#but I have such horrible trust issues
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I love when anxiety is just rolling through my body for hours due to something that I literally needed to do and really actually went well, but my brain is thinking of 100 ways I could’ve done it better and what if I interpreted everything wrong and it actually went bad
#personal#I had to have a talk with one doc at work about another because he’s going to hinder him and lead him down a bad path#and the doctor was very receptive and thanked me and I told him i was telling Kim because I thought he was a good doctor and I think he can#be great but he needs to know who to an to not follow and I was volunteered as the one to do this after the bad Dr literally made 3 techs#cry yesterday due to an emergency#and I just really like this new doc#like I legit adore him and want to see him succeed and I tried to communicate that but I always worry I messed up#and then I worry that maybe I don’t know him as well as I think and he’ll narc on me to the bosses even though I know he’s not like that#but I have such horrible trust issues#sorry rant over
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Phrases someone could say to comfort a person in immense pain that they are causing. Eg. Taking a bullet out or field surgery. Thank you my Darling, I love your page!
Thank you Dearest! Field medicine with reluctant Whumpers: an underrated trope, methinks. Here are some relevant phrases that make a little bit feral:
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”
“Bite down on this.”
“It’s almost over, I promise—“
“Trust me.”
“Deep breath.”
“Close your eyes. Don’t look.”
“Shh, shh. It’s over. It’s done.”
“This is going to hurt.”
“Try not to scream.”
“Let me see it.”
“Don’t move.”
Additionally, some lines I adore from Whumpee in this scenario:
“Fuck, that hurts—“
“I don’t need that.”
“Just do it.”
“Holy shit, that’s disgusting—“
“Don’t touch me.”
“Stop. Stop, please—“
“Hurry up, just hurry the fuck up—“
#field medicine is so overlooked#it’s sickening#ohhh but when it happens <3#can you tell I adore Caretakers who get shit done but feel so horrible about it#can you tell I adore Whumpees with severe trust issues who suddenly have no choice BUT to trust someone#and it’ll stay that way#whump
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can we stop trying to bully people into advocacy, please?
can we stop making people feel personally responsible for issues they only just heard of and may not even understand?
can we stop yelling and berating people who aren’t putting all of their (probably limited) energy into researching something that has almost nothing to do with them and which may stress them out?
can we stop pressuring people who are already struggling to survive to limit their options on how they can live, what they can eat?
please?
please
can we stop
#look#it’s good to try#but not everyone can#so can we stop acting like it’s a moral failing to not be able to do everything you can all the time?#I see this especially with the Israel-Hamas war#people who never even spoke of such issues are now devoting all of their attention to it#which is good for them!#but where they go wrong is when they start implying or blatantly saying that if you aren’t doing what they are doing#then you’re a horrible person#be angry at the dictators and the terrorists and the presidents who are responsible for this#don’t be angry at the neighbor who orders McDonald’s#they’re not willingly funding the thing#if you want to help that’s great#but bullying your fellow citizens is not the way to go about it#trust me#you’re not helping#anyways#is this a vent?#maybe#I don’t know#I’m just tired#of people who do this#good intentions turned into bad actions#whatever happened to ‘people are flawed’ or ‘agree to disagree’?#nuance is abundant and I hate when I see people thinking that issues of this magnitude don’t have any nuance#definitive statements and definitive lies#the line between them blurs every day
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me: i could totally be a hunter in the leftist queer commune i’d be so great at it
me as a teenager: nearly threw up catching one fish and releasing it
#in my defense i might have been a little seasick#the waters were super rough and half the passengers on board were hurling#also i didn’t want to be there i wanted to be hanging out on the beach#if i didn’t have weird dietary issues i’d probably be a vegetarian#i just don’t like killing not even bugs#but it’s a necessity to live yadda yadda i know#death just freaks me out i would have to be a farmer or some other worker in the commune i guess#but i’m a pretty good shot so maybe i could get over it#unrelated but i want a crossbow#one for going to an archery range#but two i think it would throw home invaders off their game more than a gun would#and i don’t trust myself with a gun#other than a rifle#fun story we were catching kingfish on this ill fated fishing trip#those fucks looks like barracuda with their horrible teeth#and i got to watch one flop across the deck to bite a kid who’s now my weatherman do#*so#life is funny that way
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moments like this when im really glad im a sad little cynic who always considers the worst possible outcome and never lets herself truly get comfortable and trust the good things in her life to stay there and builds her life around trying to soften the blows of the eventual disappointments just waiting around the corner lol never leaving my edgy teenager era peace and love
#i mean if the alternative is whatever the fuck is going on with my best friend rn then hooooo boy#cancelling therapy immediately i never want to change i wanna keep my trust issues forever and ever if its gonna save me from THIS#is he a dick? kinda. yeah. and a coward because if dude was sure he didnt want it since AUGUST and didnt have the guts to end it till now#actually he didnt end it. she was the one who finally snapped. but we seriously fought twice before because she just woudlnt listen#when i said that girl this isnt gonna work and you trust him too much and you're attachment styles are incompatible as hell#your*#but nvm. the least you could do when a 7 years younger girl who's clearly obsessed with you is breaking up with you#cause she just cant take it anymore. and you can see she's still in love with you because you've been lying to her for half a year.#imo the least you could do at that point is just. dont tell her that jfc. just say you're sorry it didnt work out etc etc#dont fucking tell her you stopped being in love with her in fucking august#and just 'didnt know how to end it' and lied when she asked if everything's alright#like my god. yes ig this would never have happened if she hadn't trusted him so completely and expected love to fix her whole life#but jesus dude. she's not even 23 she has a right to be naive. you're almost 30. you DONT get to be a man child anymore#christ. okay.#anyway i wish i could help her but telling her to 'trust less' and 'never truly rely on other people' sounds horrible and cringe and edgy af#but i genuinely dont have any other advice#like babygirl im sorry but your bestie is a piece of human garbage and she's doing the best she can but her best is Not Much alas
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Looking through old docs and sketches is wild sometimes
#tigerclaw straight up tried to kill his kid in kittypet sand. no remorse. like what is wrong with you bro#I mean I know what's wrong with you I wrote it but still tf man#Sand and Fire is my fav relationship cause their dynamic is fun#they're so silly and mildly traumatized I love them#but fire and his dad is my second fav cause it's so messed up#like you got your oopsie kid then the kids you want then you're exiled and have more half-kittypet kids on purpose#but still assert that your firstborn is lesser than them like bro what are you on#and then Sand and Red is my third cause it's like the one guy who stood up for you since day one dies horribly#and you also have trust issues so you feel like you can't talk to anyone but also you think he was murdered and ooo boyyy#kittypet sandstorm au
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In my opinion, Artemis and Angeline have very similar experiences of paranoia as a symptom of
And thus every single family vacation will have a like, medieval war general moment where you can watch them animatedly debate the merits and/or weak points of whatever barricade they've constructed in front of the hotel room door
#I jest but I HC that Artemis' paranoia somewhat genetically comes from his mother's side whereas his issues with dissociation and#reality assessment is more genetically on his father's side of the family#The twins occupy this weird space in the family where they were born after a lot of things exacerbating mental illness in the family were#less present than when Artemis was young due to the Fowl empire#like my personal version of this is watching my aunts' kids grow up in a house where they were diagnosed with autism and adhd really really#young bc their mothers work in early ed. and are really knowledgeable about how to apply that in their home so that they have the support#they need#and let me tell you watching young autistic relatives exist and interact w kids their age who are so much better#about including 'different' peers socially then when I was a kid? that is so fucking surreal#I am very much an 'autistic Artemis truther' and I know Fox has some posts about Tim being autistic too during an era of the Fowls where it#wouldn't have even been 'masking' to borrow a contemporary term so much as just learning Not to Act Fucking Weird ever and performing this#whenever there is someone else present#but to return to the point of this post Artemis and Angeline will see a 5-star resort with insane security and go 'what I'm hearing is that#when the sun sets we will be in the Purge'#Artemis' form of paranoia is fascinating because he experiences it in the 'struggles trusting people and can spiral and believe people are#out to get him and harm him when that is not realistically assessing a situation' but also has horrible risk assessment which is so realist#realistic lmao
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there is a post about this somewhere on tumblr but i really need someone to teach me how to do social interactions. and more importantly, how to interpret them
#ugh. my issue is that even if while the social interaction is happening i feel like it's going alright#afterwards i start dissecting it and decide that it went horribly#and i have no idea which to trust!!!!!! and it sends me down these endless spirals lol#like am i delusional or self-aware. we shall never know#i'm so so tired jesus
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if you hate him we can’t be friends 💔
#this is how I cope with seeing people who are Inherently Wrong™️ in the main tags btw#he’s just a guy……..his heart is so full and he loves so thoroughly#he adopts an emo and a feral goth and helps them to appreciate life again what more do you WANT FROM HIM#obviously he has flaws but every dr character does??#and frankly aside from the translation issues I find that his flaws are handled in one of the most narratively satisfying ways#and I definitely feel as though a lot his actions and behaviors that people point to as reasons for disliking him are simply taken out of#context#he’s a character who was facing death before the killing game ever even started -#YES he’s intense but that’s because he has to be. he’s trying to do as much as he can within a limited timeframe#AS A TEENAGER NO LESS#Y’ALL SEEM TO LIKE TO FORGET THAT PART TOO…..GUY’S IN HIGH SCHOOL 😭#and anyway when push comes to shove he sets aside his grudges to try and do the right thing for the people he cares about#it’s. sigh. I think about the hangar scene SO MUCH.#like he really doesn’t let Shuichi apologize because he knows that Shuichi shouldn’t HAVE to#ALSO??? he’s not BEING AN ASSHOLE in chapter 4 HE’S JUST SEEING THE AFTERMATH OF SOMEONE HAVING BEEN HORRIBLY MANIPULATED INTO DOING#SOMETHING THEY WOULD NEVER OTHERWISE DO#he puts so much faith and trust in his friends because he KNOWS that fundamentally they are good people#he’s not even!!!!! directly an asshole to Kokichi until Kokichi starts treating the losses and trauma they’ve all suffered as trivial!!!#oh and don’t even come at me with the ‘’hypocrisy’’ shit#the dude’s body is fucking SHUTTING DOWN I can forgive him for not doing a couple pushups 😭#cries and sobs I love him so much. he tries so hard to be positive and make the most of things#y’all just jealous 🤧#danganronpa#kaito momota#ndrv3#new danganronpa v3#killing harmony#new danganronpa v3 killing harmony
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whoever said I could have A Job and Make Money was Not thinking about the effects this would have on the economy - (<- is about to spend $150 on kunikida merch someone please tell me this is A Bad Idea)
#I DON"T MAKE MUCH BTW I DON'T EVEN WORK FULL TIME#I just have horrible spending habits ;;#this is next to nothing for me too considering how much I spend on art commission KJHFKJHF- HELP#I fear I will lose my bungou stray people hyperfixation soon too so do I really wonna do this?#but I am sad and going back to school in 10 days and the serotonin boost from this is Like No Other KHFJH#my most prized possessions are all similar things#(genshin plush I got from friend#oc plush I got from friend)#literally they were the first things I packed for evacuations#k/nikida plush good for mental health Trust#the issue here is also that im not at school yet so anything shipped here will be received by my parents here first and Idk if im ready#for them to learn about how unnormal I am abt k/nikida yet -#FKJHKJHFKJH#I should not be allow to spend money OUGhhh- recently spent like 150 on a character I liked and regretting that just a bit-#300 in like a month for nonessential stuff if a bit much for me#what most ppl spend on gas money and idk coffee drinks and eating out I spend on art comms and anime merch#through the power of Not Going out and being Lactose Intolerant and indifferent to food :)#help me-
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real
#this is so mind numbingly exhausting i don't understand how everyone else seems to just do it?#it was such a weird day#started out in a good mood but then boss scolded these two interns cause of a mistake#and like he wasn't shouting exactly but he raised his voice and said so many things like you are so careless im suffering so many losses bc#bc of you outsiders are going to think i don't have a good team and i don't have control over my team#and how we should always note things down because we're so distracted and not serious#and how before going home everyday we should report to him what work we did today#i understand that he's being reasonable (maybe? idk) but it sounded so eerily horribly like my dad i couldn't function properly for an hour#why are men so similar everywhere#why am i SO scared i could feel the disappointment radiating off him and he wasn't even mad at me and i felt like a failure#which is so embarrassing like girl stop you are a 20 year old adult woman you will not cry at your workplace because an angry man triggered#your dad issues#and upar se there was a new intern at work one year younger than me and oh my god he was so annoying#like i talked to him first bc i pitied him like what if he felt alone it was only his second day but boy literally could not stop talking😭#like ok it's kinda cool that this senior di she trusted me enough to be like you teach him this project report this when ive only been#here for 3 weeks but bhai😭 he's so annoying 😭 i have newfound respect for the di how does she handle all 7-8 of us interns i would go#crazy and shout at everyone and tell them to leave me alone 😭 but she's so patient and kind and answers dumb questions 100 times#but she's leaving this office permanently from next month bc of her ca final :( i mean very good for her she deserves better more money#better work hours better office etc. but :(( she's leaving :((#as you can see i have both dad issues and abandonment issues so fun lol
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Did they just freakin kill Maria in episode one!?!?
#raineyrambles#secret invasion#secret invasion spoilers#marvel#I don’t want to believe it because it was so sudden and happens so quickly#and Maria is such an important person/character that it seems like a horrible way to kill her off#but I have trust issues with marvel and I don’t think they realize how much people love her#edit: apparently they listed the actress as a special guest which means they actually killed her off#what the actual hell
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Laito LE is so damn relatable 💀
#Like#The facade he created is a conditional reflex that; over time; has become an instinct#So whenever the factor that triggers his trauma hits his eye; he reacted almost instantly (unconsciously)#It’s kinda similar to gag reflex i think?… When there’s smth entering one’s throat they be gagging and trying to push it out (by vomitting)#He do be realizing what’s going on tho 🤔 Just that his mind and his body were not in sync. It’s smth he can’t control over. Which he#usually be controlling that. This gave birth to his downfall (DL is great with internal conflicts ngl)#Storyline… no.#Its genre; visual novel; created a huge advantage for all the psychology and stuff. However…#Would it be right to say the fact that LE’s plot is colossal & they’ll have to balance details about mainstream dilemma#And love life and whatever personal problem the character has (trust issues for example)#Making everything so rushed… at the end?#Andddddd not impactful at all.#Like… such simple solutions. That’s it?#Good plot is instead of making milestones and let the character reaches those marks; you put them in a situation where their choices will#affect their whole future path.#Which is why most Sakamakiya’s ending sucks. If not sucks then boring.#I would say LE has the most logical plot. THE ENDINGS HOWEVER (you finish the sentence)#Revising literature so i be analyzing Lewdto too#At least LE is informative (not good but not bad either)#CL is horrible. I deem Karl even less after that.#OH YEAH. KARL.#This dude is so… listless as an “antagonist”#Or a boss?#Like how he elaborated everything in his plan is so damn cool. Vampire dominos.#But his goals?#They feel… lacking. HE is lacking.#Ngl this dude made Ayato LE - a route that has been rlly fine & on the right track - feels insufficient at the end.#Like Ayato with the explosive energy of a shounen protagonist versus a “villain” who fucks the world up just to serve his science project#Sigh…. Which is exactly why mostly the one who r able to like Karl r ppl who thinks he’s hot.#Even Cordelia is more intriguing as a chara than this man. The most unsuitable person for the antagonist seat: her beloved husband 💖🎊🥇
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you know there’s nothing that will trigger glitch more than any perceived attempt to “ fix ” her ... if you’re too much of a coward to accept her atrocities and the general destructive nature of her being then you had no business EVER becoming her friend in the first place she thinks ...
#she really doesn't like switch ups...#one thing she does have going is that she's very honest about the bad things she does#and is totally upfront about disliking humans and destroying entire planets and universes#so when people start taking issue with it later down the line it really does upset her...#it makes her very angry and she feels so utterly betrayed...#she's also very defensive / averse when faced with a request to change herself in any capacity#she hates having to change and she hates when the people she love change in a way that makes their feelings about her different#people asking her to change makes her (irrationally) feel like they never liked her at all and they just pretended the whole time#to build up to asking her to change...#she just wants someone to know she's bad and that she does horrible things for the sake of existence itself#and to just love her anyways and like her regardless and trust her and want to be around her#without it always getting thrown in her face!!!#i clutch her.....
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Every day, the urge to write that Band AU gets stronger and stronger.
#trust me my dude there are a lot of parallels you could make between devil-hunting and the music industry#how ruthlessness and erosion of your sense of self are held up as not only admirable but NECESSARY in order to survive the environment#having to work with/for objectively horrible people but 'oh we put up with them because they're just so GOOD at their job they have#ABILITIES that we NEED it's a...dare I say...necessary evil'#'this job will kill me long before any of my horrible coping mechanisms do'#how fear means guaranteed failure in both circumstances...#'you'd have to be insane to sign up for this job'#a romanticized idea of 'insanity' being praised as genius/skill but only the right KIND of '''insanity'''#it's so difficult and dangerous (physically or emotionally) but for various and often personal reasons you just can't make yourself leave...#'you're all expendable and we can easily find 10 new versions of you'#in both you have to fight the abstract or literal manifestations of fears/people's inner demons/personal issues day after day after day...#the prevalence of addiction and psychological issues that come from the stress and destructive qualities of that environment.........#training from hell to 'make you stronger' because 'that's how it is in the real world'#'don't form attachments because this job will do everything it can to take them away from you'#...yeah#they're basically the same thing#I mayhaps. have too many unresolved feelings. about The Person I Used To Be.
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I wish I could unmeet people
#some people who came into my life and left eventually did me good#not these people though lol. not a single good thing. genuinely.#i hate that i trust people when i dont want to because i have trust issues and then they end up being horrible people#and its like wow ! more trust issues for my trust issues#lol#vent#miles rambles
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