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freetheshit-outofyou · 6 months

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Gather around, take a knee, it’s real talk time. I have two online lives, Facebook where my family and those I Served with see what is happening in my day to day life. Nothing super exciting, roses growing, kids growing, my relationships growing. Births, Deaths and the like. Then there is Tumblr, where I can run a political rant right next to crime stories right next to puppies next to a pile of AK47’s and how I feel about all of it. I post a metric shit ton of firearms images and information and now and then sprinkle in some beautiful women and of course Jeep Life. I also try to keep it positive, there is enough hate in the world to go around, to quote Martin Luther King Jr.; “I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear.”.For some time I have been asked to donate some time to Veteran’s and First Responders through a Veteran’s organization I work with. Several months ago I was asked to moderate a recurring group for male Veteran’s and First Responders who have been victims of abuse. My degrees are not in mental health or counseling so I did not understand how I could help. It took some time to get it all lined up but 3 weeks ago we had our first group and it went amazingly. The group was made up of 5 Veterans, 1 LEO, and 1 EMT, all have suffered at the hands of their partner through physical abuse, sexual abuse, psychological/emotional abuse, discriminatory abuse etc. This coming Monday we will have two new members. Part of the reason I was asked to be part of this is my ex-wife was emotionally and physically abusive, the final straw was when she stabbed me and prior to the police arriving she intentionally jumped into a standing vanity mirror causing a number of superficial cuts to herself. When the police arrived she claimed I had pushed her into the mirror. Little did she know I had put “Nanny cam’s” throughout the house 2 month earlier and had been keeping all of it, it’s literally the only thing that kept me from going to jail that night. It also played part of my hand. I was in the Army, I was an LEO, I am a man in a society that thinks men have to take what is put on them and “WE” as men often buy into it, that ended for me the night I was stabbed. Being handed the Domestic abuse pamphlets and information for abuse shelters in the area broke me off hard. It was like the years and years of me handing those same type of pamphlets to abuse victims had come full circle, that was 2002. Each man in that group came in with their own story of how they found themselves there, everyone of them was a case study in abuse. Each story was told by a man who tried to hide what was happening to them, tried to rationalize what was happening, tried saying it won’t happen again, and repeated the cycle of lying to themselves with each new abuse. This next session will be about how societies views of how a man should handle himself is in direct conflict with their mental and physical health when it comes to abuse and reporting abuse. Up until a few years ago men were told they needed to be strong, be the defender, be the provider, take the burden of pain and hardship to allow those we love and care for to live in a well provided and protected environment, but there was no way for men to recover, no respite. Men were just to take all this with no way to voice it, express it, exposes it and get it off our shoulders.

This is going to be from my perspective in the Army where this started for me. You could not talk about it with “the guys” because it just turned into a bunch of “stop being a pussy”, “don’t be such a fag about it.”, “what ever dude, it’s not that bad.”, or my favorite “Handle your shit at home, we don’t want to know about it here.” Nothing like support from the people you spend most of your time with. When you took it to your command they ALWAYS talked it down, stabbed at your pride and your masculinity to belittle you into not seeking help. “It’s just a phase, you all will be fine.” I volunteered for deployments just so we could have more honeymoon phase and less fighting, only to find out “Jody” was doing the horizontal tango at my house while I was gone. I took a months leave so we could get counseling to try to fix this goat rope of a relationship. We made it through two appointments before she stopped and said “See, he said this is all your fault.” He, the counselor, actually said that. I also think this is about the time she hatched her plan to take me for as much as possible and the wheels were put in motion. She started calling my folks telling them I was beating her, that I was threatening here with guns and knives. She would call my boss saying the same things, I was relived of duties, placed in counseling with Army shrinks. I was put in a group with other soldiers who were doing court ordered counseling as a diversion to JAIL. One E-8 was their for sexually assaulting his 17 yo daughter another beat his wife into a fucking coma. I’m like why the fuck am I here for doing nothing and why aren’t these fuckers in pre-trial confinement, but that’s the knee jerk reaction of the Army. Several months prior to being stabbed holes started to form in her story and her accusations. She called my boss at the time screaming that she was locked in a closet and that I had a shotgun and was going to kill her. They only thing was, I was in his office receiving a counseling for a different call she had made days earlier. I think the topper was when she filed a CPS report saying she saw me abusing our then 18 month old son. She literally looked me in the face while walking into the family court room and said “You’ll never see your kids again and I’m taking all your money.” Little did we know it was all recorded, that was both good and bad because now CPS wanted a full investigation of both of us and we lost both our kids for 3 months. She dialed way back after that when it came to the kids. This whole buttfucking is why I was asked to moderate the group and the men seemed to respond to the fact that I have also been there and had to weather it all basically alone just like them. Guys can be and are abused every day. The very first domestic I worked was a skinny black guy who had got his ass handed to him by his very big Samoan wife. When I say big, I mean had to interlock 2 sets of hand irons just to get her hands behind her back. It also took Shea, my partner picking up a couch and pushing her against a wall with it for 4 of use to cuff her. Men, there are resources out there for you. Men, you don’t have to be abused. Men, you can have a life free of abuse and your abuser.

#me #stop the abuse #you don't have to take it #men are abused too

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maybebecomingms · 2 months

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a decade of repression

February 18, 2024

Lately I've been fixated on this memory of silently sobbing in the dark surrounded by my ex husband and his family. I didn't make a sound so as not to wake anyone up, and I did my best to breathe through the full bodily contractions so I didn't move and cause him to stir inches away from me.

It was February 14, 2020, and everyone had turned in for the night after his brother and his new wife eloped earlier that day at the courthouse. I have no clue why we split a room with his parents and grandmother - we didn't need to save money that badly to completely forego privacy. Anyway, I was never comfortable at a single family gathering of theirs, and I'm sure I was exhausted from another day of heavy masking. I'm sure I was drunk, too. It was the only way to cope.

But mostly I was feeling sad as the day drew nearer to The Dark Day, and I didn't have any outlet. Nobody cared. Now was not the time. That was a long time ago - everyone else has moved on.

I haven't talked much about my dad's death here - after all, that's not why I made this blog. But you can't separate me from this thing that has happened - it's a part of me.

The morning of February 16, 2014 started normally. We made our way to church and stopped for sandwiches after. While in line waiting for them, my ex showed me a text on his phone from my mother: "Please come here when you can." We'd had our phones on silent during the service, and I opened mine to find several missed calls and texts, too. I tried to call back and find out what was going on, but no one would come out and say it - it's not a thing to tell someone over the phone. I knew right away my dad had passed. None of the calls or texts were from him. Seeing the county sheriff squad in the driveway upon arrival confirmed it for me.

The following week was hazy as we wrote an obituary and planned a funeral for someone whose cell phone was still on and ringing, for someone who was feeling under the weather but still went to work the other day.

My world just sort of stopped. But life goes on, and mine did, in a slow and disjointed kind of way. I didn't really talk about it in any sort of meaningful way with anyone. Many church friends went *poof* (which is super common if you ask any evangelical who goes through something difficult). And I couldn't ask my family to accommodate my feelings. They were going through it, too, and my job was always to take care of everyone else. Even now - that's not an option. My ex tried to understand and empathize, but he simply couldn't, and eventually I could tell he just wanted me to "get over it." A few older adults with some perspective tried to get through to me, but I wasn't in a place to receive it. I even went to grief counseling two years later, but my therapist was so busy trying to convince me that having a baby would fix my grieving that I didn't really get to work through said grief.

It was very isolating. Sure, I knew of people who had lost parents to prolonged illness or an accident. I didn't bother them, though - I didn't want to stir anything up, and I wasn't sure they'd get it. My dad was sick with pneumonia, yes, but nobody thought he'd die when he did. He died of natural causes, in his sleep, like you might expect to happen to someone decades over. He had chronic illnesses society nonchalantly calls "lifestyle diseases" and yes, a series of poor lifestyle choices caught up with him. Those poor choices impacted me for most of my life, too. How do you even explain that to someone?

My partner also lost his dad when he was in his late 20s, and both of our dads were 58 when they passed. It's not my story to tell and it wasn't an identical situation, but it was weirdly similar in a lot of ways. I've always thought no one could ever possibly begin to understand this thing and the complicated dynamics surrounding it, but if anyone does, it's him.

We didn't exactly talk about it at great length this weekend, but we did go visit. Mid-February in northern Minnesota typically would NOT be the time to go to the cemetery, but this winter is anything but typical. It was actually the first time I've ever gone there and found the grave by myself. I wasn't even sure if I'd be able to do it!

But I did, and it felt like the right thing to do after a decade of holding back at all costs.

#death #grieving #death of a parent #cemetery

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sciedithub-services · 1 year

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8 Top Tips and Pieces of Advice for New PhD Students

PhD imposter syndrome is far more common than you might realize. Feelings of self-doubt and inadequacy are completely valid and can make you feel as though you shouldn’t be studying for a Ph.D. Imposter syndrome manifests differently for everyone – and is something Áine has experienced herself.

IMPOSTER SYNDROME IS REAL

“Imposter syndrome is real and pretty much everyone experiences it at some point. I find it helps to open up about it to peers as you realize others feel the same way.”

Which leads us to Áine’s next piece of advice…

‘Don’t compare your PhD project to other people's

“Don’t compare your PhD project to other people’s. They are all different, so don’t worry if you have more or fewer data, papers, and experience than your peers. You were accepted onto the program because you deserve to be there!”

A PhD is a massively steep learning curve. Whether you’ve got your heart set on a PhD in Accounting & Finance, Biomedical Engineering, Environmental Sustainability, Media & Cultural Policy, or Planetary Science like Áine, looking around and comparing yourself to others never helps – especially when everyone is on their own PhD journey. Managing your expectations, as well as having the right attitude and work ethic to keep yourself moving forward is important.

‘Be super organized!’

Establishing a routine and dedicated workspace free from distractions with access to the right resources and tools is the golden rule, and can really help lay the groundwork for success.

From the get-go, calendars, diaries, planners, and to-do lists will be your BFFs throughout your PhD. You are ultimately responsible for the planning and management of your studies. Although it may seem obvious, it’s not uncommon to find yourself suddenly struggling to keep track of whats-what – something which Áine wish she’d thought about at the start of her PhD.

“I have dozens of notebooks from loads of meetings, experiments and conferences and I am terrible at keeping track of what information is in which notebook. I wish I had made a system for this as it would have saved me so much time now!”

‘Build yourself a research network’

It doesn’t matter what your research area is, or where in the world you’re studying, networking is a huge part of your PhD. Attending and participating in local and international events, such as conferences, seminars, lab meetings, and even graduate school sessions are a great way to build and maintain professional and social relationships.

“Be it online or not, be it in your research group, research department or not, find peers in the same boat with a little more experience than you who you feel comfortable talking to,” explains Áine.

‘Make use of your university’s student counseling service if there is one

PhDs demand long hours, with massive amounts of reading, researching, and writing which can understandably result in high levels of stress. Checking in with yourself on a regular basis is important. Be open and honest, and don’t feel like you’re on your own, whatever your worries or concerns may be.

“Over half of PhD students experience poor mental health symptoms during their PhD. If this happens to you, make use of your university’s student counselling service if there is one, learn to notice the signs that you’re struggling and give yourself a break.”

The University of Glasgow, offers a wide range of support services, including a dedicated Wellbeing service which students can access as little or as much as they like.

‘Don’t feel pressured to work 24/7’

“Some people in academia work really long days seven days a week and that just isn’t me,” says Áine. “Early on I was really worried I was going to fail because other people around me were working such long hours, and I told my supervisor this was worrying me, and she was really helpful in encouraging me to have a work-life balance.”

Having a good work-life balance is essential. You’re allowed to have a life away from your PhD, so make time to organize fun and exciting plans with friends and family in between reading sessions, research, seminars and meetings with your supervisor.

‘Don’t worry if your project changes as you progress

“Don’t worry if your project changes as you progress, and when that happens, don’t be concerned if you feel a bit lost and unsure as to what’s happening,” says Áine. “Doing a PhD means contributing to knowledge and so it’s totally normal for what you might contribute to change as you go through.”

You’re challenging existing beliefs and customs, all while developing new ways of thinking. Remember you’ve chosen to study a PhD to make a significant contribution to your field

Regularly check in and assess where you are in your schedule, but keep in mind that encountering problems and new developments are inevitable. Accepting that your initial plan of action may change is also ok.

#sciedithub.org #sciedithub #phd struggles #phd guidance #phd candidate #phd thesis #phd journey

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theoddcatlady · 5 months

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The Age of Enlightenment

My dad wasn’t great at being a dad.

I’m not saying he was Satan incarnate, he just had a bad temper is all. There was five of us kids, and after mom passed he was stuck raising us on his own, so he had to run a tight ship. Otherwise we would be nothing but lazy troublemakers.

I was the second oldest, my sister Naomi was the oldest, and then there was Abby, Caroline, and Lil’ Liam. The moment Naomi was in highschool she was in charge of keeping house and making sure we were all good by the time dad got home.

She was super bossy about it, but she just didn’t want to see Dad mad. And he was pretty scary when he was mad- threw things against the walls, screamed how we were all selfish brats who didn’t respect him, sometimes we got whacked but it was mostly just the yelling. Naomi was pretty grateful when I entered highschool- meant she wasn’t the only one who had to be bossy.

We did our best, you know- we cleaned the house, we did the laundry, everyone did their homework and by the time dad walked through the door dinner better be done or close to done and the table set.

Like I said, we did our best. We didn’t always succeed, cuz the kids got cranky or didn’t want to clean or would hide their homework from us. Couldn’t hide homework from dad though. He could just about smell it.

It was Thanksgiving vacation when they showed up on our door.

We did good that day, Dad didn’t even look mad when we sat down for dinner. And then the doorbell rang.

You could see the vein pop out of his forehead from across the table. I nearly sunk into the floor, we’d done so well that day and someone had to interrupt dad’s dinner. Not much made him more ticked than that.

Initially he ignored it, grumbling something about salesmen, but we were all on edge. Caroline was pushing her peas around her plate instead of eating them and Liam was sucking on his thumb, at four he was too old for that but it was a nervous habit we’d yet to break out of him. I silently prayed for the people at the door to get the hint and leave.

Another ding-dong later and I knew we weren’t that lucky.

Dad shoved his plate away and stomped to the door while cussing up a storm. Naomi groaned and buried her face in her palms. All our hard work was now ruined by some jerks interrupting dinner.

Since we were already screwed, I figured it couldn’t get any worse by sneaking after Dad and peering out of the wall to see who was at the door.

My dad pulled the door open and barked an angry ‘WHAT?!’ at the people outside.

They weren’t neighbors, obviously, most knew better than to come over to our house but I also could tell they weren’t salesmen. It was a pair, a man and a woman. The woman had curly brown hair and a wide smile, the man was prematurely balding and was more somber. The woman offered her hand to my dad, completely missing the fact he looked ready to blow his top. “Hi, I’m Ann, this is my husband Kennen. We’re here from the church down the ways. May we come in?”

I swore Dad’s face went redder than a tomato, before he proceeded to literally laugh in their faces. “Get the hell off my porch, I’m not buying any of your damn books or going to any damn meetings.” He proceeded to slam the door in their faces… or would’ve, had Kennan not stuck his foot in the door.

The door bounced back open and Kennan managed to mostly disguise his grimace with a cough. Ann was still smiling, offering forward a pamphlet. “I understand you’re likely a busy man, sir, but no one doesn’t have time for the truth. What time will you be available for a chat?”

My dad snatched the pamphlet, crumpled it up and threw it in the garbage right next to the door. “Never. I work a full time job and have five brats to parent on my own,” He snarled.

“Oh, I’m sorry to hear that, but if you’re looking for support, the church offers daycare and there’s counseling services for those who need a little help from their day to day-”

My dad slammed the door again, this time Kennan didn’t attempt to stop it. I skittered back to the dining room to avoid being caught away from the dinner table, but it didn’t matter. Dad stormed back in, screamed at Caroline for playing with her food, and told us all to get to our rooms, right now. I’d not had more than a bite of meat loaf but it didn’t matter- no one deserved dinner right now.

The thing is with a strict parent, you learn how to get around them. Even if the price was a heavy one to pay, I knew how to sneak around my dad to snitch something to eat. I couldn’t sleep with my stomach growling like it was.

After gorging myself on cold, greasy meatloaf that was still on the table, I headed back to my room only to pause at the trash can.

I almost went back up to my room, knowing if my dad happened to realize I snitched the pamphlet from the trash I’d be in for a beating and a grounding. But my curiosity outweighed my fear and I carefully lifted the crumpled up paper from the trash before hurrying to my room, careful not to step on any squeaky floorboards. I’d learned where each one was over my years of sneaking around.

Before you make an assumption, this wasn’t from the Jehovah’s Witnesses. Or really any other church I’d ever heard about before.

These people were from The Enlightened. The pamphlet was nothing special, white paper with black print and a cartoony picture of a lamp on the front, probably some sort of clip art or whatever. But the words inside… they did something for me. I still have the first sentences memorized… ‘The age of enlightenment is upon us. The reason behind everything exists with us.’

I poured over the few pages for days, hiding the pamphlet in my pillow so I could read it every night before bed. They said everything I wanted to hear- how we’re all here to help each other out, how life should be about loving and respecting others… it was truly enlightening.

I wished so hard that Ann and Kennen would come back, I had so many questions I wanted to ask them. I was still a bit skeptical, back then, but just after we got home from school there was that knock at the door. I answered and there they were. Kennen now had a crutch, apparently Dad broke his foot, but there was no hard feelings.

“I read the pamphlet,” I blurted out before they could say a thing. Ann blinked a few times before she grinned ear to ear.

“I hoped someone would,” She said, taking my hand in hers and squeezing tightly, “Can we come in? Just for a few minutes.”

I invited them in, poured them lemonade, and we talked. They explained everything.

The Enlightened revered something called Beings. They weren’t to be worshiped, only respected and asked of for guidance. The Beings were here when we first arrived, after we swum through the stars as fish. Hell was in fact located in the sun, or well, a portal to hell was. We were lucky to have made it and were not distracted by the warmth.

The being that Kennen and Ann revered the most was called Riesis, and Riesis asked them to come to my house. They knew someone would be interested in hearing them speak. And although yeah, back then the Being stuff seemed silly, Kennan and Ann were nice. We all liked them, even Naomi, who was even more unimpressed by the Beings than I was. Liam was practically curled up in Ann’s lap by the time Dad came home.

Not a single chore was done, homework hadn’t been touched, and Naomi had completely forgot about starting dinner when the door banged open. That meant Dad’s day at work was lousy so we better have done everything that needed to be done. Which. We hadn’t.

When he saw Ann and Kennen in our living room, his face went from white to red to purple so quickly I thought he had a stroke.

“What the hell are they doing in our house?” His rage immediately turned on Naomi, who began to shake.

I couldn’t let her take the blame, not this time, so I stood up and told the truth. “I invited them in, Dad, they’re nice-”

I couldn’t tell him all I knew now, how I had become enlightened. Before I could, he backhanded me so hard I think a tooth almost went loose.

“Are you stupid?!” Spittle flew from his enraged lips as he pointed at the couple. “These nutjobs aren’t even from a real church!”

For the first time, I saw Ann look mildly peeved. Her lips pressed together in a firm line as she stood. “At first I thought you were just jaded, but now I see you’re just as close minded as most of the world. The enlightenment is coming, sir, whether you want it or not.”

“Go back to your fish stories, you crazy bitch,” My dad sneered, “And get out of my house before I call the cops and tell ‘em you and your husband were doing some freaky shit with my children.”

My face went red at the implication and Ann sputtered angrily before taking a deep breath and the smile returning to her face, a smile that didn’t come close to seeming happy. “Fine. Good day, sir,” She walked to the door, her husband limping right behind him.

After they were out of the house I got the worst beating of my life. My dad made me give him back the pamphlet and he shredded it into itty bitty pieces. I’d never be able to read it again. I couldn’t even lay on my back in bed that night because of how sore I was. My siblings were threatened with worse if anyone brought up The Enlightened ever again.

I fell asleep crying because I’d never be able to feel that happiness I felt with Ann again.

In the middle of the night I woke up to someone collapsing against my door. It scared the hell out of me, I nearly fell out of bed.

I heard a gurgle and against my better judgment, I walked up to the door and opened it.

There was my dad, slumped up on the ground, his front all soaked with blood pouring from a jagged wound in his throat. Naomi was standing right behind him, holding a steak knife so tightly in her red stained hand it was shaking.

I stared blankly at my dying father, who reached up to me in a silent gesture for help. I looked at my sister. A few specks of blood were drying on her bone white cheeks. I held out my hand. “Sis, give me the knife,” I said.

I didn’t need to ask twice, she gave it up so easily. I looked at my dad, who looked so damn relieved… until I raised the knife and jabbed it right into his chest so hard the blade snapped off the handle.

My dad managed a final gasp before he slumped down dead. I looked up at Naomi, who sniffled and wiped the tears off her cheeks. “He… he came to me in my dream. Riesis. He told me… that this is what I needed to do so we could all join the Enlightened.” For the first time I can remember, she smiled. My big sister was always so serious, so grumpy and bossy. Now she finally looked free.

“Go call the cops and get cleaned up. Don’t worry, I’ll wipe off the knife so your prints aren’t on it. Go.”

My sister took all the blame. Said she was done with my dad’s bullshit and finally snapped. I think it helped that everyone in the community knew that my dad was a dick and she was only sixteen. She’ll be out of prison in about seven more years, we’re planning on throwing a big party when she’s out.

Helped that Kennan was a great lawyer too. Turns out despite rarely saying a word out of the courtroom once he was in it he was a master of words. He represented Naomi pro bono, not a dime was spent on his defense and we owe him forever for it. And to add to this happily ever after, we got adopted by Kennan and Ann.

Riesis told them they were meant to be our parents, it turns out. Ann couldn’t have kids, but he came to their dreams and told them to go to my house, and return when our dad wasn’t home. Originally the plan was to convince us to come along before he got home, but this way still worked. Ann’s a near perfect mom.

I’m now eighteen myself. Much better off than I would’ve been if my dad was still alive. Tonight I’ll devote myself to service of Riesis.

In return he will teach me how to whisper into people’s ears as they sleep, to tell people what he bids. I’ll be his voice now, along with Kennan and Ann.

#my stories

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ohhicas · 2 years

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everyone around me is getting married so i was wondering if you had any cute marriage headcanons for 56!! (my hc is that ienzo is king by the time they get married so aeleus becomes a prince 🥲)

Not super great art again cause I'm really tired but I wanted to answer this --

I have a headcanon that absolutely Nobody was surprised, because RG kind of operates in this system

where Kings have a funny habit of marrying and making their 'shield' their consort/queen. So AtW's parents were a King who married a kickass battle-wife, Ansem fell for his science partner/massive shield man and Ienzo just accidentally followed tradition, despite being adopted and not blood to Ansem's line.

I also headcanon that there was Zero fanfare about any of it, because they're incredibly private people. Aeleus is still second-guessing his position (not the romance aspect, there is zero question there is love there, but he doesn't believe he deserves this high title (and honestly is still kind of confused why he was allowed to be a royal guard again after Everything) and is always trying to stay out of the limelight and only be seen in his military-position, rather than court) and while Ienzo enjoys authority and would snap the Gardens in half again if someone told him Aeleus has no place at his side, he super understands. I mean, the entire castle knows, the people below in the city know, but they don't really speak about it. It's just sort a thing. They've always been a pair, so when Ansem finally made the announcement so people would stop pestering about 'heirs', they had a collective "oh that checks out" and accepted the next king is probably another adopted child like Ienzo himself (which was a whole different Fight to go through-- though when your King has the negative press Ansem did thanks to everything, it's a lot easier to accept the orphan bastard is your upcoming king.)

The proposal itself was incredibly calm, too. Just a conversation in the morning while they slowly got ready. "That counsel Ansem hired on is bothering me again about future prospects, like I have any interests in heirs. Like I have time for that. Really it would be easier if I could just say we've eloped, surely marriage would get them off my back-- Aeleus? You're being awfully silent." "-- Would you want that?" "What? Marry you? ... I'll be honest, I had thought about it but never too deeply. Saying it out loud, mm," "If you want that, I-- can accept it." "O-oh. Well." A grin, and he's finishing up tying his scarf, flatting down his labcoat a few too many times to come off as totally unaffected. "I guess that solves that, doesn't it? We'll have to tell Ansem, of course." "Of course." "-- Aeleus you're red."

#kh chara talk

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uncloseted · 11 months

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not meaning this to sound confrontational or any thing but if you believe in abolishing the prison system, what do you think should be done to those who have committed extreme crimes? Murderers and p*dos are mainly what I'm referring too. I agree that most people would benefit from support and rehabilitation but in those two extreme cases I don't see these things working for those two groups. And they shouldn't be people in our communities since the risk is too great

Edit: Apologies in advance if my thoughts on this aren't super coherent. It's 1:30am where I am but I know I won't be able to sleep unless I finish this 😭

I don't think this is confrontational at all! This is a concern that a lot of people have and one that I think is really understandable. It's really counter-intuitive to suggest that the best approach to dealing with crime is to work on helping the criminals. But I think this concern is based on a set of flawed premises- that our current system is arresting and convicting the people who commit these types of crimes, that prisons are preventing those people from committing crimes again, and that there are certain crimes in which people are 1) morally liable but 2) unable to be redeemed. While I do think those premises have some truth to them, I think it's much less than people expect.

Starting with people who murder other people. In the US, there were 26,031 homicides in 2022. Of those, 20,958 were homicides caused by firearms- about 81%. So, just separately to the bigger question here about what to do with people who commit crimes, reducing the number of firearms that people own, increasing firearm training and safety, and running thorough background checks on individuals looking to purchase a firearm would drastically reduce the numbers of people who die by homicide. The US has significantly higher homicide numbers than other industrialized nations, and our levels of gun ownership coupled with relatively lax gun safety is a big reason why.

But now let's dig into what those numbers actually represent a little bit. Of those homicide deaths, only 706 were deaths in mass shootings. Gang-related homicides only account for about 2,000 deaths each year. The biggest culprit by far is familial or intimate-partner violence. 76% of female murders and 56% of male murders were perpetrated by someone known to the victim.

So, at least for me, these numbers paint a more complicated picture than, "some people are evil murderers who murder because it's fun." Surely people want their significant other or family member to stay alive, right? There's not a ton of research on the motivations of people who commit homicides, and especially not intimate-partner homicide (at least, not that I could find), but one study suggested that about 40% of people who murder their intimate partner are a, "jealous substance abuser with a gun". That same study found that intimate partner violence had previously occurred in 70% of the relationships where one partner was later killed.

So to me, that seems like an issue that's horrible but not insurmountable. If we intervene at the first sign of domestic violence, help individuals work through their substance use issues and underlying emotional issues (including jealousy), incidents of intimate partner homicide are likely to go down. Other factors that increase the likelihood of intimate partner homicide include poverty, unemployment and family stressors, including disagreements over money, sex and children. These are problems that are difficult, but ones that can be solved with couples counseling and social support networks if they're addressed early enough. Part of the problem here is that we're leaving these emotional, interpersonal, and mental health issues until they become critical, and by then it's much more difficult to intervene.

In terms of how effective our current system is at dealing with this problem, in 2021, only 51% of homicides were cleared (meaning that they ended in an arrest, death of the offender, unwillingness of the victim to cooperate, etc). But only 3.2% of inmates in prisons are there for homicide, aggravated assault, OR kidnapping offenses- about 60,800 people total. Think about that- that's anyone serving time for homicide, aggravated assault, or kidnapping- it's not just people convicted in 2021. The vast majority of homicides result in the person who committed the homicide walking free.

Moving on to pedophiles and childhood sexual assault, I think that again, it's not really so simple as "children are sexually attractive to me and so I sexually assault them". Certainly, there are people who are attracted to children or teenagers sexually (about 1-5% of the population) but this actually doesn't seem to be the majority of people who perpetrate sexual assault towards children, and people with those urges may never act on them. Power, control, anger, and the gaining of personal affirmation are more likely to be the primary motivators for committing this type of crime than sexual gratification is. Compared to non-offenders, child molesters are more likely to exhibit disruptive behaviour, substance abuse, aggression, poor social skills, depression and dysfunctional intimate relationships. We also know that children who do not live with both parents as well as children living in homes marked by parental discord, divorce, or domestic violence, have a higher risk of being sexually abused than those who don't. It seems kind of simple or trite, but I do genuinely believe that if we can get individuals help early enough- if we can intervene in their desire for power or control, their feelings of anger, their maladaptive behaviors- and if we find ways to reduce life stressors, we can reduce this type of crime as well. And if we create safer, healthier environments for children and teach them how to be aware of people in their life who are trying to take advantage of them, that will help reduce this type of crime, too.

In terms of how well our current system is dealing with this, data on this is also kind of hazy, but in 2021, there were approximately 140,132 people incarcerated in the US for sex offenses involving children. That's about 11% of the total prison population in 2021. That's not people who were convicted or sentenced that year- that's anyone who was serving a prison sentence for sex offenses involving children in 2021. But self-report studies show that 20% of adult females and 5-10% of adult males recall a childhood sexual assault or sexual abuse incident. That means an estimated 83 million to 99 million people in the US alone experienced at least one incidence of childhood sexual assault or abuse in their lifetime. If every individual who committed sex crimes against children were in that 140,132 people currently imprisoned, they would have all had to have at least 600 victims. So as with homicide, the vast majority of people who have perpetrated this kind of crime are never arrested. And, as with homicide, perpetrators are known to their victim. In the case of childhood sexual assault, about 90% are perpetrated by someone the victim knows. About 30% are relatives of the child, and 60% are non-relative acquaintances, such as friends of the family, babysitters, or neighbors. Plus, research suggests that incarceration in and of itself fails to prevent new incidents of child sexual abuse, nor does it reduce or prevent recidivism.

If our goal is to remove dangerous people from our communities and prevent them from offending again, we're doing a really bad job of it right now.

For comparison, we can look at the Scandinavian countries. They have small prison populations, opting instead for fines and community service as the consequence for non-violent offenses. Denmark has a rate of 72 prisoners per 100,000 people, Sweden 74 per 100,000, and Finland 51 per 100,000, while the US has 505 prisoners per 100,000 people. Despite that, in 2021, Sweden has 1073 cases of sexual assault or abuse against children, and 113 homicides. Finland and Denmark have similarly low numbers. Scandanavian countries also have a much lower recidivism rate than we have in the US- in Norway, for example, only 20% of inmates re-offended within 2 years, while in the US, 66% are re-arrested within 3 years of being released. I'll leave it here for now, but this is just to illustrate that countries with a less carceral and more humane justice system do exist, and they're doing well. If you're interested in reading more about that, this article from The Atlantic is a good place to start.

I recognize that this kind of approach requires a massive, societal shift towards empathy, support, and community. It requires us to look not just at ourselves, but at the people around us, and ask how we can better support them. It requires us to destigmatize mental health issues and seeking mental health support, and for us to normalize teaching coping mechanisms and behavioral modification. It requires a huge investment in creating a mental health infrastructure that can effectively and empathetically help individuals who may be at risk of perpetrating a violent crime. I'm under no delusion that that kind of shift would be easy or even that we could convince people to undertake it. But I do think it's our obligation to try. People don't commit crimes because they're "bad people" in some sort of existential sense. They commit crimes because they're human and they've been led down such a path in their life that the action they take makes sense to them or feels like a valid option or feels like their only option or is the only way they know how to express what they're feeling. I don't, in good conscience, feel like we can just lock those people up and throw away the key. I feel like we, as a culture, have failed these people. We're failed their victims infinitely more. But we've failed their victims by not preventing offenders from offending in the first place. I don't think we're failing their victims by trying a different tactic to prevent them from offending again.

And that's not to say there aren't some people that may need around-the-clock supervision. Maybe there are some people who can never and will never be able to exist in our larger society without them being a danger to themselves or to other people. I honestly don't know about that. But I don't think those kind of people deserve to be imprisoned and dehumanized, either. I think they're often people dealing with the most intense emotional, neurological, or psychological issues, and we should treat them that way. And because of that, I don't think it's really fair to abandon them, because it's not their fault that they are the way they are, you know? In my view, they're people who got supremely unlucky with some mix of genetic predispositions, environmental stressors, traumatic backgrounds, and a lack of care early enough in their lives. So I think we're still obligated to try and help, even if it's just to give them more autonomy and well-being within some type of humane mental health facility.

That said, while I'm idealistic and I have my opinions about the ethics of imprisonment and culpability, I'm not naive. I understand that we need a pragmatic approach to make any actual difference. Those types of people who have committed violent crimes are the last priority on a long list of people who need to be helped first. Overall, about 75% of inmates in the US committed a non-violent crime. Even if we just found a different way to deal with all of those 1.4 million people, it would make an enormous difference in the health, well-being, and safety of our society. If we could reduce our prison population just to violent offenders and improve prison conditions, that would be an incredible win.

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princessfbi · 9 months

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Sleepover ask - Ok so when everyone was doing that thing that ranked their favorite 911 characters I remember being struck by how low Hen was on your list! Low like under a buckley parent low I think. And no judgement ofc bc to each their own, but I just gotta know how she ended up there in your book

Ohh! Ok so I think it's because of a few reasons. For context, Hen tied with Margaret Buckley and above that Phillip Buckley tied with Abby Clark in my list.

One: I think one portion of this is because it took me a second to figure out how the poll worked. Nine out of ten times if you tag me in a game and I don't do it, it's because I don't understand how to do it. It took a VERY long time doing that polling to realize I was not in fact being timed and I wasn't taking a test 🤣 So I'd be interested to see what I would get if I took my time.

Two: I like how much I dislike the Buckley Parents. For the longest time I couldn't even look at the actors because I would have a full on visceral emotional reaction to seeing them (sorry to the Hallmark movie that had Buck's dad in it that I had to turn off). They are literally the worst and super complicated and nuanced in the way that they aren't just cardboard flat characters meant to be villains. So me disliking the Buckley Parents as much as I do, doesn't mean that I'm indifferent to them which is how I feel towards a lot of the characters much further down the list. So I think it's less a comment on how low on the list Hen is when in reality it's more how high the Buckley Parents are.

Three: This is in no way a slight against Aisha because I think she plays Hen beautifully but I find that I tend to like Fanon Hen more than Canon Hen. Aisha is an absolute POWER HOUSE and there are scenes I absolutely LOVE.

But I tend to look at the show in two lens: as a viewer and then a writer.

As a viewer: I'm a little turned off by her in a very biased way because I've worked with people with a similar temperament to Hen and I gotta be honest, they were not super great to work with. Particularly in the 'i'm in a bad mood over something that has nothing to do with you but don't talk to me or i'm going to bite your head off' vibe which is something she's done a couple of times with Chimney, Buck, and Eddie. And that's a totally valid character choice to make, it's just not something I enjoy watching personally.

But as a writer? I find that I get frustrated a lot with some of Hen's storylines particularly in her instances of impulsivity. All of the characters have been in a situation where they've been impulsive but we've seen the consequences and follow up those actions.

Buck filing the lawsuit -- Buck having to work for forgiveness from the team and Bobby.

Eddie street fighting -- Eddie having to answer for his actions with Bobby and go to counseling.

Bobby skating around the protocol to get Hen out of the vault -- Bobby's past being revealed and being suspended.

Chimney lying in his relationship with Tatiana -- Their relationship failing.

Athena going rogue to get Emmett's killer -- Athena getting suspended.

Maddie getting obsessed with a victim -- Maddie getting put on leave and forced to see a counselor.

We just get to see the follow through of this moments of impulsivity or recklessness but we don't really get that with Hen. It feels like it's more like an excuse to make Hen seem badass but the catch for that is that her victories feel a little hollow then. The sticking her hand in an open chest wound situation is one example where it was such a HUGE break in protocol (Chimney AND the nurse both had big reactions to it) but then Hen sort of got off easy. I remember watching that and thinking about the line Buck says about Eddie free climbing the roof where he's like "I feel like if I had done that you would've yelled at me." Anyone else in that situation and I think we would've gotten the consequences of that action. But with Hen it just sorta always seems like it ends on a "super lucky nothing bad happened here MOVING ON" scenario. And this isn't just with Hen (ie part of the reason why I wish we had gotten a little more tension with Chimney's return so that the attack on Jonah felt a little more satisfying) but it happens with her the most frequently.

Argument can be made for Bobby too but it happens less so.

The only time we got to see something similar was when Hen was distracted by her problems with Karen's fertility and the girl died. But even that wasn't really a consequence to Hen's actions and more bad timing. And that storyline hurt BUT it's one of the strongest Hen arcs we've seen. It's something that she still struggles with and continues to battle and I'm getting chills just writing about Aisha's performance when she breaks down in Athena's arms.

So my frustration comes from the fact that we know it can be done, and done really well, it's just not done very often which feels like cheating her character out of a complete arc.

All this is to say I still love Hen a lot and there are a BUNCH of scenes of hers that I think really just dig right into the core of the show. I just have my frustrations.

Send Me A Sleepover Ask

#anon #sleepover weekend #royal decree #hen wilson

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globalcareercounselling · 1 year

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A Step by Step Guide on How to Become an Entrepreneur

So many perspectives on entrepreneurship; some are positive and some not. People often feel entrepreneurship is tricky and difficult but if you are passionate about something, it’s worth the risk. So, if you are one of those enthusiastic people and want to know how to become an entrepreneur, this blog might help you!

Let’s learn about entrepreneurship and its major aspects:

Who is an entrepreneur?

What makes a great entrepreneur?

What does it take to start your own setup?

Everything entrepreneurship!

Table of Contents

Who is an Entrepreneur?

The rise in the Indian Self-Employment Sector

How to Become an Entrepreneur?

Who Made Their Way in the Career Counselling Industry?

Take a Step Forward to Set Up Your Business with Super Counsellor Program

FAQs on How to Become an Entrepreneur

Who is an Entrepreneur?

You must have heard the word ‘Entrepreneur’, basically referring to those who have started or are in-process to start their business.

However, this is just the definition. If you want to get through the journey of an entrepreneur, you need to understand the phases they go through.

A real explanation says, an entrepreneur is someone who develops a business model, and acquires human capital & manpower to start a new venture. He is the one who has the will to pursue his dreams and is responsible for his success or failure.

Giphy.com

The rise in the Indian Self-Employment Sector

In this era of experimentation and innovation, India is standing on the cusp of major transformations. This revolution can be described as Entrepreneurship in India.

According to Startup India, “India has the 3rd largest startup ecosystem in the world; expected to witness year over year growth of a consistent annual growth of 12-15%.”

Considering the statistics, in 2018, India had about 50,000 startups and 1300 new tech startups were born in the year 2019.

India has become the startup hub of the world. Multiple young enthusiasts are choosing the path of entrepreneurship and creating earning opportunities for their fellows. They play a major part in boosting the Indian economy and have changed the way the world used to look at our country.

From IT firms to the education and training industry, every sector has been witnessing a rise in entrepreneurship.

So why not the career counselling industry?

Career counselling startups have noticed a sudden rise in the past few years. That’s why investing in a career counselling business is very beneficial.

How to Become an Entrepreneur?

Step-1 Decide your Niche First:

Before diving into practicalities, the first and foremost step is deciding your niche & target audience. As a business owner, your niche and services should be clear and cater to your audience. It helps to identify your loyal customers, & competitors and conduct proper market research.

As a career counselling set-up, you can focus on:

Students who are confused to choose the right career path

Schools that want to help their students with career-making decisions

People who are on the lookout for a job

Those who wish to enhance their professional skills

You can cover them all or select a stream and guide people as an expert.

Step-2 Strategize your Business Plan:

Once you are ready with your niche, follow the next step of making a business plan.

Start by doing your market research. Find out what your peers are doing and what is going well for them. Expand your business potential by keeping prospects in mind. Thorough research of the competitors helps to devise a business plan.

Your business plan should define how to

compete,

fulfil commercial space needs,

attain staffing needs,

get insurance charges,

map out advertising techniques,

finance your business and more

Fix the price for the services you’ll be providing to be able to pay back the invested money.

Step-3 Validation, Licensing & Location:

To become a trustworthy career counselling service provider, get yourself solid validation from a reputed university or organization. Contact your region’s department and learn the rules and training requirements for setting up your career counselling organization.

To provide the best services, make sure you are trained. The Global Career Counselling Program by Univariety in collaboration with UCLA Extension is Asia’s first comprehensive online program for individuals passionate about career counselling. This program is a comprehensive guide that covers best practices, techniques and trends in the domain of career counselling, and helps to develop advanced career counselling skills.

Moving on, the location of your business set-up is a pivotal aspect. Your space should be a quiet and comfortable place where you can conduct vocational interviews and career placement tests. Build a well-equipped office with good communication facilities and lots of positive energy.

Step-4 Strategise your Services & Pricing: As mentioned above, you need to develop various techniques and services to help your clients. You could conduct training sessions for developing interviewing skills, speaking in public abilities, profile building, etc. You could also host workshops and develop books, e-books, etc as resources.

Strategise the pricing as per the services. For different assistance, the price range can vary.

Step-5 Create a Network:

Building a strong network is very important for your setup. It is one of the best ways to connect with people and make contacts by communicating on different platforms. You can ask organizations to help you interact with your target demographic. Otherwise, join different communities and promote your services there. Influencers or experienced folks can also help in building a strong network by recommending your assistance. Build associations with schools, institutions, or different companies who may partner with you to deliver group career counselling sessions.

Step-6 Market Your Set-Up: Your business shall yield no results unless it reaches out to the target consumer base. That’s why you need to promote your career counselling business set up at online and offline platforms.

Develop effective promotional strategies and marketing plans to reach out to your audiences.

Recommended Read: 7 Ways To Market Your Business: Tips for Career Counsellors

Who Made Their Way in the Career Counselling Industry?

Entrepreneurship is not new to India. There are countless companies constantly getting a place in the Fortune 500 companies. Believe it or not, Tata and Birla were once start-ups. So, just believe in yourself and start planning to set up your business.

Don’t believe us?

Read these encouraging success stories of visionary entrepreneurs, who started from scratch and now become stalwarts of the career counselling industry.

Dr. Swarup Dutta

Meet Dr Swarup Dutta who gave up his illustrious career as Vice President of a Pharmaceutical company to create a positive impact in the Education sector and in young minds to groom them into better citizens of tomorrow. What directed him to take a step towards this career transition? In his words, “I strongly believe that a great career is not about making more money, it is about making notable contributions, solving real problems and finding a meaningful & happy life”. Read the full story here.

Deepali Palande

This is Deepali Palande, a talented marketing and events enthusiast who felt the need for change. Having spent significant time working in the higher education space, she decided to reinvent her career by exploring opportunities in career counselling. Read the Full Story Here.

Also Read: Success Story: From a Corporate Job to Career Counselling

Take a Step Forward to Set Up Your Business with Super Counsellor Program

Currently, India needs at least 1.5 million career counsellors to guide more than 300 million students. Therefore, it is the best time to join the career counselling industry and start your own business.

Setting up a business requires a lot of factors like a business licence, funding, etc. Getting the right help and guidance is important to be familiarized yourself with the industry standards.

To support your vision of setting up a business in the career counselling industry, Univariety created the “Super Counsellor” program. It is India’s first incubator for career counsellors which supports individuals who seek to set up their own career counselling business.

The Super Counsellor program offers several benefits to career counsellors like

Industry-ready career counselling program from UCLA Extension and Univariety

Earning opportunities

Low investment, high rewards

Technology with a white labelling system

Access to psychometric tests

Marketing collaterals, etc.

Click here to know more about the Super Counsellor program.

FAQs on How to Become an Entrepreneur

1. What does it take to become an entrepreneur? There are certain qualities required to become an entrepreneur. The most important factor is being patient and responsible for your success & failure. Other than this, be punctual, disciplined, able to handle risks, etc.

2. Do entrepreneurs make good money? As per indeed.com, the average base salary for an entrepreneur is 3,65,315 per year. But this is only at the initial stage. When the business grows, the profit varies for every entrepreneur.

3. How difficult is it to be an entrepreneur? Entrepreneurship is not at all a difficult thing. You just need to be passionate about your idea. Be patient and responsible for your success and failure.

4. What skills does an entrepreneur need? Key skills for an entrepreneur:

Able to effectively communicate, sell, focus, learn, and strategize.

Time management

Resilience

Ability to build a network and your own brand, and more [Read More]

#careercounsellingcertification #careercounsellingcertificateonline #careerguidanceprogramme #careercounsellingcoursesonline #careercounselling #onlinecounsellingcourseswithcertificate #counsellingprogramme #careercounsellingcoursesinmumbai

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magdasabs · 1 year

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Hi, sorry can I talk a little bit?

I’ve being feeling so depressed lately, I’m on vacation/college break (not traveling anywhere I’m just not having college until feb 20) and I have some friends and I love them, but I don’t really want to talk to them, I’m not even seeing my instagram or my messages, I just love my friends but I just don’t have the strength to meet them or talk to them.

It’s just so weird cause i’ve never felt like this in my entire life, i’ve always made time for my friends, but now it feels like a burden, I’m going, and it’s fun, but at the same time all I want to do is go home.

It’s very weird cause I don’t want to lose my friends, I know I want, but unfortunately I know i’m drifting away from them.

I don’t know I just miss my old self at this point, I live with my mom and my grandma, my grandmother has alheizmer and we take care of her already almost 10 years, me and my mom we were supposed to go in vacation this month, but my uncle that was supposed to stay with my grandma traveled to another country without telling us and we ended up losing our tickets, I don’t know if I’m sad with this situation but with a mix of everything that’s happening and all I want to do is exist without anyone.

Anyway sorry sabs, hope u have a great day

Hi! You can always talk to me and you don't have to apologise!!

I think what you're describing does sound like depression, have you thought about going to a doctor? Or maybe just talking to someone, does your college not offer counselling? A lot of them do it virtually now so you don't even have to go there. I think talking to someone (not friends, I get why that would be hard) can help you deal with things.

As for your friends, I think you should just tell them you're going through a bit of a hard time so you can't hang out a lot right now. It doesn't have to be too detailed, just something small so they're not left feeling like you're just ignoring them because you don't like them, and if they are decent friends they'll understand. And I'm sorry your uncle/family sounds super inconsiderate, it shouldn't fall on you to take care of your grandmother every day of the year. Or your mother for that matter, it's too much for one/two people

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eldermillarmissionblog · 2 years

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Weekly Email is back!

Good afternoon, everyone! I hope you are all doing well and had a good week. I'm sorry I didn't send an email last week.

This past week had both eventful and uneventful moments…haha. On Wednesday, one of our roommates tested positive for COVID (although he was totally asymptomatic) which put us all in quarantine. My companion and I both tested negative, but because the average age in Payson and the surrounding areas is 65+, we were counseled to take it slow and not see too many people. We did a lot of virtual contacts and wore masks when we went out. We are now all out of quarantine and doing well. I am grateful to be getting back to normal missionary work again.

We have a new friend named Robin. She has two friends from our congregation and she is super excited to learn. We taught her about the Restoration and it was probably one of the most Spirit-filled lessons I have had on my mission. She has really been prepared by the Lord and seems to be progressing toward baptism. Hopefully during my next email I'll have some more updates.

We also had a great lesson with our little friend, Cason. We taught him about the 10 commandments, and once again talked about the importance of baptism. He and his grandmother were finally able to come to church and really enjoyed it! Both Elder Lloyd and I felt prompted to invite him to set a baptismal date and he chose to be baptized on June 25th. We are super excited for him. Please keep him in your prayers as he prepares for that special day.

Spiritual Thought:

I have always struggled with my testimony of fasting. For those aren’t familiar with fasting, it is abstaining from food and water for the span of 24 hours, coupled with prayer, and it is done with a specific purpose in mind. For example: fasting for the health of a sick loved one; fasting for direction on a career path; fasting for a wayward child, etc. For the majority of my life when I have fasted, I would just refrain from eating and drinking and say an occasional prayer. Sure, that's still a good thing, but it wasn't meaningful to me. Throughout my mission I have tried to strengthen my testimony and understanding of the power of fasting, and I recently read a chapter in the Bible that really helped make my fasting more purposeful. I invite each of you to prayerfully study these verses, and consider how they could make your fast more sacred and personal.

Isaiah 58:6-9

"Is not this the fast that I have chosen? to loose the bands of wickedness, to undo the heavy burdens, and to let the oppressed go free, and that ye break every yoke?

Is it not to deal thy bread to the hungry, and that thou bring the poor that are cast out to thy house? when thou seest the naked, that thou cover him; and that thou hide not thyself from thine own flesh?

Then shall thy light break forth as the morning, and thine health shall spring forth speedily: and thy righteousness shall go before thee; the glory of the Lord shall be thy rearward.

Then shalt thou call, and the Lord shall answer; thou shalt cry, and he shall say, Here I am."

I specifically love that last verse. I can promise you that as you fast, you will be in a greater position to hear the voice of the Lord. In the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

Love y'all! Catch ya next week! Elder Millar

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of-foolish-and-wise · 3 years

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a uni survival guide: tips from a phd

if there's one thing i know about, it's college. i've done it, i've taught it, i've lived and breathed it. these tips are for first years in particular, but honestly for everybody. i think it's so important for people to have balanced lives in these years -- academics are not everything. you know what didn't help me in the real world when i was afraid i wouldn't live through it? my fancy college note-taking format. you know what did help me? the friends i made there who i knew would get on a plane and fly across the country in a matter of hours if i told them i needed them.

academic

- figure out where class is held ahead of time: don't be that kid who's late on day one, i beg of you

- use the writing center: especially for basic grammatical editing, which a lot of professors don't have time to mark on papers

- speak up in class: talking through ideas helps you work through them, and asking questions about something you don't understand can open up great lines of conversation

- find a regular schedule that works for you and stick to it: my college schedule was morning free time, class, lunch, class, practice, homework. that consistency was a life-saver

- keep a planner: it's so important to have a central place to track deadlines, assignments, and engagements

- annotate your reading: when you're stressing about a paper topic, being able to go back to what you've highlighted and written in the margins is a life-saver

- color-code your coursework: i use the same color highlighter, pen, and notebook for any given class. it's super helpful

- if you can't focus while studying with friends, don't: i reserved group studying for days when i didn't have important work because i can't be in a room with other people without talking to them. if your school has one, the quiet floor of the library is your best friend

- treat yourself to a "fun" class: art was always my place to just sit back and chill, a way to end the night all zen in the darkroom instead of conjugating russian verbs in a fluorescent-lit cinderblock prison. for you, it could be gym, it could be pottery, it could be some random course about, like, the history of cooking or something -- explore!

- profs are people too: don't be too nervous around them. also, know that if you're struggling -- even b/c of something in your personal life -- you can admit it, and they'll almost always understand why you missed a deadline or bombed a test

- go to office hours: it's the only way to get to know professors in big courses, and it's so helpful for both your grades and learning how to navigate relationships with authority figures

social

- don't let academia keep you from your friends: it's a case-by-case basis, but sometimes it's okay to let the reading slide and spend time with friends. i graduated seven years ago and my college group text still talks every day. that's so much more important to me than the fact that i never finished brideshead revisited

- joining a club is one of the best ways to make friends: i played ultimate frisbee through college and it was the source of so many lasting relationships, as well as the way i met all my local friends when i was abroad

- say yes to things you don't know if you'll like: you'll surprise yourself. me? turns out i love drinking games. and theme parties. and skinny dipping. and rock climbing

- don't be that person who looks down on their peers for partying: honestly? that person kind of sucks. you don't have to party if you don't want to, but actually, a lot of those people are super nice and also good at school -- don't just write them off!

- show up for your friends: go to their games, their concerts, their art shows, their standup nights. show them that what matters to them matters to you, too

- set aside a night to do a group activity with others: whether your vibe is wednesday night trivia, a weekly "terrible movie" showing, or a get-high-and-watch-nature-documentaries-type thing, these are great ways to liven up the week and de-stress

- this is a great time to figure out who from high school really matters to you: you don't have to force relationships that were built mostly on convenience if there are friends at uni with whom you click more. people you became friends with purely based on the coincidence of where your parents lived do not have to be your forever friends. they can be! but they don't have to be

personal

- don't expect too much of yourself: a 4.0 is not the end-all, be-all. if your family or somebody tells you it is, tell them to call me, and i will personally talk some sense into them

- take advantage of university support services: mental health counseling, free yoga classes, multi-cultural societies, etc

- drink water: please, please don't get kidney stones in the middle of the semester, says the girl who got kidney stones in the middle of the semester

- let yourself take breaks: if you need to lie to a professor and say you're sick when really you're just feeling down and you need to sit in bed and watch a movie, that's totally valid

- don't freak about individual assignments: my students come to me freaking over a B+ and i tell them, honey, no job interviewer is ever going to ask you about your second paper from communications 101. i wish i'd known that

- go see speakers if there's someone interesting coming to campus: these talks are always cooler than you expect. i'll never get over the fact that i didn't go see anita hill when she came to my undergrad

- do your laundry on the same night every week: i can't explain why this is so helpful but it really is

- keep up on the news and the memes: read the school paper, the school blog, the memes page -- college politics and inside jokes are fun and convoluted and fascinating

- set the groundwork for long-term self-care: all of the above is really just to say -- university isn't just for learning about the french revolution, it's also about learning how to balance, how to handle failure, how to ask for help, how to make a salad that doesn't totally suck, etc

#uni #university #university tips #fresher #freshers #freshman year #freshmen #first year #first year tips #uni tips #college tips #college #studyblr #studying #academia #of foolish and wise #fresher tips #college masterpost #study masterpost

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traitor-boyfriend · 2 years

Text

south park re: scientology

Scientology specifically but cults more broadly have been a subject of interest of mine for a long time. I'm an avid listener of Leah Remini and Mike Rinder’s podcast exposing the state secrets of scientology. South Park's episode "Trapped in the Closet" has been mentioned in passing several times and I think people who are unaware of scientology outside of South Park underestimate just what an impact that episode had and continues to have in the present day.

I was motivated to write this post after listening to an episode featuring a guest appearance by Marc Headley; Headley is a former Sea Org member and author of Blown for Good. His wife, Claire Headley, is also a former Sea Org member of a higher OT (Operating Thetan) level than himself. The Sea Org is the administrative body of scientology. In his episode, Headley discusses how, after their joint defection from the church, they watched this episode together. Neither had ever seen it before leaving their positions within scientology.

Scientologists are notorious for their adversarial relationship with journalists, news media, and the internet; members are routinely advised to avoid seeking out anything related to scientology, founder L. Ron Hubbard, or its current head David Miscavige. Their access to such information is monitored as a prophylactic (and punitive) measure.

And Marc Headley mentions that the this is what scientologists actually believe sequence was the first time he was exposed to the ‘truth’ of scientology, and the role it played in contextualizing how absurd and bizarre the reality of what devout scientologists are indoctrinated to believe at a time when he was in the baby steps of deprogramming. He turned to ask his wife Claire if that was all true -- as this is not knowledge readily given to anyone below OT 3 -- and she simply laughed and said yes, it’s pretty accurate.

The reason for that is because Matt Stone and Trey Parker, facilitated by longtime producer Anne Garefino, invited Mark Ebner to speak with them while preparing the episode. Mark Ebner is a journalist who has been writing about scientology for nearly three decades and is one of many great writers covering the church from the perspective of someone who is not a high ranking ex-member. Though, Ebner did join the church in an undercover effort to gain firsthand understanding of the audit counseling process. This experience is from where much of his contribution to the episode is drawn from.

Matt and Trey had previously poked fun at scientology before, albeit in a more covert way. The 2001 season five episode “Super Best Friends” in which the boys are recruited into a cult headed by David Blaine (creatively called ‘Blaintology’) was later acknowledged as an early hit at the church. This episode is oft forgotten due to it being one of several episodes in South Park’s catalogue that is neither in syndication nor available through streaming owing to its depiction of the prophet Muhammad; it was scrubbed after the airing of the show’s infamous 200th and 201st episodes.

They were inspired to make a full episode on the church after a conversation with friend Penn Jillette, who was advised against doing an episode of his documentary program Bullshit! with Showtime out of fear for legal retaliation from the church. When asked about the decision to do so, Trey Parker said:

To be honest, what kept us from doing it before was Isaac Hayes [who does the voice of Chef]. We knew he was a Scientologist. And he’s an awesome guy. We’re like, Let’s just avoid that for now. But we’re friends with Penn Jillette, and Showtime wouldn’t let him do an episode of Bullshit! on Scientology. We’re going, That’s fucked up. And hearing other people say, “You can’t do that,”—you can only say “You can’t do that” so many times to Matt and me before we’re gonna do it. Finally, we just had to tell Isaac, “Dude, we totally love working with you, and this is nothing personal, it’s just we’re South Park, and if we don’t do this, we’re belittling everything else we’ve ripped on.” So we realized we had to do it, and now that we’ve done it, now it’s like we’ve sort of opened the floodgates. People will be less scared.

A few years back, Tony Ortega -- a remarkable journalist and the definitive authority on all things Scientology -- wrote a brief article on his website in conversation with Ebner about the impact South Park's episode had within the world of scientology. What is described are the ways in which Matt and Trey became targets caught in the cross-hairs of the church as well as corporate figureheads at Comedy central and Paramount who bent their knees first and foremost to none other than -- you guessed it -- Tom Cruise. Cruise, in true toddler fashion, threatened not to participate in any promotional publicity for the upcoming Mission Impossible: 3 (a Paramount production) unless Comedy Central pulled the episode out of cable syndication, which did happen. Comedy Central and Paramount are both properties of Viacom. At this time in the mid 2000s it seems inarguable that Tom Cruise’s star power burned far brighter than that of Matt Stone and Trey Parker in the corporate consciousness. Money talks, and quite loudly at that. The LA Times affectionately dubbed this controversy Closetgate.

But what of the church?

What happens here next is that the Church of Scientology set their sights on Matt Stone and Trey Parker. They are declared as SPs (suppressive person). Suppressive person is a label applied to anyone that is critical of scientology or its mouthpieces and is considered ‘dangerous’ to the ultimate goals of the church. People who are deemed SPs are liable to be subjected to “fair game”. Fair Game is a policy within scientology conducted by the OSA (office of special affairs) wherein which sustained and relentless harassment campaigns, excessive litigiousness, and surveillance is levied upon whomever has been declared “fair game” with the express purpose of ruination.

Here comes Marty Rathbun. Rathbun is an ex-Sea Org member, David Miscavige’s former right-hand man, and the #2 executive in the corporate structure of a global cult. He famously left the church in 2004 but considered himself an “independent scientologist,” which is common with defectors. Some years later he would begin his own blog where he wrote extensive articles revealing internal documentation and his personal experiences as a mafia capo facsimile about harassment campaigns against famous SPs, abuse and degradation faced by Sea Org rank-and-files at the hands of Miscavige (as well as himself), and the church’s many, many legal misadventures. He was also a consultant seen in Louis Theroux’s terrific and terrifying 2015 documentary, My Scientology Movie.

Rathbun is why much of this information about fair game directed at Stone and Parker in retaliation for “Trapped in the Closet” is corroborated public knowledge. But keep in mind, Rathbun is a controversial figure within the community of ex-scientologists and adulation as a hero should be avoided; there is a lot of confusion regarding his status within the church. Many believe he has rejoined, which is doubtful. What is more likely is, following a lawsuit filed jointly by himself and his wife against the church regarding their harassment of the couple, that there is a high likelihood of a generous, under-the-table cash settlement. This would explain why Rathbun has in recent years set his sights more and more at discrediting fellow ex-scientologists speaking out against the church like Leah Remini and Mike Rinder, as well as reputable journalist Tony Ortega. He is essentially still a scientology attack dog, but acting independent of directives of the church that were previously required by his position.

There is not an overwhelming breadth of specificity regarding the harassment lobbed Stone and Parker’s way, but lots in the way of generalities. This article by Tony Ortega at The Village Voice details it as such. Highlights include:

Private investigators hired to rifle through garbage for incriminating refuse

Close friends and employees being stalked, investigated, and/or asked about their connection to the pair. Such people include Troma Entertainment founder Lloyd Kaufman (Parker) and actor John Stamos (Stone)

Seeking out public footprints -- i.e. bank records, phone records, legal records etc. -- available on both Stone and Parker as well as their associates in attempt to uncover potential criminality or otherwise private information for use as ammunition in public smear campaigns to discredit and degrade them

These efforts were obviously unsuccessful, but they are said to have been under high investigative scrutiny within the church for a “significant time,” and though they certainly have bigger fish to fry in defense of the church’s public reputation (namely the many internal whistleblowers), it is not improbable there is still sporadic monitoring of the two.

Now, the arc within the episode itself regarding the ‘truth’ about scientology (Xenu, aliens) is somewhat beside the point as it relates to the broader hold of scientology as a ‘religious technology’. Scientology -- like most cults -- has a very boil-the-frog approach to indoctrinating people. As earlier specified by Headley, this does not become part of scientology’s ecclesiastical canon until a person reaches OT 3. For reference, Stan in the episode is lauded for having a thetan read of OT 9. In order to reach any of the OT levels of the scientologist bridge to total freedom, a person must first go through the process of “objectives.” These are the introductory courses provided in pursuit of “going clear”; once someone has gone clear (meaning, when one no longer possesses a “reactive” mind), then they begin climbing the rungs of the OT ladder.

These courses are designed to do two specific things: be a financial drain, and desensitize a person to objective reality and guide them toward a mental state in which they are vulnerable and receptive to manipulation. Courses are pedantic, repetitive, and extraordinarily strict in regards to interpretation of source material (dianetics). Scientology engages in absolutes and relies on black-and white thinking.

It is useful in the episode to straight-out go to the Xenu storyline. For the general public who either 1.) knows nothing of scientology, or 2.) only knows it as a fringe, wacky but harmless woo-woo Hollywood happening, it undercuts the work (read: brainwashing) necessary to be entrusted with this information. By the time your average scientologist who has gone through all introductory coursework, gone clear, and begun climbing OT levels, this is a person who has already sunk hundreds of thousands of dollars in financial investments and several years of their life. This is a person who can be sold a bridge. Most scientologists will never reach this level; though no hard numbers are kept, several former scientologists estimate that only 5% of people affiliated with the church will ever reach OT 3.

If you ask someone today what they know of scientology there is a large array of documentary media, stand-up comedy, podcasts, journalistic coverage in mainstream media, celebrities etc. that they may point to. Chances are good though that if you asked the average person in 2005 what they know of scientology, they would tell you: Tom Cruise is a member of it, and South Park made fun of it.

It is a genius setup to have Stan left out from the group because he is trying to save money, and to have him stumble upon the offer of audit counseling by people who seem well-meaning, happy, and helpful. He “discovers” he is depressed; he is offered the one true solution. Like any cult, Scientology sinks its claws deepest in people who are depressed, aimless, alienated. It provides purpose and clarity and community in a life where there is none.

Unlike what many people believe, no one is too smart to become a member of a cult; anyone can find themselves in a potential state of mind in which they are desperately seeking something and are highly suggestible. Uniquely suggestible, too, in a way that bleeds American is scientology’s reliance on celebrity to sell a bill of goods. The power of celebrity and iconography is something L. Ron Hubbard sought to harness from early on to effect mainstream proselytizing. It is an excellent subversion of such for South Park to then humiliate Tom Cruise, the most bombastic and steadfast of all celebrity scientologist bell-ringers, by portraying him as a simpering lunatic who is, well... throwing a fit in a nine-year-old’s closet for the duration of the episode.

One thing to keep at the forefront is that Scientology is indeed in its death throes. Despite constant inflated figures regarding current membership, the church is losing members at an exponential rate; chief among those growing ex-members is the scientologist golden goose -- celebrities. Given the widespread accessibility of the internet, scientology is not drawing in numbers the way it used to. But in the time following its initial publication, Hubbard’s Dianetics was popular among circles seeking reprieve from the woes of life outside the crude callousness of then-conventional psychiatry. For some perspective, note that Dianetics was published May 9th, 1950; it was only just the previous year that Egas Moniz -- mentor to American neurologist Walter Freeman, who popularized the lobotomy -- was awarded the Nobel prize in medicine for developing the radical procedure that was promised to ‘revolutionize’ the treatment of mental illness. Dianetics was once an appealing alternative.

I would be remiss to make no mention of the fact that there is, of course, the suspicious circumstances under which Isaac Hayes’ role on the show as Chef was terminated a few months after its premiere and what responsibility his association with scientology might have in his untimely death. Isaac Hayes is known to have left the show through a public statement that was presented in protest against Matt and Trey for their portrayal of scientology by crossing the line of satire into “intolerance and bigotry towards religious beliefs.” Isaac Hayes unfortunately died three years later in 2008.

What many people don’t know is that Matt and Trey allege they did indeed discuss their intentions for the episode with Isaac Hayes before its production, and he had no qualms about their tackling of the church. He is quoted to have said on an episode of the radio show Opie and Anthony that December (roughly a month after the episode aired):

“Well, one thing about Matt and Trey, they lampoon everybody, and if you take that shit serious, then I'll sell you the Brooklyn Bridge for two dollars. That's what they do.”

“Trapped in the Closet” premiered on November 16th, 2005; three months later on march 13th, 2006, a letter purportedly signed by Hayes was issued that detailed his objection to the episode and a desire to be released from his contract -- which Matt Stone obliged. There was no direct, physical contact between Hayes, Stone, and Parker at this time.

Coincidentally, a week after that open letter was issued it was reported that Isaac Hayes had suffered a stroke earlier that January. Hayes’ spokesperson, Amy Harnell (who is herself a scientologist) denied this claim and said that Hayes had only spent some brief time in the hospital for the comparably benign issue of high blood pressure. However, later that October, Hayes himself confirmed he did indeed have a stroke. Isaac Hayes would be dead less than two years later.

Hayes’ stroke was by no means a minor medical issue -- according to his son, Isaac Hayes III, in conversation joined by Parker and Stone for South Park’s 20th anniversary, Hayes was left unable to speak and with severe cognitive and neurological impairment that notably necessitated him needing to relearn how to play the piano -- the piano being an instrument Isaac Hayes was a proficient virtuoso of from the time he was a teenager. Hayes III believes with certainty that a currently unknown entity with some association to his father published the open letter that him from his South Park contract at the behest of the church given Hayes was medically incapacitated at the time of its publishing to do so on his own behalf.

On August 10th of 2008, Isaac Hayes was found unresponsive by paramedics near a treadmill in his home. At the time his cause of death was not known publicly; an autopsy was not performed. His death was later ruled a stroke. It is estimated that roughly 15-30% of people who survive a stroke are at risk of a recurrent stroke within two years of their first, and the mortality rate of a recurrent stroke is substantially higher without preventative medical intervention.

Keep in mind, this is not to lose sight of the forest for the trees. I do not believe Isaac Hayes was murdered; what I do believe is that it is a reasonable assumption to make that Isaac Hayes’ medical condition left him extremely vulnerable to his scientologist handlers. His immediate professional circle was made up almost entirely of fellow scientologists, according to Hayes III. This is a common reality for a celebrity parishioner. It is entirely possible that Isaac Hayes was discouraged by a scientologist entourage to seek the appropriate, long-term rehabilitation and medical support he needed after his initial stroke which may have worsened his outcomes. This is all pure speculation but were anything definite to come out some day alluding to such, it would not surprise me.

There is a harrowing breadth of personal accounts from former Sea Org members regarding the extreme reluctance with which any of them ever stepped foot in a hospital to be treated for serious illness or injury -- injuries ranging from electrocution as a result of members with no vocational training being made to perform electrical work, punitive beatings and torture performed for derelictions of duty or violation of church policy, and motorcycle accidents occurring onsite at scientology’s notorious Gold Base in Riverside County, California. Hospitals are avoided to prevent any legal prying into the abusive and illegal manner these injuries are often acquired due to mandatory reporting laws in addition to beliefs that physical ailments can be resolved through auditing to rid oneself of the Body Thetans that cause them as opposed to conventional medicine.

There is also the devastating case of Lisa McPherson, a woman who was privately sequestered for monitoring and counseling under the guise of “rest and relaxation” after experiencing an episode of depressive psychosis. She died 17 days later of a pulmonary embolism with no attempts made to provide her with standard hospital care. It remains one of the church’s largest scandals to date; a lawsuit brought by her family reached a private settlement in 2004, a little over a year before “Trapped in the Closet” aired.

To reach some sort of conclusion, Matt and Trey built an early reputation for themselves as the “anti-establishment.” This is no longer the case -- not with South Park currently in its 25th season, both Stone and Parker being worth millions, and with many other successful, mainstream business ventures. However, I think it’s easy to lose sight of the fact they are certainly creators of a different cloth. You don’t need to look much further than a quick google search of “south park controversy” to see that.

But this entire debacle does demonstrate something specific about both the show and Matt and Trey themselves -- that being, even when I disagree, I have a deep appreciation for Matt and Trey’s refusal to see any topic as off-limits or any bully too big. Scientology is well-known to file suit at the drop of a hat and have skirted much legal repercussion by simply exhausting and discouraging all dissent and criticism by abusing the pay-to-play parameters of the American judicial system. It is the reason the church still maintains its tax-exempt status and its classification as a religion. Countless others of comparable status to themselves have said, no, I don’t want to deal with all that -- and this is not a condemnation; it’s definitely not a wrath I would wish anyone to incur. Of Matt and Trey, it is an admirable quality they possess as public figures to have been warned of all the professional and personal risk they may be taking on to make a mockery of one specific, niche subject -- at a time when South Park was a definite cultural phenom, but not quite yet the too-big-to-fail iconoclast staple of American media we know it as today -- and to say fuck that, we’re doing it anyway.

About the show, scams/grifts/snake oil salesmen are recurring fodder for South Park to attack. And they have a relatively good eye for such; great examples outside scientology include their episode on psychic John Edwards to as recent as this past special, with future butters and his NFT ponzi scheme. Something that holds true as a broad generalization is that the vitriol is concentrated on these scams and not those who fall for it. Matt and Trey seem to detest few things more than someone or something that seeks to pull the wool over another’s eyes for profit. You see it in “Trapped in the Closet” when Stan approaches the podium after scientology is revealed to him as a ‘global scam’ by the Miscavige stand-in. It pans to the auditors we see earlier in the episode: the joyful woman crying as she takes dutiful notes, the excited man with clasped hands and bated breath.

These are not the bad people. And we are not meant to believe they are bad people. These are people who think they are witnessing something extraordinary that will alter their lives in a deeply special, magical way. The narrative extends our sympathy to them -- this is what compels Stan to tell the truth because no profit is worth deceiving someone to such an immoral degree. Where it’s very easy to find a sentiment of “what sort of idiot could fall for xyz?!” mirrored in other media, South Park avoids this low-hanging fruit and taps into something both more sympathetic and closer to reality.

TL;DR: it is a good thing that much public awareness about the Church of Scientology in the culture of American media is born from South Park’s “Trapped in the Closet.” It bears a significant, material responsibility in humiliating the church, consecrating its status as a cult, and shedding light on the octopus of malice that is the hierarchal structure of scientology’s corporate body. It paved new ground for emboldening creatives, journalists, and watchdogs to speak freely in the public sphere about the evils of the church. The 2010s saw innumerable celebrity scientologists and ex-members come forward to condemn executive leadership and denounce scientology as a belief system. The tide is turning -- has been for some time -- against scientology and Miscavige in the present day but instances in which anyone other than journalists and ex-scientologists offered criticism both harsh and accurate at the expense of their person were few and far between. South Park deserves a bone thrown its way for that.

#long post #man oh man did i absolutely not intend for this to get as long as it did #but everything felt necessary to the context #south park

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mbruben-stein · 2 years

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Could I please get a matchup for LOTR and The Hobbit? 🥺

🍃 I’m Bisexual and Genderfluid but I would prefer a male ship please

🍃 I have Autism so I can be pretty awkward and a little flustered, especially around new people. I’m also super blunt. I stim by pacing and flapping my hands

🍃 I work at a greenhouse and I’m really muscular. I really enjoy physical labor and getting muscular because I feel so good about myself when I look buff and lift things with ease

🍃 My love languages are 100% physical touch and acts of service. I’m not one for grand romantic gestures though, those embarrass me. I’m a lot more lowkey with affection

🍃 I’m like 4’ 11” with long wavy brown hair that I usually have up in a bun, glasses and the body type of a rectangle. I don’t have many curves

🍃 I’m pretty diplomatic and can be very witty, I’m really good at coming up with jokes and funny quips on the fly. I am very protective over people and I really just want to take care of those I love. I have a strong sense of duty to take care of others and make up for my wrongdoings. I’ve been told I’m pretty charismatic, which is a surprise to me

🍃 I’m so used to taking care of people that when somebody takes care of me, I get a little freaked out. I can be a little nervous about love in the beginning, but I come to pretty quick

🍃 I study like a maniac. I just LOVE learning new things

🍃 I look really sweet at first but then I turn right around and show my true chaotic self. I used to wander around in abandoned mineshafts as a kid, I swear like a sailor, and I have a terrible disregard for my own personal wellbeing

🍃 I can also be really anxious, overly sensitive and confrontational. I don’t start fights but I don’t back down from them easily

🍃 I give really good advice though. I’m really smart and have a lot of experience with different things, so I’m good at counseling people

🍃 I can’t stand being cooped up inside, I need outside time every day

🍃 I mainly write and draw, but I also love carving things like wood and stones. I mainly write comforting things for other people because I just want to make people feel better. The world is cruel, so I won’t be

Sorry that’s so much, I hope you’re doing well!! Thanks so much honey, have a great day!!

A/N: Hi, I am so glad you ask. You are the very first person to ever ask for a match-up for that thank you. I hope you enjoy this.

The Hobbit:

Your Match is Bofur.

Bofur would be a person who doesn't care what your sexuality or gender is, he would love you for who you are.

He would think your hair up in a bun makes you look really cute.

For your height let's just say he would give you a lot, and I mean a lot of hugs. (This man is a big softie, and I am not kidding.)

For your autism, he would think it's just another beautiful thing part of you.

He would think you are so funny because you can automatically come up with a joke and funny quips on the fly, which would automatically make him laugh, as well as make his day.

He would think your protectiveness to family, and friends, kind of make you attractive even though he won't admit it.

Now your chaotic self on the other hand, oh man, he would think it is just so adorable.

Every time you would start swearing like a sailor, let's just say he would start laughing and a few times he would fall out of his chair.

Bofur would love that you love to learn new things. He would definitely teach you how to make wooden toys by hand. It would definitely become you guys' favorite bonding moment to gather.

Bofur would definitely love to hear all the stories of things you did when you were a kid, especially about when you used to explore abandoned mineshafts as a kid.

Overrule Bofur would love you to pieces.

The lord of the rings:

Your Match is Frodo Baggins.

Ferst off this little hobbit would love you to pieces.

He would be really understanding that it would take you a while to get used to this new relationship.

Frodo wouldn't push you to do something if it made you uncomfortable.

This little hobbit would smirk everytime you get flustered. He would honestly think every time you're flustered and you have read little Rosy Cheeks he would think you were adorable.

Every time he would see your muscles or see you lift something he would get flustered.

(You two would definitely start a war on who can get the other flustered LOL...)

He would definitely give you a lot of physical affection like kisses on the cheek, hugs, kiss you on the top of your head, etc.

He would play with your hair and help put it up in the bun every morning.

Honestly even though you take care of a lot of people, he would try to take care of you and return even if it did make you flustered.

Honestly this little hobbit is very protective of you and loves you to pieces.

Even though you tell him you could take care of yourself he still will do it anyway.

He loves to hear all your stories when you where a kid, (Just like Bofur).

Overall this little hobbit loves you so so much.

#fanfiction #the hobbit #the lord of the rings #Match-up #x reader #Frodo Baggins x reader #Frodo Baggins #Bofur x reader #Bofur

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yniswaifu · 3 years

Text

1. Suna

You exit the booming nightclub through the emergency exit, wanting to escape the loud music. Nothing about it was YOU. And yet, here you are.

You see a tall shadow already occupying the other side of the wall, their shoulders hunched as if they were hiding their activity from the outside world. But well, what did you know. Everyone has stories – just like you did when you decided to take up your friend's advice for a 'good distraction'.

What's so good about it? You think as you close the door behind you, the music fading in the background.

After you're out in the open you see the person. It was a man. A very, very pretty man.

His eyes were downcast on the phone in his hand. The hair reflected the neon lights above his head, and the outfit – a hoodie and some sweats from what you could see in the dark alley if you squint made him look broad. From what you could make out in that split second checkout session, he had a great side profile.

He could have been a good eye candy were you not in a sour mood.

But not today handsome.

Sighing, you turn away. You were regretting everything. And the nightclub trip wasn't at the top of the list. You shuffle inside your jacket pocket, to reveal a pack of cigarettes. Again nothing about it was you. Then why were you doing it? Because it's a 'good distraction'.

"smoking is bad." you were in the middle of lighting the white tobacco stick when the voice spoke to you.

You stop midway, slowly lifting your eyes to see the possible eye candy looking at you with a blank face. His eyes were slanted, almost fox like. Heck, he almost resembled a fox. But boy was he attractive. And popular.

You weren't unfamiliar with sports. In fact, you quite enjoyed watching sports as a pass time. So this man, who was telling about smoking, Suna Rintaro himself, was no stranger to you.

But you weren't in a mood to either ask for an autograph or talk to anyone. If you were, you wouldn't have left your friend behind in the club to come here. So you certainly weren't going to talk to him.

Suna kept looking at you, expecting a reply perhaps. But what you did even shook you to the core.

You looked right in his eyes and took a smoke.

Of course, the plan backfired.

A rough round of cough threatened to leave your lips and you immediately turn to the other side, trying to be discreet about the failed mission. You were expecting him to laugh, or scoff, something remotely snarky, but there was no sound. Curious, you slowly turn back, peeping at Suna from under your lashes to see him look at you with...confusion?

"what is it?" you ask him, your voice barely audible.

Shaking his head, the six feet something fully turned towards your direction and stood straight, with his hands crossed.

"do you seriously have so much tragedy in your life that you'll resort to" he directs his head towards to the cigarette, "this?"

You looked at him baffled. Was this guy always this nice? As far as you remembered him, he always has a poker face. He didn't talk much during interviews either. But he was a great player, and the crowd cheered like crazy whenever he would block those super strong spikes. So what's with this extempore counselling session?

Laughter bubbled out of you, looking at the situation. Here you are, standing in the back alley of some nightclub, talking about life with a famous sportsman.

Suna waited for you to finish laughing. If anything, he kinda felt glad you laughed. Because the moment he saw you, and your eyes, he couldn't grasp the fact that someone could have such sorrow in them. He didn't even have to go under proper lighting to know that you were here to distract yourself. Including the pack of cigarettes you took out of your pocket. Suna was a sportsman, and health was something he always had to take care of. So he couldn't stand seeing someone else try to ruin their health just for some temporary relief. It was so not worth it.

You slump against the wall, your laughter dying down. He was right. You couldn't deny that. These things will only give you temporary satisfaction.

"I'm sorry." you say, smiling because you're suddenly high on adrenaline and pumped for this heart-to-heart. You don't know why, but you felt you could just go bare in front of this man. And he wouldn't say a thing. Moreover, you didn't have anything better to do. And it seemed like Suna didn't either because he too leaned against the wall, making himself comfortable.

"that's fine. I'm sorry too. Didn't mean to be so rude and abrupt." he says.

And he's polite, you think.

"nah. It's fine. By the way, I don't smoke."

"that I can see. So? Why did you do it?"

You look at Suna for a minute before looking to the front. "boy problems."

Before he could even say anything, you start laughing again. Adrenaline or not, you definitely seemed high on something.

"can you imagine? I'm resorting to these methods because some stupid person decided to dump me." you continue, your voice bitter.

Suna was silent. You turn to see him looking at you with an emotion you couldn't quite understand. He was frowning, but he didn't look mad or anything.

"why are you looking at me like that?" you ask him, a little flustered because come on, it was Suna Rintaro and he is staring at you so intensely.

"I don't understand..."

You tilt your head at this statement, confused. You expected him to roll his eyes and leave, which you didn't want, but he had better things to do than listen to you talk about this.

At least that's what you thought before his reaction.

"was it your fault that he broke up with you?" he asks after some time.

Was it? You don't remember. You always did everything, even went out of your way to make your partner happy. You sacrificed so much. Then why? Why did he break up with you and didn't even say the reason? What were you missing? Why couldn't you make him happy?

So many questions, and to think the break up happened over text. You hadn't even gotten a chance to resolve this because all you can think about is — distracting yourself from the issue will somehow make everything better.

Suddenly the vibe surrounding you both dropped certain degrees. The question that Suna hit you with brought the memories and words back like a big wave, and suddenly you felt like you were drowning. It was suffocating, overwhelming, and your hands shook beside you. But you didn't move. The therapist you consulted, in other words Google, had advised you to take deep breaths when you are hyperventilating. So you did just that.

You hadn't realized that during your moment, Suna had already come by your side, rubbing your back in a soothing motion, whispering words that you didn't quite catch. But it was something between 'breathe' and 'it's fine'. It's like your ears were blocking his voice and everything else.

Slowly, you return to your senses. It was so embarrassing, but you were grateful Suna caught you before you fell deeper.

"thank you" you tell him, moving his hand away.

Suna backs up the moment you stand straight, his hands beside him. "no problem. I'm sorry for asking it."

You sigh. "it's not your fault. I just...I'm sorry for this. You shouldn't see me like this."

"you couldn't help it. It's okay. We don't have to talk about it."

You don't reply immediately. After a few deep breaths, you calm down, then look at Suna. His expression neutral, with hints of worry. "it's not something I did. Or...maybe I did." you decide to answer his question. "I...I don't know. It's just, I thought I could forget it. But you know what they say, first love isn't easy to forget."

Suna just nods in understanding. "I guess it isn't."

Both of you fall into silence. Suna observes that you need to calm down, and he felt he shouldn't pry more. First of all, the words he had spoken were something no one tells a stranger. And Suna wasn't the type to do it at all. In fact, this whole encounter was surreal to him. All he wanted was to call home but the restaurant across the street was filled with Bokuto's loud ass and he wanted some peace and quiet to talk. So he came here, in the quite place and then you exited the club. The rest is history.

"so..." he starts off, unsure what to say.

"so, I hope you have a goodnight Suna." you reply, smiling at him. This was enough for the prompt therapy session.

Suna's eyes widen for a moment before they go back to normal. He had almost forgotten he was a national player and that people will recognize him. He returns your smile and you were dazed by that smile. Well I'll be darned, is what went in your head.

Shaking off the thoughts, you wave at him before turning to return to the club and inform your friend that you want to go home. You were never a party person and you certainly ain't gonna change now.

That's when Suna interrupts you and goes, "do you...maybe wanna exchange numbers?"

What compelled him to do that? Even he himself didn't know. He asked for your number before even asking your name. He asked for your number when all he did was help you from passing out because he triggered bad memories.

But he wouldn't want to take back this moment. In this moment, your vulnerability resonated through him. It's not he's had first love or any serious relationship, but seeing you like this, made him curious and cautious. Do people really spiral down when they lose what they hold on to tightly? Do expectations hurt this much? Because he wouldn't know. He never expects much from anyone.

Perhaps it was some repressed saviour complex inside him, or the fact that you looked beautiful even when you were breathless. Or that when he held you up, he didn't feel like letting you go and was disappointed when you moved him away. He just felt a certain attraction towards you. It didn't hurt to act upon that feeling right?

You stop in your tracks. The gears in your brain turn, and you went into a deep thought. Finally, you look at the hopeful guy in front of you.

"sorry Suna. I really appreciate you talking to me, but I can't do this. I'm still not over him." you say, your voice solemn.

A flicker of disappointment passes his eyes, you notice. You felt bad for doing this. But you had to. Because from what you saw tonight, Suna didn't deserve someone like you. He was a great guy, who should go for a great girl.

That's why you had to do this. But you also wanted to be clear about how you reciprocated the attraction. The timing is wrong. So you walk up to him, and place your hands on his cheeks. "I need to get over him before I come to you. Because you are more than just a random stranger at this point. I mean, you saw me at my worst and it's not even been an hour since I met you. And if we start this, we do it the right way. So I can't just brush you off just like that. That's why I'm asking you – will you wait for me?"

Your words were sincere, but does Suna believe that? Not really. For him, it was a clear no. In a nice way.

Nodding, he looks away, probably regretting this with every bone in his body. But your words still held onto him like an anchor. How long did he have to wait for you? His whole life? Surely you didn't expect him to do that. So you thought of a better way to reject him. And guess what, it worked.

"right. Have a goodnight then." he says and walks off hurriedly. You watch his figure disappear off the corner, and you close your eyes shut to assure yourself.

This was for the best.

***

Suna waited.

He said he wouldn't, he said he will do everything in order to forget about you. But he waited. Somewhere in him he hoped you actually asked him to wait, and that you were going to come to him, with a smile reserved only for him. That you would go lengths for him and that he will replace the first love you had.

So he waited. He was glad he did.

Because there you were, standing in front of him. Your face looked better, healthier, and you were smiling. Your eyes that once held sorrow and pain was looking content in this very moment.

He walked up to you, his breath visible in the cold winter evening. It had been almost six months when he last saw you. He never expected to see you standing outside his apartment complex when he was going to the convenient store to get groceries. And you had changed so much in that time. Beautiful nonetheless.

As soon as he was close enough to see your orbs soaking in his figure, Suna slowly exhales. "how did you know where I live?"

You laugh at his question. Well, he ain't wrong. You did pop out of nowhere.

"I have my ways." you say, a sly smirk forming on your lips.

Gosh, how much you had changed. You're even making jokes now.

"I asked my friend. She works for the paparazzi." you answer truthfully after some time.

Suna's eyes widen. "dang. Then I better stay away. Who knows where you are hiding your friend now." he jokes, looking around.

You giggle at his words when you see him looking at you with a soft expression. You know what he was thinking, but chose not to say anything. You stepped closer to him, your fingertips almost brushing with his. Your breaths mixed together as you continued to stare at each other.

Suddenly Suna's eyes flash with worry. "are you sure you're over him?"

You knew he'd be worried. You wanted to make sure you finish everything you held onto before moving forward. So you went back, and talked it out with your ex. Truth was, both of you had fallen out of love. But you realize that much later. And when you did, you felt terrible to push away the only guy you saw a potential future with. So you got to work. You fixed your life, fixed your relationships, and fixed your head space. When you felt yes this is it, you asked your friend for Suna's address. Of course, she was curious at first. But when you answered that you like him, without any explanation to be exact, the friend didn't even bother asking for details. She knew how much the previous relationship hurt you, and seeing you moving on was enough reason to give you Suna's address.

"yes. I have no lingering feelings left. I never did actually. But I knew I had to fix myself before I move forward. So that's what I did. And here I am." You shrug.

The man in front of sighs in relief. Suddenly, he rests his forehead on your shoulders, fingers intertwined with yours. "took you long enough." his voice but a loving whisper.

You tighten the grip on his fingers, his cold hands in your warm ones. "but you waited."

A smile forms on his lips. "but I waited."

I'm going through an Inarizaki phase guys. Please bear with me. Also, can you tell I have a special place for Suna in my heart? Because I do. I felt Suna needed a serious scenario, one where he's actually mature and don't just look bored with life. I mean, grown up Suna would definitely be more in touch with his emotions. Yeah. So I did that. It's a bit on the sad side, but the ending is happy enough I guess? I'm sorry if you didn't feel like it. I tried.

#haikyuu scenarios #haikyuu imagines #suna imagines #suna x reader

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teawaffles · 3 years

Text

The Fugitives from the Fire: Chapter 1

T/N: Takes place before Chapter 39 of the manga (“The Dark Night of London”). Also, in order to appreciate a certain plot point to the fullest, I would recommend reading Book 2 Story 4 (“It Happened One Night”) before starting this one.

TW for this story // All the elements you would expect from a murder mystery: injury, blood, mention of suicide, violence, death

——The moment Miss Hudson opened the door to his room, Sherlock let out a long, long sigh.

It sounded as if he was squeezing every inch of air out of his lungs.

“What is it, Miss Hudson.”

Sherlock was sunk deep into his armchair, newspaper in hand. As if she could feel a headache coming on, Miss Hudson pressed a hand to her forehead.

“Every single time — what’s going on in this room, Sherlock?”

Frowning, she looked around the flat this great detective shared with his assistant. As always, it was thoroughly in a mess. But as always, Sherlock gave his typical response.

“There isn’t anything to get that upset about, is there? Besides, I’m not doing any scientific experiments right now.”

“I can never understand your concept of hygiene: how do you manage to live among all this without batting an eye……? Anyway, at the very least, make sure it’s clean enough that you’re not embarrassed to let people in. In a sense, we are in the service industry, you know.”

Standing tall and firm in the doorway, she began to lecture Sherlock, when an enigmatic grin broke across his face.

“If a client turns away just upon seeing this, then doesn’t it reflect the triviality of their request? In other words, I’m trying to screen my clients as soon as they enter this room.”

“If you quibble on like that, you’re the one who’s going to get screened out by your clients and lose your income. I certainly detest the idea of allowing someone with no earnings to live here.”

She launched into a scathing rebuke of those lazy words, and Sherlock raised both hands in a gesture of temporary surrender.

“Alright. When John comes back, we’ll tidy up together,” he said, looking out the window.

At that perfunctory remark, Miss Hudson placed both hands on her hips.

“John-kun, John-kun — you never stop talking about him. At least, when it comes to cleaning, I’d like you to do it yourself even without anyone else telling you to. My heart truly goes out to your future wife.”

“No need to worry: I consider myself married to my work.” [1]

“……So that means, I’m going to have a bachelor living here for the rest of my life?”

She thought of herself in her old age, briskly caring for an elderly detective; at that unpleasantly vivid image, a chill ran down her spine. [2]

And so they went on and on like this, as they normally did — when all of a sudden, a knock came from the ground floor entrance. From Sherlock’s experience, a visit at this time was usually linked to a “riddle”.

“Yes yes, please hold on just a moment.”

Breaking off their conversation, Miss Hudson pattered down to the ground floor. Sherlock put his newspaper on the table, and listened as she answered the door.

Then, as he’d intuited, after they exchanged a few words at the entrance, someone promptly came up the stairs — he could hear it creaking — and a familiar face appeared at the open door.

Sherlock flashed him a bold grin.

“——Hey, Lestrade. Tough case?”

It was Inspector Lestrade from Scotland Yard. Sherlock had brought up a “tough” case as a matter of course, and to that, Lestrade gave a solemn nod.

“Exactly, Holmes. It’s a bit of a tricky one — I need your help.”

“Details?”

Skipping the pleasantries, Sherlock lit a cigarette, as he was wont to do. But Lestrade’s expression turned grave.

“Sorry, but it’s urgent: I don’t have time to fill you in right now. Can we talk in the carriage?”

“Wha? Hmm……”

Looking out the window at the street below, Sherlock began to sway restlessly.

“What’s wrong? Is there a problem?”

The detective didn’t have an immediate response, and as Lestrade questioned him, Sherlock began mumbling to no one in particular.

“Look, can’t you see John’s not here? ……Goddammit, seriously — where did he go?”

“…………”

Lestrade kept his expression sombre, but for a split second, even he nearly broke into laughter at that line. This eccentric man, who lacked scruples about troubling the people around him, had just admitted to feeling an ordinary emotion like loneliness — and it did feel a little odd.

Standing to the side, Miss Hudson also broke into a smile. For the man known as Sherlock Holmes, it seemed John H Watson had already become an inseparable part of his life.

Seeing their reactions, Sherlock narrowed his eyes in confusion.

“Oi, why’re you two smiling away? Did I say something weird?”

“Nothing, it’s nothing,” Lestrade replied. “It’s just, that was an unexpected line coming from you, so I couldn’t help it. I wasn’t making fun of you. It’s good that you have such an irreplaceable friend.”

“That’s none of your concern…… Though, is there really no time to wait for John?”

In a flash, Lestrade’s expression reverted to its grim state.

“Sorry, but yes: I want to get going as soon as we can. However, if you need Dr Watson, we could wait a while longer……”

But Sherlock quickly waved his hand, interrupting Lestrade’s compromise.

“No, it’s fine. Anyway, I don’t know when he’s coming back. There’re times like this too.”

Saying that, he stubbed his barely-smoked cigarette in an ashtray, dressed himself and got ready to leave. Uttering a quick word of apology, together with the detective, Lestrade headed to the Brougham four-wheeled carriage waiting outside.

Placing one foot into the vehicle, Sherlock waved to Miss Hudson as she stood at the entrance.

“So, Miss Hudson: I’ll attend your marriage counselling session when I get back.”

“I don’t recall having ever mentioned such a thing?”

She smiled at Sherlock’s joke, concealing within it a quiet rage. As if fleeing from her terrifying presence, the two men set off in haste.

Footnotes:

[1] Oh yes I saw my chance and took it — this is a BBC Sherlock reference |ω･)ﾉ But to be super-precise, I’ve dug into the exact translation in the notes below.

Aside: There was another small reference back in Book 2 Story 1, when Sherlock told William that he was “flattered” :3

[2] This is actually hinted at in the original stories: when Sherlock retired in Sussex, he said he was living with his old housekeeper (Wikipedia)

Translator’s notes

That line about marriage

I took some liberty with that translation, so here’s a more pedantic version of it. The reference comes from Season 1 Episode 1 of BBC Sherlock (“A Study in Pink”), when Sherlock and John were having dinner in an Italian restaurant while on a case.

The line as written in the book: “俺にとっては仕事が嫁さんみたいなもんだからな”

(Because) to me, my work is like my wife.

The line from BBC Sherlock’s Japanese dub: “ジョン、僕は仕事と結婚したつもりだ。” (source)

(It’s a literal translation of the original line below)

The original line from BBC Sherlock: “John, I consider myself married to my work.”

Aside: The “flattered” reference comes from the line immediately after this one — “…and while I am flattered by your interest…”

#moriarty the patriot #yuukoku no moriarty #yuumori #english translation #the girl who sees rainbows

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