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stellardeer · 2 years

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Spending lots of time learning about NPD and wanting to have a better more complete understanding of what it means and how it affects people and how my own biases inform how I perceive the opinions of people who have it.

Things I've concluded, based on reading real thoughts and opinions of actually NPD people:

- There are different forms of NPD aside from the standard stereotype of "asshole, full of themself, who behaves like they are above everyone else"

- Even if someone does fit that description, it does not mean that they will inherently abuse/manipulate people

- No one is forcing you to be friends with someone like that, and if you don't get along with each other, it doesn't mean that either of you is evil, it just means that they might make better friends elsewhere with folks who don't see anything wrong with their personality

- Some people who are abusive MIGHT also happen to have NPD, and if you have experienced abuse at the hands of someone with NPD, your experiences are valid and it might not be possible to completely separate that person's justification of their abuse from their personality disorder, HOWEVER, just because it happened with 1 person that does not mean every NPD person is just destined to be evil

- A lot of people with NPD may not be aware of how their actions are affecting others and may not be able to see for themselves why people have adverse reactions to their behaviors. It's more helpful to recognize this and inform them, rather than to conclude that they are selfish and hurt people on purpose and cut them out of your life.

- Most people with NPD want to do better and don't want to hurt people but it takes compromise from both sides to figure out how to reach mutual understandings. Sometimes that means accepting parts of their personalities that you usually consider "bad" and working WITH them instead of against them.

- Just like with any other disorder, many people with NPD also wish that their brain did not do things that it does, but that is outside of their control. Offer patience instead of frustration, because however frustrated you are with them, they are probably 10 times as frustrated because they can't just walk away from themselves.

- Being "good" is not an inherent trait, it is a choice that we all make every day in every action. It is possible for someone to want with all of their might to control the people around them and to feel entitlement to something, and yet still choose not to act on those impulses because they understand the effect it has on others. It does not make someone "secretly evil" or "fake" because they are choosing kindness when they wish they didn't have to. In the end, they still chose kindness and that is commendable.

- Even if someone is not choosing kindness every day in every situation, it doesn't mean they deserve to be demonized. Working against your own instincts isn't easy and we should all be allowed a little self indulgence every once in a while.

- Again, if your own personality/trauma makes it difficult for you to interact with someone who you think is rude/selfish/whatever, you dont HAVE to force yourself to be around them just because you dont want to be ableist. It still doesn't make them a "bad person", it just means that you are incompatible, and that you may not be able to be friends with them if it's going negatively impact your own mental health, but recognize that your own baggage plays a role in that and it is not solely on the other person. Not every person you don't get along with is an "abuser".

- Above all else, regardless of how someone's NPD manifests in their personality, it is important to remember that it is a neurodivergence, and that it very often stems from trauma/abuse, and it is just as ableist to label all people with NPD as monstrous as it would be to label all people with ADHD as lazy.

In conclusion, I have a new respect and appreciation for people who struggle socially due to their NPD or other similar/related disorders.

Shout out to everyone who directed me to resources on this topic and if you have NPD, I hope you have a good day today and if you are choosing kindness I am proud of you!

Also, if anything that I said here seems presumptuous or condescending or if my interpretations are off base, I appreciate feedback because that is the whole point of this post - that I am trying to learn and understand and UNlearn preconceived notions. ♡

EDIT:

I know this post is already super long, but I want to come back to it because after re-reading everything I feel like I still focused too much on the idea people with NPD express “bad” traits that other people just have to live with, which is the primary thing that most people with NPD hate to see.

I want to revisit my first bullet point of “not everyone with NPD is full of themselves”, but I also want to state my focus on those who do negatively impact others was also kind of The Point. There is a lot of NPD positivity that centers around the idea of “We aren’t all manipulators, we’re not all just selfish assholes!” And that is very true, but what about the ones who are? What about the people who DO have thoughts of using people for their own gain? Is it necessary to throw them under the bus in an effort to destigmatize the disorder?

Anyway, so yeah part 1 was for those guys, and here’s part 2 where I expand on my first thought.

- For many people, NPD does not result in a conceited, outwardly arrogant individual, it manifests as people-pleasing and attention seeking (in many different forms)

- A large percentage of people with NPD, even those are ARE arrogant, do not actually think highly of themselves at all, and are deeply insecure. This is usually due to some abuse/neglect, as I mentioned earlier.

- This results in those individuals going out of their way to do things for people or give people things or try to impress people, in an effort to receive validation and feel better about themselves.

- For many of them, no amount of validation is ever truly enough because their self image is so shattered, and they are seeking an external solution to an internal problem.

- Additionally, for some, if the acceptance/praise/validation isn’t coming from the “right person” then it doesn’t even count. If all of their friends are telling them how great they are but their partner/love-interest isn’t giving them the attention that they desire, then everyone else’s efforts are meaningless.

- Sometimes people with this personality are very easy to get along with and very easy to accept in the beginning. They go out of their way to be nice, to be funny, to be likeable, they don’t raise any red flags with anyone because they’re actually pretty nice people. The tension starts to arise after a length of time, when they unintentionally make people feel like they only want to be friends so they can feel good about themselves and not because they actually like someone for who they are.

- It can be extremely hard for someone to understand how anyone could possibly view them as self-centered when 1. They hate themselves so deeply, 2. They spend so much of their time trying to get others to like them, which to them feels like they are putting others needs before their own, and 3. They have no intention whatsoever of trying to manipulate other people and they very thought of it makes them feel horrid.

- Meanwhile, on the other end of the relationship, their friends and loved ones are experience repeated feelings of their boundaries being crossed, feeling disrespected and like none of their opinions/advice matter to that person, feeling like the person with NPD always takes a victim position in any disagreement and like the other person’s feelings are not as important as their own, etc. etc. And due to their already low self esteem, it can be difficult to establish boundaries with some people because they might interpret it as a personal attack against them, rather than seeing it from the other person’s perspective.

- It is important to recognize that this is a person with deep rooted traumas, and that it is going to affect their behavior in ways that might be difficult to understand or that might end up having an unintentional negative effect on those around them. It is not the same thing as manipulation, although it may feel almost indistinguishable. They are not doing it on purpose, and their ultimate goal is just to love and be loved.

- This form of NPD is very counterintuitive to the highly stigmatize form that most people think of (cold, uncaring, grandiose sense of self, etc.), and it can lead people to being unfairly characterized once others start to notice that their behavior can be very self-centered. ESPECIALLY if they have an NPD diagnosis and it is known, because people will want to assume that their behavior must mean that they don’t actually care about anyone but themselves, when that is not actually the case.

- Again, this is where compromise comes in. If someone thrives on receiving praise, you aren’t going to do them any favors by denying them praise purely out of spite, just because you think they are Selfish and Selfish = Bad. Denying someone your approval does not actually teach them the lesson that you think it does, instead it just confuses them and deepens their insecurity. If you feel so strongly about the fact that this person is using you to feel better about themselves, the best thing that you can do is just talk to them. If you feel pressured to give them your attention 100% of the time regardless of whether you have the time/energy for it, then that’s a boundary that needs to be discussed together.

- If this does sound like you and you do have NPD, it is important to remember that someone setting a boundary with you does not mean you are doing anything wrong. Rejection sensitivity can come into play here, and it can be difficult to not view someone saying “I need space” as the equivalent of “I need to get away from YOU specifically”, but the two are not the same. It almost always has nothing at all to do with you and everything to do with the other person’s own personal needs.

- I can’t really think of much else to say aside from just… don’t assume that just because someone as an NPD diagnosis that they believe they’re better than everyone else, or that they are going to try to use you, or that they purposefully make everything about themselves. They are recovering from trauma and it does more good to be patient with them on their journey than to worsen things by faulting them for every mistake they make.

I hope this addition is good and helpful and once again, you are not evil for having NPD and there are plenty of people in the world who want to be on your side! You aren’t inherently bad if other people leave you! You are not a burden! Keep choosing good and keep your head up if you are on a journey of recovery! <3

#npd #i hope this is seen as positivity i dont want to invade this tag with something negative :'3

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keenmarvellover · 4 years

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POSTS FOR YOU - 1

Some links to posts with valuable content you want in one place.(BASICALLY EVERYTHING IS THERE)

Suggestions and Recommendations are appreciated and accepted.

Last Updated : 16/10/2020

NOTE: Some of these post are written in a crude and unruly fashion. But they contain valuable tips, guidance and information. If you can't/don't want to read such posts, then don't read.

Mental Health

Do you need a Hug?

Maybe you’re having a stressful day. Maybe you just need a deep breath. Maybe you just didn’t realize how stressed you are. You can get your comfort here.

Some stuff to help you sleep

This is definitely not a google drive full of the sleep stuff from the Headspace app, including sleepcasts, music, and wind down meditation, that normally costs 17.99 a month, no siree and you definitely shouldnt share this with people

Anti-Anxiety Tools

Some tools to help you before, during or after an anxiety attack

100 Reasons NOT To Kill Yourself

READ IT. SHARE IT. REBLOG IT. Save a Life.

HOBBIES MASTERPOST!!!!!!!!

A really excellent way to reduce anxiety is to pick up a new hobby. Find something you’re interested in, learn it, then use it as a healthy and productive way to cope.

Health

Some very Important Lists for Rating PAIN, FATIQUE AND MENTAL HEALTH

It is MUST share

PSA Rregarding Hospital bills

Also how to pay hospital bills when you are broke.

How to differentiate between COVID-19, FLU AND COMMON COLD

Anyway, as we enter cold & flu season in the YEAR of corona, this will come in very handy.

Treatment for HIV

VERY IMPORTANT. Please Read and Share.

What does the Color of your Period mean?

A must read for individuals who get periods.

How to differentiate between Period Cramps and Appendicitis

A MUST READ

From a Person who is Hard of Hearing

Types and levels of deafness

General Tips for Vagina Health

Some stuff they don't teach in sex-ed.

Undo the damage of Sitting

Are you always sitting down? Then these are some exercise you should probably try out for better health.

Guide to Proper Bra Fitting

Guide to Proper Bra Fit and Measuring. Please Read and Share.

Washable, Reusable Menstrual Pads

(Part II)

Reusable menstrual hygiene product, and are an alternative to disposable sanitary napkins or to menstrual cups.

Artists

Art Masterpost

How to draw *insert whatever you want, its there in the list*?

Book Binding

Some video links to different types of DIY Bookbinding

For Artists who Need Photoshop

If youre an artist who cant afford photoshop, definitely DO NOT go to this google drive to pirate the program, that would be so bad!!!

Do’s and Don'ts of Designing for Accessibility

Please consider this when designing for ANYTHING. For BUSINESSES and ARTISTS.

Writers

Color Synonyms

For both ARTISTS and WRITERS

How to make a Masterlist

Simple but efficient instructions to make a masterlist

ULTIMATE NOVEL WRITING RESOURCE MASTERLIST

This is an ultimate masterlist of many resources that could be helpful for writers.

List of AUs and Ship Tropes

For when you run out of ideas.

AUs

Ship Tropes

Legal sites to get some much needed Info

If there was only a way to find out all of this rather edgy information without getting yourself in trouble…

Resources for Describing Characters

For writing about physical appearances, character traits, talents,and skills and other related stuff of your characters, here is a comprehensive list.

Resources for Describing Emotions

Having trouble writing jealousy, happiness, motivation. Here you go!!

Some Resources for your Writing

Body Language

Reverse Dictionary

Character Traits

Things to Keep in mind when naming Characters

Valuable advice. Trust me

Words to Use when Writing Smut/Romance

This is for smut/romance writers. Kinda like a thesaurus.

Tips to write Pain

How are you supposed to write about pain you’ve never experienced before?

References for Greek Mythology Characters

Link to an extensive site every single detail of Greek Mythology from Gods to Family Trees.

Tips to write Blind Characters

Some tips that might be invaluable when writing character that are near-blind or blind

Things to Remember when writing a Highly Emotional Scene

Just small things that could make a great difference

How to write with Multiple POVs

Tips on how to write multiple POVs with diverse characters

Synonyms and Antonyms

The person who made this list is a blessing to writers. Just saying.

Good Qualities for Female Characters

Females don't always need to be protected and be weak. Make them more realistic.

Words to Use instead of ‘Said’

Every single situation is listed. Check it out.

Limits of the Human Body

All extremities listed

Readers

Legal Sites to Download Literature

From children’s books to rare books, from philosophy and religion to nonfiction. I guess you can find anything here.

The Rights of the Reader

And some (lots of) bashing of Helicopter Parents.(You want to read only the rights. Here it is)

Wet Book Rescue : Steps to save a Wet Book

Valuable information if some of your prized books were affected by recent flooding. The video even shows you what to do if you can’t dry the book out right away.

Cheatsheet to Navigate AO3

Makes your time on AO3 a little more easier and interesting

How to trick Writers into giving you More Fanfic to read

Works for Comics and Art as well.

Get a Book Suggestion

This book website gives you the first page of a random book without the title or author so that you can read it with no preconceptions

Books written by POC Writers

Only POC authors included in the list.

Students

Basic ASL (American Sign Language) Movements

ASL Hand Movements for beginners.

Tips for studying with ADHD/a>

Made by a person with ADHD themself.

Resources to Learn New Languages

Ten fairly useful general language resources

How to properly take notes

It helps. It really helps.

FREE ONLINE LANGUAGE COURSES

Here is a masterpost of MOOCs (massive open online courses) that are available, archived, or starting soon. I think they will help those that like to learn with a teacher or with videos.

A Thread of Tips

A thread of tips to help High School and College students academically

LEARN THINGS FOR FREE

FREE ONLINE COURSES (here are listed websites that provide huge variety of courses)

Google like a BOSS

Some life hacks which make student's lives easier.

625 words to know in your Target Language

If your learning a new language, these words will help you build a strong foundation.(Some tips and sites are include too)

Miscellaneous/Life Hacks

How to add music to your Blog

How to add your very own, custom homemade playlist to your blog?

How to Walk with Purpose?

Some tips on how to hold yourself in public and why.

Cheatsheet for Laundry Rooms

Saves a lot of money in the Laundry Room

How to Gird up your Loins?

A lesson in how to gird your loins.

How to Disappear Online

Please read and spread for the sake of abuse victims or stalker victims.

What to do during a Nuclear Attack

I hope you never have to use it but here are some guidelines to follow in the event of a nuclear attack

How to pull an All-Nighter.

A to-do list

Write a Thank You letter after your Interview

It leaves a good impression on your interviewer and increase your chances of passing the interview.

Laundry Tags: Meanings

A life hack that you’ll definitely need at some point.

Where to find free Movies and Series Online

Lots of sites. Lots and Lots of sites. I am not Kidding. Now go and chill without netflix. (Part II)

How to get a Refund?

Get your stuff or a refund.

HOW TO DO EVERYTHING FROM SCRATCH

This starts at the most absolute basics of gardening and planting, provides definitions, and hopefully is easily understandable. This is a MUST-READ. (Farming)

Discuss your wages

It’s your right to share your salary, not doing so could be holding you back.

Youtube Tutorials for Basically EVERYTHING

This is a big, giant list of Youtube tutorials that will teach you all the basic life skills you need to know in order to be a functional adult.

Safety

Emergency Evacuation - Items to Gather

A text list of suggested items to acquire in the event of an emergency.

If someone you know is in an abusive relationship

AN ABBREVIATED GUIDE TO ‘Holy shit!!! My friend is in an abusive relationship what do I do’ and what not to do.

Defense Tips for Women

Defense and Safety tips a woman MUST know. (Part II)

An app that informs your Emergency contacts if you are inactive in a set period of time.(Could prevent rape attempts if used correctly)

If a Man gets Physical

How to check if a mirror is one way or two-way

If you are trapped in a smoke-filled apartment: What to Do

How to get out of Hand-binds

How to get out of the bunker of a Car

How to track Anonymous asks.

How to pick a Lock

Traits and Warning signs of an Abuser

What to do if a bigot pulls your Hijab (from behind)

What to do if someone pulls of a Muslim Woman's Hijab? (To do List for both Men and Women)

#safety #health #mental health #writers #readers #micellaneous

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kirksfattitties · 3 years

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hi! sorry for sending this on anon, but i wanted to put my two cents in re:spock&mixed race identity and i have a current aversion to linking this directly to my blog for personal reasons.

i am coming to this discussion from the perspective of a brown mizrahi+white ashkenazi jew who is primarily in contact with the mizrahi part, both literally in the sense of they're the family i talk to and more metaphorically in the sense that i live my life moreso as a brown person and am more in touch with mizrahi tradition etc.

this is probably going to get long for it is late at night and u have adhd, so i'm breaking this down into paragraphs for each question you asked that i have presumably relevant input on and trying to avoid walls of text.

the term half-human/half-vulcan

i don't think referring to spock as half-whatever amounts to blood quantum by itself and spock does in canon refer to himself as half-human several times in a way that doesn't bother me. HOWEVER, if you feel you are approaching that territory in some way, i would recommend trusting ypur gut and rephrasing (if you were oversensitive, no harm's been done, eh?). for spock specifically, he seems to mainly view himself as vulcan. i, similarly (?) view myself as brown - in my opinion, spock is most likely to either, if relevant, say immediately that he is vulcan+human (something along the lines of "i am part/half vulcan and part/half human"/"i had a vulcan father and a human mother" etc) or he will call himself vulcan THEN elaborate (a la "i am vulcan. my mother was human"/"i am vulcan and also human" etc). depending on the conversation, the fact he's both may not be relevant at all - it may be enough to say he's vulcan/human and leave it at that; for example, if you're discussing the way starfleet views alien-ness it's probably enough just to say he's vulcan, if you're talking about him doing a kiddush or something (struggling to come up with a differnet example rn, there are probably better ones) it's likely enough to just say he's human.

the term mixed

i don't think it's offensive to call spock mixed, but it does seem to me a little bit odd. might just be personal tendencies, just seems weird to call a white person mixed becuase the word "mixed" implies the "-race" part. in context it can work, out of context it feels awkward to me.

is spock coded as a poc

seems to me like a stretch. vulcan isn't a race, and (for the time being) spock is a white character and is treated as such. coding him as a person of colour would only work if he were actually one, no matter how much star trek loves using his story to talk about race. whiteness is only distanced from spock insofar as he is a jew (jew coded, whatever. he's undeniably jewish it doesn't matter) and that doesn't take away from his whiteness, only ensures a specific experience of it. (however this is not about black/brown spock my friend spock who lives in my head. he has rights he is loved he should be canonical. but [current] canon spock IS white and it doesn't really make sense to refer to him as poc coded or anything of the sort. a comparison may make my point more clear - worf is poc coded [specifically black coded], being an alien played by a black man written in a way which can in many ways be said to fit into some common black experiences and/or black character tropes [there are some cool essays on that you can look into if you want. worf my beloved]; spock isn't, he is a white character whose alien-ness is often used for race allegories.)

balancing humanity and vulcan-ness

a big part of spock's character arc is learning to accept himself whole. part of that has to an extent been admitting to himself he is also human and was raised by a human mother and currently lives in a majority human sphere. spock engaging in more human practices, letting go of some vulcan disciplines he doesn't want or coming to peace with himself are themes that i think fit his stories and that should be featured when talking about him. BUT, i think that's important, it seems to me more like growing up/accepting himself contradictions and all than like learning to Mix His Cultures. i don't think spock's problem is that he doesn't embrace human culture as his own, i think it's that he actively disapproves of parts of himself in the attempt to be the ur vulcan and takes it out as undervaluing humanity in general. basically my point here is that a lot of spock's journey is about accepting parts of himself that are seen as more human but make sure that when you phrase it it doesn't sound like what you're saying is that in order to be happy mixed people need to embrace Traits™ from all their races or whatever. spock's problem isn't that he doesn't act "human", he doesn't have to - it's that he represses the parts of himself he thinks don't fit his typecast essentially.

writing spock

i don't know how to solve the question of how to make sure you're not overstepping the line, but i would simply say proceed with caution. spock is both human and vulcan, it's a significant part of his character, you can write it, just don't set out to write a mixed story and/or if you see you are straying too far into a life you do not feel you know lay off it.

this is most everything i have to say. i hope it was coherent. i hope it was what you wanted. i hope it wasn't exhausting to read. i would like to conclude by saying @paramount cast a jew of colour to play spock it'll be so sexy and so much less white people in alien makeup are trying to talk about race also i think spock deserves it. it's what nimoy would've wanted he told me this in a dream.

(referencing the asks i made in this post)

thank you for taking the time to make such thorough answer! this really helps

#asks #long post #racism tw #(not really but it’s a discussion that talks about racism so i’m tagging it with this )#this is off topic but i didn’t know asks could be this long?????????? i appreciate it tho and hope nothing gets cut off #edit: afaik i don’t think anything got cut off so that’s good

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ratsoh-writes · 3 years

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I have a feeling I'm either going to get Honey or a Horrortale skele, so here we go for Matchups! -🍊

Personality

-introverted

-nervous/jumpy/sensitive

-artistic/creative

-very sleepy. I stay up till 5am and sleep till 2pm.

-helpful! I like feeling needed lol.

-sensitive. I have an abusive mother im in therapy for, so I need someone soft :(

Hobbies

-im very artistic! I love drawing, painting, listening to music, even making it, anything that keeps my hands busy and my ADHD at bay.

-minecraft! I've just downloaded the game, I've had it for a year now, and I love the building in it lol. The mobs scare me tho.

-rps!!! I LOVE roleplaying!!!! Rpg games, DnD, hell, I even have a few oc based text rps on discord I'm into. It gets me SO excited when I make up little stories with my friends, the gremblin in my enjoys shiny new universes

Dislikes

-Snarky/teasing/snappy jokes, or being teased in general. I'm a sensitive person who takes a bit too much to heart. Mal and Red scare me.

-loud noises/crowded areas. Another trama trigger for me, I feel trapped in a situation and it makes me paranoid. I'd rather sit outside and watch a thunderstorm than go to a local fair.

-being pushed out of my comfort zone and/or being forced to get in contact with family I've kicked out of my life, the whole 'well family is family!' saying means jack shit to me. I've put my demons at bay, I don't want someone to push me out of my comfort zone, or else I feel sick with nerves. I don't like traveling or being around a lot of people, I'd rather just text someone than see them face to face, words come easier then. Brain weird.

Deal breakers

-anyone who forces me to be social. I have anxiety, leave me be dammit. If someone kept pushing and complaining about it, it would make me feel guilty and blegh. Let's not go down that rabbit hole.

-cheating, I have a low image of myself, I don't need someone flirting with others or being all handy with them. Once the wound it made, I'm not letting the knife near me again.

-someone who yells a lot. Loud voices, especially male ones, make me panicked and scared. If Edge ever lectured me I would simply. Cry.

-someone violent, which is a given. Sorry mafia men, but blood scares me. I'm a wheeny.

-someone forcing me to change. I'm chonky, so being forced into a diet or something would make me think low of myself, I couldn't stay with someone like that. Or someone pushing me to get anxiety meds or giving me a bedtime. I like my independence and I'm working on myself, I don't need to be pressured to do it faster.

-passive aggressiveness, it makes me confused on what to say in an argument and that junk.

Flaws

-most of these have already been said, but I'm introverted with low energy, I don't like going to big events or traveling away from home.

-sensitive. Any jokes aimed at me can and will be obsessed over to oblivion, I'm not the teasing type.

-awkward. I was kinda isolated as a kid, so social skills are hard. Don't expect me to pop up on conversations all the time, I mostly listen to what my friends say and nod along.

-hygene. This is also something I'm working on. I've had depression episodes that sometimes still surface, sometimes it's hard to even leave my bed, let along brush my teeth, hair, etc. Some days I'm just not feeling it. I also come from a neglectful house, so I wasn't even raised with those habits. But I'm trying, and that's what I'm focusing on. Don't be like 'ewEwW yOu HaVeNt BrUsHeD yOuR TeEtH tOdAy?!' That's both hurtful and annoying, life sucks man

-god aweful at spelling, sorry rat

Attraction

-someone who's soft and caring. I never had a motherly figure, and I'm too old now for my dad to watch me like a toddler, so I want to feel the love I mostly missed out on. Not babied or anything, just loved and cared for. Hug me, please. Alternatively: aha mommy kink go brr

-cuddly/affectionate. I need to feel wanted, since I was raised in a house that I wasn't, so words of reassurance are really nice, especially if that person wants to be around me close enough to cuddle

I tried making this as neat as I could, since I tend to ramble a lot, so I hope this layout is easy to read! Tell me if I need to add any physics stuff, thank you for the matchup! -🍊

Alright, you were right on probably getting a horror lol. I think the best fit for you is……..BASIL (horrorswap papyrus)!

Here’s the tricky bit. Getting to know basil is here. He’s also extremely anxious, to the point where he’s practically non-verbal to anyone he doesn’t know. But once you do get close enough for him to crush and even confess, you’ll get to see a butch more protective and attentive side to him. Basil is a protector at his core and actually prefers a timid SO unlike honey who likes confident and organized characters.

Basil would be great at balancing between encouraging you to be your best self and not being too pushy. Gentle is basically his main personality trait. And considering who it is here, it’s hard to feel nagged with him being the one giving you those gentle reminders.

You like cuddles? You’re getting your cuddles. Basil is shy about touch so it’s up to you to initiate, but when you do, you’ll find that he’s pretty much touch starved. He likes having you in his lap the most. Basil has mild insomnia so cuddling with a SO is the best way to help him doze off

Basil hasn’t been introduced to the wonderful world of video games yet. Minecraft would be a great starter! If you manage to get him into it, he’ll wind up getting addicted to sims most likely. Or FarmVille. He likes chill games

One important thing about dating basil is that your basically going to have to go vegetarian. You can eat meat outside the house when he’s not around, but the sight and taste of raw meat is a trigger for him. Luckily he’s a wonderful cook and makes up for it in his baking and pasta ;)

I was also thinking of rust and possibly slim for you. (Yes I know slim is a mafia but he’s great at keeping his work hidden)

#matchups #horrorswap

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actuallylorelaigilmore · 5 years

Note

I know you mentioned how you feel when you see people write characters having bipolar disorder or autism who don't know what it's like, so I'd love to ask your POV on this: Do you think Schneider exhibits any signs of being bipolar or having autism? A few characteristics of his remind me of a family member who is bipolar, but as someone who personally isn't and admittedly doesn't know a ton about bipolar disorder or autism, I'd love to know your thoughts instead of having uninformed headcanons.

Ooh I love this question!! Thanks for thinking of me to ask it. My answer got longer than expected, surprise surprise, so it’s an essay behind the cut now. :)

I also love Schneider and find him easier to understand and write than just about anybody, so I feel pretty comfortable getting inside his head and musing about all this.

For the record as to where I’m coming from here, I am autistic and have bipolar disorder (bipolar 1 technically), and I also have combined-type ADHD and generalized anxiety disorder (I’m quite something).

I’ve never seen anyone connect Schneider to autistic traits before, and I’m generally thrilled to headcanon my faves as on the spectrum, so I had to think about this. He definitely has interests, but I wouldn’t say he has an intense focus on any specific things in that autistic way. He makes eye contact easily and a lot, and off the top of my head I don’t remember him making any comments that would indicate sensory issues (about noise or clothing texture, for example). He doesn’t seem stuck to specific routines, and his diet is eclectic but not rigid.

He does seem pretty oblivious to social cues? But in an overeager, he steamrolls right past them kind of way…and he often immediately corrects himself when his words come out offensive, because he can tell the difference between what people think it’s okay to say or not. He likes puzzles and mechanical things, but so do lots of neurotypical people. His voice is very expressive, not a monotone, and he’s very comfortable with physical affection.

Honestly, every autistic person is different so it’s totally possible to be on the spectrum and not have some of the ‘usual’ traits (for example, I don’t make much eye contact and am blatantly autistic in a lot of ways, but I’m very comfortable in crowds and loud days like the 4th of July don’t bother me). But I don’t see much canon evidence for Schneider being autistic that isn’t better explained by him having a serious case of ADHD.

That’s the stuff that he and I have in common, as a matter of fact…he has a billion hobbies and is overenthusiastic and full of energy and impulsive, and he’s often mentally and emotionally moving so fast that he doesn’t even notice he’s pushed past people’s personal boundaries. Trying to be Victor’s best man or inviting himself over to the Alvarez apartment all the time is never because Schneider doesn’t care that they may not want him involved–he’s just so excited to be a part of things that he doesn’t stop and think first, and that’s super ADHD of him.

Now the bipolar question is such a fun one for me! I feel like bipolar people who don’t end up violent or committed are waaaay underrepresented in media, and I tend to see those traits everywhere. Some of my favorite characters I love because they remind me of me, and could definitely be coded bipolar.

It’s really common for bipolar people to struggle with addiction, which obviously Schneider does. I don’t have that history personally, but I completely understand the way bipolar people can use drugs and alcohol to self-medicate the symptoms of the disorder.

They can also go through periods where they turn to sex in an unusually intense way, and we know Schneider’s a big fan of sex, but I wouldn’t say he’s presented as being unusual with it…just as a guy who likes casual sex and is able to find willing partners.

Schneider does have a proven record of not only gambling but impulsive spending, both bipolar traits. He sees most of his problems as just being different forms of addiction, but that makes sense for him–and I’ve read about people whose bipolar behavior was masked by their addictions until they got sober.

So if we look at him sober, then the question is, does he go through periods of depression and mania that are bad enough it interferes with his life? And I can’t say that I see any major signs of that. He’s weird but has a decent grip on reality, he doesn’t hit patches where he thinks he’s invulnerable and capable of everything, and if he faces major depression, it’s never come up when the show has discussed Penelope’s experience with it.

To me, Schneider just seems like he’s living with ADHD that was never treated, and he’s been an addict since he was very young…and his seriously addictive personality is always looking for new outlets even while he tries to stay sober from drugs and alcohol.

BUT I have to add that I’m bipolar and while my depression looks pretty much like you probably would expect when you think ‘depression’…my mania doesn’t fit the ‘standard’ tells at all. I’ve never had a problem with gambling or shopping. I’ve never had reckless, casual, or unusually frequent sex. I’ve never tried drugs (which is good! because addiction runs in my family) because I’m weird and somehow I always feel much safer in the harshness of reality.

So my mania looks like skipping meals and not needing to sleep and having the most brilliant ideas, all of which will absolutely work out this time, and because I’m not getting any kind of treatment for my ADHD, manic me is the only version of me that’s able to channel my energy into successfully creating anything–it’s like mania balances the unfocused part of my brain. If I can stay mildly manic, I’m actually in a pretty good place…but of course if I had control over it, it wouldn’t be a potentially dangerous disorder.

Point is, is it possible Schneider has a form of bipolar disorder combined with his addictions? Sure, if it presents atypically or is milder than my experience and thus easier for him to function through. It’s definitely possible that he’s always struggled with intense moods and used to ‘treat’ them with drugs and alcohol, and now that he’s sober uses his hobbies and mindfulness to manage them instead. And of course, if we really want to headcanon things outside canon, we could say he’s totally bipolar but on medication for it so he’s fairly stable.

But since you asked me :) I would say he’s got adult ADHD to a highly visible degree, and had an emotionally stunted childhood that left him with a childlike sense of joy towards the world and other people. He doesn’t seem to have the extreme uncontrollable ups and downs that come with bipolar disorder, or the sensory issues and difficulty understanding social situations and people that’s so common for those of us on the autism spectrum.

(Side note: it’s really, really common for people to have bipolar disorder and ADHD, or ADHD while also being autistic, or to be autistic and also bipolar. They all combine a lot, and have overlapping traits, so I’m not sure if maybe those overlapping traits could explain the ways your family member reminds you of Schneider?)

Both those disorders are super important to me though in terms of representation, and if anybody bipolar/autistic has claimed Schneider as one of us, I wouldn’t take that away from them! Because he’s sweet and loyal and he struggles but keeps trying and there are worse role models for people like me.

If anybody does see autistic/bipolar traits in him, I would love to hear the counterargument. I know a few other bipolar people, but don’t know that many people on the autism spectrum, so I could totally be missing things.

#schneider #odaat #one day at a time #autism #adhd #bipolar disorder #autism spectrum disorder #spoilers #long post #meta #mine

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zephyrvos · 7 years

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When you have time, would you be willing make a list of all of your autistic characters, and why you think they are? I just think it'd be so interesting to hear your thoughts! If you don't mind of course!

Sorry this took ages and ages. It got long... Also I lost steam on some of them, so the explanations are short or less formal. And some of them are from media I haven’t seen in a long time, or haven’t watched thoroughly enough, so a lot of them are sans explanation, but I still thought belonged on the list. If you want clarification/more info or just to come talk to me about them (how they stim! special interests! favorite sensory things!), ask away!

And now for a read more:

Buffyverse:

Willow Rosenberg (x)

Lots of stimming - drumming with straws, twirling/floating pencils, twiddling her fingers

“It’s noisy up here” in her head, her brain is always loud and full of too many thoughts at one time

When she tells Anya to “learn the rules” and “act more human” because she’s had to make a conscious effort to learn the rules of social interaction in order to pass as neurotypical

Often extreme reactions to emotions because she struggles with emotional processing

Extremely logical and organized, as evidenced by color-coded notes

Struggles when people don’t react the way she expects them to

Likes routine and predictability, going to the same places because she’s comfortable there and knows what to expect

Often takes a literal interpretation and struggles to find what people actually mean

Bad at reading other people and their emotions, spends lots of time in the library, finds it easier to interact with adults than peers of her own age

Anya Jenkins (x)

Is rude and fine with being strange, doesn’t care about passing as neurotypical

Special interest in money and capitalism

Literal interpretations - and this is definitely before she became a demon as well, as we see in flashbacks

Sensory issues, describes things as “unpleasant tactile experience”

Doesn’t read people, doesn’t pass as neurotypical - comes across as rude because she’s blunt and to the point, rather than tiptoeing around issues because she doesn’t understand emotions

Bad at expressing or dealing with emotions, partly because she isn’t used to them - she didn’t form many strong emotional attachments prior to Xander and the Scoobies

Fred Burkle, probably

DCTV:

Felicity Smoak

The first time we see her, she’s chewing on a pen (stimming) and rambling. Read as autistic straight away, which made me really glad she stuck around and has become as important as she is

Takes things very literally, which is often played for comedic effect but is also very autistic

The first one to come to mind is “It’s nice to have you inside me. And by you I mean your voice, and by inside me I mean in my ear…” It gets played for inappropriate humour a lot, which I enjoy, but is also incredibly autistic

My mom brought up her clothes: We never really see her casual, she’s almost always in heels and nice clothes. My mom pointed out that this could be an extreme manifestation of adopting social norms - wanting to blend in by dressing like ‘normal’ people and therefore taking it too far and always dressing this way rather than in comfortable clothes. It’s an interesting read there.

She stims a lot - the pen I mentioned, spinning her ring when she’s nervous (sometime in s4 I noticed this heavily), plenty of other moments I’m forgetting

“Was that my out-loud voice” or something like that, which was very much not being able to regulate her thoughts to speech

Says inappropriate things, lacks tact: her first scene, when she immediately mentions his dead father, and then tries to recover and just makes it worse; then she points out the bullet holes rather than going along with the lie; then to stop her ramble she goes “which will end in 3-2-1…”

Doesn’t like other people messing with her workspace, because she has things a very particular way and she values order

Special interest in technology, built a computer at a young age and was a programming genius relatively young

Curtis Holt

A lot of traits in common with Felicity

Bad at reading social situations and social cues - interrupts at inappropriate times, makes inappropriate comments, misreads dinner with Paul

Special interest in tech - built his T-spheres, tinkers with tech during his downtime

Physically awkward and ungraceful - finds it difficult to learn fighting form + technique

Harry Potter:

Luna Lovegood

This headcanon has the support of Evanna Lynch herself, so you really can’t argue

Such an awkward, eccentric little oddball

Special interest in “mythical” magical creatures

Peers bully her because she doesn’t fit in, she says odd things

Gets along better with animals than people

Hermione Granger

Misses the cues or the rules of human interaction - for example, correcting people’s pronunciation or always raising her hand in a way that comes across as “know-it-all”

Finds books and libraries comforting, because the rules are easy to understand and facts are soothing

Can’t remember how canon this is but dresses/does her hair in ways that are comforting and soothing sensory experiences

Newt Scamander (Fantastic Beasts)

MCU:

Tony Stark (+ADHD)

Bruce Banner

Leo Fitz

See (buckysbears)

Seriously she put together the most amazing checklists ever for FitzSimmons, I am in awe (also all of her autistic headcanons are awesome)

Jemma Simmons

See (buckysbears)

Daisy Johnson (ADHD)

Peter Parker (ADHD)

Misc:

Five (Dark Matter) (x)

See (mine)

Kaylee Frye (Firefly)

Prefers casual sex over dating most of the time because it’s easier and the social rules of it are simpler

Understands the ship’s engine better than people (it “speaks” to her) and is most comfortable in the engine room

Still innocent and child-like in many aspects, but still a valued member of the crew

Simon Tam (Firefly)

River Tam (Firefly)

Farkle (GMW)

LaFontaine (Carmilla)

Amy Santiago (B99)

Sherlock (any adaptation, including House)

Bones (Bones)

Zach Addy (Bones)

Larry Fleinhardt (Numb3rs)

Kirsten (Stitchers)

Lilo (Lilo and Stitch)

Jeremy Chetri (Wynonna Earp)

Zeph (Killjoys)

#autistic headcanons #figured disabilityfest was a good time to do this #i know a lot are without explanations #but there's just so many #if you want an explanation for a particular person come ask #and i will try #but also seriously just come talk autistic headcanons to me #i want my legacy to be polyamory and autistic headcanons #Anon #asks #reply

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