#besides the fact that i thought it said fags to riches
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TW: Injury, homophobic slur
It was in fact Hopper who noticed first. The kids being too swept up in their own lives and school drama to see it. The subtle touches, the leaving early, the looks and gazes from across the room but most importantly the swapping of clothes. Just an odd shirt here or there, a jumper definitely owned by one of them on the other.
Little things no one else noticed or cared enough to connect. However, Jim had very basic training and the past few years had taught him how to collect clues, what to look for and more importantly come to conclusions.
A conclusion that confused him for longer than he would admit. Monsters and little girls in the woods was one thing, two teenage boys together was something he had never personally seen first hand. He had read the stories from the big cities of boys dying alone in hospitals after being abandoned by their parents, an act he didn't understand at all.
The thought of leaving your own child like that was something he could never do, no matter who they loved. You should feel lucky to have had so long with them, some parents lack such luck.
He had heard rumours from time to time, hushed whispers received with a gasp or a scowl. But never did he think the resident bad boy and the son of rich family up town to be what he had heard about from time to time.
Of course, he never said anything. His conclusions being just that, a theory with no actual proof. That was until one night the station received a call from a concerned neighbour on Old Cherry Road. Shouting and banging coming from next door.
He took it, knowing exactly who lived there and what went on but not having the chance to catch it in motion.
As he pulled up outside his concern rose significantly when he saw the familiar BMW parked on the curb. When he got near the front door he could hear the yelling, so loud he knocked to no answer.
"You think you can just walk away after coming into my house and-," Hopper kicked open the front door to find a scene he had feared as the worst.
Neil Hargrove had Steve Harrington by his hair only a few inches from the coffee table's edge, bloody to the point of unrecognisable. His hands limp on the top in an attempt to push back against the force of being smashed into the wood. Billy Hargrove was close by, crawling towards them on his front.
Everything froze as he took it in, as Neil Hargrove's perfect family man image crumbles. His grip loosened on Steve's hair, allowing for him to slide down to the rug and lie flat on his back as he coughed up blood. Billy still moving to get to him, tears streaming down his cheeks as he reached out to grab his shoulder and pull him up right.
"This boy came in here and attacked me," Neil lied. "I had to defend myself."
"That's bullshit," Jim spat at him and moved to grab his arm. "You're a piece of shit father who doesn't deserve the right to even be called one."
As Hopper pushed him up against the wall he looked back at the two of them to see Steve lying in Billy's lap, cheek pressed tightly to his temple as he held him close. Steve practically unconscious as Billy tried to keep him awake.
"Look at them! They're just some fags who need dealt with," he tried to get out of Jim's grip but it wasn't happening.
"You better shut the fuck up," he pulled him off the wall and turned him around to hand cuff him. He pulled out his walkie. "I'm gonna need an ambulance at 5280 Old Cherry and a back up vehicle."
"I haven't done anything," Neil squirmed but Hopper didn't budge. "You'll be fired for this."
"Oh, trust me I won't."
Billy was whispering in Steve's ear, something too quiet for Jim to hear but he didn't want to. It was for Steve, not him. Still he held Neil there until the back up arrived and handed him over to them before going over to speak to them before the ambulance arrived.
"Hey, you got any family near by or a place to stay," he asked Billy.
"He's all I got," he replied with a wince, hands still wrapped around Steve with no sign of letting go.
"You wanna stay with me? At least for tonight because the hospital waiting room ain't the place for those bruises."
"What?" Billy's eyes widened. "I'm not leaving him."
"Alright but they're just gonna send you home and keep him in so its the waiting room or a bed," Hopper told him and watched as he looked down at Steve's blood covered face and hair before turning back to him.
"You don't care that we're..."
"Look, kid I don't care about any of that shit. There's bigger issues in this town than two teenage boys being gay," he rolled his eyes slightly. "Do you want a bed for the night?"
"Yes," he said. "Please."
Hopper watched as Steve was lifted into the back of the ambulance, Billy hesitating beside him the entire time. His hand clearly wanting to reach out and hold Steve's but too scared to do so in front of so many people. Still he climbed inside and sat down as the paramedic focused on Steve.
He followed them to the hospital and waited around until Steve was cleaned up and the nurse informed him he would be fine but needed some stitches and a hell of a lot of pain relief. Max ran in at one point wanting to know what was going on. Her mother having gone to the police station instead.
Later on as the early hours of the morning began to pass by Billy appeared and followed Hopper out of the hospital and into his truck. Face cleaned and taped up in various places with an ice pack under his arm against his ribs as they drove in silence. El preparing his bed for Billy as they made the drive to his cabin.
That was when he knew for a fact this was not the last time he would have to deal with the the two teenage boys he now could for sure call a couple. A couple who would face hell and had already, but he would be damned if he didn't make sure they made it out alive. Together and not alone because it was a privilege to be a parent, even to someone else's child.
#no clue where this came from#it is not proof read#in the slightest#harringrove#billy hargrove#steve harrington#tw violence#tw homophobia#enjoy#writing
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Chapter 1 of [Untitled Reddie fic]
Tags: TW for F slur, Bi Richie Tozier, Gay Eddie Kaspbrak, Alternate Universe, Eddie Kaspbrak is a Gang Leader, Richie Tozier is a reporter, Sharing a bed, Enemies to Lovers, Making Out, TW for Violence, Flustered Eddie Kaspbrak, Flustered Richie Tozier, Richie Tozier is a bi mess, Eddie Kaspbrak is a gay mess, Eddie Kaspbrak is the baddest bitch around, Tags, Both of them are in their late 20’s
The morning sunlight came in through the blinds. It was about 7:40 in the morning and Richie Tozier had to get ready for work. “Mmmnnn…” He groaned and swung his legs over the side of the bed and walked over to open the blinds. He threw an arm over his eyes in an attempt to adjust his eyes to the bright morning sunlight. He looked out at the city skyline. He sighed, “New York. And dad thought I couldn’t make it.” Richie worked as a reporter for The New York Gazette. He walked across his room to his closet so he could get dressed. He picked up his uniform reporter’s jacket, a simple black jean jacket with a logo on the back that read New York Gazette Reporter. Richie personally thought that the logo made the jacket a little tacky, though he guessed it was pretty important to have it. Kinda like a hat that said Press on it, but cooler. He smoothed out the jacket’s collar on his bed and turned around to grab a patterned shirt from his closet. “Let’s see, surfboards, pineapples, or hearts and sparkles and polka dots?” “Let’s go with the hearts, sparkles and polka dots. Tony will love that!” He said. Then he grabbed a pair of black ripped jeans, bubble-patterned socks, and black sneakers. He snatched up his apartment keys and messenger bag. He swung open the door and locked it.
************
The walk to work had been rather uneventful besides almost tripping over a few winos that slept on the sidewalks. Richie walked into the office building that housed The New York Gazette’s developers, as well as a few squatters. “Good morning, Rich!” The desk receptionist, Melanie, said cheerfully. “Morning, Mel! Lookin’ good!” He said back. Melanie was a woman that Richie thought was pretty attractive, and super sweet to him, even though they didn’t talk much. He had considered asking her out before, but he thought it’d be better if they just stayed friends because they worked together. It was sort of an unspoken rule that you couldn’t date anyone that you worked with. There would be so much tension in the building if there was a fight between you and your significant other, if you broke up, there’d be a problem, the list went on. His co-worker Roy was a totally different story. Basic conservative asshole. Roy took one look at Richie’s patterned shirt and muttered ‘Faggot’ under his breath. “Fuck you, Roy.” Richie said as he walked by. “What’s that, fag?” Roy yelled back. “FUCK YOU, ROY!!” Richie yelled back. He didn’t like giving Roy what he wanted, but hey, it was an in the moment reaction. Roy had some kind of reason to say that, it wasn’t just the stereotype that all queer men wore patterned shirts, it was the fact that Richie was open about being Bi. And of course, Roy was the only one who felt the urge to harass him over it. Roy especially didn’t like how Richie would wear patterned shirts, which he considered ‘faggy’. Roy didn’t like that Richie was openly bisexual and celebrated pride. Richie shook the thoughts from his mind. He didn’t want to start off the day negatively. Down the hall, he heard his boss yelling for him. “Tozier!! Get in here right now!!” Shit. He thought. This is something important. “Coming!!” Richie yelled back. “Yeah?” He said, running over to his boss’ office door. “C’mere, Rich.” Richie peeked his head through the doorway. “What’s up?” He asked Tony. “Take a look.” Tony gestured to his projector screen, with a chart of the gazette’s ratings. “They’re going down, Rich.” The older man said, a fringe of genuine worry in his voice. “Oh.” Richie said. “Yeah, and I want you to do something about it.” Tony told him. “Reviewers have been telling me that our stories haven’t been exciting enough, Rich.” “Mm. But what do I have to do with this?” Richie replied. Tony smiled warmly. “Richard Tozier. Your stories are the reason we aren’t out of business yet!! The people love you!!” “They do?” “Yes!” Tony clapped his hands together. “I want you to investigate the Big Apple’s gang.” The man said with an almost frightening eagerness in his eyes. “What.” Richie said. “You mean, the one that is called ‘World’s Most Dangerous Gang’?” He asked. “Yes, that one. It would for sure boost the ratings!! I’ll even give you a raise!!” Tony threw his arms in the air. “Okay, okay! You don’t have to offer a raise for me to go write something!” Richie said back.
******
“Well I guess I didn’t consider the fact that this guy’s hideout is well-hidden.” Richie muttered. He opened up his messenger’s bag to search for his phone. Shit, where is it? It took the dark brunette a few minutes of fumbling through his bag, but he found his phone. “Where even am I?” Richie opened up Google Maps. There aren’t any documented landmarks for miles. Jesus. He decided to look up and got a faceful of metal. Richie had passed out in the middle of buttfuck nowhere.
******
He finally came to in the middle of an abandoned-looking warehouse, gagged and tied to a chair. “Where am I?” He asked, though it sounded more like ‘Whewere am I’. “The intruder is conscious.” A man from across the room said. “Good.” Said another, higher voice. Suddenly, the doors from across the room opened and Richie sure did get an eyeful of what he would say was by far the most attractive man he had ever seen in his entire life. Holy shit who is this guy?
#my writing#I HOPE YOU LIKED IT BSBSBSB#this is my first time posting my writing here lol#it's kind of old since I hadn't worked on it for a while#but#yea#tw f slur#tw: f slur#tws are at the top of the post#so you don't have to worry :)#reddie#yay
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Is This Embarrassing? Chapter 3
PAIRING: KEVEDD (Kevin x Edd) [Ed, Edd n Eddy]
Rating: T (for cursing and violence)
Here's the last chapter!!! I want to say thank you all for reading my story and I hope it was fun!!!
If you haven't read the first two chapters you can read this here:
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Enjoy!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Edd stirred awake early that morning. He stretched and looked at his alarm clock.
"5 am. That's a good time to get the day started." He stood up and turned off the alarm before it went off. He took his shower and after he rubbed the cocoa butter lotion on his head, he rubbed some on the bruises on his legs and arms.
He pulled on a orange turtleneck and black dress pants, not forgetting his tie. As he cleaned up his dirty clothes, he thought about what he should do.
"Maybe I should just pull him aside before class? No, that's too early. During gym? No that's preposterous." He sighed, sitting on his bed.
"Am I even doing the right thing? He hasn't shown me any reason that he might like me. Hell, he hasn't shown me that he might like guys! Maybe... Maybe this is a bad idea?" Edd walked to his window and looked out. It was still dark, and the streetlights illuminated the sidewalks. He looked across the street at Kevin's house. All the lights were off in the windows. Edd smiled softly and Eddy's words echoed in his mind.
'you know that if you don't make a move soon someone else will and then what are you going to do?'
Double D's eyes narrowed, and he walked to his desk, "Eddy's right. I have to at least tell him or else it will destroy me." He told himself. He sat down and made up a note.
'Kevin,
Please meet me behind the school after the final bell. I have something very important to tell you.
Sincerely,
Eddward'
Edd folded up the note and put a little sticker to keep it closed. He nodded and continued getting ready for school. Soon, his doorbell rang.
"Coming!" Edd called while putting on his shoes. He went to the door and opened it.
Ed smiled, "hey, double D! You ready for school?"
Eddy groaned at the mention of school. He stood beside Ed with his hair in a mess.
Edd smiled, "good morning, fellows! Yes, I am ready. Shall we get going?" With that, the three started walking to school. As they walked, they saw Sarah and Jimmy skip by and Rolf riding his goat ahead. Double D looked around.
"He left yet, sockhead." Eddy yawned, still staring ahead grumpily.
Edd looked at Eddy, "oh...okay." He said as he looked in front of him.
"Hey, double D! Is it possible to mix those spicy drinks to make a monster?" Ed asked.
"Umm well I don't like the fact you called chemicals 'spicy drinks' and I hope you never attempted to drink them. As for your question, it is not probable for liquid chemicals to become a living organism, but then again anything is possible in science. I just don't have an equation for it."
Ed looked at Edd in confusion and double D chuckled, "In short, I don't know for sure, Ed."
The tallest one nodded, "okay. Thank you, double D!"
They walked the rest of the way in silence. They walked in the school and Eddy finally perked up, stopping the other Ed's.
"Oh yeah! I forgot to say that I have a plan for a scam! It's foolproof!"
Edd shook his head with a smile, "I haven't seen you plan a scam in nearly three days. What's the idea this time?"
"Well I can't say it in the middle of the hallway because I don't want anyone to cash in on it before us! So, I'll explain it tonight! We'll be RICH!" Eddy smirked, rubbing his hands together.
"Yay! Sounds fun!" Ed cheered, clapping happily.
"Well it will have to be after four. I have plans at three." Double D said, scratching his cheek.
"That's fine," Eddy said, shrugging, "we have all night to make it anyway! Come on, you two! Let's go see if there are any spare quarters in the soda machines."
"Okay, Eddy!" Ed smiled.
They walked down the hallway and Edd paid attention to the lockers. He found Kevin's locker and felt his knees shake with nerves. He slowly walked up to it but couldn't bring himself to raise his hands to the slot. his face went red and he felt himself perspire.
"Oh, for Pete's sake!" Eddy groaned. He grabbed the note from Edd's hands and pushed it through Kevin's locker slot.
Edd gasped, "o-oh dear. What am I doing? Eddy!!! What if it goes wrong?" Edd asked, grabbing Eddy's collar.
Eddy rolled his eyes and brushed off double D's hands, "everything's going to be fine. The worst that would happen is he beats you up! Not like that hasn't happened before." At those words Edd whimpered.
Ed hugged double D, "Everything will be alright! Don't you worry your big chin about that!"
They continued walking the hallways until the bell ring for first period. Edd walked into their class and sat at his seat in the front while Eddy and Ed sat in the back corner. Double D arranged his paper neatly on his desk and got a pencil out. He looked up and made a noise in the back of his throat. Kevin walked in the classroom with a pencil and notebook. His eyes locked with Edd's and he smiled.
"Yo, double Dork! What's up?" He greeted, doing a finger gun.
Edd stammered, "oh noth-- nothing much. What about.... you?"
He chuckled, "nothing much for me either! Can't wait to hear what you have to tell me later!" Kevin walked to the middle of the classroom and sat at his seat.
The teacher walked in, "good morning, class! How are we doing today?" There were several scattered 'good's and 'fine's throughout the class.
"That's good to hear! To start this week, I would like to take the time to introduce the new student. She just came from Michigan, how exciting! Let's give a warm welcome to Marie Kanker."
Several of the students gasped and jumped in their seats. Marie walked into the class and smiled softly. She had on a black hoodie with gray sleeves and dark jeans. She waved.
"Hey, everyone... It's nice to see you all again!" She greeted.
The teacher smiled, "anyone want to be this nice lady's desk neighbor?"
Hardly anyone said anything. It was the quietest it has ever been in that room.
Edd raised his hand, "Marie can sit by me, ma'am." More gasps erupted from students that were familiar with what happened in middle school.
"That is so thoughtful, Edd! Why don't you go take your seat, Ms. Kanker?” Marie sat beside double D and raised her knuckle to fist bump. Edd smiled and fist bumped back.
The rest of the morning consisted of class time. And between classes the other kankers would meet with the eds and they would all chat. By the time the lunch bell rang they all got to know each other better. The kankers and Eddy put together their food in the tray line while Ed and double D waited at the end of the line. Edd had some homemade lunch in a lunchbox and so did Ed. Once the kankers and Eddy finished, they all began to walk to a table.
Before they could get to a table, though, some football players stopped them. They were trapped beside the jock table.
"Woah woah, losers. Where are you going?" Larry said with a smirk.
"Umm to eat! What's it to yah?" Eddy sassed, narrowing his eyes.
"Not before the show!" Another football player chimed in.
"Show?" Edd asked. He looked at the table and saw Kevin, who looked confused but curious.
Double D blushed and looked away, "oh dear..."
Kyle stood up on top of the lunch table and cleared his throat, "Attention students of peach Creek high! I have a poem I would like to read to you!" He smirked at the eds and kankers while pulling out a blue piece of paper from his pocket.
"my dearest friend, Kevin,
It may come as a shock, but I can contain this no longer--" Kyle began. Edd realized what was happening and he paled.
"You mean the world to me. A world that I never want to lose. I'm usually so shy but when I see you, I want to become confident. In sappy terms, your hair is as fiery as my love for you. Your green eyes captivate me into a land so pure and untouched. I don't know if you will even see this, but I want you. I am infatuated by you. Please give me a chance.
Love," Kyle folded up the note and smiled evilly at Edd.
"Eddward'"
All eyes locked on double D. There were a few gasps from the cul-de-sac kids. The jocks started to laugh.
Larry pointed at Edd, "I didn't know the nerd was a fag! That is so funny!" He laughed.
"I know! I can't believe he thinks THE Kevin would go out with the likes of him!" Kyle cackled. The taunting laughter grew around Edd. His face turned red as he looked around at the judgmental faces. He saw Marie look at him sympathetically. Eddy was glaring at Kyle and cracked his knuckles. Ed looked worriedly at Edd.
Double D's eyes grazed over to Kevin; who's eyes were locked on his. Edd couldn't tell the emotion they had but he was convinced it was contempt. Edd felt his eyes water and his hands shake. The laughter grew in his ears so much that it became unbearable. He felt overwhelmed and embarrassed. He busted into tears and pushed past the football players blocking the door and ran down the hall.
Edd barely felt his legs under him, all he could feel was the burning he felt in his throat and the breaking of his heart. The tears fell with every step he took. Finally, he made it to the science lab, the one place he felt safe at that moment. He made his way into the room and was grateful that it was empty. He went to a corner, sat down against it and cried, hugging his knees tightly.
'how did they end up with the note?' he thought. His mind went to when he got beat up and remembered that they dug in his pockets.
"Fuck!" Double D cried, frustrated and broken. 'he got embarrassed. My note was read to him in front of the entire school! He would never accept me now.' told himself. His tears burned his eyes and suffocated him.
This went on for a couple minutes and Edd felt like he was going to die from dehydration. That's when the door opened. He sniffed and looked up to see Kevin looking at him. Edd made a fearful noise and covered his face with his arms.
"I'm... I'm sorry, Kevin! I didn't mean for anyone to read that note. Especially not to you! Please don't hit me!" Edd exclaimed, squeezing his eyes shut.
There was silence. Then he heard footsteps. They stopped in front of him.
"Hey, dork." Kevin said softly. He pulled Edd's arms down from his face. Edd kept his eyes closed and more tears fell. He jumped when he felt Kevin's hand grace his cheek, wiping his tears gently.
"Edd," Kevin whispered, "please look at me." The use of his name and the begging tone in Kevin's voice coaxed Edd to open his eyes slowly. His pupils met the others'.
Kevin searched his eyes, "did you mean what you wrote in that letter?"
"Yes." Is all Edd would allow himself to say, his tears making his chin itchy.
Kevin smirked a little and leaned forward, kissing Edd softly. Double D's eyes widened in shock. He couldn't believe what was happening was real. He felt tears well up again as he kissed back desperately. He gripped onto Kevin's shirt as he let himself fall into the kiss. The world around them blurred into sunsets and stars. It was as if they teleported to a different reality, one where it was just them. Kevin held Edd's face in his calloused hands and opened his mouth a little, licking double D's lips. Edd blushed and opened his own mouth. Their tongues danced, not holding back from the other.
They stayed like that for a while before Kevin separated their lips. Edd looked in the Jock's eyes, his cheeks red as a beet and eyes wet and irritated. Kevin reached down and caressed Edd's hand.
"Is this... You..." Edd cleared his throat, "so you're not mad?"
Kevin smiled, "No. Not at you, anyway. I have to say, I didn't think you liked me in that way. Especially after the kankers returned. I thought since you and Marie were being so close that you and her were a thing. When did you start liking me?"
Double D looked at their hands, "When we started high school, during the bonfire ceremony. I saw you laughing by the fire and I felt warm. I want to feel like that all the time. Since then, every time we would talk or hang out, I felt that feeling. I didn't know you liked me too. When?"
"Well... This is going to be embarrassing, but it was when we chased you and the other dorks to Eddy's brother. When I saw you so confident, I fell in love. I never seen you like that toward someone older than us. Then you got hurt and I couldn't stand it. I wanted to protect you." Kevin but his lip.
Edd looked up at him, "that long? I never knew! I always thought... You and Nazz."
"Nah. Nazz and I had a falling out that entire week and me finding out my feelings for you, I had to end it. She was cool about it too." The two smiled at each other and Edd wrapped his arms around Kevin's neck, hugging him.
"You've made me so happy, you jerk."
Kevin blushed and hugged him back, "it's nothing, double Dork. You've made me happy too." The bell rang and Kevin stood up, helping Edd on his feet. They made their way out to the hallway holding hands.
Before they got to class, they saw the kankers, eds, and the other kids from the cul-de-sac walk out of the principal's office. Eddy, Lee, and Rolf had bloody noses and bruises. Nazz and May had messed up hair and scratches. Johnny, Sarah, Marie, and Jimmy had black eyes. Ed was fine and smiling.
"Oh dear! What happened??!" Edd exclaimed, running up to the group.
"We beat them up, double D!" Ed said excitedly.
"When you ran off, we defended you! No one is going to humiliate our friend!" Nazz declared.
"You owe me, sockhead." Eddy groaned in pain.
"Why were you in the principal's office then?" Kevin asked.
"We have detention for getting in a fight." Johnny said.
"But the bastard-boys Kyle and Larry got suspended for taking things and bullying the ed-boy!" Rolf piped up.
"You all did that... For me?" Edd asked.
"Of course!" Marie piped up.
"So, are you two together now?" Jimmy asked.
Kevin looked over at Edd and smirked, "I don't know, are we, dork?"
Edd blushed and laughed, "yes I assume we are!"
After school ended, the group went to detention. Edd and Kevin tried to join them since it started with them, but the teacher wouldn't allow it. So, the two decided to sit outside and wait. They sat on the grass and looked up at the sunset together. The autumn leaves falling around them and a gentle breeze blowing against them. Kevin put his hand on Edd's.
Eddward smiled and looked at Kevin, "is it alright if I lean my head on your shoulder?"
"you don't have to ask me." Kevin said, pulling Edd closer to him. Double D leaned his head on the other's shoulder. Edd felt warm again and looked at the sky from Kevin's shoulder, their fingers interlocked. The feeling of comfort and love they felt while watching the sky was so warm and safe that they wondered why they haven't come clean before.
"Kevin, I know our togetherness is very unconventional, but I promise to be there for you always." Kevin looked down at Edd on his shoulder.
"I will be there for you too, dude. You mean the world to me.”
Edd blushed and smiled. Kevin graced his fingers along Edd's jaw and kissed him deeply. Double D felt at home there in Kevin’s arms.
[A/N: I know this ending was cliche and a little self-indulgent, but I thought that since this year is shit that everyone deserved some sappy-happy endings! I hope you have enjoyed this story and I thank you so very much for taking the time to read it!]
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Three Times | Reddie
AO3
Pairing: Richie Tozier/Eddie Kaspbrak
Word Count: 1,599 words
Summary: Three times. Richie had tried to tell Eddie how much he loves him three times. The two times it failed, and the one time he did it.
III
‘No no no,’ Richie panicked, tears falling faster and faster down his cheeks. “He’s still in there! We have to help him!” The man screamed, struggling to get from his friends’ grips. A sudden surge of strength took his body and pushed his friends aside, running back into the crashing house. It was crumbling and it was crumbling quickly.
“Richie, no!” He heard the other Losers say. He ignored them. He had already lost one Loser, he refused to lose two.
‘Get to Eddie. Get to Eddie. Get to Eddie.’ Richie chanted. He felt no fear running and dodging inside of the house. He needed Eddie and he won’t be going anywhere without him. Not again. He could barely feel the scrapes on his arms and legs caused by the wood crashing onto him. ‘Tell him you love him. Tell him you love him. Tell him you love him.’ He sobbed repeatedly. He made a promise to himself, he would tell Eddie everything once they’ve left the damned house. And he is going to do it. This isn’t his first time trying to tell Eddie how he feels. This is actually the third time. And hopefully the successful one.
He needed Eddie alive. He didn’t see life the way it's supposed to be without him.
I
Richie looked at himself in the mirror, his hands brushing around his hair trying to tame it. ‘Today is the day, Tozier. You’re going to tell Eddie you love him,’ he said to himself. He had planned everything out. On Eddie’s fourteenth birthday, the Losers would meet up at the Quarry and he would run a bit late (so that everyone’s attention wouldn’t be on him and they would all be doing something else already.) He would go there looking all handsome and perfect, holding a bouquet of flowers. Eddie wouldn’t know about that though, as he would be hiding them in some of the bushes. While all the other Losers were playing something in the water, he would be alone with Eddie giving him his gifts and then confessing to him his undying love. Then, Eddie would smile at him, call him stupid and they would make out behind a bush. At least, that was the plan.
He had already gotten the flowers and the perfect outfit. Ripped-but-not-so-ripped jeans, a nice plain shirt and a nice denim jacket with flowers printed on its sleeves. He even got contacts. Richie was clearly overthinking everything. He spent five minutes debating whether or not to ride his bike to the Quarry. He was afraid that if he rode his bike, it would mess up his outfit, but if he walked there he would be all sweaty and gross, and Eddie wouldn’t like that. He ended up riding his bike excruciatingly slowly.
He got there 30 minutes late —later than he wanted— and carefully placed the flowers behind a bush. He took a deep breath and walked over to the group, masking his nervousness with a smile. ‘Fuck, shit, no,’ Richie worried. The group wasn’t playing in the water, they were all together paying very close attention to each other. Of course, he came during a game of truth or dare. “Eddie! Truth or dare?” Bev asked, smirking.
“Truth,” Eddie replied. Richie just took a seat beside the asthmatic boy, pretending to give a shit. All he really wanted was to kiss him already.
“Who do you have a crush on?”
“Oh, um… h- she uh, you don’t know…her,” Eddie said embarrassed.
Richie’s heart raced. ‘her? Of fucking course, it's a 'her'! What the hell were you thinking? You thought you could kiss him? Nice try, Tozier, your little crush is fucking straight!’
He then decided against his plan. He just wouldn’t tell Eddie. But before he left, he glanced back at the flowers with a sad look on his face.
III
The man in glasses sprinted back to where he left the love of his life, tears pouring from the poor man’s face. With a sharp turn, he saw him. “Eddie,” he said to himself breathlessly. He ran faster than he ever did before with no time to spare his arms reached out in front of him. ‘Just a little closer’ He reached. Then, a cracking sound could be heard above him, and everything went black.
II
The second time Richie tried to confess to his best friend was unplanned. All the other Losers had left the Clubhouse to go home and only Richie and Eddie were there. Richie, because, he’s Richie and Eddie because he was mad at his mother. The plan was that Eddie would stay over at Richie’s house for the night because of this ‘fight’.
Eddie was going to come out to his mom that afternoon. He was going to tell her that liked boys, and girls, tell her that he would love both genders. But right before he said, ‘I’m Bisexual’ his mother cursed at ‘the fags’ saying that they messed up the world with same-sex love. Eddie didn’t say anything after that, just picked up his things and told his mother that he was meeting up with his friends. Eddie ranted to the Losers after that, angry and disappointed. Richie extremely angry, offering to go to Eddie’s house and give his mother a piece of his mind.
The day went on, and everything had calmed down, and Richie and Eddie stayed back. They played on the hammock together and somehow got to the conversation of the future.
“I wish we could leave Derry already,” Eddie said dreamily.
“We?”
Eddie, without Richie noticing, blushed, “If I leave, I want you to come with me. If that's okay with you,”
“Of course, Eddie,” It was rare that Richie didn’t use some ridiculous nickname and used Eddie’s full name instead. Only Eddie ever got to see this, the calmer side of Richie’s obvious character.
As Eddie sat on the hammock appreciating Richie’s support, Richie was panicking. ‘I love you, Eddie. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I’ll follow you wherever you go.’ The words were so close to falling out of Richie’s tongue, so close to telling Eddie how much he meant to him.
“I-“ Richie nervously began.
“We should head back- oh. Were you going to say something?” Eddie asked after cutting Richie off accidentally.
“I- uh… no. We can go to my house now,” Richie smiled.
III
Richie could feel nothing. But he could also feel everything. It didn’t make sense to him either. He isn’t sure where he is, it just feels like he’s floating. He worried that he was caught in the deadlights, but something felt different about this. “Rich?” Richie looked back, his heart swelling. He could barely contain himself as he ran at Eddie, arms wrapped around each other almost immediately. “What are you- where are we?”
“Dead.”
“Excuse me?” Richie asked confused.
“We’re dead. I was surprised at first too, I had no idea where I was, but it made sense after watching you running to my dead body,” Eddie’s voice was soft in an angry sort of way. “Why the hell did you come back? You- your dead now! You shouldn't have come back for me! You could have-“
“I love you,” Richie said quickly, feeling his chest tighten. ‘Okay, dipshit. That was fucking garbage. You had two chances to them perfectly before and you didn’t do it. Now you cut him off while he’s mad at you and you’re apparently dead? The fuck?’ Richie mentally scolded himself.
“What?”
“I- I love you?” It came out more like a question. He took a deep breath, "I love you. I have been in love with you since we were kids. I wanted to tell you I just never really-“
“You fucking tell me now, dipshit!? Was I not obvious enough for you? I fucking ran to you for everything? I fucking love you, Richie, but holy shit, you are so unbelievably stupid! You could’ve, maybe, I don’t know, tell me when we were alive?!” Eddie ranted.
“I don’t… understand?”
Eddie took a deep breath, “I love you. You are stupid. You are idiocy. You have no brain. Not a single brain cell,” Eddie said slowly, sarcasm on every word.
Richie just stood there, confused. “You could’ve, you know told me when we were actually alive and not dead. Because I love you, and you are a dumbfuck,”
“Can I kiss you?” Is the only thing Richie had the strength to say.
“Oh my god, you are so fucking dumb!” Eddie shouted, grabbing the collar of Richie’s shirt and kissing him. Richie instantly kissed back, not bothered by the fact that Eddie called him stupid multiple times. He’s used to it anyway.
They pulled away eyes locked and smiles painted on their faces (well Richie’s was goofier while Eddie’s was a little stricter seeing as Richie couldn’t catch on no matter how many times he tried.) “I love you,” Richie said finally, unsure what else to say.
“I love you, too, dipshit,” Eddie smiled.
Just like that, Richie’s former enthusiasm returned, his grin widening and his eyes sparkling. “Holy shit! I just got Eddie Kaspbrak, assholes!” Richie screamed to no one, “Eddie, baby, we gotta get the other Losers here too. We can’t have our gay wedding without them,” Richie smiled pulling Eddie close.
“I just kissed you, asshole,”
Richie, ignoring him, “I feel like it should be huge, you know what I mean? Like, titanic and rainbows everywhere,” Richie smiled at Eddie. Eddie just laughed.
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Victorious
Fic Summary:
Alternate ending of It: chapter two, where a certain asthmatic child doesn’t die.
(https://archiveofourown.org/works/22083112)
__________________________________________
Tonight they were victorious.
Eddie and Richie had bolted quickly out of the well house along with all the other losers. They’d lost Stan before he’d even gotten back to Derry. They’d just lost Mike in the final battle just now, even after he’d drug them all here. Richie was just dragging Eddie close behind him and they all ran far all the way out of the house to safety to watch that nightmare collapse entirely. Eddie was in his defense mode of making sounds and panicking a bit. Richie totally understood that.
They all stopped when they got to a safe spot. Eddie and Richie still holding hands. Richie had been so terrified that Eddie was going to die, or everyone at once. How five crazy adults had managed to finally kill the fucking clown, Richie didn’t know. All he knew right now was that Eddie and three of his best friends were alive standing here together after finally taking down the villain. He felt himself clinging to Eddie, who held onto him as well. He moved to wrap his arms around Eddie snugly.
“Is this real?” Richie asked seriously. Eddie wrapped his arms around him. They were all clearly in shock, considering they’d thought this was all over 27 years ago. Now, it seemed even more real, but what if It was still able to come back? What if that thing came back in another 27 years?
Richie felt Eddie squeezing his hand. The taller boy looked from the house to Eddie. Thank fuck he was okay. Eddie had been stabbed in there for the second time since they’d been back in Derry and it had scared the holy shit out of Richie. He thought he might not make it, but thank whatever force for letting him keep alive Eddie in his own life.
After watching the last of the house disappear, they all went to the quarry to wash off the blood. Eddie cringed as he was the last to get in. He hated the idea of washing themselves in dirty water. He jumped and ended up next to Richie.
“This is disgusting, you know. How are you supposed to get clean by washing yourself in dirty water?” Eddie told him and Richie genuinely started laughing hysterically. Fuck, he was so in love with this man. Edie gave him a look and he couldn’t do anymore than just laugh more. He reached over to gently push Eddie’s head under water.
Once underwater beside Eddie, Richie looked over at him and made eye contact. The taller man would be blushing if he weren’t submerged in water. He leaned in with his face and that’s the moment Eddie knew exactly what was happening. He was in shock, but he followed Richie’s lead, leaning in and closing his eyes.
Their lips met softly and after a minute Richie’s arms wrapped around Eddie. Fuck, this was literally everything he’d ever wanted in his life. He’d only ever wanted his best friend. He’d been in love with Eddie since that summer 27 years ago. He’d come to accept that would never happen, yet here they were.
They had to pull out of the water because of air being necessary, especially for Eddie. Richie clung to him and found silent sobs rushing through his body into Eddie’s chest. The shorter man’s arms were around him, too.
“I’m s-so sorry… I’m just so fucking happy that you’re alive, Eds… I love you way too much to have you die on me,” he sobbed into his chest to make it quieter.
“You- I- really? You love me? I- I love you, too, Rich, so much.. You’ve always been my best friend,” Eddie added, unsure of how Richie meant that, even after they’d just kissed. Did he just kiss his best friend?
“You are my best friend, too, but I- I’ve kind of been in love with you for 27 years…?” Richie explained, blushing and looking down. Eddie flushed as well. He hated that he’d forgotten everything and everyone for half his life. He’d forgotten Richie and how crazy he made him feel. He’d definitely felt more than friends feelings for Richie back then. He just most certainly had no idea. He’d always tried to be and thought he was straight. He reached out his hands to run over Richie’s cheeks softly.
“I’ve- fuck, I’ve obviously felt more than I thought all those years… I’m so sorry for making you wait so long. I might be in love with you, too, Rich. I-“ he managed and Richie was shocked again before pulling Eddie in for another gentle kiss. This was everything he’d ever dreamed of. He’d dreamed of Eddie saying those words back for so long. He had more tears now. Eddie started leaking some tears, too.
“Finally!” Beverly said as the rest of their friends applauded dramatically. Riche flipped them off and Eddie laughed before wrapping his arms around Richie and kissing him more properly this time. He joined the other man in using one hand to flip off their friends. The others laughed. Beverly squeezed Ben’s hand and gave him a tiny smile. At least a couple of good things came of this mess. It was a good thing they all came back to Derry when Mike called them. Well, except Stan.
Bill was obviously upset over Mike. They all were. He did blame himself for both his death and Stan’s. He blamed himself for Georgie and Dean, too. He only felt the tears after they started choking him. Bev and Ben immediately came to him, wrapping their arms around him. Eddie and Richie joined only a second later. The shortest man held onto his best friends, all pressed together in the water. He was now crying along with everyone else.
“None of this was your fault, Bill. Not Stan or Mike. We all made our own decisions when Mike called us. And quit blaming yourself for the kids already, man. You couldn’t have helped no matter what way you look at logically, okay? This mess is on all of us, anyway, not just you,” Eddie told his best friend, rubbing his back a bit as he still had tears streaming down his own face.
“What Eddie Spaghetti said. I mean, how much longer are you going to play the martyr? Go back to your life far away from here. Go back to writing bad endings, Billy,” Richie added with a small chuckle, earning a laugh from Bill and therefore everyone else. Eddie nudged him with a glare up at him.
“Don’t call me that,” Eddie whined playfully and everyone started laughing a bit. It was their way to relieve stress, laughing and joking.
“T-thank you all for coming back to help end this for me. You’re m-my family and I’m glad in a bittersweet way that we got to be t-together again now, even for this…” Bill stuttered with more tears.
“We love you, too, Bill,” Beverly said with a pat on his shoulder. She looked around at all of the boys who she remembered in their tighty whities, in their clubhouse, cleaning up her bloody bathroom, in the sewers, along with so many other memories. They were the best kind of friends she had never imagined she would have.
After spending a while down playing in the water like the last time, they all realized they would have to do something with their lives. Where did they all go from here? Richie had shows all over planned already. Eddie had a job back at his place and his wife he’d never actually loved. Beverly didn’t have anything left that she wanted from what she’d done in these 27 years. Ben only had his career and home. Bill had Audra, his wife, and his writing.
In the end, they left slowly. First, Bill left them all, hugging each of them tightly and making he had everyone’s numbers. Richie told them he would make a group chat, obviously called the Losers Club soon. Then, they all thanked god for technology allowing such things. They all promised to FaceTime and everything else. They wanted to keep in touch even if they all ended up on opposite sides of the planet.
Bill walked off after that, Beverly kissing his cheek and squeezing his shoulder. After he left, Beverly and Ben hugged Richie and Eddie, Beverly telling them both to keep in touch. She had tears rolling down her cheeks when she hugged them both.
“I am so proud of you both. Please, be safe and take care. Also, you better make that chat, Richie,” she said with a laugh and a kiss on both of their cheeks, too.
“We love you guys,” Ben told them before the two walked off, waving one last time and intertwined by their hands.
“So…” Richie started as he looked over at Eddie. What was he supposed to say and do right then? He’d almost forgotten life wasn’t so easy to just let them go together and make a life together so easily. Eddie bit his lip up at the taller man.
“So what?” Eddie asked.
“So do you come here often?” Richie teased with a small smirk. “Because I come here to think about your beautiful mom privately.”
“Beep beep, Richie,” Eddie replied as he grabbed the other man, tugging him down to connect their lips together again. Why had they not done this before? Why had they wasted half their lives on not doing this? It felt so good and just like it was exactly where they were meant to be.
Richie was red as he happily wrapped his own arms around the other’s waist snuggly. He was able to not think about their situational the moment. He could only think about the fact that his lips were pressed against Eddie’s. Could only think about the fact that he was so very in love with this man. Could only think about how perfect this all felt. Well, almost perfect, at least.
Almost.
After a long minute of their lips meshing for the first time, Richie forced himself away. He pulled back to gaze heavy lidded down at Eddie. This was perfect until he remembered Eddie’s still had a choice to make. He had to choose his wife, which he’s mentioned not loving a couple times since the club’s reunion, or Richie Tozier, Derry’s resident fag.
“Eds… I- What are we going to do? What are you going to do?” Richie asked him with a scared glance. He was genuinely scared to death of the only love of his life leaving after that kiss. He’d only ever drunk kissed two people and never enjoyed it. He might have been secretly saving himself, even thinking this would never happen.
“Fuck, man, I- I don’t know… I don’t love Myra, but I’m kind of scared to end it. I feel like shit,” he mumbled as his eyes wandered down to the ground. He wished it would be as simple as just moving with Richie and living together bickering and happier than ever and all that.
“Hmm…” Richie hummed, thinking everything over.
In the end, Richie helped Eddie with Myra before they got in Richie’s car and drove to where Richie’s shows were. Richie made that group chat and they all mostly kept their promise of FaceTiming. They moved in together and lived together happily ever after, bickering and making love to make up for all the time they’d missed together.
#reddie#richie tozier#eddie kaspbrak#it chapter 2#benverly#beverly marsh#ben hanson#bill denbrough#it 2017#it 2019#it 2 spoilers#it spoilers#stan uris#pennywise#losers club#friendship#bittersweet#alternative ending#alternate ending#my fanfiction#fanfiction#my wriitng#writing
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10 Things I Hate About You AU Chapter 9
Fandom: Be More Chill, Dear Evan Hansen
Word count: 4.2k
Feel free the read this on my ao3 instead!
Michael stood outside the hospital room ringing a teddy bear in his hands.
Should he really be here? He didn’t even know Rich that well, besides the fact that he bullied Jeremy. This guy was a huge jerk.
But Michael couldn’t help it. The past few days at school everyone had been gossiping, texting, and tweeting about Rich and the fire. Every single person had a different version of what had happened, but no one was talking about how Rich was doing or when he was coming back to school.
He couldn’t stand the idea of Rich being alone in the hospital, no friends going to visit him.
After school ended, Michael had made a quick stop at home then he drove right to the hospital. The nurse asked for his name, then told him which room Rich’s was and that’s where Michael was now.
Michael inhaled deeply and knocked on the door.
No answer.
Maybe Rich was asleep. Should Michael still go in? Should he wait for Rich to wake up?
Michael opened the door anyway and stepped in anyway. He winced at what he found.
Rich was lying almost completely naked on the bed besides a small sheet covering his crotch for modesty. Horrible, deep red burn marks were scattered across his skin. Blisters had formed on the back of his hands and his entire body looked wet and shiny.
Michael moved his eyes up to Rich’s face, a smattering of small burns ran from his neck up to his cheeks, and locked eyes with him.
“Hey,” Rich said out of the none burned corner of his mouth.
“Hey,” Michael said, trying desperately not to look at the damaged skin.
They stared at each other for a long moment.
“You’re not a nurse,” Rich said.
“I’m Michael. We go to school together.”
“Yeah, I know. We’ve had classes together since middle school.” Rich said, not sounding very interested.
“I brought you this,” Michael said, showing off the teddy bear.
“Thanks, I love girly crap,” Rich replied, watching Michael set it down on his nightstand then pulled up a chair to his bedside.
They sat in a short awkward silence.
“What are you doing here?” Rich finally asked
“I-” Michael started, but stopped.
He wondered if he should tell him about the rumors or not.
“Wanted to see how you were,” Michael finished.
Rich blew a large breath out of his nose and tried to readjust himself on the bed.
“Be honest: what are they saying about me at school?”
“Well…it’s a…it’s not great,” Michael said.
“God damn it,” Rich said and closed his eyes, “I screwed everything up.”
“Whaaaaaaat? No!” Michael said
“I burned down a house, I permanently messed up my body, my best friend definitely hates me, and that little bitch is still with him.”
Michael had been sympathetically nodding along with what Rich had been saying until the last part.
“Wait, what was that last thing?”
“This overrated little twink is dating Jake,” Rich said, furrowing his brow as much as he could.
“Jeremy?” Michael asked “Jeremy is one of your problems? Seriously? Right now?!”
“He’s dating Jake!”
Michael stopped, realized something, and started to laugh.
“What?” Rich asked “What?”
Michael laughed until his stomach hurt and Rich looked like he was going to get up and strangle him. When he had finally calmed down from his fit, Michael rested his chin on his hand.
“Dude, you and I got the same problem! Jeremy’s dating Jake!” Michael said, shaking his head in disbelief.
“How the hell do we have the same problem?” Rich asked with a bite to his tone.
“Because I like Jeremy! And you like Jake! So, we have the same problem!” Michael said with a large smile.
Michael watched the anger slip from Rich’s face, replaced with fear.
“I don’t like Jake,” Rich said quietly.
“What? Then why the hell do you care if he’s dating someone?”
“I’m not a fucking fag and I only care ‘cause I don’t want Jake to be seen with that fucking virgin,” Rich said through clenched teeth.
“Oh,” Michael said.
Michael never wanted to assume anyone’s sexuality, but he had a feeling Rich might not be telling him the whole truth.
“Well…I’m fucking gay and I like Jeremy, so that’s my problem,” Michael said with a shrug.
“Good for you,” Rich mumbled.
Yet another silence fell between them.
Michael bit the inside of his lip. He had come to try and make Rich feel less lonely, not like shit. Was there a way to actually end on a positive note now?
“Do you want to go to the school dance?” Michael blurted out before he could stop himself.
Why the hell had he just done that? How was that going to help anything?
“Dude, did you not just hear me? I’m. Not. Gay.” Rich said, his lips pulled back to show his teeth.
“As friends!” Michael said, “Just as friends. It seems like it’s gonna be fun and since Jake is probably gonna be going with Jeremy, so maybe you and I should go and hang.”
Rich stared at him for a moment, looking extremely deep in thought.
Michael was absolutely stunned when Rich nodded his head as best as he could.
“Fine.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, the whole school already thinks I’m a freak and Jake hates me so might as well,” Rich said with a sad smile.
-
Connor had to stop the small smile the kept trying to creep onto his face all day.
After he and Evan had made out for what felt like hours, they both agreed they should stop, not wanting things to go too far before either of them were ready. They spent the rest of the day talking, playing video games, watching tv, and holding hands.
When it was time for Connor to go home, Evan walked him down to the door.
“Yes,” Evan had said after Connor gave him a short goodbye kiss.
“What?” Connor asked.
“I wanna go to the dance with you.”
Connor had pulled Evan back into another kiss before leaving.
Connor almost sighed thinking about the way Evan had looked after that last kiss. Pink cheeks and wide blue eyes.
“Hey, Murphy!”
Connor’s good mood instantly vanished. Jake was sitting in a wheelchair in front of him, pushing a couple 50-dollar bills into his hands.
Jake had broken both his legs from the fall out of the window during the fire and was probably going to be in the wheelchair for weeks.
“Here. This should take care of the flowers, the limo, the tux, everything. Just make sure he gets to the dance.” Jake said.
Connor looked down at the money before shoving it back towards the guy.
“I’m sick of playing your game.”
Jake rolled his eyes and pulled more bills out of his front pocket, counting them quickly, “You sick of 300?”
Connor clenched and unclenched his jaw staring down at the money. It was torture…but he would need it eventually.
He reached out and snatched the money from Jake before giving him a nod and walking away.
-
Jake continued down the hallway after dealing with Connor.
What a weirdo. Why did that guy always have to be so weird about everything?
Jake mentally shrugged and looked at a group of freshman girls all looking at his and shyly waving. He winked and they all giggled and blushed.
He rolled down a small ramp and was about to at a water fountain when he spotted Jeremy.
“Babe! Hey!” Jake called out and caught his boyfriend’s attention.
Jeremy saw Jake and smiled, making his way over to him.
Once Jeremy was close enough, Jake grabbed Jeremy by the cheeks and brought him down for a kiss.
“I can’t believe I didn’t mention it before, but do you want to go to the dance? It seems like it’s gonna be super fun and I haven’t missed one yet.”
Jeremy’s smile quickly faded.
“The rule…I can’t-”
Jake cut him off with another kiss.
“Don’t worry, I already got it covered.” Jake said wiggling his eyebrows before changing the subject, “I’m gonna get a purple tux, it’s definitely my color.”
Jeremy leaned back and had a small, pleased looking smile on his face. Jake grinned back at him. Jeremy really was cute. Jake especially liked his eyes. They were always full of wonder and a little bit of amusement. They reminded him of Rich’s eyes.
Jake completely mentally stopped and sulked. He missed his best friend. After the whole fire thing had all happened, he didn’t care that his house and stuff was gone, he was just worried about Rich.
Jake had been in the hospital for a while, recovering from his injuries but after he got out, he was too scared to go see Rich. Jake had asked a nurse about Rich and she told him about his full body burns. Jake was absolutely horrified. How was he supposed to go face his best friend when it was his party that he had almost killed him? Jake had tried to look for Rich in the fire when it broke out but quickly had to abandon his search when he had been cornered in a room and had to escape through the window.
Jake felt himself start to seethe, just thinking about finding the person who had started the fire and punching the shit out of them for what they did to Rich.
“You ok?” Jeremy asked.
Jake looked up at Jeremy, quickly stopping himself from boiling over.
“Yeah, totally! Can I roll with you to class?” Jake asked, trying to ignore the horrible guilt and rage reawaking in his chest.
-
Evan had waited for Connor after school by his car. Connor had offered to drive him home (or anywhere) whenever he wanted. He waited 20 minutes before he went looking for Connor. After checking his usual haunts, the courtyard and a few bathrooms, Evan passed by a few girls who were crowding around their lockers.
“He just punched that guy right in the face, can you believe that?” One girl said.
“God, he’s such a freak! His sister really needs to put him on a leash.” Another said.
Evan’s shoes squeaked on the ground and one of the girls glanced at him. She immediately turned to the other girls and they all started giggling and speaking in hushed tones. Evan blushed and made his way up a stairwell, knowing where to find Connor now.
On the third floor was the room where detention was held. Evan glanced into the half-empty classroom and saw his environmental studies teacher, Mr. Chapin, talking to a student towards the back. Evan spotted Connor on the other side of the room, with his head on the desk. Evan smiled a little.
Mr. Chapin made his way back to the front of the classroom and Evan walked in.
“Um, sir?” Evan asked in a shy voice “I have some questions about the lesson today.”
“Okay, great. Let me pull up my notes.” Mr. Chapin said with a smile and bent down behind his desk to start pulling out materials from his bag.
Evan glanced over at Connor and found him staring back at him with a surprised expression.
Evan tilted his eyes over to the large, open window and mouthed, “The window.”
Connor raised an eyebrow.
“Window,” He mouthed again.
Mr. Chapin turned around to face him and Evan laughed awkwardly out of fear of being caught.
“I didn’t really understand the part on invasive species,” Evan said.
Evan watched Connor out of the corner of his eye. Mr. Chapin had swiveled his chair to face Evan so Connor silently grabbed his backpack and stood up.
“Oh well, let me grab the list of species, I just need to get the book-” Mr. Chapin started to turn back around. He was going to see Connor.
Evan gasped, loud and sharp, and Mr. Chapin’s head whipped back around to look at him. Evan paused before muttering “Sorry…I thought-felt like a-I-I thought I was going to sneeze.”
Mr. Chapin raised his eyebrows and nodded.
“Also!” Evan interjected before his teacher tried to turn back around, “I was wrong, I, um, actually need help with, uh, pollution control and acid rain.”
“Oh, alright,” Mr. Chapin said with a nod, giving Evan an odd look.
Evan chanced a look up and saw Connor was close to the window, slowing getting up on the cabinets that were just below it.
“I just didn’t really understand what it was all about and, um, wanted to know if you could explain it any further because I really can’t afford to fall behind in your class but I just don’t really understand what it’s all about exactly.” Evan sputtered out in what felt like a second.
“It’s no trouble. You’re really doing really well in my class right now though, Evan. But I’m happy to help if you feel like you need it.”
“Okay, thanks,” Evan said with a nervous smile
“Let’s start by going over the basics first.” Mr. Chapin said and pulled out a red pen to make notes.
Evan glanced up at Connor again. Connor was halfway out the window and onto the fire escape. Evan breathed a small sigh of relief…until Connor’s foot lightly squeaked against the cabinet.
Mr. Chapin frowned and started to adjust to look behind him.
“Mr. Chapin!” Evan slammed his hand down on the desk. He felt his face grow red hot, but he was desperate for Connor not to get caught.
“I just remembered that I have to go!” Evan exclaimed and stood up abruptly. Connor had disappeared down the fire escape.
Evan grabbed his backpack and rushed out the door, face burning. That had been so dumb. Why had he done that? What was even the point of that? He had never done something so stupid before! That’s a lie, but still! What was he thinking? Connor hadn’t even asked him to do that. What if Connor hadn’t wanted to skip detention? Was it really worth maybe getting himself and Connor into trouble just to break him out of detention?
Evan mind went blank when he turned a corner and saw Connor standing there with a small smile on his face. Evan scurried over to him Connor slung an arm over his shoulder.
“I can’t thank you enough for helping me sneak out of detention. Very cool.” Connor murmured and led Evan out the door.
“No problem,” Evan said.
“I thought for sure I was busted when I was climbing out that window. So how did you keep him distracted?” Connor asked.
“I dazzled him.” Evan scoffed and rolled his eyes.
“How did you know where to find me?” Connor asked.
“Heard some people gossiping in the hallways. Why-why did you punch someone?” Evan asked
Connor was silent. His arm fell from around Evan’s shoulders and he looked away from him.
“Connor?” Evan asked
“Someone…someone said something about us…being gay,” Connor said then huffed. “I didn’t even realize that I had hit him until he was on the ground.”
Evan hummed then fell silent. They walked to the parking lot and got into Connor’s car.
“Do you want to come over to my house?” Connor asked.
“Sure.” Evan smiled.
-
The house was quiet when they entered. Connor had told him that his parents weren’t going to be back to later and Zoe was still at school for band practice. It still felt large and silent. Connor pulled him up to his room then closed the door so they had an even bigger sense of privacy.
Evan’s eyes scanned the room. It was only a little bit bigger than Evan’s bedroom, which was surprising considering the size of the rest of the house. The ceiling was low and slanted so it gave the whole room a sort of attic feel. It was cozy and nice and smelled like Connor. The walls were white and had some posters of bands and movies stuck up here and there. A glass tank with a small green frog sat on top wooden shelves.
“That’s Heath Ledger,” Connor said, pointing at the frog.
Evan smiled and waved at Heath Ledger who croaked at him and hopped around.
A large bookcase filled with figurines and books loomed in the corner. Evan walked straight over to that the started scanning books.
The Book Thief, The Little Prince, The Outsiders, 1948, The Bell Jar, Percy Jackson, The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, Slaughterhouse-Five, Lord of the Flies, the Harry Potter series.
Evan looked through all the spines and found a children’s book at the end of one shelf.
“Where the Wild Things Are?” Evan asked.
“It was my favorite book as a kid,” Connor said with a shrug.
Evan walked over and sat down next to Connor on the bed.
“Thanks for inviting me over,” Evan said.
“Thanks for getting me out of detention,” Connor fired back.
Evan nodded and tried to think of something else to say. This was his first time over at someone’s house in a long time. It was the first time he was at a boy’s house in that kind of way.
Connor scooted closer and put a hand under Evan’s chin to tilt it up. They gazed into each other’s eyes. Connor leaned in and they kissed slowly.
Evan’s eyes flickered closed and he sighed gently. Their mouths moved together and Evan felt dizzy. Connor’s lips were chapped and warm and he breathed through his nose lightly while kissing.
Soon, Evan was laying on his back on the bed. He had his hands resting on Connor’s shoulders and Connor was hovering over him, one hand cupping his cheek, kissing him softly. Evan didn’t know anyone who had ever wanted to kiss him like this before. Evan made a small noise at the thought and pulled Connor down so he was practically laying on top of him. Connor was deceptively heavy for how thin he looked, but his weight was comforting and warm.
Connor smiled into the kiss but then left Evan’s lips to trail kisses down his jaw to his throat.
Oh, Evan liked that. He liked that a lot. He felt himself turn into putty as Connor kissed and lightly sucked at his neck. Evan couldn’t help it and he breathed Connor’s name.
Teeth gently latched onto Evan’s neck for a second before going back to placing small kisses near his collarbone. Evan blushed and started to breathe harder. The way Connor was pressed against him, rubbing his hand up and down Evan’s side, was making his pants feel a little uncomfortable.
Connor ran his lips back up Evan’s neck and started to nibble at his ear. Evan shuttered and let out a breathy moan. He felt Connor’s hand travel down and to where his shirt had ridden up, and start stroking the skin on his hip.
Evan turned his head once Connor stopped pressing little kisses to the shell of his ear. Connor gave him a genuine, dazzling smile and Evan thought his heart might explode. Evan felt the butterflies flutter in his stomach, and he leaned over to kiss Connor more.
Evan thought he felt Connor’s tongue brush against his lips – The bedroom door flew open.
“Connor, did you drink all the -” It was Zoe, holding a milk jug.
She gasped when she saw them.
“Zoe!” Connor sat up and barked her name. Evan’s face felt like it was burning. He thought he might throw up.
“What the hell? What is he doing here?” Zoe said.
“None of your business! Why aren’t you at jazz band or whatever?” Connor stood up and visibly bristled.
Zoe’s face scrunched up in confusion, anger, and a little bit of fear.
“Evan, right?” Zoe looked over at him.
How did she know his name?
“You really shouldn’t be hanging out with him.” She said glaring at Connor.
Evan scrambled up to stand next to Connor. He really, really didn’t want to get in between a sibling feud with the Murphy’s, but he could feel how angry Connor was becoming.
“No it’s okay,” Evan managed to choke out, “we’re friends, we’re just hanging out.”
“Friends?” Zoe asked. Evan couldn’t tell if the skepticism in her voice came from knowing that friends don’t kiss like that or that either Connor or Evan could have friends.
Evan blushed and gulped loudly, “Well you know not friends exactly but we’re, we’re toge- we’re, uh, together, um, right now and we’re okay, uh, thanks.”
Zoe’s eyes flicked between Evan and Connor’s faces before taking a few cautious steps forward. Suddenly, Zoe had her hand wrapped around Evan’s wrist and was quickly tugging him towards the door.
“Come on, you really need to get out of here!” Zoe said.
Evan tried pulling his hand away from her in a panic.
“No really, please it’s okay-” Evan said.
Evan felt Connor grasp his forearm and waist and stood firm.
“Zoe, let go!” Connor growled.
Zoe and Connor were shouting over each other, each pulling at Evan. Evan was begging for Zoe to let him go, his anxiety spiking and his wrist aching. Evan felt like a toy being fought over.
“Evan, you really don’t know what he’s capable of!”
“Don’t touch him!”
“Please, I’m okay really!”
“He’s a monster!”
“He doesn’t like people touching him!”
“Please stop, we’re friends.”
“Have you tried to pull a knife on him yet, Connor?!”
“I swear to god Zoey if you don’t leave right now!”
“Let go please just let go of me please just let- JUST LET GO!” Evan screamed. Zoe finally released her hold and stumbled back a few steps, looking shocked. Connor let go as well, giving Evan some space.
“Connor wouldn’t do that!” Evan said, tears swelling up in his eyes and his body starting to shake, “He’s not like that.”
“Evan-” Zoe started but Evan shook his head.
“He’s not like that.” Evan’s voice broke.
Evan turned away from her and hid his face in hands. Connor enveloped Evan in a hug and squeezed him tight.
“Go away, Zoe.” Connor hissed, sounding absolutely livid.
There was tense silence for several moments, no one moved or said anything, and then Evan heard Zoe shuffled back to the door.
“You’re wrong Evan…He is like that.” Zoe spat, voice sharp.
There was a soft click of the door closing then soft footsteps leading away. Evan relaxed into Connor’s arms and let out a breath he had been holding.
Evan pulled away and went to go sit on the edge of Connor’s bed. He expected Connor to follow him but when Evan looked up, he was still standing in the same spot, staring at the door.
“Connor?” Evan asked
“She’s right, you know.”
Connor turned to him, running his hand through his hair. His face was blotchy and red but he wasn’t crying.
“She’s right,” Connor shrugged, eyes looking anywhere but at Evan.
“What?” Evan asked
“She’s right, I am a mon-” Connor cut off his sentence, looking like he couldn’t bear to finish it.
“Connor, that’s not true,” Evan said.
“It is, it is. You didn’t know me before. I was…I was a monster. I was crazy. I did bad things to Zoe. I screamed and threatened and hit her. Not even like kid stuff, it wasn’t even that long ago.”
Connor started pacing the floor.
“I threw her against walls, beat the shit out of her, threw a glass at her, and she tried to lock herself in the bathroom once and I kicked the door so hard for so long it almost broke off its hinges.”
Connor stopped moving and sat down on the bed, as far away from Evan as possible. He put his head in his hands and rocked back and forth slightly.
“Connor,” Evan said in the gentlest voice he could.
He scooted over and slowly brought his hand up to rub a calming hand over Connor’s back. Connor looked up at him and gave a sorrowful smile. Evan gave him a smile to match.
“I’m a bad person,” Connor whispered.
Evan shook his head and pulled at Connor’s sleeve. Slowly, almost unsure, like this was the first time they had touched each other, they laid back on Connor’s bed. Evan guided Connor down and set his head down on Evan’s chest and Evan brought his hand up to run through Connor’s hair.
“You’re not like that anymore,” Evan whispered, brushing the hair from Connor’s face.
“I still did all those things though. Bad things.” Connor muttered.
“I didn’t know you before. I just know that you signed my cast and send me emails and talk to me and asked me to my first dance and gave me your only tie to wear and were my first kiss and took me to my first party then saved me from a fire. Connor. Bad people don’t do that. They don’t act like you do. You’re so good.” Evan, thankfully, for once, said without stuttering much.
Evan felt like crying but he tried to hold it together. Connor’s breathing became deeper and ragged. He reached up and grasped Evan’s hand.
Connor didn’t say anything.
He didn’t need to.
Evan kissed the top of his head and laced their fingers together.
#be more chill#dear evan hansen#boyf riends#treebros#richjake#pinkberry#zolana#galaxy gals#dah#bmc#AU fanfiction#fanfic
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Viva Las Vegas
This was requested! (Requests are indeed open, too.)
You had a late start to your morning, your alarm hadn't gone off because of daylight savings time, and your mother had to wake you. It was a Sunday, but you promised your mother that you'd wake up early for piano lessons.
"(Y/n), time to get up! You have lessons in half an hour!" Your mother called, knocking on your door until you woke up. You went to take your blanket off your legs, but wound up rolling off the mattress and hitting the ground with a loud thud.
"I'm up!" You groaned from your place on the ground. You sat up and rubbed the sleep out of your eyes. David Bowie was playing through the door, it was assumable that your mother was playing the music in the kitchen of your small apartment.
After your parents separated, your mom had moved you away from your original home with your brothers and sister, to a small apartment in Las Vegas, Nevada. She'd found a job at a high ranking office building as a data analyst, but you still lived frugal lives due to the debt from the divorce, and all of the bills she had before.
You swiftly changed your clothes, and finally opened the door to reveal your your parental unit with curlers in her hair and a toothbrush sticking out of her mouth, "oh, good, you're up." Her speech was muffled from the brush.
"Yup," you said, popping the 'p', before pushing past her to go to the bathroom. When you looked in the mirror, your hair was a mess and you had black makeup smeared under your eyes that you forgot to remove from the day before.
Although, you didn't have a problem with that. It was good to recycle, after all.
You quickly brushed your hair out, not finding a comfortable place to part it, and splashed water over your face to help you wake up. Your mother entered and spit out the foamy substance in her mouth before getting started on the curlers in her hair.
"Mrs. Urie said to just meet Brendon in the studio, so I was gonna drop you off on my way to work, is that ok?"
"You trust me with Brendon all alone? What about what happened with Amanda?" You asked her. Amanda was your half sister, she had snuck out multiple times before you moved away to see a boy she was dating. When your father found out, he wasn't happy.
"Well, you're not Amanda," she stated, "I trust you."
-
After both of you were finished in the bathroom, there wasn't much else to be done besides get your shoes. You slid on some beat up boots and a leather jacket your best friend had given you before you left, and you both were out the door. Once you were driving toward the studio, the windows rolled down as to keep the car cool. Your mother began to talk about what that day was going to entail.
"I have a few meetings today with the board, so I won't come get you until around four, is that cool?" Your mother asked. You nodded in response and watched the buildings fly by with a whoosh sound.
"I wonder what piece Brendon wants to teach me today," you thought out loud. Your mother chuckled in response to your day-dreaming state.
"He mentioned something at dinner the other night about making his own piece, maybe he'll let you help,” your mother suggested. You shrugged your shoulders. Brendon did not confide in you, or talk to you like you would your best friend, he was always very busy with his girlfriend.
You did go to the same school, so you knew about this girl. Her name was Jenny, and you didn't like her. There were many reasons to say so, but it was primarily due to the fact that you two were in completely different groups. Her friend group constantly bullied you and your only friend.
However, Brendon seemed happy with her, so you didn't bother him about it.
Your car pulled up to the studio. It was a relatively large square shaped building with vines growing up the sides. It had two levels, but only one large room per level. On the farthest side from the street, a large chimney stood high and proud. There was a staircase leading up to double doors, and there was a small parking lot in front of them. The doors opened to the second floor, where Mrs Urie had many projects for the church they were involved with. You never took the stairs up, because your guys’ (Mr Urie said that he didn't buy the studio just for Brendon and his wife, it was for all family) space was on the bottom floor, you took the side door that led directly into it. You swung the car door open and tentatively stepped out.
“Have a good day, sweetheart!” your mother called before pulling away from the studio. You waved her off before turning toward the building and walking toward the door.
You twisted the doorknob and let yourself in quietly. Immediately, you heard the sound of Brendons beautiful grand piano and his voice filling the air. You carefully walked further into the room and smiled lightly at how amazing he sounded.
“You're incredible,” you stated. You could only see the back of his head, but you could tell he was smiling. You took a seat on the bench next to him and finally got a good look at him. He was freshly shaved, a pair of glasses sliding slowly down his nose as he looked slightly down at the sheet music. His fingers danced across the keys gracefully, even when you sat down.
He seemed entranced by the song and didn't stop you when you placed your hands on the keys and playing along with him. Once the song ended he looked over at you with a goofy smile on his face. You had an odd feeling in your gut when you were around him, your hands never stopped shaking and if he touched you, your stomach would explode in a million butterflies.
But it wasn't a crush. It couldn't be.
You wouldn't let it.
“I have good news and bad news, which do you wanna hear first?” he asked, the smile not leaving his face.
“I guess good news,” you answered.
“My mom told me that I'm not allowed to charge you for lessons because you and your mom are basically family by now,” he said, making extravagant hand gestures as he did.
“And the bad news?” you asked, only slightly concerned.
“We're doing hand independence exercises today,” he groaned for you. He hated them as much as you did. When playing piano, you had to learn how to play independently with little to no thought at all. You never had much of that, so once a week you did exercises to improve upon the independence you already had.
“Do we have to? Can't we just, you know, listen to Fame and get high like last week?” you asked with a little smirk on your lips. The week before, after your lesson had finished, you both had to wait for his mother to come pick you up and take you home. You had three hours, so you played David Bowie, Led Zeppelin, and AC/DC and smoked the rest of Brendon's stash.
“No, we can't, you weirdo,” he chuckled.
-
Hours later, you finally finished the work and got started on an actual piece. Brendon leaned back and only assisted you when you forgot where the notes were. Suddenly, as you were about to finally finish the piece, the door to the studio swung open to reveal, none other than, Jenny. She sauntered in, and didn't wait for you to stop before flopping herself in his lap and sending you a glare.
“Don't take this the wrong way, babe, but why are you here?” Brendon asked, giving you an apologetic look.
“I saw your mom at the church and she said you wouldn't be attending, so she gave me the address,” she giggled innocently, batting her eyelashes at him. You groaned internally and wanted to gag. That was supposed to be your safe space, a place to get away from people exactly like her.
“Does your mom still have the landline upstairs?” you asked Brendon, playing with the hem of your shirt awkwardly.
“Yeah, why?”
You didn't answer, just getting up and walking up the stairs before he or Jenny could argue. The room was dark, save for the small light coming from the stairs leading down to the ground floor. You quickly walked toward the phone on the far right corner of the dark of the room and dialed the number of the man who could save you from the awkwardness. It rang twice before the familiar voice rang through the receiver, “hello?”
“Dallon?”
-
Dallon didn't have to be asked twice before he came to get you. He never asked any questions when you called him, he knew better than that. You always ended up telling him what happened anyway, but it was always on your own terms.
“Hey, pretty lady, need a lift?” he asked as soon as you made it up to his car, the window rolled down. He had sunglasses on and an unlit cigarette in his mouth, you guessed he was just about to get his lighter out when he pulled up.
“My knight in shining armour,” you sighed before hopping in, granted unceremoniously, the car through the open window. You ensured the seat belt was buckled and Dallon skid out of the parking lot, “she showed up unannounced, and was all over Brendon like I wasn't even there.”
“You mean he didn't kick her out as soon as she sat down? I thought you were supposed to be getting lessons from him,” Dallon questioned. He was never Brendon’s biggest fan, he always thought he was a bit too big for his britches. You never agreed with him, but he did have a point.
“It's not like I'm paying him for anything. Would you want someone like me with you when you had a rich girl hanging onto your every word?” Dallon rolled his eyes at that, “he deserves everything that he has.”
“If he doesn't buck up and tell that fuckin’ girlfriend of his that they're your lessons, he's gonna get a punch in the face,” Dallon grunted. He finally took the lighter out of his jacket pocket, flicking it a few times before actually getting a flame. He lit the fag (do not comment on this fucking word, it means cigarette) and took a long drag from it. Smoke puffed out of his nose before he blew it out of the window.
He was always protective of you, especially after you told him about your parents. He wanted to be a big brother figure, one that would help you if and when you needed it. You both had similar styles, more punk than you thought you looked. He had hair down past his ear on one side, and a full undercut. If you ever saw him without his leather jacket, you got worried. He never left home without it. He also had a switchblade always tucked into the inside pocket of the jacket, something his mom gave him before she died so he could protect himself. Luckily, he never used it.
“It's fine, I just wanna go home and watch a movie or somethin’,” you sighed, looking out the window at the buildings flying by with the same, calming whoosh. Dallon shook his head, but drove you home. You both pulled up to the apartment complex and you were surprised by Dallon getting out of the car with you.
“If you think I'm leavin’ you alone in that apartment, you're fuckin’ high,” he said, his voice was gravelly, like usual.
“I wish I were high, I sold the last of my stash for groceries,” you sighed, Dallon gave you a once over before sending you an unmistakably mischievous wink, “why am I not surprised?”
-
The next day, you had school. Dallon had ended up staying the night, on accident, so he offered to drive you to school. Your mother was okay with it, she always was.
Whatever would let her sleep in a little longer.
Thus, you were in Dallon car, on your way to a place you did not want to be. You pulled up to the to the front of the high quality school. It was quite tall, being three stories, and very wide. However, it's size didn't make up for the crowded halls with its almost three-thousand students and staff. Dallon shut the car off and turned to you to bid you goodbye.
“If anyone talks shit, you know what to do right?” he asked, taking your hand from its spot on the seat belt buckle, “kick ‘em where it hurts.” he gave your hand a final reassuring squeeze before dropping it and letting you step out of the car. You leaned over, placing your elbows in the open window.
“I know, dad,” you mocked, “am I taking the bus home?”
Dallon glanced at you one more time before turning the car back on, “not on my watch, pretty lady,” he said, winking at you before taking off. You spun on your heel and walked toward the front doors of the high school.
You had no friends at the school, Dallon graduated when you were a freshman, and you had the Urie family. You never bothered to make any other friends.
You pushed through the crowd, the smell of excessive amounts of hairspray made you want to vomit, but you held your breath as you made your way to the third floor, and into your first class.
“Good morning, (Y/n),” your English teacher greeted you as you sat down.
-
You had one class with Brendon, anatomy, but you couldn't talk to him. His girlfriend also had the class.
“So, Mr. Urie, tell me what range of motion is happening when I point my toe toward the ground?” your anatomy teacher questioned. Brendon’s eyes widened and he looked from the teachers face to the board multiple times before you decided to help. As much as you loved him, or hated to admit you loved him, he was never good at remembering anything from anatomy.
“Plantarflexion,” you whispered from your seat behind him, hoping he'd hear you.
“Plantarflexion?” he said, although it came out as more of a question than anything. The teacher grunted, begrudgingly, in approval and Brendon let out a sigh of relief. Jenny didn't seem pleased that you were giving answers to her boyfriend. Her eyes bored holes in the side of your head, begging you to look over so she could tell you to stop talking to her partner before she did something she'd regret.
Her words, not yours. You'd heard the speech from her many times.
However, you continued on with your work and didn't get her a glance.
-
“You left so abruptly on Sunday, I was hoping you would have stayed longer,” Brendon said. He had found you at your locker after Anatomy, “My mom missed you.”
“I thought you wanted to be with your girlfriend,” you deadpanned.
“I wanted to be with you,” he pouted. Damn, that pout would be the death of you.
“Brendon, you know that when she is with you, she is with you,” you emphasized, “I'd rather not be around someone that is all over my piano instructor while I'm trying to learn.” you heard a giggle down the hall and turned to see Jenny, in her big hair and denim jacket wearing glory, approaching you and Brendon. You scoffed, turning back to your locker to put in the combination. Once it was open you retrieved your history textbook, and slammed it shut. When you turned back, Brendon was being dragged away by the girl he said he loved. What a surprise, you thought, not using him, my ass.
-
It was the next Saturday, and you were thrilled to not have school. All you wanted to do was sleep in and hang out with Dallon at his dad's corner store, but your mother had other plans. She woke you up at eight in the morning, told you to get dressed and to get in the car when you're done. You groaned in protest, refusing to get up. That was, until she took your comforter by the corners and pulled it off of you, leaving you cold and uncomfortable until you complied. You begrudgingly got up from your bed and stumbled out of the room and into the bathroom. Your hair was disheveled when you looked in the mirror, and your sweatpants hung low on your hips, that in partnership with the slightly risen hem of your shirt, showed the waistband of your underwear.
“You have ten minutes, sweetheart!” your mother called when she heard the sink’s water start to run. You groaned loud enough for her to hear, the only reply was a chuckle and, “it's not my fault you didn't wake up at a good hour.”
Five minutes later you emerged from the restroom with slightly fixed hair, minty fresh breath, and a clean face. Your mother had left clothes out for you on your bed, though it was only jeans and a t-shirt. You changed into the clothing and slid your boots on before finally emerging. You found your mother waiting for you by the front door. Once she saw you, she stood a bit straighter and opened the door for both of you to exit.
-
“So, are you going to tell me why you woke me up at eight on a Saturday?” you finally asked. Unlike most times, the windows of the car were rolled up. You could still slightly hear the sound of other cars rushing by yours. It was quite cold outside, most likely because of the early morning, and like most days in Vegas, there were already people walking on the sidewalks and driving in a rush to get to their jobs.
“Well, the church Grace goes to is doing a potluck and I thought you and Dallon would want to go,” she stated. She pulled into a turning lane that you never noticed and flipped on her blinker to turn left.
“Dallon doesn't like church,” you murmured.
“Well, he's meeting us there, liking church or not, the promise of food persuaded him,” your mother chuckled.
Your mother pulled up to a small building that you had never seen before. She shut the car off and didn't give you a second glance before stepping out of it. You saw Dallon walk up to her to greet her, and she pointed toward the car, probably explaining that you were lagging behind them.
“Hey, pretty girl, hurry up!” he called as he walked toward the car. You finally swung the door open and stepped out onto the gravel of the small building's parking lot.
“I'm comin’, slick,” you called, trying not to slide through the gravel when you slammed the passenger side door. Dallon reached you before you could start walking toward the building, and wrapped an arm around your shoulders, “what’s with you?” That's when you smelled it. You knew the smell of cannabis by that time, and you knew how Dallon acted when he was stoned, “this is a church event, Dal!”
“Yeah, but church boy knows how to party,” Dallon laughed. Church Boy, you thought that’s his nickname for Brendon.
“Where is church boy?” you asked.
“With the girl you hate,” Dallon said, way too loud. Luckily, people were too busy eating and chatting to hear you.
-
You had sat down at a picnic table that had no one else sitting at it, and Dallon had his head in your lap. You combed your fingers through his hair to keep yourself entertained, and he seemed to like it, falling asleep in your lap. As if out of thin air, Jenny walked up with a drink in her hand and sat down across from you, her two bitchy friends following suit. She gave you a sickly sweet smile. Her friends sat on either side of her and gave you the same look.
“How are lessons going, (Y/n)?” the blonde girl asked.
“They’re going ok,” if you didn't interrupt them, they'd be better, “Brendon’s a good teacher.”
“I know he is,” she said sweetly, but her eyes told a different story. She looked around, her friends doing the same, like they were making sure no one was looking. Then, she took her red, plastic cup and splashed it all over you, and her friends did the same. Dallon shot up, red punch covering his face, and looked around. You were covered in the liquid from the head down and sat in quiet shock before Jenny started to talk again, “don't talk to him, don't look at him, if i catch you with him, you’re in for a lot more than juice in your face.”
You looked at her face, she was so smug and thought you wouldn't fight back. You stood from your spot, Dallon watched you from his spot on the bench. You stepped up to her, she was a similar height to you, only standing a centimetre taller than you.
“Listen, bitch,” you start, “I don't know what I did to you, I don't want to know, but that does not mean you can blatantly threaten me and dump disgusting, obviously spiked, punch all over my best friend. Piss off, cunt.”
Then, your face stung.
You didn't know what happened fully until you saw her red hand go back to her side. Ouch. You didn't know what came over you, but you found yourself taking her by the hair and dragging her toward the parking lot.
“Kick ‘em where it hurts,” you muttered under your breath. She clawed at your hands in her blonde locks, that felt like straw due to the amount of hair spray in them, but you continued to pull her away from the crowd, toward her car. When you reached the gravel, you finally pushed her with so much force toward the ground, she slid a solid foot and a half, “I better not see your fucking face ever again, bitch, because in your own words, ‘you're in for a lot more than juice in your face.’”
Her lip quivered when she looked up at you, but she didn't move.
“You should really go,” you heard a voice behind you say. You slowly turned your head and saw Brendon standing with his arms crossed.
“Thank god, baby, she hit me and pulled my hair!” Jenny cried from her spot in the gravel.
“No, I meant you, Jen,” Brendon stated, “Everyone saw you, I'm not stupid. In fact, I really don't want to see you again, either. We're through.”
“You can't break up with me!” Jenny screeched. She stood up, shakily, and approached Brendon. She tried to pry his arms from their crossed position across his chest, but he didn't budge. When that didn't work, she tried kissing him, but he stood like stone. She had an angry look on her face when she pulled back, “I can ruin your life, Brendon Urie!”
“Then you might wanna leave and get started,” he deadpanned.
Jenny gave him a glare and left the potluck without another word, her two friends following closely behind her.
“Sorry about that,” you apologized. Brendon chuckled and shook his head, taking a step toward you.
“About what?”
“You just broke up with a popular girl because of me,” you murmured.
“That only gives me the chance to do this,” he chuckled.
Then Brendon Urie kissed you.
And you loved it.
A/n: there won't be a sequel because i like the way it ended, so don't ask -ro
#brendon urie imagine#brendon urie fanfiction#brendon urie fluff#brendon urie#brendon urie x reader#panic! at the disco fanfiction#Panic at the Disco
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It’s Strange - Chapter 13
Previous Chapters: Chapter One, Chapter Two, Chapter Three, Chapter Four, Chapter Five, Chapter Six, Chapter Seven, Chapter Eight, Chapter Nine, Chapter Ten, Chapter Eleven, Chapter Twelve
~
October 27th, 1986
The five losers hung around by the entrance by the library, like they normally did. All except for Mike, who was homeschooled, and Beverly and Ella were still at their lockers.
They gathered around talking about their courses, what they were doing for Halloween, etc.
“So g-g-guys, w-what is e-everyone d-d-doing for H-Halloween?” Bill asks
“Me and Richie will be going trick-or-treating.” said Eddie
“Yeah, I got my handy dandy silly string just like I did last year!’ said Richie
“But we’re 15, you guys can come to mine and watch scary movies with me and Mike if you want.” said Stan
“Nah, we’re fine.” Eddie responds, “We do everything together.”
“Seriously, what if you guys get spotted by the people who go here, or even worse, seniors!” Ben said
“Ben’s got a p-p-point you know.” said Bill
“Well, we wear masks, besides, Dusty and Will are coming with us too.” Richie responded
Then, Bev and El joined the group, looking at the ground.
Ella had something in her hand what appeared to be a note.
“E-El, w-what’s that?” Bill asked
“Nothing.” she looked down at the floor
“Are you sure?” Ben asked, concerned, noticing they looked pissed off
Bev sighed and butted in the awkward few seconds of silence
“We found these notes in our locker,” said Bev
The note read:
Dirty sluts, everyone knows you girls sleep in the same bed.
Everyone looked at the note with absolute surprise and disbelief, the group have been called fags out of random and are one of the laughing stocks of Derry High, but this had crossed the line.
“Ooh, spicy!” Richie laughed, while Eddie gave him a punch in the arm. Eddie got used to those jokes about him and Ella’s mom, but wasn’t going to hear anything about his own sister
“Richie, was this you?” Bev said, annoyed
“Fuck no! You guys can’t take a joke? Jesus fuck.” Richie huffed
“Or you, Eds?” Ella looked over at him
“Oh my god, El, why would I write that about my own sister and friends?” Eddie groaned
“Greta.” Bev thought hard, “Who else can it possibly be?”
“Bev, probably not, she hardly said a word to us since grade nine.” said Stan
“I f-f-forgot about her existence even.” said Bill, “D-don’t w-w-worry g-guys, w-we know it’s n-not t-true.”
Eddie and Richie made the most cringiest faces just from hearing her name, they didn’t want to have the image of that ogre Greta impaled in their minds.
“Even if it was her, she will lay off slowly, like she’s doing already. Like Stan said, she hardly said anything to us since the start of grade ten!” Ben convinced
~
October 31st, 1986
The night has arrived. Halloween night. It’s after 6:15 pm, lanterns and costumes glowing up the streets of Derry-Hawkins
Steve drives Dustin, Eddie, Will, and Richie to their first destination: the suburbs of Derry.
“No one else wanted to come with you guys?” Steve asked them
“Yeah, they all think we’re ‘too old’“ said Dustin
“We kind of are. This was mostly Richie’s idea, but it’s free candy I guess.” said Eddie
“Oh yeah, how’s Eleven doing, Rich?” Dustin asked, “Haven’t seen her in a few weeks.”
“I dunno, but they’re doing something tonight.” Richie said, “Do I look like Mike to you?”
“Yes you do.” said Will
What Will mentioned made the rest of the car snicker discretely, but as Richie heard their muffles laughs he rolled his eyes at the fact him and Mike are twins.
“But yeah, everyone in our group had other plans tonight. What about the rest of your party?” asked Eddie
“Lucas and Max are spending the evening together, same with Mike and Eleven.” said Dustin
“Ooh, spicy!” Richie said with a weird voice
“Shut up, Richie!” Eddie groaned
“Guys, keep things PG.” said Steve, “Anyways, we’re here.”
The four of them hopped out of Steve’s car, gathering their cloaks and masks they put together, to conceal their identities.
“Remember boys, I pick you up here at 8.” Steve reminded
They all nodded and said their okays, then shut their doors before Steve drove off.
The four of them turn to face the street, while hearing the echoes of ‘Trick or treat!’ ring down the streets
Dustin and Will went on one side of the street, while Richie and Eddie would be on another. Then, they would switch sides of one street before meeting and moving onto the next.
**1.5 hours later**
Before long, the four of them had finished the streets of Derry, and Steve picked them up to go to Hawkins.
“Thanks Steve!” Dustin said when Steve dropped them off to their first neighbourhood of Hawkins
“No problem, so you’re done at 9:30?” said Steve
“No, Steve,” Dustin groaned, “Come on, it’s not a school night! 10:00!”
“Fine. You know people stop answering their doors after 10 right?”
“Whatever,” Dustin responded, “Just be here at 10.”
“I wonder who I’m going to spray my next can of silly string at.” Richie smirked while looking at Steve
“Richard if you do that, I will end you.” said Steve
“Don’t do it.” said Will, “That’s just rude.”
“Come on, Willy!” Richie responded, “Halloween is supposed to be a night of tricks and treats.”
Eddie huffed at Richie’s behaviour, not even bothering to tell him to shut up this time, it was just too exhausting for Eddie.
“Wow, can I try?” Dustin asked
“No, get your own!” Richie then sprayed a bit on Dustin
“Behave yourselves.” Steve butted in, “And have fun. Remember, 10:00, and you guys better be ready.”
The pairs of them went on different sides of the streets like they did in Derry, and switched sides when they were done the other.
While finishing one particular house, Will needed to take a break. It was now sometime after 9.
When comforting Will, Dustin found that Will’s eyes were moving in a weird way, back and forth, but Dustin figured this was apart of Will’s strange epileptic moments.
Dustin turned around, and echoing in the distance, was Troy, James, and a few other seniors in the car blaring music, and yelling nonsense at every trick or treater in the street
“Fuck.” Dustin said, then dragged him and Will into the bushes
The two of them stood there in the hedges, they were on a stranger’s property, but they didn’t care. They just didn’t want to get seen by them.
They notice the car drive slowly in the street, continuing yelling nonsense and didn’t look like they were going to leave just yet. Probably drunk, Dustin and Will thought. As a matter of fact, they had pulled over to the opposite side of the road.
Dustin and Will noticed Richie and Eddie coming along and going to one house, then walk back on the street.
“Hey, frogface!” Troy called out
Richie and Eddie didn’t seem to notice, and continued along
“Hey, FROGFACE!” he called out again
They still didn’t notice, and one of the seniors honked their horn
“Oh my god are you fucking deaf or something?!” said Troy, “Your Hawaiian shirt is hella ugly. Who’s that, another gay friend of yours??”
“Sorry, but who are you?” Eddie asked
“Fuck off, queer.” said James, “We only care about the one and only, Mike Wheeler. Out trick or treating in grade 10? What a fucking loser you guys are!”
The rest of the gang laughed obnoxiously, Richie rolling his eyes
“Excuse me, but do I fucking look like Mike Wheeler to you?” Richie answered, “I’m the hotter twin.”
“Ah, so frogface has a brother!” said Troy, “Don’t flatter yourself, you’re just a frogface with glasses.”
“Speaking of which,” a tanned figure leered out from the other side of the passenger seat, “I think I know you guys.”
He was looking more at Eddie, and Richie or Eddie thought they recognized him.
“Really?” Richie’s voice dropped, “How fucking so?”
“It’s me, Kevin,” said Kevin, “Thank fuck Ben and my annoying aunt no longer live with us, they’re annoying as hell.”
“So are you guys. Please leave.” said Eddie
“Or what, Kaspbrak?”
“H-How do you know my -”
“Don’t bother flattering yourself either, girly boy, you and your sister are both ridiculous too. But now I have your stupid friend Max taking Ella’s place at St. Peter’s. Neither of them know any social skills. Fucking idiots.” Kevin rambled
“You have no right to critisize my sister or any of our other friends.” Eddie growled, “That’s our own job.”
“Eds...” Richie nudged
Eddie huffed, knowing if they said another word to those random greasers, they were dead.
“Whatever faggots,” said Troy, “Tell your other faggot twins and the rest of your stupid friends to go fuck themselves.”
Then, the car sped off into the night air, going anywhere, with incoherent echoes roaming down the street
“Fucking assholes.” said Richie
Dustin and Will came out of the bushes, rushing over to the opposite side.
“You guys okay??” Dustin asked
“I guess.” Richie looked down
“Look, I just can’t believe they would insult us or our own siblings.” said Eddie, “They’re idiots.”
“Ooh, Richie and Eddie don’t like when people are rude to their brother and sis!” Dustin teased
The two of them looked at Dustin, including Will, the look that said Dustin, just stop talking
“Oh, sorry.” Dustin said calmly
“After this street, want to cut this trip short? You know, in case they come back?” Will suggested
They all agreed, not even groaning or arguing, they had enough candy, and Steve was probably right, maybe after 9:30 it’s time to start heading home.
~
November 1st, 1986
It was now almost 11 o’clock, and Nancy, Johnathan, Emma, and Steve had woke up an hour ago after they fell asleep after a long night of handing out candy and watching horror movies at Steve’s house
The four of them spent time together for the first time in a while, they were now in college which meant not as much time would be spent, so they cherished every moment of it.
After spending the morning having breakfast, pigging out on the leftover candy, and watching television, when it became just after 12 Johnathan suggested they take a walk on the trail behind Steve’s house. The trail lead to different areas, including the centre of Hawkins, a neighbourhood two blocks away, and even Hawkins High.
As they were walking, they were talking while the November breeze hit their skin. Sweater weather. Cloudy day just after Halloween; perfect.
Steve often spit every corner they took, the three of them giving him disgusted looks
“That’s just gross.” said Johnathan
“What, it’s normal for guys to hock and spit.” Steve responded
“Ugh!” Catherine exclaimed, looking at the ground
“What is it Ems?” Nancy turned around
“What the hell is this?” Emma said, noticing some string and toilet paper on the ground
“Ugh, probably stuff those immature middle schoolers used from last night.” said Steve, luckily they haven’t come into our neighbourhood.”
“They still come here?” said Nancy
“Nah,” said Steve, “Not after my mom threatened to call their parents and the police last year.”
“I bet weirdos hang around the trail at night.” said Johnathan
The rest of them agreed, knowing for a fact they did. That’s what trails are filled with at night. Creeps.
They continued walking along the trail, and next thing they knew they were right behind Hawkins High. Memories flooded back when they looked at Hawkins High, even though they only graduated in June it felt like years ago. Now their siblings were the ones in high school.
A few high schoolers and middle schoolers could be seen playing in the basketball court, but they were just leaving.
“I know this sounds crazy,” Nancy said out of the blue, “But do any of you feel like we’re being watched?”
“Nah.” said Johnathan
“Probably those weird middle schoolers that think Hawkins High is their land but it ain’t.” said Steve
“No Steve,” Emma whispered, “I feel it too.”
Her eyes turned black, and nose began falling like a waterfall out of the blue.
“Emma, you okay?” Nancy asked, “Yeah I think we should go, when Emma does this it usually means there’s some sort of danger lurking around.”
The four of them started fast walking back onto the trail, Nancy clutching onto Emma comforting her, but their choice of going back onto that trail may have been a grave mistake.
As the back on Hawkins High started becoming out of sight, they spotted a weird object that they knew they hadn’t seen when they came that direction.
A refrigerator.
“What the hell?” said Johnathan
“What is a refrigerator doing in the middle of the fucking path?” said Steve
As Steve was about to open it, Nancy and Emma exclaimed “NO!”
“What? Why not?”
“There might be something fishy in there. That was not here earlier.” Johnathan convinced
“Fishy! Very punny, Johnathan!” Steve laughed as he opened the fridge door
But what he saw made him fall back in horror and gag and the others gasp in horror, also on the verge of gagging. The retched smell of dead animals and severed human body parts filled the air around them.
“Do you like what you see, Stevey?” said a sinister voice from behind the four of them, making them jump
Behind them, stood four boys. The guys that were supposedly “missing and murdered” in Derry; Henry Bowers, Patrick Hockstetter, Victor Criss, and Reginald Huggins. Patrick and Victor were the only ones wearing wigs, but quickly threw them to the side of the path.
“W-Who are you?” Steve stammered
“You sound a lot like B-B-Bill,” Henry laughed, “We were never who we said we were. It told us to mess with you guys too.”
“How do you even know about -” Nancy got interrupted
“Shut up, Tozier.” Henry growled, “I know you are related to that four eyed fuck and his other gay twin. We’ve been watching the losers from Derry and your other loser siblings from Hawkins. All of them. Hargrove has been watching you guys too the past year. We got It and the mind flayer’s handy dandy little friend after the dweebs of Hawkins-Derry. It messed with our final one, but now the thing will probably mess with your minds too.
”W-What thing?” Steve asked
“Spicy news too you guys,” Patrick said slyly, “Marsh and wheezy boy’s sister are lesbian for each other, in case you didn’t know. Everyone know about the lesbian fun they’ve been having. Just like everyone knows about you, Evans. You and those other girls are the most filthy and desperate shits of Derry-Hawkins, and you know it.”
Emma gulped, she hadn’t heard those rumours about her since that day in March in the cafeteria where she humiliated Carol in front of the school with her telekinesis.
“Bev and Ella are probably screwing right now. Makes me so fucking horny just thinking about it.” Belch snickered
“More spicy news,” said Victor looking at Nancy, “Hargrove and Mrs. Wheeler got the feels for each other.”
“No that can’t be -”
“Shut up, Wheeler.” Henry growled, “You’re just like your brother Tozier, don’t know when to shut up. Neither you, Evans, Billy’s sister, Marsh, Kaspbrak’s sister, or any girl for that matter should speak. Girls are nothing but pieces of shits and sluts who need to be controlled.”
This infuriated the four of them, but were all too afraid too speak as they were armed with knives and Patrick’s blowtorch.
The four of them tried to get away, but it was useless since Patrick, Victor, and Belch took a hold of them.
“Just like Bill and Mike’s group, you losers are trying too hard.” said Henry, “You tried to go to the cops on us. They’ll never believe you, even if you decide to go back to them again. They think we’re dead. Oscar Butch cop of Derry-Hawkins was my dad. I was the one who killed him. He fucking deserved it. We faked our own deaths to continue torturing as well as being a slave for It.”
“You guys are sick and terrible people!” Steve said angrily
“Look who’s speaking, the failed Steve Harrington.” Henry chuckles, “Billy Hargrove is the real shit, not you. He’s also Hawkins keg king. You Steve, well, you’re a pussy.”
As the Bowers gang laughed, Emma struck Henry in the face with just a bare fist, while Henry fell back and just stared at him.
“Wow, thanks.” Steve said
Johnathan and Nancy managed to slip in the forest unnoticed by the Bowers gang and grabbed branches as weapons.
Henry got back up onto his feet, with the other three helping him back up.
Meanwhile, Steve, Emma, Nancy, and Johnathan stood there, ready to take them on.
“You forgot I had a blowtorch?” Patrick chuckled, “You fucking idiots -”
But as soon as he set the flame ablaze, it pointed back at him, and not the others.
Emma’s nose was now running, and the party as well as the Bowers gang noticed the 007 across her forearm as she set the flames on the Bowers gang and destroyed the match and blowtorch.
The Bowers gang rolled around to douse the flames, only to have Nancy and Johnathan hit them with logs while Steve and Emma kicked them.
Patrick, Victor, and Belch fled in fear, and Henry laid on the ground with ashes all over his body, who had gotten way more burnt compared to the rest of them.
“Is he...dead?” Emma whispered
“If he’s been hurting people including Mike, Richie, and all their other friends, I hope to god he is.” said Steve
“The other three, they’ve gotten away.” said Nancy
Johnathan and Steve ran to see if the other three were still running, but the rest of Henry’s gang was well out of sight.
“Come on, let’s contact the sheriff's office.” Johnathan insisted
After returning to the sight, Henry’s body was long gone.
While other officers searched the area for clues, they managed to find the wigs Patrick and Victor threw to the side.
“Are you sure it was them?” an officer from Derry asked suspiciously
“Yes, we’re positive!” said Nancy
“Then how come the only evidence are the wigs?”
“Try tracing for DNA, something!” Nancy suggested
“Whoops, we forgot our equipment.” the officer responded sluggishly, “Because we’re from Derry, it’s not our job to trace that stuff since it’s in Hawkins and not our hometown is Derry.”
“What?! That makes no sense!!” Johnathan said angrily
“Look kid, we’ll get back to you and mention this to the Hawkins department when we get back.”
**Later that night**
Nancy spent the night at Emma’s house, both getting their minds off of it by mentioning it to Eleven, Lucy, and Emma’s mother, as well as watching a film and putting on nail polish to get their mind off of what happened that afternoon
When it was time to go to sleep, Nancy couldn’t help but stare up at the ceiling.
“The blonde guy,” said Nancy, “Said something about Billy and my mom?”
“There’s no way.” said Emma
“I don’t know,” Nancy responded, “I don’t know why that’s on my mind. Like I hope it’s not true with Billy and my mom. I wouldn’t know who to trust anymore.”
“Even if it was,” said Ems, “You have your boyfriend Johnathan, me, and Steve of course.”
Nancy smiled
“You are right. You guys are the best.”
**Meanwhile**
As Steve and Johnathan were at Johnathan’s, they also happened to tell Joyce and Will about their experience.
“I am so glad you boys are safe!” said Joyce, “Don’t get yourselves in trouble with the wrong people like that again!”
“You believe us?” said Steve
“Of course!!” said Joyce, “I knew those boys were trouble as soon as I saw their faces in the newspaper two years ago, compared to the other kids in Derry who went missing. I must admit, Butch Bowers looked almost as scary as his own son.”
“I can’t believe the police wouldn’t trace the DNA! How fucking petty of them.” Johnathan huffed
“Language.” Joyce and Will said at the same time
Johnathan looked down, still angry that the police were not believing their story. And worried Bowers might go after them, the losers, party, or anyone else for that matter.
“Bowers mentioned something about a thing that went after the kids.” said Steve, “Will, have you noticed anything unusual?”
“Not recently.” Will replied
“Or anytime!”
“Well, last year I had a violent seizure.” said Will, “I woke up and heard voices, then some man with a suit and a bag over his head appeared in front of me, then vanished, but I feel like It or whoever he was was still there, because that’s when I had my seizure.”
“What about the other ones in your group and Bill/Richie’s group?” asked Johnathan, “Have they seen anything?”
“I don’t know,” Will responded, “I’m not even sure if it’s the same thing. You can ask them though.”
Steve and Johnathan then looked at each other.
~
Next Chapter: To Be Continued
#it's strange crossover#it movie 2017#stranger things#nancy wheeler#mike wheeler#mike hanlon#will byers#dustin henderson#steve harrington#johnathan byers#beverly marsh#eddie kaspbrak#richie tozier#stan uris#ben hanscom#max mayfield#lucas sinclair#bill denbrough
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Toutes les bonnes choses ont une fin. Part 6
After every document about Leda clones was shredded and burnt Delphine sat on the sofa and poured herself a glass of Balvenie - 50 Year Old Scotch Whisky that her father’s lawyer and best friend presented to her as a gift after her graduation from the university. She kept it for special occasion but it seemed like it is the last chance to open the bottle. Besides, she would need some courage for everything she was planning to do next.
The whisky was rich and spicy. The taste of dried berries and a lingering sweetness in her throat made this moment feel weirdly epic. Little water drops from melting ice on the outside of the glass streaming down right between her fingers calmed Delphine down a little bit. It was her two minutes of clarity – pure vacuum in her head without fear, hatred or regrets. It was only her and that drink with slight taste of ginger and cinnamon and nothing could take that moment from her. She probably would be happy if a killer would show up right now because she felt calm and ready.
She dug around in her purse for a minute before dragging out a fag and a lighter. It took her a little while to lit it because the pack and her favorite cigarettes in it were wet because of the rain outside and then she took a long drag breathing the smoke from the cigarette in completely, not stopping for anything, as she usually does when she needs to gather her wits, even though she knew that her voice would become lower and wooly after it.
She had to decide what to tell Shay. It was clear that she has no right to disclose the information about Cosima’s heritage without her consent. Well maybe she might do that - the last time Cosima’s desires didn’t really bother Delphine because she kept the information about Kira’s stem cells in secret for a good reason which was still permanent. Well at least Delphine was sure that saving Cosima’s life was number one priority and asking someone’s permission would put the process in danger. She had one way forward back then, but now…Delphine didn’t know if there was a way at all. But what she knew for sure is that she wanted to let Cosima decide for herself this time who to trust.
Delpine would never let herself drive a car while she is drunk, but, after all, it was ridiculous to care about her own safety in existing situation. Nonetheless, she decided to choose by-pas roads on her way to Shay’s house for the other drivers and pedestrians’ sake.
She left the gun in the car despite the fact that Shay might react aggressively after what she’s done to her. And she couldn’t blame Shay for that. However, she couldn’t blame herself for behaving that way either. But one thing Delphine felt ashamed of was this strong feeling of disappointment when she realized that she wouldn’t be able to get rid of this little bitch. Even though Shay probably is a good girl and maybe Delphine should’ve been angry at Cosima who gave up on Delphine and jumped to another chick’s bed so easily. But it is not easy to think straight when it comes to jealousy and protective reaction for someone you love that much.
She knocked Shay’s door quietly, hoping she was home.
Shay’s face has changed in a moment she realized who was knocking.
“Go before I call the police” – Shay said with a poorly hided fear in her voice.
“Shay please! I don’t need to come in” – Delphine put her hands up trying to show that she has no intention to hurt her this time - “Just hear me out. I know what I did was unforgivable but I also know that Cosima really cares for you” – Delphine tried to sound nice but confident, but saying that words out loud was harder then she expected – “and I think” – her voice cracked and it took her intensive efforts to swallow her pride and pain and continue – “I think you two fit”.
“I don’t give a damn what you think” – Shay tried to sound as venomous as possible looking with that eyes full of hatred that no one could possibly imagine being combined with that pure angelic blue colored eyes and sweet face.
“Just know this. I won’t be in your way anymore. But it has to begin with a truth” – Shay was standing there knuckling her hand and being ready to fight back if something goes wrong – “I want you to give her this” – Delphine passed Shay a DYAD institute’s card with Cosima’s «324B21» ID-tag written on it – “and tell her that I said to tell you everything…” - Shay looked worried and a little bit surprised at the same time. She felt that something wrong is happening with Delphine because this incredibly powerful woman that aroused fear in Shay by her presence itself seemed broken – “If she wants to. It’s her decision” – Delphine finally raised her eyes at Shay with her eyebrows lifted up trying to smile and keep at least some of the dignity she used to have. But all the suffer and struggle she’d been through couldn’t been hidden behind that mask of a Superwomen. She got choked up with tears and only one thing she was able to say was - “Be good to her”.
Even though Shay truly hated Delphine it was heartbreaking to see that agony in her eyes. Probably it was that moment of female sympathy but she didn’t want Delphine to be in torment. But still, Shay was truly afraid of Delphine to even say anything back. And she didn’t have a chance to do it as Delphine quickly turned over and went out the building.
-//-
Delphine had been driving in her car around the block for an hour already trying to figure out what to tell Cosima. She clearly couldn’t tell her the truth because Cosima would fight for her even if it put them both in danger. For both of them taking steps was easier than standing still but this time she had to let this happen. But the Blonde needed to see her. She had so much to say to her but none of the words that were lingering in her head seemed appropriate. Delphine knew that she had to use all of her self-control to make it right. There was no more time to waste. Now or never.
She parked the car near the entrance to Alison & Donnie's «Bubbles» and came out of the car to enjoy the cold weather of Toronto for the last time. She loved that Canadian fresh air and these incredibly friendly people, this architecture and this delicious chocolate. Hard to say goodbye to that city.
Delphine heard the door was opened and turned her face just in time to see Cosima bundling up in her coat – this girl from San Fran has huge problems with this freezing Canadian winds. It was hard to ignore that she was wearing the same red coat that she wore that day when they attended Leekie’s lecture on Neolution. Delphine could swear the God that it was the last time when she felt so incredibly free while running around campus with two bottles of stolen wine, holding Cosima’s hand and laughing out loud pretending that she is just a foreign student trying to be friendly.
“Hey you came” – Cosima said with a slight relief.
“Yeah unfortunately I can’t stay” – Delphine tried to sound relaxed but with every second that she was standing near Cosima her heart rate was raising dangerously fast and it took her all the effort to stand still. She had to play it cool. She had to make sure that she wouldn’t give Cosima any promise or any hope for their reunion. Or maybe she had to make sure that she wouldn’t hope for happy ending for them after all.
“Oh not for a little bit?”
“No, I'm sorry. I need you to keep the sequenced genome safe and Kendall Malone far away”.
“Yeah, I think Mrs. S is really good at that stuff, so... she's got a plan” – Cosima looked confused because all of that was obvious. She couldn’t understand why Delphine looked so worried.
“Okay” – “Now go, Cormier. Until you do something reckless. You saw her. She is here. She is alive. She is with her family. Just say you are sorry and let her go” – Delphine was trying to persuade herself to leave.
“I know why you did everything you did. To Shay and… everything” – Delphine never expected this conversation to turn that way. She could never imagine that Cosima would understand and forgive her. But with every word Cosima said it was getting harder to leave. She had never thought that she needed forgiveness until she got it - “I'm sorry I made you make those hard choices and then... And then blamed you for them” – these words broke her shield, she cracked. She cracked like the last time when Cosima told her she came back for her. What Delphine was hoping for? At the end of the day only this tiny woman had this effect on her – all the walls she had been building to play the role she had to play were unable to keep Cosima.
That pain in her chest was overpowering. Delphine bit her lip trying to hold tears that were ready to stream down her face. She pressed her hands to the body hard trying remain control.
Cosima could see the storm raging in Delphine’s soul and she wanted to tell her how much she loves her, that she would never let anything bad happen and everything would be okay as far as they are together. She wanted to hold her and never let go.
And that look they shared. They didn’t have to say “I love you”. Their eyes showed that. Their eyes full of adoration – that look that a dog gives to his owner. The look full of pain and such indescribable love. Such love could start a war, tear everything apart and rebuild it again. The love that build bridges not walls. This almighty love. The love that will exist even after they are dead. The love that would never goes away.
The blonde gently ran a hand over Cosima’s cheek trying to memorise every inch of her beloved woman’s face. She bitterly smiled because that smaller woman made her happy again… even in this awful day.
“Oh mia, oh mia” – Delphine couldn’t keep it together anymore. It was selfish but the last thing she wanted to do before she dies is to kiss her soulmate. Delphine pressed her lips tightly against Cosima’s. Too forced, because Delphine knew this kiss was going to be the last and wanted to savor it for eternity. The brunette’s lips were smooth, supple. Delphine’s hands caressed her head, thumbs sliding up to Cosima’s flushed cheeks. The world fell away with that kiss. It was continued slowly and deeply, comforting in ways that words would never be. Delphine stopped the kiss to look at Cosima one more time.
“Give your sisters all my love” – Delphine said smiling smoothly running her finger over Cosima’s lip. And had to harness all of her will power to walk away.
-//-
Delphine stepped out of the vehicle to go to DYAD institute to finish some of her work when she heard the footsteps behind.
She kept moving praying to every God that might watch over her, even though she was not a believer, to let this happen fast.
After two more steps she put her bag on the floor and turned around to face the one who had her life in his arms. It was no surprise that Detective Duko was the killer.
“What will happen to her?” – Delphine wanted passionately to hear that Cosima would be safe before it happened. The sound of a gunshot broke the silence of the underground parking lot reverberating and thus lasting for the eternity in Delphine’s head. Searing pain bit through her skin, muscles, liver and back. She saw that Duko was aiming to her head to finish her off and she looked him in the eyes holding to the last ounce of strength to show him that her dying is just a step for them to end a war and she will fight with her dying breath until it is over.
She was going in and out of consciousness. The terrible burning feeling through the path of a bullet knocked her out and made her hold on to life again. That one sensation that was killing her kept her in conscious at the same time. Delphine tried to hold the wound tightly to stop the hemorrhage but her hands became slippery from the flood of blood and were becoming weaker with every second.
Random pictures in her head followed each other flashing: her first chemical experiment with her father, their fuss on the tree house, the lullaby her grandma used to sing her when Delphine was scared, the first meeting with Cosima, their jogging in the Campus, their first night together, her eyes, her soft hands, her smile and childish giggle, her dancing in the kitchen, and also some things that would never happen: Delphine proposing to Cosima, their vows, first dance under a huge oak with the sounds of string quartet playing James Vincent McMorrow’s “Cavalier”, unpacking boxes in their first house, their babies running around the playground, their first gray hairs… Delphine was slowly falling to the black hole and could hardly see the familiar faces above her and feel herself removed. Her last thoughts before black out were centered around Cosima and she felt not alone dying with her name on her lips.
https://archiveofourown.org/works/10724469
#cophine#orphan black#orphan black fanfiction#fanfiction#delphine cormier#cosima niehaus#shay davydov
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you know one of the au's i've been thinking about? a modern day au where whizzer is a professional baseball player in his late 20's, and marvin's already divorced but he has to chaperone jason's little league trip to watch a big league game, and they somehow run into each other at a bar nearby after the game/trip and marvin has no idea who he is, which intrigues whizzer to no end.
Marvin drains the first beer in almost a minute flat, desperate to get the echo of eleven loud, shrill-pitched voices out of his brain before it eventually develops further into a headache. Jesus, he was lucky that the stadium was only in the next town over—the two hours trapped on a bus with sweaty, squeaky-voiced Jewish boys still being terrible, but any minute longer than that, and Marvin would have started drinking then instead of sneaking off after checking into the hotel and “turning in for the night.”
And it's all for some stupid baseball game—not an art museum or science expedition or theater production (you know, something educational that would actually be worth the money and missing work days). Bitterly, Marvin can't help but think of Trina and Mendel enjoying their peaceful day at home, probably drinking champagne and laughing evilly about how they suckered him into chaperoning Jason's little league team for some "father-son bonding."
Yeah right. So far, Jason has sat as far away from him as possible and looks embarrassed any time that it's even mentioned Marvin is his dad. Great bonding time, Trina, so glad you guilt-tripped me into it.
It's only the first day of the weekend-long trip, and Marvin is already over it.
He nurses his second beer slowly and flickers his gaze around the low-lit bar, trying not to linger too long at the jawline of one man or the slope of another's ass. Even though it's been two years since his divorce—two years since he stopped with the lying and suffocating self-repression, Marvin still gets nervous about being here, about being noticed and identified as something that he tried for years to suppress. He still remembers high school, with the taunt fag being a slap to the face and getting shoved into a locker when he got caught looking at a cute boy's ass during homeroom.
The memories make Marvin hurriedly avoid all eye contact and stare down at his beer, tensed and terrified and suddenly feeling like he's fifteen-years-old all over again.
But a distraction would be nice, after all. A pretty little thing to help Marvin edge out the headache, loosen the tension coiled in his shoulders, make him just forget everything except the slapping of skin and release of pressure.
He's picked up guys before, but it never gets any easier. It's always stilted, awkward. And if Marvin didn't look so rich and have at least a pretty decent face, he’s sure he'd barely get through the torturous small talk before the your place or mine?
He polishes off his second beer for some liquid courage and finally spots someone worth the effort.
He's just Marvin's type—with a fit, lithe body and soft-looking hair and a dangerous smile easily interchangeable with a sneer. He's seated at one of the bar stools by himself, sipping on one of those fruity cocktails that change the color of your tongue and make your mouth taste of sugar. And Marvin feels a want deep in his bones, the desire coiling hot and tight in the bottom of his stomach.
Shaking his nerves, he walks over and plops down in the seat directly beside him, ignoring the man's critical raise of eyebrow and ordering himself another drink. Marvin refuses to meet the other's expectant gaze and tries not to feel bereft by the man's clear exasperation.
"Let me guess," The man drawls out, arrogant and scathing, "You're in town for the game, right?"
The question throws Marvin off, so much so that he abandons his plan to play it aloof and look at him, "How'd you know?"
"All those empty bar stools," The man gestures with a slow loop of his finger, "And you chose the one directly next to me." The explanation doesn't really make that much sense, and Marvin feels his confusion clear on his face.
"I sat next to you to hit on you," Marvin informs him, the alcohol on his tongue making him blunt, "I wasn't going to make shitty small talk about overcompensating meat-heads with 'roid rage standing in a field for two hours."
The man's bored expression fades slightly, a slight crease forming in between his immaculately shaped eyebrows, "Well, that's a new approach. Can't say I've heard that one before."
Marvin tries his best flirtatious smile, hoping it doesn't look too much like a leer, "You've never been hit on before?"
The man blinks at him, "You're a bold one, aren't you?"
"Not usually," Marvin admits, "I'm just trying to delay turning in for the night because when I wake up, I have to go to that boring ass baseball game."
"Boring?" The man repeats, looking almost offended, "Baseball isn't boring." And oh great, the guy's probably in town for the game too. Voluntarily. Without a son who he's desperately trying to connect with over anything at this point.
"You're not one of those super fans, are you?" Marvin asks with a groan, only half-kidding, "Because I'll be honest, that's kind of a deal breaker. I've heard enough about baseball today to save me a lifetime."
The man continues to stare at him, looking vaguely bereft and intrigued. And yeah, Marvin can work with that.
He sticks out his hand, "Marvin."
The man scoffs at the formality and ignores the outstretched hand, swishing his fruity cocktail around with one of those tiny umbrellas, "Whizzer Brown." There's an emphasis on the name, a pointed inflection. It goes over Marvin's head because he's too focused on the blue dye staining Whizzer Brown's tongue. Marvin licks his lips, waiting desperately to lean in and just taste.
"You're not a baseball fan, are you?" Whizzer Brown asks, still hung up on the subject.
Marvin tries to hide his eye roll, "Don't you want to talk about something actually interesting? Like whether or not if I kiss you, I'll be able to guess the flavor of your drink."
Finally, a smile twitches onto Whizzer Brown's handsome face. Without any response or further coyness, Whizzer leans in and kisses Marvin, filthy and deliberate. Marvin hesitates for only a few seconds—surprised that that actually worked—before reciprocating, pushing and licking into the man's mouth as his hand subconsciously goes to bury itself in the soft brown hair. When he reflexively tugs a little, Whizzer moans, breathless and surprised.
Whizzer breaks the kiss abruptly, leaning back and cocking a challenging eyebrow.
It takes Marvin more than a few embarrassing seconds to remember what he had said, "Uh...Blueberry?”
"Cotton candy." Whizzer corrects, giving Marvin a thoughtful once over. Marvin tries not to preen nor shrink under the man's critical stare. Rather, he meets his gaze straight-on with the kind of courage that he certainly doesn't feel.
Finally, after a long moment, Whizzer Brown asks, "How far away is your hotel?" Marvin suddenly remembers Jason fast asleep in his room, finally crashing from that sugar high when Marvin was stupid enough to let the kids bring candy and snacks for the ride.
"Too far." Marvin says, which blatant lie but he can't necessarily say Actually, my son's in the bed next to mine, so we really can't.
Whizzer doesn't question his answer, simply replying, "Bathroom it is then. Meet me there in five minutes."
Marvin snorts, "You don't seem like the type that likes to be discreet."
Whizzer fixes him with a crooked smile, saying wryly, "Well, I can't let any potential paparazzi see me lead a man into the bathroom of a gay bar, now can I?"
Marvin blinks at the word paparazzi, "That's a weird, self-absorbed thing to say."
Whizzer huffs a laugh, seemingly amused, "Five minutes."
Five minutes later, Marvin is slamming Whizzer against one of the stall doors, nipping at his neck and uncaring if he leaves bruises.
"So you're going to the game?" Whizzer says breathlessly, making small talk at a time like this, "Maybe we'll see each other there." Marvin thinks about the potential of seeing a bathroom hook-up when he's out with his twelve year old son and inwardly cringes.
Forgoing a reply, Marvin pulls harder on Whizzer's hair, effectively shutting him up.
:: - ::
In the stands, Marvin pays as little attention as possible, his legs crossed and chin propped up by his hand. Beside him, Jason seems equally as morose, though that has more to do with the fact that his team is losing rather than being bored by the whole thing in general.
"I told you, Jason," Some other kid (Kevin? Andrew? Shit, what is his name?) says with a smirk, "Nobody can't beat Brown's fast ball." Brown. Marvin is suddenly reminded of breathy moans and hands clawing at his back. Jesus, why did the guy have to have such a common last name?
"He's nothing but a head of hair. Even my dad can pitch better than him." Jason argues airily, rolling his eyes. Marvin is paying enough attention to feel a little insulted.
"That's not what the score is saying..." Blocking out the bickering and staring down at his phone, Marvin looks anxiously at the added number, the name Whizzer glaring at him from the screen. He had been surprised when Whizzer had given it to him, even though Marvin was the one who asked for it (the sex, as rushed and crowded as it was being in a bathroom stall, was still mind-blowing—enough so that Marvin would suffer driving two hours into this town to have it again). Whizzer Brown. Weird, probably fake name, but the guy did have a tight—
"Whizzer Brown has nothing on James Price!" Jason says, snapping Marvin out of his daydream.
"What did you say?" Because how could Jason have found out? He'd been so careful. Oh fuck, how did—
"It's true," Jason argues after a beat, looking suspiciously at Marvin for his sudden interest, "Whizzer is a great pitcher and all, but his batting average is—"
"Whizzer Brown?" Marvin repeats dumbly again, "How do you know him?"
"He's a player on the other team," Jason says exasperatedly, pointing into the field, "He's pitching, see?"
For the first time, Marvin looks onto the field, squinting and making out a familiar form with a fit, lithe body and soft-looking hair and a dangerous smile easily interchangeable with a sneer...
Oh.
"Whizzer Brown is a baseball player." Marvin says faintly, surprised he's able to get that much out.
"But we don't like him," Jason tells him hurriedly, "We're for the other team. The home team." After a pause, he squints at Marvin's stricken face, "What's wrong with you?"
I had sex with him in the men's bathroom last night.
"Nothing," Marvin persists with a cough, rubbing the back of his neck, "It's just the, uh—the pitcher's very...handsome."
Jason rolls his eyes, "Dad, come on. Gross."
"He definitely got some action last night." The other kid says, with a leer too old for him, "I bet she was smoking hot, too." Marvin follows the other kid's line of sight and sees purple bruises the shape of Marvin's mouth decorating the side of Whizzer's neck.
Marvin is torn between feeling shame for sleeping with a player from the team Jason hates, disgust at himself for sleeping with a baseball player period, and an odd sense of pride because after all, he is a celebrity, isn't he? Albeit a celebrity from a barbaric, boring sport, but. Still.
Marvin pays more attention in the last half of the game than he's ever had. He bombards Jason with questions about scoring and positions and just what the hell is happening right now, which Jason all answers with a confused but nonetheless pleased smile. Marvin doesn't have the heart to tell him that he's more interested in a certain player than the game itself.
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Further notes on Vegas
From a letter to a friend:
What was really interesting was when I went to Vegas. Vegas is conservative middle America, and businessmen, it’s devoted to commodification and manipulation of desire. I’m going back to my notebook, where I started taking a few notes for a mail I was going to send you while I was out there but which I never got round to.
I thought I’d put down a few informal thoughts about my NAB time in Vegas. Partly to give you a sense of what it’s like, partly as process. Also partly because I feel the way to understand a thing is not to view it directly, but as Thomas Browne had it in his posthumously published Christian Morals (1716):
“Besides, many things are known, as some are seen, that is by parallaxis, or at some distance from their true and proper beings; the superficial regard of things having a different aspects from their true and central natures.”
Vegas is so strange. The elements are incredibly simple, almost abstract. There are two monads: the city of Vegas and the Mojave desert around it. The desert is a place of a fierce allegiance and antagonism between the sun - which burns very fiercely in the arid air - and the rock - that strata of organic matter, a result of the permian-triassic megadeath, a graveyard of 96% of all marine species laid down 252 million years ago in the shallow seabeds that covered the area, lithified and compressed by the winds and deep time.
JB Priestley said that as you travel southwest in the united states, you become more aware of geology than of human history. you can see the levels of geological time, and the contours and fluidity of the sierra, moving like waves through vast epochs (which is after all what they are doing).
The Paiute indians communed with the gods in the cosmos, and by the position of the stars, divined to know when the minimal sustenance the desert offered would be available: pine nuts from the pinyon tree, roots, and sagebrush.
And in the centre of this harsh geometric plane, there is a central node, which is Las Vegas - The Meadows.
I stopped there, or rather my writing disintegrated into the usual mess of half-legible notes and arrows &c. that represents a diffusion of thought. But if i had continued more coherently, I would have pointed out that, imagining that plane of the Mojave Desert, with its vivid night sky and cosmic holism, in which is that single point of Las Vegas, which is formed by the intersection of four very basic vectors: money, energy (namely electricity), water, desire. The manipulation of these comprises the four causes of Vegas. There is one further coherent phrase in my notebook:
The single point of connection between these two monads is the Boulder Dam, now more commonly known as the Hoover Dam, across the Colorado River.
It may also be seen as the point of conversion - taking the cosmic system of the desert and canalising it into those four elements out of which Vegas was constructed and through which it is controlled or should i say through which it controls. This is as much the case in its efficient cause as it is in its material cause: The Meadows came into being as a consequence of the vast numbers of workers brought in to create the Boulder Dam. Out of the Great Depression and Roosevelt's New Deal, was built this Fantasy Land, designed to part people from their hard-earned dollars as efficiently as possible. To my mind the Great Depression is still present in its working. It still designed to appeal more to middle America than any notion of the high roller - all the Middle Eastern gambling takes place in Macau, I think. But what is that appeal? Maybe some people think they will go to Vegas and make it rich, but the whole thing is clearly about fulfilling desire. As such it equally clearly in its commoditised, processed verions of desire-fulfilment it represents an emptiness. I don't mean to patronise - the obvious extent to which Vegas goes about its business with such pathological determination suggests the people who visit are, to a certain extent, happy with what it has to offer, that they recognise the facade, and that what it gives is a proxy for desire fulfilment in return for cash. It is America's theme park, to an extent I didn't really realise - Lauren and her husband live in Lubbock, Texas, and regularly fly to Vegas at the weekend. It astonishes me that anyone would want to do this at all regularly, but people still do. The US ability to enjoy, in all sincerity, the ersatz is impressive really, or at least very un-English. This is different from the ironic enjoyment or awareness of the kitsch in the ersatz. Having said all that, I'm sure you like me have encountered many Americans who have an equally strong desire to consume that dangerous commodity, so auctioned by Old Europe - authenticity.
As for the material causes, the Boulder Dam generates the electricity (much of this is i believe sold to California, which then sells it back to Vegas O_o), and the water from Lake Mead. This water needs chlorinating because it needs constant recycling to irrigate the Meadows with its pleasure fountains and pools. The heavenly mirage of the oasis comes at a huge exertion of energy sucked out of nature. The infernal equivalent in the desert is the dust devil raised out of a compact of convecting desert heat and wind to raise a whirlwind of dust above the ground.
As is well known, I believe, Las Vegas negates the organic diurnal rhythms into a perpetual neon, oxygenated twilight in order to keep people gambling. I'd walk through the casinos listening to DAMN., across the grimy soft carpets, taking in the smell and texture of chlorine, ionized fag smoke, the chill of the aircon, ceilings painted like skies. The same mechanisms Vegas pioneered have since long been used in supermarkets and in all sorts of areas designed to optimise the ability to extract cash. Now many of the physical mechanisms seem quaint, with newer, more sophisticated mechanisms and algorithms sinking into the structures behind society and manipulating desire in ways harder to perceive than the gaudy excess of Vegas. As I say it seems almost innocent. And there is always an advantage to crudely set out versions of the mechanisms that control our lives in more sophisticated and hidden ways.
The architecture is of course, in rather raw sense of the word, incredible. It reminds me of a science-fiction short story, where a doomed planet was forced to emigrate to another, fresher planet, suitable for existence. First they sent the engineers, who perished on landing, in a crash, then they sent the anthropologists, to recreate the cultural landscape - they also perished, and so on. Finally they sent the blue-collar workers, who created a bizarre fantasy world that represented their image of the world they had come from. So Vegas, as you know. Excalibur has knights in armour, kilted Scottish lairds, maids in dirndles, Robin Hood, and Celtic trappings, Paris has the Eiffel Tower jammed in it and quaint 19th century facades, Venice is all hispanic gondaliers and chlorine. (It is interesting that the Trump Hotel is the only hotel where its theme is itself). Behind these frontages are those huge car parks, separate ones for staff and for patrons, themselves the true backdrop of US desire. They're beginning to have to charge for the use of car parks, one sign among many that Vegas is in decline.
As far as I can tell one area it still continues to do well from is business conferences. I think it's the largest conference facility in the US. And of course the answer to the question 'Why Vegas?' is because business was always the domain of men and so basically it was the place they could go to booze, get laid and gamble. According to a colleague, even comparatively recently (like in the last 20 years) some clients still expected to be taken to brothels. In fact, I don't know why I'm so naive - I'm sure that still happens.
I know I've gone on at length, but this is the backdrop for NAB. It is, to my mind, all non-trivially weird and calculating at the same time. There is, as I say, a nauseating pathology to it all, especially when it comes to the cynicism of the corporate side. The male gaze is totally legitimised there. Men are released from the daily bullshit of having to pretend, and exchange conspiratorial glances and innuendo. That almost tactile male atmosphere a friend mentioned in corporate offices becomes a disgustingly thick fug, and you are treated with bare contempt if you are not the sort of person to enter into it. I do not want to come across as a blowhard puritan, but there is something about the rotten core of male business that gets exposed here. What am I saying, it exposes itself.
When you get to NAB on the first day it's all still being put up - the chipboard stands will, in 24 hours, be glittering with encrusted media technology. It is all as flimsy and gimcrack as hell of course, like everything else here, including people's egos.
There was a passage that struck me with great but enigmatic force in Gerhard Scholem's account of his friendship with Walter Benjamin:
Among the books he [Benjamin] read in connection with this seminar was Daniel Paul Schreber's Denkwürdigkeiten eines Nervenkranken [Memoirs of a neuropath], which appealed to him far more than Freud's essay on it. He also induced me to read Schreber's book, which contained very impressive and pregnant formulations. From a salient passage in this book Benjamin derived the designation "flüchtig hingemachte Männer" [hastily put-up men]. Schreber, who at the height of his paranoia believed for a time that the world had been destroyed by "rays" hostile to him, gave this as an anaswer when it was pointed out to him that the doctors, patients, and employees of the insane asylum obviously existed.
Flüchtig hingemachte Männer. I would like to know what Benjamin so designated by this phrase. It seems to me incredibly useful. So useful, that it's tempting to use it for every damn person you come across in the office or at an event like this. And yet it means more than just empty or fraudulent. There is of course the notion of a deception, not an individual deception, but structural, organised deception. But there is more than just the notion of the Potemkin Village, designed to assure anyone reviewing the event that all is well. It is a structural deception designed to undermine a sense of reality. It is a sort of power-structure gaslighting, which will imply insanity for anyone who doubts it. With the façades of Vegas, the temporary shanty town of media technology, the trouser-hoisting, proud droit-de-seigneur surveillance of the men, mutually assuring each other of their power and feeble, fragile virility, it was a phrase that continually ocurred to me, with a sort of haunting hypnosis.
And DAMN. went from being something which seemed totally, socially rich and democratic to something that felt incredibly protective. I heard no Kendrick in Las Vegas. I'd put in my headphones and I'd find space to breathe. I remember listening to LUST on the monorail, with its line 'might as well overheat' and thinking yes, just let go, stop trying to control it, just overheat, let the pain overtake you, let it overcome you, stop trying to control it, allow it to annihilate you - it was also incredibly hot outside of course - and I just felt a sense of tranquility, and of distance from it all. At this point the entire album seemed to ward off the bad spirits of Vegas. It was private, and contained within it the world that I'd seen in San Francisco.
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