it's kinda weird that when you look at health recommendations for various medical conditions associated with fatness it's always 'just lose 10% of your body weight to see a risk reduction' (so like 20-30 pounds for the average overweight or obese person according to the bmi) but then in day to day medicine there's not really a way of like, removing obesity as a diagnosis on your insurance paperwork for example, even if by a certain standard you've lost enough weight to reduce the risk of health conditions that insurance would be concerned about. if you're an average height weighing 300 pounds and lose 30 pounds, which seems to be the amount that's considered reasonable to lose and maintain if you want to like, reduce your cholesterol, you've gone from morbidly obese to morbidly obese.

The Problem with DreamHunter...

Is that there is no problem with DreamHunter.

You're probably like "wait, what?" So let me clarify: This is absolutely not a Dreamhunter!Critical post. In fact, I have a lot of accolades for DreamHunter. I'll address a few complaints I've read from a surly, never-happy swath of stan twitter, but this post isn't actually about that - it's about a pervasive cultural issue involving coded phobia and how Bobo Fucking Berens showed his level of quantum literary and social brainfunction to do everything from canonize an LGBT ship to run a far deeper and more exposing social experiment on the fandom at large.

We've all seen the gif sets. I can't find the video in my vat of poorly maintained blog, but I'm sure someone else could, wherein Bobo on Twitch was talking about being ecstatic over us seeing what he wanted us to see. To the fandom that keeps their ears open, none of DreamHunter's premise is new to us. The only new thing was a certain confirmation, "First love strikes quick."

First, to the part that is NOT the point of the post, but I feel needs addressed before people start yelling at me:

Now, this has opened up a floodgate of hard-end-stan-twitter complaining like "Oh so they didn't just kill a WOC but a queer WOC and then after-texted it?" Well, no, fam. They were setting up a queer romance of the century with her dream half and potential return to the self while facing the darkest parts of challenging the self and deleting our weaknesses, and maybe even going so far as to make a statement of self imposed biases. Wayward just wasn't picked up so they've had to funnel and condense the concept in other ways. Dark Kaia wanting to target Claire after seeing what she meant to Kaia isn't an arbitrary and random sentiment. But arguing literary romantic value with stan twitter is like arguing algebra with an ill-behaved goose, so that's as far as I'm going to take that explanation beyond "y'all are often our biggest enemies on content."

Now then... to the actual point of the post:

I've mentioned it before, but it really deserves its own rebloggable master post not attached to some overlong thread, and able to be brought into fuller scope. The problem with DreamHunter is almost nonexistent. In fact, the simple fact is: with a line that simple, it was universally accepted as a truth, whether people are screaming about tropes they want to read in the worst light before the romantic element ever got a chance to get its feet under it. Nobody's out there saying it doesn't exist. Nobody's out there downtalking that line.

THAT is the problem with DreamHunter - that there is no problem with DreamHunter. And by that, I don't mean to say we should have a problem with DreamHunter. It's that DreamHunter reveals a hugely systemic coded bias in our culture.

And honestly, I think Berens did that on purpose.

There’s a certain level of coy battle in acceptance going on. First of all, people naturally seem to accept F/F before M/M due to a bunch of cultural reasons. Mostly because F/F has been convenient to publicly fetishize while M/M freaks out dudebros that are really uncertain about themselves, so for a longer time, GA has been exposed to and accepting F/F. And I think of anyone out there, My Big Gay Author King Berens is going to understand that.

WLW still has its own stigmas, I'm not saying it doesn't, but acting like resistance to it is on any cultural coding level parallel to the stigma against MLM is a weird display of intersectional privilege and lack of awareness.

Acting like it’s coincidence that they monkey-stomp packed as many identical lines and scene arrangements into all of one episode as possible, then dropped a bomb like that episode two, is silly. We know exactly what he’s after – hell, he said he was ecstatic we saw what he wanted us to see. So the real question is, why is it that “first love strikes quick” is taken without argument from the GA but a thousand up-nods for the M/M pairing with the same content – and TBH, far far far more that could never be packed into a single episode – has people take lines like “attached at the everything” and immediately have a portion of the audience start laughing, despite the surrounding substance around it?

Destiel fandom read into yet-again heaven and hell believing DeanCas are an item; antis decided it was an insult to “annoy” them. Even the angel in the past threatening to gouge Cas’ genitals over it. Because that’s what I do when I don’t believe it but am a religious zealot. Threaten to cut dicks off to annoy people. But somehow, it’s far easier to negotiate, to these people, that the male queer coded content is a punchline, rather than either a genuine or perceived truth. Antis choose to interpret MLM as a punchline. It’s that simple. No amount of surrounding content or story thematics can convince them otherwise. 

The same substance they monkey stomped, condensed, and largely stripped down for time limitations, into DreamHunter?

I’ll give a hint: it’s the same cultural stigma that – which late night show was it, where they started playing well-edited slash videos and the audience started laughing despite it being well timed and edited? It’s that. It’s the same thing that made Ateo unable to play queer roles in the industry as being “not believably gay” despite being a gay man himself, until the Hunter Husbands. It’s a horrific stigma that the audience has been coded to bite and gnash back against M/M content unfairly to the queer male audience and it’s gross, but it’s just there, sort of in the collective mind.

I absolutely don’t think Berens, of all fucking people, is unaware of this. And I see what he did as a really, really fucking coy set of actions beneath already masterful writing.

Berens knows exactly what he’s fucking doing and has basically coded a social experiment into the show that betrays people’s biases against M/M queer pairings while allowing the saturation (largely by fetishization) of F/F pairings to do the heavy lifting for him. Nobody out here yelling that Jody could be wrong about it or that “we didn’t see a kiss so it didn’t happen LOL they’re just in a sismance” – it is what it is. And here we are.

So on a social level I am fucking fascinated to see where he takes this next.

Berens has come out swinging for the queer male community whether anybody wants to accept it or not. Which is, modernly, by our demographics, at least an equal if not the greatest portion of our primary male demographic of viewers for the show. And I'm not just talking about the fandom census. I'm talking about Nielsen's demographics shift on gender since season 10, and general Kinsey-scale-esque testing of the true target demo at large in the US. Our ads count 18-49. CW targets 18-34.

Following the work of Berens within Supernatural will give you a very blatant papertrail. It started in deeply layered subtext; his first episode Carver directed Misha to play Cas as a Jilted Lover; after that, he took Robbie's work on Cain and manifest the Colette parallel coded into our story; he chose to take Dabb's Dean-speech from 12.1 and turn it into our coffee-Mixtape-Win spree that other authors shed from their pen in his wake, just like later in season 10 people continued his Colette grind. Berens has been an internal motion for the legitimization of truly structured and admittedly intentful elements of Destiel in the show. And people can scream that they don't like or see it all they want, but it's right there -- and with DreamHunter, it was What He Wanted Us To See.

It's grossly disingenuous activism to try to accuse SPN's first overtly queer author of queerbait while internally shifting the motions of our author room mechanics towards genuinely structured and intentful romance-skewed storytelling, whether it remains subtextual or not. Especially as that author continues to throw wrench upon wrench upon wrench into the no homo gears in ways the GA is perpetually exposed to and spun into having to think about. An eternal negotiation of poignantly delivered lines that catches even the most resistant ears and at least plants a seed in their mind about something else. A true normalization of it as a potential element to the story.

The same sort of normalization hyper-condensed into DreamHunter, but as per the above discussion, far more readily accepted. I have literally heard, from people who argued the "bromance, I'm not entirely convinced" on Destiel, that DreamHunter had been "obvious" to them and the "first love strikes quick" wasn't even necessary, because everybody knew. Cue me sending simple gifsets and script line side by sides and blowing their brains because suddenly their entire world scope just got bent sideways in -- why do I accept the one while I negotiate away the other?

Well, I covered why, above.

The problem with DreamHunter, I repeat, is that there is no problem with DreamHunter. People accept and see that it exists, without argument, even going so far as to label it "obvious" from a single episode, of a highly condensed version of only a fraction of the moments of another queer-coded duo in the show, but simply with culturally differing gender dynamics.

The concern troll of "bromance" or "why not let men be close" dies here. The idea of a bromance is letting two men have a friendship with the form of openness platonic female friends can have. That's fine, that's great. Dean-Benny would be a great example of this, and even then we once again had the offset of Dean-Cas to show different operations. I might even say Dean-Sam as an idea of that, but I don't think "bromance" is necessarily needed since brothers natively have a different sort of dynamic from growing up together. But once you are going out of your way to dismiss elements that we accept in hetero pairings with a laissez-faire “duh”, or even WLW scenarios as “it’s so obvious”, because it's MLM, we have left the area of "bromance" and "why not just let men be close without making it gay" and into “I am negotiating this away due to some sort of coded unwillingness to accept it, perhaps subconsciously, even if I consciously consider myself an ally.”

And that's the true masterpiece of this social experiment Bobo planted in the Supernatural universe with DreamHunter.

The world is grossly unfair and tilted in remaining cultural stigmas about queer males after ages of repressing them to limited niche capacities and stereotypes so strong that masculine gay men couldn’t even get cast in roles as gay men, where the world reads queer men as a punch line rather than a “duh” or “it’s so obvious” or “it’s just right there”, and DreamHunter is a walking fucking social experiment putzing around in Supernatural universe that gives no choice but to pick a side of the fence once you’re aware of these things.

Whether or not it’s physically consummated does not make it not-romantic. Being queer isn’t just about sex. It’s about feelings. And yes, we want our feelings to lead somewhere, and they deserve to lead somewhere, but is Jody acknowledging Claire’s “first love” now what suddenly makes it romantic, or is it the motions, the stories, and the feelings that preceded those lines, even though they never kissed and all hand-holding could be negotiated away the same way we can negotiate away our canon touches for two very emotionally involved men? “She was just leading her through the gate because she was scared,” “she was just consoling her as she died.” See how easy that is? But we won’t do that. And now, frankly anybody that does looks like a jackass.

So why, oh why, is this treated with ambiguity? This is a canon statement of “this relationship is being in love.” It was young love - it struck quick, in only an episode - but it was love. But name an element DreamHunter has to define that love that Destiel doesn’t? If you bend over backwards and try for the handholding, I can raise you hundreds of moments of intimate style contact. Try again.

Canon just confirmed what we already knew -- that Destiel is romantic. That there is love there. And not the kind of love we dismiss as Bros. Bobo just did that. Because every element of their relationship exists in Destiel, and a hundred times more. But it was first love. Dreamhunter was young love that came quickly, and not a single soul argued. Destiel is the same showcase of love, older, more matured, grown over years with dozens more moments of contact and display -- but in the very least, those moments -- those ones lived through DreamHunter in parallel -- that’s love. Canon literally just painted those sparse, compacted down elements, these behaviors we’ve seen, these moments, as coded romantic and in love. If you take nothing else from that -- take that. The elements that build Destiel are canonically romantic, when within DreamHunter and the question is -- without any physical affirmations or DreamHunter on screen, why is it romantic to them and not to Destiel? Why do we even humor this as a discussion, though we expect it, and what does this say of the coded phobias in fandom that we even have to expect it?

Dean and Cas haven’t kissed or dual-confessed to it in public, but you know... neither did DreamHunter. Unless of course we don’t talk down the timely placement of Need Yous and Love Yous and Big Wins and whatever else like people insist on doing with the MLM arrangement. Nobody’s talking down Jody’s third person “first love,” because we know better, and there’s not a mix of MLM and ship warring in play with DreamHunter. Bromance ends at the same line platonic female friendships end. Everyone accepts that DreamHunter is not platonic. Even without ceasing previous negotiations around poignant DeanCas lines, DreamHunter has established the romantic and loving engagements in retrograde. Canon has literally confirmed -- this relationship is romantic and in love.

And until this post, not a single person has tried to argue it down as Just Young Sis Love. Because we all know. Just like, deep down, everybody knows it about the mothership, some just don’t want to accept it. For whatever reason, subconscious or otherwise. I’ll laugh if the same antis that just tried to blind parallel it to W*ncest as a proof of love, while disconnected from the very origins and confirmations of DreamHunter, suddenly start rambling that doesn’t make DreamHunter canon either once this post gets around.

Berens is a fucking master ISTG.

I mean, I guess you’re free to celebrate any network level blockades going on right now while Bobo does Big Queer Fatal Combat from within, but allow me to celebrate DreamHunter whether or not we get consummation for Destiel, an MLM-scenario ship that has to deal with entirely other stigmas on a network primarily run by a bunch of old dudes. This is there. This will never be taken away. And cheering any blockades being run against MLM content with blatant intent does not make you the gr8 person here, m8.

This post is probably gonna have a low level of spread because it’s also something that forces even Destiel fandom to negotiate with themselves too -- how many lines and moments and whatever-else have we negotiated down, talked around, and chosen to interpret in the most left field way as if arguing ourselves from the position of an anti, only to get crack slapped across the jaw in this? How many have yelled queerbait without really observing what Bobo has been doing from within, how many have to face-or-deny the unfair queerbait shouting? How many hold-outs are we putting up, ourselves, because it isn’t the type or level of confirmation we want; we’re sitting here waiting for a bigger more dramatic reveal than a third person statement like that, or what-have-you, but when it’s not “our ship” that we are eternally defending from antis, and not a ship being targeted due to a mix of ship warring and MLM social issues, this is fine? And why is it okay when it’s not The Mothership and we totes accept it for DreamHunter canonization but we’re still talking circles around DeanCas like we’re our own antis? Why do we let anti-dom spin everyone’s head up in such knots that the majority expect Dabberens to live in stan twitter, abandon narrative properties and quality, and have Sam walk in on something while they profess their love and walk away with pictures as hard sealed photographic evidence when that isn’t expected of literally anybody else?

Can anybody tell me why Bobo Bookends Berens, who penned Cain -- Dean’s kindred spirit and fated path parallel -- calling out -- as confirmed -- that Castiel was his Colette, his wife, the love of his life that knew who he was, and what he was, that loved him unconditionally, forgave him, and only asked for him to stop -- a third person perspective -- has a third person, offscreen confirmation of the same sort, with far less plot weaving, taken universally as canon without the play of shifting goalposts via MLM social stigmas and/or ship warring stan twitter getting up in everybody’s heads?

Cuz it’s the same dude, guys. Same pen. A moment nobody even dismissed or TRIED to heckle out. If we just want to go third person while dropping punchline perception, we have everything from The Angel In The Dirty Trenchcoat Who’s In Love With You to Attached At The Everything. Y’all really think Bobo Berens is out here using his own sexuality as a tool and a punchline to be laughed at though? Bobo, “I protest human trafficing and ICE engagements front line in the body walls while people are being arrested” Berens? That guy? 

You’re gonna go out of his way that hard to miss the point just because you have phobic asshats on twitter, and/or asshole haters with “opposite ships” on twitter, or it’s just not the kind YOU wanted to see for Destiel, even if it’s enough for you to take it as canon in DreamHunter, when you already Been Had It for Destiel?

Meh. So many problems with DreamHunter, in there not being any problems with DreamHunter.

All Dabberens. Every Dreamhunter moment was a Dabb or Berens written previous Destiel moment. The meaningful third party line from Jody was Berens. Just like the meaningful third party line in Executioner’s song, also by Berens. Not just a random jab - someone who knew them inside and out. And that - people will take that as canon, again, when there’s no rival ships or MLM phobias in play. Every inch of Dreamhunter (and far, far more) existed in Destiel, by the same authors, porting the same concepts across, piece by piece, and like magic, nobody protested.

And if you’re protesting, or worse if you hilariously ship Dreamhunter but reject Destiel, despite -- I dunno -- Bobo’s own book reviews on issues like queerphobia and intersectional issues -- you may want to introspect on the real reason you’re denying it.

Because that, my friends, is a strictly personal problem.

When 2 completely different communities use the same or similar terms, you have to admit it DOES get confusing and people get misinformed. Some ppl think agere and cgl are the same thing with all the crosstagging and making stuff up like ‘dxlg’ like what lol

I’m going to express something you didn’t ask for, sorry.

Age regression in the context that it is now shouldn’t even exist on social media in the first place.

There are people that actually suffer from Age regression. Age regression is a serious condition!

It’s a form of many things.

It’s not just a form of therapy undergo hypnosis by a licensed professional to recover memories.

It’s a behavioral defense coping mechanism.

It’s prevalent in Autism spectrum disorders, formerly known as the medical condition Regressive Autism/Childhood Disintegrative Disorder, Developmental Regression, or Pervasive Developmental Disorder.

Age regression can be an attribute to those with Borderline Personality Disorder or Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

It can be apart of Age Dysphoria.

And as mentioned it can be apart of Dissociative Identity Dissorder. (Or Other Specified Dissociative Disorder)

When people age regress, they are usually unaware that they are regressing! Since age regression is a form of many things some people do know when they are regressing! Still, Age regressing isn’t something that people want to do voluntarily and it is not terminology to throw around just because it means to revert back to an earlier or less advanced state or form or because people naturally regress a little bit in day to day life sometimes as a form of self-care.

It is not fair to use the term age regression just because what you do is nonsexual when there is better terminology for you to use.

When you use the term age regression just because you don’t want people to think what you do is sexual you voluntarily link serious disorders and conditions to kink related activities. You also set everyone up to a bag of confusion because you’re using a term made for specific people to describe what they go through with a hobby that you just do for fun.

It isn’t right. It’s disrespectful.

if you only use the term age regression because what you do is non kink and nonsexual and you don’t actually go into a headspace of being a baby or a child to the point you have no control over it that you’re unaware of your biological age and identity (or have any of the disorders or conditions listed above) then you should use the term Roleplay or AB.

Roleplay/Being an Adult Baby doesn’t have to be sexual and it can exist alone outside of the BDSM and fetish world. It’s just acting an age younger (or older) than you actually are or having the persistence of infantile or childlike characteristics or behavior in adult life. It doesn’t involve a mental shift, just a change of mood. It can also be an aspect of your personality. It’s more appropriate to use one of those term instead of calling yourself an age regressor to be more respectful to the minority of people that actually unwillingly regress and are uncomfortable with people using the term age regression when they just roleplay or have a childlike and infantile-like personality.

Real age regression doesn’t involve baby items and having a caregiver etc. and it is impossible for someone to actually regress and post it on social media nor is it recommend by a licensed professional.

Most of you guys are tied to Kink but won’t accept that reality. I’ve been there, I know. Dark age play is one of my limits.

This look of “agere” wouldn’t be what it is today without cgl and abdl. It more than likely wouldn’t even exist.

Whether or not if this is true or not the majority of you guys are not using the correct term. The entire kink community is pissed off because of it as well. The only thing this new definition of age regression has done is cause problems.

I understand that the association with BDSM can be frustrating and that using the term age regression may give you some type of clarity when finding people that have similar discomfort as you and I also believe that you guys aren’t trying to deliberately disrespect people that actually involuntarily age regress but you are. Using the term that way convolutes it’s actual meaning.

This has been so overwhelming over the years and it’s honestly very pathetic because you can’t get out of your head to just use a term that better fits you because any link to anything sexual or kink related is just so bad and disgusting.

Age regression sadly already has the stigma of kink around it. That’s why I’m talking about this now!

The only thing you do with this mindset is become a negative person with a closed mind stereotyping a whole group of individuals who participate in cgl and abdl. (because no not all cgl+ relationships are sexual) Bdsm is a culture. And stealing from our culture while throwing us under the bus is unethical. You have the choice to be a positive person and realize that the people who do these kinks are adults that can do as they please. They aren’t hurting anyone. One thing that may make you uncomfortable may help another. Instead of focusing on all of our differences so much why can’t y’all focus on how you guys are the same?

Not doing so is toxic.

If every “age regressor” would just identify themselves as an AB or a roleplayer the stigma that all ageplayer’s and AB’s etc. are sexual would go away. Most importantly people who deal with the real serious conditions of age regression will have their terminology back and you won’t be disrespecting them and all of the confusion with agere itself and agere vs cgl won’t be there anymore.

If any sort of association or conflict bothers you just tell people you have childlike tendencies or you like embracing your inner child and keep it at that! Being naturally childish doesn’t mean you are a little. It just means you’re naturally childish. You do not need a label to be naturally childish.

One more thing I want to add. Another big reason we have all these issues is because of minors. On social media there is no difference between cgl, abdl, ageplay and age regression as well as the other tumblr community terms. This go’s beyond minors just having childlike tendencies. A lot of self proclaimed “age regressors” are trying to implement the same dynamics as those in kink using the term age regression “100% non kink and nonsexual” to hide behind having a nonsexual d/s dynamic. Hence Cglre and dxlg like you said etc.

Please stop! It’s not age regression.

There’s regular roleplay, cgl, age play, and ab/dl.

People incorporate ageplay in one or the other and age regression is an unconscious process that doesn’t involve having a caregiver.

Stop making up shit to fit your terms.

Thanks.

What the Dietitians Who Invented Intuitive ingesting think about weight-reduction plan lifestyle today

Intuitive ingesting has become wildly popular inside the past couple of years, however, the one-of-a-type anti-dieting framework has been around for 25 years now. The first edition of Intuitive eating changed into posted in 1995 by using dietitians, 

ingesting sickness specialists, and nutrients therapists Evelyn Tribole, M.S., R.D.N., and Elyse Resch, M.S., R.D.N. The modern book laid out the 10 ideas in their mind-body method of finding peace and freedom with meals and body—a private procedure that empowers human beings to reconnect with their inner know-how approximately consuming.

Ultimate month, Tribole and Resch posted the fourth edition of their definitive textual content, at a time whilst the wide variety of humans questioning or in open rise up towards weight-reduction plan lifestyle has by no means been more—or the embrace of intuitive consuming wider.

Extra widely, of direction, this is a profound and precarious second complete of challenges (the pandemic) and opportunities for transformative exchange (the actions towards anti-Black racism). “It’s a form of interesting that our book got here out these days inside the midst of everything that’s occurring within the world, especially at some stage in this time of seeking out social justice in each feasible way,” Tribole tells SELF. “We’re in this time of high-quality uncertainty on such a lot of degrees, and with that uncertainty is all this capability for revolution—at an inner level, at a community stage, and on an international level,” Tribole explains. “We want to have strength so that you can be part of that. And in case you’re weight-reduction plan, you’re going to be preoccupied.”

SELF spoke with the authors about what’s new in this updated version, the evolution of intuitive ingesting, the methods that their work is attached to current occasions—and what they are nevertheless gaining knowledge of.

This interview has been edited and condensed for clarity and length.

SELF: Why did you need to post a new version now?

Tribole: there are numerous motives. While we first began Intuitive ingesting, 25 years ago, let's imagine it was studies-stimulated, stimulated with the aid of our scientific enjoy operating with clients. However rapid-ahead to these days, and we've greater than one hundred twenty-five research on our paintings displaying an effect.

Also, lots have changed. We desired to surely deal with the weight-reduction plan way of life. It’s so form-transferring and so pervasive—we had been seeing customers who don’t become aware of the term weight-reduction plan. They’ll say, “Oh, I don’t weight-reduction plan, I do the keto lifestyle.” We were like, Ooh, we need to deal with that. We want to address fitness at each size.

And we made great modifications to the concepts of intuitive eating. The core continues to be the same, however, we changed the [principle] on handling your feelings. We used to mention, “address your emotions without using food,” but [emotional eating] has ended up so pathologized in weight-reduction plan subculture. Elyse and I truly gave it a whole lot of ideas and changed it to “deal with your feelings with kindness.” And throughout this time of COVID, we’ve surely simply seen extra how essential this is. After which we also changed the period exercise to movement, once more as it’s been so militarized and pathologized in our subculture.

Resch: We wanted to spend numerous time looking at weight bias and weight stigma, due to the fact we haven’t within the past. Our third version got here out in 2012, and we concept we had been handling that. And but we were shocked at some of the language we had used. We have been certainly looking to give ourselves a whole lot of grace due to the fact—this applies to many regions—you handiest realize what whilst you are aware of it. And whilst we wrote the first edition of the e-book 25 years ago, we were now not developed in the way we are today. So we checked out the book with an essential eye to make certain we were doing away with any form of stigmatizing language and supporting people flow extra toward self-recognition and self-love in a deeper manner.

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Tribole: just to add to what Elyse is saying, that changed into truly honestly humbling to go returned and be wincing, saying, ‘Oh, my God, we wrote that? How did that get via?’ but you recognize, we’ve also truly determined to be transparent about this—that we all evolve and develop and exchange.

I assume in the long run, with wherein we’re at in today’s global, we need to have more humility. We need cultural humility, we need intellectual humility, we need lived experience humility. And now searching on the intersection of racism and diet tradition, that’s certainly profound. We touched on it, but we didn’t unpack it on this edition. So I nonetheless see a 5th one coming out!

[Both laugh]

Resch: Oh, Evelyn!

Tribole: nicely, I’m just announcing! Doing a deep dive, and then searching at our very own internalized racism. Doing unlearning, doing gaining knowledge of, and then looking at and analyzing our model in phrases of how we can do better. Because if we don’t address racism, I don’t think we’re ever surely going to efficaciously address fatphobia and weight stigma. So we've got several works to do.

Numerous us are doing plenty of studying and unlearning proper now, so I suppose it’s essential for people to have examples of humility and mastering.

Resch: We promote so much self-compassion at some point in the book and with everyone we speak to. And self-compassion consists of having this humility and now not being indignant at ourselves. As I stated before, we will most effectively realize what we understand when we comprehend it. After which it’s what we do with that after we're wakened to that new know-how…. We want to be gaining knowledge of each day, and we want to be talking up each day.

Tribole: while we begin looking at diet lifestyle being rooted in racism—I’m glad to say, we cite Sabrina Stringers’s e-book, Fearing the Black frame: The Racist Origins of Fatphobia. And one of the things we are saying in this edition is that today we've got now not best the health enterprise, the weight loss industry, however, we've got hospital treatment and fitness care is a part of weight loss program lifestyle. That's irritating. Because now we have sufferers coming in with this pressure to change their frame no longer simply from the way of life, however from health care.

And this is going on even though we have a profound body of research showing that the act of dieting—the act of reducing your food intake to shrink your frame—now not best does it not work, it honestly causes damage, biological damage, mental harm. It increases the threat of ingesting problems and weight stigma. While you examine the fact that eating issues charges have doubled, it’s a travesty. I assume it is in element because the weight loss program lifestyle has ended up so normalized. You realize, humans didn’t use to head bragging approximately keto or the contemporary rapid they were on. And it’s like, “Wow, we've got lots of work to do, Elyse!”

Resch: We should spend time also teaching the scientific community due to the fact there’s an entire notion device on weight and the risks of what they recall “extra weight,” so we have a variety of paintings to do.

Why do you believe you studied intuitive ingesting has truly stuck hearth these days?

Resch: So, I’m a feminist from the second wave of feminism, again inside the ’70s. And I suppose we've got gotten to a degree where we do now not need to be advised how we must look, how we must devour…a point where we want to take lower back the delight of eating, the pleasure in eating and make selections for ourselves in a self-sufficient manner.

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It’s been the type of viral, with such a lot of magazines and on-line articles about intuitive ingesting on this beyond yr. And I assume there’s something to do with the political environment…. We are becoming to a point in which we’re tired of being instructed what to do, and we’re uninterested in feeling unsuccessful and terrible approximately ourselves.

Tribole: humans are bored with being advised, “There’s something incorrect with you, there’s something wrong with your body,” when it turns out, no, it’s our lifestyle. And you could take your energy back. The concept is to reclaim the pleasure of ingesting. Eating is meant to be fun! It’s become this supply of disgrace and guilt when it’s sincerely meant to be a source of satisfaction and reference to different human beings. And while you get that lower back, it’s first-rate. You’re extra alive, you’re more present in your relationships without being preoccupied.

Resch: It’s liberating. The much less you’re worried about doing something incorrect in your eating and the greater tuned in you're on your very own body. It opens this space for bringing greater significant things into existence, whilst you are taking out that one big piece that’s on such a lot of people’s minds.

Tribole: And yet while people are in marginalized bodies, they need to feel secure within the international, so it’s additionally understandable that in this time of splendid problem human beings were feeling precipitated to get lower back into the weight-reduction plan. Due to the fact food plan lifestyle offers actuality at a time of uncertainty. It offers fable, and desire, and particular guidelines that preserve your mind off of the tension of what’s going to take place inside the globe. But the trouble is, it’s short-lived. I additionally paintings with loads of folks been prompted by way of this time, and that I say it’s understandable because weight loss plan culture’s everywhere.

Resch: I think you’re right, Evelyn. It’s simply this fake experience of management in an international wherein there is no manipulate. So we do need to have compassion for those who do take that path and assist them understand the psychology of why they're doing that. However, there’s plenty of alleviation that comes whilst you let cross of the notion that you may use something like dieting to present yourself an experience of manipulating the sector, actual control, while there isn’t any. You pass on an eating regimen to attempt to manage things, and it doesn’t exercise sessions, and it’s no longer going to repair the pandemic.

Tribole: I’m additionally considering the obsession with lavatory paper. I've never in my existence ever centered on rest room paper, after which all of a sudden, I’m like, “Do I have enough? Is it there?” And that’s what it’s like with dieting. All of a surprise you want what you can’t have, you need what is in quick supply, and also you come to be fixated on that. I assume it’s an apt metaphor for making peace with food, and what occurs while you don’t make peace with food.

Critiques of the self-care movement abound, but self-care rhetoric isn’t problematic just because its suggestions take time and money and burden already too-full schedules, or because it assumes that our movement work is what is plaguing us rather than giving us life, or because it erases the normal day-to-day things that many disabled people already do to take care of themselves. These critiques are important, but they don’t go far enough. If I and other people with certain disabilities are going to survive, we need care — and not from ourselves. Because when it gets really bad for me, self-care is literally impossible. In those moments, I need community care. I need a support network of loving comrades who are willing to do the work it takes to make sure I don’t die. I need people who will check in on me and see what I really need when I make a cryptic Facebook post, not just comment with hearts and “sending positive thoughts!” messages. I need dinners made, laundry done and my apartment cleaned, rides to (and motivational support to attend) therapy. We are taught in progressive movement to take care of each other, but the assumption is that it’s an even-sum game: I take care of you, you take care of me. I love caring for others, and do as much of it as possible: when I had money, I would donate to struggling folks in the community, buy and deliver food to sick friends, or take someone out for pampering. When I didn’t I would host folks on the couch, provide emotional labor for those who needed it, or make art and write kind things to give to others. But it’s not even. Sometimes — often — I need more care than I am able to give. Self-care rhetoric teaches us to not be a burden on others, because it’s almost entirely focused on what we can do for ourselves. We’re taught that we have all we need, that the power for transformation and thriving is within us, just waiting to be harnessed. That we alone can beat back the demons plaguing us and come through to the other side refreshed and ready to fight again. To do everything that a self-care article suggests is impossible for most of us; doing even one thing is impossible for some of us. And in a culture that demonizes the burdensome, how plausible is reaching out and asking for help? The term “community care” has been thrown around recently, but usually to indicate the movement work we do for each other as groups; it seems to be about “Community” writ large. “Community care” tends to focus on things like marching or rallying for political aims and more just legislation, or “how to be an ally to X community,” or working for things like better infrastructure in low-income neighborhoods. These are incredibly important. But when I think about community, I am more interested in what small-scale, interpersonal social networks can do to take care of each other. I want to see what it looks like when a community can take care of the individuals within that community, especially when those individuals can’t take care of themselves. When I envision myself living my best life, depression isn’t a part of it. I always have the energy to feed myself. I am never chained to my bed with suicidal ideation, petting my cat because it’s the only thing that makes me want to keep living. I don’t skip my meds. I make myself healthy food and have enough money and time to get mani-pedis and I’m active in the movement and I partake in my hobbies and go out with my friends. And I can take care of myself. But that version of my best life might be impossible. It’s entirely feasible that my brain chemistry will never change, that this spectre will always hang over my life. Given this reality, what does my best life look like? It looks like this: I have a strong, tight-knit community of caring folks that holds me when I can’t hold myself. I have a network of people that check in on me when they realize I’m in the sunken place instead of waiting for me to reach out because I probably won’t, figure out what my needs are, and take care of them for me. Friends and comrades feed me, get me into the shower and dressed, help me look for jobs that I can handle, gift me bath bombs and tea and booze and cigarettes and herbal medicine. They donate money. And I don’t pay them back, at least not right away. And that’s OK. Because of the pervasive stigma in our culture, bolstered by self-care rhetoric, around being a burden on others, people with disabilities are often left fending for themselves in whatever ways they can and suffering as a result. The stigma around asking for too much help is an ableist stigma that we have to break down. The societally acceptable form of the burden usually falls on “significant others” like our spouses or family members. But it can be too much for such a small group, and many of us don’t have access to significant others or family anyway. If I’m going to survive, I need a team on my side. I offer a lot to the community in other ways when I’m healthy, but even if I didn’t, I still deserve to live.

Beyond Self-Care Bubble Baths: A Vision for Community Care by Abeni Jones

Dovecote Cafe, The Baltimore City Community Nest

The experience of visiting Dovecote Cafe, in the predominantly Black Reservoir Hill neighborhood of Baltimore, Maryland, starts before you walk in the door. Children are out playing on sidewalks; folks outside pause their conversations briefly to greet you. The warmness on this block carries through into the cafe itself, an intimate space that acts as an incubator for conversations, sometimes held across the room. Regulars are also neighbors. It feels like you’ve just walked into someone’s living room and their entire family is there to hang out. The effect is less like patronizing a cafe, and more like you’re going to your cousin’s house—the cousin you do like.

Black folks in America grow up in communal spaces like this, where the throwback R&B tracks are loud (think cafe-wide sing-a-longs), conversations are dynamic and lively, and even if we’re minding our own business, we still look out for and take care of each other. Much has been made about the specialty coffee bar as a new sort of “third space,” and Dovecote has found incredible success here in Baltimore by putting its community first, in a cafe space that is unapologetically, authentically Black.

Aisha Pew, one of the three owners of Dovecote along with her partner, Cole, and mother, Gilda Pew, didn’t set out in life with the plan to open a cafe. Working in corporate America, she moved around a lot—first to Brooklyn, and then to Oakland, where she met Cole. “We were ready to move from Oakland, really just running away from gentrification [since] I’m from Brooklyn and Cole’s from DC,” Pew explains. “We were living nomadically and reached a point like, ‘We gotta get out of here, but where do we go?” The couple knew they wanted to set down roots somewhere together by establishing a business.

The result was their choice to move to Reservoir Hill, a majority Black neighborhood just a few miles from Baltimore’s iconic Inner Harbor. Pew started searching for vacant businesses, and soon found a cafe space for sale. The couple jumped in with both feet, closing on a house and buying the cafe within a few short weeks.

“The space was vacant for six years before we got it,” Pew tells me, remembering some of the projects’ early skepticism. “People would come in and tell us the rent was too expensive, or ‘no one around here buys coffee.’” It is a pervasive and baffling stereotype, the one that says Black people don’t drink coffee, and Pew and Cole heard their share of it in the early days of Dovecote. Pew is still amused when the topic comes up: “[One of the] highest grossing Starbucks is on 125th Street in Harlem! You can’t say Black people don’t drink coffee.”

Stereotypes and stigmas be damned, the cafe model and opportunity in Reservoir Hill offered the couple an opportunity to do something more. This idea and essence of the “third place” drove their motivation for opening one. “We don’t run cafes,” Pew tells me. “We create community third spaces.”

What happened next is a familiar narrative in today’s coffee scene. Dovecote’s first cafe on Madison is a hit, and proved that cafe retail can survive—even thrive—in the heart of Reservoir Hill. Now the houses along the same street where that Dovecote sits are experiencing price increases, and local reporters namedrop Dovecote as being part of inspiring that increase. This is a good thing for longstanding property owners in the neighborhood—many of whom are Black—but now the rest of Baltimore is paying attention, and new residents are moving in to be part of the growingly hip scene.

So, you’ve opened a cafe dedicated to fostering community and creating a thriving third space for a historically Black neighborhood you’re not originally from. The cafe works; rents increase around you; the neighborhood gets buzzy. How will you, someone new to the neighborhood, maintain the spirit that drove you in the first place? How will you bring value to and enrich the people already living there without gentrifying it and displacing the original neighbors?

There might not be a simple answer for this, but at Dovecote the approach so far to these gentrification issues has been refreshingly real. Pew puts it pretty bluntly: “We try to be Black as fuck.”

At Dovecote, that means loud, proud music (the cafe has a resident DJ that comes in on the weekends and for events), openly engaging in conversation about race and gentrification, and showing a wide array of what Blackness looks like, particularly in the folks who work there. It’s not to say you can’t work quietly on your computer here, but frankly, Dovecote is not the space for that. This cafe is so vividly, obviously different in vibe and character to most of the rest of the coffee scene right now—that includes other cafes in Baltimore, and other places getting featured on this website.

But the Dovecote team’s success deserves more credit than just being Black cafe owners in a Black neighborhood. They’ve been thoughtful and intentional in engaging the existing community, offering themselves up as a conduit for the community’s needs. In addition to having a true-to-self, inclusive space, community impact is hugely important to the values of Dovecote. On Thursdays, the cafe hosts a free produce pop-up, frequently highlights Black artists, musicians, and chefs, and offers weekly outdoor yoga sessions. The first Monday of every month is designated a “self-cafe” (playing off “self-care”) day, so it remains closed for employees to take the day off.

Dovecote doesn’t plan to stop there, either. A road is already mapped out for furthering its impact on the community, both within Reservoir Hill and beyond. Plans are underway to continue cultivating art and creativity, health and wellness, and food access in the Black community through more businesses—namely a creative live/work space for artists, a modern dojo concept offering wellness activities like yoga and martial arts, and a bodega-style grocery store with fresh produce.

Expanding Dovecote Cafe into a franchise is now a hot topic of discussion, but like any brand looking to expand, the process raises several questions. “What does a new-age franchise look like?” Pew wonders out loud. “We want to be specific about what neighborhoods we go in to. How do we provide amenities for the people who live in that neighborhood?” They don’t want to be the Black cafe Starbucks, but you may very well see new Dovecote cafes open in Baltimore in the coming months.

In the meantime, Dovecote will continue to do what it can where it is with the needs of the community as its guiding light. “Businesses that are for-profit are generally run by basic supply-and-demand, and your profit line is your bottom line,” Pew tells me. “But if you’re interested in community and social impact, you have to create a value for that. Monetary results driving your decisions can be detrimental to any value-based business.”

One of the most refreshing things about this space is that it prides authenticity and connection for its staff. Dovecote does not offer sterile, pre-defined norms of generic customer service. What’s happening here is so much more human than all that. “You better speak to me when I come in!” she laughs, and I know what she means.

“I’m a person and you’re a person,” Pew continues. “Yes, I work here, but that’s just matter of fact. How do we engage and connect through humanity?” It feeds back in to that wider experience of visiting this place, from the kids playing in the street, to the hellos when you walk in the door. The impact is contagious, and Pew knows it. “If you feel loved as a chef, you’re going to create good food,” she tells me. “If you feel loved as a cashier, you’re going to give good customer service. If you feel loved as a customer, you’re going to buy more stuff. If everyone feels loved, its going to create a good experience.”

I want to end this on a note of inclusivity, because while Dovecote is an unapologetically Black cafe, anyone who happens into the space will be most welcome there. You might not share the same experiences—hanging out at that sweet cousin’s house with early 90s R&B blasting through the speakers, the front door never resting for more than a second or two—but that’s alright. The folks at Dovecote Cafe will make you feel like it’s right where you belong, like you’re part of the family. Here, your humanity comes first; who you are comes first. It’s an approach to inclusivity within reach for everyone.

This is the work: cafe owners being thoughtful and intentional in approaching the communities they’re apart of. The rest will nestle into place.

Dovecote Cafe is located at 2501 Madison Ave #1f, Baltimore. Visit their official website and follow them on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.

Michelle Johnson (@thechocbarista) is the publisher of The Chocolate Barista, and the marketing director at Barista Hustle. Read more Michelle Johnson on Sprudge.

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