier to follow and understand. There are moments of extreme tension from multiple areas. Reactivating the HAL 9000 and having to try and NOT repeat whatever it was that caused it to murder the original crew. The time limit before the space station is set to crash on Io, the mystery of what happened to David Bowman. The presence of the silent monolith orbiting Jupiter. And the seemingly unimportant political differences between the American crew and the Russian crew, despite being hundreds of thousands of miles away from Earth.

It also has some of the most incredible space cinematography I’ve seen in a film. Rather than the modern depiction of space in movies as a swirl of navy and stars and colourful nebulas, the space of 2010 is pitch black, with endless stars and enormous looming planets in the foreground, and nothing but a wall between you and the endless void.

Anyway those are my reccomendations.

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#C-Puff answers #long ass post #Sci fi #movies #film recommendations #aurora-bloorealis

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wolf-ways · 4 years

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Reply to @ironfist-lockhart To her direction, he nods in agreement. "I'll meet you downstairs then." With that, he gathered up his things from her very closet to be placed back on. A hesitation as he piled them like so, on gear. Who was that...and why did it matter?... It didn't matter. Cloud would shut the door gently behind him, waiting for a while. For what exactly? He wasn't entirely sure. He pressed on heel, going downstairs. A fireplace is settled in the main lobby and small casuals were around. He decides against socializing. He pressed up against the nearest wall and could tell that certain eyes were gazing at him. It made him uncomfortable. 'Hurry up, Tifa.' Folded arms over the other, the woman would reappear from afar. She was noticeably obvious. Yet something was off about her character, and he couldn't quite grasp it. Not wanting to relieve anything from…the past. Cloud remains stagnant and so did the time...there was one obvious notion with today. That every moment should be cherished. Even if reoccurring faces tried to disturb that peace. His mind wonders what it would be like to live here instead of Midgar...it was a different atmosphere. Yet he almost felt inclined to-- "Hey, sorry again... about earlier." A softer voice comes to visage, the very same woman from before. His eyes shot up. "It's nothing." "I must have been so terrible! Tell your girlfriend I said sorry too...!" An outright blush collides Cloud's face from such judgement. "She's...--don't worry about it." Not wanting Tifa to spot him, he makes his way outside for air. Ignoring the fact that the girl remained behind. The air freezes his temperature, but it's a relief feeling. His face returning back to its natural state. His tiers huff deliberately after making his way back. The woman no longer present.

#response

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gayfraphne · 5 years

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scooby-doo and the curse of the 13th ghost review

WARNING: contains spoilers, as well as my unsolicited opinion. read at you own risk folks.

i’ll start off by saying, i really liked curse of the 13th ghost. it certainly wasn’t groundbreaking, but i had a great time watching it and i’m happy it exists. that being said, there were a few things that made me scratch my head a little bit.

the movie starts with a sepia filtered flashback of vincent van ghoul and his lover mortifer (not really but,,,,, we know how to read between the lines WB) capturing ghosts in the chest of demons. the scene ends with mortifer having his fucking soul devoured by ghosts and dying right there in front of my seven year old eyes. i literally screamed.

the title sequence absolutely sent me. it was really good on its own, but i love how it actually explains the whole plot of 13 ghosts, because i never actually saw it.

next we get a classic mall chase scene. there’s a hilarious moment when they’re chasing the suspect up an escalator, and fred tells the gang that they can’t run because it’s too dangerous, so they all have to stand on this escalator while tacky elevator music plays before continuing the chase. fred’s being an asshole to daphne in this scene to emphasise how attached he is to his leadership position, and daphne (like the bad bitch she is) ignores him and catches the guy they’re chasing herself, to emphasise that she’s much smarter than fred. not that much smarter, however, because it turns out they caught the wrong guy. they interact with the sheriff, who tells them that they’re too sloppy, and that once they turn eighteen (which is coming up quickly) they might end up serving jail time for harassment charges. with their best interests in mind, he tells them they have to quit solving mysteries. the scene worked, but it wasn’t very realistic. legally speaking, you can’t arrest someone for driving in their van (as this guy threatened to do).

next we see the three minute long scene that was released as a promotional clip on youtube of the garage sale at what i assume was daphne’s house, despite being tiny. a man named bernie alan tries to buy some stuff off them, but his check bounces (a reoccurring joke throughout the rest of the movie). vincent calls, tells them he needs help- blah blah blah.

daphne introduces the gang to her own van- which nearly sends fred over the fucking moon. especially when he can’t drive it because it’s a stick shift and, as we all know, FRED JONES CAN’T DRIVE STICK. honestly, that boy is adorable.

so daphne drives as fred sleeps on her shoulder like the angel he is- but things go awry when a car surrounded by green smoke tries to run them off the road. we find out why this is later, but it doesn’t.... really make much sense.

they get to vincent’s house, daphne and fred bicker some more, and shaggy decides to head off with scooby in search of snack-shaped clues. daphne asks velma to keep an eye on “lewis and bark” leaving her alone with fred. her crystal ball starts glowing, and they follow it throughout the mansion. velma, shaggy, and scooby have some classic mishaps, while fred and daphne do some classic fraphne things, such as forgetting that two people can walk next to eachother, and entrapment, and undermining each other’s intelligence. they all meet back up when velma and the boys fall through the ceiling and land on top of them. (shaggy jokes, “mind if we drop in?”) they find vincent, as well as the demon asmodeus, and this is where things start to kick off. vincent tells shaggy and daphne to trap asmodeus in the chest of demons, but shaggy says that he mailed it to vincent’s place in the himalayas when school started. vincent explains that it wasn’t his home, but rather an air b&b he’d rented at the time, and that he never got it- so they have to fly to the himalayas to track down the chest in the mail.

you know how movies and tv shows that can’t afford the rights to certain brands will use cute little puns- to tell the audience what they’re talking about without saying the real trademark? it’s done multiple times in the movie, but in a way that’s very self aware. vincent refers to his air b&b as an “air boo & boo,” his iphone as a “die phone,” and countless others that i forget. but everyone around him is like “oh my fucking god can you talk normally please-” telling the audience that they were staying at an actual air b&b without having to use the name- but still being normal about it. it was a nice touch. as was “captain rogers, not for vanity reasons, but because when you have the lives of so many people in your hands, it’s better to think of yourself as the office and not the man- and also a little bit for vanity.” that’s right, folks, shaggy flies the plain. and it’s golden.

when they land in the himalayas, the first thing they notice is bernie alan, the check bouncing fiend. they decide to split up- shaggy, scooby, daphne and vincent follow him to the temple, while fred and velma go searching for the lost package. the next bit of the movie cuts between the two storylines, but i’ll just tell them separatley.

fred and velma show up at a deserted post office, and naturally go rummaging through the back to find shaggy’s lost package. instead, flim flam catches fred in a net. i don’t think we ever learn why he was in the post office. flim flam takes them to the novelty store he works at and shows them his various chest of demons memorabilia (mostly coolers, which he’s only ever sold one of) but when fred says they’re looking for the real thing, he brings them to his ghost-hunting store instead. fred finds a cool scooter and asks to drive it- to which flim flam replies “sure! you can drive stick shift, right?” luckily he’s only kidding and fred get’s to destroy the scooter in the background while velma and flim flam argue over the existence of ghosts. fred and velma leave, and fred admits to velma that he feels useless now that daphne’s stolen his job as the leader. he even laments that he “can’t even do background shenanigans right!!!!!” before the scene has the oppurtunity to become cute and uplifting, the two of them get snatched into the air by an unknown force.

daphne’s crew are following bernie alan, but he manages to lose them. before they know it, they’re being stalked by the same car that tried to run them off the road earlier. the car’s loud engine starts an avalanche, resulting in the world’s longest “oh no!! we’re falling down a mountain!!” bit- which is then followed by a second identical bit as the car causes another avalanche immediately after the first. they wind up trapped in the temple with asmodeus and the chest of demons. there’s a cute little musical chase scene to a super catchy disco song, and a slightly uncomfortable bit where shaggy and scooby dress as monks. asmodeus tries to kill them, but vincent uses his magic to beam daphne, shaggy and scooby out.

daphne is about to break down sobbing because she thinks vincent is dead- when suddenly velma and fred fall from the sky. fred, being the little fucking legend he is, says “mind if we drop in?” they’re all down in the dumps for various reasons, and daphne says that it’s time to go home, and that there’s nothing more they can do. seeing his gang about top give up, fred reveals his darkest secret: while daphne and shaggy were catching the ghosts, he wasn’t just at any camp- he was at CHEER CAMP. THE ONLY KIND OF LEADER FRED IS IS A CHEERLEADER. it’s funny at first- hysterical in fact- but he does a cheer that lasts just long enough for everyone (characters and audience alike) to start feeling sad for him. but freddy jones is flippin away, doing back tucks over daphne’s head and throwing her in the air, and his enthusiasm encourages daphne to make a plan to catch asmodeus.

fred and velma head back to flim flam’s shop to ask for his help (but mostly his gear) and fred realises that the reason he can’t drive stick is because he’s been trying to use the parking break instead of the clutch. now he’s hell on wheels, and manages to run the random car that’s been following them off the road and into the abyss below.

meanwhile, daphne, shaggy and scooby skydive down into the temple from above (”i can’t jump out of a plane!” “that’s okay, i’m going to push you!”) and find vincent. they link up with fred, velma and flim flam, and the latter jokes that all they need now is scrappy, to which velma asks “what’s a scrappy???” and there’s nothing better than the idea of a timeline in which daphne and shaggy just kept scrappy’s existence a secret all these years.

vincent reveals that asmodeus is actually his dead relative, which is cool, but everything goes downhill when they realise that asmodeus is a fake, and that he’s actually mortifer, vincent’s supposed dead lover, wearing a suit. then bernie alan the check bouncer is actually an interpol officer slash figure skater, and the swat team shows up.... they really lost me there. it was a disappointing resolution to say the least.

the final scene was probably my favorite. the gang are loading up the plane, and fred and daphne stare off into the sunset, and fred tells daphne that he’s been wrong about her all along, and that she’s such a capable leader, and that she’s the engine that makes the gang run. daphne replies “i might be the engine, but you’ll always be the driver” which is equally as adorable as it is true. they give eachother MAJOR HEART EYES, but fred- physically unable to let a heartfelt moment last more than three seconds- pulls away and asks if captain rogers will let him try flying the plain. daphne says sure, but only if he promises to stay away from the parking break. fred shakes his fist at god and curses velma’s name.

velma explains to everyone that ghosts aren’t real and that the 13 ghosts were all a hallucination, which..... fuck everyone involved in that decision. we realise that the chest shaggy mailed was actually the one cooler sold by flim flam (a nice touch). to prove her point, velma almost opens the actual chest of demons for funsies but thinks better of it, and then the gang hits the skies, where they’re all flabbergasted to find that scooby doo is the one flying the plane. the end.

it’s a good movie, no doubt- and was almost a perfect one. everything seemed to crash and burn as the demon turned out to be fake, and then everything else was fake, and then bernie alan was a figure skater in a fat suit... for some reason. had they gone with literally any other ending, it would have been great.

the fraphne subpot felt a little underwhelming... maybe it’s just that i’m a hardcore shipper, but i felt like the resolution to their plot wasn’t big enough. they spent the whole movie building tension- i was sort of picturing that they’d have a big fight. but... nope. he just did a few backflips and everything was peachy.

again, i loved the movie. i don’t know if i’d put it in the top five, but definitely in the top ten. it had a lot of fun aspects and great character building. i’m really excited for return to zombie island, but also kind of scared. first of all, how do you make a sequel to something that happens when they’re 30 when they’re only 17?? also... pls don’t make the cat creatures fake. also... *slides writers a 20*.... fraphne kiss. just sayin.

#scooby doo #curse of the 13th ghost #fred jones #shaggy rogers #daphne blake #velma dinkley #fraphne #vincent van ghoul #flim flam #not an incorrect quote

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supernatural-book · 6 years

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Oneiric (Part 1/?)

Title: Oneiric (Part One)

Dean x Reader

Summary: The reader fell into a coma and hallucinated about a life that felt strangely empty. After a reoccurring dream strikes her, she wakes up surrounded by characters from her favorite TV show.

Warning(s): Swearing, coma, death, angst, sad dean

A/N: Hey, Dean lovers like myself! I recently realized that this blog is terribly lacking in Dean, so I wrote up this “cute” little thing. Sorry about angst and sad Dean, I promise it’ll get happier. The beginning of this is based off of a dream I once had, btw.

Oneiric - related to dreams or dreaming

“No, no, no…” Dean mumbled the word over and over like a mantra, as if it was the only thing keeping him sane. He clutched you closer to his chest as he ran through the eerie, dark forest, searching for a safe place to help tend your wound. It was almost poetic, how everything was happening. That a cold, October night, in the hands of your loved one would be how you die. You groaned and clutched onto his jacket as he stumbled and rearranged you in his arms.

“What were those things? Dean…”

“No, don’t speak. I’m so sorry, (Y/N). Just hold on.” You leaned your face against his heaving chest, listening closely to his erratic heartbeat, but watching where he was running to. “Here we go…” Recognizing the abandoned road tunnel that they had parked the car in, he skidded down the dirt and onto the road, holding you close. He stopped running, now presumably out of danger, and began the walk to the car. You whimpered a bit as you tried to adjust your position, finding your lower half completely frozen in the pain from the huge gash in your stomach.

“D-Dean!” You frantically whispered his name, lifting your head weakly to look at him. “It hurts…” You let out a dry sob, seeming as if you had cried away all of your tears. He watched you, eyes gleaming with his own tears. He smiled, but it want the cheeky, flirtatious smile that you knew so well. It was one that tried to assure you, comfort you, and erase the fact that your were mortally wounded.

“I know, baby. But we’re going to get to the car, and I’m going to fix you up all good, yeah? Just hold on. We're gonna go back home, have some pie and-” he jerked to a stop, body going rigid, and you struggled to lift your head up to see what was wrong. There, in the center of the tunnel, the horrifying creatures from earlier were waiting for you. Dean turned to the side quickly so that he could keep an eye on them, but you were prevented from seeing your impending doom.

“Dean..? I'm going to die, aren't I?” By this point, you were coming to terms with the fact that your life was over. Dean opened the Imapala and lay you gingerly across the backseat, never letting go of you.

“No, no baby, you'll be fine. You'll be fine.” You felt your eyelids grow heavy, your breath getting weaker and weaker. “(Y/N), baby. Keep your eyes opened. Please!” You gave him a bittersweet smile and opened your mouth. You tried to form words, but instead shook your head weakly.

'I can’t'

Your eyes fluttered shut, and you felt Dean’s body quake with empty sobs.

“Son of a bitch... (Y/N)! Open your eyes! Open your eyes…”

Your eyes fluttered open as you sat up in bed. You took a few moments to look around and take in your surroundings, before sighing and laying back down with a smile. You had that dream again. Every year since you started watching the TV show Supernatural, you’ve had a reoccurring dream on the same day. Even after you had graduated, moved out, and got a job, it was the same every year. Supernatural continued to be a rock in your life, even if you were an adult, and people would often tell you to let go of fictional things and grow up.

You sighed and stood up, deciding it wasn’t early enough for you to fall back asleep before work. Perhaps you would get a real breakfast today, rather than the sad coffee you normally have on the way to work. You stumbled over to your dresser, pulling out a decent outfit, and changed. Once dressed, you went to the bathroom.

You stared at your face in the mirror. When had you started looking so… depressed? Your skin was paler than normal and you looked completely lifeless. As you stared at yourself in the mirror, your body started trembling- why?- you don't know. Images from your dream started flashing in your mind, images of Supernatural characters. You gripped onto the counter top, head throbbing.

“(Y/N)! (Y/N)!” Voices in your head grew louder by the second, and you crumbled to the floor of the bathroom. “(Y/N)!”

“She's waking up.” You rubbed your head, whimpering softly, and when you opened your eyes, there were three strange men looking down at you. Scratch that, they weren't strange. It was Sam, Dean, and Cas. Or, the slightly more logical explanation, Jared, Jensen, and Misha. Yeah, like that made any more sense. You scrambled to sit up in a panic. Either you were dreaming, or surrounded by your teen crushes.

“Woah, easy there tiger. Don't want to hurt yourself again.” Whoever this was that looked like Jensen Ackles playing Dean Winchester spoke up, putting a hand on your shoulder. He gave you an infectious smile. “You're back.”

“J… Jensen?” His smiled dropped as he gazed at you, and you felt compelled to apologize to him for something you didn’t even understand. “Am I- am I dreaming?” He looked up at the other two with a knowing look.

“Damn it Cas, she thinks we’re those guys! She was stuck in that world! I thought you said she'd have her memories back!”

“I thought so too. It'll probably take some time for her to fully remember everything.”

“Remember?” You watched the three men warily. I mean, the actors were practically your idols, but what the absolute fuck was happening right now? “Someone please explain where I am, how I got here and who exactly you are.”

“Well, we're definitely not the actors you know.” Sam- you guessed that's who he was, anyway, if he wasn't Jared- said, slightly defensive. “But I'm guessing if you know the who the actors are, you know who we are.”

“Yeah. You're Sam,” you said to him. You pointed at the angel next to him. “Castiel,” he nodded in greeting, and you looked to the man who was closest to you, kneeling beside the bed. “And Dean…” you saw something spark on his face when you said his name, the smallest glimmer of hope sizzling in those apple green eyes, the tiniest trace of a smile forming on his pink lips. Dean was always your favorite character on the show, and now- if this wasn’t a dream- you were learning that he’s real. You had to pull yourself from his gaze, and looked back at the other two. “Well… if this isn’t a dream… and we're actually in the bunker… how did I get here? A few minutes ago I was in my house.” the boys exchanged glances before Castiel sighed.

“(Y/N), the life you know of was fake.” Castiel spoke gently. “It was all part of a hallucination.” your eyes widened.

“What?” It wasn't anything you'd ever expected to hear. To hear that your family, friends, and everything you knew to be true was only a hallucination. It was tough. “But… my entire life… none of that… was real? And you’re telling me I actually live with you?” They all looked at you with pitying looks, looks you couldn't stand. You hated it when people pitied you.

“Let me explain it.” Dean said, glancing at the other two. They took the hint and left the room, closing the door behind them. Dean turned his eyes to you. He looked so sad. It was strange. When you watched the show- back at what had been your home for however long you were in the coma- you’d never seen this look on him. It was different than when he cried over his brother, or when he came back from hell. It was just… different. But then again, you had watched him on TV, and this was real life. “(Y/N)…” He stood up and sat on the bed next to you. “Is this alright?”

“...sure.” You took a deep breath, trying to figure out the entire situation. “So… what exactly is happening?”

“You’ll remember soon, I’m sure. But until then…” He looked over at you with those beautiful sad eyes. “All you need to know is that you got hurt on a hunt and fell into a coma, and now you don't remember anything.”

“I’m a hunter?” he nodded, looking down at his hands.

“I’m sorry. We should have let you stay in your world. You had finally gotten out of this lifestyle, and we just pulled you back in.”

“No. That life was so freaking dull. Boring. I'm sure when I was here we had lots of fun. Between all the hunts, I mean.” a bittersweet half smile lit up his face and he looked into your eyes.

“So much fun.”

“How… How long was I in a coma?”

“Six months.”

“Six months?” your eyes widened. “but my life, the hallucination... It was an entire lifetime.”

“Really? God, (Y/N), I’m so sorry. I was so worried about you. Whenever I had the chance, I sat by the bed, just waiting.” He watched you gently, as if still processing the fact that you're back. Something about him made you want to hug him, even if you didn't technically know him. You wondered if it was your subconscious, and maybe something had happened in your past with him.

“I'm guessing we... did we… Dean, were we close?” His eyebrows raised, as if he was wondering what made you think that. “You look really shaken up by this. I'm just guessing we were… close friends.”

“Of course we were." He took a deep, shaky breath. “(Y/N), you were on a hunt with me when you got hurt, when you fell into a coma. It's all my fault.” He fidgeted in his seat, as if he wanted to hug you. Of course. If you nearly died on his watch, he would have been completely broken down. And because you didn't remember him, he probably didn't want to make you uncomfortable.

“Dean, you can hug me.” He hesitated, then leaned in and slowly wrapped his arms around you, his nose buried in your temple. He smiled and breathed in your scent, happy to finally hold you again. It was strange, but something about being nestled into his strong arms was reassuring and familiar to you. You felt as if you'd hugged him before. Everything just felt… right. You hugged him back, making his smile broaden into a grin.

“I'm so sorry, (Y/N). Well figure out how to get your memories back. I promise.”

~To Be Continued~

Tag List!

If you want to be added to any of my tag lists, just ask! There's an everyone list, a Dean list, a Sam list, and a Cas list (possibly more soon when I write for other characters).

@thecurlyhairedwinchester

@solis200213

#dean #dean winchester #dean x reader #dean x you #dean x y/n #supernatural #spn #reader insert #series

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onethoughtaria · 4 years

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Manila’s Reality

Being in the city life sounds like bliss. It would feel like an opportunity to grab a new identity in society. Well, that is what people think. Maynila: Sa mga kuko ng liwanag is a film I have heard frequently of back in my high school days. And now that I have the opportunity to watch it, I realize how powerful emotions would be for characters in this film, and other Philippine films at that.

The primary theme I have encountered in the film was contentment. Social classes differ in the meaning of satisfaction in life. May it be through how much money you can spend or enough money to pass your everyday necessities. Julio Madiaga was the main character in the story, and he has gone through a lot to find his significant other. In a year, he managed to undergo different work experiences to earn enough to stay in Manila until he finds her. It was worth noting of his character development in the story, from being this humble and kind man who feels embarrassed in staying in other people's homes to having troubling anger issues that led him to violence at some points in the film. I admired the dedication he had, how his character slowly began realizing the reality of living in the city.

The expectations I felt from the film were that I felt gratified that some scenes went as I thought it would be, while others turn a turn for a path I did not know was possible. Expected to happen was the thought of underground establishments not only for women but also for men. It was when Julio went through Manila at night, and a male group seen hanging out by the lamp post. And that I also expected the man in the apartment to be Ah-Tek, the owner of the Chua Tek Trading Company.

In Philippine media, the feelings portrayed in the film carry that impact on the screens. It can be exaggerated or dramatic that would catch the audience's full attention. As the audience, you would come to understand the main character's emotions and well-being that comes from the time on screen. You would feel what he would feel you can agree or disagree with his actions that equal to his emotions at different times throughout the film. The emotions Julio feels whenever he faces situations is when he was not satisfied with it. He has snapped quite a few times during the middle to end part of the story. Next is that you can see the driving passion in Julio to see Ligaya, to find her. All he thinks about is her, and to find out she was gone was already the motivation for him to go and find her. The fear of seeing what he has done in front of him, whenever he gets mad and when he knows it was uncontrollable. The fear in his eyes was definite, and he runs away from that feeling once he realizes it. You can also hear the fear and discomfort in Ligaya's voice while she was explaining her current situation in Manila. Some characters felt uncomfortable during situations, such as Julio and Ligaya. Julio felt uncomfortable when he experienced going into the underground gay establishment with Bobby that he does not return after. The melancholy he felt whenever he thinks about her, and the exertion he goes through to find her is displayed. Mostly expressed when Ligaya passed away, and he was at her funeral, he lost a part of him. The least portrayed emotion I observed during the film was happiness. It reflected most of Julio's experiences with Ligaya. The color and feel of the film were different from the dark and harsh colored reality.

Manila was depicted in corruption and poverty. A city where women were sought out for their beauty. Ligaya was a victim of the matter, to be given proper education and work but only to be deceived by this practice. It is visually depicted in the film the capitalist and hardship in the country. As they say, "money makes the world go round" as a reflected statement. Julio's co-workers also explained how education was also important; knowing you were able to study and finish school you would be able to apply for a job and earn income for you and your future family. Another explicit theme is how men see women mostly for their physical appearance. Examples are how Pol described Perla if Julio was interested in her or not, and the underground establishments where they pay off women and men alike for their bodies and for a "good time" can be seen a few times throughout the film as well. In one of the underground establishments for men, the client walks in looking for a call boy and he gets an array of choices in a group. The camera pans and though the camera was not focused on Julio, the light coming out from the back of the room shines on him. This clearly showed that the client was going to pick Julio.

I made my observations while watching the film, this included Julio's surroundings and reoccurring camera shots and objects that appeared. My first observation was when Benny -- the man who was passionate at singing -- sung a familiar song in the sequence. I finally remembered it was "The Impossible Dream" from Man of La Mancha. The song gave an empowering tone that gives you the courage to do your best regardless if it impacted more or less to others. It would imply the resilience and courage of the Filipinos in any difficult scenario may it be. And lastly, the warm tones in Julio's flashbacks when he thinks about Ligaya make you think how comfortable he was with her. Julio walked around Manila and he saw a flock of birds flying freely in the sky, it would interpret freedom, as well as a couple together and he also thinks of that with Ligaya. This would imply that he wants to have that kind of freedom and that freedom is with her. Lastly, the gap between the city and the provincial life in terms of social classes. Though in the city would be the life of hope, cities before and even up until in modern times today would see a difference in living.

It portrayed the realistic way of life starting from the ground up. The struggle of poverty in an unfamiliar city, the stepping stone of the utopia you once thought was until you get to experience it. The film captured the concept of the story that relates itself to real-life situations. The noticeable consistency is when one character is showing or pouring out their emotions, it immediately cuts to a close-up. This is a given for Julio but also other characters as well such as Ligaya, who while explaining herself zooms in to her overwhelming emotions. I commend to the production team of this film that despite having to deal with higher-ups denying the truth and state of the city, they portrayed it in a way people in this modern day would get to understand if things have changed or stayed the same way. The reality that we live in in this country and what we have to strive for to succeed in city life.

The meaning I got from the film would be the fact that one has the motivation to work hard. One has the motivation to start anew in a big city where dreams can come true, but it comes with a price. The idea of unfair and unnoticed cases of human trafficking is still at large even to this day. Things don't always come easy for anyone. The contemplation that watching this film now, in the modern days where supposedly would change for the better, it has not. It has been the same may be for some aspects, but doesn’t necessarily mean it has gotten any better. What gave me an impression from the movie was at the end where Julio's face was zoomed in and the audience would have a glimpse of his emotions; fear, sadness, and anger that's within him. For me, I would say the ending had two meanings. One would be he thinks of Ligaya because he has gotten "justice" or revenge on his part. And the other would be why he was thinking about her was because he knows that if he dies, he will reunite once again with Ligaya in the afterlife, in happiness. I loved the film, and it made me learn to appreciate a historic part of Philippine media most likely in cinema more. It was not a huge staple in my life but the passion and messages of Philippine movies reel you into the story and the context within it.

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natasha-cole · 7 years

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Like the Heart Goes Chapter 4: Let go of the hurt inside

Pairing: Rob Benedict x Reader

Summary:Breaking up is hard. Especially when you are going through it publicly. Rob and Reader are doing just that; trying to navigate the difficulties of an emotional breakup while still trying to remain civil enough to work together, and adding inquisitive fans and over involved friends to the equation certainly isn’t helping.

Still reeling from an embarrassing night, Reader spends the next day avoiding Rob. Unfortunately, she can’t escape the fact that their friends and their fans are completely oblivious to their split.

Note: Just a quick chapter to move the story along. Chapter 5 will be some backstory and then we’ll get to the good stuff.

Word Count: 2738

Warnings: angst

Catch Up: Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3

The next morning, you woke up with the worst headache you have ever had. Your head throbbed and your vision was blurry. You could taste the alcohol in your mouth still, along with other unpleasant tastes. You had a brief flashback of you definitely throwing up in the toilet in the middle of the night; hair being held back by the ever-thoughtful Rob. Even during a breakup that he had initiated, he managed to remain the good guy. You still hated him a little bit for that.

You felt a sudden wave of embarrassment now that you were awake and reliving the events from last night. You had made a fool of yourself; drinking yourself into stupidity and subsequently saying things to Rob that you didn’t want to say. Of course, most of the night was lost in your mind, but leave it to you to remember the cringe-worthy parts.

You willed yourself up, room still spinning as you realized that you just might still be drunk. Taking a moment to glance around the room, eyes adjusting to the daylight that peeked through the blinds, you noticed that Rob was already gone. You groaned in pain as you got up, knowing that you had a panel this morning with the guys. All you could do was force yourself to shower and get ready, hoping that the headache and dizziness would subside before then.

Once you had made your way to the green room, you laid on a couch, still in pain and still very drunk. You were only grateful for the fact that Rob wasn’t around. You honestly didn’t know if you could face him again after last night. You closed your eyes, determined to get a bit more rest before you had to go through with the panel.

“Y/N,” you heard a voice call for you, “I assume you’re feeling fantastic this morning.”

You pulled one eye open as Briana stepped into view. “Hey, Bri,” you said softly.

“Wild night?”

“You know it.”

“I have to say, I haven’t seen you like that in a really long time,” she mused, eyes studying you, “what the hell was that all about anyway?”

“I just felt the need to drink,” you replied, “unfortunately; I still can’t handle my liquor.”

“Probably didn’t help that you seemed pretty sad yesterday.”

“What are you talking about?”

“You try to brush it off, or hide it I think,” she explained, “but I could tell yesterday that you seemed sad about something. And when Rob came and got your drunk ass from the bar, you just seemed worse.”

“It’s nothing, Bri,” you lied, “it’s the usual with us. I just got a little too upset with him and made the stupid decision to drink about it.”

“I hope you’re feeling better today then.” She said, “I mean emotionally. I can’t do much for the hangover.”

“I’ll be fine,” you smiled warmly at her, trying not to show that you were in fact, not fine.

“Yeah, the two of you always are.”

You forced another smile, wishing that she was right this time.

You had managed to avoid Rob for most of the morning, or, maybe he had managed to avoid you. Either way, last night had been painfully humiliating for you and you really didn’t want to face him. You knew that eventually you would have to face him considering you had a panel with the guys today. For the time being, all you could do was exactly what Rob had asked of you; act as if everything were okay.

Your panel with the guys had started off smoothly. You were still trying to ease yourself out of your hangover, sipping on coffee and trying to not make it noticeable that your head ached each time the audience erupted into applause. Spending some time in the greenroom beforehand had proven to be useful as the girls worked out hangover cures for you. While you weren’t exactly okay before the panel, you thought you could handle it. At least the headache was dissipating by then and you didn’t feel like you wanted to throw up on your shoes anymore.

You were able to keep up with the joking and the banter, forgetting for a moment that you were in fact, in a lot of emotional pain upon seeing Rob. It was only when you’d glance over him that you would go right back into scorned ex-lover mode, maybe shooting him a few glares but quickly regaining your composure. It wasn’t until the questions directed at the two of you came up that made things a little difficult.

“You,” Rich said, pointing to a young lady off to the side.

“Hi, my question is for Rob and Y/N…” You felt your heart drop, but you kept a smile on regardless. You knew this wasn’t going to be easy.

“Shoot,” Rob encouraged her.

“I wanted to know, I think we all wanted to know, since you two have been together for some time now; do you ever think about working together? Like, we’ve yet to see Y/N on Kings of Con.”

Okay, that wasn’t so bad.

“Good question,” Rich said. He turned to Rob, “well, Robbie, any plans?”

“Actually, we wrote a part for her for season two,” Rob explained. It was true. Before everything between you and Rob turned to shit, he had asked you to be on the show, writing your character in as a love interest. You hadn’t thought about it much since they were still trying to find a home for the show, but at the time, the idea of him writing his girlfriend into the show as his love interest was really sweet. It was something that you had looked forward to at one point, actually being able to act alongside him.

“She’s going to be great on the show, I’m excited to work with her,” Matt chimed in.

“You only say that because you get to hit on her,” Rob said.

“Hey, I didn’t write it,” Matt chuckled.

“I might write in a make out scene for the two of you,” Rich said, motioning between you and Matt, “just to get back at Rob for kissing your wife.”

Matt threw his hands up, looking excited over the possibility, “I’m down for that.”

You looked at Rob, not really knowing why. This whole thing was awkward. You couldn’t be positive, but he seemed to look a bit hurt over the joke.

“Hey now,” he warned, “no one gets to kiss my girlfriend but me.”

You closed your eyes, trying hard not to react. Just the sound of him still calling you his girlfriend hurt beyond anything you had felt up to that point. Strange how one little word can cause so much pain.

“Not fair,” Matt argued.

“No, but it’s my show.”

“Over there,” Rich said, moving to the opposite side of the stage as he called on the next fan.

“Hello,” the girl mumbled nervously. You all waved to her, hoping to ease her nerves. “I also have a question for Rob and Y/N.”

Rob smiled at her, “okay.”

“I was wondering if you’ll be singing together at the concert on Saturday.”

“Of course,” Rob said, “we always sing together, we love it. We talked about a few different songs, but haven’t really decided yet.” Rob looked at you, waiting for you to join in on the answer. You realized you had been sitting there silently and uncomfortably for a long time.

“We haven’t actually talked about anything,” you started. You stopped yourself when you noticed how rude you sounded. In fact, you hadn’t discussed the concert at all. You and Rob always sang some sort of duet together. It was always a moment that you loved. You truly enjoyed performing with him. However, the idea of singing with him now really put you in a tough spot. “But, I’m sure Rob will pick something good.”

“Whatever they choose to do at the last minute, it will be amazing as always,” Rich said.

There were more questions; the usual… questions about pranks, funny stories, other projects you were each working on. Someone had asked about your reoccurring role on Supernatural and Rob and Rich each told their own sides to the bed story that had already been told many times before. Right near the end of the panel, you thought you had been able to dodge anything too uncomfortable. You breathed easier, knowing that you could get away without anyone catching on to anything.

“Last question,” Rich pointed to the side of the stage, “make it a good one.”

“This is for Rob and Y/N,” the girl began. Of course it was, it seemed as if you and Rob couldn’t even be singled out anymore. The fans had come to know you as a couple and they loved you as one. The panels were always filled with questions directed at both of you, you were used to it, but it was just really difficult today. “You’ve been together a long time. Will we ever see you get married?”

Well, that was a new one. You could honestly say that that one had never been asked. You felt nervous again, felt the tears welling up as you tried to remain calm. No way could you lose it on stage.

“Wow, we’ve never been asked that,” Rob mumbled into the microphone. He turned to you, his eyes pleading with you to help him with this one. It was obvious that might not be able to hold it together either. Again, you hated him for looking so heartbroken right now. How dare he?

“Well,” you began, trying to figure out how to answer the question without giving away too much, “I think that the both of us don’t really view marriage as something that is necessary. I guess, when you’re happy together…” you felt yourself choke up at your lies, “you just focus on staying happy. Honestly, marriage has never been something we’ve talked about.” That was a lie. “I mean, we’ve only been together a couple of years, there are couples who date for way longer and don’t get married ever.”

“So, you’re saying you’d never marry Rob?” Rich joked. You wanted to slap him, tell him that this wasn’t funny. You wanted people to know the truth if only to keep them from making this so awkward.

“I never said that, I’m just saying that marriage isn’t the most important part of a relationship. It doesn’t fix things; and if you’re truly happy together, it shouldn’t be something that needs to be rushed.”

“I think you’re pretty spot on Y/N,” Matt replied, “I mean, marriage isn’t for everyone. You don’t have to be married to have a great relationship.”

“Says the guy who’s married,” Rob cut in. He gave a fake laugh, trying to make it into a joke. You felt yourself tense up now, upset that he was possibly going there right now. You knew it was a touchy subject for him, and he wasn’t amused at all. Hell, he was probably pissed at your response to the question, but that didn’t really matter anymore.

Rob turned to the woman who had asked the question, “thank you,” he said, quickly trying to end the entire mess that was unfolding on stage.

Before you knew it, the band was playing as you and Matt exited the stage. Rob and Rich remained, getting ready to keep the show going. You sighed heavily now that you were out of sight and off that damn stage finally.

You didn’t bother to stick around for anything else. You knew you had some photo ops and autographs coming up later in the day, so you figured you would use your free time to go back to the room and try to sleep off the still present hangover.

You had managed to get a couple hours of sleep before it was back to work. Heading back down to the convention, you felt a lot better aside from the slight headache that you had. All you had to do was get through some autographs tonight and of course, photo ops. Photo ops were usually a breeze. People moved through the line quickly and they generally didn’t go on for long. Today, you would have to sit for a bit through Rob’s ops, moving into a trio op with you, Rob, and Osric; and ending with your solo ops. You only hoped that they went by as quickly as they usually did.

In the photo op room, Rob had already started his photos, so you sat at a chair on the side, head suddenly pounding from the sound of Chris’ too-loud music that always gave you a headache anyway. It helped the man work quickly, so you never complained. Sometimes, you’d even join in on the dancing that happened with the other actors. You sat quietly, watching Rob although you really didn’t want to. He just looked so happy, you could only hope that you could pretend to be that happy when it was your turn to take pictures. Osric joined you shortly after you sat down; leaning in to try to make conversation but you could barely hear yourself think. You decided to nod at him occasionally, acting as if you knew what he was saying.

Eventually, it was time to move on to the trio ops. You took your place next to Rob as you usually did, avoiding eye contact this time. You just wanted to get through it. The poses hadn’t been too severe. The worst of it was the fans who wanted group hugs, which in turn meant you had to be in close proximity to Rob. Each photo like this made your heart drop, made you miss him even more, made you that much more angry with him. The two of you never spoke, and you were sure there would be talk about the lack of flirting going on between you, as it was an almost expected thing when you were together anywhere. When group ops ended, Rob and Osric left the room quickly; Rob not even acknowledging you as he rushed out. At least now you could get through your photos without feeling too uncomfortable.

After panels were done for the day; you and the others got through autographs. Usually, you were friendly and excited to meet the fans. Today, you rushed through them, only wanting to be done for the day. You were exhausted from the emotional toll everything had taken on you and you were sure your hangover was coming back full-force. You tried your hardest to be polite, but you really didn’t take too much time to chat with anyone. You were sure you’d hear all about your crankiness later on social media.

You were the first one done, and you hurriedly left the room; noticing Rob, Rich, Matt, and some of the others getting close to finishing up. Your goal was to get back to the room before Rob did that night and hopefully be asleep before you even had to think about facing him again.

Once inside your shared room, you claimed the bed again. You crawled under the covers with only the thought of sleep on your mind. You really needed to get your rest before tomorrow since you would have another panel and more photo ops to do. You certainly didn’t want to feel like crap again. You also knew you had to attend the concert, although you had been thinking of ways to get out of it all day.

Before you could get too comfortable, your phone beeped with a notification, which you cautiously checked.

Rich: Karaoke? You’re not here?

You: Not tonight.

Rich: you never miss karaoke

You: there’s a first time for everything. I’m not feeling well.

Rich: who’s gonna wear the tiger costume?

You: you’ll find someone.

Rich: hangover still?

You: yup. Goodnight.

Rich: Robbie’s gonna be bummed.

“No, he’s not.” You thought to yourself. You hadn’t ever stopped to think about how it may have upset Rob in the past when you weren’t around for these things. Apparently, the idea bummed him out often enough. Little did your friends realize that this wasn’t the case anymore. You decided against even responding. Instead, you tossed your phone aside, finally making yourself comfortable as you quickly drifted off to sleep.

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#rob benedict x reader #rob benedict fanfiction #Like The Heart Goes

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