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bloodyethanol · 2 years

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goodnight ignore tags i am ok night night

#LITERALLY stop reading thisbbitch right bownlikenakakakakalalalalalalalalalalalalalalaalaallalroooringaaaaruwaitsumademooooootodokanaaaaa #no matter how happy you feel or whatever this household is literally cursed and no matter how much i love my parents they have ruined me #i highly dislike what they've become. it feels like whatever idealized version of them i love is just hanging by a thread if not completely #gone #my mom is a suicidal mess of manipulation and my dad is a stupid abusive alcoholic #both are horrible in their own ways #my mom cant stay home at night and my dad is drunk screaming #last night I woke up with him slapping her while she layed besides me in bed they both literally do not care about me at all #i mean i guess i should be self sufficient now. im 18. i could go with my bf since hes moving but I don't want to.#it seems like no matter what I do everything is out of my control. i think im paying. i think i deserve this. I just wanna die

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inkskinned · 1 year

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the thing is there's like, a point of oversaturation for everything, and it's why so many things get dropped after a few minutes. and we act like millennials or gen z kids "have short attention spans" but... that's not quite it. it's more like - we did like it. you just ruined it.

capitalism sees product A having moderate success, and then everything has to come out with their "own version" of product A (which is often exactly the same). and they dump extreme amounts of money and environmental waste into each horrible simulacrum they trot out each season.

now it's not just tiktokkers making videos; it's that instagram and even fucking tumblr both think you want live feeds and video-first programming. and it helps them, because videos are easier to sneak native ads into. the books coming out all have to have 78 buzzwords in them for SEO, or otherwise they don't get published. they are making a live-action remake of moana. i haven't googled it, but there's probably another marvel or starwars something coming out, no matter when you're reading this post.

and we are like "hi, this clone of project A completely misses the point of the original. it is soulless and colorless and miserable." and the company nods and says "yes totally. here is a different clone, but special." and we look at clone 2 and we say "nope, this one is still flat and bad, y'all" and they're like "no, totally, we hear you," and then they make another clone but this time it's, like, a joyless prequel. and by the time they've successfully rolled out "clone 89", the market is incredibly oversaturated, and the consumer is blamed because the company isn't turning a profit.

and like - take even something digital like the tumblr "live streaming" function i just mentioned. that has to take up server space and some amount of carbon footprint; just so this brokenass blue hellsite can roll out a feature that literally none of its userbase actually wants. the thing that's the kicker here: even something that doesn't have a physical production plant still impacts the environment.

and it all just feels like it's rolling out of control because like, you watch companies pour hundreds of thousands of dollars into a remake of a remake of something nobody wants anymore and you're like, not able to afford eggs anymore. and you tell the company that really what you want is a good story about survival and they say "okay so you mean a YA white protagonist has some kind of 'spicy' love triangle" and you're like - hey man i think you're misunderstanding the point of storytelling but they've already printed 76 versions of "city of blood and magic" and "queen of diamond rule" and spent literally millions of dollars on the movie "Candy Crush Killer: Coming to Eat You".

it's like being stuck in a room with a clown that keeps telling the same joke over and over but it's worse every time. and that would be fine but he keeps fucking charging you 6.99. and you keep being like "no, i know it made me laugh the first time, but that's because it was different and new" and the clown is just aggressively sitting there saying "well! plenty of people like my jokes! the reason you're bored of this is because maybe there's something wrong with you!"

#this was much longer i had to cut it down for legibility #but i do want to say i am aware this post doesnt touch on human rights violations as a result of fast fashion #that is because it deserves its own post with a completely different tone #i am an environmental educator #so that's what i know the most about. it wouldn't be appropriate of me to mention off-hand the real and legitimate suffering #that people are going through #without doing my research and providing real ways to help #this is a vent post about a thing i'm watching happen; not a call to action. it would be INCREDIBLY demeaning #to all those affected by the fast fashion industry to pretend that a post like this could speak to their suffering #unfortunately one of the horrible things about latestage capitalism as an activist is that SO many things are linked to this #and i WANT to talk about all of them but it would be a book in its own right. in fact there ARE books about each level of this #and i encourage you to seek them out and read them!!! i am not an expert on that i am just a person on tumblr doing my favorite activity #(complaining)#and it's like - this is the individual versus the industry problem again right because im blaming myself #for being an expert on environmental disaster (which is fucking important) but not knowing EVERYTHING about fast fashion #i'm blaming myself for not covering the many layers of this incredibly complicated problem im pointing out #rather than being like. yeah so actually the fault here lies with the billion dollar industries actually.#my failure to be able to condense an incredibly immense problem that is BOOK-LENGTH into a single text post that i post for free #is not in ANY fucking way the same amount of harm as. you know. the ACTUAL COMPANIES doing this ACTUAL THING for ACTUAL MONEY.#anyway im gonna go donate money while i'm thinking about it. maybe you can too. we can both just agree - well i fuckin tried didn't i #which is more than their CEOs can say

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kindnessoverperfection · 11 months

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Please, if you can, take a moment to read and share this because I feel like I'm screaming underwater.

NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder) stigma is rampant right now, and seems to be getting progressively worse. Everyone is using it as a buzzword in the worst ways possible, spreading misinformation and hatred against a real disorder.

I could go on a long time about how this happened, why it's factually incorrect (and what the disorder actually IS), why it's harmful, and the changes I'd like to see. But to keep this concise, I'll simply link to a few posts under the cut for further reading.

The point of this post is a plea. Please help stop the spread of stigma. Even in mental health communities, even around others with personality disorders, in neurodivergent "safe" spaces, other communities I thought people would be supportive in (e.g. trans support groups, progressive spaces in general), it keeps coming up. So I'm willing to bet that a lot of people on this site need to see this.

Because it's so hard to exist in this world.

My disorder already makes me feel as if I'm worthless and unlovable, like there's something inherently wrong and damaged about me. And it's so much harder to fight that and heal when my daily life consists of:

Laughing and spending time with my friends, doing my utmost best to connect and stay present and focused on them, trying to let my guards down and be real and believe I'm lovable- when suddenly they throw out the word "narcissist" to describe horrible people or someone they hate, or the conversation turns to how evil "people with narcissistic personality disorder" are. (Seriously, you don't know which of your friends might have NPD and feels like shit when you say those things & now knows that you'd hate them if you knew.)

Trying to look up "mental health positivity for people with npd", "mental health positivity cluster bs", only to find a) none of that, and b) more of the same old vile shit that makes me feel terrible about myself.

Having a hard time (which is constant at this point) and trying to look up resources for myself, only to again, find the same stigma. And no resources.

Not having any clue how to help myself, because even the mental health field is spitting so much vitriol at people with DISORDERS (who they're supposed to be helping!) that there's no solid research or therapy programs for people like me.

Losing close friends when they find out, despite us having had a good relationship before, and them KNOWING me and knowing that I'm not like the trending image of pwNPD. Because now they only see me through the lens of stigma and misinformation.

Hearing the same stigma come up literally wherever I go. Clubs. Meetings. Any online space. At the bus stop. At the mall. At a restaurant. At work. Buzzword of the year that everyone loooves loudly throwing around with their friends or over the phone. Feels awesome for me, makes my day so much better/s

I could go on for a long time, but I'm scared no one will read/rb this if it gets too much longer.

So please. Stop using the word "narcissist" as a synonym for "abusive".

Stop bringing up people you hate who you believe to have NPD because of a stigmatizing article full of misinformation whenever someone with actual NPD opens their mouth. (Imagine if people did that with any other disorder! "Hey, I'm autistic." "Oh... my old roommate screamed at me whenever I made noise around him, and didn't understand my needs, which seems like sensory overload and difficulty with social cues. He was definitely autistic. But as long as you're self-aware and always restraining your innate desire to be an abusive asshole, you're okay I guess, maybe." ...See how offensive and ignorant that is?)

Stop preventing healthcare for people with a disorder just because it's trendy to use us as a scapegoat.

If you got this far, thank you for reading, and please share this if you can. Further reading is under the cut.

NPD Criteria, re-written by someone who actually has NPD

Stigma in the DSM

Common perception of the DSM criteria vs how someone may actually experience them (Keep in mind that this is the way I personally experience these symptoms, and that presentation can vary a lot between individuals)

"Idk, the stigma is right though, because I've known a lot of people with NPD who are jerks, so I'm going to continue to support the blockage of treatment for this condition."

(All of these were written by me, because I didn't want to link to other folks' posts without permission, but if you want to add your own links in reblogs or replies please feel free <3)

#actuallynpd #signal boost #actuallyautistic #mental health awareness #narcissistic personality disorder #people also need to realize that mental health professionals aren't immune from bias #(it really shouldn't come as a shock that the mental health field has a longstanding pattern of misunderstanding and mistreating ppl who ar #mentally ill or otherwise ND)#the first therapist i brought up NPD to like. literally pulled out the DSM bc she could barely remember the criteria. then said that there'#no way I have it because I have low self-esteem lmaoooooo #anyway throwback to being at work and chatting with a co-worker. and the conversation turning to mental health. and him saying that #he tries to stay informed and be aware and supportive of mental health conditions & that he doesn't want to be ignorant or spread harmful #misinformation. and then i mentioned that i do a lot of research into mental health stuff and i listed a bunch of things. which included #several personality disorders. one of which was NPD.#and after listening to my whole ass list he zeroed in on the NPD and immediately started talking about how narcissists are abusive and #he knew someone who had NPD and how the person who had it had an addiction and died from the addiction in a horrible way and he #was glad he did #fun times #or when i decided to be vulnerable and talk abt my self-criticism/self-hatred bc i knew my friends also struggled w that and i wanted to #support them by sharing my own coping methods. and they both(separately!) started picking and prodding at my npd through the lens of stigma #bc i'd recently opened up to them abt having it. they recognized self-hatred as a symptom and still jumped on me for it. despite me #trying to share hurt vulnerable parts of myself to help them and connect with them.#again..... fun times

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daylighteclipsed · 9 months

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Y’all ever think about if Sora falls to darkness that inside his heart will look like the Destiny Islands falling again

#i do a lot #kingdom hearts #one of the biggest reasons i think we’ll see something like this in canon. briefly at least #not only would parallel ddd w ven’s heart/armor no longer there to protect sora #and roxas and xion gone from sora’s heart too. so sora would be alone #and actually there as opposed to in the RoL/awake when riku dives in #but also there is no way nomura’s gonna pass up the chance to bring us full circle like this. he loves making his characters revisit/relive #worlds and memories like this to make a point. and sora’s heart was sunset in ddd… following kh1 the dark and stormy night comes next #The thought of sora and riku reaffirming their love and friendship here when it broke the first time the islands fell #both of them having to in a way relive this horrible night for the final time #but riku doing the total opposite of last time. trying to save sora trying to stop the darkness from consuming everything #being totally honest with sora. reaching his hand out for sora but this time he’s not being consumed by darkness.#he’s become the light in the darkness. and they finally reach each other they finally grasp hands. I’m chewing on glass #i don’t think sora would ‘fall’ to darkness in the traditional sense #thematically i think it makes more sense for him to be faced w another martyr choice #though his own negative feelings would still be tangled up in there. and this would parallel kh3 #and if sora chooses to let darkness into his heart to save others it’d also parallel kh1 w riku choosing to open the door/let the darkness #into destiny islands at the risk of others #god it’d be just like kh1 but we’d be playing as riku and he’d be the one looking frantically for sora #a reversed dynamic. but now they understand each other’s pain and feelings so they can reach each other #figuratively and literally #i love parallels i love symbolism i love themes kick my ass !!!!

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danechka · 27 days

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Behold: Dimension J-8188, my rnm OCs lolz

#rick and morty #rick sanchez #morty smith #rnm #rick #morty #art #julius arts #What if rick and morty were Edgier #They come from my desire to see morty's repressed rage become less repressed #He deserves to realize how horribly he's been treated by everyone in his life #but I'm doing it in a ''Rick is still taking advantage of him and harnessing his anger for his benefit'' way #But at the same time even though this RIck just says he's using his Morty he secretly loves to see him grow into himself like this #Albeit in a rather hateful and spiteful way. But in a way it just fuels his own twisted world view #They both feed into each other's not-so-good attributes just in a different way then the show's rick and morty do lawl

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the-force-awakens · 1 year

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#both have been violated by a more powerful entity

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rcmclachlan · 30 days

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what if i put my life in your hands? what if i took your life in mine?

#okay look there's a reason i've been obsessed with this scene for 21 slutty slutty years #imagine for a second you're yue #your master—whom you loved more than your own existence—decided his work was finished and didn't need you anymore #and he pushed you into the dark where you slept for centuries until a little girl woke you up by sheer dumb luck #you now are trapped in this horrible new era where everything is too loud and too fast and too bright #you're also trapped in a body that isn't yours jockeying for room with a completely separate soul that you don't know or particularly like #and you're draining your meager stores of magic to the dregs in order to keep the two of you alive #under the surface of tsukishiro yukito you're drowning—and the both of you are fading away entirely #and then this boy #pulls you to the surface of yourself #and says with his whole heart 'i won't let you disappear'#he smiles at you and teases you and then pours his not inconsiderable power into you #and you take and you take and you take and he never says stop #he never says only a little but no more #he holds you close and lets you sup on the very marrow of his magic until there's nothing left and he's simply an ordinary human #and for the first time in centuries—perhaps ever—you feel full #when you finally step away and ease his unconscious body onto the bed as gently as you can manage #you murmur that you ought to thank him #but it's such an inadequate way to convey your gratitude #how do you give thanks for what you've made him lose?#you put your life in his hands and he cradled it as if it were precious... and then he gave you his own in return #in the world before this one you would have been as good as wed #you thumb the swell of his cheek and allow yourself one last look at your would-be husband #and then turn around to face the threat behind the door #as it creaks open to reveal a little body wracked with sobs you think you would face anything that would dare come for him or his sister #not because it is your duty as the guardian of the cards #but because you love them #touya/yue #ccs #yue

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synthwayve · 3 months

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Thinks about Micolash and Laurence’s rivalry that never strays from the confines of academic snark or the occasional jab despite their shared ambition(and possibly also just accompanying a general friendship they could have had since they worked together at some point. Idk I’m a softie. Sue me.) eventually involving into a full on intellectual divorce. Cries. Explodes. 72 casualties.

#will delete #I am just having thoughts #like yeah listen I love the toxic aspects of their dynamic especially peak healing church #and I’m honestly shocked most people put Micolash in the seat of power there #if anything I think he’d be underhanded with having dirt on Laurence’s operation or his reputation #but yknow. headcanons vary #consider: they could have been soft once. they could have been #and they could have stopped each other’s descent into their respective cosmic obsession(blood and insight)#but neither can actually let the other have his way. if Micolash abandons his research and just does whatever Laurence commands him to #he’ll never be able to pursue his own interest(which could even stave off the scourge). it’d be Byrgenwerth all over #but if Laurence lets Micolash go and just do whatever his silly heart desires #not only will he legit go insane but itd happen at the worst of times. he needs to priortize the blood while they still have time #so they both just. stalemate each other to death #yadda yadda insufferable academics believing only their method must be correct to the detriment of the other #not in a ‘I personally hate you’ way but in a ‘why won’t you just listen to me’ way #I just think there’s fun to be had there. they’re both horrible.#also idk this is being prompted by Laurence being typecast into being completely helpless at the height of his power. against MICOLASH???#let’s let him be a little evil too come on now #but idk. maybe my take is wack

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dailykugisaki · 4 months

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Day 109 | id in alt

So that cursed clash Kugisaki and Maki interaction huh. (I'm going to walk through two walls today.💥)

Read from left to right btw.

#dailykugisaki #jjk #kugisaki nobara #zenin maki #oh my fucking god #the way i sat there for a minute when i read that was foul activities #maki being repressed as hell before perfect prep arc is funny to me #maki eats her own fist when it comes to Kugisaki and also horribly indulges her #Kugisaki eats shit when it comes to Maki too dont think she dont #they're both weird as fuck #i hope we all know Kugisaki aint cursing nobody because shes canonly Kugisaki Nobara. she's just not doin that #people on twitter are pissing me the fuck off i need to be restrained #one is the obvious #the second is somebody said Kugisaki's onlh purpose was to die and give Yuji Character development i #WITH THE CONFIDENCE OF A KING #I just block people ong

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deconstructthesoup · 11 days

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I'm starting to consider actually writing and posting the Enchanted AU so I can sway people with my Priskep propaganda

#there's a line i want to include that i really like #“we were both prisoners. and i was too focused on the fact that my own chains were tangible to see how much you were suffering”#it's about the fact that they were both in a horrible situation with no way out and they had to learn how to trust and rely on each other #i know this fandom is more about shipping voices and vessels but. priskep has slowly become everything to me #also another line: “i've never been a fan of small talk.” “a woman after my own heart”#slay the princess #stp the prisoner #voice of the skeptic #priskep

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qeyond · 1 year

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First kiss <3

#qeyond sucks #birthdaymassacre #beyond birthday #naomi misora #misora massacre #puts them in my mouth and shakes my head like a dog #GOD I LOVE THEM #played with a line filter and OH MY GOD? love it? hope yall like it too >:3c #okay okay okay but the color gradients!!! i see naomi as a purple and B is red of course #and i really wanted them to both be their own colors and have B's red bleeeeeed into naomi and like slowly take over her purple #UGH god #now why does B even have his eyes open in the last you ask? is it cuz hes just a lil weird guy? well kinda #more so its disbelief that a) someone he admires so much is actually giving him real human affection #and b) well i mean hes reminded every single second of everyday that everyone around him is gonna die so hes making sure shes real and #also not going to fucking die by kissing him or something because for real this guy believes hes just cursed and not human #he gets close to ppl and they die horribly ... cough A cough...#anyway enjoy these as you want either way <3 #death note #art #q art

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onmyo-jin · 6 months

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For the prompts: HeiHua HeiHua HeiHua! A few possibilities:

That tumblr post about the two professors who had a legendary rivalry and only the TA knew they were married.

That freaking raccoon keeps stealing the birdseed from every new "raccoon proof" bird feeder Xiao Hua puts out. THIS IS WAR.

Snow White and the Huntsman

Something based on a piece of fanart!

[so many options! I might come back for some of the others but this one is based on this beautiful drawing by @ohyka because I am weak for hand kisses]

It was, subjectively, intellectually, even objectively, gross.

They'd been climbing up the rocky mountain for ages, they were bothy grimy and sweaty, and who knows what those hands had touched even before they came into contact with mother Nature's honest dirt.

Still, when Xiazi caught him when the brittle stone gave way under his foot, Xiao Hua was... touched. Yes, that had to be the word for it. Moved seemed too strong a description, appreciative was too cold-- yes, Xiao Hua was touched. That had to be the thing that was fluttering in his stomach, that and gravity's sudden pull. The ropes would have held him of course, he was no novice climber. Still, Hei Xiazi was no novice either. He must have known the ropes would hold, surely? He'd lept to Xiao Hua's rescue without a second thought regardless.

Perhaps moved might be accurate enough...

"Hua'er-ye, aren't you gonna let go of my hand now?" A stupid question from a foolish man. The grin was not remotely tempered by his eternal sunglasses. Of course Xiao Hua was going to let go. They were halfway up a mountain, dangling from ropes (secure ropes! strong ropes! but still, they were dangling terribly inelegantly). It would be ill-advised indeed to hold on, a waste of energy at the very least. His mouth had already betrayed him as those thoughts circled his mind: "No. That's my hand now."

"Hua'er?" Tch, so informal. Where did the man get the guts to call Xiao Hua that?

Using his free hand and the now more solid footing, he boosted himself up on a tiny ledge, dragging Xiazi along. Having no choice but to follow, Hei Xiazi jumped after him-- not even thinking about it! Was the man trying to fall off of the mountain or what?

Slightly breathless, they sat side to side for a moment.

"Hua'er-ye, what do you need another hand for, huh?"

"Whatever I want," arrogance was easy, always easy. Sometimes he regretted learning that particular smokescreen, but he refused to take back his words. Perhaps there was something else he could do-- which was gross, and unthinkable, so it was best just not to think about it at all.

He didn't need to see Hei Xiazi's eyes to tell they were wide as saucers when Xiao Hua lifted his hand to his lips, and pressed a kiss to that warm skin. He wasn't going to react to the way he could feel Xiazi freeze up under his hand, to the breath he heard halt on its way in to Xiazi's lungs. The red on his cheeks must be from the exertion of the climb, as well.

When Xiao Hua finally released his hand and sat back, Xiazi's hand remained flaoting between them for a too-long moment. Xiao Hua had enough time to wonder if he'd broken the man's remaining braincells, until--

"Hua'er-ye, do you need a hand with any other things?" He didn't need to look to see the grin-- he looked anyway and even caught that damned eyebrow wiggle.

Was it too late to jump off the mountain anyway?

#au fic meme #heihua #dmbj #tlt #jin writes #if you saw me mentioning Ao3 ratings somewhere no you didn't #hei xiazi #xiao hua #fanfic #can you tell I've been watching UN #denial is a river in egypt #I love writing them they're both horrible in their own way

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eeveekitti · 21 days

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i think they'd be friends

#rain world #rw artificer #artificer rw #entropy zero #entropy zero 2 #HEAR ME OUT OK. parents who lost their child/children in some way or another and the event sent them down a path of-#-horrible actions just to feel they have some control over the situation and their own lives #i know its really silly to say a combine elite and slugcat are anywhere near similar but i PROMISE there's a vision here #EDIT: I JUST REALIZED THEY BOTH TECHNICALLY HAVE A ROBOT BUDDY. wilson and sofanthiel and/or pebbles. oh my god

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citymiddled · 7 months

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did you guys know that, well, the cruelty is the point

#i love this entire scene sooooo bad it's so delicious #flaunting the tadpole abilities and what he's capable of -- he's broken free of cazador somehow AND he can withstand the sun #and THEN once they leave. he attempts to manipulate tav in suuuuch a genuinely horrible way like #oh well of course i feel bad for them. i mean they're FORCED to do cazador's bidding. but no matter!#i'm fine sacrificing them for my own gain :) or rather... for OUR gain :)#this will keep both of us safe :) and... well... you want me to be safe right? :) you want me to be happy right? :)#this isnt him at his worst by any means but god it's soooo so good after how his act 2 arc is if youre romancing him #he's open and vulnerable and tells tav all about his plans and how he's been manipulating them this whole time #only to do it in a fun and new and interesting way all over again. but this time youre already 100% on his team #ANYWAY. i like when he's a bit fucking terrible #bg3 #playing bg3 #astarion #act 3 is really just a whole new beast to me at this point. how fun. i only got here once before and it was buggy and barely worked #sorry. i will be soooo deeply annoying as i rotate everyone in my head like little rotisserie chickens for the next few days #really thinking about how elluin is dealing with seeing this - she understands feeling like power will fix everything and keep her safe #but unlike astarion is capable of thinking long-term and about consequences #so this has her shaking in her fucking boots. and really has her grappling with the reality of their relationship #so until they actually get to the szarr palace and deal with the ritual... she's super withdrawn with astarion and even with the others #she wants him to be safe bc it means that she can realistically be safe since they're weird little mirrors for each other #but also. does safety exist without it becoming warped and horrifying #sorry. i will be normal again eventually

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harbingerofsoup · 6 months

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#good omens #good omens 2 #aziraphale #crowley #ineffable husbands #don’t fuck with me on this #the whole point is that they Both love each other more than anything #but Both of their own issues get in the way #the take away certainly isn’t that the horrible aziraphale hurt the poor innocent crowley

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good-to-drive · 5 days

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Thinking back to this girl who got super mad at me over some stupid beatles shit and started scrolling back through my blog for dirt but I don't post about my personal life very much so the sickest burn she could come up with was "why don't you go worry about your coworker whose wife is having a baby in a few months 🤡🤡🤡" and needless to say, I was crushed

#she was mad because I said paul tried to shit on jane's soul and then play victim about it #which I understand is a bit graphic #but I honestly love the expression 'don't shit on my soul' bc so many people will try to shit on your soul in your life #there is sort of an unreasonable level of rage around admitting that paul/george were fucking horrible to their female partners #or that those tendencies probably persisted into their 'fairy tale' romances #okay i guess it's more paul's treatment of women that people are weirdly defensive of #but in theory it should be both of them bc neither of them ever owned up to the shitty way they treated women like j and r did #it just seems like in practice people are more invested in reframing Paul as a “girls' guy” or a “wife guy”#which seems.... misguided tbh

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