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ultravioart · 1 year

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Relationship dynamics + a Ram x oc ship for my Mr. Support Omnic Deep Sea Welder oc (name pending), here are the ideas below: LONG text again, sorry lol. Color meanings: Does not get along, Suspect but sympathetic, friendly, and shippy.

Sombra: As per usual deep hacker shenanigans, she was able to figure out that this rogue omnic blowing up factories actually used to be human/have a family/is now an omnic running a human brain simulation of a real brain scan. (Insert some Sombra ARG 'hack the planet' vibes of her trying to figure out the big conspiracy, why would Vishkar meddle with human sentience/ai tech???) The oc is still very suspect of sombra, disliking the idea she could hack him at any time. Sombra's favorite animals are deep sea creatures so I can absolutely see her asking my oc for any pictures he's snapped of deep sea friends lol. My oc comes off as cold and stoic (leaning into the unnerving nature of the depths:tm:, of the unreadable retro-monster mystique of deep diver suits, and of his serious commitment to saving what he can of earth) but my oc would actually love discussing flora and fauna with enthusiastic participants. I doubt he would go out of his way to capture and show her pictures, but I can see him being all (squints) 'why didn't she hack me to access the pictures, is she toying with me by asking for permission?' only realize 'oh she respects my autonomy as an omnic... and human.' so there's that! I can see Sombra as being kind to him just as she is kind to Sigma. Less of a shallow "i pity you" and more of a well natured "well, someone needs to be nice to his guy"

Sigma: I think they have interesting conversations lol. Isolation has driven my oc's personality to be a bit unnerving to most humans, and I definitely think the depths have some kind of omnic influencing ai/signals down there controlling things like the Kaiju-bots. So I imagine venturing into certain underwater areas has made my oc second guess what he was seeing and hearing while in the middle of the oceanic dark abyss (again, my oc's human simulation saves him from complete control over his omnic systems). Weirdly enough, I think the two of them have this... understanding. Sigma definitely speaks in riddles, but my oc would get some of it, and even respond. Sigma has seen things, and while I think you could take Sigma's comment about the Iris as a joke or nonsense, I genuinely think he has seen it. So Sigma and my oc get along fairly well, with my oc treating Sigma like he had with his own aging grandparents when they team up. Outsiders are very wary of these two's convos lol, so the oc rarely discusses in depth with Sigma unless they are alone where they can talk freely. I don't think my oc would like Doomfist's philosophy. Yes, pressure can lead to adaptation, war has lead to incredible advancements in technology/medicine, but every person should be given a fair chance and a fair fight. My oc believes each species deserves a right to exist without extreme/stressful artificial measures placed onto them--we share this planet, 'playing god' with life that humanity arrogantly deems "lesser" is wrong. Adaptation is not about superiority, adaptation is simply a species fitting a role "good enough" and misconstruing nature's function lends to humanity's tendency for valuing false superiority over the reality that we share this planet together, we do not conquer it. So my oc loathes that conceited view and obsession with superiority, but Talon lends a very useful hand when it comes to taking down certain targets the oc wishes to stop, so he joins up for those missions, and those missions alone. Doomfist thinks little more of the oc than an asset, since he sees him as an omnic with a peculiar motivation, but that omnic certainly creates results. Oc absolutely feels pity for Widow, with Sombra's comments he learned of her real condition. What is worse, to destroy what you hold dear, or to have the capacity to care about it stolen from you?

Moira is a no-no, she uses animal testing and unethical experiments on humans which is entirely barbaric considering the tech the ow world has, and my oc avoids her. Thankfully she doesn't know his human nature, so she doesn't bother with him much, if at all. My oc see's Reaper in the same light as himself, and almost wishes he could connect with a fellow lost soul, but due to having to keep his human half secret, he never connects outright with Gabe, only offering small pieces of advice. Reaper dismisses it all, who needs life lessons from a robot (oof). Still, my oc is less annoying to Reaper than most omnics because at least he's quiet. Ramattra: oooooooo boy this one is a doozy! I originally wanted to make a offshoot omnic oc to ship with Ram bc yehaw Ram is a rizzler and I really like his character (cough cough very similar to Legends General Grievous), but this oc got kind of out of hand LOL so... yeah. Here we are! My oc hides his human side from Ramattra, not in so much that he is worried Ramattra would hurt him/his family, but that Ramattra would not trust him anymore, due to having a 'human weakness' (aka my oc is willing to sacrifice anything for his family, even if it meant going against Null Sector). The two have a peculiar relationship. Since Ramattra doesn't know about my oc's dual nature, he presumes my oc picked up all these human gestures from a pa as a repurposed butler omnic, who denied any semblance of omnic culture. My oc knows little to nothing about omnic culture, which leads to a lot--and I mean A LOT-- of hilarious misunderstandings between two. As stated in my other post, my oc loved traditional Sama-Bajau boat carving, among other sculptural work, and in turn took up pride in his repairs and welding work with his current omnic state. Because of this, my oc sees panels, wires, plates, clean welds, etc. as objects and craftsmanship to be proud of, not inherently intimate parts. Any semblance of personal space is lost on him when repairing omnics since well, he presumes omnics don't have "personal space" when needing repairs. Omnics are efficient right? That must mean they want an efficient repair. The fact he can actually repair parts of Ramattra that Ramattra couldn't otherwise fix without completely replacing, isn't lost on him though. My oc knows it's a unique skill and he uses that to levy agreements in collaborations to target specific polluting/destructive factories/facilities around the world that imprison omnics. Meanwhile, Ramattra is having a near systems reboot when my oc starts casually plugging in and offering to run diagnostics during a repair LOL. Beyond the amusing and sometime jarring momments, Ram is fascinated by my oc's unusual perspectives about things and... unique behavior. It's unlike anything Ramattra has seen in another omnic (he's human Ramattra, of course he 'isn't like the other girls'). Speaking of, since Ram's VA had been notably casted for two prominent MLM roles in the past, I headcanon Ramattra as aro-ace with a preference for masculine or neutral partners. (Ramattra could possibly be demi-romantic, if not aromantic? Idk how the whole "Iris-sentience-wash-over" thing works, because Aurora may have been alloromantic considering some omnics are romantic or open to romantic relationships. I think for now I'll just have an aro-ace partnership preference for Ram regardless.) For canony stuff, it's mostly just like, quips. More one sided than anything lmao. During repairs the Oc is all about roasting humanity as a whole until Ramattra directly makes some one off comment how all humans are (insert negative thing) to his presumed omnic repairman. And... Silence. Oh, the welder didn't like that comment. Alright then. This... is awkward. Maybe he should--Wait, why is he digging around in those wires--by the Iris, does this welder have no shame?!?! GAh--(meanwhile the oc is just speedrunning repairs because he is done with this convo, not realizing he's breaking omnic taboos lmao. Be gentle with those wires man, it's not fun to have sensory functions flicker.)

Anyway, lmao, I think the two get along really well, surprisingly so. Ram is surprised by how warm my oc can be considering my oc is usually stoic and quiet. Once you get to know him though, he has a jovial soul, and a passion for justice. Ramattra finds himself open to understanding more human perspectives though my oc (oc lies, and says it's things he had learned while being around humans before the crisis. In reality it's the oc's own life experiences). Thanks to Ramattra, my oc also finds himself loosing distain and prejudice against omnics/his omnic body due to his whole ordeal with being transferred into an omnic body and then rejected by his human community/family (and ON TOP of that, then rejected by other omnics when they had learned of his human nature). As he spends more time with Ramatra, he finds himself proud to be omnic, he is a part of a unique form of life unlike any other, crafted by organic life itself, and he wishes to use this gift to preserve the planet for future generations of all life, organic or omnic. Ramattra to, finds himself taking into consideration the impact of his actions on the organic life around him. Ramattra thinks that while humans may be organic, humanity had subjugated and abused all other organic life, omnics are just one of many victims to humanity's insufferable grasp.

other tid bits:

Bastion: This is more so aligned with "in game" noncanon lines heroes might share, but my oc would adore that Bastion is caring for Ganymede, who is a part of an endangered species, and wishes Bastion the best. :') If Bastion ever needs vet help, he's your guy.

LifeWeaver: We do be hating Vishkar out here. My oc would be very happy that LifeWeaver broke away and is pursuing ethical actions, along with trying to help conservation of nature. Technically my oc is also wanted by Vishkar, being Vishkar property himself (being a refitted hard light using omnic built and funded by Vishkar, after all).

I also think my oc would have complicated feelings about the animal experiments on Winston and the like. I think my oc would find it unnecessary and cruel, considering most animals in space projects were used for no return missions, or worse simply just tests to see if humans could survive in such conditions. Winston and fellow crew may have not been the ones sent on such missions, but one of their future members certainly would have been.

#overwatch oc #text #ramattra x oc #overwatch #ow #overwatch 2 #ow2 #overwatch 2 oc #omnics #long text #uhhhhhh there's probably more notable dynamics but i can't think of any right now b:

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mejomonster · 1 year

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I started Never Let Me Go part 1 ep 1:

1. Oh my god they batmanned the main character immediately. No time wasting. Turning 18, loves his dad, setup to fulfill family legacy, just wants dad alive and proud of his dad? Dad shot in the RAIN WHILE EXITING

Screaming crying in the rain oh My god

Don't get me wrong, I loved it, I'm loving the setup, it's just WOW do u see it coming they got real quick to the point I love it

2. STAR STUDDED CAST at least 3 guys from The Gifted Graduation and I'm beyond hype about it, I'm absolutely over the moon. My favorite dude is in this I'm practically in tears <3 ;-;

3. For that matter, the vibes? Actually REALLY similar to The Gifted. More realism rather than sci fi, so like The Eclipse. But visually and tonally it's leaning FAR HEAVIER into serious plot like The Gifted with queer relationships IN it but not like the main point. The Eclipse balanced both a murder mystery political protest plot WITH some very ship style shot scenes of boys standing super close and flirting for the sake of a flirty scene, but a bit subverted in that Khaotung and all queer characters on the show were heavily clearly coded as queer men, khaotungs character as a femme queer man, and so those bl fluffy romance type cliches had a certain realism to them even when the cheesy usual music played. I expect THIS show is going to go the 3 Will Be Free route, where there's a main queer romance as a center point but it's not going to be presented too reliant on fluffy shippy they fell on each other and MUSIC SWELLED CUTESY scenes. Oh sure, they may share a shower or fall on each other for sure! But I think the romantic tropes will be handled in a more grounded way as a compliment/intensification to the plot and character romance rather than the vehicles that PUSH the romance and story to begin with. (Actually now thinking about it both The Eclipse AND GAP do a really good job using cutesy fluff tropes but as a compliment to a queer character focused story to like make me feel great I Get a gushy cute over the top scene while still feeling it makes logical sense for the story). So basically... I think tonally this show is going to be like Not Me and 3 Will Be Free and I'm SO HYPE FOR IT. It's my personal preference. I imagine it'll feel initially "slow" to some people, but for me it feels the intro episode is setting up and introducing the individual characters and arcs and themes and setup well which is a good strong opening. (GAP does this while also playing with cute tropes so you can do both if you want a slightly less heavy opening ep).

4. LOVE the visuals. Again, reminds me a LOT of The Gifted Graduation visually in color choices - it's more colorful like Moonlight Chicken, but there's also a lot of more muted looking color choices that remind me of The Gifted. That make the school feel realistic rather than rom com set (like I love Bad Buddy and I love its design choices but it also leans into the bright vivid visual style which is more sitcom and romcom then heavy drama palette). The color scheme is a lot more like The Eclipse, The Gifted, Girl From Nowhere, more muted and I'm hoping it's an indication we'll get some suspense and mystery in the story like other Thai shows that go for these kinds of visuals.

5. I'm happy to say it feels like it's own thing and not a kinnporsche knockoff. I definitely Want more gang grey moral character gay adventure stories even if they are heavily inspired by other stuff or not (I LOVE 3 will be free, manner of death, history 3 trapped, and am always happy for more thriller gay stuff). But when I initially heard this show premise I expected a mafia boss and bodyguard premise. While it may eventually evolve into that setup.... these initial characters are NOT like kinn and Porsche. They're 18 for one and both in the point of life of deciding life paths, which changes the whole trajectory wildly (and in this rare instance despite me not liking high school settings I like the choice... they're 18 truly about to go to college. And the premise reminds me of The Gifted so I imagine the transition of some innocence to no innocence and involved in the corruption of the world and reality fully and no longer being naive and needing to make hard decisions will be major themes in this. Or at LEAST feature at some point. And people becoming adults are a decent character choice for telling that kind of story.) I just like a Lot of the unique choices this shows opening with, I didn't expect a story this thought out and I'm excited

And I'm only done with ep 1 part 1!!! I'm hype

#lb #never let me go

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fireemblems24 · 2 years

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So, in terms of shippy-nes, how would you rate Dimitri's supports? From "muh OTP" to "naw, they just friends"? Elaborate as much as you want. ^^

Oh, man. I just know this is going to get VERY long. I'll just set the "keep reading" line now because I know I'm about to write way too much.

Please keep note, though, that this is purely based on how shippable I think they are based on supports, and not at all how good I think the support is (i.e. Gilbert and Dimitri ranking bottom tier despite having one of the best supports in the franchise in my opinion).

N/A - Hapi.

Haven't see the support list yet. Can't judge it yet.

Literally married to someone else: Alois and Gilbert.

Not a lot of explanation needed here. Gilbert is old enough to be Dimitri's father, married, and is way to much of a mentor figure even if that was your kink. Alois is very, very happily married by the time he meets a teenage Dimitri and is still so throughout the entire game. It is funny, though, how these two are at opposite ends of Dimitri's fluff to serious in supports.

0 Romance: Raphael

I don't have to elaborate on this, do I? It's mostly a joke support that ends at B with someone Dimitri has no chemistry with.

Catherine: Catherine

Dimitri seems to have a cannon interest in getting railed by people who may actually be capable of it, but Catherine is way too much of a lesbian to me. There's just 0 chemistry here.

Like a sister: Annette

As shipable as Dimitri is, I just can't see him and Annette as anything but siblings. Nothing wrong with that, but not super shippable.

She just looks too young: Flayn

This support is actually ripe with shippableness. Both sides end up getting comforted by words from the other and share deep fears and secrets with each other. Flayn also seems pretty openly interested. But she looks like a child, and Dimitri's fairly big and tall. I hate ranking something so low based on aesthetics, but here we are.

Shame it ended at B: Ashe

The conversation ends on a pretty final note, establishing where they stand with each other. Despite Dimitri's wishes to be closer friends, Ashe sees Dimitri too much as a leader. There's a hint, there, with Dimitri giving Ashe a glimpse into his nonexistent self-esteem that could lead to something more, but, sadly, their support ended at B.

Even more of a shame it ended at B: Sylvain

Sylvain ranks higher than Ashe for two reasons: childhood friend angst and because their relationship seems less fraught. However, if you're looking for childhood angst, Felix, and even Ingrid, trumps Sylvain big time here. The less complicated bit gets a bit rocky in part 2 where we never really see Dimitri and Sylvain really talk. Again, another one cursed by ending at B.

Getting warm now: Ingrid

I like Ingrid and Dimitri's paired ending a lot, especially for Ingrid. I also love the childhood friends to lovers trope, and I think they'd fit each other well enough and have beautiful blond babies. I also just think they both have better options.

Lots going for it: Mercedes

Now we're getting into the territory where I actually ship it. Probably one of Dimitri's most underrated ships, tbh. I think they'd be very good for each other. Dimitri demands a lot of emotional attention, and Mercedes want to dote on someone. She gets all the awards for treating him like a friend in part 1, but that doesn't stop them from having serious discussions in part 2. All that's holding this back is wondering if she's almost too motherly at times? Either way, deserves to be more popular.

Held back by characterization: Byleth

This is an incredibly romantic ship. Part of AM seem built around betting the player will romance Dimitri. The hand holding stuff is adorable, and seeing them play out standard tropes but flipping the genders is pretty interesting. It's held back a bit by Byleth not being as compelling as other characters. Dimitri also seems a bit too dependent on Byleth too. To it's credit, though, it feels natural and it's a good breather that it leaves enough room for Byleth to play mentor rather than shoving it so hard it feels forced.

It's complicated: Felix

Holy hell this is a TOXIC relationship. But I'm weak, y'all. If you want angst, nothing, absolutely nothing tops these two morons. They're 100% that pairing I absolutely die for in fiction and can't get enough of in fanfiction, but good God in real life, no fucking way. Anyways, there is just so much to unpack here that I feel their relationship deserves its own write up. The fact Felix is the only character in the game who gets majorly different endings when he leaves his house and only ever is happy when Dimitri survives is just the tip of the iceberg. Even their paired ending is full of unresolved yearning. HOW. Only held back because I really would've liked an A+ support.

Super sweet: Marianne

They only have three support conversations and a paired ending, but not a moment of that is wasted. Some highlights include Dimitri NOT telling Marianne to just smile or be happy, Dimitri LISTENING when Marianne tells him to stay away, rescue romance (between C and B), mutual relief when they discover someone who feels the same way they do rather than just trying to change them to fit someone else's idea of normal, mutual healing together without being dependent on each other, seeing two sad characters who deserve the world get such a happy paired ending together. Did I mention that paired ending? I almost cried. They both deserve all the happiness and that the writers let them get it by pairing them together. Yes. Only held back because they literally only get three conversations and end ending, please fix this Three Hopes.

I literally cannot: Dedue

Everyone knew this would be number one. Someone once told me on here they thought Dedue got wrote out of part 2 so much because the writers saw what they created and went "oh, shit, how is he supposed to get Byleth?" Their co-dependency, difference in stations, complications given what Faerghus did to Duscur, and Dedue's refusal to be Dimitri's friend (in part 1), gives it some good angst, but there's sweetness to balance it that Felix/Dimitri doesn't have. Their A-support is mutual gushing, they're both just two big (terrifying) teddy bears, and Dimitri's reaction when Dedue returns in part 2 makes me cry. But, it's got that bit of spice I mentioned earlier to keep it from venturing into the too sweet area like Marianne and Dimitri could dip into. The backstory between them is so interesting, even outside of AM, these two don't separate. They get "moments" in every. single. fucking. route. Dedue broke Dimitri out of prison and just . . . there's just so much here. They also suit each other so well. Dedue even said he knew the real Dimitri all along and STILL LOVED HIM ANYWAYS. How can you not ship this? How often do you find the bodyguard with a crush/loyal knight when the guarded person is equally infatuated from the get go? So often these kinds of things seem lopsided, but not here, no way. Dimitri returns every inch of Dedue's loyalty in full. And I cannot just cannot with them. That the screenshots from Three Hopes confirms that's Dedue's hand on Dimitri's? Dead. I'm actually dead. Not seriously. But yes.

#fire emblem three houses #dimitri alexandre blaiddyd

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alexiethymia · 3 years

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revisiting the rokkaku arc (an analysis)

Listen, I will always love rokkaku arc for the sougo-focus and shippy reasons. In the same way, the Gintama Wiki says Sougo has only ever apologized to two women, Mitsuba and Kagura (though I’m a bit doubtful on this since he casually apologizes to people more or less, Kagura’s was in between a gag and serious, still hilarious though, sorry Sho-chan), I think he has only ever used keigo (polite speech) for Mitsuba, and Kagura. Though in Kagura’s case, it was after threats, but that’s it, that’s their literal dynamic. And this whole interaction is again just funny to me because rather than a wolf, Kagura has the guts to treat Sougo like a damn puppy.

But in all seriousness though. Sougo is always blank-faced or evil-faced. In Hijikata’s words, it’s as if he has no weaknesses. Whenever he interacts with any other character, he almost always comes out on top. Meanwhile, his sweet side is only reserved for Kondou and Mitsuba, and yet at the same time, interactions with Kagura have him shedding that blank mask. He gets casually annoyed like when he was a kid, when emotions would show more often on his face as compared to the deadpan face he dons on now (part of me thinks he became even more deadpan when Mitsuba died). You can see him get angry, and it’s always a tie between him and Kagura. If he embarrasses Kagura, she gets him back.

In this one conversation, Kagura says she hates him, but acknowledges his skill. More than that she cuts to the truth of the matter. She’s confident in saying that he’s not a murderer, so why is he pretending to be one? She wants him to tell the truth, not just for Kirie’s sake, but for his sake as well. For all that she says she hates him, the truth outs and instead shows her concern for him. (Which Sougo calls out-of-character for her; this later gets paralleled when Kagura calls him out-of-character for trying to say goodbye during the Farewell Shinsengumi arc. In conclusion, they’re both tsunderes ffs.) And for Sougo’s part, because Kagura isn’t someone he can easily intimidate, because she’s so annoying that he can’t easily shut her out, he ends up giving away pieces of the truth. This is a secret he’s kept for over two years, but one way or the other, he opens up to Kagura.

*Also I just really love the fact that he calls her ‘ojou-san’, even if mockingly, instead of his usual ‘komusume’ or ‘gaki’.

In the same way, I think Kagura may be the only (?) woman (besides Mitsuba of course), that he’s given his gratitude to. Again for shippy reasons, I can’t believe they’re talking about how a woman’s heart easily changes, in this case Kagura’s heart. It’s serious fanfic fuel. Because in the same way, Sougo is opening up, Kagura’s opinion toward him also slowly changes. (I also love how between the both of them, Sougo is almost always the tsukkomi, which rarely happens otherwise.)

And this conversation is just so important. Sougo of course has the Shinsengumi. Even with Hijikata, and then later on with Gintoki, he shows a bit of vulnerability. But with Kagura now, he’s quite honest. He’s openly showing his vulnerability. And Kagura never exploits that weakness.

This, to me, is a really important aspect of their bond, shipping or otherwise. Because this conversation ties so well to the Shogun Assasination arc, and the Farewell Shinsengumi arc. Through this conversation, Kagura gets to know more about the Sadist, what makes him tick, what’s important to him. He’s not just a little shit, but someone with his own insecurities that he tries to fight against to protect what’s important. And Kagura can respect that, but more than that, Kagura is the person to reassure him about those insecurities. For all that Sougo admits he’s a killer, Kagura instead calls him a softie who can’t even stand the mere sight of a girl’s tears. This ties so well to when Kagura reassures Sougo much later on that Soyo didn’t hate him or wasn’t afraid of him.

But I disagree with Sougo when he says a ‘kid’ like Kagura wouldn’t understand. Because Kagura is an unbelievably intuitive person, and I love that so much about her character.

Kagura shies away from killing because she doesn’t want to lose to herself, and Sougo for his part probably sees her as someone clean or pure, and therefore someone who won’t be able to understand him, though it’s not her fault. Kids are supposed to be innocent after all. The Shinsengumi are supposed to dirty their hands so the innocent won’t have to. But that’s absolutely wrong. Kagura has Kamui as a brother. And though she shies away from killing, she absolutely understands what it means to protect something. And as someone who constantly fights to win against herself, Kagura is the one who can reassure ‘killers’ like Sougo, Kamui, and Nobume.

Sougo for his part, despite his reservations and his preconceptions about roles, still ends up unleashing his burdens to a ‘kid’ anyway. I guess in that aspect, Kagura is really an intriguing existence for Sougo. She’s not a fellow officer like Nobume whose hands are expected to get dirty. She’s not a villain like Kamui who he’s expected to defeat. She’s supposed to be part of the people he protects, a civilian, and yet he fights seriously against her, never underestimating her. By his own definition, she’s part of the people he’s supposed to get his hands dirty for, and yet despite his propensity to handle his problems himself, Kagura with all her bullheaded stubbornness manages to be there for him anyway, to support him one way or another. Maybe Sougo always thought he had to do it alone because he was the strongest, but he can’t pull that crap with Kagura because Kagura is as, if not stronger than him. Kagura doesn’t fall into a neat box or category for him. He protects and fights her, while she fights and supports him.

LISTEN, I WILL ALWAYS BE BITTER MITSUBA DIED. This arc also subtly ties with the Mitsuba arc I think. For one, Sougo mentions his aneue, although for gag reasons, Kagura still gets to find out that Sougo had an older sister who died.

For all that we joke that Sougo’s gag proposal answers Kagura’s wish to never have an empty house again, Kagura’s statements here answers Mitsuba’s words when she said Sougo was always alone because he was ‘selfish, obstinate, and stubborn’. I will forever and always be bitter that we didn’t get to see more of Mitsuba. She would have been reassured and unbelievably happy that Sougo despite the way he is, is no longer alone. It’s not even just his brothers in the Shinsengumi, but rather for all his faults, there are other idiots like him willing to fight for him, support him, and protect him. In Kagura’s words in the manga, ‘idiots travel in packs’. I just can’t even imagine what would have happened had Mitsuba met Kagura. I think somehow, she would have been deeply grateful for her.

I love Kagura so much. That care and sensitivity, not just towards Kirie, but also towards Sougo. She knows him so well, despite all of his efforts to guard himself and hide. All of their interactions thus far lead her to confidently say that he’d be happiest with someone there to fight and trying to kill him (and personally for me, I think he’s happiest when fighting Kagura, see: post-timeskip).

In other words, this was a great arc for character insights and relationship building, not just for Sougo, but also Kagura. It’s not even for entirely shippy reasons. That mutual understanding and constant support amidst that outward dislike (they’re tsunderes, I tell you) is just another thing that makes their relationship and interactions so compelling. For all that Kagura knows him so well, Sougo proves that he also knows her just as much as the Feigned Illness arc and Post-Timeskip arc would show.

And how many chapters and arcs later, it’s still Kagura who gives him the reassurance he needs, and with character development marching on, he even finds it in himself to be vulnerable for once and actively seek her out for that exact same reassurance that only she can give.

I just really love mutually hella supportive ships. And it’s for these reasons, that I really think they’re perfect for each other. I honestly think Kagura is a special existence for Sougo. She’s the recipient for so many exceptions and out-of-character moments for him, that I think even after the manga has ended, no other girl for him will do.

#okikagu #gintama #okikagu analysis #rokkaku arc #okita sougo #kagura #yato kagura #rotten bonds #shinsengumi #yorozuya #ships #ramblings about gintama #ramblings about ships

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johnnys-green-pen · 2 years

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E! Fic: but not your sympathy

SO! Wrote a fic for a fic prompt @m-spn-e26 sent in a good long while ago, but tumblr promptly ate the ask as I was trying to reply to it, so I guess you’ll get the fic link like this. The prompt was “A Fistfight”.

What I ended up writing was some VERY Early Series fic - it’s set at the very start of s1, perhaps even before the first episode. Roy’s the one who gets into a fistfight (using the term generously), more or less for Johnny’s sake - and Johnny gets to figure out that, maybe, Kel Brackett isn’t so bad after all.

It’s Gen, vaguely shippy for Johnny/Roy (pre-slash? completely platonic? your choice!), and rated T.

Link to AO3: but not your sympathy (6351 words)

Summary: Being backhanded by a dead victim's father isn't exactly how Johnny expected to find out that Dr. Kelly Brackett really isn't as much of a monster as he'd made Johnny believe, and yet here they are, in a treatment room, and Brackett's sticking a band-aid on his face with a kind of gentleness that Johnny hadn't thought him capable of at all, much less towards him.

And sure, stranger things have happened, but this has GOT to rank near the top of the list.

Johnny’s shoulder was really hurting a lot.

It had really been his fault - they’d encountered a locked bathroom door at an apartment fire, and instead of doubling back for equipment like Roy had suggested, Johnny’d thrown himself against the flimsy-looking old thing. And yeah, it’d worked a treat, and maybe the whole thing really would have taken a turn for the worse if he hadn’t done it, but god, it’d hurt.

At least Roy certainly seemed to think it had been the right thing to do - he’d sheepishly apologized for questioning Johnny’s methods afterward, but Johnny had been far too busy trying not to flinch at the sharp, sickly throbbing in his shoulder as he put the drug box back into its compartment to really appreciate his partner’s words. Roy’d told him he’d end up hurting himself. And yeah, he should’ve admitted to it afterward, should’ve told Roy that he’d been right - but as much as he knew that Roy liked him, knew that he’d picked Johnny as a partner because he enjoyed working with him, outright praise from him was a rare, precious gift and Johnny just didn’t wanna disappoint him.

Besides, he could move his arm fine. It hurt, sure, but he was pretty sure nothing was broken or anything.

He kept up appearances pretty successfully until the end of the shift, until he got careless. It was his stupid helmet that got him in the end - he’d been maybe a bit haphazard in stuffing it into the equipment locker, and it’d come tumbling down again, and Johnny’s hand had snapped forward to catch it, on pure instinct, and-

well.

Roy’d heard him yelp in pain, and that was that.

He’d all but dragged Johnny into the locker room, insisted on helping him with his shirt (he’d carefully filed away the sight of Roy unbuttoning his shirt for him for future reference), winced at the angry purple bruise forming around his skinny shoulder, and decided that Johnny was going to Rampart now that the shift was over, whether he wanted to or not.

And Johnny didn’t want to. He’d seen too much of Rampart during this shift, it’d been a real rough one even before they lost a teenaged boy to a drug overdose in the evening, and Johnny still wasn’t really okay after helplessly watching the kid seize all the way to Rampart. All he really wanted was to go home and catch up on some sleep - but his shoulder really hurt, bad enough that he probably wasn’t gonna get any sleep anyway. Besides, Roy usually didn’t fuss over him unless things were serious, really serious, and this just wasn’t that big of a deal no matter how you looked at it, so maybe Roy wasn’t really alright either.

So yes, he let Roy drag him to Rampart in that adorable little Porsche of his. And alright, it was kinda nice to know that his partner cared enough about him to insist on this, cared enough to go with him, so while he didn’t particularly fancy getting checked out, it was alright. There were upsides to it.

Until, that is, they were walking down a corridor - relatively empty on an early Tuesday morning - and out of a room stepped a middle-aged man that Johnny immediately recognized, and it was like somebody’d poured ice into his veins.

The teenager they’d lost the previous evening - that was his father, with his expression set like stone and his hands gripping a clipboard with hospital paperwork like he was about to snap it in half, and all that Johnny could think about was that they should leave, now, before he recognized th-

“YOU,” the man barked.

“Mister Davis, I am so sorry for your-”

“You killed my child.” His voice like a hailstorm, his expression worse. Pure hatred. It was really the only way Johnny could have described the man’s expression. That there on his face was pure hatred.

Johnny put on his best comforting expression, all compassion and sincere brown eyes (and an underlying tenseness that he hoped nobody would notice), even as his own emotions threatened to bubble over. It hadn’t been their fault. He knew that. He knew that. Didn’t mean he was okay with it.

“I know it hurts to lose a loved one, Mister Davis,” he said, “I know it hurts, but with overdoses like this one there’s only so much we can do until we get them to-”

The sharp, stinging pain in his left cheek was immediate and unexpected, and it took Johnny a moment to figure out that the man had backhanded him.

“My son was not an addict!” he screamed, grief and guilt channeled into a seething rage. He tossed the clipboard with the hospital paperwork he’d been holding to the side; Johnny heard it clatter away along the linoleum. Roy was shouting something in the background, but neither Johnny nor Mr. Davis were listening. Johnny had gotten into enough scrapes in his life to see the next punch coming long before it connected and stepped backwards, avoiding the sloppily swinging fist with an almost casual ease that only seemed to enrage the man even more. Johnny didn’t have the space to dodge again when Mr. Davis grabbed him by the shoulders and slammed him backwards into the wall. He was too startled to scream when his injured shoulder hit the concrete, surprisingly strong fingers digging into the abused joint - all he managed was a pained yelp.

Next thing he knew, Roy’d grabbed Mr. Davis by the arm, tightly enough that Johnny could see the tension all the way up into his shoulders, and yanked him away with a kind of cold anger that Johnny’d never even known his partner was capable of, the kind of anger that actually kinda frightened him. Mr. Davis whirled around to face Roy, his expression twisted with hatred, and Johnny wanted to call out to his partner, tell him that the guy wasn’t worth it, but his ears were still ringing from the slap, heat radiating from his cheekbone all the way to his jawline, and he’d hit the back of his head against the concrete - so instead of doing anything useful, he gave in to his wobbly knees and slid down the wall, choosing to sit down gracefully before his body made the choice for him.

“You insolent little piece of SHIT,” Mr. Davis shouted, and Johnny flinched - he’d heard THAT one before, and the fact that it was directed at Roy this time didn’t really calm him down, didn’t make his pulse race any less, and god he hated it when people fought.

“Now listen here,” Roy started, very quietly, dangerously calmly, “we did everything we could for your son. But he did overdose. That’s a fact. We were too late to save him. That is also a fact. We’re off-duty now, and here for a totally different issue, and I’d highly recommend that you find your paperwork and get out of my sight before I forget myself, am I making myself clear?”

Johnny’d actually expected the man to shrink back at that point, but he didn’t - instead, he yanked his arm free from Roy’s iron grip, and got right up in his face, and Johnny really didn’t like that, really didn’t like the tension between them, the more than a little unhinged look on the other man’s face, the way Roy was wound tighter than a spring about to snap.

“Do you not know who I am?” Mr. Davis barked. “I will sue you! You and that scrawny, incompetent idiot and his absurd accusations and this entire godforsaken program of yours! I will sue you into obli-”

And that was when Roy punched him.

Just a nice, solid, decisive punch that seemed to come out of nowhere even to Johnny, and caught the jerk right on the side of his face. He stumbled back, silenced, and pressed his hand to his cheek while Roy let his fist drop to his side and took a deep breath, clearly thinking the whole thing was over and done with. He turned around, looked at Johnny, and-

Johnny managed to shout just in time to warn him when Mr. Davis came flying at him, but not soon enough to give him any time to react, and Roy and the other man hit the floor hard - and that was really the last straw for Johnny. Getting hit and insulted was something he could deal with, insulting the program was toeing the line. Mr. Davis had just lost his son, so Johnny was willing to cut him some slack - but he definitely wasn’t gonna stand there and watch while somebody hurt his partner. He wasn’t gonna stand there and watch this go on for a moment longer.

Technically, he wasn’t standing at all, which was kind of a problem.

He scrambled upright in a hurry and stumbled over to grab the man still practically sitting on Roy, a hand on his sternum to keep him on the ground, a hand pulled back for the next punch-

Johnny didn’t quite manage to grab him before his fist connected, but at least he got him before he could hit Roy again, grabbing him by the back of his shirt and yanking him sideways off of Roy, even as his shoulder screamed in pain.

“Just stop fighting, alright?” he exclaimed. Mr. Davis didn’t listen, and Johnny had to make a grab for it, had to wrap himself around him, cling to his arms and legs, to keep him away from Roy and damn it, next time he got hurt he was just gonna go home like he’d wanted to in the first place.

Moments passed, moments that Johnny spent with his eyes squeezed shut, clinging to Mr. Davis with all his might, only vaguely aware of what was going on around him as his entire focus lay on just hanging on, hanging on as tightly as he could, because if that guy managed to tear himself loose, both Roy ‘n him would be in for a world of pain.

Finally, he heard a familiar voice asking “what’s going on here?” - that was Kel Brackett of all people, sounding something between confused and furious and goddamnit, why was everybody so angry today.

Johnny felt Mr. Davis stop struggling, but he didn’t let go, couldn’t risk it.

“He lost his kid yesterday evening,” Roy replied hastily. “We handled the call. ‘N when he saw us earlier, he got aggressive and slapped Johnny. Slammed him against the wall.”

“So you picked a fight with him instead of getting help?” Brackett asked sharply, and Johnny could actually feel his pulse speed up. He really needed to get out of here, and fast.

“Sorry, Doc,” Roy replied. “Everything happened really quickly and I haven’t really slept last night and I just… didn’t think that far ahead. I didn’t mean to.”

A quiet huff.

“Alright. Roy, can you get up?”

“Yeah, I- I think so.”

“Go get an orderly over here… and Joe Early handled this case, I think - get him here too, if you can. Alright?”

“Yeah,” Roy said and Johnny could hear the reluctance in his voice. Heard him grunt as he got up and went to look for that orderly.

There was a short silence, until Doctor Brackett spoke again.

“Johnny,” he said, “I think you can let go of Mr. Davis now.”

Johnny didn’t like that at all - sure, the man seemed calm enough now, but-

“Come on, Johnny, let go. It’s alright, I’ll watch him.”

Brackett sounded surprisingly friendly so far, and Johnny knew he’d better get a move on and do what the good doctor wanted before his tenuous patience ran out. Except he couldn’t - it sounded stupid, but Johnny didn’t even know where to start letting go, was worried what’d happen as soon as the man got his limbs free.

A warm, broad hand on his, gently prying his fingers loose, tugging at his arms. Johnny let himself be guided by it, and a few moments later he was sitting on the floor instead, across from Mr. Davis, with Brackett kneeling between them, looking from one to the other.

“Mr. Davis,” he said, “are you alright?”

Mr. Davis threw Johnny a withering look, but then he nodded. “I’m fine,” he said. Unconsciously rubbed his cheek again.

“Good. Johnny?”

Brackett’s expression was hard to read and that worried Johnny; he’d expected accusations and anger, and so far this didn’t seem like either and he didn’t know what to do with that.

“John, I asked you if you were alright,” Brackett repeated, frowning.

Shit.

Normally Johnny didn’t mind standing up to him or any other doctor who’d decided to make some stupid hose jockey pay for their lousy day, but he was in pain and feeling kinda wobbly and he just didn’t want another argument. Not today.

“Yeah, I’m, uh. I’m fine,” he muttered half-heartedly, wincing as his shoulder throbbed.

“What are you even doing here?”

“Hurt my shoulder on a run last afternoon and it wasn’t too bad at first but it still kinda hurts, so Roy dragged me down here to get checked out. Think he’s worried about rotator cuff damage or something, I dunno.”

Brackett’s pinched expression didn’t bode well, and Johnny really wished Roy hadn’t left him alone with the two other men, but in the end, Brackett just sighed.

“Alright. Johnny, do you want to tell me what exactly happened?”

No.

“Sure, Doc. I mean, it happened pretty much like Roy said earlier. Mr. Davis recognized us while we were walking past each other and blamed us for the death of his kid. I tried to calm him down, which didn’t work. Roy was probably worried about Mr. Davis aggravating my shoulder injury so he yanked him away from me and the whole thing escalated. He ended up on top of Roy and punched him, ‘n I tried to keep him from hurting Roy by hanging on to him - and then you showed up.”

Brackett nodded slowly. “And Mr. Davis was the one who escalated?”

Johnny hesitated for a moment, worried if anyone would believe him, and then regretted his hesitation, knowing it’d make him look guilty.

“Yeah,” he finally managed. “Yeah, he was.”

”Mr. Davis, do you have anything to add to that?” Brackett asked, still calm if a little sharp around the edges.

“He called my son an addict,” Mr. Davis ground out. “He called my dead son an addict.”

“I told him there’s only so much we can do for someone who’s overdosed,” Johnny corrected him.

“There! I told you so, Doctor!”

“Well…” Brackett said slowly, “your son did die from an overdose, and from what I’ve heard, Mr. Gage’s assessment that they just couldn’t save him no matter what is accurate.”

Mr. Davis sputtered, but before he could say anything more, Roy came back, with two burly orderlies and Doctor Early by his side. His partner had a smear of blood under his nose that made Johnny’s insides twist with worry. Sure, it was almost certainly nothing, just a result of that one punch Mr. Davis had gotten in before Johnny had stopped him, but he couldn’t tell if Roy had hit his head on the floor when Mr. Davis had tackled him…

“Joe,” Brackett said, “I think Mr. Davis here might have some more questions about the death of his son, and I’d be very grateful if you talked to him before he beats any more paramedics to a pulp.”

“Sure, Kel,” Doctor Early said with a carefully polite expression that didn’t fool Johnny for a second - nor Brackett, going by his apologetic look as he pawned the problem off on his friend. Still, one of the orderlies helped Mr. Davis up, and he followed Joe Early into his office.

“Alright,” Brackett said after they were out of earshot, “now let’s take care of you two heroes.”

Ah, and Johnny’d almost thought they’d be spared Brackett’s wrath.

“Hey, uh- hey, Doc,” Johnny quickly said, postponing the inevitable, “Roy’s got some blood under his nose.”

Brackett shot him a very strange look before he pulled a grimace. Or smiled, it was hard to tell with him sometimes.

“Johnny, I really hate to break it to ya, but you’ve got blood down your entire left cheek.”

Johnny instinctively reached up to touch his face, but Brackett caught his wrist.

“Don’t touch it,” he said. Looked between Johnny and Roy.

“Alright. Roy, did you hit your head at all?”

“No, I managed to keep it up while we fell,” Roy replied. “Mister Davis just clipped my nose when he punched me. It’s fine, though, it’s already mostly stopped hurting.”

“That’s good. Any pains and aches beyond the obvious?”

“Nope. I’m fine, doc. Promise.”

Brackett nodded, satisfied.

“That’s what we like to hear,” he said drily. “Now, Johnny, let’s take care of you, alright?”

Brackett still sounded oddly friendly given that Roy ‘n him had just gotten into a physical fight with a victim’s father, and he really wanted nothing more than to go home before the doctor remembered that he was supposed to be kind of an asshole, one who distrusted paramedics as a whole and didn’t like Johnny in particular - but now that he knew it was there, Johnny was pretty sure he could feel a trickle of blood creeping down his jaw, and his shoulder hadn’t taken kindly to the exertion either and he was actually kinda starting to worry that the injury might be more serious after all.

“Yeah,” he said slowly, “alright.”

--Brackett

There was something weird about young Johnny Gage today.

There was always something weird about Johnny - so young, so defiantly vulnerable in a way that used to infuriate him, used to remind him of that tender side of himself he’d spent decades trying to squash thinking it’d break him if he didn’t - but this was a different kind of weird. He seemed off-balance, skittish, tense in a way that Kel couldn’t quite pin down, but he didn’t like it. The blood slowly drying on his cheek didn’t help the unsettling impression either - but that was something he could fix, at least.

He got up and reached out for Johnny, wanting to help him up, and the young paramedic flinched, almost like he thought Kel was going to hit him. Like he was afraid of him. But that didn’t seem right: the young man had a disregard for his own well-being that so often got to Kel, and he seemed utterly fearless - not to mention the way he’d actively tried to rile him up back during training, stubborn, proud, endlessly argumentative, and utterly dismissive of any consequences there might be to going toe-to-toe with the head of the ER.

And yet.

Kel just froze where he was, hand still outstretched, and after a moment that probably wasn’t nearly as long as it seemed to him, Johnny slowly moved. Blinked up at him like it took him a moment to remember who he was dealing with, and then reached out and took Kel’s outstretched hand with his left. Kel easily pulled him to his feet and led him off towards an empty treatment room, Roy following closely behind them.

“Why don’t you go ahead?” Kel asked and nudged Johnny towards the door of Treatment Room 2. “I’ll be right there.”

Johnny shrugged, winced when he was apparently suddenly and painfully reminded of his shoulder injury, and stepped into the empty treatment room. Roy tried to follow him, but Kel held him back with a hand on his arm.

“Not you,” he said quietly. “I have a question for you first.”

“What is it, doc?” Roy asked.

“What happened to your partner?”

Roy’s look turned puzzled as he tilted his head and furrowed his brow. “I guess you don’t mean the run-in with Mr. Davis?”

“I don’t know,” Kel replied. “He- did you notice the way he flinched away from me when I wanted to help him up earlier? He’s been skittish since I showed up, like he expects… I don’t know what. Fire and brimstone?”

“Huh.” Roy fell silent for a moment, looking like he was deep in thought. “Yeah, guess you’re right. He just… gets that way sometimes, and he’s kinda weird about conflict and people fighting even on a good day. Which this one’s not.”

Kel didn’t like the sound of that.

“Well, he doesn’t get that way with you, does he,” he said.

A tired half-smile.

“No offense, doc, but I also didn’t rip into him the first time we met, and I didn’t do my best to scare him off the program all the way through training, and I usually don’t snap at him when he gets himself injured, either.”

“I was really that bad, huh?”

“‘Fraid so, doc. Sorry.”

“And he hasn’t noticed yet that I’ve thoroughly come around to the program - and to him, for that matter?”

Roy slowly shook his head.

“Didn’t think I’d ever say that, but you’re overestimating him, in a way.”

Yeah, that was unexpected.

“What do you mean, Roy?” he asked.

“Well, yeah, he’s real empathetic. Great bedside manner, always knows just what to say with victims - but his off-duty social skills are shaky at best, and he’s got all the self-awareness of a headless chicken. I’d bet he’s still waiting for the other shoe to drop when it comes to you, especially after we kinda got into a fistfight with a dead victim’s father. Mr. Davis might’ve started it, but it’s not a great look, and if Johnny thinks you’ve got it out for him anyway....”

That wasn’t what Kel would’ve wanted to hear, but it did make sense. It didn’t really explain why Mr. Davis had knocked Johnny that off-kilter in the first place, but that was probably a mystery for another day. Right now, it looked like Kel had a lot to make up for.

“Alright,” he finally said. “I’ll go in there and fix what I can.”

“Are you talking about Johnny's injuries, or his feelings?” Roy asked astutely.

“Both, I hope.”

Roy pulled a face and nodded. “Well,” he said, “good luck. Tell Johnny I’m in the cafeteria grabbing a coffee.”

“Wait, I thought you’d want to give him some moral support,” Kel asked, and he knew that Roy could hear the surprise in his voice.

Roy sighed.

“Johnny is… well, it’s kinda hard to watch when he gets like that. Don’t get me wrong, I’d be there if he needed me, I’ll always be there when he needs me. I just don’t think he has anything to worry about from you, and I’m really tired and I really need a coffee if I wanna be able to drive later.”

Kel idly wondered if Johnny would have agreed with the assessment that he didn’t really need Roy there, but he did see Roy’s point.

“Alright, Roy,” he said and smiled before his expression grew serious again. “Are you sure you don’t want me to look at your nose first?”

Roy shrugged and experimentally felt along the bridge of his nose.

“Nah, it’s fine,” he concluded.

“Well, if you’re sure. I’ll send Johnny over to the cafeteria once I’m done with him, then.”

“Thanks, doc,” Roy said and left.

Honestly, Kel wouldn’t have minded having him there for moral support either.

Still, he dutifully stepped into the treatment room, where Johnny was sitting on the treatment table, hunched over and exhausted. He looked up at Kel as he approached, his expression wary and guarded.

“Where’s Roy?” he asked immediately.

Oh boy.

“Roy’s gone to get some coffee,” Kel said, and saw the young paramedic’s face fall in a way that was painful to watch. “He said to tell you that he’s in the cafeteria,” he added, almost apologetically.

“Alright,” Johnny said. He didn’t sound alright. He didn’t really look alright either - Kel could see how uneasy he was, and there was still blood drying on his face.

Narrowed, nervous brown eyes were tracking him as he closed the remaining distance, and he could see Johnny go stiff when he said “let’s take a look at you, then,” and reached out to tilt his head the right way. After a few moments, he noticed that Johnny was instinctively holding his breath, and he figured he’d better say something before the paramedic passed out.

Johnny relaxed incrementally as Kel pulled back, but he looked, if anything, even more distrustful than he had earlier. Kel’s job sure had been easier when he’d still been able to pretend that he didn’t care about his paramedics, but damn it, he’d come to respect Johnny, and he was tired of the wary glances and the skittishness - he knew they probably spoke of a conflicted past and difficult circumstances, whether on the job or much, much earlier than that, and it made him uncomfortable, triggered his protective instincts, and he didn’t know what to do with that.

“I’m… not mad at you,” Kel finally said, and immediately felt silly for stating the obvious. “For getting slapped by Mr. Davis, I mean. You know that, don’t you? I’ve seen the way you talk to the victims’ families, you’d never do anything to provoke them. I know it was him who escalated.”

It was pretty obvious that Johnny hadn’t known. “You mean, you believed me?” he asked, seemingly genuinely surprised.

“Shouldn’t I have?” Kel asked back, and watched Johnny sputter, flustered, before using the opportunity to close the distance between them and taking another good look at his cheek. The wound wasn’t too big, but it looked angry, jagged. He vaguely recalled Mr. Davis wearing a class ring on his left hand, that must’ve been what did it.

“I, uh, no, I mean- I’m just not used to-”

To what, Kel wondered. People believing him? He suddenly realized that it probably would’ve been Johnny and Roy’s word against Mr. Davis’, if it’d come to that. He could see how Johnny might think he’d pick the older man’s side.

Johnny kept breathing calmly while Kel carefully examined his cheekbone for any further damage, but he could still feel the paramedic clench his jaw under his fingers, and every line of his body, from the tense shoulders to the subtly jiggling foot, spoke of nervousness and pain.

“Did he hit your nose or ear at all?” Kel asked, keeping his voice soft and even.

“I’m not sure,” Johnny replied, “everything just kinda stings.”

“Alright,” Kel said. “I’ll take a closer look at both then, just to make sure.”

He reached over to put a carefully probing finger against the side of Johnny’s nose, but the paramedic flinched and dodged him before freezing, like he was surprised by his own reaction.

“I’ll be careful,” Kel said.

Johnny shot him a wary look, but he tilted his head back in his direction anyway, and he held still as Kel felt along the bridge of his nose. There was a small red scuff running down the side, but Johnny barely reacted as Kel carefully prodded at it.

“You’re doing great,” he quietly said. “Can you turn your head over a bit? I want to see if he hit you on the ear, gotta make sure there’s no internal damage there.”

Johnny complied, but Kel could tell he was getting more anxious rather than less, the tension increasing, those expressive brown eyes narrowed in distrust and confusion.

“Did I do something to make you uncomfortable?” Well, that was a stupid question. “Just now, I mean,” he added a little sheepishly.

“I’ve never heard you be that nice to somebody older ‘n ten,” he finally muttered. “And it’s kinda starting to worry me.”

For a long, long moment, Kel didn’t know how to answer.

“I’ve come to respect you hose jockeys quite a bit,” he finally said as he inspected Johnny’s ear. “And I don’t like seeing you hurt.”

Wasn’t like any of the other ones paramedics would have rated the Nice Kel Special, especially not for a little cut and a shoulder injury, but he didn’t think they would’ve found it particularly helpful or reassuring anyway, so that was alright. Johnny didn’t need to know about that particular soft spot of his.

“Your ear’s fine,” he added when Johnny didn’t react. “I’ll clean and dress that cut on your face, and then let’s have a look at your shoulder, alright?”

Johnny hummed affirmatively as Kel went to work. He still seemed wary, and he still looked like he expected this to hurt. But the longer Kel worked on him, as carefully and gently as he could, the more Johnny started to relax - until he drew a deep, shaky breath and allowed his eyes to flutter shut for a moment as he slumped slightly.

“Everything alright?” Kel asked.

“Yeah,” Johnny replied, and Kel had a hunch that something about them had shifted, even if he couldn’t quite pin it down. “Is this gonna need stitches?”

“No, I think it’ll heal just fine without.”

Johnny’s “oh, good,” sounded equally surprised and pleased, and Kel could see a tiny, crooked smile tugging at the paramedic’s lips even as he tried to keep his face still while Kel stuck a band-aid on it, almost back to his normal self - at least outwardly. For all this resilience, Johnny was only human, and Kel couldn’t blame him for the haunted look that lurked behind the smile. Losing a patient was hard enough, losing a kid was worse - and Kel didn’t even want to know what the paramedic thought about being attacked by the dead kid’s father.

“Alright,” Kel finally said. “Can you get your shirt off so I can take a look at that shoulder?”

Johnny nodded and set to work, long, slim fingers fumbling with the small buttons. He was wearing a simple gray button-down shirt that had clearly seen better days, the soft, washed-out fabric contrasting against Johnny’s sharp angles. It looked simple. Comfortable, in a way that made Brackett want to get another shot at Mr. Davis, to really chew him out for not only attacking his paramedics, but for doing it when they were off-duty. Tired. Vulnerable. Damn it.

Johnny slipped out of his shirt with a pained groan and let it pool around his back. Doctor Brackett could see his issue immediately - an angry purple bruise was radiating out from Johnny’s shoulder. It looked big and deep enough to interfere with his range of motion even if there was no serious underlying injury. The paramedic took one good look at Kel’s face, and tried to peer at his own shoulder with an expression that could only be described as ‘grim’, so Kel figured that he’d probably grimaced at the sight of the injured joint.

“Well,” Kel said with an apologetic shrug, “it’s definitely bruised.”

Johnny just nodded.

The more Kel poked and prodded at the injured joint, though, the more obvious it became that bruised was likely all it was - Johnny had full range of motion in that shoulder, even though he tensed his jaw against the pain and got those strained lines around his eyes as he carefully moved his arm, and nothing wobbled or made sounds that indicated any actual structural damage.

“So, how did this happen, Johnny?” he asked halfway through his examination.

“Used it to break down a bathroom door,” the paramedic muttered quietly, and had the good sense to look guilty about it.

“Don’t you have equipment for that kind of thing?”

“Uh, yeah. Sure.” Johnny gave him a wary look, clearly still worried about Kel’s reaction. Once upon a time, he would have been rightfully concerned - but not anymore.

“So, was there any reason why you didn’t use that equipment?” Kel asked, keeping his voice deliberately even.

Johnny winced, but Kel doubted that physical pain was the reason this time.

“I, uh…” Johnny muttered. “I had a hunch. There was an old lady behind that bathroom door and she’d fallen trying to get out of the shower when the fire alarm went off and the fire hadn’t reached anywhere near her flat yet, but I just - I don’t know. I didn’t want to risk going back down and getting a crowbar or something.”

A hunch. Well, that explained Johnny’s reluctance at least. Then again, it wasn’t like Kel himself didn’t sometimes have nothing but a hunch to go on.

“How’d it work out?” he simply asked.

“Two minutes after we got out, a gas line blew and I dunno if we’d have managed to get her out after that.”

Oh. Well, Kel was glad he’d asked this time before berating Johnny for being careless.

“Alright, I won’t say anything, then,” he acknowledged with just a hint of a smile. “Just try not to do quite such a number on yourself next time. Your shoulder’s just bruised this time, but if you’d hit that door any harder, you might have done some real damage. As it were… well. When’s your next shift?”

“In four days,” Johnny replied. “D’you think I’ll be able to work?”

“Probably,” Kel replied. “It won’t be pleasant, but if you take it real easy the next couple days, you might make it. Just get back here if your shoulder doesn’t improve at all, or if you notice anything unusual - and use your good judgment when you’re due for work. Don’t overdo it.”

“Alright,” Johnny said, “I can do that.”

He reached behind him and started to maneuver himself back into his shirt - Kel gave in and helped him after watching him struggle for a few seconds. Neither of them acknowledged it.

“Do you have ibuprofen at home? It’ll help the swelling go down faster.”

“I know, doc. And yeah, I do.”

“Alright, good.”

“So, Roy’s in the cafeteria?” Johnny asked as he got up.

“Hm. That’s what he said.” In retrospect, Kel was almost glad that Roy hadn’t joined them - he wasn’t entirely sure if Johnny would’ve put up with him in the same way if he’d had Roy to hide behind.

“Alright. Well, I guess I better try ‘n find him.”

“Yeah. Take care, and remember to come back here if there are any issues with your shoulder.”

“Will do. And, uh.” Johnny’s look turned a little sheepish. “Thanks.”

As far as Kel was concerned, Johnny didn’t have anything to thank him for - if anything, he should probably have apologized, but that was a concession he wasn’t quite willing to make so obviously. With some luck, his actions would speak louder than his words.

“Sure, Johnny,” he simply said, and watched the treatment room door swing shut after the young paramedic.

–Roy

It felt like he’d sat in the cafeteria nursing a cup of coffee forever. He knew it couldn’t have been more than a few minutes at most - but he felt bad for just leaving Johnny to his own devices, so every moment stretched into an eternity as he kept a watchful eye on the door.

He didn’t think he’d made the wrong choice as such - he knew he wouldn’t have helped anyone by being there, not really. He had needed a break and a cuppa joe. He still couldn’t get Johnny’s tense, strained look out of his mind.

In the end, he was so deep in thought that he didn’t notice Johnny until he was practically standing right in front of him, still looking a little pale and a lot exhausted, but more… settled than he had earlier. There was a bandaid along his cheekbone, but his arm wasn’t immobilized and he hadn’t been away long enough for x-rays, which was probably a good sign.

“Hey junior, how are you doing?” Roy asked.

“Brackett was nice to me,” Johnny replied, bewildered.

“That’s great, but I meant your shoulder.”

“Bruised,” Johnny said and sat down opposite him. “I’m s’pposed to come back here if it doesn’t get any better, but otherwise I’m cleared to work the next shift as long as I feel okay enough.”

“Oh, good.”

Johnny hummed in agreement, and Roy was captivated enough by the subtle smile on his pretty face that it took him a moment to realize that his partner had hooked a finger over the edge of his saucer and was slowly but surely stealing his coffee. He kept eye contact as he raised the mug to his lips, a silent question in his look.

Roy sighed.

“Go ahead - but I’m warning you, you're not gonna like this.”

Johnny raised an eyebrow at him as he took a sip - and shuddered.

“... sugar.”

Roy just shrugged as Johnny glared at the mug, before sighing.

“You know, at this point I don’t even mind.”

“That bad?” Roy asked.

Johnny drained the mug and placed it back on the saucer.

“Let’s get home,” he simply said.

Roy thought about having to drive Johnny back to the station. About Johnny having to drive himself home, and being all alone in his gray little apartment.

“Wanna come over and stay at my place for the day? There’ll be food, and we can ice your shoulder for a bit. I’ll get you back to your car in the evening or tomorrow or something.”

Johnny looked at him, and Roy knew that the offer had been a good idea just looking at the way his partner was trying to blink away his crushing exhaustion.

“You sure?” he asked, like he really thought there was any doubt in Roy’s mind.

“Yeah.”

“Yeah, alright.” An odd little shy smile. “Okay. Yeah, I’d - I’d like that. After everything that- well. I’d like that.”

Roy could feel himself relax for the first time since the run-in with Mr. Davis - no, for the first time since Johnny got hurt last afternoon, really. He knew he’d have to take a good, long look at that feeling later, but for now, he’d get to take Johnny home and keep a watchful eye on him, and that was good enough.

Johnny smiled at him, tired but heartfelt.

Yeah, this was enough.

#emergency!#fanfic #penworks #johnny gage #roy desoto #kelly brackett

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gubler-garbage · 2 years

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Dude you don’t know how cathartic it is to read your thoughts on the shipping culture in always sunny. Whenever I get into a piece of media for the first time my go-to move to get content about it is to go on tumblr, and when I did that for iasip I genuinely thought I was going crazy. Seeing the sheer amount of shipping posts made in complete sincerity made me wonder if I was missing something? So I suspended my disbelief thinking maybe some crazy shit happened in the seasons I hadn’t seen yet, but lo and behold that’s not the case lmao. Also this is a way smaller thing to complain about but the fandom’s intense focus on Mac and Dennis (on tumblr at least) makes it so there’s way less content for Charlie (that’s how it feels to me, but maybe I’m wrong) which bums me out. Anyway, sorry for the long ask, I just wanted you to know that someone did read your long post and appreciated it a lot.

thanks you so much!! It's been really lovely hearing from y'all. I don't want to come off too critical of the fandom because generally speaking and having been on this garbage site for almost 10 years, the people in this fandom are kind and respectful towards each other with very little vicious or angry discourse and even if I don't agree with quite a few takes, I do enjoy reading what everyone thinks because a lot of y'all have really thoughtful critiques of the show and its creators. It's really just the really hardcore shippy side of the fandom that puts me off a bit. I don't have any problem with shipping or anything, macden is a ton of toxic fun but I definitely agree with you that the way people talk about them as if its not just a ship but a foregone canon conclusion is quite strange honestly. Like I think it would be a really interesting direction for the show but the way people talk about them seems like a incredible reach and a recipe for intense disappointment. I feel like its a more common thing now that people aren't just content with shipping something, they need it to be canon. There is no such thing as a "correct" interpretation of art, interpretations can be ill informed, ignorant etc but it isn't "wrong" and trying to impose your interpretation on others is really just obnoxious. Imo half the fun of shipping is exploring the dynamics of characters that would never be addressed in the show or expanding on different plots or characters that you think are interesting but never really made it to being a large part of the show or movie or whatever. I just personally don't understand this attachment to something being made explicitly canon (but obviously when I say that I'm not referring to queerbaiting and the like from shows like supernatural, I definitely understand where people are coming from with that, like I was a Richonne stan in twd fandom lol). I have seen people try and make the "queerbaiting" argument for sunny and that one really gets me goin like absolutely livid like some of you really love to try and co-opt serious issues of representation for your dumbass shipping discourse, it drives me up a god damn wall. It's really transparent when there is so so (cannot be over expressed) so god damn much to criticise about sunny but (and of course this is only my personal opinion but I feel like it's a pretty solid consensus) the way Mac's sexuality and coming out was treated (in the latter half of the show once the decision was actually made to take that path with his character) was with the utmost reverence and respect that it deserved. Of all the misteps made by sunny Mac's coming out and acceptance is absolutely not one of them. Personally I feel Mac is one of the most important pieces of representation currently on tv and the idea that out of the incredibly long list of criticisms for the show some of the fandom have decided "queer-baiting" is the primary issue is unbelievable to me. Like first of all the fundamental misunderstanding of what the term even means is endlessly frustrating but also reeks of that Community meme "I can excuse racism but I draw the line at my gay ship not being canon". It's petty and childish and devalues all of the very important discussion to be had surrounding representations of queer characters.

I'm so sorry, I got so off track on this one gang. One last thing I really have absolutely no problem with the popularity of macden, they're a real fun ship and people are free to post whatever they please. Personally I love my sweet baby rat boy charlie and wanted to see more of him so I jumped headfirst into that brainrot and made the content myself lol.

Just really wanna reiterate cos I feel like I might come off a bit aggressive in this, I love you macdens y'all are making super cool content and amazing art and if that's the direction the show ends up going I'll be more than happy! All fandoms have some bad takes goin on, thats half the fun lol.

#seriously chase your bliss gang #iasip #ask #one day I will learn to edit myself.... my professors would appreciate it #if you've sent me an ask recently I'm so sorry its taking me so long to get to it #just been a bit busy but I really appreciate them and I wanna take the time to answer them properly

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onceuponadisembo · 3 years

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Chapters: 1/5 Fandom: 王室教師ハイネ | Oushitsu Kyoushi Haine | The Royal Tutor (Anime) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Viktor von Granzreich & Heine Wittgenstein, Viktor von Granzreich/Heine Wittgenstein Characters: Viktor von Granzreich, Heine Wittgenstein Additional Tags: Drinking, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, Bad Humor, Happy Ending, Excessive Hand-Holding, anime movie canon, Staying Up Too Late, viktor just wants to spend more time teasing heine for his height, unamused heine, heine's anime past, a little bit shippy, Queerplatonic Relationships

Summary:

Viktor invites Heine to his study for wine, makes as many bad jokes as he can, and then asks to dance with him. Set after the ball that happens at the end of the anime movie.

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I'm only up to Volume 9 of the manga right now and I don't know Heine's past, so although the manga will have some influence on some parts of the story, this fic is set in the canon of the anime, and will include references to Heine's and Viktor's past based on what was shown in the anime.

I'm also putting together a (very short, somewhat shippy) playlist for this fic so if you're into that sort of thing, here it is.

FFN link.

Read the first part under the cut

In the king's study, the bottle of Niedergranzreich white wine glittered in the lamplight.

There had been drinks at the ball. The usual wine and beer, which Heine had politely declined, but there was also something from Romano – a honeyed concoction with sharp-smelling spices and an even sharper burn as it slipped down his throat. When Viktor proposed a toast with the king of Romano, Heine had found himself with a glass in hand. He was then handed another at more than a few points in the evening – and at least one of them by Viktor himself. Heine did not quite remember how many cries of Prost! to the two kingdoms there had been, and now he sat, still in his evening suit, at his usual spot by the desk, swirling yet another glass with Viktor and feeling the wine more than usual.

It was already getting late.

He was not worried; tomorrow was his rest day. But there are no breaks for a king – although this one did not seem to notice the time at all. Heine had been surprised when Viktor invited him here tonight, thinking that perhaps the king wanted a report so soon after the princes' assignment had been completed. He had been equally surprised when he saw the bottle.

"More wine?" he chided. "Are you sure?"

Viktor was already pouring the first glass. "You can always have something else if you won't join me," he had said, a mischievous gleam in his eye. "I'll send for it. Milk would be much more… age appropriate. Or what do you think?"

Heine harrumphed and took a glass.

It seemed that they were here for no reason at all. Tomorrow – or the day after – they would talk about how the princes had done, and what that could mean for the future of the Granzreich and Romano kingdoms. And although they were no longer young, nor as free with their time as they had been way back then, Heine did not mind indulging the king. Viktor may request the strangest things, but it was never without sound reason. There is always a first time for everything, though, because Heine was now starting to suspect that Viktor, too, had had more than a few at the ball.

-:-

"Eins dropped by, you know," said Viktor not long after they had clinked their glasses. "After the song."

"Oh?" said Heine, pausing as he lifted his glass. "I did not see him."

Chin in hand, Viktor hummed a sigh. "He didn't stay long. You know how children are when they grow up."

They sat in silence for a while. They had both grown up a long time ago, and far too quickly. There was still so much more to be done.

Viktor drained his glass and straightened up with a toss of his head, as if the silence were a blanket he was trying to shrug from his shoulders. "Well!" he chirped, refilling his glass. "I am glad that my sons are growing so well under your care. Shall I…?" He gestured the bottle towards Heine.

The tutor glanced into his glass. "Thank you, but I am barely halfway through."

"Take your time." Viktor settled back in his chair. "Speaking of my sons, I am already in talks with King Romano to arrange a visit to his kingdom. It is my hope that we can continue to strengthen our relationship as allies."

"And mine as well," murmured Heine. It could not be easy, as a young prince of Romano, to shoulder the high expectations of one's position while growing into one's own person. He thought of Prince Ivan, the eldest twin, who could never do enough in his father's eyes as well as his own; and of Prince Eugene, overlooked in favour of his brother and who, like his brother, expressed a disdain for "forever benchwarmer princes" at the start of their visit. The fact that the younger prince had done so even though, if all were to go according to plan, he himself would not be expected to ascend the throne, could explain why Prince Eugene had not seemed to see the point in trying for anything. The Granzreich princes could prove to be a good influence on the Romanos, if only they could spend some more time together.

A chuckle from Viktor interrupted Heine's thoughts. "What is funny?" he asked the king, his sombre musings quickly dissipating.

"I was just wondering if you also taught the princes to dance at the ball."

"Goodness, no."

"Ah. I thought so. Teaching them to sing would have been enough of a handful."

"Yes, but I cannot tell you how much I came to wish that I had blocked out a few hours, at least, to revise the basics together with them. I did not anticipate how insistent they would be." Heine took a fortifying drink from his glass. "Do you know how terrifying it is to be led around the floor by partners who do not quite know what they are doing? I was even lifted once. I was in the air."

Viktor chuckled even more. "Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. I did love seeing all of you getting along so well."

"You were watching us?"

"I was watching you."

What a strange way of putting it. Heine was not sure he had heard Viktor correctly. Perhaps he should ask him repeat that, to check that he had not misheard him.

He sipped some more wine and held out his glass. "Could you top me up, please?"

-:-

"There's something I want to show you," said Viktor as he led Heine over to the lounge area. On the low table sat a strange shape, which Heine thought he recognised when Viktor removed the sheet that lay over it.

"My word," murmured Heine, venturing closer to inspect the instrument and the brassy sheen of its parts. "Is this… a phonograph?"

"Do you like it?" smiled Viktor, barely containing his delight. "It was a gift. Go on, give it a try."

"What does it play?"

"Wind it up and see for yourself."

Soon the hazy melody of a waltz undulated about the room and Heine watched Viktor hum along, fingers dancing in time to the music.

"What a tremendous invention," said Heine when the song neared its end. "It seems as if I were right in front of the orchestra."

"Yes, and listen to this." Viktor stopped the machine and switched out the cylinder. When it started up again, it sang out in a long, yearning trill.

Heine put down his wine. "This song!"

"Yes?" said Viktor, a twinkle in his eye.

The melody was haunting and the libretto solemn – far too serious to have been fully-appreciated the first time Heine had heard it. Perched next to Viktor, in oversized borrowed clothes, Heine had been certain they would be spotted among the crowded back seats. Once the show was over and he could finally relax, they spent the evening falling over each other as they butchered the most dramatic of the songs, missing the high notes and substituting their own lyrics.

"Why Viktor, had I not known any better, I would have thought that you had impeccable taste."

Viktor laughed – the same laugh from the alleyway behind the Wienner state opera house nearly thirty years ago.

-:-

Back at the desk, they talked of important things.

The latest in the national opera:

"No, don't tell me. I haven't seen it yet."

The moral discrepancies in classic childhood fables:

"I can't explain that to you, Viktor, I did not write it."

Whether or not it was possible to brew wine from carrots and bell peppers:

"I find it highly worrisome that a child would know so much about winemaking."

The bottle of wine slowly emptied out.

-:-

"And another thing," said Viktor who, at some point in the night, had ended up sprawled out next to Heine. They were down to the last few glasses, and Heine was propping himself up against the cushioned arm of the settee, trying hard to maintain a slight semblance of propriety.

"Why are we always drinking this?" Viktor squinted at his glass of wine, holding it up to the light. "It's the same wine every time ever since God knows when, always wine white- I mean white wine- from Niedergrr- Niederglan-zish."

Heine nearly slipped off the arm. Goodness gracious. Where was this coming from?

"But isn't it… isn't this your favourite?" he faltered, his head foggy. "You don't like it?"

Viktor made a sound that resembled both a hiccough and a splutter. Or perhaps it was a laugh. Heine could not tell at this point. "I do like it, but people get tired of favourites, Herr Professor. Even Lich… Leonhard. Would hesitate at the idea of eating sacher torte for every meal.

"I wouldn't be so sure," muttered Heine. Then, struggling with the plush upholstery, he pulled himself into a slightly less crooked sitting position. "But Viktor, you are being unfair. You were the one who brought this wine. And it was supposed to be my turn."

"Oh, don't worry about that. It's a special occasion."

"You must let me bring the next one." Heine racked his brains for all the good wines he had ever tried or heard of, but the memories seemed to have left him for the moment. "We could try… red wine?"

"Hmm?" Viktor tilted his head.

"From… Obergranzreich?"

"Interesting proposal," said Viktor, "considering their viticulture is not what it used to be."

"Hintergranzreich, then."

Viktor snorted. "You are making things up."

"And you were making a fuss over something that could have been so easily resolved," retorted Heine. "Why didn't you tell me sooner? If I had known, I would have looked around town and found something new, or checked with the chefs for recommendations – anything, if only you had asked."

Viktor leaned back to look at the tutor and smiled fondly. "That's just like you. I know I can always rely on you. You're a good friend, Heine."

Heine took a sip from his glass. "Though you tend to ask for the most reckless things," he said.

That was when Viktor asked him to dance.

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It's been almost exactly one year since I first watched The Royal Tutor, and I'm super excited to get this out. I already have the rest of this written out, but because it’s such a pain to upload fics to Tumblr, I’ll be uploading the rest of the chapters to AO3, and I’ll be putting just the link on Tumblr. I really want to make sure I check each chapter thoroughly, so I might take a few days to upload the next one. In the meantime - comments are appreciated and I'll love you forever.

#the royal tutor #oushitsu kyoushi haine #oushitsu kyoushi heine #heine wittgenstein #haine wittgenstein #viktor von granzreich #viktor von glanzreich #viktor von grannzreich #victor von glanzreich #victor von granzreich #victor von grannzreich #heine x viktor #write by me #fanfiction

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franniebanana · 3 years

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CQL Rewatch - Ep 23

Seriously, how useless are these two right now? The puppets all dropped dead around them, yet none of them run up to help Wei Wuxian. I think we saw Lan Wangji running, but he just had dramatic close-up shots for the first few minutes as well. Like, stop looking dumbfounded and stop just providing facial reactions to things, and get up there! Act like you're in a war, gdi! They're reacting to seeing Wen Ruohan stabbed, which I chose not to cap for obvious reasons.

So even though I knew the story from the book, I still think this moment is pretty cool when they reveal that it's Jin Guangyao who has stabbed Wen Ruohan literally and figuratively in the back. The last time we saw him, poor Nie Mingjue was getting the crap beat out of him by Jin Guangyao, so seeing this here--like, ooh! Double-double-cross! Triple-cross!! It's fun to see a twist that doesn't make you groan! Because, of course, you want to root for Jin Guangyao because he's a bastard and has always been looked down on everyone. Now you see that he was not a villain at all, and he was actually helping the good guys by double-crossing Wen Ruohan! Of course, we know he really is a villain and all, but most of that really doesn't come until later in the story haha.

I do enjoy the light parallels here between Lan Xichen and his brother. We see both of them willing to give their best friends the benefit of the doubt and protect them from those who are less willing, let's say. And both of them are even willing to stand up to other people they know and trust. Nie Mingjue is one of Lan Xichen's closest friends, and we see Lan Wangji stand up to his own uncle. If you're looking at CQL without the romance angle (which, why would you?), this parallel is a bit more striking. You basically have two sets of bosom friends. Obviously one set crumbles at the end, but there are definitely a lot of parallels and comparisons to make. And sorry, for a show that couldn't have any gay characters, they sure made it seem like Lan Xichen and Jin Guangyao had a thing for each other (even though neither of them is gay in the book, mind you). A weird sort of change--I don't even ship them, but their early scenes seemed very shippy. Maybe it's my American lens, I don't know.

But speaking of weird changes, allow me to go on a tangent. Wen Qing's role expansion doesn't bother me, not really. I kind of say it does, but it's not really the expansion that gets to me. It's the fact that she was going to be a love interest for Wei Wuxian that bothers me. Wei Wuxian is gay. He's gay. Lan Wangji is also gay--if not gayer. Her being a love interest for either one of them means they are no longer gay. Bi, maybe, but what that would have done was erase their canon sexuality. It would have also turned their relationship into that horribly tropey brothers-in-arms or whatever name you want to give it--basically JUST FRIENDS who want to defend each other's honor. You can certainly read CQL that way, but if you are, I don't think you're paying attention to Wang Yibo's performance at all. And if you're not paying attention to the second lead, then why are you watching this show at all? So, changing their sexuality changes the whole show (which already is so tropey, from what I understand) into something so derivative, I wouldn't even want to bother watching it. One of the things I think you take away from CQL is Lan Wangji's, frankly, undying love for Wei Wuxian. If he goes and has a fling with Wen Qing at any point, that cheapens his character dramatically in my opinion. Lots of people can say this better than me, and probably have, but I'm very grateful to those passionate fans (and to Xiao Zhan and Wang Yibo) for helping to change the script from the original drafts, which were frankly no better than a junky harlequin romance, having Wen Qing passed around like a piece of meat, which is so far from her character in the novel, and definitely a disservice to her.

Not gonna lie, it's adorable to think that Jiang Yanli and Lan Wangji have been talking over the past few days, maybe having tea together, while Wei Wuxian is in a coma. I feel Lan Wangji was a very calming presence for Jiang Yanli, because she was probably very worried and fretful over Wei Wuxian. I like the idea of him playing the guqin for Wei Wuxian, and then having tea and a quiet chat with Jiang Yanli before leaving. Also very cute that Wei Wuxian is half-heartedly trying to badmouth Lan Wangji, by calling him boring and uninteresting, but he can't even get through the sentence without smiling to himself. Obviously he's loving the idea that Lan Wangji has been at his side every day, worrying over him and slowly doing his part to nurse him back to health.

I love his expression here: shock and relief and joy, all mixed together upon seeing that Wei Wuxian has woken up. Obviously he knew he'd wake up eventually, but he didn't expect it so soon and I don't think he expected his heart to be in his throat and to be so indescribably happy to see Wei Wuxian awake.

Wei Wuxian, of course, can't really meet his eyes, and Jiang Yanli makes a swift exit (she knows what's up--these boys need to talk). And Lan Wangji just has love in his eyes: Heart-guang Jun. I mean, imagine how he must be feeling right now. He had just gotten Wei Wuxian back from what seemed like certain death, finally reconciled, and then Wei Wuxian is in a coma! He must have been terrified of losing him again. It's probably all he can do right now to not hug Wei Wuxian.

I seriously love everything about this scene. I love the colors, the cinematography, the longing glances Wei Wuxian gives Lan Wangji, the way Lan Wangji quietly scolds him while still playing the guqin because he's a professional. But really, I just find this scene very pretty and moving and emotional. I enjoy seeing Lan Wangji getting to take care of him and even more that Wei Wuxian lets him and puts up with it. I think most of us are quick to retort a good old, "I'm fine" when asked how we are, but in this case, Wei Wuxian is not fine, and he has no ground to stand on if he's trying to prove that. It's hard for Wei Wuxian at this point, though, to really lean on anyone, even Lan Wangji who is his best friend. He certainly can't lean on Jiang Cheng for reasons I don't think I need to go into again. He kind of leans on Yanli, but at the same time, he can't (and doesn't wish to) burdon her either. Lan Wangji is really the one person he should be able to lean on and seek comfort from, but he feels awkward and uncomfortable, because of the dark spiritual energy and giving up the sword, and Lan Wangji's crusade to help him.

"Who is good and who is evil?" Wei Wuxian is struggling with a moral dilemma: is it right to round up the Wens and kill them/hold them captive? The Wens did horrible things, after all, and this is the reality of war. Of course, we've just seen Lan Xichen struggling with it as well. Why capture the women and children and elderly, who have nothing to do with the war? He's only met with the fact that it's not just the male cultivators who are dangerous. Still, his mind is only placated by the lie that the people will just be interrogated and sent to a labor camp--then cut to the blood on the floor. So Wei Wuxian is not only struggling with what the Jin Clan and other clans are doing, but he's also thinking about his own deeds--how many people did he kill? How many did he brutally murder in the name of revenge? Because of the things he's done, is he good or evil? Is good and evil so black and white? Does it just depend on whose lens you're viewing it through?

Lan Wangji looks at Wei Wuxian with all of this knowledge and doesn't know what to think. He's afraid of what Wei Wuxian has become, afraid he'll end up like Wen Ruohan--he's afraid of losing him entirely. But the situation is not black and white, and good and evil is not so easily defined. You can only know once you know that person's heart, and Wei Wuxian isn't really letting Lan Wangji in anymore. He's trying to convince him with his words, but that is simply not good enough.

I think if Lan Wangji hadn't stopped him here, Wei Wuxian would have played that flute and tried to end all of the Jin "hunting party" (sorry, that was a little dark). His emotions were already high after the conversation with Lan Wangji on the cliff, and we've already seen him feeling disturbed by how the Wens are being chased and rounded up. I, for one, wouldn't have complained if Jin Zixuan's cousin bit the dust earlier. I think his name is Jin Zixun. Is that it? See, even I don't remember him.

I love how even though they are far apart, this scene still feels very intimate. It's very moving, and the music and the cinematography help to cultivate that feeling. I like how Wei Wuxian perks up when he hears Lan Wangji pluck the first few notes, and Lan Wangji does the same when he hears the sound of Wei Wuxian's flute. I feel like they are spiritually connected here as they play this haunting duet. And I think it's a connection they haven't felt for a long time. There has been so much tension between them for so long, and this scene feels like a big sigh from both of them. While I still feel like there is tension present, there is a bit of a release here--at least, that's how I feel as a viewer.

Ah, yes, the awkward period where Jiang Cheng has become leader of the Yunmeng Jiang Sect, wants to control Wei Wuxian, but doesn't know how. He's new at this, so I can't blame him for being a bit awkward as he figures out what he's supposed to be doing. As a young man, he basically nagged Wei Wuxian for doing inappropriate things, but now when Wei Wuxian misbehaves, Jiang Cheng is in part responsible for that behavior. At some point or another, the two of them grew up. Wei Wuxian's misbehavior isn't precocious anymore--it's serious and it has consequences, and just as in Gusu, Jiang Cheng sees that those actions are a reflection of the Jiang Clan. Only now, they aren't just a reflection of the clan, they're also a reflection of Jiang Cheng, himself, and his leadership (or lack thereof).

And speaking of awkward...Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji have some...unresolved...stuff to deal with. But God forbid they actually talk right now. How can they? They're at this stuffy banquet that neither one of them want to be at. I feel for them both. Wei Wuxian is hurt because he thinks Lan Wangji doesn't trust him. Lan Wangji feels terrible because he wants to help Wei Wuxian, but the latter won't really let him in and allow him to do so. I feel myself just on pins and needles during these scenes with all these glances, but at the same time, I love it because DRAMA and ANGST! And they're just so in love lolol.

Nie Mingjue has to be that guy that always wants a certain table. The waiter leads him over and says, "Is this table okay?" expecting the answer to be yes, but nope--not Nie Mingjue. He'll request a different table. XD

I love this little conversation--it's like they're both measuring each other up. I think they each have a healthy distrust of the other. Although Wei Wuxian has always been kind to Jin Guangyao, I don't think that discounts the whole demonic cultivation thing in his mind. He knows Wei Wuxian is smart and clever and, most importantly, capable. And as for Wei Wuxian, I don't think the ease in which Jin Guangyao manipulated Wen Ruohan is lost on him.Essentially the downfall of this great cultivator and enemy of all the other clans was due to one man: Jin Guangyao. I think Wei Wuxian is thinking the same thing I am: he's extremely clever, devious, and potentially dangerous if you get on his bad side. His rise to power within the Jin Clan is kind of amazing. His estranged father admits to Nie Mingjue and Lan Xichen that Jin Guangyao is his son, his station has improved drastically in a short amount of time. He sure as hell is dangerous.

Jiang Yanli can hardly contain her excitement when Jin Guangshan brings up her former engagement to his son. Just kidding, of course. I'm kind of horrified for her that he's bringing this up now in front of all these people. It feels very much like he's pressuring not only her, but also his son to get engaged again. First of all, Jiang Fengmian and Jin Guangshan agreed at the time to let the children decide whether they wanted to get married or not. Second, if you're going to talk about this, at least do it in private! Third, this is not letting the kids decide. God, this would be humiliating! And I also totally expected Jiang Cheng to speak for his sister here, so I'm glad he didn't do that. It's really none of his business either.

Lol! The weird cutoff here! Who's speaking??? I don't know!!! I mean, obviously, it's Wei Wuxian, but it's like they don't expect us to recognize his voice hahahahaha.

Other episodes: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | Or just check out the #CQL Rewatch hashtag

#wangxian #wei wuxian #lan wangji #theuntameddaily #cql #the untamed #jiang cheng #jiang yanli #wen qing #jin guangyao #lan xichen #ep 23 #cql rewatch

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xiyao-feels · 3 years

Text

So, this started off as a shipping bingo for MDZS nie//lan; I've added the bingo meme above so that you know what you're getting into. What it evolved into, however, is several thousand words of close reading of the NMJ+LXC relationship, getting some into the 3//zun dynamics and comparing it with LXC and JGY's relationship to help demonstrate my point. If that sounds interesting to you, read away! Fair warning: as you might gather from the bingo above I am not very gentle, not only on the idea of a romantic relationship but also on their friendship.

Originally, I imagined I'd be saying something like, while of course they were very good friends and LXC grieves for NMJ, there's no evidence of romantic interest. But I wanted to look over the scenes first, to get a handle on them properly and to pick out some quotes; and what I found, when I looked at it closely, startled me—I couldn't believe how little there actually was.

My methodology for this review, by the way: I searched the entire text for every variation on their name I could think of, and then read over the chapter for chapters they were both mentioned in. I also reviewed chapters where only one of them is mentioned (that's how I caught the reference in ch 16, where NMJ is only referred to as NHS' brother). I might have missed something, or I might have read it and not registered it, etc etc. I definitely don't have JGY's memory XP But I've done my best to be thorough.

Also, a heads up: while I've done a little bit of addressing NMJ's emotions, this is mostly focused on what LXC feels, because otherwise this would be even more ridiculously long and because that's where my interest lies.

I'll state my conclusions up front, in case you just want to know what I think and not have to wade through [mumble] thousand words to get there. But it's far enough off from even the standard non-shippy take on their relationship that I really did think it was worth walking through the evidence.

It seems to me that while NMJ and LXC were to some extent close before the war, they grew apart during the war and very much so afterwards. There are a few moments that suggest NMJ might feel unusually tender towards LXC, there is nothing similar on LXC's part, and frankly their post-Sunshot interactions that we see suggest that—while LXC certainly cares about him—he does not at all feel close to him.

Moreover, his personal grief for NMJ's death, and whatever personal betrayal he may feel about JGY killing his, LXC's, friend, are not the drivers of his emotional difficulties with respect to JGY.

Okay, now the evidence. This has been divided up into two parts, NMJ alive and NMJ dead.

Pt I: NMJ alive

LXC and NMJ were friends before Sunshot; while we don't have a lot of evidence to guess how close they were, we can certainly see signs of long familiarity with each other in their later interactions, and it's worth noting that we don't see either of them having other friends beyond, in LXC's case, JGY.*

*NMJ got along with his subordinate MY very well, but except for one incident it was purely in the context of a superior/subordinate relationship, and he does not seem to have been interested in MY as a person, so I'm not classing them as friends.

Nevertheless, during Sunshot, we can see LXC begin to grow apart from him, and in their post-Sunshot interactions they start not very close and end up quite distant. By the time if NMJ's death, it's clear that while LXC cares about him, he is not emotionally close to him at all.

A brief discussion of NMJ's feelings, before I spend most of the rest of the post focusing on LXC's. As I mentioned above, LXC seems to be NMJ's only friend, and he does react to him in ways he doesn't really seem to anyone else. In the teacups scene, for example, we're told that "while Nie MingJue had never been one for humor," nevertheless "in front of Lan XiChen, his expression eased." Later, towards the end of the stairs incident, LXC is able to dissuade him from immediately pursuing JGY's death, which I believe is as much as we see anyone ever do with NMJ's anger. Finally, in ch 46, when LXC and LWJ are playing music to deal with NMJ's headless corpse, WWX thinks that NMJ might particularly be responding to LXC playing Liebing: "Wei WuXian didn’t know if it was only his imagination, but as soon as the soft, serene tone of the xiao appeared, the corpse’s movement paused. For a moment, he seemed to have stood still and listened, then turned around, as though he wanted to see who was the one playing the music."

If you wanted to say that NMJ has romantic or quasi-romantic feelings about LXC, then I don't think that would be an unreasonable extrapolation from the text, although I also don't think it's a necessary one; friendship and minor romantic feelings are I think pretty much equally fair readings.

Even so, LXC is not his priority; rather, he prioritizes NHS and (probably not unrelatedly) JGY's moral rectitude. In Ch 48, the friendly 3zun conversation only happens because NMJ was seeking LXC out to bring him NHS' saber, which he'd left behind, and when he qi deviates it's NHS and not LXC who manages to bring him some calm just before he dies, and whose features he can recognize (ch 50). At the Phoenix Mountain Hunt (ch 69-70), we see no sign that either he or LXC sought each other out, and on those occasions we do see NMJ initiate discussion with LXC it's usually about JGY's moral rectitude (ch 73, his sarcastic remark about JGY's hard work after the conference about WWX; ch 49, his interjection during the guqin scene; ch 49, the beginning of the stairs incident).

And what about what LXC feels? Let's take a close look at the progression of their relationship.

In chapter 16, when NHS is studying at Cloud Recesses, we see LXC run into him and convey NMJ's query into his studies, having apparently recently returned from Qinghe. While he doesn't say what he was doing there, it seems reasonable to infer that he was either visiting NMJ or at least visited him while he was there. (ETA: NHS also hopes that LXC will put in some good words for him to NMJ, which also suggests that he expects they'll be in contact.) This establishes a baseline of closeness from before the war, however much they drift apart during and after. However, we never see any of their interactions before the war, or anything else about their relationship; this is all we get.

The high point of the NMJ and LXC interactions that we see on page happen during Sunshot, where we see them have three conversations (all in ch 48). High point, however, is a relative phrase. In order, there's the teacups scene; there's their conversation (including MY) after NMJ agrees to release MY from his service, with a recommendation letter no less; and there's their conversation where NMJ recounts what happened with MY in Langya.

Let's start with the teacups scene. NMJ and LXC do talk, but it's part of a group conversation with other cultivators—at least three and as many as six of whom we see interject,* one of whom is another sect leader—and it seems mostly about practical or immediate matters. The exchange on the page isn't long and "Soon afterward, Lan XiChen and the rest stood up" and are led to their resting areas by MY. Moreover, interestingly, it's NMJ who asks all the questions; LXC answers him, but doesn't ask him questions in turn, or comment on his situation.

*there are two separate occasions where there cultivators per chime in

(Note also that the focus of the conversation suggests that NMJ and LXC aren't communicating extensively through letters or anything, as does LXC not knowing MY is NMJ's deputy. I don't think this is hugely significant, given that there's a war on and presumably they don't want information leaking everywhere and LXC doesn't seem to have a fixed address, but it does seem worth noting—as does the implication, perhaps more significant, that LXC only stops at Hejian when he's escorting other cultivators: "Everytime Lan XiChen passed Hejian as he was escorting other cultivators, he would rest shortly[.]")

NMJ and LXC's conversation in the teacups scene stands in really stark contrast to the conversation between LXC and MY that NMJ is about to overhear. That conversation is very much private; it's in LXC's private resting area, and MY is sitting in the presence of Zewu-Jun. The conversation is sort of about the war, but really only as it relates to MY's dream of "earn[ing] a proper place in the LanlingJin Sect" and "receiv[ing] the approval of [his] father." The very first thing we hear LXC say is a comment on MY's situation ("What a coincidence. You joined MingJue-xiong’s force and became his deputy")! He is of course going to go on to raise the possibility of MY going to Langya (to serve his father), and independently volunteer to talk to NMJ if NMJ isn't willing to let MY go. And even after NMJ joins them, some things are kept private between LXC and MY; when he asks them how they know each other, LXC refuses to answer, and then when he asks MY to answer as LXC will not, MY also refuses him, since LXC doesn't want it spoken.

The two conversations are simply very different, in a way that suggests a strong contrast between LXC's feelings for and interest in NMJ and LXC's feelings for and interest in MY. It's also worth noting, as I mentioned above, that it seems that NMJ sought LXC out because he was bringing LXC NHS' sabre, so LXC can bring it on to NHS.

Now, let's look at the conversation the three of them have after NMJ volunteers to give MY a letter of recommendation and send him to serve his father in Langya. This conversation is, I think, the high point of the interactions they have that we actually see. LXC expresses a positive evaluation of NMJ: "Look, I told you that MingJue-xiong would respect your decision." He smiles at NHS' sabre, and responds directly to NMJ. And then of course there's this famous paragraph:

The three chatted back and forth, at times serious, yet at times light. The conversation was much more relaxed than when they had been in the living room. Listening to their chatter, Wei WuXian often wanted to get a word in as well, yet he was unable to do so.

That said...well. Again, there's nothing about anything here that suggests romance, and if you look at the reasons I give for it being the high point, that's not actually very high. As to the paragraph—again, I do think they're friends! But I think it's also noteworthy that the easiest conversation we see/hear about them having is one that is early in the war,* and where MY is also present, and one where NMJ has just done something good for MY.

*MY is noted as having joined the Nie forces "right after" Sunshot begins, and to have been promoted to NMJ's deputy after not many interactions; LXC also seems surprised at least by MY being NMJ's deputy, which suggests that he hasn't stopped there before while this was the case, and he comes by in the paragraph immediately after MY is promoted. Finally, after MY vanishes after his confrontation with NMJ in Langya, we're told that "during the next few years" no traces could be found of him. All taken together, this suggests to me that MY was NMJ's deputy for 1-2 months early in the war, and the conversation of course takes place at the very end of that period

(As ever, I recommend confusion-and-more's close reading of the second scene, here.)

The next interaction that's mentioned in the text is after MY tricks and immobilizes NMJ and flees, when NMJ describes what happened with him to LXC. I think it's worth noting exactly how the exchange is introduced:

Even when Lan XiChen had the time to assist Langya, a few days later, his anger hadn’t died down one bit. As soon as he came, Lan XiChen laughed, “MingJue-xiong, what a temper you seem to be in. Where is Meng Yao? Why does he not come and douse your flames?”

"As soon as he came," note! It seems to be literally the first thing LXC says. And while it is a comment on NMJ's state, its primary function seems to be as a lead-in to asking about the state/whereabouts of MY. Their exchange as the text shows us is /entirely/ about MY, and he's clearly the focus of LXC's interest. We also have this from LXC, which I think is interesting as it shows the contrast between his morality and NMJ's:

"Judging from his words, the person whom he killed had definitely done wrong. However, he should not have taken his life either. We are in harsh times, so it is quite difficult to determine who was at fault."

Their next interaction is in chapter 49, LXC defending MY from NMJ post Sun Palace—and I don't just mean verbally, he's defending against Baxia with an unsheathed Shuoyue through this whole conversation. At this point, he still has some faith in NMJ's ability to act rationally towards MY, as he asks MY if MY hadn't told NMJ about his being the spy, and NMJ displays familiarity with LXC, knowing that he rarely interrupted people. I'll note that unlike in CQL, LXC does not seem particularly angry at this point—MDZS LXC is almost never angry, including at multiple points where CQL LXC /is/—but overall it's hardly an example of particular closeness, and we see that LXC's morality continues to differ from NMJ's: "MingJue-xiong," he says of MY, "he was undercover in Qishan, and sometimes there would be some things that… could not have been helped."

Later in the chapter, just before the Flower Banquet, it's mentioned (possibly as inference from WWX) that LXC brought up the sworn brotherhood to NMJ, "having always hoped that the two [NMJ and JGY] would reconcile." Obviously we can infer things about their closeness from the fact that LXC does in fact swear brotherhood with NMJ, but we have no direct textual statement as to why he wanted to swear /himself/ to NMJ, be that personal or political or both.

Next comes the Flower Banquet. NMJ seeks JGY out, first, for his usual concerns with JGY's moral rectitude. Shortly after, LWJ and LXC come over; shortly after that, JC and WWX come over, though they soon move on. There are two things I want to note here. First, it's the only time we see LXC seek NMJ out (and one of only two times we see one of them seek the other out—the other will be in ch 73, after the conference about WWX, when NMJ comes over to him and JGY talking). Second, this is the only time we see LXC respond to NMJ verbally post-Sunshot in a way that isn't about defending someone, either JGY (the usual case) or WQ (at the conference in ch 73)—although it is to some degree a defense of WWX, and it's not quite directly in reply to NMJ, as NMJ and LWJ have a brief exchange on the subject first. These positive signs will not occur again, and I think it's significant that this is the earliest post-Sunshot scene we see.

The next scene for this analysis (chronologically speaking; it's in an entirely different chapter) is the Phoenix Mountain Hunt. Although we see NMJ and LXC arrive to the hunt in ch 69, NMJ arrives after the Twin Jades have started slowly riding into the distance and we don't actually see them interact at all; nor do we see them together in ch 70, the rest of the hunt. Moreover, there doesn't really seem to be any suggestion that they /did/ interact. When JGY says he's not sure if he'll be able to expand the hunting ground in two hours, LXC asks him why, instead of saying something like "oh right da-ge was doing all that hunting too." Moreover, when JGY answers him ("not only did Young Master Wei keep a third of the prey to himself, our eldest brother has eliminated over half of the fays and the monsters as well"), LXC's response doesn't indicate that he saw NMJ earlier, or knew what he was doing, though it does suggest a general familiarity with Nie Mingjue's character: 'Hearing this, Lan XiChen laughed, “That is how Brother is like, after all.”'

Now, this hardly rules out the idea that they had any interaction, but I think it at least suggests they didn't have any significant interaction, or any interaction after the hunt began. This is in contrast (again!) to his relationship with JGY—he was with him earlier for who knows how long, as they arrive on the scene together, and after this is going to go help expand the hunting grounds. They do have LWJ with them for this last, but he's helping them at LXC's request, and the framing of that request is very—well: "WangJi, should we leave, or would you like to help as well?" So LWJ can come help them, but if he doesn't want to, LXC is simply going to go off with JGY again.

If the Flower Banquet was the high point of their actual interactions on the page, post-Sunshot, then this is I think the most purely emotionally positive we see LXC feel about NMJ post-Sunshot. Significantly, it's based on an apparently older familiarity, and it's when they don't seem to have interacted recently and NMJ isn't even on the page.

The next scene they're in together, again chronologically, is in chapter 73. They're seated together in the first row, but that's explicitly because of their status, and they're grouped with LWJ and JC: "In the front row sat sect leaders and famed cultivators like Nie MingJue, Jiang Cheng, Lan XiChen, and Lan WangJi." During the conference, they have a brief conflict about WQ's culpability, which LXC leaves off explicitly because he's familiar with NMJ's hatred for the Wen. After the conference, we're told "the Venerated Trio gathered," but what this looks like in practice is LXC and JGY talking together and then NMJ coming over. LXC observed that JGY has worked hard, JGY is amused by the destruction JC wrought on his table, and then NMJ interrupts with a negative comment about JGY*: "All clever talk—hard work indeed." LXC smiles but doesn't reply. JGY tries to change the subject by asking LXC where LWJ is, and LXC gestures to the front, where LWJ and Mianmian are finishing up their conversation. NMJ compliments Mianmian, and JGY agrees. That's the end of the scene. I noted for the Flower Banquet that that scene unusually involves LXC replying verbally to NMJ in a way that isn't /just/ about defending someone; here, LXC does not speak a single word after NMJ joins them.

*In the interests of not being unfair I will note that NMJ did observe JGY lie; this doesn't really matter to the NMJ-LXC stuff except that it's a lie that LXC would also have noticed, as it involved contradicting LWJ.

NMJ and LXC are once again in the same scene in ch 78, for the swearing ceremony, and even speak one after the other. However, they don't seem to interact in any way, and their speech seems to be an important sect leader thing; we're told of their responses to JGS' toast, and then JC is explicitly contrasted in not speaking:

Nie MingJue, “May their souls live on.”

Lan XiChen, “Rest in peace.”

Jiang Cheng, however, still had on a darkened expression. He didn’t say anything even after he poured the wine.

Now we're back in the Empathy chapters, after a not insignificant gap: the next scene is the guqin scene, in chapter 49. Although LXC is playing guqin in the Unclean Realm, and is going to offer to teach JGY the Song of Clarity which he can use on NMJ, LXC and NMJ barely interact at all—they only have one very brief exchange, where NMJ objects to LXC teaching JGY the SoC (because it's leaking Lan techniques), LXC defends his decision, and NMJ realizes he's not going to change his mind so he doesn't say anything. Again, in contrast, LXC is very focused on JGY, asking him questions about his background, complimenting his playing, and independently offering to help him improve his guqin and even teach him an "exclusive teaching" of the Lan! The contrast is very noticeable.

A little after this, it's revealed that LXC left a guqin at the UR, apparently for JGY to use to play the SoC to NMJ. This is ostensibly because he is busy with the rebuilding of CR, although WWX speculates that this is just an excuse and that he "simply wanted to give Nie MingJue and Jin GuangYao a chance to ease their tension."

In chapter 30, it's revealed that at a Discussion Conference in the past, NMJ (who we are told otherwise would not have shown up, note, although it would have been an opportunity to see LXC) confronts the Jin about their refusal to sentence XY to death. He draws his sabre with the intent of killing XY, and gives JGY "a harsh scolding," causing JGY to "hid[e] behind Lan XiChen, not daring to say anything else." It seems likely that LXC defends JGY and/or helps to calm NMJ down, although nevertheless the Jin Sect has to (temporarily) give in on the matter of XY's death sentence; nothing about any further interaction they may have is noted.

Their next interaction is at the stairs incident, back in chapter 49. NMJ charges in on LXC and JGY, who are discussing the watchtower plans together, and tells LXC to stay there and JGY to come out with him. LXC's "face disclose[s] his worry," but JGY stops him and follows NMJ out. Some time later, LXC shows up at the conflict, coming to see what's happening, "concerned after having waited for long." He manages to calm NMJ down and prevent him from further trying to kill JGY, by talking about the work JGY has put in with the Song of Clarity, pointing out that he really is in a terrible situation, and urging NMJ to give him more time. Nothing he says particularly suggests that he feels close to NMJ; if anything, he seems kind of in denial about just how much NMJ is set against JGY.

Finally, there is their last interaction, just before NMJ's death. LXC is defending—well, not so much NMJ as the idea that NMJ hasn't rejected JGY completely, to JGY. His arguments are as follows: NMJ chose to become sworn brothers with JGY, which means he approves of JGY; when NMJ included in the oath stuff about "face a thousand accusing fingers, be torn from limb to limb," and so forth, he /also/ included "if one were to think otherwise," and since JGY doesn't think otherwise, he doesn't need to worry about it too much; that NMJ has always cherished JGY's talent and hoped he would choose the right path; and finally, that he's really really troubled by the saber spirit, that "[h]is anger was simply too great for him to have thought before speaking," and that JGY must not provoke him again (presumably by talking back, as he did at the stairs). As shining defenses of character go, this... isn't one. Again, he seems like he's kind of in denial about how much NMJ is set against JGY—notably, he didn't see all of the stairs incident, certainly not the part before JGY talked back—but it also doesn't exactly contain a strong positive assessment of NMJ. Forget his defense of JGY to Wangxian: this doesn't even compare to his confidence in NMJ in the conversation NMJ overhears and then joins at the Hejian front.

I realize all this is a lot, so to sum up their post-Sunshot interactions: we only see LXC seek out NMJ once, early post-Sunshot, and that's at a party. The fondest LXC seems of NMJ is one line during the Phoenix Mountain Hunt, when NMJ isn't even on-page. We do not see them spend any time privately together when JGY is not also there, and every time they interact publically JGY is also present at the party or gathering. When we do see them interact, the only time LXC responds verbally directly to NMJ is in defense of someone; if we include his indirect defense of WWX at the Flower Banquet, then that becomes 'the only time we see LXC respond verbally to NMJ at all.'

This is not of course to say that they don't have interactions we don't see. Given the time gaps, they must! But there's nothing about the interactions we *do* see to suggest that the ones we don't are in any way actually emotionally close, certainly not on LXC's part. Again, a contrast with his interactions with JGY is instructive; as with NMJ, we certainly don't see all of their interactions, but what we do see signals their closeness, mutual respect, and tendency to spend time together.

PT II: NMJ dead

Okay, you say, but wait! What about the depth of his renewed grief after he finds NMJ's body!! What about his deep personal betrayal about JGY killing his close friend!!!

Yes, I say, wild-eyed, having tried to find anything in the text for just that. what /about/ all that.

My problem is, how do I prove a negative? In the chapters with NMJ alive, LXC's presence and his interactions with NMJ are short enough that I could reasonably if lengthily discuss and summarize; that's just not going to work here (there are twelve and a half temple chapters!), not least because some of it is a matter of context or interpretation. So I'm doing two things. First, where we do see him actively upset, I'm going to show you what he seems upset about, and second, I'm going to point out places where we might expect him to react if he's feeling a deep personal grief about NMJ specifically, and instead he does not, or reacts differently.

Let's start with chapter 46, where LXC sees NMJ's moving corpse for the first time. I've seen the idea around that LXC recognized NMJ by his abs, but this doesn't really seem to be the case; it's either the shape of his (headless) body or his saber-fighting movements. Significantly, LWJ also recognizes it at the exact same time: "As they saw the headless shadow, both [LXC and LWJ] paused shortly." LXC's reaction to this recognition is extreme surprise, "almost to the point of shocked," and he takes a bit to resume playing Liebing, joining LWJ on the guqin (to deal with the headless corpse that's going around). 'Shock' is hardly incompatible with immense personal grief, but I will note that in this section he is also not described as anything other than shocked, although it is his first time seeing NMJ's body in ten years.

In a few paragraphs they deal with the corpse, attacking its energy enough that it falls back into pieces. As WWX seals the pieces back into his qiankun pouch, LXC asks him to wait: he wants to look at the corpse first, and he's described as having an "ashen" complexion. In context, though, both of these things seem to me to be about the likely identity of NMJ's killer, rather than NMJ himself; when LXC says he want to look at the corpse, WWX asks him if he recognizes the corpse, but it's not LXC who replies: "Before Lan XiChen could reply, Lan WangJi already nodded slowly." Moreover, as WWX points out, LWJ has already given LXC all the evidence that points at JGY as the killer—and also, after they do start talking about the identity of the killer, LXC shows no further interest in the corpse. This, from WWX, seems to me to sum up LXC's emotional conflict in this conversation: "Sect Leader Lan, you know who is the most suspicious person. You’re just refusing to admit it." It's not about NMJ being the corpse per se; it's what NMJ being the corpse suggests JGY did. ETA: I look at this scene in more detail here.

(I'll also note that the very first time we see LXC have anything to do with NMJ's corpse, it's in chapter 11, in the context of LWJ asking if LXC is visiting JGY "again" and a paragraph on JGY from WWX which includes the revelation that he and LXC are sworn brothers on the one hand, and LXC talking about LWJ being in good spirits and bringing guests home on the other. Meanwhile, NMJ's arm: 'Lan XiChen spoke, “Uncle has taken and examined what you brought back from Mo Village.”'

Now obviously we can't infer LXC's feelings about NMJ from this directly, given that he doesn't know it's NMJ's arm at the time, but it's certainly textually suggestive, and it very much fits in with a pattern of LXC prioritizing JGY and LWJ.)

That's most of the end of chapter 46; the next chapter has LXC, LWJ, and WWX going to the discussion conference at Carp Tower. Again, it's kind of hard to prove a negative, and LXC's reactions aren't really described at great length (though he does of course greet JGY with a smile); the only thing that seems unusual is that he seems "absent-minded."

Chapters 48 and 49, and part of 50, are the Empathy chapters. After WWX escapes from the flashback and returns to LWJ, he and LWJ start causing a ruckus trying to get into JGY's bedchamber (to get to his secret room). An audience is attracted, including LXC. Taking a cue from LWJ, he pressures his way into the treasure room; he seems relieved when NMJ's head isn't behind the curtain WWX lifts. He has—well, he certainly has a few emotional reactions, but at no point does he seem driven by grief over NMJ instead of uncertainty about JGY. At one point he "nod[s] heavily" to confirm to NHS that he's talking about NMJ. Or consider this exchange:

Jin GuangYao’s eyes still held tears, but appeared as if they were red with anger. He clenched his hands into fists and shouted with both grief and resentment, “Dismembered… Dismembered! Who in this world could’ve done such an insane act?!”

Lan XiChen shook his head, “I do not know. When we were searching for the head, the clues disappeared.”

Now obviously JGY is acting—but he's acting the role of someone who /is/ personally mourning NMJ, and he's showing more anger than LXC ever does about it. Now—to be fair, MDZS LXC gets angry even less than CQL LXC, who is hardly an angry person. But there are a few times we do see him angry—certain moments confronting JGY in the temple, in the temple courtyard when he's angry at WWX for how he's treated LWJ—and what happens to NMJ's body, never mind the fact of the death itself, doesn't seem to make the list.

In chapter 63, WWX wakes up in CR, having been recovering for four days. In this chapter and the next two, LXC becomes increasingly distressed as they discover the Song of Turmoil and the evidence seems to weigh against Jin Guangyao, enough that it's not really feasible to review every instance of it. Nevertheless, there are a couple of parts I think it's worth looking at directly.

In chapter 64, we get something extremely valuable: LXC's statement of his own emotional quandary.

Lan XiChen supported his head on his hand. His voice was low, as though he was trying to hold something back, “WangJi, the version of Jin GuangYao that I know is entirely different compared to the version that you know and the version that the world knows! Throughout all these years, in my eyes, he has always been… enduring his suffer, caring for all people, treating everyone with respect. I have always believed, without a doubt, that the criticism he received from others all came from misunderstandings, that what I knew how he truly is. Now, you want me to believe, at once, that everything about this person is fake, that he planned to kill one of his sworn brothers, that I was also a part of his plan and even helped him… Could you please allow me some more discretion before I make my own judgement?”

So, what is he distressed by here? It's quite clearly the idea that he /doesn't/ know JGY, that the JGY he knows is fake, a falsehood, and relatedly that their relationship is not as he understands it ("that I was also a part of his plan and even helped him"). JGY killing NMJ is obviously what inspires this crisis, but it's not at all what's centered in his speech here, and even the half-sentence mention that it gets doesn't frame it at all in terms of NMJ's relationship to LXC. "He planned to kill one of his sworn brothers," he says, not "our sworn brother" or "my sworn brother" or even "my friend."

(The paragraph immediately following reads to me more like WWX's conclusions than narrative certainty, but either way, it's not about his personal relationship with NMJ: "Lan XiChen had taught Jin GuangYao the Song of Clarity, keeping in mind the grudge between Jin GuangYao and Nie MingJue, hoping that they could be how they used to be. He requested Jin GuangYao to help calm Nie MingJue in place of him. Who would’ve known that his kindness made possible Jin GuangYao’s cruelty? How should he face himself now?")

Later in the chapter, there's the famous section where he tells WWX about his and LWJ's parents' story. I do think part of this is about telling WWX something about LWJ (although not that LWJ has feelings for him, which MDZS LXC thinks he already knows), but it's also pretty transparently about his own uncertainty re: JGY.

He paused before speaking again, “Young Master Wei, can you understand why he did such a thing?”

Wei WuXian answered after a moment of silence, “He could neither forgive the one who killed his teacher nor watch the death of the woman who he loved. He could only marry her to protect her life and force himself not to see her.”

Lan XiChen, “Do you think that this was right?”

Wei WuXian, “I don’t know.”

Lan XiChen looked somewhat lost, “Then, what do you think would be right?”

Wei WuXian, “I don’t know.”

A while later, [Lan Xichen speaks again, in a whisper]

He spoke, “Madam Lan must’ve been a very gentle woman.”

Lan XiChen, “In my memories, Mother had indeed been so. I do not know why she did such a thing back then. And, in truth, I…”

He took in a deep breath before confessing, “Do not want to know either.”

It's not what you might call subtle.

But it's also worth noting, I think, exactly what LXC focuses on telling the story. It was one of his father's teachers that his mother killed—and while that is absolutely a very important position, and obviously would have mattered and indeed did matter to QHJ a great deal—that's literally all the information we get about him, that he was QHJ's teacher. He lingers on why QHJ did what he did, and whether it was the right thing; he talks about the crime his mother committed, and his response to that. He does not focus at all on the teacher, the clear NMJ-analogue in this scenario. He's not QHJ's beloved teacher, or his favourite teacher, or anything like that—he's not even just "his teacher," he's "one of his teachers." And maybe that's all the information he has about him, but he doesn't linger on that question either! Again, there's nothing here to suggest that his conflict is about his personal connection with NMJ.

ETA: I actually missed something here. Thanks to some critique in the notes (and which I discuss more extensively in the post linked at the bottom of the page), I looked at the Chinese here, and the word LXC uses for teacher is 恩师, which Pleco gives me as “mentor; one’s kind and respected master (or teacher).” So on the one hand, that's not nothing. On the other hand, the point remains that it's only one word, LXC isn't adding lots of adjectives on to describe the teacher, and as I mentioned in the previous paragraph, simply doesn't linger on the teacher in his conversation with WWX; the focus is elsewhere. I think the point as a whole stands.

Now to the temple chapters. I think it's fairly well-known, at this point, that he doesn't bring up NMJ to JGY in the temple chapters, but I'm going to point it out again—he doesn't bring up NMJ to JGY in the temple chapters! And this is, I feel, even more significant in MDZS, where he's seen NMJ's fierce corpse. That said, there are a few instances where he reacts to NMJ/NMJ's corpse; I'm going to look at all of them.

First of all, in ch 104 when WWX says "Looks like being called the son of a prostitute is really Sect Leader Jin’s weak spot. No wonder you killed ChiFeng-Zun," we're told that "With the mention of Nie MingJue, Lan XiChen’s expression changed." No further details are provided; we don't know what it changes into, and the only hint we have as to what it changes /from/ is that LXC's last described reaction, only two paragraphs previous, was calling "Sect Leader Jin" because he knew JGY was about to fuck with JC. Also interestingly, LXC does /not/ have any reaction described when JGY and JC have the "isn't it hard being your shixiong/isn't it even harder being your sworn brother" exchange, earlier in chapter 101. Perhaps his reaction is simply not noted by the text—it seems unlikely he has literally zero reaction to it—but if we're looking for a difference, it seems like it's either the explicit reference to killing NMJ, or the reminder of NMJ calling JGY the son of a prostitute.

Second, there's the moment NMJ('s fierce corpse) shows up (ch 106). He, JGY, and NHS all say "Brother." JGY and LXC's responses are one paragraph after the other, and the punctuation is the same: "… Brother."* Meanwhile, NHS reacts first, a few paragraphs earlier, and he cries out, "Brother!!!" We're told that "[their] three tones were drastically different," which is interesting as well. NHS seems in the grip of some strong, active emotion—excitement? grief? We're explicitly told that JGY is scared. Whatever LXC's tone is, it's hard to say—but it's not like NHS'.

*(In the original text it looks like LXC's is "…Brother." and JGY's is "…Brother...", but either way they're significantly more similar to each other's than either is to NHS'.)

Thirdly and finally, when the Jin cultivators are fighting NMJ's corpse (ch 107), NHS peers out from behind LXC's back and calls out to NMJ ("both frightened and eager"), leading NMJ to charge at them. LXC stops him by playing Liebing, then then tries to get him to recognize identifying NHS ("Brother, this is Huaisang!"); the latter unfortunately does not work, NMJ being totally overcome by resentful energy. This section does actually have some evidence of grief: when he plays Liebing, it's described as "with a sob of Liebing."

He'll continue to try and deal with NMJ's corpse, notably with LWJ and WWX, but those three moments are the only times he reacts to NMJ (as NMJ, as opposed to as a fierce corpse that needs to be dealt with). That's not a lot, and each moment is very brief, not to mention fairly ambiguous about LXC's emotional reaction. If he /was/ being driven by his grief for NMJ's death, you would think we'd see more of it.

Furthermore, there's one moment I think it's important to pull out as explicitly not about NMJ. LXC tells JGY (and had told him previously) not to call LXC er-ge, /not/ because he killed da-ge (which you might expect!) but because of the second siege: “Sect Leader Jin, I have already said, when you went your own way to scheme such havoc at Burial Mound, that there was no longer the need to call me ‘Brother.’”

Now, to be clear, it's not that LXC's reactions to things just aren't described in the temple sequence in general. Obviously we see him react when he's telling LWJ about WWX's feelings, but even beyond that, even when he's occupying a more background role in the narrative, we're given his reaction quite a few times. He sighs when LWJ seals his spiritual powers (ch 100); he tends to NHS, covering with his outer robe (ch 102), comforting him when he's disturbed at the sight of the coffin (ch 103), protecting him from SMS (after NHS frames him for stabbing him, ch. 107) and from NMJ (ch 107), and comforting him and giving him pain medicine about the wound in his leg (ch 108); along with LWJ, he's distressed by the sound of JC's sword-scraping technique against JGY's music (ch 101); he tries to warn JC a couple of times when JC is fighting JGY (ch 101), cautions JL (ch 101) and later JC (ch 102) about worsening JC's injuries, and along with JL, WWX, and LWJ freezes when JC slaps JL to the ground (ch 102); he asks Minshan why he's being rude to LWJ, and a little later, with SMS and JL, pauses in astonishment when LWJ laughs (ch 100); he averts his gaze from and seems perhaps embarassed by the ghosts that WWX summons (ch 104); he calls out to WWX to remind him that his current body is closely related to JGY, and will therefore attract NMJ's fierce corpse (ch 107). He actually has a couple of entertaining reactions to Wangxian being Wangxian: he coughs and tells WWX it is maybe not the best time and place for this when WWX is about to repeat "I really wanted to sleep with you," and then later he and Jin Ling inexplicably! move their sitting cushions far away from Wangxian's and gaze into the distance (ch 100).

And more than anything else—in what I think is a very instructive contrast—he reacts to JGY, in a way that reflects an ongoing continual emotional investment. He is, quite notably, consistently worried about JGY and unable to stand the sight of him in pain, even when he thinks he shouldn't be. When the coffin trap goes off, and they overhear Jin cultivators wailing and a pungent smoke emerges, there's worry in LXC's eyes; after JGY and Minshan make it out, and JGY takes some medicine against the poison, LXC hesitates for a moment and then asks what happened (ch 103). After LWJ cuts JGY's hand off—which means /after/ he's taken JL hostage, note—LXC "seemed as though he wanted to help him for an instant," though "in the end he dared not" (ch 106). When Minshan asks him for medicine for JGY, seeing how terrible JGY looks, he hesitates slightly before they're interrupted by NMJ's success fighting the Jin cultivators (ch 107). After they've defeated NMJ, he treats JGY's wrist; moreover, "Seeing that Jin GuangYao almost passed out from the pain, Lan XiChen, who in the beginning wanted to use this to punish him, still didn’t have the heart to bear it," and goes for the pain-relief medicine from NHS. And this is all not even accounting for his reactions to JGY either during his questioning of JGY or post-stabbing!

And what about when he's distressed by JGY? When he's reacting with upset or anger? There seem to be two consistent threads: first, that JGY did awful things/hurt people /not/ under constraint, and second, the idea that he doesn't know JGY after all and their relationship was a lie.

For the first, he calls out Sect Leader Jin when JGY starts in on JC after JC calls him the son of a prostitute (ch 104), although notably he does not do the same in their earlier confrontation when JGY is distracting JC in order to defeat him, only warning JC (ch 101); when JGY confesses to having burned down the brothel, he's distressed when JGY says that it wasn't entirely to remove the traces (ch 105); he becomes /less/ angry about the second siege and about QS when it turns out that he was operating under constraint in those conditions (ch 106); and of course, the thing he's angriest about is JGY killing his father, "and even in such a way" (ch 106). In ch 103, looking down at the coffin he is shocked that JGY buried something that caused such horror to its surroundings, but without further information about JGY's reasons this does not metamorphose into anger.

For the second, when WWX him asks why there's no light shining from Shuoyue, he tells him "It's quite a shame," and that he "was fooled by lies" and had his cultivation sealed (ch 99); when JGY assures him that he'll let him and NHS go without harm when the time comes, he asks if he should believe him (ch 100); when JGY asks if LXC isn't going to ask him /why/ he set the fire (since it wasn't entirely to erace the traces), we have this important excerpt (ch 105):

“In the past, it was not that I did not know what you did, but that I believed you had your reasons behind doing them.”

He continued, “But, you have done too much. And I… no longer know if I should believe you.”

Fatigue and disappointment sunk heavily into his tone.

And then after JGY takes JL hostage (ch 106), this one:

Lan XiChen spoke slowly, “Sect Leader Jin, you lied again.”

Jin GuangYao, “Just this once. There’ll be no next time.”

Lan XiChen, “This was what you said last time. I can no longer tell which of your words are true.”

LXC asks him about the letter in the first place because "whenever he heard there might be hiddenmight hidden reasons, he just had to hear it" (ch 105); when WWX challenges him before he tends to JGY's wounds, he says "Many things still remain unanswered" (ch 108).

His upset at JGY "attacking" him is in ch 108, I think, a combination of the two—in CQL, it reads more like he's angry that JGY took an action that made him need to attack JGY than anything else, but in MDZS he experiences it as a real betrayal: "As he saw Nie HuaiSang’s expression along with the warning, he felt something in his heart go cold." Because it would have been one; it's a line that JGY hasn't crossed, and as it turns out it's a line that JGY hadn't crossed, and would never.

And lastly, after JGY's death, we have once again LXC's explicit statement of his difficulties—and while LXC's post-stabbing difficulties could be different from his pre-stabbing ones, it's at least an important consideration, and it is in line with the rest of what we see:

“… Just what does he want to do? I once thought I knew him well, and then I realized I did not. Before tonight, I thought I knew him well once more, but now I do not.” Nobody could give him an answer. Lan XiChen repeated in frustration, “Just what does he want to do?”

Looking over the evidence, he's hurt and angry that JGY would do awful things not under constraint, and about the idea that he doesn't know JGY after all/their relationship is a lie. I do think it's unlikely that he's zero percent upset about JGY contributing to NMJ's death—I tend to think they talked about if offscreen, between LXC leaving with him from Gusu and WWX finding them in the temple, and that's why LXC doesn't bring him up in the temple sequence. But whatever he's feeling, his reactions to JGY don't seem to be about his own personal grief for or relationship with NMJ, and if they /had/ been about that I think there's several moments in the temple that would have played out differently.

One last note: I see often the idea that LXC going into seclusion after JGY's death is for his grief about /both/ his sworn brothers. At this point, you're probably unsurprised to learn that I don't think the evidence supports this. Not only, again, do we have very little evidence of his personal grief for NMJ post-timeskip—ten years past NMJ's death!—even after NMJ shows up again, but there's a distinct change in him after JGY dies. Before that, he's obviously distressed, but he's still tracking and on top of things; afterwards, on the other hand, we're told that "If it were the usual ZeWu-Jun, he couldn’t have failed to fathom [what WWX was suggesting the letter be intended to cause]. But right now, it was likely he had no more space in his mind to think" (ch 109), which tracks pretty well with his absent-mindedness at the banquet a few months down the line (ch 116). Nothing about LWJ's discussion with WWX of LXC's state suggests it's at all precedented (ch 115), and in fact when LQR talks to him immediately after JGY dies, we're told that "Lan XiChen’s face was full of an unspeakable grief" and that "Lan QiRen had never seen Lan XiChen, a child he single-handedly brought up, look so agitated and discomposed" (ch 110). JGY's death is a breaking point; NMJ's death, at the time or now, simply is not.

In conclusion, while he was certainly friends with NMJ pre-Sunshot, and that is genuinely rare for LXC, they began to grow apart during Sunshot; and while LXC continued to care for NMJ, he was not at all intimate with him, and showed no sign of particularly enjoying or seeking out his company. Later, while he is certainly disturbed at the idea that JGY might have killed NMJ, this is because it suggests that he /doesn't/ know JGY after all, and his reactions to JGY then and at the temple are not driven by his personal grief for or relationship with NMJ, nor is his seclusion in any way related to his feelings for NMJ.

ETA: All quotes taken from the Exiled Rebels translation.

ETA: I discuss some critique of this by @/hqfeels here.

#ship negativity cw #ship meme #I'm done!!!#good fucking god this took me a month #that damn bingo post #long meta #profound philosophical differences #anger burned in his heart #the best of men #a gentle warmth filling the deepest of needs

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