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cosmiclatte28 · 3 years

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Purpose (Jeno x you)

a/n : sorry for ranting in the previous post, but here is my first oneshot of Jeno x reader ...please leave a comment or just anything so I know what to do and not do in my future works :D

happy MLK day! Enjoy the long weekend aka monday break!

warning : major character with disability! Please proceed only if you feel okay with it. Jaehyun is your brother :D (sorry if I use hyung accidentally, it’s a habit of mine. I make my characters always calling the older brother hyung, so it sounds less “romantic”)

word count : 3.0K

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“Jeno, do you ever wonder what your purpose in life is?” you rolled to the side of your body and rested your weight on one of your supporting arms, eyes aimlessly piercing into Jeno’s side face.

The said man who was staring at the ceiling turned his head to look at you. In this small bed you share with your best friend, he pulls his face back to give some respectful distance in between.

He glances back to the ceiling and hums, “Umm interesting, let me think of it.” He ponders for a while and your hand accidentally brush his. He laughs when a sudden memory comes into his mind and he ignored your hand that’s still lingering next to his.

“Tell me! You’re laughing! Did you know your purpose of existence in life?” you shake his taller and built body. His arm really feels buff and hard right now. Sometimes you wonder where the hell did your ten years old lanky best friend go. You’re his partner in crime since third grade and both of you graduated junior school together, even now you’re counting days to your senior school graduation still with him. Only that puberty hits Jeno Lee like a truck and bam here lies a young charismatic man lying with you on your bed as if it is nothing. (Well it is nothing right? Just two best friends sharing a bed. Lmao okay sorry author is writing this at 3.30 am)

He giggles and bops your nose, “No. I am not going to answer it.”

You pout, unaware of the effect it gives to the young man beside you. “Fine, I guess my purpose in this life is to bug and bother you.” You taunt and Jeno really wants to smack your head right now, but that is something he will never do.

“Fine if your purpose is to disturb me, then my purpose is to bear with it and make sure you never go beyond your line or hurt yourself.” He says this out loud, and continues in his heart, “Again, I’ll never let anything, or anyone hurt you again.”

Jeno lifts his arm to run a smoothing hand on your hair and you’re no longer surprised by this. Actions like this is common between you and Jeno.

“I haven’t washed my hair, stop touching it,” you run your hand over your head to stop him.

He chuckles and just ignores your word, “I don’t care, it’s not dirty you know. You smell sweet.” He sniffs into your hair and indeed it is fresh. You’re being over insecure.

“Fine. So, what time is it?” you cock your head to the side, showing him you’re asking a question.

Jeno runs his eyes into the clock hanging in your room, “It’s almost five. Your brother will be home after this around six. Do you need anything?” he asks when he sees you sit up from your laying position and grabbing your cane.

You nod, “Can you bring me to the café shop by the end of the road? It’s Jaehyun’s birthday today and I want to give him a cake.”

Jeno couldn’t help but feel his heart swells with emotion. Even after the unfortunate accident that hit you and your brother on the road, but only took your vision away, you never hate your brother at all. Jeno remembers how petrified he was the day he got a call from his mother telling him to rush to the hospital because you ran into an accident.

Three years ago

“Catch me if you can! I will finish the cake before you can get any.” You taunt at your older brother and run with all your might to get home faster than he did so you can stuff the whole cake into your mouth.

Jaehyun was still paying the cake when you ran with it already. He yelled out loud to you when you ran whilst looking back into him. He was too late.

Jaehyun saw your body flew through the concrete and the box of cake you were running with was already crushed over. The owner of the van got down and quickly run you and Jaehyun to the hospital. Jaehyun hugged you throughout the way to the hospital, his white shirt is already drained in dark red blood. His happy face he had that day for turning 20 was gone. He can only wish his one and only sister will make it alive.

The hospital did their best in trying to bring your consciousness alive. Your head hit the concrete, but luckily there are no serious injuries in your head. Fractures are found in your left side of the body but what hurts Jaehyun and your parents the most, was the fact that you will not be seeing anything in less than three months.

The experts were called, and everyone agreed that sadly nothing can be done to prevent you from facing the total darkness. From the age of 14 you lost your sight, you lost your friends, you lost your confidence, you lost your will to live. You wanted to die, but Jeno would never let that happen. He saw potentials inside you, and he saw the beauty you have within your heart that more people should see.

Jeno was the first non-family member to visit you after the news was spread. He was the first one to stay by your side and the last one from your school society.

You were suggested to move to a special need school, but with Jeno’s constant reassurance and help you stay with him in the regular school. After school, Jeno will accompany you learn braille and follow you to your post-traumatic therapy too. He even listened to the specialist called to teach you how to walk with a cane and how to use your cane as your second eye. He did struggle a lot to not play around with your service dog, because Goldy (your golden retriever who helps you walk in public) is not supposed to be friendly, Goldy needs to be alert!

Your family luckily didn’t abandon you, but they were sadly not in the same country as you were right now. Today, you’re only living with Jaehyun and Jeno is practically your neighbour from the flat next door.

Jeno actually did not want to bring you to the same store that caused the dreadful unfortunate event to happen to you. Not in the same day, on the same spot.

“You sure? I can buy it for you while you wait here.” He sounds worried that your post traumatic nerves might act up and calming you down in a crowded room is not easy.

You nod your head, “It’s been three years Jeno. Don’t worry. Jaehyun has never eaten that cake for three years! He did not want to go there. I guess my brother is more traumatized than me. I also want that damn cake.” You already stand up and grab a jacket. Without his help, you’re already good in dressing up. If you wear glasses, no one will know about your condition. The fractures healed perfectly, your face is still as pretty as one can be, it’s just that your eyeball did not spark life in them.

Jeno sighs, he can do nothing if you’re this persistent. “Okay, but please just this time hold my hands okay?”

You nod. Usually you ask Jeno to just walk beside you a several step behind, just to guard you. You’re good in walking with the help of Goldy. You never want to be a burden, although Jeno repeatedly tells you he doesn’t see you as a burden.

The tall man also takes his jacket and wallet. He stands by your side, gives his arm to you and you take it gently. Your right hand is holding Goldy’s leash and with Jeno by your side, three of you make your way to the bakery.

“Nice weather, it’s not crowded eh?” you ask when you feel the gentle breeze and rather quiet sound of the road. Usually this road is busy but not at the moment.

“Yes, I think it’s not the rush hours yet. We should hurry before it gets crowded. Hold on tight we’re crossing the road.” Jeno looks right and left. When he feels your grip tighten, he smiles to himself as he crosses the road with you carefully. Finally, you’re not as stubborn as usual!

You step into the store and automatically a smile comes to your face when the fragrance smell of sweet fresh baked pastries tickle your nose. “Hmmm this is yummy! We should consider living next to a bakery Jen!” you excitedly squeeze his arm you’re still holding on to and Jeno just smiles at your remarks.

“Do you want to sit down? I can order you a tea while they customize the cake.” Jeno asks, you deny it saying that you just want to go back quick before Jaehyun did.

So, after you do your ordering and finished the payment, Jeno only has to help with writing down the customized message. After 15 minutes, the box is set in Jeno’s right hand while his left hand is occupied with your firm grip.

You enjoy the short walking distance, simply enjoying the light breeze of the gentle wind and stopping for a moment to inhale the different smell in every block.

With your sharp nose, you know when you’ve passed by the coffee shop, the flower boutique, and your favourite Pizza place. You’ve ordered food for dinner and they’re already in your kitchen, you just need to reheat it.

Jaehyun drives his car back home, it’s a wonderful day. He got promoted thanks to the successful product launching his team did last month and today is also his birthday. Although a small part of his heart still grief over his own sister’s lost of sight on his birthday, he always try to cover that guilt because you’ve been repeatedly telling him not to bother it. He doesn’t know what he did in the previous life to actually deserves a really sincere and kind sister like you. That is also why Jaehyun loves you with all his might and heart.

He steps his foot into the comfortable apartment he shares home with his sister, and a trail of laugh echoes through the room when he sees you and Jeno holding a cake with a well decorated place. Jeno rushed his décor, simply putting on Happy Birthday Jaehyun balloons and draping a golden curtain over the bare walls.

“Happy Birthday Jaeeee!!” you scream on top of your lungs and open your arms wide. Jaehyun picks you up in his hug and turns you around, “Thank you! And you too Jeno!” he pats the younger’s shoulder.

“Blow the candles!!” you clap your hands and Jaehyun did what you say. He wipes a tear that escapes his eyes but quickly covers it up with a smile. He secretly wishes so that your smile will always be this wide and he wishes to experience more happy times with you.

“Both of you don’t have to do this you know,” Jaehyun says after putting the final heated up dish on the dining table. Although he is the one having birthday, he didn’t want you to set the table up. So, here you are seated on your chair, with Jeno on the other side.

“She insisted.” Jeno snickers.

You swear if he is on your side right now, you’ll slap him. Lucky he is far from your reach.

“Can’t you just be thankful hyung?” you roll your eyes and hufth.

Jaehyun lovingly ruffles your hair and kisses your cheek “Araseo, Thank you sweetie and you too Jeno! Thanks for dealing with this super annoying princess.” His tone sounds playful and you laugh at it.

“Jeno is whipped for me, he won’t bother having to take care of me all the time. Right Jeno?” you ask him this as a matter of keeping the spirit up. It’s as if you’re only playing around to Jaehyun’s joke but deep inside your heart… you did wish Jeno will want to take care of you til death takes you away from him.

“Stop that (y/n)! You’re making him uncomfortable,” Jaehyun mumbles as the three of you start digging into the dinner.

Jeno just laughs along, he is used to the two of you teasing and bickering with each other. He loves witnessing this and being in it. He loves the warm feeling of being “home” whenever you are around. “Tell him the truth Jeno! Did you hate me for being annoying?” you suddenly feel a bit sad to ask him this. What if Jaehyun is right? What if Jeno is actually tired of you? Afterall he can get way better and prettier girls. Why did he stay with you if he doesn’t like you. You used to ask yourself that when you feel lonely at night.

Jeno looks into you and into Jaehyun. He somewhat senses you feeling down about asking this and that hurts his heart. After glancing at Jaehyun, and receiving a nod from the older brother. Jeno finally answers your question.

“You’re not annoying. Even if you are sometimes, you’re my annoying princess. Look, don’t be sad… I’ll never leave your side okay?” Jeno reaches his hand out to take yours into his. He gently take your palm into his and his thumb strokes your palm calmly. Sending a reassuring feeling to you.

You feel your cheeks burning and your stomach bursting with butterflies. Your heart can explode right now, with this soft touch of Jeno and how his sure answer ends all of your silly scenarios.

“You will never leave my side?” You echo back to him.

Jaehyun winks to Jeno and secretly leaves his chair. You snap your head to the side (luckily the right side because Jaehyun is on your right) “Where are you going?”

Jaehyun mumbles a quick excuse, “Needed to call someone for work, just remember… sorry it’s urgent, go continue without me.”

You return your head to face Jeno and the young boy is already thinking of his next line.

His thumb caresses your hand again and you love that sensation.

“So, to answer your previous answer... I love you (y/n).” his sincere honey deep voice sooths your ear and a warm sensation envelopes your heart.

“I love you and I will never leave you. I’ll be by your side just like now, until forever. Don’t feel bad for needing my help, I’m always happy when I can help you. Instead, I feel sad when I see you trying to do everything by yourself… It’s like you didn’t want my help.” Your bestfriend explains his own feeling to you.

You quickly shake your head, “Sorry Jeno, I didn’t mean to reject your help. Gosh, I’m just feeling like I’ve asked too much from you and that I should stop. It’s my fault.”

Jeno stands and moves to sit next to you, he brings a strand of hair away from your face clearing the view he loves and he wishes to wake up to every day.

“Don’t worry, I know you don’t mean it. Now, don’t hesitate to call me okay? I’ll be here for you.” Jeno gently touches your chin.

You nod and blush, “I love you too Jeno, it’s mutual.” You lean in closer, wishing Jeno can catch your signal and leads you to the thing you secretly put in your number one wishlist to do with Jeno.

He gets your signal, with a small smile the sweet man pulls you slowly into his face and as you tilt your head to the side, Jeno’s lips finally found yours.

It was fleeting but the sensation lingers for a while. You’re still busy controlling your heart beat when you feel Jeno already disappear from your side and Jaehun’s foot steps come into the kitchen again.

“So, what did I miss?” he looks into both of you, but judging through the red faces both of you have, he just lets out a small cough and giggles.

“Who’s ready for the desert? Cake is here!” he quickly takes the plates and cuts the cake into smaller portions.

You can successfully focus back on the dinner and continues talking around while enjoying the sweet chocolate mousse cake.

Dinner ends nicely, Jaehyun pushes both of you to the living room while he insists on washing the dishes with loud music blasting on his earphone. He is glad finally both of them come our to each other. He’s frustrated whenever he sees the clear mutual feelings both of you are trying to supress.

Turns out today is indeed a good day.

Jeno hugs you from the side when both of you sit at the sofa. He is cuddling you, who is sleepy from the filling dinner.

“Jeno, did you remember the question I asked you earlier?” you suddenly bring this topic up.

He hums, and holds your hand in his, “I did, I think I know my answer.”

You raise your brow, “What is it? Tell me.”

He steals a quick peck from your lips, “I’m going to find my purpose of living slowly with you by my side. We’ll explore new things everyday together, and when one day I really find my purpose, I’ll make sure you are there and you know it.”

You feel like all the chains and nightmares clinging into your subconsciousness is broken free. The insecure feelings of being less perfect is gone and you trust Jeno with all your heart that he loves you and he will not leave you.

You smile and run a hand on his jawline, “Then I will also hold your hand as I find my purpose in this life too. Thank you Jeno, for always staying by my side. I promise I will also be here for you whenever you feel like the world is against you.”

He kisses your knuckle of the hand that touches his cheek, “I know darling, now if you’re tired just sleep.”

You close your eyes and shifts your body until it is comfortable enough to hug him from the side while leaning into him. “Thank you and I love you Jeno.”

He whispers back, “Love you most (y/n). Sleep tight, sweet dreams” he pecks your forehead and stays until you’re asleep.

Tonight indeed is a good day for everyone of you!

end.

tell me what you think xD

XOXO, cosmic

74 notes · View notes

spade-riddles · 3 years

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Sorry mate TTA but I'm gonna need more cuz it's easy & convenient for you to say all that AFTER the fact. Hell any one of us couldve sent in that ask. Perhaps ur legit but I still feel like ur just another hater making up stuff to make us look stupid.

Anonymous asked:

And we should care, why, Tea Time Anon? I'm not seeing any reason to continue supporting those two women or to put any faith into what you say.

Anonymous asked:

I really really really hope that that teatime anon isnt giving us false hopes. Like im already at the edge, one more step and im out. But right now im taking 2 steps back and hang around… again.

Anonymous asked:

Well! It's a REALLY good thing for the girls that buying out of contracts is a thing, then, isn't it!

Because them doing it ASAP is the ONLY thing that will make it so that the number of people that will support them as a out couple ISN'T so low that you can count them on one hand! 😒🚬

Anonymous asked:

Yeah sure like she moved the re-release of her most successful and most anticipated album ever *at the last minute* because of Karlie. As if she was ever gonna incorporate Karlie while married to a Kushner (the divorce wouldn't have come right away). I used to believe so much in tta. But the timeline of events they describe doesn't make sense. Am not falling for the "pivot" excuse anymore.

Anonymous asked:

“I think you all may have guessed that a PR divorce was planned and cancelled because of his Instagram deletion and subsequent reactivation.” No offense to you SR, but this sounds really manipulative. Make us feel good for something we indeed were assuming to gain our trust in order to then excuse their inconsistencies. Also even if 1989 were to be released on May, Speak Now was never gonna be released in July as they had said. Too short of a rollout for 1989. Explain that TeaTimeAnon. 🤷‍♀️

Anonymous asked:

Renegotiate!? Come on. Nope. Taylor better carry on, cause that is bullshit if true. Hell nah. Karlie is ridiculous to keep agreeing to shit—and Taylor is ridiculous to keep going along with it. Nope. Sorry. 😏

I do feel like something was coming in May for sure. I'm not sure what's going on, but things are for sure off. And it is weird that she all of a sudden announces RED 5 months early after dropping 1989 merch. Cool, no problem, but a weird rollout.

Anonymous asked:

Uh why does KK need money from jerk if she has Taylor? The whole she needs his money thing which is why she’s staying is getting to be an old excuse.

Anonymous asked:

There's no way the jerklie divorce was scheduled for the end of May. The end of the contract maybe. But there's absolutely no way they'd be getting divorced 3 months after the birth of the baby. It would have drawn too much unnecessary attention.

Anonymous asked:

Lmao tea time is just saying what we’ve all been saying. They are NOT legit. Stop trying to convince us that they are. They sound like regular fans taking a guess. Enough

Anonymous asked:

Sigh. I am a long time Kaylor and I really don’t find 🍵 credible. There was nothing in that explanation that we haven’t already speculated about at length on here. Unless there’s some strong corroboration of why they’re a trustworthy source, I really don’t need anymore “tea”.

Anonymous asked:

I mean come on. Would a real insider reveal so many details about Karlie's contract which is STILL ongoing in a place that is HEAVILY monitored by Jerk's team? Are we really that naive to believe that someone is offering such precious info without any care? TTA is either a troll or worse... they're dangling fake hope again right when everyone has started saying how sick and tired they are and how pointless it is to still support them. TTA must prove themselves, or not bother us ever again.

Anonymous asked:

Some of what TTA is saying makes sense... But here's my big question: Is Karlie sad and blue every day for months like Taylor talked about in Hoax? Or is she willingly prolonging her contract, pushing Taylor's re-recording schedule, and making it harder to untangle her and her kid from the K*shners? Both cannot be true. I'm not a big Karlie fan rn, but I think it's the first option. Also, TTA said 1989 TV would drop 5/14. So K renegotiated and T pushed 1989 in under 2 weeks? I'm skeptical.

Anonymous asked:

… so a “PR divorce” was scheduled for May, but instead we get Karlie w Joshua’s mom walking the baby and Karlie posing for pics in their stunt apt and a Father’s Day post? Among other pap walks? Literally makes NO sense.

Anonymous asked:

If anything is worth staying tied to the K*shners when you had a chance to be free, I have no respect left.

Anonymous asked:

can someone clarify what the 3rd part of tta's message?? taylors sm, interviews have been messy? like no?? that was(is) karlie?? the only "mess" on her part are that she sent out clues for multiple albums, and even that I refuse to believe that such a meticuluous planner as taylor did not take absolutely every factor in consideration, especially one as big as jerk renemwing their contract or whatever exactly went down. here im assuming that jerk had the power to single handedly renew [PART 1]

the contract, and that the term 're NEGOTIATE' is used loosely, because what could the kushners possibly have to offer to karlie other than money- black, dishonest, taxpayers' money- even her rep isnt being helped by the kushners, so why would she agree to extending their stupid skit that no one signed up for? and taylor has more than enough money to last 7 lifetimes. and if jerk had the power to renew the contract without karlies involvement, there is just no way that taylor didnt [PART 2/4]

take that into consideration. Also, the 22 weeks and men's day thing is too perfect to be planned on a whim, but it is possible that like some anon had previously said, it was planned for 2022, so we can overlook that. but otherwise, there are only so many possibilities: 1. 1989 was postponed because karlie DECIDED to continue playing house with the kushners for money. in which case, either a) taylor supported her (seems unlikely but still possible) or b) they broke up because of this [PART3/4]

2. karlie and jerk are together for real and have a kid together and karlie refused to being a part of 1989 tv era because she doesnt want kaylor rumours again, which i agree would be unpleasant if she really is with jerk, taylor is or is not with joe, and karlies refusal caused 1989 to pivot, and all of us kaylors are delusional to think there is anything more between them. <PART 4/5>,

3. karlie is, infact, bearding with jerk but kaylor broke up a while ago and taylor doesnt want to relive 1989 tv so soon after her breakup because it would remind her of karlie. 4. they broke up sometime in the past and taylor asked her now ex to be part of the 1989 tv era and she refused. 5. tta is a fraud. these are really the only situations i think are plausible, others are free to add more and share your thoughts on these. <PART 4/5>

also, another thing that has me doubting the credibility of tta is how direct their messages are. there is a chance that spade is/was legit because they spoke the same language as taylor- one of codes and puzzles. but tta's messages are wayy too straightforward to be approved by taylor i think. so either, as another anon requested, show some proof, like maybe a single release date for red tv or something, or stop sending supposed "tips" <PART 5/5>

Anonymous asked:

Convenient that TTA shows up after Red TV has been announced. Taylor has been dropping hints about all her albums since before May. Red tv being next makes sense and there is Easter eggs and evidence that was the case. Also: if negotiations happened at start of May, why was KK dropping 1989 hints as recent as last week. It’s doesn’t make sense.

Anonymous asked:

TTA: What about Speak Now TV coming out on July 9th, like you said last time? That album has nothing to do with Karlie. Taylor said pretty clearly that the next album she's releasing is Red TV. So what's your explanation for Speak Now's release being pushed to some unspecified date?

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having-a-hyperfixate · 3 years

Text

Secret Reports

Gonna just edit this thing and put line breaks as I get more of them.

I’m also working on the rest of the completion, and will probably wander off in the middle of this to do Another Day, which will probably have its own post. I fully expect that to be sheer madness.

#1 So is it just me or is Mr H writing these reports to channel how extremely stressed he is. Cuz like. Mood. *gestures vaguely at blog* *gestures at this post specifically*

I. Hold up. Skeezy McFuckwad and Joshua did what resulting in which now. Excuse me. EXPLAIN!??! Joshua had a sneaky Game running with Skeezy that directly lead to Hazuki ordering Skeezy to destroy Shinjuku??? Is that what I am reading. Or possibly the order was already in the works, and then there was the Game, which ultimately just pushed that forward?? You can’t just say shit like that and not give details ffffffff.

#2 Mr H having about as much contempt for Shinjuku rules as I do I feel seen haha. Bogus indeed. I can’t remember if I said it in one of my other posts, of if it was in a group chat, but I made a comment somewhere how this ruleset doesn’t seem to work with the stated purpose of the whole Reaper’s Game system. Sweet validation.

#3 Not much to say except that if I had read this entire report when I actually got it, I would have been much more alarmed by all of the Replays Rindo has to do after that. I got it partway through week 3 but decided not to read it until I beat the game and then BAM it has this lovely tidbit about potentially being able to destroy the UG and RG.

#4 So, the business that the fandom refers to as the Long Game is known in universe by the higher-ups and Shibuya’s impurification, because it didn’t get ‘purified’ like Shinjuku (I object to that term but ok).

“The hierarchical freeze presumably stems from opposition to the impurification”

Skeezy wasn’t reprimanded when he arrived in Shibuya “possibly because most Higher Plane denizens still oppose Shibuya’s impurification”

ExcUSE ME. I. WHAT. In one of the secret reports for the first game, Mr H says something about the way things turned out be an ‘ideal parallel world’ according to the Angels. I guess he only meant the ones who didn’t want the city destroyed holy shit. That most of them didn’t want Joshua to change his mind and STILL DON’T is so massively fucked up I can’t. Dear Higher Plane, what the actual, ever loving fuck.

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#5 One hundred and four Games under Shiba. That’s… so. many. teams. Holy shit. And the teams we knew had seen at LEAST 30 teams go. And the three teams we saw weren’t small. So many people…

Also, “Minamimoto seems to be plotting something” is the funnies thing I’ve read in ages OF COURSE HE IS that’s what he DOES. XD That was some mood whiplash.

#6 I was so hung up on the lack of entry fee for so long you don’t even know. Like. Those were so important in the first one it was baffling to me that Shinjuku rules didn’t have anything similar. And then eventually I just decided that the whole Game wasn’t being run correctly and Shiba was clearly after something other than driving the improvement that’s supposed to be the point.

I would like more explanation on this ‘Rindo’s stagnation makes him perfect for time travel thing’. I kind of understand how his reactions being consistent would be helpful in being able to control where the timeline goes (also I just realized this further confirms that Angels remember the other timelines glad I wasn’t imagining that the Prime days are a blur), but what does he mean about being able to maintain abnormally high levels of imagination? (It might tell me later so don’t say anything lol)

“I can only hope I’m not overthinking things.” Oh, you aren’t. If I’m understanding everything correctly, Skeezy actually had two proxies. And poor Rindo managed to end up being proxy for both sides at the same time which is. A mess.

#7 Well, finally we know how Coco managed to get her hands on a taboo sigil. Plagiarism. Lmao. That at least makes sense and I can worry less about her being Something Else. I would like a word with whoever didn’t clean that up from Udagawa long enough for her to copy it though. That’s hilarious. Interesting that Mr H thinks it wasn’t a perfect recreation though, that something in him got changed. Once again, please elaborate. Please. *headdesk* What prompted Coco to just. Copy a taboo sigil though. Cuz that seems. Unusual.

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#8 Ok there’s a lot to unpack in this one. Namely, more Shinjuku rules. I would love to know if these are long standing rules or relatively recent. Cuz like. Did Shinjuku’s Game ever run in a way that would drive the kind of improvement that’s supposed to be the overall goal? Or has it always, or at least for a while now, been basically a meat grinder? The players that don’t clear that minimum bar probably just get erased outright, I would think. Actually, I’m confused. If normally, one team would get to leave and one team would be erased, wouldn’t that normally keep the average pretty level, so the Game would basically go on forever? Otherwise what do you do with all the other teams that are between first and last? I’m confused. It can’t be normal for teams to keep asking for more rounds. And what if the winning team says ‘everyone gets to go home’?

“The Conductor has yet to contact the Composer” and “it is possible he is unaware of the Higher Plane’s purification protocol.” I don’t know why, but I get the feeling these are important.

#9 These secret reports are really driving at the whole ‘Rindo just goes with it’ thing, aren’t they. Like, that was his thing, right? He has trouble making definitive decisions? So his arc culminates in that moment in Udagawa where he tells Hazuki that he’s going to take the risk and go back one more time, where he’s making that decision purely for his own sake. And here Mr H seems to be saying that prodding Rindo down the road to character growth is going to be a lot harder than it was with Neku back in the day. Which makes sense, I think. Confronting someone with the concept that other people have value is a lot less complicated than trying to get them to not only make a firm decision, but to choose something that is purely because it’s what they want and need, not because someone else thinks they should.

It’s a little alarming that this report implies that if the pin wasn’t absorbing the Dissonance caused by the Replays, the UG and RG would already be having a bad time. Yikes. This is the report for day 2 of the second week. We haven’t even gotten into the crazy time travel yet.

Aaaaand #10 is for completing the social network, so I have to actually go do Another Day. I want to read these in order; it is much less confusing that way.

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#10 I really shouldn’t read these late at night with a possible migraine coming on, they’re already confusing enough. The bits that made sense: Uzuki was acting Conductor damn girl. (Did she have to deal with Joshua and was he in Dignified Mode or Being a Shit Mode because that’s possibly an oof.) I had assumed Shiba was Shinjuku’s Conductor and then just kinda took over after they moved in but apparently not? And RIP the actual Conductor, apparently. Weird that so many Reapers made it but the Conductor, who by all rights should have, didn’t.

I am slightly concerned by the fact that there’s standard procedure for obliterating a district. That’s. Alarming.

I don’t think page 4 is continuing the thought on page 3. Fucking. Stop that. Don’t just say a thing and then start talking about something else I would like EXPLANATIONS. UGH. “Almost” he says. I’m going to go out on a limb and assume that almost is a big deal, so why don’t you tell me about it.

Four cases where a district got into trouble before a final decision on whether to reset or not was made. And one was the last game. I wonder if that means whatever was wrong that made Joshua want to destroy it, or if the ‘imbalance’ was all the madness that happened after he agreed to one final Game with Kitaniji and the left the UG. Cuz in one of the first set of secret reports, it says that with the Composer absent, the UG is starting to fall apart as the rules are no longer valid, or something like that. I would definitely call that an imbalance.

#11 All I care about in this report is that Mr H wants to have a digital art bonding party with Kaie and that is so random why are you writing this down you absolute goober. The first page of this report is like ‘everyone is getting depressed’ and then just a wild left turn into dork-town. Lmao what.

-------------

#12 I don’t think Mr H knows at this point (you get this report for W2D5’s Boss Noise) that the Ruinbringers are all Reapers. He’s gonna be mad. He does know what Shoka is up to though. He’s worried. Aw.

#13 It didn’t occur to me until this report hit me in the face with it, but they’ve set up a fantastic contrast between the two people Rindo knows from online. One is. not great, let’s say, because I did not take the reveal of Motoi’s true self well. The other is Shoka, and she’s a real friend. I now see what you did there. One relationship that’s a farce and one that really, really isn’t.

#14 Me, out loud, at 1:30 in the damn a.m.: WAIT. HOLD THE FUCK UP.

If getting Tsugumi out of Mr Mew required an Angel, how in the hell did Shiki manage to…? What. I’m very confused.

Also damn, saving Tsugumi was so important that Shinjuku’s Conductor died for it. Did he know what she could do, the whole visions thing? Or maybe that something was wrong with Shiba and it would take someone like her to potentially stop him in the future?

I still would like to now how the hell Tsugumi got her hands on Mr Mew. Especially since its apparently the ORIGINAL Mr Mew and she seems to have had him during the inversion? What.

#15 So… Inversions don’t always happen when a region is purified. I’m trying to wrap my brain around what a ‘complete loss of character’ in and area that’s had an Inversion could mean. Like… I think I get it, but my brain won’t make words, let alone sentences. Like when you go into a hotel room, and it doesn’t feel like a home, as opposed to when you go to a friend or family’s house, and it does? Kinda like that but it’s the whole district that’s just… blank? That’s kinda creepy.

If there are so many who think a ‘regular purification’ isn’t enough, the a) what does that even look like, b) is that what Joshua was going to do to Shibuya and c) is there an intermediate step between ‘normal’ and Inversion? I have been staring at this report for literally 15 minutes now.

#16 “I wonder how [Shiba] will feel about all this after he is allowed to return to his former self.” Yuuuuuup. I still Do Not Like him, but dude was borderline mind controlled so like. Yeah. And I did get to kill him once, so. As long as he minds his business and isn’t a total dick from here on, whatever. It all just sucks.

*facepalm* Well at least we got to being suspicious of Replay eventually. Why did it take you this long Mr H. Though I do wonder what Rindo would have been able to do without the interference. He had to have some kind of latent skill for the pin to react to him, right? I’m now going in circles mentally trying to puzzle out if Replay is like, a leveled up version of whatever Rindo would have naturally had, and regardless, where exactly it came from. Because the only time I can think of when anyone had a chance to mess with the pin was when he didn’t catch it in the prologue. And I’m pretty sure it was Joshua who picked it up. Aaagh I’m giving myself a headache.

I find it hard to believe skeezy would just yeet a random time travel pin out into the world. That seems both dumb as fuck and inefficient.

#17 “Some of them who know what I am occasionally try to contact me.” Lol so Kariya DOES know who Mr H is, I take it. Alright.

I’m having some kind of emotion that Wildkat still exists in a way for the Reapers, and that some of them still go there.

I just imagined Uzuki texting him like ‘plz make the Composer fucking do something kthx’ and I’ve got the giggles now oh dear

#18 HA! I was right! Minamimoto WASN’T in control when he attacked us! ‘Distortions within himself’ though, that’s concerning. Does that have to do with how he’s come back from the dead twice now? And how Coco’s copy of the sigil was apparently imperfect?

#19 I was about to say ‘who would target him for his abilities?’ and then my brain turned back on because duh. Shiba and them were looking hard for Neku, to the point that they flooded the RG with Player Pins in the hopes that he would pick one up and get sucked into the Game. A thing that occurred to me last night at 3:30 in the morning because I am a disaster: Mr H says that Minamimoto ‘seems different’. Neku says much the same thing after he comes back. So… Neku’s ability to Scan all the way down to someone’s Soul is potentially close to as sensitive as Mr H’s long distance ability. Which is a little insane. On top of the fact that he can use basically every psych imaginable no problem, survived a pact with a Composer for a full week, while said Composer was using crazy light beams which probably should have melted Neku from the feedback, and then almost singlehandedly defeated the Conductor while somehow inventing four-way fusion attacks. Kid is mad powerful. And he’s just a human. Like, the OG secret reports say that people always become dramatically stronger when they become Reapers. Reaper!Neku would be unstoppable.

“This would be much simpler if I could sit down and talk with him.” Okay, I laughed out loud. Like, loudly.

So… Shinjuku’s Composer… basically had his Conductor assassinated by skeezy. And because skeezy was messing with Shiba’s head, he could prompt Shiba to take the Reapers to Shibuya afterwards, to start doing it there too? Hazuki ordered Shinjuku’s purification so… Oh dear. I might have a few bones to pick with him.

OH NO. OOOOOH. OH NOOOO. SHINJUKU’S CONDUCTOR. HE WAS TSUGUMI’S BROTHER OH MY GOD. That is fucking tragic what the fuck. What the FUCK. Okay several things make sense now but OH MY GOD FUCKING HELL I WAS NOT READY FOR THAT. Shiki fixing Mr Mew allowed Tsugumi to free herself because her brother had already done part of the work, I take it? Along with us getting the Noise out of there? No wonder the Conductor stayed, he had to go get his sister… Shit, man.

…… Did Coco steal Mr Mew and take him to Shinjuku?????

----------------------------

#21 isn’t very interesting, just a rehash of stuff we already knew.

#22 Okay Haz IS Shinjuku’s Composer. What. Why? I’m. So confused. Why would he intercede on our behalf, and why NOW? He was happy to throw his own city away, but stepped in to stop skeezy in Shibuya? And then tried to put it back together, and when Rindo was miserable he came to try to understand why. And then cajoled Rindo into having a breakthrough in his Character Development to boot.

Mr H says he has an idea why Haz did all this. And then doesn’t fucking say it because OF COURSE. *headdesk* That gets really old really fast, game.

I’m now running through The Last Day’’ to get the final two reports and this entire section with Haz is somehow even more confusing with context. God damn it Nomura.

#23 Even after he said we were on our on this time, he forced the Soul Pulvis to reform as Pheonix Cantus to make it easier for us to fight? Bro. What. Are all Composers just… walking contradictions? Aiya.

Shoutout to emotional support Joshua at the end there lol. I remember half-hysterically thinking ‘what are you just here for moral support?’ but ok. And I mean, it did work, Neku did manage to do the thing, so. *sigh* Speaking of, it is ABSOLUTELY INSANE that Neku manage to sync with the entire city without his brain melting. Remember at the beginning of the first game when he scans for the first time and has a massive sensory overload? Look at my boy, all grown up.

#24 Holy shit world building on how exactly people come back to life without everyone freaking out. I never thought I would see the day.

I still have so many questions but that was always going to be the case. The first game had so many things it left open as well. Agh. Time to start wearing new holes in my brain overthinking things.

#let's liveblog: neo twewy #neo twewy spoilers #secret reports

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graylikethecolor42 · 2 years

Text

I posted 459 times in 2021

66 posts created (14%)

393 posts reblogged (86%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 6.0 posts.

I added 333 tags in 2021

#funny - 101 posts

#art - 46 posts

#star wars - 37 posts

#my art - 32 posts

#cryptidcore - 25 posts

#fanart - 22 posts

#frankenstein - 20 posts

#pfft lmao - 18 posts

#nonbinary - 16 posts

#halloween - 16 posts

Longest Tag: 109 characters

#this is the post that innocently showed up on my dash one day and sent me tumbling straight into dinluke hell

My Top Posts in 2021

My sister sent me this, and it reminded me of @tulipscomeinallsortsofcolors no self deprecation agenda so I thought I’d share

151 notes • Posted 2021-04-21 19:45:36 GMT

I’m almost scared to post this but…

It actually makes me really happy to see ldsconf trending! I feel like other people on social media talk about their religion and it’s fine and praised, but I’ve always been terrified to talk about mine.

I’m queer, and I’ve received more hate from other queer people for being lds than I have from lds people for being queer.

I don’t always agree with my church, but at its core it IS about love and acceptance. And finding out that there are other people like me, who have the same beliefs and are queer too? That honestly warms my heart. I’ve felt so alone for so long.

170 notes • Posted 2021-10-03 04:22:36 GMT

There are two kinds of dinuke shippers:

The people who think Din and Han don’t like eachother cause of the whole bounty hunter vs smuggler thing and also din is friends with Boba Fett

The people who think Han and Din would get along like a house on fire cause they’re from the same world and have similar moral codes and are both tired dads ™

They’re both valid and I love them both for different reasons.

177 notes • Posted 2021-04-19 20:40:37 GMT

Idk if people have already seen these but

These were scenes shown in a YouTube ad that haven’t shown up in the (free) episodes yet. I was thinking there was a conspicuous lack of my fav bird, and I’m excited for his debut.

306 notes • Posted 2021-09-13 17:43:17 GMT

My Favorite thing about Gravity Falls

My favorite thing about Gravity falls is that all the AUs it breeds could be canon, Because the show itself set up the multiverse. So that Reverse Falls? Transcendence? Monster falls? Relativity falls? An AU where the whole cast are Gnomes? They all could technically exist in the canon, just in a different dimension. Maybe Ford, in his travels, actually took a pit stop there. The possibilities are endless.

399 notes • Posted 2021-03-18 18:40:51 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

#my 2021 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #Lol crazy year #Felt like it was both forever long and super short #Cool to see the stats tho

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whitecatindisguise · 3 years

Text

Give Him A Chance To Mend

I'm alive, lmao. Took me long enough to update this story, and I hope this want to write is not temporary, and will last unless until I finish it.

Anyway, AO3 link can be found here, and the newest chapter is put under read more, to not spam the dash with long post.

So, enjoy.

Chapter 4: Raise A Little Hell

Varian and Quirin were working in the fields, when it happened. There was no sign, no way to prepare themselves. It took them both by surprise and left them wishing they didn't have to ever deal with it.

It started innocently. Adira and Hector left for training,while Varian offered to help his father with the harvest. They were nearing lunch break, when the two came back, wearing unrecognisable faces.

"Aunt Adira? Uncle Hector?" Varian called out to them, confused by their behaviour. He never saw that kind of expression on them, and didn't know what to make of it.

"Did something happen?" Quirin inquired from a little further, placing a pumpkin on a half-full cart.

"You could say that." The woman replied, pursing her lips together.

Varian observed the two and noticed a crunched paper held in his uncle's hand. He cocked his head to the side, wondering what's on it, already figuring out it must be the cause of their off behaviour.

"Well, neither of us is a mind-reader, so maybe you could tell us what's wrong." Quirin said, putting his arms on his hips. "Unless you want to continue this staring contest."

"Why our nephew has a wanted poster?" Hector asked. Both father and son blinked, not really registering the question.

"We were training in the woods, when we found this." The man unrolled the paper and a 14-year-old Varian glared at his older self from the poster. Oh…

"We missed one." The alchemist mumbled, more to himself than anyone in particular, but it managed to make Adira and Hector give him a weird look. He chuckled nervously and scratched the back of his neck. "I… might have commited treason once?" He said, attempting to make it sound like a joke and failing miserably. It was only partly worth the bewildered faces of his aunt and uncle.

Quirin sighed and picked up the cart, wheeling it towards the shed.

"Let's go inside. It's a long story." He said. Hector sputtered.

"You knew?!" He screamed.

"Can we talk inside… please?" Varian asked, looking deeply uncomfortable. The two Brotherhood members shared a look and nodded.

"I expect to be explained everything, nephew." Adira said, as he led them back to the house.

"Oh joy…" They heard his response.

It took ten more minutes for them to get settled in the kitchen, Quirin insisting he prepare mugs of hot cocoa. For grounding, he said. Neither of his siblings questioned it, but they did exchange confused glances.

Finally, they all sat down around the kitchen table, Varian picking nervously at his gloves, Ruddiger curled comfortingly around his neck.

"So… treason?" Adira spoke up. Varian sighed and straightened up, curling his hands around his mug.

"Let me start from the beginning." He said. Adira nodded, Hector remaining silent but attentive. "Six months after Princess Rapunzel was brought back, and two days after the failed coronation, she and Cass..andra came to Old Corona in search of the great wizard. "He made quotation marks with his hands and put them back around the mug. "which was how people used to call me, since they didn't know anything about alchemy and thought what I was doing was magic. Anyway, the Princess wanted to ask about her hair which magically reappeared, I tried to help but couldn't come up with anything specific. Then her boyfriend arrived, I told him about my water heaters, which were highly unstable back then, and long story short, they blew up and the Princess and her entourage left while I stayed to clean up the mess. Then we met at the Science Expo few weeks later, I asked Cassandra to be my assistant, she agreed but stood me up later, that's not really important and now it seems I'm rambling-"

"Drink some hot cocoa, son." Quirin helpfully suggested. Varian nodded and took a few gulps, exhaled slowly and continued.

"Anyway, after the expo I showed Princess the black rocks that grew outside the village, and she asked me to research ways to get rid of them, promising we'll get to the bottom of this together. So, in secret and against dad's orders, I've spent next weeks studying those rocks, trying to find anything to make them stop growing, or, better yet, get rid of them entirely. At some point, when the village was almost completely overrun, me and dad travelled to the capital to ask the King for help. I wasn't allowed inside the throne room, but I overheard dad lying about us having a good harvest and needing more land to store all the crops."

Adira and Hector both looked surprised.

"Quirin lying?" The woman asked.

"It was a code." The man quickly explained. "I didn't want everyone to panic about what was happening. My words actually meant we need a place to move to until the situation is taken care of."

"But, of course, I didn't know that, so I lashed out at dad, he lashed out at me, then the Princess came and I told her what's going on and she, yet again, promised to help me once her parents will be back from their anniversary trip, during which she was to act as a Queen." Varian added. "But then everything went downhill. Dad caught me during one of my experiments on the rocks and we had a fight about secrets and such. I didn't notice one of my solutions spilling on the rock, but dad did. He pushed me away and got stuck in amber, me running to the capital to get Princess' help. At the same time, an enormous snowstorm hit, which later I learned was caused my Zhan Tiri herself. Anyway, I managed to get to the castle, but as I begged for help, the Princess refused, saying she had to stay and help the others, and I was thrown out into the storm."

"You were what?!" Hector screamed, standing up abruptly, his chair falling to the floor with a loud clatter.

"Sit down and drink your cocoa, Hector." Quirin ordered. "You getting angry now won't change what happened."

"And you're fine with this?" The man questioned angrily.

"I had the same reaction as you did when I found out." The farmer replied calmly. "The matter was resolved long time ago. There is no need to dwell on it."

"They threw a freak-"

"Language."

"A teenager, my nephew, in the middle of the snowstorm!" Hector finished, fuming. "And you expect me to not get mad?!"

"Let Hairstripe finish, Hector." This time it was Adira who spoke. She looked as collected as ever, but Quirin knew her long enough to know she was just as angry as her brother.

The green-eyed man grumbled, but picked up his chair and sat down, crossing his arms and mumbling under his breath.

"A-anyway" Varian continued. "I ran back home but I was too late, dad already fully encased in the amber. I worked day and night, trying to find a way to save him. At some point I've found a hidden chest in his room, full of armour pieces, weapons and a piece of the scroll with a drawing of the sundrop, the black rocks and some weird language. Took me some time, but I finally managed to decipher it enough to know the Sundrop might be the way to end all this. Oh, and in the meantime, the King apparently decided I know too much and sent royal guards dressed in masks and coats to make sure I don't tell anyone. The rest of the village moved to the new land long ago, so nobody was around to stop them. I called the Princess to the village, using a lantern with a tied letter, to find the scroll which I hid in my lab. I wanted her to see dad, see why I was doing what I was doing. Then, a week later, I came to the capital to meet her in secret, because somebody spread a rumour I attacked her on the day of the storm and people didn't really like me walking around anymore. I managed to persuade her to sneak into Royal Vault with me and stole the Sundrop Flower. But, it turned out its power was long gone, moved to the Princess instead. So, I devised a new plan. I built an army of automatons, used alchemically-turned monster Ruddiger as a distraction and kidnapped the Queen, all to get the Princess' attention. And, of course, she came, along with the citizens of Corona ready to fight the dangerous alchemist of Old Corona. I made her use her hair to try and free dad, but when that also failed… I snapped. I went total rampage, and even tried to kill Cassandra and the Queen. I was only stopped when the Princess touched the black rocks, which blew up and impaled the automaton I was controlling. I was arrested and the Princess went her merry way, on a journey following the black rocks."

"I've seen the aftermath of the battle before but I didn't realise…" Adira seemed genuinely shocked. "It was you?"

"Turns out being left without adult supervision and having someone promise help and then back out when they start to feel uncomfortable does that to people." Varian shrugged, but they could see he was ashamed of his actions. "Or just to me."

"Is this true?" Hector looked at Quirin for confirmation. The man nodded.

"The Princess confirmed it." He said.

"Wait, the Princess went to the Dark Kingdom…" Hector looked like he didn't really want to hear an answer to his question, but he asked anyway. "What happened to you?"

"Prison." Varian replied darkly

#give him a chance to mend #varian #quirin #adira #hector #brotherhood family #sorta recap chapter #a.k.a. Adira and Hector find out what happened in season 1 #kitty mom writes

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bonsaiiiiiii · 4 years

Text

100 Weird AU's? Yes.

So, I had these AU prompts on my phone for quite a while, and I was actually thinking about using them. And what better way to do it than using them with the Tracy's?

Reading and reading these prompts again (and under the gentle guidance of @willow-salix ) I thought that these prompts doesn't exactly match the brothers' everyday situation, but what if we push it past its limit? Yes, biting more that you can chew can be a little difficult, but I don't think it will be impossible. And that's where this challenge is born!

Get the Tracy's out of International Rescue's bubble and let them live an everyday situation as normal people! They can also be medieval nobles or even futuristic robots, the choice's up to you! You can choose from soo many things others don't even think about (and not even me, for a while)!

Many thanks to @tag2060 for the cover and @willow-salix for the support (both emotional and 'fic-ical'. I love both of you💚

NOTE: THESE PROMPTS AREN'T ALL MINE. I TOOK THEM FROM A GIRL I'M NOT IN CONTACT WITH ANYMORE, BUT I WAS TOLD I COULD USE THEM. ALL CREDITS FOR THESE AU'S GO TO HER, WHATEVER IS HER NAME (lmao). THE GOLD MARKED ONES (7, 11, 20, 23, 39, 47, 63, 64, 70, 83, 89, 91, 93, 96, 100) ARE ALL MINE, IN SUBSITUTION OF A FEW THAT WERE THERE, SO CREDIT FOR THE GOLDEN MARKED ONES GOES TO ME, BUT NOT EVERY ONE OF THEM.

NOTE²: SOME OF THE PROMPTS CONTAIN STRONG THEMES, LIKE DEPRESSION AND SEXUAL CONTENT. IF YOU'RE SENSIBLE TO THESE THEMES, DON'T DO THEM, NOBODY FORCES YOU IF YOU DON'T FEEL COMFORTABLE.

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ:･ﾟ✧(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ:･ﾟ✧(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

To participate in this challenge, all you have to do is take one of the AU prompts from the list, one or more (or all) Tracy characters, and post your fic (can be a ficlet, or a series) under the tag #100weirdTracys and #100weirdAUs.

If you don't want to participate, please don't harass/bully me. I made this challenge just for fun, and I don't want for it to feel like something bad. In fact, I don't even regret doing this thing, even if it's strange.

Ah, I almost forgot: this challenge will be over in December, so you have 4 months to choose a prompt and make a fic about it. On December I'll review all the fics, but I'll always be reblogging and reading during these 4 months lol.

If you want to tell me something, hit me up on DM's! I hope you have fun with those prompts and those bois!

(づ￣ ³￣)づ(づ￣ ³￣)づ(づ￣ ³￣)づ(づ￣ ³￣)づ

TO RESUME:

• Swearing is allowed.

• You can write as many words as you want!

• Oc's and muses can pop in too!

• Make sure to tag your fic(s) under the '#100weirdTracys' and '#100weirdAUs' tags, so that I can find them easily.

• Always tag or contact me if you need help with anything! I'll be more than glad to help you!

• If you decide to do the mature prompts (19, 90, just to state an example) please refrain from using a too mature language and don't go further than making up. I don't like that kind of language, so it would be peachy to just avoid writing so they make wild sex behind a bush. Any kind of very mature fic or language won't be read by me, I'm sorry. You can still use those prompts, but don't work their bed life too much.

• Any dialect or first language apart from english is more than welcome in this yard! I would love even to read snippets of foreign language in fics, as long as there's a translation near it, but you're not forced to write in another language. If you don't feel comfortable doing it just don't do it, even if I'm telling you. (For the record, I love Irish so much I could listen to a person speaking this language for hours and you won't hear me complaining).

• I will accept this challenge in whatever form it takes, be it a fic, a drawing, a song, etc. I’m open to anything and I watch everything that comes before me!

φ(．．)φ(．．)φ(．．)φ(．．)__φ(．．)

That said, you can find the prompts down here:⬇️

#1 I saved you from drowning!AU

#2 I broke into your house at two in the morning because I was drunk and I thought it was my house!AU

#3 I am a door-to-door seller please buy something!AU

#4 I grabbed the wrong luggage at the airport!AU

#5 I know we hate each other, but a wedding would be more convenient for both of us!AU

#6 I accidentally poured you a love potion!AU

#7 I sent you 12 messages but you left me on read!AU

#8 I am your secret admirer and I leave you anonymous cards!AU

#9 Sorry, but I was first in line!AU

#10 We don’t know each other but let's pretend to be together because someone is bothering me!AU

#11 We pack up to do a funny trip but we end up in Bolivia without fuel!AU

#12 Locked in quarantine and we're bored! AU

#13 I do everything to find out the identity of this superhero and you try to mislead me because it’s really you!AU

#14 I got into a taxi just to find out it was already occupied!AU

#15 I called the wrong number!AU

#16 I got into the wrong car OMG I'm ashamed, but while you’re there why don’t you give me a ride!AU

#17 I found a wallet and my business is to find the owner and return it!AU

#18 I am a street artist and you complain that I play in front of your house at night!AU

#19 I caught you watching porn!AU

#20 We're two strangers that start chatting while waiting for the bus!AU

#21 Nosy and sloppy roommates!AU

#22 Old childhood friends who come back after years!AU

#23 I got shot to the arm/leg but you're there to save me and OMG ILY!AU

#24 We’re sitting next to each other on a plane and please don’t throw up on me!AU

#25 We accidentally switched phones!AU

#26 We are both contestants in a reality show and let's pretend to be together because the audience will ship us!AU

#27 I am a wedding planner and my ex’s wedding had to happen to me!AU

#28 I learned sign language to communicate with you!AU

#29 Professional model and novice photographer!AU

#30 Sorry I ran you over!AU

#31 We make out and then I find out that you are my roommate’s boyfriend!AU

#32 I’m quoting aloud the last book of a series and I’m spoiling you!AU

#33 It is a universally acknowledged truth that a bachelor with a large fortune must be looking for a wife!AU

#34 I am a Partisan and you are a fascist!AU(Italy during World War II!AU)

#35 I am the blood of the dragon!AU (Iron Throne!AU)

#36 Your dog is hitting on mine!AU

#37 I’m depressed and I decide to call a hotline!AU

#38 You are my soulmate but I am in love with someone else!AU

#39 Strange encounter at tattoo shop!AU

#40 On my mark, unleash hell!AU(Roman Empire!AU)

#41 I am an Elf, don’t look at me for ears I am ashamed of!AU(The Lord of the Rings!AU)

#42 Maybe my life should be more than just survival!AU(The 100!AU)

#43 I am an activist and I am trying to convert you to the cause!AU

#44 We are occupying the school but you are a spoilsport!AU

#45 All our friends are drunk and we're not!AU

#46 We’ve been together for three months and now you’re telling me you’re a werewolf!AU

#47 X has to go into a rocket to the moon and Y has to train X!

#48 Knight in shining armor and damsel in distress!AU

#49 We reluctantly team up against the zombie apocalypse!AU

#50 I’m a vampire and your smell is driving me nuts!AU(Twilight!AU)

#51 Monsters have attacked the Earth and the only way to save humanity is aboard giant robots piloted by two people who must maintain a mental union!AU(Pacific Rim!AU)

#52 My timer stopped as soon as I saw you!AU(Soulmate!AU)

#53 I need a lawyer and you are the best!AU

#54 I’m a Viking and I plundered your ship!AU

#55 I’m a classic dandy from the Regency Age and you’re just a silly girl from the lower middle class!AU

#56 I’m a policeman and you’re an intrusive journalist and I really shouldn’t give you any information about the new murder!AU

#57 You are a wannabe actress and I am a theatrical director who is losing patience and health!AU

#58 Due to a computer error, X and Y become college roommates!AU

#59 X wants to see the world of Y, how he lives and what he usually does, and ends up spending a night in prison!AU

#60 I attend the yoga course just to watch how flexible the instructor is!AU

#61 I am a bounty hunter and you are my prey!AU

#62 I am a secret spy and pretend to be your friend only to get information about your father!AU

#63 I discuss with you about a thing but you have in mind another!AU

#64 We are forced to be best friends just because our moms were best friends too but you're too bossy for me!AU

#65 We broke up but I never changed emergency contacts and now I’m in the hospital and they called you!AU

#66 I am an angel and you are a demon!AU

#67 I hit you on the balls during a game of paintball and oh my god I am so sorry!AU

#68 We live in a dystopian world where your partner is chosen by society!AU(Matched!AU)

#69 I’m a dragon trainer I’ll prove to you that they are peaceful creatures!AU(Dragon Trainer!AU)

#70 Date at japanese restaurant!AU

#71 You’re a cheerleader and I’m a punk and we live in two different worlds!AU

#72 I was a zombie and I was "re-animated" but you treat me like I’m still a monster!AU(In the Flesh!AU)

#73 I am your son’s teacher and I am calling to talk to you about his conduct, would he also come to dinner with me!AU

#74 I am an Achaean warrior and you Trojan and we are fighting the Trojan War!AU

#75 I met my asshole boss at the bar but I found out he’s pretty cool!AU

#76 It was not my intention to touch your ass, it’s just that the bus is crowded, it’s not my fault ok!AU

#77 I went fishing and accidentally fished a mermaid!AU

#78 I just committed a crime and I need to use you as a hostage!AU

#79 You’re the bastard who always parks in front of my door and in spite I’ll scratch your car!AU

#80 I accidentally went back in time and fell in love with you, too bad you’re a barbarian!AU

#81 I urgently need you to fix my computer but please don’t judge me for my chronology!AU

#82 I work on the cruise ship where you are spending your holidays!AU

#83 I'm out in the rainstorm without an umbrella because the weather forecast was sunny!AU

#84 I hugged the wrong person from behind!AU

#85 Celebrity on the run and ordinary citizen confused!AU

#86 Stuck in a ranch cleaning horse poop but it doesn’t matter because that cowboy is a badass!AU

#87 We got married in Vegas, but we’re total strangers!AU

#88 But, officer, I wasn’t doing anything wrong, I was just smoking a joint, want a hit!AU

#89 X is an astronaut and Y is a weird but funny alien that likes to scream, overreact and laugh!AU

#90 I slept with you for a bet but I loved it and I’d like to keep seeing you!AU

#91 I reveal to some friends that you wear boxers/underwear with green aliens on them but you're behind me and oh gosh total shame!AU

#92 Oops I accidentally entered a busy dressing room!AU

#93 You're a stranger but I keep crossing paths with you and I'm kinda confused right now!AU

#94 X is a medium and Y a ghost!AU

#95 X is a guardian angel and Y wants to die!AU

#96 X accidentally enters in a cat and Y has to rescue it from up a tree!AU

#97 X risks losing the house because Y’s company wants to buy the land!AU

#98 I’m an artist and I need a model do you want to pose for me!AU

#99 I’m not really sick but the new doctor is so beautiful that I found out I have a disease with an unpronounceable name!AU

#100 A strange job application!AU

φ(．．)φ(．．)φ(．．)φ(．．)__φ(．．)

If you find them more practical, I also have some photos down here with all the prompts organized:⬇️

That said, enjoy! Hope it brings you joy and makes you happy while you do it!💙💚🧡💛❤💜💖🖤

#100weirdTracys #100weirdAUs #Thunderbirds are go #ThunderChallenge #Scott Tracy #Virgil Tracy #John Tracy #Gordon Tracy #Alan Tracy #oc's #muses #fic #drawings #first challenge ever!#enjoy!

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bitterxweetencounters · 3 years

Text

The saga continues..

Navigating through life as a single 25 y/o has been..interesting. Although my love life remains non-existent, I will say I’ve had a few encounters in the past month or so which may be worth revisiting.

So two different guys messaged me over Facebook messenger. One was saying hi, and asked from which local I’m from, saying he saw me in a YouTube video (I think it was the CFO News one) where I was featured in, and then proceeded to send me a screenshot of me talking. I clicked on his profile and the guy looked like he was 14 - or 15 years old at most. He was inc alright, but too young for me. And also seemed too filo. Lol. We weren’t Facebook friends so I just left his message “unseen”.

The second guy messaged me after seeing me at our last online Meet & Greet, around a week after he added me as a friend on Facebook. He proceeds to start a conversation with me by asking me how my sister’s food truck business was going. Which I honestly thought was weird at first, but after talking to some people about it I guess it kind of makes sense since that’s all I post about on my feed. Lmao. I didn’t recognise the guy so I thought he was just some random inc person. He also looks kind of old and already married. He gave off major Dad vibes so I kept saying “po” to him. Loooool. Long story short, he tried to keep the conversation going and quite blatantly hinted that he was interested in me. But the feeling wasn’t mutual. I didn’t know the guy enough, and I didn't feel any attraction towards him from what I could see on his Facebook profile. I know its pretty superficial but you know how you just get a vibe from someone’s social media profile of the kind of person they are? Yeahhh, I really wasn’t feeling it with this guy. I showed his profile to one of my girl friends and they agreed we wouldn’t look good together. She said he’d look like my dad if I stood next to him. Which I found hilariously true.

With lockdown ending and covid restrictions easing, I’d been able to go out and catch up with friends. One of them was a guy friend from high school. Now before I go on about the catch up I should explain how we ended up catching up in the first place. I hadn’t spoken to this guy in years ‘cause we sort of drifted due to differences in lifestyle and new friend groups. Just the normal kind of drifting typical after high school. So anyway sometime last November (if I remember correctly) I was at Glen with a group of friends after we finished donating blood earlier in the day. We were standing outside a boba shop after buying some, when I felt someone staring at me from the distance. I look - and its my guy friend sitting down at a table with his friends outside the restaurant adjacent to us. Just as I caught his gaze, he looks away. Now before I go on even more, I should also mention that me and this guy sort of had a thing in high school..? He may have asked me to be his girlfriend but I may have rejected him saying that I wasn’t ready for a relationship ‘cause “I didn’t feel like I was ready” but that I thought he was a cool guy and all etc. I never told him (or even any of my friends) how I really felt about him, but I actually really liked him too at the time. Buuuuut, I knew we wouldn’t work out for a number of reasons. Which is the real reason why I rejected him. I wanted to save both of us the heartache to be completely honest. So back to the accidental encounter at Glen. I was actually so happy to see him. I walked over to him and his group of friends and said hi to him/them. He stood up, gave me a kiss on the cheek and we hugged. He asked me what I was doing there and I told him it was nice seeing him and went back to my group of friends. Later on that night I messaged him saying it was nice seeing him again and that I hoped all was well. We ended up talking for quite a bit over Facebook messenger after that and before you know it, we had a catch-up planned. So we decided that we would chill in the city for our catch up. My friend insisted that we drive to city, and that he was going to pick me up (mind you I am hella out of his way, on the way to the city). It was a heat wave of a day so I may have worn something backless, but nothing too crazy - a little out of my comfort zone, but very fitting for a Friday night at the city. My hair was curled. He called me saying he’s close by and arrives at my place quite on-time (but at the next door neighbours’ house actually lol so he had to reverse to get to me). I got in his car and we talked the whole time till we got to the city. Just caught up on things that have happened since we last caught up, who from high school we still hang with etc. One thing I did notice about him though, different to how he was from high school, was that this time around he seemed hella cynical/negative about people. Definitely filled with more pride, a little more aggressive than I remembered him to be. We had dinner at Shujinko, which is a popular ramen place in the city. He kept offering to carry my stuff for me, like my bag, my bottle of water. We walked around the city streets just talking about life, our past relationships, our heartbreaks. He told me he hadn’t been that open with anyone in a long time and a lot of the things he was telling me he hadn’t told anyone else. He was quite touchy - playfully squeezing my shoulders here and there. Playfully squeezing the back of my neck and playfully had his arm around my neck (both were a bit concerning ‘cause they weren’t as gentle as I would’ve hoped but I tried to brush it off). We got crepes for dessert which we had while sitting down at one of the benches in front of the State Library. The bench was empty but he was sitting so close to me like there was limited space available. Lmao. We sat there talking more about our past experiences with love. It all felt quite romantic. The way we were sitting so close, the gentle summer night air, the buzz of trams passing by, the quiet murmur of laughter and conversation of the people laying on the grass around us. If you didn't know any better, you’d think we were a couple on a date. We joked about possibly bumping into my ex in the city and how we would react if it happened. We sat on the grass (he laid ‘cause his pants were too tight lmao) in the middle of Federation square, and even walked along the Yarra River. As we were going up the stairs to go back to the main street there were some dodgy looking guys that I felt were sort of creeping up behind me so I walked up really fast. He noticed this and told me to relax and not worry ‘cause he was there. This one really got to me and it felt really nice feeling like I was safe and protected. He paid for all the things we ate and stopped me from paying for anything if I ever tried to pull out my card. He let me pay for the parking though and told me I was lucky he couldn’t be bothered getting out of the car. It was funny ‘cause we were worried the parking place might have closed ‘cause we were in the city that late. But luckily it wasn’t. He also kept telling me he didn’t want me getting in trouble with my parents if it was too late in the night already. I kept insisting it was okay. On the drive home we talked some more and he asked me what I’ve learnt I now want in a guy or my ideal guy now. I joked to him that my parents might still be awake by the time I get home, and he asked me if I wanted to just cruise and drive around for a while. I said no but I appreciated it. When we finally got to my house, I remember feeling a little nervous ‘cause I didn’t know what to expect. He asked me if I had fun/a good night and I said yes. “See you in another 5 years?” We laughed. I was low-key hoping he’d say he would be down to see me again soon, but I knew better not to expect or suggest that. As I look down at my bag looking for my house keys, he comments on my hair and asks if they’re extensions. I told him they were real and let him feel it for himself. Yo when I say there was tension-. I kept my gaze down of course ‘cause I didn’t want to deal with having awkward eye contact with him or anything. I found my keys, said my goodbyes and sent him off home. After that, no goodnight message and the day after, no message again. But two days later, he messaged me again complaining that the bluetooth in his car won’t connect to his phone anymore ever since I used it. Our messaging continued again for a week or so, but then abruptly came to an end after an awkward trash talking sesh (don’t even ask).

Okay so maybe I had unresolved feelings for the guy. And yes that may have unintentionally been a date. It reminded me of all the reasons why I liked him in the first place. The chemistry was still there after all these years. Hell did we have chemistry. We got along seamlessly, always playfully making fun of each other, which was a lot of fun. He was so much of what I was looking for in a guy. I knew he was a good person at heart, had values, principles, quite a gentleman/chivalrous, not a player or f-boy (lol), seemed to be an honest person, could support himself financially, had the same sense of humour, hardworking - not to mention tall and had a bigger build than me (I hate feeling like I’m the more masculine looking one in a relationship to be honest). But for reasons, I knew there couldn’t ever be an “us”. Which sucks. It was a nice few weeks though of feeling like I was in love. It always is, till reality kicks in.

#personal #love

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ubcs-dump · 4 years

Note

Hell yes, tell us abt Mikhail. I bet you have a lot to say!

Short answer:

Long answer:

Okay so I will get real with all you guys on this one. I’ll start with a bit of a backstory with this because there is a reason why I love Mikhail so much.

!!!TRIGGER WARNING!!! MENTAL ILLNESSES AND SU*C*DAL THOUGHTS MENTIONED!!!

It was about 10 years ago. Imagine a 14 year old me, sitting alone in my dark room. My depression and various other mental illnesses are geting worse every day, they have been dragging me down for years now. I am living with abusive people who love to push me down even further, mocking me and bullying me even though they are considered my family. I was broken. I was in pain. The word ‘s//ui//ci//de’ has been clouding my mind for years now.I just picked up on Resident Evil through parodies of it on youtube. I watched someone play Resident Evil 3 Nemesis online because I remember that we owned that game but I was terrified of Nemesis on the box so I didn’t play it myself.Then I saw Mikhail, how he lay on the seats of the cable car. I could tell he was in pain and I felt deeply sorry for him. But it wasn’t a special feeling because I felt sorry for all the characters in the game. The person who played the game even mocked Mikhail for his looks. At first I laughed along but then there came a specific cutscene.And then Mikhail said something.Just one sentence.One line of dialoge.

It may just be a line of dialoge for most people. Some tiny bit of character developement sprinkled in for good meassure.But boy.I felt that.Suddenly I felt a deeper connection. It felt like I could see myself in Mikhail. He’s been through hell. He watched his men die in front of him. He is bleeding like crazy. He is in pain. Both mentally and physically. He’s expressing survivors guilt and it’s eating him up on the inside. When he said that line I literally teared up.I felt understood.And when he sacrificed himself to save Carlos and Jill, I cried. Hard. I cried because I was touched by his bravery. I cried because he deserved to live. I cried. Because I looked up to him. Without even realizing it, he became my role model. Mikhail is a kind soul, he is brave, determined, always trying his best, righteous, proud, a real team player and a wonderful leader. He is the kind of person I’ve always wanted to be.He quickly became my favorite character. I still watch all of the cutscenes with him every now and again when I need to hear his voice. I also sometimes browse his REwiki page just because I feel like it. When playing the Mercenaries minigame I always pick him.After meeting him I decided to keep going too. I can’t stop, no matter how broken and in pain I am. These wounds can’t stop me from fighting. I’ll keep fighting because I believe that I can get better if I just keep going. Fighting those demons off. Ignoring everyone who tells me otherwise. After all, I can’t stop just because I’m wounded.Also he is probably my biggest fictional crush ever lol. It’s been almost 10 years and I still can’t forget him and I still love him as much as I did on day 1.

Ever since then Mikhail has been a sort of voice of reason. When I’m feeling lost I ask myself what he would do in my situation. When I notice I haven’t eaten all day again, I’d imagine him trying to give me a pep talk. He became a coping mechanism and comfort character. I’ve been looking up to him for almost 10 years now, which is pretty rare when you know that I have tons of favorite characters that come and go, but he has always been my favorite Resident Evil character ever since that day.

I love everything about him. His backstory is tragic and herioc. He used to be an excellent soldier in the Russian SFSR before the Soviet Union collapsed. His wife was part of a minority who he fought for, causing him to be concidered a terrorist in the Russian Federation. After getting arrested he was approached by Umbrella. He agreed to join them but only if Umbrella does everything they can to ensure amnesty for his men.This just shows how much he cares for his comerades and loved ones. Mikhail joined a guerrilla organization to fight for the independence of the minority group his wife was a part of. He joined Umbrella, not because he himself wanted to be free, but because his men would be free.

I also really really like his relationship with Jill in the game. I could perfectly imagine them as very good friends. The way they talk with each other and how Jill tries to calm Mikhail down and helps and encourages him while also perfectly understanding the state he is in and the feelings and worries that are clouding his mind. I just love it and I demand fanart and fanfiction of a cute platonic relationship between these two. They are cute and precious.I sadly can’t say a lot about his relationships between him and the other members of the Operation-Jackal-Trio.Mikhail and Nikolai don’t interact at all. Which is bullsh*t because Capcom actually wanted them to be brothers and interact. That would have been an amazing addition. I want it back. My fav AU, hands down.Carlos mentions Mikhails name a few times (and by a few I mean two times). Once when explaining what happened and once when Mikhail got attacked in the cable car. I’m a bit sad we didn’t see more of them together. Carlos is certainly worried about Mikhails safety but I really wish they had expanded on that a little. I just wanted to see more interaction in general.

Mikhail also influenced my art. My nickname/pen name is Uby Victor. The ‘Uby’ part comes from the way you say the first two letters of the UBCS. And Victor isn’t hard to guess haha. Some people call me Victor too and I love it!! :3I also own an olive green beret in addition to my UBCS uniform. It’s just a prop and I guess just something I’ve always wanted to own haha. Now I just need to find a way to get the patch.I tried drawing him a few times but I’m an idiot and get flustered when I do so I usually stop before it’s even finished. I will probably never be able to draw him well haha. At least not with that attitude.

He’s also the reason I realized I have a soft spot for Russian accents. Even though Ben Campbell isn’t Russian, his accent is okay and I like his performance.

!!HORRIBLY HIGH LEVEL OF HONESTY AHEAD!!

I could probably rant even more about how much I love Mikhails personality. And his looks.

Have you seen those eyes??? That is one awesome dark shade of blue. Unrealistic I know but damn. I love them. And his golden hair. I wanna run my hand through it. And those arms. Mmmh. He could throw me across a football field with those and I’d say “Thanks, daddy, please do it again!”. He looks like he gives great hugs too. He’s like a big teddy bear, hence why I call him Mischka all the time haha. Also he is top notch soft daddy material. I’m not the only one with this opinion. Also his crotch. The bulge is big. Just take my word for it. Or take a look for yourself. His full body picture is at the top of this post. You have been warned.

!!HORRIBLY HIGH LEVEL OF HONESTY OVER!!

All of this is also why I do not like his R3MAKE version at all. The original RE3: Nemesis Mikhail means so so so much to me. I associate him with recovery. I look up to him and I basically owe him my life. So seeing him be changed that drastically in the R3MAKE just broke my heart. I will stick with the original because that’s the one I like the most.

I could tell more but this is already very long lmao

EDITED tl;dr: Thank you, Mikhail. You’ve helped me more than any living human being ever did. I owe you so much. You’re an angel and I love you.

~ Mod Uby

#UBCS #Resident Evil #ubyspeaks #mikhail victor #long post

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webscene-remade · 5 years

Text

gigantic homestuck liveblog post

hello. I hope to god that tumblr’s readmore function works across platforms because otherwise this may just be the worst thing I ever inflicted on anyone’s dashboard in the history of this hellsite

warnings for my pure, unadulterated opinions (including relentless character-hate for characters that I personally do not like), spoilers for literally everything, reading the epilogues in the most asinine order possible, and the same content warnings that were given at the beginning of the epilogues themselves

general thoughts: i liked some of it, didnt like some of it. the parts that i didn't like would have been more bearable if they literally weren’t painful to read. i’m of the opinion that, while things dont have to be daisies and roses all the time, i don’t want to have a completely horrible reading experience when things aren’t daises and roses.

other complaints: part of homestuck’s appeal is its amazing cast of girls, and they were severely under-utilized. also, i had to see gamzee again.

but, like i said. i liked some of it. a lot of it, in fact. i did think it kept with the spirit of homestuck in that it made me feel every single human emotion possible.

I had a lot of Feelings while reading, and if I went into all of them here, I might as well write out some meta to flesh out the 2.5 concrete thoughts I had while reading, but I’m not going to do that. instead, i’m going to dump my several-thousand-words of live reactions here so that no one has the patience to parse out what the hell i’m talking about. because I just spent a total of 21 hours reading this and I am so incredibly braindead.

MEAT 1

Okay I’m clicking on ‘meat’ first. I’m so scared LMAO I’m not ready for this.

Gross. This is already very upsetting.

MEAT 2

Lmao WHAT

FUCK. Dave this is NOT ALLOWED.

Homestuck is very very good actually

Alright I’m going to have to stop screenshotting every single thing I find funny or else I am never going to get through this

I Love You Dave Strider

This is so fucking weird to say and I have no idea what the psychology is behind it but reading homestuck always makes me weirdly ambitious…like reading about dave doing shit like making comics and motivating karkat to run for president makes ME want to do shit.

also the biggest mystery in homestuck is that people like jake English

MEAT 3

The fridge pops open and out roll Aranea and Gamzee. Gamzee honks and his codpiece jiggles ominously. Aranea staggers to her feet, looking rather pleased with herself.

Fucking gross.

JOHN PUNCHED ARANEA

Waaaaay back in the day “aranea gets punched in the face” was on my homestuck bingo card, back when we all thought the comic was gonna end after the gigapause or whatever it was called

Also is this going to be in fic form the whole time because if so I’m going to have a hell of a time concentrating long enough to finish this in one go

You wisely decide that this clown will lend nothing valuable to the narrative whatsoever if he is allowed to remain outside of your childhood refrigerator. You put both hands on his chest and shove him into the fridge where he belongs. He goes easily, issuing only a pair of weak honks in protest. You slam the fridge shut and resolve to never think about Gamzee Makara again.

Bye bitch

I know you’re going to be back soon but still

(also I skimmed the first few pages of the candy epilogue and it looks like gamzee might have some relevance in that one too. Homophobic if true.)

MEAT 4

Oh jesus fuck I just remembered caliborn’s stop-motion Claymation thing where all the kids die. And now john’s gathering them all up. This is going to fucking SUCK isn’t it

MEAT 5

Lmao

Jake can’t help but watch the motion, raking his eyes over the muscles shifting beneath the skin of Dirk’s neck and arms.

Calm your fucking boner dude

Also dirk is ripped apparently

With a casual flick of his wrist, Dirk snaps out a bright red tranquilizer handgun and shoots Jake in the neck. Jake’s glasses crack when he hits the mat.

What the fuck

MEAT 6

You wonder. Do you see these teen versions of your friends as “real”? Are you treating them, at Rose’s behest, as simple puppets? Doing your part to insist they fill friend-shaped recesses in an essential plan to stabilize all else that can be considered important, a distinction no longer applying to them? Do you care at all about whatever fate it may be that you are sentencing these children to? Are you becoming as complicit in the fatalistic evils of Paradox Space as Lord English himself? Are you becoming a monster, John Egbert?

MEAT 7

I Love You Rose Lalonde

Also, same old Dirk, huh?

Dirk & rose conversations are some of the best but. Dirk. Dirk. He reminds me so much of myself and I constantly want to shove him into a locker.

MEAT 8

I hate how much I love caliborn. Also I am Very Afraid.

MEAT 9

The blurry, distorted face of your laughing nemesis was the last thing you saw before the chest door slammed shut and plunged you into textual obsolescence.

And here, you are now stuck. You will not emerge from this holding cell, from an outside perspective, for quadrillions of years. It is not long at all until you begin to wish you had brought something to read.

Jesus Christ

Well. At least it’s quadrillions of years “from an outside perspective.” Hopefully it won’t be THAT long for them. Maybe like, an hour?

Also john you broke your glasses. How are you supposed to read.

MEAT 10

No, surely this must have been Dave’s idea. The kind of plot hatched from their little nest of mutually supportive, codependent, interspecies... whatever it was they had going on over there.

Jane is straight-up EVIL, I guess

This what capitalism does to you, folks

Also, karkat (true leftism)

MEAT 11

This is exactly what I expected when I realized john would be overseeing a group of teens

Would you tell them about Terezi...

For some reason her name feels like nails in your heart. Makes sense, you guess, cause there’s a lot of sharp letters in it. She had sharp teeth too, and sharp elbows. Sharp words. Terezi Pyrope was a sharp girl, and maybe what these sharp feelings are trying to tell you is you miss her more than you realized.

Do NOT talk about terezi in the past tense you fucking GOON

Also if I don’t see terezi again I will fucking riot

Me like 2 years ago

MEAT 12

Asfdhkajlfh

Jade you are NOT subtle

This is oppression

Dave and karkat HAVE KISSED MULTIPLE TIMES. I will not be convinced otherwise

Jade “didn’t think Obama was a real person” Harley

Also Dave “doesn’t think Jesus was a real person” Strider

Speaking of. Where is homestuck-is-a-sin nowadays

Jade will you please chill

but also. Marry me. dave and karkat are clearly not comfy with this, but I would be very comfy with it.

MEAT 13

> Be Vriska.

Oh fuck yes

Well, that didn’t last long. Bye, vriska!

Oh fuck

God this is all so intense. I feel like I should’ve read candy first

MEAT 14

Really, the only surprise is how long it took to happen. Jane is a beautiful lady, that’s for sure. She always has been, but she’s only grown more ravishing as she’s come into the full blossom of her womanhood. Smooth, silky skin... thick, dark lashes... full, feminine lips... not to mention curves like the dickens.

This is so hard to read lmao

Jake can’t stop thinking about dirk….ouch

MEAT 15

Roooooooooose

ROSE ):

Fuck jade too

This is going pretty much as well as could be expected

Just two bros…fighting lord English…everyone dying around them…

DAVEPETA

…v…vore

Great minds

Dave ): ): ):

There was no way that wasn’t going to happen but I am. Extremely upset.

The black hole—the gaping, implacable, cosmic embodiment of the dead cherub, his long-departed sister—finally welcomes Lord English home.

Yo I’m

It’s bananas that this webcomic still manages to have a monopoly over my emotions after all these years

MEAT 16

Oh fuck

Loving the aspect talk though

Rose’s eyes have grown distant, almost mirrorlike. Dirk can see himself reflected in her vacant stare.

Oh jesus oh Christ

Oh no

FUCK OFFFF

MEAT 17

All I’m thinking about is the narration about jake watching dirk’s rippling muscles

Dirk: I heard that Dirk has an 8-pack

MEAT 18

It’s been 3 hours and I’m only on meat 18

I need a fucking drink

MEAT 19

Jade’s got this disarming combo of head-in-the-clouds flightiness and the kind of legit, down-to-earth cred that can only be earned by having done something like cutting open your own grandfather and stuffing him full of polyurethane foam.

Why is homestuck so funny

I LOVE YOU ROXY LALONDE

Fucking same

MEAT 20

What is Happening

Will these motherfuckers Please Stop trying to remove the objects that are impaled in their chest

CALLIOPE????

I am actually astounded by the amount of things I retained from homestuck even though I haven’t quite understood what’s going on for like 6 years

MEAT 21

I missed her so much

I hate this stupid fucking webcomic

Please god kick his ass kanaya

MEAT 22

Fucking owned

MEAT 23

Kanaya PLEASE kick this fools ass

MEAT 24

TEREZI

I’M GOING TO GO APE SHIT

SHE LITERALLY HASN’T SAID ANYTHING YET AND I’M LOSING MY GODDAMN MIND

I’M GOING TO VOMIT

MEAT 25

…hmmmm

I’m actually almost tempted to do this?

Like I know it would make way more sense to finish reading meat first…BUT…

I’m gonna do it lmao

CANDY 1

At each fork in the veins, he supposes the leaf as a whole is making a certain kind of “decision,” to go this way or that. It certainly seems like one way of looking at a leaf, now that he bothers to really scrutinize one. It also seems to him, with just as great a sense of clarity, that not one of this leaf’s decisions ever mattered even the tiniest fucking bit to anybody.

Alright! Great start!

Hm! I don’t like this at all!!!!

Fuck gamzee lives

CANDY 2

Sensing that this is probably something he shouldn’t be seeing, he tiptoes towards Gamzee’s would-be sarcophagus as carefully and quietly as he can, and places his hands just above the thick aluminum hull. The moment John’s palms hit the fridge, Dirk turns to look at him. His head only moves an inch.

………what the fuck

OKAY SO…JOHN’S JUST GONNA…DROP GAMZEE ON EARTH C…THIS IS FINE

Oh what the FUCK is going on

I forgot how fucking headache-inducing gamzee’s quirk is

Literally this is almost impossible for me to read for some reason

She pats him on the back, nods very slowly, issues an “mm-hm” now and then. Only while he is distracted by his own sobs does she steal a glance at her phone, tipping the fact that she too wouldn’t mind if this redemptive soliloquy could hurry itself along.

I pretty much sound like a broken record at this point but. What the actual fuck.

Gamzee stans be like

John: *sends a picture of gamzee to terezi*

Me: Gamzee Is Not Allowed to Exist In The Same Narrative Space As Terezi

“HE”….

I just realized that the narrative isn’t in second person any more

I mean…I’m assuming we’re outside of ‘canon’. Like this isn’t the ‘essential’ timeline anymore, so things are…fucking wacky, to say the least

But even in the other timelines, shit isn’t this wack

And john seems to be aware of what’s going on

So like. What’s happening.

CANDY 3

At least dirk’s bitch ass is also sweating over all this

CANDY 4

Rose opens her eyes. She stares at the knob of her wrist and frowns. She’s not sure why this sensation should be concerning. It’s not like her memory is slipping away. She remembers the conversation she had with John this morning quite clearly. As she does the previous years of declining health, and troubled, obsessive thoughts about canon, dissipation, and other such abstractions. What’s slipping away instead is the feeling that any of it mattered at all.

I have. Very mixed feelings.

Like OBVIOUSLY I don’t want rose to continue to suffer existential dread but this feels like post-retcon all over again. Which is to say, everything feels off.

But. Post-retcon was, like, canon. And post-retcon (post-game over, really) is where I kinda stopped caring about homestuck as much as I had before

And perhaps that’s just me not “getting it” but. Oh well.

Fucking OUCH dawg

Rose and kanaya…damn son…….

They were my first f/f ship ever. Can you believe that? Can you believe homestuck?

CANDY 5

She retrieves one of her bras from where it’s hanging over the back of the couch. She starts changing it right there, doing that mystical sleight of hand girls seem to be born with the knowledge of, where the bra goes off and then on again without the shirt being removed.

Very unrelatable

Now THIS is relatable

Jade CHILL

I’ve always liked the idea of jadedavekat but this shit is not fun

Karkat fucking bit her afdhlfasdkfh what the fuck

Picsthatmakeyougohmm

CANDY 6

Yall are gonna think I’m evil for saying this but how on earth are there people out there who like Jake English

Okay I took a break to eat something after 5 straight hours of reading

I bet there’s people out there who have read this shit 3 times over but I take so GODDAMN LONG to read anything

And to think. I’m an English major.

Anyway back to it I fucking guess

That’s depression, babe!

I’m heterophobic now

Do I REALLY have to read another Jake-Jane makeout sesh. Do I really.

It turns out that I don’t. thank god.

But that was all still incredibly uncomfortable

CANDY 7

In the time that I was eating I managed to forget that gamzee existed. And now I am reminded. How unfortunate.

I do not often find myself agreeing with John and only John but. Here we are.

Also I am Not Down For johnroxy. Especially with how wack everything is.

Roxy DO NOT leave john alone with this literal clown

Oh fucking Christ

HELLO?? IS THIS ALLOWED???

CANDY 8

The,, hornographer,,,

There’s a third member of their social group who definitely hasn’t arrived at the conclusion that his power and influence should be meted out responsibly either. Neither of them speak his name, however. For some reason, it feels like a shadow passing over the sun. A brief spike of pain flickers through Rose’s head, a bolt that strikes between her eyes and splinters out. There is color and light behind it. A vision that tears through the material reality in front of her and gives her a brief glimpse into a parallel reality where things are very different.

Hm! Not great!

Yes, it would be very awkward

Also, don’t even fuckin g MENTION vriska unless I get to see her

Don’t think I haven’t noticed that this epilogue has been hellishly vriskaless

Like youre gonna make me see GAMZEE MAKARA?? GAMZEE??? WHERE’S VRISKA??

CANDY 9

Jade. Jade. Jade. Fucking CHILL, jade.

CANDY 10

Get you a girl who lesbian marries one of the two remaining eligible human females

Eyes emoji

He whips his head around to see... Dave? He’s running down the street, looking back and forth like a hunted man.

Dave: *is flirted with*

Dave: *books it to an entirely different time zone*

I Love You Dave Strider

Why on EARTH are you going to john Egbert for relationship advice, though

CANDY 11

Daaaaaaave ):

CANDY 12

This is the fucking worst

I hate this so much

CANDY 13

It’s obviously a robot, but it’s a complete mess. The form is feminine, but the head is still bald, and the face has no cover, revealing its skull-like interior. The body doesn’t have any proper protective plating yet, so it’s all a mess of wires and loose mechanical bits. Clearly a work in progress. But Dave can’t help but wonder what exactly it is that Dirk’s been working on here?

Then Dave notices the note. It’s carefully folded in the limp palm of the robot’s hand. His heart jumps into his throat, and something in his stomach drops.

Oh, no.

what the fuck is this fucking robot

Also did dirk fucking kill himself

CANDY 14

We’re back in the 2nd person now for dirk’s shit

What could you accomplish in a dead-end existence like this? There are no stakes. No meaningful challenges. No structures or themes—only residual chemical reactions in a dying brain, a physical system’s obligate compulsion to exhaust its own lingering momentum.

Literally me every time I realize that life isn’t a story and I’m not a character with a heroic arc

And like I get that homestuck has been thematically interested in...well…life not being a story. And I have a feeling that these epilogues are going to cement that, with all the talk of meta/canon. And I can already tell that I’m going to be disappointed with the lack of narrative resolution

Because like…life’s not a story, okay……………but homestuck is

Anyway this fucker is really about to kill himself isn’t he

Yep…jesus.

CANDY 15

Wow this feels INCREDIBLY shitty considering. That’s exactly what happened.

I am not Feeling Great my dudes

Dave’s got his suit jacket unbuttoned and pulled over Karkat’s head to shield him from the rain. Karkat’s the one talking—his caterpillar eyebrows furrowed, but his gaze soft. Whatever he’s saying makes Dave turn his face away, but Karkat winds a hand in his shirt and tugs him in, forces him to make eye contact. They both go still, seeming to finally realize how close their faces have gotten, how Karkat’s fingers are brushing down the length of Dave’s torso. Dave dips down so that their noses are bumping.

I will NOT be distracted by this cute shit

(I am distracted by this cute shit)

Thinking about how roxy said they don’t want to have kids in meat and I’m! Not feeling great about this!

Also I hate that I have to call it ‘meat’

(also the narrator refers to roxy as ‘she’ in candy and so like. Idk which one I’m supposed to use)

CANDY 16

6 month time jump. Very relieved that I don’t have to see the johnroxy wedding

Fucking. Skullface emoji.

Asdasfasljk John don’t dump on your sister like that

Straight fucking savage though I’ll give you that

John and terezi are talking about vriska I’m going to fucking vomit

This is all I’m going to get, huh? Huh????

I’m so starved

Vrisrezi is literally the most compelling part of homestuck and it’s like. So not going to be relevant at all in the epilogue, is it

CANDY 17

Did rose and kanaya literally name their kid ‘vriska’

Like they did not have to do that

John is the only one who hasn’t lost his goddamn mind

Also the idea of someone just changing their kids name a year after they were born is. Hilarious. It’s extra hilarious when you remember that the kids didn’t get a name until they were 13.

John SNAPPED

“please come make sense at me”...This is……..A Lot

CANDY 18

Jane is still dedicated to eugenics which is like. Pretty fucking awful.

You know it’s bad when GAMZEE MAKARA argues with you about morality

Fucking GROSS

Also jake is sitting right next to them akbfdabkjknsfn

Welp! Homestuck’s over, everyone!!!! The furries won!

CANDY 19

I have been reading this goddamn webcomic for 8 goddamn hours

I’m pretty sure that I’m not even halfway through

HIS RELATIONSHIP IS A FLAMING WRECK OF AN INTERSTELLAR WARSHIP HURTLING TOWARDS THE PLANET AT TERMINAL VELOCITY WITH THE ENTIRE CREW BRUTALLY SLAUGHTERED UPON REENTRY, SHOVED STRAIGHT DOWN THE CHAGRIN TUNNEL AND THEN IMMEDIATELY SHAT OUT THE OTHER SIDE, THUS FLOODING THE ENTIRE FUCKING NEIGHBORHOOD WHEN IT CLOGS UP THE LOAD GAPER.

This is what this epilogue has been missing…karkat-isms

Yo WHAT

I probably definitely should’ve read meat all the way through but. Oh well!

I never thought that I would be glad to see a dead teenage jade fall out of the fucking sky but at least its providing a brief reprieve to feeling of absolute dread I’ve had while reading the entire candy section

Also strange that dead teenage space jade is the one thing that DOESN’T fill me with absolute dread

CANDY 20

Karkat SNAPPED

CANDY 21

I somehow managed to forget that calliope exists

Funeral TWO

As fucking rough as dirk’s suicide was, I absolutely cannot imagine him in any of these situations

Like the only narrative choices were to kill him or to lock him away in his lab w/o a single mention of him and I gotta say the former makes more sense given his characterization

I am. Upset.

ARADIA

Aradia please save me from this nightmare

Asdfghjlkjhgf

I changed my mind I love candy

Never mind jane’s talking about eugenics again

I’m laughing???? What the fuck is happening?????

Okay alt calliope is using dead teen space jade’s body as a vessel

Should’ve put two and two together since I got close to that part in meat but I have been reading for like 9 hours and things are starting to blur together

*heavy metal music plays*

CANDY 22

3 year time jump! Alright!

Fucking same, john

Okay so the dead trolls that got consumed by the black hole are showing up on earth c, or something?

WAIT DOES THAT MEAN LORD ENGLISH IS GONNA GET PLOPPED INTO THIS TIMELINE

idk if I’m misunderstanding but……..i am……nervous

Those are my 20-something-year-old children

Cant believe karkat rose and kanaya are in antifa :’)

Actually I can absolutely believe that

I hate this

I was 100% unprepared to see Eridan fucking Ampora in the year of our lord 2019. I’m calling the fucking police

This is the worst

Oh I Do Not Like This

CANDY 23

John was serious about the whole kidnapping thing huh

Christ almighty

SILENCE, CLOWN.

Jokes aside the child abuse is like. Very vey upsetting.

But why has this human child adopted the ‘uh,,’s of Tavros’ quirk

I think I’ve said this before but homestuck is very good, actually

Hm this shit with kid tavros is making me sick to my stomach

Also I’m approaching hour 10 and I may have to take a break for sleep soon.

But. I defo have shit to do this weekend that doesn’t involve reading homestuck

We’ll see how much longer I can stay awake, I guess

Dave said this about dirk (jake also said this about dirk, in meat) and I’m. not psyched about it.

I suppose it’s possible that gamzee retained it from dirks funeral, but still

John has his breath powers back?? Passively, at least?

And where the fuck did alt calliope go

And aradia and sollux

Unfortunately I still think it is kidnapping

Especially because you’re like, 5

It’s probably, like, a bad thing that I was rooting for john’s kidnapping plan to work. But.

CANDY 24

Okay theres alt calliope aradia and sollux

I am. Compromised.

Oh fuck

It’s actually kind of insane that dirk and jane are like. Straight villains. I kinda would’ve guessed w/ jane (relation to the condesce and all that) but dirk being a villain shocked the fuck out of me. it really shouldn’t have, though, considering that dirk was capable of becoming bro.

): ): ): ):

I’m actually tearing up LMAO

I can’t tell if it’s because of how much I love terezi or if it’s because I’ve been reading this for 10 hours straight

Probably both

CANDY 25

Karkat I love you

Also this is buried deep enough in this post so I think it’s safe to say w/o anyone actually reading it: when I was 14 and reading homestuck for the first time I had a crush on karkat and used to daydream about us going on a date at the county fair

I’m sorry to anyone that had to read that with their own eyeballs

Hard labor in the cake mills

Bucket jokes are dead, folks. You heard it here first.

Oh Christ I just remembered that group of cosplayers who took a bucket into a restaurant and passed it around and spit in it. Scandal of the fucking decade.

Asdfghjk KANAYA

This is only going to make things more complicated, I imagine

KARKAT: I’M ALSO FUCKING ORDERING YOU TO STOP MAKING GARBAGE FISH PUNS FOREVER.

LMAO

Okay…on that slightly…lighter note, I think it’s time to turn in for the night. I’m at the 11th hour (literally) and I’m losing my ability to pay attention to what the fuck is going on

Plus my head hurts like a motherfucker

If I remember correctly, each epilogue has 45 parts, so I’m a bit more than halfway done

I’m setting an alarm because I’m dedicated to finishing this tomorrow

CANDY 26

Okay I got my hat on backwards and I’m ready to fucking party

Even Alternia had beauty in it. But John is sure that Earth C probably replicates it the same way it replicates everything else: thin and garish and fake, fake, fakity FAKE. A bad photocopy with the ink settings turned to high contrast. A sunrise that casts no shadows.

This is not a party

Also I’m getting flashbacks to my thesis that I wrote on the left hand of darkness which never shut the fuck up about shadows and the lack thereof

A streak of teal, smudged along the top ridge of the seat cushion, at the center of a red, bloody handprint. With wide eyes, John reaches out and runs his thumb over it. It chips under his nail, the same consistency as human blood. The same color as Terezi’s text.

He rubs the flaky crust between his fingers. He only stopped talking to her a few hours ago. Time passes differently out there, as he’s often reminded. She was so sure she was dying. Was this it? Was this how she —

John reels back, nausea striking him in the pit of his stomach. What kind of twisted coincidence is this? Why is he finding this now? If Terezi was here, why? Who was she bleeding with in the back of his father’s car?

I’m guessing john was bleeding with terezi in the back of his father’s car?

I mean when I left off with meat terezi had just shown up to find john impaled in the chest with one of LE’s teeth

But I’m like. SUPER not psyched to learn what happened to terezi

A choked sob forces its way out of his chest. His fingers flex into claws, gathering up dirt into his shaking fists. He bears down until his knuckles turn white and his fingernails press sharply into the flesh of his palms. The pain makes him feel real.

All he’s ever wanted is to be fucking real.

Maybe it’s because this is the first thing I’m reading this morning but I absolutely cannot take this seriously

CANDY 27

Ten year time skip. Jesus.

So everyones in their late 30s, now

I’m love them?

Also things are super not great on earth c, huh

Like imagine being jane crocker & playing a game where all your friends die a bunch & then showing up to an idyllic planet and being like ‘you know what this world needs more of? Fascism and eugenics.’

Also didn’t jane’s dad make it onto earth c??? where is THAT motherfucker??

I’m glad that sollux and aradia are still like. Chillin.

Karkat sure does know how to sweet-talk people

Also karkat still misses dave ):

And dave still misses karkat ):

This is so fucking rough

CANDY 28

VRISKA???

Yeah this is the vriska that got punted by LE after releasing the juju

She is taking things as well as I would imagine vriska to take things

CANDY 29

These chapters are getting shorter. Maybe I’ll actually finish this today

…lord English?

CANDY 30

Okay, so jane’s dad was on earth c, and now he’s dead

Jesus Christ

I shouldn’t be laughing but adjsgklfgfs

Leave it to karkat to try to assassinate someone with a fucking rocket launcher

Also leave it to dad to jump in front of a FUCKING ROCKET LAUNCHER

I cant believe gamzee fucking Makara is still here. I was hoping that had all been a nightmare

Yikes! Yikes! Yikes! Yikes!

Asdfghjkjhgfdsdfghjkjhgfdsdfghjkljhgfrvghkhgf

I-

I don’t know how I didn’t see this coming

BEGONE, CLOWN

CANDY 31

I missed their interactions

John is so fucking funny sometimes

I’m laughimg so fucking hard

Also I’m going to keep calling her vriska and calling rose and kanaya’s child ‘kid vriska.’ Otherwise I will get incredibly confused between this vriska and actual (vriska)

Vriska I love you

Also I like how john straight up hates kid vriska

God she’s so intolerable. I love her.

Also vriska and dirk are so similar but I love vriska and can’t stand dirk

am I a misandrist

(I know it’s probably their differences; vriska is dedicated to being a hero and not a author/villain(?) and still, like, values people, even if it is in her own fucked up way. Also she’s like a billion times more critical of herself than dirk is)

oh god theyre talking about terezi

yeah that didn’t go anywhere I wanted it to

CANDY 32

fukcing. Gamzee.

Please god vriska beat this clowns ass

“brutal Double Axe Handle” “European-style Uppercut” “knife chop” “Discus Back Elbow”

Am I supposed to know what any of this means

I like how john is just watching this happen

Gamzee grabs (Vriska)’s foot by the bridge. Instead of yanking her off-balance, he opens his huge, bloody maw of a mouth and... runs his tongue along the rubber bottom of her shoe? (Vriska) freezes. She watches him lap the mud—and his own blood—out from between the grooves of the sole. His lips drag lewdly over the ridge of her footwear and begin sucking at where her big toe would be, if it were not safely ensconced in several layers of rubber and canvas.

Fucking GROSS

I hate this clown so goddamn much

This is the absolute Worst Outcome

Like I cannot imagine a more upsetting scenario than gamzee and vriska making out in canon

Dirk’s suicide would be a fucking palate cleanser at this point

That was a bad joke to make but that’s what homestuck does to you I fucking guess

CANDY 33

*I* don’t even remember the three pillars of canon

And I read that shit literally yesterday

I, unfortunately, have no idea what this means

Well. At least rose is happy. For the first time in the entirety of homestuck.

CANDY 34

“immoderately lit”

I’m going to say that all the time now. Thanks.

Vriska’s huge, mischievous smile freezes on her face. When her eyes pass the image to her brain, and it finally makes sense of this incomprehensible jumble of gray limbs, blue and purple slop, tangled black hair, and stunned faces, her expression begins to slowly melt. It then drifts quickly, from phase to phase, to one of wonder, then anguish, and finally, abject horror.

This is so fucking unfortunate

CANDY 35

At least all the vriskas are on the same page about this being the nightmare scenario. At least theres that.

Gamzee calling vriska “problematic.” I’m laughing really hard but I’m also like. Enraged.

And then, she lets go. His face is frozen in a repellent mask exhibiting the perfectly undetectable difference between terror and ecstasy. He’s dead.

I hope to GOD this is true but I’ve been tricked before

I don’t know if I will ever be truly free of gamzee fucking Makara

CANDY 36

Jake and his kid showed up to johns house and jake is wearing nothing but underwear

At this point this is one of the least strange things to happen

All the same, John finds it hard to feel much sympathy. Who is Jake? The one standing in front of him now, anyway. Has he always been this contemptibly pathetic, or is this too a function of the absurdity of this contorted reality? It’s hard to be sure. Are Jake’s “struggles” worth any more of John’s guilt and emotional energy than a Sim stuck in a pool without a ladder?

Jesus Christ. John did not come to play today. Fuck.

Also I feel incredibly bad for jake. I’ve never liked him but I’m not, like, a monster.

Or maybe he is doing exactly what Jake has always done. In a certain light, isn’t ascribing all this mess to some unconscious influence he might have had over the metaphysical shape of reality just a way to brush off his simpler failures as a man and a father?

God why is homestuck kicking my ass so bad

John constantly misses his dad and all I can think about is how often his dad told him that he was proud of him. And now john thinks he’s failed as a father.

John and jake are. Dancing.

I absolutely have not forgotten that jake is still in his underwear

CANDY 37

I’m living for this conversation between vriska and kid-vriska

Man I bet dirk hates john’s guts LOL

Like I imagine john’s retcon powers infuriate him

Though I bet dirk wouldn’t want the retcon powers for himself. It might take away the “challenge” of it. Idk.

Jesus Christ

How the turntables….

I Am Going To Vomit

Vrisrezi is so fucking legendary. No one can ever change my mind.

I also I just ate a ham and cheese sandwich and it was really fucking gross. Legit cant tell if I’m nauseous about that or vrisrezi

[CHANTING] VRISKA AND TEREZI ARE IN LOVE! VRISKA AND TEREZI ARE IN LOVE! VRISKA AND TEREZI ARE IN LOVE!

I’M SHAKING I FEEL SO VINDICATED RN

I forgive all the other dumb shit in this epilogue

Seriously. Transcends quadrants. I have been saying this for half a fucking decade. Vriska and terezi are in gay love. Eat shit, haters.

Asdfghjkl

I hate this stupid webcomic

I have nothing intelligent left to say anymore (as if I ever had anything intelligent to say) but. Homestuck good.

I am going to Lose My Shit

CANDY 38

Thank Fucking God

Also ever since dead teen space jade fell out of the sky, all of the characters have felt a lot more real

I’m not sure if that’s in the narrative or that’s just me getting over my disgruntlement at the incredibly batshit things happening in candy

Hatchi fucking matchi

Also getting some real dirk-fading-into-the-ether vibes from john here

Roxy is fucking laying into john damn

But it’s not like they arent making completely valid points

………..hmm……..

God I’m so depressed

I’ve spent 80% of my life worried that I’m doing the Important and Right thing

And in the last 4-5 years I’ve been confronted with my cosmic insignificance and I have not been able to get over it

Like I get it’s kind of asshole-ish. Narcissistic. Selfish. To think of your life and the people in it as something….sidelined. and to be all mopey over that.

I WANT to be all “who cares” about it because thinking that your life has any Grand Significance In The Scope Of The Infinite Universe is 100% impractical and frankly batshit

This is all to say that I have problems and homestuck if calling me tf out

CANDY 39

dave is in the FUCKING WHITE HOUSE

I swear to god if Obama shows up I will shit my fucking pants

He steps closer to investigate, wiping away at the layers of moss and dirt to reveal a surface he most certainly does recognize. It’s a transportalizer.

I am shaking in anticipation

It’s a mounted god tier costume, about the size an adult male would wear. He recognizes the symbol. It’s the same one Jake used to wear when they were teens. It is the symbol for Hope.

Obama played fucking sburb didn’t he

Why is homestuck so fucking funny

OBAMA LMAOOOOOOOOO

This is the most homestuck thing to ever happen in homestuck

Hologram throwing all this inspiring bullshit at dave and dave just repeatedly asking how Obama died

He tells himself there’s nothing wrong with crying. Of course there isn’t. Just... not in front of Obama. He’s GOT to keep it together.

I’m just gonna. Put this here.

Obama ships davekat

Daaaaaave ): ): ):

Yes I’m 21 years old yes I’m tearing up at a conversation between a fictionalized barrack obama and a fictional man who wears sunglasses from a ben stiller movie all the time

Hate this fucking comic LOL

“wake up”. What. What is happening.

The sliding panel reveals a recess, and in the recess stands a robot. It’s a gleaming, polished silver replica of Dave, but without shades. It stands totally still, unpowered. Dave struggles to make sense of what he’s looking at.

Is THIS the robot that dirk was building??

Wait Obama said he built it

What the actual fuck

Fucking. WHAT. DAVBOT?

This is so fucking weird

CANDY 40

Asdfghjkl

I love you aradia

Wow that conversation was…………..something

So calliope is fighting dirk for control of the narrative?

and dirk is like, an irresponsible author

especially interesting convo in light of dirk’s status as andrew’s self-insert

also I knew LE was gonna show up

CANDY POSTSCRIPT

rose…..bot……………..

I’ve got a bad feeling about this scoob

Also not feeling great about fucking davebot

That’s it for candy……………………..

Hopefully meat is more conclusive that

I’ve been reading for 15 total hours now

Might as well keep going

MEAT 25

Didn’t think I’d actually do it, huh?? Snide bastard

Also rose is going to straight die real soon isn’t she

And then become rosebot

Oh fuck right off

MEAT 26

Get wrecked you punk-ass bitch

MEAT 27

Okay so alt calliope is taking over jades body in this reality. Cool cool.

Also. Interesting that calliope said the way events are telegraphed, not what events are telegraphed. Goes back to importance of the speaker convo from candy

Dirk’s text is getting smaller asfgshfjk

Also good to know that calliope is completely Freaked The Fuck Out in this reality too, re: alt calliope occupying jade’s body

……….man

Also I’ve said this before but. Dirk and vriska. Are so alike.

MEAT 28

Terezi dear god I fucking missed you

It probably hasn’t been that long but it feels like forever

Yeah I suppose terezi’s been talking w/ the john that’s aged into his 30s

Also I was thinking about this lastnight & I forgot that time works different here in ye olde paradox space and I was kinda super weirded out thinking about a 30 y/o john flirting with terezi. I actually had a nightmare about it lmao. But this morning I remembered that terezis probably been at this forever.

I think the fact that john is even worried about this at all means he’s in pretty good shape

John: *thinks a girl is cute*

John: oh shit am I being a creep

Okay, terezi says she feels like she’s been out there for a hundred sweeps. That defo makes me feel better about her and john flirting

Okay, so I was right. John was the one bleeding in the car

Terezi’s not bleeding though so I am. Nervous to find out how that happens.

OF COURSE terezi is still looking for vriska, you fucking goon. Theyre in love.

Though I gotta say I wasn’t that down with johnrezi before the epilogue but. I have to say. It’s actually very cute.

Terezi just. Ate shaving cream.

MEAT 29

Oh, hi, jane

I kinda forgot how far along she is in her development as a full-blown fascist in this timeline

Dirk: *speaks*

Me: bitch

Jesus Christ

Waiting for dirk to call jane problematic

Calliope SNAPPED

MEAT 30

Why is karkat hiking around in a fucking suit

I love karkat

I love dave

Dave starting to explain super pacs to jake

And using sbahj for campaign ads asgdhadkjl

Why is he like this (I say, fondly)

Dirk is really out here being Like That

I’m

I have no words

Also I promise that this is unrelated but jake has inexplicably grown on me a little (not a lot)

MEAT 31

Now terezi is eating tobacco

She’s disgusting. I love her.

Terezi ):

John: *talks about how great terezi is*

Me: *nods solemnly*

I Am In Pain

GOD I love Terezi

Terezi: hold on. Lemme just do an impromptu surgery real quick.

Terezi: *is, very unsurprisingly, turned on by doing an impromptu surgery*

Oh ok this is happening

Good thing I found the time to get down w/ johnrezi I fucking guess

Not completely sure how I feel about this

MEAT 32

Is dirk about to fucking assassinate jake

He wouldn’t do that right

Dirk said transphobe rights??

God I hate this motherfucker

Dave: come…’out.’ What is this you speak of.

Roxy, dave, and alt calliope: Let’s talk about gender

Okay, so. Assassinating jake is something that dirk WOULD do

Calliope struggling to keep dirk back w/ the power of their narration is very fun to read though

Dirk: *slices the bell in half*

Me: that would’ve…made good content for a flash

Not to sound ungrateful but not one panel? Not one flash animation? Instead I have to read all these WORDS?

Of course if this were in a flash animation I probably wouldn’t understand fuckall of what is going on

On the other hand, it wouldn’t be taking me a billion years to get through this

God can roxy please get a pair of sunglasses to match dave. Please.

Hour? 17.5? Maybe?

Anyway I am being forced to take a break so I can participate in easter festivities (by which I mean eating dinner with 2 whole people)

Okay I’m back

I defo should be able to finish this tonight

Okay I guess killing Jake is NOT something that Dirk would do

At least. Not right now. And probably not permanently

dude…

you got to FLIP it

TURN-WAYS

Time to be back on dirk’s bullshit I guess

Meat 33

In the two hours that I was gone I managed to forget that john and terezi boned

Dirk saying things like “incel” and “cuck” make me want to Kill

Meat 34

Wow it so incredibly awful to read Dirk’s narration

I hate this stupid motherfucker so fucking much

Meat 35

*sees more orange text* oh jesus Christ

God why is he being so fucking cruel

Also if john dies then like. WHAT is the point.

Aw man I’m fucking crying

Man what the fuck

This shit fucking sucks

I gotta take a break

Meat 36

Now that I’ve taken like a 5 minute break to stop fucking crying it’s time to get back on the pain train I guess

Since I actually let Tears Fall there’s an increased chance that I’ll cry again

So I cannot be held accountable if I do that

Why the fuck does this clown keep misgendering roxy

Terezi: *pulls johns corpse out of a wallet to smell it* nothing weird about this

Also how tf is terezi gonna show back up shortly after john goes missing and no ones gonna suspect anything

Is it vriska. It’s vriska isn’t it.

Why do I feel like I’m either never going to get to see this conversation or I AM going to get to see it and its going to cause me immense personal distress

TEREZI SAID TRANS RIGHTS

Also terezi can hear dirk???????????

And are roxy’s pronouns him or them

Like did terezi just assume based on roxy’s appearance or did she talk to kanaya about it

Also I hate dirk’s stupid fucking guts

It does NOT help that I didn’t like him before the epilogue

God he sucks shit

Say it with me, now: we love terezi pyrope

Terezi DO NOT trust this clown ass motherfucker

Meat 37

Dirk is actually the worst dad. Don’t sweat it, john.

ROSE: Are you sure Kanaya is going to be ok with this?

No, rose. She absolutely will not be ok with this. What the fuck.

This shit sucks so goddamn much

I am going to be so depressed after finishing this arent I

Goddammit I’m crying again. I fucking knew I would.

Meat 38

Unfortunately I agree with dirk

FUCK

Davekat is so GOOD what the hell

Also

Karkat ):

Dirk will you fucking fuck off

I’m seriously okay with dave and karkat hopelessly pining forever if it means dirk doesn’t literally FORCE them to kiss. Like, what the fuck.

I take a deep breath and get myself under control. My light psychological intrusions may have only made things worse. Invested as I am in the outcome of this encounter, I know forcing their hand would be a mistake.

That’s the smartest thing you ever said you stupid fuck

Thank Fucking God

Meat 39

I’m nearing the end of this whole things and dirk still has narrative control. Not psyched about that.

He’s gently stroking the side of my arm now, making no effort to disguise his interest in the contours of my muscles. I use that arm to put a hand on his shoulder in an affable way, so that he’s forced to stop.

Dirk: I heard that Dirk has an 8-pack

Wait I already think I made that joke

He takes in every drop of light reflecting from my beautiful face. The sculpted cheekbones, the warrior’s eyebrows, the deadly serious yet exquisitely kissable mouth. This is the face he lives for now. A visage that, in mere minutes, will vanish from his life forever. The tears drop. His voice cracks.

Fuck OFF dude. I hate you so goddamn much.

I miss gamzee. GAMZEE. Can you believe that shit?????????

Also it’s so incredibly shitty that jane won the election against karkat

like there’s no way there’s gonna be any kind of resistance now for like, plenty of reasons, one being that it wouldn’t even start in the first place. Now jane’s gonna slide to Literal Genocide but with no opposition this time

god this is wack

Meat 40

I am so tired of seeing this fools orange text

Please god

Also I hate that homestuck has me counting exclamation marks to make sure theres not a significant number of them (8. 8 is the significant number)

Thinking about dave’s speech at dirk’s funeral and Not Feeling Great

Does dirk actually think dave is going to be the one to kill him or is that just his weird decapitation fetish talking

Meat 41

Kanaya I love you and this is not your fault but jesus Christ

Kanaya: I Have Been Bamboozled

Oh shes fucking mad

KANAYA: ***I SWEAR THAT I SHALL MAKE HIM PAY DEARLY FOR STEALING MY BELOVED WIFE!***

I know that I’ll never see it happen but I hope kanaya beats dirks ass into the goddamn ground

Remember when chainsawed eridan in half and put on bloodied lipstick afterward? That’s the shit I’m talking about

Welp. Bye, jade.

Fucking. My sentiments exactly.

Alright alt calliope is using ‘he’ pronouns w/ Roxy so I’m assuming that’s right, considering alt calliope has access to Roxy’s thoughts and shit

fuck you you punk-ass bitch

Meat 43

I have never in my life been more relieved to see red text instead of orange

Things are still pretty fucking awful, though. I haven’t forgotten that.

sdfghjkl

see things are 100% Very Bad rn but this isn’t like completely impossible to read? Like I enjoyed parts of the epilogue, didn’t enjoy other parts. But the a lot of the parts I didn’t enjoy just were so painful to read. It was damn near impossible sometimes. And like, I get what you’re trying to do, but imo tough subjects don’t necessarily need to be written in a way that makes me so viscerally upset lol

anyway what I’m saying is that I’m not viscerally upset right now. Considering I’m nearing the end, this is a good thing.

karkat is talking about how dumb the concept of incest is and is being a jerk about how roxy’s dressed. I am upset again.

Thank god dave is here to save the fucking day

I just sneezed and heard crackling in my ears. I’ve been hearing shit like that for a solid two months now. Is there fluid in my ears? Do I have an ear infection? How long do ear infections last?

I’m love them

They still don’t know john is dead ): ): ):

Thank fucking god

At least there’s the possibility that they’ll see john again and that calliope is going to provide some fucking guidance

Also arent epilogues supposed to RESOLVE SHIT and not like. Leave me hanging like this. I can tell it’s to leave me hanging and listen. Listen. I just want to be free.

I’m going to be 40 goddamn years old and homestuck: the sequel is going to come out and the characters are going to be 42 and dealing with the exact issues that I’m dealing with as a 40 year old and it’ll launch me into an at-least-a-month-long spiral of fruitless self-reflection while I cry about it

Oh god fucking dammit

What was his sacrifice, even? Having sex with terezi?

Sorry. I’m just bitter.

In any case, in addition to like, weakening LE enough for alt calliope to presumably kill him, I do think it has something to do with terezi. I don’t think her role in things is quite over yet.

Meat Postscript

Okay so we’re back to candy?

Or, at least, where candy left off

Did. Alt calliope eat LE. Is that what happens when cherubs defeat one another. Did I manage to forget this cannibalistic detail.

Did dirk influence Obama to make davebot so davebot could join forces with alt-calliope to go against dirk, or was that Obama intentionally going up against dirk

Did I really type that sentence with my own fingers

The hole leaves behind an absence in the sky so calm that continuing to call it a sky wouldn’t seem to do it justice. It’s a perfectly neutral expanse into which anything one can imagine might be summoned. And for a while, anything was. But not anymore. Where the hole gaped just moments ago, there now exists an imaginary line.

Above this line resides all that matters. Below exists all else. Never again the twain shall meet.

These are a dope couple of paragraphs

Also I know that this probably goes against everything I just read but I hope this means I never have to read about an offshoot timeline again

Like I get that that was all Homestuck Brand Fuckery but I need like 300 months to recover

21 hours of reading later and I don’t really know what to

#derseday #homestuck #upd8 #also this looks fucking wack on mobile #so dont even look i guess

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bandaids-not-groupies · 5 years

Text

Get to know me uncomfortably well - tagged by @livewiredroger ❤️ sorry this took so long to post!!

1. What is your middle name?

Janie

2. How old are you?

21, gonna be 22 in a couple months

3. When is your birthday?

December 4th! A day after Ozzy’s

4. What is your zodiac sign?

Sagittarius

5. What is your favourite colour?

Light purple and black

6. What’s your lucky number?

I don’t actually know

7. Do you have any pets?

No but I did have a dog!

8. Where are you from?

Chicago!

9. How tall are you?

5’0 lmao

10. What shoe size are you?

11. How many pairs of shoes do you own?

Too many to count lol

12. What was your last dream about?

I don’t remember 😅

13. What talents do you have?

None lol. I’m boring af

14. Are you psychic in any way?

Nope lol

15. Favourite song?

I’m a believer by the monkees (I’ve always loved that song)

16. Favourite movie?

The Godfather

17. Who would be your ideal partner?

Keanu Reeves. He has my heart and soul

18. Do you want children?

Yeah but only like 2

19. Do you want a church wedding?

Yeah but nothing too big

20. Are you religious?

Kinda but not really. Like I acknowledge that there could be a God. But I don’t practice it that much. So basically I’M SINNING AND I’M WINNING

21. Have you ever been to the hospital?

Yeah. Twice. Once cause I had a bad ear infection and then another time I had pneumonia

22. Have you ever got in trouble with the law?

Nope!

23. Have you ever met any celebrities?

Yes I have! Back in my emo days I meet Christofer Drew from Never Shout Never, which was actually pure luck! NSN was in town for a concert, but I couldn’t go because it was a 18+ venue so I couldn’t get in (I was in 8th grade at the time). So my family and I decided to go out to eat at a restaurant which was coincidentally across from the venue. So we were walking down the street and I see this huge tour bus right outside the restaurant. My heart starts racing and i thought “how cool would it be if I bumped into someone from the group” well lo and behold as we are coming closer to the bus, Christofer Drew turns the corner and walks towards the bus. So I stop in my tracks and just say “Christofer Drew?” And he stops and he says hi! He asked if I was going to the show and I said no and he goes “well you gotta promise you’ll come to the next one!” Of course I made the promise and I didn’t break it! He came back that summer and I got to see him ❤️ I also met two groups called Breathe Carolina and Crown The Empire. I also met Evan Peters and Sebastian Stan at Comic Con a couple years ago. I also met Corey Crawford. The goaltender for the Chicago Blackhawks, my favorite hockey team.

24. Baths or showers?

Showers! I don’t like the idea of bathing in your own filth.

25. What color socks are you wearing?

I’m not wearing any!

26. Have you ever been famous?

Nope lmao and I probably never will be

28. What type of music do you like?

I like oldies. Mostly from the 50s-80s. Anything from Dean Martin to Motley Crue. I do like modern music too. I still listen to some of the bands I listened to in middle school lol (like the ones i mentioned before and others like All Time Low, Pierce The Veil, Sleeping With Sirens, Of Mice & Men, Asking Alexandria, and a couple more.) I also like Greta Van Fleet and 5 Seconds of Summer. I also like spanish music. Like Maluma, Bad Bunny, Becky G, etc.

29. Have you ever been skinny dipping?

Nope lol

30. How many pillows do you sleep with?

It depends. It could be one or none. Sometimes i don’t use a pillow

31. What position do you usually sleep in?

On my tummy!

32. How big is your house?

It’s a two bedroom apartment. I’m not complaining tho, its very cozy.

33. What do you typically have for breakfast?

If I wake up early enough lol it’ll usually be eggs (over medium), some coffee, and some bread

34. Have you ever fired a gun?

Nope and i don’t plan on it!

35. Have you ever tried archery?

Yes! I tried it when I was in Girl Scouts in elementary school

36. Favourite clean word?

Groovy

37. Favorite swear word?

definitely FUCK

38. What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without sleep?

like a day? I got like four hours of sleep the night before. Got up at like 6am, went about my day. Then I stayed up until 7am working on a research paper for class (college is a BITCH).

40. Have you ever had a secret admirer?

Nah cause your girl is hella ugly lmao

41. Are you a good liar?

Not at all. People can tell when I’m lying cause my voice gets high lmao

42. Are you a good judge of character?

Eh I do my best

43. Can you do any other accents other than your own?

I try to do a posh British accent and I try to do a Steve Irwin Aussie accent

44. Do you have a strong accent?

People say I have a strong chicagoan accent but i don’t hear it!

45. What is your favourite accent?

I’m a sucker for aussie accents

46. What is your personality type?

just took the test..i got ISFP-T (adventurer)

47. What is your most expensive piece of clothing?

hmmmm all I can think of at the moment is my Doc Martens. They aren’t really clothing but it’s all I can think of lol

48. Can you curl your tongue?

Nope!

49. Are you an innie or an outie?

outie :(((( i hate it

50. Left or right-handed?

Right handed!

51. Are you scared of spiders?

YES YES YES

52. Favourite food?

Pasta! I could eat it all day, every day

53. Favourite foreign food?

Tamales and Pozole. That’s my shitttt

54. Are you a clean or messy person?

I try and be a clean person and stay organized but it only lasts for a bit then I go back to my messy ways lol

55. Most used phrase?

“that’s a mood” and “no mames guey” (Mexican slang)

56. Most used word?

Dude and Darling

57. How long does it take for you to get ready?

Depends. If I wear my hair natural, then an hour. But if I gotta style it, then like an hour and a half or two hours( I got a lot of fucking hair, dude).

58. Do you have much of an ego?

Hell no lmao. This bitch has a low self-esteem so 🤷🏻‍♀️

59. Do you suck or bite lollipops?

Suck 🤪

60. Do you talk to yourself?

All the time lmao

61. Do you sing to yourself?

Yeah sometimes

62. Are you a good singer?

Nope lmao but I still do it anyways

63. Biggest Fear?

A lot of shit. Spiders, Holes (trypophobia), tearing my achilles or getting them cut (ever since I saw Pet Sematary), dolls, bugs crawling under my skin, throwing up...and i can’t think of anymore on the spot

64. Are you a gossip?

you bet your ass I am. Soy una chismosa lmao

65. Best dramatic movie you’ve seen?

Titanic

66. Do you like long or short hair?

On girls, long but not too long. Maybe like mid-back. And guys, long, like ear length and longer

67. Can you name all 50 states of America?

Yeah but i couldn’t point them out on a map

68. Favourite school subject?

Biology/Human Anatomy. I’m a sucker for science

69. Extrovert or Introvert?

Definitely an introvert. No doubt about that lol

70. Have you ever been scuba diving?

Nope!

71. What makes you nervous?

Meeting new people, class discussions, and presentations

72. Are you scared of the dark?

If i’ve just seen a scary movie then yes lol

73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes?

Sometimes. For instance, if one of my friends from ecuador uses a word wrong in a sentence, then I would tell them the right way to say it to help them learn more english. i never correct someone to seem like i’m smarter or to be rude. It’s simply to help them.

74. Are you ticklish?

Yeah! In some places like my feet, neck, and my back,

75. Have you ever started a rumour?

No way! That’s terrible

76. Have you ever been in a position of authority?

Only when babysitting my little cousins lol

77. Have you ever drank underage?

Yeah lmao. When I went away for college

78. Have you ever done drugs?

Once, when I hungout with a guy at school we smoked some weed

79. Who was your first real crush?

One of my friends from college. I met him Freshman year and I still like him...I’ve liked him for four years but i’ve never had the guts to tell him

80. How many piercings do you have?

6! I have four on my left ear and two on my right ear. I have the standard lobe piercings, then the upper lobe on both sides. Then on my left I have one above the upper. And then I have my helix pierced on the left side. (i hope this all made sense lol)

81. Can you roll your R’s?

Nope

82. How fast can you type?

Eh I would say pretty average

83. How fast can you run?

Not at all. I hate running

84. What colour is your hair?

Dark brown!

85. What color is your eyes?

Dark brown

86. What are you allergic to?

Some ingredient in the Banana Boat sunscreen. And some type of plant. I don’t exactly know which one cause I went to the botantic garden one time on a field trip and I don’t know which plant caused my allergic reaction but when I got home I had hives all over me.

87. Do you keep a journal?

Nope, never did

88. What do your parents do?

My mom is an ortho technician and my dad is a delivery man

89. Do you like your age?

Yeah I guess. I mean I can buy my own alcohol so that’s pretty neat

90. What makes you angry?

Everything

91. Do you like your own name?

Eh it’s alright. Pretty boring

92. Have you already thought of baby names, and if so what are they?

I like the name Elena for a girl and Jonathan for a boy

93. Do you want a boy a girl for a child?

Doesn’t matter to me

94. What are you strengths?

I’m a ride or die bitch.

95. What are your weaknesses?

I don’t really share my emotions so I keep things bottled up

96. How did you get your name?

My cousin picked out my name

97. Were your ancestors royalty?

Not that I know of. But what I do know is I have family from Spain.

98. Do you have any scars?

Yeah, one on my arm from when I burned myself with my straightener. And another at the place where my nose meets my forehead, between my brows. When I was in elementary school, I was running out on the playground and I tripped and I slide across the cement and scraped my nose and my whole forehead. THERE. WAS. BLOOD. EVERYWHERE.

99. Colour of your bedspread?

Light pink

100. Colour of your room?

White!

I tag: @tommyleeownsme, @babe-mustaine, @waycooljunior, and @universal-scorpio ❤️

#sorry this is hella long #omfg #personal

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paene-umbra · 5 years

Text

i accidentally deleted the anon for this and i have no idea how to get it back BUT somebody asked me to answer all the questions on the ask meme

END OF THE YEAR ASKS FOR 2018:

(disclaimer: this is going to be so sappy and emotional because I did so many amazing things this past year that I am so incredibly proud of and there will definitely be too much information shared but I don’t care! I can do what I want!)

1. what is one thing you’re very proud of having done this year?

- in 2018 I am proud of cutting my father mostly out of my life. he was the source of so much pain and anxiety and trauma and cutting him out has lifted a huge weight off my shoulders and kickstarted my healing.

2. what is one thing you feel you could have done better?

- I could have done better dealing with friendships. I was so incredibly stressed out for a long time and I let my frustration bleed into my relationship to the point where being around friends and groups was too emotionally draining. I dropped a lot of friends that deserved better and in 2019 I plan on rekindling relationships and giving my friends as much love as they deserve.

3. what do you hope to do better next year?

- since it is already 2019 (whoops) I have a lot of resolutions that I am planning on implementing this year. I am going to put in more effort towards maintaining my mental health while also balancing my classes, work, and friends. I want to get close again to the people I used to be close to.

4. what was something scary you faced and overcame this year?

- in 2018 I started to address a lot of the problems that were contributing to my poor mental health. I began really looking into why I was so afraid of real emotional connection with other people and trying to understand the blockages that were holding me back from being the best version of myself. for the very first time I was able to confront the fact that I have forcing myself to suffer in silence for the sake of my appearance and reputation. for the longest time, I could not stand the possibility of anyone knowing that I was hurting so much because that would have meant admitting that I was being hurt by people who loved me, so I prioritized the way that they felt instead of myself. I tried so hard to pretend that I was stable and well-adjusted because it was easier than confronting the way I let people treat me and all of the hard work that I would have to do to try to heal from my pain. I always thought I had to hide the bad parts of me to be the perfect daughter but hiding something like mental illness doesn’t make the pain magically go away. I’m not a lesser person for being mentally ill. I deserve to be happy and to get the help that I need, and it is not my job anymore to coddle the feelings of the people who hurt me. it was terrifying to admit that I was completely broken for so many years, but I am endlessly proud of finally being able to acknowledge that and start putting myself back together.

5. what did you think would be scary and then was not?

- I thought that speaking in front of crowds was terrifying in theory but after actually having to do it several times for my job, I realized that I have important things to educate people about and that speaking in large groups is the best way to teach them, so being afraid does not help my cause.

6. do you feel like you grew in some way this year? why?

- hell yeah I grew in 2018. I grew enough to be able to put myself before others, to not be afraid of rejection, to push for better treatment, to drop those who hold me back or don’t deserve me, etc…

7. are there people you credit with this growth? who?

- yes, I think that some people helped me to grow. first, I think all the people who hurt me are deserving of the credit towards me developing the strength I needed to drop their negative asses. I also need to give SO MUCH CREDIT to my wonderful boyfriend for showing me what a real man is like and forcing me to deal with everything head-on instead of letting life steamroll me. he is miles ahead of me when it comes to self care but he supports the little steps that I am able to take and he is responsible for so much because of how he lifts me up and encourages me to put in the work. he believes in me and knows that I can and will be better and he has been willing to stay with me as I deal with my issues.

8. what is one piece of advice you’d give other people?

- I think I would tell people that giving up doesn’t fix anything. nothing is solved by letting life overtake you. pushing through when you’re barely keeping your head above water is the hardest thing that you can do. it does not always pay off immediately and sometimes it feels so pointless to keep swimming when it looks like there is water for miles and miles and miles but there is always eventually going to be land. you just have to find it, and I know you can.

9. what was the nicest thing someone did for you?

- his one is hard because my memory is not the best. I can’t think of anything specific but I’m sure that lots of people did lots of nice things for me.

10. who inspires you? why?

- my little inspires me. from the moment she joined my sorority I knew she was special, and as I got to know her and fall in love with her personality, I got so impressed with her and where she is in life in spite of all that has happened to her.

11. what are your main sources of inspiration? why?

- my inspiration mostly comes from people and hearing about the incredible things that some humans have done. hearing about the strength of other people makes me want to be strong.

12. what inspires you more: words, pictures, or music?

- music, for sure. there are so many amazing songs that spark my interest and provoke my thoughts.

13. what scares you, creatively?

- I am not really very creative at all. I think what stopped me from being creative is my fear of rejection. I was so terrified that people would hate me for what I wrote or drew or said that I kept it all to myself and let my creativity die out. maybe someday I will work on rekindling the creative ability, but it is not at the top of my list.

14. what did you enjoy working on most this year?

- my fish! owning bettas gave me something to look forward to doing and gave me an outlet to direct my focus and frustration through. any time I was having a hard day I knew I could look at my lil fishy boys and put my restlessness into caring for them and making sure that they were doing really well.

15. what did you have the most fun doing?

- the most fun I had in 2018 year probably came from being able to live with my roommate/soulmate again this semester. we have had our ups and downs but I love her so much and she is my other half, definitely. she brings out a whole new side of me that lets me be silly and goofy and myself around her.

16. what did you have the least fun doing?

- the least amount of fun in 2018 most likely came from the introspection that I had to do to contribute to my self-care. I did not enjoy the work it took, but I am pleased with the outcome of recognizing what needs to be changed and actually getting to make myself better and happier.

17. what is the best compliment you’ve gotten? why?

- I was recently told “your confidence, happiness, and strength has always inspired me! you’re an incredible human and I’m so thankful to be able to know you” and that was so incredible to hear because I don’t often think about the impact that I have on other people. I never thought I was important enough to influence another person’s life, let alone contribute to making it better in any way. I think it is really nice to know that even when I am struggling, I have the ability to positively impact others.

18. what is the best compliment anyone could ever give you?

- the best compliment would probably be something about how they have seen me grow throughout my years and continuously improve. I am not the best at keeping friends for more than a couple years at a time, so I don’t know if I will ever hear that one.

19. what do you wish people commented on more?

- about me??? I don’t know. I don’t really like other people talking about me lmao but I guess I like hearing people’s first impressions of me and how they differ from how I actually am. those are always fun to learn about.

20. what do you feel is the most underrated thing you have done? why?

- during my high school years, I played therapist A LOT to so many people. I put so much emotional labor into listening to other people and helping them figure out problems or just giving them a shoulder to cry on. rarely was this ever returned by those people, so I felt really used a lot of the time but honestly if I had to do it all over again I wouldn’t change a thing because I want to help people feel better.

21. name (and reblog) at least three things you’ve made this year that you’re proudest of.

- sorry, this one isn’t applicable to me. I don’t really make things or post them to tumblr.

22. what are your goals for next year?

- I plan to stop telling people things that aren’t any of their business. I spent a lot of time keeping everything to myself and when I finally started getting friends I felt like I had to tell them everything about me and my life to keep them interested, but that isn’t true. I need to learn how to keep some things private when they need to be.

I want to rekindle a lot of friendships that I messed up in 2018. I let a lot of people fade out of my life when I should not have.

I want to go to THERAPY!! I want to talk to professionals who can help me structure my path of healing!!!

I want to get more comfortable with the body I’m in. that means wearing less makeup, using fewer snapchat filters and other photo editing techniques, and judging myself less when I wear clothes that maybe aren’t the most flattering. it is okay to be ugly and I am not worth less for not being attractive. I want to stretch more and maybe get into a routine of exercising every now and then to feel better instead of to lose weight. I want to eat healthier and drink more water for my health instead of for the purpose of becoming skinny.

I want to make an effort to be more outgoing and get more involved in my sorority and with my Greek life.

23. name three things you like about yourself – and name one think you like about the person you reblogged this from.

I like my irises! my brown eyes are beautiful and unique no matter what anyone says. My eyes have rings like trees and uneven colors throughout. they are beautiful! I like how soft my hair is and I also like the shape of my lips.

something I like about the person I reblogged this ask from, @makingoutisgreat, is how strong and confident she seems. she is beautiful and she knows it and is not afraid to show it off. it is very inspiring.

#ask meme #long post #personal #laney rants #ask and ye shall recieve

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emthesinger · 6 years

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An Unlikely Lover

Chapter 8

REMEMBER THIS IS A FANFIC. I can do whatever the fuck I want in it, I can add whatever or take out whatever. If you wanna leave a suggestion message me. In no way whatsoever, am I saying that Luka Modrić would let a random woman dance on him when he has a wife (or girlfriend). This is just a story. None of is for real, although I wish it was😭. I also don’t know if Ivan Rakitić has a cousin named Francesca lmao, this is just a story... so chill. Just wanted to clarify that.

A week and a half passed, the teams had already started with the practice games. They were pretty frustrated because te World Cup started on June 14, and they didn’t feel ready.

A friendly game against Brazil is done, and Luka frustradedly kicks the grass. They lost 2-0. In my opinion though, Croatia played better. Brazil are some fakers. They like to fall down for anything, they learned that from Neymar.

I finished my post about this practice game and shut my laptop closed. Luka shakes everyone’s hands, and the refs too. He then starts to walk off the field and into the dressing rooms he goes.

Some brunette runs towards Ivan R on the field and he hugs her. By the way, Rachel is sitting next to me.

“Who the hell is that?” Rachel asks, and I hear some anger in her voice.

“I don’t know.” I reply.

She’s mad cause she has a crush on Ivan, and he’s married. But that’s not his wife. His wife isn’t here, she’s somewhere else. And this girl looks pretty close to him. She’s young too.

Wait, what the hell? They look a little alike. Maybe I’m going blind, I doubt they’re related.

Ivan and this girl, with similar blue eyes as him walk over to where we are, the front row; working with the FIFA crew.

“This is Francesa. She lives here in Russia, and she’ll be showing us around.”

“Hi! Nice to meet you two, you girls are so pretty.” Francesa says.

“Oh, hi! Nice to meet you, I’m Jimenna. This is Rachel, my best friend.”

“Hi.” Rachel says with a smile, and shakes her hand. It’s fake though.

We all go to the dressing rooms, where the players are. Luka is probably showering, so I wait for him to finish.

Rachel and Francesa are making small talk. Rachel is super lovable so she’ll for sure be her friend in no time. But she’s still jealous.

Luka is ready, and Francesa told us that she’s show us around. And take us to her favorite club. Which is my favorite.

“Hey, babe, come here.” I say, as he walks towards me.

He doesn’t even reply and he throws his arms around me.

“I’m so stressed. We’re not ready.” He’s about to cry.

“You will be. You still have time. You guys will conquer every team coming your way. I promise.”

My fingers run through his hair, and he’s holding me by the waist tightly.

“Look at me.” I say again, and he looks at me; his eyes watering. “I think you’re amazing, Luka. No matter what.”

He nods and I get on my tippy goes to give him a kiss on the forehead.

“Thank you, ženica.”

It’s been a couple hours, and Francesa has shown us amazing places in Moscow like Gorky Park, Red Square, Moscow Kremlin, GUM, and Sparrow Hills. Now we’re all heading to her favorite club. It’s called GIPSY.

Luka hasn’t said much at all today since the friendly match with Brazil.

Mateo, Ivan R, Šime, and Dejan are with us along with Luka obviously. Francesca looks really close to Ivan, and it’s bothering Rachel.

“She has to be his side chick, do you see how close they are?” Rachel comments to me.

“I don’t know.” I reply.

“I’m gonna find out.” She says, before walking away from me to talk to Mateo.

I roll my eyes, and we walk out of GUM. It’s a mall with a ton of designer stores. There’s a limo bus waiting for us and we get in. Šime sits next to me.

“Hey.” He says.

“Hi.” I reply.

“I got you this.” He says, and hands me a bag.

It’s designer clothes.

“Thanks! I’m sorry I’ve been so distant. FIFA is really hard on Rachel and I.” I give him a hug.

“Yeah, I understand. We’ve all been so busy.”

Once we get to the club, Francesa gets us a table and I go to the bar to get drinks for all of us. I sit next to Luka, who is already drinking a bottle beer.

“Babe, are you okay?” I ask.

“Never better.” There is a hint of sarcasm in his voice.

“I’m just trying to help, Luka. I understand that you’re frustrated. Trust me, I am too-“

The Croat interrupts me while speaking.

“Frustrated with what? All you have to do is write. I have to train, play, lead this time, and above all; win. You do nothing.”

I raise an eyebrow, and reply with just as much rudeness.

“I’m frustrated with making you guys look like you deserve to win this World Cup.”

I get up and sit on the other side of our sitting area to sit next to Šime. I take the beer glass from his hands and take a big sip.

“Thanks?” He asks, with a laugh.

“You’re welcome.”

I honestly felt like crying.

What the hell is wrong with Luka?

“You okay?” He asks again.

“No, but soon I will be.”

We just talk and drink. Just having a good time.

“Are you sure you can braid?” I ask, with a laugh.

“Yes! I can.”

Šime starts braiding my long, black hair. He makes my hair into sections then does a Dutch braid.

“How do you know how to do this?”

“I have no idea.” He says.

Once he finishes, I get up to freshen up in the bathroom. Rachel and Francesa follow.

“Hey, hope you don’t mind if I ask you this. But are you and Ivan a thing? You know he’s married right.” Rachel tells Francesa.

“What? We’re related! He’s my cousin. Our dads are brothers.”

“Oh. That makes sense.” I say, opening the door to the bathroom. “You guys look alike.”

I wash my face, since I’m starting to look like trash. I’m the first to leave the bathroom, and the first thing I see is some random girl sitting on Luka’s lap. She’s touching him everywhere, in places only I’m supposed to touch. And he’s not even doing anything about it. He is letting her touch him.

Just as she is about to kiss him, I grab her by the shirt and slap her in the face.

“What the hell?!” She comments.

“That is my boyfriend you’re straddling.” I say, and push her away.

Luka is just smiling and laughing, as if nothing happened.

“Well, he never mentioned anything.” She says, and pushes me back.

“Oh no you didn’t. Come here bitch, I’m going to rearrange your fucking face!”

I grab the jug of beer and pour it over her head. The dumb blonde has the audacity to punch me in the jaw. She doesn’t hit as hard as I do though. She also bouts alcohol on my head. So my hair is soaking wet and most of my clothes as well.

This girl does not know who she’s messing with. I grew up getting into fights, since my childhood wasn’t perfect.

My hand holds my jaw, and I grab her by the hairs and throw her on the floor. While she’s on the floor, she grabs my leg and I fall down.

How come no one is stopping us? Like staff or any of my friends? It doesn’t matter, I’m going to leave her with marks.

I get on top of her and start punching her. Now is when people start telling us to stop. But this girl is tough, not going to lie. She’s punching, kicking and pulling my hair. Everything she can to get me off her.

Dejan walks over, and picks me up.

“What the hell, Dejan! Let me go!” I say.

Everyone is walking out of the club, because we made a mess. I dig in my pocket, while still being in Dejan’s arms and give it to a staff member.

“For the drinks and damage.” I say, with a wink.

Once we’re outside of the club, Rachel is making out with Mateo.

“What the hell?” I say.

What is even going on?

Dejan, the giant, sets me down and I sigh.

Luka is talking to Šime while Francesa talked to her cousin, Ivan.

I interrupt and make Luka face me.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?”

“Nothing.”

“So you were going to cheat on me?”

“Sure.”

“Okay, well, we’re fucking done you piece of shit.” I reply.

“It’s not like you’ve always been faithful. You were with Šime.” He slurred.

“Yeah, he was doing my hair. He’s my best friend. You were getting straddled.”

I don’t even let him finish, and I grab my own Uber to be away from everyone.

#luka modric #fifa world cup 2018 #croatia #soccer #croatiant #hrvatska #fanfic

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bitegore · 6 years

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I was tagged by the absolutely awesome @gold-from-straw and I’m gonna tag a few people so uhhh... @mllemusketeer , @poplitealqueen , @travellinglemonworkshop , @chaotictrickster , @ternaryflower53

post:

A snippet of your work in progress

The theme song for your WIP

The theme song for your protagonist

The theme song for your antagonist

The theme song for your protagonist’s love interest (if they have one)

The theme song for the main pairing of your WIP

The theme song for the opening chapter (if it’s a long fic)

Song for the current chapter/page (if it’s a long fic)

Any other songs you’d like to mention and why

and then tag some friends and have fun!

A snippet of your work in progress

They dragged him before the council again. They shoved a single cube of energon into Megatron’s hands and forced him, again, to his knees. He made to lift his head and the enforcer on his right snatched the cube from his starvation-weakened servos. “Bow, filth, and you get your precious energon back,” the enforcer snapped. Megatron weighed his options—his dignity, or his life?—and then slowly inclined his head, training his optics on the floor.

“Good mech,” the enforcer purred, and held the cube out again.

Megatron snatched it and, this time, drained it in one quick gulp. He heard the enforcer to his left chuckle.

How he wished to tear off their faceplates and bash their faces to shattered wrecks beneath his fists. But he knew it was hopeless, and so he knelt on the floor of the Senate, and he waited.

“Megatron of Tarn,” one of the councilors said, voice laden with condescension. Megatron had never bothered to learn who was who, and so all he knew was that this was one of many mechs with too much power and too much arrogance than could possibly be good for anyone other than themselves. ”You have disobeyed the will of Primus and defied your path in life . You have attempted to tempt others to follow in your sinful footsteps. You have attempted to seduce others to follow your evil rhetoric. Is this not true?”

Megatron raised his optic ridges, though he kept his gaze fixed on the floor. He didn’t want to tempt the enforcers to do something to him that he couldn’t fight off. “Is this meant to be some mockery of a trial?”

One of the enforcers hit him over the back of the helm with something, and Megatron winced as his optics shorted out for a moment.

“Megatron of Tarn, you stand accused of these heinous crimes,” the unnamed senator snapped. “Are the charges true?”

Megatron attempted to lift his head and received another brutal blow to the back of the helm instead. “Frag you!”

An angry rumble went around the room.

“Admit your guilt,” the senator snarled at Megatron.

Megatron gritted his dentae, bracing for the blow he knew would come. He glared at the senate floor. “The things I’m accused of—you are the guilty ones!”

The theme song for your WIP

A Song for the Nameless by Sworn In(video) (lyrics)

At its core, Project Forged Chains is about revolution, but also at its core, Project Forged Chains is about brainwashing and brainwashing aftermath. A Song For The Nameless is kinda about both. At once. Both about dismantling the prejudices that one holds and , also, about breaking one’s programming in the more literal sense.

The Great Die Off by Rise Against (video) (lyrics)

This one is just pure revolution. Revolution a la we’re going to end you and supplant you and build a better world in your wake and you are not allowed to bring your ideals to our new order.

The theme song for your protagonist

Zero Visibility by Rise Against (video) (lyrics)

Megatron wants to make things better. The problem is, he’s never gotten to see a better world. He’s going to keep trying and keep trying, but his guidance is just a guess in the dark. At least the Decepticons will be with him for the ride, but there’s no guarantee his world will be a better one so much as it will just be one that strives to be better. They walk through the dark, and Megatron, blind, tries to guide them down a path he cannot see.

Forty Six and Two by Tool (video) (lyrics)

Megatron gets shadowplayed and brainwashed. Forty Six and Two is about digging out the secrets and pitfalls in your subconscious mind. Unfortunately for Megatron, that’s…a bit more literal than the song originally was.

The theme song for your antagonist

Red Right Hand by Karliene Reynolds (video) (lyrics)

It’s so quintessentially Proteus. Proteus controls the Senate, controls the people, does all these things for power and blackmail and pulling all the strings in his own metaphorical red right hand. He wields his money and privilege like an executioner’s axe. He’s also generally a douche who doesn’t conceive of the people he considers ‘lesser’ as real beings, but that’s kind of besides the point, because every nobleman Cybertronian did that. That’s why Megatron’s gonna kill em all lmfao

The theme song for your protagonist’s love interest (if they have one)

Never go Back by Evanescence (video) (lyrics)

This one is really good for when Orion starts to lose his strong sense of morality after seeing everything that the Decepticons face from the Decepticon perspective and not as an outsider and then an Autobot. He starts to feel like he’s coming undone, and the only thing that really keeps him grounded is Megatron—but of course, Megatron himself is looking to dismantle the rest of the world and bring Cybertronian society crashing down about everyone’s ears. Don’t get me wrong—Megatron has a hell of a moral compass himself, albeit a somewhat rewritten one, but he and his views are not very good for Orion as he’s going through the downward spiral of yet another Patented Optimus Prime Crisis of Conscience(tm).

Ticks and Leeches by Tool (video) (lyrics

Basically, Orion @ the upper class’s mistreatment of his newfound close friends in the Decepticon movement and…well…everywhere, ever, really, Functionism fucking sucks.

The theme song for the main pairing of your WIP

Become the Beast by Karliene Reynolds (video) (lyrics)

Orion isn’t getting the option of staying his original, somewhat more idealistic self here; he’s being dragged headfirst into the dangerous life of being a rebel, and, eventually, an insurgent rebel, by the Decepticons and especially by a newly-minted, forged-in-fire-and-furious-about-it Megatron. He may have found new friends, and love, and all this nice happy belongingness among the Decepticons, but ultimately it is a dark path he winds up walking here.

Better Things by Memphis May Fire (video) (lyrics)

It’s very much Megatron about Optimus @ Proteus after the Chainlink arc (which is currently plotted for chapters 14-17!). Orion helps Megatron get himself together after everything, but Optimus is the one burning in fire and fury beside him. And together, they will remake the society that broke them.

The theme song for the opening chapter (if it’s a long fic)

White Washed by August Burns Red (video) (lyrics)

Megatron here is arrested and forcibly stopped from doing what he does, but he still has that anger and rebelliousness in him.

Song for the current chapter/page (if it’s a long fic)

Sink With You by Underoath (video) )(lyrics)

It just hits really hard for everyone in this chapter. Sink With You is fundamentally about losing hope and still being defiant and angry about it. Orion and Megatron are both at this point by this chapter, already.

Any other songs you’d like to mention and why

The Product of Hate by Ice Nine Kills (video) (lyrics)

It’s just so good for, well. The entire story, really. Anything dealing with the revolution against Functionist Cybertron and functionism as a whole has to deal with the violence inherent in the system, the mistreatment of the lower classes…and the inability of the middle and upper classes to recognize it until it’s thrown in their faces and plastered on the walls and even then the better-off mechs all tended to join the Autobots. The Product of Hate is about real-world racism.

The Power in Belief by Ice Nine Kills (video) (lyrics)

It feels like the whole Decepticon movement is kind of encapsulated in the concept of “we can do this if we fight hard and we believe in the cause.” And, of course, Decepticonism is like three quarters of the story, so if there wasn’t something to say about Decepticonism there would be something wrong, lmao.

Destruction of Myself by From Ashes to New (video) (lyrics)

Megatron internalizes a whole bunch of really bad shit between chapters five and seven. Blame Proteus.

#my writing #Project Forged Chains #THIS WAS SO FUN KDSJFDKJ BUT IT ALSO TOOK ME TWO HOURS #I DIDNT HAVE A FEW SONGS #ive got a mood tone playlist but not a character oriented one so #/shrug

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theaterboyinwonderland · 6 years

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U make me answer 25 q I make u answer 1-50 :^)

Hey! Fuck you you hoe :D Tumblr mobile wouldnt let me.copy paste so i wrote this shit in a google doc admire how.much energy i put into this. You fuck 1) counter couch or top of the dryer? Easy couch its comfy and easy to sit on. Plus diff postions are easier2) Your last sexual encounter? Good or bad and why? Depends, do u count phone sex? If so ugh…? A week ago? irl probs like...4 or 5 months ago. For real sex like 2 or 3 years. Phone sex was good! My mans hot. Irl dude was also goo! Hes a pretty close friend ive hooked up with b4 and probs will later but eh. And for real sex god he sucked. Last longer bro3)Fictional person you think would be good in bed? Lust from FMA.4)Something that never fails to make you horny? A guy biting my neck and saying “like that baby/love/ect” my neck is SUPER sensitive and a homie love a good pet name5)Where is one place youd never have sex? A hospice 6)The most awkward moment during a sexual experience was when? I was with the dude from 2 and we were both WASTED. He like wanted me.to blow him so naturally i did but he thrusted into me without telling me. Now heres the thing i got a gag reflex but i can control it kinda well. Drunk me however cant and if a long phallic thing goes down outta nowhere i also cant. Anyway so i puked on him. Needless to say we didnt finish that night. 7) Weirdest thing to ever turn you on? When i was a kid id get horny hearing the sex sounds from fable. Which after replaying them are SOOO bad8)What is the best way to sexually bind someone?Im a sub bottom dude dont fuvking ask me. Probs get them to love you?9)Fastest way to make you horny? Pin me to a bed force eye contact and then kiss/bite me neck/throat. Dirty talk also helps.10Top or bottom? Bottom 11)We were about to have sex but then…. I probs said im tired 12)Is one orgasm enough ? Are multiple necessary? SEE…depends..i fucking HATE over stim. I legit banned jd from doing it to me. THAT BEING SAID. If irs an ALL NIGHT thing and i only.cum.once (probs at the end edging fuck) im gonna be a mess. 13)Something you've hidden in your room that you dont want anyone to find? The body14)Weirdest nickname a SO has ever called you? Ugh...idk ive never gotten more than babe till i started dating jd and his are nice like baby/my prince/my everything. I use cringy ones like darling sweetie honey. Ughh t help one guy see if he liked she/her pronouns i called him princess. He later decided he like he/him so i just called him my prince15)Two things u like about oral? Taste, hearing a guy get more horny and start that low whimper/moan when they're close.16) weirdest sexual act someone has ever preformed or tried to perform on you? All of my so and shit are basic af. Bondage and a collar are the furthest anyone has asked me. Though a random asked if i was cool with water sports.17)Have u ever tasted yourself? Ive tasted my cum and it was….okay? Ive never sucked myself a bitcg aint flexable.18)Is it ever okay to not use a condom? Ive…never…..used….one...haha….19)Who was the sexiest teacher u ever had? I never had one but FUCK there one this one just outta college history teacher (who apt had a big dick) and like DAMN he was fine.20)A food you would like to use during a sexual experience? I dont really wanna do food stuff? Its to messy and like...a waste of food? 21)How big is to big? 10+22)One sexual thing you would never do? IF YOUR FEET EVEN COME CLOSE TO FUCKING TOUCHING ME.23)biggest turn on? Wasn't this a q already? On a guy in gen i love singers. Abs and blonde hair dont hurt. Also being taller than me.24)Three spots that drive u insane? Neck hips collar bone25)Worst possible time to get horny? At work sense i work with old people (hey cas coulda stopped here you furry pope fucker)26)Do u like it when yoursexual partner moans? HELL FUCKING YEAH I DO! Im super audio based and i lovethat. I also have a praise kink so like moans are basically praise27)Worst sexual idea you ever had? What if i was straight?28)How much fapping is to much fapping? Ugh...HMMM...if you do it more than 3 times EVERY day maybe stop 29)Best sexual compliment youve ever had? So at the party me and the friend were at there wa:. Him. My ex. And another fuck buddy of.mine. a q came up about who gives rhe best head and whos the best kisser AND ALL OF THEM SAID ME. I was like “i am a damn good kisser “ and my ex said “fuck ya he is”30)Bald, landing strip, jumanji? Do whatever idc. Hairs hair.31)Is it good sex if you dontnut? No. Im impatient and needy.32) If they *love me* we fucking33)Fav part of your body? My eyes! I think they're nice. Other than that i hate myself lmao34)Fav forplay activities. Idk never done much. Pinned make out sound like a blast with grinding35)Love or sex? Love. Id rather have someone who really cares about me over a good fuck.36)What do u wear to bed? Underwear. Im not a pj or commando kinda guy37)First time u masturbated? Ugh….i must been like 11? It was b4 like i ever knew what it was and b4 i could cum. 38)Do u have any nude/masturbating pics/ videos of yourself? My boyfriend lives in another country, what do u think?39)Have you ever/when was the last time u had sex outside. Ive never had SEX but ive blown a couple.dudes in either a park or a park bathroom. One time.in a casino parking lot40)Have/wouldu have sex in public. See 39? Full blown sex PROBS NAH but bjs probs 41)Have/would u have a 3some?Ive had one! The ex and the fuck buddy while me and the ex were together. We never fucked but we all blew each other. Slash im down for a polyam resltionship if my partner is so id always be down. Slash slash me and jd are horny as fuck and have talked about having threesomes b4 so ye42)What is 1 random object you've used to masturbate? Ugh…? I humped my bed b4? Idfk?43)Have/would u ever masturbate at work/school. Ive blown several guys at school. So yeah id jo there. Work ive debated but thats cause SOMEONE os a fucking tease. 44)Have/would u ever have sex on a plane. No45)What is one song youd like.to have sex to? Dead girl walking.46)What is something nonsexual that makes you horny ? Hey fuck u i said this one47)Most attractive celeb? Thomas sanders or tom holland. now THATD be a threesome. Please no one show thomas this.48)Do u watch gay/lesbian poor? Why/why not? HMM I FUCKING WONDER49) If a child was born on the occasion of the last time u had sex, how old would that child be? 2 or 3 years old. God i need to get fucked. Soon50)Has anyone ever posted nude pics of.you online? No and if they do I'll murder the prick.Thanks for the qs cas i stg the next time u post an over 50 ask im.making u do them all :’) love you bb 💛 that was more fun than i thought itd be

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i-want-to-be-manhandled · 6 years

Text

more trans ramblings (tramblings?) - to T or not to T, that is the question

so i’m writing this so i have some thoughts to show my therapist next week instead of scouring my brain for them but im posting it on the internet instead of keeping it in a word document or some shit cause i need some of y’all to relate and i’m already way too personal on here anyways. and also at this point this is my personal blog too, i’ve given up entirely on keeping it just for video games. tl;dr: please tell me i am not the only one with stupid amounts of doubt going against the stupid amounts of evidence that i am very transgender.

tw: long post, doubts, testosterone/hrt effects discussed in detail, (don’t read this if you know me irl and haven’t personally talked with me about being trans? otherwise go ahead), nsfw cause we’re talking about genitals but mostly towards the end of the second to last paragraph (i’ll strike the nsfw stuff), mention of rape but no discussion of it happening, lemme know if i missed anything

so as my last transpost said im very excited for my hysto that im nowhere near getting but im flip-flopping as to whether or not i want to go on t. i know i can get it fairly quickly if i decide i do want it. there’s a trans health clinic in walking distance from where i am moving in 23 days, i have 3 therapists who will write me a letter of recommendation for testosterone, and my mother even found me the trans health clinic so she’ll try to find me somewhere else to go if they don’t take me in for some reason. (having a supportive mom is great i don’t miss her crying about how hard it is to have a trans kid in january and february.) and i’ve looked thoroughly at the effects of testosterone and have sorted them into pros, neutrals, and cons. (posting it here again mostly bc i need to do it but i also need some of yall to relate and/or validate me and/or answer my weird questions)

pros:

voice drop. im so tired of having a squeaky voice which is exacerbated by me always being anxious, and my sister has a deeper voice than me and always tries to sing ridiculously low parts to stretch it for some reason which makes me feel insecure. and apparently my voice is “always squeaky” according to my dad and like? shit man i pass until i talk that’s just the tea.

i dont even care if i have a super deep voice, i actually think i’d rather be a solid tenor because that’s the vocal range of most of my favorite songs, but i want to sound like a man when i talk and not an 8 year old girl

side note apparently a lot of trans guys have male “internal voices” but mine just sounds like how i sound when i talk because i’m a very literal person and that’s why it took me forever to figure out i was trans and not having a male internal voice makes me dysphoric sometimes and even doubt that i’m trans at all... that’s dumb af i know it’s just my literal personality type not me actually being a girl

more muscle. i dont work out as it is right now but if i knew i’d see results the way i want them then i probably would. also im getting ripped during the school year anyways bc i walk everywhere with a 15-20 pound backpack strapped to me so i’m at least gonna look semi muscular which is what i want anyways. please give me strength quite literally i can barely lift bro

bottom growth. ik it’s still not going to be ~enough~ or whatever but i’d have... something? that would be nice.

side note would packers start to be uncomfortable with something there bc i wonder about that sometimes. not that mine is super uncomfortable now or anything (i just haven’t figured out how to make it sit right) but i wonder about that

NO PERIODS NO PERIODS NO PERIODS NO PERIODS NO PERIODS

if im one of those guys whose periods dont stop on t i am actually going to perform a hysto on myself

fat shifting from hips, thighs and butt to my stomach. i don’t care if i have stomach chub or not, but i DO care that my hips are Like That and my things are Really Girly and i have a fucking Girl Butt TM like please just let me Not Have These Problems

having a more angular face. doesn’t happen to everyone per se but because of my facial structure as it is and also what my dad looked like when he was my age, i probably will get this change. i have actively wished for this since i was 13 and didn’t even know dysphoria was a word. hopefully it makes my lips a little thinner too or at least more masculine.

veins becoming more prominent. i have this one pic of me where it looks like i have Guy Arms and i just wanna look like that all the time ya know

lookin like a dude and passing? that counts right

neutrals:

facial hair. i know a lot of trans guys want this but i’ve never wanted one. i just want a jawline to cut a bitch tbh i’m never having more than stubble except the beard imma wear to my high school reunion

body hair. this is more of a pro-neutral ig bc i want it on my arms and legs but would prefer not to have a lot on my chest and stomach. fortunately i dont think my dad has a whole lot but i’m a pretty hairy afab person as it is i just dont wanna be a werewolf lmao

hair loss at temples. i just don’t care about my hairline enough for this to really bother me. maybe i will when it happens but *shrug*

scents of sweat/bo/urine changing? idk i feel like it will be weird, maybe gross if it turns out bad but honestly i don’t really care what i smell like as long as i don’t smell like a dumpster fire? i shower it’s fine lmao

rougher skin? i dont know if i’d like having rougher skin but i also dont like being an uwu soft boi so

acne. nobody wants it but like... i already have stress-acne right now and don’t really give a shit because i hate how my face looks anyways. not that i want a fuckton of acne because nobody does but im not gonna cry myself to sleep over it ya feel? it’s an annoyance but not really a con

cons:

increase in sex drive. not to be nsfw but masturbating is a chore as it is. it hasn’t been fun since i realized i had crippling bottom dysphoria and even then i can’t get off unless i’m completely distracted from my body (either through porn or being too tired to care). also i have like a 2% chance of ever having a partner so i really dont wanna have to deal with having the sex drive of a 12 year old boy when im 19, single, depressed, and dysphoric. im not even asexual but this is the worst con

emotional changes. yall know at this point i dont have the best temper, and i dont want t to exacerbate that. now, some of my friends have said that t has made them much calmer and actually less irritable, but the rest of my friends said t makes them angry. i have poor anger management and i know it. i don’t need it made worse. it’ll fuck my life up for real

increase in appetite. listen i have gastritis, ibs and acid reflux i cannot afford to be needing to eat more than i currently do

so as yall can see i have a fair number of all 3: 8 pros, 6 neutrals, and 3 cons. and what’s more, all of the cons are things that don’t have anything to do with my appearance (which my therapist and i noticed during our session a couple weeks ago and really made me think i should go on t). so then the answer should be clear: i should go on t, right? deal with having a fucked high sex drive and be pissed off because of it but finally be able to see my reflection in the mirror. so it should be obvious. what the hell am i waiting for?

the main reason i’m hesitant is i’m afraid i’ll want to detransition. even though i KNOW it rarely happens and the women who do thought they were trans because of unaddressed traumas relating to being female or have a personality disorder. i have neither of those things: the only female-related trauma i have is being slut shamed by my mom for wearing tank tops and any shirt that wasn’t a crew neck and one guy saying he’d rape me in 9th grade because he thought rape and sex were the same thing (for his sake i hope he’s grown the fuck up!! i’m not traumatized from this i just made my teacher not let him sit next to me in class and told him to stop talking to me. sadly this is the most sexual attention i’ve ever gotten), and the only mental illnesses i have are depression and anxiety (unless we’re counting dysphoria, which i definitely have). i also sometimes feel like i discovered it too late: i didn’t say “i’m not a girl” until i was 14, refused to explore my gender until i was 17, and didn’t fully accept i was trans until i was 18. and other dumb shit: i never tried to pee standing up so im not really trans even though i didn’t know what a penis was until i was like 9, ive caught myself twice recently wishing for longer hair which made me feel feminine and gross and dysphoric (even though i know hair length =/= gender??), and im not in danger of suicide if i don’t get testosterone and top surgery RiGhT nOw. the prospect of me detransitioning isn’t likely, when you look at all the facts, but the prospect makes me anxious because everything makes me anxious. i am the poster boy for anxiety. and yes, i know i would have said that even when i accepted that i was technically the poster girl but i would have said poster boy anyways because it was “gender neutral” and didn’t rub me the wrong way like poster girl would have. same reason i insisted on being a dude instead of dudette and only described myself with words that didn’t have a female equivalent in french class even if it wasn’t true. so what the hell am i waiting for.

like i know i shouldn’t be doubting at this point because it’s so, so obvious that i’m trans. just because i didn’t try to pee standing up when i was little or ask why i didn’t have a penis doesn’t mean i’m not a guy. i logically know this. like when i was 11 and i insisted to myself i had a male brain but knew i shouldn’t say that out loud because that was weird and i wanted to be a normal girl who didn’t have a weird male brain, and when i was 7 and at my friend sarah’s house and her room was super pink and girly and i literally thought the sentence “is this what i’m supposed to be like?” and when i was 14 and cut my hair into the Typical Queer Girl Pixie Cut and my hair was just??? gone like i wanted it to be when i was 9 and ended up with a bowl cut instead, and instead of looking in the mirror and thinking i looked like an owl when i was 9 i smiled at how “androgynous” (masculine) i looked, and when i was 11 and only hung out with boys at summer camp and they treated me like one of them and the girls were really mean to me but it was the best summer i’d ever had, and when i was 15 and my friend chris joked that i was the “guy” in my lesbian relationship and i was so fucking happy, and when i was 15 and starving myself because i loved my “angular” figure and jaw, and when i was 16 and wearing a dress to winter formal because my ex met me in one and i wanted to be cute for him but i picked the dress that looked like a suit because it looked very “queer” (masculine), and when i was 14 and literally went “hmmm im gonna bind my chest just because i wanna know what it would look like” and it made me so euphoric and i knew in that instant i wasn’t a girl but repressed it for 3+ years because dealing with it would just be too hard, and when i was 11 and knew it was going to be my last day going to school without a bra on and just being so ashamed even though i wanted breasts so i’d be a normal girl, and when i was 16 and wearing that backwards snapback all the time and my friend said it was what tops did and i was so happy that nobody would consider me a bottom or whatever stupid shit because i couldn’t imagine myself being penetrated ever in my cisgender gay life, and when i was 16-17 and scouring the lesbian section of pornhub for pov/strap-on videos bc i wanted to know what it would look like to fuck a girl with a dick without watching straight porn because i’m 100% a gay female because the word lesbian is too girly im not a trans guy or anything haha, and when i was 14-and-onwards wondering why it felt so empty between my legs and why it felt like i was supposed to have a dick lmao im totally a girl though haha, and when i was 15 and had to google how to masturbate bc i couldn’t figure it out naturally and still felt like i was doing it wrong, and when i was 15 and looked at my vagina in the pocket mirror i got from selling like 30 boxes of girl scout cookies in 2007 and my first thought was “that is not my body,” and when i was 16 and actually very upset that i couldn’t ejaculate when i orgasmed. trans who? what the fucking hell am i waiting for

seriously. i was 7 and looking at my 2nd grade yearbook photo thinking “that doesn’t look like me,” and i was 13 and looking in the mirror saying “that doesn’t look like me,” and i went through all of my adolescence waiting for “puberty to turn me into a girl” and then i was 17 and done with puberty and crying because my body was still wrong. i can’t believe how hard i tried throughout my whole adolescence to be some facet of “normal girl” so i wouldn’t get bullied and be dateless forever and thinking “puberty hasn’t turned me into a girl yet” and not stopping to think about what i was if i wasn’t a girl until puberty was done, i realized it wasn’t going to happen, and it was too damn late for me. now i’m 19 and don’t leave the house without either a binder or a sports bra/baggy layers combo and i’d wear my packer everywhere if i could figure out how to get it to sit right (and also get it past my parents lmao). like if anyone else rattled off that list of trans shit i wouldn’t question them for a second. but because it’s me and i’m like “what if i’m transwashing my memories? what if i’m gaslighting myself?” i’m still not on testosterone and please validate me. tell me other trans people doubt themselves, no matter how obvious it is that they’re trans. tell me it’s okay to doubt hrt, even though you know it will be so much more likely to help you. tell me it’s okay to be afraid of detransitioning, even though it’s okay if i DO decide to detransition and it’s so unlikely anyways considering all the evidence of Me Not Being A Fucking Girl.

if you read this all the way to the end here’s an awkward hug and some brain bleach im not even drunk or high i can’t even blame substances for this behavior

#kieran screams into the void #to t or not to t #that is the question #i think i should go on t after rereading this post #but im still a lil skeptical bc of that anxiety ya know #also pls laugh your ass off at my dumb high school self #im here to provide the most quality entertainment #it took me 3 hours to type this

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