#but also people can backdate things
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Let me introduce you to the guy who became the main character of my workplace today.
One of my colleagues came across the following book in our online book collection:
She checked it out and quickly noticed that a lot of the text was odd or incoherent. And, surprise! It was published in 2023. She immediately suspected it was AI generated, and by the time I joined her and another coworker, they had been investigating the author's web presence, which involved. Well. Quite the Amazon listing.
Apparently Mr. Brandl has self-published 297 books, with many massive tomes getting released on the same day. A few of my personal favorites are
Conscientiology, Spirituality and Consciousness for Axillary and Upper Limb Lymph Nodes
Introduction to the UFO (just the one I guess)
Evacuation Plan in the Event of an Atomic Bomb Warning
Guerilla Techniques to Avoid Domestic Violence??? (imagining digging spike pits to capture your spouse now)
From a professional standpoint this is very upsetting because people continue to spew garbage into the information landscape making it harder and harder to find legitimate materials, and misinformation on some of these topics can genuinely hurt people. The average consumer is not particularly careful about what they're reading, which I know because I have students try to get scientific articles from the 1800s approved for their papers. But at least in this case it is kind of funny. Hold my hand. Let's read The Negative Role that the Collective Unconscious Can Have in the Planet’s Food Security together. Then after that this incredible renaissance man will teach us how to fight with two swords at once.
#the new mystery is who in our consortium fucking bought this#unfortunately now anything published after 2022 is suspect#but also people can backdate things
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the scammer @/rescueplease has now been deleted, but since a lot of people are still reblogging my posts about it, i'm changing my pinned post to a list of currently active scam accounts
scammers with the same m.o., sometimes similar profile pics and linktrees/paypal addresses:
> numberonegoateeeagle (paypal name 'Jeff Owino') new
> nour-samr (paypal name 'Nour Samar') >> nour-samr0 new/remake
scammer pretending to be a sick Black person, using the paypal name, 'Alafred Opondo'
> enchantingqueencreator
the 'insulin scammer''s latest blog (at least i think it's their latest blog:
> fancycoffeepeanut
empty blogs who are mass-reblogging the scam posts and are likely just the scammers sock puppet accounts used to pad the notes of their posts, pls block them too:
> chopra-79
> futuristicphilosopherartisan new
deleted/deactivated/changed url:
maina-3
immariaanszz >> iammarinassaa >> iammarinassaass
jovialsuitdonutai (paypal name 'jeff owino')
khalilhan (paypal name 'samuel obiya') >> khaliilhan
marylinfwaznassar (paypal name 'maryline lucy')
stickytreephilosopher (paypal name 'jeff owino')
perfectlyminiatureface (paypal name 'jeff owino')
optimisticalpacalady (paypal 'jeff owino')
omarkhalini (paypal 'fred odhiambo')
marylinefwaznassar (paypal 'maryline lucy')
khalilhani (paypal 'samuel obiya')
weepingpersondestiny (paypal 'jeff owino')
as always, please block and report these blogs, and more importantly, warn your friends, mutuals, and followers if you see them reblogging their scam posts. if you see a donation post/blog that you believe may be a scam, please do look their url up first on the tumblr search bar to see if someone has already called them out. i will try to update this post with the scammers' new accounts/url as we discover them. please also go to @kyra45's blog, as they are faster and more thorough in updating about newly discovered scams.
some red flags to look out for before sharing donation posts/donating:
new blog, or a couple years old but has only a few random, sporadic posts
backdated posts
spamming asks to a lot of other users, even the ones they don't know or have just followed, and even when the user has made it clear they don't want to receive requests to boost dono posts
is asking you to answer their asks privately, or is sending you a message directly
is straight up asking you for money, and usually for impossibly large amounts
do not put their paypal/money transfer links on their post itself, usually claiming it's to protect their 'privacy'
is using Zelle for their money transfer account, especially if the person is claiming to be in Palestine
please don't be so quick to entertain donation requests and to give away your money, especially if the user ticks a lot of these boxes. if you are familiar with the place they say they are from or the language they are supposed to speak, try conversing with them for a bit to see if their claims would hold. you can also browse my 'donation scam' tag or kyra45's blog to compare if the user has any similarities with past scammers that we've discovered.
that's it po. let's all try our best to look out for each other and make sure that our resources are going to the actual people in need, especially in the case of Palestinians asking for help. the last thing they need right now is for shitty lowlifes to use their suffering to make a profit.
#donation scam#donation scam updates#numberonegoateeeagle#nour-samr0#futuristicphilosopherartisan#optimisticalpacalady#omarkhalini#nour-samr#iammarinassaass#fancycoffeepeanut#khaliilhan#stickytreephilosopher#perfectlyminiatureface#marylinfwaznassar#maina-3#marylinefwaznassar#chopra-79#khalilhani#khalilhan#jovialsuitdonutai#weepingpersondestiny#immariaanszz#enchantingqueencreator
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Keys guide to scam spotting
Hi! I’m Key/Jess and I’ll be giving you a detailed explanation on how to spot scam accounts with commonly known examples such as what they do or what to look out for. All this information is meant to serve as a post that can be easily understood with information of my own and tips of my own. Any tips I give here is my own and any resemblance to other info is entirely a coincidence. I will make this post as accessible as possible for ease of readability so it is all plain text and no big letters beside the top so it has a title. This is mostly based around pet donation scammers but can be used to spot other scams as well.
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What is a scam post on tumblr? A scam post is when someone is using information that isn’t their own and claiming they need money but are using a stolen story as theirs. Their situation, while it is real most of the time, is actually from another site and isn’t their situation. Usually a search of it will show any posts but this works best if you used Google or another search engine. However, this process isn’t always reliable. Scam posts are posts that are not truthful and deceive users into donating by having stolen content.
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There are a few things to keep in mind that will help you figure out if an account contacting you is a scammer and usually, most of the time, you will find it is a legitimate person if you just kindly ask them for verification with any personal details removed. However, some blogs will never reply and may block you or ignore you because they don’t have any interest in proving who they are. It’s not uncommon for these scammers to wave away questions or turn off anon asks or asks off overall so no one can ask them anything. They may even turn off messages to further prevent any concerns being addressed and try to avoid suspicion.
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One thing to keep in mind is how the account contacting you would have located you. Do you have a popular post that’s breached containment? Did you share a post that may be trending or fandom related? Any of these may lead to someone contacting you an asking you for donations be it through asks or direct messages. If your DMs are closed, the account may send you an ask telling you to message them first because they are desperate and then when contacted they ask you for like a thousand dollars on the spot. If you wonder why I suggest limiting your messages, it’s because people don’t like getting these and will mark it as spam. Scammers also do this to avoid public confrontation. But know not everyone doing this is scamming.
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Another thing to keep in mind is how the ask was worded that the account sent you. Did it tell you to answer privately because they don’t want anyone calling them a spammer or because they would prefer you to message them instead? This is a very common type of scam ask and one that’s unfortunately extremely easy to get and see if you share trending/popular posts. Most often these are asks related to a sick pet by a blog that is only an hour old or a week old if you check the date of their pinned post. If they detect even the slighted doubt in your reply or question back? They block you.
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Lastly, it doesn’t hurt to also ask questions to the blog who contacts you and see if they can provide clarification on anything you may be concerned over. This can be showing more images with personal info edited out or explaining any discrepancies in the info they supplied. For example, it could be how the images their using don’t match up with their information or how the story their using doesn’t seem to make sense because it’s not collaborating with any specific details they had already given. It may also be the supporting link they supply doesn’t match up the currency they request because the county doesn’t use the specific kind of currency they claim to need. More so if they don’t give any currency conversion rates. You can also check for backdated posts by turning on timestamps and checking the date of the first post if it’s easy to locate and seeing if it matched the reblog date in ‘other notes’. Some accounts will make posts look older in order to be deceptive and make the account look older then it really is.
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Additionally, some scams are blogs who connect you saying they can help you but they want to give you a check and ask you to cash it or give them your banking information and phone number. These blogs are never legitimate people wanting to help you if your post has links that lead to ways to send support. Their are legitimate people who would help you that don’t ask for personal information using a blog that has no pfp, no bio, and has no posts. Treat these kind of blank accounts as bots. Report them and block them.
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In closing, it is necessary to research the information you see in some posts and accounts to make sure it is a legitimate blog and not a scammer trying to make a quick buck. Not every blog you see asking for help is a scam account and generally most of them can easily provide proof their legitimate such as having several close friends, a blog that’s extremely old with tons of posts, or provides plenty of information in their posts that clearly explains their situation and shows the images they use is their own and don’t resort to a temper tantrum when questioned or when concerns are brought up.
If you found this post useful, feel free to share it or add your own tips to it! This is just based around my own personal encounters over the months of compiling information.
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Now I've received a few comments about the mass migration of Mizrahi Jews to Israel during the mid 20th century, specifically about Israel's lack of culpability towards it. And there's a few things I've said in response to this that I'd like to reiterate
For one, a number of commenters have attributed the time period of these migrations to the "30s and 40s" which I don't understand. Even Zionists usually consider the "Mizrahi Exodus" to date from the 50s onwards; a big part of how the process is portrayed by pro-Zionist sources is the framing as Israel as this land of opportunity and safety for Jews fleeing the violence and intolerance of the Arab world, something that couldn't exactly happen until Israel was actually established as a state in 1948.
Secondly as I've already stated multiple times the displacement, marginalisation and violent attack on Palestinians by Zionist European Settlers was already underway in Mandatory Palestine by the 1920s, as embodied by the existence of groups like Haganah and Irgun. So like even if we for whatever reason backdate the supposed mass exile of the Mizrahi to the "30s and 40s" it's still very easy to see the correlation between violence perpetrated by European settlers in the name of "Jewishness" and the development of conflict between previously peacefully co-existing communities of Jews and Gentiles in North Africa and West Asia.
And finally, the idea that the mass migration of Mizrahi Jews to Palestine was the result of intolerance from Muslim neighbors is essentially a Zionist distortion of a much more complicated situation. Soon after the establishment of Israel, the new government actively encouraged Jews from the surrounding region to migrate and worked with many of the surrounding governments (usually the European colonial governments that still controlled extensive tracts of the region) to facilitate this. Some Jews (such as those of Yemen or Morocco) were even essentially deported against their will by the wishes of the Israeli government. While there was an increase in inter-communal conflict between Jewish and Gentile populations in the region, this was both due to the general aftermath of Israeli's brutal establishment and in response to specific actions such as the Mossad terrorist attacks in Egypt in 1954 with some actions even being specifically undertaken in order to cause conflict (or even just the appearance of conflict) and induce migration such as Mossad's activities in Iraq through the 1950s. And while there was certainly a significant level of violence and maltreatment (both legal and extra-legal) directed towards Jewish people in various West Asian and North African countries in response to Israeli's invasion, the sheer degree that direct violence and persecution played in such migrations has also been greatly exaggerated by Zionists in order to justify their continued aggression against the people of Palestine and their Allies. The idea that you can draw any real equivalence between the population movements of the Mizrahi Aliyah and that of the Palestinian Nakba is a ghoulish distortion of history that only serves to justify Zionist atrocities both past and present. One was a more or less voluntary* migration that was only partially induced by fears (both hypothetical and actually realised) of conflict while the other was an incidence of direct and unambiguous ethnic cleansing. The factors that led to the Mizrahi migration has plenty of "pull" in addition to "push" and a great deal of said "push" was deliberately engineered by the Israeli government rather than being purely the result of some natural Islamic cruelty or antagonism
*while not an entirely fair thing to say, and its accuracy will vary a lot on a case by case basis, the Mizrahi migrants on the whole had a lot more freedom than the Palestinians in both the decision to leave and their choice of destination (as several of those linked articles mentioned, some Mizrahi migrated to Europe or the Americas rather than Israel)
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How many scams are on tumblr? A lot, actually! Much like other social media platforms, tumblr is also home to accounts who only joined to get money off people via stealing content from other websites. This can range from various sources sometimes even private ones that are not as easy to locate! Even when trying to locate the real fundraising post that they took from, you don’t often easily find it if it wasn’t publicly posted. These accounts usually try their best to look like a regular tumblr user but there are a few easy ways to tell somthing isn’t right. I’ll explain them below under the readmore.
For short version, a brand new blog asking you for money should be treated with caution since it’s highly unlikely they are a real person needing mutual aid. If they sent you ask after you shared a certain post, it’s probably just a scam. If you are needing mutual aid, please don’t spam asks to users all at once.
If you like this post and found it useful, feel free to use it when you get an ask and also share it to your friends!
For example, these scam accounts often share a few popular trending posts or a few popular tagged posts they find when browsing the ‘For You’ page. These are often accounts who regularly post content that gets several thousand notes in a short span. Usually these posts are constantly then shared by scammers who use them to populate their account with posts of a certain theme or topic that is relevant to what may be going on at a certain time. Occasionally the posts may just be random posts to mix it up a little.
Additionally, the accounts who scam people will have a relatively new account with their first few posts only being a few hours old at best or even a week old otherwise. Keep in mind some accounts may backdate their posts to look older then they really are. For example, a reblog may be dated April 24,2021 but when you use timestamps and check the notes it’s actually dated April 20, 2024. This is a way for scammers to make their posts seem much older than they should be. While this may have a legitimate purpose for writers, it doesn’t really have much of a use outside of that even if someone does it to be funny. If someone catches you backdating posts, it’s better to come clean instead of ignoring the evidence.
At times, these scam accounts also take images off legitimate fundraisers and use them as their own even if a watermark on the image shows it’s been stolen from somewhere else. Scammers will edit these images to make sure locating the original is difficult and then get evasive if you show them the source they got it from. They may even claim that the source stole it from them and that your being mean to them when all you did was provide proof that they don’t own the image their posting and claiming is theirs. These images may range from a veterinarian bill to a hospital bill or images took from news sources about assorted issues going on at that point in time.
Usually, these scam accounts also claim the links they’re using is something it’s not. Or say the link is to a fundraiser, but it’s to something entirely different. Occasionally the link may be made using multiple colors for no real reason so don’t do that of you had the idea to. This isn’t a common thing among scam accounts! But it’s been seen across a few here and there.
Lastly, these scams accounts may pretend to be part of a minority in order to get more sympathy from those who see their accounts. They will also pretend to have some kind of health issue such as claiming they need medicine to stop their lungs from collapsing or medicine to stop their nose from freezing. Usually not much of a common scam attempt, but you’ll usually spot the issue with their claims. Most commonly these scams relate to saying they can’t afford insulin and ask for prices that ,while plausible, can be made cheaper with available resources.
As a bonus point, scammers may yell at you if you call them out so please make sure to take proper care to ensure they can’t do that.
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Thanks @palmviolet for tagging me!
How many works do you have on AO3? 154
2. What’s your total AO3 word count? 900k
3. What fandoms do you write for? Peaky Blinders, Final Fantasy XII, Final Fantasy VII, Dragon Age II, The Professionals.
4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos? Interesting and not straightforward question: I've been writing since 2007 and only rebooted my fics to AO3 in 2023. I backdated them to time of writing rather than posting live into the current update stream. I was vaguely curious to see what *actually* attracts readers through the AO3 search engine. So, my current top five are all Peaky Blinders Tommy/Lizzie fics, and given my small followers list, everyone following me will probably already have read them!
5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not? I do, and it’s my vain (both senses of the term) struggle with how to do it appropriately. I am conscious of how comments, particularly on an AO3 "archival" fic, can weight a reader's further interpretation/engagement of or with fic by that author, and that I'll never put so much time into comments as I do into fic.
6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? 7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? The fics I thought of picking for these two pretty much overlapped. Perhaps this shows just how I approach happiness – it’s moments, it’s never an ending.
8. Do you get hate on fics? Only old Dragon Age fics. Interesting period of time where any fic author that didn't unequivocally support the moral rightness of one particular character's opinions was targeted. Like: ok to write torture/rape fics of this character, but only if it was clear the author thought this character was morally right. Such a destructive troll.
9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind? I'll write sex, mostly as part of a larger arc rather than standalone smut; often it is a partial scenario rather than linear start-to-end event written in a rhythm to support a coherent wanking rise-to-climax read. I'm pleased if people find it pushes their buttons, but I'm also not bothered if it doesn't. I do approach smut as one of many possible lenses or frames for a character, however, so smut that detaches from character confuses me.
10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written? Sometimes but they have to feel really right. I think I tend more to fusion or pastiche (I think those are the terms?) rather than crossover: I take a particular character concept/theme and port them into a particular environmental context which is not possible in the canon to see what happens. The only one I still have up is a FFXII/Dragonriders of Pern fic (incomplete) which was going to be all about the horrible knowledge of socially accepted and endorsed ritualised rape and forced feminisation of a character.
11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? I'm not that popular to notice.
12. Have you ever had a fic translated? I have a memory of one in FFXII but can't recall.
13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? Yes! Taught me a lot, including the kind of writer I am - difficult to collaborate as my push to complete within a motivational urge period will always be greater than a long-haul effort, and I struggle to be available for other people. I’m either good at the front end ideas-generation, or a micro detail ‘write this particular thing/scene and fill it with goodness’, and not very good at the middle bit – the long slot of planning and plotting and aiming for consistency etc. I am so grateful fandom exists to support non-traditional prose formats which let me play with writing and thinking and engagement without needing to produce to book-style production standards.
14. What’s your all time favourite ship? I usually fixate on a character, and pairings allow means to explore that character rather than being an end game.
15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? Oh they all carry this potential. *cries* The issue for me is loss of motivational drive/thinking; because I rarely have good structural notes etc if I lose my immediate thread of 'thinking of everything all at once' I find it hard to pick up again later. I also stop some fics because I realise how ambitious the scope really is, and I feel like I can’t do them justice.
16. What are your writing strengths? Speed-sketcher? Completionist? Tests multiple ideas rapidly and freely and never worries about something 'being wrong' because there's always another fic to try? Intuitive gut level hits on characterisation here and there?
17. What are your writing weaknesses? Editing, pacing, I can't sustain long fic, I frequently move characters around like paper dolls for the sake of the cool and forget they need their own internal motivation.
18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? I prefer the kind of cant-based/dialect-based approach which splices non-English terms fluidly into English dialogue, mostly because as a child of many migrants this has been my world experience. I do suck at writing this, hence my frequent use of cop-outs to say 'language shift here, meanwhile still writing in English'. But when it’s done well it hits so many of my sweet spots.
19. First fandom you wrote for? FFVII.
20. Favourite fic you’ve written? Anything in my Personal Favourites list: https://archiveofourown.org/series/3728710. (I'm still too close to Peaky Blinders to pick a fav, it'll take about five years of distance!)
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It seems like jonsa wasn’t a thing till season 6 happened and they hugged each other? Idk I’m wondering what some saw in that hug that others didn’t that made people start shipping them romantically? That scene was emotional for me but that’s because I saw two siblings that have been through so much and are what’s left of their family reunite. Of course since then there has been a lot of metas written from both show and book to support it. But it was after the fact. What was it about that one scene lol
Well, season six premiered in 2016, but three years prior, in 2013 there was a beautiful meta speculating that Jon and Sansa would reunite first of all the Starks (link) and marry for political reasons, so, the hug may have been the introduction to the idea for some, but the interest in/theory of romantic Jonsa preexisted it.
In addition to spec, there are Jonsa fics on AO3 dating back to 2011 (I see some that are now dated before that but those may have been backdated, not sure), I know I've reblogged artwork and meta from before the reunion, here’s a post about the ship from 2011, so, the moment anyone thought “this reunion is being filmed some kinda way”, or, “this soup scene is a little flirty”, or “why are they breathing this way in their scenes and …is Jon…panting? WTF”, or “why did they mutually cloak each other?”, or “why are the promising trust and protection?”, or “why are they cosplaying as NedCat?” they could check and find meta and fics that predicted some or several of those elements before the show did it. Some of the fics and spec even predicted Sansa in Witnerfell and Jon at the Wall, so there was a lot of foresight on the part of the og shippers!
I suppose what I’m getting at is that even when people point to the hug, there’s a context for why it so easily snowballed. We can pinpoint that as the moment, but my tendency is to think that all the surrounding things made a foundation for it. I mean, even genre tropes played a role here. I’ve had people tell me they expected it from the first book because of the princess/secret prince idea. And, in-verse, it has connections to other ideas like a Targ prince and Stark maiden, Targcest, and the Jaime/Jon foils + the Cersei/Sansa foils situation. I mean, hundreds of thousands of words have been written about this stuff since the reunion, sure, but a lot of the elements that make it so compelling were written by book fans first, they just never carried it to an endpoint where these things could all be gathered into a single development that allowed Martin to write a shade of grey into his discussion of incest via a storyline that also addresses Jon's longing for Winterfell/children and Sansa's desire for love. If one is willing to take a step back from the preconception of what Jonsa is, why it exists as a ship, it's very easy to see it as a clever culmination of many, many threads into a heart-wrenching, possibly hopeful, development. So, I’d argue that even if those ideas were only present in someone’s subconscious, it’s why someone might watch that hug (or the mutual cloaking/chemistry of the actors/lighting and blocking etc) and have a holy shit moment.
As for the hug itself, I don’t interpret it as romantic either in the sense that, I don’t think that is at all what the characters were feeling. However, when one thinks about how it was filmed, the breathlessness of the acting and how they let that scene stretch out and take it’s time...few other moments compare. Every aspect of it worked to tell the audience how important it was, and of course, as a Stark fan, finally having two Starks reunite after near misses, well, we had spent years building up to a meaningful Stark moment. Jon and Sansa’s relief and joy was ours. And not only did we have all that catharsis and a scene that was...treated with solemnity in a show that was losing it’s depth, storywise, it was one of the few writing choices after the halfway point that carried through the last three seasons. It set a trajectory for Jon and Sansa individually, that reunion and relationship changed everything for them. However one interprets it, their bond became the most important relationship in the last three seasons, and was of the utmost importance in the finale, despite everything becoming pretty nonsensical. In hindsight, it wasn’t accidentally meaningful, incidentally a highpoint of the series, it was essential, essential to them, essential to the story, essential to the endgame.
So, not only do you have in-universe ideas that make this meaningful, not only was there speculation that called it and presents it as the beginning of a romance, not only did they film it in a far more reverential way than they filmed any other relationship (even more so than the epic romance of the series), it also was a necessary stepping stone to the endgame. Even mishandled as it ultimately was, the weight of what it meant spans the entire series, and audiences felt that. It was a turning point for Jon, for Sansa, for the North, for the fight against the Others (even more so than Jon meeting Dany because s7-s8 were so horribly written), so not only is it compelling for lovers of themes, for lovers of the overarching narrative, for lovers of the characters who simply needed their favs to smile again, the failure of the last two seasons made it even more of a high point in our minds of what GoT was and should have been, who these characters are and what they want. And you see how this leads us right back to those desires Jon and Sansa have: Winterfell and family. Again, I did not watch s6 and think it had to be interpreted romantically, but after s7 when I got online and read spec, rewatched their scenes and compared them to how Kit acted Jon with Ygritte and with Dany, I changed my mind. Jon and Sansa, their desires and fears, were never as vivid and compelling as they were in their shared scenes, every conversation developed the complexity of their emotions for each other, and all of that was established in the way they presented that first hug—disbelief, longing, relief, joy.
Also, when someone can predict what happens, I think it’s worthwhile to consider the idea that maybe there’s something to learn from their interpretation of themes, and the fact that a Jonsa reunion was long predicted, matters so much for character development as well as plot progression...well, it means something! Anyway, I can’t argue that the hug itself was romantic, but I do think, especially in comparison to how they handled every other relationship, meeting or reunion in s7-8, that D&D were doing something there, and I personally can’t be convinced they meant for the Jon and Sansa dynamic to be read as strictly familial.
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So you want to your local tumblr Creator?
Okay with all the AI art things coming out and also some new users I thought I’d show you all good ways to support creators on this platform.
First you’re going to want to go into your settings click into visibility and manually turn off the third party sharing feature.
Yes even if you aren’t an artist or don’t post anything at all. The more users that turn this on the more Tumblr can see we don’t want AI here.
This is literally the bare minimum of what you can do and if that’s all you want to do that’s fine.
However if you want to support creators more you need to understand that likes don’t do anything on this platform. With a lot of new users I’m seeing more and more ratios like this:
Which is fine all notes are good notes we all appreciate your like on our art but this is the reblogging site. There’s no algorithm! Likes don’t boost our art that much, other than maybe bringing us to the top of the tag. What helps is reblogging. This site is built for that and it is quick and easy.
Literally all you have to do is hit the reblog button beside the like button and hit post. You don’t need tags or anything on your own blog. It really is quick and simple. Literally it only takes one second more than liking alone.
Now you might be saying Zee I want to reblog but I don’t want to spam my blog, I’m only on tumblr at 20 minute intervals I don’t want to to clog up other peoples dashes with my reblogs and that’s fine I got you.
Let me tell you about the queue function. Tumblr has a built in awesome system called the queue.
It’s really quick and easy to use all you have to do is hit the reblog button, hit the three dots to the side, hit queue and boom your reblog is now added to your queue.
Now what does the queue actually do? Basically it allows for your reblogs to go out at random times throughout the day without you doing anything. For example mine posts 10 times a day during the whole 24hr period. This is because as you can see I have a lot of art in my queue, you don’t need to have that much but you can. The queue is literally limitless.
To modify your queue can also hit that cog button and modify it to suit your every whim. And boom there you go a quick and easy way to help creators from your mobile without any hassle.
You can even shuffle your queue so on days when discover a new interest and go through the entire tag liking and reblogging things you can mix it around with the stuff you regularly reblog to not overwhelm your followers with your new special interest! It's great!
Now if you want to push this one step further, maybe you like having tags on your posts to keep your blog organised, but you don’t want the hassle of typing out all those tags in 20 mins. Then don’t worry, I got you.
You see I kinda lied, the like button does have a function. It’s great as working as a bookmark. So if your in public and you want to show love for something then go on ahead and like that thing. Then when you get home you’re going to want to pull out your laptop and boot up tumblr and xkit. Which you can get here!
Once you have xkit up your going to want to go to quick tags and set up your tag buddles. These tags are then autosaved and easy edited making reblogging and adding to your queue incredibly easy. You can even add in your own rambly tags and keep the bundle.
Honestly you don't even need to do it everyday, sure it saves some time but I usually try to update my queue once every two weeks or so (I forgot for like a month this time thats why my queue is so big, I had to go very far back, Don't be a me. It's stressful.) By using your likes as a bookmark you keep all the art and then can backdate everything you've liked in past few weeks, but honestly you don't need to do this. I do because I can be very Type A about running a blog but no one is going to hate you for spam reblogging or for reblogging without tags but please think about reblogging stuff to give a creator a much needed boost of serotonin. Remember that most creators are here for free and just want to share the thing they love with other people so keep the cycle alive and reblog stuff.
#This has been your PSA#tumblr tags#tumblr#artists of tumblr#artists on tumblr#say no to ai art#tgcf#he xuan#zukka#since they are technically there
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stolen glances [helmut zemo x fem!reader]
summary| ✏ you have loved Helmut since you both were kids, so you couldn’t resist yourself when proposal arrived from the Zemo family for your hand in marriage, even if Helmut doesn’t feel the same way about you.
warnings| ✏ angst, fluff, smut, inaccurate marvel reference (very inaccurate, I just used marvel names to my liking), inaccurate nobility and morganatic marriage rules reference (I know nothing about noblemen), idiots to lovers, arrange marriage, pining explicit language, oral sex (f!receiving), fingering.- 18+ ONLY • MINORS DNI
word count| ✏ 9.1k *click the bold words for little visuals regarding the outfits. thought it’d be fun.
a/n| ✏ this one’s been long time coming. And I feel like my writing was a little all over the place so I sincerely apologise for that. But I do hope that you enjoy even if it’s very little, you have some enjoyment while reading this. But yeah once again, hope the warnings are appropriate, if you do think it needs a few more, let me know and I’ll add them. Feedbacks are always welcome. I will try my best with the next one and will try and make sure it doesn’t take a year again before I post another piece. I hope you can leave a like and maybe even a reblog. I appreciate you all so much.
It was quite a common thing for noble families to have arranged marriages rather than love marriages back in the days. However, such traditions were considered quite backdated and not followed anymore. I mean why should such outdated customs be followed, one shouldn’t be told who to love, they should have the freedom to choose. And arrange marriage in the 21st century? Anyone would think one must be joking.
So, when the news of Sokovia’s most eligible bachelor, Baron Helmut Zemo’s marriage being arranged to you, the Countess of Symkaria, was announced, a wave of shock and heartbreak fell over the land. Ok, more jealousy and less heartbreak perhaps. You see while the Baron was single, there was hope for all the ladies, but with the announcement, all hopes and dreams came crashing down.
Despite the mass disappointment of the ladies of the land, one couldn’t say that they were surprised by the union. Or maybe even a merger perhaps. It is only natural the Baron would agree to marry someone of a high stature, and it must’ve been a strategic and political move to marry someone of a higher nobility standing than him. That’s what the people talked about, and that’s what you thought too.
You see, you’ve known the Baron since you both were young. Whenever your family visited Sokovia, you stayed in Castle Zemo and when the Zemo family visited Symkaria, they stayed at Y/L/N Manor. Both your parents were friends from well before you two were born. However, that never raised the idea that you two would be getting married. Both your parents wanted to give you both full freedom to marry who you wished to. This was mainly why you were a little surprised when your parents told you that the Zemos wished for your hand in marriage to Helmut.
Despite growing up with Helmut, you two never grew up to be quite as close as your parents. As kids, you two always played together, but the as you grew, not seeing each other for long periods of time before meeting again, both of you grew into your own worlds. And while your infatuation and love for Helmut grew with you, Helmut was much more reclusive, busy with his education and learning the workings of his land and his people from his father.
Every year you managed to take a trip to Sokovia, you’d immerse yourself in the day to day life of the castle. Not behaving like a guest, but a part of the family. The family treated you as such also, Hilda Zemo being like your second mother. Everyone in the Zemo Castle was especially fond of you and your antics. You could often be found in the kitchen, helping (eating whatever you could find) in the kitchen. And no matter how much, Idel, the aging cook, scolded you, she knew it was useless and that you would go around doing your own thing. And if not in the kitchen you were with the younger housemaids, who you’ve befriended over time. And if you weren’t found creating ruckus around the castle, you were in some corner either with Hilda or Heinrich, just chatting away.
And no matter what you were doing around the household, running around helping the house helps in the kitchen, or having a heart to heart with Hilda, or just discussing world politics with Heinrich, whenever Helmut walked in the room, you became mute. Everyone in the household took notice of that real quick, and would tease you about it too.
However, when Hilda took notice of how you act in the presence of Helmut, she became worried. Hilda saw you as her daughter, and because how close you were to the family, she did not want to see you get hurt. So one afternoon, while you two were having tea and playing with the residential kittens in one of the balcony in the castle, she decided to bring up the situation. “Y/N love, what is going on between you and Helmut?”
This question startles you, because you genuinely thought you were doing a great job of concealing your feelings for the man. Avoiding eye contact, and giving all your undivided attention to the little snow looking kitten aptly named Snow, the Zemo house pet, you answer, “Nothing’s going on Hilma you know nothing’s going on. We barely talk.” You always said how she was like your second ma, and so, she became Hilma.
“Lovie I see how you look at him. I am worried about you. You know I can’t force him to be with you don’t you?” Hilda spoke softly.
You only nodded slowly, replying in an almost whisper, “I wouldn’t want that. I would be gutted to know that he was with me because he had to be and not because he wanted to be.” You tried to master up the best smile you could, which, if Hilda was being honest, was quite lousy, looked up at her and spoke again in the same low voice, “I just want him to be happy. Be with a person who would make him happy. As cheesy as it sounds, his happiness will bring me happiness.”
Hilda could hear the heaviness in your tone and could only let out a sympathetic chuckle as she reached out to cup your cheek with her right palm, rubbing her thumb over your cheek gently. “My little Y/N is all grown up.” You close your eyes hoping to hold back your slightly teary eyes from dropping any tear, as you lean into Hilda’s motherly touch. Despite your attempt, a tear escaped your closed eyes. Hilda gently wiped away the tear before pulling you in for a warm embrace, whispering in your ear, “You deserve all the love in the world my dear. And while that may not be my foolish Helmut, I know you will find your Count.” She gives your temple a firm kiss and rubs your back before letting you go once she is sure you are a little more stable.
The little emotional confrontation with Hilda happened when you were still a young lady in your teen years. And while you knew what Hilda spoke was true and you may never be with Helmut, that did not stop you from doting on Helmut. And over the years, your love for Helmut only grew despite the unescapable tragic end that it would reach. So imagine your surprise when the proposal for your marriage arrived from the Zemo family.
Your parents were more than happy about this union and was over the moon when you also agreed to the proposal. Invitation was sent for your family to come to the Zemo family for the festivities and a grand function for the engagement. In your heart, you were convinced that Zemo was not marrying you for love. Being a countess, you received many proposals from noblemen all around the world. You rejected them all, waiting for your Baron to marry first. Holding on to the final drop of hope. So despite being so very elated when the Baron chose you to be his baroness, you knew this marriage was to solidify the ally ship between the two nations and that you wouldn’t become the baroness but Helmut would become the count. So whether it was to climb the social ladder, or to formally become allies, you were happy to oblige to your Baron’s wishes, even if it meant that he would never love you.
When you and your family made your way to Sokovia, in preparation for the festivities, you were greeted by a large crowd. The word had gotten around that Helmut was to be engaged, and despite the green monster that had taken over the region, the secrecy of who was engaged to the nation’s most eligible bachelor kept everyone on their feet. The funny thing was, you weren’t much of a secret as everyone thought you to be. You grew in front of the nation as much as Helmut did and they all knew you equally. So when you were the first to step out of the car, and people got the first glance of their Baron’s to be, knowing whispers erupted amongst the crowd. It seemed very trivial now to even expect anyone but you to be stepping out of that car.
The people of Sokovia loved you. So when the news of your arrival as the one to be engaged to the Baron spread across the land like wildfire, all but few jealous noblewomen were joyous over the occasion and the choice. In the lead up to the engagement ceremony, you and Helmut were invited to various different events together, to get the people accustomed to seeing you two as an unit and also to give you two some more time to spend together before the official engagement. From charity events to dinner party hosted by the prime minister, at every high society event leading up to the engagement ceremony, you and the Baron attended hand in hand.
It was at one such event, your love for Helmut grew, if that was even possible still that is. The event was a fundraising for disadvantaged children. With Sokovia being a developing nation, not all children had equal opportunity, and Helmut felt very strongly for the wellbeing of the children of his land. So much so, that he was a large benefactor to the charity, so he was invited as the guest of honour for the evening.
While the original invite list did not include you, with the event being held annually and the invite having been sent out well in advance, whether or not you could be accommodated to really wasn’t up for debate. With you having attending so many events back to back, most of the outfits you had brought with you had been worn, and while no way were you a diva who never wears the same outfit twice, there was an expectation for the formal events, particularly being attended within such short intervals, that the outfits seem to have not been worn before. And so you were in complete panic mode on what to wear for tonight. With how hectic things had been, you didn’t even realise earlier that all your gowns had been worn, so you couldn’t even get an outfit prepared and fitted in time. To be fair, you weren’t prepared to be making appearance at so many events during your visit and thought 7 gowns were more than enough.
As if the gods above have heard your panic and prayers and answered your call, because as you enter your room, venting your urgency and frustration to your mother who was remaining annoyingly calm and being of no help, you spot what you can only assume is a dress inside a garment bag containing the House Insignia, with a velvet box placed next to the bag and on the floor a box which you believe is possible footwear. You turn to your mother as a smile starts to etch itself onto your mouth, “this is why you were so quiet and just watched me freak out? You already had everything figured out?”
Your mother chuckles, before replying, “I may have been aware of something before you my child but no this is not my doing.” It is then that you realise that a little note is left on top of the outfit. You step forward and pick up the slip of paper and written on it simply was “For tonight. Z.” And you couldn’t help but smile at that. Even though the note was so simple and nothing special, to you it held great importance.
You opened the garment bag and the first thing you spot is the beautiful sheer high neckline with golden details almost looking like twigs. The further you open the bag, the more of the golden branches are revealed leading all the way down and once you’ve opened the bag completely, two little golden deer are revealed at the bottom of the dress. You run your finger over the stitch work, admiring the playful deer on the dress, loving the dress at the first glance. Your mum just leaned against the door and watched as delight took over your face.
You then reach for the shoe box, opening it to reveal the most beautiful pair of golden heels, vines and pearls wrapped around the heel. You kind of just stayed sitting there admiring the ensemble. Your mother chuckled again before calling out to you, “Ok dear that’s enough sitting around, now how about you get ready, it’ll be time for you and Helmut to leave soon.” And with that, she left the room, leaving you to get ready.
At 7pm, when it was time for you to leave, a maid made their way into your room informing you that Helmut was ready and waiting. You nodded in acknowledgement before gathering up your gown, slipping on the beautiful pair of heels, before heading towards the staircase. As you stood at the top of the stairs, you saw you Baron at the bottom, fixing his cufflinks, looking handsome as ever. You took a moment to yourself to admire him as he remained unaware. And slowly as you started to descend the stairs, the sound of your heels captured his attention, looking up the stairs to look at you, and just as his eyes locked at you, he froze. Now it was him who was admiring how ethereal you looked, while you were far too busy looking at the stairs as you took each step, to concentrate and make sure that you don’t trip.
As you descend down to the final few steps, Helmut shakes himself out of his faze and reaches his hand out for you to take, like the gentleman he is. Sensing his hand in front of you, you take your eyes away from the steps and to his hand, going to grab it. And despite all the caution you took, out of nervousness and excitement, you managed to foolishly misplace your foot and trip forward. For Helmut, it was almost an immediate reaction, throwing his other hand forward to rest flat against your tummy to hold you steady, landing you face to face with him, noses almost touching, and your eyes clenched shut. Helmut takes his time letting his eyes roam over your face, a smile reaching the corner of his lips before he speaks up in his gentle, husky voice, “Careful countess, we wouldn’t want you getting into an accident under my watch now would we?”
Feeling his breath against your lips, your force yourself to open your eyes, his lips being the first thing you see. You awkwardly let out a shaky breath before you gain your footing again with his support, before replying, “Thank you Helmut.”
Helmut only nods, and leads you down the final few step, letting go of your hand only for him to guide that hand to the small of your back in a protective manner, leading you out the front door and to the car.
The driver was waiting outside the grand entrance of the castle. Zemo subtly waved at the driver to move away from the door, which you didn’t pick up on. As the driver quickly scuttled away, Zemo led you to the car and as you lowered to get in the car, he moved his free hand to guard the top of the car from hitting your head. This you did notice and as you were getting in, let your head bump a little up so that you could have his hand brush against the top of your head. Zemo’s hand, however, tensed, worried that you may have hurt yourself, and as soon as you are in the car, he brushes his hand silently over your head almost like petting a pup. He then goes around to get in the car as well.
The entire car ride was silent, both of you stealing quick glances towards each other under your lashes, none the wiser to each other. As the car comes to a halt at the venue, Zemo hurriedly steps out of the car, not waiting for his driver, and walks around to grab your door and once again extends his hand to help you out. As you step out, Zemo brings your left hand to loop around his right, and his left hand resting gently on the back of your palm as he leads you down the carpet led to the ballroom. As you two walk down hand in hand, flashes go off from both sides, capturing the most anticipated couple. Zemo stops half way down the path, taking you by surprise, as he holds you close to him. You turn to him as if to question him “what is it?” but Zemo simply smiles with adoring eyes staring at you, making for another perfect photo opportunity for the eager media. And once Zemo is sure that there is more than enough photo of Zemo’s gaze on you for tomorrow’s tabloid, he simply shakes his head and continues to lead you inside, leaving you completely confused.
Throughout the night, you were next to Zemo like an obedient partner. There was no rule or clause that required you to be with Zemo constantly, you simply chose to be with him as he introduced you to many influential people. However, as the night went on, you happened to grow more and more detached from the political conversations that were taking place between Zemo and other men. Thankfully at that point, you see the children who are taken care by the charity being brought in to join for the dinner part of the function. You decide that is a perfect time to excuse yourself from the circle of elites and quickly make your way towards the group of about 10 kids ranging from toddlers to teens, who seems to be much more approachable than the very adult conversations that were happening around you.
Just as you reach the kids who were brought in by who you can only assume is their warder, you squat down to meet the kids on eyelevel, a wide smile spreading across your face as you introduce yourself to the group, as you ask them for their names. While most remained quiet, slightly intimidated by the unfamiliar surrounding, it is one of the young ones, a young boy with mischief in his eyes and a toothless grin gracing his lips who decides to introduce himself first, “Hi ma’am my name is Thor, I’m six!”
And before you can reply to “Thor”, you hear the warden clearing her throat before saying, “What did I say about fibbing Tim?”
To which Tim lets out a huff and replies, “Not to tell them. Sorry ma’am, my name is Timofie.”
You give Tim a comforting smile and repeat after him, “Timofie, meaning god’s honour, you are as good as Thor sweet boy.” To this, Timofie lights up and jumps forward to give you a hug as big as he could manage. Despite being small, the force he came at you with took you by surprise, and while you managed to wrap your arms around the little boy, your heels weren’t prepared for the little stumble, causing your foot to trip.
Helmut had been keeping an eye on you from the moment you left his side and when he spotted you with the kids, he also excused himself from the group to slowly approach you so he could hear your interaction with the kids better. He was near you when he noticed the little stumble and in a split moment he took one quick large step to stand direct behind you, to be your support and stop you from falling. You reached back with one hand to make yourself stable, your hand going to grab the support that was holding you steady from behind, Helmut’s leg. Once you were steady, you looked up to see who was the one to save you and as you looked up, you saw Helmut towering over you, looking at you with concern, asking “Are you ok Y/N? You really don’t seem to be too steady on your foot today.” There was a teasing tone to his voice as well.
You looked back down, your cheeks heated from the embarrassment of falling twice in Helmut’s arms in one night. “Thank you, Helmut, for saving me again.” You remember the little boy still in your arm and attempt to stand up with the little guy. Helmut immediately helps you from behind, pulling you up slightly so it’s easier for you.
The little boy now leaning his head on your shoulder, turns to look at Helmut. He then leans in your ear and whispering rather loud, defeating the purpose of a whisper, “Is he your prince?”
You turn to him with a questioning look, “Prince?”
“You are a princess so he must be prince.” Tim said as a matter of fact which caused you to let out a little chuckle.
“I’m not a princess sweet boy,” you say to him as you caress his cheek with your thumb.
Helmut from next to you surprises you when he speaks up, “yes she is the princess and I am her prince.” Timofie once again turning to him at this with a smile of admiration at the idea of being in presence of royalty, which the kids don’t know all too much about. All the other kids are now surrounding Helmut asking random questions and grabbing at his hands. Helmut leads the group of kids to the bottom of the staircase, signalling you to follow him. You both take seat at the bottom of the stairs, Timofie remaining in your lap while the rest of the kids are surrounding you two.
At Helmut’s introduction the kids get very excited to meet the man which the entire country has heard about, while not everyone has the privilege of meeting. The kids get involved in conversations and banter and even little games with Helmut. The once confident boy Timofie, now shying away at the competition which Helmut poses. While you take your time to admire Helmut with all the kids, you go back to your little world you’ve created with Timofie and a few other much young ones who are much too infatuated by you. Helmut from time to time turns to you, watching you playing with the youngest ones of the group, admiring how you are with the little one, unbeknownst to him, you are doing the same.
The entire night was spent like that for you two, with the kids, separating only during the actual auction, but finding your ways back to the kids during dinner, having dinner at the same table as the kids.
The charity event really caused a buzz around the nation, photos of you and Helmut with the kids not only plastered across every newspaper and magazine, but was also circulating on social media. You two as a couple was capturing the nation’s heart. Following the event, you had a new found love for Helmut. Which is a strange thing to say because Helmut always had your heart. But seeing Helmut with kids, that made you feel something in the pit of your stomach you never felt before. And the idea of a loveless marriage started a lot less bearable than it did before.
In the lead, up to your and Helmut’s engagement party, meeting between the two of you started to become a lot scarcer. You were busy with helping out with organising the event while Helmut was kept busy with official duties. So much so that you started to miss Helmut.
Slowly but surely, the day of your engagement party arrived and you had dress set in advance for this event. And more than anything, more than the party more than the people, more than the engagement, you were looking forward to seeing Helmut after so long, excited to have him next to you. You put on your beautiful emerald gown, a diamond necklace borrowed from Hilda and a pair of silver heels to finish off your look.
Once ready, you decided to head down to see how things were, if everything was organised before the guests came. Hilda told you that everything was being taken care of and that you did not need to run around in your gown, but you couldn’t be kept calm, it was your form of distraction until you could see Helmut.
Helmut finally did show up, before the guests also, you sensed his presence the minute he stepped into the ballroom, turning immediately to catch him looking handsome and elegant as ever, walking in as he fixes his hair. You see him spotting his mother and going to her immediately, b-lining away from you. You could see the two talk and laugh and perhaps a little scolding from Hilda, you couldn’t quite tell. You truly loved the mother son pair and while you were upset that Helmut failed to acknowledge your presence on such a night, it filled your heart to see how he was with his mum and you couldn’t help but think what a good father he would be, a possibility you might not have the good fortune of seeing or being a part of.
As it neared the time of arrival for the guests, Helmut finally made his way to you, “Come on, we should greet the guests” and that was all he said as he lead you to the entrance, a hand on your waist. You two greeted each and every guest with large smiles, a large part of it having to do with how close Helmut was to you. Helmut talking to some people he knew personally, you continuing to greet as well, Helmut’s remaining around your waist the entire time and you also took the opportunity to just lean against him, standing your body completely flush against him. All the guests gushing at the loving couple as they came in.
You both headed in once it seemed like most have arrived, heading in to mingle with the guests. Once again, Helmut failing to give you any attention, busying himself with the guests. It was Helmut’s parents who called upon the two of you through the microphone for the ring exchange. Helmut looked around for you as you already slowly started to make your way to the makeshift stage and people gathered around one side of the ballroom. Instead of heading straight, Helmut started to walk in your direction, catching up to you as you both make it to the front of the room together. You almost jump a little as Helmut reached your side, not expecting him there.
Rather than you two making any speeches, it was both your parents making the speeches. About how excited they were to finally become family, how their kids are finally all grown up, how they wanted this since you two were kids. And you managed to maintain a steady smile throughout the speeches, but your excitement for the engagement had been dwindling throughout the week leading to the day and also throughout the night as Helmut continued his cold shoulder to you for god knows what reason.
As the speeches came to a close, your mum handed to you the ring, which you put on Helmut’s finger absentmindedly and Helmut’s father handed the ring to him which he put on your finger ever so lightly, leaving a kiss on the back of your hand and heat rose to your cheek, your body reacting as it always does to any form of affection, pretend or not, from Helmut. The crowd erupts into loud cheers and congratulations throughout the ballroom. As you two stepped down from the steps, people came around to congratulate you personally. And as things died down again with the announcement of dinner being served, you managed to slip out of the room without anyone noticing.
Or so you thought. After being congratulated by friends, family, business partners alike, Helmut came to notice that he couldn’t spot you anywhere around. Throughout the night, whenever he scanned his eyes, his eyes picked you out amongst the sea of crowd immediately. I mean it’s hard to miss the emerald hugging your body so perfectly from back or front. As soon as Helmut had laid his eyes on you that evening, he started to feel constricted in his pants. He had missed you all week, busy with work, trying to clear out his schedule before the wedding so that he can help his wife to be with the planning.
But as soon as he saw you, he had to hold himself back, because he knew if he was to greet you he wouldn’t be able to control himself, and so he goes to only space he knows, straight to his mum. Helmut, distracted as his eyes remained on you, bumps into his mother as he reaches her. He quickly grabs onto his mother as he steadies himself and his mum sputtering out an apology as he quickly looks at her in embarrassment. Hilda looks at her son with a knowing smirk, “Is everything ok son?” and he can only nod and busies himself talking to his mother.
He was all too aware of his self-control, or lack there of, with how tempting you looked tonight and he actively worked to avoid you except for when it was absolutely necessary. He didn’t realise that in the process of keeping himself under control, he was driving you to self-doubt. Helmut’s search proved to be futile as he found you nowhere in the ball room, asking his parents and your mum, none being able to answer. He even asked few of the wait staff who were serving drinks around the room, and the only answer they could give was that they saw you leaving the ballroom.
Helmut followed their vague instruction and headed out looking for you. He jogged around skimming outside first. He peaks through the front door, not finding you in the front porch, went to the door leading to the backyard, not finding you there either or anywhere in the bottom floor. It really seemed silly to be roaming around such a large mansion so he stood by the steps and tried to think about where you could be. And his mind could only think of one spot, the common balcony upstairs where you spend time nearly every day with his mum or even alone reading a book. He’s spotted you there plenty of time in the passing and always would stop in his way even if for a few seconds to just admire you.
He quickly makes his way upstairs to the balcony and lets out a sigh of relief when he can see your silhouette in the darkness, in the balcony. He steps into the balcony and softly calls out to you, “Y/N… What are you doing here, I’ve been looking everywhere for you.”
You quickly wipe at your eyes when you hear his voice before turning to meet him face to face, “Oh Helmut, what are you doing here? Did you need something?” Your voice sounding a little hoarse.
“What’s wrong? Why does your voice sound heavy? Have you been crying?” He steps closer to you, hands reaching out to touch at the corner of your eyes to inspect your face to which you only move your face to the side before letting out an almost mocking chuckle.
“Let’s not pretend that you actually care Helmut, there’s no one here. Did you need something?” This time your voice sounded a little more aggressive.
“Yes I needed my fiancé, I saw that she was missing from my side and I was missing her.”
At this confession you couldn’t help but look at him in disbelief, “Missing your fiancé? Oh you’ve got to be kidding me right now.” You let out an exasperated huff. “I’ve been trying to get noticed by you the whole evening only to get ignored and now you say you miss me?” Your tears are now freely falling. “I don’t know what I ever did to you Helmut to be mocking me like this. I know this situation isn’t ideal, I know that you don’t love me but I do. I love you so much, have since we were kids. But I never had any hopes or expectations. I didn’t know that a situation would arise where I could marry you but when it did, I couldn’t help it, I became selfish. Maybe that was my mistake, maybe I shouldn’t have been greedy and I am sorry for that but please, spare me my feelings. Don’t say things you don’t mean.” At this point you have completely let go of yourself, unable to control the sobs that are coming out.
Helmut reaches both his arms for your shoulder to bring you into a hug to comfort you, unsure of how to handle the situation, never seeing you quite like this, so emotional and speaking your mind. You violently shrug him off again, wiping angrily at your eyes, mad at yourself for letting yourself go like this in front of Helmut, before you speak up again. “I know what the answer is already but I need to hear it from you. I need to hear from you what this is, what we are. If you are marrying me for the alliance, and the status, I will be that for you, I will be by your side, smile at the cameras, push away my heart’s fluttering somewhere deep down that I even forget my heart exists. I can do that for you, I just need to hear it from you, so that I don’t hold any false hope.” You finally look at him trying to smile through the tear, “I promise you I will be an ideal countess for the people, a nice trophy wife for the cameras and events, and the ideal wife to you. I just need to hear you say that there is no possibility for me to ever become your baroness. Say it to my face and I will learn to be ok with it.” With all that you wanted to say now completely out in the open, you leans against the balcony railing, sliding down, kneeling on the floor, your whole body shaking from your cries as you are kneeling by Helmut’s feet now.
Helmut couldn’t take it anymore, your ramble had caught him completely off guard, having no idea that was how you were feeling, which was why his reaction was so delayed, hearing you speak what you had to say while he remained stunned silent. Finally feeling your body move by his feet, he is now also leaning down, cupping your wet face with his palm to lift your face up to face him. You keep your eyes shut out of complete shame of becoming so vulnerable. Helmut takes a moment to just look at your face, even as pain is etched across your face, your beauty radiates far brighter. Helmut leans into your face, unable to help himself, first kissing at the corner of your lips where your tears were gathering, your eyes immediately opening in complete surprise, and at that moment, Helmut captures your lips between his, both his hands coming to delicately cup your face as his thumbs are wiping at under your eyes at an attempt to wipe away your tears, now crouching down to be face to face with you.
Caught in a trance, and in the comfort of Helmut’s warm hands, you let him kiss you, but as soon as he goes to deepen the kiss, trying to force his tongue past your lips, you come to your senses, pushing away at his shoulder with all your might before speaking out a little too loud, “What are you doing? Stop it!” You shake your head as, starting to cry again, your body jerking, “I don’t need this Helmut, I don’t need your sympathy affection.”
Helmut grows a little frustrated at this, and pinches your cheek to force you to look at him again and this time, forcefully pushing his lips against yours and immediately shoving his lips
Helmut grows a little frustrated at that, forcing you to look up as he pinches your cheek between his hand as he brings your body flush against his with his other hand around your waist, “You fool, you absolute fool! How do you still not get it?” He drops his hand from your waist down to your exposed leg through the slit. Guiding it slowly up with feathery touch as he moves to kiss at your neck. Unsure of what Helmut meant, you completely melt at his touch. And as you feel his creep to the inside of your thigh, riding further up heading to your core, your find yourself moving your knees apart, exposing your core to him. And as his fingers finds his way to your covered and slightly damp centre you decide that you don’t know and don’t want to know what Helmut means but you are going to let him have his way with you, however he wants, and whatever it means at the end, you are prepared to risk it all to have him at least once.
As Helmut is kissing your neck, you wrap one hand around his neck. He uses his fingers to move aside your panties, sliding his fingers up and down your slit, pressing lightly at your nub. He keeps running his fingers up your slit, picking up the speed, and flicking at your clit every once in a while as he is sucking at your where your neck meets your chest. All you can do is hold him tight against you, or more so reassuring yourself that all this isn’t just another one of your dreams.
Once Helmut feel his fingers are lathered enough in your wetness, he slips it into your craving whole, three fingers at once. And immediately, with the resistance he felt on his fingers from the tightness of your walls and with and the way your head lulled back and a wince etched in your face, Helmut was sensing that this might be your first time and speaks, “Sorry did I hurt you?���
You being your stubborn self, shake your head no, afraid that if you let on that this is your first time, he will stop and you are not prepared to have this end so soon. Helmut picks up on your lie however, and he carefully pulls his fingers out, stopping when just the tip of his fingers are in you, pulling out two and going back in with just one. Making sure that once the finger is inside, he moves it around and curls it, feeling around your inside, the foreign sensation making you terribly weak at your knees. Now, even more carefully, Helmut adds two more fingers, picking up his speed, and rubbing at your clit with his thumb. At this, you let a loud mewl, Helmut immediately crashing his lips with yours again to swallow your moan.
Holding you flush against himself, Helmut can feel your lower stomach quiver as your mouth opens up against his, drool slipping past both your lips from the intense kiss. Helmut can tell that you are nearing your climax. Your head slips on his shoulder when you feel his fingers moving rapidly, you bite on to his shoulder to keep yourself from screaming as the climax takes over you. Helmut starts to slow down his fingers as he helps you ride out your orgasm. Helmut slowly You hide your face in his shoulder out of embarrassment for cumming so fast and whisper, “I’m sorry.”
Helmut is confused at that, “what for?”
And you are feel a little flustered at his question, stuttering out, “y-you know, for, like, cumming, like, really fast.” You were having a hard time articulating sentences, due to both embarrassment and the recent high. Helmut can’t help but chuckle, which does not help with your humiliation.
Without another word, Helmut abruptly pulls out his fingers, which brings you back to awareness, and you push yourself slowly away from Helmut, still on your knees, trying to regain balance. Helmut brings his fingers to his lips, licking each finger while looking at you. When you catch on to what he is doing, your eyes flicker to everywhere else to avoid his eyes.
As Helmut finishes licking his fingers, letting out in the most teasing tone “yum, I think I need some more, haven’t had my dessert yet.” As he pushes your tummy, catching your off guard as you fall back on your bum in the most ungraceful way, as your leg folds out as you try to balance yourself, with your arms falling behind you on the floor as you go to hold yourself up. Helmut laughs a little at the fall, pushing you further back by your shoulder, this time much more gently, until you are laying flat on your back.
Utterly confused by what’s going on, you let Helmut manhandle you to the positon of his liking, but can’t help the arch in your back due to the coolness of the tiled floor. He pulls both your feet out from under you, stretching them out, one on each side of his waist, your one leg completely exposed to him due to the slit, a bit of your pussy also peaking out. You can feel the cool night breeze against your exposed pussy, which is still a little sensitive after Helmut’s treatment of them.
You can feel Helmut shuffling around between your thighs, moving your dress up and to the side to have your pussy completely exposed to him. However, that doesn’t last long as your thighs instinctively shut, cheeks feeling warm even in the cold night. At this point you can’t tell whether it’s due to all the previous activities of the night or the current. Helmut does not appreciate how your thighs close up, obstructing his perfect view, and is pushing apart your thighs open, and landing a harsh slap on the inside of your thigh, far too close to your pussy, as the tips of his fingers brush against your pussy lips.
“You look absolutely ravishing tonight countess.” He speaks as he takes off his blazer, throwing it off to the side and is laying himself down so that his face can hover over your bottom half. Placing soft kisses along your hipbone, he continues to pepper little kisses all the way to the top of your mound. “I haven’t been able to keep my eyes off of your all night.” Another little kiss, a little closer to your clit. Helmut is looking up at you, only to find you already looking down at him with cautious and confused eyes, anticipating, his next actions, his next words, the lower tummy shaking a little as your breath quickens a little. “And you’d be an absolute fool to think, that all that I am doing is out of anything other than complete and utter desire.” He speaks as he keeps his eyes trained on your eyes, and he thumbs at your clit, pressing down on it before rubbing harsh circles. You bite down on your lips, your one hand going up to grab on to the railing of the balcony, gripping it so tight your knuckles go white. He can see you are getting wetter with every sentence he uttered, he leans down running his tongue from the bottom of your pussy all the way to the tip, sucking your clit into his mouth so harshly that it almost feels like a vacuum on your clit. Your arm flies to your mouth to keep your moans from getting too loud. “And judging from how much sugar you have for me my dear countess,” he continues to speak against your pussy that his voice comes out a little muffled, “I’d say you desire me just as much.”
He gives your pussy another wet, sloppy, open mouthed kiss, and is reaching both his hands up as his nose digs into your pussy, bumping against the nub of your clit, causing your whole body to shudder, as both his hands are reaching out to grab both your hand, one hand unclenching your hand from the railing, another being pulled away from your face, as he brings both your hands between your legs, leading them to his head, “I’m at your control Countess, guide me as you please.” And you instinctively grip on his hair lightly, feeling him take another lick of your sleek.
Helmut lets go of your hands as his hands goes to hook around your thighs. He darts his tongue out, dipping it right into your wet and inviting hole. Your grip on his hair immediately tightens. Helmut can’t help but smile a little at that, as he thrusts his tongue out and then right back in, but you were far too drowning in the pleasure to notice the smile against your pussy. Helmut moves his face around, nuzzling further into your pussy as the tip of his nose keeps brushing against your clit, causing you to jolt up and further into Helmut’s lapping tongue. He is swirling around his tongue, savouring all that is running out of your pussy. And as he moves his mouth up, and attaches himself to your already sensitive clit, giving it few harsh sucks, you become undone in his mouth. Your fingers grip onto his hair tight, holding for your dear life, pushing his face further into your climaxing pussy, as his tongue helps you ride out another high.
Helmut can feel you quivering against his tongue, but he does not stop, licking you clean of every last drop. He brings one of his hand from around your leg to your spent pussy, moving his mouth slowly only to replace it with his fingers, gently rubbing up and down your folds, in a soothing manner. And you can’t help but twitch now and then as you are taking deep breaths to calm yourself down, as your fingers loosen on Helmut’s head, now just resting in his matted and messy hair in an almost caress.
It takes you quite a bit of time before you are coming back to your complete consciousness, all the while Helmut laid between your thighs, placing gentle kiss on your soft, warm thigh every now and then, fingers still running ever so slowly up and down your fold, with Helmut’s gaze moving from your used pussy to your face, back down to your pussy, smile never leaving his face. Once becoming more aware of your surrounding, you immediately burn bright red feeling Helmut’s fingers and eyes on you, feeling so indecent, sitting up immediately, scrambling to gather yourself.
Helmut also sits up with you, a little confused of what you are doing, “My love what’s wrong?”
You don’t miss the way how Helmut addresses you has changed, and if you are being honest to yourself, you like it quite a bit. But you can’t help but feel like what just happened shouldn’t have happened, and you start to sputter out apologies, completely disregarding the fact that Helmut had devoured you of his own will. And just as you try to get up, Helmut pulls you down on him, wrapping his arm around you, with your back against Helmut’s chest and his one hand running up and down your exposed leg in a soothing manner, making you completely relaxed despite how exposed you are, as he speaks against the back of your neck, his breath tickling you, “What are you apologising for my baroness. You have no idea how long I wanted to do that to you.” Another kiss on the back of your ear as his whispers continue, “I wanted to wait for our marriage, when I have you officially and completely to me and I to you, but with how you started to speak of us, the doubt you had in us, I could not let that manifest any further, had to clear all these little doubts you had of me, of us, of what this is. My sweet love, these titles, these ranks, they account for nothing to me if I can’t have you. You must know since the moment we’ve met, I’ve had my eyes on you always, far too young to know what love is but my eyes saw none but you when we were together. And when this heart came to know of love, it loved one heart always. Yours.” And as he said that, you found yourself pushing further into Helmut’s warmth, his words making you feel completely dizzy, as these are words you never expected to come out of his mouth.
You grab his hand from around your body, and holding them to your chest, trying to hold whatever you can of his as close to your heart as possible, trying to make yourself believe that it is no dream. You open both his palms up and put them on each of your breasts. Helmut laughs with a little humour at this and speaks, “my love what on earth are you doing.”
“Squeeze me.”
And Helmut can no longer be subtle with his laugh, “What on earth are you talking about, I pour my heart out only for you to ask me to grab your tits?”
You nod innocently, turning your head slightly towards him, meeting his gaze ever so shyly before speaking, “I need to know I’m not dreaming, so, my Baron, can you please squeeze my tits tightly.”
Helmut shakes his head fondly at your words, and obeying your request, moving his hand to slip it inside your dress from the top, grabbing your tits once more and giving both your tits a long and harsh squeeze, your nipple getting caught in the most delicious painful pinch, and you can’t help the whine that escapes your lips as you lean hear head back onto his shoulder as you repeatedly let out, “real, real, real…” Helmut leans forward to give your lips few soft pecks and slowly removes his hands from inside your dress.
“Now my love, I know you must be tired, and I apologise that I can’t take you away just yet, but we must tend to the guests again. We’ve left them alone for far too long. But don’t you worry, I’ll be right by your side the whole time. You can lean on me for the rest of the night, I’ll be your crutch” Helmut speaks teasingly.
You whine against him, “No, I’m fine, lets go.” Determined to prove him wrong, you push yourself up with his support, once standing, you start fixing yourself up, setting your panty decently, which is still embarrassingly wet, but you know you can do nothing about it. You fix the skirt of your dress and pull the bust up to make yourself all decent. Helmut stands up behind you, standing on guard in case you need any help, and he was right to do so as you stumble on the very first step you take as you find yourself still drained from the earlier events. Helmut immediately grips at your waist, holding you steady. Helmut shakes his head endearingly, bringing you close to his side, taking one last look up and down at the both of you to make sure everything is decent, and leading you both back to the grand hall, slowly.
As you both step into the ballroom again, your and his mum rush to the both of you bombarding you two about your whereabouts. “Where were you kids, leaving your guests unattended.” Hilda goes off, eyeing both of you a little suspiciously, “and something seems different about you two. Were you guys off doing drugs or something.” Hilda’s eyes turn a little wild, your mum’s eyes also going wide, “you know what I don’t want to know, not now, go back in there and tend to the guests.” Hilda pushes you both inside. Helmut’s arms remain around you as you both the guests around the room, Helmut looking at you from time to time, leaning down whispering sweet nothings to you.
Your and Helmut’s mum can’t help but stand by each other while eyeing both your interactions, can’t help but notice how it has drastically changed since earlier tonight. Both knew of your feelings towards Helmut, but now seeing both of you so cosy, so publically, both are very confused, but couldn’t contain their happiness, especially for you, both looking at each other then giving each other a massive hug of relief, both elated for their respective children and what their closeness may mean.
Throughout the night, the happy couple greeted everyone around the room, made conversation with whomever they were required to make conversation with, and with each and every people they interacted with, everyone could see the love and fondness in each other’s eyes. Anyone who witnessed Helmut’s gaze on Y/N would say that he looks at Y/N like she held the universe in her palms, the two must be soulmates, lovers for eternity, if a past life existed, the two must’ve been together. And they wouldn’t be wrong, Helmut indeed look at her as if she were the most precious being to ever exist.
You see, while Y/N was so infatuated by Helmut growing up, she never did see that Helmut was equally enamoured by her. Whenever Y/N would visit, he’d always be somewhere close by, try to get a glimpse of her, be it a second. He loved seeing Y/n with his mum in their balcony, or her in the stables, far too scared to be on the horses, but helping feeding and brushing Helmut’s horse. What started as stolen glances from Helmut, bloomed into love. And with both of them being equal parts idiots, never approached each other either with their confession of love. So when Helmut’s father approached him with the proposal of both their marriage, he agreed in a heartbeat.
That night, there was affirmation on everyone’s heart that there was love in the air and that these two were meant to be. There was a satisfaction in both their parents heart that the two aren’t simply compromising for their countries, but do truly love each other. There was content within both Helmut’s and Y/N’s heart knowing that Helmut loves Y/N and Y/N loves Helmut. And there wasn’t a doubt in anyone’s mind that these two were meant to be.
a/n: hope that was ok.
#helmut zemo x reader#daniel bruhl x reader#helmut zemo smut#helmut zemo oneshot#daniel bruhl smut#helmut zemo x y/n#helmut zemo fluff#helmut zemo angst#helmut zemo arrange marriage#helmut zemo fiction#saturn writes
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tagged in six sunday by @grand-magnificent! we are tragically unable to post any Phrygian things today, as all of our Phrygian things are going In The Fic and we have no ideas. except for chapter six, and a little phrygian/corrasion bonus action thing on the side. but those have to wait.
instead you get to read one of our backdated snapshots of Kalrin Pyrhis, the fifth(??) worst motherfucker in clown school. Welcome to Havenfree!
(tagging if you want to join in: @aurochsent, @andromedasea, @circuitousmoths)
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You take two and a half weeks to execute your revenge.
Royvin likes to stand in the same spot. She claims her place in every class, her massive bulk and leering face just daring someone to try and take it. No one ever does.
It would be easy to trap her desk. Glue on the seat, bees under the table, acid on the pencil case, spikes on the roof. People do it to people who aren’t Royvin all the time.
But that would be pedestrian, forgettable. No style at all. This requires artistry.
You are looking for a class that both of you go to, where everyone stands, and where Royvin has carved out a spot with all the subtlety of a jackhammer. Of those there are six. Gym class, theater, art and sculpture, food preservation, the debate side of debate and history, and sometimes (but not always) home economics. Also sometimes band, but you’re not doing this in band class. Out of the question.
Out of all of them, food preservation is the only one where the floor is made of the right material, and she happens to be standing exactly on the end of two long, wooden boards.
If this were a game of clue, then this murder is taking place in the wine cellar. The culprit: yours truly. Now you just need a weapon.
You creep out during the day to make your preparations. First, you examine the boards themselves. They are wide and thick, but they are also old; they won’t hold up to what you need them for. Improvements are needed.
You pay a little weirdo to get you a piece of metal that is exactly two boards long and two boards wide.
Then you consider the matter of mass. Royvin is heavier than you; it will not do to balance this straight down the middle. The hinge will need to be much closer to her than to you. There is a space under the floor (this whole building is raised slightly off the ground, much to the pleasure of all the clowns who like to scurry beneath it) and the old floor rests on a perpendicular set of support beams. When you check, you find that the beams in question rest unfortunately right down the middle.
You also pay the little weirdo to make a metal hinge attached to the piece of metal, about three quarters of the way to the top. You have them drill some holes in the corners while you're at it. Sawing through the support beam will have to come as a later step.
After some frank discussion about what exactly you want this thing to do (and no small amount of exasperation at your lack of understanding of basic mechanics), the weirdo gives you a hinge with two parts. The first is the part that is already affixed to the plate. A long, flat metal bar is now extending out to either side, with instructions to attach this to several planks that you don’t want moving – that will keep the whole thing braced with the floor. At the heart of it, there is the familiar shape of something like a door hinge.
The second part is a metal rod. The weirdo shows you how to fit it into the hinge, so that relative to the metal bar, the original piece of metal turns. You ask if they can make it so it only moves if you step on it from one of the two sides. They give you a look like you are the biggest moron on Alternix, tell you that you should have asked for that in the first place, and say it will cost you extra.
You agree. They say they’ll have it by tonight.
You can barely wait.
It is with incredible, quiet care that you remove the boards and punch holes in the wood. You fit them with screws and affix the metal plate to the bottom of them, and then put them back.
This is the key to a good prank: doing all the steps that can be hidden first. The floorboards do not move at all; they sit there like nothing happened. Royvin stands right on top of them, none the wiser.
You are nearly caught, once, by Hanque and Ishaza. For a panicked moment you think that they are using the cellar as a place to conspire, but then you hear giggling, and – after another moment of confusion, you realize they snuck out together because they are looking for a place to make out, and cannot seem to keep their hands to themselves. This is a stupid and incomprehensible reason to sneak out, but whatever.
You scare them off by making a little noise before they can do anything gross.
Your preparations continue. You make a little hole in the wall of the adjacent closet, carefully placed to give you a view of the scene of the crime. You enlist an accomplice (one of the students in the age group below you; for subjects like this, you often share a class.) on the promise that you’ll protect them, both generally and from consequences. You put a box of salt and pickling supplies (a wide one, one that can rest four boards across) on the other side of your contraption-to-be, one week before its fruition is due. This is to ensure that people are well-accustomed to not stepping there long before there is any risk of wobbling. It works; nobody moves them. They part around your plan like a river around a boulder. The food preservation room is always full of bullshit, and everyone just picks their way around it.
And then, with trepidation, you sneak in and finally put in the hinge.
You are not the handiest of trolls, but it is a simple enough job that you manage. The hinge itself only goes one way, and was made by someone far more clever than you. You carefully push down on your side of the boards, making sure that it goes down while the other side rises. It works like a charm.
You drag a bag of funky flour over to Royvin’s side of it. You leave it on where you like to imagine a big red X.
You mostly manage to catch the bag out of the air before it breaks and gets bright orange flour everywhere. It wouldn’t arouse too much suspicion – this is a clown church, weird shit happens sometimes – but Royvin might get pissy if there is a cheeto crime scene directly on top of her spot.
Great news: it works.
The only thing left is to wait. And oh, you wait with such delicious anticipation. You have some very stupid wheels that will be turning for a decade; this will happen so soon that you can hardly sit still. It takes all of your willpower not to burst out laughing in every class you have, thinking of exactly how funny this is going to be. Curse your incredible gift for visualization!
You are ready three days before you do it. You wait in the empty closet and watch her like a hawk. The first day, she isn’t standing right; the second day, someone else is in the way. But the third day is perfect.
You give a tiny nod to your accomplice – Candio, you think. He nods back, and once everyone else has filed in, quietly drags the box out of the way.
The teacher calls attendance. You wait.
“Ishaza Ailmar,” says the teacher. Pretty girls always get their full names read, you think; pretty girls and teacher’s pets. That, or having the first name on the list. Or maybe this teacher is just weird. Being a pickler might do it to you.
“Present,” she says, sweetly. You roll your eyes.
“Jaipes.”
“Here.”
(Ohnyxx isn’t in this class, unfortunately; the list skips over the letter B entirely. Neither is Valope. You know Ohnyxx would fucking love to make terrible pickles in a cellar, but no dice. You hear it conflicts on the schedule with some sort of advanced math.)
“Garlad.”
A grunt.
“Gar-lad,” enunciates the teacher, icily.
“Here,” Garlad mocks back. He’s in the age group below you, too. You like this kid.
The teacher clicks their tongue and then clicks their pen, but moves on. “Jrapes,” they say.
“Present,” says Jaipes, or someone who sounds exactly like them.
The listing continues. You quietly open the closet door and slip out into the hallway. Slowly you creep up to the doorway, letting yourself feel the excitement pounding through you as you wait for the alphabet to tick down. So close to showtime. You know the order these names will go in. It won’t be long now.
“Hanque.” Ah, right on cue.
“Here,” drawls the jock.
“Candio.”
“Here,” says your accomplice. He sounds nervous.
“Olives.”
“Present,” whispers a girl you don’t know.
“Royvin.”
“Here,” Royvin says, sounding bored. She often sounds bored.
Boy, that sure won’t last long.
“Rajole.”
“Here,” he mumbles. It’s a funny coincidence, that you are right next to each other, you think, not for the first time. The alphabet itself contrives to keep you together.
Ugh. He’s rubbing off on you.
“Kalrin,” says the teacher. Curtain call.
You wait.
A silence.
“Kal-rin Pyr-his,” enunciates the teacher, clicking their pen. The disapproval is audible. Skipping class is even worse than grunting during attendance.
You wait.
“Hm,” says the teacher, and makes a mark.
You sprint into the room at full speed. Everyone startles. A few people scuttle out of your way; Rajole is one of them, looking like a deer in headlights, and then looking like a deer looking at another deer in headlights once he realizes it’s you. Royvin’s head snaps around and her fists come out of her pockets, but she does not move.
“FORSOOTH!” you holler at the top of your lungs as you leap, and you stomp with both feet on the other end of the boards, launching Royvin into the fucking roof. You hear her shout.
She punches clean through the shitty wooden ceiling, hornsfirst, and gets stuck in the rafters.
You laugh so hard that you fall on your ass. Everyone loses their minds. Even the teacher.
Prying your legs out from the hole beneath the floor, you catch a glimpse of Rajole giving you a pained look. You are not fooled for a second; you can also see him trying to hide his mouth twitching.
“I’M GONNA FUCKING KILL YOU!” Royvin roars. Her horns are stuck, you realize – even with her whole weight dragging down on them, they’re too huge to come back down through the holes. That has to hurt. You see her flailing her legs, trying to knock herself loose to beat you to hell. Her fists pound on the wood until it cracks.
You lose your shit laughing again.
She falls back down as the old wood gives way and breaks the floor with a massive crunch. She is covered in splinters and dust and seething, embarrassed rage. Everyone has cleared well away from the impact. You leap to your feet, still wheezing, and nearly slip again in another fit of cackles as you start to run.
Royvin snarls, punches the ground, and gets up with the violent, unstoppably building momentum of a steam train that hates you. Her eyes have already gone from yellow to wrathful orange-red.
You get the fuck out of there, trying not to let your cackling slow you down. She chases you down with another roar.
It takes half an hour to lose her, when Regius finally stops her in the hall. You can hear her voice, strained from cursing you out non-stop, protesting as you make your getaway.
You love it here.
-:-
Royvin is merciless in picking on you for the next two months. You break five teeth and three thumbs in the first two gym classes. You could not care less. Victory is irrevocably yours.
The story is still being repeated and laughed about. Royvin punches anyone she catches telling it. Everyone has started yelling FORSOOTH! before throwing things. It caught on like wildfire. Your fingerprints are on their souls.
You have never been so satisfied. This is your legacy, you think. You never assumed you’d have a long life; this is why you’ll never die.
#our ocs#fantroll#kalrin#Havenfree#six Sunday#writing#surprise it's homestuck. but OUR homestuck. come look at our awful clowns#homestuck
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Etiquette question: I'm copying my works on Squidge (where they're archive-locked and backdated, so I'm really not expecting a lot of views and interactions, if any!).
The goal is to have my works saved twice rather than once, and also have my fannish identity exist there as well.
Some of those works are writing collaborations or feature artworks (as part of a bang, for example).
I'm asking the co-writers & artists if they're cool with my adding their works on Squidge, but I'm pretty sure I won't get an answer from a couple (if I can even get in touch!).
How long should I wait before going ahead? Should I go ahead?
1/ For the art embedded in my AO3 works, should I just say 'art on AO3, here's the link' if they don't answer?
2/ Should I post the writing collabs on Squidge for archival reasons but keep them invisible (in a special invisible collection, for instance) if I don't get a reply?
--
I often see people post co-written things without the participation of the co-writer. Unless you have reason to think they'd specifically not want you to be able to post the work yourself, I think you're fine.
For the art... that's hard. If AO3 had native hosting, I might just link there. Reposting art is bad, but the constant loss of art is also bad. I think it boils down to how secure the current hosting of that embedded art is. (And, obviously, if you hear back and they say "no", that's your answer.)
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Hey, just saw your ffnet post! While it's totally fair of you to not want to put your works on Ao3, I'd ask you to consider it. I've read a lot of fics, many that are years old, many that might be considered "cringey" or "bad", and many that had barely any views, and they all brought me joy. There's a special kind of grief I feel when I see that a fic has been taken down and deleted.
I do understand not wanting to upload this content as if it's what you're currently writing; Ao3 does allow you to backdate your works, so it wouldn't show up as recent but could have the original posting date. You could also consider setting up a pseud account on ao3, which allows it to be attached to your main but not explicitly your main, and have a note that this is a work that you're archiving from ffnet. It's kind of like having a sideblog on tumblr, except the links work better.
You don't need to decide right away; the "ffnet is going down" panic sweeps tumblr every few months and you likely have some time to figure out what you'd like to do. I just thought I'd reach out and share my thoughts. Your work is absolutely worth saving and sharing, in whatever capacity you're comfortable with, and I respect whatever decision you choose, but would also like to encourage you to be open to preserving your works for people to find and enjoy. You never know how much joy you could bring, even just to one person who finds your fics in the future.
Thanks for the message, I appreciate it and everything you've clarified here. Like seriously, thanks. I'm going to keep vomiting out words as I think "aloud", responding to what you've said, because you've helped me.
It's fascinating, because I am a hardcore preservationist who can't get rid of a-n-y-t-h-i-n-g to save my life. I'm similarly bummed when people delete even the most minor things online. And I have no sense of personal cringe. I'll always cherish what projects I've done.
You'd think this would be an easy decision given my values.
The challenge with me here is that publicly posting fics online is more about preserving for others as versus preserving for myself, and I'm trying to decide if I feel comfortable putting my stuff up again for other eyes in any capacity. I'm glad people have gotten joy out of my fics and it does help me think this over more, though I'll admit I've always felt out of sorts, nakedly exposed, having my writing online (even though I wrote and finished fics FOR that Sense Of Others, a sense of obligation and promise, rather than for myself). Ficwriters post about the excitement of getting notifications, whereas for me, it meant going through anxiety every time. XD (but thanks to everyone who wrote the kind words!!! they did make me happy once I got through opening the notification. your kindness is why I wrote. and I am touched when there's the rare comment from 2022 that pops through.)
I realize this frames the situation as more "me-centric" than "giving others joy-centric." I don't want to come off as dismissive of others finding joy, because that's important. The smallest things can be the brightest. My mind has just moved on so much from my fics that I think in terms of "How can I give someone joy today?" in new ways. But you are framing it in terms of people getting new joy. So. That's a good point to mull over.
I've never gotten an account on AO3, so I won't need to think about making the "sideblog"-esque account (though that's fascinating to know about!!! that's cool! you go AO3 for being awesome). But GOSH your response being thorough has been the bestest thing, because I've never known about the backdating, either. That makes it more likely I'd consider moving fics onto AO3, because even writing a "hey this is old" in front of a reupload onto a new site still puts it as "new" in the feed and that makes me uncomfortable. Just quietly shifting it to 2014 when it was written feels more fitting.
I was definitely wondering how this current sweep of "FFN going down" was different than the ramblings that have been going on for years. I've seen recent posts talking about how FFN might not have been updated for one or two years, and that's the most explicit I've gotten. I've recently seen some posts say "just in case," which is more of what I thought it'd logically be. I tend to not believe "FFN is going down" posts because they're just people hashing out what they've said for years, and I want better proof. They're right the site is falling, but yeah. But since these "ending" comments have been particularly widespread all at once, I figure, "Eh, only takes a few minutes, better safe than sorry." But it's good to know your impression of the situation is similar to mine, and that this isn't something I have to resolve anytime soon.
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Keys guide to scam spotting (v2)
Hi! I’m Key (Or Jess depending on which blog you know me from) and I’ll be telling you some better information and detail on how to spot a scam account be it a pet scam or a donation scam. All information is based on my own experiences and I’ll try to keep this post accessible so the only big text is the title. This information should help in understanding how these scams work and how to spot them without having to do too much work. As always, if you appreciate what I do and want to show it, sharing these info posts helps other users see it and learn about blogs that might send them asks.
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What is a donation scam? - A donation scam is when someone is being deceptive to get money by claiming they need mutual aid or support. For example, they are using the story from someone else’s fundraising post in order to get donations and won’t tell anyone their lying. This is called a donation scam. While the story may be legitimate, it is a story stolen off someone else and means the real person isn’t getting the support they asked for because someone else is using it. These stories are often stolen off Facebook/GoFundMe or even Instagram and could come from a private account or group so searching wouldn’t come up with a source. The images may also be stolen from somewhere else too.
How do you spot a donation scam? - Donation scams are usually easily spotted if you take a closer look at the information being given. Stolen stories will often have certain parts removed and replaced with the information the scammer added themselves. Sometimes the post may be composed of two different parts and won’t sound right if you pay close attention. For example, part of the story sounds fine but then the second part of the story seems out of place and doesn’t match up with the beginning. Another thing to check is how old the account is and if you have timestamps on you can see if an older post is backdated. You can also check to see if the account has tagged certain blogs in their post though this isn’t always a sign of a scam.
What is post backdating? - Post backdating is changing the dates of a reblogged post to look older then it really is. While this can be used with good intentions, scammers often use this to trick people into thinking their account is years old or even a few months old. The one way to find this is by turning on timestamps in dashboard settings and checking ‘other notes’ in reblogs. This is the only way to see the true date something was shared. Accounts who backdate posts will often claim someone told them to do it or they’ll say they didn’t know it was bad. However, you can not accidentally backdate a post.
Did the account contact you first? - A common occurrence is that you will get scam asks if you share a popular or trending post. Usually these accounts send asks to anyone they find without care of who it is and might lie as well if you ask them how they found you. In general, a brand new account shouldn’t easily find you unless they were watching the notes of popular posts. Occasionally these new accounts will even send asks to certain accounts they shouldn’t know about unless they have seen the account before. If your DMs are closed, the ask may ask you to message them because it’s urgent but all they will do is ask for money or ask you to loan them some money.
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What is a pet donation scam? - A pet donation scam is where someone has went and looked around for vet fundraisers online and then took it for themselves by saving the images and story while erasing any links that would lead to the real pet getting support. They will then repost it to tumblr and say it’s actually their pet needing urgent care with the post title being very large and in red text for a sense of urgency. Sometimes they’ll say they can’t use GoFundMe because it has a fee or something else. This is a scam because they are not the owner of the pet and have stolen everything meaning no funds sent will be towards the actual pets care.
How do you spot a pet donation scam? - A common way of a pet donation scam is by how old the pinned post is and how many posts are reblogged on the account. Usually there is only a few posts shared and always shared around the same time and then no more. These posts all come from a trending topic, a fandom, or are popular posts. Another thing is checking the bio in Google search and seeing if it’s been took from someone else as the scammer never makes their own bio. Reverse image search their pfp to see who it really belongs to in case they stole it. Another important thing is to check their link and see if it matches up with the vet bill. Since most pictures are stolen off a private group, reverse image search won’t find them. The name they may have is likely not their real name and is stolen.
Did the account send you an ask? - Regardless of what the ask says, it usually requests you to answer it privately or message them so they can tell you thanks. These asks may have several emojis in them as well but their always just copy/pasted and sent to multiple users all at once on a daily basis. The private answer is so the ask won’t show up if someone is looking it up. If their post is public, there shouldn’t be a reason to need a private response to an ask you have sent to many people unless you are trying to hide it. Messaging these accounts is useless because they’ll lie to you when you ask them questions back or just ignore you.
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What is a fake check scam? - A fake check scam is when a generally blank account with no pfp will message you after you used certain tags and ask you if you still need help. Even if you have links to send support, these accounts will ignore that in order to ask for your personal information such as phone number or banking details. They will then offer to send you a check. This is a fake check and cashing it won’t be scamming the scammer. You will lose money instead and the scammer will already move on to someone else. Never give them your private information.
Are there any other scam types? - When you tag posts, you’ll often get messages from accounts claiming they can help you get more attention on your campaign but you have to pay them money or go off-site to contact them. These are fake support accounts and they always use stock images while pretending to be officially affiliated and act like their Digital Marketing title means their not trying to scam you. They get defensive when called out and may start insulting you when they figure out you are already aware they aren’t legitimate.
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What is a funeral donation scam? - A funeral donation scam is when an account posts saying someone has passed away but the images they used are actually took from someone else and may be photoshopped. Bills may be edited to suit their story and names may be changed to someone else’s. This isn’t a real common scam! But it’s happened a lot lately but the basics are the account will steal someone’s pictures and pass them off as theirs and when caught will say they were forced to or know it’s wrong but did it anyway.
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In closing, this is information regarding common scam types you’ll find on tumblr. It’s always suggested to pay close attention to asks you get it they fit the criteria of being sent from a scammer. Answer the asks publicly and call out the blog. The scammer may block you as a result, but it’ll help your ask be seen it someone has looked it up. I suggest never spamming asks to share your pinned aid post because unfortunately scammers do this and you shouldn’t ignore people saying to please stop spamming. Always check to see if someone is comfortable getting these kinds of asks too because it won’t look too good if you have sent them an ask when they say please don’t.
As always, not everyone asking for support is a scammer! Legitimate people are out there. It’s just unfortunate scammers have made it harder for them to get help. You can always do your own research and compare it to what others have given and come to your own conclusion.
#scam#donation scam#pet donation scam#how to spot a scam blog#psa#important information#long post#longpost#pet scam
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There's a part of me that wants to move all my old fics (from ffnet & other site) to ao3, but also, that's, so much work, & I doubt I'd have the resilience to rewrite them or even improve them cuz li'l me out there writing was confident and uh. A baby. And most of those are things I'm not even touching now.
But the other part knows people enjoyed/enjoy them, and it'd be good to archive em
So idk what to do. Cuz part of me wants to but part of me doesn't want to deal with it. Any advice?
I'd absolutely move them. Or, at the very least, make sure you've got copies of them so you can move them later if you want.
Just, you can move them, not do any rewriting/editing work and just post them with a AN or a tag saying they're old fic, you could even backdate them to show that they're old if you want. There's nothing stopping you from coming back and editing them later on if you ever feel like you want to. But if you don't archive them and you don't have other copies of them then once FF.net does finally go they're gone for good and that'd be a damn shame.
I, personally, would rather take that time than regret losing something that I once poured so much time into forever and is proof of how far I've come as a writer.
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Donation scams
What is a donation scam? - This kind of scam occurs when someone is asking for money but isn’t being genuine/honest for why they need it and upon closer inspection you’ll often find out their fundraiser information is stolen from someone else who needs support. For example, the text itself would pull up someone else’s fundraiser that’s posted on another site such as Facebook or Gofundme with names that don’t match up or certain details edited out or added from something else entirely. In a sense, the post doesn’t make much sense or seems to be mashed together from other places. These are scams because money given to them isn’t going towards their goal and also not going to the one who needs it.
Was there an ask sent? - Asks for these scams are varied with no common theme but they usually seem poorly worded and link you to their post which may be pinned. Usually they’ll be sent immediately after following you with no prior interaction even when they call you their friend. Sometimes they’ll say they see you share mutual aid posts too but that’s generally just some excuse they’ll use so you won’t be too suspicious of them. Legit people be warned: Spamming these asks will get people suspicious of you and asking you questions instead. If someone tells you to please limit them, it’s advised you try to. Don’t send these asks to anyone who has stated they don’t like them.
Is the account new? - Another common thing to check is the posting date of the posts on the blog. An account with a massive amount of posts dating across many years is generally a legitimate person if they have several original posts and overall appear to be a person. Unfortunately, scammers tend to backdate posts to make their blogs look older then they may be but rarely have that many original posts. By turning on timestamps, you can see the original posting date in other notes if they have shared posts. Usually the backdated posts are only a few days old but have been made to look years old.
Does the story make sense? - Basically, how well does the story they give sound and does the information it has seem reasonable. Is there anything in it that seems too far fetched to be applicable to a situation? Such as stating they need money for someone’s funeral but the images they supply seem to be photoshopped. Or they have their name on a paper but there seems to be a filter over it which may be obscuring minor details from the original unedited image. You may notice the story also doesn’t give much information out that would be anything important like if a law applies to their situation but they don’t supply a general idea of what country their in. Sometimes the story changes after a few days too.
What else should you do? - If you still can’t figure out if someone’s legitimate, then you may try to nicely ask them questions related to their situation. These questions don’t have to be anything needing personal information; It can request clarity about something your unsure of or further explanation regarding a detail that doesn’t seem to make much sense overall. Most people don’t mind answering these questions as long as your being reasonable and friendly. Most usually will answer you. Unless they ignore you.
What if it is a scam? - Once you have gathered enough resources to confirm the post is by a scam account, it’s necessary to compile it into one place then make a post showing it or show them what you found as well. The scammer will most likely get really angry and deny your evidence and then block you and continue scamming people. Unfortunately it’s suggested to post the information yourself before confronting scam accounts.
Other stuff to look out for? - Asks being spammed; Mass tagging accounts who share mutual aid posts; Replies/reblogs are missing; Harassing people who proved they are scamming
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To report scam posts, the original way was this: Report -> Something else -> Illegal uses or Content -> Phishing
This guide is from my other account, but I’m reposting it here as a backup. If you found this guide useful, please let me know and share it to your friends.
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tagged by @bropunzeling and @postoperation 💕
Rules: Go to your published works on AO3 and list the first fic you ever published there, the last fic you published, any fic that you wrote for a fandom/ship only once, your favorite fic you wrote in the fandom/ship that has the most works, the fic you wish more people read, the fic you agonized over the most, the fic that sprang fully formed from your mind without any effort, and a work you are proud of—for whatever reason.
first fic (on ao3): perspective, a star wars (legends) eu rarepair fic that i wrote for yuletide in 2011 that honestly was like pulling teeth at the time and i don’t think i’ve ever reread. i crossposted and then deleted some social network fic but i honestly don’t remember if i ever backdated any of it correctly anyway so this is probably the first one regardless since i got an ao3 specifically to participate in yuletide in 2011
last fic: make a better mistake, the brady/quinn home by now timestamp i put on here the other day. i don’t have much to say about this really except that it was fun to write out one of the bits of their backstory, which i have a lot of thoughts and feelings about
fic for a fandom/ship i only wrote once: don’t read the last page, broadchurch pornography i wrote in the year of someone’s lord 2021 after rewatching because my mom hadn’t seen it and wanted to. i wrote so much het porn in 2021 and yet i still can barely bring myself to write any of the common slang terms for vagina 💀
favorite fic in the fandom/ship with the most works: well in the summer of 2012 i was possessed by demons and wrote two then-avengers/now-mcu fics but i can’t say i like either of them. i guess i think this one is better, if pressed. honestly i don't feel a need to delete them but i am glad that no one ever seems to read them lol
fic i wish more people read: the sky is big enough, which i feel like i've said before! i really like how it came together but dropping 15k unannounced and unheralded on a medium-sized fandom and peacing out isn't exactly the best way to attract readers 😂 at least it exists for me to pretend is part of the game of thrones canon
fic you agonized over the most: this is kind of a toss-up. on the one hand, it took me the better part of six months to write preference, which clocks in at a not actually all that long 37k, because for mysterious reasons it was just a really slow story for me to pick through and i had to put a lot of thought into what i could do with each scene since the structure (which i imposed on myself btw. i made this problem) is so limiting. on the other hand the actual writing sessions for home by now were easy and productive but the story took ten whole entire months of my life, a major characterization revision just under halfway through, and a major pacing evening-out three quarters of the way through. both involved a lot of crying about whether the story was actually good.
fic that sprang fully formed from my mind without any effort: okay this is a throwback and also such a rarepair as in the only fic in the tag but years ago i wrote jt compher/his college teammate kevin lohan and it was just such an enjoyable story to write because i had a clear vision of the arc and it came together neatly and the non-linear structure meant i got to play with some fun juxtaposition. anyway: instructions for dancing
a story i'm proud of: this is not the end. was this a ridiculous thing to write in any year, much less the year 2020? sure. but write it i did, and it was the first novel-length story i ever successfully wrote, much less completed and edited and posted. and i think it's a nice story! proud of myself for getting over the long story hump and proud of myself for doing it while also doing graduate school. and proud of myself for finding something to do with my time so that my entire life didn't just become work and grad school in 2020.
#i'm not tagging anyone bc idr who's already been tagged but if you feel moved you can pretend i tagged you#my fic
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