that question is sparked by me seeing a very obnoxious (i.e. eyestrain to the point of inducing a headache) dni banner that lists "bi lesbians" on it and I look at the person's carrd and they have "anti-neopronoun/xenogender/mogai" listed right underneath "bi lesbians/lesboys/etc and supporters"

and i am just. feeling a little crazy. because i genuinely do not understand this fsdjkl i feel like... if you are supportive of xenogenders then you should understand gender is complex and doesn't line up nicely with sexuality labels sometimes so you have to twist things to make them fit right for you and your internal experience... this is why we have cool labels like cloudgender and stargender and all that fun stuff!! these labels are cool! they are good! so why suddenly are we saying that lesbians and gays who do not fit the traditional "i am solely a woman attracted solely to other only-ever-women" box are wrong and bad ?

i dont want to be saying horrible things bc im misunderstanding or straight up not seeing the issue though, so genuinely if anyone has insight please tell me because im so beyond confused at this point

as a certified Aromantic Asexual (I should make myself a certificate) I genuinely don't Believe there is systemic oppression that specifically targets Aromantic or Asexual people.

I do however believe that people Cannot be normal about ppl who don't have sex or romantic relationships, and that can Really Impact Aromantic And Asexual People.

Also like. Aros n aces are still. Experiences Other forms of oppression that can interact with the aro and/or ace-ness

idk i went back and forth on whether to post this bc i dont make a lot of posts and idk why i expect people to care but also i do want to tell someone and have other people know so.

super long confusing musings on my sexuality and stuff under the cut. its long so u dont have to read it but id like it if u could like the post if u wanted please n thank u 💖💖

like ok so for a long time now ive id'ed as an ace lesbian and felt at home with that and now bc of circumstances and reasons ive started thinking again.

but a part of me has always felt so disconnected from other lesbians like they all understood something i didnt and i loved the solidarity and community of being a lesbian but i didnt really understand such a big part of it. wrt being in love and sex and all. like i think i confused wanting that closeness and intimacy as being the same thing as feeling it.

and like i guess the turning point of that is that like i do want companionship and someone in my life but the way i want it is never the way other people do even through casual dating etc like sex and romance...the way i want those things are so specific to me and its feels like a venn diagram thats a circle and no one else is ever going to share that with me. maybe someday but its such a slim window to fit into that i cant expect it of other people right now.

but ive been reading abour qprs bc thats another thing ive been super critical on in the past (and i still kinda cringe hearing it) and i mean on one hand qweerplatonic feels like one of those tumblrisms thats code for "my discord relationship" and i feel like when you have a community based on a lack of something people fill the vacuum with like. fandoms and strawman comics. like im adult that pays taxes i dont have squishes on anyone.

but like that aside. i do get it. i like my independence and not having to compromise on things and it would be nice to have a life partner who is similar in those things but still wants the emotional intimacy and exclusivity and commitment of a partner. and qpr is like the best way to explain what i need to other people ig

and in that way i finally understood that like. being acearo is a very specific way to want a connection with someone and u do need words for that so u can find other people like u bc most people dont feel like that and its not wrong to want words to explain what u want to other people and if qpr is the best way to phrase it then i guess im stuck with it.

and then its like so do i feel attraction??? have i ever? but im still gay?? how can i be gay and also acearo? but it makes sense to me bc like i want a partner someday and it is more than a friendship. like in the past ive had very intense girl friendships that blurred the line where we would cuddle and hold hands and talk abot getting married and everyone negged us about dating/thought we were dating and ive always been the one to shy away from it when it came down to finally confront it.

but then when it comes time to say if were gfs i just....dodge the question forever. and i feel guilty about stringing ppl along like that bc i know they want something more than that and im ignoring it. like ive always been happiest in that gray undefined zone thats more than friendship but not quite dating.

like ive always been free with affection and then uncomfortable when someone (understantably) wants it to mean something more. ive always been the one whos not as into the other person while theyre enamoured with me. like my ex just used to gaze at me and say they love me and id be like .....thanks....you too! bc i did love them and i thought we wanted the same things. but it was complicated.

ALL THIS is to say that if i do enter in some kind of life partnership somehow it would still be with a woman or non binary person most likely bc i feel most comfortable with them and still dont like men in that way. so im still gay?

but u know. i identified as bi before as a lesbian before and then an ace lesbian so right now im in a phase of my life where aromantic asexual lesbian is the best way to describe me and im okay with that. it doesnt have to make sense to anyone else but me. it can be contradictory and confusing and "incorrect" but like if thats what i feel descibes me best then thats how im gonna be. its lonely but its also freeing because at least now i realize that i know what i want and i can have what i want if i meet the right person someday.

flowers for u if u read this far down💐💐💐💐💐💐 thank u to anyone who read any of that.

MY FRIEND ASKED ME 4 MY LGBT TF2 HCS!!! i wrote a bunch of paragraphs 4 the guy and thought i might as well post em here 2 lol. never done a hc post but why not. ALSO i am sorry if these r bad takes plz have mercy on me scout- unfortunately has alot of internelized homophobia so he acts like,,, super duper straight and masc 2 appear as hetero to both his brothers and the other mercs. chases women and LOVES WOMEN BOOB WOMEN to keep this up, but after seeing how litereally everyone else is gay and realizing that it is NOT BAD!!! he chooses LOVE WINS, so in short bi becuz he is BI HIMSELF ((also ive heard alot of trans hcs and i like that idea, either for him being ftm or mtf later down the line   pyro- genderfluid?? more like,,, genger GASOLINE, fire burn fire. probably has like a gay autistic who loves fire flag saved on their phone. uses all pronouns and has multiple neo pronouns but in the same way they r nonbinary in general?? i thinks, id ont know if hes r ace or if they have jst not found someone they have a crush on, in the same way i think shed get really silly crushes on people like shawn mendes or something. also pan and does not care about gender at all  engineer!!!- ppl think that he is straight, these people are WRONG!!!  i think he'd b bi without the urself way!! maybe influenced by pyro and has tried he/them pronousn b4, hot single dad looking for other dads  demoman- OUUUGH he is  silly 2 me, absoloutely wild with gender presentation and i would htink he absoloutely would show up to bars wearing makeup and painting his nails or wearing skirts ((hehahe scottish) and ROCKING IT. uses any pronouns even tho he still prefers he/him. pan sexual and when drunk or sober flirts with any attractive person in the vicinity. does not depend on who it is  soldier- LOVES MEN((and also zhanna)), GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS LESBIANS (saw something about people asking him(usa) for his(usas) pronouns and he just screams america at them, usa/usas LOL)  sphee- like demoman in the way i think he gets manicures and wears really lavish dresses. definetely wiill sleep witj anyone no matter gender, win 4 all sluts ever /j spy would wear those damn expensive I just killed my husband robez….  snipaoer-  DEFINETELY demisexual, scared of litreally any relationship ever and if u touch him he will explode and migt start crying LOL,  has never really thought about his sexuality cause that means actually acknowledging the idea that anyone besides his poor parents will ever love him and THAT IS NOT A THING??? duh :/, simply exists in a state of completely unlabeled and 2 scared to thing any harder about it lol, meeting spy is the most emotional damge that life has implanted onto him the last 2 accidently just became backstory headcanons instead of lgbt ones, oops  heavy!!!- like sniper never really thought about it,, all hes ever seen has been straight people so he never evn rlly thought that being gay was like... a option. also never really had many real life crushes on people as a kid and thought the guy celebs were a bit prettier then the womenz, did not think about this either. meeting medic was like a whole new thing 4 him cause 1, first person hes ever been emotionally attached 2 very much besides his family. and 2, its a guy. was  confusing 4 him to figure out at such a late age but didnt scare him 2 much, and also his whole family was like YIPPEE!!!!! our lovely misha finally has a date thank god. they r all so supportive and love hearing about medic whenever heavy sends letters. heavy writes about him alot, his mom alwas asks when they r gonna have a grandson and heavy is like,, ma??? were gay, and his families all like, ADOPT A KID ,, heavy is not sure about medic being a dad LOL ((sorruy this became a heavymedic hcs instead of just heavy hcs, but i feel like medic is important to his lbgt-ness)) MEDIC.0- saving the one im least sure about 4 last- apparently he had a wife in the past but i think this was just to please his parents and 2 appear straight cuz this weirdo is a RAGING homosexual. poor wife had it rough and thought he was cheating the whole time, sad loveless marriage for both of em. in his teen years he was a part of alot of lgbt and punk groups in germany bcuz it is funny 2 imagine him with his hair all spiked or somethign eagain medic prob did not protest as a 20-something cuz he didnt wanna lose his medical liscense, doesnt matter cuz he did anyways LOL. but now that he is old he absoloutely loves it and litearlly does wahtever he wants, i think he likes to look nice, as in wear sweaters and button ups and nice shoes and slacks when he is not working. he is like a gay mr rogers

hi! me again! i understand that bi/pan people with a preference would never be considered lesbians but i had it presented to me as being like bisexual homoromantic which would be as valid as being ace and homoromantic right? and i don't understand how A's id could affect or imply anything about B's id? like the acknowledgment of demigirls doesn't affects girls being fully girls? as far as pronouns isn't the whole point that they ARE gendered, otherwise we would all just be they/them? (1/2)

non queer people very much understand pronouns to indicate gender. so why is language malleable when it comes to redefining gender and pronouns but not when it comes to using orientation labels differently? also i read that carrd and want to clarify i would never make the argument that trans people aren't "really" the gender they id as. also, i'm sorry for asking so much but i'm just trying to understand.

--

hi dear! for context (x) and please don’t apologize for asking questions! there are so many people who would rather shut down and not try to understand, i will always greatly appreciate people who are actively trying to learn

also sorry this got wAY too long lmao i have a lot of thoughts, apparently...

as for the way the term bi/pan lesbian was presented to you, that’s totally understandable! and again, per my lil caveat, the idea of expressing a difference in romantic and sexual attraction with a single term (like being bi/pansexual but lesbian in terms of romantic attraction) is totally chill but i think the part that starts to come into question is the large movement of people who were using bi/pan lesbian in the way i described in my other post (ie as a way to express that they are “lesbian but with some attraction to men, still”)

in terms of how person A identifies and how that affects person B, the point is less about an individual interaction - no, how a stranger chooses to identify themself does not directly affect my identity. to your notion of demigirls and the fact that they don’t negate the identity of women, that’s totally true! it’s not so much that a person’s identity negates another’s, more that the words a person uses to identify themself can affect others, because we tie certain terms with certain experiences. by a group of people commandeering terminology that already has an experience tied to it, the people who already use that terminology (because they have that experience) can start to feel as though their experience and identity are being called into question

okay, so if bi/pan lesbians become a standard terminology to describe ppl who would id as lesbians if not for some attraction to men, that could start to bring into question whether all or any lesbians could be attracted to men (as the person in the tweet mentioned). now (certain) men may start to believe that any person who ids as a lesbian might still be attracted to men, so these certain men may think that they have a chance with that lesbian even though the man ids as a man! this could lead to harassment, or the lesbian in question may already be prone to some internalized homophobia. now they’re starting to wonder if their attraction should include men because they id as a lesbian (and apparently, lesbian could include attraction to men), or if they’ve just been ‘confused’, as people may have told them before, and they start to doubt their own identity and whether ‘lesbian’ is the right reflection of their experiences (which it is, except that the term has been hijacked and presented as including experiences that actually belong in the bi/pan community)

and, once again, the way the terminology is structured (a ‘bi/pan lesbian’) seems to imply that the person in question doesn’t want to be attracted to men. if they did, why not use an umbrella term like bi or pan as their identity? the only distinguishing feature here is that one is inclusive while the other says ‘i’m attracted to women primarily and would like to identify as a lesbian, except for that pesky bit of me that’s attracted to men too...’ again, this is a harmful ideology to let grow, not only for those already identifying as bi/pan but for baby queers who may not fully understand their own identities yet! or for people outside the community who are trying to understand to the best of their abilities as allies!

to that end, it also propagates that harmful rhetoric of ‘oof, doesn’t it suck to be attracted to men lmao’ like MAN that’s really hurtful to guys??? and that rhetoric already exists. notions like this (where a wonderful umbrella term is turned into something that seeks to minimize attraction to men/male-aligned genders) can be so harmful not only to cis men and transmasc/trans men who are a part of the community but men outside the community as well

okay with regards to pronouns: i think this is where we start to get into the deconstruction of gender as a social construct. i feel like the most apt analogy here is the one i provided in the other post: names. names have, throughout history, been gendered (for the most part). sally was a girl, timmy was a boy. but we’ve started to deconstruct that as we’ve started to recognize that there are more than 2 genders (as a societal whole, i’m aware that this hasn’t been news in a while for people in the queer community). you have names like alex, sam, riley, names that you can’t look at and go ‘ah, they are [certain] gender!’ which is awesome for everyone! esp for people who are sensitive about their gender identity and for whom it is bothersome, upsetting, or even triggering to be misgendered!

pronouns are grammatically just a substitute for a noun, they take the place of the noun for the sake of ease of speech/writing. so the first question here is why, if we’ve extrapolated and separated the idea of someone’s name from their gender and acknowledged that the thing that we refer to them by is just...a noise they like, then why is it necessary for pronouns (another thing that is just a noise the person likes) to be inherently tied to a gender? a gender is a representation of an experience, but people who use the same pronouns may have nothing in common in terms of their gender experience!

now, you could argue that people who use they/them pronouns may be able to rally around a shared experience/frustration with getting others to use and accept those pronouns, but they likely aren’t all going to share a gender - maybe some are fem-aligned, or masc-aligned, or genderfluid or agender or any other gender on the massive spectrum of possible gender identities. but the way that they ask others to refer to themselves purely as an individual does not help give any insight into their experiences or community! 

you stated that ‘as far as pronouns isn't the whole point that they ARE gendered?’, so my question here is what purpose do pronouns actually serve? they allow you to refer to a person without using their name, right? so if we’re talking outside the world of grammar, i would argue that a person’s pronouns are an extension of their name: the purpose of a name and/or pronouns is to ensure that they make the user of said name/pronouns comfortable in their identity when being referred to. they are whatever gender they are (if any at all) - they may choose a name and pronouns to help them feel more comfortable in who they are. in fact, they may choose a name and pronouns that they didn’t use from birth simply because they do not feel comfortable with them for non-gender-related reasons, too!

and i can hear you thinking ‘okay, so why can’t we do that with labels like sexuality and just let people use whatever feels okay?’ and this is sort of the way i think about it: there are certain words we have defined with clarity in order to help us as a community understand ourselves and each other. we all agree that cis = you are the gender you were assigned at birth, trans = you are not the gender you were assigned at birth. lesbian means attraction to women/fem-aligned genders, ace means feeling no sexual attraction, bi and pan are siblings of each other that define attraction to all genders (which may or may not include preferences). male and female as genders have clear enough meanings that we use them in our other definitions, and nonbinary is a lovely catch-all umbrella that can encompass anything outside ‘male’ and ‘female’, even though there are also more specific identities that fall under that umbrella

(quick aside - fwiw i don’t think gender definitions are necessarily malleable in the same way pronoun ‘definitions’ are, i think there are gender experiences that we have not yet given formal terms to and that people may switch around between existing gender identifying terms as they look for ones that get close to their own and i think there’s still a question of what it even means to be a certain gender without reference to other genders, but as it stands, people who identify with certain gender terms do so because of a set of shared experiences that fall underneath that gender term)

what we have not done is defined an individual’s right to their experiences. if someone feels attraction to all genders with a preference for men, there’s a word to express that! if a person feels like they might shift between a variety of genders on a regular basis, there’s a word for that! if a person does not feel romantic attraction, there’s a word for that! and the reason we use these words with pre-defined definitions is so that we can identify people who share our experiences - if someone identifies as a lesbian, they can seek out other lesbians and know that they are among a group that understands what they have been through or are going through. if someone experiences attraction to all genders with a female/fem-aligned preference, they are likely not going to find a community that understands their experiences if they look for people who identify as lesbian

but if a person decides that hey, i feel most myself when people call me ‘emma’ even though that wasn’t my assigned birth name, that is when we step back and say ‘yes, that’s awesome! you do you!’ because there is no pre-defined definition of that name - yes, there’s a societal gender often associated with it, but it doesn’t provide anyone any benefit to assign a definition of an experience to that name. nobody is out there going ‘where are all the ‘emmas’, the ‘emmas’ understand my experience and i want to find them so that i can feel as though i’m part of the ‘emma’ community’

now, idk about you, but if i hear that someone uses she/her pronouns, that means....almost nothing to me, except that i know that they prefer those pronouns! in the same way that someone saying ‘oh, my name is emma’ means nothing to me except that their name is emma! whereas if someone says to me, ‘i’m asexual’, i know from their choice of identifier that they fall under the ace umbrella and awesome, this person might understand how i feel about certain subjects! (obviously ace is a huge spectrum in itself, but you get the idea)

in summary:

an orientation or a gender relates to an individual’s experiences, and the general definitions we have assigned to certain orientations and genders should remain somewhat clearly-defined in order to provide a sense of community for those that fall under the orientation/gender in question. that is not to say that new orientations/gender terms can’t arise to describe new experiences that do not already have a definition. the irritation with the ‘bi/pan lesbian’ discourse is that the experience described (attraction to all genders with fem-aligned preference) already has a defined term (bi or pan) that is contradictory to the term ‘lesbian’

the reason pronouns don’t need to fall under a clear definition is that they are not a signal to indicate a uniting experience - their purpose and function is equivalent to that of a name: it’s a way to refer to a person that makes that person feel comfortable, and it’s perfectly fine not to have a rigid definition for pronouns in the same way that you wouldn’t assign a name to have a rigid experience or definition associated with it

i know it’s a long read, but i hope that helps clarify my thoughts on the matter!

gravel to temple, what i need, and wanna be missed :)

gravel to tempo: have you come out to anyone? if yes, who was the first person you told? if no, do you want to? who would you tell first? yes i have! i’ve been out as varying-labels of not straight since 2013 to pretty much everyone, and i think teh first person i told was my best friend at the time? but i had really really supportive parents even before i came out so i knew they’d be chill and was able to just offhandedly mention in conversation that i was bi, and they were like “cool” & that was pretty much it as far as when i first came out?

i’m not out in most spaces as nb, just to friends and on this blog, but i think that my dad has kind of picked up on the fact that i’m like “MMMM gender? stinky” because he knows i have nonbinary friends and that i use the name den a lot and he’s been super affirming abt me being more androgynous lately. the first person i actually said anything about gender to was my best friend keerthi, bc they were talking about it and i was like.. me too shh and after that the first ppl i came out to were my gf & best friend & i kind of just quietly changed my pronouns on social media (except for facebook bc that’s so dead to me that i’m still bi on it & i haven’t id’d as bi for years).

also im like aggressively out as a queer lesbian in all of my classes and i WILL raise my hand to bring up relevant lgbt topics. multiple times. in one day

what i need: who are your favourite gay artists? what are your favourite gay songs?i fucking, love gay music and art, the indigo girls are my mothers who raised me so i feel like i’ve got to list them and as far as i’m aware there’s no lgbt ppl in the band the mountain goats but a lot of their music is something i relate intensely to as a queer person? 

but like re: music i listen to a Lot by queer artists? i fucking love janelle monae, i love mika, i love adult mom bc the singer is nb and it’s like. god its some moods and it’s like a genre of music i really love?, my best friend miles has a queer is holy playlist, i love harry styles w my entire heart, i don’t know very much of laura jane grace (of the band against me)’s music but sometimes i just need to scream-sing about pissing on the walls of shitty people’s houses, this is me & my gf & best friend’s playlist from pride this year, i love ben j pierce and hayley kiyoko and king princess,  this is a playlist by piper @asterlark that i believe is entirely lgbt artists?, piper’s pride playlist, my spotify playlist that’s just called GIRLS  i heard of them, and also my best friend keerthi makes music too and id die for them soo (sorry if this bit got long and off topic)

if i had to pick one (1) favorite gay song it would be hymn by kesha bc Fuck dude thats the mood

wanna be missed: how dependent or independent are you in a relationship? do you like a lot of space, or a lot of intimacy? how do you feel about electronic (vs face to face) communication?here’s the thing..the thing is i’ve been dating my gf for over 4 years now and had feelings for her for nearly a year before that and we were best friends before that and i mean we were nemeses  before that but we’ve known eachother since we were both 7?

so like idk it’s like.. we’re like dan and phil. the two of us have been together since we were 18 and so like! we can be on our own we’re our own people and we have parts of our lives that are separate from eachother but we always choose eachother? they’re my partner we’re a team and i’d always rather do something with her than without them and like. yeah. we still don’t live together bc of money so a lot of the time we’re in communication thru phonecalls and texting and snapchat and Everything bc even though we see eachother nearly daily we still miss eachother? so i guess i like a lot of intimacy but this is the only way i’ve ever known, you know? she’s the first person i ever dated and i’m the first person they ever dated & its just like! yeah. idk.  not to be that bitch but the reason i love dnp is bc their relationship feels exactly, exactly the same as me & my gf’s relationship & like! yeah! idk! i run out of words cos i’m so filled w love. idk.

it’s a unique n special kind of love when you get the chance to become an adult, like, grow into a person, alongside your best friend, the person who made you believe in love, maybe even the person who made you believe in soulmates even though you don’t really necessarily believe in souls.. like, i’m talking about me there but im definitely also talking about dan & thats why i love dan and phil so much n thats why i can’t really answer this question good! idk how to describe it to someone who hasn’t experienced it? bc it’s the only thing i know i don’t know how to relate my experiences to other experiences bc of that. idk!!!!!!! i love love. i’m going to stop talking now fsdjklfjsdkl

ALLLLLL 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈

oooo snap dude! 

1. Who did you first come out to, if anyone?

the first time i remember having an actual *+*+ coming out moment with was probably my host mom. i mean id been like actively out in certain circles before that for a while but it was the first time i was genuinely nervous about it and felt like i was doing the whole*+*+ thing 

2. Favorite LGBT singer/instrumentalist?

i actually really love mary lambert bc she covers my childhood faves but makes em GAY 

3. What’s your gender + orientation?

f lesbian 

4. Who’s the best Gay Icon™?

hmmm idk ! can i say britney spears lmao 

5. Do you have a partner?

no : (

6. How long did your questioning process take (if you’re not still going through it)?

oh worm ! lol i dont know an exact amount of time. i kinda went like .... oh im straight ...... ohhh ok maybe im bi ....... im pan i love everyone !!! now im like wow women are iconic ! (even tho i identify as lesbian i still dont know what the fuck is going on ?? i still stand by the fact that sexuality is fluid n this could change at some point !! but women rock and men make me uncomfortable so lol ! thats where im at and its valid ! )

7. What movie/video game/TV shows have you stolen from the straights?

hmm ! i dont really know what this means tbh ??? like ?? a straight thing that i like or one that i wish was gay or wat ? :s

8. What’s your favorite color?

orange ! 

9. Do you go to a support/pride group?

no i dont! i always think about joining the university one in O week but then im always too nervous to go up to them and i stupidly i dont like joining groups n going to events by myself lol even tho i know thats how u meet people ! anyway ! disaster lesbian here 

10. Have you ever been to a pride event?

i actually havent ! fake 

11. What’s your favorite thing about your flag(s)?

its pretty & sof ! it makes me wanna eat raspberries 

12. Favorite LGBT artist/writer?

oo i actually have no idea ! i havent read much in a looong ass time nd dont really follow artists that much 

13. How often do you get tired of The Straights?

every damn day my pal 

14. How do you express your sexuality/gender?

im more confident in expressing it online through my shitposting lol. irl im not as open about my sexuality. ive tried to be a little more this year but it left me feeling a little uncomfortable because of the situation. i dont really think about //expressing// my sexuality or gender that much. i dont dress in a certain way or anything that is explicitly +*+*+gay lol

15. Has Tumblr been more harmful of beneficial to you when it comes to discussing LGBT issues or figuring yourself out?

more beneficial. its a space where i actually feel comfortable and confident to be gay. im super proud of my sexuality but like ?? sometimes even when u feel that love n passion toward it some RL circumstances can lowkey drag u thru the mud so its a nice place to come and be unapologetically gay tbh ! fandom has been good for this too. like coming on here and reading fic and seeing art etc abt beautiful wonderful wlw is so lovely and makes my heart feel so nice and soft ! and sharing this experience with other people on here has been all around a pretty wholesome nurturing experience and im pretty grateful for that. 

16. What LGBT charities/organizations do you support?

there aren’t really any i follow specifically and i dont have a lot of money so its hard to give to things but i do appreciate the organisations trying to help lgbt ppl ! i know there are a lot out there. ive bought things from love is louder before because im a fuckin slut for britt snow and i really appreciate what she’s doing with that does that count lmao 

17. Distinguished, functional, or disaster?

im somewhere between functional and disaster depending on the day. 

18. Favorite LGBT film or actor?

i really enjoyed love, simon... also i liked below her mouth even tho its kinda mostly porn lol. my favorite film of all time is Frida which i mean? counts right. and actor omg there are sOOOO many ! i friggin love stephanie beatriz tbh but there are a lot of badass lgbt ppl out there 

19. Is your current environment supportive?

i mean... yeah... i live with a rly queer nb gay af person who literally writes and performs theatre shows abt being queer so being gay is something we really celebrate here! id really like to have more gay friends here who i can hang out with tho it would make it a lot more enjoyable ! 

20. What are your plans for this June?

nothing too exciting or gay sadly lol. im going home to qld to visit my family for a while so nothing super gay will be occurring lol. 3thank you so much my dear xx i hope you’re having a fabulous pride time. 

Ok, so Im agender. Until recently I have ID'd as a NB lesbian, however Im currently uncomfy with that as it feels like Ive been forcing myself into binary structures bc of internalized transphobia. Im also going through some confusion on if I am actually unattracted to men (+masc-aligned nb ppl) or if im repulsed by them due to trauma but still attracted to them in a sense that once I get past my trauma Id be able to date and be with them. Im definitely attracted to women, fem-aligned ppl, (1/2)

(2/2) Im definitely attracted to women, fem-aligned nb ppl, and non-aligned nonbinary ppl. Im not comfortable calling myself bi, bc Im not even sure if i want straight men to think Im available to them or not, and Im not comfortable calling myself a lesbian, bc Ive been forcing myself to stick to binary structures, and the term sapphic implies Im a woman (like lesbian does) and i dont know enough to know if there's any words to describe me or what.

Trixic is the “nonbinary equivalent to sapphic”, so to say: it’s for nonbinary people who are attracted to girls, regardless of what other genders they may or may not be attracted to.

Neptunic is a nonbinary exclusive term which combines noma and nomin: it’s for nonbinary people who are attracted to everyone who is not a man, male aligned or masculine.

Those are the new terms that people are currently spreading and using, but there are older terms as well:

Noma- or noman- (as in nomasexual or nomanalterous) is for people who are attracted to every gender but male;

Nomin- is for people who are attracted to everyone who doesn’t identify as masculine.

There is also venusic, which was meant to be “a nonbinary person who is attracted to women and lunarian(/female-aligned) people”, but sometimes I’ve seen that term being also used to mean the same thing as trixic, especially since the coinage of feminamoric to mean “a nonbinary person attracted exclusively to women”. I think that it’s possible that in the future venusic gets estabilished to be something that covers more than feminamoric but less than neptunic, though.

Oh, and a lot of people use ply (polysexual, polyromantic, and so on) to mean “attraction to many genders but I’m not attracted to X”, so maybe you’ll have better luck avoiding people thinking you are available to men with that. But I’m not sure, since most people will just think binary genders will always be included in pluralian/multi attractions.

~ Tath

i feel like it’s really telling that most nondysphoric trans ppl are bisexual

like bisexuals inherently don’t conform to gender roles

and with tumblr treating gender and behavior and feelings as gender, no wonder everyone’s convinced they can’t just exist as a gnc person without weaseling their way into trans spaces

like you can just present male some days and female other days and be cis plenty of people, especially bisexuals, INCLUDING MYSELF, desire to flip-flop between social roles

gender as a social role is completely socially constructed and all this gender stuff just UPHOLDS that. trans people are dysphoric about their sex which translates into social dysphoria because it reminds them OF their sex being “wrong.”

and then all this gender shit also confuses binary trans people into thinking they’re genderfluid or something when they really just are in denial, or have fluctuating dysphoria, or something similar. and then nb trans people get roped into all this too.

i talk abt this a lot and i know nobody cares but its the most infuriating thing but if i try to talk about it i’m the bad guy :/

anyway i just think social roles need to be abolished instead of supported like everyone’s been doing. gender as a social concept only exists from people trying to create a way to separate the two sexes, which turned into something more due to sexism. if you wanna be seen as the opposite gender or neither gender then yeah you might be trans! but it also easily could be something else causing that feeling! people being so quick to jump on the bandwagon is just so harmful and trans people, DYSPHORIC people, deserve their own spaces.

people have gender and gender roles all mixed up and just b/c you identify as something doesn’t make it valid? trans people don’t identify as trans they just are b/c their brain knows something’s not right. it’s just so ugh. wanting to take on a different social role isn’t dysphoria, it’s a SIDE EFFECT of dysphoria, so having that alone doesn’t necessarily mean anything. it just baffles me how people think it’s at all comparable when social roles are socially constructed like??? i just don’t understand how else i can say this to get it through people’s heads? it’d be easy to debate someone but i’m not doing that on this hellsite

idk im just so tired of people saying “gnc and nb isnt the same!!” but then going around and iding as nb BECAUSE they feel disconnected from gender and its social roles like???? you just contradicted yourself. if you’re ok with your bio sex then chances are you’re cis and just don’t conform to binary gender roles. gender and gender roles are basically the same thing like there’s little distinction.

people also make gender into this big fucking thing like once i said the only possible way to nb to exist is to have a neurosex that’s an equal mix of male and female, thus creating atypical dysphoria, and people got SO FUCKING OFFENDED LIKE uM

i shouldn’t need to explain how stupid that is djkldljkfjklfjk ugh

anyway the only way gender is real is via brain sex. gender as a social construct is real, buuut also fake because it’s a social construct. not conforming to gender is GOOD because it means you’re not letting yourself be shoved into a box. but that doesn’t make you trans. and you’re still either male or female and not fitting into gender roles doesn’t mean anything or make you nb, atypical dysphoria does.

and honestly the whole being wlw and mlm at the same time thing is so?? creepy and fetishy??? i really shouldnt have to explain why. like i identify as female, male, and neither, but that means Literally Nothing and if i, as a cis girl, tried to weasel my way into mlm spaces it’d be fuckin creepy. it just makes trans mlm look like a joke and it’s pretty shitty.

but also they seriously need the change the terms for nb people because theyre described as like “being attracted to female genitalia and femininity but not necessarily females” and ??? FEMININITY AND FEMALE ARENT THE SAME THING BY THIS LOGIC YOU COULD BE ATTRACTED TO A FEMININE MAN, BUT WAIT HE PRESENTS AS A MAN SO JUST SAY FEMALE PRESENTING AAAAAAAAAAAA

and like if someone presents as female... they’re female. gender and identity doesn’t matter they look female, their biologically female, they’re female. it should be about SEX not what they identify as. attraction to trans people is about perceived sex, not gender. and you can be attracted to someone who presents as female but then find out theyre actually male and lose the attraction. it’s just such a COMPLEX THING YOU CANT PUT INTO BOXES LIKE THIS ugh

i just think the whole gender thing needs to go honestly. its all about sex and perceived sex, personality, behavior, looks, interests, mannerisms, etc. i just summed up how gender contributes to attraction in that one sentence. that’s how unnecessary it is. you can like people who aren’t male and have feminine mannerisms. tada! we just summed up a way to experience attraction without making it weird!

its kind of funny how people describe attraction is a way that enforces binary roles despite trying to go against them. like instead of saying a lesbian is attracted to women why not just say a lesbian is attracted to everyone but men? it recognizes how presentation and perceived sex go into play without making things weird. because even if someone isnt a man, using this in the sense of a dysphoric nb person and NOT just how they ~identify~ bc that’s stupid, but anyway if they’re not a man, but present as a man, then the lesbian isn’t going to be attracted to them, and that’s just how it works.

but! the lesbian could meet a man who presents as male but feminine and has feminine mannerisms, and realize she’s actually bi and is just attracted to femininity, because attraction is complex and much like how people won’t fit into binary social roles, people’s attraction ALSO won’t fit into binary social roles, so maybe a girl could be really into masculinity and think she’s straight but then see a masculine girl and realize she’s bi, and not be into feminine men b/c just because she likes men doesn’t men she likes ALL men and b/c masculine and male aren’t the same thing

hoo i could go on but i know nobody is reading this. maybe i could try to put all my thoughts into a legible essay someday idk. anyway i just think real nb people are so rare that it’s better to treat their gender as a lack of gender, rather than a third gender, and that their gender exists BECAUSE of their atypical dysphoria, not because they ~identify~ as something different or anything dumb like that.

i see why people think a third gender would be beneficial but i’m just trying to be realistic. trans people are only 0.37% of the population. nb trans people would make up an extremely small amount of that percentage, so it only makes sense to NOT change the way the world works for over 99% of people, and instead find a compromise in treating their gender as a lack of one. plus the whole third gender thing is something gnc youth love to latch onto which isn’t healthy. creating a third gender for people who don’t fit into binary gender roles is regressive and enforces binary gender roles. that’s it that’s what this whole spiel was about basically im done now goodbye

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thank u lmao!!!!!!! love u!!!!!!!!

Femme or butch? I wouldn’t consider myself either!! sometimes I wish I was butch but I don’t really know enough about what it takes to be butch and I’m also not confident enough ;-;

Do you have a “type”? If so, describe itI’m not sure! everyone I’ve liked fits a totally different description!! and I’ve only liked maybe 5 people :0:0 I really love confidence and when people care about their appearance? it’s good

Plaid button-ups or leather jackets?leather jackets!!!

Describe your styleuhhh idk I guess that like weeb goth that’s kind of trendy rn :,0 currently I only regularly wear like 2 pairs of black jeans and anime shirts since I just stay home most of the time lol

Describe your aestheticI really wouldn’t know how to describe it! I love neon lights and religious imagery like jesus stuff. I’m describing the aesthetic in my art i hope that’s ok!♡ im also really into oldweb&lovecore 

Favorite article of clothing?i have a denim shirt with lil embroidered red hearts and the button is a heart!! and the seams on the back make a heart shape its really cute!!!! and comfy!!

Favorite pair of shoes?my hot pink platforms i never wear haha!!

Current haircut?i have buzzed hair!

Any haircut goals for the future?im trying to grow my hair to be 2 inches on top! and id like to get the sides to ¾ and inch! and im planning on dying it pink again ;o 

Describe the best date you’ve been onjkfjfafjakks queerplatonic ok BUT edward and i do franky’s dance in the bathroom w no pants and im gonna count that but when we went to disney was the best

Describe the worst date you’ve been onI haven’t been on a date in a long time!!! honestly all the dates I went on were pretty good but one of my exes would always cancel on stuff we spent time planning so she could go to parties and I would cry @ home about thinking she hated me like once a week lol

Single? Taken?single and like honestly i miss being a girlfriend because it’s fun but i dont want to date rn anyways!!

If taken, talk about your girlfriend/wife!:( i want my wife already

If single, what are you looking for in a potential girlfriend/wife?i want my wife

Describe your dream weddingi want it to be Classy and idk i want a nice and not tacky wedding TBH and if i like……… had enough friens i would want a big wedding!! i dont want most of my family going tho lol

Do you want kids?no

If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you live?big mansion by the beach ;-;

Favorite lesbian movie?ive oly seen Carol and i dont like it so i dont have an answer haha

Favorite lesbian novel/story?never read one!!

Favorite lesbian song?girls like girls by hayley kiyoko

Favorite lesbian musician?hayley kiyoko i guess i cant remember any others

What lesbian stereotypes do you fit into, if any?mean lesbian, doesnt shave, short nails, hates men, big glasses, hates men, mean lesbian. communist

Ever been assumed to be nothing more than a gal pal?yea 

If a woman wanted to woo you, what would a surefire way to accomplish that?oh i love.attention honestly. uhhh i love when a woman is passionate about things and also has a good fashion sense ♥_♥

Be positive! What do you like most about being a lesbian?i love being a lesbian!!! like!! seeing other lesbians being proud of themselves or happy with their wives and girlfriends makes my heart so warm. i love the sense of community and the strong bond i love us

Are you more of a cat person or a dog person?i have a pet dog so! i gotta say a dog person ♥

Turn ons?i love necks and also ear piercings are sexy :0 and nice hands god when people wear lots of rings im ♥_♥ and when they carry themselves confidently and when they’re strong im so weak 

Turn offs?insensitivity!! and like liberals and centrists and right wingers HAHA also certain music tastes just. keep me away from other people ;0 

Do you usually ask other women out or do you wait for them to ask you?UH ive only really only liked maybe 4 people and i think it was all in high school??? bad memory. i think if i wanted to be with someone now i would ask her out!!! the last time i liked someone i was too scared to do anything and i think we both were waiting for the other to do something about it and nothing happened :/

What is your dream career?i would loooooooooove to be a photographer like to do the spreads and portraits for celebrities!!!

Talk about your interests or hobbies!i watch and think about anime a lot honestly :/ i dont do a whole lot right now! i used to spend a lot of time drawing and writing and if i had the space i would love to do that! im also really interested in skincare and hygiene i love to talk 2 ppl about it and help people get routines :o 

What is the most attractive quality a woman can have?confidence. if its a physical trait i would say nice hands 

Do you love easily or does it take time for you to warm up to someone?it takes time for me

Ever fallen for your best-friend?yes! my last girlfriend was my best friend before we dated! we are still close!

Ever fallen for a straight girl?i think the first girl i fell for was straight :0

The L-Word: yes or no? (love it or hate it?)never saw it!!!

Favorite comfort food?im eating a lot of instant noodles lately :/ my 2nd favorite food group is like southern comfort food i like chicken pot pies a lot lol

Coffee or tea?tea but i drink coffee more often

Vegetarian? Vegan? None of the above?neither! i cant do it!

Do you have any pets?i have a dog named teddy!

Early-riser or night-owl?night owl!

What is your sign?scorpio babey

Can you drive?hell yeah i can ive been driving for like 5 years

Who was your first lesbian crush?a girl in my art class freshman year i think her name was jenny or something like that? i cant even remember now but god from the moment i saw her i was smitten, i was weak, i spoke to her one time and i was so happy lol we only complimented each other’s art! she’s a year older than me and i thought she was the prettiest girl i had ever seen omg. jenny if you’re out there thanks for making me realize im a lesbian

At what age did you know you were a lesbian?when i was 16! i previously thought i was bi! and the first person i came out to was my girlfriend at the time!

At what age did you come out (if you have)?i first told my mom i liked girls when i was 14! i’ve for the most part just been open about being a lesbian though :0 but 2 or 3 years ago i made an Official Post on facebook saying i was a lesbian for the first time and god one of my aunts was so kind to me i cried lol

Are you crushing on anyone at the moment (celebrity or otherwise)?nope!

Talk about how your day wentmy day was alright, i’ve been bedridden due to my period all day! i cried because i lost the bag of m&ms i bought yesterday but i also ate breakfast for dinner so it was alright. relaxing.

Talk about your dreams/aspirations for the futureim in college majoring in political science. i’m considering double majoring in communications as well. i don’t quite know what i would like to do though. my only career goal is to help children that’s all i want to do. i want to help children and i want to be happy.

Least favorite gay celebrity?milo yiannopoulos