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phantom-0-writer · 7 months

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I actually thought of this prompt like forever ago and i rly wanted to write a whole story for it but i couldn't think of a plot that would stick to it and make sense without adding too many outside elements and in my opinion over saturating the story. BUT i do have a bunch of scenes of danny and damian in my head about this also also some danny and other batfam members.

So anyways your order has been delivered...

original prompt: Gotham Academy's Mentorship Program

scene two: tim's arch nemesis

table of contents

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scene 01: damian's not-so-very-bad day

“Father, you wanted to speak with me.” Damian said, trugging into his Father’s study late into the afternoon per Pennyworth’s behest.

Father looked up from his work at Damian’s arrival, Drake gave him a look of annoyance that Damian returned with a sneer. “Damian.” Father greeted as he reached Father’s work station. “I spoke with your principal earlier today.” Damian huffed and crossed his arms in defiance at whatever accusation he was about to be handed, “Put your frown away, you're not in trouble.” Father chuckled lightly.

Damian frowned. He was not a child, he did not need to be treated like one.

“There’s a mentorship program at your school.” Father started, Damian raised an intrigued brow at him.

Perhaps Father had succeeded in seeing his potential, “Well I suppose I wouldn’t mind mentoring one of the many underlings at the so-called academy.” Damian sighed, letting his arms fall to his side, as he looked up at his Father.

Father blinked at him, processing what he had said, then glanced at Drake who looked like a fraying rope length away from bursting into laughter. “The mentorship program… it’s for you.” Father tried hesitantly.

“Yes.” Damian nodded in understanding.

There was an uncomfortable silence from Father.

“He means that you're the one getting mentored.” Drake laughed at him, shoulders shaking.

Damian turned to Father. But the denial never came. “What!” Damian couldn’t help scream in outrage. “You want me to get mentored by some hillbilly civilian who can't tell a katana from a wakizashi?” He slammed his hands on Father’s table.

Father looked at him with disapproval, but said nothing, not caring enough to discipline Damian.

“Hillbilly civilian.” Drake croaked from the corner of the room, draping himself dramatically over one of the side sofas.

“You’re to meet him first thing tomorrow when you get to school. Here’s his student profile, if you're interested.” Father handed him a singular paper.

“Father I do not need-”

“It’s already been arranged Damian, atleast give it a try.” Father said with a sigh, picking up his files again in a silent dismissal of Damian.

The paper crumpled slightly as Damian stormed to his room.

Daniel James Fenton.

“Let’s see how long you last.” Damian eyed the picture of the smiling teen.

---

“Have a good day at school Masters Tim, Thomas, and Damian.” Pennyworth bid, as they all got out of the car.

“Later, Alfred.” Thomas waved at the butler as he drove off.

They all walked in the same direction to enter their classrooms, when Drake stopped him in his path. “Ohoho, and where do you think you’re going Damian?” he asked cheekily.

“Tsk.” He was hoping to be able to make it to his class before the others noticed, then continue to evade the principal and other faculty if need be required. To be foiled so early into his plan, furthermore by Drake, was humiliating.

“Aren’t you supposed to be in the principal’s office?” Drake continued to smother his victory over Damian.

“I was just on my way.” He huffed, turning around annoyed. Drake and Thomas snickered as he retreated.

Damian knocked on the familiar oak doors. “Come in.” Mr. Carson called from the other side. Damian entered, and plopped down on the same chair he sat in every time he had been sent here. “Ah Damian. Goodmorning.” He waited for a reply, but when he realized he wouldn’t be getting one he continued on, “Mr. Fenton should be here any minute, but I’m glad you were able to come here on your own accord.” Mr. Carson talked as he hung up his jacket and took a seat at his chair.

Damian could only watch the seconds tick by as he sat in that office. He wondered absentmindedly if Fenton didn’t show up would he be free. The knock at the door decimated all hopes Damian had for that.

“Ah, that must be Mr. Fenton.” Mr. Carson mused out loud, “Come in.”

Fenton entered the room hesitantly, greeting Mr. Carson with a small smile. Fenton was a scholarship student and held reasonable grades so his intellect was not to be underestimated, though often simply being able to score well on tests did not translate to having adequate life skills. Fenton was taller than Drake, but still average, dark hair, tanned skin, gray-blue eyes. When Damian’s supposed mentor looked at Damian for the first time since he had entered the room, Damian couldn’t help but feel like he was caught in a stare off with a beast.

The way Fenton examined his surroundings reminded Damian of the League of Assassins. Careful, analytical and tactical. All things Damian had excelled in. But there was something different about Fenton than what Damian had often seen in the League. His eyes were softer than those that had trained Damian. Damian couldn’t understand why his eyes looked like that.

Fenton smiled at him in a way that was likely meant to be kind, “Hi, you must be Damian. I’m Danny.” He stuck out his hand for Damian to shake.

Damian did not take the hand, instead he turned to principal Carson, “When can I leave?” He asked board, subtly eying Fenton’s reaction in his peripheral vision.

“We have to iron out the finer details and the both of you will be free to go until we see each other for our weekly check in every Friday.” Principal Carson started, “Mr. Fenton why don’t you take a seat.

Undeterred by Damian’s lack of interest, Fenton took a seat. Mr. Carson explained to Fenton his responsibilities as a mentor and what would be expected of him, Fenton in turn nodded along attentively. After his long explanation of the whole program the both of them were free from his office, and excused from classes until lunch to “get to know each other better”.

Damian translated that to having until lunch to show Fenton that he was out of his depth and have him running with his tail between his legs.

“So…” Fenton drawled trying to buy time to think of something adequate to say no doubt, “How about we go to the library to hang out?” Fenton offered.

Damian simply huffed in agreement as they made their way to a pair of sofas tucked between the many rows of books.

“So, Damian, uh, what do you like to do after school?” Fenton asked unoriginally.

Damian turned so he could meet Fenton eye-to-eye. “Train.” He said honestly. If he plans on scaring him off then leaning into the superficial things he learned in the League would do him well.

“Oh, you do sports?” Fenton asked inquisitively. Damian was momentarily thrown off by his show of genuine interest in his personal life, but Damian quickly collected himself. Fenton was merely putting on an act to get him to open up, Damian would be a fool to fall for it.

“No.” He scoffed at the thought of sports, “I train for battle,” He made sure to put as much confidence as he could in his voice. Oftentimes in the past when he had told his peers of his activities they had brushed him off and laughed at him, Damian wondered if Fenton would have a similar reaction.

“Hardcore.” Fenton nodded in awe.

Damian blinked, “You believe me?” He found himself whispering.

“Well, yeah.” Fenton responded as if it were the most obvious thing, in fact, he seemed confused as Damian’s bafflement.

Damian quickly collected himself, “Well of course you should believe me it’s the truth, I’m a highly skilled blade user.” He nodded to himself.

“Blade user, huh? Do you prefer katanas or wakizashi? Or a classic long sword maybe.” Fenton asked eying Damian as if it would help him find the correct answer.

“Katanas obviously.” Damian scoffed, “They’re incredibly balanced, strong, and give you incredible control over your attacks. Wakizashi are also a good option if you prefer close combat and if you’re fighting in an area with a lot of obstacles.” Fenton hummed and nodded at his explanation, and Damian found himself continuing, “Long swords are originally from the Bavaria and Switzerland regions during the medieval times-”

#danny and damian #damian al ghul #damian wayne #danny fenton #dpxdc #Gotham Academy's Mentorship Program #Mentor Danny #danny: wow this kid seems kinda nervous let me send him some chill vibes #damian: why do i keep talking???#and yes danny asking about the swords was a callback to what damian said to prove that danny is going to live up what damian needs him to b #but tbh we all knew that #is principal carson clockwork??? who knows #damian: violence is an option #danny after years of being surrounded by ghosts that will tackle him to the floor and break bones as a way to say wassup bestie:#aww what a cute baby ghost talking about baby ghost things #tim loves trolling damian #actually i love trolling damian and am living vicariously thru him #damian is not a reliable narrator #damian is also rly dramatic #he is best boy <3 #kinda forgot duke isn't suppose to be here yet but #my story my timeline #danny mentorship au

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thronealigned · 8 months

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no it's fine this mind flayer is totally my friend and 100% honest with me all the time it's ok it likes me everything's so normal

#bg3 spoilers #baldurs gate 3 #baldur's gate 3 #i love how raphael directly calls you out on this. 'if id have known you were so gullible i wouldve tricked you into selling your soul for #a bowl of beans when we first met'#and then just keeps insulting you more if you keep insisting emp's really your ally #oc: impulse #sure this'll go in their tag #everything about impulse's Thing with the emperor is so funny to me. and then deeply fucked up if you think about it long enough. and then #really funny again if you think about it even longer #one day i'll do their 2.0 playthrough so i can fully form all my thoughts. and get better screenshots and the ceremorphosis ending #i mean there's nothing stopping me from loading an impulse 1.0 save and going ceremorphosis from there but idk it'd feel wrong #impulse has more tadpoles in their brain than synapses by act 3 and it does really fundamentally change them as a person #tfw your chaotic neutral act-first-ask-questions-never no-impulse-control 17 CHA bestie becomes one of the most detached calculating people #you've ever met. all their old casual wit and humor is still there but they think before they speak now and that really shouldnt feel as #sinister as it does. they have this look in their eye and it feels like they view everyone around them as lesser beings #not because they view other people as subhuman or worse than they are but because they view themself as something *more*#if they have any raw unfiltered emotion left you haven't seen it in weeks. there's one person(?) who gets Unrestrained Feelings privileges #and it's the fucking illithid that lives in their mind and not any of their actual non-monster normal-ish-person friends. that human #connection is fading so fast now. when did they change so much? it happened so slowly in the moment but suddenly now they seem like they #were never the person you became friends with at all #and like impulse is a pretty selfish person from the start but they *did* genuinely like and care about the rest of the party. they were #friends. and by the end of act 3 that friendship should be the deepest and most meaningful it's ever been. but. it just isn't.#so on and so forth etc etc like that. All That Bullshit makes their relationship with lae'zel so interesting (and upsetting) too #they encourage her to side against vlaakith and then they never even try to free orpheus for her and her people's sake. they never even #think about it. they never consider it as an option. they just don't care. and then they EAT HIS BRAIN.#very possibly RIGHT IN FRONT OF HER.#and she's just left adrift. a rebel with no rebellion to lead and very little hope #i'm unwell.#ok i'm done this is a silly meme post. but god i have so many thoughts i have barely been keeping contained

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chanstopher · 1 year

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Bang Chan ✧ Case 143 Relay for anon

#Bang Chan #Stray kids #bystay #staysource #jypartists #Christopher Bang #channiesnet #3rachasource #drm.pst #drm.gif #i remembered why i neve giffed this and its cause choom is hard t ocolor buttttt i did it for u anon <3 #im sorry it took me a week your ask got buried and i forgot because i have a goldfish brain #but i did it !!!!#i hope u like it bestie <3 #1k

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fumifooms · 2 months

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thanks for infecting me with marchil its so so fun to just see them pair themselves up in the background now

especially love how much she picks him up like a cat (and when he has the opportunity to do it to her too he just lugs her around like a sack of oats) gosh i love them they're so funny

YAAAAAA 🎉🎉 I’m so glad to hear it welcome to the sillies corner 🤝

THEY’RE SOOO SO FUNNY

They’re worsties that cannot get enough of each other

#Ask #dungeon meshi manga spoilers #dungeon meshi #marchil #MAKE IT MAKE SENSEEE they’re so ‘see u later bestie!! <3 … Can’t stand their fake ass smh’#Ppl get on Marcille’s case about teasing him about his age but I think most forget how teasing her is Chil’s mission & calling 24/7 #-sends off an explosion near him- ‘Woah careful there!! Is he okay??!!’ ‘What are you a baby it’s just a lil explosion he’ll be fine’#Rest of the time: ‘CHIL ARE YOU OKAY OMIGOSH I’M COMING DON’T WORRY’#He laughs at her so so much. So often. They are united in haterism like ‘thank god we’re normal’ and then realize they are so obnoxious #I’ve been trying to think of funky ship names for them lately. Bc Short Fuse is taken by another ship from another fandom </3 #None feel perfect but… Closed book. Magiclock. Detonation… Implode explode… Bc she makes boom booms and he undoes traps which blow up #Also he bottles his feelings up until he bursts hehe #Anyways. Just a short comp of the sillies #Compilation #Marcille donato #chilchuck tims

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dreamaze · 2 months

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BFFL 47/∞ ↪ the sunflower lamp

+ it was for hyungwon's studio

#mx7net #monstaxedits #minhyuk #hyungwon #monsta x #vlive #tuseral #wabisarah #oorieri #userkyutie #megtag #wings.gifs #wings.original #bffl series #bestie beloveds!!!#💜💜#this is so precious im throwing myself into the sun BYE #(not pictured: min realizing 30 seconds into the stream that the camera battery was low & calling kihyun to ask if he had a portable batter #then trotting off to fetch the fully charged one in kihyun's room & saying 'i knew i could rely on him' when he returned <3)#(also not pictured: min calling out the viewers who were complaining?? in the comments?? that the stream wasn't what they wanted?#he was right to call them trolls & he was right for 'if you can say whatever you want then i can't i say whatever i want?'#im sorry you think idols owe you anything & can't appreciate the sweetness & vulnerability of making art on stream #not every piece of content is for you no one is forcing you to watch anything GET A LIFE //rant)#(i have to end this on a positive note. i love besties so so much. & they love each other too. there <3)#(ALSO. i absolutely lost it when he said poop color. maybe i am 5. maybe they should sell burnt umber as poop color.)#(ALSO ALSO. he played 2 hoppipolla songs on his carefully curated playlist. TASTE.)

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mebiselfandi · 1 year

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https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTRw4hmRj/

kunessi edit for the culture

Kunessi for the win you guys🥰🥰🥰

Thank you Cara 🥰😘

#the most friendship to ever friendship 🥰🥰#kunessi my beloved #kunessi #leo messi #kun agüero #bestie asks<3 #cara⚡️#<- cause you’re faster than lightning with all the tea🤭

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becca-e-barnes · 5 months

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I miss ur lee Bodecker posts

So do I, let's fix that 🤤

As much as I love writing my filthiest thoughts for Lee, today I'm imagining the way he'd want to introduce you to sensations that you didn't know existed. He knows you're a sweet, innocent little thing and you probably don't know what your own body is capable of so he's beyond keen to show you.

"Don't worry, sweetheart. It'll feel so nice in a second." As much as you trust your husband, you can't help but feel a little uncomfortable being watched like this. It feels like he sees everything.

His pointer finger traces along your bare, slippery sex. The tip of his finger presses to your entrance, just testing how quickly your body accepts him before gliding his finger the whole way into you.

"That's it, good girl." He hums, watching your face as he pulls his finger back and presses it into you once more.

His movements are so slow and gentle; he doesn't need to rush. It's more important that he gets to explore your body and you get to explore your pleasure.

"You're doin' so well for me. So proud of you." He kisses the inside of your thighs, watching his finger slip into you once again before he lines another finger up beside the first, pressing them both into you on the next stroke.

Oh, that feels different. It's a fullness and a weight that doesn't feel uncomfortable but it'll take a little while to get used to.

"Now, sweetheart. Gonna try somethin' for you." Lee's mouth is watering, listening to the slick sounds he can coax from you with his fingers, knowing that he'll replace he fingers with his cock when he's confident you're ready.

"Lee, please." You gasp, trying to resist fucking yourself down onto his fingers. You feel pathetic like this. It's a need you didn't think you'd be capable of but all your discomfort and hesitation melts away. It can't be wrong to need him. You're married to him, after all.

You hardly understand what he's doing to you when the next sensation registers. It's a disorientating pleasure that makes your velvety walls and clench, your body desperate to keep his fingers working their magic inside you.

"Good girl, you like that? You like the way I curl my fingers in this pretty little pussy?" You barely hear Lee over your own frantic gasps but you can't find it in yourself to stifle them.

"That's nice, isn't it baby? It's okay, I've got you. Just enjoy it." He's so damn smug but he's allowed to be. You didn't know you could feel like this, and all because of two thick fingers rubbing a little sweet spot inside you.

"So fuckin' wet. Gonna feel like Heaven when I bury my dick inside you." He's so vulgar but for once, it's not off-putting. It's exciting to know this feeling won't stop. Watching him stroke his hard, throbbing cock while he plays with you only makes you imagine how it'll feel to have the tip of his dick rubbing you there instead.

#asks answered <3 #becca writes spice #anon #lee bodecker x reader #lee bodecker smut #idk besties #just that feeling #of the finger curl??#Makes me so weak 😵‍💫#so. weak.#and it's just not the same on your own?#it really takes another person to get that angle properly #eugh #ignore me I'm a disaster

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starflungwaddledee · 3 months

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Kirby: That’s one of my biggest fears. Like, if I ever woke up as a donut...

Starstruck: You would eat yourself?

Kirby: I wouldn’t even question it.

new love language just dropped

#had to ask a friend what this ask meant. apparently it's a meme/quote and i was supposed to illustrate it?#anyway... i think they have shared ownership of the braincell but only sometimes. it might be out for lunch rn #this has real 'would u love me if i was a worm' energy to me. would you eat me if i was a donut BESTIE I'D EAT YOU ANYTIME <3 #kirby #starstruck dee #my art #asks

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temeyes · 4 months

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Every once in a while I check your account and I found out I was never following you

😔💔

nah that's okay bestie, besides,, following me comes with a high price,,

i'm not kidding,, he's stressed,,

#it's the real reason why he's not in charge of answering asks.. unfortunately....#BUT I DO REMEMBER U FOLLOWING ME BACK THEN #SO THANK U BESTIE!! <3 #waltzthegenderfluidpan #my art #2024 #call of duty #cod #price cod #captain price #captain john price #john price #answered asks

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anteomnia · 5 months

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biggest tragedy in bg3 is not being able to at the very least have a fwb relationship with every companion. like, i guess i can understand polyamory is a bit harder to cover, but let me be a WHORE, larian, i want ALL KISSES. ALL KISSES NOW.

#ranteomnia #this is a primal ask #i need to kiss all of my babies like i need air to breathe #water to drink #i get it’s hard to mesh romance storylines #but we can all just be besties #besties that fuck in the woods behind camp #y’know?#kiss your homies #and all that #baldur’s gate 3 #bg3 #karlach #astarion #gale of waterdeep #halsin #lae'zel #shadowheart #wyll ravengard

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artist-rat · 1 year

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my old and new tes character Saima <3 she’s a combination of a couple of my prev. ocs!

#elder scrolls #tes #khajiit #oc: saima #i play / will be playing her in both eso and skyrim bc the 'worldstate' my sister our friend and i have... we just stopped caring lol #probably if asked to take time seriously it would/will be all happening around skyrim times but #we just have such great time running around together in eso building the stories #:')#she's from dragonstar craglorn originally #. traveled... met a pirate captain and fell in love w/ her and became a pirate as well...#is besties with a daedric cat creature literally called 'lockpick' <3 (collects mint for them)#... always keeps a diary and loves collecting books and tomes..#once got to peek into an elder scroll (but only lost vision from one eye bc kept the other one closed <3) (shh i know it doesn't work like #that in canon but i thought it was silly and awesome for her lol)#...her birthsign is the serpent. most blessed and cursed <3 #BOW GAL! both crossbows and uh. the usual ones?#in eso her class is nightblade. i once did another version as a necromancer and it was rly cool too but decided to keep the nightblade #THANK YOU FOR COMING TO MY TED TALK of my gal <3 it's over now #oh. one more thing.! she/they #💗

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saintbleeding · 1 year

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Hii~

So i saw this on a tumblr post but is very jonmartin

"Jon and Martin are planning their wedding, they want to have their cat as ring bearer (is this how it's called?) But Martin doesn't know the name of the cat because they always call it different nicknames and jon just doesn't tell him and he don't want to admit that after all that years don't know.

Because jon didn't know either! he thinks that the cat is Martin's and he also is trying to figure out the name."

Martin’s not a cat person.

Honestly, he’s just not really an animal person. Like, in general.

The same isn’t true for Jon, of course. On, like, their second date, Jon—who, up until that point, had been all leather elbow patches on his stupid tweed jackets and “hmm, perhaps” and thoughtful squinting—got approached by a cat in the street, and pretty much melted on the spot.

Martin melted, too, but for slightly different reasons.

So it wasn't really a surprise when Jon moved in and Cat started turning up. Sure, it felt a little bit out of character for Jon not to excitedly announce that, one, he'd gotten a pet cat really recently, and, two, he was bringing it into Martin's place, which is a relatively humble little cottage, but Cat seems to free-roam most of the time, so it's not like she's encroaching on much of the space. And, anyway, it's not like Martin hates cats, so he doesn't mind. He just sort of thought Jon would have said something. But he didn't.

So.

You know.

There's a cat.

She's grown on Martin over time. In fact, it's usually him that wakes up with her purring and headbutting him at fuck-off o'clock in the morning, and Jon's not a heavy sleeper, so if she'd attacked him first, Martin would know.

But she's nice. Lovely little tufts of fur between her toes, and quite a deep meow for such a pretty lady. He'll call her Lady Catherine sometimes, and Jon's got the gall to pretend he doesn't think it's hilarious. Mind you, Jon's terms of endearment for her skew a bit more—pejorative, for lack of a better term? Like, Cat will take the opportunity when Jon is hunched over a stack of student essays at the dining table, and she'll leap onto his shoulders, and do that loaf thing, and Jon always says "unhand me, you infernal creature", or the few times she has bothered Jon in the middle of the night for pre-dawn breakfast service, he's grumbled "vile beast" even as he gets up to feed her.

Martin's tried telling him he shouldn't be encouraging her. But Jon just turns around and says "yes, I know, that's why I chastise her".

Martin stays impressed that someone so smart can be so stupid. Which he means affectionately, obviously. If he didn't, they wouldn't be getting married.

Which is great, by the way. It's great.

Does present some—unique problems, though.

Martin's got absolutely no bloody clue what her actual name is.

Which, you know, it's not like he's filling out adoption papers or anything, but at some point after some late-night banter it became part of the plan that Cat should be the ring-bearer at the wedding.

And he can't not know the name of a member of the party at his own wedding.

So he starts sleuthing.

"Hey," he says one evening, when GBBO is over and they're just sitting there with the telly on mute.

Jon looks up from his thorough inspection of Cat's beans, her paw gently clasped between his thumb and forefinger, and goes "Mm?"

"Been thinking."

Jon lifts one eyebrow. "Mm?"

"We could get her a proper little collar and everything."

Jon blinks a couple of times, then smiles. "Oh, for the wedding, you mean?" Martin nods. "Oh, yes, it could match your tie."

Okay, that's adorable, but also, unfortunately, not the point.

"Ooh, yeah," he says, then: "Oh! And, like, a little engraved name-tag. Really fancy."

Jon's eyes narrow almost imperceptibly.

"Yes," he says, tone completely unreadable. "Silver or gold, do you think?"

Martin's suddenly wondering if it's a trap.

"Dunno," he says, turning his eyes back to the brightly-coloured advert on the screen. "What's her vibe, you think?"

In the corner of his eye he sees Jon's jaw working silently as he searches for something to say.

"I think your input should be taken into consideration," he says, lifting his chin as Cat stands, stretches, and headbutts him. "Since... you know."

Martin considers whether or not Jon's messing with him, because frankly, he very much does not know.

"Mmm. Well! Uh- I- I like gold. Would match our bands."

"True enough," Jon says. Cat leaps onto the back of the sofa, and they're both silent till she curls up there and falls back asleep.

Jon doesn't seem very eager to say anything else.

Bugger.

"So..." Martin says, lifting his glasses to rub his eyes. "Um... what's the spelling, again?"

Jon's blurry form sits up straighter, and when Martin puts his glasses back on he sees his mouth open in shock.

"Might I ask why you're asking me?" Jon says, which doesn't make any sense.

"W- um. Y- you know, you're the English teacher."

Jon inclines his head to the side, frowning. "Hmm," he goes. "W- I- I- yes, I—mm." He lowers himself back against the sofa again. "The usual way."

Martin sighs.

"Right," he says. "Okay."

The silence gets a bit fraught, then. When Martin stands up to take their mugs to the kitchen, he might be a tiny bit huffy. It's possible.

Jon follows him, and he stays huffy, because it's easier to keep up than neutrality when he's trying to hide that he's a bit annoyed and a bit embarrassed.

"Everything alright?" Jon says, leaning casually against the fridge as Martin puts way too much effort into scrubbing both mugs clean.

"Mm."

Several seconds pass.

"Could I say something?" Jon asks, a bit hesitantly.

If Martin had to guess, he'd put money on "you're a negligent idiot for not paying enough attention to know my cat's name and I hate you".

"Yeah."

Jon exhales audibly behind him, as though amused.

"With all due respect and affection, darling—" He pauses till Martin is finished aggressively rinsing the mugs. Martin still doesn't turn to face him, though, because he's a tiny bit scared of where this is going, honestly. "If you've forgotten how to spell your own cat's name, that's not, strictly speaking, my fault, is it?"

Martin turns around.

Several things occur to him at once.

First, Cat's a dirty freeloader who owes Martin like fourteen months of rent.

Second, it might, legitimately, have been a coincidence that she and Jon moved in around the same time.

Third, he can't remember a time he's heard Jon use any method of address on her except for creature, or beast, or the ones Martin uses himself.

Which means, fourth, Jon doesn't know her bloody name either.

Because she's not his cat.

Well.

"Okay," Martin says. "Let's assume I have forgotten. Couldn't you just—help me out—and spell it?"

"Martin," Jon says disparagingly with a frown.

"Jon," Martin says, trying really hard not to smirk.

Jon does that thing where his mouth starts in a flat line, but as his irritation grows, his nose scrunches up, and the line of his mouth slowly rises up his face until he exclaims inarticulately and throws his hands in the air in defeat.

"Fine!" he says. "Fine, okay, alright, fine. I—I don't—I don't know. I don't know! I meant to ask, but I felt negligent not having known when I moved in, and then, after a month or seven I couldn't very well come out and ask, could I? And then—good heavens, it's been more than a year, there was no subtle way to recover!"

Martin's not laughing at him.

But he is laughing.

Breathlessly, uncontrollably, doubling over—to the point where Jon actually crosses the few steps separating them in the tiny kitchen to place a hand on his shoulder, gently guiding him upright with a concerned look on his face.

"Sorry," Martin manages eventually, wiping tears from his eyes. "Christ, sorry, I'm just—"

He takes a deep, measured breath.

"I've got to tell you something," he says sheepishly. Jon puts his hands on Martin's shoulders and looks into his face with the earnest sobriety that, even now, gives Martin butterflies.

"Anything," he says, still frowning intensely.

Martin averts his eyes. "She's not my cat either."

When Jon stops laughing, he spends the rest of the evening lecturing Cat in his Not Mad Just Disappointed voice ("identity fraud is an extremely serious matter, young lady, and you are terribly lucky you have such sweet little eyes, or I might be compelled to take legal action against you, please let go of my nose").

Oh, but they do end up getting her an engraved gold name-tag for the ceremony.

It says 'Lady Catherine (Beast)'.

#YEAH ILL MAINTAG THIS IG #the magnus archives #tma #tma fic #jmart #jonmartin #my #saint writes #asks #little-lamb-lyosha #bestie u were so correct for this. thank u. <3 #(this is set in some kind of au. idk the specifics. u figure it out.)

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