#buff dib
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FELT LIKE HAVING A CRACK AT IT
caps lock* my bad
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if anyone needs a healer ... 👉👈
#*:･ ☾ lay down your head; i’ll sing you to sleep. ( ooc ) ❞#if anyone wants to call dibs on lyra for any biome runs.. hello...#she can also attack ofc but... heals... :)#and she can give out buffs!!
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*ੈ personal trainer!Abby headcanons
a/n: in need a buff blonde that can make me sweat, sore and breathless pls 🥰 masterlist
-> personal trainer!Abby who's shift starts with doing a warm up along you and ends with her between your legs in the locker room, eating you out until no drops are left
-> personal trainer!Abby who always spots you as an excuse to touch you in public (when she's horny, she would only do booty exercises and grope your ass when no one's looking); "is it just me or did your butt gain some muscle?" *slaps your ass*
-> personal trainer!Abby who tries to maintain professional nonetheless by concentrating on helping you with your exercises, but would occasionally take a peek of your cleavage or flexing abs peeking underneath your tight shirt
-> personal trainer!Abby who always praises you for your hard work and calls you her good girl
-> personal trainer!Abby who loves seeing you all sweaty and moaning from exhaustion after exercises, although she wishes she's the reason for the hot state you're in
-> personal trainer!Abby whose jaw tenses and brain circuits every time you take your wet sticky shirt off
-> personal trainer!Abby who can't concentrates when your hard nipples peak through your gym wear (she wants to pinch them, suck them and squeeze them while you exercise)
-> personal trainer!Abby who loves to make you do specific exercises that stimulate friction in your area below, knowing you hate it when she does them in the middle of y'all's session, only to fuck the built up frustration out of you afterwards in the shower
-> personal trainer!Abby who's not only an aftercare queen in bed, but also after the gym, massaging and rolling your sore muscles and carrying you up and down the steps after leg day
calling dibs on Abby only having those big ass arms because of how fucking hard it is to French braid long hair without having sore muscles afterwards,,
#➶ jules' anthology#tlou x reader#abby anderson tlou2#abby anderson x reader#abby the last of us#abby tlou2#abby x fem!reader#abby x y/n#abby x you#tlou#abby anderson headcanons#abby anderson#abby headcanons#abby smut#the last of us 2#tlou 2#the last of us part 2#wlw#sapphic#wlw ns/fw#lesbian#queer#abby tlou
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One of my head canons is that Navi (or at least the Omaticaya) can't thermo-regulate very well. They're so SKINNY, and both the places we've been to look to have very warm and temperate climates. It's just something that they never evolved to do because they never needed to. Humans thermo-regulate pretty well, and I think this ability would translate somewhat to the avatars.
This breeds some "Jake is weird" moments where everyone is getting out thick blankets and starting many warming fires because of a cold night or the onset of a cold season and Jake is just standing there like, "Y'all it's not even below 60 degrees" (I'm a fahrenheit person). Neytiri thinks she's struck gold because her Jake gives of body heat like nobody's business and is perfect to be next to on cold nights.
Spider, fully human, is even more of a personal furnace. The kids FIGHT over who gets to cuddle with him on cold nights. Meanwhile him and Jake are looking at each other like, "I feel like it could be way colder" "oh it can, on earth the rain turns into mini-ice when it gets cold" "damn" "yeah, this is way better"
I love this idea, it fuels me sometimes.
spider is like a personal heated pillow of sorts, cause not only is he warm as fuck compared to his siblings, but he's also very squishy compared to them, and in general (cause the kids buff as shit and muscle is super soft when not tensed up). I'd be fighting over him too, he'd gotta feel like a big teddy bear, even just to other humans, let alone the na'vi.
I like to think that in the case of spider being accepted by neytiri as a kid, him and jake were forced to sleep in the middle of the pile to keep everyone warm when they wanted to be edge sleeps so they could sorta cool off and not overheat. neytiri would also steal spider from the kids and hold him all night long cause she's his mom and she has first dibs on using her son as a personal space heater.
I do also love the idea of jake and spider constantly overheating when doing things the na'vi way, especially during the cooler months, cause while the na'vi are freezing at the absolutely frigid temps for mid to low 60s, jake and spider are like, at the optimal temp. so when they get blankets and shawls piled on them like everyone else, they're legit dying. they have to have their own system to regulating their human/avatar temp needs throughout the seasons, cause otherwise they will die of heat stroke.
I'd love to see the sully family explore even colder climates, like, jake and spider having fun in the snow, while the kids and neytiri are literally popsicles. both boys resign to their fates as human defrosters soon after.
#the omatikaya people in particular being terrible at temperature regulation when its not in the high 70s to mid 90s and humid as shit i#is so real to me#like it just makes sense#they literally live in a jungle#spider and jake just got used to this shit eventually#like they don't really get whats so special about themselves#they just go with it#luckily#they're both whores for physical affection so its cool with them#so long as they get to have some sort of breathing room to cool off#cause otherwise they hate it#spider socorro#miles socorro#miles spider socorro#jake sully#avatar 2#avatar the way of water
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ZIMPAI SHIZPOST STORY PART 2!!
(UNFORTUNATELY, IM BURNING ALL OF UR EYES AND AM MAKING A SECOND PART! HOPE YALL DONT DIE-)
About to yell the same thing to Zim-kun again, Dib hesitated and took a step back.
Sparkling tears fell from Dibby-chan’s glowing anime eyes, and they gradually started to darken as this was of course, an exaggerated overly dramatic anime scene. (SORRY ANIME LOVERS, FOR SPOILING UR LOVE FOR ANIME WITH THIS THING)
The stinky dookie brained alien love interest suddenly noticed the big headed boy’s waterfall of tears and stepped closer to him. The latter gave out a small cute gazp, hoping for an adorable cliché romantic scene to happen.
When Zimpai was only a few inches away from Dib-chan’s face he leaned even closer and placed his super buff anime finger below Dib’s chin and whispered…
“Dib-chan,” he continued, “I…”
Dib’s heart began to go DOKI DOKI- I mean it began to pound loudly against his rib cage, feeling like it was about to burst out for Zim to steal once again… (no like actually, Zim literally stole Dib’s heart after deciding that stealing his lungs wasn’t enough)
The green boy’s lips was so close to Dib’s…
…until it moved away, over to Dib’s ear.
I mean it’s not a kiss, but it’s good enough I guess….?? Is he gonna confess his love to me?! OMGOMGOMG IM SOO GONNA ANIME FANGIRL OVER THIS- wait where did that come from?? Anyway…could this be it?! D-did my stupid idiotic alien Zimpai….finally notice me…?! Dib thought to himself while trying to suppress the dorky fanboying squeals he wanted to make.
The silence between the boys finally broke when Zim-kun lovingly whispered in his deep buff manly voice,
“…peepee,”
Dib blinked in confusion.
“…You mean our old class hamster?”
Zim grinned from ear to ear and cackled maniacally, “PEEPEEPOOPOOOOO!!!”
Dib-chan started to hyperventilate and turn his back on Zim dramatically. Small silhouettes of leaves started to blow past them and Zim began to randomly grow handsome eyebrows…
In between sobs, Dib sniffled…
“Is that how you really feel, Zim-kun?”
TO BEEEEE CONTINUEUEDD- (Unfortunately)
PART 1
PART 3
#invader zim#dib membrane#zim#zadr#dib#ZIMPAI#ZIM-KUN#DIB-CHAN#AGAIN SORRY FOR CURSING UR EYES WITH THIS#anonymoosen#zimpai story
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My cousin's reaction to Newsies (92sies) pt.1
During carrying the banner omg he has abs? I SWOON
Davey watching Jack fight the Delanceys omg he's so fine I call dibs
After Davey and Jack first meet well I guess Jack got first dibs
When everyone shyed away at Brooklyn omg what is he some buff body builder?
After they meet Spot omg not a body builder I repeat not a body builder it's a shortie...
When Spot hits a bottle with his slingshot what was the goal? It's obvious Davey's already scared shitless, the slingshot was not necessary. I'm not a fan of this Spot guy *I proceed to hit her with a pillow
When Jack betrays them he's betraying his boyfriends???
The whole scene of gayness between Spot and Race when they find out why did Race throw himself onto Spot? That wasn't necessary
During kony Spot's just a stressed lil bean and wants to unwind in a nice bath. Also why does Race jump on the table? His shoes are probably so fricken dirty that's disgusting, Racetrack.
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I love your art, it’s so pretty! Do you have any Gaz thoughts/headcanons/whatever?
THANK U, FIRST OF ALL
SECOND!! I have MANY swap Gaz thoughts but not too many og Gaz thoughts BAHGSAJ,, I didnt change her much from canon bc i think she's rlly neat already
I do have the hc that Dib and Gaz are clones from Membrane, but also that they're identical twins! Dib is trans, Gaz is cis. She's also slightly chubby and has a bad posture bc of her gaming habits (not a worse posture than dib though 💀). But she does enjoy the occasional beating the shit out of cryptids as an outside hobby 👍
She's also sapphic, i havent decided which branch yet tho LOL,, I do very much ship TaGr bc its neat and i like it :)
Here's a (very) old beach doodle of them i never got to post (yes that is Tak, idk what to tell you i like buff women)
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Oh ho ho, from ur post we can assume that SY does get deaged I see.
I’m assuming we will see a sharp rise in his harem numbers.
Also will he just become younger? Any power buffs or um (potentially keeping the white hair)?
SY!OPM
There's a sharp rise in harem applicants, yes. As for the actual harem size, it stays more or less the same - the current harem members are gatekeeping entrance because they fell in love FIRST before Shen Yuan became youthful, so they get first dibs, alright?!
I do like a white-haired Shen Yuan 👅💦
As for buffs, I guess he gets effortless 6 pack abs since suddenly getting a youthful body means his stamina and endurance goes up for Reasons ( ͡° ͜/// ͡°) and also Shen Yuan doesn't have arthritis anymore, so he's more active overall as well.
(Going from his sickly mortal body into an old geezer's cultivation body was still an upgrade for Shen Yuan. Sure, there's arthritis and some old people problems, but... he was dealing with those problems and more in his sickly body too. He's not bedbound anymore and he can run! swim! fly!! It's like going from regular econ to business class on a plane!)
So we have this special trio of Shen Yuan the Girlboss, a gatekeeping harem, and Su Xiyan who's gaslighting Tian Langjun into thinking that he only has PLATONIC ADMIRATION for his wife's shizun, not a crush. (It's quite a pain in the ass for Su Xiyan tbh, but she loves her shizun for all his faults.)
[More in #Shen Yuan transmigrated into the Old Palace Master]
#shen jiu#svsss#svsss ideas#svsss au#the scum villain's self saving system#shen yuan#shen qingqiu#Shen Yuan transmigrated into the Old Palace Master#crack so crack that you wish you never learned how to read
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yeah i dont know about creator dibs or whatever maybe hbomb specifically didn't want his video to conflict with todd's but like it sucks that the most popular video does make it seem like james somerton's biggest sin is plaigarism when . as a little hater the fact that his writing is really bad because the way he plaigarizes means that his videos don't flow coherently and aren't very good DOES make me feel vindicated for thinking his videos suck but 100% there are fellow copyright haters who would see him in the same video as filip whose biggest sin was rewording an octopath traveler review(a crime worse than murder to Me but not on like moral grounds) who would walk away from it thinking that somerton is a bit of a dick and kinda misogynistic/transphobic in the way a lot of cis gay men are but like. whatever. and not know that he has repeatedly said that most nazis were gay men and made a whole video talking about how buff and hot they were and he has repeatedly talked about the devious chinese being the cause of disney's homophobia
#c.paradisi#al capone being arrested for tax evasion situation#like i think that james somerton accusing and manipulating people who talk about the plaigarism the way he does is wild#but thats because i think using your fans to attack people who criticize you and accusing anyone who does of being a violent homophobe#is independently bad#also hbomberguy specifically exonerating his cowriter when hes either in on it or equally lazy Also sucks#goes hand in hand with not focusing on what exactly somerton was plaigarizing or making up#personally even if i thought it was his own work i would not have signed off on the nazi video. if it were me
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Cousin Shinsou and Izuku shenanigans in Snipe’s little Cowgirl: (Reminder/information: Izuku is a trans girl in this AU)
-Shinsou totally has the ability to mimic voices right? So he can do accents.
County!Shinsou in Snipe’s Little Cowgirl picks up the ability to do a southern accent and goes: this is me now. And refuses to speak English without it. He then taught Izuku how to do it so she does the same.
-Izuku learns to dance and Hitoshi gets dragged into it cause he’s tall and can move. He proceeds to drag her into going hunting through the streets to look for stray cats in revenge. (Neither actually mind)
-when they met, Bethany (Snipe’s cousin) hadn’t married Dr. Shinsou (he needs a name but I don’t know what I want to use so I will take suggestions or scroll through fanfics to find one) and Izuku didn’t have her egg cracked yet. So these two kids who got heavily bullied are just side eyeing the fuck out of each other and being nervous as fuck. At least until Izuku talks about Eraserhead and Hitoshi goes !!!. Besties after.
-They don’t go to the same school but through Izuku going to Mustapha Private they meet Kirishima and Ashido. I am seriously thinking Hitoshi gains crushes on both for funsies.
-Izuku and Hitoshi have in fact pranked all of UA one time when Snipe had them there while he was doing teacher stuff. Nezu and Aizawa included.
-Hitoshi HATED Inasa when Izuku dated him but tried to be supportive. When the bullshit happened, Hitoshi actually did threaten him.
-I feel like someone tried to blackmail Hitoshi into dating them but Izuku out of NOWHERE would just slam down so much evidence of their bullshit.
-Oh wait. Wait.
These two are the ONLY LGBTQ+ members of the family so far. Everyone else (except maybe Mabel) is straight as fuck. This also means though that the family will go rabid for them.
-Bethany once tried to murder someone who commented about Hitoshi liking boys. With her heel. It was at a gala she went to with Snipe and the kids cause heroes and she was going to throw down with a minor hero.
-I feel like Hitoshi isn’t friends with Yaoyorozu or Iida but he is with Todoroki.
-Yeah that’s what we’re doing. Izuku got the two nerds and Hitoshi got his fellow emo/silent type.
-Todoroki still has his issues though. So does Hitoshi actually cause fuck it I can.
-It’s just when your Quirkless cousin gets into UA and you don’t you get a wake up call you need to buff up and work out.
-Izuku lords it over him for months. (I headcanon there are hero universities for kids who didn’t go to hero high school so she thought he’d go there if he didn’t get in through the sports festival)
-Not that… okay so, Hitoshi didn’t think it would be robots and while he isn’t Quirkist he did think he and Izuku were on the same level for UA. But they weren’t cause Izuku worked her ass off. She didn’t do recommendations cause the ‘favouritism’ issue, but still got in. Hitoshi didn’t. So it’s something he’s got to admit.
-… also now actually it would be fun to explore his assumption Izuku has to work twice as hard as him to be on his level. It’s subtle but it’s a micro aggression I think would be common.
And like I love Hitoshi I do. I also think he’s a dick in the beginning and it’s not to far out he would think that. He’s not Quirkist in the sense ‘Quirkless is useless’ but he does have some thoughts about how Izuku will always be working harder and shit.
Which isn’t wrong. But… *waves hand* yeah.
-So it’s a wake up call when she gets in but he doesn’t and like yeeeeeeeeaaaaaah.
-Shit I should also include Brandon and Jeff in this cause they’re cousins to.
-I wrote half this on night shift but anyways: Brandon is Izuku and Hitoshi’s age and he’s the cousin on the other side of the world randomly texting them shit like: hey so I miiiiight have lit my homophobic teacher’s house on fire. Jeff is like two years younger and he’s an actual legit genius who called dibs about designing their gear.
-All four are chaos. Then when Mandalay marries Snipe Kouta is added and they’re even WORSE.
-CHAOS COUSINS
#bnha#bnha au#snipe’s little cowgirl#remind me to actually think about Quirks for the fam more#Mabel is the one aunt you’re 90% sure is aro ace#she just doesn’t talk about it#and frankly she has dated#so no one is quite sure#if she is aro#she gives off mad asexual vibes#the gems need husbands#I don’t know why that popped into my head#would it be funnier if they wooed canon characters#cause I suddenly that the thought#one wooing David Shield#the other Powerloader#thoughts thoughts
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Does anyone have any fanart of Gaz really buff like jojo Dib in etf or I'll have to do it myself
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1920′s Floral applique velvet opera coat with faux chinchilla collar and flared cuff, the sleeves and back panel with large velvet flower-heads, edged and outlined in silks and metal threads in chain and couched stitches, lined in buff velvet, ties to the neck. From 1st Dibs.
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What is like the wrongest misinterpretation of [insert iz character here] you’ve ever seen
do mew have any IDEA how much ive seen?? i couldnt rank it. theres so much i could say. ive seen mewr sugoi dibs ive seen mewr satan incarnate proffys ive seen soft crybaby purples and mewr buff badboy zims and furankly theres like. a scale. on efurryone. too sweet or too!!! not it
but i think the ones that make me lose the most fur are whenefur people make purple the "nice" emotional one and redrick the mean abusive one and. zim. being a soooo sad whimpurry little meowmeow who will change efurrything abt himself in order to get a bf and cries so much all the time. yea
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In the Eye of Stars (the one where Fire has powers to do Starclan stuff while alive.) If something like the great battle happened, would the Dark Forest try to corrupt the cat that has this ability or just kill them so the next chosen cat is a baby who can't fight? And how would this cat effect Jayfeather's ability to bring souls back from death? Would this buff it or? Also, how dangerous would it be for Hay to walk in their dreams?
A Chosen is a once every X amount of generation type deal, so this would have to be way after or before Fire's time.
But yes, they've probably tried to do say and possibly succeeded at times at corrupting one. A Chosen is susceptible to the spirit world in a general sense, not just Starclan. But Starclan is the main spirit power in clan territories so they get first dibs on sending dreams and messages. But yeah a particularly clever Dark Forest warrior might be able to corrupt a particularly vulnerable young Chosen.
But you forget Starclan also has powers, so if this were to happen they would likely just cut their losses.
If either wanted to kill a Chosen, they'd most likely just get a living cat to do it for them as it's much simpler.
Jay's abilities are stronger than Fire's, stronger than Starclan's, stronger than a Chosen, so in the spirit world they're not that dangerous to him. And Jay can only bring back very recently dead cats, as beyond a certain point it the body cannot house them.
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ZIMPAI STORY PART 6: A CONFESSION OF OBSESSION 🥺👉👈
(YALL THIS IS GONNA BE THE LAST PART FJDJFDJ CUZ I HAVE TO END THIS WEIRD STORY BEFORE I BURN ANYONE ELSES BRAINCELLS AGAIN)
(AND THIS IS GONNA BE MY THING FOR ZIMDAY/IZDAY LOL)
———-
“LIEEESSS!” The alien desperately screeched out loud on the top of his lungs (or whatever aliens had). Dib raised an eyebrow in confusion, distracting him from the overwhelming sadness he was trying to hide. “I…uhhh- didn’t say anything…?”
Zimpai blinked and tried to regain his composure. He slowly took a step back and tried to escape.
Dib-chan tilted his head, and his hair bone scythe hair cowlick thingy turned into a light bulb as a thought struck him. “C-could it be…”
Just as the big headed boy opened his mouth to let out his undeniably kawaii anime voice, Zim-kun began to run and covered his nonexistent ears.
“Z-Zimpai has…a…a…”
Dib-Chan’s delicate pretty voice suddenly became deep and sounded like he was a macho and buff man.
“CRUSHY WUSHY LUSHY USHY BLUSHY CRUSHY ON MEEEE!11!1!1!1!11”
The yell was so loud and ear piercing that the whole ground collapsed while everything around Dib got pushed away by 999999999 kilometers.
This was so powerful that even Gaz became flabberGAZted by this and was more concerned than ever. “TAK- WHY THE ACTUAL HELL DID YOU MAKE THE ANIME BEAM DO THIS???”
Tak, despite her messy hair and being literally yeeted away by an incredibly long distance from a pathetic lover boy, was still smiling smugly and just shrugged. “I had the most tragic villain story from the most stupid defective Irken of destruction demolishing a vending machine. His stupid lover obviously has to be as insane as he is.”
Back with our main character idiots here, Dibby boi realised what he has done and sobbed, “Z-Zimpai my pookie…! I didn’t mean to hurt you like thisss…!!” (he obviously did lolll)
From 999 something kilometers whatever that number I typed earlier (oh wait I can copy and paste but oh well) away, the green space cockroach creechur growled, “GRGRGRRR YOUUU…!! YOUUUU!! WHEN YOU YOUUU!11!1!1 YOUUU MADE ME MAAADDD GRGRGRGRHDIEJDEKJ” (bro this space boi couldn’t hear dib a shmillion times even when he was 1 inch away from him but now he can-)
(wAIT I SHOULD MAKE LESS BRACKETED TEXTS SORRY-)
Instead of apologizing again, Dib got mad at Zim too because it would be too out of character if the boys didn’t fight each other here as it was still an ENEMIES to lovers arc after all.
Deeb Doob Dob Dib’s voice became all buff again as he himself became buff too, electricity surging all around him. He then ascended from the ground, T-posing and let the mysterious anime power carry him towards the alien.
The alien boi zimmediately tried to become as buff as Dibby boi did by casually grabbing a machine that was 69 420 times his size in his PAK and blasted himself with it, causing his scrawny-looking green arms to develop more and more muscles and become as buff as Dib was.
The boys just stared each other down, eyes glowing while T-posing in front of each other.
Dib-chan then broke the silence that lasted for 10 hours by saying in a small and cute voice while still in that buff state
“…Z-zim-kun I… I… l-love y-you…”
Zim then reverted back to his cutesy smol chibi shape and responded with a little “B-baka!!” even when Dib didn’t finish the sentence.
Surprised by that, the big headed boy also reverted back into his original pathetic form and giggled, “I love you….your mom!” He laughed even more and smirked. Zim was taken aback and felt his heart— whatever aliens had shatter into smithereens. Was this really how Dib felt…? Was it all just a silly little game…?
Before Zim could take get out his PAK legs to absolutely destroy and obliterate the human, Dib laughed once more and threw that one love letter to Zim, smacking his face and not the back of his bald head this time.
“Nahhh! Just kidding, and uh- happy birthday, I guess…” Dib looked away quickly as the butterflies returned in his stomach. Dang it— he forgot how cute his crush looked despite how stupid he was…
“Ehhh- birthday?? Invaders don’t NEED pathetic Urth birthdays!”
“Yeah, yeah— but today is still special, y’know? It’s the day you set your little alien foot on this planet!”
Zim tried not to smile at his beloved nemesis remembering AND writing some letter to him for this day. But then…
“WAIT! How did you know it’s today?? We met at the disgusting skool one or two days after I landed on this filthy planet!!”
Dib smiled and responded, “I’m a paranormal investigator! Of COURSE I know the exact day an alien comes here!”
“You were a creepy stalker from the start, Dib-thing… even before becoming those… yhaaan-deers…”
“You’re creepy too, y’know!! And you were so weird too! In fact- everything was so weird earlier… nothing new, I guess!” Dib chuckled.
Zim coughed and shifted his eyes away from Dib, yet getting closer beside him. “…Yeah. Very…strange…”
Dib-ch- I mean DIB noticed this and leaned closer and closer to Zim and….
HELD HIS HANDDDD!1?1!?!1?11!1! SO SCANDALOUS!! THE END-
(Just kidding :3)
…he affectionately smooched the bug boy’s cheek! This gesture was so sweet that even the usually cold Gaz let out an “awww!” along with every other bystander around them!
The gay boys finally completed their enemies to lovers arc….
…until the cartoon resets again and everyone forgot what happened !
The end uwu
—————-
KFKDFKDKDKD HELP ITS ACTUALLY OVER AHHFJDJDDJD
THIS STORY HAS BEEN… SOMETHING! LOLL IF U ACTUALLY READ THIS, OR EVEN READ ALL THE WAY FROM THE START- I JUST WANNA SAY THANK YOU.
THANK YOU FOR ALL UR SUPPORT AND STILL STICKING BY DESPITE THE SLOW UPDATES AND THE LOW QUALITY WRITING AND PHONE DOODLES!
Honestly, I’m gonna miss this story, so maybe I’m still gonna make things for it in the future like doodle comics or more writings but after the reset! Anyway… again thanks so much for reading this if u did and have the bestest day or night! Don’t let the buff boys haunt you XD
———-
FIRST
PREV
NE- OH WAIT THIS IS THE LAST LOLL FKDKDD BYEEEE!!
#KFDKKDKD#U GUYS WONT HAVE ANY MORE HORRIBLE HORRIFYING THING THAT WILL MELT UR BRAIN CELLS NOW#UNLESS U COUNT THE REST OF MY BLOG#DJDJ#YEAAAH U GUYS CANT ESCAPE MY CRINGE AS LONG AS I EXIST HEHEHEE#ZIMPAI STORY#ZIMPAI#ZIM-KUN#DIB-CHAN#anonymoosen#moosenarts#my art#aka low quality phone doodles#my writing#(horrible writing)#izday#Zimday#happy bday zim :3
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MONSTERFUCKER TIER LIST
Munch: I think we should start with the classics.
Biscuits: That's all you have to say for yourself? I will say that I suggested this as a joke - I will take the blame, but I didn't expect Munch to go along with it. But now we're in too deep. We can't back out. I guess we're doing this. Do you want to delineate your parameters?
M: Yes, but know that I will probably break them. Also, you started this. My brain just wouldn't let go of logistics. 1 - they must be an ADULT. 2 - they must either have multiple iterations or movies. 3 - they must be ICONIC. I think we should start with the obvious - fuckin' Dracula.
B: Well, obviously S Tier, but do we need to expound?
M: I mean, there's been a billion versions, but they're all pretty sexy.
B: Hell, you seen the Coppola movie? Dracula and Johnathan Harker? I'd fuck them both at once.
M: Alright, then, moving on. We'll just go straight for the Wolfman. Or werewolves in general.
B: Obviously also S Tier. I'm not a furry-
M: *laughs*
B: Werewolves are hot. You don't have to be a furry to want to fuck a sexy wolf-man. I will stand by this claim.
M: Ok. *wheezing*
B: Stop laughing!
M: I'm not gonna argue with you. Moving on. Frankenstein.
B: The monster or the man?
M: The monster!
B: Ok. I mean, in the novel, he was quite well-spoken and supposedly attractive.
M: Hollywood turned him into the cut-up amalgam with zero braincells.
B: Ok, himbo.
M: Definitely worth a cuddle. I dunno...I'd put that in A Tier.
B: I'll agree. Next?
M: Phantom of the Opera. I mean, depending on the version...
B: You're gonna sit here and try to tell me that you've not wanted to fuck the Phantom of the Opera for the last 25 years?
M: Nope. I'm not. S Tier.
B: Alright. Agreed. Moving on.
M: The Mummy
B: Now this is where things get interesting. He has been dead for like...hella long. I worry about the logistics, 'cause he's like dust. I mean, I seen the Brendan Fraser movie, Imhotep was not bad lookin, before he became a CG dead guy.
M: But we have to assume that it's the dead dusty version.
B: Again, I just think logistically, there's gonna be problems. C Tier? I feel like we have space to go downhill from here.
M: Did you wanna do the Creature From The Black Lagoon?
B: Sure, Guillermo Del Toro proved that it's hip to fuck fish.
M: I don't have any response to that. I'd rather fuck the fish-man from the Shape of Water? But I'd rather not fuck either of them. I would C Tier that shit.
B: You're being generous, C Tiering the fish man. But that just proves that we have lower to descend.
M: Now we're gonna get into the more slasher-y guys. Ok... Michael Myers. He's...just a dude. He's obviously built different, but appearance wise, he's just a dude.
B: I'm just imagining his DBD stun sound. B Tier. I could accept A Tier.
M: Rob Zombie Michael might be A Tier, that dude's a unit.
B: Are we classifying them separately?
M: Nah, let's put him in A Tier. Now, Leatherface
B: Again, there's been a number of versions.
M: I don't wanna fuck any of them! Even if he is just a dude.
B: The only difference is his mask is made of human skin. I don't think it's that bad of an option. If you wanna talk UNITS, remember Gunnar Hansen, who played Leatherface in the original, was like 6'7". BEEG boy. He seems like he could be gentle, if you asked him.
M: *dissociating* The human skin is a factor here.
B: You brought this on yourself. You invoked this. B tier? Ok, I don't think he's that far beneath Michael. Really. But I'll accept B.
M: Uhh...Jason
B: This one is a bit spicier. Jason has been everything from a deformed man to a lube-covered zombie to an evil terminator from the future. On the plus side, an infinite supply of lube from his algae-covered zombie body.
M: And yet...a shocking number of people want to buff this dude.
B: This isn't about a shocking number of people - this is about you and me, bro.
M: The fucked-up thing is I'm going to be like, "I wouldn't fuck Jason but I would fuck Godzilla."
B: So I'm a furry, and you're a scaly.
(Dib: And God is...so far away)
B: Do I look like someone who cares what God thinks? Anyways, the point is, how fuckable is Jason Voorhees?
M: I'm gonna put that in C Tier. He's a zombie for too many movies.
B: OK. Fair.
M: Um...Freddy? I mean...he's charming?
B: Does him being a child molester factor in here?
M: Yes.
B: Well, he was only really a child molester in the remake. In the original he was just a murderer. They didn't really take that angle.
M: The remake doesn't count. Child murder still pretty bad though.
B: I hate to break it to you, but there's gonna be a lot of murder here.
M: Also, he's all burnt. And gross.
B: Motherfucker looks like Pizza Hut cheese sticks. Also, the claw might get in the way. Avoid the swipes. C Tier? B Tier?
M: Yeah, C Tier... Pinhead.
B: S Tier.
M: Elaborate on that?
B: No.
M: I agree. Okay, umm...Ghostface?
B: Ghostface is different people in every movie.
M: For the purposes of this, it is just the first incarnations.
B: Ok...but they are both kinda greasy and I don't want to fuck either of them.
M: All love to Matthew Lilliard, but neither do I. So...
B: C Tier. I'd rather not. I like how I have ranked Leatherface above two normal men.
M: Well, we both ranked Pinhead above two normal men too, so... Next we're gonna do my boy Candyman, who is obviously S Tier.
B: OBJECTION - the bees. Yes, he's handsome and all that, but the bees.
M: Get an epi-pen.
B: I suppose I will accept S Tier. Tony Todd is hot and all, but I still have apprehensions about the bees.
M: Umm...Pennywise?
B: Uhh...
M: If you're really into foreheads.
B: I'd rather not. Maybe this will be bad news for my ass. I think...I won't. Sorry, clown fuckers, you can have him. That's the end of discussion.
M: Jigsaw.
B: Well, he's old - not that that's ever stopped me - but he is also kind of dying of cancer.
M: Not to mention he puts people into deathtraps. Can you imagine the after-sex conversation with that guy?
B: It'd be interesting. I think the whole 'literally dying' thing might cause some problems, so...
M: C Tier?
B: Yeah, I mean, over Pennywise, definitely. Next?
M: Amanda Young - one of the few female entries on this list.
B: I love Amanda, she's my favorite character in the SAW movies. A bit crazy, but I mean, I'm also not really sexually attracted to women. But you could do a lot worse.
M: Honestly, I think her unconditional devotion to Jigsaw is gonna be the biggest problem here. I mean, I'n not particularly attracted to Shawnee Smith (and I am attracted to women), but...A Tier?
B: Sure, we'll be nice.
M: On that note, let's do the other female one - Sil from Species. Who is kinda verging into the monster territory. She was mostly human though.
B: I mean, Pennywise was also a shape-shifting monster. But he's a clown and Sil just looks like a blond lady most of the time.
M: A naked blond lady.
B: Well, she is really horny. That's kind of her whole thing.
M: And yet - my desire to fuck her is so low. Plus, we couldn't reproduce, so I don't think she'd have any interest in me.
B: Where does that put our lovely lady?
M: B Tier I suppose. Next...Hannibal Lecter?
B: Are we talking the movies or the TV show?
M: I'm gonna say both - separate rankings. They're so different.
B: Well Mads Mikkelsen's Hannibal is obviously top tier. He's also obviously a top, but we haven't been factoring that in thus far. The whole point of the show was that you wanted to fuck him.
M: Uhh, *I* haven't been factoring that in. But I would still put Mads Hannibal in S Tier. Anthony Hopkins Hannibal? I'd rather not. He's kind of greasy and sleazy.
B: Eh...yeah.
M: Norman Bates.
B: S Tier.
M: ...More for you.
B: All love to Anthony Perkins, rest in peace, he was very cute. I mean the whole mom thing...
M: Two words: Mommy issues.
B: How is that worse than bees?!
M: The bees are metaphysical.
B: So are the mommy issues.
M: Okay...so where are you ranking this dude? This sad, pathetic little wet man?
B: Still S Tier.
M: Okay, the Tall Man is still in the humanoid-ish category, though technically he's an alien...I think?
B: You could glean anything from any of those movies? Anyways, the guy bleeds mustard, so god knows what kind of fluids would come out of him during intercourse. I don't really wanna think about it.
M: I'm gonna put that in bad for my ass tier. The jawas might be involved. Alright! Let's do the terminator.
B: Well, there's been a lot of terminators.
M: The first one was pretty fuckable though.
B: Also, an indestructable robot from the future.
M: That's not a deterrent.
B: Ok, fair. S Tier?
M: S Tier. Okay..let's just throw Chucky in there and get it over with.
B: Yeah, this is gonna be bad for my ass. The mere logistics make this already a non-starter.
M: We know he's capable of it.
B: Unfortunately. Those movies really got fuckin weird, didn't they? Voodoo magic I guess.
M: And the Bride of Chucky - what was her name? Tiffany Valentine.
B: Also bottom tier.
M: I've had a crush on Jennifer Tilly forever, but not as a doll.
B: We're not going any further into doll territory. We're ending the conversation here.
M: However, we are going much deeper into monster territory. We're gonna start with the predator. Ok, I have some things to say here. I fucking love the design of this monster. It is so fucking cool. The version from Prey made me very happy, but I have seen some things on my tumblr though after reblogging some gifs of it. THINGS. You know who you are. I will say, before the mask comes off, he's not bad!
B: Just kind of a buff dude with scales. He's got claws, that's fine.
M: The mask comes off and then it's a weird bug alien head that is never coming anywhere near me or my genitals.
B: Predator is obviously a butterface.
M: I can see why you all get excited, but like...how are we reconciling the horrifying bug parts? You all are just down for that?
B: I never said I was down for anything.
M: Also they're kinda hellbent on killing humans, but there was that one Chad Predator in Alien vs Predator with Lance Henriksen. I'd probably fuck that Predator.
B: You've been complaining about predator fuckers but now we can't put that dude that low on the list!
M: As long as he keeps his mask on.
B: Michael Myers and Jason are probably also keeping the masks on.
M: That is a factor though. I'd be more likely to fuck Jason if I couldn't see his face. B tier.
B: I think there's worse options on this list.
M: Xenomorph. Okay so...canonically....in Alien 4.....Ripley fucks a xenomorph. It's not even that graphic. I know there's a lot of people out there who are way into this, I'm not really down that bad.
B: There's some people who wish Alien Vs Predator had just been a porno.
M: Again...it's a fucking cool monster.
B: That sounds like monster fucker talk to me.
M: I can appreciate the design without wanting to fuck it. Also....acid blood....so god knows what's coming out the other parts. It seems just like an all around dangerous situation.
B: Also kind of bloodthirsty alien monster.
M: I'd put that in bad for my ass tier.
B: The xeno doesn't pass the Harkness test. A lot of these don't.
M: The Predator could but we're not talking about that now. That's a whole other tier ranking. Are you in agreement?
B: Yeah, bad for my ass tier.
M: Pyramid head. Is that one word or two? I don't know.
B: He is canonically dummy thicc. Double cheeked up.
M: I think this gets into logistics again though. How would you even manage it with that thing on his head?
B: He really is just a buff dude with a giant thing on his head though. Just lay him down. Can Pyramid head even lay down?
M: See...this is what I mean. Supposing that it's logistically possible, is he fuckable?
B: I think he might also not pass the Harkness test. Does he have an intellect?
M: Why is this suddenly a factor? We never considered that before. Of course, most of them were humanoid or human so....I guess consent is a factor. SO....assuming he's consenting, and assuming it's possible....would you fuck Pyramidhead?
B: Why are you asking ME? Why is this burden on me?
M: Okay fine. I'd probably fuck Pyramid head. B tier.
B: He is conceptually just a buff dude with a pyramid head.
M: Pumpkinhead. Again...fucking cool creature design...I'm not fucking that thing. It is legit terrifying.
B: Kinda gross, not gonna lie. Not really any redeeming qualities.
M: Bad for my ass tier and I feel bad for that because he's very cool but....Okay....The Creeper. We're gonna pretend like the dude who made these isn't the grossest person ever. It's not relevant.
B: That's not what we're dealing with in this particular instance.
M: He's pretty wild. He's got wings, he can regenerate body parts, he's only active once every 23 years or some shit so you'd have to hit that while you could.
B: Well Pennywise is only active like every 27 to 30 years so...
M: I think he's actually more fuckable than Pennywise, but...he also has the gross bug face thing. Also eats people. Lots of people eating going on here. Mostly just looks like a dude in his normal state.
B: Not like insanely fuckable but...C tier?
M: Yeah okay. What's next? We're getting into some really weird shit here. Slenderman. He's been in a couple of films and they were all bad. But he's iconic. Does he pass the Harkness test? Probably not.
B: He's kinda of an amorphous folkloric character. We all know he lives in a mansion in the woods with Jeff the Killer and Eyeless Jack and all those other dudes from your spooky spaghettis.
M: *laughs* Spooky spaghetti??
B: You've never heard that before? Would I fuck Slenderman though? Well, everybody's crazy about a sharp dressed man.
M: He does have those tentacle things.
B: Is that a plus or a minus?
M: For me a minus, but there's also the child murder. Also the static and weird silence during sex would be so strange. Hard pass.
B: I'd rather not.
M: Same. C tier. The Thing, from the movie The Thing. We're gonna have to get into some logistics here.
B: It CAN take a human form, but I think it procreates just by cell division. I don't know if it would even be interested.
M: Procreation is not a factor. Would you knowingly fuck it in human form?
B: No, it scares me.
M: It would probably just eat us. So...no. Bad for my ass. Going even deeper...The Blob. Would also probably just eat you.
B: It's not gonna be that bad for your ass though, it's basically just jelly.
M: It's gonna be bad for every part of you! It's acidic! It dissolves people! And asses!
B: I think it's still gonna be bad for your ass.
M: Nothing really fuckable here though. It doesn't even have a shape. Bottom tier.
B: Okay....Godzilla.
M: S tier. Would absolutely fuck. I would die....but I would die having fucked Godzilla.
B: Why are you into this? This is still gonna be really bad for your ass though.
M: It's a risk i'm willing to take.
B: People are gonna think you're joking and you're not.
M: I'm absolutely not. Are we divided on this?
B: I think we're pretty divided on this. Both tiers at once. We've got some miscellany here. A couple of random ones. Bruce, the shark from Jaws. Reminder, Munch made this list. Anyways, the logistics are just not good. First of all, you're gonna have to get under the shark. You're gonna have to be underwater, holding on for dear life.
M: You suggested the shark. I'm with you on this. Also I don't want to fuck a shark.
B: It's not ideal. Bad for my ass tier.
M: Okay we're gonna give Nosferatu/Count Orlock his own thang. He's a very different version of a vampire. He is not what most would call sexy, but to each their own.
B: He's more fuckable than a shark.
M: Absolutely. There was the Werner Herzog movie that was kind of absurdly horny.
B: He's just a weird looking guy with big teeth.
M: He's fine. I'd B tier that actually, comparatively.
B: The Babadook from the movie, The Babadook. Who, from what I understand, is just kind of a weird goth guy with a big mouth and very long fingers.
M: The illustrated version of him was far more frightening. He did only have the one movie, but he's iconic. Also an LBGTQ icon so....I'd probably hit that. Like Pyramidhead, he's just a manifestation of grief so...
B: Funeral sex!
M: B tier? You could do worse.
B: A tier, he deserves it. Are we gonna do The Nun or just leave it?
M: I think we just leave it. How do we top the Babadook?
B: This whole thing has been about how we're gonna top the Babadook!
M: I feel like this is saying a lot of things about us that probably shouldn't be out there on the internet, but then again, we saw someone make a horny post about Bill Barr. I've seen some things on my feed that make me feel so very normal. So very vanilla.
B: We've seen things that people should have probably thought about before they put them out on the internet, and I write fanfiction. You have to write it out and then hit post. You have time to think about what you're saying.
M: Also, this is a COMEDY SHOW.
B: It's funny. Abs hurt from laughing at own jokes.
M: We're fucking hysterical, and apparently down for fucking some monsters.
B: We're down pretty bad. Munch and Biscuits out, yo.
#regret#tier list#monster#monsterfucker#munchflix#the five stages of grief#terato#dracula#werewolf#predator#pinhead#godzilla#slashers#COMEDY#THIS IS A JOKE
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