#but no really do you think spock will forever remember that he hurt kirk? | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

gayspock · 1 year

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ok im into generations

right so i wasnt sute about this one bc ok as ive said im not a huge tng fan + combine that with what ive heard about kirk in this one im kinda really scared 3:

also update: we got to order indian which my family usually arent onboard with but... :3 idc... im enjoying it yammy yammyyyyyyy

CAN I ALSO SAY. IM THE FUNNIEST BITCH EVER FOR WATCHING TREK TO STOP BIRTHDAY BLUES AND IT JUST MAKING ME EMO AS HELL ANYWAYS

hi oh MY GOD SHES SO PRRTTY OHHHH MY GODDDD HIII DEMORA HIII GIRLLIEEEE

also god ... this one makes me emo FUCK OFF THE END OF UNDISCOVERED CPUNTRY MADE ME FUCKING EMO GOD FUCKING HELL

god seriously though im trying not to be emo im meant to be watching these to not be emo but it does make me sad sometimes even watching stories like these thinking about where im gonna be if i make it to my 60s onwards like kirk + knowing i wont even have enterprise moments to look back on something something i never lived instead there was just a sad little hollow existence ... you guysknow what i mean. i wish i could be in the stars forever....

also it is funny how like so many of the trek movies are about how washed up kirk is its so fucking funny like we've been doing this bit since motion picture LOL

ALSO WAIT

HANG ON

CONNOR?

CONNOR JUMPSCARE CONNOR ROY JUMPSCARE

fucking connor typica- TIM RUSS?

if theres one thing about tim russ is that he'll be in a star trek showw or movie it doesnt even matter any more-

hi guinan . what the dickens.

also guys i ate too much food tummy hurt

also woag... 78 years later

ALSO YOU GUYS ARE ALL TAKING THE MICK LIKE "DONT TELL ME TUESDAY" WELL CAPTAIN CONNOR ROY DIDNT WANNA GO AFTER THEM KNOWING WHAT HE KNEW ABOUT THE SHIP YOU GUYS JUST BUGGERED OFF

come on kirk lets go girlie

the enterrprise is seriously like the pear wiggler

uhm

ehrm

NO SERIOUSLY IMAGINE BEING SCOTTY HERE ANDTHEY JUST LOSE KIRK

OH GOD IMAGINE BEING CAPTAIN CONNOR ROY. sorry i dont remember his seriouss name

oh fucking hell oh god WHY DID YOU GUYS DO THIS. JESUS FU CKING CHRIST. THIS IS SUCH A HARROWING END I... GOOD FUCKING HEAVENS . LIKE EVN THOUGH I KNOW HES SOMEHOW OKAY I CANT FATHOM IT FOR EVERYONE ELSE. JESUS.

HI WORF

HI RIKER

HI GEORDI

HI TROI

HI CRUSHER

HI DATA

.... hi picard. i guess. 😒

SORRY I FORGOT SHIT I ACTUALLY DO MISS THEM.

also god everyone can we be hoenst i did start to not like data as much not so much because of the show but basically just existing in fan space kind of really started to ruin him as a character for me but i will be honest him pushing bevs into the water and everyone being mad bc he just tried to match their energy yeah okay i feel that data sniff okay

ALSO PICARD SNAPPING. I LIKE IT WHEN HES A CUNT FRANKLY. I HATE IT WHENEVER THEY TRY TO MIDDLE GROUND IT WITH HIM. LOSER BEHAVIOUR. HES BEST WHEN HES FUCKING HORRIBLE TO PEOPLE AND I STAND BY THAT NO ON ELSE GETS ME

so is this where they find kirk

you know whats fucked up is spock is still alive somewhere ... ugh thatbreaks my heart SORRY. [looks shy] LIKE ... I ASSUME KIRK DIES BEFORE THE END OF THE MOVIE SO THEY NEVER MEET AGAIN FUCKING FINE DOES ANYONE TELL HIM WHAT HAPPENED THOUGH I'M- im going to kill myself

fucking hell though imagine if you pulled

YAAAYYY SPOOIT HI SPOT HIS PSOT BABY HIII SPOT HIIII SPOT HI BABY HI SPOTHIS SPOT

FUCK OFF

BRING SPOT BACK

CAN WE GET A SPOT CAM

i'll kms

oh god fucking- I FORGOT EMOTION CHIP WAS IN THIS FUCKING MOVIE. KILL YOUTSELVES. I HATE THIS. ITS BEYOND THE WORST FUCKIGN FECISION YVOEU EVE SORRY IM SEEING RED THIS IS WEHY I SHOULDTA HEV WATHCE ok breathe im breathing im normal im in and out breathing

he doesnt keep it thoughdoes he like

ugh

i feel like there is a way to do the emotion chip imagine if theyused it as a metaphor forlike.. masking, maybe and it really just made it all the worse for him and he rejected it bc he- YOU KNOW HES HAD EMOTIONS ALL ALONG THEYRE JUST NO THTE SAME AS YOURS ... I HATE MY LIFE I HATE ALL OF- BONG

me: gosh golly i mean how can i articulate my emotions regarding the emotion chip

also this cunt soran is just dickin about innit also do i just recognise him ta clockwork orange posters (has never seen the actual movie) where else have i seen him has he just got a face on him or what

NO DATA IS SO REAL FOR THIS WHO DOESNT REMEMBER SOMETHING 10 BILLION YEARS AGO AND HAVE A RIGHT GIGGLE

also you'd think regarding the data chip there'd be more of a fuss about him sticking it in considering what occurred to lore

GOD

THE WAY GEORDI DOESNT EVEN FIND HIM FUNNY. CLASSIC. AS IT SHOULD BE. THATS NOT OUR DATA IS IT NOW.

thatbing said im also a little sad like hes just learnt humour ITS RATHER NOVEL TO HIM . SORRY IF THAT MAKES ME SICK TO DEFEND IT.

okay there we go a complicat- JESUS THAT SUBTLE EFFECT ON HIS MOUTH THAT WAS SCARY DONTDO THAT EEEK HEAVENS

OH GOOD HEAVENS

THIS TIME IN: DATA LEARNS WHAT FEAR IS

THATS SO FUNNY SORRY i shouldnt laugh

eek.

you know what thats also funny to think about how like picard and such would have like super HD pics of them as kids do you know what i mean because when i see older people i think god theres only shitty pics of you when you were little bc cameras wont commonpla-

uhm

sorry picard is crying

i feel uncomfortable

dont fucking do that im a capricorn i w

oh jesus what the fuck . oh good fucking heavens i . I FUCKING HELL CAN I SAY IF I WAS A COUNSELOR LIKE TROI I'D KILL MYSELF A MILLION TIMES IM SO UNCOMFORTABL PLEASE FUCKING HELP ME

OH DEAR LORD

"the closest i'd get to having a child of my own" wyou've got some juice in you old man come on get fucking then

UGH OF COURSE PICARD HAS SOME FUCKING GRANDIOSE FUCKING FAMILY LINE. WHY. i thought it made more sense him being a smalltown little farmer or whatever. ANYWAY HE SHOULD BE LIKE ME. MY GRANDAD DROVE LORRIES FOR ASDA.

anyway what i was sayinh oh yes the pictures its strange i guess thinking about them being so farin the future sometimes when it comes to little things

what i will say is the second a klingon woman shows up with brilliant cleavage im like on my knees begging and i dont even know what for half the time im just like [whining noise] .. uhm. god i hope people dont read these lbs anyways

can we be nice to geordi for once- MORE NORMALYOU'LL END UP ON YOUR ASS CUNT

YEESH

CUNTYOU KLNOW WHATS ABNORMAL IS YOUR FUCKING HAIRLINE ITS GIVING JEFF WINGER FROM COMMUNITY sorry

GEORDI IS MY BEST FUCKING FRIEND

if i was data and i was feeling emotions for the first time i'd be crying throwing up being sick gaspig for geordi. i know this because im doing it anyways and im not even involved really

OKAY NO YEAH

YEAH ME TOO

I'D BE LIKE KMS JUST DO IT I HATE THIS SO ME BESTIE

PICARD

PICARD LET HIM FUCKING GO BEDDY BYES AREGHGHHH

also again me watching trek movies to escape my existential dread but good heavens every single time they get super existential wrt time and whatnot STOP IT. QUIT IT OUT

"the only engineer in starfleet that doesnt go to engineering" HELP LEA HIM AL-GJA0-GKAGKS[DGOSD[GOSDG

I JUST. LOVE. SCANNING FOR LIFE FORMS

ok his cute little doo doo doo okay

THESE KLINGON WOMAN SO HOT

god it wouldnt be a star trek movie if we didnt blow the shit out of the enterprise

dont get me wrong her hair is gorgeous still but ugh i wish troi got to have her little curlie whirlies

i need the klingon woman to

sorry

stop sentence

theyve exploded now so i'll behave

also we're like an hour in and kirk hasnt reappeared which makes this hysterically funny if theyre going to have him pop up again for 0,2 seconds and then axe him like jesus christ way to kill him off thats so funny like is any of this worth it im bewildered

TBY THE WAY THE ENTERPRISE CRASHING IS SO FUNNY BECAUSE I SWEAR DOWN THEYVE REUSED THE SAME FOOTAGE OF IT CRASHING AND THEN CUTTING INTO ALL THE DRAMA ON THE SHIP ITSELF BUT LIKE, DOES IT MAKE SENSE THE FOOTAGE OF THE SHIP ITSELF ON THE EXTERIOR VIEW WILL BE LOOPING ITS POSITION HELP

also i said it earlier but i cant tell if soran(?) actually does look like jeff rom community or if im just focussing on the hairline am i crazy

HANG ON I WENT TO GOOGLE TO SEE IF ANYONE ELSE THOUGHT IT AND THE CUNT WAS IN COMMUNITY WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU ON ABOUT

WHEN

I MEAN GRANTED IM TALKING MORESO ABOUT THE RESEMLANCE WITH HIM IN THIS MOVIE RATHER THAN HIM BEING OLDERHANG ON7

CAPTAIN picard waking up in - oh my god............. this is scary

NO THIS IS SCARY IM TERRIFIED

DONT DO THAT

ITHIS IS SCARTY

IM SCARED OF CHILDREN LOVING THEIR FATHERS

whos his wifey okay

generic woman thats so funny . kill yourself beverly crusher

rene ... sorry its so easy to forget picard is literally FRENCH with a BRITISH accent. double homicide. christ

hi guinan

also okay lets talk more about this movie. gusy lets talk about this movie.

"but these are all mine" is such a hysterically funny way to think of your kids

PA PA. HELP ME BUILD MY CARSTLE. PA PA FANK YOU FOR THE DOLLS. SHE IS VERY BEAUTIFUL. GOD PICARD IM SORRY BUT I CANT COPE WITH YOUR KIDS victorian ASS CHILDREN AND YOU DONT EVEN GIVE A RATS ASS ABOUT YOUR WIFE . FUCKING HLL PICARD. TRUE MIRROR OF YOUR PSYCHE

NOW KIRK FINALLY REAPPEARS WHAT IS HE JUST.... CHOPPING WOOD THIS IS SO FUNNY

aww he has a doggy and a clock with bones and-

HELP OF COURSE THEY GAVE JAMES A RANDOM WOMAN TOO THIS IS SO FUNNY ANTONIA WHO THE HELL IS ANTONIA GOD BLESS US ALL ITS SO FUNNY AS IF

i love kirk im sorry i stand by it when he just fucking has a new woman every fucking day of the week why not .. have fun

THIS IS SO FUNN Y I DONT KNOW WHY I ASSUMED KIRK WOULD HAVE A BIGGER ROLE IN THIS GOD BLESS

"youre a starfleet officer. you have a duty." I MEAN HE WAS LIKE... LITERALLY KIND OF RETIRING MAN IN FAIRNESS.

why are they bonding over their lack of families . lonely middleaged men well. theres a solution like well

maybe boost . sorry not boost. "boost". i mean but the ghosts that boost reported. were right. and they should just have gay sex here to solve their problems . fill the holes in your hearts and the holes well i didnt say that who said that

AGAIN i guess they didnt want to isolate the audiences or whatever but god wouldnt it just . i dont know work better if you even chose carol and david or something like FUCKING ANTONIA. HELP. AND IS ANTONIA IN THE ROOM RIGHT NOW

OH MY GOD

HORSEGIRLS

STAR TREK EQUESTRIA NEW SERIES CALLED IT

I LOVE IT HEN MEN ARE HORSEGIRLS

aww the horsies love e- GUYS THE HORSIES LOVE EACH OTHER AND I WAS ABOUT TO GET WEEPY THINKING-

OKAY SO MY THOUGHT PROCESS JUST NOW WAS WAHH THE HORSES ARENT REAL THEYRE IN THE NEXUS > BUT OH GOD EVEN IF THEY WERENT THE HORSES ARENT REAL ITS A MOVIE > BUT WAIT OH MY GOD THE HORSES ARE REAL ACTUALLY IN REAL LIFE THEYRE NOT JUST A PROJECTION > OH FUCKING GOD THESE HORSES ARE PROBABLY LONG DEAD

SORRY

"dont let them do anything stay there" KIRK YOU ARE THE REASON THEYRE FUCKING WHEELING PATRICK STRWART AROUND FOR A THIRD SEASON IN 2023 YOU FUCKING MENACE

THANK GOD YOU MENTION SPOCK

sorry

PICARD ARE YOU EVEN GOING TO MENTION SPOCK IS STILL ALIVE AND THAT YOURE BESTIES WITH HIS LATE FATHER

and bones could be too i dont know he was alive in ep 1 of tng but frankly well yeah

WOAHHH HI KIRK

HES JAMES T KIRK. BITCH

so is james t kirk literally going to die HERE now because thats so funny imagine that youre stuck in limbo for 80 years and then you get out and instantly eat shit i mean theres a way to do that gracefully i think but this obviously well

SORRY I FEEL LIKE IM GOING INTO THIS WITH A PRECONCIEVEDNOTION ARENT I BUT ITS HARD NOT TO

also why do so many of kirks lines sound... whats the word? recorded and added back in later?i forget the term but it sou-

DID KIRK

STRAIGHT UP JUST

IN .2 SECONDS

I DONT KNOW WHY I

I EXPECTED LIKE SOME FANFARE DID HE JUST

HI IS KIRK DEAD DID I EVEN

CAN I PROCESS THAT KIRK IS DEAD? AM I ALLOWED TO?

HEY GUYS?

BLOW UP. BITCH. 4JESUS OKAY SO NOW WE

OKAY SO KIRKIS LIKE FUCKING

RIGHT FINE JESUS OK........

"IT WAS FUN. <3" #DIES

god how are we... are we just burying him here, too? like good lord i dont know what i expected cant we... i dont know. christ . it feels so messed up to see kirk die and have a moment with PICARD sbeing the only person just standing over his grave and for him-

SORRY I MEAN THIS IS IRONIC BECAUSE KIRK WAS ALSO A CRIMINAL ABOUT THIS BUT I DONT TAKE AS MUCH OFFENCE WITH TOS BECAUSE THATS JUSRT SORT OF TOS YOU KNOW BUT IM STILL VERY GRUMPY About picard in general + how hes used within tng anyways god i

data....?

SPOT?

SPOT ARE YOU OKAY

THANK GOD THANK FUCKING GOD

OH THANK FUCKING GOD OH CHRIST IM GOING TO CRY NO SHUT UP. THIS CAT IS FIGHTING FOT ITS LIFE

i will also say going back its always so funny how they do that bit with like ahhh damn the starfleet officers cant have families bc im sure theyve touched upon it with riker too but also like. thats just what makes sisko the fucking best isntit . HAHAHAAHHAHAAH., GOT EM

thanks riker. swing your big dick aaround

also can i be honest i didnt care about enterprise d being destroyed. smirk. there i said it. i wept in search for spock i will say i will profess to that but that was like real thi wasn stop imr emeebring

MOVIE OVER?

#Egg.txt #STAR TREK LIVEBLOG #UNDESCRIBED IMAGE

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trek-tracks · 5 years

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Hello i love your blog soo much!! I just finished to read your fics recommendations. And everyone of it were so good and well written i can't even start describing it!!?? I almost had a heart attack half way through them 💛 I wanna ask you if you can give us more suggestions. You 👏have 👏such 👏a 👏good 👏taste.

All right. So. Sorry to leave this unanswered for like three weeks, but I had many thoughts to think on it! Thank you so much for your kind words about my blog; they mean a lot. So much, that I’ll destroy any pretense on Tumblr that I don’t read fan fiction, just for you. See what I do for you? :)

If anyone reads my blog at all, I think I’m pretty clearly biased toward Bones (“What?! No way!” says everyone, extremely sarcastically), so all these fics are Bones-centric. Sorry, that’s just what you’re going to get with me, but if you like my blog, chances are you have a soft spot for Bones as well.

I think you have already seen my post where I recommended, along with Equilibrium (#1 and still champion) and everything else PSW has written for TOS, some other gen TOS fics with Triumvirate feels, but here they are again for everyone else:

Hope, Logic and Other Wastes of Time by pantswarrior (the return of Xenopolycythemia, with fantastic characterization)

Watching the Watcher by stillwaters01 (and everything else by her as well): Great for Bones and Chapel, very medically detailed, hugely introspective.

Mudd in Your Eye and The Vestorian Quandary by Avirra (who also has some excellent series work; these have really interesting plots and Bones badassery)

Now, here are some more recommendations. This is by no means a comprehensive list of everything, only my thoughts at the current moment. One writer I was going to recommend deleted everything from AO3, alas. I might add on to it later, as I am absolutely sure I’ve forgotten things. To try to narrow this down, I’m going to try to steer clear of complete AUs. Mostly.

As is my wont, I am also largely going to recommend non-explicit or only briefly-explicit stuff, as I try to keep this blog on the PG side. I can’t remember all the details about everything, so check the tags before you decide to read, and make the decision that’s best for you.

Gen TOS recommendations:

Through a Mirror Darkly by GenuineSnoof is new; it’s a TOS/AOS crossover with Prime Spock and Bones (both Boneses, in different times) dealing with the Mirror, Mirror mind meld.

Other Gen stuff dealing with the Mirror, Mirror mind meld includes

Memories From A Past Not My Own by PSW

Of Mirrors by EmRose92

Bad Luck and Broken Soul by @apathetic-revenant

The Wicked and Divine by Danzinora Switch (also try by this writer: Peace and Long Life, where Spock and McCoy accidentally transport themselves to Vulcan’s far past; Silence is Key, McCoy vs. Romulans; and Project Memory, one of few worthwhile codas to Spock’s Brain)

ThatSassyCaptain writes some good stuff. Weight is a nice shortish character study off some canon episodes. The Dog Days Are Most Certainly Not Over features McCoy and giant doglike creatures. It’s very silly, and very enjoyable. Also, its sequel just happened to update yesterday for the first time in something like a year.

I remember KCS being a good writer. Try Watching the Watchman, but look around at other stuff, too.

Incubation by Swiss Army Knife: Bones comes back from City on the Edge of Forever with smallpox and has to find a cure before he and everyone on the ship dies. Kirk is a jerk (okay, he’s still traumatized over Edith, but still). Spock is awesome. #ProtectHim

icarus_chained writes some great short character studies.

There are some very long works by Mary R. and Lynn S., which are older pieces but luckily online; try Unspoken Truths, which deals with The Enterprise Incident, and Betrayed (So. Much. Angst. So much. This one is really well-written, but also a really hard read.)

I haven’t read The Dorian Solution in a long time (it’s novel-length, as I remember), but it’s a very interesting premise: McCoy and Kirk accidentally partake in a planet’s ritual that allows one person to take on all the other person’s subsequent injuries. Guess who gets the short end of the stick on this one?)

Imperfections by Amatara: Canon expansion: episode/movie scene additions from The Man Trap to Generations. Fantastic characterizations and UGH MY HEART at that ending.

Gen AOS recommendations:

anonymous - The One Who Is Fire. Bones screws up a First Contact by being emotional. Gets whumped. Much action; much angst. Very Triumvirate. Just on this side of overwrought, but very satisfying and full of the feels.

rustingroses - That Which We Find In Others. Spock and Bones. Earthquake. Trapped. Long talk. Fascinating.

Hollow Earth by beamirang (yes, another xenopolycythemia fic. Whatever. Everyone bands together to find a cure. Many feels.)

Aini_NuFire - Do No Harm: Short adventure with more Bones badassery

Now, various slash-type-things.

TOS/Both TOS and AOS

@klmeri is the reigning champion of McSpirk fic, is all-around stellar, and has even written a couple of stories based on my overly-detailed prompts: Grave or Gone and In Winter Snow Angels Sacrifice. My favourite, though, is Younger than Stars, which has a great, conspiracy-filled plot, and feels aplenty. But just read starting anywhere, honestly. Read them all.

TheRev - Lovely writing. Spones. Try This Must Be the Place (AOS with Spock Prime/McCoy Prime; you will cry) or Nothing By Halves (TOS)

Eddaic - The Wind Here Sings: TOS Spones. Canon-adjacent. Very poetic.

AOS

I’ve already recommended @fireinmywoods’ sneaky, intricately-plotted and swoonworthy Palimpsest and other writing (McKirk), but for comprehensiveness’ sake, here she is as well (she’s also one of my favourite humans on Tumblr). Sometimes explicit.

Mardia - Fortunate Son: AU where Kirk wasn’t on Tarsus IV, but Bones was, as a 19-year-old doctor under the supervision of Dr. Philomena Boyce. The writing on this one is phenomenal, and the use of interwoven flashbacks with the present is stunning. Even explains why Kirk and McCoy’s eye colours switch in AOS. This is a must-read. One sex scene; can be skipped. McKirk.

laughter_now writes some great stuff. Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder is also a must-read. So much suspense, featuring Bones being a righteous self-sacrificing badass and awesome doctor. For sheer h/c angst and suspense with a happy ending and a description of drowning that literally made my lungs hurt in sympathy, go for Hold on Tight, I’ll Hold My Breath. McKirk.

Zauzat’s Honourable Enemies is also a must; it has one of the most satisfyingly-crafted plot resolutions I’ve seen in fic. Everything from the beginning pays off at the end. Everything. It’s pretty much movie-ready, except it’s Spones, and I think Beyond is about the Sponesiest they’d ever be willing to go. https://archiveofourown.org/works/225404/chapters/341313

PrairieDawn’s A Matter of Trust strung me out for the past 24 agonizing weeks, but just finished; lucky you. Spones AU with Kirk and McCoy on a medical ship captained by Pike. Joanna was injured in the Vengeance incident and has telepathy issues. Spock is a healer. Makes good use of the Operation: Annihilate! premise. Crisp, evocative, compelling writing.

JoulesMer does a bunch of effective McKirk stuff with Pike and Boyce. Try The Red Wheelbarrow, Xenopolycythemia, or S.O.S. Great for angst and feels and happiness, romance and self-sacrificing idiots. Some stuff is rather explicit.

Gammadolphin is another very entertaining writer who does a lot of McKirk/McSpirk and AUs. It’s all pretty worthwhile, even the incomplete ones. Try A Wish in the Dark for a Bulletproof Heart (similar premise to The Dorian Solution, actually). Also has a range of stuff from non-explicit to explicit.

The Time and Space Are Not Conditions By Which We Live Series by ijen: McSpirky mission moments.

…okay, I’m going to cut it here for my own sanity. Aren’t you sorry you asked?

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mirrorfalls · 3 years

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Lego Liveblogs ST: TOS, part 11 (of who-the-hell-knows-how-many?)

Miri, Miri on the wall, who’s the fairest script of all?

Probably not this one, another chronically under-discussed episode among the fandom, but you never know...

* Rand’s still here? I genuinely thought her actress had walked already... * There’s something very charming about this genre of sci-fi - the whole idea that you can find a completely parallel Earth just by flying out far enough, no dimension-jumping technobabble required. It showed up a lot in Atomic Age Superman stories, too. * Pretty big landing party, compared to the first dozen eps. Is this the first time we’ve had Kirk, Spock, and Bones all together? * “Where is everybody?” Someplace that’s friendlier to budgets, Yeoman. * Whoo. No lie, this guy’s got the best monster-makeup yet. By a mile. If I had any reservations about the whole “loooook upon our world if we’re not careful with the nukes OoOoOoOoO~” setting, this guy’s done a good job of sweeping them aside. ** (Hope that wasn’t supposed to be a twist, by the way...) * Holy crap, two Redshirts wander out of shot and live? This is one nice deathworld. ** (Okay yes, the irradiated guy died in their place, it’s Very Very Sad and stuff.) * Ah, here’s our titular girl. You’ll all recall how Kirk’s attempt to have a surrogate son went - how will a surrogate daughter go? * Miri’s actress really ain’t half-bad, given how demanding the role is. I wonder what else she’s been in... * A Cleverer(tm) writer would’ve had these murder-kids belting out nursery rhymes, but I really think it’s a lot more natural - and chilling - for them to use nothing more complex than “Nyah-nyah-na-na-na”. * On a somewhat-related note - you’d think someone in the crew would’ve at least suggested getting candy and toys to open the kids up. Even if it’s just for Spock to shoot them down with “We’re a military research vessel, why the hell would we have those?” * Yecch. It probably cost the effects department ten bucks tops, but that thing growing on Kirk’s hand legit made my skin crawl. * ... huh, so it wasn’t nukes that left the planet like this after all. It was some kind of biogenetic augmentation (aka The New Nuke). * “I think children have an instinctive need for adults. They want to be told right and wrong.” Kirk, your boomer is showing. ** ... but not as hard as the writers’. Are you guys seriously playing up Miri as a love interest? * Well, I guess we couldn’t keep the other kids off-screen forever. Not all them are up to Miri’s actress’ level of acting - it wouldn’t have hurt to put a few more of them in creepy masks - but I do like how this isn’t just a straight Lord of the Flies riff. The kids aren’t really feral; they just remember too well that it’s the grownups’ fault they’re in this mess to begin with. * Holy jumpscare! ** ... that’s nowhere near as effective as the first one, because that is one glowing head of hair you’ve got for a plague victim, kid. * ~sEVen DaYs~ * “Is that all, Captain?” Okay, Bones is the MVP of this episode on the strength of that line alone. * Oh for the luvva - why are you all rushing out sans communicators?! For that matter, where’d those two Redshirts go?! * Huh, I was wondering whether they’d have the guts to show Rand getting the blotches, too. Turns out they were just saving it for extra fan (dis)service. * Obligatory third-act twist: gasp shock Miri’s a turncoat! * Aw, c’mon, no fair time-skipping! At least give the crew a chance to not fall for this! ** I do like, though, that Kirk’s log actually mentions the welfare of all the kids before the fact his own crew are about to die. * ... well, on the one hand, this nicely explains why Miri doesn’t seem to hang out with her “real friends” a whole lot. On the other, it’s still creepy as fuck to symbolize - hell, literalize - her “maturation” as falling in love with a grown man. * So here’s the big climax. Shatner’s giving - probably overgiving - it his all, but I still think that the script level, he should at least try offering the kids something immediate instead of going for Big Ideals. Or, hell, steal their food supply and make a straightforward swap for the comms. Speechify later, if you must. * Another pitfall of running the clock down to a matter of hours: now getting the comms back ironically feels less important, because even if Bones did fuck up the vaccine there’s probably no time to brew a new one, anyway. ** And it looks like Bones agrees with me! Godspeed, doctor. May your guts and your main-character contract speed- ** Oops. * “Is he dead, Mr. Spock?” “No, but you’ll be if you don’t come up with a good explanation of where the fuck you were in the last two acts.” * Aaaand so it turns out Kirk’s big victory wasn’t that urgently-needed, after all! This doesn’t bother me quite as much as it probably should, since the script at least tried to establish he prioritizes saving the native kids at least as much. ** Also on the plus side: a shiny new colony for the Federation! * Nice save, Captain. Nice save.

So as a parable on the Generation War (and the follies thereof) this one’s kind of a wash, given that the moral pretty much comes down to “Children should always listen to grownups even when they’ve killed an entire fucking planet” - and that’s without getting into all the ways the plot creeps on poor Miri. As a straightforward adventure piece, though, it works nicely if you can overlook one or two big Idiot Ball moments, and I honestly love how the first act places Rand as an equal to Kirk, Spock, and Bones in examining the planet-of-the-week. Shame it couldn’t last...

Next: Our second Bard-inspired episode, and by all accounts a Classic to match Balance of Terror. We’ll see just how much it deserves that rep...

#Lego Liveblogs Star Trek #Star Trek: The Original Series

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fleetofshippyships-archive · 6 years

Note

Prompt?: Kirk is afraid Spock would never be with a human, especially not his captain. (He's wrong.) - It's okay, I totally understand. It happens. I just felt so bad because I tried really hard to phrase it in a way that would be clearly not a fic request and also not overly specific, and felt horrible that I'd failed and added to your frustrations. I super love your ideas for it and look forward to seeing wherever you go with it!

(So sorry this took forever, Anon! After all that confusion, I ended up using your original line anyway haha with minimal tweaking! So it was great in the end! I hope you are still around to read it, and that you enjoy it. It got quite long, and, um, a tad… angsty. But it has a happy ending, I swear.)

Jim is afraid Spock will never wantto be with a human, especially not his Captain. At times, he wallows in thisfeeling, seeing Spock and just hurting with how much he wants him. Howmuch he wants Spock to loosen his tight grip on rationality, and feel something.To feel something for him. How badly he wants more of the human side of him,buried under all that Vulcan logic. The side he sees so rarely, but is soenamoured with after such brief, brief glimpses, even if the Vulcan logic isjust as appealing, in its own way.

At other times, he pushes, and pushes,for some faint glimmer of hope as Spock is frustrated into displaying emotion.He revels in those moments of lost control, and feeling. He is drawn inby the outward displays of emotion, still mild by human standards, butdeafening by Spock’s.

Sometimes those displays are warm,and almost friendly, and other times they are harsh and angry.

Either way they make Jim’s breathingstutter, and his hands itch with the urge to reach out and touch the minusculeshifts in Spock’s expression that reveal those rare emotions.

But always, always, Spockspeaks of the superiority of logic, and the messiness of human emotion.Intentional or not, he expresses his disdain for Jim’s kind, and dashes anyhope a previous slip may have given Jim, and Jim retreats back intoprofessionalism. Retreats for fear for pushing too far, and losing Spockcompletely.

Even as some barriers between themcrumble, and a friendship blooms, he remains afraid.

For all that they spend time togetheroff-duty, for all that Spock begins to tease, and joke, in his own Vulcan way,Jim fears it will disappear at any moment. That Spock will remember Jim isnothing more than a human, with messy, inconvenient emotions.

Even as he holds close to his heartevery game of chess, every casual touch, every joke and raised eyebrow, andtwitching of lips, he fears the day it will shatter and crumble and disappear.

Sometimes he even fears he is nothingmore than an experiment. A fascinating specimen for Spock to dissect, andanalyse. To poke and prod into different situations solely for the purpose ofrecording his reactions.

Has he not considered kissing Spock,not only to show him how he really feels, but also to push that littlebit more, to see if he can bring out the human part of him, and watch him feel something,even if it is only revulsion?

Even though they are borne offeeling, his own reasons sound experimental at times, and everything he fearsSpock may be doing to him. But he can’t stop wanting to push.

But he can never push that far, inthat way.

***

Spock is the one to kiss him, andbeneath the elation, the burning need for more, is the sinking suspicion thatit’s all a game or experiment to Spock, who could never want a messy, illogicalhuman.

But the kisses continue, along withthe chess games, and jokes, until Jim is seeing more and more emotion beneathexpressions that, at first glance, appear to remain perfectly Vulcan.

He must be learning to read himbetter, or perhaps Spock is letting him see more. He doesn’t know for sure, andhe isn’t sure he wants to know.

The kisses become touches, and sharedbeds. Moans and gasps, and the shattering of Spock’s logic as he begs for moreand less, and ‘too much’ and ‘not enough’ all at once as he trembles beneathJim’s hands.

And it’s everything Jim ever wanted.The lingering looks, the shared jokes, and the inhuman, but soothing, coolnessof Spock’s skin being the first thing he notices upon waking, and the lastthing he feels as he falls asleep.

But some part of him doubts, evennow. Even when he seems to have everything, and Spock seems to want him just asbadly as Jim wants him. When Spock even seems to love him.

Because the criticisms of humans andhuman emotion continue.

There’s the twitch of an eyebrow, andthe slight tilting of lips, and it’s all a joke, but Jim wonders, and fears.

***

Then everything changes.

***

They’re crash landing on a mission,and they’re stranded. Spock’s logic is failing, and Jim’s emotions are met withharsh words, and even harsher looks. Spock is no longer a Spock Jim knows, andeverything that was falls away, and the fear returns. The fear of along-lasting experiment, or some kind of joke.

Because stranded, and wounded, theyclash, human and Vulcan, and nothing seems to work. They don’t work.

And Jim is so cold he can barelyspeak, and Spock’s fingers are sliding over his face, but he can’t even feelthem. All he can think about is that surely Spock should be the one faringworse, being far more susceptible to the cold, and when he’s already given hiscustomary extra layers to Jim. But nothing Jim says can make him stop talkingabout how the Captain is more important, and that Jim must survive. Andthey just keep fighting.

And then they’re melding.

Spock’s voice is in his mind, andit’s saying, ‘No, Jim. No.”

But he doesn’t know what that means,and it’s so cold, and he’s just so tired, and sleeping seems like such a betteridea than fighting again about their next step, and who should have the extraclothing.

Because they used to work so welltogether, fit together so seamlessly, and now suddenly they’re strangers.

It’s just easier to sleep it allaway.

***

When he wakes, Bones is swearing, andthreatening, and it’s so normal Jim smiles before he remembers. But then heremembers, and first he panics, and asks too many questions. But Bones muttersabout stupid Vulcans, and Spock is okay. And then all he can think aboutis how he and Spock became complete strangers in the course of one mission, andSpock has probably put in a transfer request while he was recovering.

For all his attempts to fix theirsituation, and all his attempts to hide it, Jim had been so afraid. Dying aloneon that planet would have been regrettable, but Spock dying with him?Unacceptable.

His messy human feelings have gottenin the way, and now Spock will be reminded of all the ways he hates humans. Allthe ways humans and Vulcans just don’t work. Like they hadn’t worked down onthat planet.

Being trapped in the med-bay willonly leave him with his thoughts the moment Bones steps away, and he has nothingto occupy himself with, so Jim plays the oh-so-familiar game of gettingreleased early, until he’s walking out, and his expression crumbles. He doesn’twant to return to his room. All that will be waiting there will be a transferrequest. If Spock isn’t gone already.

Or even if he wants to stay, then itwill be over between them, if it had ever been real in the first place.

Down on that planet, Jim had provenjust how incompatible he and Spock are, as his messy human emotions causednothing but friction and fights, as Spock’s logic tried to save them, and Jimgot in the way.

Who had he even become? Letting hisfeelings for Spock get in the way and endanger them? He hadn’t thought clearly,and it had nearly gotten them killed.

Words like ‘emotionally compromised’flash in mind, as he enters his quarters, and moves straight for his bed, justwanting to try and sleep it all away again, as his head starts to pound, andhis body ache from what it went through.

Only, Spock is there, sitting up atthe sound of the door, and blinking sleepily.

Some tension in Jim just melts away,faced with the familiar sight of Spock when he’s sleepy. Too out of it to pullall that logic together and form his Vulcan mask of emotionlessness. But awakeenough to still be so Spock.

Familiar enough that all Jim wants todo is crawl into his arms, and press his sore head to the soothing cool skin ofSpock’s neck, and pretend everything is still okay. Like they didn’t ruineverything down on that planet. Like Spock hadn’t finally lost patience withhim, trying to keep them both alive.

“I did not anticipate you brokeringyour release for another three hours,” Spock says, holding out a hand, andpulling the covers back. “I was intending to be there.”

Jim stares at his hand, and then hisface, watching as his expression focuses, and tightens, and then fades into thefamiliar nothingness that will only be broken but the faintest of twitches togive away emotions. Twitches that Jim has spent months learning, and suddenlywishes he hadn’t.

“You need rest, Jim,” Spock says, hisvoice still soft and low, no longer with sleep, but calculation. Treating Jimlike a wounded animal. “Come to bed.”

It’s all Jim wants, but to go back tothat peace, only to find themselves at odds again like they had on that planet…

In his indecision, Spock rises fromthe bed and sighs. An open, frank expression of tiredness that throws Jim offbalance at once. After what they went through, he expects more of the Vulcan.For the situation to be explained logically, until the only possible solutionis the ending of their relationship.

“Jim, you foolish, foolish man,”Spock says, stepping close, and enclosing Jim in a gentle embrace.

Even confused as he is, Jim meltsinto him. Spock’s neck is cool and soothing against his forehead, and thepounding of his headache. He relaxes, and breathes in the soothing, familiarsmell of him.

“You mistook my anger as being causedby your humanity,” Spock says, murmuring into his ear, and holding him close.“It was caused by fear. Fear I was unable to control. I was… compromised. Youalmost died.”

Jim says nothing, only brings hisarms up to return the embrace, and hopes, and hopes.

“You are not an experiment to me,”Spock continues, sliding one cool hand into the hair at the base of Jim’sskull, and pressing lightly. Jim relaxes further, letting his head rest fullyon Spock’s shoulder. “You are… a great unknown that I will never understand,but a certainty all at once.”

“That sounds infuriatingly illogical,Spock,” Jim mumbles, closing his eyes.

“Indeed,” Spock says, with that pitchin his voice that indicates amusement. “But your illogical, contradictory humannature is part of why I love you, Jim. I should have said so, but I thought youknew. You are so… you are more in touch with…”

Jim smiles into Spock’s shoulder, asthe last tension in him melts away when he hears those words. He feelsincredibly stupid, but he’s too tired, and still too sore, to dwell on thatnow.

“Love is difficult for us all,Spock,” he says. “What did you see in the meld?” All Jim remembers is thealmost sad ‘No, Jim. No’ in his mind.

“Everything,” Spock admits. “I hadnot realised you were so… insecure. That you doubted us. That you were soafraid I would end our relationship. I have always held back from gleaninganything more than a cursory sense of emotion from your skin. I never feltthose things from you. Not in any way that I understood, at least.”

Jim manages to extricate himself, sohe can look at Spock, and try to gauge what little there is to gauge from hisexpression.

“We never did talk about any of this.We just sort of… happened,” he says slowly, wondering if he might actually killBones when he tells him about this spectacular misunderstanding. If anyonecould die from laughing at Jim’s stupidity, it would be Bones.

“Can you be so happy with someone soalien to you?” Spock asks. “Someone that understands so little, when it comesto your human needs and emotions?”

“I thought you saw everything in themeld,” Jim returns.

“I find myself wanting… wanting tohear you say it,” Spock confesses, and his brows twitch in an indication ofuncertainty. Or possibly in frustration at his own illogical desire.

Jim sighs, and turns to the bed. “Whywere you sleeping in my quarters?” he asks, groaning softly as he slides intothe bed, and looks up at him. “That seems oddly sentimental, for a Vulcan.”

Spock moves closer, and Jim pulls thecovers back, and holds out his hand.

“I found it… comforting,” Spock says,taking Jim’s hand without saying anything about how illogical it is to offeraid climbing into a bed, when it is so unnecessary.

“How illogical,” Jim says softly,smiling as he settles on his side, and Spock presses up against his back,soothing and familiar.

Spock’s fingers trace the contours ofJim’s face, but never settle. Jim sighs, the coolness of Spock’s skin sosoothing, as his head continues to ache and pound.

Even if Spock has already seen it inthe meld, saying it out loud is harder than he expects. He feels even morefoolish for that than his former insecurities.

“Being with you is everything to me,Spock,” he whispers.

Spock’s lips brush against the backof his neck, and Jim closes his eyes and relaxes. “Your life holds more valueto me than any other in this universe, Jim,” Spock says softly. “Even if yourhuman emotions are, at times, infuriating, and illogical. Even if, at times,you seem so fragile, and so easily taken from me.”

Jim smiles, and takes Spock’s hand,guiding his fingertips over his face. “Show me?”

“You should rest,” Spock says,although he doesn’t move his hand away.

“I passed out once already in a meld,so maybe—”

Their minds are connected before hefinishes the thought, and he can feel Spock’s amusement.

And then, like a flower unfurling andradiating heat, he feels Spock’s love, filling him with a soothing warmth, andchasing away some of his pain.

And it’s everything.

Link to AO3, if you’d like to leave me a comment =)

Prompting rules | My other prompted drabbles: Tumblr or AO3

(Goes without saying after the last few days, I’m incredibly insecure about this fic. But it’s unfair to the prompter if I never posted it after writing it! So here we are.)

#spirk #spock #james kirk #jim kirk #star trek #my fanfic #anon #asked and answered #prompted writing #*

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hurt-spock · 6 years

Text

FanFic: The Deep (Spock/McCoy friendship)

“I told you wife that he would not enjoy the experience,” Sarek said as their infant child shrieked while his mother held him in the shallow water and carefully washed him.

“Hush, dear. It's natural for a baby to be unsettled the first couple of times.”

“He is Vulcan. It is not natural for an infant Vulcan to be exposed to water to frequently and so young.”

“He is also human. That side must be nurtured too.”

The baby continued to cry.

Amanda had wanted to object to the school trip.

The Vulcan's believed that it was good for young male Vulcan's to spend time away from their families and experience nature and survival for themselves. They were supervised by adults, but Amanda feared the usual bias would fall upon her son.

At six years old, he was not a baby to be coddled any longer, yet he was her child and would forever be precious to her in a way that she knew Spock and even Sarek would never understand. But she knew that she had to let him do this too. All Vulcan children had such tasks to complete. Not allowing it would make him more of an outcast.

So she waited patiently for the few days to pass by and tried not to appear too anxious when he came home. Tried not to fuss over him.

It was only a split lip. But the hint of a bruise underneath and she knew it had been inflicted and it wasn't the harsh conditions that Sarek implied. And even at six year old, Spock had stopped confiding in her about these types of incidents.

“Spock, get you landing party together and meet in the transporter room in 20 minutes,” Kirk said.

Spock nodded as he looked over the data on his PADD to access the best team for the task. Spock didn't pay much attention to those in the meeting leaving until he was done and found only himself and McCoy left in the room. McCoy was waiting at the door and a quick glance told Spock that McCoy had locked the door to prevent anyone else entering.

Spock raised an eyebrow in question as he eyed the locked door. “Something you wish to discuss, Doctor?”

“You're going to lead that landing party?”

“Clearly,” Spock replied.

“I thought you had a thing about water?”

Spock frowned. “A 'thing' about water?”

McCoy sighed. “The drowning thing?” The change in Spock's face was minimal and he did well to cover his surprise so quickly. But McCoy had noticed it. “So it's true then?”

Spock kept his gaze averted for a moment or two before meeting McCoy's look. “It is of no concern, to yourself or the task at hand,” Spock said, stepping past the doctor and unlocking the door.

Jim had noticed his hoovering, checking the landing party updates. But he didn't say anything.

Sometimes McCoy did do that. If the danger seemed to be high, but as far as Jim was concerned, this was a straight forward mission, so McCoy's presence made him a little anxious.

When they were ready for beam up, McCoy headed to the transporter room along with Jim. The crew debriefed and all was well. Except now Spock was actively avoiding the doctor. He blatantly ignored his presence there and went about finishing his duties. McCoy mulled over how best to approach Spock and ended up heading to his quarters three hours after Spock had been off duty. He made sure he wasn't with Uhura first, nothing to make matters worse than busting in on their quality time together, though it didn't surprise him Uhura was also not present.

He buzzed and the door opened with a simple command from Spock. The scent of incense hung heavily in the air and the lights were low, sure signs Spock had been meditating.

“I wasn't sure I'd be welcome,” McCoy said, hesitating by the door as it closed behind him.

“You are always welcome, Doctor. Although the memories you choose to bring up are not always so welcome.” Spock replied. He remained seated at his desk. McCoy knew that Spock always mediated on a mat on the floor. He wondered if Spock had been about to meditate or had already completed it.

“Just so you know, I wasn't snooping through your files or anything. Stuff like that, which might be an issue, it's flagged up for medical.”

“But you did look further into it,” Spock replied. It wasn't an accusation.

“A long time ago, but yeah. And just so you know, there's a lot of pressure on me not to let you die,” McCoy said, pointing a finger in Spock's direction.

“There is also a lot of pressure on me not to die. But I grant that your job maybe harder. Besides, if I fail, I do not have to live with the consequences.”

“Stop talking like that. It's depressing as Hell.” McCoy said. He moved away from the door and went over to one of the incense burners, a warming orange glow coming from the flame, with deep red at the top. “So is this genuine?”

“It is a replication of one I had on Earth. Many Vulcan's who survived gave any genuine artifacts in their possession to the Elders of New Vulcan. So those genuine items could be immortalised for future generations.”

“I wanted to just, you know, say I'm sorry if that comment I made before the mission threw you at all. I didn't think it through. I shouldn't have mentioned it.”

“Would you like a tea, Doctor?” Spock replied, getting up from the desk.

“I'm not really a big tea drinker.”

“I am afraid I have nothing else I can offer you,” Spock replied as he made himself a drink.

McCoy let out a sigh. “It's okay. I guess I should get going, let you get back to your.... thing.” He turned to leave but Spock spoke out before the door opened.

“I do not have a dislike for water.”

McCoy stopped and turned to the Vulcan. He was still in the darkness of the room, but the flicking from the candles in the room lit up his face.

“Vulcans do not have much association with water. It is rare almost sacred on our planet. Water sources are scarce and heavy rains so rare. Yet they always bring with them so much life and rage.” Spock took a drink from his tea. “My mother bathed me as an infant any human would bathe their child. It was met with much disapproval, from both my Father and myself. But I grew used to it. On an outing as a child, a storm came upon our group. I did not notice the first drops of rain, even though I was further out that the other children. I did not warn them because it did not frighten me as it frightened them. By the time the rain reached them, it was too late to find any real cover.”

“It was only rain.” McCoy shrugged.

“A fierce storm. Thunder and lightning. It was probably the first that most had experienced. Not like a storm on Earth. And very different if you are out and exposed in the middle of it. The elders in the group did their best to shelter us from it. One of the boys fled. In sheer panic he ran. There were only two elders with us, so one of them went after him. We waited. But they did not come back. So once the storm passed, we headed in the direction they had gone to find them.”

“Surely you should have all been taken home first?” McCoy interjected.

“The experience was about nature and survival. What better example than this?”

McCoy shook his head and Spock continued. “It did not take long to find them. Vulcan was home to many wild animals that prowled the deserts for food. That night, in their fear and panic, they had not been thinking about the dangers from animals, just the storm and rain. We gathered what we could find that remained of them, dug a hole and then burnt what was left so the ground would not be disturbed by creatures that could smell the flesh and blood. And we piled stones on top to mark where their bodies were. Then we headed back.”

“What did your parents say when you got home?”

“It took two days to get home. The following morning, we were gathering berries in the woods for breakfast. Two of the boys played a prank on me. I believed they were in danger and went to help, but they were in no danger.”

Spock's voice had been calm and quiet throughout, but it dropped even quieter. “I still do not know if they were aiming to be so violent in revenge or if it went beyond their expectations, however I recall them tripping me when I got close to them. The official report, the one you read, says that I tripped and fell into a body of water and almost drowned. I know that they tripped me, and struck the back of my head with a rock. I woke as they dragged me by my legs through to the body of water. I did not struggle, I did not believe I was in danger. The ground was still damp from the rain before and I lay there looking up at the sky through the trees above. I could hear birds and the elder calling our names. It did not seem dangerous.”

“And what did they do?” McCoy pressed.

Spock looked at McCoy. “Is it not obvious? One of them pulled me into the water and dropped me into it, he pushed me down so my head was submerged and he did not let go. The other.... “ Spock frowned as he tried to remember clearly. “I believe he kicked, or maybe threw stones at my body. I can not say clearly what it was. But they hurt and they left bruises. My eyes were closed. Tightly, I could not see a thing, just darkness. So I do not know when exactly I passed out but the next thing I remember is the elder striking my back and me coughing up water. The boys said I tripped and fell and he nodded his head and that is what he told the others when we returned and that is what I told my parents. Even though I could remember what they did, I did not tell them differently.”

“Why the hell not?”

“Two people died. If I had made an accusation I would have tarnished the deaths of those that lost their lives. And the families of those boys would have argued their innocence. And they would have been believed.”

“They could have killed you.”

“Yes.”

“Don't you ever think that you have a duty to do something about it now?”

“They both perished on Vulcan.” Spock was back to staring blankly at something only he could see. “Doctor, many tormented me as a child as I was different. And most of them are dead. And I would face all of those tormentors again and suffer through it all if I could have my home back.”

McCoy swallowed down his own emotions. Spock didn't need him to go all soft on him. “Fuck,” he muttered quietly to himself. “Okay so for future reference, how do you feel about water?”

“I am indifferent to it. Water did not try and kill me. It is illogical to fear it.”

McCoy nodded. “I'm removing the note then. It's irrelevant.”

Spock said nothing. He seemed to remember the tea he had made for himself and drank the remainder of it. “Have you got the answers you sought out, Doctor?”

“I wasn't looking for answers. Not really. You didn't have to tell me all that.”

“I believe sometimes your human theories of sharing may be of some value. Thank you, Doctor.”

“Your welcome, Spock.”

“I'll leave to your meditation.”

Spock nodded. “Good night, Doctor.”

“Night.”

#Spock #McCoy #babySpock #Hurt!Spock #Bullies #SupportingMcCoy #Star Trek #fanfic

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soyraktajino · 7 years

Text

hi i’m having a really shitty day here’s a really embarrassingly detailed analysis of a fall out boy song that reminds me of spock regaining his memory after st:iv

please don’t reblog this this is mostly a self-care post

like if you read

G.I.N.A.S.F.S by Fall Out Boy

(Gay Is Not A Synonym For Shitty)

youtube

the majority of this song works best from Spock’s perspective but the song itself changes perspectives (”you almost pick up the phone”/”i almost pick up the phone”) because it’s intended to be a love story between two broken boys who can’t admit to each other that they’re in love (which is. kirk/spock as hell)

I've loved everything about you that hurts, so Let me see your moves, Let me see your moves Lips pressed this close to mine, True Blue

this works as both Jim and Spock -- “I’ve loved everything about you that hurts” because they love each other through their insecurities and through the things that no one can understand and that hurt them to no end (Jim’s traumatic past ie Tarsus IV, his constant fear that he’s not doing enough for his ship; Spock’s internal turmoil over his conflicting cultural perspectives).

also merriam-webster defines “true blue” as “unswerving loyalty (as to a party) ie a true-blue romantic, completely faithful and loyal to a person or idea” which i think is beautiful in that unswerving loyalty is. both of their defining factors.

But the prince of any failing empire knows that Everybody wants, everybody wants To drive on through the night If it's a drive back home

yeah i’m not 100% on this i just like it conceptually as like... Jim and Spock driving back to their apartment in San Francisco (or taking the BART or smth) and wanting the drive to last forever because once they get there, y’know, they’ve gotta try and figure everything out. at least driving home holds the promise of maybe everything’ll work out.

(pre-chorus 1) Things aren't the same anymore Some nights, they get so bad You almost pick up the phone

so my favorite fic about post st:iv basically has Jim ask the bridge crew to help re-arrange their apartment before they get there - hide all the things that’d suggest they were married, because you can’t just. force him into a marriage he doesn’t remember. so Spock stays in the guest bedroom.

“things aren’t the same anymore/ some nights they get so bad/ you almost pick up the phone” sometimes Jim misses Spock so much he just wants to reach out to Spock and tell him everything, forget letting him figure it out on his own. but he never does.

(chorus) Trade baby blues for wide eyed browns I sleep with your old shirts And walk through this house in your shoes, I know it's strange It's a strange way of saying that I know I'm supposed to love you I'm supposed to love you

this is my favorite part ok

“trade baby blues for wide eyed browns” because Bones’ eyes (literally, literally called baby blues in-series) and Bones held Spock’s katra, wide-eyed browns as Spock’s eyes obvs and wide-eyed works because wide-eyed to the new world around him that he’s gotta relearn

“i sleep with your old shirts and walk through this house in your shoes” so like Spock was only dead for like a few weeks at most between st:iii and st:iv so it’s. incredibly hard to say what the fuck happened to all of his stuff. there’s no way Jim could’ve thrown it out. so i like thinking of this from either of their perspectives -- Jim wearing Spock’s old shirts (he wouldn’t know, anyway) as a comfort and walking through their home trying to empathize with what Spock must be going through...... but more than that, it’s really from Spock’s perspective because of the next part of the chorus. so Spock wearing Jim’s old shirts (he wouldn’t know!!) because he subconsciously knows he has an attachment to them somehow and walking through the house trying to remember everything that Jim remembers about them

“it’s a strange way of saying that i know i’m supposed to love you” is Spock’s realization that he and Jim were bonded. and it’s really painful because he knows he’s supposed to love him, he knows this is something his past self must have felt, but he doesn’t understand it for himself. as much as he may want to.

I've already given up on myself twice Third time is the charm, third time is the charm Threw caution to the wind But I've got a lousy arm

i don’t have a spirk meaning for “i’ve already given up on myself twice/ third time is the charm, thirt time is the charm” because the irl meaning of it is that pete’s tried to kill himself a couple of times (7 minutes in heaven’s alternate title is atavan halen, a play on van halen, because his suicide attempt in 06 was with an overdose of atavan; i think his other attempt was when he was a young teenager iirc) and he’s really tongue-in-cheek about suicide which. i identify with so strongly because when i was 17 i planned out my suicide attempt and didn’t go through with it and now that’s in my medical history and it’s such a pain in the ass to have every psychologist ask about it, i was just a terrified kid and i didn’t see any other options, it was 5 years ago, i fixed it myself by getting myself help. anyway the “third time is the charm” is also related to a verse later, “you saved my life that night on the roof of your hotel” because patrick climbed his ass up there and talked him off the ledge. like this is overtly a song pete wrote about his affection for patrick. (pat’s eyes are blue and pete’s ex-wife ashley’s eyes are brown and they’ve definitely been seen wearing each others clothes). and patrick singing it is just. so emotional for me.

“threw caution to the wind but i’ve got a lousy arm” is just a really nice phrase for either Kirk or Spock saying ‘fuck it’ and trying to hint that they’re in love but the hint wasn’t received

i know this verse is really weak on the spirk just let me have this alright

And I've traced your shadows on the wall Now I kiss them whenever I'm down Whenever I'm down Figured I’m not figuring myself out

god i love this verse too. (”figured i’m not figuring myself out” is pete’s tongue-in-cheek way of addressing biphobia, how ‘’’’’you’re either straight or you’re gay’’’’’’, look at this bi ICON)

anyway this is definitely Jim. “i’ve traced your shadows on the wall and i kiss them whenever i’m down” no one literally traced anything ok he’s traced with his fingers shadows of Spock on their bedroom wall from his memories of them together and kissed them whenever he’s down... whether or not you want to imagine an incredibly depressed jim kirk actually kissing a wall is up to you my depressed little gay ass would

(pre-chorus 2) Things aren't the same anymore Some nights, they get so bad I almost pick up the phone

“things aren’t the same anymore/ some nights they get so bad/ i almost pick up the phone” is a mirror of the first pre-chorus with “you” traded for “i” -- now it’s about Spock instead of Jim. now Spock wants to reach out to Jim.

(chorus)

(see chorus lmao)

Born under a bad sign, but you saved my life That night on the roof of your hotel "Cross my heart and hope to die Splintered from the headboard in my eye" Photo-proofed kisses I remembered so well

oh FUCK i always thought it said “bullet-proof” kisses because that ties it in to another song on Infinity on High, but photo-proofed kisses makes my heart ACHE; because these boys were constantly followed by the paparazi especially after pete came out as bi. pictures that caught them kissing were. proofed to erase that because the label didn’t want the mixed publicity. fuck me UP

anyway yeah this verse is also hard for me to make a spirk interpretation of because i know the actual story here so well. they were on tour and pete just, has depressive episodes and he climbed up on the roof of patrick’s hotel in the middle of the night and patrick talked him down. (which -- you could romanticize this so easily but pete doesn’t, he just comes right out and says “you saved my life”, because pete wentz fucking gets it and the only time he romanticizes mental illness is when he does it sarcasticly, and the sarcasm is biting; especially because these boys know all too well how their fan base is. a bunch of mentally ill teenagers. they talk about it a lot in a way that... it feels so much like how when queer folk talk about queer issues. we don’t have to step around shit like we do when we talk to allies. it’s such a comfort. that’s what fall out boy feels like to me, it’s written by these boys who know what it is to be deathly sick and who’re talking to kids who’re deathly sick themselves.)

sorry fuck i... have a lot of feelings about fall out boy.

anyway, spirk

Born under a bad sign, but you saved my life That night on the roof of your hotel "Cross my heart and hope to die Splinter from your headboard in my eye" Photo-proofed kisses I remember so well

“born under a bad sign” can refer to genesis and spock being reborn but it can also refer just to spock being born into adversity. also jim’s a fucking pisces and so am i and listen, it’s the worst fucking sign okay

“you saved my life that night on the roof of your hotel” could like. theoretically. just be something that happened. a small memory. they’ve gotta go to some stupid starfleet thing because let’s be real jim’s always under question as the captain of the flagship and spock’s always under question as a vulan in starfleet and. i think for the both of them the “you saved my life” is less urgent than ‘i was actually going to jump off this roof’ and serves as more of a ‘you made me believe in myself again’ because they do that for each other. so. often.

listen i don’t even know what ‘splinter from your headboard in my eye’ means for the song meaning irl, i’m just ignoring this

“photo-proofed kisses i remember so well” the little Vulcan kisses they give each other all the time as small comforts through the day aren’t recognized by the press or the brass so they can do it in front of everyone as much as they like, as long as they’re discreet -- fingers pressed against each other at their sides, while passing each other in the hall, etc.

i’m repeating the chorus here because i fucking love it

anyway this is the gayest thing i’ve ever typed out in my life, it felt really nice to do, thanks for your time

if you actually read this whole thing you are entirely too good to me and i don’t deserve your friendship, but thank you so much this really means a lot to me

#ffr #don't lose

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mejomonster · 7 years

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yo why did star trek tos make all the extra cute gay episodes tragic?

like shore leave starts with the first 1:50 seconds of the gayest hitting on your man scene i’ve seen in 1960s television and then later bones dies as far as anyone knows, certainly as far as spock and jim know, and everyone’s predictably awfully mournful. like i want to watch the cute flirty episode where they overtly try to touch each other and hit on each other in front of everyone TM but also i don’t wanna see bones stabbed?

then like this side of paradise kirk’s crush is so overt cause like... his crush spock is sprayed with straight sex pollen and basically leaving kirk for a woman and it’s like... kirk is awfully obvious about his love that episode... but also kirk ends up alone on the enterprise basically mourning over losing spock and deciding he’ll say the MEANEST things possible to spock just to try to break the spell and bring his crush back to his side (and awfully sad and conflicted he is gonna have to hurt spock to do it).

the city on the edge of forever is like... one of the most overtly spirk episodes... and in fact just one of the most genuinely romantic episodes because none of the romances are to manipulate anyone... and literally every single romantic arc ends in heartbreak, saving the day means everyone is heartbroken, it’s an episode you can’t happily chill through

then plato’s stepchildren like... it’s obvious kirk and spock are in love... great triumvirate and enterprise crew dynamics... literally the most awful thing to watch cause it seems campy-fun-period-drama but actually everyone is being tortured and the villains have no empathy and spock is self-destructive and self hating and it hurts to watch

like... the squire of gothos... has a literally fun dramatic villain... spock and kirk are in love... but like the villain realizes immediately that kirk will do anything to keep spock alive and goes straight for threatening. so it becomes another enterprise crew being threatened and tortured episode (the one saving grace being it’s more lighthearted then the other camp tragedy episodes, since it’s got a happy ending and the villain has parents who are kind hearted)

there’s just so many episodes that are Height Spock and Jim in love... and instantaneously the most emotionally wrenching things. Even like happy romantic comedy Journey to Babel... threatens to kill Sarek and Spock... makes Jim kirk pilot the ship while his guts are bleeding out to stop spock from letting himself and his father die.... the only reason the episode is not a tearjerker is because they handle the potential tragedy lightheartedly (unlike shore leave that just hits you with it and takes bones death as final until the end of the episode).

like... is the trouble with tribbles the only lighthearted flirting episode? and it’s not even flirting really it’s just jim and spock acting like the old married couple they will eventually become once actually married down the line in the wrath of khan/the voyage home/the final frontier. i’m sure there are other happy fun flirting episodes but i only seem to remember the tragic ones that make me cry and hesitant to force myself to cry over again. (also i guess piece of the action is flirty and not too tragic in the same way journey to babel is, cause they handle threats lightheartedly... and also spock and jim act already long married in that episode). So there... i guess... two episodes i can think of that are spirk heavy in being flirty but don’t make you cry... The Trouble With Tribbles and A Piece of The Action.

#rant #star trek tos #just... why do the most romantic/alternate world type episodes have to be so heartwrenching?#i just wanna see jim and spock having a good time flirting but the show keeps hurting them and me #spirk

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hurt-spock · 7 years

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This doesn’t feel finished but it’s 1.20am and I don’t know what else to do with it.

“Why aren't I surprised to find you here,” Jim said as he stepped into the small room.

McCoy looked round and winced. Jim's face was peppered with cuts and scrapes from his fight with Krall. “Have you seen a Doctor yet?”

“I'm seeing one now, aren't I?” he says. “I'm fine anyway, it's all superficial.” Looking to the bed that McCoy was sat next too, his expression turned to a frown. “How's he doing?”

“He's okay.”

“Okay? That's a bit vague, Bones.”

“It's hard to say anything for certain with him. It was a serious injury. He might have been up and helping out but that was through sheer force of will. And he didn't do himself any favours by doing it.”

“You never stopped him, though.” Jim said. He was staring at Spock now, watching the rise and fall, making sure he was breathing and despite the words, Bones knew it wasn't an accusation.

“Before we got beamed up, I'd tried the comm to reach someone cause I knew we were running out of time. He couldn't keep going and I had to haul his ass up. He kept telling me to leave him behind so I'd be able to help the others. I got worried that if we stopped letting him do what he could, even if it pushed him further than he should be pushing himself, that he'd just give up. Fall into some Vulcan coma he's never told us about and be unreachable. I couldn't be to blame for that too.”

“Which part of this are you to blame for exactly?”

“I was flying the damn thing wasn't I?”

“Oh come on, Bones.” Kirk said.

“Seriously. If Spock had been flying you think he'd have crashed?”

“Well maybe he would have. And then you'd have been injured and he wouldn't have been able to save you. Ever think of that?”

“He's probably got some super Vulcan ability to heal others.”

“Remember in that volcano you told me Spock would have left me to die if the situation had been reversed.”

McCoy blushed a little at Jim bringing that up. “Yeah well.... it was early days, I didn't really know him.”

“I'm not judging. I believed you. I still had to save him though. It just made me think about how precious life is to him. That planet, the crew.... he'd risk it all to save them. You know, I remember beaming back onto the Enterprise with Sulu and him coming in and ordering us off so he could beam down.”

“I remember you telling me,” McCoy said.

“It made sense- saving his parents. Trying too.” He still thought about that and it still hurt him when he thought of how lost Spock had looked when he'd been beamed back with the others. “But he'd have gone down there even if they hadn't been there. You know better than anyone how long it's taken us to get a connection. And it took forever, but he told me that the other Vulcans, the full Vulcans, they always treated him like he was less than them. But he'd have still died for them.” Jim sniffed. “Anyway, dying like that, on that planet from a crash would have been dumb. He'd have been really mad about it.”

#Spock #Kirk #Bones

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