#because you are factually wrong | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

fumifooms · 25 days

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I don’t like minimizing the importance and gravity of Laios and Toshiro’s fight into just being a childish squabble, even if to a degree it is framed that way, because to both of them it has a lot of personal significance and emotional weight and runs very deep to their characters… The fight isn’t nothing it’s a LOT, they made up but it’s not something easy to express and to get over for either of them which makes it all the more meaningful! I’m on both sides but there very much are sides, there’s no "they’re both having a ball, Toshiro and Laios hand in hand yay" side to the fight, that comes after

The fight with Toshiro WAS very scary to Laios, almost existentially so, but it’s moreso the "I thought I’d made a friend!!" bit and my god. My god actually

Like it’s not "just" about oh his friend liking him less than he thought, THAT IS SO MUCH. It’s a bond he thought he had being a lie it’s all the time and moments spent together either being a lie from his perspective or marred now looking back. It’s not only being upset at Toshiro for lying but upset at himself that he’s so easy to fool, it’s being upset that there’s something so wrong with you that you can’t even tell if your "close buddy" even actually likes you or not, it’s like. Holding my head. He can’t trust his own vision of events that happened do you see. There’s always this film of distrust that it could be a lie that should be there when he interacts with people there’s always this sense of cloak and dagger to expect backstabs out of nowhere because you CAN’T see it coming you CAN’T you CAN’T there’s something about you which makes it impossible so you CAN’T-

He’s so scared of not being able to read people. He knows it’s a weak spot he has, he’s always known. All of these bits are centered around social expectations and betrayals, the assumption that he doesn’t belong either in society or with other humans.

And Laios’ level of awareness is actually sort of complex to analyze, but it’s there, there’s how out of him and Falin he was the one sensitive to the ~aura of hatred~ he felt from the townspeople, there’s of course his nightmares whispering to him about the mocking looks, and how yeah actually he realizes that his gold stripper coworker was taking advantage of him. There’s of course the Winged Lion speech about his trauma and how he fundamentally mistrusts/dislikes humans to some deep seated degree, this distrust that he still keeps under control always. There’s how pre-canon he often wanted to suggest eating monsters but never worked up the courage to bring it up with the others. There’s how he gets across as stoic when he isn’t being enthusiastic…… We don’t know how aware and wary he is exactly in the moment but we do know he has some anxiety around social stuff, and looking back he does notice and aughh augh, the sense you have to hide yourself to not get hurt and be on your guard and shit and.

When you don’t know what to look out for and when to look out for it, the general ‘common sense’ of not always trusting people or noticing when someone’s messing with you becomes hypervigilance in social settings

"Man they really know what you hate huh". Being socially unaware literally plagues him, he knows, he knows it so well.

It’s so quick that it’s almost hard to digest how literal and blatant Laios summoning his monster to crush all the people who’ve hurt him is. His literal go-to coping mechanism for comfort in his literal monster-induced emotionally intense nightmares, saving him by taking away the upsetting element (the humans)

"Monsters are his coping fantasy, where they can whisk him away from humanity, all the hurt it’s caused him and its arbitrary rules" with the subtlety of a brick. Monsters are his comfort safe zone "because they kill humans" yes but no it’s because he pits them as the guardians against humans who to him are in the role of the agressors. To him they represent freedom from the shackles of what it means to be part of humanity, a fundamentally social species

#Fumi rambles #Was asked to post this but a lot of this is present in my shuro-Laios fight analysis from Laios’ pov #Bite sized fumi #Laios touden #Meta #happy nightmare chapter day #Character analysis #Spoilers #dungeon meshi manga spoilers #And humanity being a social species is ofc ultimately not shown as a negative.#Dunmeshi is about unity and coming together when seeking to understand that which you do not!!!#But yeah like imagine if you will that you can never really trust your own perspective of events because you literally can’t tell #Wether the person likes you or hates you and you just can’t tell. Even when they ARE being obvious about it #The nightmare scene is so real like I def have vivid memories where I’m like ‘Ah yeah they cringed here #that should have been a dead giveaway’. It wears on self-esteem and self-trust. Like “you don’t belong in society” in a way they’re #sorta like factually not wrong and like. Oh ok man. Sitting down #Just spitballing here obvi. Personal experience. Hey did you guys know that dunmeshi is good. Man. It’s good #Dungeon meshi #Analysis #Feeling The Owl House Gus meltdown episode in tha club tonight #Sobbing about how the flashbacks we see of Laios’ childhood are only happy when it centers around Falin or the dogs

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suncaptor · 3 months

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nothing will make you sympathise with conspiracy theorist ideology more than having a seemingly rare reaction to a vaccine lmao.

#reading articles that try to falsify genuine incorrect information about the covid vaccines from 2021 is making me feel insane #'there's no way the covid vaccine can trigger an autoimmune disorder' uhhhhhhhhhHHHHHHHHHHHH #factually extremely wrong!#they're soooo condescening too like why on EARTH do you think people who are genuinely sick or scared would believe you.#they'll be like there's no scientific evidence that anyone can be harmed by the covid vaccine <3 blatantly untrue.#I know that part of this is retrospect like obviously since more studies have come out and all #but it's infurirating bc they're from the time *I* was having those symptoms *and* telling doctors about it *and* being told the connection #to my other severe symptoms from the covid vaccine were Utterly Impossible (since proven false) and that if the symptoms WERE related #it meant i had a life threatening illness at worst and had a high chance of losing my vision at best #likeeeeeeeee #doctors still DO NOT know what the fuck they're doing do NOT trust anyone who gives ANY 100% answers #i don't know why i'm doing this i just said to stop obsessing but i'm just reading pages and articles on countering misinformation to make #sure i don't -- i want to know the conspiracy theories to recognise them immediately right #and then people are just saying bullshit to defend themselves #i mean most of the anti covid vacc people were also far right so i don't have too much sympathy for their vaccine ideology #but like. fucking hell what a way to push people into conspiracies.#you CAN'T counter misinformation by SPREADING MORE MISINFORMATION #just because it SOUNDS BETTER and MORE REASSURING to say there's not chance of harm doesn't mean you should #there's A LOW chance of harm THAT IS MUCH MUCH less high than the impacts of covid #god I'm pissed off. 2021 i was so fucking terrified of spreading this shit just by talking about my lived experiences.#to say i was not taking the pandemic seriously OR anti vax is so blatantly ridiculous considering who I am as a person but that doesn't mea #that the covid vaccine specifically didn't make me ill ://////#delete

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something-about-sunflowers · 1 year

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So. Like. Izzy doesn’t have the social or emotional power over Ed to be his abuser. He’s not good at manipulating people, let alone a ‘tactical genius’ like Ed. It speaks volumes on some of yall’s opinions on Ed that you think he can’t just get rid of someone trying to hurt him like that.

It’s easy to reach a conclusion when you’re starting from the conclusion and working backwards to an explanation. I could just as easily go through a list of ‘signs of abuse’ and call Ed Izzy’s abuser but I’m not going to do that because, while those signs might be there, it’s more complicated than that. There’s nuance that’s being ignored by labeling either one of them as the sole ‘bad guy’ in their relationship (however you interpret the word ‘relationship’).

I’m not going to argue the specific points because there’s no point, I’m going to block and you’re not going to see this unless someone shows you or you block evade (which I can’t see why you would so I doubt you will). I will say though, the toe thing was not ‘striking back’ at abuse. It was premeditated assault. It was done with intent to control. To put Izzy back ‘in his place’.

If Izzy brings it up as a negative that’s because it IS. Genuinely, I don’t know how many times we have to say it but disabling someone is not a punishment.

You say you’re not an expert on abuse and it shows. Reading a single text on ‘things a perpetrator might do’ does not give you authority to ascertain anything about their relationship, especially when you’re only looking at one side of the relationship. You are certainly allowed to interpret their relationship that way but you HAVE to understand that it’s just YOUR interpretation and that not everybody is going to see things the same way you do. If you don’t like seeing interpretations you disagree with then, by all means: block those people. Ultimately these are two fictional characters we’re talking about and it does no inherent harm for people to have these differing interpretations. Remember: discomfort is not harm, and can be easily avoided by the block button.

(Also? Hiding replies that disagree with you really doesn’t reflect well on your argument, just saying.)

Anyway, bye. May we never cross paths.

#the dork is being a dork #izzy hands #edward teach #the izcourse #this is stupid #this is all so fucking stupid #like #you are more than welcome to have your interpretation but to go on to insist that other people are factually wrong for having different ones #is stupid #I'M annoyed that it's been a year and we've still got people like you insisting that your interpretation is fact #I'M annoyed that it's been a year and we're still getting abuse hurled at us spouting YOUR rhetoric #but somehow yall aren't responsible for that #despite giving them a platform and doing half their work for them by villainizing us because of a different goddamn interpretaion #and not a single one of yall bothering to condemn the fucker #i still remember 'i don't care if you harass the izzy fans cause they're annoying'

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bigskydreaming · 9 months

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Just got a rundown of the Batcat War issue or opening salvo or whatever and I fucking object to this Dick Grayson characterization so fucking much who do I have to pay to break the fourth wall in the opposite direction and kidnap him to rescue him from this terrible storyline oh god Taylor's gonna write tie-in issues to this mess, isn't he. ISN'T HE.

#fahklfhlkahflkahflkafhlkfahlk #i hate this so much #Selina is like objectively factually right here #but god forbid the circus kid be allowed to be the one to point out that there absolutely #literally IS a difference between desperate poverty-driven criminals targeting #a local bodega store owner vs a one percenter #THESE THINGS ARE NOT AT ALL EQUIVALENT #DICK GRAYSON MY BELOVED YOU ARE ON THE WRONG SIDE #like Dick's parents LITERALLY died because of an extortion scheme #he understands the difference between traditional organized crime #and how it impacts the lower classes #and what Selina's talking about here #what if Dick's characterization got to be driven by his own backstory instead of just writers #being like this is Bruce Stan Number One #he doesnt have his own thoughts or experiences #just watered down versions of Bruce's #WHAT IF

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dirt-grub · 6 months

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If you’re currently ONLY posting about the Israelis that are doing good things for Palestine/are against what their country is doing and pointing out when certain protestors that are not affiliated with the whole of the free Palestine movement are being antisemitic know I can fucking see you. Obviously these are important things to talk about as Israel does not equal all Jews and antisemitism should be called out every time because it’s fucking serious and disgusting that another entire group of people is being blamed for this genocide other than the colonists in charge and Zionists supporting it but you’re telling on yourself as only interested in covering your own ass and it’s embarrassing. I don’t know how you can see hundreds if not thousands of entire bloodlines being wiped from this earth and instantly think well um hashtag not all Israelis and that’s it. Again. I don’t blame the majority of the Israeli people for what’s happening I blame the governments tied up in this and those in the military who happily post bragging about the shit they stole and destroyed on tiktok. You may not have technically done anything pro Israel but like I said you’re obviously only interested in covering your ass and continuing to be seen as a good person without engaging with the absolute horror the apartheid state of Israel is carrying out and checking your pre existing beliefs.

#charlie talks #again. please READ this post #I’m talking specifically about people I’ve seen and unfollowed for only posting about the good Israelis who are helping and protesting #obviously a government does not define its people #I’m American I’d hate if anyone judged me for what my country does because I stand for none of it and contribute only by taxes #which is literally illegal for me to not do #it’s just very very obvious when you have a specific agenda towards protecting yourself and your image first #it’s like. embarrassing #also. I am Austrian. I grew up in America #every single piece of Shit nazi has been brainwashed that it’s us or them #like OG nazis. neo nazis are a different story #you think you’re being smart by saying well Israel has a right to exist because of the holocaust #poor Austrians thought the holocaust was great because ‘foreigners’ many of which had lived there for generations #if not most of them #we’re supposedly to blame #because they were starving. they were very obviously horrifically wrong. but it is factual they were starving #it is factual that the holocaust displaced and murdered millions of Jews #but colonizing displacing and murdering Palestinians is not anywhere close to an answer that will solve anything and pretending it’s valid #is insane. theres nuances to both situations that make comparing them a bit reductive but both were genocides #and genocide is always justified by the perpetrators in the ways some of y’all are claiming to be an exception this time #stop falling for it. this is game of money and power not Jewish liberation #when my grandparents cheered as hitler killed the baron who’d been keeping them poor guess what? their neighbors started going missing #and they new government kept them just as fucking poor #you’re being used #free Palestine

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straightfromthetorturedpoetsdept · 2 months

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it does NOT surprise me that there are SO MANY tabloid movies coming out being labelled as "documentaries" filled with "friend of a friend of a friend" claims or like heavily, heavily, heavily biased with a clear narrative the filmmaker wanted to push from the beginning that tells only one possible explanation of the truth.

usually if a documentary is trying really, really, really, really hard to make you think a certain way, it's a propaganda piece. you shouldn't have to force feed your audience the "right" opinion to take away from the film evidence. you should present the full story as accurately as possible with real historical evidence to back up the storyline and the audience will walk away with the right idea.

documentaries should not have an overly persuasive tone to them because you should be able to follow the facts to get to the right answer yourself. if you find yourself walking away from a documentary feeling nothing but "wow this proves exactly what i suspected to be true why arent more people angry about niche radicalizing viewpoint that most people find to be inaccurate" you should recognize that as the first step to being indoctrinated into extremist behaviors and thoughts.

#if someone starts telling me about how much they love watching documentaries and its all super emotional hit pieces on bad celebrities #im like BIG yikes and i stay clear from them emotionally like no fucking thank you #i am a snob about documentaries sorry and i have no idea if im right in my thinking i just think this is how it should be imo #yall should walk away from a documentary understanding how someone can come to the wrong conclusion about something #because the documentary should always present the opposing view point in as sympathetic light as possible #steel man the argument then use facts to demolize it #if a documentary about a controversial or political issue #documentaries that lie manipulate rely on emotional support rather thana factual support are bad imo #because it often radicalizes people to the wrong side once they find the steal man argument against ur position #there is a reason people believe certain things #for example my terfs are lying about the original definition of woman argument post #in it i accept the possibility that woman could be defined this way only if u insist on denying factual history #i explicitly state woman was a white female child because it forces well meaning terfs to investigate the truth of my claim #and it forces them to confront the fact that their argument against trans women can be applied to people they think are in fact real women #you have to be willing to engage with repulsive ideas to show why they're factually incorrect.#im not saying the tone has to be completely passive but you have to be FACTUAL with your documentaries.#i am genuinely of the opinion that the facts will convince anyone because all people just want to be right at the end of the day.

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imruination · 1 year

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shadow and bone fans have me screaming

#this is gonna be as derogatory as I’m gonna get on here I’m so sorry #but I need to yell #Tumblr keeps showing me d/arklina posts #which is fine I guess #I did reblog darkling stuff because I think he’s fascinating #but MAN I HAD TO CHECK THE REPLIES WHY??#first of all ship wars are dumb and childish #like what you like I don’t care #it’s fiction #but Jesus Christ please just stop making random shit up just to have something to back your opinions #first of all a bunch of people say that the darkling only wanted to free his people and he did nothing wrong #you’re wrong but oh well #then a bunch of people say that the writers absolutely criushed malina worse then they’ve seen any ship crushed ever #that Mal fell completely out of love with her when he died and crushed her heart #again factually incorrect but like whatever helps you sleep at night #BUT THEN #a few people had to go and mention how since Mal was an amplifier #the entire relationship was non consensual and abusive #d/arklina fans wanna talk about consent and abuse?????#FAM #also they all had some weird focus on how the trilogy is somehow Americans being cool with slavery and fascism #which again is literally the opposite of the theme #I am simply fuming right now #literally if you wanna love the darkling just say you love the villain that’s fine #don’t twist the series into something unrecognizable just so it suits your interests #oof ok i might delete this in the morning lol

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inkykeiji · 3 months

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No fr, I saw Hazbin fans on TT who ACTUALLY THOUGHT Alastor's last name was "Altruist". Like. They didn't comprehend it was a word he was mockingly attaching to his name after his performance in the finale.

oh my good god. once again i say, the media literacy (and possibly literacy, period) is buried beneath the ground like...that’s actually concerning. unless they were young teenagers who just didn’t know what the word meant,, tho idk if young teenagers should necessarily be watching hazbin but that’s a different conversation for a different time.

#in my short time in the hazbin fandom i have seem some really wild takes and interpretations #and most of them are just straight up wrong. like;;; not the interpretations or the personal opinions—everyone is allowed to have those ofc #and that's valid.#but i mean like saying stuff that is FACTUALLY wrong #because you know;; there's the facts of the text itself and then there's the bits left up to the viewer's interpretation #but anyway #i'm not gonna get into that hahaha #i just rly do think the inability to close read and the lack of analytical skills is very concerning #you *should be* taught how to close read in high school literature classes #i'm not american so i don't know just how awful their school system currently is #but i know that when i was in high school we were taught how to close read and pull apart nuance and subtext and form our own opinions base #on that; on the material itself. and how to argue and back up our points #not that anyone necessarily needs anything THAT SERIOUS in fandom but like just the general skill of close reading #the fact that so many people lack it is justttttt a lil scary idk #i'm rambling now i've been having this conversation with several friends over the past week #it's just baffling #ANYYYYYWAYYY #hope ur having a great friday anon!!! <3 #pls enjoy ur weekend and stay safe c: love u lots!#inky.bb #clari gets mail

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iguessitsjustme · 3 months

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work rant feel free to ignore i just need to get this out of my brain before i esplode:

My job not having any social media presence actually drives me insane...I'm going to try to rant without giving away where I work but my god. I work for an extremely well known (at least in the USA) organization and there's a lot of misinformation flying around out there and we do have a website, but just a website. That no one goes to or looks at unless they call and we direct them to exactly what they're looking for because they ask if we have it written down anywhere.

And I think it's incredibly...obtuse...to not have any presence at all. I'm not saying we need to have an extremely loud and huge presence. But even just like an official reddit or an official tiktok (we do have a twitter kind of but it is never used and I honest to god don't think anyone has access to it anymore) and even if those pages just have the most basic information on it, I think that would help. Just like "here's a link to our website. Here's our phone number. Here's which department handles what if you want to be asked for that specific department." I spend so much of my day on the phone with people that have questions that are so easily answered by just going on our website but no one does. Also don't even get me started on what they did to the website it looks like it got hacked now but it didn't.

This is a strange work rant for a Sunday night but I find myself annoyed. My coworkers and I send each other reddit posts of people misunderstanding things. I mean, they are willfully misunderstanding things they were previously informed of. In writing. But if we really want to make it better and more accessible for people, I think having the information presented in multiple ways would be best. Especially when we're dealing with children. These kids are on reddit and on tiktok and on twitter and they have questions and they are more likely going to go searching in those places to find information. And there are people that claim themselves as experts on all of those platforms but none of them work for or have previously worked for my organization. So they don't know. So these kids are getting incorrect information and then I get angry parents and children on the phone because they listened to the wrong person or organization and I'm standing by our policy and our rules and they don't like that.

Also sometimes they aren't angry on the phone because they were misinformed about something saying that they can't do this this or that and it turns out they can. And if they hadn't called they would have entirely missed the opportunity because they're going to the wrong sources because we, as an organization, refuse to be the source on a different platform other than our own.

And I get it. They don't want to hire someone to be the social media person because we are small and don't have the budget for that. But it's 2024. There are many people. Many staff. That have a lot of downtime (not my department unless it's the summer) and this could be the perfect task to give them. Even if it's just coming up with ideas to present. Not even necessarily filming anything. And videos don't need to show anyone's face or voice. We could literally do the most basic shit and it would be beneficial. It would count down on the number of calls we get and my coworkers and I would have time to do our jobs instead of spending half our time on the phone (do not ask how behind we are because it is sad).

There's something else I want to say about a different organization that I think this would help with but I cannot say without giving away where I work and also I can't bitch about our partner without causing problems. But if you live in the USA, you know about our partner, and I guarantee you hate them. But not as much as me. Never as much as me.

#rae irl #rae at work #don't ask where i work #if you figure out where i work no you didn't #but if you figure out where i work and you are specifically a certain age and have questions you can dm me #and i will be happy to answer as best i can but also i doubt that's the case for any of my followers #i think my corner of tumblr is too old for that #this was brought on by me looking up where i work on tiktok and seeing one tiktok in particular #that was so incredibly wrong that my eye started twitching #luckily it only had 1 like and 0 comments but how badly i wanted to say something #like “this is factually inaccurate just look at the website”#skjkgjdhlkfjhglkjdfh i'm fine i'm fine not bitter at all #this is also coming off the heels of multiple of my coworkers getting yelled at on the phones last week #not me because i think people just hear how tired i sound and don't try it #but two of my young coworkers got yelled at because parents didn't like the answers they were told #which isn't really related but i think just having something anything outside of our organizational websites might be beneficial #and yes i did ask once and they said we're gonna step away from that landmine and i haven't brought it up since #i just think it's dumb #also apparently we didn't get internet until like the 2010s so we are so far behind the curve i don't even know

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awakefor48hours · 7 months

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People on this site really don’t understand Judaism and it shows.

#as usual I’m a gentile #so I’m not gonna say much #but a lot of you guys need to your research before you say anything about Jewish people #because a lot of it is factually wrong #and can figured out fairly easily with one online search

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touchlikethesun · 2 years

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the biggest difference between how the maruarders fandom at large characterises james (mostly talking in fic, but this extends to a smaller extent to memes and general discussion, but those are a bit harder to generalise) compared to the jegulus fandom comes down to how much moral complexity - or complexity full stop - james is afforded.

in the fandom at large, james tends to be characterised primarily as a happy-go-lucky, loyal friend, someone who's strong convictions extend to his relationships. he's strong, and athletic, and popular, and he had a good childhood, he's easy going. and that's all well and good, i don't necessarily disagree with that characterisation, but i think more often than not, people stop there with james's character. and he's shoved into a stock role, as the mom friend or as the "ally." the most conflict james is able to have - outside of the war, which isn't actually a conflict for his character - is his relationship with lily, and maybe with sirius after the prank.

basically, james's characterisation in the marauder's fandom at large lacks internal conflict, and without that conflict, he stays an unambiguously "good" person.

whereas, within the jegulus fandom, if the fic takes place in canon then james cannot be unambiguously good or loyal. by being with regulus, james now has to lie to sirius at the very least, if not all his friends, and he also has to grapple with the dubious morality of being with someone who outwardly expresses bigoted beliefs. by being with regulus at all, no matter what reg's actual beliefs are or if he's actually a "good person" or not, james is at least partially condoning the rhetoric regulus espouses in public.

with this added layer of obligatory complexity, it's very easy for james in jegulus fics to have the outward appearance of the happy-go-lucky mom friend, all the while having a very different inner character with serious flaws and issues that need to be worked through.

i think, because james in jegulus fics has his flaws on full display from the get-go, he's not placed on so much of a pedestal. it's much more likely that james will be allowed to make mistakes, or hurt people, or suffer from self worth issues. this carries over into AUs where it's much more likely in jegulus fic that james not be a wholly good person, or not have morals that align with the other characters.

i have a thousand more things to say, but i'll leave it at that for now.

#okay here it is lmao #disclaimers as follows:#i don't cite any specific work or person because my point isn't to attack anyone or say their interpretation is right or wrong #tho tbh it's probably obvious a lot of the time what i'm referencing lol #also i am primarily a jegulus shipper that's the side of the fandom that i know best so maybe i've gotten things wrong or maybe i'm biased #but i'm telling you i know i'm biased this isn't like a factual statement of the way things are this is my opinion based on my experience #some of this has to do with wolfstar being the center of the general fandom #so often james is relegated to side roles #whereas he's necessarily the main character in jegulus fic #but i think there are plenty of nominally jegulus fics that give near equal development to sirius and remus' characters #so i don't think that can account for the entirety of the discrepancy #jamie <3 #jegulus #marauders

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zorkaya-moved · 11 months

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" you are always on about helping me," for someone whose voice usually comes in a subtle, warming tone, it has taken the turn for something more heated today as their debate, nay, argument had come to blossom as a result of long nights and dreadful projects. in the aftermath of the disagreement, kaveh will find himself in a pit of embarrassment and guilt for having stood his ground, but he couldn't accept it. he wouldn't accept it.

" to say that it's pride is only a portion of it, but i have never had to rely on anyone in my life --- i couldn't. there was simply no room for me to rely on anyone, let alone ask for it and --- that's why i can't stand by and simply allow you to help me, when you clearly do not wish me to help you in return. are we not equals ? do we not share a mutual form for respect, do you think less of me because you see yourself in a position to protect me and support me ? because i won't have you in such a position, zarina. "

it's not anger , per say , simply frustration. he is frustrated with how she puts up a mighty act of a stable, strong woman, for while she is ( archons know she is, she is so strong, and kaveh looks up to her in so many ways / had he been one for prayer, her feet would be the ones he'd find himself bowing to in seek of grace ) she remains as human as him at the end of the day. the pain and hurt he felt certainly were no strangers to her. does she not think he feels the way her face tends to drop the second he turns, or notice how her thoughts wander in the corner of his eyes when he find himself occupied by the desk ?

" let me look after you the way you look after me. let me take care of you the way you take care of me --- for it seems too long ago since anyone did the same for you. " crumbling in his stance ( is my love not enough for you ? ), the heated tone has come to falter in favor for a softer and honest one, as hands seek out to her cheeks, pleading to hold her tenderly in his grasp. " you are my life , zarina. how do you expect me to allow you to be my foundation when you refuse to accept it from me in return?"

@avaere

Their argument breaks out and nothing feels real for the first second. They’ve never argued like this before, it’s never come to this. It’s unusual for the architect to look at her like this and speak to her like this. It confuses her, it makes her wonder, and it makes her question exactly what brought this out. And the more words leave Kaveh’s mouth, the more confused and puzzled she becomes. It doesn’t make sense. It simply doesn’t make sense to her. Is he… not happy? Is he upset that she offers her support? Is he upset that she wants to keep him safe? It doesn’t seem logical nor does it seem like something he should be so frustrated over. The questions circle in her head and Zarina tries to search for an answer, but instead she’s met with a wall. She slams into it mentally as Kaveh keeps talking.

—That's why I can't stand by and simply allow you to help me, when you clearly do not wish me to help you in return. Are we not equals?—

“We are…” Sokolova whispers to his question, still finding herself at a loss for words simply because she cannot fathom the reasoning for his upsetness, frustration, and fiery anger. It makes no sense for him to be hurt in her mind.

—Do we not share a mutual form for respect, do you think less of me because you see yourself in a position to protect me and support me?—

What are you talking about? Zarina asks internally, eyes empty and hollow at those words. Suddenly, his words echo in her head and she can’t find the will in herself to really suppress them. To her, everything he says right now simply doesn’t fit in her understanding. Is she not supposed to help him? Is this not proof of her love? Is this not enough for him to understand how much he means to her? Is this now what love is supposed to be about?

Finally, Zarina isn’t weak to keep those she loves unprotected. She gained everything she needed to keep these important people safe. She has power, she has influence, she has money, she has it all. She has information on each and every important person in almost all of Teyvat. She has customers and clients who are of noble birth and who would beg for her to take a look at their cases. She has it all to ensure those she loves have a comfortable life.

Because she, a woman who lacks any humanity behind her void gaze, can only feel human while being with them. They keep her a person. They keep her away from the numbness, void and hollowness. They keep her away from losing the joys and colors. They are her colors. Kaveh is her Sun and the person she wants to keep happy the most.

But…

—Because I won't have you in such a position, Zarina.—

…I’m strong enough to be in that position, am I not? Why don’t you just let me do it?

She isn't weak. She isn’t weak anymore to have others fuss over her. She doesn’t have anyone to worry over her and try to keep her from harm’s way. Now she can take care of herself, she can protect others like she always wanted. There won’t be laughs of men cruelly kicking her and calling her a little princess, there won’t be Victor hurt while trying to protect her, there won’t be Aleksey who they fret over as her parents are gone, and there won’t be any other people they’d be indebted to who can use them for their own ridiculous schemes.

No, she’s climbing to the top and it means she won’t have anyone look at her or her family the wrong way. She can tear apart anyone who dares to mistreat her or her family. She has everything to keep herself occupied, interested, away from the deafening silence and frigidness.

Ah, but that’s not it. That’s not what Kaveh says and that’s where the dissonance happens. Her past clashes against her present.

Why do you look at me like Victor did? I’m stronger now. I can protect you. I won’t be hurt anymore. There’s no need to worry, no need to try and protect me, I’m fine. I’m…

—Let me take care of you the way you take care of me --- for it seems too long ago since anyone did the same for you.—

His tone crumbles and she can see him reaching out. After all, she had no second to input any of her words into this conversation. His stream of words hit her a bit harder than she’d ever expected. It makes her confused, all too confused and lost.

This means that she hasn't been successful or what does it mean? It makes her think of Victor who’s been trying to take care of her when she was rescued. It makes her think of how when she came to Sumeru, she was looked down on by Scholars and those who were against Snezhnaya. Now they love or hate her, seeking her out despite pride and prejudice because they know she’s stronger. Isn’t it fun to see those people crawl to her?

It makes her think of her selfishness, her indulgence, her sick satisfaction with reaching the top and watching people who underestimated her crumble before her feet. But then it all dissipates, she’s grown bored and sought out more. Like a ravenous beast in the body of a beauty. All hedonistic indulgences fade with time aside from sex and planning. The long-standing plans hold her interest for a little while longer until she’s left disappointed or satisfied for a medium period of time. It all fades, but not the warmth she feels when she’s with those she loves. Not with Victor, Aleksey, Kaveh… Not with them. Not with him.

Oh, but Kaveh reaching out to her both emotionally and physically almost makes her feel fear. Almost, if not for her control over the internal state. It’s a titanium hold, but when his hands touch her cheeks, Sokolova feels something inside start to crack. The whispers in her mind say over and over again how he’d find her revolting, tyrannical, and cruel. He doesn’t know how little care for the world and its riches she has.

She’s always lived selfishly, so giving to her loved ones feels like what she can do. After acquiring everything because her selfish self wanted to see how far she’d be able to reach, this development seems to be… baffling.

His touch and his last words bring her out of that stupor. Still, confused and puzzled over these confessions within the argument, she feels at a loss. Emotions aren’t her strongest forte. Nay, genuine emotions aren’t her strongest forte. Zarina knows how to use them, manipulate them, and twirls them for her own benefit, but right now? It’s not about manipulation and malice. It’s not about shadows and darkness. It’s not about survival. It’s about… love, trust, and communication.

Everything she wanted to protect since childhood yet never surrounded herself with until return home or when Kaveh was by her side.

“What do you mean you don’t help me with anything?” She suddenly asks, her voice coming out genuinely puzzled but her eyes… Her eyes are bleak and cloudy, no, they’re hollow and empty when she begins. His hands against her cheeks feel so hot, her own body feels so cold. Is it because of her vision or is it because she remembered everything from that past? She doesn’t understand him, or does he not get the amount of things he does for her without knowing? “You always do. You’re the only one here who does.”

No one in Sumeru matters. No one in several regions matters aside from Snezhnaya where her brothers stay. Kaveh doesn’t know. He doesn’t know the ‘survival of the fittest’ rule she lives by, rules by, orders by.

Zarina brings her left hand up, touching his hand but she doesn’t yet grasp it. Her fingertips grave over the fabric covering his wrist. She worries that if she grasps it, she’ll break it. Zarina recalls her first hunt in the snowy plains of Snezhnaya. She doesn’t want to break him.

“You make the nightmares go away. You make me feel safer than I’ve ever felt since…” The agonizing pain, the loud screams, the laughter of those who had control. “...since I was hurt,” Sokolova looks away for a moment, her words feel like they’re spilling out as if in desperation to get him to hear, to understand, to give him enough to have an idea but not dive into details (not yet). “You indulge me, you give me your time. There’s no silence, no hollowness, no void. You make me feel…”

Clarity returns to her golden eyes. The silverette takes a second to breathe, finally letting her fingers wrap around his wrist (tenderly, carefully). Her shoulders drop, her expression is one of light exhaustion and still flickers of bewilderment.

“You make me feel human.”

It must be so strange to hear, isn’t it? To feel human. Isn’t she almost the most beloved in all Sumeru for her scholarly achievements, for her charismatic nature, for her connections and for her being the strongest candidate for the Amurta Sage? And yet, Zarina knows better than anyone that those achievements are not done for the sake of gratitude or betterment of the world. It’s selfish, it’s ambitious, it’s all out of boredom and pettiness.

“You never ask for anything. I have power, I have money, I have connections, I have it all, but you never ask for anything,” she starts off. “You are my equal, if you were not…” She lets out a soft chuckle, but it’s sharp and cold. “...I wouldn’t fall for you, love you, treasure you, want to give you as much as I can. If you were not my equal, you’d be lost in the sea of faces I meet.”

Golden eyes return to look at him, but she doesn’t smile nor show any emotion. If anything, she’s stone cold, but not guarded. She doesn’t hide, but there’s no bright light in her gaze and in her behavior.

“Do you… really think that I’ve reached all of what I have today through honored and honest work, Kaveh?” She gives his hand a gentle squeeze, but her golden eyes are growing colder the more she thinks about what she’s done… and how she feels no guilt or remorse or regret over everything. The people’s screams, the Abyssals’ pleas for mercy, the blood, the merciless ends, the survival. “Do you really think that I don’t see you as my equal? If I didn’t care about you or saw you as my equal, you would’ve never even gotten a glimpse of who I am. Like everyone else in Teyvat.”

A hard hitting sentence, isn’t it? Especially said with that razor-sharp gaze and a voice that got deeper as if she growled it out. But instead of showing the same cold-hearted ferocity, she presses her lips together and looks away from him as if ashamed. It’s not that she’s ashamed of who she is, but she is unsure of how much more she can say.

“I… don’t know how to let others care for me,” she admits. “I don’t know how to stop protecting who I care about. And I don’t think… You’ll look at me the same if you learned the things I have to do to survive…” But also because when you’re not here, the boredom and silence come back in full force and I return to those frigid days. “What if the person you love is only kind to you, Kaveh? Will you hate me for it?”

There’s a glimpse of cracks, of a weight no one ever expects someone to carry. But she doesn’t mind that. If it means she’s indulged and her family is protected, it means nothing. Is she really human when she does not feel any remorse for all the things she’s done? Perhaps, the only remorse and sadness comes when it comes to Kaveh. What if he fell in love with a phantom? What if her sharper and crueler sides will scare him away? There’s no fixing that. It’s simply who she is.

“I don’t understand you.” Her lips are pressed together in frustration. “I don’t understand what you mean by taking care of me more than you already do. I don’t understand what you want from me right now. All these riches, all these connections, all of what I have… They are nothing compared to what you’ve given me. You taught me that I can love, I can experience love, I can feel it.” She brings her other hand up to touch his, but then pries his hands away from her face to hold them instead. “And yes, it doesn’t make the world better and it doesn’t make colors seem brighter, but it settles me down. It makes me… think that a normal life isn’t out of the question for me.”

Then, Zarina laughs. But it’s hollow and bitter and feels like shattering.

“To accept your help, I must give up control… of everything I am. And if I do,” she lets out a soft exhale. “I don’t know if I’ll be able to pick myself up if you reject me.”

Finally, she smiles but that smile is soft and careful. Not sharp, not hollow, not cold. It’s more familiar to him. It’s more genuine, it’s as genuine as she can muster when her mind remembers everything she does behind his back to remain on top. She cannot simply end everything she rules over, it’s already too late. Too many people want her head, too many people rely on her, too many people have their eyes on her, too many people wait for her word like their only prayer.

“You are my lifeline, Kaveh. You already give me so much, I want to…” She gives his hands a squeeze, gaining up courage to say the next words. He’s more important to her than everything she’s acquired. She’s lived her life selfishly already. “But alright. I don’t yet understand, and that’s why… Can you teach me… how to let you care for me in a way you meant?” Without this iron control over everything. As she holds his hands in her own, she bends down to press her forehead against his knuckles. A beast offering its leash to another, she hopes he won’t turn away the more she opens up. “But please, I’m begging you, give me time to tell you everything. My life belongs to you, you are my heart. I still don’t understand, I probably will struggle, but be my guide here. So please,” she straightens up and gives him another small smile. She’s trying. It’s obvious. She’s trying against everything she’s been taught by life, by experience, by struggle and torturous existence. But for him? She’s trying. It’s tense, but she’s trying. “Be a patient teacher with me. I’ve never… been protected… and I haven’t been cared for since my childhood.”

#idk how fucking long this is #but wow kaveh made her try #because she treasures him the most #and thats why she will TRY #she feels like if she doesnt she'll lose him #and she doesnt waant to #but also feels like she'll lose him if he learns like a third of her life/her truth #so in her eyes it's a lose/lose situation but she'd regret not to letting him hear and learn rather than reject his attempt #she still wants to bask in his warmth and properly prepare herself if he does reject her at the end #like she's ... she thinks he's so bright and so intelligent and so fucking perfect #but she knows (logically) that she's one of THE worst people to live in teyvat. factually.#not from self-hatred. but from comparing herself to those who live.#but she's still confused. she doesn't get what he means. so shes asking him to teach her what he means #and let her... learn. and see if it's possible. to let go.#kaveh has a VERY high possibility of actually reversing the whole story quest from happening in genshin tbqh #and i am geting so emotional over it #like it can go so right but it can also go so fucking wrong #and im screaming #❄ ― IN CHARACTER. ╱ you breathe by the sun，i breathe by the moon.#avaere #﹙kaveh | avaere﹚ ♥ | ― i'll enter the shadows to protect your light. ❞

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