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carrickbender · 1 year

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SATURDAY SIX

- So my BFF's brother in law's cousin is on the Tampa Bay Devil Rays(like the real squad, not one of their farm teams!), whose 13-0 start turned into 13-1 start thanks to 'my team', the Toronto Blue Jays, last night. I told my BFF, who is a Mariners fan, that Toronto just "24 Elsinore'd" their asses and I think that reference should be a thing, damn it! (Please tell me yall kinda get it... please?)

-Anyhow, I got my yellow belt cert from CWU yesterday in Lean, and we are well on our way for our green belts. I'm sure some of you have more experience, but this is an interesting process and as it turns out, is in demand. And as the dude put it...

-Also as it turns out, there's a rainbow bus in Henry's Richard Scarry book. I'm sure Ron DeSantis and Charlie Kirk are gonna get all fired up about it sooner or later. I mean, while all the other intentional cruelty for crueltys sake and being general miserable human beings is low hangingfruit for them, they have to save something for desert.

- ohhh, and speaking of fruit and ACTUAL desert, H's culinary adventures in deliciousness are stinking up the house once again: banana-apple bread. I can eat a few crumbs, but the smell is absolutely lovely.

- Living in a wet climate means doing your first mow of the lawn as late as possible and whenever it isn't raining, and that was yesterday. My weed whacker fired up nicely, and the Honda lawnmower ran like a top. I somehow managed to mow over all of Cabo's "nitrogen bombs" without stepping in any...

AND the hummingbirds didn't declare war... which was nice, because they're sooooo territorial and moody. (I mean, it's not like we haven't sustained the ungrateful a-holes on liquid crack all winter!!!!). I'm regretting not giving the quince a serious haircut because its kinda a mess, but then again, it will be some of the first foods for the bees so it's not a big deal. Plus the migratory hummingbirds will be here soon so nature needs all the snacks.I mean, God forbid the flying spicy needles not get all of the foods!!!

Anyhow, if you've made it this far, thank you. And if you think about it, send a little good energy my way for the 2 jobs for which I just applied. Great company, management, and they're definite prospects. There are lots of other folks who need the good energy of the universe, but if there's a little left, a new breeze in my sails would be welcomed.

You are all lovely and wonderful, and much love!

#me #this is my life #dadlife #cwu wildcats #supply chain management #welcome interstate managers #wait what #fountains of wayne #more like #fountains of pain #getting old sucks #but stacys mom #yeah yeah #more like radiation vibe im grooving on #ok ill shut up #told you i was going nuts #gastric bypass #roux en y

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spaceshipellie · 11 months

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stacy’s mom

dina x masc!reader

part one (two)

summary: you want to fuck your friend’s mom and that’s it

warnings: MILF DINA HELLO, smut with friend’s mum, smut with plot, age gap (reader is early 20s and dina is in her 40s), reader is such a simp, eating out and fingering (d receiving), 18+ mdni

author’s note: i wanted to to try and write something with a more masc reader too and this seemed fitting so hope this doesn’t flop

˚ · • . ° .

it was summer and you were sitting in your friend stacy’s garden, drinking beer, listening to music, and laughing about dumb memories from the first year of college.

“i was so intimidated by you,” she blushed.

“nah, really?” you scoffed.

“yeah, you were this cool, mysterious skater girl.”

“oh i’m not cool and mysterious anymore?”

“well,” stacy laughed, “you are cool but not mysterious.”

she slapped the front of your baseball cap before ripping it off and putting it on herself.

“ow, hey,” you laughed.

“hi girls!” a sweet, intoxicating voice sounded from over by the conservatory door. your head snapped up. stacy’s mom. god, she was hot. your stomach flipped every time you saw her.

“hi mom.”

“hi dina.”

you allowed yourself a second to quickly look her over. she was wearing denim shorts and a tank top with no bra, holding a basket of laundry on her hip. you knew it was really wrong but there was something about her you couldn’t get out of your head. maybe it was the way her hips filled out her jeans, or the way her hair flowed over her shoulder, or the way her budded nipples poked through the fabric of her top. all you knew was that you could probably fuck her better than her boring ex husband. you watched as she went back inside, bending over to pick up a sock she dropped.

“are you listening to me?”

“sorry what?” your head snapped to stacy.

“you’re so weird,” she giggled, “anyway i was saying we should try that new milkshake place that opened up in the mall.”

“oh yeah, yeah sounds good,” your voice totally distracted.

˚ · • . ° .

stacy had dragged you around so many shops in the mall, making you watch as she gave little catwalks in the changing rooms. eventually you’d got the milkshakes and were now back at her house in the kitchen where dina was preparing dinner.

“hope you’re hungry,” she smiled at you.

you licked a bit of milkshake off your finger that had dripped down the glass, looking at her. “starved.”

“good, well dinner should be ready in about thirty minutes. seeing as it’s still so hot out i thought we’d eat outside by the pool?”

“okay sounds good, we’ll be down then!” stacy chirped, grabbing your arm to pull you upstairs. your eyes, still looking at dina, lagged as you looked away. it sounds great, you thought. you hoped that by the pool also meant going in the pool.

half an hour later, dina called up the stairs that dinner was ready. her hand brushed yours as she handed you a plate and you all sat around the patio table to eat. you could see dina had a bikini top on under her top now.

“how’s college going?” she asked you both.

“not bad, still think mrs clark hates me,” stacy said, shovelling food in her mouth.

“probably because you always skip her class,” you mumbled, playfully nudging stacy’s arm. she laughed and shushed you.

“what about you?” dina said, looking straight at you.

“it’s good, mrs clark loves me,” you joked. she laughed and it made your cheeks flush, a small smirk on your face. fucking hell this was getting too much.

after you were done eating, stacy jumped up to clear the table and take the plates indoors. you shifted in your seat having been left alone with dina. the silence was burning. you cleared your throat, running your hands down your jean covered thighs.

“you know last time i was here you hadn’t finished the pool yet, looks nice.”

“oh of course! well, you guys should go in.”

you hummed in response. you didn’t have any swimming stuff with you and definitely didn’t want to borrow any of stacy’s bikinis. you would have to go in in your boxers and sport bra, which on this occasion wasn’t the worst thing in the world.

“yeah sure.”

“i might join you,” dina said, loosely tying her hair in a bun, your eyes snuck a glance at how her fingers ran through her dark hair, “oh as long as you don’t mind me crashing your time with stacy,” she laughed.

“not at all,” you grinned at her. crash all you want, you thought. stacy returned, funnily enough with a bikini on.

“you coming in? i brought a bikini down for you to borrow but figured you probably don’t want it.”

“and you’d be right.” you pulled your t-shirt off over your head.

“i didn’t realise you had so many tattoos,” dina mused, seeming to admire the ink that adorned your arms and torso. you ran your hand over your stomach, instinctively looking over your tattoos yourself.

“they look great, i love them.” she was killing you.

“thanks.”

stacy was already in the pool when you started pulling your jeans off. you felt very exposed now just in your boxers but also thought fuck it and tried to keep your cool.

“jump in,” stacy giggled.

you took a couple steps back so you could run and cannonball into the pool, completely splashing stacy. when you resurfaced you rubbed the water from your eyes and shook your head. both dina and stacy were looking at you.

“you coming in then?” you nodded at dina.

she stood up and started peeling her tank top off, revealing a black string bikini. jesus. if that was bad, watching her undo the button and zipper on her denim shorts, and shimmying her hips out of them was utter torture. you knew it was wrong to stare, especially when her daughter, your friend, was right there but you couldn’t help it. you soaked in the way every inch of her body submerged into the water as she walked in. you adverted your eyes after realising you’d just been staring for ages. hopefully that sly smile on her face wasn’t because she had noticed.

you all floated around for a while, talking, trying stupid tricks. well, you doing stupid tricks to try and be impressive. it was getting late but as it was summer it was still light and warm out.

“this has been fun, but i’m off to bed,” dina said climbing out of the pool. you watched the way the water dripped off of her ass as she walked up the steps, grabbing a towel to wrap round herself.

“okay, night mom.”

“night,” you said.

“we should probably get out too,” stacy suggested and you agreed.

you were now lying on the pull out bed in stacy’s room in the dark, wearing loose sweatpant shorts and a baggy t-shirt. you couldn’t really sleep and stacy was long gone by now so you decided to get up and grab a glass of water from the kitchen.

“oh, sorry,” you mumbled upon seeing dina leaning against the counter by the sink, sipping on a mug of tea. she waved her hand as if to say carry on so you grabbed a glass and tried to ignore how close you were to her whilst you filled it up at the tap.

“can’t sleep?” she asked.

“no really, i’m basically nocturnal,” you laughed nervously. she laughed too. man, she had a pretty laugh.

“me too, i love staying up late when time allows.”

you leaned on the other counter and took a sip, watching the way she hugged the mug.

“it’s a lot more peaceful.”

“it is,” you agreed.

“like nobody knows what you’re doing.” was she…? she couldn’t be… but you could have sworn you saw her look you up and down when she said that.

“not a single clue.” you finished the water and moved closer to her, purposely leaning in slightly to place the glass by the sink behind her.

“well, g’night,” you said, your voice low.

as you turned you suddenly felt her hand grab yours so you spun around to look at her. her facial expression seemed to be a mix of wanting and contemplation. you decided to focus on the former. her hand didn’t leave yours for a moment before she realised and quickly pulled it back but she didn’t make any attempt to leave.

being taller than her, you looked down at her whilst you moved closer. you looked down and slowly reached for her hand again, testing to see how she’d react. she let you. you smirked to yourself before looking into her eyes, then her lips, then her eyes. fuck it. you leaned down to press a soft kiss on her lips. when you pulled away, your mouth hovering over hers she surprised you by grabbing your face and slamming your lips together again. your hands flew to her waist as you pinned her against the counter.

she moaned into the kiss and you took the opportunity to move your tongue against hers. it was hot and you couldn’t believe you were doing this right now. your arms wrapped around her waist and you let your hand rest half way on her ass. her hands travelled down to the hem of your t-shirt and flustered around with the amount of fabric before she managed to slip one underneath and brush your skin. oh, okay. if that’s what you want, that’s what you’ll get, you thought.

you pulled her tighter to your body as you moved the two of you around so that she was now pressed against a different counter. one she could sit on if necessary. she groaned as her back hit it. you started to move your kisses down to her neck.

“stacy can never know about this,” she whined breathlessly.

“mom’s the word.”

“that’s not funny,” she laughed.

“it’s pretty funny.”

your lips didn’t let up on her neck, now making their way back up to hers. you reached your hands down to her thighs and indicated for her to hop up onto the counter. you now stood between her legs, heads now the same height near enough and your hands glided up her thighs to her hips. hers became tangled in your hair as you started kissing down her body and getting onto your knees. you couldn’t believe your fucking luck right now.

you left small kisses on her inner thigh, your fingers dipping beneath the waistband of her shorts. you were half expecting her to tell you to stop, realising the situation, but her fingers only tightened themselves in your hair pushing you further. you pulled back and looked up at her whilst you peeled her shorts off, her lifting her ass to help you.

you pushed her legs further apart, exposing her glistening pussy. you could hear little whispered curses falling from her lips in anticipation.

you grinned to yourself, feeling smug, and looked up at her before flicking your tongue lightly over her clit. she flinched at the sensitivity. you gave her clit a few flicks before dragging your tongue up the length of her cunt, letting it slip between her folds.

“oh shit,” she whimpered.

you buried your face, laying your tongue flat against her, almost letting her grind herself onto you. you could taste how more slick was seeping out of her hole so you moved your fingers to tease at it.

“please,” she begged.

not wanting to push your luck too much you curled a finger inside her, letting her get used to it before slipping a second in. she let out a squeak and you laughed lightly before shushing her. the vibrations of your laugh sent a shock through her body. you worked your fingers in and out, relishing in the wet sounds it was making. your tongue kept flicking her clit until you could feel her clenching around your fingers and her legs fought to stay open.

“i’m gonna…”

“come for me.”

you fucked her through her orgasm and when her hand went limp in your hair and instead brushed it away from your face you pulled your fingers out and stood up. you placed your hands flat on the counter either side of her and leaned in, making her taste herself on your tongue. you grabbed her shorts beside you and pulled away from the kiss to help her put them back on and she hopped off the counter, still trapped by your frame.

“i should probably go to bed now,” she murmured.

“okay.”

she didn’t move still. her hands brushed your arms that hung at your sides. she leant up for another kiss before eventually lighting pushing you so she could get passed and head for the stairs. she stopped and turned, giving you a ‘i can’t believe that just happened’ smile and she put a hand over her mouth to stifle a laugh.

“right, i really am going to bed.”

you took a sip of your previously abandoned water and smirked at her, watching her disappear up the stairs.

the next morning you were grabbing your things to leave, downing the last mouthful of orange juice.

“we still good for the movies next week?” stacy asked.

“yeah, can’t wait.” you gave her a quick side hug.

“was good to see you,” dina smiled knowingly at you.

“thanks for dinner,” you said, then hugging her and mumbling in her ear, “and dessert.” she subtly slapped your arm. stacy seemed oblivious.

“right, bye.” you threw your backpack over one shoulder and left with a shit-eating grin on your face.

#dina x reader #dina smut #dina nolastname #dina woodward #dina tlou #tlou smut #dina x masc!reader #stacy’s mom #the last of us 2 #age gap smut #dina woodward smut #dina woodward x reader

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