Today is one of my 12-hour workdays, and my subconscious woke me before dawn with boringly obvious anxiety dreams. I'm just so tired of being told by university higher-ups that my professional future is in jeopardy because my classes are under-enrolled while students write negative comments about me in their evals. Could the latter possibly be linked to the ways in which such evals have been proven to be systemically biased? I have asked. And yet.

. tag vent

i really wish i felt better.

// I am free.

.

I love waking up at 5am and having a breakdown 😌

i feel so dumb

HI, how are you?:))) so, I don't know if you are receiving orders :/ sorry if that's the case and I'm bothering you!

mas eu gostaria de pedir um leitor James Potter×Hufflepuff!, por favor ♡

where she is seductive but in a discreet way? She pretends to be stupid and innocent but in reality she is a pit of hell

I'm sorry if it's vague or there's something wrong, I'm from Brazil and I don't trust myself and I used google translate :)))

Hi, I'm good! You've got nothing to apologize for my love, thank you for requesting <3

cw: pre-smut? idk there's a mention of a hard dick

James Potter x fem!reader ♡ 463 words

“Hiya, sweetheart!” James calls happily as you flounce up to the marauders in the library. 

“Hey, Jamie.” You bypass the chair he pulls out for you, going straight to his lap. “How’d your potions exam go?” 

“Good, I think.” His hands land automatically on your hips, and he inhales softly as he presses a kiss to your cheek, smelling the perfume you’d put on before coming to meet him. 

“Yeah?” You coat your voice in honey. “Did our studying last night help?” 

James stiffens behind you. You make your eyes big and innocent in the way you know how, and Sirius and Remus are none the wiser, both bent over their charms books in preparation for the exam tomorrow. 

“Yeah, angel,” he says, voice soft but amused. “Our study sessions always make me feel good.” 

You bite your lip. “I’ll bet,” you reply lightly, shifting on his lap in a suggestion of how good your “studying” had made him feel the night before. 

“About exams.” James’ voice gets a bit choked. His grip tightens on your hips, trying to still you. “They make me feel good about my exams.” 

“I’m glad to hear it,” you say, all sweetness as you turn your head to peck him on the lips. You give his top lip the lightest nibble, and he jumps. 

His chair squeaks against the floor, making Sirius look up. “Alright, Prongs?” 

“Yeah,” James coughs. 

You lay your head back against his shoulder, looking up at your boyfriend and giving him a view down your shirt in the process. “Are you sure, Jamie? You feeling okay?” 

“I’m okay,” he insists, growing hard beneath you. He gives the fat of your hip a warning squeeze, well aware by now of the mood you’re in. 

You have to bite your lip to keep from smiling, but you pass the action off as concerned. “Maybe you’re just tired from your exams,” you suggest. “You’ve been working really hard. Need to take a break?”

James’ laugh sounds almost dizzy. “You know what, I think I am a little tired. Come with me back to my room, angel?” 

You hop up gaily, and Remus rolls his eyes as he flips the page in his charms book. “You could at least try to be subtle,” he says to James. 

James’ tawny skin reddens, but you widen your eyes in a well-practiced look of naive blamelessness. “What do you mean?” 

Remus’ gaze flits to you, softening. “Nothing, love.”

“Begone, you rake.” Sirius waves him away. You take James’ hand, helping him comply as he holds his book low to hide his stiffness. “Some of us are trying to study, and your girlfriend didn’t come to the library to be demoralized.” 

“Neither did I,” James mutters as you lead him off.

Hm. Also thinking about the vague awareness that your presence just makes people uncomfortable by virtue of being something strange and unusual to them. Usually I can reassure myself that I'm just being insecure and paranoid but like the look on my sisters face when she realized I'm in shorts and staunchly refuse to shave my legs, nevermind my little patch of facial hair, I don't know, at best she looked exasperated.

hello, friends 🫶🏻

just a psa/personal rant?? not really a rant but

i wanted to talk about a few things, and i think the cleanest and easiest segue is to say: i have left all of my writing networks. it is 100% nothing personal to any of them, i have enjoyed each and every one, but there are a few reasons why.

one, i am not active in any of the discord servers, so there was ✨anxiety✨ about not contributing and feeling obligated.

two (and this is the segue part): obviously these networks have a big reach, and i am feeling more and more anxious about exposing my work to the masses.

it’s a double-edged sword, because i write what i want and what makes me happy, but there is always a part of me that wants feedback and wants other people to see and enjoy it. but it has been tense here lately and the “please do not perceive me” feelings are REAL.

there is just… no nuance anymore. me posting “i don’t think it was a good decision for jungkook to go to qatar” turned into a bunch of anons calling me islamophobic and a bunch of other stuff. me saying it was a bad look for jimin to feature on a song by a r*pist turned into “you can’t have an opinion because you’re a rap line stan.”

i’m most certainly not perfect. i try to do the right thing. but tumblr has turned into a place where you will get bullied off the site if someone does not like you personally and decides you’re the internet’s villain of the day. you are put into situations you cannot win. if you defend yourself, you’re making excuses. if you don’t, you’re guilty and all those things people accused you of being are true.

it is literally this tweet:

this is not a fandom known for being welcoming of discourse, but we have to be able to give others grace. there has to be nuance. like, we are literally stanning bts, who have done and said and written problematic things. we should not excuse intentionally harmful behavior, but we need to be able to have conversations and believe, to a certain extent, that not everyone behaves in malicious ways.

we all fuck up and will continue to do so. i hope your mistakes are handled with grace and you are given the benefit of the doubt, and i hope you extend that grace when others inevitably make mistakes as well.

i am not involved in drama here. i am 31 years old and too old and tired. i just want to write and cry over seokjin and shitpost with my friends.

i’m sure this has all been said before, but: i was offline at the time everything went down with m (shout-out the fucking car accident i got in on my way to pick up my friends from the airport, why did this seemingly happen to everyone??) but they are someone i have interacted with both here and offline, and how all of that played out was fucked up, to say the least. others have explained it far more eloquently than me, but it bears repeating.

so while i love writing and i love sharing my work, there is a part of me that’s anxious every time i post. including this. i will continue to do so and hope that this site becomes warmer and more welcoming, because i see a lot of posts lamenting writers leaving or deactivating, and i just think: “well, yeah.”

enough has been said about interaction and the like/reblog ratio, which is definitely a huge part. it can be demoralizing to spend so much time and effort writing a fic that gets little interaction. but the environment is a big part, too, and i’m hopeful that can change.

(but also—protect your peace, whatever that means for you. unfollow that person. block that tag. you don’t have to engage with everything, especially if it raises your blood pressure. one of the few good things about the internet is that you’re largely able to curate your experience. don’t feel guilty about taking advantage of that.)

i will finish this by saying: i am always open to having conversations so long as they’re in good faith. it is not anyone’s place to police my behavior, but if i ever do or say something that is not cool, you are more than welcome to address it with me. i encourage you to do so. as flor once said: comfort can’t help me grow up.

love u all. pls be nice to one another. 🖤

I get why tradwife content is so appealing - but it's not for the reasons they think.

Some information upfront: I am trans (nonbinary - GNC), hormonally intersex, queer, and have been partnered with a trans woman for going on seven years. I became progressively disabled and eventually was not able to go to school or work. I slipped into the housespouse role, especially as I started to regain some measure of functioning. Even though it was never my goal to be in this role, especially not for this long, for the last several years I've helped run progressive spaces and resources for non-traditional homemakers.

I say all this to situate what I write next. Please note: once again, I use AMAB and AFAB because not everyone around me IDs with their AGAB but what I want to talk about here breaks down along AFAB and AMAB lines in my experience. Yours may differ.

I considered writing up this morning - my family's Christmas - as an example of the various kinds of normalized incompetency I see in the AMAB folks around me embodying but I imagine most people who are going to relate to what I'd say on any level have their own stories. I think we're reaching a point where even sharing examples for the purpose of teaching can be demoralizing because we really just wind up seeing how completely mundane AMAB obliviousness or even outright hostility is. I don't want to add to that. But picture a fairly stereotypical scene - my AMAB partner making us late, AFABs all doing the invisible labor of making it go smoothly (grabbing cups before full grown adults knocked them over, dealing with trash and tidying, sorting and organizing, noticing each other's feelings and tending to them, etc) while AMAB folks laughed about how little the knew about the presents that had been purchased and generally kicked back. That was my morning.

It's not an experience that seems that miserable on it's face. No one said anything cruel. No one got hit. None of us are sitting in an ER. We're alive. But you could look around the room and see how my sister and I especially were just fucking tired by the end of it. AFAB exhaustion is just the going rate for family holidays it seems.

At one point this morning, when I tried to voice my frustrations to my partner she flat out said to me "No one asked you to do that." People who've shared some of my experiences will get why that statement always stings without me having to say it. It's the ultimate get out of jail free card for her - you know you will still face the consequences if you didn't get that work done and now it won't even be appreciated or the cost to you considered. It can be genuinely heartbreaking to hear. Implicit in it is the expectation that you always have to ask for what you want and need - though you usually won't get it without also giving detailed instructions every single time making it easier to just do it yourself - with no amount of learning patterns or generally empathizing being necessary on their part. Problem solved I guess.

Which brings me to my opening statement. The appeal of tradwife content is in the idea that it is possible to be happy in a relationships in which your needs are not anticipated, desires are only rarely considered, and your emotions are not responded to.

And I know they would argue differently - that's fine - but I've watched people in my communities flirt with the ideas before and I can tell you, it is not coming from some genuine belief in the bioessentialism that the TradWife crowd espouses. It's firmly rooted in disillusionment with the narratives we've been fed about what good and healthy relationships "should" be.

Let's use an imperfect analogy. All the content out there about building healthier relationships are like those authors who teach other people how to write and publish their first novels. Even among avid followers and people who follow the course - not all of them are going to wind up getting publishing deals like author teachers did. But when that's all you ever see about books on your feed, it starts to feel like everyone is figuring out how to do this and you just...suck for some reason. Now imagine that you publishing a book was seen as a vital part of the queer movement and everyone you knew had written these great books. Imagine that talking about how difficult you're finding it to write this book was not only seen as a threat to the larger movement but also made you a leech or otherwise dangerous or bad. That's what so much relationships content feels like these days.

There's a lot of nuance to this I'm not going to be able to capture; how the taker/giver dynamic still often gets reproduced in AFAB/AFAB relationships but generally along lines of any privilege disparities rather than strictly presentation, how transmasculine folks occupy a very liminal space in this conversation because other forms of privilege can impact it how the dynamic plays out so much, how trans/queer theory hasn't developed many robust models and methods for thinking through how queer and trans folks repeat toxic conditioning in their relationships with each other, etc.

But at the end of the day, the reason I see most people dip into it - why I myself have read through their blogs looking for answers - is because the messages we're told about what relationships should be like don't match the reality of the choices we really have available to us, especially when it comes to being with AMAB folks.

The fact that so many people cannot seem to sit with is that some people have no choice but to be single and some people do not really have the choice to be single. Health care, survival needs being met, access to family members and friends, transportation, etc can all be dependent on staying with someone who does the least. Making the best out of mediocre and unfulfilling relationships is a strategy for survival.

TradWife content not only makes overfunctioning seem possible long term but meaningful in some way that the relationship itself is not. I'm sure many of those content creators really love their husbands. But emotional intimacy is rarely discussed in these spaces. It does not seem to be highly valued. And it can almost be a relief when compared to spaces that harp on the basics you're giving but not receiving so regularly, where you not leaving is seen as enabling or leeching/gold digging stead of the economic dead end that it actually is. It is both a haven and a new hell.

Queer, trans, and disabled homemakers are effectively in the alleyway between houses, instead of in a house of our own. We're running between the eaves trying to stay dry. In one space we're told that our queerness/transness is good but our unhappiness in our relationships are seen as a threat to the cause and our difficulty leaving is seen as regressive and even exploitative (which ignores all the domestic labor we do). In the other space, we're told that our domestic labor is a beautiful gift and that there's something transformative about giving without expecting in return - a tempting ideal - but that our transness and queerness are the reason for our unhappiness.

This is all just to say I get it. While I don't support TradWife content and always shoot down bioessentialism in the spaces I'm in, I also get the appeal of the idea that the work itself is something you're meant for, that that kind of caring can fill the void of never really receiving it. I get the appeal of a space that values your labor instead of erasing it as just expected and calling you a leech.

I'm glad there's good content out there for building healthier and more enjoyable relationships for those who can both genuinely pursue it. But the older I get, the more I've seen that that is a very small portion of those in relationships and those available. Many of us are even more constrained n our options and maligned in our choices. The dearth of resources on making things work in the relationships that are okay but ultimately unfulfilling means people will continue to turn to things like TradWife content.

General Old-Timey Grumbles

I truly wish from the bottom of my heart that there was an alternative version of FR purely focused on breeding, decorating, and geneing dragons. I've been here for a Very Long Time and I still hate the Coli, I still hate grinding for mats, and I still consider the dollar-to-gem ratio an affront to god. (WHY ARE GENES SO OBSCENELY EXPENSIVE. IT'S 2023 AND I HAVE TO BUDGET FOR A BAKERY CUPCAKE, A DRAGON GENE IS NOT WORTH MORE THAN AN ITEM I PHYSICALLY GET TO EAT.) I wish there was a way to get everything solely from playing the rewarding part of the game: the part with the dragons. I have some profitable breeding pairs so I make an ok living, but compared to anyone who can even halfway doodle something or who have bottomless pockets to dump money into the game? I don't feel a sense of accomplishment by achieving my goals because by the time I finally get there, I'm just glad it's over... until I want to do something else. It transcends reasonable challenge to become demoralizing. I literally just want to gene up gen1s, breed dragons, sell dragons, and dress them up. That's the appeal for me. I like familiars, but bonding with them takes forever. I like dressing up dragons, but grinding to get stuff every seasonal event is such a pain in the arse. I think Baldwin and Swipp and so on are nice ideas as site features, but the sheer volume of item sink required to participate in them makes it not even worth it to try. And while I have all the retired items I could want (wanna know why Light Sprites are so rare? We didn't know they'd be permanently retiring at the end of the first Festival so no one bothered to hoard them! I'm fucking old!,) I feel for everyone that is never, ever going to be able to access any of it because of how unattainable things have become. I know this is an unpopular opinion, but especially for wearables, having them Gone Forever? It just sucks. It just sucks, you guys. It's not fun. Flight Rising is a game full of beautiful art that makes you jump through hoops like a collie at an agility trial doing meaningless busywork to get to the part where you get to play with your cool dragons. And I know most people enjoy a lot of those features, but I'm old. I'm tired. I mean I'm literally getting old and my fucking joints resent sitting at the PC and/or swiping shit on the phone at length. I have a life. I feel the response might be to move on, but 1) what other petsites even exist in 2023? I'm still on Neopets too, and Subeta is cool, but otherwise?? and 2) no. I like my stupid sparkledragons, I don't want to leave them behind! But this is the drama blog and I have complaints, so here I am. Please insert the "old man yells at cloud" image here, because it's me.

the increasing likelihood that season two of sandman isnt gonna do game of you anywhere near what it deserves is the main reason ive lost interest in watching the new season. like i was so hyped for the show, i managed to luck out and get into the early online viewing thing and i loved it, but the fandom got wayyy to obsessed with hob and i massively soured on the wider fandom [yall and other sandman comic readers not included<3] and given how they seem to be approaching game of you... yea i might give it a watch at some point if i have the time but im not gonna rush myself.

also your art is amazing and i am in awe of your drawings, from the klimt to the art neuvo ones you make banger after banger and i love how you draws death and zatanna but i have a soft sopt for how you draw johnstantine when you do johnzee<3

ugh, I totally agree. I think the tv show cannot capture why I’m drawn to the comics, and the tv show really exists in this sort of comic book adaptation industrial complex. the fandom is tiring. the racism is surprising and demoralizing and so is the misogyny……sigh. I love death but it feels so empty now that they’re not adapting my lesbians. a game of you getting excluded is just fucking awful bc it’s like they don’t even care enough to update the outdated parts and keep what made it so memorable.

(and ty sweetheart I rlly appreciate this message <3)

I am, as usual, late lol, but Y'KNOW. This is gonna be a long, rambly post lol, sorry, I have a lot of thoughts.

2023 was a weird year for me, artwise. When it began I was still deep in my Art Block From Hell, which had begun in mid-2021 and lasted the entirety of 2022.

Being in the thick of such a ridiculously suffocating art block, for TWO AND A HALF YEARS, is like... I can't describe how fucking life-draining it is. It felt like something was fundamentally wrong with me -- like a part of me, which used to be as effortless as breathing or blinking my eyes, had ceased to function altogether. It wasn't just a regular art block, it was a complete identity crisis. I could no longer trust the instincts I'd honed over twenty-plus years, could no longer trust my sense of observation or my ability to recreate what I saw. I felt BROKEN, and every single time I picked up my tablet pen it was like I was scraping my insides with a spoon, trying to pick up whatever tiny dregs of dried-up, crusty shit I could manage to puke up onto my canvas. It was fucking painful and humiliating and completely demoralizing.

I'm not really sure what finally got me to do so, but sometime in summer (my memory is shit lol) I downloaded Game Maker, found a video tutorial on youtube, and just... gave myself over to it. I made myself learn how to use Aseprite, and working with pixels, making teeny-tiny little sprites, forced me to work in ways I usually don't. It was a lot harder for me to find the flaws in my art when my art was thirty-five pixels tall and the anatomy was stylized to communicate clear information rather than be a recreation or approximation of reality. I think I really do credit that time working on game dev as the thing that finally cracked loose all the gunk that was keeping me stuck -- I could not perpetuate the cycle of toxicity I'd fallen into because I could barely even conceptualize what 'good' or 'bad' pixel art even looked like lol. I just knew that I was making art, and for the first time in two years, it didn't feel like I was having to desperately beg the emaciated husks of my sense of self-worth and confidence to cooperate while doing so.

(I actually sort of abandoned my foray into game dev around August/September lol, as my adhd-brain, flitting around like a little hummingbird to every dopamine-rich-flower, is wont to do 🥲 But I wanna get back into it at some point!)

From there I had a rush of inspiration for an original project I've been mulling around in my head for years, and I wrote thousands of words in my worldbuilding document, made a map, developed the shell of a possible actual STORY. I returned to sketching. Conventional sketching. It was, at first, largely still comprised of that same demotivating struggle against myself, but I was so deep in the throes of inspiration (after several years of this project laying dormant in my google drive) that I NEEDED to sketch. So I kept going. And after a while, it got....... easier. And I started hating everything I made a little less. I painted, properly, for the first time in years. I stayed up late into the night, even if it meant I would be tired at work the next day, because drawing felt so damn GOOD again and I had missed that feeling so much. All I wanted to do was draw. For the first time in two and a half years, I could finally see the light at the end of the fucking tunnel.

I still don't think I'm quite out of the woods yet. My style is changing, as all artists' styles do over time, and that comes with stumbling adjustments. My confidence is still small and shaky and recovering; I still catch myself second-guessing what I've drawn, and even looking at some of the things here on my grid makes me cringe a little bit for one reason or another.

But compared to both 2021 and 2022, the volume of art, and in particular the volume of art I don't actively despise, is WAY higher, and I'm really really hopeful that that means I'm finding my footing again.

So! Here's to 2024, and to continuing to move towards the light at the end of the tunnel 🙏🌟 I'm gonna try.

Day Twenty (of a 100)

Couldn't update yesterday bc thunderstorm+powercut=dead phone

What I planned to do

Visit the library, go through Biochemistry lecture notes and then start working on presentation

What I actually did

Looked up articles for my presentation, and scribbled down a few things

What I'm proud of

....

What I have to say

I'm actually so tired, not physically but deep within my bones

And yesterday was just fheisigwkav bc:

The neighbor lady who I usually commute with left me behind so I had to go wait for the bus

I forgot to bring an umbrella so I got rained on at 6 in the morning

I realized I forgot my student id at home (for the first time in forever) so I couldn't enter the library and had to wait on a cold bench bc the cleaner ladies were doing their jobs

When I finally got to enter an unoccupied class the power went out and my phone battery was halfway full bc I didn't charge it the last night bc there was another thunderstorm so now I'm sitting wondering if it'll last the entire day

The school wifi went out along with the power so I can't do anything even if I wanted to bc I don't have lecture slides or anything on my phone (I left my laptop). Plus there's a lesson that's supposed to be on

The power comes back almost an hour later but then after 10 minutes a class starts so I have to switch locations

All the classes in the block I'm in are occupied, it's raining outside so I'm back on the cold bench

While on the bench I get news that the lab I came for is starts at 1 pm it was supposed to start at 11. I also get news that the 7 am online class is postponed to Thursday evening... I could've ate a proper breakfast and came to school at 12.

Atp I don't even want to do anything I'm so demoralized so I wait for the lab (and try to find the articles for the presentation). The lab was an assessment and it was ass, I was spraying medication everywhere, I forgot crucial steps like actually talking to my "patient" , I returned used cotton wool back to my sterile work table WHO TF EVEN DOES THAT?!?! It's just-

So after that I just packed up my shit and went home.

I get home do chores, I plan to yk study at night to make up for the crap day I had. Thunderstorm starts, the power goes out and can't lie I was scared. The rain was heavy, the wind was strong and the thunder was booming like a mf, I was under the blankets wide awake, scared shitless in pitch black darkness ...... Great!

And you know what the saddest thing is, I could've just switched on the lights (bc they are these charge up bulbs that work even when there's no power) and opened a textbook

Any last words

Hope today is better, what a sad way to start the week

And ik there's a lot I could've done with the time and resources I had but my entire day was derailed before it even started, and the minor inconveniences kept stacking up I just got tired.

what happened and where I've been.

note: feel free to ignore if you don't care.

so it's been a really long time. I've been long debating on whether I should even make this post because I always wanted to avoid bringing anything personal to this blog. however I remember receiving messages from people who told me how much they loved this blog and how much it meant to them. as well as the people I used to talk to that I owe at least an explanation on why I disappeared.

firstly I got burned out, big time. when I started this blog I wanted to create a space where I can find, share, and reblog KP content. it was a huge passion project for me because I absolutely adored the show. my goal was to be the first blog that popped up when you typed in "Kim Possible" into search. The blog grew relatively quickly and I hit my goal within the first year. I met and talked to a lot of people who loved the show and would thank me for my reblogs of their fan art because of the amount traffic they would receive from it. i got inspired from the gifsets people posted and i got into making them myself and I loved it. however after how much time I put into running this blog it stopped being a passion project and became more of an obligation. I ran this blog for nearly six years ensuring that there would be posts every month. I ended up growing really tired of it and it wasn't enjoyable for me anymore.

secondly the Kim Possible live action movie. because this blog is called everythingkimpossible I felt that I needed to report about updates and developments about the then upcoming movie. to put it simply the movie brought out a lot of negativity and toxicity within the kim possible fan base and I would see so much of it under my posts and it was draining and demoralizing to be pretty much forced to read all of it.

now to clarify I have my own opinions on the movie as well let's just say i'm not a big fan of it myself (maybe i'll make a post about my thoughts on it if people are interested) but it still took a huge toll on me and it divided the fan base. I didn't know if I should make posts and reblogs about the movie after the fact or not.

so why am i back now? well i've recently started rewatching this show after many years and it got me really nostalgic about this blog. I truly did love running it for a long time. (it also recently turned 9 years old which is insane!) this site looks a lot different than the last time I was here! I'm also sad that a lot of the blogs that I follow are now deactivated but I can't really be shocked as I've been on hiatus for over 3 years.

I can't promise that I'll be back to regular posts but maybe I'll check in once in a while. Thank you to anyone who is still following me after all these years and to anyone who has even recently found this blog and followed.

Also thank you to everyone who has read til' the end I really appreciate it!

-EKP