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#bitterkarella
hystpod · 2 months
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Tim and Jen seek aid from wacky funster @bitterkarella to explain a film series as British as lousy weather and inedible food: the Carry On series! Also, Tim positively bursts with Carry On-related research. Hear the whole episode at our Patreon!
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bitterkarella · 1 year
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So can I actually post video on here? Let's see. This is a short film I made about a witch.
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drewcas68 · 7 months
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S'up fuckers?
Oh I'm just sat here in my pinstripe suit in my creepy ass haunted library enjoying Midnight Pals 3 posted through my post hole this morning.
Thanks to @bitterkarella for the eldritch horror on my coffee table.
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bogleech · 1 year
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I misremembered on twitter that it might have been the one in Finding Nemo but @bitterkarella pointed out this might have been the first anglerfish in a western cartoon. I know I never saw them referenced in American media until the 2000s even though they were discovered centuries ago. Is there an even older one? I'm sure anime had plenty.
EDIT: WAIT!!! THE TICK!!!
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The Tick fought one in 1996! I can't believe I forgot the sewer dwelling Wallet Angler! It was definitely the first one I saw in a cartoon and I remember it blowing my little mind at the time.
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vaspider · 8 months
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@bitterkarella >.>
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coldalbion · 5 months
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Why are my notiications...
...a complete mess, I asked myself yesterday? Oh, right, @vaspider reblogged the post I made on Amazon/The Digital Closet/Queer Theory being algorithmically and socially excised last year. Cool! Well, hopefully they'll calm down. Just now: Spiked again? Oh shit it's @bitterkarella and I love their Clive Barker so much I follow them on 3 different social media. RIP my notifs. Wait a second...
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Thanks @neil-gaiman!
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letrune · 1 month
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The best writer?
Dedicated to @bitterkarella and taken a bit of... okay, a LOT of tone from their works. Check them out!
A dark room, with robed figures standing around, uneasily shifting their weight as their leader rises.
JKR: Hello children… I am the bessst author all around, they sssay, and it isss true. ?: Ehem, excuse me, sorry, coming thru. Hello, everyone. Allow me to introduce myself. I am The Bard. JKR: William Shakespeare: You may know my tales. I know you do, you happily cribbed from some.
JKR: I ssaid I am the bessst children'sss author… ?: Oh, sorry, pardon for intruding. Hi. Erich Kästner. You may know me as the man who wrote Emil and the Detectives. JKR: Britisssh author, asss I sssaid… ?: Pardon me for interrupting, I am A. A. Milne. I, well, can't help to notice what you said, and how it was, well, not so truthful.
JKR: Asss I sssaid, I am the bessst adult human female author all- ?: Oh, excuse me. Beatrix Potter, greetings everyone. So, I have heard that you got my name in your little story? JKR: …I never even heard of you. Beatrix Potter: Now that would be quite a feat, when almost every British child, especially from your background, grew up with Peter Rabbit… And I made research on fungi. JKR: Mosssst prolific writer of all timesss!
The darkness near them falls asunder and the sound of a typewriter can be heard. As she turns, she sees a man, sitting on a throne made of books, typing with no real pause. ?: Hello all. Isaac Asimov. I don't think I got to say more. JKR: I don't know you. Asimov: Then you never opened a sci-fi book from the past 80 years. Nor any chemistry book worth its salt. Speaking of, did you finally checked some of the biology books referencing me, or are you still making up things?
Jkr: …mossst versssatile- ?: Oh, pardon me, Enid Blyton. You may know me as the one who gave the world Noddy, the Famous Five and the Naughty Girl series. JKR: You write about naughty girlsss? Like a male would? ?: Oh, sorry. I have to say, you misunderstand what she meant by that word. Oh, where are my manners? Just call me Mr. Rogers, please.
JKR woke up, drenched in sweat. She brushed off a few hundred pounds off of herself, still sticky from the sweat, and grabbed her phone to go on eksh dot com. However, the parental lock was still on.
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arconinternet · 1 year
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The Cathy Animated Specials & McDonalds Ads (Videos, 1987/1988/1989/1998)
Based on the classic newspaper comic. So many links to post! ACK!
Cathy (1987)
Cathy's Last Resort (1988)
Cathy's Valentine (1989)
McDonald's salad ads: this one, this one and the one with Mike Ditka (1989)
JCPenney ad (1998)
See also these podcast episodes about the specials, episodes 2, 5 & 35 of A Special Presentation, or, Alf Will Not Be Seen Tonight, co-created by @thehungryreader and @bitterkarella.
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https://www.tumblr.com/bitterkarella/745276904643395584?source=share
Why can't I reblog this?
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kawaoneechan · 9 months
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Imagine if you will H.P. Lovecraft but he lives in our day and age.
He self-publishes and distributes copies of his work that he printed out himself because his favorite blogging platform collapsed.
On an H.P. Laserjet.
(I was told to tag in @bitterkarella so there you go)
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I decided to try and read The Black Pumpkin, a short story by Dean Koontz, after seeing @bitterkarella recommend it as his best work. I had to ask the librarian at the Page Stack Desk to get it out for me and had a moment of great worry that he was one of those writers like James Patterson that librarians hate because he has too many volumes for the shelves. But, the story was pretty good! It’s a nice cautionary tale in that Victorian mode of ‘the monsters will get you if you are a bad little child!’
I’d also read his book Watchers in high school and liked it because it had a tragic Frankenstein monster and a magical dog. It was okay. I will read any book with a tragic Frankenstein monster and a magical dog.
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hystpod · 11 months
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We talked about Brian Yuzna’s stupefying adaptation of the Tim Vigil/David Quinn comic FAUST: LOVE OF THE DAMNED with your friend and mine, @bitterkarella of Midnight Pals fame! Hear the whole episode at our Patreon and get access to 80+ bonus episodes!
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coolmachetefacts · 1 year
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suddenly realized that someone somewhere might have named a child delilah for the worst reason imaginable
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hey @bitterkarella​ i need someone to suffer this hell with me
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camestrosfelapton · 2 years
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Bitter Karella: Hugo 2022 Fanwriter Finalist
Bitter Karella: Hugo 2022 Fanwriter Finalist
Name: Bitter KarellaTwitter: [author account] https://twitter.com/bitterkarellaTwitter: [Midnight Pals] @midnight_palsItch.io: [books, comics, games] https://bitterkarella.itch.io/ and see also https://itch.io/s/70593/send-bitterkarella-to-chicon-8Pronouns: He/him, she/her Bitter Karella is a game designer, comic writer, video making and social media satirist with an insightful perspective on…
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clansocreations · 3 months
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[Disclaimer: this is a bunch of art history facts and tidbits masquerading as Midnight Pals fanfiction. I am so bored. Midnight Pals is by @bitterkarella , it's very good and you should read/listen. hello good day and I am so sorry]
Nièpce: Uhm. Bonjour. I would like to introduce you you all this new thing I made called a heliograph?
Caravaggio: who the fuck invited the chemist.
Hopper (looking at the heliograph): I like it. It reflects the tristesse and pointlessness of the world.
Genteleschi (talking over Hopper,to Caravaggio): who the fuck invited you.
Stieglitz: I like it and I'll argue your case but you must NEVER bring up the word "Kodak"
(A cartoonish brawl breaks out in the background)
Nièpce: What's a Kodak?
(scene)
Turner: I would like to introduce to you my painting Snow Storm – Steam-Boat off a Harbour's Mouth Making Signals in Shallow Water, and going by the Lead. The Author was in this Storm on the Night the "Ariel" left Harwich
(Everybody looks at the painting)
Hopper: but what's the painting called.
Turner (sarcastically): it was called many things by the critics.
Turner:...
Turner: you can call it snowstorm.
(scene)
Duchamp: I would like to introduce you to my painting "Nude descending a staircase"....
Gauguin (startling out of deep sleep): Tits??
Gauguin (squinting at the painting): .....
Gauguin: go fuck yourself Marcel.
Genteleschi (nursing a stab wound from the earlier fight) That's what you should do, then you'd stop making women sick.
(murmurs of agreement)
(scene)
Dramatis personae:
Nicephore Nièpce, an early pioneer of photography (his heliograph is today regarded the first photograph ever)
Alfred Stieglitz: American photographer, part of the pictorialist movement that heavily pushed the "photography is a form of art too damn it" angle after the Eastman Kodak company released the first commercially viable photo camera and photography went from a totally obscure nerd hobby that only a few people could even pull off to something that everyone could easily do.
Caravaggio: Renaissance painter. Most of the information that exists on him are court records of his stab-happy crime spree and that he once sued a guy for painting in his style which is a 21st century dick move. He got thrown out of two different cities for the crime of stabbing a guy fatally in the balls. This is really all you need to know about Caravaggio.
Artemisia Genteleschi, renaissance WOMAN and absolute badass. There were woman artists back then but not many and she could already paint at a professional level at age fifteen or sixteen! She got admitted to the academy of arts!! She sold her paintings internationally! She was really really good.
Edward Hopper, member of the school of so called "American realism" and probably clinically depressed according to my classmate who did the presentation on him. If it looks sorta realistic and exudes a sense of isolation and loneliness even if there is multiple people in the painting, it's probably one of his. (He was part of last year's art history final and I thank whoever looks kindly on highschoolers that I was able to retain some information from that presentation as well as.my classmate for picking him off the list)
William James Mallord Turner
British landscape painter. Regarded as Britain's Favorite painter (these days)
He was supposed to be the subject of my presentation but I begged my teacher to let me do Marcel Duchamp instead. I have since seen the errors of my way.(more on that later) Snowstorm is currently on loan to the Lenbachhaus, an art museum in Munich Germany, and I went to the exhibition and stood right in front of it. It's really something.
The things the critics said about Snowstorm were "soapsuds and whitewash" and "all of the contents of his (Turner's) pantry"
Now Turner had a certain "fuck off" attitude to artistic people pleasing but according to a contemporary source called John Ruskin (I think) he read that scathing review and went "soapsuds and whitewash! Soapsuds and whitewash! I wonder what they think the sea's like!? I wish they'd been in it!" which I think is hilarious.
And finally Marcel Duchamp.
What the fuck do I say about him? I have done the presentation. I got a 2 (that's pretty good!) And I still struggle to understand what the guy was even doing. His most well known contribution to art is an upside down toilet. Or well...a photo of that that was photographed by Stieglitz.
He was french I guess that's what I can say about him. I was like "oh he did Object art. I do object art. I'll like what he made" but it turns out that "object art" is a really vague catch-all term. :) who could've guessed. I like Tom Every more (look up the Evertron. It's the world's largest scrap metal sculpture and it is freaking phenomenal. THAT'S what I wanna do. Not Marcel Duchamp. I wanna make whimsical shit like he did or weird shit like Luise Bourgeois did. They're my art heroes. Not Marcel Duchamp. just wanted to make Gauguin look bad cause he was a thoroughly unpleasant person who I wouldn't touch with a six meter pole )
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headache-central · 11 months
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Interview with the Mummy
Here's something inspired by @bitterkarella 's silly Midnight Pals posts.
INTERVIEW WITH THE MUMMY
We see two men sitting opposite one another in a room, at a desk with a typewriter and drinks on it and a lamp hanging from the low ceiling. One man is bald and in ancient fancy garb, the other dressed like an American horror actor from the mid-20th century.
The American man at the typewriter smiles keenly before taking a sip of a glass of wine.
Vincent Price: Greetings and salutations, friends. I am Vincent Price, who you may remember from such classics as Roger Corman's "The Raven" and "The Terror".
You may also have seen me in the great biblical epic titled "The Ten Commandments", and seen me committing vile villainy as seen in films like House of Wax, and House on Haunted Hill, and House of Usher. Good heavens, what house haven't I been in as of late?
I have met with such strange creatures as Dracula, Frankenstein (the doctor, of course), and even Kermit the frog. At one point I even met Abbott and Costello.
Today I have the honour to be doing a candid interview with the most important scientific find of the twentieth century: a living mummy, reputedly the ancient Imhotep.
Vincent Price bows his head respectfully to the ancient priest, before starting the interview formally.
Vincent Price: Good day, my dear Imhotep. I trust you have found our lodgings amenable? I hope they have not been too lacking in ghouls and ghosts, at least to your liking.
Imhotep: Very amenable indeed, Vincentprice. I just find these metal horses a bit strange and noisy, but the drinks and food have been very nice.
Vincent Price: That is splendid news to hear, mister Imhotep. I'm sorry, but I understand you were an ancient priest in your time.
Imhotep: My time?
Vincent Price: Your time. You know, back when---
Imhotep: I am a priest now too, if that pleases you.
Vincent Price: Now allow me to ask you this question: I understand that you are a priest. But I started this interview simply calling you Imhotep. But would you prefer Mister, Father, Omnipotence, Your Exaltedness…?
Imhotep: I do not know what kind of dishes those are but I would make a bet those are delightful meals.
Vincent Price: I'm sorry, sir, what to call you?
Imhotep: My name is Imhotep.
Vincent Price: I don't know who else I could have been talking to.
Imhotep: Do they eat falafel in your home country, Vincentprice?
Vincent Price: Some people do, I'm sure.
Imhotep: That sounds very nice.
Vincent Price: Now, Imhotep, allow me another question: When you were unearthed in the year of our Lord 1921---
Imhotep: Who is your Lord? I should very much like to meet him.
Vincent Price: That is besides the point.
Imhotep: I decide what is besides the point.
Vincent Price: When you were unearthed in the year 1921 by the expedition led by Joseph Whemble, how did you feel?
Imhotep: Like garbage.
Vincent Price: Yes, that seems a likely case.
Imhotep: A kind man read from the Scroll of Thoth to give me life again. I am not sure what happened to him afterwards.
Vincent Price: That poor man was called Ralph Norton, and it seems he passed away from the shock a while after doing so.
Imhotep: Shock? I thought he was laughing from the joy of seeing me in my full glory.
Vincent Price: You were half-naked and a bag of bones wrapped in mummy wrappings.
Imhotep: I can be dead and handsome, Vincentprice.
Vincent Price: Well, I think it might have been a bit too much for mister Norton. Poor man.
Imhotep: Any man who gazes upon me is a rich man by virtue.
Vincent Price: Let us go on to the next question: When next you were seen among mortal men, you had restored your looks to something a bit more…fresh. How did you achieve this change in complexion?
Imhotep: I drank water.
Vincent Price: Drinking water restored you to your youthful looks?
Imhotep: You should try a week without alcohol, Vincentprice. I am sure that one day you could become as handsome as I am.
Vincent Price:
Vincent Price: Does the name Rick O'Connell ring a bell?
Imhotep: No, because names don't ring bells. Men do that.
Vincent Price: Does the name Rick O'Connell sound familiar to you?
Imhotep: Whoever that is is not part of my family, no.
Vincent Price: Does the name Rick O'Connell sound like a name you have ever heard before?
Imhotep: Yes. This is the third time you have mentioned that name, Vincentprice.
Vincent Price: Very well. When you came back to life, what was your first goal?
Imhotep: When you wake up, do you do so with an immediate goal in mind?
Vincent Price: Excuse me?
Imhotep: When you wake up, do you do so purposefully?
Vincent Price: No, I suppose not.
Imhotep: I was hungry and thirsty, and thus I went looking for food and drink.
Vincent Price: Did you find something good?
Imhotep: Do you remember what you ate and drank yesterday evening?
Vincent Price: Good heavens, no. I was preparing myself for this interview.
Imhotep: Yes, I thought so too.
Vincent Price:
Imhotep: I went looking for nice clothes, but all I could find was robes and weird hats. It's very strange how Egypt changed so much, people worship a god called Islam now.
Vincent Price: Islam is the religion.
Imhotep: And their god?
Vincent Price: God, I suppose.
Imhotep stares.
Vincent Price: Imhotep, you are currently in Great-Britain.
Imhotep: Is that so? Can you then explain what makes Britain great?
Vincent Price:
Imhotep: It does explain the rainy weather.
Imhotep: What do people in Great Britain drink on a rainy day, Vincentprice?
Vincent Price: Same thing they drink every day: a cup of hot tea with milk.
Imhotep: Milk. How vomitable.
Imhotep: So what is the true reason you are interviewing me right now, Vincentprice?
Vincent Price: Imhotep, I don't quite know if you realise, but we are currently in the year 1963.
Imhotep: I did not realise the interview had lasted so long already. Time truly does fly.
Vincent Price: Movies have been made about you, including one starring the legendary Boris Karloff.
Imhotep: Boriskarlof. I like the name. Does he sit in a Boriskarloffice?
Vincent Price:
Vincent Price: Boris Karloff sits on his laurels nowadays because only few movie producers want anything to do with such an old man.
Imhotep: I can relate. No movie producer has ever interviewed me, and I am also an old man.
Vincent Price briefly grabs a folder of pictures and documents, before slipping a photograph of what seems to be an Arabian man with a great beard, robed in black and seated on a camel.
Vincent Price: Imhotep, does this man seem familiar to you?
Imhotep: After thoroughly inspecting this painting, I can surely say he is not of my family.
Vincent Price: This is a man named Ardeth Bey, of a secret society that swore to keep you asleep and in your tomb.
Imhotep: Well, I surely would allow him to put me to bed.
Vincent Price: I beg your pardon?
Imhotep: Ardethbey is quite a handsome man.
Vincent Price: Oh, yes, indeed.
Imhotep: May I meet him soon?
Vincent Price: Yes, I think you might.
Someone knocks on the door, before coming in dressed like a 1920s pulp adventure protagonist.
The newcomer takes a foldup chair and joins Vincentprice and Imhotep at the table, revealing himself to be Indiana Jones. He is promptly told that he's in the wrong interrogation chamber, and he leaves.
Someone knocks on the door, before coming in dressed like a 1920s pulp adventure protagonist.
The newcomer takes a foldup chair and joins Vincentprice and Imhotep at the table, revealing himself to be Rick O'Connell.
Imhotep: Rick?
Rick: Looks like they can't keep you down, huh?
Imhotep: Rick, you have grown old. Older. What can I do for you?
Rick: I don't know, lie down dead?
Vincent Price: Oh, come now. Can't we all be a bit friendlier? I'm sure old battles have been fought by now.
Rick: I suppose that's true.
Imhotep: To the contrary of what you may expect, I do respect a man who has bested me twice.
Rick: And I respect a mummy who stays dead.
Imhotep: Yes, I do not know what is up with that.
Imhotep: How is Benny doing?
Rick: I'm sorry, who?
Imhotep: Benny. Your best friend.
Rick: I don't have a best friend called Benny.
Imhotep: A man who used to serve with you in the army who came to be my servant for a little while?
Rick: Oh, Beni. I'm afraid he didn't make it.
Imhotep: I see. What is "it"?
Rick: He died.
Imhotep: Oh. What colour?
Rick: No, he---Imhotep, he's dead.
Imhotep: A lot of people seem to be. I wonder if there is an illness going around.
Vincent Price: Now, gentlemen, is there anything you would like to share with one another?
Imhotep and Rick: Yes.
Vincent Price: And what would that be?
Rick: Vincent Price is a vampire.
Imhotep: Boriskarlof sits in his Boriskarloffice drinking Boriskarloffee.
Vincent Price: Both of you are half correct. While I do wear a cape, it is because I am a wizard, not a vampire.
And it's funny that Imhotep should say that…
With the flick of a finger, Vincent Price conjures two new guests to the table; Boris Karloff dressed as a wizard, and a raven, which briefly sips of a mug of warm milk and exclaims "how vomitable".
Boris Karloff sips from a glass of wine and looks briefly towards Imhotep, before laughing at the raven's misfortune.
Boris: It is so good to see you all today, friends.
Rick: I have no idea who this is.
Boris: I am Boris Karloff. The famous movie actor.
Rick: Are you related to Bela Lugosi?
Boris: Does Bela Lugosi have an impeccable British accent like mine?
Rick: No, but I mean your British accent might be an act.
Boris: My name is an act, my accent isn't.
Rick: What does that even mean?
Imhotep: I do not know what British is either.
Vincent Price rings a bell to break up the conversation between these extraordinary gentlemen.
Vincent Price: Gentlemen, it is time for lunch.
Vincent Price presents a plate of freshly grilled bloodworms for everyone, with Rick just sitting there looking at the guys like weirdos.
After a brief inexplicably disgusting lunch, the group all join the table again to continue the interview.
Larry Talbot tries to find someone who can cure his lycanthropy for him, so Vincent Price fills his prescription for cocaine and kindly shows him the door.
Vincent Price: Gentlemen, this may not be the 1963 you remember. In the normal timeline's 1963, I was Vincent Price. But in this timeline's 1963, I am Vincent Price.
Make of that what you will, but I will not tolerate any shenanigans.
Imhotep: What are shenanigans?
Boris: They are like little goblins, waiting behind the scenes to wreck your day.
Imhotep: I wonder what mischief I could order them to commit.
Vincent Price: Unfortunately I have called you all here for more serious matters, to ask you this very pertinent question, and I do demand your collective attention.
Rick, Boris, Imhotep and the Raven all perk their ears and eyes towards Vincentprice.
Vincent Price: Are you now, or have you ever been, a card-carrying member of the Communist Party?
Rick bursts out laughing. Boris calmly but frustratedly rolls his eyes. Imhotep just sits there with a blank stare wondering what's going on.
Vincent Price: As I have to gather intelligence for the government, I unfortunately still have many more questions to ask you.
Boris: Is there any intelligence with us in this room right now?
Vincent: No, I'm afraid intelligent life had vacated these premises long ago.
The Raven: You're a cop.
The raven pulls a gun out of its beak. Rick pulls two guns from his belt. Imhotep doesn't have any guns to pull from anywhere, so he just snarls annoyedly. Boris Karloffice pulls out a stapler.
Vincent Price stands up to reveal the police badge lodged on his classy coat, and his shiny vampire teeth.
Vincent Price: I am indeed a mighty vampire cop, and I have called you here to extract important information for my masters.
Boris Karloff: But why?
Vincent Price pains his heavy brow just thinking about the situation.
Vincent Price: It is beyond my control. I am under strict command to make sure that none of you are foreign spies, and, well…
Imhotep: I and Boriskarloffice are foreign. But spies?
Rick: And I'm Canadian.
Raven: And I'm Hungarian.
Vincent Price: That is indeed all true. You may be foreigners, but you are no spies. It is just highly unfortunate that the current regime here demands conformity to a ridiculous degree.
Boriskarloffice: To what degree, then, Vincent?
Vincent Price: To the degree that they don't like communists.
Vincent Price shoots Boris Karloffice, causing him to need the services of an undertaker so he can be put in a Boris Karloffin.
Rick: Yeah, I think we got that message.
Imhotep: It was always such a shame Boriskarloffice got the role of the Frankenstein monster despite being too handsome for the role. I hope it sued for damages.
Raven: So what happens now, Vincent?
Vincent Price: Well, we need to be able to establish these three questions. The first of which sounds:
Suddenly, Vincent Price's head explodes.
In comes Vincent Price, dressed as Elvis Presley but carrying with him a glowing laser guitar.
Vincent Pricesley: I'm sorry, I had to do it. He was up to his usual dramatic shenanigans, like a true drama queen. Don't worry, he'll be fine in just a couple days.
Raven: What the fuck is going on here?
Vincent Pricesley slaps the raven for profanity.
Vincent Pricesley: Gentlemen, this may not be the 1963 you remember. In the normal timeline's 1963, I was Vincent Price. But in this timeline's 1963, I am Vincent Pricesley.
Imhotep: That does not explain anything. Who are other Vincentprice's masters?
Vincent Pricesley: Thank you! Now let us make our escape.
Vincent Pricesley breaks the group out using his laser guitar and out they march towards a barren world that seems normal but also rather barren. Brown rusty city scapes with lots of trash littered around, and not a person to be seen. Imhotep really regrets ever taking this interview.
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