so uh. that 2.2 Special Program, huh

besides just regular anxiety, which could totally be an explanation, perhaps it is the format in which you are being approached by these guys? you are at your job working after all, so I can imagine being caught off guard by anyone who is essentially a stranger asking you out romantically when you are in the mindset of taking someone's order lol. the surprise alone and the abruptness of it all would make it a lot easier to say no imo so I get it and don't think you're crazy. I'd be the same way to be honest.

maybe you'd be more comfortable if an acquaintance who you speak to regularly as your normal self, not in a customer-employee relationship, were to ask you out?

also, I've never used dating apps so don't take this last opinion too heavily if you don't want to, but one potentially good thing I can say about these apps is that you participate under the premise of seeking some sort of relationship with another human, so it can be less intimidating to approach or be approached in this setting because you and everyone else there are in a dating mindset, so you remove that issue of being approached romantically in non-romantic minded settings. obviously there can be other challenges with the apps, but at least there you would have a dedicated forum where you switch into "dating mode" or whatever lol.

for better or worse, I think these apps, along with our super-online culture, has made it rare and honestly unusual in today's society to be cold approached by a complete stranger in one's everyday life when you're just running errands or commuting or breathing air in public lol. I think most people don't do that anymore and it's a lot more acceptable to ask out people who are in your circle - people you see regularly on EQUAL footing, not this employee/customer dynamic. Ex: you both work together as coworkers and start hanging out sometimes after work, or you attend the same weekly club or activity with some cute person and begin to interact, stuff like that.

just some thoughts, I wish you luck <3

I definitely do think it’s at least partially the way they approach me, and like you said if it wasn’t so much an employee/customer dynamic I would probably be more likely to be into it. Like I don’t know these guys that have asked for my number in any way other than the brief interactions I have with them when I’m helping them in our drive thru. I feel like it would even maybe be a bit different if they were customers that came inside and stayed regularly because I do slightly feel like the relationship with those regular customers is different from drive thru customers.

And I think you’re into something with the dating apps being an equal kind of footing and making it potentially a bit easier.

alright, i have come to the decision i am keeping this blog up as an archive and leaving the gt tumblr community for the foreseeable future.

when i made my post about chamomile-g-tea’s damaging treatment of my story, gtms, my goal was to acknowledge the situation so i could hopefully move forward and restore gtms/my blog as mine again, without her influence. and while i anticipated backlash, some of the responses were just...downright disturbing. lots of comments echoed a victim-blaming sentiment that i am responsible for the emotional and creative damage done to me by another person because ‘why didn’t you just say no or tell her to stop?’ not only does this ignore the several attempts i did make to express discomfort and set boundaries—which were not respected—but even if i didn’t manage to express a ‘no’, that doesn’t make what happened ok; it doesn’t erase the year of crippling pressure and guilt i lived with and still struggle to shake daily. realizing that so many people in this community think otherwise is just...disturbing. it’s disturbing. that’s the only word i can think to use.

the response to all this does not make me feel safe being here—that’s what this situation has unfortunately showed me: that the audience i hoped to allow to view my reclaiming process would also contain the same crowd who make me feel so unsafe—and why the fuck would i let those people see something as personal as that? why would i let them see anything? it’s made me understand i can’t continue to heal myself and my writing if i am posting it for other people, especially harmful people. and even though it turned out this way, i’m glad i gave it a shot; that i made that post as an effort to see if it was even possible or worth it to restore this space—even if the answer was no! absolutely fucking not!—because it saved me from even more time spent sharing my work with people who do not respect me as a person or a creator. i’m glad i tried, however much it sucked, because it allowed me to understand: it is not just one person in this community i feel unsafe with, but a solid percentage of the community at large that i just cannot healthily engage with, and no amount of blocking will fix that.

but of course this is not the only situation that showed me this community’s true colors—the dismissive or outright aggressive response to the calling out of racism in our tropes has also been deeply disturbing. to clarify, there is no problem in identifying with and finding comfort or catharsis in problematic tropes such as the pet trope, but there is a problem with using that comfort to make others feel unsafe and speak over people of color. and the solution to this trope problem is very simple—generally apply critical thinking skills to the media you enjoy, and tag your shit properly (dead dove, particularly when the giant owner/abuser doesn’t face consequences and/or if the abused/abuser fall in ‘love’—dead dove is not actually currently used in this community, that’s the problem). but rather than taking this as an opportunity to listen and improve, it was instead used as a chance to lash out at and make clear that poc are not welcome in this community and come secondary to the feelings of white creators and readers.

over the last few years, this community has fostered and been exposed for bigotry such as terfs, ableists, racists, etc, and especially in the current political era, this is no longer a community i want to share my work with or even just lurk in. and i know on the surface this community seems progressive, but take a better look and you’ll find members of the community doing and saying…questionable things, or keeping quiet and enabling their friends who do and say questionable things because they would rather be passive and polite than be genuinely kind and compassionate through active accountability.

of course this is the risk you take interacting with any person ever—but it’s especially taxing to look around at such a small, close knit community you know is riddled with these problems and wonder if the people making innocent posts are actually harmful; if they prioritize their comfort over the safety of marginalized people, if they even see you as a full person, and for me, personally—if they are willing to overlook consent to blame you for your trauma and defend the person who inflicted it. it’s taxing to explain basic basic concepts to strangers over and over in a place that prides itself on being a safe space, where people just have fun and mentally escape from irl hardships. it’s taxing to ride out shitty, hateful treatment when you are just simply one person (voluntarily providing free services btw) with only so much energy and fucks to give. it is not worth the strain it puts on you as a person, nor is it your responsibility to sit there and accept it, and i am not the only creator in this community who feels this way. we are fucking tired.

quite simply, this is not a community i feel comfortable participating in or sharing anything with. and that’s a shame, because there are wonderful, creative and caring people here who i have enjoyed sharing this space with, and maybe someday i’ll give this community another chance, but currently it’s just not worth the time of day. and i want to make it clear: my leaving is not simply because of just one person or just one situation—that i could handle—it is the community itself that is the root problem; that continues to be harmful, in multiple contexts—that is the reason why i and several other creators are leaving for greener pastures and more enjoyable communities—or just simply for a fucking moment’s worth of peace, because lord knows you won’t find it here.

Trying to make a character for gta online like

i apologize to all my mutuals i promise i will be normal but there is a part of me regressing to my 15 year old self reading an archived livejournal pete/key manifesto for the first time at 12am on a school night

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the urge to become a little pretentious abt the process of making coffee.

i really want to be one of those beautiful girls who always have impeccable hair and natural-looking makeup but the truth is most days i truly don’t have the desire to put anything more than the bare minimum into my appearances

currently having a queer identity crisis on this accursed holiday

I miss her

okay well i don’t know what to do w myself now

hmmm I should play Pokémon Violet soon. i want to assign Pokémon teams to mdzs characters but idk the sv pokedex like at All. I’m sure I could make solid teams just picking from all the other regions but what if there’s a rlly fitting paldean Pokémon yknow .. I could just go thro all the dex entries but I’d rather meet them in game so I Don’t permanently end up thinking ab any of them as like ‘the wwx Pokémon’ or anything.

im so sure someone else has made them Pokémon teams Somewhere but there’s 1,000 Pokémon now (hey don’t cry. 1,000 different pokemon, okay?) so im sure I can bring some of my own flavors to the table anyway

I feel like you'd like the show Tokyo Revengers. it's about gangs in Tokyo and honestly it gets me very in my feelings because theres a lot of tragedy involved within show. they also go very in detail about each characters back story without taking away from the general plot/idea behind the show. obviously no pressure to watch!!! I just figured id throw it out there cause it seems we have similar tastes in shows/books/characters/depth!

i’ve been recommended this anime a few times, actually!!! and i can totally see why; with the organized crime/gang aspect + supposedly well written characters it def seems up my alley (and i only say ‘supposedly’ because i haven’t watched/read any of the media and thus cannot judge for myself, but i’m not doubting that they’re well written!). but i looked into the plot a while ago and the time travelling aspect just completely turned me off of it. i’m really not into stuff like that >.< also,,, none of the characters piqued my interest except for maybe that dude with the neck tattoo??? and like black n blonde hair??? i dunno, but i kinda resolved that it probably isn’t for me :(

Cannot even tell you all how big of a nostalgia hit rewatching FotC is in 2022, especially when the last time I saw it was 2015. It’s definitely one of those things where you remember exactly who you were with and where you were when you saw it. First time I saw it was in a theatre dressing room with a bunch of other actors who were all crying with laughter and FAIR. I think it was one of the actresses who brought it up and who also started quoting it in rehearsals until you had 8 actors all wandering around the theatre going “Camembert. Baguette!” as some weird call and response thing that deeply concerned and annoyed our Extremely English, Very Serious director. It was great

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