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elriel-oblivion · 3 years

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So it's been four days so here's part two 😁 Just wanted to say a huge thanks to everyone who read/liked/commented/reblogged the last part! It was such an amazing response, especially given it was my first time posting my writing here, so thanks for all the love you shared 🥰🥰

Heads up, this part is actually part one from Elain's pov. Initially I wanted to continue from where the last part left off in Elain's pov, but as I was writing the background, I realised I'd written too much to just skip when Az gets to the estate and cut straight into a continuation of part one, so I ended up rewriting the whole thing in her view. So there's no new elriel moments, but you'll get a lot of new stuff anyway 😅 I would've said you don't have to read this part to understand part three, but when I was rereading the later parts a few hours ago, I realised there's some stuff that alludes to things in this part, so I strongly recommend you don't skip this 😅😅

Also, wow, some of my fave paragraphs I've ever written are in this part 😁 Bonus points if you can find them; there are four I'm thinking of in particular 😉

Word count: ~ 3.1K. Lemme know if you'd like to be tagged/removed 😊 Next part up in two or three days 😊

AO3

Ashes from the Deep

Part II

It had been a pretty uneventful day as Elain worked through her new plant textbook. Feyre and Rhysand had decided to spend the weekend away at the mountain cabin, Cassian and Nesta were away doing things she wished not to think of, and Mor was at the Winter Court.

Amren had only been round in the mornings, probably to check Elain was still alive. She'd glance round the living room, examine some of those fine crystal glasses in the display cabinet and then leave. There was no difference today, though Elain always felt Amren's scrutiny upon her even when that muted silver gaze was directed elsewhere; perusing Rhys' wine collection had become a tired ruse.

So besides preparing and taking her meals with Nuala and Cerridwen, Elain had spent her afternoon with her book, making notes and copying drawings. The twins had gone off on some errands, so she'd wandered into the garden at some point to tend to her many plants, telling them how lovely they each were. The crocuses looked particularly stunning this autumn day, their pale violet colour breathing life into the shades beneath some of the trees.

With her book, she'd identified new weeds, digging into the soil to rip some pesky ones out. Sometimes she didn't want the help of a tool; sometimes she needed to feel those roots on her bare skin.

Harvesting the carrots and beetroot was also on the agenda today, along with seeding for some spectacular displays next year. She'd been collecting the seeds from some of her summer blooms, like those soft clouds of baby's breath, saving them to replant. These she sowed directly into ground she'd prepared days before, her fingers digging into the crumbly clumps of earth.

Autumn onions she'd plant tomorrow, perhaps. Feyre always remarked on how their strong taste complimented meats well, so Elain wanted to harvest some fresh for her sister for once. It'd take a few months of waiting, but there was little else better than picking out and eating food one had grown with their bare hands and the essential ingredients of love and care.

Setting her book on the patio table, Elain surveyed the garden. It was a good day's work. Plants watered and sown, weeds uprooted, and hands sweaty and soiled, Elain was proud of what she'd achieved today. There were no distractions, nothing to take her from the one thing she always found satisfaction in.

After a long shower, she found herself back in the garden with a cup of tea and a blanket. The sunset washed the sky in a blaze of red and orange glory before it yielded to the cool tones of twilight then night. Elain sat in silence, hands wrapped around her mug. How long would it be until someone's arms were wrapped around her, until she felt the warmth her sisters finally had?

Silly, these thoughts. Immortality stretched far ahead, there would be time to develop that companionship. Months and years were but a heartbeat in the life of a High Fae. She wouldn't even notice the years pass.

Or so everybody else kept saying.

With her tea finished, she perused the book of recipes she'd borrowed from Nuala. Some recipes jumped out, ingredients for which she'd been growing for a few months now. Pumpkin pie sounded especially delightful, the gourd having almost darkened and hardened to ripe quality just a couple days ago. They should be ready for harvest tomorrow.

A chill wind sent Elain inside to prepare and have her dinner in pleasant silence. Even her mind was quiet tonight. After washing her dishes, she stood by a bay window, fingers idly tapping the windowsill.

Faelights bobbed like tiny lamps, dotted through the garden. The full moon was now high in the sky, its ghostly glow illuminating the datura flowers she'd seeded half a year ago. She pulled on her blanket and went out again for a better look at those gorgeous blooms, the petals opening only at night.

Elain couldn't be happier she'd found seeds of a triple-flowered variety. They'd grown to produce large trumpets, three layers of petals ruffled against each other. Somehow she thought of her sisters as she crouched and stared at the flowers, each layer so similar, yet fighting for space and breath as it unfurled before another. It was only when they were all fully open that they could sigh along the night breeze as one, an ethereal song of togetherness, tinged with notes of poignancy, only heard by those with the will to look deeper.

The white petals were stained with velvet violet, a true vision in her garden. While the others had given her passing compliments on the flowers, Azriel had seemed stunned the first time he saw them, citing them his favourite of all the plants Elain had grown so far. Something about their shape and contrasting colours, he'd mentioned.

She smiled fondly at the memory, where his eyes sparkled as he reached for one of the soft petals.

Her hand lashed out to grab his wrist. 'Don't touch them; the leaves and stems are highly poisonous.'

His brows rose. 'You wouldn't think that at first sight. But they're beautiful, Elain. Truly magnificent,' he said, his smooth voice so low, a voice that was night given sound. And how befitting, as even those datura flowers seemed enraptured by his presence, one shy petal finally unfurling towards him.

She beamed at him. 'They like you. Flowers like it when you talk to and compliment them - but these ones haven't given me the same reaction as they have to you. I think they really like you, Azriel.'

His answering smile was heartbreakingly tender.

A few more seconds passed before she realised she still held his wrist. She silently let go.

It was a shame she'd have to dig out the datura shrub and move it inside for the winter; it did look magnificent in the moonlight.

The sky shifted past its midnight velvet, and still Elain crouched, admiring the flowers. She shivered in the night's chill. The stars above twinkled and glistened, cold and distant as ever, yet stunning - infinitely more striking than they'd ever been when she was human. A thousand different colours sparkled in that vast expanse, the moon a phosphorescent queen in the centre of her court.

The Night Court truly lived up to its name in the wee hours of the day. Its opulence never failed to mesmerise her; the enhanced Fae eyesight was at least one thing she was grateful for from this body.

Her eyelids became heavy and she yawned. Why was she still out here? It was late into the night; she should be in bed by now. But the night was so beautiful and it was so quiet and she wanted to appreciate it all just once. Just once without the expectations of others, without having to wear that miserable smile all the time.

Of course, it didn't look miserable, which is probably why almost nobody ever bothered to look deeper into Elain. She should be used to it by now, but it still felt - wrong. That most overlooked her so long as she wore a smile. That most didn't think her capable of feeling the utter bitterness and loneliness she had once seen so plain on her sisters' faces.

And in acknowledgement of her sisters' hardships, Elain didn't fault them for not looking, for not seeing her. To see past the thick blanket of darkness in one's own mind was a trial in itself. But it had been years since the war now. And still they didn't notice.

They didn't notice that Elain was being shredded from the inside out.

It was almost laughable. But not funny enough.

No, it was not funny that people still treated Elain like a child, that people wanted to keep Elain in some weird impasse of a stage between child and adult. She'd thought finally carrying out her duty and giving her hand in marriage would show everyone that she was growing up: Elain Archeron, middle born but first married. Of course it was still on her own terms, to a man whom she'd loved. A man who'd seen her through the rubble of her family's lives. But she'd overall hoped doing what was expected of her would be enough.

Clearly not. She didn't even know who she was any more. Did she ever? Everything she'd once yearned for, gone. That fragile human life would soon be just a speck on the horizon of her past.

She sighed. Rebuilding herself was going to take a long time.

But what would she have to do for people to see her, to listen to her? Throw a rage? Fall into a drunken stupor and break a few dozen bottles?

She definitely could, but those were not her. She was Elain Archeron. And so she would wait. Patience wasn't a bad thing at all; she saw it on the shadowsinger's face all the time, that tranquility and calmness she so wished to feel inside.

Azriel. Her heart softened as he entered her mind again, and she dug her fingers into the soil, if only to occupy her fidgety hands. As sure as the chaos of her visions these days, there was a mess of butterflies related to him she wasn't willing to show. Or understand.

Elain and the spymaster? Now that was laughable. Truly laughable. He was wise and patient, while she - well, everyone already thought her a child, and though he listened like no other around her, surely even he couldn't glimpse the adult she so desperately wanted everyone to see.

No, it was foolish to entertain the idea of a relationship with him. No matter how much he saw.

No matter that he was the first to see her since Graysen.

Elain exhaled. She stifled another yawn, smoothing out the soil, then brushed her hands clean. She wrapped the blanket closer around herself and stood. Twinkling stars and velvety darkness and -

There, a knot of shadows materialising at the far edge of the garden, collecting and swirling into a larger mass before Azriel himself stepped out and sagged against a tree. His shadows whirled and obscured him, a dark fire with him burning at the core.

Elain's voice left her throat before she even thought to call him and she ran over to his figure slumped in the dimness.

She couldn't help but say his name again as she neared. 'Azriel!'

Those beautiful hands fiddled with a Siphon, but he looked even worse up close. Fatigue dragged at his body, a second weight to all the muscle and armour he already had to carry. Sweat and dirt clung to him, his hair. At least the shadows were parting, swallowing each other and misting away as they often did around her. Perhaps she should ask someday why they did that. But not today, not when his breathing was so laboured.

She raised a hand - to do what, she had no idea. She couldn't just touch him right now. 'You don't look okay.'

Something else limned his features as he huffed a light laugh and said, 'I'm fine, don't worry.' His voice was raw, so starkly different to its usual icy smoothness. It was common for him to guard his emotions, but in his state, this kind of thinking was just unhealthy. What would it take for him to be honest with her?

'You don't have to pretend with me, Azriel,' she said, lowering her hand. She studied the ground, embarrassed that she'd come up to him. What could she even offer in her pathetic childlike state when he was so clearly affected by his mission right now?

His hand rose. Her heart faltered, she had to do something, and she blurted, 'Can I wash your hair, please?'

His eyes widened, his entire composure crumbling. It wasn't often that the shadowsinger looked startled, but Elain was far too shy to show that she quite liked the effect her question had on him.

'You want to wash my hair?'

His face was so exquisite, it hurt to look at it. His eyes would be even worse; it wouldn't be the first time she was rendered speechless by their kind gaze. A myriad of colours swirled in their glistening depths - gorgeous greens and brilliant browns, all so natural and rich, if only she could look at them long enough to find their matches in the garden around her. Though, his eyes were an entire spectrum of colour in their own right. How would she ever pick out each and every shade?

And if she somehow did have the courage to meet his eyes now, what would she see of herself in their reflection?

A lovesick puppy? A doe-eyed, fearful fawn?

No, she didn't want to know.

So she swallowed and focused on his hair. Perhaps this Fae eyesight was a curse, for even his hair was shockingly fascinating. Only flat black from a distance, the faelights bobbing about the trees highlighted layer upon layer of silky raven locks up close. His hair was so dark it seemed to absorb the surrounding light. Mud stained one side of his head, and it was an effort to keep her hands from brushing it away, so she said, 'I'm positive that's mud and you shouldn't sleep with that in your hair. It'll only take a few minutes.'

He ran a hand through his hair, clumps of dirt falling out.

'You've managed to get some on your face, too.' There were light specks of mud and blood across his face, a more noticeable patch along his cheekbone, thrown into sharper relief by the faelights and his own weariness. Was that a cut beneath the patch? And another on his temple?

She leashed her arms.

What had happened? He wore the signs of a fight, but why would he come here when he knew Elain was the only one home?

His eyes bored into her face, but she refused to meet them. He seemed to lean forward then, stumbling.

Ridiculous, absolutely ridiculous that he wouldn't even acknowledge he was in need. Azriel rarely stumbled. Any fatigue Elain had felt just a while ago was now burrowing down a little longer. Her voice was firm when she spoke. 'I'm washing your hair. It'll help relax you into falling asleep.'

His brows rose, but if Elain stood there one more moment she wouldn't have the courage to do anything for him. For herself - she could take care of someone else. She could do for Azriel what she hadn't done for Feyre all those years as a human.

And for Azriel, she could tend to the male who'd provided her with comfort and safety in this world of distress and danger.

So she pulled him along, clenching her jaw and refusing to look back. Her heart hammered in her chest but she continued, hand wrapped round his armoured arm. Her hand slid down to his wrist but just as she was about to replace her grip, he grabbed her other hand and pulled her into him.

The shadows instantly began to ensconce them, dozens of those cool tendrils twining like vines. The estate loomed huge before them, and Elain gripped Azriel's hand tighter.

'My bathroom,' she said. Beneath the low whisper of those shadows, her blood thrummed, her heart so painfully obvious against her ribs now. It would be a wonder if the spymaster wasn't aware of it. Though she did hear another flutter above, right by her ear. But as expected, the shadows made quick work of their journey and she didn't have the chance to dwell on it further.

Now out of the comfort of Azriel's hold, Elain set down her blanket and made to grab a chair from her bedroom. His dark presence was so overwhelming that she exhaled lightly as she entered the room and took the chair. She dragged it to the sink, avoiding his gaze, and pulled a towel, soap and a large jug from the cupboard by the door.

As she settled the soap and jug on the sink, she dared a glance at him. He was still clad in full armour, those black scales gleaming like obsidian over his skin, his Siphons glistening jewels across his body. 'I think you'll have to collapse your armour for this,' she said.

He inclined his head and tapped a Siphon, those scales lashing back into each other with cruel elegance. They were a mirror of their master: cold, controlled and unyielding, forged from scintillating darkness. He was a night sky riddled with stars; light existed if only one bothered to look for it.

Azriel's great wings righted themselves as he stood straight, now looking smaller in just his black tunic and trousers. Something about him seemed vulnerable without the armour, so Elain breathed, 'It's beautiful, all of it.' The hulking armour, the classic simplicity of the tunic and trousers, and the male who wore them all.

He was just so wonderful, Azriel. An enigma that could see her own. Her heart clenched.

Azriel rustled his wings, colour blossoming on his cheeks.

Elain blinked and pulled the chair out a little. 'Please sit.' As he sunk down, she rested the towel on his shoulders, hovering her fingers above his forehead. Her body tensed and her fingers remained suspended. It was like a spark of tension flickered in the space between their skin, teasing her, tempting her, taunting her.

After all, she'd offered to wash his hair, an act that would certainly require touching. But why was she so hesitant? She'd touched him before - kissed his cheek, even. Although that had been in the heat of adrenaline, a mark of her gratitude where a simple thank you wouldn't suffice, not for risking his own life for hers.

This was - what was this?

She finally lowered her fingers through that tense spark, pushing his head back against the sink. It was exhilarating, this contact, but he lowered his wings, shifting on the seat. Elain moved into the space he gave, turning on the tap as he went still. Just as her body was taut, taut as the skin of a drum.

She checked the water. Warm. It was time to start.

Azriel was looking up at her. Something like yearning swirled in his eyes.

He looked so tired. It made her heart ache.

'You can close your eyes,' Elain whispered. And he did.

___

Feedback's welcomed; thanks for reading 😊

If anyone wants to know what the datura flowers look like, CTTO:

@illyrian-lover-flower @julesherondalex @nooriee @mis-lil-red @verifiefangirl @tswaney17

#elain archeron #azriel #elain x azriel #elriel #acotar

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izayoichan · 4 years

Photo

“Hay hay?” “mmm?” “Can I ask you something?” “Of course?” “I... “

Vy looks around and then back at Hayden as if checking for something until he continues.

“And?” “Well, I just, you don’t kiss me when we're here, like the living room, is it something I do wrong?” “No, I just don’t want to rub my luck of having you here when Rylan misses River, I don’t want him to feel bad.” “Oooooooh.... oh now I feel selfish.”

Hayden sit’s up, noticing the slight blue shine, and he is not the only one.

“Why are you glowing blue? Something wrong?” “I... ehm... hit my toe on the door edge?” “Right... “ “I just told him a sad story, sorry, I keep forgetting he glows blue from them.” “Yes! And now I feel bad!” “I see, care to tell me too then little brother?” “Not really, I have one sad person here already.”

Rylan just shakes his head and keeps going wherever it was he was originally heading off too, chuckling slightly

“Stop telling sob stories about me little brother, you are a terrible liar!” “Hey! I was born BEFORE YOU!”

He can hear his brother chuckle, then a giggle from Vy as well.

“You two are adorable!” “You are the adorable one here! And really, I was born before him.” “I was technically born before the two of you! Several light-years away! So I win!”

Hayden looks at him, realizing this is the first time he can remember Vy every talking about where he came from and maybe if he was lucky how he ended up here.

“Technically born?” “Well... you know...my mother, the nebula created me several light years ago then I floated across space and fell on earth. But I was technically born when I was created back at the nebula.” “So... just how long have you been here, I mean, like on this planet?” “More than a decade. But in space, several light-years. I was "asleep" in space... I wasn't in my nebula so I was asleep, but I just know things... We're not like human children... You know how you have all that newborn and baby phase? That lasts one or three days with us, depending on how quick we need to survive... I awoke alone so I wasn't a baby for more than a few hours... we just know we need to evolve to survive.”

Hayden watches him as he talks, trying to imagine how it would feel, as, for him, he has always been here, with his parent and his twin, nothing like how life started for Vy

“A man found me... I looked like a toddler, I think he was a magician, he showed me something called glimmer and applied it to me and I started looking like a human.” “I guess this man passed away long ago?“ “I don't know. He didn't keep me long. A few days I guess, the time of the travel towards my first house. I was dropped in a house with other children. They called it orphanages. I spent... three years jumping from one house to the other. When I started glowing most people would yell "alien!" and drop me back at the orphanage. They taught me to speak like a human, to read, back at the orphanage. Then, one day, one woman went by and she saw me glowing and decided to adopt me! She was a witch!”

Vy clenches his hands, a slight orange tint around him telling Hayden their about to touch on something Vy has probably never told anyone before, and if his guess is right, where his fear of adults might stem from. To make it a little easier on him, he pulls Vy close and wraps an arm around him.

“Did she realize what you were, or did she take you for an alien?” “ Alien... I thought she thought I was a dragon... We know what we are from the start. How we work... how things are. It's like we share a collective knowledge of our kind... I was small and because I knew I thought she knew too. So when she asked me to take off my disguise, because she needed to "understand my kind" I did.”

Vy chirps sadly, leaning his head on Hayden’s shoulder, the glow flickering into blue tones again.

“You should see the way she freaked out! She yelled "You're not a SIXAM! Then she realized what I was and started saying something about a dragon heart. When she returned, she returned with dogs and hunters."

Vy turns towards Hayden, putting his hand on his chest. Hayden half wondering what this witch wanted with an alien baby in the first place, doubting it could be anything nice.

“You can feel them, right? “Two hearts, yeah, I can feel them.” “Yes, and they're both yours.” “I wonder though.. what that woman wanted with an alien baby...” “ I don't know. I guess they wanted to experiment on me? But when they found out about what I was...”

He leans closer to Hayden, whispering as if it was a secret. Hayden keeping his hand on his chest, fascinated by the two heartbeats.

“They tried to cut out my hearts! And I electrocuted them! And ran! They chased...” “So that person is the reason hunters know about you, and why you thought we would be afraid off them too?“ “They chased after me, their dogs too... I don't like dogs and dogs don't like me, except Stinky, I think he's the exception. I climbed a tree and hid there. They eventually gave up and... I built a house on the tree, then the house got bigger and so did I... I pretended to have parents, I grew up quickly, I had to, and pretended to have parents so I could go to school. I wanted to learn..” “Heh, so Lobo is the exception... and you never made friends? I mean before you met us?”

He removes his hand, shifting how they sit a little, so he can wrap his arms properly around Vy and just hold him close, keep him safe.

“I glow... I talk and act weird, like sometimes I can be too adult for my age, but at the same time very childish... And I glow! Once a teacher asked; Can I call you Ron? Yvreon is such an odd name. I said no. I like my name... He answered; Go sit, Ron. The next day, I got to school and everyone started singing; There goes Crazy Ron, so mad he glows red!” “I heard them use that... and a few of those stupid songs.”

He ponders for a bit, then looks at Vy.

“Do you want us to call you Yvreon, and not Vy?” “No, I like Vy, you don’t say it as something bad, it’s not a joke or a way to mock or humiliate me. It’s Vy because you care and love me!” “I don’t think any off them call you crazy Ron anymore.. do they?”

He still remembered Rylan telling him about it, when they had been mocking him, and calling him names and Rylan had walked up and told them all to just fuck off. It was one of the few times he noticed he was popular in RoM too, and with that, people stopped calling Vy names, at least as Rylan could tell.

“I haven't really been paying attention, I have had other things to keep my mind occupied“ “Its the perk of having friends. I always wondered though, if I didn't have scales and horns, do you think you would ever have talked to me?” “Probably not... Not that I didn't want to be your friend! I did. I just... I think you wouldn't want to be my friend. Even when I asked you about your scales and horns, I was expecting you at a point to tell me to bugger off.” “I guess we should be happy we ended up inheriting dad's scales and horns then. I'm glad you took that chance Vy.”

Hayden leans back, wondering a little how his life would have been if that poke had never happened, quickly deciding that is not a place he would have wanted to exist in.

“Me too! I love you, Hayden.”

Vy smiles, infinitely happy to just be a part of this family, even if it was just a borrowed family. And the happiest, the happiest he was about loving and being loved by Hayden.

“I love you too, my glowing dragon.”

He thinks for a bit a conversation he had with Hayle the other day when Vy was at school.

“Say Vy?” “Yeah?” “At school, they need parental consent for a lot of stuff, like trips and such?” “Yeah... this is why I never go, why?” “What if my parents adopted you, as legal guardians?”

Vy stared at him, opening his mouth and closing it several times as if he didn’t quite believe what he was hearing.

“They're already thinking about it, they just don’t.. well they don’t know how to ask you.” “Why would they... I mean” “They already told you, they see you as one of their kids, the natural thing is to become your caretaker, as well, your mom is a bit too far away?” “I...” “Just think about it?” “Okay.”

Vy looked at Hayden, noticing him becoming tired.

“I’ll think...you sleep?” “Deal.”

Vy pulled back, letting Hayden lie down and put his head in his lap, leaving Vy to think as he falls asleep almost instantly, Vy using his energy to heal him a bit while he sleeps.

“Legal guardians... a family... I think I might like that.”

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ask-the-stormrider-marines · 5 years

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2 and 12

Wow, this took an eternity. I’m sorry. I wrote so much and had to delete most of it again because it was ridiculously long.

2. Where did you find inspiration for your muse?

Short answer: Everywhere.

Long answer:

When watching the Sabaody arc I kinda wanted to see a marine’s reaction to learning about the slavery and other… bad things. I mean, they surely don’t tell every new recruit what’s up. That would be counterproductive for their reputation, as many people probably join thinking they’ll do good in the world.

As we didn’t get any marine’s reaction I created my own: A naiive female marine that was supposed to be devastated be learning that she spent her whole life dedicated to serve people that were even worse than the monsters (read: pirates) she had fought before.

I made her a captain. But I wanted her to have tight bonds with her whole crew. Since I couldn’t make as many individual characters as there are people in a marine captains crew I pulled the idea of a small special unit out of my ass and thought about what kind of jobs were necessary on a ship. Ironically the most helpful page was one that explained how pirate crews are build.

After I decided on which jobs would be occupied, I started fleshing out the characters occupying these. Going into detail for everyone would take to much time and space, so I’ll just list the most important influences.

1. Captain, Ránar: The name is taken from norse mythology, and morphed to not be Rana anymore, since someone else already has an OC called that. The way she will go is inspired by Madsen’s Kapitän (See next question).

For the others I used patterns: Family name taken from some sea bird, first name having a meaning including water (except Don and Lani). I know, it’s not very creative but they were only meant as placeholders in the beginning but then grew on me.

Another pattern: Faces taken from some German musicians, since I guessed those weren’t used by anyone yet. NOTE: After working on them for a while they barely resemble their faceclaims anymore, so I don’t know if I can even still use the term faceclaim. But I figured it might be interesting to see where they came from.

2. First mate, Don(val) Bekassin: He is just called Don, after an older Character of mine. His Sarkasm stems from my favourite character and main spurce of entertainment of a bookseries I read: Abu Dun. He was also supposed to have very dark skin and exaggerated in size, as that character, but those characteristics then went to Toja. His family name is just Bekassine minus the “e”. Faceclaim: Adel Tawil (link)

3. Quartermaster, Nero Turnstone: I honestly don’t know, what inspired him. I guess he is what I think of the “hero saving damsel in distress” trope. Except that he never get’s the chance to be that hero and his opinion on just being strong is enough to slay the dragon (or rather defeat the oponent) won’t get him very far. His stubborness and attitude towards defeat is inspired by Equilibrium’s Unbesiegt (See next question). “Nero” is greek for water, “turnstone” a bird and his faceclaim is Peter Fox (link).

4. Ship’s doctor, Kanja Mornell: He is heavily inspired by a real live doctor I had the misfortune to meet and the XXL-East Frisian (a TV-famous guy, nicknamed bone crusher, like Kanja). Bone crusher (German: Knochenbrecher) is actually the old East Frisian term for an orthopedist for horses. The show followed him around helping horses. It often looked rough, but it was effective. The reallife doctor was feared among the people of my home town before he retired. The hopital was drastically understaffed so, if you had to do an post-operation check up you were send to him. He was unsensitive, rough, didn’t care if you were in pain because of how he treated you, just explained why and that it would soon be over. He was a former field’s doctor and people think that’s were he got his roughness from. Going there was a nightmare. When people neded to have an operation they didn’t say “I hope everything will turn out fine”, they said “I hope I don’t need check ups afterwards”… Kanja is hindi for born in the water, Mornell comes from Mornellregenpfeifer, the German name for Dotterel , his faceclaim is Lasterbalk (link)

5. Cook, Kelvin Ostrero: I wanted a scary looking chemist as a cook. His fighting style is inspired by Honey Lemon from big hero six. Kelvin is scottish for small water, Ostrero is a bird, his faceclaim is Alec Völkel (link).

6. Navigator 1, Lani Plover:

and

7. Navigator 2, Mari Plover: I wanted an amazing Navigator but was afraid he would overshadow Nami, so I devided the talent onto two Navigators that act as a unit since birth: twins. One can “read” the sky and air, the other can “read” the waters. Their background is inspired by Roman policy to demand the sons of Germanic tribe leaders as a security to keep the borders peaceful. In exchange those sons were treated as Roman citizens including military training and such. Lani is hawaiian for sky, Mari is taken from mare, Italinan for sea. (Ringed) Plover is a bird and their faceclaim is Julien Bam (link) who is rather a youtuber but he also makes music, so I let it count.

8. Gunner, Sorav Skua: He is my answere to the question: What would happen if a Kuja Pirate were to bear a son. And what would happen if that woman died someday, after teaching her son some haki. That’s basically his backstory very simplyfied. Sorav is kurdish for red water, Skua is a bird, His face claim is Samy Deluxe (link).

9. Lookout, Narius Vanell: Inspired by the concept of a “Spielmann” (translation says minstrel, but translating back it’s different). Basically a medivial folk musician or band travelling around through towns and medivial markets drinking and sleeping around and simply enjoying life. But turned gay and added some elegance and dignity. Narius also stems from the greek word for water (like Nero), Vanell is from Vanellus Vanellus, the latin name for an arefria, his face claim is Blumio (link).

10. Helmsman, Avin Triel: As mentioned in my drawtober thingies, he is basically a mix of Till Eulenspiegel, a legendary prankster, and Klaus Störtebeker, a legendary pirate. Avin is a mix of Avid, kurdish for “like water” and Avina, old high German for “the great fighter”. Triel is the German word for curlew. His faceclaim is Maximilian Schlichter (link).

11. Ship wright, Toja Lobat: As mentioned before, part of his character stems from a character I like. Mainly his statue (which I exaggerated even more), his skin colour and his soft heart. All in all he’s just a big softy with too much strength. And he’s afraid of hights because I found the thought of someone who towers over most people to be afraid of hights hilerious. Toja is “native american” (the page didn’t specify which language exactly) for flowing water. Lobat comes from Phalaropus Lobatus, latin for red-necked phalarope. His face claim is Chima (link).

12. Bosun, Yuval Avosett: No real inspiration. I wanted someone weird. That’s him. Whenever I come up with an idea for something that would be considered weird behaviour I ask myself, if I can see him doing it. If yes, it becomes part of his character. Yuval is hebrew for source of water. Avosett comes from Recurvirostra Avosetta, latin for Avocet. His face claim is Niel Mitra (link).

12. Share a song that matches with your muse!

I have only really found two so far:

Unbesiegt by Equilibrium (link) for Nero

Kapitän by Madsen (link) for Ránar

both are German, but I’m sure there are translations somewhere out there.

@askthetheateroftruthcrew

#One Piece #OC #One Piece OC #askthetheateroftruthcrew #stromriders #ask meme #ask #Ránar #Don #Nero #Kanja #Kelvin #Lani #Mari #Sorav #Narius #Avin #Toja #Yuval

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iris-writes-things · 6 years

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Crazy, Millennial Love Story chapter 9

Read on AO3, FF.net or under the cut!

After years of near radio silence, Shiro follows up on an invitation to have dinner with the Holts; the family he had carefully avoided since getting Matt and himself into an accident 3 years ago. On top of that, Pidge has an announcement to make!

Chapter 9 of ? Ongoing 2226 words Modern/romance

Shiro stood silently in front of the Holts' front door for a solid five minutes, contemplating whether he should ring the doorbell or go home. Deep down, Shiro knew Keith was right. Besides, now that he'd made contact with Katie-- Pidge again, there was no way he could avoid the family forever. They were a family of cops and cryptid hunters after all. If they wanted him, they'd find him.Finally, he took a deep breath and pressed the damn button. He flinched when the door was opened immediately, only to be greeted by Matt's smiling face. "H-How long were you standing there?!"

"About as long as you." He said, looking at his watch. "Give or take five minutes?"

"Was it really that long?" Shiro asked, growing flustered in embarrassment.

"Don't worry about it. I'm just glad you didn't bail on us." Matt said, ushering him inside, patting his back reassuringly. "Hm, no Keith?" He noted.

"No, he's taking pictures at his first wedding."

"Ah, so he's finally getting his photography thing off the ground, huh? You can take home whatever we don't eat today, so he won't miss out." Matt smiled.

Shiro found himself forcing a smile back, awkward and disingenuous, but it quickly faltered. He hoped Matt hadn't noticed, and when the other pushed him into the front room, he figured as much.

"Guys, look who's here!" Matt announced cheerfully.

The inside of the house was just as cute and quaint as he remembered it, very little had changed after all. The walls had been painted a slightly off-white, and the furniture was slightly rearranged, but other than that, it was the same. Where there was no furniture occupying the wall space, the walls were covered with family photos, meticulously arranged in chronological order. Shiro had been there for most moments since Matt’s teenage years, but he noticed there had been new additions to the photo wall since he last visited. Holy crap, had Pidge already graduated high school? She must have been so disappointed in him...

"Shiro!" Was the only warning he got, a mere fraction of a second before a much smaller body threw itself at him

"Oof..." He groaned from the sudden impact. "Hey Pidge."

"Honey, be careful with our guest, will you?" Her mother, warned. It was strange to Shiro, seeing the medical examinor in her very homey open kitchen instead of her cold lab in the precinct’s basement.

"Don't worry, he’s been tackled by people three times her size and made it out okay.” Matt chuckled.

“Only because you picked the fights. Don’t think I never read through your partner’s paperwork, son.” His father teased, glancing up from his newspaper.

“Aah, good times.” Matt sighed, a nostalgic grin plastered on his face.

“I’m really fine, dr. Holt, captain.” Shiro said as he attempted to pry their daughter off him.

The two looked at each other for a moment in surprise. “You know you can just call us by our names, right? We’re all friends here, Shiro.” Dr. Holt, Colleen, said, carefully choosing her words.

“Yeah, friends…” Shiro couldn’t help but look down as the feeling of guilt crept back up on him, spreading through his chest and mind like poison. His lip quivered, and his grip on Pidge tightened ever so slightly.

“Shiro?” The little girl whispered.

“Dude, are you okay?” Matt asked, reaching out for him, but Shiro recoiled, staying out of his reach. Matt’s face fell, he sighed. “Shiro, listen, it’s not like you didn’t lose anything that night. Hell, if anything, you lost more than me.” He mumbled, staring at his friend’s prosthetic arm.

“But you lost your future as a detective.” Shiro argued. “There’s no way you’ll get through the city police’s psych evaluation, and that’s because of me.”

“And neither will you! How long will it take to get that through your thick skull?! Look, I’m seeing a therapist to get back on my feet, and who knows, maybe I’ll be a detective like dad someday, but right now I’m having the time of my life working as a private detective and helping Pidge with her monster hunting. Just because maybe you weren’t as ambitious as I was doesn’t make what happened to you any more okay than what happened to me! And I know you’re getting there too thanks to Keith, but I’m going to need you to let go of that night, and for the love of God, stop avoiding us. We miss you.”

“You done, buddy?” Pidge asked, looking up at her brother. “I think you broke him.” She said as she nodded towards him.

“Uh-oh…”

Shiro stood speechless and unmoving, mind racing to catch up with what the Hell just happened. It was small and weak, his voice trembled when he spoke a few moments later. “I know. And I’m sorry, I knew I shouldn’t have avoided you guys, but there was just always this nagging voice at the back of my mind that you guys would never forgive me…” His voice was barely above a whisper as tears started to form in his eyes.

“It’s okay, Shiro. You’re here now, that’s what counts.” Captain Holt, Sam, smiled, placing an encouraging hand on Shiro’s shoulder.

“And, for what it’s worth, we never blamed you for what happened. Not for one second. You just got a call for backup and answered it. You couldn’t have known they would gang up on you guys. It was an accident. It could have happened to any officer in the area.” Colleen added, cupping Shiro’s face in her hand, forcing him to look at the melancholy expression on her face. “If you’d like, you could still come over for dinner once a month. You know, like you used to.” She offered.

“Yeah! He deserves at least one decent meal every month.” Pidge piped up. “Keith can come too! Or your girlfriend, maybe.”

“Girlfriend?” Matt asked, turning to Shiro, who only shrugged and smiled apologetically. “Shiro, you sly dog! When were you planning to tell me?”

“She’s not technically my girlfriend, yet. But I’d like her to be.”

“I sent my friend Allura that same Buzzfeed article I sent you. You know, the one with Shiro’s naked torso?” Pidge said, shit-eating grin plastered on her face. “She went on a date with him the very next week.”

“H-hey, that was for business! She wanted me to model for her…”

“And by ‘your friend Allura’ you mean your hot friend Allura, right?” Matt asked his little sister, ignoring Shiro’s excuse.

“Smoking.” Pidge pointed out, smirking devilishly at Shiro, who tried and failed to hide his embarrassment, burying his face in his hands.

“Oh my God, Shiro, you lucky bastard!” Matt chuckled, punching his friend in the arm. “Seriously, if she likes you as much as you like her--”

“And she does.” Pidge cut in.

“You should totally go for it!”

“A-are you sure?” Shiro asked them, stammering.

“Yes, we’re sure.” The Holt siblings insisted in unison.

“Just trust me, you have more than a chance with Allura. You guys are seriously good for each other.” Pidge winked, elbowing him in his right side.

“And if you need any help, we’d be more than happy to.” Matt said, mirroring his sister’s motions and elbowing him in his left side.

Shiro couldn’t help but laugh. Seriously, these two seemed to be linked on a telepathic level. It was like they should have been twins, but had been born seven years apart for some odd reason. “Okay, if you guys say so…” he drew a deep breath. “I guess I’ll give it a more serious shot.”

The siblings cheered, only to be cut off by their mother.

“It’s great that you guys are having fun, but can you please come and have dinner before the food cools down again?”

“Yes, ma’am!”

Even though Shiro had been hesitant to join the Holts initially, he was glad he showed up after all, and even more grateful that Colleen always made enough Thanksgiving dinner to last the family three days. If he was completely honest, this was the best home cooked meal he had eaten in literal years.

It was making him sentimental, not just about the good food, but about sharing it with so many people he loved, as well. Of course, Shiro loved Keith too, but it was different in a way. These were people he had called family for years before suddenly breaking almost all contact with them. The fact he was now re-establishing that relationship felt surreal to him, but in the best kind of way.

“Okay, so, now that we’ve all had dinner and everyone seems to be in a good mood, I have an announcement to make.” Pidge said as she stood up from her chair.

Shiro glanced around the table to find Pidge’s parents and brother wearing the same surprised expression as he was.

“Alright… I’ve been thinking about this for a very long time… And breaching this topic is pretty hard, because it’s both a complicated concept, and I have no idea how you guys are going to react to this, but anyway, here goes nothing.” She paused to take a deep breath before continuing. “So, uh, you know how computers work on binary code, right? Zeroes and ones?”

Shiro nodded, assuming the rest of the family did so too, prompting her to go on.

“Okay, so, like, that’s also the way society tends to look at gender identity, right? Even on the rare occasion the mainstream talks about transgender people, we’re still talking men and women, zeroes and ones, a binary of gender identities, if you will.” She said as she adjusted her glasses. “But it’s weird, because we all know there are more numbers in the Arabic numeral system than just zeroes and ones, right? So it’s not really that far-fetched to think that there are more than two gender identities. Like, if boys are zeroes and girls are ones, then twos could be agender people, bigender people could be threes, demiboys and demigirls could be fours and fives, and so on! There’s like a bazillion different gender identities out there that each don’t fit in the traditional gender binary, and what I’m trying to say is that I don’t fit in the traditional gender binary either, and I’ve decided I’m not gonna try to fit inside it anymore. So... If you guys could call me Pidge and refer to me with gender-neutral pronouns like they/them from here on out, that’d be great. Thanks for coming to my TED talk, I guess.”

The family kitchen was quiet for a time, but there was no real tension. Not like Shiro expected. Everyone was just collecting their thoughts, Shiro assumed. He knew he was. However, he could read in Pidge’s face that they were feeling the non-existent tension nonetheless. The speech they had just delivered was heartfelt and obviously came from deep within the kid, but was practiced and worded in a way that made the concept easy to understand. Despite being bi himself, he had never met many trans people, let alone non-binary ones. He had a lot left to learn, he felt.

Finally, the silence was shattered when Sam spoke up. “Honey, I’m glad you discovered this about yourself. I can’t imagine how hard it must have been to open up about this.”

“Exactly. And if you ever need help with anything in regards to your self expression, you just let us know and we’ll do what we can.” Colleen added. Shiro was sure he heard Pidge letting out a relieved sigh. “You’re still our little baby, and we’ll do anything we can to make you as comfortable as possible.” She reassured.

“Thanks, mom. Thanks, dad.” Pidge mumbled, smiling, but tearing up a little.

Shiro looked at Matt, wondering what he had to say on the matter.

“Honestly? I knew this was coming. I’m just disappointed you didn’t use the powerpoint presentation you made.” Matt shrugged, the same old, stupid grin plastered on his face. “I’m proud of you though, no matter what.”

“I’m with Matt.” Shiro said simply. “I thought something was up when you asked me to call you Pidge instead of Katie, but I decided not to push.”

“Yeah, I wasn’t very subtle back there, was I?” Pidge giggled. “I’m so glad you guys are okay with it, though.”

“What can we say? We’ve always known you were different from the other kids, but that’s the best thing about you.” Sam smiled at them, prompting Pidge to hug him tightly.

“I love you guys so much.”

“And we love you, too.”

“Whoa, like, I always thought Pidge was a bit of a tomboy, but she’s not a girl at all?” Keith asked, looking at Shiro. His eyes wide like saucers.

“Nor a boy, apparently. Pidge is just Pidge.” Shiro yawned. “It’s actually a pretty nice way to look at it; not being a boy or a girl, but just being yourself…”

“I guess. I’m still very comfortable with being a man.” Keith shrugged.

“Me too.” Shiro yawned again, his eyes starting to droop in exhaustion. “I don’t know what you’re doing, but I’m gonna hit the hay. If you’re hungry, there’s turkey, mashed potatoes and pumpkin pie in the fridge.”

“Thanks Shiro.” Keith smiled. “Good night.”

“Good night, Keith.”

#fanfic #Voltron: Legendary Defender #modern AU #vld shiro #vld pidge

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twinflameshardcore · 7 years

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Sensory overload

I’ve been sensing you wanted me to write something so here it goes. The energy of the last 2-3 months is what I do not understand. It doesn’t feel new at all. It doesn’t feel as something I’d be familiar with either. It’s not a limbo because I feel I was placed somewhere. The space around feels like living in a a liquid, cloud, or inside a wind blow. The space is blurry. There’s nowhere to anchor or root into. My hands refuse to do what I want to do, like typing on a keyboard. I do so many typos that it’s frightening. I forget words, and words do not want to come when I want to write, specifically in another language. I even have problems with talking to people as i the brain didn’t remember how to make a sentence. Yet I’m not worried about it because I know there’s something being removed from my conditioned brain, the nervous system is being adjusted accordingly and I will be upgraded soon.

The twin flame merging continues and since May it had become extreme to the point that I have my twin around 24/7 because I feel him the same as when we spent time together when we met the first and only time so far, yet I cannot see him and we don’t talk either as regular humans :D He is in me, we are connected with some nerves, arms whatever you name it, no more only through the heart but with more parts of our bodies, yet we’re still on a distance but the ‘distance’ loses its meaning when it’s all happening so closely.

Dreamtime energy becomes a day energy sometime, they mix together that I can feel as if I was in one of those places I visited in my dreams, and it’s happening just as I dig in the garden or write at the desk. I can track that energy with the crown and 3rd eye and I can sometime tap into that ‘storyline’ to participate for a few seconds before I’m thrown out by my own logical brain ;)

I had a big fear of love one day too, which was unnatural. I felt I was afraid of loving, engaging, participating etc. that I no more wanted to be in any relationship. I don’t even know if it was my fear as I always wanted to be in a relationship, living together, whether married or not. Maybe it was the twin’s or the ego’s when it felt an intimate connection was coming. Then it all dissolved when I told myself - ‘keep your channels open, want the twin with all of your body and energy as you experienced him when we met in the physical back then’. And I did feel him exactly like that, the same exciting man I met, living around me, yet much more open, divine and understanding. The next day we were extremely close with the twin, not even in spirit, just very physically yet on a distance, no conversation. I could only explain it that our higher selves who are One somewhere up there in another dimension are coming down into us and are bringing their ‘together’ future timeline to replace this one of separation we've had for 4 years now. Which also may mean our next physical meeting is coming anytime this year.

A follow up was that we have lately had an amazing 5D sex which was super conscious, in spirit and as in the physical body but on a distance. Without even arranging it. It was as if we both decided at the same time that we wanted to unite like that. It literately reminded me what true sex is about, how sweating bodies feel, and all that energy exchange, the masculine connecting with the feminine, both enjoying own masculine energies (we’re androgynous as angelics), both allowing, giving, taking, etc. I‘ve had no sex life for the last 4 years, because I’m faithful to the twin, and so he is to me. It was so very intense that it kept me in this energy field the entire day and I wanted more as the twin wanted too (that’s an impression I received, like when you feel a man wants you). He must have realized that we could make love just on a distance, yet so openly.That morning we just grabbed each other, openly like never before, feeling each other very physically and knowing that the other on the other side of the planet participates with the same ‘knowing’ of what we’re doing. We didn’t have such an intense sex when we lived together for a while in the real life, we were stressed out, had little sleep due to a jetleg and overall, the room was far from perfection to get fully intimate with each other. But this new intensity means I’m going to have what I always desired and yet with my masculine twin sometime next ;)).

Other than that I’m having a sensory overload like a robot whose program was hacked, glitches in vision, hearing, motion, understanding what is what, and something new is being added to the program (or removed from) thus the robot refuses to perform because it doesn’t want to make a mistake. An issue of perfection comes up too, like looking for imperfections everywhere and stopping myself from engaging with this energy. Colors are too intense (red specifically like seen through special sun glasses for drivers which underline the red color/light). I feel too big for my room eventhough I’m a slim person. I’m sensing every little thing in my place separately, every shape, weight, color, and the space it occupies. My brain feels like a bucket of water, ‘waving’ inside, unable to focus. This is very overwhelming and sometimes I just can’t spend time indoor as if I had a claustrophobia.

I’ve also received a ‘message’ from my higher self that I’m becoming a master Draconian/Dragon whom I used to be before. So it’s like returning to own highest, most advanced, forgotten identity. I’m a master teacher born as number 33, in the year of the Fire Dragon, on Tuesday which is a day dedicated to Mars and all these attributes are not casual as I’ve been discovering since my awakening in 2012. I am not to teach others, but to educate myself. Master teachers can only teach or learn from other master teachers. It was even stranger when I had a trip to a city and I accidentally met a woman who was born a day before me (same month, different year, she was older) and she was also born as number 33 as we summed up on a calculator in her little shop! She was telling me about breatharians (folks who only drink water and get nutrition from the sun/light/air) and this term was on my mind for 3 days before I met her! So the two master teachers have met and energetically upgraded each other, talking spiritual stuff, shaking hands, exchanging views. Very unusual.

Next, a few days ago I felt as if there were many powers fighting inside of me, extreme chaos. I’m a very balanced person so it was annoying. Then I took some stick which was a plant supporter as I was re-potting one of my plants, and my body spontaneously started using it as in a fight, like those who practice martial arts with ease, quickly and efficiently! I fought with it for a while then I asked myself what the hell I was just doing. My higher self told me that it’s how DNA cleans and it projected my past life’s skills and that I had links with China, Japan and Mongolia and also with Thuban in the Draco constellation. I mean I figured it out before based on my interests and skills (gardening, calligraphy, ink illustration, collecting things, woodworking etc). I even felt once I died as a kamikaze which was a glorious death with speed and passion to annihilate the enemy, and I also experienced some kind of atomic war, a total destruction and radiation, whether during the last WWII or on another planet in the past. But this time it came along with a knowing that as a master I was trained also in martial arts on Thuban. I’m a positive Draconian (interestingly there’s more and more talk about positive Draconians online these days, like I said before, perhaps in this blog, after a separation with Reptilians, we Dracos were hiding for a reason until we’re fully understood and recalled). I had my ‘retirement’ and ‘rebirth’ on Eltanin which is the Draco’s eye and is in alignment with my birth day & location on Earth too. But my higher self told me that I spent a lot of time on Thuban in the Draco and I was studying, then teaching others - all kinds of things including a master degree in love making. I’m just wondering how many more incarnations will come out of me/my DNA this year, considering I’m a very old, billion years old soul... Most of these ancient skills have no use these days as I’m sitting home, waiting for my twin to start talking to me again :P

There are days when I feel in me a powerful, angelic being and I can radiate this excess of the heart’s energy to other people, to strangers, then a low energy comes from nowhere and I don’t know what to do next, or how I even got so high previously. I cannot believe that I signed up for that kind of relationship and awakening where nothing tells me what’s going on. I received all I should know until April 2017, and since then it’s over, no more channelings, no more research, synchronicities, being prompted to search and check in my own DNA/memory/heart if what I discovered was about myself too. I only see numbers 11:11, 33, 44 and 55 lately. 55 is a physical body connection (DaVinci’s Vitruvious man - 2 arms, 2 legs, 1 head - twins becoming one in the physical sense), 33 is a connection with the source of creation and us two into One - the heart connection, One with everything. 44 is probably some kind of establishing, fencing, solidifying, something about the external world. I read it’s an angelic number but I’m not very sure of its nature.

I lately also feel my room is crowded and noisy as if there were many invisible beings here, yet I’m not willing to talk to any as I don’t want to be bothered and I have no idea what they would want from me. I don’t find any of these energies attractive, or ancient family-like, in terms of galactic beings who could eventually come to be with me. There’s no love or recognition around, just confusion, and a spiritual noise.

Another example of the weirdness. Last night, actually this morning (07/03) I was attacked (visited ?) by something which wasn’t aggressive but was too close to me and it freaked me out. I heard a very high pitch, noise in both of my ears and hemispheres connected and I felt hot in the body. My crown chakra was tingling several times during that day and night. I was waking up a few times at night around 1-3 am and before 3 am I was finally ready to fell asleep. Then I felt something was behind me in my bed! I had a sodalite stone under the pillow and it really lets me jump through time and space spontaneously but apparently since something was opened between dimensions as I was shifting, some being might have glued to me. It was so fucking scary but I could still control it. So I felt I was falling asleep and all of sudden I wanted to roll on my back and there was a pressure of another being in my bed just as when you sleep with somebody and you roll onto them at night! And it wasn’t my twin as there as no loving connection. It wasn’t also me from another dimension trying to enter my body and fuse into One. I found it intrusive and my body was kind of paralyzed. Then quickly I-the spirit- the Draconian in me got fully conscious and it turned around inside my body towards that other ‘being’ behind and said all mean - ‘Get the fuck out of here. I AM the only owner of myself, of this version of me who sleeps in this bed. This is my place and nobody can be here without my approval. Get out now!’ Yet I and my spirit felt very weak, like I couldn’t find my original core fire which normally I would launch-fire up against that alien energy or at least scare it away. For the next 15 minutes I tried to stay awaken and I was sensing with my head ‘antennas’ if it was still around me, not even willing to roll on my back again. I felt it was still there, laughing and waiting, provoking me. So I finally turned the light on, grabbed a bunch of protective stones such as a black tourmaline, onyx, tourquise, jasper kambaba, hematite and I put them under my pillow replacing that damn sodalite. Then the room energy finally calmed down, whether it was a placebo effect or it really works. I then finally fell asleep not worrying about any other energies as I knew they couldn’t pass the ‘wall’ anymore. But when I woke up I was pissed how come something could still bother me and pass my personal protection zone if I’m such an important angel?? Why am I not protected enough?? It’s like discovering that you had all those protection systems up doing well for 40 years and somebody breaks in the ‘house’ nevertheless. Who dared? Who’s responsible for such a security breach?

I do not understand this current leg of the ascension path and I’m not taught where I’m heading either. I asked for my mission, goal, whatever and everything remains silent. Simply put, I don’t like it now.

Finally, as a being of fire (seraph/fire Dragon) I‘ve been deeply disturbed by all these dramatic events which had taken lives of so many people lately. Such energy of shocked, burnt people enters the collective energy rapidly and they bring havoc to empath’s energy 'radars’. A death in fire is the most terrible for the body, the nerves. I kind of remember this from past lives (a witch or a Cathar, misjudged by the catholic church) or at least it’s very easy to me to tune in how it feels :/. During only 2 months, a few to hundreds of people have died in UK (Greenfell tower fire), Germany (today’s bus accident), Portugal (villagers captured on a road by raging bush fires), Pakistan (a fuel tanker explosion), and there was some other accident in the East as far as I’m concerned but that’s what I read on the news, there are many more which I don’t read (and I avoid reading news overall) but tese poor souls enter the global consciousness and they bring their fears which energy is hard to transmute. Fire misbehaves lately and is hard to control. Even when I lit a candle I see as if the fire wanted to leave the wick and walk its way. Fire is very unpredictable this year thus it needs an extreme caution to handle it. This is not the Universe’s will and not the Gaia’s clean up either. This is some evil energy, or a manifestation of people’s anger and frustration which materializes in the least expected places, against innocent people. An energy of a thought can make things happen. I don’t feel people who were killed in water, landslides or tornadoes, but a death in fire always shatters my inner balance, and I see no cure for this, other than to just to wait when it passes, usually after a day or two.

I have no need to write and read about twin flames lately because I’m waiting for things to clear up and crystallize myself too. It feels there’s some work to do yet but most of it will be processed by my soul/spirit who know what to do. When I tap into an article about current energy or twin flames, I skip because my higher self doesn’t want me to read or verify myself with other people’s experiences. Since many new people was forced to awaken this year, some of these articles completely do not apply to us, old asses who had been on the path for many years now. We have to trust our own guidance (the heart/higher mind) only from now on. My body needs to stay in a good shape and choose easy tasks to preserve own energy for ‘later’ but all the rest will be handled by my soul/spirit as it knows what, how and when. If once there’s pure bliss and extreme intimacy, and closeness with the twin, the other time I’m left to my own devices and I’m clueless to what I should be doing so it feels like being hit in the head. Glued then separated. It’s maddening. It’s been a reconfiguration of everything who we are and the outside world but I hope we’ll be satisfied in the end, together!

Until next time, and thank you for reading! :)

This post is copyrighted by the author of this blog who prefers to remain anonymous. My posts must not be used for commercial purposes of any kind. Respect my work - ask first before you copy, always include a link back to my site when you quote a part of my writing!

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swfanficbyjz · 7 years

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SW AU - Fate of the Master Chapter 13

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Anakin stirred, surprised to see Luke asleep huddled against him as though he was cold. He remembered that feeling well when he'd first left the desert planet to cooler climates. He reached to the side and grabbed a blanket to throw over him. He'd been scared when Padmé had first told him she was pregnant. He had never considered being a father. He'd been living his life with the assumption that it could never happen. They had both been in too precarious of situations to risk it. But it had happened anyways. And the moment she'd told him, he had felt his whole world start unraveling.

As he gazed down at Luke, now, and then to Leia asleep in the bed nearby, he wondered what he'd been so afraid of. His main concern now was wondering what kind of life he could offer them. He had no home, no career, no stability. He'd told Bail that if Leia wanted to stay with him and Breha that was fine. He wouldn't force her to come live with him wherever he ended up. But Luke was a different story. His aunt and uncle must be worried sick about him, there'd been too much going on since they'd left Tatooine to work in getting a message to them to tell them he was safe. And now that Luke had found his twin, he didn't want to stray too far from her. Their bond was so strong already, it would be difficult to separate them again. Bail had offered to take the boy in too. But Luke had said he wanted to stay with Anakin and Ahsoka, as long as it meant not being too far from his sister. Anakin had no idea how they were going to work that out. He planned to talk it over with Ahsoka in the morning. Obi wan had left with Kanan and Ezra to help out the other two systems that had been hit by this attack. They'd agreed the rest of them would join them later.

Anakin liked the feel of Luke curled up into him, but he'd been worried about Ahsoka all evening and wanted to go check on her. Ever since the gray Jedi talk, she'd seemed a little peakish, like something they discussed had really bothered her. It was a lot to take in, but what he'd felt coming off of her was the force equivalent to hyperventilating.

She'd done so much in the effort to protect him. Was finding out it had been foretold all that scary? Or was it something else entirely? He'd sensed there was more to the dreams she'd mentioned, but she had refused to tell it. What could it be?

He tried to shift a bit so that Luke would lean the other way, and eventually he managed to get up. He put another blanket over him and then slipped out of the room trying not to disturb anyone.

Anakin froze in the doorway of Ahsoka's room. The bed was made, the hospital gown was neatly folded on the edge, with the robe she'd been wearing next to it. She was gone, and so were her clothes and her lightsabers. He hadn't thought she'd been upset enough to run away. What was going on?

He turned to run down the hallway only to almost trip over a little blue and white astromech droid. "Artoo!" The droid beeped back at him. "Do you know where Ahsoka went?" R2 turned on his projector in the quiet hallway of the hospital wing.

"If you're watching this," the holoimage of Ahsoka said, "you've probably noticed I'm gone. But don't worry about me, Anakin. There's something I have to do on my own. Questions that need answering. I'm not abandoning you, I promise. I'll be back. But until then, trust yourself, you'll be alright. I love you." The image flickered out.

Anakin crouched down in front of the droid as if staring into its ocular sensors would reveal where Ahsoka had gone. "Could you play it again?" He asked R2D2. The droid replayed the recording and Anakin felt tears in his eyes. She'd told him that she loved him, but she'd left without saying anything. Had she felt like she didn't belong in his life now that he had two kids? It had been hard to admit all the stuff about Padmé, afraid that she'd be hurt. But Ahsoka had taken it as though it hadn't phased her. She'd always known, she had claimed. And she'd purposely held back her own feelings for his sake. Was she doing that again?

He knew Ahsoka better than he knew anyone. She'd always worn her emotions on her sleeve. When she was struggling to understand something, she wouldn't hesitate to ask. She'd seek advice when she needed. And through it all, he had trusted her completely. Believing that he knew her soul.

But something had changed in her since she'd left the temple all those years ago. He'd first noticed it when she'd come to him seeking help to restore Mandalore and end Maul's chaotic rule there.

He hadn't known what it meant. And he hadn't had time to find out. Because shortly after they'd gathered the troops to go, he'd gotten the call that the chancellor had been kidnapped. He'd been forced to leave her to fight Maul alone. She'd watched him from the open blast door of the gunship as it had lifted off. Something in her expression... as the memory stirred it reminded him of his first op as general, leading a squadron as it left Coruscant. He'd stared out the transparisteel glass of the battle ship as though he'd never see it again. He'd left countless times before, but for some reason that day, he had felt as though nothing would ever be the same again. He'd been partially right, of course, everything had changed. In spite of returning time and time again. Ahsoka had been there that day too. Standing by his side feeling the fear and pain coming off of him in waves. She'd stuck it out with him anyways.

Had she known when she left on that mission to Mandalore that things would be changing again? As the memory of the expression on her face washed over him, he felt a spear of ice hit his heart. He shivered remembering the cold that had consumed him after that. He'd never put two and two together, but now that he thought about it... there had been something so final about that goodbye. This wasn't another one of those, was it?

"I don't suppose she told you where she was going?" Anakin asked the little droid. R2 responded that it didn't know then beeped sadly. "I know, buddy, I'm going to miss her too."

---

Shili was controlled by the empire now. The space ports were locked down, she'd had to mask the code of her ship so it wouldn't be detected. As she flew low, relying on scanners to keep her out of range, she was disheartened by the industrialization of the planet. It had once been a beautiful place, but as usual, the empire had swooped in and stripped it bare; leaving it ruined for the natives. Ahsoka guided her ship away from the villages, especially the sectors the empire occupied and landed in the early evening near the tree line on the far edge of the plains. From what she'd been able to see from the air, there was likely a curfew and she wouldn't be noticed as long as she stayed away from the populated areas.

It was weird to return to her home planet; it was only the second time she'd been here since she'd left to become a Jedi. Her people were tribal, but she walked a totally different path. It wasn't exactly rare for Togruta to be force sensitive; after all they were a deeply spiritual people connected very strongly to nature and the energy of the universe; the force. It wasn't typical for her people to wander through the galaxy, so unless a Jedi had reason, like a conflict, to come to their planet... many Togruta force wielders were unknown. There had been only a handful of them to have been discovered in the last century. Even less that could survive the solitary life of a Jedi. Her people weren't meant to be loners. They thrived in groups, and watching out for each other.

She glanced in the direction of the nearest village. Did her parents miss her? If they were still alive, would they want to see her? Would they even recognize her? Would she recognize them? To the Togrutan people, being discovered by the Jedi was an incredible honor. So much so, they would gladly give up their children for life to hold the honor that they'd given birth to a force sensitive child. It was an easy weakness to exploit and one that had almost cost her life. The other child had not been as lucky.

She often told people that she had no memories of her life before the temple, but that wasn't true. Some of them, she was sure she'd never forget. Like that day, when this horrible man had stumbled into town. He looked like a Jedi. He talked like a Jedi and he had everyone convinced he was one. Everyone except her. She was too young to know what a Jedi was, but she knew he was lying. Her family and the rest of the tribe had paraded her in front of this man, along with another child; a boy named Sanshe. The man had demanded shows of their abilities, and she had refused. The boy, a year older, loved showing off what he could do. When it was her turn, she'd bit him on the hand and run from the village. Her family had yelled after her; angry, disappointed, unforgiving. She had embarrassed them. She'd run for her life.

She had accidentally stumbled on the man's camp, in her haste to get away. She had smelled his stench all over it. She'd climbed a tree nearby to watch for his return. But she would never forget what she'd witnessed. The man had brought Sanshe back to the camp and forced him to fight a juvenile akul for sport. At the age of 5, that boy never had a chance. It was rare even for adults to beat them; force sensitive or not. She'd had to keep from crying out as she watched him ripped to shreds. The man jeering the whole time. For someone who was born and bred to be a predator, the image of his mangled body had turned even her stomach.

With the akul on the loose and the man still nearby, she'd been forced to stay up in the trees. Quiet as she could be, so neither of them noticed her. Eventually the man had killed the akul and packed up and left, leaving the boys remains.

She'd tried to return to the village after the man had left, but she had disgraced them by not going with the false Jedi and they had turned her away. She'd tried to tell them about what had happened to the boy, why she'd refused to go with the man, but they'd ignored her. From that day on, she was alone. In some ways, she still was.

She put up the hood of her robe, tucking it in so it wouldn't fly off as she burst into a run across the plains. She let the force and memory guide her steps across the familiar landscape. She reached the mountains by nightfall, and wove amongst the rocks up to her secret cave. As she studied the entry, there was no evidence it had been found or disturbed. Unsurprising really, this was a dangerous place for the Togruta to be. It was where the akul liked to hide.

She effortlessly moved the boulder that disguised the entrance to her hideout and stepped inside. She traced her fingers over the drawings she'd left as a child on the cave walls. She was starting to remember every one. Each of them had been drawn after a dream. And as she walked along, the story they showed progressed. She'd been four when she'd drawn these images. Yet everything in her life had played out exactly as they had foretold.

She stopped in front of the drawing of her great trial. Well at least, the great trial of the Togruta culture. Your first solo akul kill. She'd been thirteen when Master Shaak Ti had brought her back to Shili to participate in the hunt. Armed only with a spear and a time limit, the children of the villages were released to complete their rite of passage into adulthood; Togruta mature sooner than most species. The rules were simple; find one, kill it, bring back their teeth or don't come back.

In retrospect, it wouldn't have mattered if she'd succeeded or not. She'd already dishonored her family years before. Not even going with master Plo when he'd found her had gained her favor in their eyes again, at least not the eyes of her family. But she'd still tried. If not for them, for herself. She had to prove she was worthy. She'd isolated an akul, but just as she'd been poised and ready, she had stopped. It wasn't injured, it would have been an impressive prize, but she couldn't kill it. It had stared at her with knowing eyes. And then she'd spoken to it. She'd poured her heart out to an animal! A deadly predator that could snap her bones in two in one movement.

But it had just sat there, across from her in the turu-grass. Watching her as if it understood every word she'd said. She had told it about her parents, about the hunt, about how lonely she was, about the Jedi... everything she'd been needing to get off her chest for years. And then it had done the strangest thing. It had walked over to a rock, hit the side of its face hard against it and then dropped 7 teeth from its mouth into her hands.

Her fingers rubbed across the image of the headdress she'd fashioned from the akul's teeth. She'd never told anyone the truth about what had happened. Because she'd returned with the trophy of the hunt, she had passed the trial. It had always been strange to her how after nine years of feeling so lonely, her first real friend had supposedly been the enemy.

Two days after returning from the hunt to the temple, Master Yoda had sent her to Christophsis to meet her new master. Could master Yoda tell that that experience had changed her? Had it had any bearing on the events that followed? Was the akul a symbol for Anakin? The very first person that really saw her? The first one that really listened? The first one that really cared?

After all, Anakin may not have given her teeth in such a dramatic fashion, but he had risked so much throughout the years to keep her safe. The only one to stand by her and defend her when everyone else had turned against her. He had even brought her back to life! And then... he'd become the enemy to everyone but her. Just as the akul were the enemy to the Togruta people.

She glanced to the entry of the cave. In the moonlight sat a large, hairy akul. It's sheen of orange fur reflected the soft light making it look almost ethereal. Its eyes were sharp, ears tucked back, shoulders muscular, rear end lean. Its huge paws had long lethal claws splayed out in four directions. It's snout extended forward just below the eyes. And its mouth sat open revealing seven missing teeth.

She walked over to it and knelt in front of it. It watched her curiously, like it had all those years ago. She threw her arms around its neck. Fully aware that this whole scenario was completely unheard of by her people.

"No," she whispered in its ear. "The only thing I need this time is your presence."

---

"You've done well, child," The familiar voice permeated the air around her as she meditated in the cave.

"When master Yoda had told me to reach into the force and discover who my master was supposed to be, you're the one that told me to choose Anakin, aren't you?" Ahsoka asked aloud.

"Yes," the voice whispered

"Did you know?"

"Did I know what he'd become? What he would do? Yes."

"And you still wanted him trained? Wouldn't the galaxy have been better off if the Chosen One had never been found?" Ahsoka tried not to cry, how could she say that? She loved Anakin, she'd loved him from the first time they met. She loved him still, in spite of everything he'd done. She should not be wishing to have never known him.

"Search your feelings, child. If none of the events had occurred that were set into motion by his discovery, what state would the galaxy be in?"

"I don't know! But it would have been better than all those deaths! All that suffering!" She cried out, angry at this voice. How could it speak of annihilation so easily? She stared at her hands. There was so much blood on them. To be a survivor, to know that the choices you'd made had helped cause it... She'd lived most of her life as an outcast. She'd spent so much time with the voices in her head. She'd always believed in the goodness of the force. But the force wasn't good. It wasn't evil either. It just was. It dictated all at such horrendous costs. Masquerading as comfort and light and love. Few get to see what a cruel overseer it is. Why'd she have to be one of them?

"What has to happen to restore balance will happen. We all play our parts. You were chosen to keep the balance, just as those before you." The voice said, without any emotion or acknowledgement of her pain.

"You're master Qui-Gon, aren't you?" She asked trying to restore her own peace. "You're the one that's been guiding me for years."

"I am."

"You told your student to train the Chosen One. And he did as you asked. Why did you need me?"

"Obi wan, like the majority of the Jedi, interpreted the prophecy of the Chosen One to mean balance in the light. Or he denied the prophecy all together. He could not teach the boy in the dark. To be balance, he must know both sides."

"So I was needed to make him dark?" She didn't like what the voice was implying.

"No, he had the darkness before you entered his life. But you could walk the dark with him without being touched by it. Many Jedi fall to the promise of the dark side. It was destiny for the Daughter to give herself to you. In her act, she shielded you with light. You could then enter the dark and bring him back to the middle. All others would have failed."

"So then the emperor, Sidious, was the one that could walk in the light to lead him down the path to the dark?"

"He played his role just like the rest." The voice said. She didn't like the sound of that.

"Why me?"

"When a predator can lay down their weapon in the face of certain death, only then can they understand how everything is interconnected; how two extremes can find common ground. The Chosen One is but a conduit through which flows both good and evil. You, child, were bred to kill, but when it could have cost you your life, you chose not to. You found middle ground with the sworn enemy of your people. In your great trial, you became a soldier of balance. ”

Ahsoka stood up so fast, she startled the akul that had been sleeping next to her. It leapt up between her and the cave entrance as though to protect her from danger. But sensing none, it looked at her with confusion.

“You know he's a person, right? He is more than just a tool to be molded and manipulated and used. And so am I!” Ahsoka yelled into the empty cave, anger rising in her like she’d never known. “I’m tired of all this talk of fate and destiny and prophecies! They only cause insanity! Each living creature should get a say in their own lives! You’re not the ones that have to live with the outcome of these paths. We are! Anakin was, IS, a good man. He loved people deeply, would do anything to protect them. But because of some stupid force designed prophesy, he was seen only as a weapon, a THING to be controlled. He was USED by so many for their own gains. Each one trying to turn him their way. He played his part, he fulfilled your prophecy. And now? Now he has to live the rest of his life with the guilt of what it cost to do that! And that is a burden no one should have to carry!” She was fuming. She meant everything she said, but was it even possible to defy the force?

Next Chapter ->

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words-and-fangirling-wonder · 7 years

Text

I is for Idiots

Wait, what? What is this? Another chapter? A prompt update? Help! Someone has obviously kidnapped the real author and replaced her with an alien who is actually productive!

Ahem. Anyway, here’s a chapter about Kid and Killer being idiots who don’t communicate! Enjoy!

Author: fangirlwonder (wordsandwonder on AO3)

Pairing: Kid/Law

Prompt: Idiots

Rating: Teen, but only for swearing and stuff, I don’t know I’m bad at rating

Unbeta’d

Being in his old room was weird for Kid. After all, he’d made a lot of memories in here. The carpet was still speckled with grease spots where he’d tinkered with various car parts without laying anything down to catch spills or drips. Posters featuring scantily clad women posing provocatively with muscle cars were still stuck to his walls with thumbtacks. Even after he was long gone, his mom hadn’t changed a thing. This was the first room he actually had to himself since Bonney was born, in the first decent house he’d even lived in. He’d spent countless hours flipping through car magazines and reading how-to manuals at that desk. He’d lost his virginity on that twin bed, and it still squeaked like crazy every time he moved around too much on it. But the thing that was currently giving him pause as he packed up his things was the old, battered shoe box he’d just found in his closet. He hadn’t really thought anything of it when he pulled it out. He was a notorious pack-rat, so it wasn’t the first random box he’d come across, and he wasn’t anything particularly exciting or important to be in it.

He was wrong.

Once he cleared the disgustingly thick layer of dust off the lid he could see the messy, faded lettering scratched onto it that read: Kid and Killer’s Time Capsule. Do Not Open For 10 Years!

He remembered making this thing, though he couldn’t quite picture what he’d put in there. Knowing how he and Killer were at thirteen-years-old, he guessed there was probably at least one porn magazine, and probably a bunch of dumb crap with absolutely no explanation. Curious, he began to lift the lid, but something stopped him before he could open it fully. This wasn’t just his, it was his and Killer’s.

And just where the fuck was that asshole, anyway?

He’d been awake for four weeks now, and out of the hospital for one of them. And he knew Killer had been to visit him almost every day when he was in that coma, because Law told him as much. At first, he’d been too thankful that Killer had come out of the fire pretty much unscathed, aside from a concerning amount of smoke inhalation, to be upset at not seeing him. Then he’d been too distracted with therapy and adjusting to life with a prosthetic to think about the absence of his best friend. But when he started searching for apartments he’d tried to call the blonde and see if he wanted to room together again and it had gone straight to voicemail, and Killer never called him back. So now Kid was simultaneously worried and pissed as hell. For all he knew Killer had complications after getting out of the hospital and was really sick. Or maybe he blamed Kid for the fire. Kid knew that Killer was bad with open flames and should be kept to prep work only in the kitchen if there was a gas stove, yet he still left Killer in charge of cooking rice for his anniversary dinner and went to take a nap. How could he have been so careless? The man had lit his own shorts on fire for fuck’s sake. Kid wouldn’t blame him at all if Killer resented him.

But the bastard could still have the decency to at least call.

“Eustass? Dare I ask what that poor shoebox ever did to you to deserve such a look?” Law asked from the doorway. His tone was as monotone as ever, but his eyes were slightly concerned as looked at his boyfriend.

It was only then that Kid realized he was gripping the box so tight he was crushing it a little, and that he was glaring fiercely at Killer’s messy writing.

“This fucker,” he muttered, tossing the box onto the bed and standing abruptly to put distance between it and himself. “What the fuck, you know?”

Law arched an eyebrow at him. “Unfortunately, I do not know, Eustass. Perhaps you could elaborate?”

“He’s my best friend. He’s been with me through some of the shittiest parts of my life, and now I don’t hear from him? No call back? Not even a fucking text? What the fuck is up with that? If he’s pissed at me about the fire he could at least say so, right? I mean, fuck.”

“You could always reach out to him again,” Law suggested.

“Nah, forget it. Whatever. He’s a grown ass man, he can do whatever the fuck he wants. If he doesn’t want me in his life anymore then … then … whatever.” To his horror, Kid could feel a lump growing in his throat and his eyes burning. Because pissed or not, the idea of Killer not wanting to ever talk to him again was … painful.

“I’m sure Mr. Killer wants you in his life. Everyone handles stressful situations differently; perhaps he’s just trying to give you space.”

“I appreciate you trying to help, Law, but you don’t know Killer. This isn’t how he copes or whatever,” Kid explained tiredly. “Let’s just … let’s just forget it. I’m almost done sorting through this shit. Those boxes over there can go to Goodwill or somewhere, if you wanna load them in the car.”

Law looked like he wanted to say something more, but he refrained (to Kid’s relief) and simply picked up the nearest box. “Alright then. I’ll take these to a drop-off.”

“Thanks, Law.”

The doctor nodded once and left, leaving Kid alone with his box full of memories.

++++

“Oh no, please, no one else bother. I’ll get it. Not like I was sleeping or anything,” Kid yelled crankily as he went to answer the insistent knocking on the front door.

Al didn’t even bother to look away from the TV show he was watching with his wife. “It’s probably just that bible salesman that keeps coming around. Can’t seem to take no for an answer,” he reasoned with a shrug.

“So tell him you’re perfectly happy worshiping Satan or something,” Kid spat, yanking the door open a bit more aggressively than was strictly necessary. “Look, we don’t want any … oh. Uh, hey man.”

Killer shifted uncomfortably on the porch, his eyes moving quickly away from Kid’s prosthetic and fixing pointedly on his feet. “Hey Kid.”

Fuck. Killer looked like shit. Since Kid had last seen him the blonde had definitely lost weight, making his eyes look a little too big in his face, and his hair seemed thinner and more disheveled than he usually kept it. He was pale too, except for the twin spots of red burning on his cheekbones. Honestly he looked like a shrunken down shell of the man Kid knew, and Kid hated it.

“Well hey, c’mon in. It’s good to see you,” he said finally, stepping back and gesturing for the man to come inside.

“Uh, yeah. Thanks.”

The previously occupied living room was suspiciously empty when Kid led his friend into it. Almost like his sneaky ass family knew it wasn’t a fucking bible salesman at the door. He’d yell at them about that later. Right now he had a very uncomfortable looking Killer to deal with.

“So, uh, how ya been?” Kid asked awkwardly after the two had been sitting in silence for a few minutes.

“Huh? Oh, uh, not bad. You know, just working a lot. How’ve you - I mean, how’re … uh …” Killer trailed off and stared intently at his hands, frowning deeply.

“Okay man, let’s cut the crap. What the fuck is up with you? I don’t hear from you for almost a month and then you show up on my doorstep unannounced looking like shit? Are you drinking again? What’s the deal?”

Killer didn’t lift his gaze from his lap, and Kid had to lean forward to hear his reply. “I just … I came to say I’m sorry,” he whispered brokenly.

“You’re … sorry?” Kid asked blankly. “What - I mean … why?”

“Why?” Killer repeated incredulously, finally looking up at his friend. “Why? Because I almost fucking killed you! Because you almost died saving my life all because I’m a stupid fuck who can’t even make fucking rice, apparently, without burning the fucking house down!”

“Killer, it was an accident,” Kid began, perplexed by Killer’s sudden outburst.

“No, Kid, don’t do that. Don’t say that like it makes it okay. You were in a fucking coma. We didn’t know if you’d wake up! You … you lost your …” Killer’s eyes flicked to Kid’s arm as he drew a shaky breath. “You lost your arm because of me. It’s my fault. I-“

“Wait, no. Shut up a minute.”

Killer’s mouth snapped shut in surprise at Kid’s suddenly rough tone.

“Is this why you didn’t come see me? Why you didn’t call me back? Because you blame yourself for the fire? Because you feel guilty? Well fuck that, Killer. Like, seriously fuck that. That fucking sucks.”

“But how could I possibly face you after-“

“The better question is how could you possibly think I’d blame you? That’s just fucking stupid.”

“But you lost-“

“Killer, you idiot. You think I would rather lose you than my fucking arm? Because that’s fucked up. I’d do it again in a heartbeat, you know? Look, that fire was an accident. It coulda just as easily happened cuz of me. And this?” Kid gestured to his prosthetic. “I don’t blame you at all for this.”

“You’re not … mad?” the blonde asked hopefully.

“Mad? Dude, fuck yeah I’m mad. Are you kidding me? I’m fucking furious.” Killer shrunk back as if Kid had punched him, but the redhead didn’t give him a chance to apologize again. “I’m fucking pissed that you avoided me. I was fucking worried about you, man. Law told me you were okay, but still, when I didn’t hear from you even after I got out of the hospital? That sucked. I’m pissed that you’re obviously not taking care of yourself, too. You look like shit right now. I didn’t fucking save you from that fire for you to let guilt eat you alive, so what the fuck? If you’re gonna come over here all sheepish and shit to apologize you can apologize for not taking care of yourself. You can apologize for not visiting, or calling. But don’t fucking apologize for the fire, man. Don’t apologize that I pulled you out, because no matter what I lost I’m sure as hell not sorry that I did it.”

To Kid’s surprise, his speech made Killer’s lips twitch into a small smile. “Yeah, Law said you’d say that,” he admitted quietly.

“Law?”

“Yeah, when he tracked me down and all but kicked my ass for avoiding you.”

“Huh. And when exactly did he do that?” Kid asked, slumping back in his seat. He wasn’t sure at what point in his little tirade he’d leaned forward and clenched his fist, but he was feeling a little stupid for it now. He’d sounded like his damn mom.

“Yesterday.”

So basically right after Kid had ranted about being pissed and hurt that Killer was avoiding him. That sneaky bastard.

“So … you’re really okay, then?” Killer asked tentatively.

“Yeah, I’m actually doing really well. Packing up all my shit right now cuz I’m about to move in with Law.”

“Wow, congrats. That’s a big step.”

“Yeah,” Kid agreed absently. “I tried seeing if you wanted to room together again, you know.”

Killer had the decency to look ashamed. “Yeah, sorry. I was just …”

“Yeah, yeah. Well, you got a place at least?”

The blonde nodded. “It’s a shitty little studio, but it’s real close to the shop, which is nice. And the rent is cheap so I’m not complaining.”

“Cool. So …”

“Yeah?”

Kid’s expression turned stern. “You calling your sponsor or am I? And don’t you dare try to tell me you’re not drinking. I’ve been around long enough to know the fucking signs.”

Killer heaved a sigh. “I’ll call him.”

“Good.” They sat in silence for a moment before Kid remembered the box he’d found the day before. “Hey, you wanna see something?”

“Uh … sure?”

“Come with me.” Kid led his friend to his room and gestured for him to take a seat on the bed as he fished the box out from the closet again.

“Man, being back here brings back memories, huh?” Killer murmured, looking around at the posters fondly.

“Yeah,” Kid agreed. “And speaking of memories, check this out.”

Killer took the box curiously, turning it so he could read the message. “Oh shit, our time capsule. How old were we when me put this thing together?”

“Thirteen. You wanna open it? It’s been ten years.”

For the first time in far too long Killer gave Kid a genuine smile. “Yeah. Hah … kinda excited to see what our treasures used to be.”

“Ten bucks says there’s porn in there,” Kid challenged jokingly.

Killer laughed. “Alright, you’re on. Let’s open this bad boy up.”

#Eustasskidweek2017 #eustass kid #killer one piece #one piece #one piece fanfic

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