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superbeans89 · 45 seconds
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a quick step by step guide on what to do if you come back to your apartment and find yourself locked out because your front door is frozen shut
kick the bottom of the door for 10 minutes
text your landlord
remember your landlord is on vacation and also in her mid 50′s so it takes about 36 hours to receive a response
briefly wonder why the fuck you moved the canada
remember that college tuition is significantly cheaper here than in the united states 
look up and notice your cat is at the window, staring at you. he paws at the window lightly and meows. it’s devastating. his eyes are so big and imploring. decide that you have to get inside your apartment at all costs. not even god himself can stop you from feeding your cat his chicken wet food dinner. frida kahlo herself could descend from the heavens and ask “hey you wanna bang?” and you’d say “hell yeah but first let me open this door so i can feed my cat his dinner”
remember there is a starbucks 3 blocks down the street from you
enter. the barista gives you a weird look for entering a starbucks at 7pm on a tuesday
order a venti cup of hot water. you order in french because the barista just said “bonjour” instead of “bonjour, hi.” you have a strong american accent. you hit the r in merci a little too hard to compensate. you embarrass yourself.
exit the starbucks clutching the massive cup of hot water in your hands. it’s burning your fingers.
return. methodically pour the starbucks cup of water all over the the door frame. it begins moving a little but still wont open
back up
ensure your doc martens are properly gripping the sheet of ice covering the ground. many people have told you to stop wearing doc martens in the winter, despite your protests that theyre actually the ideal winter boot. also, you’re a lesbian and punk’s not dead
release a pterodactyl screech and sprint towards the door, slamming the full force of your pathetically tiny 5′2″ 110lb body into it
you dont know any of your neighbors so you dont care about maintaining your pride anyways
the door swings open
run up the stairs
open the actual door to your apartment and yell MOMMY’S HOME MY LITTLE BITCHASS BABY BOY DONT WORRY at your cat
cat flings his body to the ground and starts purring like he does every time you come home
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superbeans89 · 3 minutes
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superbeans89 · 37 minutes
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superbeans89 · 3 hours
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an immigration policy everyone can agree with
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superbeans89 · 8 hours
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superbeans89 · 9 hours
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superbeans89 · 9 hours
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Katfishdraws
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superbeans89 · 9 hours
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Which ones the best
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superbeans89 · 9 hours
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Whether you love or hate FF7, I think everyone can agree that one winged angel is a banger.
Hope the remake does it justice when the time comes
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I do not belong here
I'm an invasive species
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superbeans89 · 9 hours
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superbeans89 · 9 hours
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"Kill yourself" is basic. "I hope your fandom gets a new installment that is objectively a great work but also tonally dissonant from the previous ones in a way that generates a huge newbie boom of people uninterested and hostile towards the history of the franchise" is smart. It's possible. It's terrifying. It's happening right now.
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superbeans89 · 12 hours
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Oh he thinks he's so funny
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superbeans89 · 12 hours
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superbeans89 · 12 hours
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On this, the anniversary of the lunar landing, let us also celebrate the greatest post-mission achievement by a crewman.
I refer, of course, to the time Buzz Aldrin (age 72 at the time) cold-cocked a moon landing conspiracy theorist straight in his smug face after being accused of being a coward, liar, and thief.
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Yes, someone was indeed dumb enough to tell a man so unafraid of death that he was willing to go into the void on a fragile explosive rocket, a coward.
Said dumbass was filming this confrontation as some sort of proof of moon fraud, but has instead captured this glorious moment of near-cosmic justice for us to loop for all time.
Aldrin was not charged with any crime. He should have been given another medal for public service.
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superbeans89 · 12 hours
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Happiness Will Come To You.
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superbeans89 · 12 hours
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superbeans89 · 12 hours
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💢💢💢
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