#brand safety concerns
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A federal judge on Monday threw out a lawsuit by Elon Musk’s X that had targeted a watchdog group for its critical reports about hate speech on the social media platform.
In a blistering 52-page order, the judge blasted X’s case as plainly punitive rather than about protecting the platform’s security and legal rights.
“Sometimes it is unclear what is driving a litigation,” wrote District Judge Charles Breyer, of the US District Court for the Northern District of California, in the order’s opening lines. “Other times, a complaint is so unabashedly and vociferously about one thing that there can be no mistaking that purpose.”
“This case represents the latter circumstance,” Breyer continued. “This case is about punishing the Defendants for their speech.”
X’s lawsuit had accused the Center for Countering Digital Hate (CCDH) of violating the company’s terms of service when it studied, and then wrote about, hate speech on the platform following Musk’s takeover of Twitter in October 2022. X has blamed CCDH’s reports, which showcase the prevalence of hate speech on the platform, for amplifying brand safety concerns and driving advertisers away from the site.
In the suit, X claimed that it had suffered tens of millions of dollars in damages from CCDH’s publications. CCDH is an international non-profit with offices in the UK and US.
Because of its potential to destroy the watchdog group, the case has been widely viewed as a bellwether for research and accountability on X as Musk has welcomed back prominent white supremacists and others to the platform who had previously been suspended when the platform was still a publicly-traded company called Twitter.
#elon musk#lawsuit#x (social media platform)#watchdog group#hate speech#social media#district judge charles breyer#us district court#northern district of california#center for countering digital hate#ccdh#terms of service#twitter#brand safety concerns#advertisers#damages#non-profit#research#accountability#white supremacists#publicly-traded company#white supremacy#racism#social justice#equality#end hate#anti-racism#racial equality#stop racism#no to hate
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Unraveling the Web of Ironside Fakes: A Closer Look at Counterfeiting
In today’s world, where authenticity is prized ironside fakes and trust is paramount, the prevalence of counterfeit goods poses a significant challenge. Among the myriad of counterfeit products circulating in the market, one particular area that has garnered attention is the realm of Ironside fakes. From luxury watches to electronics, the market for counterfeit Ironside products has burgeoned, leaving consumers and authorities grappling with the consequences.
But what exactly are Ironside fakes, and why should we be concerned about them? Let’s delve deeper into this issue to understand the implications and repercussions of counterfeit Ironside products.
Firstly, it’s essential to grasp the significance of Ironside in various industries. Ironside is renowned for its commitment to quality, innovation, and reliability. Whether it’s electronics, tools, or other consumer goods, the Ironside brand symbolizes trust and excellence. However, this reputation also makes it an attractive target for counterfeiters seeking to capitalize on its brand value.
Counterfeit Ironside products often mimic the appearance of genuine items, making it challenging for consumers to distinguish between the real and the fake. From the packaging to the product itself, counterfeiters spare no effort in replicating every detail, often at a fraction of the cost of the authentic product. This deceptive practice not only deceives consumers but also undermines the integrity of the Ironside brand.
Moreover, the proliferation of Ironside fakes poses significant risks beyond financial losses. Counterfeit electronics, for instance, may lack proper safety certifications, potentially endangering consumers with substandard components or faulty wiring. Similarly, counterfeit tools and equipment may compromise workplace safety, leading to accidents or injuries.
The impact of Ironside counterfeiting extends beyond individual consumers and businesses. It undermines legitimate manufacturers’ revenues, erodes consumer confidence, and fosters a culture of deceit within the market. Furthermore, it contributes to a broader ecosystem of illicit activities, including organized crime and money laundering.
Addressing the challenge of Ironside counterfeiting requires a multi-faceted approach involving collaboration between governments, law enforcement agencies, industry stakeholders, and consumers. Enhanced regulatory measures, stringent enforcement of intellectual property rights, and public awareness campaigns are vital components of combating counterfeit goods.
At the same time, consumers play a pivotal role in thwarting the spread of Ironside fakes. By exercising caution, conducting thorough research, and purchasing from authorized retailers, consumers can mitigate the risk of falling victim to counterfeit scams. Additionally, reporting suspicious products and sharing knowledge about counterfeit awareness can help safeguard others from falling into the trap of counterfeit goods.
In conclusion, the issue of Ironside counterfeiting underscores the broader challenge of combating counterfeit goods in today’s global market. As consumers, businesses, and authorities strive to uphold integrity and authenticity, addressing the root causes of counterfeiting remains imperative. By working together and remaining vigilant, we can protect consumers, preserve brand reputation, and uphold the principles of trust and transparency in commerce.
#In today’s world#where authenticity is prized ironside fakes and trust is paramount#the prevalence of counterfeit goods poses a significant challenge. Among the myriad of counterfeit products circulating in the market#one particular area that has garnered attention is the realm of Ironside fakes. From luxury watches to electronics#the market for counterfeit Ironside products has burgeoned#leaving consumers and authorities grappling with the consequences.#But what exactly are Ironside fakes#and why should we be concerned about them? Let’s delve deeper into this issue to understand the implications and repercussions of counterfe#Firstly#it’s essential to grasp the significance of Ironside in various industries. Ironside is renowned for its commitment to quality#innovation#and reliability. Whether it’s electronics#tools#or other consumer goods#the Ironside brand symbolizes trust and excellence. However#this reputation also makes it an attractive target for counterfeiters seeking to capitalize on its brand value.#Counterfeit Ironside products often mimic the appearance of genuine items#making it challenging for consumers to distinguish between the real and the fake. From the packaging to the product itself#counterfeiters spare no effort in replicating every detail#often at a fraction of the cost of the authentic product. This deceptive practice not only deceives consumers but also undermines the integ#Moreover#the proliferation of Ironside fakes poses significant risks beyond financial losses. Counterfeit electronics#for instance#may lack proper safety certifications#potentially endangering consumers with substandard components or faulty wiring. Similarly#counterfeit tools and equipment may compromise workplace safety#leading to accidents or injuries.#The impact of Ironside counterfeiting extends beyond individual consumers and businesses. It undermines legitimate manufacturers’ revenues#erodes consumer confidence#and fosters a culture of deceit within the market. Furthermore
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Some of y'all trying to encourage empathy for these unethically wealthy people, who agreed to be bolted in to a metal tube, that was unapproved, unsafe and was controlled by a fucking off brand playstation controller from 2011 just for a cute lil death tourism trip is why we as a society will never be free.
They went to a part of the ocean that is so deep, more people have been to space than that far down. With a man who said safety shouldn't be a concern. Oceangate literally fired someone for saying that the window wasn't going to be able to withstand those depths. They'd lost another vessel before for 5 hours. Like plllsss the self preservation left the room. This whole situation is absurd.
Even this man's own stepson doesn't give a FUCK and you want me to? Nuh uh you have the wrong one I'm afraid😭😭
#scribblesbyc#titanic#the way I was hooting and hollering as soon as I saw what they paid a quarter of a million to get stuck inside😭😭😭#this entire situation is fucking ridiculous so imma laugh#oceangate#yeah i know its a Logitech controller but its still an off brand playstation controller hence why i called it that 😭 dw guys 😂#sometimes a girl likes to add a bit of pizzazz when I'm on a rant pls don't come for me 😭
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in the late Usamerican death cult, many offered worship despite other overt religious commitments via a ritual experts call "Grilling". An informal canon is beginning to emerge describing the feast days and seasons of the calendar during which "Grilling" was acceptable. Those prepared to participate in the late Usamerican death cult assembled in small gatherings outdoors in private residences or state-owned land; they would then light contained fires to cook forcemeat and small cuts over an open grill. While some suggest this is a ritualistic reenactment of cooking methods that predominated before the electric range, it remained prominent even in households with gas or other ranges, and evidence has emerged that many households maintained both a gas range and a gas grill. The openness of the grill was of sacredotal importance; drippings of fat and myoglobin would both feed and foul the fire, ritually recreating the subordination of the natural world to the thanatos complex. It was rare, sometimes even actively discouraged, for these grills to be cleaned in spite of obvious food safety concerns.
Despite late Usamerican culture's famous fixation on meaningless choices at the point of consumption of material goods, the master of ceremonies was expected and encouraged to impose "correct" gustatory choices on the ritual participants, and in all cases it was taken as granted that the host would choose and openly express strong opinions on the fuel source, acceptable 'brands' and varieties of forcemeat and small cuts, etc. While this ritual complex was similar to a related tradition in late Usamerican culture, the "Dinner Party", key differences include the anticipation of male leadership (possibly suggesting a late evolution of the patriarchial "Grilling" complex against the backdrop of a more matriarchial/matrilocal society), a relatively standardized bill of fare, and in direct contradistinction to the "Dinner Party" complex, the clear expectation of a radically imbalanced nutritional profile favoring fat and protein. It is debated whether alcoholic libations were ever central to the late Usamericans' understanding of "Grilling"; yet it is certain that even for female participants, where drinking did take place, beer and neat spirits were favored, and wines and mixed beverages were regarded as inappropriate.
"Grilling" is a subject on which voluminous scholarship exists, and this survey is necessarily too brief to contain research done on several aspects and sub-complexes in the late Usamerican death cult, including the predominance of plastic and plastic-coated utensils and servingware regarded as single-use, the loose canon of acceptable and unacceptable forcemeats, the emergence, exoticization, and decline of the "Shish Kebab", and the layers of ironic subtext in "Grilling"-dominated late Usamerican works like King of the Hill or Twitter.
Strange as it might seem to us, "Grilling" tied late Usamerican men together in casual yet firm homosocial bonds (while both reflecting and reaffirming existing dominance-submission relationships) almost as efficiently as men throughout history have typically achieved by simply fucking nasty
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Steve doesn’t talk about his nightmares. He assumes they all get them, it’s clearly just something you have to accept after going through the shit that they’ve gone through. He deals with it, like he deals with everything.
One night he wakes from a nightmare and there’s someone in his room, and he’s frozen and he’s terrified and he can’t reach his bat. He feels like his chest is about to explode until a second later when the figure moves in front of the window, hands held up in front of him and eyes wide with concern.
“Eddie,” Steve says, his voice scraping out of his body. “What – what are you doing here?”
Eddie cocks his head. “Many, many vodka shots, couldn’t drive home, crashed on your couch, etc. etc. You don’t remember?”
Steve does, now, the sound of Eddie’s voice bringing reality back, and he nods. “Yeah, uh, so many vodka shots. But…?” he trails off, gesturing to his bedroom.
“I heard you.” Eddie shrugs, then climbs onto the bed like it’s no big deal, shoving aside the messy blankets and sitting cross-legged next to Steve. For a moment he’s backlit by the light outside, his curls a frizzy halo. “Nightmares suck. You okay?”
Steve sucks in a long breath and pushes his sweaty hair out of his face with a shaking hand. “Uh, sure.” Eddie doesn’t look convinced. He heard him. “What, um, what did I say?”
Because sometimes the dreams are about things that actually happened, like him and his friends being attacked by monsters, and sometimes they’re about things that didn’t actually happen but almost did, like Eddie and Max dying. Sometimes they’re about brand-new horrors that he hasn’t even experienced yet. His mind is impressive that way.
“You just screamed a lot.” Eddie holds his gaze, and Steve feels sick to his stomach. Probably explains why he wakes up with his throat hurting so often. Benefits of an empty house.
Eddie shifts, all limbs, and lays down on his side, head propped on one hand. Steve’s plaid comforter is pushed down by his feet, and Eddie tucks his bare toes underneath it. “Do you want to talk about it?” he asks quietly.
Steve fights the urge to bury his face in his pillow. “I can’t.”
Eddie accepts this and rolls to his back, hands clasped over his chest briefly until they start waving around as he speaks. “I get nightmares all the time. Always have. Used to be they were about regular little kid stuff, then all the normal high school shit – showing up somewhere without your clothes on, whatever. Wayne was always real nice about it, didn’t make me feel embarrassed, just kind of sat with me or brought me water, you know.” Eddie glances over to Steve’s bedside table where there’s already a glass of water, and he meets Steve’s eyes.
“No, I’m good,” Steve says, with a little snort. “Do you, um, have different nightmares now?”
“Oh, fuck yeah,” Eddie says, turning back on his side to fully face Steve. “I keep thinking they’ll be great material for song lyrics, or campaigns, once they stop scaring the living daylights out of me. Worst ones are where I’m getting bitten over and over by those god damned demobats, man. Fucking sharp-ass teeth, ripping me apart. Hurts like hell, can’t believe how much it hurts. And that thing where you wake up and still feel it, right, like the pain is real for a minute even though it’s just a dream? Like a pain-echo? God, I hate that.”
“Me too,” Steve says, and he takes in a deep breath and lets it out. “It’s like that for me, too. Really scary.” He stretches, feeling some of the tension leave his body, and relaxes down into his pillow. He no longer feels like he’s on a rollercoaster without a safety bar. He’s not alone. “Thanks.”
Eddie studies him, then reaches down and tugs on the sheet, eventually getting part of it untangled, and pulls it up over Steve’s legs.
Steve knows what’s going to happen next, but he suddenly can’t let it. Without thinking too much about it, he reaches over and touches his hand to where Eddie’s lies between them on the bed. “Would you stay?”
His heart is beating hard in his chest for a reason having nothing at all to do with nightmares, when Eddie twines his fingers together with Steve’s and nods, a shy smile tugging at his mouth. “Yeah.”
#Steddie#Steddie fic#Steddie ficlet#Eddie Munson#Steve Harrington#Stranger Things#Stranger Things fic#Stranger Things ficlet#Steve x Eddie
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Fizzmodeus
Somehow in the infernal landscape of Hell, the relationship between Fizzarolli and Asmodeus, stands out as a sweet love story for the ages.
They were first introduced in the episode 'Ozzie's'. Despite their public disdain for sentimental relationships, they are entangled in a secret romance that defies Hell's social hierarchy and expectations. At first, Fizz and Asmodeus appeared as massive hypocrites, mocking others for their romantic endeavors while secretly harboring their own.
Fizzarolli's life was marked by a traumatic experience with fire, resulting in losing his horns and cybernetic replacements. As he thought Blitzo abandoned him to burn, Fizz began to develop a deep resentment towards his former best friend. Despite his normal jovial nature Fizzarolli suffers from extreme self-worth and self-image issues, the latter of which mostly originating from the severe injuries he received from a circus fire that he was involved in when he was younger. Because of this, he feels like he needs to do whatever Mammon tells him to do, as he feels he must repay the man for all the fame and success being his brand figure has brought, despite how horribly he is treated.
Working under Mammon, the Sin of Greed, further complicates his identity when Fizz became a symbol of Mammon's brand. The cost of fame weighs heavily on him, as public scrutiny and the demands of celebrity challenge his sense of self and personal values. Asmodeus' title as the Sin of Lust comes with its own set of expectations, yet his love for Fizzarolli transcends these. His protective instincts are often on display, particularly when Fizzarolli is in danger or vulnerable. Despite the initial portrayal of their relationship as hypocritical, the secret romance between Fizzarolli and Asmodeus is depicted as both sweet and healthy.
Despite one being a demon prince and one being an imp, and also portraying their partnership in public as purely lustful, Fizzarolli and Asmodeus' relationship is actually as healthy and romantic if not more so than Moxxie and Millie's, where the two are equals who look out for each other. Asmodeus' even lets Fizzarolli go out in public without him or an escort to defend him, despite Ozzie's concerns, because Fizzarolli wants to go alone, a far cry from if Ozzie truly didn't care about Fizzy beyond having sex with him. It's like if Stolas and Blitzø managed to work things out between them and had things be not so rocky.
Hard to believe, but aside from sex jokes, occasional rudeness and his grudge towards his former best friend, Fizzarolli stayed as nice and innocent as he was in childhood, despite all of his trauma. He does admit that it was difficult and challenging at first, but Fizzarolli finding someone who cared so much about him has led to him feeling like he leads a good life.
The relationship between Fizzarolli and Asmodeus is not without its trials. Asmodeus's deep concern for Fizzarolli's well-being is evident when Fizzarolli is taken hostage, an event that ignites Asmodeus's fury and prompts him to take drastic measures to secure Fizzarolli's safety. This protective streak is further shown in their interactions with Mammon, another Prince of Hell, whose abusive and manipulative behavior towards Fizzarolli causes Asmodeus to harbor intense animosity towards him.
In Season 2, Asmodeus reassuring Fizz at the beginning that he doesn't have to worry about being "perfect" for Mammon because perfection is impossible, and that he deserves a break or vacation without having to fend off creeps constantly.
Asmodeus' line when he rephrases his actual feelings in regard to Fizz being in Mammon's clown contest: "I don't like how many creeps you have now, thanks to Mammon. And I don't like designing sex toys with your likeness for him. Pretty sure you feel the same"; this one line has numerous, subtle but still important subtext that really shows how much Asmodeus cares for and respects Fizzarolli. Just the fact that Asmodeus is being honest about his feelings about Fizzarolli being in Mammon's competition.
In most forms of media, when someone doesn't like something that their significant other is doing, they’ll either dance around it until they can’t take it anymore and/or even lie to get their partner to stop. But Asmodeus doesn't do that - when his initial plea doesn't work, he gets straight to the point of him not liking it but in a healthy and mature manner. He doesn't put any blame on Fizzarolli for his own discomfort, instead putting it all rightly on Mammon's greedy shoulders.
Asmodeus' dislike over Fizzarolli as Mammon's brand figure not only comes from a place of concern and worry but respect. In the second sentence of his above-mentioned line, he mentions he does not like having sex toys in Fizz's likeness. Given that he's the King of Lust, one would think he would hardly care, but he does. Because it's his boyfriend using in such a way. Asmodeus also makes sure to note that he's also aware that Fizzarolli doesn't like the sex-bots as well. He's acknowledging not only his own discomfort but his partner's.
After acting like everything's all righr for the majority of the episode and having a full-on panic attack in his dressing room, Fizz finally pours out his insecurities to Asmodeus, telling him that he's terrified of losing him if he doesn't win the pageant because he feels that Ozzie's only with him because of who he is under Mammon's patronage. He even yanks his jester hat off - revealing his scarred, splotchy head and the jagged stumps of what remains of his horns - in an attempt to show Ozzie what he believes he is without Mammon: an ugly, broken, worthless imp.
"Crooked" is a sweet, simple song where Asmodeus and Fizz admit that while they both have their flaws and insecurities.
Asmodeus reassures him of his worth and publicly declares his love, a bold move that underscores the depth of his feelings and his willingness to face potential consequences for the sake of their relationship. Instead of the crowd being shocked or mocking the two, they are all instead excited and reveal they already had theories on it.
Crimson did call Ozzie's relationship with Fizz "the worst-kept secret in all of Hell." Nearly everyone in the crowd probably already knew or at least suspected. Which makes their reaction all the more heartwarming because it's acceptance. One of Ozzie's main worries was being seen as a hypocrite for being the incarnation of carnal hedonism while having a loving, monogamous relationship. It turns out nobody thinks that at all. The King of Lust has fallen in love, and everybody is happy for him.
#helluva boss#helluva boss analysis#fizzarolli#fizzmodeus#fizzarozzie#fizzaroli helluva boss#helluva boss asmodeus#asmodeus x fizzarolli#relationship#couples#true love#romance#hazbin hotel#vivziepop#hellaverse#helluva boss mammon#helluva boss fizzmodeus#why i love this ship
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Things that are Now Fallout Canon
(according to the Special LIVE Report from Galaxy News that preceded the Fallout TV series' teaser trailer release on December 2, 2023)
Vault 33, the focus vault of the Fallout television series, is located beneath Santa Monica, California. It's also implied to be very, very expensive to get into.
Bottle and Cappy, the mascots for Nuka-Cola and its theme park, Nuka-World, were about to embark on a seventeen-movie-long series of animated films before the bombs fell.
The sinking of the RMS Titanic happened in Fallout's alternate universe. The news announcer jokes about the world going down like the infamous ship, including the deadly lack of lifeboats.
Camels exist in this universe, too! The news announcer actually fucks this one up, because he says dromedary camels have two humps - dromedary camels have one hump, while Bactrian camels have two. Or maybe we'll get a sound bite from Todd Howard in a few months where he claims the camel breed names are swapped in Fallout, who knows.
Pets were not allowed in the commercially-advertised vaults. The news announcer regrettably informs listeners that they can't bring their cats, dogs, or even fish with them due to logistical concerns and safety hazards, but they are more than welcome to purchase Vault-Tec-branded gravestones and hold pet funerals before they move underground. Hypothetically-speaking, it wouldn't surprise me if people tried to smuggle their animals in, anyway.
Someone stole the Fallout universe's original moon landing flag from the Museum of Technology in Washington, D.C. - another headline report, with no further details. It was in the same exhibit as the Virgo II lunar lander, which stayed put for at least 200 years.
Vault Boy was named "World's Sexiest Man" in 2077 (when the report is being aired) - no word about which publication or organization bestowed this title upon an animated mascot.
Vault-Tec trademarked the thumbs-up emoji in the Fallout universe - which is very much in character for the company, but something about there being emojis in the world at all hit me wrong.
Vault-Tec instituted a "breeder search program" alongside vault placement purchases, and encouraged polyamory to get people to procreate (and buy more vault spots). I'll admit that this one seems plausible but shaky, because by this point in the report the news announcer is losing his mind while stalling for the vault door to open, and he might just be making shit up.
Nuka-Cola ran its own version of the Pizza Hut "BOOK IT!" reading program, called "ZAP IT!" Kids were required to read over 10,000 books to win rewards. If we use picture books for the math, and allow for five minutes to read each book, that's about 833 hours (34 straight days) of reading to get some soda.
Moby-Dick by Herman Melville and the ancient Greek myth of Daedalus and Icarus both exist in the Fallout universe.
Resulting Thoughts
"The ghoul" in the show is possibly named Howard - unsure if that's a first or last name. In the teaser trailer, Walton Goggins (who plays the ghoul) is shown dressed like a Hollywood cowboy on the day of the Great War, riding a horse to try to escape the nuclear bombs that hit Los Angeles with an unidentified child. Meanwhile, the Galaxy News headlines report that a box office hit called "The Man From Deadhorse" is getting a sequel, which is currently filming at California Crest Studios, and the news announcer says the film is "Howard-led." Whether the ghoul is the lead actor, we don't know, but it seems like a solid enough hint at his origins.
I'm glad that the show is going to delve more into the idea of the haves and have-nots, what with vault entrance being both selective and expensive. The most recent games in the series don't talk about this enough, in my opinion.
This isn't specific to the show adaptation, but it's becoming more noticeable to me that the Fallout series is crawling forward in terms of relating to modernity. I'm not sure how to feel about this - for example, I don't really mind if the soundtrack of Fallout 76 features the Beach Boys and other 1960s songs when it used to be strictly limited to 1930s and 40s music. On the other hand, I thought that using a news announcer that sounds more like a modern podcast host than a Transatlantic-accented journalist was an odd choice, and as I said above, I really did not like the idea that pre-war America knows what an emoji is. I'll get over it, but I'm anticipating that there will be some more artistic choices in the adaptation (and future games) that rub me and others the wrong way because they don't fit our definition of what Fallout "is." I'm not saying anything new, people have been arguing about that forever.
Overall, I'm excited. We're probably not getting a new Fallout game until 2030, so I might as well try to enjoy this. I will be keeping my bingo cards handy, though.
Anyway, I transcribed the damn report because I'm very normal. Feel free to use!
Fallout - A Special LIVE Report from Galaxy News
with occasional commentary from yours truly
[An upbeat, strings-led orchestral jingle plays, and black-and-white picture focuses on a spinning, silver globe. The globe is being circled by a vintage toy rocket. The words "GALAXY NEWS" fly in, and are quickly wiped and replaced by script declaring "Vault-Tec Presents..." The picture is circle-wiped and transitions to a high view of a vault entrance, with no visible script or markings to indicate which vault it is. The large, circular vault door is closed, and the access bridge to the door is not connected. A timer counting down from 60 minutes is overlaid in the bottom left corner, just above the Galaxy News globe logo and a signal tower graphic next to the word "LIVE." News headlines scroll along the bottom of the screen, the first of which reads "GALAXY NEWS SIGNS 10-YEAR PARTNERSHIP DEAL WITH VAULT-TEC." The headlines are separated by small lightning bolt graphics. The music continues throughout, and a male news announcer's voice cuts in.]
Good morning! Or, afternoon! Or evening, depending on where in the world you are. If you're just tuning in with us now, you're in for a treat. Welcome to the unveiling of Vault 33, one of the flagship vaults of Vault-Tec's arsenal of vaults.
[The second scrolling headline reads "VAULT-TEC VOTED AMERICAN COMPANY WITH BRIGHTEST FUTURE."]
Galaxy News is here live with an exclusive look at the next generation of apocalypse-proof, purpose-built luxury housing, sponsored by our friends at Vault-Tec. Vault-Tec: Revolutionizing safety for an uncertain future.
[The third scrolling headline reads "ROBCO INTERPLANETARY PROBE PROBES DEEPER INTO SPACE THAN ANY PROBE HAS PROBED BEFORE."]
If you're a regular viewer of our programming, we consider you an astute, engaged citizen, doing your part to stay informed on the latest news impacting this beautiful country of ours, and so it will be no surprise to you that we are on the precipice of a nuclear armageddon. But, fear not, Vault-Tec is building the ultimate shelter-in-place solution for the more doomsday-savvy customer: A veritable ark meticulously designed to weather the geopolitical storm surely headed our way any day now. And for the first time on live broadcast, the fine folks at Vault-Tec will be giving you a tour of their newest product unveiling, from the comfort of your home.
[The announcer takes a break, and the music swells. The vault remains closed, and no activity whatsoever is visible around it. It might as well be a static image. The fourth scrolling headline reads "NUKA-WORLD BREAKS ATTENDANCE RECORD FOR FOURTH STRAIGHT YEAR. GALACTIC ZONE GIVEN CREDIT FOR INCREASED NUMBERS." The initial song ends, and a new strings song with a more staccato rhythm begins. The news announcer returns.]
Welcome, once again, to Vault 33, nestled in the coastal west side of sunny Los Angeles County, and minutes from the yet-to-be-destroyed, bustling downtown promenade. Should nuclear annihilation one day come for this quiet beach-side town, you can take comfort in knowing you are safely buried deep, deep below what numerous trade publications once called "one of the best places to live." Right now, ladies and gentlemen, what you're looking at is peace of mind. Billions and billions of dollars and decades of R&D funneled into the high-grade protection engineering that only Vault-Tec can bring you.
[The fifth scrolling headline reads "WE ASKED OUR VIEWERS TO ANSWER A SIMPLE QUESTION: WHAT IS THE GREATEST NATION ON EARTH AND WHY IS IT AMERICA? HEAR THE RESULTS TONIGHT AT 10PM EST." At this point, the news announcer starts to sound less formal and more excited.]
Aren't we a bunch of lucky ducks! Vault-Tec has tapped us into their closed loop security feed to bring you a sneak peek behind a vault entrance airlock. That large, fortified steel blast door you see there is the only thing standing between you and the rads.
[The sixth scrolling headline reads "UNITED STATES AGAIN ACCUSED OF ATMOSPHERIC COUNTER-ESPIONAGE BY THE REDS."]
Very soon - very soon, I'm told - Arnold? Are we - yeah - and we're very soon, and we're very soon. Very, very soon, I'm told, that gear door will open, and Galaxy News will be on the ground to give you all a walking tour of the facilities! Including the accommodations one might expect in a state-of-the-art, modern residence thanks to a partnership with RobCo Industries and some of your shelf-stable forever favorites like BlamCo and Sugar Bombs! There's nowhere to hide from explosive good taste! Boom!
[The news announcer disappears again, and the strings conclude and are replaced with a meandering clarinet-led number. Several scrolling headlines go by: "U.S. RENEWS DEFENSE CONTRACT WITH WEST TEK, HERALDS VALUE OF POWER ARMOR IN ALL THEATERS OF WAR." "ESPIONAGE THREAT SUBDUED IN DOMESTIC URANIUM MINES." "PRESIDENT DECLARES NUCLEAR STOCKPILE 'SAFE ENOUGH.'" "BULLETIN OF THE ATOMIC SCIENCES SETS DOOMSDAY CLOCK TO HALF A NANOSECOND TO MIDNIGHT." "ATLAS OBSERVATORY CHRISTENS NEW TELESCOPE, RE-COMMITTING TO A NON-VIOLENT PURSUIT OF KNOWLEDGE." The song ends, a new one begins, and the news announcer returns. The vault still hasn't opened, and he's dropped what was left of his professional tone.]
And we are... stalled out. We're still... having technical difficulties. You know, sometimes things go bad and there's just no way you can plan. It's kind of like what's happening with the world right now, there's no way you could've been born into the world and know how you were going to end - know how the world would end. How will the world end, in fire or in ice? Well, it turns out -
[laughter]
It turns out it's gonna be fire...
[The twelfth scrolling headline reads "CHRISTMAS TOY TRENDS: RETAILERS REPORT SHORTAGE OF POWER ARMOR FIGURINES."]
Arnold! What's that? Okay. Yes.
[sound of paper pages being flipped through]
Okay. Arnold just handed me a fun fact. We're gonna do fun facts, fun facts.
[The thirteenth scrolling headline reads "NUKA-COLA QUANTUM GETS FDA APPROVAL, FOUND TO CONTAIN 'HEALTHY AMOUNT OF RADIATION."]
Fun fact about the construction of these massive vaults: They use concrete. Hm. That hardly counts as a fun fact, Arnold. Now is there an update on when the door... the door's gonna be open? Arnold? I'm sorry, is there an update on the door? Is there an update on the crane? Is it a crane problem, or a door problem? Is it a pr- is it a crane problem, or a door problem? Arnold? Arnold! Arnie!
[sigh]
Okay...
[The news announcer gives up, and a song with a lot of muted trumpet comes in to serenade more scrolling headlines. "NO ONE'S BEATING THIS DEADHORSE. 'THE MAN FROM DEADHORSE' TOPS BOX OFFICE. A SEQUEL IS ALREADY IN THE WORKS AT CALIFORNIA CREST STUDIOS." "ATLAS WEATHER EXPERIMENT BELIEVED TO BE THE CAUSE OF UNEXPECTED SNOW FLURRY IN LOS ANGELES." "DEVELOPING: REDS CONTINUES TO DENY EXISTENCE OF STEALTH SUBMARINES, US INTELLIGENCE SUGGESTS OTHERWISE." Woodwinds replace the trumpet, and the news announcer returns, pivoting to an unrehearsed sales pitch for his sponsor.]
If you have the money, please - please, guys - get a Vault-Tec vault. Get in there! Think of it as a life raft, a bit. Our country is the Titanic, and these vaults are the life rafts - right? - attached to the side of it.
[The seventeenth scrolling headline reads "NUKA-COLA MASCOTS 'BOTTLE AND CAPPY' TO APPEAR IN ANIMATED FILM FROM CALIFORNIA CREST STUDIOS. WILL BE THE FIRST IN A SEVENTEEN PICTURE DEAL BETWEEN THE COMPANIES."]
Now, were there enough life rafts on the Titanic? If you remember - no, no there weren't enough, and so many, many people died, and so, it's a nice allegory actually, because they're not going to die in the freezing ocean, which would be - actually, it's a little faster to die by fire than it is by drowning in the cold, so it is kind of an advantage to be dying now, th- rather than on the Titanic, the RMS Titanic.
[The eighteenth scrolling headline reads "SUPPLY LINES FOR RED FORCES BREAKING DOWN." Sort of like this announcer. He pivots again.]
Now - can you call a survivor of a nuclear holocaust a person, anymore? I don't know. Their brain is going to be cottage cheese, and they will be crawling... crawling on the ground, stuffing sand in their mouth, their blind eyes melted out, like the white of an egg, just dripping and dribbling out of their eye sockets.
[The nineteenth scrolling headline reads "VAULT-TEC ANNOUNCES COMPLETION OF VAULT 33 UNDER SANTA MONICA, CA."]
They raise their face towards their... god... and scream, "Nooooo! Whyyyyyy! What did it all mean?" It turns out it didn't mean much if you didn't get a spot in a Vault-Tec vault."
[The twentieth scrolling headline reads "MILITARY UNITS SENT TO QUELL UNREST IN SEVERAL STATES."]
"Now, let's talk about the luxury interiors of Vault-Tec vaults. We have camel leather. You've heard of cow leather. Probably. Camel leather is a great deal softer, isn't it? It comes from the camel, who keep their water on their backs in a hump. Sometimes two, if they're a dromedary. Now, let's talk about camel leather and why it is more supple, and why it is cooler to the touch, and we can talk about it forever but what you want is luxury, what you need is safety: Where you go is Vault-Tec. That's it.
[I feel like I need to point out that dromedary camels only have one hump, and no camels store water in their humps: It's actually just fat up there that they can live off of while traversing deserts. Regardless, the announcer is gone again. The scrolling headlines remain. "NUKA CORP SPINS OFF ATOMIC RESEARCH ARM INTO SEPARATE CORPORATE ENTITY AFTER SEC APPROV." "SUPER DUPER MART ANNOUNCES RECALL OF BLAMCO MAC & CHEESE FOR TRACE AMOUNTS OF DAIRY." "VAULT-TEC STOCKS SOAR AS US ECONOMY BECOMES FEAR-BASED." "BUREAU OF ALCOHOL, TOBACCO, FIREARMS AND LASERS TAKE DOWN NATIONWIDE WEAPONS SMUGGLING RING." Another woodwind-heavy song starts up, and so does our announcer.]
Um... Arnold?
[throat clearing]
Arnie! Can we- do- do we have a- can we start a clock? Can we - is there, like, anything we can do? I feel like people need something to hold onto, there's a lot of empty air. There's a lot of dead air, here. People need something to hold onto, people are freaking out, and I'm freaking out because I like to have - I like to bring people comfort - uh, in, in this crazy time. There's, there's only a few things you can predict -
[laughter]
In - in the world, and uh, I thought that opening the vault on time would be one of those things.
[The twenty-fifth scrolling headline reads "MILITARY SETS THREAT LEVEL OF POSSIBLE BIOLOGICAL WEAPON ATTACK FROM REDS TO HIGH."]
I was kind of counting on it as a - a thing that would bring some amount of normalcy, some amount of comfort. Something happening the way it's supposed to in a world that feels like it has been turned upside down by evil. But, unfortunately that is not the case. Here we are. Another thing we don't know. Another thing we have to grapple with.
[The twenty-sixth scrolling headline reads "TEDDY FEAR MANUFACTURER SETTLES CLASS ACTION LAWSUIT, DENIES TOY BEAR CAUSES SLEEP PARALYSIS NIGHTMARES IN CHILDREN."]
This particular vault and these technical difficulties that we're having right now have absolutely nothing to do with the product that you will buy when you buy a Vault-Tec vault. Now, Vault-Tec vault living is living the dream, and it's the only way to safety unless you're... the President of the United States, or something like that, and you have a mountain in Colorado to go under and direct the events of the world. Not many of us are that, there's only one of those... uh, and his various and sundry advisors, I'm sure they'll be fine, but you won't! You won't be fine!
[The twenty-seventh scrolling headline reads "WERE TEDDY FEAR BEARS MISUNDERSTOOD? ONE PSYCHOLOGIST THINKS SO."]
If a vault is out of your price range, there are lower-cost alternatives to purchasing a spot with Vault-Tec. They don't sound... good, if you ask me. Anti-radiation pills? Good luck with that. Not sure how anti-radiation pills will hold up against temperatures rivaling the surface of the sun, for example. But maybe that's just me!
[He's gone again. We're 15 minutes into the countdown, and the woodwinds have really started to outdo their own whimsy, at this point. Headlines continue. "TEDDY FEARS SKYROCKET IN POPULARITY AND PRICE DUE TO SCARCITY CAUSED BY RECALL." "VAULT-TEC ANNOUNCES NEWLY AVAILABLE SINGLE VAULT SPACES FOR SALE." "THIS YEAR'S FALLOUT SUIT DESIGN FEATURES ENHANCED PROTECTION, 20% MORE ZIPPERS." The whimsical woodwinds finish up and a bouncy, brassy horn piece takes over. This summons the announcer.]
When you see that vault, it's all gonna be worth it, fellas. It's all gonna be worth it when you see that vault. Now kids, you're probably wondering: Can I bring my pet doggy, or my pet kitty, into the vault? You can't. Unfortunately... it's a hazard in so many different ways. Uh... tch, uh, their hair can get caught in the ventilation system, you'll have endless problems, where do you put their waste? Where do you put... their food? So many, so many problems, so... we have specially-made Vault-Tec gravestones.
[The thirty-first scrolling headline reads "VIRGO II LUNAR LANDER NOW ON DISPLAY AT MUSEUM OF TECHNOLOGY IN WASHINGTON, D.C."]
We have specially-made Vault-Tec pet gravestones for your children to have many funerals for their pets before you go into your Vault-Tec vault. Memorialize your pets now with Vault-Tec mini pet gravestones! Dig a hole in the sand, put the pet in there, and put that gravestone - and it's got a space where you can write the pet's name - right before you go in the vault, no pets in the vault. Not even fish. No, not even fish.
[The thirty-second scrolling headline reads "FLAG FROM VIRGO II LUNAR LANDING STOLEN FROM MUSEUM OF TECHNOLOGY." The news announcer is really getting aggravated.]
What is happening? What is - Arnie! What is - what is happening? Okay - okay! Alright!
[The music and the headlines fill the space again. "NUKA-WORLD TO RAISE TICKET PRICES FOR UPCOMING SEASON, EXPECTING AN 'EXPLOSIVE' YEAR." "GWINNETT ANNOUNCES NEW PALE ALE SO PALE IT'S TRANSPARENT." "HAPPY NATIONAL SOCK HOP DAY!" "VAULT BOY NAMED WORLD'S SEXIEST MAN." The news announcer tries again, attempting to play up the complete inactivity happening onscreen.]
So much is happening here, we've got... the crane, as you can see, it's - it's about to be lowered, and I'm told - and I'm told... the weather. The inclement weather is - keep - I think the weather... there's a pressure cha- it needs to be - yes, of course. The pressure needs to be right to open the vault, or else the differential pressure between underground and overground will cause... a, uh... uh, the furniture to, uh...
[The thirty-seventh scrolling headline reads "VAULT-TEC REGISTERS TRADEMARK ON THE THUMBS UP EMOJI." This one made me physically recoil.]
L- Look... get a Vault-Tec vault. If you can't afford a whole vault for your family, that's fine. Buy time in a timeshare, one of our timeshares. And it's not the kind of timeshare you're going to regret, this is one that's not a scam, because you can look down at your intact body in a Vault-Tec vault and say, "Look at me! I'm whole!"
[The thirty-eighth scrolling headline reads "NUKA-COLA PATRIOTICALLY SALUTES SUCCESS OF NEWEST FLAVOR LAUNCH - NUKA-COLA VICTORY. EXCLUSIVE REDESIGN COMING NEXT YEAR WITH 'A TASTE AS SWEET AS FREEDOM.'"]
Stay whole in a Vault-Tec vault! Keep it together, meaning your corporeal form! Keep it together in a Vault-Tec vault! You'll be skipping around in a workout area, and... check out those barbells! Why not work those biceps while you're down here? What if there's an emergency, and somebody breaches your Vault-Tec vault door? Well, you're gonna want to be in shape to fight off that rageful beast!
[At this point the scrolling headlines loop back to the beginning.]
Now, is it a human? If you kill it, will its soul go to heaven or hell? Don't worry about it! Just get it out, because even its presence in your Vault-Tec vault could kill you and your entire family! These people are irradiated. It's not healthy, right? It's like putting your hand on a radiator. Don't do it.
[Music break. That vault still isn't opening. The song ends, and the news announcer clears his throat.]
We don't... have the exact scoop yet, ladies and gentlemen, so Arnie, why don't we put some music on while we wait for the skinny?
[noticeable pause]
I- I- I- I- don't know what song, put on anything, I'm dying up here.
[The next song opens with energetic trumpets that sound like they're charging through a movie theater snack stand. It's followed by a big band track that seems to re-energize the announcer.]
And, if you're just joining us, we're preparing to head inside the latest and greatest product offering from Vault-Tec. Vault 33, a pristine subterranean society purpose-built for America's best and brightest to wait out the nuclear fallout. There's no telling what will remain once this global conflict reaches its inevitable conclusion: That's why it's important for patriots like you to purchase a guaranteed spot in America's future. It's up to you to keep our golden society going, propagating forth until we have the ranks to repopulate the world outside.
"What if I don't have a partner or family right now?" you may be asking. "Don't give up on love so soon!" I say. Where better to meet eligible partners than in a cherry-picked community of like-minded individuals? If you find you need a bit more assistance, Vault-Tec has breeder search programs to help you find the one, or the two, or the three, four, five! Vault-Tec is a very open society, so go ahead and purchase that single vault space, and that single may become a double before you know it! And what better place to find someone to love, than safe underground?
Please stay tuned as we prepare to bring the crew, and the world at large, inside our Vault-Tec facility.
"But what if I don't have the money for a vault right now?" you may be thinking. You should never let not having the funds today stop you from reaching your dreams. You can always pay tomorrow, into perpetuity. Vault-Tec is reportedly constructing financial packages that allow for customers to continue payments on select economy vaults, in the event of total societal extinction. So don't worry, purchase away! Vault-Tec upholds traditional American values, and they believe no one should be excluded from the pursuit of life, liberty, and debt.
[Music break, wherein the song concludes and switches to something more pensive and staccato.]
A- Alright? Yes? Arnold is telling me - yes? We are moments away! Moments away - from having some kind of movement here. I'll believe that when I see it. Sorry Arnie, but your credibility with me could not be any lower at this point.
Let's talk about the amenities in these concrete miracles. Radiation King will be providing television sets, modern kitchen appliances.
[throat clearing]
The sofas will be... I'm sorry, do we know who makes the sofas? I'm sorry, do we - do we know who makes the sofas? Do we know who makes the sofas? Arnold, do we know who makes the sofas?
[Arnold does not reply. The announcer is miffed.]
What else is new. Yeah.
[Dejection turns to anger immediately.]
If you could please just give me something? If you could please just give me something to update? I'm sitting here with nothing! I'm sitting here... with nothing! This isn't my job! I'm a journalist! I report things, I don't... vamp! Is there even a - is, is there a clue? Is there, do the crane people - have the crane people chimed in? Have the door people chimed in? Is it all one person?
[Arnold presumably says some inaudible form of "I don't know." This does not please the news announcer.]
Well maybe con- maybe connect yourself to them. You should get yourself a radio. Get yourself a radio, Arnold. That's your job, to communicate with me the facts about what's going on, and it's my job to communicate to the people who are watching - we're trying to save their lives - you know, and this isn't advertising for me. This is a product I believe in!
Arnold, what do you do? What skills do you - are you somebody's son? Are you - are you somebody's kid, or something?
[Arnold can finally be heard, somewhat garbled from distance or technology: "My uncle is, uh, is the general manager of Galaxy News, your employer." The news announcer considers this.]
Your uncle is the manager of Galaxy New - mmm. Well, that explains how you got this internship. I'm sorry for everything I said, but... you can understand my frustration, here.
[The music concludes, but the announcer keeps going.]
The, uh, vault foreman is out here, and he is, uh, uh, doing hand signals. Ooh, yes, it's going to be a while, let's play some music for the people, Arnie.
[A new song starts. We're nearly 30 minutes into the countdown before the song switches over and the news announcer starts up again.]
All right folks, we have an update! They've got eyes on the gatekeeper out walking the grounds. It appears he was attempting to retrace his steps after misplacing the key and his wallet - still no word on the key itself, please stand by for more on the wallet, as this story continues to unfold.
Still on standby as we wait for the situation in the vault to resolve, but folks, there is plenty to get the American public up to speed on in the meantime. World news stories! Breaking, breaking news from the international desk. Peace negotiations between America and her adversaries crumbled in Anchorage, Alaska, this past weekend, a city recently liberated from foreign occupation, leading experts to believe nuclear war is indeed on the horizon. One more reason, America, to tune into the presentation Vault-Tec has for us today. Preparation, resilience, and smart spending are the only way our precious republic makes it through that long, dark night.
[This revelation approximates the date of the broadcast, which is happening not long after the Battle of Anchorage. The clash in Alaska officially ended on January 10, 2077: This news bulletin proves that attempted peace negotiations followed, then failed.]
Going the way of the dinosaurs has never felt this fun! If only the dinosaurs had Vault-Tec technology. Now, the dinosaurs died because... a meteor came from space, right? They had nothing to do with it. We have everything to do with our own demise. It's almost like… people are a virus that is destroying the Earth, we're a planet-killing virus. And people do say, "Oh, well, you know, well, the cockroaches... will outlive us and the the aardvarks or whatever will outlive us." Well, they won't. They're going to die too, because this is the real deal, guys. This is the end. So if you're not underground, I don't know what you're doing.
I wonder how we'll evolve. Will we develop a different kind of skin, some kind of leathery, plastic skin to fight off the nuclear fire? Who knows, but the only way to find out is to purchase a Vault-Tec vault, or a space in one of our timeshares.
[Music break again. It's a rather lively waltz.]
For those gathered around their Radiation King TV sets today, thank you for your patience. Rome wasn't built in a day!
[laughter]
Very soon you will witness… one of the greatest modern advances since the Virgo II moon landing - you won't want to miss this, the future of you and your future children depends on it.
[Exasperation sets in.]
Honestly, who wrote this copy?
[Arnold presumably raises his hand.]
You did, Arnold? Well, that's not surprising. It leaves… yes, well, it leaves a lot to be desired. They couldn't hire a professional writer? You look like you're 15 years old.
[Arnold inaudibly corrects him.]
You're 23? Yeah, well, 23-year-olds look like they're 15 now, still too young. What could you know about the - what could you possibly know about the written word, Arnold? Goddamn it. What could you - what do you know about writing and oratory? Nothing, I'll answer y- for you, nothing. The lack of professionalism - myself not included - disgusts me. The lack of professionalism disgusts me, Arnold!
Speaking of nuclear fire, you should see the muffin tray they left out for me. People want a blueberry mu- you want a muffin, okay? A muffin. Not a little squirt of dough, with a little powdered su- give me a muffin, give me a real thing, okay? Give me some snacks! You're going to give me some coffee? Good. I need a snack, to balance it. I'm not the only person in the world who needs a little bit of fat in their stomach when they eat a... big haul of caffeine.
[throat clearing]
Stand by as we wait for the situation in the vault to resolve.
[The music does some flourishes, then finishes.]
Ladies and gentlemen, it's official: We're experiencing some technical difficulties. And before we can open the vault - Vault 33, our flagship vault, full of the, uh, finest luxury items available to mankind, a- as of now - maybe we could put something on to keep people company while we figure out the technical difficulties. Sorry, these difficulties of course have nothing to do with Vault-Tec's vault tech. In- in- indeed…
Look, I need to have a whole cigarette right now. Just put on the song. Where are my smokes?
[The music starts up again while the announcer burns through a cigarette at the speed of a Corvega.]
Well, well, well! Here we are again! Ladies and gentlemen, we're dealing with a hiccup. Now, hiccups... might seem like a momentary stoppage, but this is a big hiccup. It's like God is hiccuping.
Vault-Tec is reporting that there's only one gatekeeper and one key on this vault model. The keys for these vaults are one of one, it fits like a glove, but it's - it's - these - these locks are very, very complicated.
God, it's so good to be on the other side of this. I don't think people know. People really don't know what's coming, and that's probably good. If you haven't watched… if you haven't watched the news up to this point, don't pick it up. Don't… just try and stay ignorant, uh, really don't find out what's going to happen because… it's bad, um, it's over.
[laughter]
The Earth is a slaughterhouse, and we are cattle!
[laughter]
We- we'll go back into, uh, a society resembling Bronze Age Mesopotamia. That's where we're going. It's not fun. Um... disease is… really prominent, um… we don't treat women well - let's just face it, it's - they - we don't treat them well now, but back then… oof. Rough. Rough treatment of women. You think we're racist now?
It's going to get bad. Where you want to be is underground. Vault-Tec vaults.
[A really tinny muted trumpet rises to its occasion as he disappears again for a bit.]
You know what else is great about Vault-Tec vaults? The air purification system. Let's talk about air. You need air to breathe, I need air to breathe, we need air to breathe. Vault-Tec's got it in spades! We've got oxygen candles straight from our finest nuclear submarines that you can burn, that turn nitrogen and carbon dioxide into oxygen molecules. Perfectly breathable, perfectly safe for your children, and your children's children, and your children's children's children in case we're there for three sweaty generations of sweaty living underground! In a fresh vault!
In fact, we put a family in a vault for 10 years and let them out just to see how it would go… and here they are now! "We loved it, uh… We loved it! That was great!" Uh… that's - I'm making it up! I'm making that up. I am imagining what could happen if I had more information about the vaults, but I don't have that information, so I'm making it up! Ha! Vault-Tec vaults, yes. Say yes to the tech!
[The music saves us for a bit.]
Unfortunately, we are back, the vault hasn't opened, and we have had absolutely no movement towards the vault opening, so! Hope you enjoyed that music. I know I was tapping my feet. Let's get back into it, where are we?
The US government has been quietly testing T-60 power armor suits as part of their long-standing defense contract with West Tek, following up the T-45 and T-51 efforts in the ongoing war with the People's Liberation Army.
[hisses through teeth]
How about that? How about that. The Man from Deadhorse gallops to a fast start at the box office! The Howard-led western is said to be the next smash for California Crest Studios.
[So the ghoul's name is probably Howard Something, or Something Howard. Interesting, but the announcer doesn't care and decides to throw another tantrum.]
Am I crazy or is this taking forever? I don't think I'm crazy, but I feel crazy! In fact, I might be the only person involved in this whole production who hasn't lost his mind! I'm looking at you, Arnie, I'm looking at you!
[Looking at Arnie yields nothing, again.]
"You don't know what to do, you don't know what to do." You idiot! I can't even get the word- I can't even get the information from you. Worthless!
[grunt of rage]
It's just me and Arnie here, I'm in hell, he's sitting there smiling at me, I'm in absolute hell!
Do you have a spot, Arnie? Do you have a spot in a vault? Oh! You do! What vault is that?
[long pause]
Oh, that's the one I'm in. Oh. Dear God.
[deep breath]
I guess we should get to know each other.
Ladies and gentlemen, we don't even know what's wrong here… but I can assure you that what isn't wrong is Vault-Tec technology, this has nothing to do with Vault-Tec's patented lock technology and everything to do with stupid people and human error. If you're this inefficient at work, what is home li- do - how do you wipe yourself?
[Uncalled-for, news announcer man.]
Ladies and gentlemen, please enjoy this music while we figure out what's going on.
[Musical break number who knows. Just over 11 minutes remain on the countdown.]
In other sponsored news, Nuka-Cola is celebrating the success of one of their newest flavor launches, Nuka-Cola Victory, with an exclusive redesign release later next year. Students that read over 10,000 books can be part of the ZAP IT! Program, rewarding literacy with sugar!
[deep breath]
I don't like Nuka-Cola. Personally... I don't like Nuka-Cola. Too sweet. I don't drink it. But it's popular, I have stocks in it, I invest - I invest in it. I don't drink it. It's the way the world is. Just because it's popular, doesn't mean it's good, just because it's good, doesn't mean it's popular. A can of Nuka-Cola, what is that, it's energy slowed down, right? It's the energy of the universe slowed down, right? What are we, what am I? We are energy slowed down into the form of a human being. All that's about to stop.
[laughter]
All that's about to stop! All that's about to go away! Maybe there's life on other planets. Maybe there's not. Are they going to come save us, no! If I were on another planet, and I came here, I would have an endless belly laugh at our folly, I mean, the folly of man! It's funny, there's so much written about the "folly of man." I mean, read Moby-Dick. Read… uh… what di- what happened with the - the wax wings, the wax wing guy? Wax wing man, Mr. Wax Wings, Daedalus. What's his name?
[Arnold hazards a guess we can hear: "Shakespeare?"]
Arnold, Shakespeare? Arnold, Arnold, good god… Shakespeare? Where did you go - you went to one of these hippie schools...
[Arnold tries again: "I think it was Icarus?" The announcer is ecstatic.]
Icarus! Icarus. Wow! You are good for something. Wow, Arnie!
Now, Icarus, he was close to the sun. In a Vault-Tec vault, you'll be as far from it as possible. You will be up to 50 feet underground, in a Vault-Tec vault, safe and sound in the knowledge that the wax on your wings will not be anywhere close to anything that will make it melt, except our new Vault-Tec oven!
[The horns come in again.]
Where are you f- what's your family situation? Do you have kids or…
[Arnold probably shakes his head.]
No kids? Good for you.
[laughter]
Are you single?
[Arnold: "Yeah."]
Ahh, yeah. I wouldn't recommend going into a vault single. You might want to lock someone down and take you in there - if only to help you fight - and, uh, survive, it's good to have a partner. Yeah… oof!
Anyway, glad I'm safe and secure in my vault! Um… I'm in the tax bracket that kind of... automatically gets a vault, so, sorry everybody. Uh… I'll be, uh, doing this thing called surviving, while you are all burning.
[deep breath]
What's the point of any of this? What's the point of any of this? Nobody - nobody listening to this can afford one of these things. Everybody listening to this is about to turn into an idea!
[laughter]
Instead of a being! But, here we are! Let's whoop it up! Let's whoop it up! It's a big parade… for the end of mankind! It's a big parade! Here's the final celebration, Arnie! Here we are!
Let's stake our claim in a dying planet! Let's plant our flag in a dead rock, and see how we feel. Let's see how we feel after the flag is planted, Arnie.
[a deep sigh]
I don't know how much longer I can do this, man.
[another deep breath]
My voice hurts, I'm thirsty, we're out of water, the muffins they laid out at the top of the day are dry and old, I feel dry and I feel old.
I give up! I give up.
[chuckles]
What's the point of this? I mean, what's the point of anything? I'm... I'm broken.
[Emotion creeps in.]
I'm broken. I'm changed. I am broken and I have changed. I…
[one more deep breath]
Thanks to you, Arnie. Thanks to you, man. Thanks, you're the best, yeah, thanks to you, pal. Thanks to you, buddy boy. You are just awful. You disgust me. Yeah, I'm just - I'm sorry. I'm - I'm just… I'm fried, man. I'm - I'm fried, pal. I'm fried. Dead. Gravestone, dead. Oh yeah, that's, okay.
Oh, god. Where are we in the process of the door opening?
[Arnold: "Yeah, it's over."]
What?
[A record scratch stops the music. Two minutes remain on the countdown.]
What's that? Oh!
[The announcer clears his throat, and the music changes to a triumphant fanfare.]
Ladies and gentlemen, I'm getting word. Ladies and gentlemen... I've gotten word that we are star- we are starting, ladies and gentlemen. It's happening! Here we are! Here we are, we got it, we got it, and now…
N- and now, this afternoon is unlike any other afternoon, ladies and gentlemen. It was the morning, now it's the afternoon - here we go! The crane is loweri- Here we go!
[relieved laughter]
Okay! Really close to the time where I can go, and get out of here! The crane is lowering, it is happening, the tumblers are tumbling! The crane is lowering, the tumblers are tumbling, we are… go! We're going! It's opening! It's opening!
[The static image of the vault has not changed in the slightest bit.]
You try doing this! You try doing this, Arnie! You try filling the time! Next time we'll switch places, Arnie, and you can try it! Oh boy, oh boy, here we go, thank god we're doing it and it's happening. I see motion, I see- I see Vault-Tec… I am convinced! Guys, this is great, it's been great, Arnie? It's been great. Arnie, it's been great. You know, I hope we are in the same vault. I'd like to spend the rest of my life with you, Arnie.
[slightly unhinged laughter]
As long as this happens right now, I am fine with spending the rest of my life with you! As long as the vault opens right now. The fact that nuclear fire could fall from the sky at any moment has made this broadcast that much more important. Thank you, thank you so much for joining us!
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₊˚ ♡ random relationship hc’s ◞ leon s. kennedy
fem!reader, fluff, angst, established relationship, implied age gap for like one or two hc’s, wrote these in an id leon brainrot fueled spur lmfao so mostly for an older leon ig !? would love to expand on some of these in a fic, wc 0.6k ╮
gift giving is definitely one of his strongest love languages, however he’s not one for grand gestures or overtly romantic gifts. his gifts are practical, thoughtful, consistent reminders that he’s always thinking of you because he’s never been good with words. he prefers to not be present when you receive them and he’s SO deliberately discreet about it too. subtly replacing your skincare or fav products that are running out with brand new ones, delving into his mental notes of what you’re running low on when he’s at a shop. scheduling food or flower deliveries for when he’s away on a mission or work related tasks. any praise would probably make his skin crawl because he just can’t handle it
terms of endearment feel unnatural to him and rarely fall past his lips unless you seem to react positively to them. i don’t see him as someone who’s that experienced in committed long term relationships ( or relationships in general ) due to the nature of his work and lifestyle. he defaults to ‘babe’ until he learns which terms you prefer / dislike
leon would never accept your offers or attempts to pay for a thing ( i swear by this ). this doesn’t come from a place of arrogance or urge to fulfill some ‘traditionally’ masculine role. his disposable income is plentiful, and he’s happy to pay when the opportunity arises, he honestly doesn’t even think about it and merely hands over his credit card. receiving gifts can often be hard for him but he’ll never purposely display his discomfort or refuse
extremely dry texter and doesn’t really use his phone despite being tech savvy, all of his texts end with periods. rarely ever uses emojis ( his personal favs are 👍👎 and the occasional ❤️ ). typically one word responses. doesn’t understand half of the abbreviations you use. send him a keyboard smash and he’ll think you’re having a stroke. prefers to call you instead
always the driver ( he insists on it ). always has the seat warmer on for you. if you do drive he becomes a backseat driver which can be mildly frustrating. comments on your song choices when you play music in his car but would never tell you to stop no matter how grating it is on his ears and simply endures. sometimes opts for his motorcycle over his car solely because he gets to be held onto by you. would literally never let you even fathom the idea of driving his motorcycle
frequent date nights at borderline obnoxiously ritzy restaurants to compensate for his time spent away from you due to his job. also bc this man cannot cook. does not let you know in advance. he simply says “we have a reservation tonight” like an hour before which often results in you scrambling to get ready
he struggles with sharing his ( darker ) emotions, accompanied by a habit of opting to brush your concerns off. vulnerability is a foreign language to him. he’s scarily good at pretending he is fine, but you manage to see glimpses of his deteriorating wellbeing in his body language. the heavy sighs upon waking up, his slight recoil from your touch, his posture stiffening after you ask him what’s on his mind. this doesn’t come from a place of distrust in any way, he truly just doesn’t want to ‘burden’ you and convinces himself that his struggles aren’t important in the grand scheme of things. he also knows the source of his stress and trauma is for the most part confidential and he tells himself he’s doing it for your own safety and protection. when he does open up by his own volition, he keeps it brief, spares most of the details, his composure rarely falters and he’s itching to move on from the subject. you’ve never seen him cry :(
#leon kennedy x reader#leon s kennedy x reader#leon kennedy x you#leon kennedy x y/n#leon kennedy headcanons#leon kennedy drabble#leon kennedy#resident evil x reader#i could go on and on about him fr
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yandere Lex Luthor would N0T allow you to divorce him and honestly I think he would have any divorce lawyers you "secretly" speak to on the matter quietly sent away to be tested on in a laboratory somewhere or something equally horrific
you: oh, wow, Lex... you got me a new moisturizer to try and buy my affection again, how quaint
Lex, not even mildly concerned for the health and safety of the grotesque chimera freak in his secret lab whose skin they've been testing brand new experimental chemical combinations on because the whelp suggested he could represent you in divorce court: I hope you like it beloved, i had it made custom for you 🥰
#yandere x reader#yandere superman#yandere dc#i feel like you could legitimately say vile shit to his face and he could be like ooo youre such a viper thats why i love you#i went to bed thinking of bruce wayne w a red string mate who doesnt want him and it turned into lex#yandere stuff#idk
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Your firefighter wolf alpha lets you sleep over
General Plot: Your house burns down, but no fear, a handsome firefighter wolf alpha is happy to let you sleep in his guest room.
Wolfman Firefighter x female Reader
Word Count: 3.5k
W: longer nsfw smut, stalking, obsessive behavior, knotting and breeding kink , baby trapping, ambiguous ending
Tears slipped down your cheeks as you watched everything you owned burn to a crisp. Had you left the stove on? A candle? You couldn’t remember, shivering in your bare feet and pajamas wondering what you were going to do next. If it wasn’t for the brand new fire alarm your friend Ruston had installed, you might not have even made it out alive.
The local fire chief and pack alpha Ruston came jogging over, his yellow uniform hanging open revealing a firm chest of white fur. The blaze cast his huge form in sharp silhouette while the rest of the wolves in his pack fought it with hoses. His eyes were full of concern and he threw his jacket around your shoulders, pulling you over to an ambulance.
“Come on (Y/N), let’s have the boys look atcha,” he said.
“I’m fine!” you fussed, scared, confused, and overwhelmed. Your nerves were strung tight. Your hand clapped to your mouth and you looked up at him apologetically. If it bothered him you couldn’t read it on his canine face.
“Indulge me, peach?” he asked in the soft, but stern voice that always made you cave, “you could have inhaled some smoke.”
He was right and he was the expert. You needed to listen to his advice. He was always right and sometimes it drove you crazy. He was about fifteen years older than you. You’d met when he came to the elementary school you taught at to teach the kids about fire safety.
After the demonstration you had struck up a conversation and found you both liked to do charity work. Over the years you kept running into each other at the soup kitchen you volunteered at.
He volunteered there too when he could, which wasn’t as often as you because of his job, but often enough for you to get to know each other pretty well over the 8 hour shifts.
Volunteering, his work, and pack duties kept him too busy to date, so it never really came up and you assumed he wasn’t interested. You thought he was very attractive with his white fur and golden eyes, but you didn't know much about wolves. He probably had a wolf princess somewhere he was prearranged to marry and that was about as much thought as you’d given it over the years you’d known him.
He let the EMT’s take your vitals and breathe oxygen out of a bag until they were satisfied you didn’t need to go to the hospital. By that point reality had started to set in and tears were forming in your eyes. What were you going to do? Maybe with the cheap insurance policy you had you could afford a new house, but a new car? Clothes? Furniture? Food? Your $500 in savings was not going to cover that.
You sat on the bumper of the ambulance just staring. You pulled Ruston’s coat tighter around you, catching a whiff of his masculine musk mixed with the slight scent of smoke. It was a small comfort and you let your mind go blank so you could bask in it for a second without any complicated thoughts. His voice pulled you out of your stupor.
“Hey, peach, it’s going to be okay,” he said, leaning down to your eye level and brushing your cheek with a claw, “you don’t need a place to stay while you get yourself put together, I’ll take you home as soon as we’re done here.”
You started to shake your head, but he held up his hand.
“I won't take no for an answer, I know that face too well,” he said, “you're in shock. Don’t try to think right now, just let me take care of it. We can figure out everything tomorrow morning when you’ve had some sleep and some food.”
You conceded that he probably knew better than you and you didn’t have another plan. Your wallet, your phone, and all your credit cards were in the burning house.
His claws curled around you protectively as he glanced over his shoulder at the rest of his pack working dutifully to put out the fire.
“Thank you, Ruston,” you murmured, “I don’t know what I would do without you here.”
He pulled you into his soft furry chest and stroked your hair.
“Everything is going to be okay, (Y/N),” he assured you.
You didn’t see how that was possible, but you just closed your eyes and let him comfort you. There was nothing else for you to do.
–
“What do you mean I’m fired?” you gasped at your principal, holding the slip of paper she’d given you announcing your dismissal. You were wearing clothes Ruston had bought you so you could get back to work, but as soon as you came in you were called into the principal’s office.
“There was a very serious complaint filed against you Miss (Y/N). You behaved inappropriately with a student’s parent.”
You gasped in horror as raunchy pictures of yourself in lingerie you’d taken for some past boyfriend were spread out on the table, printed on a sheet of paper along with emails from your address trying to seduce one of your student’s parents.
“But…but…this…it’s not true! It’s been photoshopped or something! I don’t understand!”
Your principal raised an eyebrow.
“That is you in the picture, right?” she asked.
You nodded numbly. It was you. A much younger you, but the same person.
“Then I think that says all there is to be said,” she snapped, “we don’t tolerate this kind of perverted, pornographic behavior here, Miss (Y/N), it’s an elementary school. Please vacate the premises or you will be escorted out.”
Your mind was too muddled to say much else and you stumbled out of her office, tears streaking down your cheeks. You didn’t even bother to ask yourself why Ruston’s truck was still sitting outside of the school waiting for you.
“What happened, peach? What’s wrong?” he asked, hopping out of the pickup and running over to you. He grabbed you by your shoulders and stuffed you into the passenger seat.
“They fired me!” you sobbed, letting out big ugly tears.
“They called me a pervert!” you cried.
“Oh, sweetheart,” he cooed, pulling you across the seat into his lap, “they must have gotten it wrong. Of course you aren’t a pervert. Who would say something like that?”
You shook your head, your cheeks prickling with salt.
“I don’t know…I don’t understand it…none of it makes any sense! They’re saying I seduced someone! I don’t even know half the words in the email she showed me!”
According to the email, you had some very creative ways of referring to your cunt.
“Shhh,” he purred, pushing your head into his warm chest, because he already knew what they’d accused you of.
“Let me take ya home, peach,” he said, running his claws through your hair, “we’ll get some food in ya and a bath and everything will look a lot brighter.”
His slight southern accent and gravelly voice went a long way to soothe you. When he said it was going to be okay, you almost believed it. You sniffled, dehydrated from crying and out of tears, clinging to him in his lap while he drove you back to his house.
__
He unloaded you from his truck and carried you into the kitchen propping you onto a stool while he rustled through the cabinets for ingredients. He’d stocked up on foods for humans just for you.
He pulled out a bowl and some pancake mix, and rifled through the refrigerator to pour you a glass of orange juice.
“What am I gonna do Ruston?” you moaned, “nobody is gonna to hire me with that picture going around! I might as well leave the state!”
He froze for a second before gathering himself and sliding around the counter to you.
“Don’t say things like that, peach,” he cooed, holding you against him. There was something incredible about having a large fuzzy wolf hold you to his chest and your heart fluttered, despite your misery.
“Everything is going to be just fine,” he went on, “maybe you should just lay low for a while until this whole thing blows over.”
“Lay low?” you gasped, “what…what does that mean? Just hide somewhere?I have to eat! I can’t live in your guest room forever!”
No, because you would live in his bedroom, he thought.
“But you can live here for a while,” he reasoned, brushing your tears away, “just think about it. You’ve worked so hard, don’t you deserve a break? I don’t mind at all. It’d be nice to have some company for once.”
“A- a break…?” you mumbled.
“Sure, hon,” he said, slipping back to the other side of the counter to give you some room to think, “volunteer at the soup kitchen, work on a novel…just take some time to take care ah yourself and let me do the rest. I manage a whole pack, what’s one more?”
You chuckled.
“Ruston, thank you for the offer, but that’s crazy,” you said, “I can’t just live off of you. That’d be wrong of me.”
He flipped a pancake, wondering how to work his way out of this hole. You were too independent, he would have to break you of it.
“Well then help me out with the pack,” he said, liking the idea more and more as the seconds passed in silence.
“Doing what?” you asked.
He shrugged, plating a pair of pancakes for you.
“I need lots of little errands run, things organized, there’s plenty of work to be done. You don’t have to answer now, just sleep on it and tell me what you think tomorrow.”
Warm food went a long way towards winning you over. He slid the pancakes across the table to you, covered in butter and syrup and you could forget your sorrows for a few sweet minutes while you ate the fluffy treat.
“Let’s getcha in the bath,” he said when you were full and had a little smile on your face. Wolves had different baths than humans. Instead of a small porcelain tub, they built large stone baths sunk into the floor with underground heating that could be kept filled and warm for a long time. His was already filled with tepid water, as if he had been preparing for this when he led you in.
The space felt small, filled with steam and Ruston’s large body. The scent of his musk surrounded you. There was something…maybe his pheromones that smelled so good to you. You just wanted to roll in it. You brushed a few fingers absently over his hip as you slipped past him.
He reached above you, putting you directly in line with his broad chest and his chiseled pectorals.
“Here’s some soap,” he said, pulling down a bottle and leaning down to set it behind you. As he dipped his head, his mouth brushed yours. Maybe it was because your life was a total wreck and nothing was making any sense, but you leaned in and pressed your lips against his muzzle.
You immediately drew back, your cheeks going red.
“I’m sorry, I don’t know why I- Mppf!”
Your words were cut short by Ruston’s tongue in your mouth. He lapped at you, kissing in the way wolves did, before dropping his nose greedily down your neck to graze the skin with his teeth. How long he’d been waiting to taste you. He couldn’t stop himself. He was sure he wouldn’t have done it if you hadn’t kissed him first. This wasn’t how it was supposed to happen.
He licked his way down your body, popping the buttons of your shirt and your bra all at once with one downward swipe of his claw. His agile tongue pushed its way past the loose cups to your nipple and he gave it a long lap, before licking and nibbling it with his teeth.
“Ah…Ruston!” you gasped, surprised by his passion.
He hoisted you up on the small countertop in the room, stripping you of your pants.
“Need you,” he grunted, his animal taking over.
You could see the feral look in his eyes. Ruston was gone and his wolf wanted to rut.
Something in you said fuck it. Everything else in your life was trash, why not have this one thing? Let the handsome wolf firefighter ravish you. You wanted it. Maybe you’d always wanted him.
You nodded slowly, giving him your permission, and your panties went with the rest of your clothes. He dropped to his knees, his flat tongue invading your folds.
“Sooo good,” he groaned into your pussy. He’d waited ages to taste you and it had been worth everything he had done. He wiggled his tongue into your channel eager to lick up your flavor. Your hands gripped his head, digging into the fur on either side of his ears.
He pushed a thick finger into your pussy, bringing the incredible pressure of his tongue to your clit. Your cunt spasmed around his finger. It had been a long time since you’d had sex and the pleasant invasion blew your mind. Colors flashed in front of your eyes as you ground your hips into his face.
“Fuck Ruston!” you squalled, “I’m gonna cum!”
He just growled at you, but it sounded like a good sort of growl, so you let yourself go, pushed over the edge by the vibration of his tongue on your little nub.
You fell back into the cool mirror behind you and Ruston popped up, his muzzle wrinkled and his teeth bared as if he were going to attack. His long tongue ran over his lips, as he drew your juices into his mouth and he loomed over you. It was clear by the thick rod thrusting into his pants and the dark wet spot of precum there what he wanted.
You fumbled with his belt without having to ask and his deep pink cock popped out, drooling cum. He didn’t hesitate to line himself up with your slit and thrust inside.
“Mine,” he snarled, his claws digging into the fat flesh of your ass as he lifted you up and fucked you into the wall.
His instincts were locked in on you. He needed to rut you and knot you. He curled his body down to you, so he could tangle his much larger tongue with yours. He savored your flavor before pulling you off of him and propping you up on your knees on the counter so you were high enough for him to enter you easily.
He bent you forward until your cheek was pressed into the glass and fucked you like you were his pretty doll, his hand buried in your hair, holding your head back so he could see your face and your spine arched.
“Yeah, sweet peach, that’s it,” he grunted, his laser focus dropping to your ass, “you can take it.”
You weren’t sure of that, feeling his huge shaft in your stomach. He was splitting you open so wide you could only drool and moan into the glass. His cock was made for wolf pussies, you were just a tiny human. He was big enough to fuck you stupid and was just barely squeezing into you.
He loved how his claws looked digging into the plump flesh of your rump. How he wanted to just take a bite out of it. He felt his knot swelling at base of his cock and he hurriedly jammed it in before it got too big to fit.
He could have waited…held off until your relationship was more established to knot you, but his wolf was having its way with you and it wanted to seal all of his cum inside you and breed you.
You screamed a full bellied scream at the intrusion. It hurt a bit, but more than that it stretched you more than you thought you could go. He rocked it gently inside of you as it swelled to its full size, careful of your smaller biology, until you moaned again in pleasure. His finger slipped underneath you and stroked your clit, soothing your aches and making your pussy wetter as he worked the knot deeper into you.
“Easy, little one,” he coached, “you can do it. Just like that.”
Your pussy milked his cock and his wolf loved it. You had a fat ass, but your pussy was small and his wolf didn’t want to hurt you. He pulsed his thrusts in rolling waves, gently, but firmly bringing himself to release in you as he strummed your clit.
You reached back clinging to his fur with a decadent scream, as he bottomed out in you, forcing himself and his knot all the way in. The two of you came in tandem, his teeth sinking into your shoulder right as your orgasm bloomed masking the pain.
Your fingers drifted shakily to the wound as you went limp, panicking a little when you pulled back and there was blood, but he nuzzled your hand away with his muzzle, licking the spot until it was soothed. His knot was still inside of you, locking you together, so he slid the two of you backwards into the bath to wait for it to go down.
“Wh-wh-what did you do…?” you panted, the warm water slipping around you while he continued to lick your neck.
“I marked you,” he said, “but don’t think about it now…just relax.”
To distract you he flicked your oversensitive clit, licking your neck, until he brought you back up to a dizzying height, so full and stretched around his knot.
“Let go, (Y/N) he whispered,” you didn’t hear the double meaning in his words, just indulging in your orgasm as you clutched his furry body.
Finally, you were too spent to think anymore and you let the hot bath and Ruston’s rhythmic licking ease you to sleep.
As Ruston held you while you slept, he hoped he’d bred you. He’d replaced all of your birth control with sugar pills, so he knew you were fertile. It was only a matter of fucking you until his seed took root.
He licked the wound on your neck again that would scar and leave his bite on you, claiming you forever. The red punctures, the unique shape of his teeth, looked so perfect on your (Y/C) skin.
When his knot went down he eased himself out of you, cleaning up your pussy a bit with his fingers before he wrapped your dead weight in a towel. He scooped up your panties as he took to his bed. After he laid you down and tucked you in he went down to his basement, unlocking a door only he had the code to. Inside, he’d built your shrine.
He’d been stalking you for a long time.
He could have asked you out like a normal person years ago, but he wasn’t a normal person. He needed to own you. It was something perhaps broken in his brain.
He’d assaulted all your dates, threatening each one after they dropped you off at your front door. No one ever called you back. You chocked it up to hook up culture.
He’d crept into your house when you were at the school, stealing your panties and cumming in your food. You’d seriously blamed the little things you found amiss when you returned home on a ghost you’d named “Annie”.
He stalked your social media, had a tracker on your car, and had installed cameras all over your house that he could monitor from his phone. He’d even phished his way into your email account. Everything that seemed a little off in your life, you’d found a reason to brush away.
The fact that only he commented on your social media photos, the fact that you were always running into one another around town, and that he knew things about you he shouldn't know, like your dress size.
Maybe if you had been thinking about those things it all would have turned out differently.
He wanted you so badly he felt like he could just eat you up. His mouth watered when he thought about it. No, a normal relationship was not enough.
He needed you completely dependent on him. Completely under his control. You had to be his and his alone. He wasn’t even sure he wanted to share you with the children you taught. Only his children should get your love.
He’d sent the emails getting you fired from your teaching job from your email account, choosing the most chaste lingerie photo he could find to attach, but the most lurid language he could think of.
He hated to do it, but it was the easiest thing he could think of to get you fired, short of blackmailing your principal. That had been his second plan if this didn’t work, but then he would have to try and do the same thing to every other school you applied to. This way no one in a hundred miles would hire you.
He’d started the fire in your house, knowing just how to do it as a firefighter. Hiding in the bushes, he'd watched you climb out of your window with the escape ladder he installed. He needed you helpless with nothing for his plan to work, so he'd burned it all up.
There were pictures of you on the wall of this room, locks of hair he’d cut while you were sleeping, notes you’d discarded that he liked the way your handwriting looked, and other things he’d stolen from your house. The most relevant at the moment were the panties pinned to a bulletin board marking important dates to him.
One pair he’d stolen after he’d watched you bike all the way home from downtown, driving slowly behind you so he could watch your ass as you peddled your little legs off.
Another had been from a day he’d seen you at the soup kitchen and you’d complimented his fur. He just liked that memory so he’d stolen those panties from your laundry bin while you were at work the next day.
There were a hundred of them, stolen over the course of a few years. How you didn’t realize so many of your panties were going missing he never knew, but you always absently ordered more online to replace the ones he stole, thinking the washer was eating them.
He had them all labeled and he neatly wrote a new label for this one on a crisp strip of paper cut specifically for this purpose. Claiming (DATE). He pinned the note and the panties to his board and stood back looking at all of the things he’d collected.
He’d sit you down in the morning and explain to you that you belonged to him. He was sure you would accept him, because no one loved you as much as he did. No one knew you like he did. No one deserved you as much as he did and he wouldn’t let anyone else have you.
#monster x girl#monster oc#monster boyfriend#monster lover#monster romance#human x monster#male yandere#yandere headcanons#monster smut#yandere smut#smut#wolf smut#wolfman#wolf#werewolf
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BRAND NEW MOVES — jake sim [repost]
landing page. main masterlist.
pairing: nerd jake x afab reader
genre: mild fluff, mild angst, smut (mdni)
plot: you had met jake on your first day at university, him studying personal training and playing many sports, with extra math and science classes on the side for the fun of it, while you were studying sports therapy and massage. your paths often crossed with jake's, which soon turned into a secret relationship. but jake just wants to scream from the rooftops that he is yours, and you are his.
wc: 4380
warnings under the cut.
warnings: established relationship, jake is a major softy but can also be a petty jealous, reader unintentionally makes jake jealous, jake unintentionally makes reader jealous, secret relationship, mentions of birth control pills (reader takes them), unprotected sex (safety first guys), mentions of marking (hickeys, receiving).
Jake was well-known and loved by everyone. He was great at various sports but was mostly known for being on the football team. He had excellent grades, being top of the whole year group in math. He was the golden boy. Untouchable. Impossible not to love. It didn't help he had this face he pulled to get whatever he wanted. Wide, puppy-like eyes with the most luscious pout that caused anyone to become addicted to the idea of kissing them.
And no one knew, but behind closed doors, it was you he was holding in his arms. It was you who got to kiss his pouty lips. It was you who he gave the puppy eyes to, but he always ended up being the one on his knees to please your every demand and request.
This fine specimen called Jake Sim that all women craved and all men envied was yours and only yours.
Somehow, he had a reputation for being a bit of a player, but he had never had any other girlfriends. Some people misinterpreted the girls who chased after him, his fans; they called themselves and blamed him for so many girls fawning over him. He didn't see how he was anything special, and he hated how much people treated him like he was some shining star. He just wanted to be treated like he was normal, which was precisely why he fell for you.
You were good and kind. You didn't have fans who were always chasing after you, as Jake did, but many students often spoke your praises and spoke of you as some golden icon.
You were among the only students in class with links to the student council, so people often visited you with their concerns about classes or the campus. You were smart—rivalling Jake in most categories. And you were quiet, so most students often went to you with their concerns about anything from the fear of failing classes to personal life drama and everything else between. They knew you would never tell another soul.
Whenever Jake walked down the hallways, everyone stopped to stare or offered him wishes that he would have a good day, to which he always responded to them with kind words of his owns.
But when he walked past you, it was almost as if you ignored one another.
No one seemed to notice, as you still offered one another a small smile or a nod. You often felt the urge to grab his stupid face and kiss him right there, but you knew you couldn't risk it. God knows what his fangirls would do to you.
Jake's hand always ensured to brush against yours, though. The hallway was wide, he had enough space to walk around and avoid you, but he would never do that. He always liked the idea of being able to hold your hand in public, but he worried those around him would try to tear down the relationship. So he settled for the subtle hand brushes in the hallways and the secret embraces in your bedrooms where only your closest friends and family knew about the relationship.
You sat on his bed. Jake's mother let you in, as usual. She even got you a key cut some weeks ago, but you were always too shy to use it. Jake was meant to be packing due to moving out into an apartment in the city of his own—but of course, you had to be his motivation to do anything; otherwise, he would leave the packing to the very last minute.
Jake entered his bedroom after you lazed across his bed while waiting for him for about an hour. You were about to doze off until you woke with a gasp at Jake throwing his door open a little too aggressively. You raised your head and mumbled softly, "Hey, Jake."
Jake smiled warmly at you as he used his foot to shut his bedroom door. He pulled his jacket off, then he instantly made his way to his bed and crawled on beside you. Jake wrapped his arms around your waist and pulled you against his body, closing his eyes as his head hit his pillow. He shared no words, but with the kind of relationship you guys had, sometimes you didn't need to talk for hours. Just holding one another was enough.
Your eyes kept closing every time you opened them. You were well prepared to help Jake with all the packing and be his motivational cheerleader an hour ago, but now, you just wanted to lie in his arms and sleep.
You closed your eyes and pressed your cheek against his chest, basking in the warmth of his embrace. You breathed in his cologne and felt all your worries fade away. He was your whole heart, and he had no idea just how much he meant to you—just how in love with him you were.
I love you.
Those were words Jake found hard to say when it came to you.
He felt it, love. He just didn't know how to tell you. You were the first girl he had ever dated in this way, the first girl he had ever felt these kinds of feelings for in this way.
Sure, you had dated other men before, but Jake was also the first to make you feel this way. Your heart swelled each time you saw him, even if you guys just shared a glance across the football field.
You had said it to him once. I love you. Guaranteed you were asleep, but Jake heard it. He didn't respond with words for fear of waking you up, but his hand gently pushed your hair from your face before he cupped your cheek and pressed a gentle kiss to your forehead.
At the memory of waking up and cuddling with Jake before his mom made you both breakfast, you couldn't help the wide smile that spread across your face. You held your notebook to your chest, smiling like a love-sick idiot.
Your friend rushed up behind you, wrapping an arm around your shoulders, causing a surprised yelp to come from you—too distracted to notice they were calling and chasing after you.
Your friend, Jay Park, smiled wide at you as he used the arm around you to reach for your head, ruffling your hair playfully. "What's got you walking around in a smiley, giggly daze?" He asked, laughing when you swatted his hands away.
"Nothing," You defended, but your smile betrayed you. Jay wiggled his eyebrows and tilted his head down the hallway in the direction of the class Jake was about to exit at any given second.
"Thinking about your lover boy again?" Jay asked, a smirk forming as you slapped his arm and whispered insults and swears to get him to shut up.
"Remember, no one is meant to know about that!" You felt no shame sharing this secret with someone like Jay, though. You needed a friend to lean on when things were getting rough. Jake was also okay with Jay knowing about your relationship. It wasn't like he would pull out a megaphone and expose you both.
You were too distracted by Jay now, not noticing when your secret boyfriend exited his classroom with a smile on his lips and his puppy-like eyes searching for you. His smile soon fell when he noticed Jay's hand on your shoulder while you were talking excitedly about an unknown subject, your eyes wide and your mouth tilted up in a smile.
Jake looked down. He felt ashamed—he couldn't be so open with you in public. Not that he didn't want to; he just feared someone else doing or saying something to risk your relationship. He tried to take it easy, being a firm believer in privacy regarding relationships.
Jake remained in his position as all the other students walked out of class and around him, most bidding him goodbye with waves or words like 'see you later'. His eyes were fixated on you, watching every move you and Jay made.
You finally noticed a crowd of students from the corner of your eye and turned your head to look in the direction of his class, your smile now focused on him. But Jake looked off. A little upset or even angry. You raised an eyebrow and stepped away from Jay in Jake's direction.
Your smile fell as Jake turned and rushed after some students, wrapping his arm around one of the boy's shoulders before he began animatedly talking about something you were too far away to hear.
You stopped in your tracks, your arms falling from your chest as your hand held your book tight. You never talked to Jake at campus, of course not, but you still shared glances and even walked past one another while whispering affirmations that you missed one another. It wasn't like him to run away from you like that.
Jay made his way to you with a frown knitted on his forehead. "Why did lover boy run off like that? Did you two fight?"
You shook your head. "No…"
Jake had ignored your messages all that night, and you felt a hole begin to form in your stomach, which was becoming overwhelmed with concern and fear. You had messaged Jay a million times, surprised he even replied instead of telling you to leave him alone. But he knew you had no one else to talk to, and you appreciated that he was always there for you.
Plus, Jay was the one joint friend you both shared—and he, too, was being ignored by Jake. You had a bad feeling in the pit of your stomach but had no choice but to push it down. You were going to his football match that afternoon, and nothing would stop you.
To try and get his attention and to get him to forgive you for whatever petty reason that caused him to be ignoring you without any warning, you dressed in a white sundress and wore light, natural makeup. You tied your hair back to show off your neck and shoulders.
Unbeknownst to you, Jake always had a thing for your neck, wishing he could leave marks all over the soft skin so everyone would know you were his.
You left your tiny apartment with the need for freedom and the chance to make things right with Jake. If you had done or said something to trigger or upset him, you had to talk it out and not just let things simmer in unspoken festering anger.
You arrived at the football game with Jay and chose to sit as close to the field as possible. You held your phone tight in your hand, waiting for a text from Jake that seemed as if it would never come.
Soon enough, the team players entered the field, and, as usual, Jake's eyes searched for you. He found you in your usual spot, and his lips turned up into a wide smile of relief that you still showed up despite him being petty. His smile wavered slightly when he noticed Jay beside you, but he ignored that face and sent you a small wave.
You felt instant relief and began to think up multiple reasons to defend the ghosting Jake had been doing. Maybe he broke his phone, or he lost it? Surely if he was ignoring you, he wouldn't have just waved.
When the game ended, the crowd slowly trickled out. Jay offered to take you home, but you were determined you were going to see Jake and talk things out. Jay assured you should you need him, he would keep his phone by his side. You were thankful, but you knew this was something for only you and Jake to discuss.
You decided to make your way to the dressing room, waiting at the door when it seemed most of the players had left. You waited 5 minutes, 10 minutes, 15 minutes. You frowned. What was taking Jake so long? His car was still parked in its usual place.
You bit the inside of your cheek and decided to invade the dressing room, making your way through the hallway until you got to the opening, which showed rows of lockers and benches. It sounded like the showers were running, so you called out his name.
"Jake?" Your voice shook a little, worried it wasn't him left behind, and you may have just exposed the secret you both desperately wanted to keep hidden—that you were somehow tied to one another.
The running water stopped, and then you heard footsteps. You look around, and sure enough, Jake came out of one of the archways leading off to separate rooms. He had a towel hanging low on his waist and looked tired.
You smiled at him, and he smiled back. He used one of his hands to push his wet hair out of his face as he made his way through the open area to the locker near you, his name written in messy white marker on the light blue metal.
"Are you okay?" You offered, hoping Jake would finally talk to you. It had been almost 24 hours since he began to refuse to reply to your messages, and it had been nearly 20 hours since he had turned his phone off and refused to look at it for fear of giving in too quickly.
But now you were standing before him, his anger washed away with just one smile. He knew he was being petty, but he couldn't help but fear losing you to Jay—someone you probably felt would be easy to be in a public relationship with.
You sighed softly, walking to sit on the bench behind Jake. He pulled his towel from his waist and began drying off. Neither of you were concerned about being naked in front of the other; you had seen each other naked more than enough times. But Jake seemed to be in a rush to dry off and grab his clean clothes from his bag.
"Jake," Your voice sounded firm, causing your boyfriend to stop his actions and turn slowly to face you. "Why are you ignoring me? Have I said or done something to upset you? If I have, ignoring me isn't the best way to go about it. We should sit down, and you should express what boundaries I've crossed so I know not to do it again."
Jake let out a small puff of air through pursed lips, then crouched before you and gently wrapped his fingers around your hands, which sat on your lap.
"I saw Jay being a bit… too friendly with you yesterday, and it drove me a little crazy," Jake replied, to which you raised an eyebrow at him and shook your head.
"You know nothing like that would ever, ever happen between Jay and me. We met through you, so we respect you too much for a start." Jake knew you were trying to comfort him, but your words almost hurt him. You sounded as if you were brushing his concerns away without considering how it made him feel.
"I get it, though," You continued, to which Jake felt relief. He had never been in a relationship that was so serious yet so fun. You were adults, so you both had to be mature with your concerns. "I would probably have felt the same if we shared another friend who could freely touch you in public. But you know I would never do that to you, right?"
Jake nodded, offering a small smile, and softly whispered, "I know."
You let go of one of his hands and pressed your hand against his cheek, your lips begging to kiss him as he looked so invested in your every word. But you had to let something off your chest. "And second, I'm too in love with you that if this were to ever end, I don't think I would ever be able to fall in love with someone else again."
"Love?" Jake whispered again, his eyes staring deep into yours as you dropped your hand from his face. He looked deep in thought for a second before he smiled and nodded in response. "I'm in love with you too."
You smiled and looked down at your lap, your joint hands. You laughed shyly. You felt Jake's hand touch your cheek, so you looked up and into his eyes. Jake leant forward and pressed his lips to yours, the kiss beginning soft and gentle, but when you wrapped your arms around his neck and pushed your body against his tightly, he couldn't help but get riled up.
Jake mumbled against your lips, his hands roughly holding your hips, "We need to leave. Can you keep your hands to yourself while I get dressed? We can go to mine for the night, yeah?"
You nod, dramatically pulling your arms back from his neck and slamming them on the bench, each hand on either side of you. Jake laughed, and you couldn't help but smile wide at the reaction. You kept your hands in their positions as Jake got up and grabbed his clothes to change. Once he was in his boxers, joggers and a hoodie, he lazily shoved his towel in his bag before he picked it up and turned to you with his hand held out.
You stood and grabbed his hand, the pair of you leaving the place together. You both got into his car, and Jake had to stop himself from speeding as he was needy to show you just how much he loved you.
As he pulled up to his house and parked outside, he said haphazardly, almost sounding in a trance, "I want to go semi-public about us."
"Excuse me?" You asked, your eyes going wide as you turned in your seat to face him.
Jake laughed and nodded his head. He reached across you to open his glove box, finally pulling out his phone. "Hear me out. We're not going to be ending this any time soon, so why don't we share photos but just not show the other person's face. Then everyone will know we're taken. Private, but not a secret."
You let out a single laugh, almost like a breath of disbelief. But Jake's smile and puppy dog eyes told you he was serious. You felt your stomach doing flips and couldn't help but nod your head quickly. "Yes, God, yes."
Jake laughed and leaned over to kiss you, but you rushed to clap your hand over his mouth to stop him.
"Jake Sim, I swear to God if we kiss in this car, I'm going to climb on your lap, and we're going to fuck right here right now. And I'm sure old lady Choi will be more than happy to watch us and tell your parents about the view."
Jake pulled back, saluted and replied with a smirk. "Yes, ma'am."
Jake exited the car and ran around to open the door for you, holding his hand out for you. You placed your hand in his and got out, following after Jake, who threw his head back and groaned when you kissed the back of his shoulder. "I swear to God I'm going to fuck you all night long that on Monday, you still won't be able to walk straight, and everyone will be asking you what happened."
You laughed and rolled your eyes, using your free hand to pat his shoulder. "Sure, sure, Jake. Whatever you say."
Jake dropped your hand to unlock the door, pulled you inside, and rushed to lock the door behind you. Jake stood there for a second, just staring at you. Then he crouched, wrapped an arm around your thighs, and finally threw you over his shoulder. Jake held you tight, walking while carrying you to his room.
You couldn't help but laugh and feared he would drop you. You safely made it to his bed, Jake gently placing you to sit on the edge. He didn't give you time to think before his hands gripped your waist and his lips attacked your neck.
"Jake," You let out a breathy moan. Jake's lips and tongue attached to your skin, but the soft kisses soon turned rough. His teeth began to sink into your skin, mixed with some sucking. He was determined to make an art piece all over your neck and chest.
One of your hands moved to tangle into his hair while your other hand grabbed his jogger's waistband. You were needy. It had been over a week since you guys lasted touched one another. You needed him badly.
Jake took the hint and pulled away from your neck enough to push your dress to your waist and his joggers down to his knees. He needed you too, too lazy to fully undress yourselves.
Jake wrapped his hand around his dick and pumped a few times, throwing his head back and biting his lip to hold back to moan threatening to spill out at the good feeling. He then looked at you, your dress to your hips and your legs wide opening, waiting for him.
Jake finally let out a groan and leaned down to lie between your legs. His lips kissed yours feverishly while his hands became rough on your hips. You dared to push your hips up against his at this, smiling at the reaction you gained. Jake moaned into your mouth, pulling back to look at you darkly.
Jake pulled your panties to the side and wasted no time pushing inside you, just wanting to feel you. The stretch was uncomfortable as you weren't prepared for it, but it quickly subsided. Jake remained still for a while, pressing gentle kisses to the red marks he had littered against your skin.
"You look too beautiful, baby," Jake mumbled, pulling back to look down at you. Your cheeks flushed pink, but you smiled and pouted your lips. Jake rolled his eyes but did as you asked, leaning down to gently kiss your lips.
Jake gave a test thrust of his hips, earning a gasp from you. Jake kept thrusting but was slow, not too hard. But when you began to whine, he knew you were adjusted. Your hands tried to grip at his waist to pull him in faster. He grabbed your hands at this, entwining your fingers as he thrust faster, harder.
Jake's head felt into your neck, kissing at the skin he attacked earlier. You squeezed his hands, pushing your hips up as you felt your release reaching close as his thrusts began to get harder. Your moans became faster and louder. You were almost there. Then Jake pulled out.
Your mouth fell open, and you couldn't move at first, but then you sat up with a glare, furious at Jake. "What the fuck? I was almost there!"
Jake tutted and shook his head. "You deserve a bit of a warning to not let Jay touch you up again, don't you think? I need to remind you exactly who you belong to."
You rolled your eyes and scoffed. "All he did was touch my shoulder; you can't seriously get mad over that when you don't even say more than five words to me on campus."
"Watch me," Jake teased before thrusting back into you, unwilling to anger you further and prolong your orgasms. He pressed his thumb lazily to your clit to help push you closer to the edge faster.
You moaned loudly and gripped tight on his shoulders, scheming your own ways to mark him up just as he had done with you. You pressed your face into his neck, daring to suck a series of hickeys in a line before you pulled back with a smirk.
Jake rubbed your clit faster, giving a faux warning, "Behave yourself, baby girl, or I'll pull out again."
You whined and shook your head at his response, knowing he wasn't being too serious. The faster he rubbed your clit, the closer you came to your orgasm again. The familiar tensing of muscles in your thighs and lower stomach began, and soon enough, you let out a string of moans mixed with his name before you released around him.
At the feeling of your walls tightening around him, Jake let loose inside you and leant down to sloppily kiss you, mumbling against your lips, "Thank God you're on the pill. I could never go back to fucking you in condoms. I'm addicted to how you feel."
You laughed and hugged your arms around his shoulders, Jake allowing his head to fall against the very top of your chest. He closed his eyes, already tired, as he had also spent over an hour playing football not too long ago.
"We should order food," You tried to hint, you always being the one to take care of Jake when he had a busy sports day which often wore him out.
"Mmh, in a bit," He mumbled. You could already feel him falling asleep. But then he gasped and reached for his hoodie pocket, pulling his phone out.
"Can I post a photo of us like this?" Jake asked. Your dress still covered your chest, and his hoodie had a large, baggy style, so only his face and a hint of your clothing would be in the photo. You nod your head, a blush forming on your face with pure excitement at the idea of being debuted on his social media accounts—even though it would be faceless.
Jake pouted his lips, and you felt your heart race as you saw how cute he looked in the photo. You smiled as he snapped the picture and opened his social media app. He typed in a simple 'my girl always knows how to take care of me after a match' before he pressed post, not a single time to think about what he was posting.
Jake then dropped his phone off the bed onto the floor, wrapping his arms under your body as he hugged you tight. He closed his eyes, mumbling a soft "I love you" before falling asleep.
#enhypen#enhypen smut#enhypen scenarios#jake#enhypen jake#enhypen jake sim#jake sim#enhypen jake smut#jake smut#jake scenarios#sim jaeyun#jaeyun#enhypen jaeyun
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Letter from Professor James Schamus
As Columbia survivors of last fall’s International Day of Jihad (sic), a not-surprisingly quite effective disinformation campaign, we still shouldn’t dismiss credible accounts of genuinely anti-semitic incidents on the rise, here and elsewhere. They deserve condemnation – as does the manufactured hysteria around them, weaponized in the movement to quell legitimate political speech on campus and elsewhere, mainly through the conflation of criticism of Israel with anti-semitism itself.
Let’s start with Rav Elie Beuchler, described in much of the recent massive press coverage of the terrors awaiting us Jews at Columbia as the “Columbia Rabbi” who sent an email to a few hundred students yesterday telling them to go home “as soon as possible” in fear for their lives and safety. One thing Beuchler is not, in fact, is the Columbia/Barnard Hillel campus rabbi; rather he is on the staff of the Orthodox Union-Jewish Institute for Leaning on Campus, run as a wing of the Orthodox Union.
To get a sense of the political mission of the OU-JILC, consider its Founding Director, Menachem Schrader, whose biography on the organization’s website attests he “has been community rabbi of Moshav Carmel in the Judean Hills and of Congregation Tiferet Avot in Efrat.” Carmel and Efrat are – and you can probably guess where this is going – illegal Israeli settlements located in the Occupied West Bank, centers of the Amana movement, the radical settlement arm of the violent, racist Gush Emunim. Amana was founded and led for decades by Ze’ev Hever, a Jewish supremacist terrorist who spent 11 months in jail for a Jewish Underground bombing plot before becoming a major establishment figure in the settlement movement. (Ironically, after his own car was vandalized in a violent “Price Tag” settler vigilante action in 2012, Hever himself, at least publicly, called for a reduction in settler rampages – one needn’t wonder whether his fanatical acolytes heeded that call.)
The OU-JILC actually brands itself as the “Heshe and Harriet Sief OU-JILC,” named, one assumes, after its major benefactors. Heshe and Harriet Sief, who are also major donors to Yeshivat Har-Etzion , which is located – you guessed it – in the Etzion bloc of settlements. It should be noted that funding for the Initiative, as with the Union itself, is opaque – the Union itself, given its prominent political activities, has been decried in Jewish philanthropy circles for its lack of transparency).
The Initiative has planted itself on thirty or so campuses in the United States, and has been welcomed into spaces controlled by International Hillel, which has become increasingly reactionary in its policing of Jewish students’ speech around Israel and Palestine.
That policing now threatens to engulf the University as a whole. Action based on genuine concern for the well-being and safety of our Jewish students and colleagues should be founded on the defense of the very principles and norms being assaulted by those hijacking that concern to give cover to the larger project of ethnic cleansing and settlement in the West Bank and, now, of course, Gaza.
a letter on the rabbi who said campus isn't safe and jewish students should stay home. yet again it should be noted that some of the students leading the protests are antizionist jews, and that columbia suspended the student jewish voices for peace organization several months ago, for which they are facing an ACLU lawsuit
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After the events of Las Almas and everything involving Shepherd gets fixed, Task Force 141 and Shadow Company are forced to spend 8 weeks together (minimum) to repair trust and regain their alliance.
These are some Incorrect Quotes from during the 141's stay. (Moose belongs to @cod-dump )
Graves: All right, Shadows! Welcome to Ceremony Day for Shadow Olympics. Unfortunately, this year we have... guests. The military and government, in their infinite wisdom, have decided we need to repair our alliance with some of Britain's forces. In other words, it's a government ordered get-along-shirt with *long pause* Task Force 141.
*loud booing from the Shadows*
Graves: Yes, Flash?
Flash: I am new here, so why do we hate them?
*everyone is now suddenly very awkward*
*Woody leans over and whispers the answer to Flash*
Flash: Nevermind, sir! *sits back down*
Graves: This is gonna be awful
*Ghost is watching something with interest on their third day at Shadow Base*
Soap: Watcha lookin' at, Lt?
Ghost: *wordlessly points*
Soap: You're watchin' one of the Shadows... run laps??
Ghost: Yes. For the last twenty minutes.
Soap: Oh god...
Ghost: I don't think he plans on stopping anytime soon, either.
*Flash runs by and waves dramatically before speeding up*
Soap and Ghost: What the fuck?
*Soap has found himself in the motor pool*
Soap: Damn, this truck is nice!
Truck, appearing behind him: It is, but you aren't, so get the fuck out of my shop.
Soap: But I've never seen an American HEMTT before!!
Truck, skeptical: You know what kind of truck this is?
Soap: Hell yeah!
*an hour later*
Graves: It seems like everyone's getting along okay, so far.
Price, scowling: Sure, we'll go with that. It's not at all like your Shadows are terrorizing my men.
Graves: That's a bold accusation- What the fuck?
*they both look over to see Truck telling Soap all about the HEMTT and Soap is loving every second*
Price: Is that an issue?
Graves: Truck doesn't like anyone in his shop...
Soap, notices them: PRICE LOOK AT THIS FUCKING TRUCK!! IT GOT COMPLETELY DESTROYED AND TRUCK HERE COMPLETELY REDID IT FROM SCRATCH!! ISN'T THAT SO COOL?! CAN WE GET A TRUCK LIKE THIS??
Price: Absolutely not!
Graves, doubled over: The world is ending...
*Another day of Ghost watching Flash run cause he's afraid of the power this kid has*
Woody, walking with Moose: I don't think Ghost has any ill intentions here, okay?
Moose: You don't know that!
Woody: Give me one reason to believe Ghost isn't a good guy.
Moose, shaking and pointing: He watches Flash run and I don't know why.
*Ghost is standing there with his arms crossed and blatantly watching Flash*
Woody: Oh, yeah he does. That's... normal, right? I mean we all watched Flash run like this when he was brand new.
Moose: But- *can't form words to convey his concern for Flash's safety*
Woody: Tell ya what, I'll get Graves to talk to their captain about getting Ghost to stop. In the meantime, just hang out here and keep an eye on the kid if you're so worried.
Moose: Uh, okay... Sure, I'll stay here by myself with The Ghost and be the only thing keeping Flash safe.
*Woody shakes his head with a laugh and leaves*
*Ghost gets the uncomfortable feeling he's being watched*
*looks over to see Moose glaring daggers at him*
Ghost, thinking: God that guy really hates me, doesn't he? Maybe I should show I'm actually concerned this kid's gonna drop halfway through his laps... yeah, that'll work, right? Shadows are loyal to each other.
Moose, thinking: I'm so fucking scared right now, but if he makes one move towards Flash I'll- I'll kill him!
Ghost, calling out to Flash: You need a water break!
Flash: Oh shit, you right! *runs over to where Ghost is standing to get his water*
Moose, terrified so it comes out harsh: Flash sets a timer on his watch for water breaks.
Ghost: Oh, right. Just wanted to make sure he's not overworking himself.
Flash, oblivious: 'S okay, Moose! My timer was about to go off anyways!
Moose: *grunts*
Ghost, thinking again as Moose all but glares at him: Well that backfired...
Moose, also thinking: He's gonna fucking kill me, oh god, oh shit, Flash run!
Flash, sipping his water and looking between them thinking: What am I witnessing? Is this power play? What even is that?
*Gaz and Soap talking while outside during the sunset*
Soap: Have you had a conversation with that kid they call Flash, yet?
Gaz: YES! Oh my god, I thought you talked. He's really nice but holy shit can he talk.
*they look over upon hearing something in the water*
*It's Ness crawling out of the pool in his full wetsuit*
*Soap and Gaz scream cause they don't recognize him as a person*
Ness: What?!
Gaz: You're fucking terrifying!
Soap: I wanna go home...
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PSYCHOFREAK!
inspired by: 🍓
genre: smut
warning: possessive mannerism, foul words, mentions of killing, hints of baby trapping, knife, cuffs, blindfolded, unprotected sex, bruising, choking, etc.
characters: Isagi Yoichi, Rin Itoshi, Ryusei Shidou x AFAB!character (individually told)
Minors NOT allowed and do NOT interact
After all your old classmates, friends and ex boyfriends all turned out to be dead one by one, you fear for the safety of your life. Resorting to your fiancé's arms for safety from the cruel world, without figuring out who the real killer was.
─── 潔 世一
The last few months has been crazy, your life became a nightmare. You dropped the call from your parents who was deeply concerned over the fact that your two best friend's has gotten into an accident. Both causing to lose their lives from drowning, it was mysterious but it gave chills down to your spine.
You wiped away the tears falling from your eyes, your fiancé was coming home late from his training, you wanted nothing more but to spend the rest of the night in his arms to feel safe, your terrified that what if he won't be able to make it home. You shrugged the idea off, you lost two of your bridesmaid and now you wonder whether to postpone the wedding or not.
It was two weeks away, and your husband was practically begging you to not postpone it. You adore and cherish Isagi truly, with all your heart.
Later that night the front door swung open, revealing Isagi who came from work.
You jolted up from your slumber, slowly making your way to him as he smiles at your sleepily form and eyes hardly open.
He chases a kiss down to your spine and to your neck.
"You missed me?" He whispered to your ear, you nodded your head.
"Had a nightmare too." You pouted, to which he kissed your soft lips. The make out session slowly became heated, his arms cupping your breast, his knees parting your legs as you felt them to your sex, it only took Isagi's self control to be destroyed is when those eyes looked at his lustful ones, he had no control to what he truly desires.
fap fap fap
Isagi thrusted aggressively showing no mercy, your hands was tied from the back as he used his other hand to hold your head down the sheets.
Drool coming out of those lips, he was animalistic and rough tonight. You wonder whether he was even tired or not, it has been going on and on but he didn't stop, he pulled you into different positions taking him deeper and deeper feeling him inside your womb.
"This pussy takes me so so...good" He darkly chuckles, your legs shaking releasing for the fifth time.
He turns you around, pulling you from the side as he pulls down your hips. The mirror was beside the bed, you could see yourself drench from sweat and cum, how your pussy was beaten up from him and his dick. He licked the stripe of sweat close to the back of your ear hearing his breathing and heartbeat.
He tore all of your clothes except your not allowed to never wear the engagement ring he proposed to you with. He would allow you to remove them whenever you'd wash the dishes, to laundry or take shower but you have to wear it right away, to Isagi the ring was like his personal branding (other than his dick) to you.
He pulled your other thigh apart, rubbing himself to your cunt until he plunges back inside. He pulled your other thigh apart, rubbing himself to your cunt until he plunges back inside.
You watched yourself trash around, but his arms was wrapped around your upper body. You couldn't look away, he was immensely focused fucking you, imprinting his dick inside of you, making you hallucinated and think of no one but him.
Your hair hung loose to the side as his lips was close to you ears.
You could see your nipples hardening, as he uses one of his hands to pinch those nipples, toying them as he gripped one of them.
He is making it last, he fucks you in a rough and fast speed.
You felt something inside your stomach, you wanted to cum again.
"You better hold that in, I'm not anywhere close to being done with you." He grabbed both of your shoulders tightly, tightening.
You couldn't even breath, he ordered you to touch your own pussy.
You managed to do so, touching yourself, while taking your free hand off your stomach. His pace never faltered, he could feel you touching yourself, so you know what was going on.
He know he was about to cum soon. The idea of you filled with his cum made him even go faster, to stuff you full and make you tired. You never know what sort of tricks he has up on his sleeves, That's because your his little naïve little slut.
All the late night from work wasn't truly just about work, he killed your friends who dared to make him cheat on you. He made them into a fool, no one could ever make him forget about you.
You were 'everything' he would ever want, what makes this other useless good for nothing friends of yours think they could have him.
He was drunk all over you.
If anyone would do the same to you, he'd killed them in a heartbeat. Isagi wants no one else but you. And you should feel the same about him.
Poor friends of yours, watching you lay in bed with the murderer. Screaming and cumming all over the one man you should be wary off by now.
The man you think was innocent, but he was the one trapping you now forever in his hold.
"I love you so much, Isagi."
─── 糸師 凛
You dropped your cellphone, your friend screaming and being brutally killed on the other end of the line frightened you to no end.
You picked up the phone calling out to her, but you heard a familiar breathing you knew for over years of dating. It was not a stranger to you, the pattern of breathing, scent, voice and even laugh. He made you crazy over him, but now you know who he truly was.
"When I get home you better be there or you don't want one of your precious family to be next." You sobbed, he ended the call. You covered your hand holding in the screams that wanted to leave your mouth.
He wasn't the same man you knew since the first time you met him, now he felt rather cold and strange. It felt like you were living in his shadow for so long that you didn't knew who he truly was.
It made patterns now, how the killing started when you agreed to date him, he killed one of your exes followed by your friends who kept warning you about him and now you truly felt alone. You wanted to stop him from aiming to anyone else, it was starting to get out of hand.
Even if your father was the chief of the police department, it felt futile to fight back and other from suing him of murder your crazy enough to think that you can't let your fiancé rot behind bars, you were getting married two days from now.
The rain started to pout followed by loud thunder outside, you heard the door swung open revealing Rin drenched from the rain, his heavy boots made its way to you. Showing no discretion of your best friend's blood staining his clothes.
He dropped down in his knees, looking vulnerable as he rest his face to your knees. A smirk formed on his lips, you were frightened by his every action.
You were unsure whether you love him still or was it truly fear coursing inside your veins.
He slowly moves up, moving closer and closer until his chest rest close to yours. His breathing was still, he seemed calm but your eyes were revealing the fear you hold from him. He moved the hair away from your face as he leans in close to your lips.
"I want you to continue loving me, can you do that baby?" His words travelled down to your pussy, even his voice still makes you wet, as a second goes by without an answer his fingers made way to your hair tugging the strands from the back.
Causing to look up in his eyes, turning darker in each moment.
Both lust and fear made Rin felt his adrenaline pumping back into him.
"Answer me bitch." You nodded, whimpering out multiple 'yes' until he harshly lets go of you.
"Stand up." He ordered you, his hands ushering you to do it quickly. You stood up, his body was close to yours.
"Arms out for me." You were hesitant, truly at this point no one was going to save you anymore.
"ARMS OUT! Dammit." You quickly complied as he harshly grabbed your wrist, pulling out cuffs.
The next thing you knew you find yourself naked and beneath him, begging and moaning out in ecstasy. Rin pulled you into a missionary position.
His balls slapping your cunt, as cum continued to leak down your whole. He was slow then started to pick up the pace then when your about to cum he pulls out.
"Your not cumming not until you tell me who you belong to." He was mercilessly fucking you, your legs shaking along with your back arching. You begged and begged but it was no use.
He grabbed both of your cheeks, making your lips open as he spat on them.
"Swallow." You did as you were told, making him snort at your pathetic state. But even if you cry and trash around underneath your fiancé it was all to sexy and hot. He wanted nothing more than to stuff you full of his cum.
But an idea came into his mind, why not trap you with his child. You could never run away from him or to anyone for that reason. Ruined by him as he'll fuck you whenever he wants, you'd be creaming around his cock and think of nothing but getting off it.
Such pathetic little cum slut. He thought.
Slowly he pushed himself even deeper, trapping his arms around your head.
"R-Rin please-" You hiccupped.
"Tell me what you want, I'll give it to you." He didn't stop not until you felt another wave inside your stomach, his dick imprinting your inside. A bulge formed showing his dick inside of you.
He pressed it down making you scream out his name as thunder clapped outside.
He darkly chuckles, "O-Oh please Rin, I need to cu-cum." You let out a broken moan, his hands snaked down to your neck. Choking you.
"Say who you belong to first." You licked your lips tasting both yours and his cum, you were covered in nothing but his cream.
"I'm yours, I'm forever yours. R-Rin." He started rubbing your clit as you let out your release.
He didn't stop thrusting even when you cummed, he kept cumming inside of you. You tried pushing him away but he only stopped you.
"Tonight, I want to make a baby with you. You'd make such a perfect mommy won't you? Make me a daddy." He cummed for the sixth time you have no clue when he was going to stop.
He started again, he was still hard.
"Even if you can't get pregnant now, I can do this all day. You're mine now."
─── 士道 龍聖
Maybe you should have listened to your guts, you suspected your lover Shido to be cheating on you. After he phone kept blaring on and on even bothers you the most especially when you are making love with him.
You had enough, tonight you wanted to see it for yourself and conclude it that he might be cheating behind your back. But it wasn't the case, it wasn't him being unloyal, not even the fact he wasn't burying a knife deep down to someone gut. It was just anyone it was your ex that you dated before him.
His eyes rolled back, as blood pooled around the man. Your worse mistake was to make a sound. The lamp post revealed yourself making Shido stood up.
He let out a 'tsk' sound from his lips.
A bruise was forming on the side of his cheek with a busted lip. He had the look of rage earlier but now he seemed amused.
"Kitten is always curious isn't she." He took bigger stride chasing behind you, the sound of your heels clacking on the pavement as he heard your ever move.
"You should just ask me, I love you and I trust you. Don't you remember? You repeated them to me." You took the wrong turn when it was just a huge wall barricaded. You turned back but your cruel fiancé was standing by the end.
"Please this isn't who you are, you aren't this kind of man." You begged. He only lets out a boisterous laugh as he walks close to your form trapping you.
"Did you really think I'd cheat on you? Honey, I'm insanely drunk over you. The idea to be with you, have sex, make you cream in my cock its all I want. I want you to be mine forever and ever." He hummed in delight.
He pressed his lips to yours, you didn't wanted to allow his tongue to enter but he pinched you to your sides causing him to slide his tongue between your cherry lips.
"You taste good." He continued attacking you with kisses. As his hands naughtily made way to unbuttoned your blouse, tugging your skirt down as he tore your panties.
He shoved a finger inside of you, looking at you with a smirk in his face. "Little kitten is wet, you can't lie to me with this pussy. You want me don't you?"
"I want you to fuck me! Right now, please please fuck me!" Your voice waivered as he forcefully unzipped his pants and began to pump his cock inside of you. It's his teasing tone that's getting to you, sending shivers up and down your spine. He let out a shaky laugh as he grabbed your hips, positioning his cock in a way that made it slide in easier than usual. He kept thrusting into you, making you moan as he began to get more confident with his cock. He began to moan and grunt in a way that only spurred you to take more of his dick in your mouth. "T-t-t… f-fuuuck! Nnngh… Ye… Ye… Na… Nngh…"
You moaned as you felt yourself get close, anticipating the orgasm that was to come. He began to thrust faster, going in and out, fucking you harder and faster as he continued to breath heavily. He shuddered as he moaned again and his body began to tighten, feeling his cum hit the back of your throat. He released his hand from you and grabbed his dick, fucking his hand up and down his dick as he came, squirting out his load onto your back.
He let out a soft laugh as he collapsed onto you.
"Were still going to get married and tomorrow you better put a fucking smile and not tell anyone what you saw. You don't want me to target one of your close relatives now do you?"
You shook your head, he pulls your close to him as he places you in a pile of boxes, rubbing himself to you as he plunges back inside of your cunt.
He blindfolded you, as he tore more clothes off your body and his he sucked and nipped on your breast that will leave hickies.
Harshly pulling you by the edge as he slowly goes in and out of you. Making you whimper and moan his name.
"That's my good girl, tell everyone who you belong to, only I can fuck you this good."
It was no use, you know your going to be trapped in his darkness and all you have left as a choice was to obey them.
#blue lock x reader#blue lock x y/n#blue lock x you#blue lock smut#bllk x female reader#bllk x you#bllk x y/n#bllk smut#bllk scenarios#isagi yoichi#bllk isagi#isagi x you#isagi x reader#isagi x y/n#rin itoshi#bllk rin#rin x reader#rin x y/n#rin itoshi smut#shido ryusei#shido x reader#bllk shidou#fanfiction#anime and manga
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