movie is kind of slaying but not really. honor is slaying. the movie itself is still lame. i'm biased i have beef with the author of the book it was based on. but still this is lame. ok i gotta take a break from it to eat dinner or whatever peace and love <3

I've never asked for a request before and i dont have clout to write it myself so i thought id ask since i like some of your Mike stuff but

What about something like reader and Mike are friends and he goes to a wedding her as a favor cause i like the idea that he has like a messy suit, loose tie kind of hot mess vibe and smutty things happen lol I dont have much in mind but the idea of him in a messy suit trying to look cleaned up is just like ...drool idk

Plus One

Mike Schmidt x fem!reader wc: 3.1k+

Summary: You invite Mike to be your plus one at your sister's wedding, but things go wrong during the reception and Mike uses you to take out his frustrations.

Warnings: 18+ CONTENT, okay so like reader and Mike are friends but also its kinda angry sex??? You’ll see. Manhandling (sorta), slight exhibitionism, degrading, praise, dirty talk, finger sucking, fingering (f receiving), unprotected sex (wrap b4 u tap pookies)

Note: oh my GOD this one got away from me and i'm NOT sure about it, I feel like i could’ve written this a bit better but i just started babbling and now we're here. to the person who requested this: THANK YOU.  i loved ur idea and him in a suit like makes me drool too omg. i also couldn’t help adding a little angst in here. also so nevry to post this?? so lmk what u guys think! enjoy :)

“Please, Mike. I swear this is the last thing you’ll ever have to do for me!” You plead, trying to reason with the very unimpressed looking man in front of you. You’ve been stuck in Mike's kitchen for the past half hour trying to convince him to be your plus one to your sister's wedding next Saturday. Clearly, your convincing hasn’t been successful so far. 

“The last time I did a favour for you was supposed to be the last time.” Mike says with a knowing smirk, and you roll your eyes. A few weeks ago, you went out to a bar with some friends and you may have had a few too many long island iced teas. The owner had forced your hand into calling someone to pick you up, and it was Mike's number you had dialled that night. As he drove you back to your apartment with an unpleasant look on his face, you swore to him that that would be the last favour you'd ever ask of him. How you wish you could take that back right about now. 

“Okay, well, I was drunk when I said that. So it doesn't count.” You say with a frown, crossing your arms against your chest like a child who was denied candy. 

You can’t really blame Mike for not wanting to go. Your family is…a lot. You love your family, you really do (most of the time). But, they can be judgemental. You were the kid in school who always got the hottest new toys for Christmas, and had big themed parties for your birthday every year. It had never really dawned on you that you were more well off than other kids until you had met Mike. You became friends with Mike when you were both 15. When you first brought Mike over to your house to hang out, you heard your parents whispering about him that night when you were supposed to be in bed. Your parents gossiped about the kidnapping of his brother, the suicide of his mother, and how Mike and his sister were essentially left to their own devices with their father paralyzed and consumed by grief. It made you sick to hear your parents nitpick and discuss Mike's life like it was a reality tv show. Your parents never really approved of your friendship with Mike, and they tend to not-so-subtly make that known whenever you make the mistake of bringing him up in a conversation. 

“I don’t think that’s how that works. Besides, when your sister offered you a plus one, I really don’t think she had me in mind.” Mike says as he reaches into his fridge for a beer. “In fact, I think she’d prefer you to invite that guy who works at the convenience store and catcalls you everytime you go in, instead of me.” He says, cracking open his beer and offering you a smile before he takes a sip. 

“Well now you’re just being dramatic.” You huff as you walk over to the couch in Mike's living room and take a seat. Mike follows you from the kitchen and sits down in his armchair, kicking his feet up on the coffee table. Mike sticks his tongue out at you and you have to restrain yourself from strangling the man. If it were any other wedding you would’ve just gone on your own. However, your family events tend to…take a turn for the worst. Your family's gatherings usually end with drama, and you know that even though it’s your sister's wedding, this will be no different. That’s why you're insistent on bringing Mike as your plus one, so you can have a little support if things go awry. 

“Very mature.” You say with a shake of your head, once again rolling your eyes at the rude gesture.

“Listen, I’ll go. But, on one condition.” Mike says, and you sit up straight at his words.

“What’s the condition?” You ask suspiciously, but at this point you think you’d agree to almost anything.

“You babysit Abby for a month,”

“Deal.”

“And do my laundry for a month.” Mike adds.

“That’s two conditions actually, Mike.” You scoff as you get off the couch to leave.

“So you’re inviting the guy from the convenience store then?” Mike teases, knowing he's your only option.

You turn around to face Mike, squinting your eyes at him. God, you hate that cocky smirk he does when he knows he's winning. Bastard.

“Have a suit by Saturday. I’ll be over at 10am.” You sigh, flipping Mike off as you leave through his front door.

“Very mature.” You hear him mumble on your way out.

—-----------------------------------------

“Mike, it looks like you just came back from a bachelor party. Not like you’re going to a wedding.” You say, noting the way Mike’s tie hangs loosely around his neck and the first couple buttons on his white button up are left undone. Mike runs his hands through his hair and you quickly bat them away, scolding him for ruining the hair you had just attempted to fix in the car only moments before you arrived. You can’t deny that he looks handsome. He surely looks charming with the way his gelled hair falls messily on his forehead, and the way his dads old suit fits him almost perfectly.

“Well, hopefully your sister doesn’t mind.” Mike says sarcastically as he adjusts the cuff links on the ends of his sleeves and steps out of your car and towards the church where your sister is getting married. 

The first half of the wedding went pretty smoothly. You and your sister have never really been close, so It wasn’t a surprise to you when she didn’t ask you to be a bridesmaid. You and Mike sat a few rows down, occasionally playing footsies under the pew when you’d accidentally bump feet. A kiss was shared between the bride and groom, and everyone left to go to the reception. 

You were nervous about the reception, to be quite honest. Mike could tell, and he put his hand on your lower back, resting it there as you both walked into the banquet hall. You nearly faint when you see the sheer amount of people that fill the room. There have to be about 200 people minimum. It seemed like way less in the church, you think.

“I need a drink.” You mumble to Mike, dragging him over to the bar. 

Both you and Mike order a drink, and you want to be swallowed by the ground when you hear your mothers shrill, sing-songy voice behind you. 

“Darling! I didn’t see you during the ceremony, I thought you hadn’t come.” You turn around and she pulls you into a tight hug, pressing a kiss to both of your cheeks. She pulls away from you and you notice her eyes immediately land on Mike. “Oh, and what a surprise. Mike, how are you and your sister?” Your mother continues, and you bite the inside of your cheek. 

You watch as Mike plasters a big, albeit fake, smile on his face and shakes your mothers hand. 

“Abby and I are doing well, thank you for asking.” Mike says, and you almost laugh at his cordial tone. Mike sends you a ‘help me’ look and you mouth a ‘sorry’ to him.

“Gosh, it just devastated me to hear about your fathers passing.” Your mother says, clutching her chest like she's in pain, and you think she deserves an Oscar for the way she acts like she gives a shit. “I’m sure it must be so hard for you to provide for your sister alone.” Your mother adds and you watch the smile slowly slide off of Mike’s face.

“Why do you say that?” He asks, and you suddenly regret ever asking Mike to be your plus one. 

“Mom-,” You start to say, but she disregards your voice, raising her hand as you speak to stop you.

“Well, I know you struggle keeping a job. You know, not everyone is cut out to raise a child.” If you could see yourself, you’re sure all the colour would be drained from your face. You’re left speechless, mouth half hung open at your mothers words. How could she say that? She doesn’t know him like you do. She doesn’t know how much Mike sacrifices to provide for Abby.

You look over at Mike and his jaw is tightly clenched. You brace yourself for Mike's next words, but they don’t come. Instead, you watch as he excuses himself and walks towards the mens bathroom.

“Well, he woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning.” Your mother jokes once Mike is out of earshot.

“Jesus Christ, mom.” You say incredulously as you turn to go find Mike. 

You walk towards the bathrooms, entering the men’s restroom with only one thing on your mind. Mike. Luckily the restroom is empty, save for Mike who is leaning over the counter. You slowly reach behind yourself, locking the bathroom door. You begin to step towards Mike, but you stop when you hear his voice.

“Do you think I'm not fit to raise Abby?” Mike asks you angrily, not even turning to look at you. You just stand there like an idiot, reaching down to fidget with the hem of your shirt.

“I-, no. Of course not.” You say, and the music that was loud in the hall, is now only a low hum in the bathroom. 

It’s silent for a moment, and you’re not really sure what to say, or how to make things better. You resume taking slow, tentative steps towards Mike and you stop once you’re behind him. You place an uncertain hand on his back, softly rubbing it up and down to comfort him. He lets you touch him and you hear him let out a breath. He turns around to face you and you look up to meet his eyes. He studies your face for a moment, and you inch even closer to him. 

“I’m sorry about my mom. That was inexcusable.” You sigh. If you were in Mike’s shoes, you probably would’ve left the reception entirely, and you’re not entirely opposed to that idea right now. 

“Your mother doesn’t think I’m good enough for you.” Mike finally says, and there’s distaste in his tone. You don’t say anything, you know it's true. Your family, especially your mother, has never approved of your friendship with Mike. 

“Do you think that?” Mike asks you, and you’re just now realising how close Mike’s face is to your own. You look up at him with furrowed brows and shake your head.

“No, Mike. I don’t think that.” You say quietly, and you swear the tension between Mike and you is so thick, it could be cut with a knife. You look down, but you feel Mike's hand grabbing your jaw and forcing you to look back up at him.

“You can’t even look at me when you say it. Pathetic.” Mike seethed. You let out a hushed whimper at his words..

“Sorry.” You say, but your voice sounds small. “I know you are.” He coos, rubbing his thumb back on fourth on your cheek.

“I need you to do something for me, okay?” Mike says, leaning down to speak in your ear. His voice is sweet and the switch in moods makes your head spin.

“Okay.” You nod and Mike pulls away from your ear to look you in the eyes.

“Be fucking quiet.” He says, and he presses his lips to yours. You softly gasp in shock, but quickly kiss him back as he turns you around to hoist you up onto the counter. He grabs both of your knees, opening them to make space for him to stand between your legs. He grips your thighs harshly, and you sigh when he sucks on your bottom lip. He puts one of his hands under your jaw, using it to hold your head in place as he kisses you. His lips are slightly chapped, but you don’t mind. He kisses you with fever, and you can’t deny that you haven’t thought about this. 

He kisses down to your jaw and neck, sucking the skin in a way where you know there will be bruises. Jerk. You run your hands through his hair, throwing your head back at the pleasurable feeling of his lips gliding over your skin. The hand that was on your thigh is now trailing up your leg and under your skirt. You clench your legs around his hand and he softly bites your neck, wordlessly scolding you for your actions. You reopen your legs and his hand comes up to make contact with your clothed clit. He rubs slow circles and you let out a soft whimper.

“You gonna let me fuck you?” He slurs in your ear, and his fingers move from your clit to the waistband on your panties, pulling it back and slapping it against your skin. You nod and he’s pulling you off of the counter and flipping you around. Mike bends you over and your chest meets the cold granite. You look in front of you and you can see Mike behind you in the mirror on the wall. He pushes your knee length skirt up and around your hips, and groans at the sight of you bent over for him.

“You okay?” He asks genuinely, running his hands along the sides of your body in a comforting manor.

“Yeah, keep going.” You breathe out and he hooks his fingers into the sides of your panties, pulling them down. You clench around nothing as the cold air hits your cunt. You moan softly as Mike spreads your pussy open with his thumbs, groaning at how wet you are. Without warning, he inserts his pointer and middle finger inside of you, thrusting them in and out. The lewd, squelching sounds of Mike fingering you fill the bathroom and you suck in a sharp breath as his fingers curl up into your sweet spot. 

“Apparently your pussy thinks I’m good enough.” Mike says and you look up into the mirror to see his jaw slack, watching the way his fingers move in and out of you. You can feel Mike's erection brushing against the back of your thigh as he rocks his hips with every thrust of his fingers. 

“Mike, fuck me.” You whine, and Mike takes his fingers out of you. He brings them to your lips, pushing them inside your mouth, and you can hear him undoing his belt with his other hand. 

“Thought I told you to be fucking quiet.” He murmurs and you watch in the mirror as he shoves his pants and boxers down just enough to pull his hard cock out. He removes his fingers from your lips, using your spit as lube to pump his cock a few times before lining it up with your pussy. He slowly inches himself inside of you, pushing you down onto the counter. Your mouth drops open in a silent scream and you hear Mike let out a whine at the feeling of being in you. 

He starts to pump himself in and out of you, and he pulls you up by your shirt into his chest to make you watch yourself in the mirror. He fucks into you like he can’t get enough of you. Like being inside of you isn’t close enough.

“What would your mother think? Hm? About her sweet little angel getting fucked in the bathroom?” Mike says in your ear, with a sickeningly sweet tone. It's like he just knows how to push your buttons. You let out a low moan at his words. 

“Fuck, I’ve wanted to do this for so long.” Mike adds and your legs shake when he uses the hand that was holding you up to rub your clit. You drop back down on the counter and Mike grabs your hip with his free hand, using it as leverage to bottom out in you with every single thrust. He throws his head back in ecstasy and you clench around him, signalling your impending orgasm. 

“You wanna cum?” Mike asks, and his voice is raspy and fucked out. You nod your head ‘yes’. 

“No, want you to say it.” Mike says, and you can tell he’s close by his sloppy, less rhythmic thrusts.

“Please, Mike. Please, can I cum?” You beg, your voice hoarse. The filthy sounds of skin against skin echo throughout the bathroom, and if someone has tried to enter the bathroom since you’ve been in here, you’ve been too fucked out to hear it. Thank god I locked the door, you think.

“Cum, baby, Fuck.” Mike chokes out. Your legs shake as you cum around his cock, your orgasm only heightened by the feeling of him filling you up. You bite down on your hand to muffle yourself and you swear to god you hear Mike whimper, pussy drunk as he continues to ride his high thrusting in and out of your sloppy pussy.

After catching his breath, you feel Mike pull out of you and you wince at the feeling of his cum dripping down your inner thighs. You slowly tilt your head up as you watch Mike get some toilet paper to clean himself up. He tucks himself back inside his boxers and pulls his pants up. You flinch a little as you feel him come up behind you, cleaning you up with more toilet paper. 

“Sorry, was I too rough?” He asks softly, looking at you through the mirror and you shake your head.

“No, just sensitive.” You say as Mike finishes cleaning you. You pull your panties back up, letting your skirt fall back over your legs. Your knees buckle a little bit as you try to stand straight and Mike rushes over to you, lending you a hand.

“You know, I actually think you’re one of the only people who genuinely thinks I am good enough.” Mike says, and you look up at him.

“Of course I do. I always have.” You say softly, gently touching Mike’s cheek.

I've Missed You - Drabble

[Blasted with this, need to get it out. Not proofread. Not edited and vetted for character voice and vibe check]

"...Apologies. I will return another time--" Regill halted immediately upon stepping into the Knight Commander's room, seeing she was not alone.

Sosiel Vaenic stood at her bedside, leaned over her still unconscious form. Sparks of golden light flitted from his fingers to where he was holding her arm, the motes melting over flesh and dull scales into the limp muscles beneath them. A way to prevent atrophy, Regill recognized. She'd been unconscious for over two weeks now, her reconstructed soul still not yet coalesced enough for her to wake. Without it, she'd be too weak to hold her hammer when she finally awoke, much less wear her armor...

Something about that gripped his chest with an unbearable tightness. The Knight Commander was not weak. She--Arangeir harbored a strength he'd seen in no one else, and yet he could only think of what'd happened in the deepest depths of her dreamscape at that thought. The core piece of her fractured soul--her in the truest sense of the word--had wailed in his arms, a sound he'd never heard from her before that'd pierced him surer than any spear. It hadn't been real, and yet it had. The dreamscape was more truth than it wasn't, in a sense. Her hot tears had both soaked his neck and hadn't. The body that shaken against his was her essence at its most pure, and so his had been, too. She'd shivered from the cold and felt cold, but the cold had been the unspeakable despair trying to snuff the last light of her remaining which he'd desperately tried to kindle to keep from going out completely. His actual fingers hadn't threaded through the feathers on the back of her neck as he'd pulled her close, but he could still feel the cold and damp of them there in reality. His actual arms hadn't wrapped around her, trying to banish the chill of death with his own body heat, but even through the thick bandages and sling keeping his left arm secure he resisted a shiver. And though she lay there, so quiet in her slumber, he heard the wracking sobs she'd held in for decades finally finding their way out, sounding so utterly broken it'd made his breath catch.

He was not made for comforting. He had not made himself to be comforting. He'd made himself to never need it himself.

And the thought of her, awake, whole again yet struggling to even hold the hammer and don the armor she'd always been so proud to wear filled him with such a wrongness. It made him want to leave. He felt a sudden need to run-no, retreat, the roiling feelings about it all an unknown foe he had no idea how to handle. Even as many hours--days--as it'd taken to force himself to finally visit her bedside in reality, that dread creeped over him the same feeling as when he knew he was facing overwhelming odds. It wasn't that he was a coward. He was tactical, not wanting to rush in without fully understanding the situation. How he felt was impacting his sense of judgement, so he simply needed more time to figure out what exactly it was he was feeling and develop a proper defense. It was all too new. Foreign. Alien. His chest and stomach felt tight like someone had squeezed both with an ironclad fist, and his pulse thumped enough to threaten his already precarious balance, his cursed wounds stubborn in their refusal to heal.

He wasn't a coward. He wasn't afraid of her. The Knight Commander--Arangeir was--

"She would probably like to hear your voice, you know."

Regill blinked, stopping with one foot already out of the room. Sosiel had spoken behind him, a softness to the cleric's voice out of place with how he normally spoke to him. There was no condescension or disdain, fury or disgust so unbefitting a Shelynite as Regill was used to receiving from the man. There was only a patient, almost warm reassurance. He might've been offended, or at least annoyed in any other situation, but the twisted, confusing mass inside him left no room otherwise.

"You were the one that told us not to leave her alone, were you not? Everyone has spent time with her, but not the one she needs most."

'She doesn't need me', he thinks, but not out of any sense of self-deprecation. A part of him wants to assert that she doesn't need anyone. Not Arangeir, she's--she shattered to pieces and sobbed in his arms and clung to him so tightly he thought he'd have bruises on his actual body when he woke from the dream. The image of her proud and mighty in her Hellknight plate, a confident grin on her face and energy in her every movement clashed so harshly with the shivering, bare body crying against him...

She did need him.

He felt light-headed. He needed to retreat. He needed to be alone and think again and identify what was making him feel like this.

"...I don't want to interrupt her treatment. I can come back... another time", he made to excuse himself, beginning to continue his path out the door.

Behind him, he could hear the smile tinging Sosiel's words, holding him back yet again.

"I can finish after. With your wounds, it was no small feat to make it up here. No need to make you waste the energy it took."

The courage you finally worked up, Regill understood the insinuation clearly. He hadn't even any ire to hold his tongue, no energy left to continue denying anymore. He was a coward. The thought of approaching the comatose woman and just seeing her there in her sickbed had him on the verge of panic. He didn't know what to do about that. He didn't know how to handle what it meant about him. He... He just didn't know. He wasn't comfortable with not knowing. He wasn't used to not understanding himself like this.

"Please. It'll be good for the both of you."

The cleric was right. He couldn't argue. Leaving now would be a waste and, worse, a humiliation.

He sighed, exhaling more shakily than he thought. Bracing his good hand on the door's frame, Regill turned back around, finding that Sosiel had folded Arangeir's arm back over the thick covers keeping her warm. She herself hadn't moved a single inch otherwise, still as if time itself had frozen save for the subtle rise and fall of her sleeping breaths. His gaze didn't move upward, to her face. It couldn't. He could only see how it'd looked before they ventured into her dreams to find and save her, eyes pitted and nearly black underneath from weakness, scales on her face still tinged with Abyssal corruption, oozing blood and sloughing off, leaving patches of rot and pus beneath...

He looked instead at Sosiel, who merely nodded and stepped away from her bedside, ushering him forth. He even hooked his foot around the leg of the chair that'd been left close by for visitors to keep her company in her slumber, preemptively moving it close given Regill would've struggled to do so with the state of his arm and core wounds.

"I won't eavesdrop, don't worry. Just find me in the war room on your way out so I can finish up her treatment."

The cleric was past him and gone, the door closed, before he could change his mind, before his confidence could waver yet again. He'd be in the war room, a clear view of the hall where he could see anyone come and go. He'd know if he left too soon.

This was going to happen. This needed to happen. It had to.

Ultimately, it was not for his own need, or beating back the traitorous fear that Regill found himself at her bedside minutes later. It was only for the fact that he knew that she needed him that he bit back the pain it took settling into that chair, the stitches gracing his ribs making him gasp. And it was only for the memory of how cold she'd felt in that crumbling dreamscape that he managed to take her hand into his own after, in sudden, desperate, need to know that she was warm now.

He stared down at her fingers, limp in his own bleached ones. It was strange, seeing them bare, not protected with that familiar black leather and backplate she always preferred compared to the Hellknight standard gauntlets. A solid few seconds passed before he consciously realized that he was holding her hand, and the realization came with a sharp inhale that made him nearly drop it. He shifted backward, the brief moment of panic finally forcing his gaze upward towards seeing the face he'd avoided up until that very moment.

Arangeir--Minovae looked at peace. She looked more at peace than he'd ever seen since they reunited in that cave assaulted by gargoyles, not remembering him nor even herself then. Those deep bags beneath her eyes had faded almost completely. Her scales were almost back to their normal luster, a milky seafoam instead of their opalescent but no longer tinged by red and purple and ringed with pus and blood. The patches where they'd fallen off had mostly healed, and he could see a faint shimmer where they were already beginning to regrow. Even her lips, which had split in multiple places and painfully oozed had healed.

She looked almost how he remembered her. Not weeks ago. Not the months in the Abyss. Not even before then.

Decades had passed, almost a century of her disappearing from his life and the world, but the sleeping, recovering woman he held the hand of looked so very close to the one he'd known from Cheliax. Nearly eighty years ago, for over 10 years they'd fought side by side, bleeding together... dying together... surviving together...

Falling for one another.

He knew that now. It seemed so painfully obvious to him now that his feelings for her hadn't come about only in the past year. They'd been there since she'd left him back then, saving his life without telling him the truth of why. She'd loved him the whole time and it turned out that he hadn't been far off himself, because then he'd felt a pain with her departure that'd only came out as rage and bitterness without knowing the truth of its origins.

And now they were here. They were alive, and she looked so much more like the image that came to mind when someone said 'Minovae Arangeir' that he could only realize he'd loved her all along. Somehow, too, he knew that the version of her that would wake, when she was ready to, would be more like that woman too. The suffering and trauma she'd endured, more than enough for a dozen lifetimes, had come to light. She could heal. She could smile again, genuinely; that wide, dazzling smile bright as clear sunlight where a hint of fang would slip over her lower lip that he hadn't seen their time in Egorian nearly eighty years ago.

"...I've missed you."

His voice broke the restful sanctuary of her room on its own accord. He didn't start, not like before with the realization he'd been holding her hand. A calmness had washed over him, banishing the anxiousness and near-panic from the unknown feelings ravaging his usual discipline and disposition. He only breathed deep, and squeezed those fingers, warm and alive, the same as he'd squeezed around her arms and shoulders in the dream.

"I've missed you... Minovae."

He even used her name, finding it alien yet familiar on his tongue in equal measure. Not Knight Commander. Not Arangeir. Not any other rank or title or name to keep a level of formality between them. It sat there heavy yet... right.

"Rest. I'll wait, as long as it takes."

9 from the prompts list, dealer's choice on characters?

9. You’re probably just being nice but your comments on my youtube videos are so kind I can’t stop thinking about you and kissing you on the mouth

--

Comment by DenimLabCoat, two weeks ago: Woah! I've made elephant toothpaste with my sixth-grade classes before, but I've never seen one go as beautifully and smoothly as this did! I really like...

Comment by DenimLabCoat, over one week ago: Actually, you are so right about how the cell structure is kinda like a little city, that's a neat way to phrase it...

Comment by DenimLabCoat, over one week ago: I'm gonna have to respectfully disagree with your theory about how electrons and protons are really just the horny versions of neurons...

Comment by DenimLabCoat, six days ago: I've really been loving your content...

Comment by DenimLabCoat: That's such a smart way to put it, why didn't I...

Comment by DenimLabCoat: This is a really great video...

Comment by DenimLabCoat: I'm loving the energy here...

Lup clicked away from the notification bar, closing it. She had other comments to go through, sure, but if she was really honest, she already saw the one she wanted to see by opening up the Youtube app. For the past month, she had been getting comments from DenimLabCoat on every video. There were a few other subscribers that commented every time, yeah, but Lup had only gotten her degree under the guidance of DenimLabCoat's videos and she was- she was kind of going crazy this past month.

He seemed chill. He seemed- okay, well, he seemed a little weird and anxious, but Lup could vibe with that. She had tweeted about getting the first comment from him and he had responded and aaaaah. She opened Twitter next, navigating to her DM's, where her last message to Barry- that is, DenimLabCoat- sat unanswered.

It had been an innocent response. They had sort of been doing a back-and-forth thing to get to know each other. My favorite food is this fan-fucking-tastic salmon fillet my brother makes, what's yours? Oh, you live on your own? I live with the brother I mentioned earlier. Are you seeing anyone? No? Huh. Someone should have snatched you up by now!

Who says that?? Who says that to a man you've barely known for a month and have never seen face to face??? What was wrong with her? She had to be careful and think about things before her fingers accidentally typed "you’re probably just being nice but your comments on my Youtube videos are so kind I can’t stop thinking about you and kissing you on the mouth."

Lup bit her nails, staring at her phone. She had made it weird, hadn't she? It was just like- it was a crush? Maybe? Lup hadn't had a crush since high school, she thought she had grown out of them. She was a grown-ass woman. And yet, here she was, anxiously awaiting a message from this guy who didn't know she existed until last month and trying not to overthink too much.

Taako was staring at her judgementally from his side of the couch. Carefully, carefully, Lup set her phone down and turned her attention back to Diners, Drive-Ins, and Drives. Lup couldn't process what was being said. Maybe she had come off a little too strong? He probably thought she was weird now. Lup didn't need the guy with the denim lab coat to think she was weird.

Her phone buzzed. Lup practically launched herself off the couch to get it. Taako groaned dramatically, but she just opened up her phone and checked.

An email. Fuck.

"Y'know, part of "let's stay home and watch shitty TV" is actually watching the shitty TV, Lup," Taako said.

"I know," Lup sighed, sinking into the couch. She put her phone on her lap, frowning. Taako's expression softened, just slightly. He turned the volume down as Guy Ferrari took a huge bite of a hot dog.

"Boy troubles?" he asked, with a little less teasing than he usually would. Maybe about sixty percent teasing.

"No," Lup said, like a liar.

"Y'know, I'd consider myself a little bit of a, uhh, boy expert-" Lup snorted. "And I can very confidently say: Fuck 'em. Who needs 'em. He's just some guy-"

"He's not just some guy!" Lup defended. "He's DenimLabCoat!"

"I don't know what those words mean in that order," Taako said.

"He's- y'know, the Guy! The denim lab coat guy!"

"Not, uh, not ringing any bells."

"He's-" Lup sighed, running a hand down her face. "He's the guy who made a smoothie out of a ghost pepper. And then had to throw his blender away because he didn't know how to clean it correctly and everything he made afterward was super spicy"

"Oh shit!" Taako said. "You're talking to ghost pepper guy?"

"Barry," Lup said. "His name is Barry."

"That changes the game entirely," Taako said, scooting up to her. He reached for her phone. "Lemme see."

"No!" Lup said, holding it out of his reach. Taako half scrambled over her for it and she laughed, holding it further out of reach. "Taako- no, Taako. He's mine."

"The man who ingrained the taste of ghost peppers into his blender is yours?" Taako said incredulously.

"In a friend way."

"You said it in a very not friend way, though. Like, we both heard the tone in that-"

Lup's phone buzzed again. She all but shoved Taako off of her and opened it up. She clicked on the Twitter notification before she ever had the chance to read it. The DM's between her and Barry popped up.

Haha, thanks, read Barry's reply, but no, I'm still a single-pringle over here. What about you? If it's okay to ask.

Single-pringle. This man was a fucking dork. Lup had a crush on the biggest nerd in existence.

"Single-pringle?" Taako said, with even more disbelief than before.

"I think it's cute," Lup said immediately.

"You don't," Taako said desperately.

"It's dorky, but it's cute! I mean-"

"You can't," Taako said. "SIngle-pringle??? Is this the same guy who dropped a watermelon from the roof of the school he works at? This man has influence over children with language like that?"

"It's- he's a nice dude! I'm sure he's a good teacher!" Lup said. Taako brought a hand up to her forehead as if checking her temperature, and she batted it away. "I'm not sick, Taako, I just think he's neat. To talk to, I mean."

"You're too far gone for me," Taako said. "You have a crush on ghost pepper watermelon guy."

"Barry," Lup said.

"Gesundheit."

I’ll bite. I’m a Z fan who likes her with Tom now. Initially I can’t lie, I was glad she was with JE or even the rumors about JDW. Tom felt like such a school boy, bouncing everywhere and Z was moving into her “adult” era, JE seemed to compliment that more serious and artistic vibe she had - and yea they looked better paired. Nowadays while I like Tom some what I will admit that sometimes he still seems very young boy compared to her woman which isn’t helped by the height. On my worst opinion days it feels like he is far behind in every category.

Thank you Anon for your honesty. I'm glad you're at least being HONEST lol. 😂

I'm pretty sure that's probably how a LOT of Z fans feel (or USED to feel at some time) tbh. 🤷🏾‍♀️ I really think some ppl have some really warped views of celebrities or smthg lol. 🥴

I think ppl make judgements when they don't really know someone on the public eye, and the judgments are usually negative until they get to know MORE about the person. I'll admit, I've been guilty of it too! 🤷🏾‍♀️

But once I've spent more time in someone's fandom, and get to know more about them (either through fans, fan encounters, or just their interviews and whatnot), my view of them starts to change..... usually for the positive. 😌

With Tom, I personally feel like he CAN be serious? I've seen him be serious before. I mean, he's the son of a comedian for goodness sakes lol, so he's going to have jokes and a sense of humor, and I think Zendaya LOVES that about him! 😂

I actually don't think she would like being with a guy who's TOO serious or uptight... 👀 I know I personally wouldn't. I prefer light-hearted, EASY-going guys. No drama or up and down attitudes for me please no. I dated a guy who was like that (up and down all the time) and it was a nightmare 🥴 I was so attracted to him, but in the end, he was just a downer! I vowed never to be with a guy like that ever again lol. I can't do the up and down rollercoaster, or guys who take themselves TOO seriously. 🥴

I think that's why I didn't really think that she and Big Foot were a good match. He just always seemed like he took himself TOO seriously, and was always on a foul mood lol 😆 Now, I could be totally WRONG and way off base about him, but that's just the VIBE that he puts out to me. Idk the dude personally, so again my perception could be way off base, and I'm perfectly happy to admit that. 🤷🏾‍♀️

Z is def in her "grown woman" era, but I think that Tom is in his "grown man" era as well now. Women DO mature faster than guys lol... But hey, sometimes opposites attract! 😃 You don't want someone TOO much like you lol. That's kinda boring? You want a guy/person who can teach you things, make you look at things differently, open you up, allow you to be completely YOURSELF. One thing about Tom is that he's very confident in himself, and he is just who he is regardless. 🤷🏾‍♀️ That's a very attractive trait. I'm sure that allows her to be 100% herself as well! 😌

I just don't understand why ppl police us black women and who we find attractive so much! It's ANNOYING!! 😤🥴 Leave us alone my gosh lol. 😂 Everyone's always got an opinion on who we like, date, smash, or find attractive. 😒 Even in the black community! Like, can't we just LIVE and love in PEACE?? Geez! Let us thirst in peace please lol 😆

I think Z is with the right guy for her who makes her "the happiest"! 🥰❤

Who are your favorite TD characters and why? :]

Thank you for the ask. And I have 3 main favorites.

So Noah, Cody, and Courtney. NoCoCo. Lol

Let's get into it:

Noah:

When I say Noah is me, I mean he manages to encompass a lot of phases that I had in my own life.

When I was in middleschool, I was the "smart kid." And I was also bad at sports. So Noah's dodgeball elimination is like... uncomfortably familiar to me. I don't think his actions were "stupid" or "bad writing," nah it’s truth in television. As a kid I was TOLD to stay on the bench whenever possible, and let the real athletes perform. So Noah staying on the sidelines... nah that makes sense. He's internalized the message.

#NoahDidNothingWrong

Even his tantrum at the end of the episode is familiar. Although I've never been that bad, there was a moment when I was playing badminton in gym. I lost a match, and I thought to myself "Well, I know more about X then he ever will. So who's the TRUE winner?"

It's so juvenile, lmao. Taking the "everyone has different strengths :)" and making it into “my strength is the Best.” 

Another thing that I like Noah for is for his... "vibes." He's always acting unimpressed, always like 'who cares' turning up his nose at joy. And that's how I acted my first year of college! (I was 17, so only 1 year older than Noah lol). Because I thought it made me cool or something. But it's just overcompensation, really.

And Noah being "smart," but never actually doing anything useful. Yeah... it happens. That was me junior year of college. Everyone is like "oh you were so smart in highschool," "you're the smart one," But you have nothing to show for it.

God, he's relatable. He's a mix of all the things I dislike in myself, including the "laziness" aspect. So by the very act of liking him, by writing stories where he is comforted, understood, told it's okay to be vulnerable - it feels like I'm loving myself.

Oh, and also Noah is funny af? I decided he was my favorite character before I watched Total Drama. I was watching compilation videos of "funniest lines," "most saveage combacks," or "TD being gay for 5 minutes" and Noah was popping off! Noah has some of the best dialogue.  And that appeals to another side of me I dislike - my judgemental side. So like.... 5/5 on the relatability scale.

Also, I think its funny I've not mentioned Noah's role in TD *at all*. Because he doesn't really have one? His job for TDI and WT is for him to comment on other people. That's it. And that’s fine, that’s the side-character life. No complaints.

I know some people say "Noah warned the guys about Alejandro." And like yeah, he did. But I'm pretty sure Owen and Tyler lowkey already knew. And then once Noah is gone, Owen does nothing about Alejandro? He has to be coaxed by Duncan into doing anything. And then Alejandro just flatters and hypnotizes him? And Tyler gets used for the Gwuncan plotline? So his warning does NOTHING for the show? Lmao.

I'm not even mad at this, btw. Because it doesn’t matter to me whether his sacrificed worked or not - I like Noah because I like me, not because he’s important. (Also Noah’s POC background appeals to me because I’m also POC, and I can project my ‘child of immigrants’ upbringing onto him.)

Cody:

Like a few days ago I explained to someone in dms why I liked Cody despite also hating him and thinking he's whats wrong with men in media. So gonna copy and paste my main points:

1) Although a lot of the things he does is bad (follow Gwen around, not take her NO's seriously) they do indicate some positive qualities: He's persistent, he's optimistic, and he's okay with setbacks. These are all good qualities that I do not have, and would make my life a lot better. And don't we all wish we had the confidence of a mediocre white man?

While Cody needs to learn how to STOP, we could all stand to be a little more shameless, and a little more willing to take risks. 

2)There's also smth really sad about him, and I'm not necessarily talking about his parents. There's a scene in TDI, where he asks Gwen out/about her bra. And she hits him in the dick with an oar. Which... fair, lol.

#GwenDidNothingWrong

But Cody's reaction is interesting to me. He apologizes, (deserved.) And then asks *again*.

WTF? That's weird to me. It doesn't just signal entitlement. It signals that he's okay with physical harm - from the person he loves,  all in the mere hope that he'll end up with said person. And that's pretty fucking tragic imo. At least that's how I interpret it. Because I think most guys at that point would be like, "What's WRONG with you i was just COMPLIMENTING you, you should be FLATTERED!"

But Cody just goes with it?

And for futher proof for my interpretation, Cody ends up telling Sierra she's his best friend during WT. Despite everything she did - multiple cases of sexual harassment, drugging, forced marriage, etc...  Cody is still willing to keep her in his life, to keep her close. Because, think about it, she was the only person who consistently tried to help him. The only one who ever gave him any real compliments.

And that's sad. And also interesting.

Why would a guy like Cody, who in canon is presumably canonically cis, white, and straight, be so willing to take abuse in search of love?

Why is he so lonely? Who raised him to chase after affection like this? And what could his tale say about the problems of public society, and the potential dysfunctions of the private family unit?

And that's the beauty of Cody. Noah allows me to talk about myself, but Cody allows me to talk about the world around me. About sexism and entitlement, about classism, about societal expectations around "love," and "family," and how damaging they can be.

A lot of people see Cody as an "average white man," and if so... then the average fucking sucks and I want to talk about it, lol. I understand why others would be tired of it (and also I don’t think it’s women’s job to Make Men Happy btw. A big reason I don’t ship Cody with women.) But as writer, it’s really rewarding to explore his psyche while also providing a possibility for growth, a way out, and a happy ending.

Cody's also rlly adorable, especially in Total Dramarama. Like he's impossible to hate in that show. There's an episode where Cody risks life and limb to be considered cool by his classmates. There's one where he says "Now I have to live in the sewers *again*." I don't say this lightly, but he's the best character there. He's so funny.

Courtney:

Courtney, I got attached to via the actual show. I watched Action before Island... and she's just really cool? Her entrance is cool, and as I said repeatedly, I love evil woman. But beyond "wow girlboss😮," what else do I like about her?

I like her story. Her actual fucking story. Wow. I might be one of the only Courtney stans who likes how Total Drama handled her. Skdjsdk.

So in Island, we see her battle her class-monitor upbringing, and learn to break the rules. This is done through her BF Duncan. And overall, this is pretty standard "good girl meets bad boy and loosens up" faire. It's nothing special. (I watched Island when I was 20. So I had plenty of time to see that same story in YA romances. So... yeah. Like I said, nothing special.)

But in Action? We see her on the warpath. We see her take charge. She had taken charge in Island, but it was kinda innefectual. The joke was that she'd give orders, but things would go wrong. That she would barely be useful herself? But in Action? She takes thing in her OWN hands. She revitalizes Trent's team. She is also bad to Duncan.

And I think this could have worked, if she blamed Duncan for Harold's actions. Because Harold eliminated Courtney BECAUSE of Duncan. So she wouldn't be far-off. And also slide in a moment where her parents hate her new BF, or like. Imagine if Courtney told her parents she lost, because Harold rigged her out, but it wasn't her fault. He hated Duncan. And her parents are like "What did you expect? You date a delinquent and get suprised when trouble appears at your door?"

And so she's mad at Duncan for dragging her into his fight, for drawing her parent's ire.

No wonder she tries to "fix him." She wants to make him fit for approval, and also prove to HERSELF that she's the one with the control. That she can FIX him.

Some people hate how Courtney has no self-awareness and thinks she's a good person all the time. I fucking love it.

Courtney thinks she's HELPING. After all, she wants to be the best. So why shouldn't others? Why would Duncan have problems with a list of instructions? Courtney LOVES instructions. She loves bettering herself.

C.I.T. Counselor-in-Training. She wants to be a COUNSELOR. She wants to help people, she wants to be a Leader. But she's really bad at it! Because of instead of wanting people to accomplish their goals... she kinda wants them to accomplish what she decides their goals should be. She's not a mad scientist, she's a mad therapist.

This is why I think Action is her best season. Because that's when she goes OFF and really shows her worst potential. And I'm into that, because it gives me a lot to discuss - how the drive for success and efficiency can leave people broken. Can kill personal relationships.

I kinda LOVE that every positive relationship Courtney builds she ends up breaking. Duncan. Gwen. Scott. Gwen *again.*

I'd love it too, if she learned her lesson and developed but like. Out of context, it's so fitting. (In my fantasy rewrite of TD, she realizes something is off in WT, gets better in ROTI, and cements her character change in All Stars)

In WT, Courtney doesn't get to do much. She has the love triangle thing, which doesn't do much for her character because she doesn't learn anything from it? But she's still very funny this season. I don't like her thing with Alejandro. I don't mind CourtneyXAlejandro btw. I'd just rather them team up temporarily.

In All Stars, Courtney gets a new BF. Scott. She's mending her relationship with Gwen. It's looking good, maybe Duncan was the real problem all along. And then it collapses.

I read somewhere that TD writers just thought she couldn't be redeemed. Which is funny to me. Maybe All Stars was to show "no matter how kind to her people are, she will always put money first." It would explain alot, and if that's what they're going for, they succeeded. And ... I'm okay with that. I just wish it was more a struggle for her, or that it was better foreshadowed. But I'm not mad at the direction they chose.

So overall, Courtney is character who started out a good girl with a bad boy, turned out WORSE than the bad boy, and kept going. She did everything to *win*, yet never was a finalist. She burned three friendships for cash, yet never got it. That's poetic, honestly. She tries so hard to be a girlboss, but she's a girl-flop at the end of the day. And I like that. I really do.

Tl;dr: Noah's me, Cody's society, and Courtney is the industrial complex. Not really, because Courtney has never been profitable. She's like a failed start-up company.

BONUS: How I view their possible dynamics

I obviously ship Noah and Cody, as a kind of two losers with opposing strengths learn from each other, but also get on each others nerves. If you want to know more about how I view their dynamic, just read my fic.

Courtney and Noah are my "Do it right or don't do it all," duo. I don't care what their relationship is. Like they'd make great twins who hated each other. Science Olympiad rivals or partners. They'd even be a fine couple (if you're not writing them as related, that is EWW).

I like to imagine Courtney writing a long winded plan, handing it to Noah, and he just rips it in two and tells her he's not doing all that. Which is pretty mean tbh. I also like to imagine Courtney stepping on Noah's back while she forces him to do push ups. I imagine Noah and Courtney standing over a desk in class, asking you 'What grade did you get?" with identical smug smiles. I imagine them gossiping over Gwen together, being roommates, dissing each other's man. "You're dating trash you dug out of the gutter." "At least I'm not settling for a fun-sized McDonalds toy."

I imagine them interacting a lot, actually. I want them to be worsties who grow into besties.

Courtney and Cody is like... I'm split. They would make a really good Hallmark movie. Courtney the busy worker, and Cody who loves the Holidays. The story writes itself. But at the same time I love how they dislike each other in canon. Cuz Cody's a gwen stan and Courtney thinks Gwen should DIE. joking. And also because Cody keeps on being annoyingly sexist. Like in the Greece episode, despite having no athletic ability, he's like "let ME do it, *ladies*" and Courtney is NOT having it. So I guess they also have the range.

Maybe they don't get along until someone's like "Let's get the TWO best World Tour singers up on staaage!!!" And both Cody and Courtney stand up.

'Going home or visiting your homeland?'

Whenever I think about travelling to see my family & friends, I always get thoughts about how foreign I might feel in the place where I'm from. I am fully aware that there are plenty of immigrants that are constantly homesick which leads to being happy and confident when it comes to travelling to the place where they grew up. Unfortunately, I am not one of them, I always have doubts, and many times visiting Latvia felt like a chore even though I do in fact love the country I'm from.

But I have always felt that I never really belonged in my hometown which is why moving to Norway was so easy in the first place. Each trip to Latvia had been giving me anxiety for the past nearly 6 years until my most recent trip which happened after 3 years of not visiting at all. That was finally the experience that I could call fully fun.

Don't get me wrong, my past visits were great as well, but there was always this bitter aftertaste because of small things that happened. Or constant anxiety about what could happen. I clearly remember counting days till I would return back to my routine in Norway. I was willing to kiss the Norwegian soil the moment I stepped on it. That just didn't feel right.

As I am typing this text right now, I also feel how the tables have turned. For the first time ever I felt I was dreading coming back to Norway. Not in a too substantial way. Simply because it meant returning to my routine, my stress & the worries that everyone has. Basically the real "coming back from vacation" experience. How did it change so much?

Well, probably not visiting motherland for 3 years had something to do with it. I felt like I was suddenly disconnected from my past worries there. I felt free, sort of? I was not reminiscing too much. I was experiencing new things or re-discovering old ones instead.

It truly felt like a real vacation for once. At the same time it also was my first great experience of "going home". I can't really say "going home" without using brackets because I have reached the point of Norway being my main home quite long ago.

A few more things made the most recent visit very special. I can talk about the tourist experience I've had (and I mean real tourist activities, not just taking a stroll in the Old Town once), I can talk about how a lot of things changed including my family moving away (but not far at all) from my place of growing up. Or I can talk about the people that have been surrounding me. That's actually a very interesting bit.

Besides my family, I haven't spent time with a single person who I used to hang out with before my moving to Norway. All of them are the people I had been acquainted with for some years before that, but we actually became very close only during past 5 years. There is some special sort of magic in that.

Not being defined by the kind of person I used to be; not being haunted by the ghosts of the past (this sounds more dramatic than I meant it lol); still getting to know each other as adults instead of just catching up and bringing up irrelevant memories.. I can go on, but what I really need to say is that I really appreciated how it felt.

Adult friendships that are not based on growing up together are so cool and precious. You end up getting close with people when your own persona is almost fully established, & setting up the right boundaries. You're not feeling vulnerable because you do indeed have a decent judgement on who's here to gain something from you & hurt you or who's here to be here for you as you are here for them. And if we're talking adult friendships within my most recent experience, one thing I really appreciate is how relaxing it feels to spend time with the people I've become really close with only during past few years. You're just straight up vibing, you spend time learning & experiencing new things together which inevitably leads to discussing them in process or afterwards, so you get to know each other on a different level which feels so great. At the same time it's also wonderful to spend time together in silence, just enjoying the weather, the views, the music — everything that surrounds you, knowing that there is a big chance you're perceiving this exact moment in a very similar way.

Another interesting thing to experience was seeing how my family has changed. I mean, they literally grew up. That often is a very stressful bit because before each visit it always feels like they are going to treat you as a kid you were when you moved away. But it was just not cool of me to underestimate them like that, to be honest. I grew up and so did they. I have my own life, habits & views, and they respect it. They are more fun to spend time with as we're reaching the age of deeper mutual understanding even though I have always enjoyed their company. All I felt while spending time with them was warmth & comfort.

Finally, I have to mention how the choice of season really affected this trip. Being in Latvia in October is something I wish to do more often (sucks that there's only one October per year, right?). Not only it's great to enjoy the falling leaves of all possible colors & crisp cold air, but it's also very inspirational. This period there has always been my favourite, I don't remember a single October in Latvia in my life I didn't enjoy. I do romanticise this period & it seems to romanticise me back.

Answering the question that I posed in the title, namely 'Going home or visiting your homeland?' is very difficult. In one hand, it was a completely new experience, full of activities that locals usually don't do, nor do the immigrants who really come home (instead, they simply run errands most of their time in their hometown what I used to do too). On the other hand, this was the cosiest experience that I definitely associated with the great comfort of coming back home.

For once, I'm really looking forward to doing it again.🍂

What do you consider to be an inappropriate age gap between ADULT romantic partners?

I ask because I'm in my 40s and I just found out the college classmate I have been chatting with is at least 20 years younger than me (they're at least 20).

-Spot

Even though legally there's nothing wrong with a 20-year-old dating a 40-year-old, I am just not a fan of age gap relationships myself. So I don't know that you're going to find the answer you're looking for with me.

There is always going to be something about the power dynamic. There's also going to be a certain amount of people in both of y'all's lives who are disapproving of a relationship with an age gap that big. I remember when my sister-in-law (who is the same age as me) announced that she was dating somebody 10 years older than her, I was probably the only one who really wasn't freaking out about it because I didn't think 10 years was that big of a deal, they are both adults. I tried to get to know this person before forming opinions about them. Even though they have a fair amount in common, when they had been together for about a year I started really noticing that the exchange of power had shifted. For somebody who I had always seen as being fiercely independent I started noticing that she constantly leaned on the approval or word of her partner constantly rather than relying on her own judgement. I can't say if it was this person specifically or the age gap specifically but I had seen how she acted with two or three boyfriends before that and really had never seen her that way before. I'm still not a super big fan of him or their relationship to this day. But because she's an adult, I respect her choices.

When I was 19 years old I went on a date with a co-worker who is 30 thinking that we had a lot in common and I really liked him. After that one single day I realized we pretty much had nothing in common other than a few pieces of media that we both enjoyed, and the fact that we both smoked weed. We were at entirely different spots in our life. He was wanting to get married and settle down to have kids and at 19 years old I didn't even think I wanted to get married. Like ever. Thankfully my coworker got the same vibes out of the day as I did and we agreed to just be friends at work and otherwise. Even though I may have been an adult legally, we were worlds apart.

Now do I think you have to date somebody exactly your own age? No, there's a 3-year gap between my partner and I now. I think life experience can be a big factor in this as well. If somebody with a little life experience starts dating somebody with a lot of life experience they might realize that they are worlds apart as well. But I do think large age gaps can be detrimental to the relationship. I'm now only a year and some change away from being as old as my co-worker was when they went on the date with me, I can't imagine anything on this earth that would make me want to go out with a 19-year-old and I mean it. I can only think that my coworker must have been blinded by my dazzling charm and good looks at the time. 😂 I don't know that I would partner myself with somebody even under the age of 25. I would not want to date someone who had been through a fraction of what I'd been through. Who only understood a fraction of the pain, loss, love, friendships, and joy I'd experienced. So I can't really tell you what's wrong or right for you but, I wouldn't do it personally because I wouldn't see someone that young as a potential romantic partner in the first place. I need something more than just good looks to go on. Because eventually all of our looks will fade. 🤷‍♀️

I'm almost certain somebody on Tumblr will be upset that I've said all this, if you are a legal adult in an age gap relationship, that's fine. I don't care. But I wouldn't do it myself and don't see what people get so excited about in it.

Hello! I am a huge fan of ur writing. I've loved everything I've read of yours. I've read alot of what you've posted, except for a couple of the tags that are squicky for me (so I'm very thankful you tag very thoroughly). No judgement for the squick, it's just not for me. & when I'm having a bad day, I usually just go thru ur ao3 and find something to reread. I think about Therapy's Bruce & Jason every damn day. While I obvs appreciate ur darker more "problematic" content (I really vibe with some of the themes you write about bc of my own trauma, & so it's very cathartic to read about in a fictional setting), I am truly a sucker for ur more happy content. The Happily Ever After verse also lives in my head rent free. Idk more wholesome stuff just seems more special when you write it. Anyways. I would die for you. But the point of this ask is cause I'm curious as to why you don't like Urban Legends? I'm sorry if you already talked about it here or on twitter and I missed it. I was just wondering because I really enjoy your take on things and would love to hear why you dislike it. I've been enjoying it so far personally, but I am always open to DC comics criticism.

Aw thank you so much! I'm so flattered by everything you just said. You're so sweet ❤❤❤❤❤

I haven't talked about Urban Legends here or twitter (I haven't been very active in either place lately. Just a lot going on and no energy 😔) but I'm happy to do it here.

Before I start though, I just want to add a standard disclaimer and make it clear that if you like it, there's nothing wrong with that and you don't have to let me ruin it for you lol. Like what you like.

That said, since you asked...

I said this when I was talking about it on discord, that there is a difference between hope and expectation. I always hope that a new story centered on Jason (or anyone really, but things have been especially egregious for Jay for 15 years) will be good or at least treat the character with a minimal level of respect (to be honest, the bar is super fucking low). But my expectations always temper my hope, to keep it from getting unrealistic. Because my expectations are based on experience.

The long history of Jason Todd, since even before his resurrection, has been one of retroactively trying to make him "a bad seed" in order to absolve Bruce of any responsibility in his death.

I don't even expect DC or their writers to start honoring the fact that Jason was not an angry, reckless Robin (and less of the later than Dick or Tim and definitely Damian). There plenty of ways that retcon can be folded into his history and be compelling and sympathetic. And if they're going to stick with that retcon, I'm only asking that they do it in one of those compelling and sympathetic ways because Jason was 15 when he died, heroically, in one of the most selfless acts in comics, to save a woman who literally handed him over to be brutally murdered. He was 12 when Bruce plucked him off the streets, he'd been homeless and fending for himself for at least two years. I personally think that Jason's story hits harder for him and Bruce if their original, canon relationship, of Jason as starry-eyed and eager to learn and absolutely devoted to Bruce and Bruce to Jason, is preserved. But Jason's origins does leave room for a meaningful interpretation of him as angry and frustrated at the lack of meaningful results of Bruce's methods.

And that's really where my irritation at stories like Batman: Urban Legends, Cheer and Batman The Adventure Continues has it's roots.

Every time one of these stories comes out, I think (or hope, rather) that this will be the one that remembers and respects the origins of the Jason and the Red Hood, that takes into account the changed sensibilities of comics readers in the 30 years since Jason's death and the subtle, 20 year, retroactive campaign to make him the "bad Robin". The "born bad" trope is played out and literally no one likes the message it implies. That some kids are just bad eggs and there's nothing parents or the adults around them can do. Especially when it's played as the kid's fault. If Jason's time as Robin is going to be characterized by anger, then it should be rooted in anger at the social injustices he witnessed as he grew up in an impoverished, crime-ridden, area and the horrors he faced raising himself when every day was a battle for survival. There are topical, meaningful, stories to tell with that backdrop.

But those are never the stories we get.

⚠⚠ Spoilers for Batman: Urban Legends, Cheer ⚠⚠

I'm particularly disappointed in Urban Legends because for the first issue, it looked like that was the kind of story we were going to get. I was put off by the first flashback of Jason being mesmerized by Bruce's guns, and I got that feeling in my gut that it was a bad sign. Jason depicted as impatient and overconfident and the scene with the guns is heavy-handed foreshadowing that got my spidey-sense tingling. I had a inkling then (in the first three pages) of how this story was going to play out, but it was early and I could still see many narrative paths that could lead to a satisfying story. My concerns were soothed somewhat and the little flame of my hope fanned, with the flashback of Alfred scolding Bruce, with Barbara's concern for Jason. A bit of worry returned with the way Jason ruthlessly pursued an addict who didn't appear to be a dealer and with the ending of the issue. The stuff with the addict sat wrong with me but the ending was tempered some by how despicable Tyler's dad was written. The scene was clearly set so that the reader could sympathize with Jason's decision and the scene with the addict could be brushed aside as a side-effect of comics over-the-top need for constant action, so I still held hope.

Issue 2 made me uncomfortable and it's where my hope starts to take a backseat to my expectations. I can dismiss Jason's self-deprecating internal monologue as unreliable narration, except that the flashback reinforces his thought process to explicitly show that it's not unreliable narration, and should be taken at face value. Jason faces physical abuse at the hands of his mother's drug dealer and when the flashback continues later, Jason kills the drug dealer. To be clear, this is a pre-Bruce Jason. His mom is still alive. He's like... 10. He kills this guy for shoving his head into a wall and implying Jason's mother paid for her drugs with sex. This is a scene that serves a single purpose. To show that Jason has always been prone to violence.

In the spirit of full disclosure, there is the small chance the drug dealer might not be dead. But the story obviously wants the reader to think he is, and it hasn't done anything to change that yet.

Starlin already did this story with The Diplomat’s Son in 1988 and he did it infinitely better. AND that’s still technically canon. So now I’m supposed to believe that Jason lost his cool bad enough to kill two douche bags before his sweet 16? Like it’s totally normal for abused kids raised in poverty, who’ve led hard and heartbreaking lives to just... haul off and kill people? That’s bullshit, and when taken with the Jason in the third issue, who is little more than an idiot thug, this story is really doubling down on some fucked up stereotypes.

Which brings us to the most recent issue. I went into this installment with very low expectations. I thought this story was going to be about Jason, through this experience with Tyler, a young boy with a similar background to Jason's, coming to the realization that Bruce's way is the best way and that Bruce did his best by Jason.

That would be annoying (in no small part because it takes increasingly absurd levels of plot armor to keep Bruce's no kill rule relevant, let alone irrefutably right). But I can probably live with that, if only because maybe if Jason officially falls back into line with the Bats crusade, maybe I'll get stories that treat him with respect, stories that don't relegate him to comic relief, dumb brute, or a background body with no lines in a story about the Joker burning Gotham (like Jason would just fucking stand there quietly for that).

And that may still be where the story is going, Jason realizing Bruce is right.

But holy shit do I not have the right words to describe how fucking insulting and gross issue three is.

From start to finish--including the flashback--Jason is written as cruel and fucking stupid. Like straight up dumb.

The entire issue is Bruce explaining the fucking basics to Jason like it's his first day. And Jason flies off the fucking handle and terrorizes a doctor he knows isn't a part of making the Cheerdrops, beats the shit out of some random addicts, and finally, when he can't accomplish anything on his own because he's a dumb brute he calls Barbara for help and rushes in with no information where he's promptly incapacitated and must now wait to be rescued by Batman.

This panel is the least of the issues sins but I can’t screenshot the entire story but it’s representative of the tone for the whole issue (and retroactively tainted the prior two issues).

This is beyond insulting. The only conclusions Jason comes to in this issue are the ones Bruce leads him to by talking to him like he can’t make the simplest connections. And like... in this story Jason can’t make the simplest connections.

This (and the Jason throughout the entirety of this issue) is a far cry from the Jason we fell in love with in Under the Red Hood, who was competent and strategic and intelligent enough to seize control of Gotham’s underworld from Black Mask (who’s no fucking slouch, he’s the first and only person to unify organized crime in Gotham) AND elude and manipulate Bruce until the time and place of his choosing.

This is a far cry from even the Red Hood and the Outlaws Jason who is competent enough to fight the League of Shadows and Ra’s al Ghul (among very dangerous and skilled others) and smart enough to create antidotes for mind control nanotech viruses.

As he should be, by the way. Jason Todd is one of the best, most comprehensively trained fighters in DC’s stable of non powered vigilantes. He’s not irrational or hot headed. He’s pragmatic, tactically minded, and patient. He’s a detective. Right now. Has been since he was 12. Bruce doesn’t have to make him one because he already is. 

Jason is not a stupid thug who uses his fists because his brain doesn’t work. And I can’t tell you how so very exhausted I am by this narrative. 

This is actually the most egregious example of Jason’s skills and intelligence being not just undermined but dismissed entirely. Even Morrison’s Jason had some degree of competency. 

The one, single redeeming factor of this story is the art. It’s beautiful. And Marcus To is a godsend he seems to be one of only a couple of artists who remember that Jason was a child when he was Robin and I’m literally only buying this book because of him. 

Anyway, I’m sorry. I didn’t want that to come out so... um... passionately lol. I’m just very very tired. My intention with this isn’t to ruin it for you, if you like it, that’s fine. 

But this issue shot this story to the top of my "Vehemently Despise” list. 1) Batman: Urban Legends (Cheer), 2) Battle for the Cowl/Morrison’s Batman and Robin, 3) Batman The Adventure Continues.

I hope the next issues somehow salvage this dumpster fire. But I’m not expecting it.

(Damnit. That sounded harsh again. To reiterate, I’m not trying to judge anyone who enjoys it, I just personally hate it and you asked me why lol 😅)

Hi, anon from before, here with a match up request. I am usually pretty shy when it comes to talking to new people, especially ones I don't know how to talk to (like now), but once you get past that and we have something in common, I can and will be loud and very talkative. I like sharing stories and tend to overshare some things if I'm not feeling all happy or if I'm passionate about something. I usually offer to fight someone if it harmed my friends and tend to act like a gremlin. I collect shiny rocks, plague masks, feathers, and sticks because they're cool to me. I listen to everyone before making a judgement or sharing advice if needed. I've been told that I am a great leader and tend to see myself in that position when no one else takes charge. I either feel emotions deeply or I don't feel anything at all. I don't judge anyone when they talk to me. I love to draw monsters, mythical creatures, and anatomy and I like to occasionally play volleyball with friends. I listen to music way more than I should and daydream at least every 2 hours. I tend to constantly do research of mythology, especially the gods and goddesses. I also love to fantasy and romance books with the occasional sci-fi book scattered in. I resonate deeply with animals, especially birds and snakes. I also have a hard time focusing on one task for hours on end. My personality type is INFP-T and I hope this was detailed enough!

I match you with...

AVDOL!

Ok but idk why your description just...screamed Avdol to me, ok?? Like the entire passion for mythology and creatures, sensitive nature (as well as either feeling emotions either very intensely or being like..v o i d) thing...alot of things tbh. First of all, you’d def catch his attention just with your aura alone. Although Avdol isn’t particularly extroverted, he’s a very good communicator and would def manage to talk with you whilst also helping you feel comfortable since he just has that energy that makes anyone around him feel at ease no matter what. Yall def have more than enough in common, from your intricate drawings of monsters that he always is very fond of watching you create to aiding you in your research regarding gods since, surprise, surprise, Avdol knows A FUCK TON of info about such things and could spend h o u r s talking to you about topics like these!

He deeply appreciates that you’re a non judgemental person and always hear people out since tbh he strives to do the same usually even if his impulsive nature sometimes gets the best of him (aries kinda beat), but someone who doesn’t jump to conclusions overall is right up his alley. The fact that you’re a great leader also appeals to him tbh since he’s kinda neutral?? Like he can take charge if others want to but if not then he’s just going to vibe in a corner, therefore he really fuckin admires your leadership abilities and thinks you’re pretty goddamn badass. Also your tendency of sometimes not feeling shit at all could prove useful whenever he embarks on yet another dangerous journey since that would mean you wouldn’t panic too much and fuss over him, however don’t get me wrong: this man is extremely compassionate and would ALWAYS check up on you; your well being is his absolute priority. That being said, whenever he’d see you clamping up he’d be quick to come to your aid and tbh he’s so damn good at emotional issues that you’d be fine in no time with this lovely man by your side. Another thing you two have in common is your daydreaming nature as well as being able to relate to animals; yall can’t tell me Avdol ain’t havin a 6th sense when it comes to animals, like they just FLOCK TO HIM ok??? I mean mans got a 6th sense in general b u t-

Avdol is also a superb listener and would be more than glad to both tell you all sorts of stories and tales from his past journeys whilst also being extremely fond of hearing you overshare! Really, he doesn’t mind it at all! That certain sparkle which is born into your orbs whenever you rant to him about a topic you particularly find exciting never fails to leave the man absolutely smitten once again. Also I can def see yall just vibin on the couch, lookin up mythology or cryptid shit, reading a good book (he’s VERY open to all sorts of genres so don’t be afraid to shoot him any suggestions since this man lives off of reading in general) or just...having deep convos. ALSO, ALSO COLLECTION BESTIES!! He himself has all sorts of rocks and cards collections so omg he’d absolutely adore going through yours!! Esp the plague masks like..that’s mcfuckin sicc bro. 

[October 13, 2020]

♡ Mercury retrograde in Scorpio is happening tonight. I can already feel/see it's influence. It also doesn't help matters that my current household is primarily made up of Scorpios or Plutonian individuals (most of my roommates are "essential workers" like EMTs or caretakers). Brad (the most Scorpio of the house) has called for a rare consideration; that there be silence in the living room (communal space) when he comes home. He's never asked for that before. This feels very symbolic of Mercury Retrograde in Scorpio. A moment of silence in our otherwise very talkative household. Besides that, he's coming home right around the time MRX/Scorpio would be officially beginning.

♤ Identifying omens is part of my practice. It's one of my oldest, foundational, cornerstones of how I communicate with the Universe and my guides. When you notice something (really notice it) to the point that it stands out in your mind and you end up thinking on it all day, it is an "omen". A symbolic representation of the message the Universe is sending you. I was given an omen by the Universe yesterday as to the immediate future/Mercury RX in Scorpio. I was outside (smoking) when I saw a hawk soaring in the air, being pursued by two black crows, and navigating around their assaults. The hawk (personally) represents my spiritual vision/focus/accuracy. The two crows, I believe, represented thoughts that attack my focus. I.e. Huginn and Muninn, thought and memory. Although, Huginn and Muninn are technically ravens. Not crows. I still think the message from the Universe is to tame my PTSD/where my mind goes/stay focused on my goals instead of letting my negative thoughts pick at me.

Also kind of reminds me of the qliphothic sphere/inverted sphere of Netzach. Where the "crows" pick at the beauty of Source. Another reminder to keep my inner criticism from attacking my spiritual focus/my ability to see the beauty in my life and self.

Two other people in the household got omens on the same day as me. One person got a vulture eating roadkill on the side of the road, the other got a brown cricket. Since the vulture means rebirth and ressurection through shadow work, I think the household is going through a transitional phase (what affects one person in the house typically touches all of us). I am not certain on the brown cricket, however. Good luck? What struck me the most about it was that my roommate was trying to catch it...and it always knew when to hop away just in the nick of time.

♧ I've been rearranging/unpacking my boxes from Seattle finally. For a long time now, I've just been living out of boxes, and refusing to do much magic. I didn't even set up my altar when I got all my stuff back from [Redacted abuser]. It's taken awhile to even get myself back to directly communicating with my guides...much less the Universe/Source. Anyways, I'm finally going through my boxes, and setting up an official altar area. When I was getting into my old rock and crystal collection (I was into that stuff way back before I realized how harmful the crystal/gemstone trend is for Earth's environment), I found an old piece of Mookaite that I friend gave me. And I shit you not, the thing physically vibrated in my hand when I touched it.

I've been holding it ever since. Have totally and honestly forgotten all the exact properties of the stones I own. It's been such a long time. I was also practicing "crystal/crystal energy psychicism" when I was homeless as a means to survive the streets so...I'm pretty sure my PTSD is blocking a lot of that information out.

I guess it's time to rediscover crystals again? Not buying any new ones. Just utilizing the ones I already have to the best of my ability. I feel like it was wrong that so many of them were taken from the ground to be pretty baubles for people. I might as well make it worth something by using them to help myself/others/incorporate them into my active life so they hold meaning.

Mookaite feels very grounding and soothing already. It feels like a very receptive stone, inviting energy into it much like organic pearls do. I also notice that it has almost a dream/trance-like affect to it's grounding energy. I think maybe I'll take time to meditate with it tomorrow.

◇ Brad pretty much runs the household that I live in. Further details; I live in a BDSM polycule, Brad is one of the doms. One of Brad's relationships was very close to being homeless recently. While normally, being homeless is... [redacted PTSD disassociating moment] being non-binary and homeless during COVID-19 is even worse. So we took them in. Inevitably, we had to make some major adjustments (about space, because technically we're fitting 9 people in a 2 bedroom house). It's been a test of adaptability through chaos for everyone. One of the major areas of contention is that everything inside the house is getting moved, rearranged, or tossed. And some people (mainly [redacted name]) is absolutely 100% terrible at adapting to change, unless someone is literally dying. Also, while I get that none of this can really be helped, I'm also a bit annoyed by the sudden introduction of someone new.

But even if I'm annoyed by it, I wasn't about to say "no" when Brad told us what was going on. I'm not a monster. I was homeless too and Brad helped me get off the streets. This person, while I don't know them well enough to make a judgement, deserves the same chance that I did to get stable in an era where stability is a pipe dream.

I'm actually not the one having the hardest problem. Surprising, it's the spirit of the house that's having the hardest problem. Our house is an old 1950's model built at the corner of a crossroads. Technically the house kinda exists as a liminal space. And there's so much stuffed inside of it that theoretically anything *could exist* in the house. Sometimes weird shit pops up and then disappears. It's very similar to the Seattle house I lived in when I was with [KILL BILL SIRENS] but has less of a metaphorical underworld cave vibe and more of a Howl's Moving Castle vibe. Anyways, the house itself is having a bad time adjusting to all the change/cleaning that the new roommate is doing...because it keeps hiding and moving (specifically) all the stuff that the new roommate has. They're not a stoner. They have a decently good memory. And I know that nobody in the house would do something like that. Plus, they apparently heard disembodied laughter right after discovering something was missing. The genuis locci (house spirit) is fucking with 'em hard.

I've never seen the genius locci do this before. The worst it ever did to me was hide a really expensive Egyptian cotton pillow case once. It eventually spat it back out after cuddling with it, I imagine. Seriously; Egyptian cotton sheets. Get you some.

So after the 100× time today that the new roommate was swearing about their missing things, I suggested that maybe they need to butter up the genius locci with gifts. Kinda romance the house a bit. Give it something so that it builds a relationship with the spirits that live here. They're a (self-professed) baby witch whose background is Jewish. They mostly excel at kitchen witchery (for now) and incorporating the works and wisdom of the Torah into their life. So they weren't too certain on ritualistic offerings to a house spirit. But with some suggestions from me and listening to their own intuition, they were able to put something quick together. It's nice to see people using magic around the house and learning new skills. And to their benefit, I felt the house chill out a bit after the ritual/gift giving was done.

I have been giving the house/my guides a portion of my nightly tea every now and then. It's honestly nothing fancy but I figure small gifts count for something right?

Janis & Grace

Janis: what are you up to rn Grace: UM why? Janis: 'cos we can't find Cass and can't take the kid on the decent rides, will you just stand with him for a minute Grace: oh Grace: yeah sure Janis: cheers Janis: give you some cash, he likes the easy shit Grace: OMG don't even mention it Grace: or like worry about it cos I'm not trying to break a nail rn Janis: you've gotta entertain him somehow Grace: Duh Grace: but that's not with waltzers and rollercoasters babes Janis: I've just said he can't come with Janis: we're talking coconut shy level, Grace Grace: & I'm saying I know what I'm doing Janis: well don't fuck it up please Janis: call if he gets too worked up he's shy Grace: obvs! just go Janis: it's serious Janis: and you haven't said where you are Grace: I'm being serious Grace: I'll meet you at the sweet stand Janis: 👍 Grace: 👌👌👌 Grace: [shows up with a very unimpressed lad in tow] Janis: [just such a withering look like who the fuck are you] Grace: [does not intro him and is just intro-ing herself to Bobby and it's cute] Janis: [just in the background letting Jimmy do what he need to do but lowkey trying to walk away like bye] Grace: [it's fine girl we know Grace has got this] Janis: [ahh when you can't stand to be around her for literally five seconds] Grace: [me when Trace is on one] Janis: [go have fun] Grace: is he allowed any more 🍬🍩🍭??? Grace: he says he's had NONE but I know when a boy is feeding me a line 😂 Janis: try and make him have a hot dog or some chips first Janis: if not he'll be 🤢 Grace: me too tbh Janis: such a good influence, like Grace: I'm sorry that my date is a feeder or something 😱😱😱 Grace: does not take no for an answer Janis: bodes well Grace: UGH IKR 🙄🙄🙄 Grace: he's in a mood cos I got 💋 on him earlier like ?? excuse me Grace: I don't have my own makeup line yet, boy Janis: it is grim when you've used a cup Janis: like a crime scene Grace: OMG don't be on his side! Grace: he wouldn't be complaining if it was anywhere but his face Janis: behave Janis: shits probably harder to wash off that herpes Grace: EW Janis: you said it Grace: I literally did not Janis: you did Janis: don't need to hear about you lipsing anyone Grace: Okay hun that makes no sense Grace: if it had staying power it wouldn't have transferred and he wouldn't be 😣😣😣 Grace: & I wouldn't have to go hard on 🍬🍩🍭 to show him my chill vibe or whatever Grace: so #notlikeothergirls & so annoying Janis: what's any of that got to do with me Grace: 🙄🙄 Janis: you talk for the sake of it Janis: talk to your shit date, not me Grace: sure Grace: laters, babes Janis: 👍 Grace: 👋 Janis: [later than you were probably expecting, like] Janis: k where are you Grace: bumper cars Grace: there's a line but we're basically at the front of it now 🙏🙏 Janis: cool we'll jump it Grace: you can take my place, these are NOT driving shoes Janis: babe, you just steer Grace: really!?? Janis: yes 😂 Janis: how do you not know that Grace: Oh thank god! Grace: idk I've never been on them Janis: how is that possible Janis: maybe you should go in with your lad, let Jim take Bobs Grace: Before this date I haven't been to the fair since I was younger than Bobby so Grace: Oh please, he's long gone Grace: Your boy can if he wants to though, that'd be cute Janis: sure, too many sights and smells, can't control her gag reflex when she's abused it that hard Janis: oh, soz Grace: 🙄🙄 not everything I do is with Mia, thank you Grace: & no you're not, babes Janis: pretty much since you were a bit older than him, maybe Janis: well not really but can't blame him Janis: didn't reckon on you bringing a child so Grace: do you see her rn? obvs not Grace: 🤷🤷 if he wants to say that's the reason Janis: can't really bring your missus on a date Janis: got to have some boundaries Grace: can you STOP Janis: what Janis: I said soz, make Jimmy buy you a drink or something Grace: I don't want a drink Grace: I'm gonna have to work out tomorrow Janis: well can you not just take it Janis: you don't need paying but he'll wanna do something so Grace: He knows my coffee order Grace: I'll make time to go Janis: k good Grace: He's a cute kid, I don't even need anything Janis: that just makes you sound like a child snatcher so keep that hush Grace: you're ridiculous Janis: am i Grace: Duh Janis: 👌 Grace: Whatever, I've said my goodbyes so 👋 too Janis: cheers Janis: later Grace: Any message for mum and dad? Janis: lol that's a good idea Grace: I obvs meant about where you'll be or when you'll be back Grace: but 👌👌👌 Janis: that's even stupider then, ain't it Grace: mhmm Grace: my bad, hun Janis: don't mention it Janis: not the easiest mistake to make but 🤷🤷 Grace: 🤷🤷🤷🤷 Grace: I'm so over it Grace: you too, I'm sure Janis: if they're still acting like they don't have answers to either of those questions, I can imagine Janis: could always repurpose my message for yourself Grace: if I wasn't going straight home but tragically Janis: what difference does that make Janis: can still tell them to fuck off Grace: not before dad picks me up thanks Grace: it's not like that boy will be doing a U turn now I'm Bobby free Janis: lol no way he was 17 Janis: looked 12 Janis: and he still would, he's a fucking pushover Grace: he's 19 Janis: so a nonce Janis: cool Grace: You're literally OBSESSED Grace: first I'm a child snatcher then he is Janis: that's literally the definition Janis: you're a child, he ain't, what do you want me to do Janis: didn't work anyways and even if it did, no one's throwing 😍 at it Grace: If you wanna report him, go off Janis: yeah I'll ruin some sad cunts life 'cos you're out here trying to prove something Grace: ???????!!!!!!! Grace: he asked me out, I agreed, it's not a big deal Janis: mhmm Janis: swear guv Grace: OMG SHUT UP Janis: sort it out for fuck's sake Grace: I didn't know he was that old! You literally just said yourself he doesn't look it Janis: don't incriminate yourself Janis: not illegal but just as weird if you're tryna fuck 12 year olds Grace: gross Janis: you said it Grace: No Janis: definitely did Grace: Leave me alone Janis: ooh alright Janis: touchy Grace: OMG why can't you ever stop? Janis: pot kettle Janis: why are you being so sensitive Grace: Why are you still talking to me? Janis: 'cos what's wrong with you Grace: yeah cos I'm gonna tell you Janis: why do you care Janis: you got what you wanted from him anyway Grace: What does that even mean? Grace: you have no idea what I want or wanted Janis: you wish Grace: obvs you do, but I really don't Grace: I'm wishing you'd go away thanks Janis: yeah, can't you tell how much I wanted to see you Janis: good catch up babes Grace: 😂😂😂 Janis: about right Grace: sure Grace: see you at school, like Grace: Spanish is first lesson back Janis: maybe Grace: 💔 Janis: isn't it just Grace: next time you steal a car is fine too Janis: next time it won't be nans so 🤞 no Grace: just don't look up my bad date, his wouldn't get you a mile out of Dublin Janis: got standards, darling Grace: I know, babes Grace: everybody does Grace: You can only wish for secrets Janis: can give the daily vlog a miss then Janis: phew Janis: love it when they put the work in for me Grace: mine's postponed cos I don't film little kids but there's plenty of other content THANK GOD Janis: 💔 should've thought of that before agreeing to go out with one really Janis: not very committed Janis: I'll 🙌 to that Grace: 👌👌👌 Janis: n'awh Janis: say hi to the gals from me Grace: I'd love to but there's been a disconnect Grace: I'll say it to my ex instead, he just got here Janis: less impressive than the 19 year old Janis: forgetting your audience Janis: they'll probably go for it though THANK GOD 👍 Grace: You're forgetting I only need a ride Janis: that's low, man Grace: If you wanna console him, he'll be free later Janis: you know something's gonna happen to you one day yeah Grace: I know you've got your 🤞 Janis: get a grip Grace: obvs the plan Grace: I'll make sure he's parked first tho, wouldn't wanna cause a crash Janis: unlikely Grace: not really Janis: if anyone bought you were a decent ride you wouldn't have to rely on your ex Grace: if I wasn't he wouldn't be back Janis: he's back 'cos your price is a ride Janis: you know it's not even a fiver in petrol Janis: literally the eastern euro girls on the street aren't as cheap Grace: wow Grace: so judgemental Janis: you're dirty Janis: it's disgusting, judgment from me is the least of your worries Grace: Yeah it honestly is Grace: & I'm sure you have better things to do so Janis: yeah talking to mum and dad for a start Grace: cute Grace: say hey from me Janis: you reckon I won't Janis: got no loyalty to you Janis: be more than a hey if they can manage to do even a semi-competent job Grace: I don't care if you do or whatever else you do Janis: Don't need you to Janis: be out of your hands, like Grace: sure Grace: they'll really show up for whatever slut intervention you think is about to happen Janis: you don't reckon Janis: you're delusional if you don't Grace: you are Grace: where's it been, babes? Janis: you're putting yourself in danger Grace: Me and how many of the rest of us Janis: you're stupid, Rio at least has some brains Janis: marginally more self-esteem Janis: born victim, you, trust me, they're gonna get on board Grace: nobody's more devastated than me that I'm not more like Rio, obvs Grace: except maybe dad Grace: 💔 there's not 10 of her Janis: no one cares what he wants Janis: irrelevant beyond being a sperm donor Janis: enjoy your chat 💕 Grace: 💜💜💜 Janis: 😂 Grace: it will be amusing if it happens Grace: I'll keep you a front row seat, hun Janis: don't worry Janis: buzzin' I care, so far in my DMs Janis: must be gutting when you're the only one that does and you get no recognition for it Grace: 😭😭🙄🙄 Janis: that's alright, sure your ex will take you back and console you Janis: epic shag and all around winner that he sees you as 😍 Grace: if he won't, I'll try one of the others Janis: always the shameful hookup when you've run out of lotion, never the girlfriend Grace: mhmm Janis: love that for you Janis: just get her in to help you with your prices Grace: 😂😂😂 Grace: she is good at maths Janis: is she Grace: oh of course she's never helped you with your homework Grace: my bad again, babes Janis: not what she's remembered for is it Janis: being the whore who married her cousin is really all that comes to mind but that's almost sweet Janis: pop it in the eulogy, lovely Grace: if you'll excuse me, I have to make some conversation with this boy Grace: such a good chat tho Janis: not what he's paying for Janis: so don't worry about not being a decent conversationalist Grace: tragically telling him that wouldn't get me where I wanna go so Janis: the tragic thing is you think you're too good for the bus when you're literally selling yourself Janis: wonder how many times this one told you you talk too much? 🤔 Grace: Oh please Grace: & I'm the extra one Grace: everything's a drama tonight, hun Janis: don't act as if you don't understand Janis: he would only pick you up so you blow him Janis: you aren't friends, they don't care about you or even respect you Janis: it's as simple as that Janis: and you're not even trying to get out, you're going home, half an hour away Janis: it's actually the saddest thing I've ever heard Grace: not anymore obvs Grace: why would I go home for the lecture? Janis: because you've got no balls and nowhere to go Janis: fucking hell I hope they pay for a decent shrink, seriously Grace: Thanks to you I've got nowhere to go Janis: go home Janis: sort yourself out Grace: I'll take the party he's offering but thanks again Janis: that's right Janis: get off your face then it ain't your fault Grace: It'll be my fault but I won't care Grace: you always tell me not to so congrats, finally taking that advice Janis: you'll be crying on a stranger's bathroom floor within the hour Janis: you ain't built for it, so tah for the guilt trip but i ain't biting Grace: I love that you've given me that long tbh Janis: got to earn his time and attention and petrol first Grace: Oh honey, I could do that crying Janis: wanna turn your phone off Janis: they'll be out looking now Grace: I would but if it's not on my snap it didn't happen, don't need to tell you tho Janis: your locations on Janis: they aren't that thick Grace: What do you care? You want them to find me Janis: you mean you do Janis: christ Grace: You think you know everything about me Grace: where does the delusion even come from? Janis: you think no one does Janis: let's unpack that one Grace: no-one does know everything Grace: they can't Janis: someone needs to take your netflix away too whilst they're at it Janis: fucking hell Janis: we aren't 13, even then that shit was embarrassing Janis: now it's well Janis: get yourself on the corner with your bessies level Grace: Whatever Janis: you really thought that was a revelation Janis: put it as your next caption, get those kids clicking ❤ Grace: 👌👌👌 Janis: this is what comes of letting stoners breed, jesus Janis: experiment over Grace: we all wish it was Grace: at least they've stopped now Janis: no need to wish Grace: not gonna jump out of this moving car, however much you'd love that Janis: i know Janis: no balls Grace: 💔 Janis: answer your phone yeah Grace: As if Janis: for fuck's sake, Grace Grace: I don't need to hear mum chatting to me like I'm Carly or Edie Grace: or dad telling me that he still loves me Janis: well then, think that it's not about what you need, I don't care Janis: just do it Grace: I literally just said no Janis: I literally don't care Grace: So get out of my inbox Janis: answer your phone and I will Grace: I'd actually rather kms than answer that phone call in front of this boy Grace: it's not happening, go away Janis: no Janis: answer the phone Grace: no Janis: do it Janis: stop being selfish Grace: 😂😂😂 Grace: coming from you Janis: and? Grace: it's just hilarious that you think you can make me do anything Janis: 😂😂😂 Janis: answer the phone Grace: no Janis: do it Janis: he doesn't like you anyway so don't act like that's an excuse Grace: It's not about him Grace: he answered the fastest Janis: then talk to mum and dad Grace: I've nothing to say & like I said I don't wanna hear what they are going to Grace: no thanks Janis: No one cares Janis: pick up the phone and get it over with then Grace: 🙄🙄🙄 Janis: exactly Grace: I'll do it when I'm drunk obvs, there'll be no stopping me then Janis: why not now Grace: I'm busy, like Janis: no you ain't Grace: excuse you Grace: the fact this makeup has no staying power was literally the opener of this convo Janis: and what Grace: & he'd kick me out of the car if he saw me without any Grace: duh Janis: again Janis: so Janis: that's the point Grace: your point, babes Grace: mine was that I wanna be here Janis: no, yours was you need a lift Janis: which you don't now so get out Grace: no, it was that I don't wanna go home thanks Janis: no one does but you have to Grace: Why do I? Grace: I literally don't Janis: yeah you do, you aren't being safe or smart Grace: &? Grace: it's been forever since I was either Janis: exactly Janis: so go home Grace: Why now? Janis: its pretty obvious Grace: No Grace: it would've been obvs if someone had said something at my 13th birthday party when I went further than anyone during 7 mins in heaven cos Connor O'Malley said he really liked me and he wanted my birthday to be special for a good reason again Grace: or when I hooked up with his best friend like a week later cos he lied Grace: You don't care, you've never cared Grace: don't tell me what to do now Janis: yeah, your birthday Janis: and you reckon you got it bad it could've been worse if I hadn't bothered saying anything Janis: you think i'm going to pick up your slack and be 2nd to you Janis: for what Grace: OMG you're just like Mia, putting yourself in the centre of everything Grace: I've never thought that or wanted it Grace: 2nd to me!? I'm not that fucking delusional Janis: how dare I remind you its my birthday and all Janis: bullshit, Grace Grace: That wasn't the point Grace: I'm trying to tell you, it's too little, too late Janis: that's it Janis: that's your problem is it Janis: poor you Janis: get a grip, you and every other girl at school Janis: fucking hell, edie died Grace: Get a clue Grace: this is why I can't talk to you Janis: not trying to talk to you Janis: go home Janis: I'm not there Grace: Even Diego's out so like I said, why should or would I? Janis: because you wanna be Grace: You're actually not on the same planet, I s2g Janis: that heart to heart you're trying to have Janis: they're the only ones that'll listen Janis: so go Grace: They won't Janis: bollocks Janis: all they do Grace: You go Grace: do whatever it is you want Grace: I'm good Janis: no you're not Grace: obvs but as good as I can be 🍾🎊 so 👋 Janis: no Janis: I've told you Grace: Go off, I'll mute you when it gets boring Janis: no you won't Grace: ILYSM but even so Janis: you won't so save us both the hassle Grace: you'll be hassled by drunk me, babes Grace: she'll be living her best life Janis: no one believes that Janis: and you think I wasn't bored before this began Janis: difference between us is I do give a shit Grace: of course I don't think that, we OBVS know each other so well Janis: hurry up Grace: 💃💃 Janis: hilarious Janis: don't reckon I won't show up and bring them with either Janis: get your head out your arse and make it easy for yourself before I make it worse Grace: that's your fave thing tho Grace: it'd be so mean Janis: not stopped you before Janis: go on Grace: drunken portuguese is some drinks off but sure dad's waiting by the phone so Janis: can't even remember any so Janis: what do I care, you're talking to them Grace: this is so annoying now Grace: you're putting me off Janis: now Janis: you are slow Janis: come on Grace: shhhhhhhhhhhhh Janis: no Janis: [rings her all the times] Grace: 🙌💜 Janis: picked you up yet Grace: 😂😂😂 Grace: they're slow too, hello Grace: I've been saying that this entire time Janis: told them where you are or what Grace: mhmmm just gonna send them the location so they can hang Janis: do it then Grace: I 👏 AM 👏 BUSY Janis: no, you aren't Grace: Oooh this boy says he knows you Grace: very ginger, very aggressive 👋 Janis: okay Janis: that's nice Janis: off you pop Grace: he is not cute, babes Janis: what a tragedy Janis: start dialling or I'm gonna come over Grace: No you're not Grace: you never wanna be where I am Grace: & neither does your actually cute bf Janis: correct Janis: that's not what it's about so do it Grace: Just let me have a night off OMG!!!!!!!!! Grace: you get to do everything you want Janis: so Janis: you aren't me and you don't know what you want Janis: sort it out Grace: yeah okay I'll figure all that out in the AM Janis: no, you won't Janis: we're coming so you can think about it all you like once they're done Grace: STOP Janis: why should I Grace: cos I'm asking you to Grace: cos you're my sister & you don't even love me Janis: so you think you can just say and do all that fucked up shit and I'm not gonna stop you Janis: I don't think so Grace: What do you what me to say or do? Janis: I've been clear, call mum and dad and get them to come get you Grace: & after that?? Grace: Why do you want me to be all alone like?????? Janis: they're going to talk to you, work something out Grace: they're gonna talk at me and we'll all 😭😭 & nothing will be any different literally Grace: not drunk enough for that yet soooooo Janis: try listening yeah Grace: they're the MOST cringe though 😱😱😱 Janis: then you should agree Grace: 😂😂 okay bitch Janis: mhm Janis: they're waiting, like Grace: UGH Janis: yeah Janis: they've said they'll text so I'm not going Grace: What did you say? Janis: why? Grace: cos I wanna know how bad the freakout will be Grace: what did you say about me? Janis: what you said Janis: no need to lie, you gave it all up Grace: so you just told them everything Janis: all the relevant info, yeah Grace: I literally can't go home EVER Janis: yeah you can Grace: How could you do that to me!?? OMG Janis: how could I not Janis: not cosigning on that shit Grace: cos it's none of their business what I do Grace: or yours but at least you're not like OLD Janis: you're their kid, that's literally all their business is Grace: So are you! You don't let them tell you anything Janis: they're still meant to try Janis: and they do Grace: I hate this Janis: good Janis: you're not totally crazy then Grace: can't you come instead? Grace: I'd take Rio over them rn Janis: probably don't Janis: when she have her last kid, probably hormonal Janis: well I ain't got a car and we know how you feel about me stealing one but I can come Grace: IOU 💜 Grace: screenshot that in case I'm more drunk than I think I am Janis: you're always more drunk than you think you are Janis: forget about it, like Grace: me or like everyone? Grace: 🤔🤔🤔 Janis: you, specifically but yeah Janis: most in general Grace: my ex isn't if you wanna fight him Grace: cos you wanna fight most people Janis: which one Grace: this one Grace: oh you mean how many hookups ago duh Janis: i mean name, any other identifiers, even then, unlikely i'll remember Grace: Tyler Grace: he's not white that helps him stand out in my exes line up Grace: hmmm Grace: short and mad about it? Grace: that's his identifier with me but shhh Janis: 😂 Janis: oh right, can recall that one then Grace: he does NOT like you, babes Grace: too tall obvs Janis: 💔 Janis: gutted, obvs Janis: his 👀 are chest height and everything, that I remember Grace: IKR?! Grace: he was so 😣😣😣 cos I had my 👠s on Grace: boy they weren't for you! I'm SORRY Janis: probably gonna wanna steal some shoes if you're coming with me though Grace: ??? Janis: 👟 Janis: you'll be like a  baby 🦒 on ice Grace: are we walking all the way home? Janis: depends Janis: send us your location and I'll see what I can do Grace: [does] Janis: we could walk that Janis: but we can get a bus like 10 minutes from there if you need Grace: Today has been the literal WORST from the moment I agreed to the fair idc Janis: that means no complaints then yeah Grace: can I do them now cos I've been so excited to go out with him since I met him and then FINALLY it comes around & ugh Janis: seemed like a moody prick Grace: boys are such liars Grace: like okay you're nothing like you were that day in town & you're actually 19 & I don't think you even wanna be here Janis: yep Janis: girls too, in fairness Janis: you're just used to that and not trying to fuck 'em so Grace: I just thought he was different, nice or something Grace: like you said I should go out with Janis: yeah well Janis: never said it'd be easy, like Janis: few and far between Grace: I tried really hard Grace: Like REALLY Grace: it's so stupid Janis: ain't your fault he was a twat Grace: I fell for it Grace: nice lads aren't here for me, obvs, I should've known Grace: I literally do know Janis: it ain't that simple Grace: It is though Grace: I'm a bitch Grace: Is Jimmy coming? Janis: don't worry about that right now Janis: nah, he don't need to Grace: Tell him I'm sorry then Janis: bit rude i don't get one Janis: it's fine Grace: I mean for everything Grace: Mia Grace: since he got here Janis: yeah Janis: pretty mental, even for you lot Grace: I told her, I keep telling her Grace: cos I am happy for you, like Janis: alright, I'll tell him Grace: Believe me though Janis: I do Janis: don't be weird, like Grace: you have to cos I love you, okay? Grace: but idk what to do about her Janis: I can handle her Janis: he can too Janis: but she's genuinely just Janis: you know Janis: you need to handle her too, yeah Grace: I don't work with her though Grace: or without Grace: cos she's not talking to me rn & look Janis: bollocks Janis: she would've told you to go for it with that lad Janis: come on Grace: I met him because she was being a bitch about you that day he was over at our house & I made her leave Grace: I wouldn't have gone into town on my own otherwise Janis: you could've met him any time Janis: and it's not about him Janis: you've gotta admit, he's not exactly out of character in your ex line-up Janis: can't think like that Grace: she would've said no & none of this would have happened so Tyler wouldn't have picked me up & mum & dad wouldn't think I'm a sex worker Janis: I didn't tell them you were a sex worker Janis: and she only would've said no 'cos she'd wanna be watching us so that's not like she's looking out for you Janis: not like she's got a sixth sense for dickheads herself Grace: I hate her Grace: I hate my life Janis: yeah Janis: I know Janis: you've got to get rid of her at some point Grace: Why don't you love me? Janis: Grace Janis: it'd just be easier if we didn't Janis: for all of us, you especially Grace: what does that mean???? Janis: it only hurts if you love or care or Janis: whatever Grace: but its not about Edie cos you didn't love me before Grace: & you love him, your boyfriend so Grace: what did I do? Janis: that's not true Janis: I don't know Janis: maybe I can't Grace: but you literally love him Janis: no I don't Grace: It's everywhere, all over everything Grace: I can't be on my phone without seeing it Grace: or in the same room as you Janis: yeah and how many of your exes did you actually love Grace: that's not the same Grace: I don't look at them like that & they'd never look at me like it either Grace: it's so fake, it has to be if I'm in it Janis: I've not known him that long Janis: no one has, like Grace: So? Janis: can't be in love with someone you don't know, right Grace: I know when I've done the wrong thing like IMMEDIATELY Grace: maybe you can still feel something that soon when it's good too idk Grace: not the right person to ask about love Janis: noted, babe Janis: just saying, think lots of people fake it Grace: Yeah Grace: sometimes you have to & sometimes you want to Janis: do you want to? Grace: when? Grace: I fake like everything, babes, you need to hit me with specifics Janis: well that's what I mean Janis: if your ratio is mostly wanting to, then I guess that's alright Janis: but it ain't so Grace: it's like I have to pretend I'm not freaking out whenever a boy touches me but I want to pretend that's not always gonna be a thing Grace: specifics Grace: I have to be friends with Mia but I don't want to Janis: Why do you have to Grace: ??????? Janis: be friends with her Grace: like I said, it's too late Grace: I can't go back and not tell her everything or have her with me for everything Grace: idk how to do things without her anymore Grace: I need her even if I don't like her Janis: 'course you can Janis: look at us, we're blood relatives and we manage Janis: you don't want her fucking up everything you do forever Grace: I'll have her to blame that way though Grace: if it's just me, it's literally me Janis: nah Janis: family album full of people you can blame Janis: easy Janis: swear Grace: she hates you & I wanna hate you, sometimes Grace: so I thought that would be easy Janis: yeah but she also wants to live in my skin so Janis: complicates matters Grace: but like same ?? so Janis: now you see why I didn't wanna come to those sleepovers Grace: fine cos I don't want you there being prettier than me Janis: 😏 yeah right Grace: ugh Janis: you alright Grace: I just didn't wanna cry here, you know? Grace: he'll think it's about him Janis: go outside Grace: I wish screaming I DON'T LOVE YOU BYE actually meant that Grace: instead of making people think I do Janis: screaming anything don't really help your case Janis: try 🤐 Grace: actually can't though, sorry Grace: 💘 or 🤐 Janis: I've got headphones Janis: it's fine Grace: Where's Jimmy's mum? Janis: not coming to pick you up, can tell you that for certain Grace: Is she dead? Janis: Don't know Janis: did Bobby talk about her lots then Grace: He asked me if we've got one Grace: & said that he doesn't Janis: yeah, she pissed off, about the sum of it Janis: don't know if he knows that or what though so Grace: Maybe he was too little Grace: he's so sweet Janis: yeah, pretty cute Grace: like really gentle, little lads are normally so loud & annoying Janis: girls are well worse Janis: especially the ones in this family Grace: duh Grace: you can say I'm most annoying, babes 👑 treat yourself Janis: was talking about the actual children, like but you know Janis: fight a toddler if you need to, babe Grace: Oh so I'm an actual child when a 19 year old lies to me but not when I want a 👑 Grace: so rude Janis: that's life Janis: don't make the law up, soz Grace: 💔 Janis: I'll run for PM when I get a sec Grace: I love that for you Janis: obvs Janis: no 👑 Grace: but you have any food?? Janis: food? Grace: I'm so hungry like all the time 😱😱😱 aren't you? Janis: nah 'cos I eat enough and at the right times Janis: I've passed hundreds of kebabbies and shit, we'll go get something Grace: 🙏🙏🙏🙏 Janis: who's gaff even is this Grace: UM idk Grace: his cousin maybe? Grace: no his uncle Grace: no Janis: don't need the family tree, I get the vibe Janis: are there any other girls from school there like Grace: that's a real no Grace: I would not be here Janis: ugh Grace: if I'm gonna commit suicide I'll do it myself thanks Grace: don't need them or their insta stories Janis: not my main concern Grace: ?? Janis: it'd be better if it was an actual party with school people Janis: not his cousin uncle and co Grace: Why? Janis: because why would he bring you around his older male relatives Janis: what do you have in common with him, never mind them Janis: it's so dangerous, Grace Grace: I didn't know it was gonna be this sketchy Grace: that's not what he said Janis: yeah well boys lie, remember Janis: it's fine, I'm only a few streets away now, apparently Grace: I'm outside so we can just leave, yeah? Grace: it's not gonna be like a thing Janis: nah I well fancy going in there and shouting my head off and all Grace: you know what I mean Janis: if you're outside then yeah, what am I gonna do Grace: I'm sorry Janis: at least you are okay this time Janis: I meant it when I said something's gonna happen though Grace: It won't even I'm so done Janis: alright, well you all say that when you feel like shit Janis: general you that time Grace: he's deleted Janis: 👌 Grace: Like, I'll obvs get new shitty exes but no need to go back here Janis: screenshot that one, yeah? Grace: 💜 Grace: he's not that cute, I was just over all the white boys Grace: no offense Janis: variety is the spice of life Janis: though literally no idea who that ginger you're talking about is Grace: I think he thinks you slept with his gf?? Grace: I set him straight on that, literally Janis: ha gutted i did that Janis: shh Grace: No way you would've, he showed me a pic & you can do so much better, babes Grace: trust Janis: awks Janis: poor ginge Grace: he wouldn't stop shouting at me like excuse me we're not the same person Grace: as if I'm gonna turn around and you're the back of my head Janis: you probably telepathically told me to do it though Janis: know what twins are like Grace: if she was cute, sure Janis: i don't think that helps us sound any less weird Janis: glad you went with a different clapback Grace: there's worse things than homewrecking someone that ugh Grace: but 👌👌 Janis: not taking that one for the team Janis: no matter how much of a cunt he was Janis: soz Grace: fine, wouldn't wanna risk barista boy's 💘 anyway Grace: a bitch but not that bitch Janis: shut up idiot Grace: he's so highkey 😍😍😍 & I think that's nice Janis: shame he ain't coming Janis: be hilarious if you said that to his face Janis: for me anyway Grace: I've seen enough PDA thank you Janis: you were definitely told to leave so Grace: I'm still mad at you btw Grace: & you can't make me leave a coffee shop, bitch Grace: I was mid ☕ Janis: that weren't my idea Grace: idc still 😱😱😱 Janis: your mates shouldn't bitch so loudly, like Grace: 🙄🙄 I know Grace: I'm so over it Janis: seems exhausting Janis: having to give a shit about what everyone else is up to all the time Grace: mhmmmmmm Janis: and just to be bitches Janis: seriously Grace: they're just hung up on you specifically cos every boy they want has asked you out & you said no Grace: boys they can't even get Grace: like it's your fault you're prettier than them Grace: when they have nobody to blame for how petty they are trying to be Grace: it's so boring & ridiculous!!! Janis: should fuck 'em just to really make it worth their rage but Janis: do you do it too, when it ain't me Grace: Ew no don't Grace: &? I know what I am, honey Janis: unlikely, reasons I said no Janis: I mean, it's probably easy to fall into that way of being Janis: like when you left all your shit at CG Grace: Okay no Grace: not talking about that with you ever Janis: why not, I literally had to give you your stuff Janis: we all know what it was Grace: exactly so we don't have to go there Janis: alright Grace: are you here or do I have time to kms? Janis: not trying to embarrass you Janis: and yeah not far Janis: this is just the longest street ever for some reason Grace: you should stop smoking with that boy Janis: please Grace: mhmm please do Janis: we're a long way from you giving anyone lectures Janis: let alone me Grace: it's still gross & you're already way thinner than me Janis: the ulterior motive comes out Janis: don't smoke enough for that, or lung disease, tah Grace: you can get fucked up by his sexy smoke rings, babes Grace: but sure Janis: that's 2nd-hand Janis: it's worse 'cos all the co2 you breathe out Janis: smoking yourself, way safer Grace: 🙄🙄🙄 Grace: I'll take it up then Janis: you'd have to get 'em off weird john Janis: no way you ain't getting ID'd Janis: any safety is dashed tbh, wouldn't bother if I were you Grace: excuse you literally have 19 year olds falling at my feet so Grace: well almost Janis: that like underage girls but sure Janis: probably ducked when he realised how virginal you ain't Grace: Yeah Grace: 2 years too late, sorry boy Janis: ick Janis: leave it out Grace: ????? Janis: that's too young Janis: it's depressing Grace: I know, I cried for like a week Janis: stop thinking about it now Janis: and chatting Janis: drive me to drink Grace: you can share this one Janis: alright, had enough earlier Janis: one of us should be vaguely sober Grace: did you sneak it into the fair while I was babysitting? Janis: ha Janis: after, went pub Grace: Oh okay Janis: did you think i was drunk Janis: was just a sugar high, like Grace: you left ASAP and I did when you got back Grace: literally wouldn't know Janis: did think it was a bit of a jump Grace: it's so rude that I can't get in anywhere & you can Janis: I'm tall Janis: and you've got a babyface Grace: like I said, so rude Janis: blame mum and dad Janis: neither of them brought it in the height department Grace: I blame avó, she's who I look like Grace: & she has that direct 🙏🙏🙏 line to god, obvs so Grace: she could have put in a word for me not to look like this Janis: get that you ain't meant to be a braggy cunt Janis: but bit of a slap in the face to call out one of his creations and say 'not again, thanks' Grace: 😂😂 Janis: also she'd give you a slap in the face for that one so let's hope she ain't in the kebab Grace: she'd wanna hit me for lots of things I do but Jesus loves a whore Grace: & she's never ate anywhere that isn't ours either Grace: doubly saved 🙌 Janis: 😏 Janis: not suggesting she's been out on the piss tbh Janis: it's late as hell and not midnight mass vibes, like Grace: if you're going that hard of the blood of christ, maybe just marry him tbh Janis: gutted she didn't Janis: probably can't dump your kid to be a nun though Janis: unfortunate for us all Grace: maybe I'll go become one Grace: can you vlog it? Janis: considering the vow of poverty, don't think you can show up with thousands worth of filming equipment, no Grace: tragic Janis: not even to mention all the others i think you'd struggle with Grace: well it's just mean if you don't tell me now Janis: come on then, I see you Janis: tell you all about it Grace: 👋 Grace: you look so pretty OMG Janis: let's not be texting and walking rn babe Grace: 👌👌👌