The Only One I've Got

This one goes out to the anonymous Fred Friend.

It looked like it was going to be sunny today.

After the long slow slog through December and January's sleets and snows, sunshine would be welcome, even if it was only for a few thin February hours. The weather was pressing in on them just as much as the missions were, and so far 1944 had not had much to recommend it.

(Their director had asked quietly at New Year's if a reassignment would be welcomed, but she didn't really want to go. If she left she'd lose so many good memories.)

"I left the mail on the table," Tatty said, coming in from the front where they usually parked the jeep. "I didn't see what's there."

"Thanks, Tat!" Fred said, brushing the last of the toast crumbs from her fingers and going to look at the pile. Helen, Helen, Mary, Tatty, Helen - and a small square of what looked like cardstock, stamped several times in purple and red with a very serious German word in the upper left corner, and her name, Freda Torvaldsen, written in careful block script in the address.

She must have made a noise, because Helen was suddenly there, and maybe Tatty, too, and she couldn't remember sitting down in the chair, and the rest of the mail had fallen on the floor. Her vision was swimming a little.

She wanted it to be from him. Maybe it wasn't.

"Fred, honey, you need me to read it to you?"

She shook her head, her hands shaking as she tried to turn it over to open it and nearly ripped the thing in two. Tatty took it from her and eased the seal open before she handed it back.

It was dated three months ago - December.

Dear Fred,

I'm hopeful that maybe you've tried to get news about me before now. If not, my new stationery should inform you - I am alive, and a guest of the Germans in a Prisoner of War camp. I'm sorry I haven't written before now. Now that we are settled we are permitted to send three pieces of mail a month and I needed to tell my folks first.

It feels very strange to write your name at the top of a letter. I've never had to write to you before. I'm hopeful that maybe we can keep this up, if you still feel the same way you did several months ago. Quarters here are close and I couldn't keep who I was writing to private. I need to let you know there have been some complaints. Lots of guys from the old outfit are here with me, and many names that you would know. (I'm not listing them, as I think the censor will black them out.) Hopefully you don't hear from them, too.

I just realized I'm using the word hopeful a lot, but it's the only one I've got. Hopefully Yours, John

PS - There are a few guys here who are not getting mail. Can you share my address with Ma Brennan and see if she could write something? It would be nice to share a little of the news from home and let them know that they aren't forgotten.

She read it through three times, vision increasingly blurry, realizing, belatedly, that the pencil was getting on her fingers. Hopefully yours. She held it to her nose and thought she could smell pipe smoke, and it was the best gift she'd ever gotten.

Of course I'm yours. You're the only one I've got.

-

A big thank you to a friend who is asking to remain anonymous for sharing images of what POW mail looked like. Some of it was on pre-printed postcards and some was on a message blank, which is what I'm describing here. The big German word Fred can't read is Kriegsgefangenpost, prisoner of war mail. I also just found a website online that has a ton of pictures of what this looked like.

In regards to that other Arjuna post, I think everyone who hates on fans of a character because of one person / a general group of people are annoying as hell. Get a job man. Lol

A tale as old as time in any fandom. A person/group of people annoy another person/group of people and it causes friction due to conflicting personalities. The Fate fandom isn't unique in that.

In regards to some of the posts we've received about Arjuna, I will admit that, in hindsight, a few were more inflammatory than we should've posted, and in all likelihood we probably won't be posting things in that nature again. Complaining about specific fans a character has is fair game here, but there is a line that shouldn't be crossed. We'll be revising some of the rules in the near future because of that in an attempt to make things clearer for everyone.

I hope you, and everyone else, will allow us some grace. There's been a learning curve to running this blog for the both of us, especially in regards to what is and isn't too much or too far. Arjuna is the character we've gotten the most confessions about so far, which has been pretty surprising. I was honestly expecting more general complaints about the gacha and gameplay elements. Both of us who run this blog feel that venting and criticism has a justified place in fandom, especially nowadays where fandom is largely the only place where people online communicate with each other in a collective setting in any sort of positive way. It is necessary to be able to see an interpretation or a take you disagree with, and without critique and general criticism, it tends to lead to a different kind of fandom toxicity, where any dissent at all is seen as "causing problems", even if the dissent is about something more serious than a specific character interpretation such as elements of racism in the series (which fate grand order has) or inappropriately sexually charged art (which fate grand order also has).

That doesn't excuse that I've turned confessions into pictures that even I thought were too inflammatory for this blog. I do apologize for my missteps. Like I said, there has been a learning curve to this, and I was too lenient with how I interpreted our own rules.

Contrary to what some people might think, we're not doing this to try and cause problems, and we both feel that people should be able to see something the disagree with and be able to constructively regulate any negative emotions that come about. Criticism is not an inherently negative thing, but I will own up to the fact that I have difficulty knowing where to draw the line and say "this is too much".

We're trying to do our best and have some fun along the way. The bulk of the hate toward Arjuna and his fans has mostly passed for now, thankfully. Please feel free to send your grievances about any character, but I'll be honest and say there are only so many pictures of Arjuna I can use. I really wouldn't mind a break in the griping about him.

-Mod D

Film Friday: [REC]

After talking about Paranorman last week I feel a hankering for some more in the world of the spooky, and so I figured it was time to talk about one of my favorite scary movies, certainly the one that has the best track record at scaring the utter bejeezus out of me, the Spanish found footage film [REC]

TV Journalist Angela Vidal and her trusty cameraman Pablo are filming a Human Interest story about the life of firemen on night watch when the emergency services are called to assist an old woman who has fallen in her home. Hoping for a slight touch of action to the otherwise painfully boring footage, Angela and Pablo tag along to the apartment complex where the rest of the movie takes place. Unfortunately for them, by the time they get there the old woman is dead, the exit is sealed by the government shortly after their arrival, and to make it all worse said old woman refuses to actually stay dead.

Now, Found Footage is an oft-maligned subgenre, and I will concede that many of its criticisms are valid. Shaky camera and characters too scared and cinema verite-incoherent to explain what the hell is going on can wallpaper over subpar effects and incoherent writing and the by now beyond cliche ending of whatever beastie is out hunting amateur filmmakers or journalists lunging at the cameraman isn't as satisfying as the first five or so times we saw that. Still. [REC] makes it work, and I think there are a couple of reasons for it.

First of all, the main characters are professionals. Pablo wields a heavier, more stable camera than the handheld camcorders that are often the POV in these things, and his skills and experience compels him to keep striving to keep a more or less readable picture until shit has well and truly hit the fan. Similarly, Angela's journalistic instincts wake up in a big way under the unusual threat and the mad scramble to get to safety as the firefighters and tenants fall to the intensely aggressive rabies-like disease that makes them turn on their fellows. Her ongoing narration and commentary on their situation also help bridge gaps in the narrative and provide a small, but important jolt of characterization. Her attitude also does a good job of justifying the movie going on. When all is said and done, she is a journalist, and what's going on with her may be terrifying, but it is also capital N-News. As she herself says close to the movie's final crisis point "We have to tape everything, Pablo, for fuck's sake."

Perhaps the best part about [REC] is how perfect the movie's sense of timing is and how it capitalizes on the verisimilitude offered by the camera pov style. Sudden jumpscares do not come in the form of cinematic build up and scare stings but in the middle of an otherwise normal-ass scene where something unexpected and frightening will happen at a point where your mind has kind of assumed this scene's just a breather scene or is secretly delivering you some exposition when WHAM!

My favorite of these scares is just so insidiously effective that it has gotten me every single time I've watched the movie. The scene in question where our heroes use their camera, now the only light they have access to, to scout out a potential escape. Despite knowing the type of scene before I even saw it and expecting a scare to come out of left field either before or after I expect it, the scare still hits me like a damn train. It could be that the filmmakers hold back, almost to the degree where you end up wondering if it's misdirection and that the real scare will be when the camera is pulled back when WHAM, you get got by the simplest conceptual scare possible, there's something scary and grody-looking in your attic and it fucking GETS you.

REC isn't one of those movies that I have zero complaints about, there's a kind of out-of-left-field twist to what exactly is going on that feels more like sequel bait than part of a cohesive story. There are also perhaps more moving parts to this apartment building than feels entirely plausible and one or two scenes that don't quite hit the mark. These are minor quibbles hanging on for dear life on a majestic shadow-beast of a movie. Normally I don't even like fast zombies all that much, but these living dead folks got my adrenaline going like there are ambush predators about, and make no mistake.

Confessions of Dorian Gray Relisten 2022 - The Fallen King of Britain Britain

Ai'ght, here we go. The finale of the inaugural Series One, released in November of 2011, it's time for... The Fallen King of Britain.

Dorian's a banker. Among other things. A figurative "king", if you will, rather than a literal one. He's slinging coke and doing business and he's just stupendously bored with it all.

And Dorian's demon-possessed cocaine is killing his friends and coworkers.

Yes you read that correctly.

When's it Go: January, 2007. Dorian's made it to "present day", though this wasn't even contemporaneous to the release, instead being about five years earlier. We won't get to proper proper "set at time of release" until the next season or so. Does a good job of painting a picture of high-rise flat London in the mid-aughts from the point of view of the people at the top of the class hierarchy.

Continuity Watch: The White Rabbit makes a showing, a staple of Big Finish releases. It's been the watering hole of choice for Doctors, archaeologists, aliens, etc.

There's also a series of scenes where Dorian's having some episodes and various people from Dorian's past (coincidentally those from the episodes in this season, natch) start showing up, including Toby, Madam Moreau, Dora, Rosina (and the baby), Basil Hallward, and even Big Finish's version of Sherlock Holmes played by Briggs himself in a cheeky call-forward to the Christmas Special that would follow this. Surprisingly, only two of those characters wouldn't be making further appearances in the series. Some more recurring than others.

Dorian also mentions Spencer, from the Shades of Gray episode of Bernice Summerfield, when rattling off names of loved ones he's responsible for the deaths of!

In Review: I mean this in the most complimentary way but I'd probably rank this lowest out of all the season one releases. It's still quite good, of course, it's just that one of them has to be the bottom of the pile, and hey it's this one. It starts out describing Dorian's nightlife that he does more out of habit than anything else and how he's kinda over everything and just not excited anymore and the narrative does perhaps just a tad too good of a job of making it all seem mundane because I do find my attention wandering for the first ten minutes or so, which is bad because this one is extra long. After the first death though things start picking up.

Simon's a brilliantly crafted foil to Dorian. A sweet, wholesome fellow caught up in the high flying business world Dorian currently occupies and Dorian is absolutely convinced there's something supernatural about him because there's always something supernatural about them but there's not, for once. And Dorian might just be out of his mind on the blow. Or it could be possessed by the spirits of the damned, who's to say.

They never actually resolve the haunted coke thing, actually. Though I suppose ultimately it doesn't actually matter, as Dorian is ultimately unconcerned with it so why should we be? It's not the point of the play, really. Rather, it's more about Dorian going through a change of character. And that part of it, is handled wonderfully. By the end, Dorian's resolved to be a better person, and surprisingly he keeps it up in the following season.

It's a good cap-off to the season. And honestly, if the series had ended right there, I don't think we could have too many complaints. It's a nice, rounded off season comprised of a tour de force of powerful episodes and everyone did such an amazing job and it wasn't even over! They surprised us all with a Christmas episode! And then a second season! And a third! And a fourth! What started out as a little experiment to see if a low-budget digital-only series aimed at a different audience than their usual Doctor Who fare would go over well is now ten years old and the ride never ends, though it sometimes tricks us into thinking it has haha.

I've gotten a bit away from the review of this particular episode but yeah, it's good, go listen to it, it's worth it.

Imagine Siren venti falling in love with a Mermaid s/o. (I went on google to see if there was a difference, and it said Sirens are pictured as violent evil creatures who lure sailors out to their deaths, while mermaids are non-violent creatures who try their best to live thier lives peacfully and away from humans) I thought about a human s/o but that troupe has been used many times.

So this is how I think s/o meets him at first,

Venti had been sitting on a rock as he looks at the sailor boats, a mischievous laugh escaping him as he preps himself to play his lyre and sing, that is until the sight of a rivaling species caught his eye. A fair mermaid being caught in the nets of the sailors boat, them all hungrily gazing at the fine sight below them as they hoist her up. Ventis ears perked at the sailors as they talked about how much money they could make from the find. To entranced by the mermaid in front of his eyes, he quickly started playing the lyre, a melodious voice coming from his throat, quickly catching the attention from the sailors.

They all look back at him sudden interest filling then up, and before they knew it, their bodies seemed to move on their own, working the ship to move towards the giant rock venti was perched on. This caused the h/c mermaid to quick her eyebrows in confusion at the sudden change, the familiar sound of a siren filling her ears.

She looked towards the direction they were steering, a siren. Her eyes widened, remembering how her elders warned her about sirens being dangerous, the species being rumored to murder mermaids. She panicked, not cause she was scared, but confused. Instead of the feeling of dread and fear, she was consumed by the feeling of enchantment.

The ship neared its doom as it kept sailing slower and slower to the rock, until the front finally hit it, a huge hole being implanted at the front, The sight making Venti smile. The sailors all broke from their trance, panic filling them as they realized they would sink.

After Venti finished laughing, he quickly looked back at the struggling mermaid, trying their best to escape the net, sadly though, their fin had gotten stuck in the net, making it extremely difficult to get out.

The siren quickly dove back into the water, taking the sharpest shell he could fine to cut open the ropes. When he emerged back from the water, he slowly neared the mermaid, reassuring you would be fine, once you seemed to calm down, he quickly caught open the net, helping detangle yourself from the wretched trap.

When you dived back into the water, he quickly took your wrist, swimming to the nearest kelp forest to hide. Looking at it now, you both looked drastically different. Your upper half looking half human, and your lower half being half fish. For some reason, he had the random urge to rip off the shell bra hiding your chest, but he decided against it.

Once he saw the bodies of the sailors fall in, he smiled, the sight being satisfying to watch. Though, your face was quite the opposite, pity being implanted on it.

"Why? Is something wrong?" Venti was confused, just a few minutes ago they were trying to sell you, why are you sad?

"I don't think they deserved to die..."

What?

"What do you mean? They do deserve to perish, afterall, they laid their filthy hands on you, didn't they? They planned on hurting you!" You stayed silent, let out a sigh as you gently smiled at him.

Soon enough, the boy would drag you away from the scene, both of you sitting in the middle of a coral reef, thinking it would somehow make you feel better seeing all this sea life he wasn't used to. I mean, his job is to kill sailors, not enjoy life under the sea.

Night set above you, the stars being bright enough to see even under water. Your eyes grew heavy, your head falling onto ventis lap(?) As he hummed and combed through your hair, parts of it floating in the water.

He stayed awake just in case any other sailor decided to take you again. I mean, he has been doing that for quite awhile, protecting you from the shallows of the water. This though, was the first time you've seen him do it.

Nsfw bonus: After you started meeting up with him more, you would allow him to fondle your breasts whenever he wanted as a reward for every single time he has saved you from sailors due to your carelessness. Let us just say, he really does enjoy saving you.

~ ~ ~

That took quite awhile, anyways, I've been sending a lot of my thirsts here now, (Streamer Venti being a tease and Yan Venti butler being jealous of the other butler,) so might as well be identified, if it's not taken, can I be 🎨 anon?

Ooh this is really good!! I enjoyed reading this one <33

Imagine tho reader secretly meeting up with venti, even tho she knows that sirens are really dangerous yet she still decides to visit him because venti is different from the rumors she heard from her family and friends

Once you two are comfortable being with each other, maybe you even let him play with your breasts even tho there werent any sailors harming you (am i making this friends with benefits? Lmao)

Venti dragging you somewhere secluded and taking off your shell bra whenever he feels the urge to be intimate with you. And he loves that you’re not complaining about it, he’s your saviour after all, right? So whatever he wants from you, you’ll accept it without complaints.

Thank you for this anon~

Thank you to the lovely @heart-attack-harry for tagging Jessi from Kiwi/Kiwis to do this. I got a little carried away looking for pictures but here we go... hopefully you find this fun!

Rules: Choose a few favourite photos/aesthetics of your tagged character, answer the questions below from their point of view and tag some characters/authors you would love to see answer next!

---

1. How do you display affection? What's your love language? Oh, we are big on hugging in the Styles house. We have a lot of limbs between us and they all like to be touching the ones we love. I mean if you don't like hugs then we will try to respect that but chances are you'll end up squished in a warm hug if you visit. Sorry.

2. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? Honestly, right now nothing. I mean I know I'm not perfect but I'm okay with that. I'm in a place where I've learned to embrace my flaws and come to peace with the mistakes I made in the past.

3. What's your ideal Saturday morning? If I'm not working (and since you said ideal, I'm going to go with no work) then I like to not set my alarm so I wake up naturally (or when one of my kids decide its time to get up, hehe) and then I try to sneak in some kisses and cuddles with my husband before our kids decide to crash the party. Then family snuggles and a lazy breakfast in bed before we get ready for the day. Heaven.

4. What is your drink of choice? Non alcoholic? Alcoholic? Coffee. No milk or sugar. And I'm still a rum and coke girl but Harry has taught me to appreciate a nice red wine. Oh, and I will sometimes have tequila over ice if I'm missing him.

5. How competitive are you? Thankfully not very (I think I might've been long divorced if I was as competitive as Harry). I don't mind being the loser if it means my loves are happy.

6. When did you last have sex? Feel free to describe if you feel comfortable. A few hours ago. Grandma Anne is babysitting and I won't go into details just in case my kids find this but I have no complaints 😉

7. What is your idea of a perfect date? I'm on one right now (Harry has gone to find a nice red to have with dinner). As I've gotten older I care less about going out. As long as I have some good food and my husband then I'm a happy lady.

8. What is your most treasured possession? I could live without everything so long as I have my family but I do have a few sentimental items that I hold dear. I have a few things that my mum left me, some bits and pieces Harry has given me over the years (including the copy of Four he signed when we met). I even kept my NY apartment because I couldn't bear to let it go.

9. Would you ever get a tattoo? Do you have any? Yes. I have quite a few now, not as many as Harry though. I have the letter A tattooed on my right wrist (for my Mum, Anna). Harry's cross tattooed on my right hand. Always in white under my left boob (Harry has the same tattoo on his chest) we both had a little red heart added too. I have Tell me that you feel (lyrics from baby, I love you by the Ramones) on my right rib cage. A pink peony on the back of my neck and my kids names are written on the left of my ribcage. Phew. I'm growing quite the collection.

10. Do you believe in love at first sight? Have you experienced it? This is something my husband will argue with me about, he believes it was love at first sight when he first saw me and I have no desire to correct him. I mean we're all different. But for me it wasn't love at first sight. I've never had that all consuming this is my person feeling after meeting somebody. Was I attracted to him? Hell, yeah. Have you seen him?! Did I hope I might see him again? Yes. Do I love him any less because I didn't fall head over heels in the first instant? No. I worked out he was my forever eventually. And now I can't picture myself without him.

---

Thank you. I tag Suge - Secure @hereforthehands // Harry - The Entertainer @heart-attack-harry // Marcel - The Styles Twins/Pretty Little Angel @imnottherealharrystyles // Elizabeth - The Adventures of Harry and Me @a-butterfly-on-his-tummy // And any characters that @oh-honey-styles and @andwhenshesays still have left to do this for. Love you all!

I'm feeling kind of low tonight. The bruise on my leg has spread and become one giant bruise. So I had to call the doctor. I actually did it on the app and spoke to a nurse. And send a picture. And they told me to call. And I did. And they said I should come in. So I'm going to the doctor on Thursday. Everyone is very excited. Because they've been telling me all day today and all day yesterday to go to the doctor and I was being stubborn. Mostly I was being scared. But it's getting too bad.

Honestly I just feel very tired. Today was a long day. I slept okay last night and I woke up what's my alarm. I got dressed and had a bowl of cereal. And then I went to the museum. I was a couple minutes early and check the tour route. It was kind of a annoying day because the schools were early and that through off the tour is and then no one seemed to know where people were supposed to be and I was listening to my manager and other people weren't it was a whole thing. I don't know why everything got so confused but it was fine. Just obnoxious to kind of have to Vamp when there's that many tours happening.

But I survived. I collected more of the cardboard squares from upstairs and put them in a box and jam to the box in my bike basket and went to the bus.

While I was on the bus I got to do a survey from the Metro about how the service is. And I told them that my biggest complaint is sometimes three buses will come all next to each other. And what should happen when the buses but up against each other like that is that everyone should get off the other two boxes onto one. The other two buses should wait. And then get themselves back on schedule. Because right now they're not running on any schedule at all it seems and even the app doesn't know when they're coming. That's ridiculous.

Then I got to school only a couple of minutes late. It was all good. I had my pizza that I picked up at 7-Eleven and went to find Chelsea. We talked about what we were going to do that day and made some plans. It was all good. We were both kind of sad that we're not going to Six Flags on Friday anymore but it'll still be a fun day with the little kids.

In general today was a good day. We got our students and it was a small class. Everybody came upstairs and got right into their working. We went outside it's beautiful. Al is brought these very strange four wheeled skates that were wheeled in the front, two 9n the sides, and one in the back. But like me she felt that the basketball court was the safest and flattest place that she could do it. So I rode around on my skateboard and she worked on her roller skates. And it was a lot of fun.

We had dinner and cleaned up and then Chelsea went to the classroom to kind of set up stations for art making. The boys worked on mosaics. Specifically they wanted to make tiny laptops. Which was very cute. Damien made a puppet. Couple of the girls worked on mosaics again with the stones and the beads. Everyone was so excited about how many squares I brought. Literally a thousand. And then Dallas was running a marbling paper station.

I had never marble paper before. So I told Dow she was going to be in charge of this project. And it first that was fine. They each had containers they put Smokes on that use the shaving cream and food coloring to create patterns and then there's paper in it. But then about a half way through the class they all just started making foam color. That's fine. Make some sensory art. I don't care. What a dick Carol was when they started pouring it into each other's containers. Because then it started getting on the floor. And then start getting on all of them. Somehow they used an entire gallon of paint. She was wild how much paint they use. It didn't go horribly but it was a huge mess at the end and I kept telling Dallas that this was her project and so she was responsible. And she kept saying but it wasn't me. And I kept trying to explain to her that even if it wasn't her she was responsible because it was her project. So she got them off and she mop the ground. China helped. And everyone work together as best we could but it was hard because so many people are getting picked up early. We did our best but it took almost 40 minutes to clean the classroom.

I got upset though because while we're cleaning I am losing steam. My leg was hurting and my arm was hurting. During the art time I had called the nurse to make the appointment so I was kind of emotionally drained from that as well. And then two of my kids come back in because their grandmother was upset that they had paint on them. And that she was saying I had to do their laundry. And that how dare I let them get so dirty and stained. Are you serious question mark this is an art class! Like why would you sign up your kids to be in our class and be upset that they have paint on them. Everyone is going to have paint on them it's going to happen it's our class. If you don't want to let them get dirty put them in aftercare. It made me so incensed that after all the kids were gone I stayed behind with chelsi that we can have a meeting with Tiffany. She told me not to worry about it and that she agreed it was a ridiculous comment and she was not happy about it either. That made me feel listen to at least. And then I told her the story of what happened with my accident because my bruise has gotten so bad and Chelsea kept yelling at me because I hadn't gone to the doctor. And Tiffany was shocked that I didn't go as well. She said that I should have stayed home. And honestly I don't disagree but I also feel like yesterday it wasn't that bad. I was sore and stiff but the bruise wasn't as outrageous as it is today. James really thinks that I have some kind of hematoma but I'm very concerned because there is a hard lump next to the impact point now and I am having weird numbness in my leg. It really is the craziest bruise I've ever seen on my body. And that's fairly upsetting but I'm trying not to be too upset.

Because I was leaving later than normal I texted James to see if we're going to have dinner and he wanted to go and get a burger at the marketplace. So I'm going to get the bus and as I'm crossing the street Marcus and Miss Elaine honk their horn at me and they gave me a ride back to my neighborhood. Just as we were getting to Rite Aid James was walking up the street and so they were yelling out the car at him and waving. It was very cute. It was good to see him.

I did feel in better spirits today. But I think I'm emotionally I'm dealing with a lot and that's hard. We walk to my apartment and stopped for a few minutes to feed sleepy. And then we went to Mount Vernon Marketplace for dinner. We got burgers and we shared fries. He told me about his interview which apparently went really well. I have very high hopes but we keep everything realistic just in case. It would be so good for him. And I really want him to feel happy and secure. All I ever want it's for him to feel that way.

But we had a really nice dinner and then we came back here. I kind of had it anxiety Spike about moving because there's not a ton we can move right now. A lot of the stuff in the apartment is things that I just need to feel happy and comfortable here. He did bring one bag over and my piggy bank. So at least something got moved in the trip wasn't wasted and that's really what I was upset about. We also made a list of what things are going to his place what things are going to his parents place and what things are coming back to my parents place. That helped a lot.

He went home and I took a shower. And now I'm just laying in bed watching videos. I'm going to go get an ice pack and try to get some rest. My arm is hurting me and tomorrow's going to be another long day. The plan for tomorrow is Museum in the morning then hopefully I get to the school and have time to do some cleaning and organizing. I really want to get a lot of the stuff that's on the cart off the cart so that we don't have to think about it on Thursday and Friday. And then rest. That's all I want.

I hope you guys all have a good night. Send me some good vibes because I feel sad. And stressed. Good night everyone

🎁BEST BEAUTY SUBSCRIPTIONS🎁

📦Listing my top 2 fave ones, and some info about them. For anyone that's been wanting to sign up for a monthly beauty sub, but just aren't sure on which one to go with. I got you!

I have many different beauty subscription boxes. Varying in price and quality. You get what you pay for, and then some, when it comes to good sub boxes. Depending upon your tastes and budget, I can hopefully help you choose which one would work best for you. Rn I'm only doing my top 2.lol bc if I talked about them all, would take me all night.😂 I can talk about the others on a different post though.....❤💄🎁

First we have my first sub box that I tried. And fell in love with immediately! Boxycharm! They're $21 a month and you get 4-5 FULL SIZE name brand beauty items. The value of box is always around 100$ or more. It's fantastic! My only complaint is that I wish it was more customizable. They're working on that they said though. And did let us pick between the two items in our luxe box before, so that's a start. They have Boxyluxe now as well, that's quarterly. For 49.99$ a month. You get 9-11 items in that, with around a 300-400 $ value!!! It's wonderful! I upgraded to Luxe when they launched it. I've loved almost every thing I've gotten from them. And if I don't, I gift it. Just one item alone pays for the value of the box. I've built my beauty collection fast with them. They are active on social media and interactive with their subscribers, and give us sneak peaks...each month for upcoming items. There's some items all charmers receive, and some are variants. There's diff possible box variations every month. Sometimes just like 3 or so, lol other times it's like 10 possible box variations. They show the main 3 box items and then let other two be surprises. I always look forward to getting it each month. Lol and of course I check the spoilers bc I'm so inpatient.😂 Also can do reviews of your items and build up your charms to spend in charm shop for free items! And earn them by referring friends also. Overall this box is my fav! I absolutely would recommend this sub box! It's definitely a popular and very good one! When in doubt...go with Boxy!

*Pictured here 👆👆👆 is my Jan 2019 Boxycharm Box I received.*

🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁

Next we have Ipsy. I've been subbed to them as well for a while. They're a beauty sub for only $10 a month. And each month you get 5 Sample size/Deluxe sample sized items in a cute lil bag! They also have different themes for each month. With so many possible items to get! The variations are endless! You can choose to see what they have picked for you each month, on their own app, or let it be a surprise. Have where you can take their beauty quiz and give info about yourself on your beauty profile...such as your hair color, eye color, and skin color, etc. You can let them know if you're not happy with the items you've been receiving, by reviews, quizzes, and feedback on the app. Each month, they match you with the 5 items they think you would like, based on what preferences you choose when doing your quiz. (Can select which items you like and don't like on it.) They're customization isn't spot on, but it's pretty good. I've liked almost all my items so far. If not, I tell them in my reviews, and can also click the part on app to "improve glam bag preferences" as well. It helps to ensure you'll get more things you'd be interested in using. Able to pause your sub if you want, or if you like cant afford it that month or something. Can refer friends, and rack up points for items with them also. However most points items sell out so fast, and they don't offer that many choices to use the points towards. Recently they have an Ipsy Plus bag they have been rolling out, thats more like Boxy is, with full size items, but its not available for everyone just yet. Its by email invite, if youre wanting to upgrade. They have their own Ipsy shop too, where you can purchase different beauty items from them, outside of your monthly glam bag. And also purchase 'add ons' to your glam bag that are sent with your bag each month. (Add ons are 12$ a piece for full size and 3$ a piece for deluxe samples.) They're also, like Boxy, a mix of makeup, skincare, and haircare, etc. Any beauty oriented items. The value is good. Can't complain much for only $10 a month. Even if it's samples, they're still decent sized, and even get a couple full size items, in the bag normally! Like nail polish, makeup brushes, eye or lip liners, etc. I've liked almost all my picks so far, besides a couple. Overall, it's a good beauty sub. Esp for ones looking for a more affordable sub box.

*Pictured below is my Jan 2019 Ipsy Glam Bag. (With add ons included)*👇👇👇

Hope this helps anyone who was curious about these subscriptions! I'd recommend either of these, if you're looking to find some nice beauty items, or build your beauty collection fast!

Mac OS High Sierra - ♪ I Love It ♪

I recently installed the High Sierra public beta and I'm glad I did. Let's go back to WWDC 2017. Craig uttered this brief statement that felt like an afterthought, "We even moved the window manager to use Metal." I believe he also said something about how the most difficult animations would be accelerated using Metal or something. But this didn't seem too important to Apple in the grand scheme of things.

When he said this my ears perked up. Could it be? Has Apple finally fixed the stuttering of animations? I have wanted to try High Sierra ever since. And now that I had some time with High Sierra I have to say that this change does indeed fix those issues. 99% of the time anyways.

When I first got my Pro the animations were noticeably choppy. So much so that I kept the resolution at 1280x800 rather than the retina resolution of 2560x1600 just to avoid the choppiness. High Sierra is not perfect. There's definitely a little bit of choppiness going on, especially when moving from a full screen application to the desktop, and I suspect the animations aren't a crispy 60FPS.

But the difference between Sierra and High Sierra are like night and day. I can finally use my Mac at the retina resolution without pulling my hair out in frustration. It actually looks like the demo laptops in the Apple Store.

This makes me a lot more hopeful for the MacBook Adorable. The graphics on that thing should be about the same as my MacBook Pro so I'm a lot less worried about stuttering on that now.

That's the really big thing in High Sierra. This choppiness that was present since I got it has finally been fixed. But there are a few other important changes I'd like to discuss.

First is APFS. I thought this would be a bigger deal than it ended up being. Every time I need to change the file system I've had to format a drive so Apple doing it in place is basically magic.

In fact they did it so well I didn't even notice anything changed. When it restarted after the update it showed me all my Windows from before I restarted, a feature I'm shocked Windows has not copied yet, so I didn't know if anything actually changed. I had to look at my disk properties to see: APFS, oh, it actually worked. Speaking of which the main drive now appears in the Finder side bar. A small change.

I haven't seen any speed improvements yet. My Mac was fast enough already. I've seen APFS actually doing worse compared to HFS+ in benchmarks. I'd suspect that's accurate. From what I hear APFS has to write more and more detailed metadata. But in real world scenarios it may be faster.

Now let's talk about Safari. Safari has had perhaps the most changes out of all the apps I've used. First of all the block autoplaying videos is very nice. I know what you're thinking, "But how often do I encounter autoplaying videos?". And you're right but it also blocks youtube videos that are in the background. Not foreground ones, they work normally.

I open a lot of Youtube videos and they take a bit of time to load so sometimes I do something else and then suddenly the youtube video starts playing in the background. Annoying. In High Sierra it's no more. It's one of those things like picture in picture that I didn't think was such a big deal until I actually started using it.

Of course not all the Safari changes are so awesome. The 'always on' reader that they trumpeted is nothing more than an option to automatically open the reader view when opening a page. Also you can definitely tell Apple changed the title font here. I don't like it, hopefully I'll get used to it though. Also it is now harder to get out of the reader mode. You now have to physically click on the reader icon. This is very annoying as text to speech automatically enters this view.

I hope they change it; I already sent a complaint about it to Apple. I recognize a lot of people don't use Safari but I do because of the text to speech integration and the view all tabs options (that firefox removed for some reason).

The view all tabs is, first of all, much faster. It got the Metal treatment. They also don't stack the tabs anymore and they don't load all thumbnails at once. Probably to help with performance but it looks a bit janky.

There are also a few useful tweaks. This may just be me, but the battery life may have gotten better. Well, I'm reaching for the charger less. It might be because of Metal being less graphically taxing especially while watching YouTube videos or maybe APFS is allowing processes to be more efficient. I heard APFS allows for multiple processes to read a file now which I'd imagine increases efficiency by decreasing the reliance on locks and lends to more bursty tasks meaning more time for the CPU to be idle. But what do I know? It could just be me, though, I'm not using any tools to measure my battery life.

There's also a new Wifi icon. At least I think it's new and I believe status bar icons have been spread out a bit more. Finally there is HEVC and HEIC. HEIC will probably become a big deal but I don't see it being important for a long time.

HEVC is overrated. Sure, the OS supports it. But I never use the built in video player so the only benefit I'll get is files encoded in H.265 will now have thumbnails. Because apparently a lot of video players already support H.265. I'm using IINA, basically a prettier version of VLC, and it supports it. I think Apple just popularized it, they aren't actually doing anything meaningful with it. Just like how Apple popularized Helvetica fonts, well they did for me anyways. So this next section concerns mostly H.265.

The hype for H.265 is real. H.265 video takes up a lot less space compared to H.264 and I have not noticed any performance dip when playing it back at 2x speed. I used to compare video codecs to see which one used the least space. I stopped because the change was never that significant (like 10%) but H.265 might get me into it again as using handbrake the difference in size is like 50%. It's huge.

The only downside to H.265 is that video is too clear. Using handbrake the outputted video appears to be less grainy. The difference is slight but it's there and you'll probably notice it on some level when viewing low res video although to actually see what's going on you'll have to compare individual frames. The H.265 video just doesn't seem as crisp. I believe these are compression artifacts being stripped away. This makes the video look a bit softer which I don't appreciate. Now I know why many games have a graphics setting called 'film grain'.

The weird thing about handbrake is it saves H.265 files using .mp4 or .mkv file extensions. When I save a H.265 file I expect it to be using a dedicated H.265 file extension like .hevc. This is like saving a JPG using .png or a markdown file as .txt or an mp3 file as .wav or a GIF using .jif. Madness. Absolute madness. Well that's video codecs for you. They make no sense.

So the last thing I'd like to talk about are the bugs. There's definitely a lot of them in High Sierra. However when I restarted my Mac, like actually restarted not that automatic restart that happens when you upgrade, things got a lot better. Still a few bugs though.

Update: This only applies to public beta 1.

All in all High Sierra is stellar release. I think one of the Mac OS versions promised to fix a bunch of bugs. But I never noticed any differences. And new OS versions in general, whether it be Windows, Mac, iOS, Android, or even Linux have gotten pretty stale with only the occasional feature appearing every so often. High Sierra feels like a big upgrade. If only because it fixes a problem I've had for so long.