#big sad but also squee
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Guys, real life has been so draining lol. But I'm back at it again with some stupid cute Gojo merch. 🩵 And also a Frieren acrylic charm. ✨ I'm trying to gather my thoughts and start writing that other thing... thing... thing lol.
Also so glad to be making more writing mutuals here! Talk to me about anything if you want! 💛
#mari thoughts oh how dangerous 🐻#mari's diary 🎀#big sad but also squee#gojo satoru you will always have my heart
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Apothecary Diaries / Kusuriya no Hitorigoto General Impressions
Man, this anime has changed my life. I'm obsessed. Maomao my beloved, Jinshi is ironically but secretly somewhat of a sad little meow meow (badumptss), Gaoshun is my life, and Ace representation? In my anime? More likely than you think.
I somehow missed all of the fanfare about the manga! But even living in Japan, I think it was flying under the radar until the anime got announced, and then it had to compete with advertising for Oshi no Ko and the return of Spy x Family. However I can confirm that it is now sweeping the elementary school students in Japan which is A Big Deal.
I'm going to do a general overall SQUEE here about the show, and then hopefully do individual posts about the first 12 episodes later. Probably once I finish the second half of season 1 with my Capybara, because I WILL force us to go back and do a re-watch (I'm already re-watching it without subtitles to force my Beetle to watch it with me).
I'm also forcing myself to NOT read ahead in either of the mangas nor the light novel, both so that the mystery of what come next remains magical, and so that I don't burn myself out on it and instead milk it for all it's worth.
I am also spoiler avoidant for this unless I go looking for them myself, so this should be safe for anime-only peeps who are caught up on the first half. This is just my general impressions so far!
Going into this, I was expecting another Raven of the Inner Palace, but was worried it wouldn't be as good, and was still missing my lovely little Raven and her friends. I've seen my fair share of Chinese and Korean historical dramas that I enjoyed, but was worried this would be another Shojo, a genre I don't often like.
The PVs didn't do a lot to dispel this worry, but I assume this was simply because I had never read the manga. (I wonder what the initial impact would have changed had I done so.) It's been a while so I can't really pinpoint exactly what made me have doubts outside of simply wanting a second season of Raven Palace.
The first few episodes were a whirlwind of world building and set up, and mystery, and they dragged me fully into the world of high ranking courtesans and harems.
I immediately fell in love with Maomao's deadpan delivery, manical obsession with poisons, complete nonchalance with the sex industry and harem activities, and absolute lack of interest in Jinshi while still being able to appreciate how dangerously beautiful he is.
I fell in love with Jinshi's idiocy, the level of uke vibes he gives off, his knowledge of and use of his beauty as a weapon and tool while still giving off hints of not necessarily enjoying the attention, and felt like I was riding along with him in his fascination with MaoMao.
Gaoshun is a DELIGHT. I always love the exasperated assistant to the rambunctious Male Lead, and the nickname Xiaomao is SO CUTE AHHHHH. This happened in Raven Palace too, where the two eunuch assitants/spies were my favorite (but they were also crow shipping bait). Gaoshun is just a delightful 'old' man who needs a break and deserves one. I want to be Gaoshun.
The Ace/Aro vibes are also STRONG in this show, and I love it, even if it might only be vague representation.
I am aware of the debate over whether or not Maomao can be considered asexual or not, and I'm firmly on team A-spec, as someone who is aegosexual/ace myself and who can still have sex and consider it to be an act of connection with someone.
I agree that the environment she grew up in affected her views on sex and how it's a tool and a product, and women only get to control it in very limited situations, but that doesn't negate the ace label. Both can exist, and if it turns out differently in the future then that's that, but people are allowed to believe what they want.
Even both being on team Ace(Aro)!Maomao, Capybara and I have our disagreements about how this is going to play out, and have our own ideas about what we'd like to see play out too.
Capy hopes they become Bros and stay fully ace/aro, and I hope they end up in some sort of queer-like relationship. But either way I am SUPER happy to have a show that has so much of its world building connected to sex, and yet it doesn't revolve around sex. Even the fan service like moments aren't really all the fan service-y. They serve a purpose apart from fan service, and I am here for this.
(Maomao is absolutely telling her what a boob job is.)
The mysteries are great and twisty, and there are enough clues that if you're paying attention you can figure out what actually happened. Then there are some like the entire last few episodes of the first half that wouldn't be possible without knowing what Maomao learned, and we don't get to learn what happened until the culprit does either.
I admit that only watching the anime sometimes leaves me with questions, and the subtitle translations are sometimes different than what's being said, in a way that implies a cultural difference that's not possibly to translate clearly. Reading the corresponding chapter of both mangas to whatever episode I watched helps a great deal, and helps to fully flesh out the characters, their motivations, and the world as a whole in it's small small corner of the palace.
I'm looking forward to the second half of the season, and I will hopefully be posting reactions to each episode, and then when I go back to re-watch, I plan to write up about those episodes then. Maybe I'll make a master post, and maybe this hyper fixation will dissipate before I make it that far.
I LOVE THIS SHOW.
#apothecary diaries#kusuriya no hitorigoto#anime winter 2024#anime fall 2023#薬屋のひとりごと#maomao#jinshi#gaoshun
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Stampede!Legato's Charm Points
...A not-comprehensive list of blatant squee for the @tristampparty.
I enjoy every version of Legato (which feels like saying "water is wet"), but Stampede's version in particular feels dazzling, like looking into the sun for too long. And if you couldn't tell from that description and looking at other people's reactions, especially toward his looks, this is very much me "proselytizing" in his favor. (Or finding like-minded people!)
Under the cut because I couldn't contain myself. XD
Charm Point the First: How He's Framed (...Mostly)
(The big zipper on his coat is also cute by the way)
Studio ORANGE made a fascinating choice with Legato for Stampede s1: his face is either in shadow, or at various angles that highlight how striking he is, usually as seen from below. This forces us to either a) look deeper at what expressions we do see, or b) focus our gaze on everything else about him. So a win either way, really.
On the other hand, though: please let us see more of his face in S2 PLEASE
Charm Point the Second: His Hands
Self-explanatory, I know. But hands are an absolute pain to draw and I'm forever impressed with the sheer, insane detail the animators get across with Legato's. Look at this gif, you can actually see where he laughs when his wrist tilts! There's something so erotic and dangerous about how they're portrayed. Very very good.
Charm Point the Third: His Laugh
This Legato is a downright jolly fellow in some ways compared to the previous ones! His laughter is lovely, often low and soft and wicked. It makes every scene with him more fun for the viewer, because he's having fun.
Charm Point the Fourth: His Plantlike Complexion
One might even call it a "ceramic-like pallor". It has to be because of the Plant genetics Stampede's writer mentioned. It makes him even more Fair Folk-like and otherworldly, almost ethereal; it adds another creepy, "don't make that deal" layer to his scene with Wolfwood.
Charm Point the Fifth: His Legs
I could've picked a different shot, but no. This one illustrates the point rather well, I think. (In general, besides his stomach he's on his way to a male ballet dancer physique, which is a wonderful thing.)
Charm Point 5.9: Safety First!
Something about Legato doing nefarious deeds and still wearing a seatbelt is just...peak moe for some reason. 10/10.
Charm Point the Sixth and Seventh: His Nape/Hair
I love this shot so much uuuuuuu look at the lighting
Sometimes the sheer floppiness of his haircut in some screenshots undersells how neatly managed it actually is. Legato may not want people to talk about his hair, but he does take good care of it. It's sleek, it's out of his way (mostly), and I can't help but wonder if it's cut as short as it is in the back to avoid touching his skin... :(
Charm Point 7.5: His Waist
It's the part everybody critiques! Yes, he looks like a Ken doll with it being that narrow. Yes, I 100% think that's the point and Studio Orange will make us sad about it in S2. Moving on quickly so as not to dwell on it!
Charm Point the Eighth: His Voice
I'll be talking about his dialogue right after this, but really, that dialogue wouldn't land right without the perfect voices to match. Whether subbed or dubbed, Stampede!Legato manages to slide between cold elegance and zealous desperation with ease. (Also, again, That Laugh *happy shivers*)
Charm Point the Ninth: His Dialogue
While we sadly only see Legato in two episodes, I think they're still a great introduction to him. We're given just enough to understand why he conflicts with Vash and co., what his motives are (which he might explain too much, but anyway), and who he is as person. He's a human who fundamentally doesn't understand humans, least of all himself. I think he's drawn to Wolfwood and Livio's relationship specifically because he himself doesn't have a reference point for it. It fascinates him even as he hates it. And speaking of that...
Charm Point the Tenth: His Confusion About Love
I left this one for last because unlike the above, which are mostly fixed states, this one really could go in any direction. At the end of episode 6, Legato explains how he doesn't understand love and thinks it should "give way to devotion". This is interesting, to say the least, because past Legatos don't just lay things out that clearly, and neither do most characters in Stampede. There's practically a big neon sign blaring over this!
From my very biased standpoint, there's nothing more fun than when a character who looks like this *points at the above* disdains love that openly. That means that either a) Legato is being set up to never understand love ever, which is less interesting, or b) discover what love means to him. Will that end well? Poorly? Will Studio Orange give us enough string to make a cats cradle out of for our own entertainment? Who knows! It's all up in the air for now.
I just think that there's nothing more narratively thrilling than limitless possibilities and slowly winnowing them down, is all. :D
#legato bluesummers#trigun stampede#“Non-comprehensive” I say while running through his character design with a fine-toothed comb#I didn't cover the outfit as much because we know it's going to change over time...so I assume “don't get too attached”
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Resending this ask in the hopes it goes through this time!
T-rex emoji anon here! I finally got myself a new account so I can chat about OCs and Reader stuff (since my irl friends follow my main haha).
I had two more cute girls I kinda wanted to play around with in your fae!AU. I hope you don't mind me stealing a CoD operator you haven't written for, if you do I'll happily delete this
So, one of the girls is an adult who doesn't believe in monsters, magic, or fae. The other is a fae toddler whose mother passed away soon after her birth. Our magic skeptic was silly enough to give the father her name and as a result, ended up roped into caring for the toddler whenever he's away.
The group move into the town (or back to the town in the father's case), and while everything is being set up back at the new house, the skeptic and toddler go out to explore some of the local shops. They end up at Liebling's store, browsing the plants.
While our girl is looking for some greenery to liven up their new home, the toddler spots Konig and beelines to him immediately. She grabs onto his legs with an excited squee, dubbing him a "kitty!" because big + floofy + with massive teeth and claws = just a cute little kitty cat.
To Konig she smells… familiar, but he can't quite place it. Before he can do anything though, the human swoops in and scoops the toddler up, apologising profusely while also trying to tell the toddler to please, for the love of God, stop walking up to random strangers before I have a heart attack.
The toddler is very sad that she can't keep hugging her new best friend, but relents with a huff and a pout. From behind her, a little tail thrashes in agitation. It's orange and black with a white tip on the end of it… a tiger's tail. On closer inspection, her ears are also round and fluffy, again, just like a tiger.
The human can't seem to see the non-human attributes on the toddler, informing her that "no, the nice man isn't a kitty," because why does this child keep trying to insist that random people are animals or monsters? She says sorry to Konig again, before they take their leave.
Konig is so salty, because he only knows of one fae with tiger features and only finding out now that his bestie has a baby? He probably grumbles about it for a while, at least until Horangi shows up later in the day to see Konig and explain everything.
Awwww, he is a big kitty don't bother correcting the child. I can imagine Konig picking the kid up by the back of their shirt and sniffing them because they smell familiar! Who's baby are you? Spots the tail and the little flash of strips. Oooooh, wait when did Horangi have a kid??? He'd be so confused.
I love the idea of a skeptic taking care of this strange fae child that just keeps chasing after shadows and talking to random weirdos(Konig). Konig waves at the little kiddo as they're carried away, doesn't mention it to Liebling because kids are sort of a touchy subject with her right now...
This is so cute, I love it!
#ghoul speaks#oc talk#more residents for the city :)#I like horangi he's cool love his voice#another fae with serious chompers#Liebling is honestly more confused that Konig has friends#1fae1
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FemFebruary: Padmé Amidala
Padmé Amidala. Two time elected queen of Naboo. Shouted down an attempt to let her serve more per some Legends sources. Has a bevy of Handmaidens who are trained to stand in for her, and basically have the full repertoire of skills she has, to some degree or other.
Fourteen years old when her planet was invaded.
Twenty-four years old when the galaxy falls to war.
Twenty-seven or twenty-eight at the time of her death. Murdered, IMHO, by Palpatine stealing her life force to raise up Darth Vader as a mechanical monster.
Mother of Leia and Luke, biologically. (Leia has a mother, it is Breha, and I stand by this.)
Firstly, I hate the condensed time line the prequels gave us, and the fact that Leia remembers her very sad mother in the original trilogy, but we're supposed to accept that it is a birth memory only. Secondly, not enough Sabé on screen with her after the first movie.
Moving on.
I actually love the idea of a council of elders led by a very young but willful person in a democratic monarchy. That made me honestly happy to think about, because the elders lay out the case, and the young person applies fresh eyes and IMAGINATION to the outcomes, then the elders rebut, with a solution hammered out between them.
When the system works correctly, anyway.
Also, in theory, the way the system was set up, it would be hard for a catspaw to make it all the way to the top, I think.
Padmé, as the first version of this we see, seems like a very tough act to follow. Yet the other queens show they followed in her footsteps on resisting as they could, being killed for it, etc…
Her revealing moment in TPM made me actually squee out loud, because THAT? That is how you start mending fences with a maligned colonial-displaced people. The Gungans are native, the humans are not. Her abasing herself in front of her own people AND revealing the secret of the royal handmaiden shuffle was exceptional.
Too bad the Empire undid the gains that were made after that…
I wasn't sold on the relationship as presented on screen, and cutting the family scene on Naboo is a big part of that. It revealed that Padmé had been following Anakin's career at a distance, and that her fondness for the boy had been morphing into a crush on an unattainable.
Then again, the cutting room floor swallowed a few of her key moments. She is the literal mother of the Rebellion. She was pushing Bail and Mon. She was questioning. In that, I think the TCW cartoon did her more justice, as it is far more clear there that she didn't just wake up one day and buck against Palpatine. She'd been fighting against the war before it began, and never STOPPED.
"Lost the will to live" is the stupidest thing, and GL was a male dumbass to take his own personal fear/near tragedy and project it in this moment. Should have stuck to the original 'tried to kill Vader on Mustafar' plot point.
If Force Ghosts were a thing that happened for strong willed people in general, she'd be one.
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Happy (belated) Loveeerrrrrrr Day!! 💞 While not one of my fave TS albums, Lover has a very special place in my heart. Three weeks after it was released, I married my spouse who I had loved for three summers and hell yeah I wanted (and still want!) them all. I had also broken my ankle when Lover came out so I was working from home (a rarity then) and blasting Lover all day, every day, daydreaming about my wedding and stressing over the last minute things to do! What a time!
Fave songs: I Think He Knows / Daylight
Fave lyrics: Desperate people find faith, so now I pray to Jesus too / all of Daylight but especially “Maybe you ran with the wolves and refused to settle down/Maybe I’ve stormed out of every single room in this town/Threw out our cloaks and our daggers because it’s morning now/It’s brighter now”
Underrated: London Boy. Idk y’all, I just love London Boy. It is a BOP and fun. Maybe it also helps that I’m an American who loves London based on the five days I once spent there!
Aw omg this filled my heart with so many warmies. Lover also means something similar to me and my husband so I love picturing you doing all of this and being SO EXCITED for your wedding. A big happy romantic *squee* for that indeed.
And also yes I MUST SAY I, a certified Sad Girl, will slut drop to "London Boy" any time anywhere any place. AT ANY MOMENT.
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lululawrence's February 2023 Fic List
Previous Fic Lists / Lulu’s List Podcast Masterpost
Happy 28th! It's totally still the 28th... in some time zones... lol I am still working on the amazing Christmas fics that posted this year, but I also read some non-holiday inspired fics as well! And all of them were fab. As always, be sure to show your love and appreciation with kudos, nice comments, and (when applicable) reblogging their fic posts!
syrupy sorrows and gingerbread grief by @adoremelikeasunflower19 / adoremelikeasunflower (68k, NR, Harry/Louis, Christmas fic, friends to lovers, teachers Harry and Louis, coworkers and best friends, jealousy, pining, divorce, emotional hurt/comfort, secrets, pay attention to the tags because there are some abuse, gaslighting, and cheating aspects to the fic that might be triggering, but overall this fic is so cute and sweet and the way their friendship is so perfectly supportive is lovely)
The Top of Your Lungs by @zanniscaramouche / zanni_scaramouche (32k, M, Harry/Louis, sequel/completion of part 1, werewolves, pack fic, omega Harry, alpha Louis, angst, slow burn, violence, fighting, scenting, magic, listen okay the first part of this was impeccable and had me thinking about it regularly for MONTHS until this part could post, it was the perfect ending to the story, SO much pining and angst, and it was just so lovely and wonderful and I love love loved it)
Stole My Heart by @haztobegood / haztobegood (3k, NR, Harry/Louis, meet ugly, humor, chicken nuggets, awkwardness, this fic was SO hard to read but was also so funny I couldn't stop giggling the entire time I was reading it, I had to take a break though because the beginning was written so well that I almost died of secondhand embarrassment lol, so great)
(not) driving home for christmas by @justanotherghostblr / BeautifulWisdom (3k, T, Harry/Louis, Christmas fic, meet ugly, shifter Louis, snowstorm, snowed in, Harry accidentally hits Louis, but he doesn't realize it's Louis, lololol, this fic is so funny and fast paced and the emotions Harry flips through along with the bantery dialogue is fab)
Give it to someone special by @djtommotomlinson / yourlionheartx (10k, G, Zayn/Liam, Christmas fic, meet cute, lonely Liam, sad Zayn, clueless Larry, ot4 celebrating Louis' birthday who invited Liam to join, emotional hurt/comfort, this fic was so SOFT, the love and friendship between ot4 is so wonderful and they welcome Liam in so fully, it's so perfect and wonderful and a lovely ending for all of them)
12 Days of Courting by mission2feelike (23k, E, Harry/Louis, Christmas fic, A/B/O dynamics, alpha Harry, omega Louis, friends to lovers, secret courting, friends with benefits, pining, scenting, nesting, heat/mating cycles, this fic was just like a massive mix of everything that I love in a fic all thrown together, and it was done so perfectly, I loved how clueless Louis was but how much he WANTED it to be real, and just it made me squee a little bit when it all turned out in the end honestly, I loved this fic so much)
From Dust to Lust by @jacaranda-bloom / jacaranda_bloom (45k, E, Harry/Louis, Big Bang fic, road trip fic, enemies to lovers, more like miscommunication to friends to fwb to aching longing messes to lovers, lmaoooo you know whatever works to get you where you gotta go lol, so much banter, flirting, cute old people, dust, bonding, and there's a legit fist pumping moment!, it's so great I love it so much, this fic was so fantastic and had me dreaming of those tiny places in Australia, such a great fic to fall into)
Loved and Lost by @princelyharry / princelyharry (44k, M, Harry/Louis, Big Bang fic, Famous/Non-Famous, Childhood Friends to Lovers, Exes to Lovers, Amnesia, student Louis, Broadway star Harry, angst, happy ending, this fic was a RIDE, I had forgotten it was an amnesia fic by the time it got to that, and it's told in a switch of POV, which is SO powerfully done, it hits so hard and hurts so bad, and you're just SCREAMING for it all to come together and it just, yeah, anyway, SO GOOD lol such a ride too like wow)
Oh Little Town of BATHlehem by @londonfoginacup / LadyLondonderry (2k, G, Harry/Louis, Christmas fic, crack fic, humor, meet ugly, fighting over a plastic bath, this fic omgosh you guys, I could hardly breathe, I screamed in the tags of my reblog, and the comments, and then again at Emmu once I'd finished it, because it might just be my new fav fic by her, it's so funny in genuinely every way, like what even?, and it's so sweet too, I cannot fully explain my love of this fic, just know it is GREAT)
Here where you should be by @lunarheslwt / lunarheslwt (19k, G, Harry/Louis, Christmas fic, A/B/O dynamics, alpha Harry, omega Louis, strangers to friends to lovers, the friends part is... short admittedly but still there lol, the way they both save each other in small but important ways, is so lovely, and such a great basis for their friendship and then SO much more, idiots to lovers, these two are so wonderful I love them)
A Life Turned Upside Down by @chelsea-frew / Chelsea Frew (chelseafrew) (29k, E, Harry/Louis, Big Bang fic, canon divergent, previous mpreg, exes to lovers, deaf character, post-hiatus, kid fic, the way this fic is constructed and how it revolves around the kid and their reconnection, getting past their differences, all of that, it is just, SO wonderful, such a soft and lovely and hopeful fic)
Wake Up! It's Christmas by @megz1985 / Megz1985 (6k, NR, Zayn/Liam, Christmas fic, established relationship, kid fic, adoption, past trauma, healing, domestic fluff, parenthood, beautiful and lovely and so real)
All I want for Christmas is You by @sparklebootsandvans / hlftanna (43k, NR, Harry/Louis, Christmas fic, A/B/O dynamics, alpha Harry, omega Louis, miscommunications, friends to lovers, jealousy, pining, flirting, scenting, dropping, touch deprivation, nesting, fluff and angst, happy ending, this fic is a wonderful mishmash of confusion between characters while trying to get to know each other, pining, the best parts of A/B/O dynamics, and just so much goodness, it makes you wanna shake them but also wanna force them into a closet to kiss and figure their shit out, in the best of ways, lmao it's such a thoroughly enjoyable read)
Once The Dark Divides by @zanniscaramouche / zanni_scaramouche (15k, E, Harry/Louis, childhood friends, friends to lovers, kink exploration, dom/sub dynamics, pwp, this fic, let me just... holy hell y'all, I didn't even mean to read it, not right that moment, I only meant to mark it as to read, but then I wanted to read the author's note, and then I kept reading, and never stopped because I was so immediately pulled in, and it's so hot but it's so much more than just that, it's so emotionally real, and the power struggle, and figuring it out, like Louis' experiences and feelings and confusion as a submissive for the first time feels SO REAL, it's incredible, so sexy, so intimate, I just still don't really have words for it but it's an entire experience, and honestly I feel a little too seen after reading it so I'll stop there lolllll)
The Holes of My Sweater by @harrysmaison / yourdelicatepov (31k, NR, Harry/Louis, Christmas fic, primary school teachers, friends to lovers, Harry is the new teacher, lives quite far from everyone else, he's quite an idiot really but who doesn't love a good idiots to lovers story?, obiously I do based off this rec alone lol, it's a fun story and fantastic pining)
falling in love with the stable boy by @sup3rbloom / haveufoundwhaturlookingfor (6k, G, Harry/Louis, Reverse Bang fic, Royalty AU, Prince Liam, Prince Zayn, Prince Louis, Stable Boy Harry, love at first sight, basically, this fic is so fascinating to read because it is so clear that there's so much world building and story that we don't get as an official part of the fic, but you only get enough to keep going, and i want to know so much about the family dynamics now lol, ANYWAY, an interesting and cute read!)
An Extra Surprise by @beanno28 / Beanno28 (7k, M, Harry/Louis, Christmas fic, established relationship, kid fic, mpreg, mpreg Harry, domestic fluff, the funniest part of the entire thing was how Zayn and Liam so openly teased Louis about his need to claim some of the holiday celebrations for his birthday, and the rivalry between them for the gingerbreads, but also the way they help with the kids etc was so lovely, but all of it was so fluffy and tender and sweet)
Grow as We Go by @larryatendoftheday / larryatendoftheday (7k, T, Harry/Louis, Reverse Bang fic, established relationship, the Ultimatum AU, proposal, angst, angst with a happy ending, this fic holy mother, the way they hit the reason for the breaking point, and how Louis is just so caught off guard and so hurt, and then his realizations that he wasn't perfect either and how he wants to fix it, and just all of it, it is so heartwrenchingly painfully perfect, it feels possible and real, if that makes sense?, but the ending is perfect for that too)
#28th appreciation#fic rec#my fic rec#fic list#february 2023 fic list#fic writer appreciation#i know i know it's late#i'm so sorry#but i got it out before it got too late right#so i'll take it#lol
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Dib "Pretty sure that's everything you brought with you from Cali and whatever you wrote while you lived with us. Dad has literally never touched any of our bedrooms since we moved out. It's kind of sweet, but also kind of creepy."
Squee "I can't believe he didn't throw all of my old journals out. I thought about throwing them out a thousand times."
Reg "Glad you didn't now, hu?"
Squee "Sort of. I'm not sure how useful any of this will be to Dipper, but-"
Dib "I think he just wants a second opinion-- like a beta reader. He over thinks everything every step of the way."
Squee "So you recommend ME to help ghost write the fourth journal?"
Dib "It's the perfect side project for you, trust me."
Squee "Yeah, maybe. It's a lot of pressure."
Dib "Only if you psych yourself out over it. Just enjoy the experience. You owe it to yourself."
Squee "I haven't dedicated any significant time or energy into writing since high school. Back then, it was just an escape from school bullies and home bully. Mostly fanfiction and campy short horror stories."
Dib "Which were amazing, I read them. So, keep writing. Don't let the sucky people that got in your way over a decade ago stop you from doing something awesome you want to do now. I was bullied for my interests and look at me, still chasing the paranormal... when free time permits me."
Reg "You were bullied in school too?"
Dib "Yeah, big time."
Reg "By WHO?"
Dib "Pretty much everyone; other kids, teachers, your grandad on occasion, your aunt Gaz-"
Reg "Really?"
Squee "She can bully with the best of them if you push her buttons right."
Reg "Wow."
Dib "Some kids were bigger jerks than others, but I never really found a group of kids I connected with until I met the Pines twins. I rarely left my room without hearing the words "big head" directed towards me."
Reg "But you're big and strong and super science smart. Who would ever screw with you?"
Dib "I was scrawny and awkward right up until my sophomore year of high school. Being... neurodivergent didn't help my case."
Reg "That's not a reason to make fun of someone."
Squee "You're not a bully, that's why you subscribe to that logic. My suggestion, make online friends. That's the beauty of the internet."
Reg "I know technically I have friends, it's just... Is bullying something everyone goes through?"
Squee "I didn't used to think so, but the older I get and the more people I interact with, I realized the answer is yes. Bullying is a learned behavior reinforced by past bullying. Most of the time, if someone is abusing the people around them, in some way, they're being abused themselves. You can't stop bullies from roaming this earth. You can just choose not to be one."
Reg "Is that why dad's a bully now? Because he was bullied when he was a kid?"
Dib "Wait wait wait-- You think I'm a bully? Seriously?"
Reg "You have... bully-like tendencies."
Dib "NO I DON'T. "
Reg "You bully Zim."
Dib "ZIM is an imperialist megalomaniac butt weevil from space! I don't BULLY Zim, I retaliate."
Squee "You bully the interns at the lab."
Dib "Because they're idiots who can't follow directions! Being assertive and expecting my coworkers to focus and not blow anything up doesn't make me a bully."
Reg "You harass your fellow swollen eyeballs."
Dib "Don't even-- I've had to defend my theories and research from oblivious trolls and amateurs trying to pick apart my work every step of the way! Todd, man, tell the boy I'm not a bully."
Squee "You have bully-like tendencies."
Dib "..."
Squee/ Reg "..."
Dib "Okay... nice to know what my big brother and my only son really think of me."
Reg "Dad-"
Dib "No, I get it. It's cool."
Squee "Come on, man-"
*series of high pitched, static and beeping*
Dib "Holy shit, my ghost boxes are going off like crazy. At least the spirits in this house think I'm bearable to be around."
Squee " Wait, Dib, that's probably just Nny-- he'll figure it out."
Reg -sad groan-
Squee "I can't win."
[For context, because my aus are all over the place.
Dib had bought a historically haunted house upstate on an impulse with the intention of ghost hunting with Reg, father and son. However, Reg has decided to go live with his mother on the Von Verminstrasser cryptid nature reservation, virtually crushing Dib's dream.
He rents the house out to the recently married, Squee and Pepito.
Sketched these out on break and lunch throughout last week. Decided to clean them up a little earlier today.]
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Wonderful World - Part 2^
Part 2 is here! This one's got some heavier topics discussed, so please be mindful of that! I did throw in a little bit of comic relief, but still it's going to go into the bullying that Celeste is enduring.
Series Masterlist
Warnings: bullying, mentions of homophobic slurs, physical acts of aggression, grief and loss, cheating/infidelity suspicions
WC: 12k
Diana woke up gasping for air and immediately sat up with a hand over her chest. She could hear her heartbeat pounding loud and fast and her palm could feel the steady rhythm thumping of her heartbeat against it. She could feel a sort of a cold and somber air engulfing her and it made her feel so alone and sad. Her skin was covered in goosebumps and she closed her eyes to try and take a few calming breaths, like she tended to do when these nightmares would make appearances. She actually hadn’t had one in a few years now… that was probably why she was probably having a hard time shaking the feeling.
It was probably because Harry had brought up Celeste’s dad, Wesley. He had likely been stuck in her subconscious and of course, she had to dream of him. It’s not that she didn’t think of him ever, he was her daughter’s father, but what happened to him had messed her up for a while. And with a lot of therapy, hard work, and time she had learned to focus on the good things and moments that they had. She had been able to heal from losing him so abruptly, but sometimes the bad things would creep in. Grief was a long journey, the void a person leaves can never really be filled, no one is replaceable, each person is unique and their light is their own. And truly, no one could replicate or replace the person that Wesley was.
Diana’s tears started to stream down her face and she bent her knees against her chest as she cried quietly, letting herself feel the hurt of loss. After crying a few minutes she switched on her bedside lamp, got out of bed quietly, and made her way into her closet. She had a box with her memories from school, yearbooks, notes, photos… she pulled her little step-stool out from under her hanging clothes to get it off from the high shelf in there and pulled it down before setting it on the bed. As she opened it up she looked through the year books and grabbed the one from her senior year in high school. Diana climbed onto the bed leaned back into her pillows as she opened up the cover and smiled immediately as she saw the big note Wesley had signed onto the cover. She read over his sweet message, promising that no matter where life took them, he would always love her. She would still get butterflies when she thought about the night he verbalized that he liked her; she had been too oblivious to see it at first. She smiled as she let herself remember the night - it had been a good night.
March, 2005
Diana was squeezing her hands together as Wesley anxiously opened up the envelope from UCLA. His parents were hovering over him, also anxiously waiting for what the letter inside would say. He had also been in contact with one of the football coaches, so if he got accepted into the school he would certainly be given a try-out, he hadn’t started the recruiting process until late due to an injury he obtained in the middle of the season, but the Bruins still wanted him after seeing him play his Junior year. He was tall, lean, and exceptionally fast - all great attributes of a wide receiver. His friendly brown eyes met her own and she smiled and nodded, urging him to open up the envelope. He took a deep breath and pulled out the letter. The tension was high as he unfolded the letter and started to read. He didn’t even have to say anything before she squealed with excitement, the sparkle in Wesley’s eyes said it all.
“I got in!” He exclaimed with a bright smile and his mom jumped up and down as his dad hugged around his shoulders, rocking them a bit. After his parents congratulated him he reached his hand out towards Diana’s and she took it as he squeezed it with a bright smile as he shook his head in disbelief.
“Thank you.” He said and she shook her head.
“It was all you. I just help you get a little organized.” She shrugged.
“You did much more than that, honey.” Wesley’s mom, Gloria said as she came over and hugged Diana from behind, this made Diana giggle, “Tell your parents that you’ll be late, we’re going out to celebrate! I’m going to get changed!” Gloria said excitedly before heading out of the room, “Darell, change your shirt! It’s ugly!” Gloria called from somewhere else in the house and Darell shook his head before heading out.
“Diana Beltran…” Wesley smiled and she grinned.
“Wesley Benoit?” She said inquisitively with a smile.
“Seriously, if you hadn’t tutored me all last summer I wouldn’t have gotten in…” He said and she shook her head.
“Football, Wes. They want you.”
“They’ll only give me a scholarship if I kill it in tryouts. After what happened with my knee in October they need to make sure I can still play. And well, if I don’t get on the team then it’s fine, I can still go to UCLA with Micah and Sione.” He said of his best friends, “And that wouldn’t be possible without you. So thank you.” He said and she smiled.
“I was happy to help.” She assured.
Truly, Diana and Wesley were from completely different worlds. He was a popular football jock and she was one of the shy, brainiac, choir geeks. Despite his status, Wesley wasn’t an asshole, none of his main friends were actually, so having to tutor him wasn’t all that hard. From the beginning, his GPA wasn’t bad, Wesley was smart, but his academics didn’t really stand out and in order to get into UCLA without football he needed to have an advantage. So he was taking college transferrable classes over the summer before senior year and he needed help when they were a bit more rigorous than he anticipated. Diana was on track to being valedictorian, so naturally, she was the one he reached out to for help. After spending countless hours together over the summer they became friends and well, he had kissed her over Christmas break, when they met because he had gotten her a Christmas gift. It hadn’t happened again though and well, Diana did like him. He flirted and was sweet and considerate of her and she certainly had a crush on him, but once he didn’t make a move again she had figured it was one sided.
Soon they were heading off to eat and dinner had been great. There were lots of laughing and talking and more importantly, there was an air of comfort and love that she didn’t really feel at home, especially after her brother left to Carnegie Mellon. This was one of the many things that she loved about being around Wesley, being around him and his family was like being in a big hug - so warm, loving, and accepting - all the things that she didn’t really get from her own parents. Eventually, they were dropping her off at home and she was thanking them all for their kindness before getting out of the car.
“Baby, walk her to the door! Be a gentleman!” Gloria said to Wesley and he smiled at Diana who was blushing.
“I was going to anyway.” He said as he undid his seatbelt. And soon he was leaving her at the door as he hugged her tight. He was engulfing her in his embrace, he was 6’1” and she was a mere 5’3” - well 5’2.5” but who’s counting? As they broke apart he smiled down at her, there was a look in his eyes that made her smirk.
“If you thank me one more time I’m go-”
“I was actually wondering if you wanted to go on a date with me?” He asked and her smile dropped.
“Seriously?”
“Yeah. I mean, I’d get it if you don’t want to-”
“Wait why? I mean you never…said anything.” She mused and he chuckled.
“What do you mean? I kissed you! You’re the one who never said anything.” He smiled and she shrugged.
“I thought it was just a fluke or something.” She said as he grabbed her hands in his large warm ones.
“Not a fluke. Fully intentional. I like you, Diana. I like you a lot. Please go out with me.” He said and she smiled.
“OK.” She whispered and he laughed happily as he hugged her tight and spun her around a few times before kissing her forehead.
“I’ll plan something and let you know, OK?”
“Sounds good.” She grinned with excitement, “Thanks again for tonight and congrats.”
“Thank you. When does Columbia send their letters?”
“April.” She said and he hummed.
“Well when you get it, we’ll also do something nice for you, OK?”
“OK. Night.” She said as he started walking backwards towards the car.
“Night!” He smiled brightly before getting back in the car and as soon as she let herself into her house they took off. Diana felt her entire heart pounding and her stomach doing flips. Wes liked her! He liked her! And they were going to go on a date.
****Flashback over****
There were a couple tears streaming down her face that she quickly wiped away as she thought about their first date. They had gone to one of those conveyer belt sushi restaurants and they sucked at it, but they had had a lot of fun. And that’s really all it was, though their relationship had only lasted four short months, it was fun and filled with so much joy. It was the first time that she had ever really been happy for that long, without anything being able to burst her bubble and it was heaven. She giggled as she continued flipping through the yearbook, sputtering a laugh through her tears as she saw a picture of them at the senior ditch day, where they were asleep beside each other on their backs, surrounded by a flock of seagulls because their friends had laid out a bunch of snacks around their towels and of course, the class photographer had taken a picture of the insane moment. Then she moved on to the pictures of the senior prom and the graduation…she was in a lot more pictures after she and Wes started dating. Diana had always thought that she’d only be in the portrait section and group photo for the school choir, but Wesley taught her to enjoy life too and once she learned that balance she was able to continue achieving it all the time now. Eventually, her eyes started growing heavy and she was soon fast asleep again.
“Mom?” Diana heard Celeste’s voice and blinked her eyes open slowly, they felt heavy and her vision was a bit blurry.
“Yes, what’s wrong?” She asked pushing herself up to sit.
“Nothing, your alarm has been ringing for the past five minutes.” Celeste said and then looked at the box at the foot of the bed and yearbook that was beside her mom, “Are you OK?”
“Yes, cariño. I was just missing your dad a little bit last night.” She explained and Celeste nodded. She had never really asked a lot about him because she never knew him or even her grandparents from his side. She was used to it just being her and her mom.
“Can I see?” She asked and Diana nodded as she reached for the yearbook and flipped through it, landing on the picture of them from the prom and handing it over to Celeste who immediately smiled.
“He’s so tall!” She smiled.
“Now you know where you get it from.” Diana said quietly as her daughter took in the photo before her, “You’re like a perfect mix of us. You kind of look like me, but you’ve got the same gorgeous smile, one of his best features.” Diana said as she tucked a strand of hair behind Celeste’s ear.
“What was your favorite thing about him?” She asked before looking to her mom, taking full advantage that Diana was being this open about him. Wesley was not someone she talked about all that much, it made her sad and angry for so many reasons, she didn’t like to get caught up in fighting a battle that his family had unfortunately lost. Her need for justice was so great and it made her angry for a really long time, she still hated the man who had so recklessly taken his life and for a long time every time she thought of Wesley it would get clouded over by that and that’s why she was so reluctant to talk about him. She didn’t want to remember him and remember a tragedy all the time.
“He was literally the nicest guy on the planet. I’ve never met anyone with such a gentle heart.” She explained to Celeste, “He was one of the most popular guys in school but he never used that to make other people feel less than him. He was just the brightest light.” Diana smiled, “I don’t know if I’ll ever meet anyone like that again.” She said and Celeste smiled.
“H-how did he die?” She asked carefully.
“It was a car accident.” Diana said and Celeste frowned.
“I’m sorry, mom.” She said as she grabbed Diana’s hand.
“It’s OK, it was a long time ago.” She swallowed thickly, “It just still hurts sometimes.” She explained and Celeste nodded in understanding, “And I know that I don’t really talk about him, but if you have questions about him or us you can ask. I’ve never said it before, but I don’t want you to feel like you can’t ask if you are curious.” Diana said and Celeste nodded, “Also, your therapist might ask about your dad at some point so you can ask me things if that’s something that comes up.” She said. Diana knew Harry might ask Celeste about this since he had asked her and she had completely ignored his question. It might not be all that professional on his end to get information about him from Celeste, but the curiosity would get the best of her if she were in his position, so she would understand.
“OK. I love you, mom.” Celeste said softly, her pretty brown eyes focusing deep into her mother’s.
“I love you too, mamita. Now, we need to get ready for the day.” Diana sighed and Celeste nodded and shut the yearbook before handing it over and soon they were separating and going about their routines for the morning.
*********
Celeste was glad that her mom had opened the door to the topic of her dad. She had never done that before, she had talked about him a few times and she knew that he had died, but not how - she still wanted to know more. What about his parents? Did he have any? Did he have siblings? How long were her parents together that it was still hard for her mom to talk about him? There were a lot of questions brewing in her mind and because of that she had been distracted and didn’t notice that the girls who had been giving her a hard time in school lately were all against the wall of lockers nearest to hers and before she knew it she was tripping and landing roughly onto the ground.
“What the hell, Megan?!” Geri reprimanded the girl laughing with her little clique of friends after tripping Celeste as Oswald, they called him Ozzy, helped Celeste up.
“It wasn’t on purpose!” The girl creased her eyebrows down in offense at being called out for her malicious behavior.
“Sure.” Geri rolled her eyes and Megan just turned around and laughed as she and her friends walked off, “Are you OK?” Geri asked Celeste and she nodded despite the slight pout that was on her face.
“I’m fine.” Celeste grumbled as she proceeded to open up her locker.
“Did you tell your mom about what they did on Monday?” Ozzy asked and Celeste shook her head.
“Girl…” Geri said with concern and Celeste shook her head.
“It’ll be fine, I got a therapist now and he can help me deal, OK? He promised he won’t say anything to my mom unless I give him permission and-”
“That’s not how it works, if you’re in danger they can say whatever they want to your mom!”
“I’m not in danger, guys. She just-”
“Violently elbowed you in the ribs during PE!” Geri said and Celeste sighed.
“We were playing soccer and-”
“You were on the same team! And you have a bruise.” Geri reminded and Celeste sighed.
“I don’t want to make it worse. Maybe I accidentally did something to her and-”
“When?! She came from another middle school! There’s no way She’s just a bully and who knows what she will do next time!” Ozzy added in and Celeste sighed.
“Look, I will talk to my therapist about it and see what he says about it.”
“How is anyone supposed to do anything about it if no one knows?”
“It’ll be fine. Please, just drop it guys.” Celeste shut her locker and rushed off to class.
She had no idea why this girl was so set on being mean to her. It started about two months into school and it was weighing her down. She would find mean notes in her locker, with hateful slurs written at times, around October the notes stopped, but the aggressions started becoming physical and were sporadic. But now, twice in one week? Celeste was scared and worried about what would happen if they ran into each other in the hallway or bathroom alone. What was this girl capable of? And her biggest question of all was why her? It made her blood boil, but she knew better than to do anything back, though deep inside she wanted to retaliate sometimes because it wasn’t fair. She didn’t want to stoop down to Megan’s level, her friends wouldn’t even let her if she tried thankfully, but it was challenging to not feel like exploding sometimes.
All day, there were these micro-aggressions aimed at her whenever their paths would unfortunately cross, Celeste felt that her day couldn’t end sooner and finally, when the last bell rang she was walking over to the bathroom when Geri rushed over to her.
“You don’t want to go in there.” She said tugging Celeste towards the lockers instead.
“Why?”
“Because they wrote something about you in the stall. One of the girls in my class just posted it on instagram.” Geri said with a frown, “I’m on there too, but it’s better not to give it importance. That’s why they’re all rushing in there.” She explained as more girls kept rushing in.
“What did it say?” Celeste asked.
“Just that we’re together-together but in the derogatory kind of phrasing.” Geri said and Celeste’s eyebrows creased together in confusion at what she meant to say, “Rhymes with the word ‘hike’…” Geri said lowly.
“Oh…I was thinking of the other one.” She said, “OK, I mean that’s not insulting, you’re gorgeous.” Celeste smiled at her friend and Geri smiled. Geri wasn’t all that feminine in her physical expression, since about 5th grade she just didn’t like things that are traditionally considered feminine so it had been a longstanding thing for people in school to just assume that she wasn’t straight. Geri wasn’t sure what she was yet - she hadn’t ever really paid much attention to attraction - Celeste nor Ozzy cared about it, that was Geri’s thing to figure out and they cared for her regardless. But again, people were just mean when they didn’t understand things and now they had started a rumor that she and Geri were together, but that didn’t bother Celeste nor Geri.
“Why thank you, so are you.” Geri grinned and they looped arms as they headed off to their lockers together. As soon as Celeste’s locker came into view Megan and her little posse were seen just a few feet away waiting. Geri’s locker was just across the walkway from Celeste’s. “Do you want me to go up with you?”
“It’s OK, you’re just across the hall, it’s fine.” She assured and Geri nodded before they split up. Celeste exhaled as she walked up to her locker and just got to working on the combination.
“So it’s true, you and the freak across the hall are together…” Megan said as she walked up to Celeste’s open locker.
“Don’t act like it wasn’t you who wrote it, Megan.” Celeste huffed out in irritation.
“Oh no, that wasn’t me! But whoever it was had to have seen something between you two. That’s wrong, you know? It’s gross.” Megan said and her friends agreed lowly and the rage that had been at a steady simmer all day was getting to its boiling point in Celeste’s body and she turned to Megan and scoffed.
“You sound stupid saying something so discriminatory, Megan, so just shut up.” Celeste seethed and Megan smirked.
“You wouldn’t be this upset if it wasn’t true.”
“Any human being with compassion and a brain would be upset for you saying something like that about how or who people should love. It’s ignorant. Now if that’s it, please leave.” Celeste huffed and turned back to put her books in her locker.
“Did you just call me ignorant?” Megan asked and Celeste rolled her eyes as she continued moving things in and out of her locker, “Hello!? I’m still talking to you!” She pushed again and Celeste continued ignoring her, Geri was now making her way through the people walking past and to Celeste’s locker, “I said I’m still talking to you!” Megan growled and slammed the locker door shut and Celeste gasped as her eyes started welling up when the metal harshly crushed her fingers before it bounced back.
“Oh shit!” Megan’s friend, Carleigh gasped and they started laughing as they hurried away.
“What the hell is wrong with you?!” Geri shouted after them as Celeste’s tears started to fall as the pain started radiating through her hand, “Hey, can you bed your fingers?” She asked Celeste who tried and winced as more tears fell down her face and she shook her head.
“Hardly.” She swallowed as she sniffled.
“C’mon, let’s go to the nurse’s office.” Geri said and helped grab the last thing Celeste needed from her locker and then they were off to the nurse.
“Oh my god, what happened?!” The woman asked as Geri escorted a crying Celeste in.
“I accidentally slammed my locker door closed on my hand.” Celeste sniffled and Geri looked at her.
“Celeste.” She said with disappointment and the nurse frowned at the interaction.
“Did someone do this to you?” The nurse asked Celeste and she sighed.
“No. It was an accident.” Celeste insisted.
“Hon, you can be honest with me. If someone did this to you-”
“It was an accident.” She assured through her tears and the woman nodded and proceeded to check out her fingers. They were getting swollen and apart from wrapping them up there was nothing she could really do but give her some pain medication and ice them.
“You’ll probably need to get them x-rayed to make sure they’re not broken.” The woman said and Celeste nodded and was soon hurrying out of the office with Geri on her tail.
“Celeste!” Geri rushed after her, calling her name, “Hey! Why didn’t you say anything? What was that?!”
“Geri, I don’t want to make it worse! Megan is just a bitch!” Celeste cried, not really concerned for having said a curse word.
“She might have broken your fingers! How are you supposed to play guitar or do your homework or-”
“Please, Geri, just drop it!” Celeste shouted and turned around and walked off.
“Hey, I’ve been looking for you guys everywhere. Where’s Celeste going? We have jazz combo.” Ozzy asked with confusion.
“Megan slammed her fingers with her locker door but she told the nurse she did it herself by accident. Think she’s gonna call her mom to pick her up.”
“Oh my god, is she alright?”
“No, she’s pissed. I called her out on it so I think she needs a little space, you can call her later. C’mon.” Geri said and Ozzy spared one more glance to Celeste before he followed Geri off to the band room.
**********
“So they’re not broken?” Diana asked the doctor at the urgent care once again.
“No, the knuckle is likely bruised though, so you will be swollen and in pain for a few days at the very least or a couple weeks at the most.” He told Celeste, “Just continue taking medication and icing them. Elevate them when you can,” He informed them and Diana nodded. “I would encourage you to try and minimize movement as much as you can. I’m going to tape them now and mom, I’m going to show you how to do it, OK? Pay close attention.” The older man said and Diana decided to just record to ensure she didn’t get it wrong. “The first few days here will be the worst of it, so as long as you’re in pain wrap them up. There shouldn’t be pain after a week, if it persists we’ll need to take another look.”
“How long until she’s fully healed? She plays guitar.” Diana shared.
“Typically 2 to 4 weeks, depending on how well you’re looking after yourself. The longer you let ‘em rest the sooner you can get back to your guitar.” The man said and Celeste nodded. After another fifteen minutes they were getting back into the car and heading off.
“I’ll call Justin when we get home and tell him no guitar for a few weeks.”
“Yeah…” Celeste sighed as she rested her head on the window and Diana frowned.
“Ay mi amorcito, you’ll be better soon. Don’t be so hard on yourself, it was just an accident.” Diana confronted her.
Upon hearing that though Celeste’s anger started to flare up again because it hadn’t been an accident at all. Megan had meant to harm her and it was her fault that she had to cancel guitar. That was her favorite part of the week! She had never felt so enraged or helpless in her life and it made her feel so overwhelmed because all she wanted to do was be mean back, but she knew that, that wasn’t a good solution! That wasn’t going to help anything and it made her so upset because she felt stuck. She could tell, but she was scared of what would happen. What more Megan would do to her if she told and she didn’t want this to get worse.
*********
The week had finally come to an end and because Celeste couldn’t do guitar lessons their weekend had started early and Diana decided that a nice late lunch with Grace would be just the thing to get her weekend started. Celeste wasn’t in the mood to go out and Geri planned on spending the night, so before she would get stuck playing host to her teenage daughter and her friend, Diana wanted to spend time with Grace. Grace liked attention and Diana had not been great at giving it these last few weeks so as she settled into the seat across from Grace’s, she was immediately prepared for the gab sesh.
“Girl, I have so much to tell you.” Grace grinned and Diana smiled.
“OK, share away!” Diana giggled and Grace went off about some new gossip from her apartment complex and about her work and everything else that she could think of as Diana just nodded and listened. They were both now sipping on on their drinks and cheering to some accomplishment of Grace’s and then she went a little quiet, which was definitely strange for Grace.
“Ummm…I’m also…kind of seeing someone.” She said more timidly and Diana’s mouth dropped open in a shocked smile.
“YOU?! Dating?!” She asked in shock. Grace had an aversion to dating, she had always said she wouldn’t get married. The idea of it bothered her and she didn’t like answering to anyone for anything. She tended to just hook-up or have little flings with people and that was all.
“Ah! I said seeing, not dating!” She corrected and Diana rolled her eyes.
“Same. Fucking. Thing!” She exclaimed and Grace’s face went all pink with a blush, “So tell me about them! How did it happen?” Diana questioned her excitedly.
“His name is Henry, he is one of the doctors in the building. An optometrist actually from the clinic a floor beneath my office?” She said and Diana grinned, “His family is also Chinese, so that will make my grandmother very happy.” She smiled and Diana didn’t want to butt in about how she was already thinking of introducing him to her family because that was a huge deal, “And we just ran into each other in the elevator sometimes and ummm we would like awkwardly greet each other and ride up in silence, you know? He was so cute, so I would always look forward to running into him. But them ummm, I accidentally dinged his car one afternoon and-” she said and Diana squinted her eyes in suspicion.
“Wait. Doesn’t the optometrist’s office have name plates to reserve their doctors’ parking spots?” She asked as she faintly recalled Grace mentioning that because it irked her that she had to park far away sometimes and then Diana gasped, “Did you hit his car on purpose?!” She asked with a laugh and Grace groaned.
“No! I mean, I saw that a day before the super had removed the old nameplate and he’s new there so I figured I would learn his name from the nameplate and I got a little too close as I drove by and just lightly…hit his…lovely Tesla.” She recounted, feeling completely bashful and Diana laughed lightly at her friend’s mishap and Grace just covered her face in embarrassment.
“Oh my god….” Diana mumbled, feeling her own cheeks heat up with some secondhand embarrassment, “You couldn’t have checked their website?”
“I did! They hadn’t updated it yet, OK?!” Grace said and Diana giggled, “Well, I had to go tell him… I was thinking of leaving a note, but then he’d probably review the footage because those fucking cars record everything! And I didn’t want him to see that I was snooping, you know?” She explained herself, “So I did the nice thing and went up there and embarrassed myself…I specifically made a joke about how he didn’t need to review the footage to see why there was a slight scrape on his car. Like turns out it was literally minimal damage, my paint rubbed off on his, it wasn’t even scratched.” She explained and Diana nodded, “But I didn’t know that then, I was freaking out. So we swapped contact info and I let him know that I’d file the claim and that it should all be handled and he was so sweet about it. So the next morning we ran into each other in the elevator again and well, we said our good morning, as we usually did when we’d ride up together and there was just so much tension. Like you could just feel it! You know I don’t get nervous, but I was so nervous!” She shared and Diana pouted with endearment, “And then out of nowhere he’s like, “So is there a reason why you were driving so close to the parked cars?” And I wanted to die!” She said and Diana started laughing, “I swear it felt like I was in a sitcom and I just went pink and he laughed a little as I asked him why he went back to look at the footage after I hinted at him not too. Anyway, he missed his floor and rode up to my floor with me as we laughed about it for a bit and then I just told him I wanted to know his name and I figured it would be on the nameplate and so that led to more laughing… I mean, I could’ve just asked any time… but I don’t know, it was…different.” She said with a smile and Diana nodded and smiled.
“Yeah, I get it.” She agreed and Grace exhaled and she shrugged.
“So we officially introduced ourselves and went about our days and then he texted me later that night to see if I wanted to go out for drinks with him some time and we did and it’s been…maybe almost a month? We’ve gone out three times…and he’s really, really cool and I really like him. We haven’t even fooled around, like no more than making out…like I want to, but I also don’t want to just water it down into a hookup without knowing what potential it has, you know?” She said and Diana hummed in understanding, “He and his friends do like escape rooms like once a month, because they’re all nerds.” She said and Diana giggled, “And he wants me to go to meet them, so that’s happening next week on Friday night.” She shared.
“I love this for you, Grace. A literal rom-com could be written about how you guys met!”Diana said and Grace laughed softly, “Are you nervous?”
“I am…yeah. He had originally wanted me to meet them at this Lunar New Year dinner he had planned, but I promised my mom I would go to their celebration since I didn’t last year and I couldn’t go. So I’ve kind of stalled it and now I feel more anxious about it.”
“Well, be as nervous as you want, but they’re going to love you.” Diana assured and Grace cooed.
Their hangout ended up extending well into the night with Grace also deciding to have a sleep over - they decided to make mocktails for them and the girls and did some karaoke in the living room. Diana had mentioned Celeste’s accident to Grace and just how bummed out she was about not being able to play, so they wanted to do something to cheer her up and it seemed like it worked. Or at least Diana hoped it had.
*********
Celeste had been miserable all weekend without being able to play guitar; it was what she did all the time at any given chance, she loved to practice and she was so great at it. It helped her deal with all of the pent up anger and frustrations in her life, it made her feel happier to play. And things that made her happy were in short supply these days. Her mom, Grace, and Geri were able to distract her on Friday night with mocktails and karaoke, but as soon as that was over she was back to feeling blue, especially now. She felt so miserable going back to school, she wouldn’t even be able to take notes as her fingers were still bandaged up. The day only seemed to be getting worse because as soon as she, Ozzy, and Geri walked in people started whispering about them, some even came up to them to make their crude remarks. So obviously, the weekend had done nothing to give these cretins she called her peers something better to talk about.
“Just ignore them…” Ozzy said and they both nodded. Geri was great at keeping herself calm and collected, of course hurtful things impacted her, but she wouldn’t get as worked up about it as Celeste did. Celeste didn’t understand why and that’s what pissed her off. Why were people so cruel and so focused on everyone else instead of looking at themselves for a change. It made her blood boil and even more, it made her wish ill on them sometimes. She never went into specifics about what she hoped would happen, all she would think in her mind was that she hoped they got what they deserved or that karma would kick their asses and despite that being quite a normal reaction, she felt like a really shitty person for it and she wasn’t sure how to cope with that, she had never felt that way before.
Thankfully Megan was nowhere in sight and right before the bell rang they hurried into the bathroom and unfortunately she had used the stall where they had written that thing about her and Geri, but she found that there were more things written about her on the wall, that’s probably why they had all rushed in after classes, to add to it. She came out of the stall jaw tense and eyes locked hard on her hands as she washed them.
“God, looks like you’re gonna break a tooth!” Geri said and Celeste sighed.
“They added more to it.” She said and Geri frowned, “…not about you, about me.” She said.
“I’m sorry, if we tell the janitor he’ll come paint over it.” She said and Celeste sighed.
“I’ll survive. Thankfully I have therapy this afternoon so hopefully that’ll help me keep it together.” Celeste said in relief and Geri nodded with a smile. However, they had no idea that one of Megan’s friends was occupying the stalls and listening to everything that they had just talked about.
*********
Much to Harry’s simultaneous disappointment and relief, Diana hadn’t come up to his office to drop off Celeste. And without him even asking, she informed him that she had to go find a parking spot and would be up at some point if he needed to talk to her again. Harry assured her that it should be fine and he grabbed his notepad and sat in his usual seat and Celeste sat in the center of the couch this time, not so far, but still keeping some distance there. She seemed tense and very in her head today from what he observed and as he tried to gauge her mood from her body language he saw the wraps over her fingers on her right hand.
“That’s new, what happened?” He asked and she looked up to him.
“Oh that…” she said of her fingers and he nodded, “Just an accident, slammed them with the locker door.” She explained and he winced.
“God, that must’ve hurt.”
“Yeah.” She said and grew quiet again. Silence was something that Harry had become comfortable with as a mental health professional and it seemed to rattle most everyone else. People didn’t know what to do with the silence and it seemed that Celeste felt the same and just cleared her throat before looking up at him expectantly as he just doodled some flowers into the notepad, “What’re you writing if I’m not even talking?” She asked and he smiled as he looked up to her turned the notepad over to show her his little doodles and she scoffed through a laugh, “Nice.” She said with a hint of irony, “I’m sure my mom’ll be so happy to know she’s paying you to doodle flowers.” Celeste mumbled lowly and Harry’s eyebrows raised in slight shock, it was amusing to him and he almost wanted to laugh at her sass. The sweet and shy young girl he had encountered a week prior seemed to be locked somewhere far away inside of her.
“Whoa, sensing some hostility there.” He said instead and she crossed her arms, “What’s going on?” He asked and she sighed. Now that she was here she felt like she could just express her frustrations and let them be and she hadn’t meant to be snippy with Dr. Styles, but there was so much pent up inside of her that she just needed to get it out and unfortunately it had been him who got the brunt of it. She had been short with her mom too on the way over, but her mom was well, her mom, and Dr. Styles was a stranger and he just wanted to help her, “I get paid to listen, by the way and I’m listening to your silence but I’m also not a mind-reader, I don’t know what’s going on unless you talk to me.” He reminded her and she sighed.
“I’m really…angry.” She finally said and he nodded.
“OK, describe it to me. What does anger make you feel?” He asked and she started explaining how she felt like she was just swelling with it. How it made her feel impulsive and spiteful and completely helpless, which was an interesting feeling to be combined with anger. He carried on with that, her feeling helpless in her anger, “And why do you feel helpless about it?”
“Because I can’t do anything about it!” She finally let out a sob and he frowned as he quickly reached for the tissue box on the little coffee table before them and she grabbed it from him and dabbed at her eyes carefully, “I’ve never felt anger like this before.” She explained.
“Do you mean you can’t express it?” He asked.
“I think I am expressing it now…” she said and he nodded, of course she was, “But it’s just not how I…want to express it. It’s not that kind of anger.” She sighed in exasperation as she tried to explain what she meant without feeling completely insane and evil.
“I feel like you know what you want to say but are skirting around it. Do I have that right?” He asked and she nibbled on her lip and cast her gaze down to her shoes and away from his face, “I’m not here to judge, Celeste. I’m here to help.” He said calmly and she looked into his eyes and she sighed, not really believing that she was about to tell him what exactly she was feeling like.
“Have you ever just wanted to…take revenge?” She asked.
“Is that what you want to do?” He asked and she sighed.
“Sometimes.”
“On the girls that pick on you at school?” He asked and she nodded.
“I know that it’s wrong and mean of me to wish that something bad happens to them, but if that would just get them to stop…” Celeste explained through her tears, “I just don’t know why me and it makes me so mad, Dr. Styles!” She vented as more tears started to fall. He could just hear the frustration in her voice, “I’ve never done anything to any of them! It’s not fair!” She wept and he frowned as she just started to get it all off her chest. Everything they had done the week prior she shared, minus the fact that it had been Megan who hurt her and he listened attentively, “I know Geri and Ozzy mean well, but I’m tired of hearing them say to just ignore them. It’s not doing anything!” She finished her rant with so much defeat in her voice.
“Well realistically, what are some things that you could do to see improvement?” He asked and she could really only think of one thing.
“I could…tell someone.” She said and he nodded.
“Right and Celeste, I think you should really consider that option. Say that one day you are so fed up that you retaliate and you’ve never told anyone or reported anything, whose gonna be the one who ends up in trouble?” He asked and she sighed as she realized the truth.
“M-me.”
“Right and that wouldn’t be fair. You’ve tried everything you can possibly do to get through this without involving anyone else. You’ve stood up for yourself, you’ve had your friends help, you’ve tried ignoring it…the next step is just to tell someone who can do something about it.” He said and she looked at him nervously.
“I’m scared it’ll make it worse.” She explained with a tone of concern.
“Yeah, that’s always a possibility.” He said and she sighed. He didn’t want to lie to her and tell her everything would get better, because it might get worse before it got better, “But how is anyone supposed to help if they don’t know what’s going on?” He asked and she nodded along. He was right, she knew she had to the next time that Megan or one of her friends did something to her. Most of her feelings of depression stemmed from this situation that she was facing, he knew that it was something that she had yet to share with Diana, at least about how bad it actually was, “I know that you’re still a little concerned with telling her, but maybe if your mom knew she could speak to someone at the school.” He suggested.
“I don’t want to worry her, Dr. Styles.” She explained.
“Let me tell you something about parents, it doesn’t matter what you do, they will always worry for you. Not because they don’t trust you, but because they love you.” He explained kindly.
“How do you know? Do you have kids?” She asked and he shook his head.
“No, but my mum told me that.” He smiled and she bit her lip as she gave it some thought.
“She’s gonna get mad that I didn’t tell her…I tell her everything…well, almost everything.”
“Do you think she’ll be mad at you?” He asked and she thought about it for a second.
“I don’t know, maybe a little bit…but mostly that people are picking on me.” She reasoned and he hummed as she gave it some more thought, “She’s never been that kind of parent to make me feel bad when I make a mistake.” She explained.
“And you think it’s a mistake, that you didn’t tell her?” He asked and she shrugged.
“I guess it feels like it.” She explained.
What it boiled down to was that Celeste felt guilty for not telling Diana about what was going on at school. She knew that despite how calm about everything Diana seemed, that deep down she was worried and probably saddened over the fact that Celeste was struggling. Harry helped her process that and gave her tips on how to deal with that guilty feeling that often came in tow with depression, Celeste was open to getting better, which was one of the biggest things. A lot of people wanted to get better, but sometimes they just weren’t ready to, but she was ready and willing to try anything. She felt so unlike herself and it was admirable how resilient Celeste seemed to be. So as their session came close to time Harry made sure to tell her how proud he was of her and that he could see that she was really working hard and well, Celeste really needed to hear that.
“Thank you, Dr. Styles.” Celeste sighed and he smiled at her, “Ummm…before I go…I need to tell you one more thing.” She said, looking away from him and down at her shoes. She was nervous.
“OK, what is it?” He asked and she sighed shakily, feeling even more nervous now because she had lied about it at the start.
“Th-the injury to my fingers wasn’t an accident. It was the girl that’s been picking on me, Megan.” She said looking up to him and he frowned.
“Celeste, that, I need to tell your mom.” He informed her and she sighed, feeling all nauseous and anxious now, “Did you report it at the school?” He asked and she shook her head, “OK, it’s alright. But your mom needs to know, if you want to tell her, I can be here for moral support, but she needs to know because this has escalated to far more than just mean names. You do understand that, right?” He asked and she nodded, her eyes were welling up again.
“Can you just tell her? Maybe you can talk her down before she talks to me…” she said, voice quivering and he sighed.
“I can, but she’s still gonna talk to you about it.”
“I know, but maybe she won’t be as upset that I lied about it after talking to you.” She explained and Harry bit his lip. He understood where she was coming from, but being around her was hard for him. His mind drifted to her for days after they had coffee, but that was gone now and he wasn’t sure if he was ready to be around her again one-on-one, “Please, Dr. Styles.” Celeste begged with tears welling up her big, brown eyes and he just couldn’t say no, he had a huge soft spot for kids, especially when he knew that they were dealing with hardships that they were still too young to comprehend - much like she was and before he could overthink it he nodded.
“OK. C’mon.” He said as he stood and she was so rigid he smiled at her, “Deep breaths, it’ll be OK.” He assured and she inhaled deeply and exhaled before they headed to the door. When they opened up the door Diana looked up from her spot on the couch, she had her laptop on her lap and she closed it quickly as Celeste approached.
“Ready to go?” She asked Celeste with a smile and she just glanced back to Harry who cleared his throat.
“Actually, can I talk to you for a moment, Diana?” He asked and her eyebrows creased in concern.
“Uh, yeah.” She said as she put her laptop in her tote and headed over towards him.
“Oh mom, here!” Celeste said, handing her the money that she was supposed to leave to Harry as payment, “I forgot, sorry.” She said and Diana smiled and grabbed it before following Harry inside his office.
She bit her lip when she heard the door shut behind them and she assumed that he wanted to ask her about what happened the last time they had talked at the cafe. She was mentally preparing to say that she didn’t think it was any of his business but that he also didn’t need to apologize for it because, how would he know that it was a touchy subject for her and as she was rambling on and on in her mind Harry found himself distracted as he walked passed her to have a seat. It was in passing, but her perfume was absolutely intoxicating, cherries, is what he smelled. It was absolutely delicious and warm and inviting and he just wanted to hug her and inhale it all off of her skin. It made his mind so fuzzy that he didn’t even notice that she too was really in her head about something. It wasn’t until they both realized that they had just been sitting quietly for a few moments that they focused back on whatever he had called her in for.
“Sorry, I was a bit distracted.” She said, “What ummm, did you need to talk to me about?” She asked and he sighed.
“It’s about Celeste.” He started and Diana immediately frowned, “She just told me that her injury wasn’t an accident.” He said and he just saw the look of concern completely wash over Diana’s face.
“Someone did that to her?” She asked again, still not fully believing what she was hearing.
“Yeah, so…some girls have been picking on her for a while. Mostly just name calling and teasing, getting under her skin that way, but now it’s escalated to this and well, I told her that we needed to tell you about it because she could be in danger of getting hurt again and-”
“Why would she not tell me about this?” Diana asked with a frown and Harry rolled his lips together as he saw Diana’s eyes start to well up.
“She didn’t want to worry you and well, she wanted me to tell you now because she was worried that you would be upset at her for lying about it when it first happened.” He explained and Diana shook her head as she reached for a tissue from the box before her on the little coffee table and dabbed at her eyes briefly.
She understood what that felt like, being afraid to be honest with your parents, everyone feels that at some point. Her parents, especially her mom, was particularly awful and hard on her, so she hid a lot of things from her. When she found out she was pregnant the first thing she told herself was that she would never be like her mother.
“Has she said anything about…” she started and stopped, she knew that he couldn’t very well tell her what they had talked about all the time but now she was worried about how she might be doing as a mom, “Let me rephrase that, is it something I’m doing? You know, that made her feel like she couldn’t come to me?” Diana asked and Harry shook his head right away.
“No, not at all. She was just scared that if she told and the girl got in trouble it would just make things worse for her. It’s not you.” He assured her and Diana sniffled and nodded, “I think you should talk to someone at the school about this. If that girl is capable of something like this…I mean, what more is she capable of?” He said and Diana’s tears fell faster as she nodded.
“Fuck…” she whispered as she set the tissue down and placed her hands on her knees and looked straight ahead, “I can’t even begin to think about that, Harry.” She said with a quake to her voice and he reached for her hand, he hadn’t really thought about it when he did it until he felt her warm hand under his and the way that it seemed to shoot a bolt of electricity through them and they both looked down at their hands and he pulled his away quickly.
“I’m sorry.” He apologized immediately and she shook her head, ignoring that feeling it gave her, she figured it was very one-sided, he was just trying to comfort her.
“It’s alright.” She assured him, but that didn’t do much to make him feel better about his lack of self-control, “Is this the first time that something like this happens to her?”
“From what she’s told me, yes. I wouldn’t want anything to happen again, you know?”
“Right.” She agreed and then took a deep breath to compose herself before she walked out to see Celeste. She was so angry and hurt at what her daughter was going through, she wanted to fix it somehow. She felt helpless because she couldn’t do anything but leave this other girl in the hands of the school and after what Celeste had told her about the counselor she truly had very little confidence in their ability to deal with this appropriately and that scared her.
“Are you alright? Can I get you water or anything?” He asked and she nodded.
“I’m fine, I just…wasn’t prepared to hear that.” She explained to him, “I ummm…” she paused and shook her head, “I thought you were going to bring up what happened at the cafe, with Celeste’s dad, again.” She explained, “I was like super weird about it because it’s kind of a touchy subject for me.” She explained.
“Yeah, I noticed.” He responded with a slight smile and she nodded with a smile as well.
“I…dreamt about him after that and I was able to talk to Celeste about him. I don’t bring him up much because it’s still hurts sometimes…he died.” She explained and Harry nodded with a frown as he listened, “But I did talk her about it so it’s not some mystery to her and I know she may bring it up in here at times, so you can ask if it comes up.” She explained and he nodded in understanding.
“OK.” He smiled and she nodded before it went quiet between them again for a moment, “Do you still love him?” He asked her. Harry hadn’t even thought it through, he just wanted to know.
“I mean, he was my first love, I think a part of you always has a little love for your first love, but no not like I used to.” She explained and he hummed, “But he was the first person who made me feel strong and special and who just loved me for me. He made me feel good about me, you know?” She explained and he nodded and then she chuckled and rolled her eyes, “I mean… I’m sure it wasn’t that deep. We were kids, so maybe I’m playing it up too much…” she dismissed what she had said before and he shook his head.
“No, I don’t think you are. I mean, we love so purely when we’re young. Especially the first time around.” He said and she looked into his eyes, “It’s your first time feeling that way,” he smiled, “so you love with your whole heart, no limitations.” He explained, “You’ve never experienced heartbreak or betrayal in that sense, so you have no fear of it, you know? You give it your all and that’s…a hard feeling to replicate as we get older I think.” He reasoned and she nodded, not able to take her eyes away from his own, her brain was completely captivated by him, especially from up close, the patterns in his irises were so beautiful, “It makes sense that we remember that for life and that we hold on to those people in some way, especially if it was going really well.” He finished and she smiled at him and he smiled as well and looked down at the space between them a bit bashfully, “Sorry, we’re way off topic here.” He mumbled and she nodded.
“Right. That’s my fault, I’m sorry. But thank you for telling me about Celeste, I’ll talk to someone in admin tomorrow and see what can be done.” She said before standing and he followed suit.
“Yeah, hopefully they can be of some help.” He said and she nodded. Before she left she paid him and then she walked out but he didn’t follow, which she was grateful for because being near him made her mind go all fuzzy and out of whack. He was her daughter’s therapist for fuck’s sake, she couldn’t think of him as anything more than that. He wasn’t her friend or buddy just because he was working with her daughter; she needed to limit their interactions to Celeste’s matters and nothing more.
“Vamos, cariño.” Diana said quietly with a smile to Celeste who nodded and soon followed her out to the elevator. They rode down in silence, but Celeste was leaning on Diana’s shoulder.
“I’m sorry I didn’t say anything before.” Celeste spoke quietly and Diana shook her head.
“I get it, sweetie. I was a kid at one point too. I know it’s hard to talk to your parents about some things and I know you’ll want to keep some things private and that’s perfectly fine, but if someone is hurting you physically, emotionally, mentally, I don’t care about anything else, please know that you can trust me and I will never make you feel guilty for finding the right way and time to do that.” She said and Celeste’s eyes welled up with tears as she hugged her mom tightly and Diana sniffled as well, “I love you. We’re gonna figure this out, OK? Gonna talk to admin tomorrow.” She said and Celeste nodded.
“Just…don’t go crazy on them. I never reported the girl, Megan, so they don’t know about anything.” She said and Diana nodded.
“I won’t, I swear.” She agreed and Celeste smiled.
***********
It was getting hard for Diana to keep her promise to Celeste as she sat in the school office waiting to talk to the principal. Especially when she could hear the VP and someone one else in there giggling and chatting about some wedding someone had gone to over the weekend. Diana had informed the receptionist that she had to report some bullying towards her daughter, she wasn’t sure how that wasn’t a pressing matter to these people. She was losing her patience, it had been 15 minutes of waiting around and tapping her foot as she stared at the door labeled Principal Whittaker. Diana got up from the chairs outside of the principal’s office and rounded the corner to the reception desk again.
“Hi again,” she told the young man at the desk, his name was Ethan according to his plaque, “Did she say how long of a wait?” She asked Ethan.
“I’ve tried calling her a few times and sent her an IM, she hasn’t answered either.” He said and Diana nodded.
“Thank you, Ethan.” She said and he nodded before she rounded the corner back to the principal’s office and sat down, this time on the edge of her seat as she debated between being patient or knocking on the lady’s door. And then she heard them quietly say that Ethan was calling again, someone called him incompetent and that he always had questions and that’s when Diana’s patience had reached it’s limit. She stood up and knocked on the door a few times and there was some laughter before the door opened up and whoever had opened the door was not expecting it to be her.
“Hi, may I help you?” The woman asked and Diana smiled.
“Yeah, I’m the parent that Ethan’s been trying to call you about.” She said looking past the woman at the door to the principal who was sitting at her desk and her eyes went a bit wide, “I’ve been hanging out, out here for the last 15 minutes or so?” She said and the woman at the door just walked out without another word and the VP smiled and walked past her as well as Diana just made her way inside towards the principal’s desk.
“Well thank you for your patience, what can I help you with?” The lady asked.
“I’m Diana Beltran, my daughter, Celeste, is being bullied and I’d to report that and for it to be investigated.” She said as she just took a seat and the woman’s expression changed to one of concern.
“Oh, I’m so sorry to have kept you waiting.” She apologized immediately.
“I just want to ensure that my daughter can be safe here.” She said and the principal nodded as she started asked what happened. Diana explained everything Celeste had shared with her, how Geri had witnessed it and how she had been scared to come forward about it when it first happened, “From what I understand there have been other aggressions towards her since the fall, but they just started to escalate to physical ones and I would hope that this is the last occurrence of it’s kind.”
“Certainly, Ms. Beltran. I will launch an investigation and begin interviewing all of those involved.” She explained and Diana nodded.
“What if the other girl denies it?” She asked.
“We have camera’s in the hallways, we will begin reviewing the footage to see what happened. Don’t worry, Miss Beltran. We take these allegations very seriously here and I promise you that we will get to the bottom of this.” The principal ensured and Diana nodded before leaving.
Obviously, she was worried about what would happen next, she knew that things might get a little bit worse before they got better. Bullies tended to vengeful and might want to retaliate, but she hoped that having some sort of disciplinary measures enforced would at least throw this girl off of her game so that Celeste could be at peace. She was prepared to hold her hand through this fight and well, she knew that Harry was helping. He was able to help her work up the courage to fill her in on what was going on and from what Celeste was explain to her about their session, he also helped her learn to cope with her frustration and anger. Much like her, Celeste had a taste for justice and it was hard sometimes to not take matters into your own hands. As she got into her car and she debated on what she was about to do for a moment and then just decided to call Harry’s office before taking off. The phone rang a few times through the bluetooth as she made her way to the university and after a few moments it stopped.
“Styles Psychiatric Practice, this is Dr. Styles, how can I help you?” His voice came through the speaker.
“H-hi Harry, it’s Diana.” She spoke with some uncertainty at first.
“Diana, hi. Is everything alright?” He asked right away.
“Yeah. I just left Celeste’s school, was able to submit a report for what happened and they’re gonna do an investigation. I’m just a little worried that this other girl will try to retaliate and it might get a little rough for her this week. If you have an opening on Friday can I just make an appointment for her just in case she needs a little extra help? She seems to really open up to you and I want to make sure that someone can hear her out.” She said.
“Yeah, of course. I’ve got 11, 4, or 5 open.” He said.
“I’ll take the 4pm.”
“Perfect.” He said.
“Thank you for your help with all of this. I appreciate it.” She said.
“Of course. If anything comes up sooner just let me know, OK?”
“I will. Thank you, Harry.” She said once more before they hung up.
*********
All day Harry had been thinking about Celeste, hoping that she was at peace with the decision of having Diana go and report what was happening to her at school. He had never been victimized, personally, but he could only imagine how scary it might be to go about life knowing there’s a target on your back, being filled with uncertainty about your safety. It wasn’t something any child should have to deal with and if there were anything he could do to just put an end to all of that, he would do it instantly.
“Hey babe, are you alright?” Rebecca asked Harry, forcing him to zone back in from being lost in his thoughts.
“Hmmm?” He asked in confusion.
“You seem really in your head.” She said as she stabbed some veggies on her plate with the fork in her hand.
“Oh, just a client of mine, that new one I told you about. Well she’s being bullied at school and just told her mom, she was gonna go talk to the principal today and I was just wondering how that went.” He explained and Rebecca nodded.
“Oh, well hopefully well. It’s the best thing to do. What happened?” She asked and he nodded.
“Yeah, I think so too. The girl bullying my client slammed my client’s locker door closed on her fingers.” He said and Rebecca frowned.
“Oh my god…” she exclaimed in shock and he nodded.
“I know, poor girl was terrified of what would happen to her if she told someone.”
“Rightfully so! And well, if this one doesn’t have a happy ending you can always refer her mother to me.” Rebecca said and Harry scowled as he looked up from his dinner plate to Rebecca.
“Why would you say that? God, Becs…” Harry shook his head with disapproval.
“I didn’t mean it like that! I meant badly as in if the school doesn’t do anything about it or the girl retaliates against your client or something.”
“Oh…It didn’t sound like that.” He explained and Rebecca shook her head.
“I know I can be opportunistic, but not to that extent, babe.” She said and he hummed with a chuckle as she smiled.
“Oh babe, Henry texted me earlier about the escape room for Friday, wanted to get a headcount before booking.”
“Yeah, I’m in. If you don’t mind, can we add one more? There’s a new lawyer at the office, he just finished school last summer and got hired out here and he doesn’t have many friends around here yet. He’s pretty chill.” She said as she collected some sauce on the broccoli she was about to eat.
“I don’t see why not. Let me text him now.” Harry said as he pulled out his phone and texted Henry. He and Rebecca were just having a quiet night in at his place after what seemed like a long time of not seeing each other, they at least tried for twice a week, it was their rule of thumb, but that hadn’t happened.
Rebecca had been extremely busy over the last week and even had to cancel their trek to the farmer’s market, something they did typically every Saturday morning just to have everything prepped for the court appearances this week. She was still doing a lot of leg work for the partners of the firm or filing paperwork to the courts, so it wasn’t exactly her dream job, but she was meticulous and smart and Harry understood why any of the lawyers in her firm would want her to be the one to help them with case prep. Lately, Rebecca seemed extremely overworked though, but she wasn’t as agitated like she normally was, so that was good. Maybe she had taken his repeated advise to get some help. But knowing Rebecca, it was more that she just put her mind to not complain about work that she had agreed to do. Before she would be in tears from the pressure sometimes and the way she would explain it to him was that it would be stupid of her to turn down an opportunity to learn and network with people in better positions than her…if Rebecca was anything, she was ambitious, tenacious, and reliable, traits that were surely admirable to people in her line of work. So he just stopped trying to get her to taken on less a while ago.
“You’re doing it again. Froze up mid text.” She giggled and he sighed and shook his head.
“Geez… sorry, this time I was thinking about you, I swear.” He said with a smile and her grin widened.
“Oh really? What about me?” She asked and he set down his phone.
“Just how hard you work and how proud of you I am.” He said simply and Rebecca smiled before continuing to eat and Harry got back to texting Henry. They were clearing up the dinner plates when he texted back that there was a change of plan, “OK, so Henry says Grace is bringing her friend too. So it’ll be six of us and Henry took that as an opportunity to book a harder room.” He shared with Rebecca.
“OK, should be fun though. Eddie would like that, that’s the new guy who got hired.” She explained and he hummed, “That way he won’t need to third-wheel us!” She said excitedly and he hummed.
“Good thinking! Alright, so dessert…you can choose between ice cream or…” he said looking through the freezer as if searching for something more, “We can just…skip dessert.” He said suggestively as he turned around and she smirked.
“You are speaking my language.” She said as Harry rounded the counter to get to her and he dipped her down in a playful kiss, “Mmmm, wanna have a quick body shower.” She mumbled against his lips, “Gonna grab my overnight bag from the car and hop in.” She said and Harry let her go.
“Oh, staying the night are you? That’s a surprise.” He said excitedly and she playfully rolled her eyes.
“I bailed on you last week so I owe you.” She reminded and he chuckled.
“You don’t owe me, I get that you’re busy, love.”
“I appreciate that you’re so understanding about this, H. I know it might be annoying to schedule and reschedule, but I really just want to advance quickly at the firm and I hope I can soon.” She explained and he hummed.
“M’sure you will. Now take your time, baby. Gonna load up the dishwasher and pack up the left overs.” He said and she kissed his cheek before hurrying off. He heard her come back in and head to his bedroom as he continued packing the left overs. He then heard a phone ring and it wasn’t his, so he peeked over to the table and saw she had left hers there. He rounded the kitchen island once more and just before he got there it stopped. He was gonna take it to her because it could be work and as he picked it up a text came in from an Eduardo Zamora that read, “Hey are you still coming over tonight or are you gonna stay with your boyfriend?” And that made Harry’s stomach flip uncomfortably as Rebecca rushed out.
“Hey, I heard my phone ring!” She said and he turned with it in his hands, she was wrapped in a towel already.
“Yeah, here. Was gonna take it to you.” He said handing it over and deciding to not jump to any conclusions. He trusted her; everything about this relationship was open and it worked because they were very verbal about what was good and what wasn’t and if she wasn’t happy she would have said it a long time ago. Rebecca looked over her phone and panicked internally when she saw Eddie’s text on the screen and she glanced over to Harry who was now back in the kitchen, “Hey H, that text-”
“What text?”
“I know you saw it, it’s on the screen.” She said and he hummed, “Eddie had some prep work to do tonight and I had told him that if we ended up just doing a quick dinner I would go over and help him with it. It’s for one of the partners and she’s very particular about how she organizes things.” She said as she came up behind him.
Harry wanted to believe her, whole heartedly, but she never went on and on like this. And if she had intended to stay over with him why didn’t she just bring her overnight bag down when she arrived and surprise him then? And why did she plan to go help Eddie if she intended to stay the night with him? It wasn’t adding up. There were a lot of big things here that were so out of character for her and his gut was telling him that she was lying to his face. But Harry also tended to jump to conclusions and see what wasn’t always there, so he just turned and nodded.
“I believe you, love. I’m not upset.” He assured her, swallowing down that feeling in his gut that made his stomach turn.
“OK. I love you.” She said and he smiled.
“I love you too.” He replied and she hurried off again with her phone this time.
---- Tag List ----
@sunshinemoonsposts @matildasatellite @sad-avocado @angelbabyyy99 @gurugirl @jessitpwk @sunflovverharry @reveriehs @justlemmeadoreyou @daphnesutton @cherrysulewski @permanentllyharry @here4thefanfics
#wonderful world#wonderful world series#harry styles fanfic series#harry styles fic series#harry styles fan fiction#harry styles fanfic#harry fan fiction#therapist harry fic#theraparry#therapist harry styles#therapist harry#harry styles x oc#harry styles slow burn#harry styles forbidden romance#harry styles flulff#harry styles angst#harry styles writing#writing#0nlythrowharrybeaux
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This Week in BL - Lots of rings exchanged
Aug 2022 Wk 2
Being a highly subjective assessment of one tiny corner of the interwebs. Organized by which ones (in each category) I’m enjoying the most.
Ongoing Series - Thai
The Eclipse (Fri YT) Ep 1 of 15 - Oh it’s good. BL does Blacklist with a good boy/bad boy pairing (paladin/rogue). F&K have great chemistry right off the bat. And it’s so nice to have GMMTV’s production values on 2 BLs, even if they flipped the levels on the music/dialogue tracks in this ep (qua?). Did you SEE what was inside the cursed flower pot? A baby cactus!
Vice Versa (Sat on YT) Ep 5 of 12 - Gun appearing as Third was very meta of you GMMTV. I see what you did there. Ooo. Cohabitation trope! I was wondering about the pacing with this one, but they have self corrected with a new core trope. Nice. *sits up, pays attention* It’s engaging and never drags, gotta give them that.
21 Days Theory (Sun YT ) Ep 1 of 8 - I am loving this high school Love Sick revisit, BLUE SHORTS in spades. Yay!
Coffee Melody (Mon Viki) Ep 4 of 10 - Well, that relationship moved into the sack quickly. I like it, it seems sort of mature and normal than most BL. They are cute and smiley and sweet together. I also think this BL is honestly dealling with mutually hurt. Pleng Ruk says it’s too soon. But also he doesn’t get to act like a boyfriend if he isn’t one. Duen Yi only wants what he wants and isn’t thinking about the consequences. On a different note: The pink hair thing is hilarious: we can see which days different recordings were done and which ones were pickups by how faded the pink is and roots showing. I’m still skipping all of the band stuff which means I’m only watching about half of the show, just the cafe bits. So maybe you shouldn’t take my opinions to heart. But then you should never take my opinions to heart.
Love Mechanics (Sun WeTV) Ep 8 of 10 - I like the insight into Mark‘s home life. That sullen iciness comes from Daddy. I like Mark’s ex-boyfriend too, but then I liked him in the original. I like how miserable Vee got. Yin & War are terrific little actors. It’s hard not to get mad at the messy, but when it’s performed this good, it’s fun to wallow in mutual agony.
Unforgotten Night (Weds on GaGa) Ep 8 of 12 Neither as bad nor as good as it could be. Shrug. TRASH WATCH IS HERE!
Check Out (Sat IQIYI) Ep 10 of 12 - Honestly the leads are a good pair. I’m sad they didn't get a better script. It’s Tuxedo all over again. But I LOVED that they gave Tee a new boy!
My Secret Love (Sat YT) Ep 11 of 12 - The domesticity with the side couples is really engaging, sex scenes were descent, but that’s it. However there was a probubly verse couple. The main couple is a little better after the time jump, mostly because Mek in now understandably arrogant. I guess.
My Only 12% (Fri iQIYI) Ep 1 of 15 - It’s a pretty classic friends to lovers jock/nerd set up with neighbors & codependency to get us started and high school. I am actually MIR mixed with Bad Buddy (same author) vibes from this. I like it, Santa & Earth do great at this character dynamic. Seeing Peak back in shorts is a TRIP. Also we’re starting to get that thing where an actor will be in multiple BL‘s airing at the same time (waves at Benz). Also a trip. Awe PREM! I didn’t know he was in this. Wabi Sabi bringing out the BIG GUNS.
Ongoing Series - Not Thai
Minato Shouji Coin Laundry (Japan Weds GaGa) Ep 7 of 12 I keep saying next week is gonna hurt, but I’m not saying that this time because they keep delaying the crisis point. Not that the pacing is off, it’s keeping me intersted, just that Japan is too unpredictable. Especially when handed and unprecedented 12 eps. But Shin did finally turn 18 and make his intentions crystal clear. - SQUEE WATCH ALONG
Papa & Daddy 2 (Mon GaGa) Ep 1-2 of 8 - Honestly I didn’t expect to like this. I don’t have a good history with 2nd seasons, and Taiwan really likes to make a soap opera out of their queers. Witness that this one starts with a secret baby trope. (Or in this case a secret teenage son trope?) There’s a lot of lying to each other and evil parents. (Why are parent characters always so terrible in Chinese dramas?) And of course I already have a crush on the pining chef - 2nd lead syndrome strikes again. Who wouldn’t? I like the new actor playing Jerry (he reminds me of Nunew from Cutie Pie) but his chemistry with his co-star isn’t as good. I LOVE THE DOMESTICITY.
Want to See You (Vietnam YT) Ep 12 - Vietnam is doing time jumps in later eps now? Everyone just stop it! Also this is an interesting way to enact the amnesia trope, but it’s still the amnesia trope! This turned out not to be the final ep, who knows what will be? Frankly they handled the time jump OK, it’s nice to see the characters having changed and matured (or not) and how this reflects on each other. Still I am mostly annoyed but the tropes.
Senpai, Danjite Koidewa! (Japan Fri Viki) Ep 8fin - It was cute in the very end, and all about courage. Kaneda’s mainly. But Japan’s weird hang-up around physical expressions of affection in BL which I expect in their slapstick high school stuff, feels cowardly here. They don't leave out end kisses in their het office romances anymore, time to stop desexualizing the gays, too. For a plot about courage, it’s a bummer that the narrative itself didn’t have any. I can’t imagine ever watching this show again or remembering its existence. When Japan drops the balls they drop all the way to the bottom of the well. 6/10 NOT REALLY RECOMMENDED
Lots of rings exchanged this week. Most form the worst possible, least communicating couples. I would like to remind everyone that marriage is not a way to “fix it to a bad relationship,” it just makes everything worse. Like children.
In Case You Missed It
Work From Heart a Thai BL from DV8 for WeTV starts Aug 25 trailer here. An office romcom featuring lots of other couples, starring Love With Benefits pair Gameplay & Folk.
Japan bringing us More Than Words, 10 eps for Amazon Prime JP Sept 16, no trailer, no word on international distribution, premiere on adaptation of Etsuko’s two mangas "In The Apartment" and "More Than Words", starring Ryōko Fujino (Fujoshi, Ukkari Gei ni Kokuru), Yuzu Aoki (Kakafukaka), Daisuke Nakagawa (Colorful Love), and Daiki Kanechika (EXIT comedian).
Honestly my money was on Viki winning his one, but happy to see it’s going to GaGa! Takara-kun and Amagi-kun from the same studio as Mr Unlucky and Senpai, so expect that style. A popular guy and an outcast boy start dating in secret. Stars Jpop Idols Arata Sato (IMPACTors) and Nao Oriyama (Shonen Ninja).
Gossip
Thai y-novel by Prang “2 Worlds” is getting an adaptation.
GMMTV is bring us something they didn’t announce at the beginning of the year, Oishi Magic Of Zero, starring EarthMix. They are play the same roles (Win & Korn) as in Cupid's Last Wish, to start (drop?) Sept 25 on YouTube! So this might just be a special or....? This is a sponsored series of one shot specials/adverts featuring exiting characters like Our Skyy. The first one was InkPa from Bad Buddy. Which I have yet to watch. (see comments)
Strongberry (our favorite production house from Korea) officially introduced 3 actors (fresh faces) for their upcoming FULL LENGTH romcom BL “#사랑은댕냥댕냥” basically “love is dang dang dang” but roughly means Love is Love actually means “love is a cat and a dog.” (see ask in feed) Guess at run time is 1.5hr, so normal KBL length. Still casting final lead. About a boy who lives alone after losing his parents who works part-time in his Uncle's shop. One day, 2 strangers appearing claiming they are reincarnations of his childhood pets (a cat and a a dog).
Korea’s Able Casting Agency posted an actor search for a character for an upcoming BL Two Game Over. That’s the first we’ve all heard of it.
Korea is ALL in on that A Shoulder To Cry On BL starring two members of the same group, OMEGA X (Jaehan & Yechan). Why? Well its schedueld to release mid Sept AND OMEGA X with sing the OST. Ho boy.
Next Week Looks Like This:
We ramping back up again, that summer lull was short and full of JBL.
Starting & Ending: Tomorrow, Monday Aug 15th, 180 Degree Longitude Passes Through Us (trailer) on GaGa. But I’m not sure it’s BL. Takara-kun and Amagi-kun starts on GaGa this Friday. Love in the Air Mame’s next offering via Me Mindy is supposed to start on the 19th on YT. Unless it whips into a verbal frenzy, I won’t do a trash watch (I already have 2 going right now). Love Mechanics & My Secret Love both end. Thank fuck.
This week’s best moments?
Why did no one tell me the side couple in Oh My Sunshine features the actor who played Bbomb in Nitiman? Now I may have to watch for them. Grumble. I blame all ya’all.
Well that side couple came out of nowhere! But still YAY Check Out, we like it.
Back hugs!
(last week)
#this week in BL#BL news#BL updates#BL update#BL in the news#BL episode recap#Thai BL#Vietnamese BL#Taiwanese BL#Korean BL#KBL#K-BL#Japanese BL#live action yaoi#adapted from a manga#adapted from a manwha#adapted from a y-novel#best moment of BL#best BL#upcoming BL#Star Hunter Studio#GMMTV#GaGaOOLaLa#Rakutan Viki#Oh My Sunshine Night#Nitiman#180 Degree Longitude Passes Through Us#Takara-kun and Amagi-kun#Love in the Air#A Shoulder To Cry On
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my thoughts about ocelot and ghosts ...
OK these are just my own ideas about ocie seeing ghosts and i guess it's basically an alternate universe thing since there's no ummm evidence in canon but like yeah. basically i've written a few fics where he sees ghosts and it's become a part of “my” ocelot's character i guess but i've never sat down and laid out the specifics or the uh rules of his ghostly goings on so im gonna attempt to summarise it all here. warning that none of this really uhhh makes sense exactly but also ghosts aren't real so i feel like i can literally make up anything right. wait who was that floating guy holding up a sign just now
Anyway.
- his ability to see ghosts is of course inherited from his father, but it's not as strong as the sorrow's, and he doesn't have the ability to read minds or sense people's thoughts like i imagine the sorrow can to an extent.
- it's also limited in that he can only see ghosts when it rains. um. now this bit makes me want to ahem and hurriedly go on to the next point because the exact reasoning of Why he only sees ghosts when it rains is not super scientific or clear its just that i like the idea of it. but basically rain = ghosts. and of course the sorrow = rain but like. hm. i could sort of say that like, in this universe, rain in general has uhhh supernatural ummm. properties? it's like a link between the two worlds. when the skies open so does the door to the ghost world i don't fucking know. and so that's whyyy u kno in mgs3 outside the warehouse where there's like a crack of thunder and it starts raining and the boss is like... sorrow? is that you? i think there because of the uhhh rain she can sort of sense his presence more even though she can't actually see him.
- and like you can imagine the sorrow as being able to control the weather and cause it to rain or not rain and i think that is fine and real but i just want to make it clear that when ocie sees ghosts it's not because of the sorrow like Making him see ghosts it's something that sort of just happens to ocie regardless. like from birth he saw ghosts.
- i know these are like joke missions almost but i always think about the fact that in peace walker you get several missions featuring ghosts. (and of course the top 10 video game lines of all time spoken by kazuhira miller i.e. so..do ghosts have legs or what?) because it cements to me the idea that ghosts are a sort of normal part of the metal gear universe. so they're there and some people can see them some can't it's just like one of those things you know no big deal. so ocie isn't exactly a unique special boy for seeing ghosts there are other people who can although it's a minority but yeah.
ok so. Ocie's Ghostly Quirks
- he can see ghosts; they appear in varying forms. sometimes just hands or even just voices. sometimes full figures like the sorrow. people that he knew well/cared about/is related to appear very vividly, like the sorrow, but he can talk to all ghosts, and they to him.
- cliched perhaps but the rain/ghosts being there makes him feel cold like in a woooOoOooo ghostly coldness way. no matter the real temperature he will feel so so freezing until the rain stops. he’ll be shivering + his skin will feel physically cold.
> i don’t think this is The reason he wears gloves but wearing them is helpful in disguising his ghostly coldness bc ofc if someone touched his bare hands they’d be like wtf why are u weirdly cold etc but the gloves at least disguise that a little although the gloves would probably still feel chilly. when it rains he’s a soggy shivering freezing shaking little beast essentially.
- ....in one fic i wrote that he could also uhhh make this ghost rain happen. like rain but its not real and it's spooky and sparkly. and he and john had a real yaoi moment and john saw the ghost rain too and it even turned into ghostly white flower petals and it was really sad and squee. to be honest i am a little embarrassed about that little scenario now because it seems a little too soft and squee idk BUT. i think the general idea of ocie having weird little secret supernatural powers of varying descriptions still stands, although like i said before his Powers aren't as strong as his father's.
Ocie's Ghostly Karma/The Phantom Pains
- fact: ocie has killed a lot of people. fact: this is not without consequence. sometimes he feels these uhhh ghostly pains (phantom pains.) that are caused by his ghostly victims and their anger and sorrow and vengefulness at being killed. for example if he shot someone in the stomach and they died and they became a ghost, when it rains he might all of a sudden feel a pain in his own stomach like a gunshot impact for a second. so whatever the manner of death he inflicted, he will feel it himself. it does him no actual physical harm, and is usually only momentary, but you can imagine if he ever killed someone via physical harm in the process of torture then he'd certainly be getting a ghostly taste of his own nasty medicine.
And this could either be a Thing that just Happens; a law of the ghost universe, a thing that happens to everyone who can see ghosts. OR it could be unique to ocie - in that it's a Thing inflicted on him by the Sorrow. This is ocie's version of the river john walks through, except it happens throughout his whole life. maybe the Sorrow sees his nasty streak in mgs3 when he's just killing people and teeheeing about it and decides to go WHOOSH and just like that ocie is cursed with the phantom pains. (So that he will always know the sorrow of those whose lives he has ended.)
but either way, whether it was inflicted by the sorrow or just a (super) natural thing that occurs to those who have the ghost quirks, it's an idea that i like because it adds another layer to the pain he is willing to go through for the sake of big boss.
like the more people he kills in order to help big boss, the more (ghostly) pain he will feel. and yet he carries on anyway. nasty silly boy.
> sidenote:
- the quastion of where he grew up i.e. was it in russia or the states is of course debatable but if he grew up in the us.................he might have seen cowboy ghosts. like real proper old timey cowboys maybe. and that was partly what started his cowboys obsession. i mean he probably wasn’t living anywhere near texas or wherever cowboys were. but maybe ghosts don’t always stay where they died. idk. it was just a little thought. moving on.
the joy and the sorrow
- i think the sorrow appears to ocelot frequently throughout his life but i’m not really decided on whether the boss is a) a ghost at all and b) is ever seen by ocie. it’s my own universe but i literally don’t really know what the logistics of ghosts are like does everyone become one or are some people at peace and don’t become ghosts. but that begs the question why isn’t the sorrow at peace... which is a whole other quastion for another time really........and is the boss really at peace or would she be a restless spirit.................etc................too many quastions. but it’s interesting to think about.
--
well anyway. this has been a very long ramble about ocie’s ghostly goings on. oh btw he can see animal ghosts too. ghosts horsies and ghost cats exist and he’s seen them. he told me so himself. bye bye
#mgs#metal gear solid#revolver ocelot#top secret documents#i wrote most of this after breakfast so sorry if it's full of early morning incoherence#im just sort of trying to take some of the idk ocie facts and features that ive covered in fics and put them here for the ppl who dont#read fics etc
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m's midnights (3 a.m. edition) prompt list
she’s back and she brought a prompt list!!! since I’m seeing my girl in just over a month (squee!), it felt time for some moody, Tayloresque shit.
please read the instructions below carefully.
pick a boy from my list (once again: I don’t write for people who aren’t on the list), pick a number from the list below, and send both my way.
I’ll take 5 requests from the list below, and I’ll probably also write some that I want to write for myself.
I honestly have no timetable to fulfill the requests, so keep that in mind. I’m just letting the writing flow whenever it comes!
*new this round:* I reserve the right to write a request for a different boy if inspiration isn’t coming to me for the one you requested. please feel free to list alternate boys as a way to help combat this. I also reserve the right to choose a different lyric for the same reason.
Lavender Haze: “Staring at the ceiling with you / Oh, you don’t ever say too much / And you don’t really read into my melancholia / I been under scrutiny / You handle it beautifully / All this shit is new to me”
Maroon: “Laughing with my feet in your lap / like you were my closest friend / ‘how’d we end up on the floor anyway’ you say / “your roommate’s cheap-ass screw-top rosé, that’s how” / I see you every day now”
Maroon: “And I chose you / the one I was dancing with in New York, no shoes” [choose from: Mathew Barzal, Anthony Beauvillier, Kevin Hayes, or Jack Hughes]
Maroon: “The burgundy on my t-shirt when you splashed your wine into me / and how the blood rushed into my cheeks / so scarlet it was maroon”
Maroon: “You were standing hollow-eyed in the hallway / carnations you had thought were roses, that’s us / I feel you no matter what”
You’re On Your Own, Kid: “Summer went away / still the yearning stays / I play it cool with the best of them / I wait patiently / he’s gonna notice me / it’s okay, we’re the best of friends anyway”
You’re On Your Own, Kid: “I hear it in your voice / you’re smoking with your boys / I touch my phone as if it’s your face / I didn’t choose this town / I dream of getting out / there’s just one who could make me stay / all my days”
You’re On Your Own, Kid: “I search the party of better bodies / just to learn that you never cared / you’re on your own, kid / you always have been”
Midnight Rain: “my boy was a montage / a slow-motion love potion / jumping off things in the ocean / I broke his heart ‘cause he was nice / he was sunshine / I was midnight rain / he wanted it comfortable / I wanted that pain / he wanted a bride / I was making my own name”
Question…?: “good girl, sad boy / big city, wrong choices / we had one thing going on / I swear that it was something / ‘cause I don’t remember who I was / before you painted all my nights a color I have searched for since”
Question…?: “does it feel like everything’s just like second best after that meteor strike / and what was that I heard / that you’re still with her / that’s nice, i’m sure that’s what’s suitable and right / but tonight / can I ask you a question”
Bejeweled: “puttin’ someone first only works when you’re in their top five / and by the way, I’m going out tonight”
Labyrinth: “you would break your back to make me break a smile / you know how much I hate / that everybody just expects me to bounce back / just like that”
Sweet Nothing: “Outside they’re push and shovin’ / you’re in the kitchen humming / all that you ever wanted from me was sweet nothin’”
Sweet Nothing: “And the voices that implore, ‘you should be doing more’ / to you, I can admit that I’m just too soft for all of it”
Mastermind: “Once upon a time, the planets and the fates / and all the stars aligned / you and I ended up in the same room / at the same time”
Bigger Than The Whole Sky: “Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye / you were bigger than the whole sky / you were more than just a short time / and I've got a lot to pine about / I've got a lot to live without / I'm never gonna meet / what could've been, would've been / what should've been you” [tw / cw: considering the meaning of this song, this could potentially be written for a miscarriage situation]
Paris: “Privacy sign on the door / and on my page and on the whole world / romance is not dead if you keep it just yours”
High Infidelity: “You know there's many different ways that you can kill the one you love / the slowest way is never loving them enough / do you really wanna know where I was April 29th? / do I really have to tell you how he brought me back to life?” [tw / cw: considering the meaning of this song, this could potentially be written for a cheating / affair situation]
Glitch: “We were supposed to be just friends / you don't live in my part of town, but maybe I'll see you out some weekend / depending on what kind of mood and situationship I'm in / and what's in my system”
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2024 Winter Anime Lineup (Master Post?)
First post for a new blog where I'm going to try and record my opinions, break downs, comparisons, and various degrees of squees about anime!
The lineup for this year's Winter isn't as packed as the 2023 Fall season was, but that's always the case. It sure is still causing my To Watch List to keep getting longer... but more importantly because it's so lacking in big name shows one of my most anticipated shows gets to shine...
SOLO LEVELING
俺だけレベルアップな件
LET'S GOOOOOOOO!!!
I'M SO EXCITED FOR MY SHADOW BOY TO FINALLY ARRIVE!!!
also, holy CRAP look at all this TRADITIONAL FANTASY!!! There is even a decent selection of non harem Isekai this round too! And a lot of awesome sequels/continuations!
Anyways, here's what's on my to watch list for this season! I'll be posting about them in their own or other threads as I figure out how I want to set this blog up. My reasons for WHY I'm watching what I'm watching
Definitely Will Watch!
Solo Leveling / 俺だけレベルアップな件
Apothecary Diaries /薬屋のひとりごと(Continued)
Delicious in Dungeon (Dungeon Meshi) / ダンジョン飯
The Villains Day Off / 休日のわるものさん
Undead Unluck / アンデッドアンラック(Continued)
Fire Hunter (Hikari no Ou) 2nd Season / 火狩りの王
High Hopes / Might Drop / Taking My Time
Sasaki and Peeps / 佐々木とぴーちゃん
The Witch and the Beast / 魔女と野獣
Doctor Elise / 外科医エリゼ
Cherry Magic (THIS ENGLISH TITLE LMAO) / 30歳まで童貞だと魔法使いになれるらしい (DEF WATCHING THIS ONE NOW)
Shangri-La Frontier / シャングリラフロンティア (Continued)
Beyond Journey's End / 葬送のフリーレン (Continued)
Gonna Give Them A Few Episodes
Mashle Season 2
Fluffy Paradise / Isekai de Mofumofu Nadenade Suru Tame ni, Ganbattemasu (I'm doing my best in another world to pet fluffy creatures)
Ishura
The Wrong Way to Use Healing Magic / 治癒魔法の間違った使い方
Blue Exorcist / Ao no Exorcist (OUT OF LEFT FIELD THIS ONE)
Delusional Monthly Magazine / Gekkan Mousou Kagaku
This is already insanely long, so the second half of this essay about what I think is below ↓↓↓↓
DEFINITE WATCH LIST
SOLO LEVELING - I've been waiting for the solo leveling anime since BEFORE the anime was ever announced, re-reading the webcomic/manhwa multiple times and just HOPING someone would animate these gorgeous shadows. It is a very well done power fantasy with only squints of romance, and while I'm sad it's been localized to Japan (and all the fuckery that comes with of Korean erasure), I got to see the first two episodes at the World Premiere and I. Am. So. Hype.
APOTHECARY DIARIES existed completely outside of my head space, and my initial response at the premise was, Raven of the Inner Palace? I wasn't actually expecting much from it and then the first few episodes BLEW ME OUT OF THE WATER and now I'm obsessed.
DUNGEON MESHI is one of those manga I've heard about, but tried reading and it was too slow paced for me (I say, currently slogging through The Boat Arc (TM) of Hunter x Hunter), but the anime gives it life and I think I'll enjoy this alot. I love cooking anime and fantasy, so this will be fun!
KYUJITSU NO WARUMONOSAN is just straight up Crow Bait. That curly bowl cut, the gap moe of a villain who loves cute things, and voiced by fricken Shintarou Asanuma!!! (I know him as Samatoki from HypMic, other's will know him from the "Fucking Bullshit" song from Carole and Tuesday, and a host of other roles) Also, all the pretty sentei / power ranger boys!!! I'm so hype, in the most relaxed chill way for this.
UNDEAD UNLUCK is so weird in that it involves a lot of random sexualization, but it doesn't make me uncomfortable like Seven Deadly Sin's random gropping did, maybe because there is actual implied consent involved. Fuuko and Andy are Poly and I love them for it. And the world building is TOP NOTCH.
FIRE HUNTER - If you haven't seen season one, you are missing out. A darkly beautiful post-post apocolyptic alternate Japan-esque world, from the POV of a young girl, and a young genius boy having to let himself be manipulated by capitalism to survive, and gods? a magic system? but so soft that it's barely there even while being a full on fantasy story.
High Hopes or Taking My Time
SASAKI AND PEEPS- What a weird little show that has the weirdest combination of isekai, the most "this is fine." salaryman, and a fricken' CHUNIBYO BIRB. I've already watched the first episode and it feels like there are two magic systems going on and its a bit confusing, so we will see how this plays out!
WITCH AND BEAST - I keep wanting to call this Beauty and the Beast, because the beast is a rad bad ass looking lady, and the witch is certainly one of the most beautiful undertakers I've ever seen. I think he carries his boyfriend around in his coffin backpack, so I'm hype to see WTF is up with that >o>
DOCTOR ELISE - Why do manhwa I read keep randomly popping up as anime??? This is a vilainess turned good story, and supposedly the market is full of these, but none of them are the good ones I've read, so I did a double take of happiness when I saw this. THIS ONE IS GOOD. An spoiled princess gets killed, is reborn in Korea and becomes a doctor, only to be killed by Airplane-kun, and winds up back in her old body where she decides to become a doctor again! The prince is even not your typical icy asshole! (although maybe he is a little at the beginning..)
CHERRY MAGIC - THIS FRICKEN ENGLISH TITLE GOOD LORDS ABOVE. I'm dying. I'm also excited to see this one play out and I'll be hiding behind a pillow giggling like a mad lad while I do. It's been a while since there's been a good BL that's not SAD (looking at YOU Given and Banana Fish, but avoids eye contact with Sasaki and Miyano) so hopefully it doesn't dip into that territory. Going into this one mostly blind as to the premise apart from the obvious Gap-Moe with the love interest.
SHANGRI-LA - I started watching this on a whim as the Fall season started to wind down, and found it to be a good potato chip to have on in the background. I'll probably continue watching it, but not weekly.
FRIEREN - This is what I watch when Jujutsu Kaisen hurts too much to keep going. I'm only a few episodes in, so it'll be slow going, but I think it's about to pick up it's pacing a little where I'm at, and it'll be good comfort food to have.
MAYBES
Mashle Season 2 - The pacing was SUPER WEIRD in the first season that despite all of it's shitting on the properties of she-who-shall-not-be-named, the end of the season kind of fell flat. I wanted to like it more, so I'm hoping Season 2 does that for me.
Fluffy Paradise - I love isekais with an adult in a child's body pretending to be just super smart, and this doesn't feel like it's going to do that, but still looks cute none the less. I'll give it a few episodes, but will quickly drop it if my watch list is too long.
Ishura - Is this what life is like for D&D Characters when they hit level 20? I HOPE SO. I LOVED the Legend of Vox Machina, and hope this has the same sort of vibes, but I'm going in blind!
The Wrong Way to Use Healing Magic - Love me some fucked up healing magic. Please DO NOT let this be ANYTHING like Redo Healer. I refuse to watch that even those FUCKED UP HEALING MAGIC IS FUN. But this. This I want to see. Please let this also not be a harem. I'm fine with ~vibes~ but please no actual harem that's not actually Poly.
Blue Exorcist - THIS IS TOTALLY OUT OF NOWHERE. HOW LONG HAS IT BEEN?????? I remember the last season feeling like a disappointment? But can't remember why? Gonna see if this is worth re-watching the seasons from like... a decade ago.
Delusional Monthly Magazine - I watched the PV and had no fucking clue what was happening. Therefore, I will be watching a few episodes to sate my curiosity about WTF OR possibly just get myself even more confused and rage quit. lmao
I've watched the first few episodes of a couple of these, and will be watching a few more tomorrow, so Next Goal: Post a write up or three about what I think!
#anime#anime winter 2024#apothecary diaries#solo leveling#sousou no frieren#undead unluck#cherry magic#sasaki and peeps#dungeon meshi#mr. villain's day off#mashle#kusuriya no hitorigoto#frieren#beyond journey's end#ore dake level up na ken#delicious in dungeon#masterpost
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SALTY MUNDAY MEME ! ; @stxrksarc.
☢ What fads/trends are you so over?
THE PORN BOTS! I'M SO OVER THE PORN BOTS! okay that's probably not what you meant. UMMMMMM...you know not many of them really bothered me. i guess when the super aesthetic blogs only follow the super aesthetic blogs, like it's a status thing. so over that. like i don't care if you have all the bells and whistles or nothing at all. as long as the rp is good, and i can see our muses interacting...we're good.
♒ Thoughts on the fandom you’re currently rping in?
big sigh...HERE WE GO. i love the marvel fandom, a little heavy here...but the marvel fandom is the reason i'm still alive. i've met a lot of good people in the marvel fandom. a lot of people that i'm better off knowing. but i've also seen a whole lot of hate in this fandom. so many people just not leaving someone to like what they like. i've seen people attacked for liking the mcu over the comics ( myself being one of them ) and it's just...sad. this fandom i have always known to be a place where i can go and just squee about some of the characters that i have loved for years, and cried over. we all are here to have fun, make connections, and tell stories. there's no need for all the hate, and I just wish we could go back to when we were all just happy to build community and just have a good time.
an no...I have no intentions on bailing on the fandom. i have met so many amazing people and have tried going to other fandoms and just keep coming right on back.
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Fandom Ask Game: 1 2 7 10 11 18
1. Favorite fictional characters this year
Answered here!
2. Favorite ships this year
Sad eyes captain and doctor brain (Eyk x Maura), they got me in a chokehold and I love them for it :') I need a s2 so they can confess their (extremely obvious) feelings already!!
Also rarepair-wise Clémence and Tove had such amazing moments, but I also like Jérome.....gonna have to polycule all of these characters I stg
OFMD has so many beautiful ships in it too, so just everyone in there
7. Favorite TV show episodes of the year
Answered here!
10. Biggest fandom disappointment of the year
Probably falling so overwhelmingly in love with Dark and then realizing that the fandom is pretty much dead :') I understand why it has a hard time becoming big in places such as tumblr lol, but it was painful........at least 1899 is giving it a bit of resurgence, I can't even keep up with everyone stanning Andreas' incredible sad, haunted characters rn and I love it <3
11. Biggest squee moment of the year
Answered here!
18. Fandom that you never expected to get into
I wasn't expecting to not like Dark, but I also didn't think I'd become so incredibly into it that I'd devote 8 months of my life yelling about Stranger Jonas etc, so.......unexpected turn
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OUAT Thoughts Pt.54--Episodes 21-22
I have watched through S5E22; spoilers DNI. Also, spoiler warning for anyone further behind than I am.
—*obnoxious sing-song voice* CAPTAIN HOOK IS BA-ACK!!!! *intense screaming*
—The second Zeus told him he was going where he belonged, I just held my breath. And continued to hold it through the entire funeral. What can I say, hope springs eternal! And this time (just this once) my hope was rewarded. Hook is back where he belongs *squee!* at Emma’s side….
—Oh, wait. He’s trapped in a cage with the Charmings and Zelena. Well, at least he’s alive.
—Robin’s death was kinda hard, though. I liked him. He was a goshdarn good guy. And I really feel for Regina. And for Roland.
—When Zelena decided to name her baby Robin, I bawled my eyes out. It’s so sad that Robin Sr. didn’t live long enough to know what her name was.
—I have been waiting forever for Jekyll and Hyde to show up. I just adore that story, it’s absolutely bonkers, and I am beyond thrilled that it actually got into OUAT. My first instinct was, hey, this is totally Jekyll and Hyde, but I couldn’t remember whether or not he physically changed when he switched between the persons, so I was dubious that it would actually turn out. So cool!
—Also, can I mention how much I love Darth Maul? It tracks, I swear. He’s one of the best parts of Star Wars, imo. His story is so complex and he’s enthralling. Which is partially due to his beautiful, beautiful voice—and here’s the track! Sam Witwer is going to be what really sells Mr. Hyde, I can just feel it. So excited!
—Zeus basically looked like the total opposite of what I expected. Which is actually kind of interesting, now that I’ve thought about it. You would expect the ruler of the cosmos to be big and buff and intimidating, but what does it say about his character if he’s kind of small and ordinary-looking? The answer: he must have some kind of charisma or draw to keep people following him. He must have something other than brute strength going for him. Which is kind of interesting.
—*salty* how come Zeus got to wear Greek-style clothes and Hades didn’t?
—Hades’ death was exactly the right kind of anticlimactic. That story got precisely the amount of mileage it needed, no more, no less.
—Zelena killing Hades to protect her sister was poetic. Especially the part where they cried over their dead loves together. And the bit where Zelena realized it was Regina who loved her most? Lovely.
—I still don’t like Zelena, but seeing her and Regina being proper sisters is nice. I think it works so well because they started off with a bunch of animosity, so they’re not going to be the overly touchy-feely variety of siblings that really honk me off. Most of the time, your conversations with your siblings aren’t going to be like Elsa and Anna’s. You’re not gonna spend most of your time hugging your siblings. You’re more likely to just sit in silence or quote memes at each other. Maybe talk about your current fandom-ings. Of course, a lot of people take it too far the other way and have the shallowest possible relationship and takes the teasing and mock-fighting to an extreme. I think Regina and Zelena are going to hit the sweet spot.
—Henry is being stupid. Like, I get that he’s upset about how often his family’s lives get screwed up by magical means, but how did he not stop to wonder if maybe destroying magic would hurt his very magical moms?
—That part of the library in New York with the bunch of storybooks was awesome.
—Rumple being in a regular (if incredibly posh) hotel room is weird. (Just looking at the TV screen I can smell the hotel air. It freaks me way out.)
—I knew Belle’s father would decide to be an arse.
—Emma’s funeral outfit was gorgeous. Semi-masc looks good on her. Suit jacket, button-down…yes yes.
—What’s up with Jules Verne world? Why do Jekyll and Hyde live there? Aren’t those blimp-thingies just the coolest? The answer is yes, they are.
—Also, Dr. Jekyll—or at least I’m 80% sure it’s Dr. Jekyll—is v cute. Bit of similarity to Archie? Yeah. Appearance, not necessarily vibes, although…maybe a little bit of that, too. I want to spend time with Hyde for his voice, which let’s face it is stunning, but Jekyll is just so cute! It’s either ‘dang, I get both!’ Or ‘how can I choose?’ I’m going with the first option. Great voice, cute guy, always one or the other.
#once upon a time#ouat#Captain Hook#captainswan sails again#Emma swan#zeus#hades#zelena#regina mills#Robin Hood#the charmings#dr. Jekyll#mr. hyde#Henry mills-swan#rumplestiltskin#martianbugsbunny reviews
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