#bible humor
Text
#they very much did kill jesus#jesus#christianity#the chosen#the chosen tv series#the chosen tv show#bible humor#religion#the chosen jesus#jesus christ
1K notes
·
View notes
Photo
03/24/2023
Silly Rabbi!
___
JOKE-OGRAPHY:
My favorite part of this one is that I've added/paraphrased almost nothing here. In the Bible story, Jesus is told that His good friend Lazarus has died, so He plans to go bring him back from the dead (or "awaken him"). He tells the disciples that Lazarus has "fallen asleep", but the disciples take that literally and try to comfort Jesus by saying Lazarus will awaken on his own. Jesus reiterates very clearly that by "fallen asleep", He means Lazarus died. Thomas is reluctant to let Jesus go to Judea, because last time they were there, apparently Jesus riled up the Jews with His "Son of God" wallamaguckery, but Jesus doesn't let a silly little thing like angry people plotting to arrest and murder Him get in the way of an unslumber party with His best pal!
AUTHOR'S NOTE:
Before the mantle of the earth was cooled, before the sea was sealed in its basin, before the sky was locked in place above the clouds, and before the first "Tomic" was officially published, a cartoon was drawn. Now, it is reborn. This is not technically a "Tomics Resurrection", because the original did not bear the "Tomics" name. No, this was after the era of sand and scholars but before the era of blood and time, and now, it's our very first "Proto-Tomic Resurrection". I've taken a random digital Jesus comic that I drew for my own amusement before my Tomics days and made it part of the official Tomics family. Here's the original for reference. You'll note a drastic change in character design, background art, and handwriting, and hopefully you'll agree I've improved, or else we're going to have some major problems:
#jesus#lazarus#jesus humor#jesus memes#jesus art#bible#bible memes#bible humor#bible art#apostles#peter#st peter#thomas#st thomas#john 11#catholic#catholic memes#catholic humor#catholic art#christian#christian memes#christian humor#christian art#tomics#tom gould#cartoon#comic#using a bunch of figurative speech to teach your followers#then just dropping all pretense and tellin em straight cause theyre not the sharpest bulbs in the deck
608 notes
·
View notes
Text
On the first day god said "let there be cat"
11 notes
·
View notes
Text
Christians are the ultimate "my fav did nothing wrong" typa fan tbh
#they go doxx anyone who says something abt their fav that they don't like#they have satan fans dni in their bios#bible fandom#bible humor#tw christianity#text
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
Listen I know that Lilith isn't canon to the bible but like. It's so funny to imagine a bunch of old religious scholars being up in arms over the simple fact that a woman didn't like being told what to do. Like. "I just don't want to listen to this random guy that God says is my husband-" "WITCH. SHE-DEMON. WHORESS. MONSTER. MOTHER OF ALL DEMONS."
Like imagine your family disowning you because you broke up with your boyfriend and decades later people are still beefing about it
2 notes
·
View notes
Video
youtube
Doesn’t Ezekiel realize this thing could annihilate his smart ass? @luximus
I want more shit like this
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
Catholic Meme Monday— Issue 116
Hope you had a blessed week!
Time for another Catholic Meme Monday. ✝️ 🙏
Starting off with an awkward meme inspired by a recent Bible in a Year podcast episode. 😳😆🙂
Amen! Pray for the unborn. 🙏🙏🙏
I’m a Marvel fan but Byzantine Saint Thomas wins.
🙏🙏🙏
Thy (not my) will be done!
The Mass is a gift from God. 🍞🍷✝️🙏
😆😆😆
I have more pictures of Jesus and the Blessed Virgin Mary than photos of…
View On WordPress
#Bible humor#Biblical theology#Catholic content#Catholic humor#Catholic life#Catholic Meme Monday#Catholic memes#Catholic theology#Humor#Laughter#Meme Monday#Memes#Theology
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
Mmm.
12 notes
·
View notes
Text
Dad Jokes
Jesus: I'm the son of God
Pharisees: No way!
Jesus: Yahweh
#dad jokes#jokes#funny jokes#bad jokes#humor#jesus#jesus christ#bible#bible jokes#christian jokes#christian humor#bible humor#funny
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
#bible#collage#fishin#ex christian#ex fundie#sacrilegious#bible humor#sunday school#religion#exvangelical#sword drill#fine art#atheisim
2 notes
·
View notes
Photo
02/03/2023
Jesus breaks out the condemnents.
___
AUTHOR'S NOTE:
This is one of my longest comics yet! It was grueling to carefully pen all twelve panels with meticulous attention to pacing and love in every digital brushstroke, but I hope you guys know that I'd do anything to bring you the absolute HIGHEST quality cartoons I'm capable of making!
JOKE-OGRAPHY:
Jesus tells His disciples that they are the salt of the earth, called to be honorable and valuable to God, but if they don't live up to their calling, they'll be like salt that loses its taste, losing that value in turn. Jesus asks them, "If salt loses its taste, with what can it be seasoned?" One disciple pipes up and recommends ketchup, though the question was rhetorical. So strange is this answer, and so rhetorical was the question, that Jesus simply stares at the disciple for 9 panels straight before saying that ketchup was not the answer to the -- once again -- rhetorical question.
#jesus#jesus memes#bible#bible memes#bible humor#bible art#judas#disciple#disciples#apostle#apostles#catholic#catholic memes#catholic humor#catholic art#christian#christian memes#christian humor#christian art#salt#salt of the earth#matthew#matthew 5#ketchup#ill tell ya what that disciple there has to play a bit of ketch up yanowudahmsayin
524 notes
·
View notes
Text
When Angels feel threatened or want to look scarier, they do the stupid looking owl thing and flare their wings upside down
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
My man Naaman was desperate - and if you had leprosy you would be too!
#bible memes#bible humor#christian humour#christian humor#christian memes#new memes#fresh memes#my memes#funny memes#dank memes#tumblr memes#meme humour#lol memes#memes#best memes#meme humor
0 notes
Text
The Bible According To A Child
A child was asked to write a book report on the entire Bible. This is amazing and brought tears of laughter to my eyes.
In the beginning, which occurred near the start, there was nothing but God, darkness, and some gas. The Bible says, the Lord thy God is one, but I think He must be a lot older than that.
Anyway, God said, 'Give me a light!' and someone did. Then God made the world.
He split the Adam and made Eve. Adam and Eve were naked, but they weren't embarrassed because mirrors hadn't been invented yet.
Adam and Eve disobeyed God by eating one bad apple, so they were driven from the Garden of Eden. Not sure what they were driven in though, because they didn't have cars.
Adam and Eve had a son, Cain, who hated his brother as long as he was Abel.
Pretty soon all of the early people died off, except for Methuselah, who lived to be like a million or something.
One of the next important people was Noah, who was a good guy, but one of his kids was kind of a Ham. Noah built a large boat and put his family and some animals on it. He asked some other people to join him, but they said they would have to take a rain check.
After Noah came Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. Jacob was more famous than his brother, Esau, because Esau sold Jacob his birthmark in exchange for some pot roast. Jacob had a son named Joseph who wore a really loud sports coat.
Another important Bible guy is Moses, whose real name was Charlton Heston. Moses led the Israel Lights out of Egypt and away from the evil Pharaoh after God sent ten plagues on Pharaoh's people. These plagues included frogs, mice, lice, bowels, and no cable.
God fed the Israel Lights every day with manicotti. Then he gave them His Top Ten Commandments.
These include: don't lie, cheat, smoke, dance, or covet your neighbor's stuff.
Oh, yeah, I just thought of one more: Humor thy father and thy mother.
One of Moses' best helpers was Joshua who was the first Bible guy to use spies. Joshua fought the battle of Geritol and the fence fell over on the town.
After Joshua came David. He got to be king by killing a giant with a slingshot. He had a son named Solomon who had about 300 wives and 500 porcupines. My teacher says he was wise, but that doesn't sound very wise to me.
After Solomon there were a bunch of major league prophets.
One of these was Jonah, who was swallowed by a big whale and then barfed up on the shore. There were also some minor league prophets, but I guess we don't have to worry about them.
After the Old Testament came the New Testament. Jesus is the star of The New. He was born in Bethlehem in a barn. (I wish I had been born in a barn too, because my mom is always saying to me, 'Close the door! Were you born in a barn?' It would be nice to say, 'As a matter of fact, I was.')
During His life, Jesus had many arguments with sinners like the Pharisees and the Democrats.
Jesus also had twelve opossums. The worst one was Judas Asparagus. Judas was so evil that they named a terrible vegetable after him.
Jesus was a great man. He healed many leopards and even preached to some Germans on the Mount.
But the Democrats and all those guys put Jesus on trial before Pontius the Pilot. Pilot didn't stick up for Jesus. He just washed his hands instead.
Anyways, Jesus died for our sins, then came back to life again.
He went up to Heaven but will be back at the end of the Aluminum. His return is foretold in the book of Revolution.
NO political comments allowed. This was written by a child.
0 notes
Last Seen Blogs
samepictureofedd
Same Picture of Edd
jawadcoleman-blog
Jawad Coleman
fancitaste
Fancitaste
drinkdinner0
Colon Cleanse Weight Loss
umaviajante
Um lugar bom