I don’t like minimizing the importance and gravity of Laios and Toshiro’s fight into just being a childish squabble, even if to a degree it is framed that way, because to both of them it has a lot of personal significance and emotional weight and runs very deep to their characters… The fight isn’t nothing it’s a LOT, they made up but it’s not something easy to express and to get over for either of them which makes it all the more meaningful! I’m on both sides but there very much are sides, there’s no "they’re both having a ball, Toshiro and Laios hand in hand yay" side to the fight, that comes after

The fight with Toshiro WAS very scary to Laios, almost existentially so, but it’s moreso the "I thought I’d made a friend!!" bit and my god. My god actually

Like it’s not "just" about oh his friend liking him less than he thought, THAT IS SO MUCH. It’s a bond he thought he had being a lie it’s all the time and moments spent together either being a lie from his perspective or marred now looking back. It’s not only being upset at Toshiro for lying but upset at himself that he’s so easy to fool, it’s being upset that there’s something so wrong with you that you can’t even tell if your "close buddy" even actually likes you or not, it’s like. Holding my head. He can’t trust his own vision of events that happened do you see. There’s always this film of distrust that it could be a lie that should be there when he interacts with people there’s always this sense of cloak and dagger to expect backstabs out of nowhere because you CAN’T see it coming you CAN’T you CAN’T there’s something about you which makes it impossible so you CAN’T-

He’s so scared of not being able to read people. He knows it’s a weak spot he has, he’s always known. All of these bits are centered around social expectations and betrayals, the assumption that he doesn’t belong either in society or with other humans.

And Laios’ level of awareness is actually sort of complex to analyze, but it’s there, there’s how out of him and Falin he was the one sensitive to the ~aura of hatred~ he felt from the townspeople, there’s of course his nightmares whispering to him about the mocking looks, and how yeah actually he realizes that his gold stripper coworker was taking advantage of him. There’s of course the Winged Lion speech about his trauma and how he fundamentally mistrusts/dislikes humans to some deep seated degree, this distrust that he still keeps under control always. There’s how pre-canon he often wanted to suggest eating monsters but never worked up the courage to bring it up with the others. There’s how he gets across as stoic when he isn’t being enthusiastic…… We don’t know how aware and wary he is exactly in the moment but we do know he has some anxiety around social stuff, and looking back he does notice and aughh augh, the sense you have to hide yourself to not get hurt and be on your guard and shit and.

When you don’t know what to look out for and when to look out for it, the general ‘common sense’ of not always trusting people or noticing when someone’s messing with you becomes hypervigilance in social settings

"Man they really know what you hate huh". Being socially unaware literally plagues him, he knows, he knows it so well.

It’s so quick that it’s almost hard to digest how literal and blatant Laios summoning his monster to crush all the people who’ve hurt him is. His literal go-to coping mechanism for comfort in his literal monster-induced emotionally intense nightmares, saving him by taking away the upsetting element (the humans)

"Monsters are his coping fantasy, where they can whisk him away from humanity, all the hurt it’s caused him and its arbitrary rules" with the subtlety of a brick. Monsters are his comfort safe zone "because they kill humans" yes but no it’s because he pits them as the guardians against humans who to him are in the role of the agressors. To him they represent freedom from the shackles of what it means to be part of humanity, a fundamentally social species

💍 - Xena

click to read these long ass stories !

Xena and Matthew are drunk and get married, either purposefully or by accident.

There was no greater shame than waking up in the arms of another without recalling the events that ended you up there. To Matthew, however, the greatest shock presumably came from realizing his clothes were still on. Why would he ever end up in a bed, with a blonde, only not to be bare butt naked? Slowly but surely his senses woke from their slumber as well and he recognized the peaceful face beside him. Ugh, of course. “Why are you all wrapped around me, Lainee? Damn it, woman, how am I supposed to escape now?” He huffed and puffed under his breath, wriggling from underneath a maze of blond locks and supple fingers until the tiniest of stirs next to him spooked him and forced him to swallow back everything he’d just said. Not such a big mouth when there was a chance little miss-meaningless-childhood-kiss could hear what came out of it, apparently.

After a cautious but creatively successful (tickling her nose with a feather plucked from those cheap motel pillows really did make her move her arm. After the second try, at least.) attempt to climb out of the bed while remaining the only one awake in the room, Matthew looked back over his shoulder. The scene of the pale body, spread out and tangled up in tulle and crisp, ironed sheets beared resemblance to a crime scene. But what more could he have possibly stolen from her? Like a thief in the night, he had acquired both her heart and her innocence once before and he would be able to still milk that fact for double the amount of years. Had his intoxicated ego try to reclaim what was his’ just to inflate his self-esteem a little bit? He chuckled to himself. Yeah, that must’ve been it. There was only one detail standing between his theory and reality, the brunet realized while passing by a speckled mirror: why the fuck was he wearing a bow tie? And why did it match his dress pants?

He had to find answers. Or, if there was no other option, someone else who held the answers for him. Of course, knowing his luck, his phone wasn’t anywhere near the nightstand nor knocked under the bed. It took him three times checking the medicine cabinet, an in-depth search of the closet drawers and all four corners of the room, to at last, by accident stumble over a bag. His heart? Dropped. Peaked. Was as alerted as that time his front door opened during one of his solo karaoke nights. But as luckily as he’d been to find just his mother standing with a giddy smile on her face, as luckily he was now, finding out all the contents had landed with the softest thud on a carpet floor. And iPhones, as creepily clever as they are, both lit up from the sudden movement. Making himself comfortable in a threadbare couch, he scrolled through his new messages, only to find there were none. Oddly enough, LRSOA’s life of the party had an unfamiliar low amount of notifications waiting for him which he could eventually pinpoint to having no signal. What did he find? Time to clean out his phone storage room which led him to a series of pictures of him and Lainee Xena looking like fucking prom royalty for some reason. Zooming in, he couldn’t believe his own weird smile directed at her and his hands around her waist and- oh, bingo!

By the timehis hands got hold of the old camera he’d seen himself holding in the pictures (and that must’ve rolled out of Lianee’s purse earlier), a few things had come back to him already. One of them the fact that that camera definitely had been fully charged on Saturday-morning. So the red blinking light signalling the battery was dead at the moment could only mean one thing. Eager to refresh his memory, he knelt to the ground in search of its black charger and the least damaged-looking socket in this room. “Come on,” He grumbled, slapping the top as if that would speed up the charging process enough to start rolling the tapes. The brand’s intro tune alerted him when the videos were finally ready to be watched. The first little previewcatching his eye had a time-stamp of 10PM in the bottom corner which probably meant it wasn’t the first but the sight of Lainee just drew him in. She was wearing the softest shade of pink and gave the dress’s fabric the illusion of being see-through. It had long, puffy sleeves and flower details on the front. Though Matthew would’ve never picked that one out for her, it was a clear fit. Thetulle of the dress made her innocence stand out and involuntarily, a smiletugged at his lips when he watched her twirl around in it just once. “Nowthat you look like a princess, we’re all ready to crash into the castle, aren’twe?” He heard himself ask and refer to an old, fancy-looking building that onlynow came into clear view. There was a remark on his suspenders before thefootage cut off altogether and Matt was left with only 31 other videos to fillup the holes in his memory.

Bit by bit the pieces fell together. Waving around his dad’s credit card was the biggest giveaway and the plan this duo had cooked up wasn’t all that bad, to be honest. Play a good old prank on that grey fool by stealing his credit card and misusing it for purchases Matthew would never be suspected of. It started out with that tux and its accompanying dress, then a variety of dessert tables (wedding cakes, of course. Just to be sure to dodge all and any suspicion.). Judging by their moans, they sounded even more delicious than they looked and Matt even quietly laughed when he watched Xena reach out of frame to wipe away a bit of custard cream from the corner of his mouth. Which he had only reciprocated by smudging some chocolate sauce on her nose instead. In the fancy venue they’d hired last minute, Matt had grown tired of their little confetti canon fight and lay down, admiring the accidental party he’d created. Turning his head and the camera from the ceiling to the right, he said, “We’re not going to get anything out of it like this. We should invest in something worthwhile. Like… Inviting people so they would bring gifts! Or maybe something that we can pawn once all of this has blown over. What do you think, little love?” And even without seeing it on tape, he knew his grin matched hers when she replied the only acceptable answer, “both.”

A few more lose frames here and there, all too cozy for the public eye, and suddenly Matthew found himself sitting on the edge of the settee, wondering what would be on the end of this tape. He was absorbed in finding out what his own announcement from last night would be all about. Something worth hyping up strangers in a country-club setting for, anyway. “Ladies and henpeckers, I just broke a crystal glass to get your attention so you’ll better bloody listen.” A drunk Matt shushed the crowd, one hand tightly clasping the microphone, the other seemingly stuck on Xena’s hip. “You know what? I’ve known this girl since I was, I don’t know, like 10, maybe? And I-” 

A hiccup started interrupting Matthew’s speech but by turning up the noise a little, it was not entirely impossible to follow. “I’ve forgotten many faces over the year but I could never get rid of this one. From the first, right up until the last time I saw her, she could haunt me in my sleep for nights on row and guess what, man?! I never even minded! At least she was there in the night, whether I wanted- needed her to be or not. Wait, wait, we should go to the beginning. To when I first saw you and the second and the third time and- fuck I think it took me till like the seventh time to be able to stay cool around you, Lainee baby. You always looked so pretty next to the jukebox, lost in your own rhythm till someone paid you some attention and music and then- you came alive. It was the coolest thing I’d ever seen. Yeah, yep, I thought you were cool. Too cool for me, that’s for sure.” He breathed in for some air, trying to pick out the right words from the pile in his head. But it didn’t work until he pulled her close into his chest. “Listen, you make it beat so freely, I’d start to wonder if it was ever in a cage in the first place. I always had a good time with you. A good good time. Nothing bad really happened. Well, that one shitty thing did but- but! I want more good times. I want to go back to how sweet you and I were and not turn things sour this time around. So what do you say, huh? Do you want to marry me?”

No one yelled “What?!” as loudly and filled with disbelief as Matt just did. No one except perhaps the girl, in the dress, in the bed where they’d slept. Their eyes met. Their shock was mutual. Their reasons, however, were not. “How could you let me do this?” He lashed out, not even caring about her explanation about how he’d bought rings behind her back, thinking they were perfect to be pawned. Guided by the clattering sounds of a failed marriage, Xena had to duck to dodge the ring he’d thrown back at her. Like she’d once thrown her dancing shoes away when he’d won the war and he’d (more than) once thrown the towel in the ring when there was nothing left to battle. Perhaps, she would’ve never married Matthew after all this but he never even asked. He just made her out to be a problem, one he needed to get rid off as quickly as possible. Right when she had had the slightest feeling that he wasn’t that bad of a guy, after all, Matthew Bay provew he could be so much worse.

“Don’t you get it? There is no you and I, Shaw.”Matthew, who was throwing an exaggerated tantrum, had not expected her to respond to hisrhetorical question. “Only us. Right?” Her naive hope for him wasbaffling. Her way of dealing so well with a hungover him even admirable. Buther loyalty and trust in Matthew was simply misplaced and the brunet feared hewas the only one who could (and should) put her back in her place now. “Isthat the kind of rubbish I sold you last night? Oh my god.” His hands palmed his face, rubbing it in disbeliefand exasperation while he sank on the corner of the motel bed. A loud laugh ofridicule erupted and as quickly as it came, it abruptly stopped again. His hands clasping the old camera, that had recorded them from the start, turned white from the strain. This was something he could no longer contain. So barely turning to look at her, he said those words he should’ve said years ago before casting her away. “I may not be exactly sure what my future will look like. But I do know one thing, and that’s that you’re not in it.” With an unwavering force he broke open the cassette and pulled out the recording tape. Pull and pull, creating a violently whirring sound that overruled either of their tears, until it was nothing more than a pile of plastic memories left to be forgotten on the carpet floor.

Xena and Matthew are drunk and get married, purposefully or by accident.

“Drink with me,” Matthew offered her a plastic birthday cup that he’d found in a kitchen drawer at home. Presumably collecting dust there since his 10th birthday but what better day to make use of them than on this sunshiney day with his little blonde lighting up his afternoon, by his side? “It’s nothing too strong. You’ll like this, trust me.” Uncorking the bottle of rosé, the sweet smell of bubbles and potential yesses filled his nostrils. He may not have thought of bringing fancy glasses but he did reach a little deeper in his pocket to get the actual good brand for today. Matt poured her almost double of what he poured for himself. The pink liquid was just too sweet for his taste. But then again, so was Lainee.

As planned, the innocent girl couldn’t quite hold her liquor ( how could anyone who wasn’t used to drinking, hadn’t eaten much more than strawberries and bathed in the warm sun all afternoon? ) so Matthew played the gentleman he was and helped her up from the grass in the narrow backyard. It wasn’t much but it had always been enough in his eyes. It was part of his home after all, worn-out soccer balls and white, plastic garden chairs included. “Sit. I’ll get the birthday girl something to eat.” Her giggles made him laugh as well and he lingered for a minute, only to ensure sure she was alright, of course. Perhaps he had given her too much. Not only alcohol-wise. But by now he wouldn’t be able to tell until she would one day leave with all of it.

Climbing on an upside down beer crate, Matt reached on top of the kitchen cabinets to pull out his gift. He’d remembered how long the bus had seemed to take, this morning, after he’d left the shop. It had left him there, waiting for what seemed forever, with a stuffed little dog, a box of cookies and his own wandering thoughts on why he was trying to woo this girl so much. “I’ve given her plenty of good times, you know? And fuck, when is my time coming?” Matt had raised an eyebrow at the small pup beside him before chuckling, “I’m really leading a dog’s life here.” Upon coming to this sobering conclusion, he’d strolled back into the shop to buy the alcohol with one of his older’s cousin’s ID’s and at last, went home.

“Lainee, close your eyes!” He yelled from behind the frosted glass door onto the porch. “Because I’ve got a surprise for you. Are they closed?” Only after her confirmation, did the lad, carefully so, tried to bring out a small platter filled with cookies and the fluffy, husky-looking dog sat upright in the corner. “Alright, you can look now.” Matt said as he held out his camera, focussed on her expression. Always making sure she got used to him filming her and how her smile turned into a focussed frown, reading the words that the alphabet cookies spelled out. Then, in one swift motion, her frown stared right back at him as she said his name. Cautiously. Not sure what to think, probably. Which fifteen year old girl would when there was a sweet marriage proposal laid out in front of her? 

Matthew knew it was time to swoop in, “I’ve been doing a lot of thinking and the thing is, I have so much fun with you. And I know you’ll think we’re too young. We are! But one day, we won’t be. And when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.” He quoted Harry’s words to Sally, kneeling down in front of her and putting the camera aside for a second so he could no longer hide behind its lense. “So what do you say?” He shook with the cookie box, urging her to spell out her answer to his question but before she did that, she flung her arms around his neck. Not only did that almost make him stumble over but she pressed right into the bulge in his pants. “It’s not what you think, I swear.” He scraped his throat uneasily, his hand already reaching down as she slowly returned the distance between them. “I just didn’t want you to say no, you see?” Matt smiled sheepishly, pulling out all the broken O’s and crumbling N’s he’d taken out of the box before. 

Much to his surprise, she had grabbed one of each letter in his hand nonetheless. While flicking the N in her mouth and putting the O on the platter, she reached elbow-deep into the box until she triumphantly pulled out a K. Even now, three hours and two discarded outfits later, he could still hear her say “Some day.” On his bare feet, Matt sneaked into the kitchen of his empty house, feeling almost as thirsty as he felt guilty after sex. Looking at the platter, he knew there was only one thing he could do. So by the time he had worked Lainee out of the door before his mum returned from work, he’d eaten them all.

BONUS

If little Matthew would’ve ended up accidentally marrying Lainee, it would’ve been out of honour. It would’ve been because a group of guys, or perhaps even only one asshat, started showing the wrong interest in her, that Matt would step up and claim her as his own. Of course, women are no one’s property until... well, he realizes they can be. And with four shots down his throat, the idea to rent a priest and host a mini wedding in a bar that lines up arcade games on one side of the wall, suddenly seems like an epiphany. However, in the morning, it would yet again just add to his misery.