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kizzer55555 · 23 days

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DP x DC: The Most Dangerous Card Game

Ok so Danny has essentially claimed earth as his. And he is fully aware that there are constant threats to the planet. Now he can’t stop a threat that originates on earth (that’s something he’ll leave to the Justice league) but he can do something about outside threats. Doing some research on ancient spells, rituals, and artifacts, he cast a world wide barrier on the planet to protect it from hostile threats so they cannot enter. This will prevent another Pariah Dark incident. However, barriers like this come at a price. You see, there are two ways to make a barrier. Either make one powered up by your own energy and power (which would be constantly draining) or set up a barrier with rules. The way magic works is that nothing can be absolutely indestructible. It must have a weakness. The most powerful barriers weren’t the ones reinforced with layer after layer of protective charms and buffed up with power. Those could eventually be destroyed either by being overpowered, wearing them down, or by cutting off the original power source. No, the most powerful barriers were the ones with a deliberate weakness. A barrier indestructible except for one spot. A cage that can only be opened from the outside. Or that can only be passed with a key or by solving a riddle. So Danny chooses this type of barrier and does the necessary ritual and pours in enough power to make it. And he adds his condition for anyone to enter.

Now the Justice league? Find out about the barrier when Trigon attempts to attack, they were preparing after he threatened what he would do once he got to earth. How he would destroy them. The Justice league tried to take the fight to him first but were utterly destroyed, so they retreated home to tend to their injuries, and fortify earth for one. Last. Stand. Only when Trigon makes his big entrance…he’s stopped.

The Justice league watch in awe as this thin see-through barrier with beautiful green swirls and speckled white lights like stars apears blocking Trigon and his army’s advance. The barrier looks so thin and fragile yet no matter how hard the warlord hits, none of his attacks can get through and neither can he damage said barrier. That’s when Constantine and Zatanna recognizes what this barrier is. Something only a powerful entity could create. For a moment, the league is filled with hope that Trigon can’t get through yet Constantine also explains that it’s not impenetrable. And clearly Trigon knows this too for he calls out a challenge.

And that’s when, in a flash of light, a tiny glowing teenager appears. He looked absolutly minuscule compared to Trigon and yet practically glowed with power (this isn’t a King Danny AU though).

And that is when the conditions for passing the barrier are revealed. And the Justice realize that the only thing stopping Trigon and his army from decimating earth. The only way he can get through….is by beating this glowing teenager in a card game.

Not just any card game though. The most convoluted game Sam, Danny, and Tucker invented themselves. It’s like the infinite realms version of magic the gathering, combined with Pokémon, and chess. And Danny is the master. So sit down Trigon and let’s play.

(The most intense card game of the Justice league’s life).

After Danny wins, this happens a few more times with outer word beings and possibly even demons attempting to invade earth, yet none have been able to beat the mysterious teenager in a card game. Constantine might even take a crack at it and try to figure out how to play. He’s really bad though. Every time this happens, the Justice league worry that this might be the time the teenager looses. Yet every time, he wins (even if only barely).

Meanwhile, Danny, Sam, and Tucker have gotten addicted to the game and play it almost daily. Some teachers might seem them playing the game are are like ‘awww how cute’ not realizing this game is literally saving the world. Jazz is just happy they aren’t spending as much time on their screens playing Doomed.

#DPxDC #dcxdp #Danny makes a card game to save the world.#Technically he worded the ritual so that they had to ‘beat’ him as those are the most powerful barriers and most reliable.#keys can just get lost or stolen (like the one to Pariah’s Coffin)#A riddle would be useless once someone figured out the answer. Like how no one takes the sphynx seriously anymore.#(Sorry Tuck. But it’s true).#And there is NO WAY Danny is just leaving a hole open for anyone to pass through. No thank you!#So…beating him. But it’s not like Danny wanted to fight so…he edited the ritual a TINY bit. Card games are good. Much less painful too.#Danny Tucker and Sam made the most complicated card game they could imagine.#It’s based on their strategies for fighting ghosts. Capturing them in thermoses. And MUCH based on a on field battle strategy.#It often requires spontaneous thinking on the spot. So Danny? In his ELEMNT. It doubles as practice for his actual ghost battles too.#They had SO much fun making this.#Sam added an entire series of plant cards that act as traps and healing ointments and duds that just take up the field.#Tucker added legitimate hyroglyphics combined with Latin as well as English and ghost speak.#Yes. You actually have to speak that language to play. With proper pronunciation. (Amity Parker’s think the three are talking gibberish.)#I headcanon Sam and Tucker are fluent in Ghost.#Constantine WILL figure this game out SO HELP HIM!#Some of the cards also have combinations related to constellations either in name or placement on the board.#By the way the board is based on a Hexagonal summoning circle with Rhunes along the edges #And the placement of the cards on the board and on what rhune MATTERS.#Also the cards move disintegrate and have certain abilities. Think of Harry Potter Wizard Chess.#But they are normal when Danny plays at school. This is just for ✨effect✨ Against invaders.#Danny faces multiple opponents. He also halts alien invasions.#While Danny COULD stop crime on earth he’s not sure how to fight a normal human and hold back so he sticks to ghosts.#The Justice league are going crazy trying to figure out who this entity is and after deep research are convinced this is some sort of #Ancient being who has protected earth for millenia. They have paintings on ruins and everything.#Danny is not aware they think this.#Raven starts praying to Danny as if he is a god and wrangles the other Teen Titans into doing so as well. Danny is still unaware of this.#Danny is not a King or an ancient. Just a very VERY strong ghost.

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pinesicle · 5 months

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i love to remember when nina was in the midst of her parem addiction and mentioned that if wylan had the rest of it she'd bully him until he gave it to her. and i must say that i do not think that would work out for her. wylan was once pinned against a wall by his throat by KAZ BREKKER who was threatening to cut off his tongue and feed it to a stray cat and he was still about to argue back. this guy has absolutely 0 survival instincts i say this with all of the love in my heart but it's a wonder he survived the barrel at all even under the dregs protection. what i mean to say here is that if nina tried to bully him for the parem i think she'd only be able to get it off of his dead body

#i love wylan so dearly i'm always beguiled by his ability to have everyone view him as soft and pathetic #and him immediately proceeding to be fucking crazy out of his mind. i'm obsessed with him #benny.txt #soc #six of crows #wylan van eck #nina zenik #1k

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iwtv-az-hours · 1 month

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Poor man

He just wanted another night of drugs and perhaps some c0ck

Instead he found himself accidently homewrecking the morbidly disfunctional 28year marriage of the one real life vampire gay couple currently roaming the state

#iwtv #luke brandon field #interview with the vampire #iwtv season 2 #daniel malloy #stay away from lotto daniel malloy #the vampire chronicles take on How I met your mother #my-post #daniel #s2 #his ability to pųssywhip the crazies was almost beyond his control

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mintypsii · 8 months

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how are we feeling about the live action sanlu nation

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ex0toxin · 3 months

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SORCERORS 🔨🌫️

jsys week'24, day 7

#SCREAMING FROM THE ROOFTOPS DOROHEDORO AUUUUUUUUUU #<- the auuu part is read as a wolf howl btw #ive had this au bouncing around in my brain for literal years im so glad to post something abt it finallyyyy #theres way too much lore on this au that im not going to/going to be able to put in the tags but #okuyasu is mind controlled by keicho's smoke for the beginning of it and josuke is like oh i cant not beat his ass #josuke btw still has the same healing ability (kinda like noi) but cant use it on himself. he basically nearly kills everyone he fights #but itsok ! he can bring em back👍 usually .#anyways i need them to beat eachother half to death and then have crazy wild gay sex in a dingy back alley. its important to me .#josuyasu #josuyasu week #josuyasu week 2024 #josuke higashikata #okuyasu nijimura #jojo #jojo's bizarre adventure #jjba #dorohedoro #my art

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atelierlili · 1 day

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Peeta Mellark: *exists*

Katniss Everdeen:

#her ability to sleep next to him and no go crazy is unreal #she stronger than me fr #truama is no joke #everlark #katniss everdeen #peeta mellark #thg #the hunger games #it’s game over for her post-war #Peeta is such a jock he gets all those muscles back after the war #just for his mental and physical health #but Katniss reaps all the benefits

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littledreamling · 1 year

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Stop Asking Neil Gaiman About Fanfiction Challenge 2022

#some of yall just can’t fathom an author who has no wish (nor the ability) to interact with fanfiction of his own works #he’s said multiple times that he’s not allowed to read it nor does he want to #it’s literally none of his business #he supports you writing fics but he literally cannot do anything beyond that #he can’t read it; he can’t interact with it; he can’t reblog it; he can’t do ANYTHING #stop asking #stop askingg #stop askinggg #dear god y’all #i love the fandoms that Neil’s works have created but sometimes y’all drive me CRAZY #Neil Gaiman #please know this isn’t out of hatred or disrespect to anyone in fandom #but it’s disrespectful to Neil to constantly ask him about stuff he’s stated multiple times that he’s not allowed to see #just stick to your own little bubble in the fandom and go hog wild with your fics #and be glad he doesn’t read your stuff #him staying separated from that side of the fandom is as good for you as it is for him #it’s in everyone’s best interest if he keeps that layer of separation #enjoy fics! enjoy writing fics! enjoy reading and sharing fics! but leave Neil out of it #please for the love of god

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apple-grass-and-smiles · 4 months

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Very cool and not heartbreaking at all for the PJO show to emphasize that Percy is an outsider not only because he's new to the whole demigod thing, but also because he doesn't know the rules of being a traumatized kid with all the daddy/mommy issues possible

#Percy all the time: wait I treated them with kindness and didn't do anything bad #why am I not being treated kindly in return #absolutely everyone else: why on earth would you be entitled to basic human decency?#(and for the kids it's 1000% down to trauma and how they've been raised #so many of the foster kiddos I work with do the same thing #they either have to be so good and perfect (Clarisse and annabeth) that they can't be ignored which works until the parent moves #the goalpost and they're left in the dust with a perfect report card that doesn't get them a second glance #or they have to be so bad that their parents have to intervene (Luke) because #and say it with me folks #bad attention is the same as good attention if it's the only kind you ever get!!#watching this and revisiting TLT specifically has been crazy because they're kids who have been removed from home at their core #that's what our main cast of demigods are #all the year-round kids are removed from home and Percy's ability to go back home and love it just as much as he loves camp is something #that separates him throughout the series #he has a safe place to land during the TLO summer and he's using it and no one else seems to have that #Percy has a stupidly hard life but he has a home base to go to and most of those kids can't even comprehend that as an option #Percy's home is his greatest strength and it'll also forever be something that sets him apart from his peers #I just have thoughts on pjo and foster kids guys #silence emily #percy jackson #pjo tv #I'm arguing this isn't even a spoiler because it's been a running theme. fight me

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cgtg · 2 months

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litrally no reasone 4 karkat 2 not also be immortal in hsbc homestuck is the king of esoteric & convoluted means ov achieving insane shit. also roxy exist & godtierz keep their powerz postcanon. let da guy go godtier. wat ever. let him knight blood. wtf ever that shit means in a literal context

#kks godtier is so symbolic how does that even translate to actual powers #be rlly funny if his classpect didnt actually grant him any crazy abilities n he was just the exat same dude but in a cape #i just dont get angst abt karkat being a mortal in hsbc

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skoulsons · 5 months

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age of calamity is so funny. when you get a new playable character, you get a little mini quest with enemies so you can get comfortable with playing as said character and getting used to the combos and whatnot. the enemies are usually a moblin or two, lizalfos, bokoblins, the usual

but with sooga, his whole training quest is like. a silver lynel. a black hinox. multiple moblins

he is canonically very strong and is kohgas right hand and crazy skilled in sword fighting etc etc. the fact that they were like “mmm yes let’s make his training the most difficult bc it’s accurate to his character”

PLUS. the title is something like “soogas daily drills” or something which made me laugh. like yes sooga goes out every day and just fights a lynel and some hinoxs for fun to train up. sounds about right

#his training looking difficult doesn’t bother me 💀 I just think it’s so funny #plus he’s like 75 right now?? so he’s plenty high to do it I’ve just been upgrading everything else #but he’s MAD powerful. his swords aren’t quite 100 yet #but when I max it out and up the limit and get them up to even 130+#he’ll be unstoppable #and im still getting used to his counter ability which is CRAZY strong and kind of op #especially when I get it right more than 3 times in a row. AND WHEN HES MORE POWERFUL?? he’ll take down a black hinox in one hit easy #sooga impa link and calamity >>#teba and riju are kinda cracked as well when they’re used right #zelda too #age of calamity #the legend of zelda

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quirkle2 · 3 months

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who wants zombie au writing. don't answer that ur getting it anyway (1.6k words)

His shoes knock against the old flooring of the house, wood creaking under rubber soles that slide over the woodgrain. He drags them a bit, lifts his limbs up no more than he strictly has to, and they lead him to the nearest sittable surface.

The couch is old and dusty and has likely gone untouched for months, much like everything else nowadays, so he watches the thin cloud of dust billow off the cushions largely with disinterest. He collapses into the fabric heavily, feels the whole thing scoot back an inch and hit the wall behind him. The sound echoes, carried by lifeless rooms, while he unceremoniously drops his backpack to the floor by his feet.

The breath he lets out is slow and methodical and born of pent up muscles, aimed at the ceiling where he rests his neck against the back of the couch and relaxes every limb one by one. It’s a process he forces himself through, if only to rid the constant ache beneath his skin.

Slow, sweeping footsteps meander around the room in front of him, and Ritsu angles his gaze down from his craned back position to look at his brother. He wanders, like he so often does—seemingly aimless, but there’s something procedural about it that he’s convinced he just hasn’t figured out yet.

Shigeo’s empty eyes crawl along the hearth of the fireplace, explosions of ash sprayed out across the red brick. His head tilts up to trace his attention around the angular lines of the television, hung on the wall and screen grey with dust. He flits back and forth between the roundness of the bricked mantle and the sharp edges of the screen, like he’s taking notes.

Shigeo paws the television. Four lines of muck are cleared. The zombie blinks, paws at it again with dusty, curious fingers. Ritsu watches him make a mess of the television screen in silence, blinking tiredly.

He almost closes his eyes, but he fights against the urge and moves his fingers down his lap to reach for his bag. His middle hooks around the loop at the top and he lugs it up and into his lap, where he unzips it and peers into the shadowy contents.

Ritsu fishes out the water bottles. He finds the one with the messy R scribbled along the cap in sharpie and takes a big swig of it. It’s warm going down, constantly insulated in a bag of old, sweaty clothes. He feels like he can taste the odor in it, but it clears the grain in his throat from stomping all over dirt roads today, so he’s still grateful.

He holds out the one labeled S to Shigeo. “Thirsty?”

Shigeo looks at him from where he’s crouched down to the floor now, inspecting the soot along the hearth. Unfortunately, he sees handprints in the black already, and when his brother reaches a hand out to take it, his palm is covered in soot.

He lets him have his fun and settles his own bottle back in the mess of tangled clothes and rolls of bandages. Ritsu rakes his fingers through their stock with no real purpose—he knows exactly what’s in here, and none of it is useful.

They’d been searching all day; Ritsu doesn’t really know how far they’d walked, but it had to be a lot of miles. In and out of stores, up and down empty houses, weaving between warehouses—they didn’t really stop for a break. Not when Ritsu can hear Shigeo’s stomach from here and he himself has shaking hands. They can’t afford a break.

Nothing, though. Not a single goddamn thing worth taking. A settlement must have come through here long ago and swept the highway. They’re in the countryside, where houses are spaced out acres from each other and there’s entire cow pastures between properties. And yet every house they’d seen and entered provided nothing.

Ritsu stares into the negative space in his bag where there should be supplies. His stomach cramps and if he smells another whiff of that godawful sweaty, bloody sweatshirt he still carries, he’s going to throw up bile.

He leans away from the open pouch, eyes wandering to his brother who draws… something into the soot of the hearth. His water bottle sits on the floor, abandoned and still unscrewed. Ritsu leans forward with great effort and a grunt, leaning over his bag to grab at the top of it.

It takes him two tries to get Shigeo’s attention, and one more for an answer on where the cap is. It’s then placed in his palm, covered in soot and also saliva. Ritsu swallows down the nausea that rolls up his throat and wipes it off with his frankly already disgusting sleeve, and screws it back on.

He leans back again, succumbing to the urge to let his eyes rest, and he listens to the very subtle swipe of his brother’s hands across brick. There’s birds outside, chirping, and even though it’s still very much a common occurrence, Ritsu cannot help but feel nostalgic about it.

If he ignores the awful hum of silence, and the distinct lack of an electric thrum throughout the walls, and the fact that this is a stranger’s couch and not his, he can almost imagine normalcy. He can almost say this feels like those quiet moments after school, when he settles on the couch and scrolls through his phone in a house that only holds him and his brother because their parents simply aren’t home yet.

He can almost hear the creak of wood from Shigeo walking around his room upstairs. He can almost tap his fingers on the couch cushions to the pattern of his brother making his way down the steps. He can almost hear the fridge opening, and the sound of milk being poured into glass.

Almost. But Ritsu listens to sharp silence instead, and he tries not to think too hard.

He drifts for a while, feels himself truly sink into the couch and let the cushions claim him, and he thinks about nothings because if he doesn’t, then he’ll lose it. He carefully sifts through the nothingness of his mind, through the passing thoughts that have no bearing, and he focuses on that, on the lack of substance. His head is too full of things that have too much substance.

He misses boredom. He tells himself he misses boredom—the complete insubstantiality of it—because if he lets himself think of what he really misses, it’ll drive him insane.

The cushions move, and Ritsu peels his eyes open and lets himself get pulled from liminal mindspace. The cotton in his head recedes, and he blinks, and then he’s swiveling his head to look at his brother who sits in the cushion right next to him.

His hands and the cuffs of his hoodie are smothered in black. Shigeo sits hunched, gaze still wandering even when there’s not much decoration in this house to look at. He studies the off-white walls, the chips in the paint, the holes drilled in where there maybe used to be photos hung.

Ritsu gazes at him quietly, chest instinctively rising and falling to match his brother’s rhythm. He watches the expansion there, under his hoodie, in the subtlety of the folds and the way they warp over the movement. It’s slightly quicker than what he’s used to, but Ritsu knows his brother’s heart rate is much slower. He’s felt it before. He’s listened to it before, with his ear against a chest.

Ritsu’s attention moves to his eyes, and the heavy bags underneath them, and the paleness of his pupils and the ghostlight of him underneath that. He stares into them, looks for stray, familiar thoughts that might enter his head. Looks for old memories that might shine through in the form of recognition when he sees furniture layouts, and candy wrappers, and ads for soda.

Ritsu looks for it all the time, that glint of familiarity. And he finds it, sometimes. And really, he thinks that’s keeping him going more than food ever will.

Shigeo turns his head, and looks at him. Sometimes, when his brother looks at him, there’s not much there. No substance, no anything. And Ritsu finds it a bit evil that he craves silence in his own head, and yet noise in Shigeo’s, and often times it is the other way around.

His brother looks at him now, though, with that comforting recognition. That growth of the pupils, that softening of the hard edges of his face where unknown stressors have gotten to him. Ritsu wonders what zombies get stressed out. He figures it’s the same deal with humans, considering they’re largely alike.

Ritsu wonders if Shigeo knows he’s sick. He wishes he could ask him. He wishes for a lot of things. Silence in his own head is one of them.

Ritsu swivels his head away and stares at the ceiling, if only to force the thoughts to pause. He studies the popcorn ridges above them, traces the peaks with his gaze. It calms him, gives him something to focus on. He looks for patterns in the shadows they make.

Shigeo shifts next to him. And then he shimmies down, settles into the cushions, and plops his head right down on Ritsu’s shoulder.

Static roars in his mind and his heart stammers. Ritsu swallows the lump in his throat but that just makes it bigger, so he clamps his mouth shut and breathes carefully through his nose.

The tears cut through the grime on his face. He plops his own head down against his brother’s, and lives in the noise.

#qkwrites #zombie au #hi <3 #why am i nervous to share this . jayshut up #just to be clear this isn't going to be a full fic #i don't ? believe in my ability to write a Good zombie apocalypse story #at least one in a novel-like layout yaknow #partly bc i know i'll struggle w the logistics and consistency #but also bc i haven't seen a whole lot of zombie media before #i've never watched the walking dead i've never seen any of the popular zombie movies or shows #i think i watched zombieland 2 once ... the one with woody harrelson and thatone guy #uhm. he looks a bit like michael cera but he's Not michael cera. im not crazy he Does resemble him #jesse eisenberg there it is #but that's.the extent of my experience with zombie things #so i!!! wouldn't know if im just making overdone cliche shit #i prolly already am.this concept is prolly old news. i wouldn't know i don't fucking watch zombie stuff VGEAIYVA #idk.my confidence for this isn't there so im not makin it a fic even tho i kinda want to #but i do still wanna write them. so any zombie au writing will be in little micro-scenes like this <3 #some of em might be bigger than others idk yet. we'll see #i Thought i could call this a drabble. but then i learned that drabbles are literally supposed to be exactly 100 words #this is . notthat GVIYEAGVA #ritsu kageyama #mp100 ritsu #mp100 shigeo #mp100 mob #shigeo kageyama #i feel bad putting this in the main tags but.i mean it Does pertain ....#not the mp100 tag tho . iwon't do that to u

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fractiflos · 2 months

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Frankenstein AU

I had a post wondering what happened to Yoichi's body after he died, but an AU where AFO pulled a Frankenstein would be interesting. Especially if Yoichi didn't remember anything when he woke up from the operating table. This is where it would diverge from the book (even more), because Victor abandoned his monstrous creation while AFO would take the opportunity to teach Yoichi. Of course, his teaching would probably be something like giving him a heavily edited version of Captain Hero where the spiky-haired vigilantes are the villains.

And because he had to be all stitched up, I imagine AFO would also tell him that no one could love Yoichi other than him. Naturally, he tries to escape and form other connections (like how the monster wanted a mate), only for his brother to be proved right when people scream in fear and he accidentally kills someone in his panic.

We could get the good ending where Kudou and Bruce find him, accept him, and get him away from his brother, but... Remember the part where Victor was building the monster a mate and thought about how terrible it would be if there were two of them, so he ripped up his work? Now imagine AFO doing the same to the two vigilantes.

What happens next depends on whether or not Yoichi met them. If AFO did it before they found him, then Yoichi would forever live as his perfect little brother. If he did it after they found him, he'd get angry that his brother took the two best people in his life away and get his revenge. Remember how the monster killed Victor's bride? Well, about a century later, Yoichi gets his revenge in the form of Inko and Izuku. Then he runs away to kill himself so he can be with his lovers again.

#Additional Parallels:#The monster liked fire and OFA is referred to as a torch #The monster had no name and is only referred to as Frankenstein's Monster like how Yoichi's name came from AFO #Actually that one's a bit of a stretch #all for one #yoichi shigaraki #bonus points if AFO had the ability to make Yoichi look normal but wanted him to look like a monster #So he had no chance of getting close to anyone else #I think accidentally killing a child he didn't know would be best for maximum guilt #Because then his brain can go crazy imagining the wonderful life the kid could've had before he killed them #Kudou and Bruce don't care because A. AFO 'nuff said & B. They just want Yoichi back #Instead of working on my WIPs I'm doing this

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fogwitchoftheevermore · 3 months

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sometimes that's just the way that it goes

or, joel smallishbeans joins the tokyo lift (an mcyt blaseball au fic)

the thing about joel is- well, there's a lot of things about joel, but the most relevant thing, is that he never really got in to blaseball.

he'd gone to few of grian and jimmy's games in college, been brought to an equal number of pearl's minor league games, and mostly paid attention in conversation about it after his entire friend group became obsessed with the splort seemingly overnight.

but then he'd moved out to tokyo after college, where the blaseball scene had yet to expand to a proper minor league; let alone a major league. he got a non-splorts related job. he had non-splorts related hobbies. and he was suddenly in a timezone 17 hours ahead from all his friends who cared about these things.

so maybe he managed to forget basically all the knowledge he had about the game. sue him.

by the time the ILB expanded to tokyo with the lift, joel was certainly more knowledgeable on the splort than he'd ever been. he had basically the entire league's schedule in his calendar at all times, he voted in the elections, he kept a close eye on weather forecasts across the globe. a small side effect of most of your friends playing a splort that started killing people 10 years ago.

but here's the thing- despite joel's expansive knowledge of what's happening the ILB on any given day, despite his stockpile of votes, despite his constant presence as someone's plus one at any given ILB event or party-

despite all of that...

joel doesn't really know how to play.

which is a problem, when, on a whim that he now knows was definitely some divine intervention at play, he decides to actually go to one of his friend's games on a day they happen to be playing in tokyo. and it becomes more of a problem when an umpire goes rogue, and in the blink of an eye, joel finds himself vaulting a railing and picking up a bat that, until two minutes ago, belonged to a toyko lift player.

and now belongs to a new tokyo lift player.

him.

shit.

and that is how joel finds himself here, on a stool in stress and false's bathroom, staring at his actively-being-dyed hair in the mirror and considering.

he didn't know stress and false very well before joining the lift. he'd met them, of course, at the aforementioned parties and events he'd been brought to, but they weren't close by any means. but seeing as they were the only members of his new team he'd been properly introduced to prior to becoming their coworker, he found himself following them around like a lost puppy from day one. they seemed mostly endeared by this, so far, which joel was taking as an embarrassing but necessary fact of his new career.

the "sitting in their bathroom getting his hair dyed" part of his current situation had come about a few days prior, when the wild card teams were announced and the lift had officially made their first ever post season. joel's remark that they should do something for the occasion had spiraled into stress lending him her bathroom and hair dye to dye the streak in his hair pink in celebration.

by the time they actually got around to it, the lift had been knocked out of the post season by the wild wings in a two game sweep, but joel hadn't backed out, so here they were.

stress was mixing the pink dye while joel got the green bleached out of his hair, humming along to a song joel wasn't really listening to. the bathroom isn't large enough to fit false as well, with joel on a stool, so she's hovering outside doing... something. joel's kinda lost track of her exact movements due to his aforementioned considering.

joel hasn't actually played a lot with the lift, yet. he'd joined the team in the last 20 days or so of the season, so they've gotten a good 20 games worth of a look at his... let's say, skill, and they've all presumably figured out that he's not very good. no one's said anything, but that doesn't mean they haven't been thinking it. but it's also possible they haven't been thinking it, and if joel brings it up right now, then they'll all realize that he's terrible. but also, joel knows he needs to fix this problem, because he's seen what happens to bad players.

so he's sucking it up.

"stress, can i admit something to you?" joel says, as confident and nonchalant as he can manage. it's not very nonchalant.

"hm?" stress says, looking up from where she's fidgeting about. "sure, i don't see why not."

joel takes a deep breath before he continues. "now, i don't know if any of you have noticed this yet, but... i don't really know how to play blaseball."

this is when false chooses to poke her head in from whatever she'd been doing to comment. "sorry, repeat yourself?"

"well, despite the fact that all of my friends have played this game for years, i haven't been paying much attention to how it actually works. so i don't think i actually know how to play, which wasn't a problem for me until about three weeks ago. and now it's a very big problem."

"oh," false says, looking him up and down. joel tries not to feel scrutinized. "i wouldn't have guessed that from your stats, but yeah, in hindsight, that makes sense."

"you looked at my stats?" joel sputters.

"yeah is that not-" false looks at stress, desperation clear on her face. "do people not usually do that?"

"i mean, i don't, but i don't know what all you other geezers are up to."

joel has yet to move on from the stats thing. "i haven't even looked at my stats. what- are they good? actually, no i don't want to know. or, if they're bad, i don't want to know. if they're good you can tell me."

false laughs. "you're fine, overall. not a good pitcher, but that's not your problem. everything else is pretty average, but your batting is your best stat, and it's pretty up there. not really indicative of someone who doesn't know how to play."

"oh!" joel thinks about this. he doesn't think he's been a particularly special batter thus far, but he's not objecting to whoever's quantifying his skill saying he's good. not at all. "ok, well, i kinda know how to play. i think. i know enough that i've been able to be passable, but i want to be good next season."

"are you asking us to coach you?" stress says as she starts the tap to wash the bleach out of joel's hair.

"uh, if you want to, yeah. you're both good, i think."

false, who is now leaning in the doorway instead of poking her head in, laughs again. "yeah, i'd say we're alright." from her tone, joel suspects they're actually very good, and he once again has no idea what he's talking about.

"but we'd love to!" stress says, lightly pushing joel to put his head into the sink. her next words are slightly drowned out by the running water. "obviously the lift practice in the off season already, but we could spend a bit of time doing one on one stuff with you. show you the ropes, you know?"

joel, still in the sink, answers with a thumbs up. as he sits back up and takes the towel stress offers him, he sees false leave the doorway and go back to whatever she was doing, decision seemingly reached.

joel dries off his hair and stress moves in with the pink dye and a dye brush, humming along to another song he doesn't know. he definitely doesn't need her help dying his hair- he's been doing it on his own for years now. but she'd offered the dye she already had so he didn't have to buy a new color, and apparently that offer came along with her doing most of the work as well.

and for once in his life, joel is going to take the help without a fuss.

#mcyt blaseball au #my writing #ok now. the real question. do i maintag this #yeah sure cringe is dead #hermitcraft #smallishbeans #falsesymmetry #stressmonster101 #im not tagging falsestress. but know that that's what's going on here #anyways the stats thing.#it is partially joel underestimating his own knowledge of blaseball #and his own general fitness and sports ability #but its also partially that he is. underperforming for his stats for a bit #he's gonna go on an improvement arc #also yes i stole the formatting from the empires fic i reblogged earlier today #i dont ever post fics to tumblr idk how to. format #also also. title on this one comes from the ballad of unremarkable derrick kreuger #go listen to the ballad of unremarkable derrick kreuger and go crazy thanks #hermitfic

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