#because it made me actually finish my planned gifset
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I'm hard to love, there's no denying
If you've had enough, thanks for trying
Heavy by Peach PRC
#blindspot#blindspot 3x16#blindspot rewatch 2022#because it made me actually finish my planned gifset#tasha zapata#zapatterson#and my internal zapata soundtrack is just this song always
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Random BL Superlatives: 2023
Well @lurkingshan did it, so I must do it. So here are some random, WKA themed superlatives for the 2023 BL selection.
Best Hands: Mhok and Day, Last Twilight
gif by @singularities
Listen. I know. I KNOW. There are so many incredible options, and I have written at length about a number of them. I mean come on, La Pluie is right there, I Feel You Linger in the Air is right there, Sing My Crush, Moonlight Chicken etc. etc. etc. But
But, Last Twilight came in with the steel chair right at the end of the year here with that FUCKING HANDSING SCENE. Can you blame me? The handsing scene is shrimply too powerful.
Best Lighting: Playboyy
You know, it's funny cause I don't usually end up writing about lighting in shows, despite the fact that lighting design is absolutely one of my favorite things in film, stage, and television. Chains of Heart has really interesting lighting too, but Playboyy is an objectively better show, and it is doing some absolutely gorgeous lighting design.
Best Sex Scene: Olive Oil, I Feel You Linger in the Air
gif by @pharawee
THE OLIVE OIL SCENE, WHY ARE THERE NO GIFSETS OF THE OLIVE OIL SCENE? WHY IS TUMBLR SUCH A FUCKING HATER???? They didn't even fuck in that scene, but holy mother of GOD it was the best thing I've seen all year. I Feel You Linger in the Air has some of the most inventive and beautiful intimate moments, and spreading the olive oil as a stand in for arousal and masturbation was absolutely goddamn brilliant.
Best Faen (Non)Fatale: Porjai, Last Twilight
gif from @khaopybara
I know Last Twilight hasn't finished yet and will take us in to 2024, but Porjai and Mohk's relationship is absolutely my favorite lovers to friends dynamic I have seen this year. I was showering praise upon them all for this in the tags of a reblog today, so I have to give it to them. Massive shout out and extremely close call to Nara from La Pluie.
Best Emotional Roller Coaster: What Did You Eat Yesterday? Season 2
Ok there were quite a lot of shows that I think would have applied here, but man oh man this entire season has just run me through the wringer with how much Shiro has grown over the course of the last two seasons. Episode 11 had me laughing my ass off, and then absolutely sobbing by the end. So it's going to Kinou Nani Tabeta?
The Shirt I Want to Steal Most from Wardrobe: Blue and White Button Up, The Sign
gif from @ohshinytrinketsmine
I know this will be contentious when the Fart Proudly shirt is right there, but I really loved the blue and white button up shirt that Phaya wore I do not know what is in the water at IdolFactory, but they have hands down some of the best shirts I have ever seen. When I watched Secret Crush on You I wanted the entirety of Sky's wardrobe, now I am having shirt envy for this sexy little blue-with-white-lines-that-are-vaguely-rabbit-shaped (wka do not write a post about rabbits, do not write a post about rabbits-) button up.
The Character Who Most Changed my Opinion of Them: Phupa, OS2 x BBS x ATOTS
gif by @alexshenry (double PhupaPat whammy for @waitmyturtles)
Okay, so to tell you the truth, I made new superlatives cause if I took the superlatives from @lurkingshan's post it would have been at least half the same if not more (because as always, Shan is right about everything). But, I will put an overlap here because I absolutely could not let this year go by without applauding Aof, Earth, and Phupa for really putting in the work to help me understand this man better.
The Show That Most Surprised Me: Wedding Plan by MAME
gif by @wanderlust-in-my-soul
Okay not only was this show that I absolutely was not planning to watch or initially interested in actually one of the best of the year, but it was also a MAME show. And a lot of us have our critiques of MAME's writing, but this was so outside of her typical MO that I am shocked it came from the same writer. Love Sailom, love a Lavender Wedding, love Nuea, love it all.
The Trope This Year That Most Accounted for the Fact These Are Gay MEN: Boxing! Sing My Crush, Wedding Plan, The Sign
Sing My Crush did this the absolute best, but I really genuinely loved that multiple shows this year let men fight in controlled settings to get out some of their frustration and to process their feelings. Han Ba Ram crying in the gym? One of my favorite scenes of the entire year.
And yeah sure, Phaya and Tharn are fighting for the intricate rituals that allow men to touch the skin of men, we get the horny vibes, but fundamentally this fight does occur because Tharn is angsty and ignoring Phaya and that cannot stand. I like seeing Phaya sparring with the punching bag at the end of the most recent episode as well because he's fucking furious about Tharn telling the doctor about his dreams. I love it, I love it so much.
#bl superlatives#last twilight the series#playboyy the series#i feel you linger in the air#what did you eat yesterday?#kinou nani tabeta?#the sign the series#our skyy 2 x bbs x atots#a tale of a thousand stars#sing my crush the series
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Weekly Tag Wednesday 🌟
Thanks for the tag @iansw0rld✨️🖤
Name: Sarah
Age: 29
Location: California
And now...
Latest music discovery: Crosses! they're so good and I'm happy that I stumbled across them
Latest movie: Last one I watched that I haven't seen before was Shattered
Last TV show you finished: Shameless...again lol
Most recently started book: It's been a while since I've read an actual book lol
Most recent trip out of town: outside of normal shit because I have to leave my town to do literally anything...probably my anniversary weekend
Most recent trip out of the country: Never :(
Most recent gift you made yourself: I made a new gifset this morning that I really liked so that!
Most recent gift you made to someone else: probably the gifset I made Georgia (@iansw0rld)
Most recent text message you received: not gonna write the whole thing out because boring but it was about school pick up for my kid lol
Most recent text message you sent: "sounds good to me" in response to said school pick up plans for my kid
Last fic you read: currently reading one about mobster mickey
Last drink you had: sweet tea
Last thing you ate: barbecue chips lol
Latest piece of clothing you bought: clothes for my kid
Latest piece of advice you received: I honestly couldn't tell you
Latest piece of advice you gave: wasn't necessarily advice but it was a gentle reminder to a friend that the hard choice she had to make was the right one and that she is worthy of love
Latest thing you promised yourself: That I would do better at taking care of myself
Thank you for the tag! <3
Tagging these cuties if you want to partake, if not, this is a friendly boop🖤
@mickittotheman @mickeym4ndy @whatthebodygraspsnot @heymrspatel @onthepyre @jessieoneday @samantitheos
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Gif sets of 2023/Roundup
so i'm combining the tag game that @naomismcpherson and that @nick-nellson, @alexshenry, @pranink, @khaotunq, @smileytharn, & @i-got-the-feels tagged me in...thanks for the tags loves! 💛
Rules (adapted for fic, gifs, art, etc.): Share what you made this year! It can be works you posted to Ao3, Wattpad, Tumblr, or anywhere else! You can share everything you made or just the projects you're most excited about.
fun statistics
in total i made 296 gifsets in 2023
march was my busiest month with 49 sets (21 were for liz's 21st)
90 are only friends
53 are home school
13 include angsty song lyrics
2 are just to see firstkhao crying
10 are a show + txt posts
42 are elaborate sets
1 is based of liz's breakdown over first in mlc
JANUARY
popular: watched MOD @morkofday's suggestion and needed to make this set
favorite: neo being the most hilarious human being in midnight motel
FEBRUARY
popular: tk staking his claim on carlos
favorite: liz inspired alan gifset
MARCH
popular & favorite: mama reyes admitting her biggest regret, i literally sobbed ugly over this scene and what it meant to me
APRIL
popular: gun, win, & aye being kicked off the bed parallel
favorite: khathadome & khathachan + ao3 tags, sometimes i make myself giggle
MAY
popular: gwen being missed at the rehearsal dinner
favorite: aye + love languages in our skyy 2 (had to help him beat the allegations of being a bad boyfriend)
JUNE
popular: tian getting the 1000th star
favorite: unhinged game of musical chairs
JULY
popular: it's a tie folks... yeol being moved by ye chan's request & tien calling his future boyfriend an asshole for kissing his brother (which is fair)
favorite: mok & mek absolutely devstating us all in ep 9 & 10 (let aj & jj be leads)
AUGUST
popular: sand x ray dynamics
favorite: actually popular is probably my favorite too but honorable mention would be the set i made before only friends aired because i was so hyped and i have actually started the video for the song and i plan to finish it
SEPTEMBER
popular: only friends ep 6 +txt posts (felt like the funniest person because of the tags on this so thank you)
favorite: ray + my final symphony (put my whole ussy into it)
OCTOBER
popular: only friends ep 9 + txt posts
favorite: it's a tie for me and both are khao/ray related...shocker... ray + five4three2one & fuck it, we bawl ft khao crying
NOVEMBER
popular: khem, the comedian (this actually broke containment which good, it was funny)
favorite: mork x day dino fight (i wanted to gif the entire scene)
DECEMBER
popular: dani x jamie + make it a rom-com
favorite: it's my blog url namesake...don't judge me...ray pakorn + character profile & ray pakorn + character study
tagging: anyone who wants to because i didn't actually look to see who's been tagged or who has done this 💛
#tag games#i was feeling kind of bad about how behind i am on cheercember but like girl....i didn't know i did almost 300 gifsets this year#someone take photoshop away from me#no don't i have like 5 sets i've started and i want to finish them
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New Year's Ask Game for Fic Writers
To close out 2023…
1) What fic did you have the most fun writing this year and why? Or, if you can’t decide, what was most fun about writing this year for you?
It was a lot of fun writing the Masquerade story, because there was a lot to consider. Should I use my own voice or try to mimic someone else's? Should I write a story that I normally wouldn't take a chance on? Game-ifying fic writing makes it really exciting. And now it's fun to guess on everyone else's stories!
2) What’s a scene/story that you finished and felt “wow, I really accomplished that, that actually went so well”?
Chapter 13 of Out of Nowhere. I knew from the beginning that I'd have to write that angsty sex scene, and I felt like I was training for a marathon leading up to it. It had to balance anger and love, had to involve force but not be rapey. There were so many complex and competing forces in the scene, and I wasn't sure I could pull it off.
3) What helped provide the most inspiration for stories, if anything? Was it poetry? A song on repeat? A gorgeous gifset? A walk outside? A book you read that made you want to change everything? Whatever it was! Tell all.
Songs! Always songs. Murder ballads. Heavy metal opuses. Raw 2000s emo. Give me all of it.
4) What is something you want to share about what you’ve written this year? A particular line, a comment that made you feel really good, a scene that was difficult to write — you get to choose! What do you wish someone would ask you about when it comes to what you’ve written?
I tried to write novels back between 2012-2018. I wrote 2 YA fantasy novels and pieces of four others. But none of them ever felt complete. None of them gelled in my mind. I don't know why. I shelved them all. Then, I discovered the Gallavich fandom. I read the fics and a fire got lit inside me. And now I've written five novel-length stories. FIVE. And they all feel right! I can't thank this fandom enough for being supportive, inspiring, and transformative. I may not have a ton of fics, but completing a fifth multi-chap makes me feel like a superhero.
And to start off 2024…
1) Do you have any writing/creation goals for the year? What are they?
Finish Out of Nowhere, which will happen ... any day now!
2) Is there a fic or idea that you’re really excited to be able to continue to work on in the new year (shout out to my fellow fic writing folks who take forever to finish wips, sometimes it’s nice to be able to continue working on something even if you wish you’d gotten it done! Now you get even MORE time with it!)
I am exited to continue the @galladrabbles series No Sleep 'Til Nashville. It makes me giggle to put all the fandom tropes in there. It might go on for the entire year, who knows? There's a lot of story left to tell, and I have a lot of shenanigans planned.
3) What’s something new in your writing you want to try/are going to try? A different writing style? Different fandom? Darker works? Fluffier? Longer or shorter?
I might write more short stories this year. I might write a non-Gallavich original novel (if the idea strikes). All I know is that I'll always be writing something.
4) What’s something you love about your own writing that you will continue to appreciate in the new year?
I love creating suspense — in a scene, in a chapter, in an entire fic. I enjoy the challenge of making every scene sing, or at least having narrative tension. I don't see that going away. Here's hoping I can succeed!
Tagging, if you'd like to participate: @sweetperversiongirl @sweetbee78 @depressedstressedlemonzest @juliakayyy @notherenewjersey @metalheadmickey @creepkinginc @whatthebodygraspsnot @arrowflier @crossmydna
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hii quick question what was your reaction when you saw dosd ?:))
Oh, that's a quick question to make not to answer because you have activated my trap card >:3 Favorite movie question, where I answer all the ways that I can to that question and I choose to not notice if I'm being annoying while explaining my love (*lying*, that's why I made a short version to answer this, to avoid annoying).
Short version:
Amazed to find out its existence, still amazed from start to finish.
Got obsessed with Seto Kaiba's obsession to get his bf back to life and marrying him💕
All this time yu gi oh! was teaching us, about heart, about dedication, and about how gay love can pierce through the veil of death and save the day. (I thought this twice in the movie)
for some unknown reason to me some people think or thought at the moment that at the end Kaiba time traveled, but I'm on team dimension traveled (come on, it's on the name of the movie)
And I've analyzed this movie so many times and I'll keep doing it, I love DSOD so much, fav movie, my shipper heart can't and won't let it go💕
Long Version:
warning I can and will explain why I loved this movie divided on scenes (mostly in order) on this version and feel free to picture me like the image below
So I was away of the fandom, then re entered around when the movie came out, I didn't re join for the movie, I had just rejoined and was searching the tags when found out a screenshot or gifset from the hologram duel in the movie, and I was like "this is so beautiful! where is this from?!" then found the movie.
The reaction to the actual movie was me squeeing, loving the style, I found my love for Takahiro Kagami way to draw the characters and love that Kazuki Takahashi himself had worked on the movie directly, also love the palette colors, the plot. everything in that movie is a work of art and I've and will continue analyzing it forever.
replaced the bbt movie as the best ygo movie, and also replaced whichever I had on 1st place in general as my favorite movie (still is)
I love so much the plot and how they took it as continuation for the manga, because it was so unfair for Seto to be negated the last moments of seeing Atem on earth then.
and as I said in my short answer, I got obsessed with Seto's steps of grief.
how the duel with the I.A Atem was in a church scenery, he is so in love with him and wanted to marry him the faster he could.
I know now that it can also be read as in "Is in a church so it can also be the part of him giving a funeral to Atem" but fuck it, this is about my 1st reaction and also I can prove that can also means what I 1st thought and was that Kaiba was practicing for his wedding duel.
we'll go back to this a bit later.
squeed again when Seto talked about how much he worked on the I.A to be a good copy.
loved that the I.A got gold arm bracelets, so lovely, and oh boy (gn), when the scene of Jonouchi is saved by Atem I was like "!!!! ATEM HAS THE GOLD ARM BRACELETS! HE'S BEEN WATCHING SETO AND APPROVES THE CLOTHES!!!" (or maybe he was just using the I.A to save Jonouchi or was the I.A itself? however my first thought and the one I keep thinking is the real answer is the one on Caps)
now let's talk about finding the puzzle pieces scene and Diva using his dimension powers to banish people and how Seto avoided it with tech, I went 🥰 "yeah! boy you got this!" and also yelled because that moment pointed Seto's plan to bring back Atem.
the miracle! oh god, I cried, the battle city tournament memories of their souls crossing, oh boi (gn), their souls crossed again 😭💕 they were so connected.
"Gay love can pierce through the veil of death and save the day." (ghost facers, supernatural 03x13)
let's continue, loved the tournament to get the puzzle complete again, I was alone watching this but I pointed to the duel disks and I was like holy shit is a wedding ring! is a ring for Atem!
allow me to explain myself, he made just 2 duel disks and they're themed with their colors combined (the black of Atem and the blue of Kaiba for his own disk, the white of Kaiba and the pink of Atem for the other), he gives it to Yugi because that's the vessel, but the disks as shown in the getting the puzzle pieces scene has the power to stabilize the person to the dimension that currently is. Seto planed to bring Atem with the puzzle but keep him on earth with the duel disk! the guy is so in love and I love him for it.
in love with self sacrifice Seto for Atem to be back again in the duel vs Diva, I cried there too, and specially because he was right.
again we're reminded that "Gay love can pierce through the veil of death and save the day." (ghost facers, supernatural 03x13)
and the end using the dimension canon and arriving to his bf resting place was *chef kiss* 🥰💕✨ go for him and bring his ass back!
later found transcend game manga and just made me love the movie even more 😭💕
I have seen this movie in 3 languages:
1st on Eng dub, didn't grow with it but they did a good job, I loved it :)
2ndly on Jap with subs, loved it more, Atem's voice in the "will see about that" phrase 🥰💕💕💕💕💕💕💕, Seto's voice in the is not a monster is a God , uff hot.
3rdly in Lat. Spanish, sadly not with all the original voice actors, since the ones that were in charge to dub it didn't ask correctly the voice actors for their help 😭, still did a good job to dub
now I wait for a possibly 30 year anniversary movie and see how they talk about Yugi's or Atem's hair, haha 2 years to see if it happens (bbt is for the 10, dsod for 20... is too delusional to hope for a 30 anniversary movie? imo it's fine)
and that's all, in conclusion:
I love this movie so much and I won't stop loving it. 100/10! 💕💕💕💕💕💕✨✨✨✨✨
#ask#ygo#prideshipping#tagging it because if someone still feels like talking about the prideship in the movie 🥺I'd like to do that very much
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Darn it, I ran out of time to post my WIP tonight and I won’t have time tomorrow but... Mark your calendars, frens: “Cupid’s Kiss” (Eobard/Caitlin, The Flash) chapters 3 and the epilogue in 4, coming to a screen near you on Monday, Feb 27, 2023.
Barry doesn’t look like he believes me. Well, Barry... I can’t blame you for that, lol. But I’ve legit got the draft of Chapter 3 up into AO3 at long last, which is my next-to-last step in posting it. This is where I try to catch typos, wrong words, etc. because sometimes seeing it as it’s going to look on AO3 helps those things to pop out. That’s a step we haven’t gotten to before now, so that’s hopeful at least!
This one has dragged on for so long, there might not be anybody left to read it. But that’s okay. I just want to know that I didn’t give up, even when I wanted to. Even when it hurt. I want to be able to look back and know that made it across the finish line.
“The Price” (Caitlin/Hunter, The Flash) has its first chapter very close to being done, and I’m hoping it will be the next to post. I also intend to finish “Guardian Angel” (Caitlin/Eobard, The Flash) in another 1 or 2 chapters or so.
“15 Minutes” (John/Reader, Halo) has some major stuff coming up, so I’m planning on sticking to it once it gets going again. “Recreation” (Kai/maleReader, Halo) will continue to weave in and out of “15 Minutes” as well, though will probably be pulling away a bit so that we’re not continually just being a third-party p.o.v. on something going on with John and his reader. 😉 Lastly, the Choose Your Own Spartan Adventure fic for Noble Team (Noble Team/Reader, Halo: Reach) is still in progress. Which isn’t probably a shock to anybody who’s noticed all of my Reach love as of late. I’m also going to do another GIFset or two for my Noble Team bbs because I love them so much.
I hope there will be somebody out there who’s interested in something I have coming up 🤞😣🤞 but, truthfully, I just want to get these things done. Once completed, I’ll evaluate where I’m going to go from there. 🤷♀️
Thanks for reading this all, if you did. Thanks especially to those who liked or replied to my previous posts about all of this, even if the fics I’m talking about aren’t in your fandom and aren’t something you’ll read. Just having some encouragement... It’s meant a lot. I’ve been struggling a ridiculous amount over all of this and honestly just seeing a simple like helps me to feel like I’m not out here all alone, in pain for nothing at all. Even if I actually am. 🤷♀️
Love you, frens. I hope you’re having a good weekend. 🤗
#ais is writing#the flash#halo the series#i may be done with writing for good once i complete these#or i may just take a break where i can really relax and not have a bunch of WIPs hanging over my head#my battery is drained right now and has been for a while#i just want to stop feeling like a failure#and feeling like a failure for FEELING like a failure#because i know that none of this matters#i could abandon all of these fics for good and it wouldn't matter to anybody#and that's okay#i've taken too long to finish them#that's on me#but it will bug me to know they never were finished#i need to KNOW they're finished#then i can rest#then i can give up#or then i can start over again#i don't know what it will be but i know that i need to get these unfinished things off of me#ageless aislynn
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i was tagged by @stannisfactions for this! I was really happy to meet you this year through the helaemond server :)
1. What is your AO3 account?
I'm dragonsoftheeast on there too.
2. How many words did you write total in 2022?
75, 742! I can't believe it. This really is my most productive year, after not even writing anything in 2021, since during COVID I focused a lot on my original work. I definitely got into a creative groove this year for fic though.
3. How many fics did you publish in 2022? How many multichapters vs oneshots?
I wrote 3 multichaps and 14 oneshots. Incidentally all of those oneshots were for Vikings seasonal challenges, so...
4. What was your longest fic? Your shortest fic?
My longest fic was not born, but raised, my Elite novelization, which I finished this year. I'll get to the other two seasons at some point, I think, though that fandom was already pretty dead by the time I got there (tho Netflix keeps pumping out seasons). My shortest fic was more, give me more, give me more, a nice romantic scene between Bjorn and Thorunn. I have a really fond thought for this fic, but it really broke my mental barrier of, a fic needs to be a certain length in order to be publishable.
5. What was your most popular fic? Your least popular fic?
My most popular fic was Fire Made Flesh, which is kind of crazy because I only started it in November. My least popular fic is i don't ever think about death (it's alright if you do it's fine).
6. What fic didn’t perform as well as you thought it would?
Honestly, I never expect any fic to perform at all. I guess it would have to be dropping glasses just to hear them break, though, because I love writing from Thorunn's POV and I thought I did a really good job with it, but it didn't really get that much attention.
7. What fic performed way better than you thought it would?
someone's gotta go now! I wrote that in such a panic to meet the deadline of the challenge, literally the day of. I love writing death scenes, so I sort of fell back on that in desperation, but it apparently hit some people. But honorable mention to in all chaos there is calculation. I know Freydis is an unpopular character, but I was glad to see some people liked me exploring her headspace.
8. What was your favorite fic you wrote from 2022?
I mean, it's sort of a toss-up. I'm so proud of Fire Made Flesh. It's my first attempt at a proper epic fic since 2015, and I'm so much more prepared for it now than I was then, and a much better writer too. I feel like I've really sort of found my balance between planning ahead and gardening with it.
However, I wrote a catty conversation between Daemon and Aemond in High Valyrian in second son, and I was SO into that.
9. What was your favorite fic that somebody else wrote in 2022?
This is always really hard. But this is really random, but Aerea. The horror and the lore, combined together? Lovely. I think of it all the time.
10. Tag your friends to do this year-end fic review as well!
Well, this was actually quite therapeutic. I didn't really realize how much I had actually written this year. 2022 me certainly kicked it into high gear! Anyway, anyone can do this if they like, but I'll tag @carladuquette, @volvaaslaug, @ivarthebadbitch (just wanna say, sometimes I stare at that gifset you made for Glory and Gore for an embarrassing amount of time), @strawberrycordate, and @yani5688-blog to do this too.
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Ohhhhh but you wrote the Red Cricket “True Loves Comes Softly” fic, right? 😍 How was I not following you already? 😂
For real though...one of my fave fics ever. Across all the fandoms ❤️
Ohmygoodness I don't even know what to say!! I might just cry!
I noticed you reblogged my Red Cricket gifset and your tags made me so happy I was going to comment but I wasn't expecting this! Thank you thank you thank you for your lovely words. I feel like I poured myself into the "True Love Comes Softly" fic and I'm so glad I finished it. It's wonderful to hear that others like it so much!! <3
I had so much fun with that pioneer OUAT world that I've got a sequel half planned out and I've started to write it but it's got a long way to go. Your comment is almost providential because I've actually been back to writing a bit for the first time in forever (for another fandom) and it makes me hopeful I will get back to writing Red Cricket.
So thank you again!! I miss Red Cricket and I am always excited to hear that others love them, too.
P.S. Thanks for the follow! :D
#heather answers#fandomsbyladymelodrama#red cricket#true love comes softly#tlcs series#writing#heather writes#user fandomsbyladymelodrama#ahhh this means so much to me#and like i finally get back to writing#to receive a comment like THIS?! :D <3
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hi em!! do you have any advice for making really elaborate gif posts with dozens of gifs? (this is what i'm thinking of) thanks <3
hii millie <3 honestly that set was So much trial and error!!! i'm going to assume you know how to actually like put multiple gifs on one canvas since you just asked for tips so i'll tell you some of the things i figured out in the process:
plan before you start and break the work into chunks!! big posts like the one you linked can be daunting, and having a plan can make the process more manageable. when i made the linked gifset, i completed one color at a time and finished that color before moving on to the next rather than jumping around, so i was able to clearly see my progress as i giffed. it was really exciting whenever i finished a gif and added it to my drafts post and i knew that i was Exactly 40% done or whatever yknow?
err on the side of shorter rather than longer. when you put a lot of gifs together, not only will it make a pretty big file, it can also be a little bit busy!! if you keep your gifs short, you'll do yourself a favor in terms of file size And it'll make the overall gifset easier to appreciate because like. people don't wanna sit around watching dozens of gifs that take a long time to loop. if you keep the length fairly short the gifs will load more easily and people can see Everything fairly quickly.
assemble your gifs before you do your coloring/brightening/etc! idk if this is just a problem with my laptop or photoshop or what but when i move a gif from one file to another, my adjustment layers and layer masks often get screwed up, so there's no reason to screw around with adjustments before getting my gifs arranged how i like them.
don't limit yourself to familiar layouts!! combining multiple gifs on one canvas can let you mix gif sizes or use unconventional shapes!
i would encourage you to figure out at least a general color palette and layout before you start to guide you, but to not hold yourself to it if something else happens along the way. if you're going to put a lot of work into a set, you ought to like the final product!! if you planned to do one thing and end up doing another, don't force yourself to follow the original plan. this is a hobby and it's supposed to be fun <3
the last big tip i have is to ummmmm make sure you like. check over everything before you post it. i made SO many mistakes in that rainbow post skncdkms especially in the white and pink gifs you can see like my color adjustments sometimes will just disappear from a certain gif for a frame or two. i was so excited to post and tired of photoshop when i finally finished that i didn't double-check things and now i just have these embarrassing mistakes out there with five thousand notes.
anyway i guess that's it??? ty for asking!! if you want more specific advice about like actual photoshop functions i am probably not the best person to ask but let me know and i'll help however i can <3
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Hey,I just finished watching Strangers from hell and I have SO MANY questions. Also I strongly believes Moonjo didn't die for so many reasons. I also this theory that maybe the entire thing was Jongwoo's novel?Will there be any other season with all the explanations?I really loved this series, so much to the point that I'm sending asks based on it on tumblr lol :P I never did that. Another thing is which episode did Kihyuk talked about Jongwoo to Moonjo? I saw your post on that but can't linkit
Hello~ I hope you're doing well!
First, let me welcome you! It's always nice to meet someone who liked the drama so much that after watching it they still have questions and are creating theories of their own (this is how they get you, and make you stay in this fandom forever XD). I would love to hear your theories about how/why Moonjo survived, by the way, if you ever feel like sharing them (I'm with you in this one! Moonjo is definitely still alive, and the proof is in the drama, for all that look for it to find).
About the idea of the entire thing being Jongwoo's novel, I think it's plausible to imagine that, since Jongwoo could have written it at any point after Eden (a lot of people believe that it's the story he's writing in his laptop at the end of episode 10). Jongwoo could be manipulating the narrative and, naturally, the audience, since he's unreliable (*cough* a liar *cough*).
I don't know about explanations, but, the channel that produced the drama, OCN, announced that there was another season (a prequel) and a movie in their plans (**however, it has been almost a year without any news from them, so we're starting to think of it as a dream/collective hallucination we had once).
To be frank, the sole reason my blog was created in the first place was because I had many thoughts about Strangers From Hell, that I just couldn't keep to myself anymore, so I understand on a personal level what is coming here to do things you never did before watching this drama (actually, the first time I ever received an ask was because of it! I didn't even know I needed to enable the option to receive them in the blogs I had in the past 😅 I learned and did a lot by being part of this fandom. The people here are really nice and have many interesting ideas; I'm certain you'll have a good time if you stick around!).
About Kihyuk talking to Moonjo about Jongwoo... That never happened. I was actually not sure about what you could be referring to, until I remembered the AU I made—not part of canon, just me playing with what ifs and alternative realities. I signalled it in the caption of the gifset, but I understand it could have caused a misunderstanding. I'm sorry that it happened (it would be cool if it was true, though, wouldn't it? ☺).
Well, now... If you have any more questions, wants to ramble about something, or need anything, anything at all, you know where to find me! Know that I'm thrilled to receive you in the family and will fully support you <3
See ya! o/
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Going to make a compilation of a few "about me"-style tag game chains in one post so I'm not reblogging really long posts!! Everything under the cut :)
@simplysebastian tagged me in:
If you get this, answer with 3 random facts about yourself and send it to the last 7 blogs in your notifications, anonymously or not! Let's get to know the person behind the blog!
1. I used to be a swim instructor and lifeguard
2. I'm an only child
3. I was in band in school and played clarinet from grades 5 through 11
@justgleekout tagged me in
Favourite time of the year: Probably autumn!
Comfort food: Oh my god literally anything? Lol no I guess it's probably either pizza or ice cream? But also anything I enjoy can be a comfort food imo
Do you collect something: Polyhedral dice! I have... a lot lol
Favourite drink: Cream soda
Current favourite song: Hmmm this is a tricky one. I wouldn't say I have one all time favourite song, but lately I've been particularly enjoying Rollercoaster by Bleachers
Favourite colour(s): All of them, but if I absolutely had to choose one it would probably be purple (I know, you're all shocked)
Last song: Rollercoaster by Bleachers, only because I had to go into my music to pick a favourite song lol
Last series: UmmmI just finished watching the Netflix limited series Inventing Anna yesterday!
Last movie: Operation Varsity Blues, which is a documentary about the US college admissions scandal.
Sweet, savoury, sour: Probably savoury, but really I appreciate all of them.
Craving: I would very much like some butter chicken from my favourite Indian restaurant. That's pretty much always what I'm craving tbh
Currently working on: Answering all these questions!! Lol. For fandom stuff, I have a WIP that I'm slowly making progress on, and a few gifsets that I'm waiting to post and may made a few adjustments to first. Outside of fandom, I have a cosplay I need to start planning and working on.
@thnxforknowingme tagged me in:
Relationship status: Single
Favourite colour: As above, purple is you make me choose, but really I love all the colours
Favourite food: Hmmm maybe donairs? I wouldn't swear to it though
Song stuck in your head: None at the moment actually!
Last thing you googled: "mirrorball lyrics" lol
Time: 9:33pm
Dream trip: Ummm Hawaii maybe? I don't feel super strongly about travelling somewhere in particular though tbh, I'm not big on travelling so if I could just go somewhere that I can be comfy and relax and do a lot of swimming, I'd be happy. Scuba diving would be fun too.
Last book you read: God I don't even remember, I literally never read books I only read fanfic. Last long fic I finished was Make Me Happy by iaminarage and I really enjoyed it!
Last book you enjoyed reading: As above
Last book you hated reading: Like I said I don't read books, and I don't really want to say any fics that I didn't like sooo I guess I don't have an answer haha
Favourite thing to cook/bake: I don't like cooking or baking lol but I guess lately it's peanut butter cookies
Favourite craft to do in your free time: Sewing!
Most niche dislikes: Strawberries
Opinion on circuses, now and in history: It's not something I really think about. For a long time I thought of circuses as just like... travelling amusement parks, kind of? Apparently that's not the case though lol. Definitely more complicated things going on with actual circuses.
Do you have a sense of direction, and if not what is the worst way you’ve gotten lost: I do not but I've never really gotten lost super badly because of it thankfully. Shout out to google maps on my phone for telling me where to go <3
Thank you to everyone who tagged me! I'm not going to tag anyone else because there are a lot of things here, and I'm late so everyone has probably done them already lol
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I’ve been rewatching Futurama with the goal of finishing just in time for new episodes. It’s going well, I think—I’m halfway through s3, and I need to watch at least 7 episodes a night. I kinda wish I started with the movies, because I’ve watched the original 4 seasons approximately eleven billion times, the movies and the first batch of newer seasons several times, and I think I’ve only watched the most recent batch of episodes once. Maybe twice. Still, I’ll get there, and it’s fun! I briefly considered making gifsets for each episode as I watched (using Morbotron; I am not skilled enough to make gifs from scratch), but a dozen gifs for the first episode quickly put an end to that plan.
Anyway, here’s some random thoughts:
-I kind of want to ship Fry’s ex Michelle with Zapp Brannigan. I think they are toxic in complementary ways that would be extremely entertaining, and I may attempt to write a fanfic about it or something.
-I really enjoy Amy’s friendship with Fry, they are super cute. That time they dated read to me like chill Friends With Benefits, which then makes Fry freaking out over her appearing to get serious make more sense, even if he reacted to it like a dumb dumb.
-I have concluded that the little three-eared orphan girl Sally is a mutant just like Leela, and I think she’s the three-armed mutant’s daughter. (I forget his name, I wanna say Raoul but don’t quote me on that.) Just because.
-finally, it dawned on me that Fry is canonically, textually neurodivergent. Obviously, whatever is divergent about his brain is the result of cobbling together a functional mind without the delta brain wave, but it sure does resemble ADHD a lot of the time, and probably other things too. It would be interesting to fully analyze and see whether there’s any pattern to his moments of brilliance and what he struggles with, even though I am pretty sure the pattern is “rule of funny”, “rule of cool”, and “rule of plot”.
Here are several of the many, many gifs I have made since discovering Morbotron:
Also, I’m working on my playlists—both the “unofficial soundtrack” and the “fanmix” varieties. Because I cannot be into something without making playlists for it; these in particular have been under construction since… season one was actually airing, probably. I’ll share them if anybody asks and/or if I feel like I have either finished them or reached the limits of what I can do without suggestions.
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A gif set for someone who hasn't seen QAF. Perhaps it's a creation to be in the void, but which ones would you do? It's limited, I know
include Vic.
Hey!
To be honest I feel like I've covered every britin base gif wise possible now two years on and I've made out of context qaf posts/episode gifsets. I can't think of any more parallels either I'm burnt out lol.
At the moment I'm just making gifs of scenes from the episodes along my rewatch which for me is the least exciting creativity wise. I don't know what else I can do once I finish my rewatch, the fandom is dead apart from the small group of us who I love but it does get tiring being the only active creator and I don't wanna make stuff for the sake of making it yk.
So it may be I won't be posting everyday or as much as I have been.
Funny you should mention Vic as I actually was planning on doing a Justin/Debbie/Vic set of some sort because they had some sweet scenes living together. I will see if I can make it work.
#britin#queer as folk#ill always have a desire to gif the show#but theres only so much i can do#if i dont have ideas or content
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Restless Rewatch: The Untamed Episode 20, part three(!)
(Masterpost) (Other Canary Stuff) (Previous Post)
Warning: Spoilers for All 50 Episodes!
This episode has so much crucially important stuff in it I had to write 3 posts about it! Part one is here, part two is here.
Don't Start None, Won't Be None
Lan Wangji has never had a real fight with Wei Wuxian before--remember, in their rooftop fight Wei Wuxian never even drew his sword. And since this is going to be a verbal fight, Lan Wangji is going to lose, badly. He's an elegant and articulate speaker, but he's not quick with words, and he speaks directly and sincerely. Weaponized speech is not his area at all, so he's pretty much bringing a knife to a gunfight. A guqin to a flute fight. Whatever. He tries to turn it into a physical confrontation, twice, but Jiang Cheng holds him back.
This throwdown is 100% about religion and orthodoxy; something that is fundamental to both of these young men's lives. Lan Wangji has made it his mission to be as orthodox as possible, doing shit like volunteering to be beaten for drinking when he didn't choose to drink. He's constantly overwhelmed by emotion, and the Lan rules are a source of regulation and safety for him. His emotions around Wei Wuxian are among the most overwhelming he's got, possibly only second to his feelings about his mom.
Right now his feelings are extra overwhelming.
It's complicated because his relationship with Wei Wuxian literally started off with him punishing Wei Wuxian for heterodoxy. All that time they spent together in the library? Was because Wei Wuxian talked--JUST talked--about using resentful energy for cultivation. Which is precisely the ability he's just shown them, along with a style of killing enemies that's borderline evil and definitely, DEFINITELY unsportsmanlike.
So this is not, Lan Wangji is lovingly worried about Wei Wuxian and Wei Wuxian is pushing him away to avoid an uncomfortable conversation. This is Lan Wangji freaking out because his entire system of belief is being challenged and he's in love with the person who's challenging it.
Wei Wuxian has shown up to the party wearing an International Mr. Leather tee shirt with a enamel pin stuck to it that says "I get my kicks on route 666" and Lan Wangji just. cannot. deal.
Never Start a Fight But Always Finish One
Wei Wuxian has a couple of options here. One is to accept, kindly, that he and his friend can't be friends any more because of religion. In this option, in order to preserve his friend's comfortable sense of being right, he would have to tacitly accept that he himself is bad in some way, and allow his friend to keep having his value system, while walking away from him.
The other choice is to hit so hard that he makes his friend feel really, really bad, and potentially rocks him off of his comfortable foundation. In the short term, the friendship breaks, but if it forces him to actually question his value system, it might lay the groundwork for a new, more accepting friendship. Anyone who is queer with an anti-queer-religious best friend is probably familiar with this dilemma.
Wei Wuxian chooses the second option, and goes all in from the first moment, calling Lan Wangji "Lan Er Gongzi" and then upgrading to "Hanguang Jun" and even bowing. If it's possible to bow sarcastically, that's what Wei Wuxian is doing. Then he meets his eyes and sticks his chin out, essentially saying "how do you like them apples?"
(more after the cut!)
Lan Wangji's feelings are probably hurt, but he's too busy being mad to show it, and he goes straight to grilling Wei Wuxian, asking him about the killing, the talismans, and giving up the sword, all while Jiang Cheng stands by and wonders what the fuck is happening.
Lan Wangji is making a fundamental error here, which is he's speaking as if he's an authority instead of as a peer. Wei Wuxian has only ever accepted one authority in his entire life, and that was Jiang Fengmian. Jiang Cheng is the one who, for a change, is approaching as a worried friend, while Lan Wangji approaches as if he has the right to call Wei Wuxian to account.
Wei Wuxian won't answer his questions and is getting in his face, provoking him in a very quiet and controlled way, and Lan Wangji responds by just being really aggressive. It's interesting to see Wei Wuxian completely mastering his emotions while Lan Wangji is completely....not. Wei Wuxian pushes harder, saying he's being rude, saying he's being a bad friend. Which doesn't make any difference to Lan Wanji, who keeps pressing for an answer while Jiang Cheng wonders what the fuck is happening.
Come to Gusu
Wei Wuxian says he already explained, that it's complicated, it will take time to explain, so then Lan Wangji makes the utterly dumbassed demand that Wei Wuxian return to Gusu with him to explain it. What, exactly, is his plan? Bring Wei Wuxian to Gusu and have Lan Xichen (at the very least) and probably also Lan Qiren help him to convince Wei Wuxian that resentful cultivation is bad? How is that likely to work out? Let's have our own flashback, to that classroom interaction that led to the punishment in the library.
Lan Qiren: How will you make sure the resentful energy will only listen to you and not harm others? [Note: he's not wrong, Wei Wuxian]
Wei Wuxian: I haven't figured that out yet ["details," as OP's dad used to say]
Lan Qiren: If you did, the cultivation world would not allow your existence [i.e. we, the Lan Clan of Gusu, will kill your ass]
Lan Wangji probably doesn't think he's threatening Wei Wuxian with death by inviting him to Gusu, but he kinda is, if Lan Qiren was serious back then. Lan Wangji is so upset and fearful that he's not really thinking clearly at this point. He loves Wei Wuxian and he's certain that cultivating with resentful energy will destroy him. [Note: he's not wrong, Wei Wuxian] But Wei Wuxian is beyond fear. He's already been destroyed once.
Wei Wuxian rips on Gusu and then says, in a super-provocative way, that he prefers Yunmeng, which prompts Lan Wangji to say "don't joke around" as angrily as possible.
This part of the interaction always confuses me because...shouldn't he prefer Yunmeng? He's actually from there and lives there and belongs there and stuff? He's just saying "I think I'll go with my brother" yet WWX and LWJ both act like he said he'd rather go to Demon City.
Lan Wangji takes a big step forward and Jiang Cheng blocks him while Wei Wuxian continues to act unperturbed and puzzled while holding his demon flute out in between them.
Finally, FINALLY, Wei Wuxian calls him Lan Zhan, and asks him a serious question: What do you really want. Lan Wangji calms down for a second--although he keeps leaning into Jiang Cheng's sword block--and gets to the point, which is that the unorthodox path is dangerous, and harmful to his temperament.
Kill one turtle together and you think you're the boss of me
So, these dudes are talking about 2 different levels of unacceptable cultivation, in this episode and the next few. Netflix translates these as "wicked tricks" and "crafty tricks," which both sound absolutely ludicrous in English, so I'm going to use my own preferred terms, going forward.
I think what they are calling "Wicked Tricks," which includes spirit snatching and feeding people to the murder turtle on purpose in order to harvest their resentment could be translated as Heresy--adhering to a forbidden belief or practice; standing in opposition to Orthodoxy.
Edit: After rewatching Episode 35, in which Nie Huaisang explains why their whole blade thing doesn’t count as “wicked tricks,” I’ve changed my mind about what to call this. NHS says that “wicked tricks” specifically involve the use of humans & human spirits (killing, sacrificing, etc.). Which means Necromancy is probably the better term for this particular type of cultivation, although it is still (also) Heresy.
"Crafty Tricks," which is using resentful energy to raise and control already-dead people (ghosts and zombies) as well as just generally using resentment for basic stuff like beating Jin Zixuan's ass, could be translated as Heterodoxy--deviating from the accepted belief or practice, but not to the point of complete opposition.
Wei Wuxian laughs while Lan Wangji tries to be convincing, but since Lan Wangji is just repeating what he's been taught, he's not making much headway. Instead of saying "there's no exception throughout history" he could have, instead, gone with his own actual observations, such as "you are acting like a sadistic prick" or "you seem amazingly miserable" or "you aren't hugging your brother, what the fuck is that about?" But no.
Wei Wuxian responds to the charge of heresy by saying nuh-uh, and explains his methods, sort of, while going back to calling him Lan Er Gongzi. Lan Er Gongzi responds by actually literally yelling at him, and saying he's not allowed to decide for himself about what he's doing, as if the words "allowed to" have ever meant a goddamn thing to Wei Wuxian.
Temperament
At this point Wei Wuxian is done. He goes and gets right up in Lan Wangji's face and sticks a metaphorical knife right in his heart, smiling as he does it. "How do others know my temperament?" he asks; "and why should it be their concern?" i.e. you are not in my heart.
This makes Lan Wangji so mad he calls Wei Wuxian "Wei Wuxian" for possibly the only time in the show, and he also flashes a whole bunch of angry teeth. (Gifset here). In a callback to the JFM-YZY fight back in Lotus Pier before the war, Wei Wuxian just calmly says "Lan Wangji" back at him, and then tells him to go fuck himself.
Jiang Cheng still doesn't understand what the fuck is happening, but this is a sentiment he understands, so he also tells Lan Wangji to go fuck himself, reminding him that Wei Wuxian is Jiang clan property and it's not the Lans' place to discipline him. Adding "and I'm not going to discipline him any way, look how good he is at killing people!"
Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji continue to stare into each others' eyes from a distance so close that it really should lead to making out, but they are both much too angry for that.
Wei Wuxian is as cold as we ever see him, smiling as he silently confirms: I do not belong to you. Lan Wangji glares back, his anger maybe finally giving way, a little bit, to being hurt.
Finish Him!
Wen Chao picks this moment to wake up and crawl over to the trio, begging Lan Wangji and Jiang Cheng to save his life, since he presumably knows it's pointless to beg Wei Wuxian. Wei Wuxian turns around and gives him the EXACT SAME dead-eyed smile he just gave Lan Wangji, and kicks him.
Then he tells Lan Wangji to please leave so he and his brother can finish torturing this dude to death, and caps it with an official Jiang Clan eye roll.
Lan Wangji, poor bb, just throws in the towel, and turns and leaves, the anger finally starting to leave his face and be replaced with something else...chagrin, maybe? Or maybe just softer anger, for the moment.
After he's out of sight Wei Wuxian turns and looks after him sadly, all of the cruelty and hardness gone from his expression, while Wen Chao says "forgive me," possibly voicing what Wei Wuxian is thinking.
Lan Wangji walks out the front gate, troubled, and hears Wen Chao scream. He stops and replays the most pointed part of the fight in his head - the part where Wei Wuxian asked him, "who do you think you are?" Lan Wangji went into the fight believing he was completely right and was entitled to judge Wei Wuxian, but he's come out of it with his certainty shaken.
Family Time
The Yunmeng brothers go to the ancestral shrine in Lotus Pier even though the whole "reclaiming Lotus Pier" scene doesn't happen until Episode 24. So apparently they just kind of sneak into the the shrine, and then sneak back out. Or, you know, continuity error. Anyway Wei Wuxian is nothing if not adept at sneaking around death-related places.
Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng bow and offer incense. It's nice that the Wens didn't fuck up everybody's name plaques when they were in control of the place...or the tassels, candles, etc.
Wei Wuxian quietly tells Yu Ziyuan and Jiang Fengmian that he did what they asked--taking care of Jiang Cheng and Jiang Yanli--and they can rest now. Nosy parker Jiang Cheng wants to know what he's saying, but Wei Wuxian just changes the subject.
They talk about going to Qinghe for the final combat of the Sunshot Campaign. Wei Wuxian says that's why he returned, which...dude, you can't even pretend you came back to be with your loved ones? Ouch. Jiang Cheng doesn't really react to that, but he's happy when Wei Wuxian says he wants to see Jiang Yanli. Wei Wuxian wants to know if she's ok and if she's mad at him, and Jiang Cheng says wait and see, because direct answers are not the Jiang Clan way.
Jiang Yanli is helping tend to the wounded, and we see her telling a particularly fussy wounded dude to suck it up and stop complaining.
When Wei Wuxian shows up she totally stops paying attention to the wounded dude so that she can smile at Wei Wuxian.
He looks back at her tearfully, briefly managing to smile but then just trying to hold it together. He has been to hell and back, and doing his very best to hide it, but when he sees the person who loves him most--the person who will NOT spend 20 minutes yelling at him as soon as they see him--he starts to crack open.
#fytheuntamed#the untamed#the untamed gifs#wangxian#restless rewatch the untamed#my gifs#canary3d-original
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A Dishonest Woman
Chapter 9 of Saviin’ika
Part 1|Part 2|Part 3|Part 4|Part 5|Part 6|Part 7|Part 8
Masterlist
Pairing: Paz Vizsla x Nurse!Reader
Summary: Paz is determined to have the one that has caused you so much pain to kneel for you, though you’re surprised to find another begging for forgiveness at your feet after all is said and done and blood has been shed.
Rating: M
Word Count: 12,700
Warnings: There’s some pretty intense injuries and mentions of having to pop bones back into place, as well as blood and stitches. There’s also brief mentions of the aftermath of the sexual assault attempt.
Just a quick mention as well: I wanted to thank @lackofhonor for giving me the inspiration for a cute little idea for this chapter about the other Mandos being mischievous :) Also thank you to @datmando for always letting me scream at you about all my chaotic ideas <3
Author’s note will be at the end, but one last thank you to @coredrive for blessing all of us with that beautiful gifset of Paz!!
You nearly cry the second you see Paz inch the bounty hunter’s helmet upwards to the point where the tip of a scruffy tan chin is revealed.
Horror fills your heart and soul at the thought of watching a Mandalorian’s helmet be removed.
You jolt forward, but Ima is quick to wrap her arms around your waist, effectively stopping you from accidentally getting hurt and even though you feel a pain shoot up your side from your cauterized wound, it doesn’t stop you from screaming out right before the helmet is just below his bottom lip.
“Paz!”
Immediately, the room is cast in silence and even though you should feel terrified at the fact that dozens of t-shaped visors are now pointed in your direction, you can only focus on the way Paz lets go of the bounty hunter, not even realizing you had been watching the entire fight. Immediately, the unconscious man slips to the ground with a loud ringing noise that has you cringing as you try to wriggle desperately against Ima’s tight hold. Everyone’s visor watches you struggle feebly against the young warrior and she hisses at you desperately to stop--that it is dishonorable to interrupt such a battle.
You gasp when Paz easily flips the bounty hunter over onto his back, pressing his boot harshly against his cuirass and you panic as you listen to the hunter’s gurgling noises from underneath where the lip of his helmet is still miraculously resting on his chin.
“Tell her you’re sorry, Djarin!” Paz roars, circling around him like a predator taunting its prey and your shoulders hunch up a little, “Maybe I’ll give her your helmet when I’m finished with you--bet she could sell that for a lot more than five hundred credits. How much is that shiny Beskar worth? Probably far more than the pathetic price put on her head.”
When he doesn’t respond, Paz sends a mighty kick to the hunter’s ribs--one similar to what he had dealt to your father--and you let out a small whimper and turn your head up to colorful Mandalorian, emphasizing the contempt in your voice as much as you possibly can.
“If you don’t let me go, I won’t ever look at you or Paz the same again.”
Ima doesn’t say anything and you seize up when you watch Paz produce a vibroblade.
The blade that had been taken from you the night before after slaying the trandoshan.
“Do you realize what you made her do with this?”
The bounty hunter remains lifeless as Ima stares down at you and fear grips your heart so tightly when you hear the young Mandalorian groaning from the intense pain. He doesn’t even attempt to choke out pathetic little apologies and you’re certain he must be unconscious underneath that scorching hot helmet.
“Please,” You beg her, a tear trickling down your cheek as you think of someone having their life ruined just because of you, “I am supposed to help those who are hurt, not watch them suffer.”
Angrily, Paz tosses the blade onto the floor, seeming to prefer to use his hands to inflict pain and it makes everything seem far more personal, considering weapons were supposed to be a part of his religion.
“What?” Paz grabs him by his cowl to bring him to his knees, though he’s slumped forward in a weak position; you squeeze your eyes shut and recoil when your warrior all but picks him up and slams him into the slim steel bars on the side of the forge, “Can’t handle a little pain, vod’ika? She seemed to handle it just fine when you were delivering her to her death! Managed to even fight back against the one you sold her to, you fucking coward--you’re not even going to try to fight me?”
The bounty hunter is lifelessly propped up against the forge.
Finally, Ima lets out a deep sigh and reluctantly lets go of you.
Immediately you surge forward, not caring there’s a possibility that you can get hurt in the intense altercation.
You cry out Paz’s name again when he sends a harsh blow to the side of the bounty hunter’s helmet with a powerful swing of his huge, heavy gauntlet and you are quick to stop him in his attempt to further hurt the bounty hunter.
He pulls his arm to the side and back, ready to deliver another heavy hit to the bounty hunter’s helmet and you quickly latch onto the big yellow gauntlet, careful not to press any buttons so you don’t incinerate yourself or anyone else with his flamethrower. You feel the way he instantly stops himself from swinging his huge appendage forward, perhaps out of fear of hurting you and his helmet quickly snaps to the side to look at your teary eyes that barely poke over his bicep.
He could easily shove you out of the way, and even though you just watched the damage he inflicted on one of his own, you still trust him not to hurt you.
But you will not let him do this--you refuse.
“What are you--?”
“I would not let you put him through anymore,” You plead in a desperate, hushed whisper, trying to keep your conversation private from the others, though you’re certain they all hear it, “I would not let you put him through the same pain that I have gone through--of losing his family.”
Paz doesn’t even move an inch or say a word, but he allows you to put yourself between him and the bounty hunter and simply stares at you; you’re certain if you were anyone else, you would have been dead the second you challenged him.
You’re not just anyone though and you finally understand that.
You’re the one he had confessed his love to only the night before and had trusted enough to bring to his tribe; you were the one that he had taken his helmet off for, even if it was in the darkness of a safe place. While you understood that his anger came from a place of intense pain from nearly losing the one he loved, you could not just stand by and watch while he made that sort of decision for you, not when you couldn’t mentally handle watching someone have their life taken from them so soon after the Trandoshan incident.
No, even though Paz so desperately wanted his revenge, it suddenly did not feel like his duty to seek vengeance for you when you were still alive.
“Please Paz,” You crouch down next to the bounty hunter, pressing your fingers to his neck to check for a pulse point to make sure he’s not actually dead, “I think he has endured enough punishment, don’t you?”
“No, I fucking don’t think he’s learned his lesson! What he did to you was unforgivable!” Paz seethes and you let out a little sigh of relief when you finally detect a steady pulse, though Paz’s thunderous voice has you on edge, “You’re really going to let this go so easily?!”
He’s never raised his voice with you and even though you can tell it’s most likely from the adrenaline, you feel your worry slowly give way to anger.
“Please, do not yell at me,” You whip your head to give him an incredulous glare over your shoulder and you hear some of the others murmur to one another as Paz takes a small step back, though he is quick to compose himself, “I did not say I forgive him, but I do not wish to see any more bloodshed because of me, Mandalorian. I know what he did--I was there.”
“Then why won’t you let me make him apologize to you?” He hisses in a low voice, watching as you inspect his dislocated shoulder with great tenderness, “He doesn’t deserve your help when he showed you no such courtesy.”
“Because I am a nurse and it is my job to help others, Paz. He is your family and even if you or I do not like him right now, I do not wish for one of your own to die when I could have saved them,” You turn to face him once again, your brows pinched together in frustration you’ve never felt towards your blue warrior and you hate the fact that you’re even arguing with him over the bounty hunter in the first place, “If he is to apologize to me, I want it to be because he truly feels sorry for what he did, not because you beat him within an inch of his life. Now please, would you help me take him to… wherever it is the wounded are treated here?”
Paz is frozen to his spot and it feels like you’re staring each other down for eternity, everyone else watching the silent interaction with what you’re sure is curiosity and shock that their heavy-infantry warrior is letting his little nurse talk to him in such a way. You realize suddenly how stubborn this man can be--even towards you--and for some reason that only makes your irritation grow as you think of how soft and easy-going he had been with you the previous night when it had just been the two of you.
Is he doing this because he’s afraid of looking like a pushover in front of his tribe?
“He didn’t even want you here,” Paz eventually sneers, pointing his thumb and index finger in the unconscious man’s direction, choosing to argue even more with you and you feel your heart sink to the pit of your stomach, “He is the reason why I was fighting so hard for you to be a part of the tribe in the first place! You think the one who was so insistent on not having you here is suddenly worthy of being tended to by you? While you were suffering, he was planning your death and I was begging for your place in the tribe.”
“I’ve been suffering my whole life, Paz,” You remind him with an angry lilt in your voice, lightly tapping the bounty hunter’s helmet in an attempt to wake him, though he simply offers you a garbled noise in response, “This is no different than anything else I’ve been through, okay? Just let me take care of his injuries and then the three of us can talk it out and--”
Then he says your name in the most contemptuous tone you’ve ever heard from him and ice pumps through your veins at his next words.
“Sometimes, I think you are too fucking soft for your own good.”
You immediately freeze, staring up at him in shock as you register the warrior’s bitter tone and you don’t even know what to say or how to process the intense pain and sadness that threatens to overwhelm you like a raging tidal wave.
You think of what he had said upon admitting his love for you the first time, how he had spoken sweet words of the way he admired how compassionate and soft you were--how utterly devoted he had sounded--and you begin to doubt yourself.
“And what would you do when he grows tired of you?”
You remember your father’s cruel words and tears instantly fill your eyes at the fact that you’re letting him get to you in a place where Paz had promised you’d be safe from him and you hear the other Mandalorians murmurs grow more tense. They must be admonishing you for talking back to such a powerful member of their tribe, but you suddenly don’t care what they think and hastily wipe away a tear that slips down your cheek, shaking off Paz’s unusually bitter words.
But you can’t shake it off, you realize, as your bottom lip quivers as his words hang over your heart heavier than what his Beskar must weigh down on his own shoulders.
Paz immediately seems to forget his anger towards the bounty hunter, his shoulders falling a little as he hears yours sniffles when you turn back towards the unconscious man at your feet, your hands now shaking.
Anger and confusion swells deep within you as you keep thinking of your estranged father’s words, leaning lower to grab the bounty hunter’s uninjured arm to tug it around your shoulders; you want to cry harder as you try to stand up and support his weight, though he is far too heavy for you to lift. You hear Paz step forward, but then you also hear Imalia’s hushed, angry voice, followed by hasty little footsteps making their way over to you.
“Go cool down somewhere else, I’ll take care of this, di’kut,” Ima says in a firm voice, crouching down next to you as she wraps her arms around the bounty hunter’s waist and helps you haul him to his feet. You’re too angry and upset to admire the physical strength this teenage girl has and a part of you is half tempted to ask if she can knock some sense into your blue warrior.
Paz is staring right at you as you risk a glance up in his direction as you and Imalia guide the unconscious bounty hunter to the tribe’s infirmary and you hate that he’s refusing to say anything to you, so for once, you speak up first.
“You are not a cruel man,” You whisper fiercely to him, clenching your jaw a little when you notice his tight fists unfurl as he sees your tears burning your eyes like lit coals, “And I do not believe you to be one, but I do not like seeing this side of you and I pray I did not make a mistake coming here if this is how I am to be treated by you in front of your sisters and brothers.”
“Saviin’ika, I shouldn’t have--”
“Do not call me that, right now!” You snap with a shaky cry, earning a few more murmurs from his armored family, and you watch as Paz recoils from how upset and raw you suddenly sound, “I am not some sort of punching bag or target used for practice, Mandalorian, and I am sick and tired of being used as one. I would not let you tear someone away from their family--the ones he loves--because of me!” You argue fiercely, hating that you have to force yourself not to flinch upon hearing the bounty hunter’s pained groans as his scorching helmet slips to the side and onto your shoulder, “I may love you, but I refuse to watch you ruin this man’s life because he made a foolish mistake. Shouldn’t this be my choice?”
“But--”
“Are you even listening to what she’s trying to say?” Imalia is quick to snap at him as well, not holding back nearly as much as you did, “This isn’t your fight to fight, okay?! Saviin is right, if he’s going to apologize to her, he should do it because he genuinely means it.”
“And how do you know he will apologize in the first place?”
Everyone stares at you, but you’re still focused on Paz and how tense he is as he listens to Ima’s insistent voice, “Because, Saviin is the reason why he still has his helmet and his family, despite the fact that he nearly took everything from her; only a demagolka would not say sorry to her. Trust me, he will apologize upon hearing that she protected him from losing so much. Please, just go cool down Uncle, you’re not thinking right.”
Then Ima lowers her tone a little, sounding softer when she realizes you still have tears in your eyes, “Mirdir be pehea gar kelir sirbur Ni ceta at kaysh.”
Even though he’s tried to keep his composure in front of his people, you instantly see the way his shoulders slump completely and his helmet drops at the soft bite in the young Mandalorian’s hushed words as you and her continue forward, the Beskar sea of huge Mandalorians parting to let the three of you through. The bounty hunter mumbles incoherent statements as Imalia tells you which way to turn your body and you think that he’s most certainly concussed by the way he slurs his sentences.
You pray that they have bacta.
“I’m sure it is not as fancy or professional as what you’re used to, but this is our little infirmary. It hasn’t been used in a long time, but I’m sure you could spruce it up a little,” Ima sighs and grunts as she gracelessly flops the Mandalorian onto a creaky cot upon entering a little alcove, though you find it not too terribly different than your own tiny office at the village infirmary except for the fact that everything is covered in a thick layer of dust, “I am not sure if you are able to help him too much or if you even want to, but--”
“Can you find me whatever medical supplies your tribe may have?” You cut off her sheepish ranting, not hesitating to remove the Mandalorian’s pauldrons, utility belt, and cuirass as you inspect the severity of his dislocated shoulder and a deep gash that Paz had managed to inflict upon his lower abdomen, “Tools for sutures, bacta patches or shots, disinfectant--things like that? Soapy rags and perhaps a bowl of warm water?”
Ima immediately grows silent and you’re surprised by the teenager’s willingness to help you as you turn away to wash any germs from your hands with hot water, not allowing your blue warrior’s harsh words to get the best of your nerves. Immediately, you’re pulling drawers open, gathering whatever antibiotics and disinfectants you can find, thinking that this Mandalorian probably needs whatever he can get after taking such a beating from Paz.
“Goodness,” You sigh, shoulders falling as you inspect the deep gash that is just stretched along his left hip and you shake your head a little as you think of the wound he’d forced you to cauterize as Ima hastily approaches you with what looks to be an unused suture kit.
“Your name… it’s Din Djarin, right?” You question quietly, not even sure if he’s fully conscious or if he’s completely gone as Imalia approaches you with a metal tray with several supplies lying on top; immediately, you perk up when you see a tiny bottle filled with bacta and a syringe. She watches in silence as you are hasty and efficient to fill the syringe with the miracle substance, stabbing the long needle somewhere underneath his helmet, near the base of his skull to hopefully help with whatever brain trauma he’s experiencing.
“You--” The bounty hunter is slurring his words as he attempts to sit up on the little cot, though Ima is quick to force him back down with a steady hand against his chest while you get to work on untucking his dark tunics from his pants so you can get a better look at the damage, “Y-You’re helping me?”
You don’t say anything as Ima hands you a warm wet rag to clean the blood away from his skin and you lean in a little closer to make sure there’s no debris in the wound or that it doesn’t already look infected. You gracefully begin the process of stitching his severe wound at his tanned abdomen, earning small grunts and groans from the young bounty hunter who is clearly uncomfortable in his current position, though he seems more coherent and aware of his surroundings. Ima remains behind you and a part of you wonders why, if she’s worried the bounty hunter is going to try something with you or if she’s simply fascinated by simple medical procedures.
“Are you bleeding under there?” You ask the injured man quietly, referring to his shiny helmet that you think must still be scorching hot; he continues to stare up at the ceiling and you hope he hasn’t passed out again, fearing what kind of damage Paz might have caused to his brain. He could be on the verge of death and you wouldn’t even know, you realize with disdain, not liking that you can’t properly treat your patient.
“Even if I was, I wouldn’t let you take my helmet off, outsider.”
You scoff and shake your head, though Ima is diligent and hasty to admonish the hunter, “I do not think you are in any position to be giving our nurse any attitude, not after she stood up for you in front of nearly the whole tribe.”
Finally, he rolls his helmet to the side to peer down at your hunched over form as you take your time to stitch the deep wound, “Stood up for me?”
“Yeah, di’kut,” Ima huffs and you hear her shift around behind you, “Uncle Paz was about to take your stupid helmet off and saviin’ika stopped him right before he could, even defended what little honor you still possess; she even got in a fight with uncle over you. I don’t think you really deserved her mercy since you didn’t even want her here in the first place--since you sold her for five hundred credits.”
Your cheeks flare up and you shake your head a little, trying to think of your life being worth more than a pouch of credits.
He’s quiet for a few thoughtful moments and he lets out with a pained grunt as you eventually finish stitching the wound, “Why?”
You swallow the lump in your throat and let out with a sad sigh as you clean the blood away from the bruised skin around the sutures, shaking your head a little, “I know what would happen if he would have removed your helmet, Mandalorian. You would have lost everything and everyone you love--those you call family--and I would not wish that upon my worst enemy.”
“But I--”
“I know what you did to me,” You scowl, plastering a large bandage to the stitches to protect it from any debris, “Trust me, I know, but I’ve also felt the loss and grief that comes from losing your loved ones. I lost my mother and… and someone so very dear to me when I was a little girl and that kind of pain is one that you never recover from.”
“I…” The bounty hunter seems to be at a loss for words and you think he must not know how to express his feelings with words nearly as well as Paz, “Thank you.”
You huff a little and urge him to lay down flat on his back so you can properly treat his dislocated shoulder, “Just because I understand your pain does not mean I would ever forget what you’ve done. I would only tolerate you for your family.”
You hear him groan a little as you place your hand just underneath his armpit and use the other to grab his wrist, lightly guiding his arm to the side and closer to you, “What are you doing?”
“I am popping your shoulder back into place,” You frown when he reaches out towards you with his uninjured arm, but he is quick to drop it upon seeing you flinch and Ima tensing up.
“I can do it myself,” He says stubbornly, though you simply keep your hands in place, your brows furrowing when he begins to undermine you, “That requires a lot of force to put it back into place and you don’t look like you can--”
With as much strength you can muster, you yank his arm harshly towards you until you hear the sickening pop of the head of his humerus slipping beyond the lip of his shoulder cup and you hate that you feel a little inkling of satisfaction when you hear his pained groans and erratic wheezing. You think of the several times you’ve had to pop your own shoulder back into place after taking a rough beating, and how excruciating the first time had been--how you had nearly passed out--and you wonder if this is the first time he has experienced such pain.
"I know how to do my job, Mandalorian," Your cheeks burning fiercely with irritation towards the man you stood up for, “I can’t say the same for you.”
Ima snorts her amusement from behind you as you fashion a sling using his cape, all while dealing with the fussy bounty hunter who you’re certain is struggling to not give you a piece of his mind.
“You could have at least done it slower so it wouldn’t be as painful.”
“I would say I am sorry and that I feel bad, but I am not a dishonest woman.”
You hear Ima wheezing behind you, struggling to contain her giggles, though she eventually loses the battle and lets out loud guffaws that have you shaking your own head with amusement.
Eventually, Imalia takes her leave when another Mandalorian enters the room to inform her that the armorer requires the teen’s presence, the larger warrior eyeing the way you’re hovering over the young bounty hunter with an irritated expression on your face before leaving the two of you alone. You’re in the process of stitching yet another smaller cut on the inside of his elbow that you had somehow missed during your lengthy inspection and you wonder just how long Paz had been fighting the bounty hunter before you showed up.
“I’m…” You barely tilt your head up at the sound of his raspy voice before turning back to your handiwork, thinking he’s going to say something rude or snarky, “I am sorry, for what it’s worth--for all the pain I’ve caused you and Paz.”
Your brows quirk up in response to the shock his words cast on you, though you shake it off and glance up at his visor for a quick second, “I don’t know if I can forgive you knowing that you knew what the Trandoshan wanted to do with me, but I appreciate the apology.”
He seems to relax a little and lets out with a crackly sigh as he continues to stare at your concentrated facial expression, “You mentioned your dress when I was taking you back in the speeder,” Instantly, you freeze at the way he speaks so nonchalantly about something that will haunt you forever, “Did he…?”
“N-No,” You murmur weakly, suddenly feeling nauseous as you struggle to not think of the harsh pressure of the Trandoshan’s hand groping you, “He uh--I s-stopped him before I… Paz’s blade.”
Even though you can barely string together a coherent sentence, the Mandalorian still manages to understand, “Does Paz know?”
“No,” You say a little more firmly, finishing up with tending to the minor wound and giving him a cursory glance, “And I plan to keep it that way.”
You find a bacta patch on the tray of items that Ima had left for you on the bedside table and carefully take it out of its plastic wrapper, placing it tenderly along the area on his ribs where Paz had kicked him.
He’s quiet as you help him fix his tunics and put his armor back in place, sheepishly holding out the pauldron that you advise for him to not wear on his bruised, swollen shoulder for at least a week, though you doubt the stubborn man will listen to you. You half expect him to get up and leave the room the moment you stand up and wash your hands in the little sink, though he simply lets out with another crackly sigh as he continues to lay on the cot that is much bigger than the one from your old office.
“He would not think of you any differently if you told him of the criminal’s intentions with you, if that’s why you’re afraid to tell him.”
You sigh, thinking of the words Paz had spewed at you earlier and you slowly plop back down on the chair as you reluctantly keep the bounty hunter company, crossing your arms over your chest, “Let’s not talk about this anymore, okay? Besides, it’s not like it matters, not when I got into a fight with him and yelled at him in front of his tribe. I disrespected him and I’ll probably be out of here by the end of the day.”
“You won’t--I’m sure of it,” He rasps in that cool tone, though there’s still a twinge of pain laced in his filtered voice as he lets out another deep sigh, “I know how he is, how he never really thinks with his head.”
“The same could be said for you as well,” You huff, earning an annoyed sigh from the bounty hunter, “Are you two actually brothers by blood?”
“No, and he made that clear the day I was brought into the tribe,” You tuck your cold hands between your thighs and tilt your head a little at the implications of his amused words, though one sticks out to you the most.
“You were a foundling.”
“Yes,” He grunts, almost seeming awkward and unknowing of how to hold a conversation with someone, “Paz was one of the first ones to talk to me--pretty much told me to stay out of his way. He was never kind to me, but he always made sure none of the others hurt me. He was an angry child, but eventually grew out of it. Still hotheaded like no other though.”
You smile a little at that, remembering the first time you had met him and how you had thought the exact same thing, “I was scared of him when I first met him too.”
“I know--he came back to the covert and was beating himself up for making a bad first impression,” The bounty hunter scoffs, only continuing when you tuck a lock of hair behind your warm ear, “He always wanted to be the strongest in tribe and all he cared about was being the most powerful, but then one day he came back talking about the village nurse.”
You wonder why this bounty hunter is telling you all of this and before you can ask, he speaks calmly.
“I’ve never seen him more passionate about anything or anyone more than he is about you,” He grunts, almost sounding exasperated as he shakes his helmet a little, “Paz could talk about you for the longest time and I’m pretty sure he has with all the kids when the rest of us get tired of listening to him. He would not get rid of you and is probably kicking himself in the back of his helmet for whatever he said.”
Your face feels like it’s on fire as you think of your usually grouchy warrior going to the covert after spending time with you, only to ramble to his family about you.
“How did you know that he was the one in the wrong? I thought you were unconscious.”
“I know Paz,” Din repeats, sounding utterly unamused as he shakes his helmet and stares up at the ceiling in a thoughtful silence for a few seconds, “I know how he gets when he’s mad and how he doesn’t think straight.”
You clench your jaw a little, still thinking of the pain lingering in your chest because of what your blue warrior had said to you in a fit of rage that had been a result of the bounty hunter.
“It still gave him no right,” You surmise, earning a small hum from Din, “And if he expects me to apologize so I can keep my place here, I refuse.”
You think over his words carefully for a few, the two of you growing silent and you think out of all the Mandalorians you’ve met, he must be the quietest out of all of them, most likely used to living a life of solitude because of his job. Then you think of the time Paz had told you the loneliness he felt during his own travels and you wonder if this Mandalorian feels the same, though you still find it difficult to pity him and you stare thoughtlessly at his shiny helmet. Your eyes burn as you think of this bounty hunter hearing the Trandoshan and all of his plans for you and your chest heaves as you think of the bounty hunter simply not caring.
“I need to know and please be honest,” You plead in a shaky whisper after a few minutes of awkward silence, earning his unwavering attention as his visor moves to stare at you, “Do you actually regret what you did? Or is it just because of me knowing Paz?”
“I…” He sounds conflicted as he shifts around in an uncomfortable manner, watching the way your eyes fill with tears at the thought of him so easily giving you away to someone so cruel, “I know I am a cruel man--much crueler than Paz--but you are the first quarry I’ve ever felt guilt for.”
Tears still burn your eyes and you are quick to rub them away before they can actually fall as you listen to the young bounty hunter try to collect his thoughts.
“I kept hearing your screams, that’s why I came back. I thought he would just leave your body after killing you, but then I saw you and you were just staring at Paz’s blade,” He admits with a frustrated sigh and you think this must be incredibly difficult for him to talk about, especially when he seems so out of tune and defiant towards feeling any emotion, only focused on his next paycheck with no regards for the lives and families he’s ruining.
“I knew right away who you were and…” He cuts himself off before he can reveal too much, turning his helmet to stare back up at the ceiling, “Paz talks a lot about you, but he always spoke of how you did not deserve to live a life in the village--that you were too kind. Most of my bounties are criminals, people who deserve to be imprisoned.”
For some reason, knowing that he came back because he felt bad, rather than suspecting you were associated with Paz eases the ache in your heart, though you find your nails curling painfully into the fabric covering your knees. You don’t trust him and he knows it, judging by the way he keeps his movements slow and his visor pointed away from your face, and you’re grateful when he doesn’t try to offer you comfort because you know it would not come from his heart.
“Paz was right--you were an easy target and that’s why I accepted the job,” The bounty hunter informs you and it only makes you feel worse, knowing that you’re constantly being targeted because others believe you to be so weak, “I’m sorry.”
“I won’t ever be the same because of you.”
He doesn’t say anything and you wonder if he even feels the slightest inclination or twinge of guilt.
Then you wonder where Paz is, if he’s calmed down enough to talk to you about what’s going on in his mind and dread fills you at the thought of him still being upset with you; what if standing up for Din had ruined everything between you and the blue warrior?
Had this all really been worth it?
“I want to see Paz, but I don’t know this place,” You inform the bounty hunter weakly and you hate how badly your heart is currently aching and you hate that you still long to see the blue warrior after the way he spoke to you, though you think most of it was caused by adrenaline and anger towards his brother, “Do you know where he would be? I need to talk to him.”
You need a proper explanation and an apology.
The bounty hunter lets out with a loud, dramatic grunt as he forces himself up into a sitting position before giving you a sharp nod, “Follow me.”
Your eyes widen as he heaves himself off of the medical cot with a pained groan, though he holds a hand out when you step forward to help him, silently explaining that he does not require your help. Even though you can tell he’s in severe pain, he doesn’t say a word as he hobbles out of the little infirmary and straightens his posture, as though he’s determined to not look weak in front of you or anyone else. You’re nearly tempted to reach out and hold onto his elbow simply out of instinct after spending so much time with the blue Mandalorian, though you force yourself not to as he silently guides you down the small staircase that Paz had helped you down the previous night. He now leads you in a completely different direction and your eyes widen when the atmosphere around you somehow grows warmer and a little lighter.
“Where are you taking me?”
“To the nursery,” The bounty hunter answers and it fills you with both excitement and fear, “That’s usually where he goes when he’s upset--likes spending time with the kids.”
Your brows furrow, wondering why your big blue warrior finds solace in an environment surrounded by little ones who probably enjoy screaming his ears off whenever they have the chance, though you don’t argue and follow closely behind the bounty hunter. You feel eager to meet the little ones in the tribe and you curiously wonder how many there are and how young or old they must be--do they all wear helmets? Or just some?
As soon as you hear the familiar sound of angry little squeaks in the distance, you immediately perk up and grin as you breakaway from the Mandalorian and rush forward to turn a sharp corner. Instantly, you hear the sound of rocks clanking against stone walls and you let out a loud giggle when you spot a tiny, crimson-eyed creature yipping furiously at you.
“Oh, my little one!” You exclaim with a soft little cry, scooping her up into your awaiting arms the moment she makes her way to you in an awkward hobble, her front leg still trapped between the splint you dutifully gave her two nights ago, “Oh, I am so sorry for what I did to you! I did not want to throw you like that, I swear it. It was all the bounty hunter’s fault.”
She's a wriggly little thing as she alternates between nuzzling her wet snout against your cheek and letting out with excited little squeaks and you laugh at her eagerness to see you again. Somewhere behind you, the bounty hunter sighs and you are quick to soothe the vulptex when she peers over your shoulder to give him the fiercest growl she can muster, though it’s more of a high-pitched whine. A content sigh leaves you as you pet her white, rocky head tenderly, admiring the way the dim lighting seems to reflect off of her opalescent coat; your hands seem to calm her and you watch as she turns her head to slowly blink up at you with contentment.
Din shakes his head as he continues to guide you through the covert, watching you as you comfort and soothe your little companion to the point where she’s nearly falling asleep, her head lightly bobbing as she tries to battle her exhaustion. Eventually, she gives up and rests her little head against your stomach as the bounty hunter takes you through a small entrance and into an alcove that is far warmer than the rest of the enclave.
“This whole mess for just a little runt.”
You furrow your brows, though it’s not anger and spite you feel towards his heartless words, but rather confusion and curiosity.
“What if it was a youngling you had been sent to kill or retrieve rather than a vulptex?”
“It’s not the same,” He answers without hesitation, turning his head to stare straight ahead.
“In a way, it kind of is though,” You stubbornly argue with him, your frown deepening as you tilt your head to the side and try to get a better sense of this man’s enigmatic mind, “Is she not an innocent, breathing creature that feels fear and pain? Sure, she may not be able to speak, but that shouldn’t lessen her worth. So tell me, bounty hunter, what if one of your quarries was a child--perhaps one too young to speak their fears aloud? Would the reward on their head matter more than your ability to not let it haunt you when you can’t sleep at night?”
He doesn’t say anything for a few moments and you feel your heart drop as you gaze down at your sleeping vulptex, pondering how anyone could possibly harm a child, let alone deliver them to their death. Suddenly, you wonder if you had made a mistake in not letting Paz take the bounty hunter’s helmet off, thinking him to not be honorable in the slightest.
“I would not hurt a child.”
“That was not the question I asked you,” You scoff at him, feeling your heart thrum angrily in your chest, “And your hesitation told me all I need to know about you. I am glad I did not accept your apology.”
He doesn’t say anything, choosing to remain silent as he glances down at your slumbering vulptex with a slight tilt to his shiny helmet; you pray to the Maker that you’ve hurt his pride today, what with having to stop Paz from making him lose everything.
You wonder how he feels now that the outsider he had so vehemently denied having in the tribe was the one that had saved his place in the covert.
The rest of your journey is spent in a tense silence.
You perk up a little upon hearing loud giggles and little voices as the two of you approach a concealed entrance, though it is suddenly replaced with silence as you step inside the warmer alcove. Instantly, you are face to face with at least a dozen--probably more--little ones who are all staring up at you, most likely not used to seeing an adult without a helmet on their head, though some of them wear helmets themselves. You’re so focused and caught off guard by how many younglings reside in the covert that you’re not even aware of Paz emerging from another room that’s attached to the nursery, or the way the bounty hunter makes haste to leave before being spotted.
“Saviin’ika?” He sounds surprised as he utters the name that everyone at the covert seems to know you by, and your eyes widen when all the younglings instantly crowd around you, their little faces stretched with happy smiles as though you are no stranger to them. Some of them are showing you their little toys and stuffed animals, while others are babbling excited, incoherent words and...
Maker, what have you gotten yourself into?
You thought the bounty hunter was exaggerating when he spoke of how much Paz talks about you to the little ones, but as numerous grubby little hands reach up for you, you realize just how honest he was being.
You realize why Paz comes here to seek out comfort though, and you smile fondly when a little boy--no older than five--hugs your knee tightly and stares up at you with wonder and sadness shimmering brightly in his eyes. Some of them are more focused on the vulptex cub who had been startled awake amidst all the adorable chaos, but most of them throw random questions and comments at you faster than what you imagine a ship’s hyperspeed to be and you suddenly feel a little overwhelmed.
Paz must sense it because he steps in immediately and somehow manages to shoo away all the reluctant little ones, though the little boy remains attached to your leg and you can’t stop yourself from reaching down to gently stroke the back of his head in a comforting manner. The gesture earns you a shy smile from him, his wide eyes glimmering up at you and you think something must have previously caused him some sort of despair, what with the dried tear tracks on his flushed cheeks, so you find yourself crouching down to make him feel less small. After placing your disgruntled vulptex on the floor, who immediately finds enjoyment in the presence of one of the excited younglings, you hold a hand out for the little one to take and he instantly latches onto it with both of his.
Even though you’re still upset and hurt from Paz’s words and you’re certain he must still be irritated with you, the two of you don’t acknowledge it out of respect for the little one’s already intense emotions.
“Why are you so sad, little one?”
He simply stares at you and your chest aches when he doesn’t say anything, though Paz steps in once again and crouches down next to the two of you, carefully cupping the back of his head, “He is the tribe’s newest foundling.”
It takes you a second to understand, but when you do, Maker, it breaks your heart to think of a child so young and fragile losing everyone he loves and your eyes instantly burn with tears, though you force yourself not to let them fall.
“Well, everything is going to be okay--you want to know why?” You keep your voice steady for the little one who must feel so afraid and alone, but you give his hand a reassuring squeeze when he eagerly nods, “You are surrounded by the bravest, strongest warriors in the entire galaxy and they won’t let anything happen to you, because you are loved by them.”
Immediately, the boy launches himself towards you and wraps his tiny arms around your neck, and when you look up at Paz, his visor staring intently at your sad eyes, you finally let a tear fall for the little boy and all the other ones that are here because they weren’t born into the tribe; instantly, he wipes it away, most likely not wanting the little boy to see it and upset him even more. Gently, you comfort the boy until he pulls away and gives you a shy little smile and a nod when you ask him if he feels a little better, carefully wiping the fresh tears from his cheeks and the mucus from his nose with the sleeve of your sweater.
In the tiniest little voice, he speaks and you didn’t think it was possible for your chest to ache any worse, but his sad tone completely shatters you; you’re too focused on the boy that you don’t even notice the way Paz jolts upon hearing the distraught child speak.
“I miss my family.”
And you hate that you think of a ten year old you, just as heartbroken and lost in the world, so you fully sink to your knees and hold his tiny hands a little more firmly, wishing you had something more to give him than just your words.
“I know it hurts,” You murmur in a soothing voice, brushing his curls away from his forehead as he hiccups and you let him hug you again, your hand immediately coming up to cup the back of his head, “I lost the ones I considered to be family when I was around your age too, and I know all too well of what you are feeling right now. I promise the sadness won’t always hurt you this badly and you have so many strong people here that are going to help you feel better and take care of you, okay?”
Then you think of Paz’s words from the other night when he had found you in such despair and in a deep state of despair
“You are not alone or unloved.”
He pulls away and nods, and thinking the distraught child could use all the comfort in the galaxy you press a tender kiss to the top of his curls for good measure, immediately earning you a slightly bigger smile as he continues to fiercely rub his eyes and wipe his runny nose. Eventually, he reluctantly wanders away and you watch as he timidly sits in the corner, next to another shy girl that offers him a kind smile; warmth blooms deeply in your heart when he smiles back at her.
“Cyare, we should talk about what happened--the things I said to you and what I did.”
You look up, realizing that Paz is now standing tall above you and holding a hand out to help you up; reminding yourself why you had wanted to see him in the first place, you grab his hand and let him easily tug you to your feet. You let go of him as he cocks his helmet in the direction of the entrance, gesturing for you to follow him and as he silently walks you to a part of the covert you haven’t explored, your fears get the better of you as you think of all the happy moments you’re probably going to lose before really experiencing them.
“Am I going to have to leave the covert?”
He freezes instantly, turning to face you and he’s deathly silent for a few tense moments as he collects his thoughts, “W-What?”
“I disrespected you in front of your family when I yelled at you,” You remind him, confusion swirling around in your mind, though you still don’t think you regret what you said to him, “Do you not… want me here anymore? I understand if that is the case, but if you expect me to apologize, I am not sorry for what I did and said to you.”
His shoulders drop as he watches you nervously tuck a lock of hair behind your ear, trying your hardest to stand your ground, and your heart freezes over in your chest as he almost immediately drops to a knee right in front of you. His breathing pattern looks frantic, what with the way his cuirass is rising and falling so rapidly and he’s mumbling something to himself in his native tongue, but it’s too low to make out any of the syllables or the tone he speaks in.
Immediately, your anger and fears give way to worry as you realize you did not witness the whole fight and there’s a chance he could be injured, “Paz, are you hurt?!”
“Ni ceta, sweet nurse,” He traps one of your hands between both of his and peers up at your worried gaze, “I am not injured, but I am sorry for the way I yelled at you. I didn’t mean to hurt you and I--Maker, why do I keep fucking everything up and letting you get hurt? This isn’t… I’m not supposed to hurt you and make you cry and I--”
He sounds so frustrated with himself and you intervene when you realize how erratically he’s breathing, “Hey, just breathe a little slower, okay? Let’s just talk this out.”
“I’m sorry,” He listens to your advice and his incoherent ramblings give way to something clearer, “You didn’t deserve any of that and I understand that me being blinded by rage is no excuse for speaking like that to you in front of everyone.”
You blink owlishly at him, realizing this is the second time today you’ve had a Mandalorian apologize to you and you want to forgive him, but your brain is screaming at you to tell him how you really feel. Even though you have no problem baring your emotions to him, for some reason you find it more difficult to actually elaborate on how you’re feeling and you think it must be from being alone for so long.
If you truly want this to work out between you and him, you realize you have to work on speaking your thoughts, rather than letting them build up in your head.
“I didn’t like the way you yelled at me,” You inform him in a shaky whisper, ignoring your fears as you crouch down in front of him so you can be eye-level with his shiny visor, though you continue to keep your hand in his, “And I did not like the way it made me feel when you told me I was too soft for my own good because I already know this. I experienced it everyday of my life--people making fun of me or targeting me because they know I am not a warrior like you. I never listened to them though, because my mother would always tell me that there is immense strength in being soft and selfless and I must believe that, even if you and the others in the tribe don’t.”
“I don’t… I don’t know why I said that to you--why I said any of that to you. I didn’t mean it and I would never want you to change yourself for anyone, especially me. I love you for your soft, compassionate heart, cyare,” He pleads in a pained tone and you can tell he’s being sincere, so you nod for him to continue with his explanation.
“I was so mad--so fucking pissed off--when he told me how much he traded your life away for,” He shakes his helmet, perhaps in a weak attempt to shake away his anger and sadness, “I knew the only reason he took the job was because he thought you’d be a quick and easy target and that you wouldn’t even try to fight back against him or the Trandoshan. I wanted to hurt him in the worst way possible and when you stopped me… I was not thinking properly--I wasn’t thinking at all. I still hate him, but you were just trying to be rational and didn’t deserve any of what I said.”
Your lip trembles a little and he frantically shakes his helmet when you drop your head to gaze down at the leather fingers are desperately clutching yours, “You’ve never raised your voice at me like that. It... it caught me off guard and it made me angry that you wouldn’t really listen to me and--”
You feel yourself choke on your words, tears burning hot in your eyes and you absolutely loathe that he’s able to soak in every one of your emotions when you barely have the ability to understand what he’s feeling. One of his hands moves up to your forearm and you watch as he gently rubs the crook of your elbow with his thumb; you know it’s a feeble attempt to comfort you and it barely does anything as you try to process your conflicted emotions.
“Would you really strip someone of everyone and everything they love that easily?” You inquire desperately, your lips trembling as you stare at the chin of his visor and you hate that your voice cracks so horribly as you speak, “You almost took his helmet off, Paz.”
“I am sorry for the pain I caused you, cyare, but he almost took the only one I--” You tilt your head a little when you think you hear his filtered voice growing more crackly than usual and you shake your head when he grows quiet and more withdrawn.
You cannot let people continue to walk all over you and though you understand that is not Paz’s intention, you can tell he’s not expressing his emotions like you’ve been trying to and you find yourself sinking to your knees completely, staring up at him with an expression of sadness and curiosity.
“I am trying my hardest to tell you how much you hurt me, okay? You don’t get to hide your heart from me when I am giving you everything I am feeling for the first time in such a long, long amount of time,” You swallow the lump in your throat, nostrils flaring as you heave in a deep sigh and muster up as much courage as possible to continue this conversation without breaking, “What is going on in your head, Paz?”
He lowers his helmet until his forehead is just inches away from his thigh and you carefully grab the hollows of his blue cheeks, realizing there’s something he’s not telling you and he lets out a little groan, as though he thought he could get his way out of this.
“I... I have never loved anyone the way I love you, ner cyare,” he confesses in a quiet voice, “And my own brother tried to take you away from me--trade you in like you weren’t the most precious thing in my life. I do not know how to process my emotions right now. I am angry and hurt and sad that one of my own could do this to you.”
“Hey, I am here and I am alive,” Your remind him, urging his helmet up a little so he can look at you, “He didn’t know who I was, okay? He made a foolish mistake and yes, it did almost cost me my life, but I am here with you. Isn’t that all that matters?”
“I... yes,” He breathes, giving your hand a firm squeeze, “I know that words mean nothing to you, but I promise I will never embarrass you like that in front of the tribe ever again.
“I…” You remind yourself that you need to speak your concerns and fears out loud for him to understand how you’re feeling and breathe out a deep sigh, “I thought that perhaps you were embarrassed that I was speaking to you like that in front of your people, that was why I thought you were going to make me leave. I thought I had made you mad.”
“No, cyare, I could never--” He heaves a deep breath and you hear the defeat in his filtered baritone as he struggles to reassure you that he didn’t mean to hurt you, “I want you here with me for as long as you wish to stay, but I need you to know that I could never be ashamed of you, okay? If I wasn’t such a fucking idiot, I would have gotten down on my knees in front of the entire tribe and apologized to you as soon as I raised my voice at you.”
You raise your brows in surprise at his words, though you’re not sure why you’re shocked when he’s been respectful towards you from the moment he offered to walk you home and give you his blade. Briefly, a part of you wonders what your life would be like right now had he not felt the need to walk you home that night, though you think it best to not ponder such terrifying thoughts.
“I’m sure the others would have loved to see their heavy-infantry warrior on his knees asking for forgiveness.”
“They already gave me a hard time about me being an asshole as soon as you were gone,” He admits with a small groan, though the image of him being hounded by his tribe makes you smile a little, “I normally don’t let them, but I felt like I deserved it in that moment.”
You sigh, squeezing his hand so tightly that you fear you’ll break one of his fingers, though you think he must be unbreakable, “Everybody makes mistakes, that’s how we learn and grow.”
“Then I will learn from the mistake I have made today,” He drops his helmet in what you think is shame, though you remove your hand from between his to place it on the blue hollow of his cheek and you smile sadly when he looks at you, “I wish you could see my face so you know how sorry I am for hurting your feelings and making you feel lesser of yourself.”
“You wishing that I could see your face is enough proof of your sincerity, Paz,” You bring your other hand to cradle his scuffed up helmet, though you wish you could feel the warmth of his scruffy cheeks again, “I forgive you, but if you ever leave me alone in your bed to go try to kill one of your own again, I think I would throw you in the forge myself and not show you any mercy.”
“That’s my saviin’ika,” He huffs out a small, relieved chuckle as you slowly stand up and offer him a helping hand up, smiling when you hear him grunt as his knees crack a little as he stands to his full height, “I think Ima would not mind helping you with that; you may forgive me, but the kid can really hold a grudge.”
Though you’ve spent such a small amount of time with the tenacious teenager, you don’t doubt that she can be just as stubborn and fierce as any of the adults. You grow quiet and curious when Paz begins to tug you in the direction he had initially been leading you towards before you voiced your concerns. A soft sigh leaves you as you think of how you haven’t been awake for probably more than two hours, and you’ve already had a long, strange day, though not necessarily terrible now that you and Paz have made up and you won't have to leave.
“Your mother was wise when she said that being kind and soft makes you no less stronger than a warrior,” Paz abruptly speaks, gazing down at your surprised expression as he wraps his massive arm around your waist, all while continuing to guide you down the corridor, “I know what kind of reputation I have and even though I do not wish to harm people who don’t deserve it, I know people jump to conclusions and think the worst of me--of Mandalorians in general. Then there’s you, cyare.”
Your eyes widen as you stare up at him, waiting patiently for him to explain with a frantic heart that threatens to leap out of your chest.
“People see you and they immediately trust you because you look so sweet and kind,” Paz sighs, a dreamy noise that causes his modulator to crackle a little bit, “That little boy from earlier has been here for two weeks and hasn’t spoken a word or stopped crying, yet you got him to talk after five seconds and you even made him smile. That is true strength, being able to give someone hope and comfort, and I was a fool to say otherwise.”
“You are kind and compassionate too, Paz.”
“Only because you taught me how,” He shakes his helmet as you try to shake off the incredibly sweet words, “And I am still learning because I have not always been a good man and I’ve never felt shame for it until I met you--until I saw your smile and how you care for others so intensely, even though you’ve seen just as much pain and suffering that I have, if not more. I’ve never seen any of it faze you so badly until I found you at the infirmary when you went into shock the last night. I knew one more day spent in that hell would destroy you and I could not live with myself if I left you at the infirmary, all alone.”
Your face feels so intensely hot as you struggle to think of a proper reply--something just as beautiful as what your Mandalorian is currently telling you--though you find it hard to form a coherent response. You think of the quiet bounty hunter and how he had chosen you because you were an easy target to him, but then you think of the way you had clung to your will to survive and how even though taking a life is something that will haunt you forever, it had also led to you having a better life.
You’re here because Paz had deemed you worthy of being part of his family of warriors and because you had fought at the mere chance of a future filled with happy moments with the one you love.
You find it uplifting that though you had been the one to teach him how to be softer, he had given you the confidence to stand up for yourself and be stronger.
Though you don’t have the words to properly express yourself, you smile and murmur a small, ‘thank you, Paz’.
“Always thinking so hard about everything and never talking,” Paz muses, though it sounds like he might be smiling underneath that helmet, “One day I will find out what goes on in that pretty little head, sweetheart.”
“Well, I just figured you do enough talking for the both of us, ori kebiin,” You tease, grinning when you hear a sweet bark of a filtered laugh and you’re grateful that nothing has severely changed between you two after everything that happened with the bounty hunter.
“Remind me to keep you away from Ima so she won’t teach you any other nicknames that the tribe has for me,” Paz lets out a dramatic sigh that instantly amuses you, “Same with all the others. Anyone tries to teach you Mando’a, don’t listen to them, okay?”
“Would it be disrespectful for an outsider to learn the language?”
“No, it’s just--” He makes a funny noise from the back of his throat, something you’ve learned he does when you say something that makes him feel flustered, “Some of the guys are just… playful, and I would not put it past them to teach you something you would not normally intend to say.”
You must look confused because he immediately lets out with another groan, almost sounding like he’s struggling as he speaks in a hasty tone, “They would teach you how to say something dirty as a way of messing around with you. They may protect you as their little sister, but it also means they would pick on you like one as well.”
Your cheeks feel so intensely hot at the thought of being pranked in such a way and you’re suddenly very much aware of Paz’s arm around your waist as you two slowly stroll through the enclave, his fingers twitching just a few inches below your cauterized wound. Then you think of the way he had held you on top of him the previous night, all while letting you kiss him and you’re certain that your ears are burning from the inside out at the images that you allow your mind to conjure.
“I think I know how Djarin felt when I was holding his helmet up to the forge, cyare,” Paz drawls in a teasing manner, making you grow weak in the knees as he drops his helmet a little, “I can feel the heat from your cheeks and ears through all this Beskar.”
You give him an annoyed scowl, though it only seems to spur him on even more and you suddenly hate how easy it is for you to grow flustered when he makes these flirty little comments, “Maybe you should listen to what they teach you--I do not think I would mind hearing my language in that pretty mouth of yours.”
You chew viciously on your bottom lip and shake your head as you change the topic, deciding you’ve had enough torment for one day, “Where are you taking me, Paz?”
He simply grunts and you roll your eyes at the fact that your usually mouthy warrior has decided to grow quiet and you simply let him guide you to whatever destination he has in mind. Curiosity gets the better of you when you feel him tense up a little against your side, his spine straightening as he leads you even deeper underground and down another staircase and you’re in absolute awe of the size of the enclave. Even when you stumble a little, he keeps you grounded with his arm around your waist and you are simultaneously grateful for both his diligence to keep you from falling as well as the body heat from the cracks of his armor.
“I know this place is not what you’re used to and even though you are safe, I thought you might miss the sunlight and your pretty flowers, cyare,” Paz begins to ramble as he guides you down the dimly lit tunnel and your curiosity grows hundred fold when you are able to make out the nervous pitch of his filtered voice as he brings you towards a small entrance covered by black drapes, “I just… I thought you might like having a place to yourself because I know how quiet you are and how loud we can be sometimes. I just want you to feel as comfortable as possible.”
He curls his fingers into the heavy drapes and you tilt your head to the side when he pulls them to the side, urging you into the little alcove with a sharp nod of his helmet and you think he must feel nervous for you to see what’s in the room. You bow your head low as you duck into the small room, biting back a small giggle when you hear the loud clatter of a helmet meeting stone, followed by a few curse words that you’re used to hearing from him; his enclave is so big that he must have forgotten that a smaller alcove existed within it.
“It seems like you are the clumsy one now,” You giggle, turning back to face him as he readjusts his helmet a little, “You are not allowed to make fun of me anymore.”
He snorts a little, “That’s not how it works.”
As soon as you turn forward to take in your surroundings, whatever smart comment that nearly rolls off the tip of your tongue diminishes and your huge grin drops into a severe expression of shock.
The room is little, but adorned with several clay pots filled with your usual violets that you typically wear in your hair, as well as flowers from the hot springs he had taken you to months and vibrant flora you’ve never seen on Nevarro.
“Ima helped me with most of it since I kept accidentally killing a bunch of your flowers.”
Immediately, tears fill your eyes when you realize all he’s done for you--collecting flowers and rehoming them in an environment where it is difficult for them to flourish, though there’s plenty of artificial lighting beating down on them, just as you had previously advised. You spot a large cup of water on the long desk that most of the plants reside on and wonder if he had come down here every single day just to water them and your heart feels like it’s about to burst from all the overwhelming emotions you are currently feeling. You step forward upon noticing the wooden cabinets above the desk and open them slowly, smiling warmly upon seeing the numerous glass jars and other tools that one would use to concoct salves and ointments.
“I know some of the flowers are dying and you could do a much better job, but I know how much they mean to you and I didn’t want you to lose this part of--” He stops rambling the second you turn to him with tear-filled eyes.
“You did all of this for me? Just so I would be more comfortable here?”
“I would not want you to be without your flowers, cyare,” His shoulders slump forward a little at the shock in your quiet voice and you watch with warmth in your cheeks as he slowly makes his way towards the long desk that houses all the beautiful flowers, “I know how much you cherish them and what they mean to you--how they remind you of a happier time that you are still far too hurt over to talk to me about. In a way, I suppose they are as precious to you as our helmets are to us.”
You watch as his leather-clad fingers carefully pluck one of those beautiful blue flowers that you had seen at the hot springs and your heart soars the moment he slowly makes his way back to you, all while staring at the beautiful, luminescent petals. Your feet feel glued to the floor as he reaches out to tuck the flower somewhere in your hair and your grin is so large that you feel it hurting your cheeks as he tucks the beautiful blue flower behind the shell of your warm ear.
Feeling the familiar tickle of a tiny stem grazing the shell of your ear, you smile up at him warmly and wish to tell him the words you are not able to conjure into a coherent statement. Instead, you stand up on the tips of your toes to press a sweet kiss into the fabric covering his neck before moving up to the hollow cheek of his helmet. You hear him grunt and groan as his hands carefully cup your waist to keep you close to him and you wonder if he’s imagining how your lips would feel against skin. Suddenly, you’re grateful that he had decided to leave his heavier equipment in his quarters, making it easier to reach up and kiss the thick, warm fabric that covers his shoulders.
“Gar ganar ner kar'ta ratiin, cyare.”
“What does that mean?”
He tilts his helmet downwards when you reluctantly pull away to gaze up at him.
“It is my promise to you.”
You grow warm as you think of what he could possibly be promising to you, though you decide not to ask as you explore all the little dents of his pauldron and helmet with a feathery light touch
“Then I will make the same promise to you as well.”
You’re slightly startled as you watch him manage to rip off his gloves that are tucked underneath his huge gauntlets before he’s cradling your cheeks and gently backing you up against the desk he’s deemed worthy of housing your precious flowers.
“Maker, you are so fucking so beautiful, I really don’t deserve you, do I? Always so kind to me and I--” He grunts and you smile softly upon hearing the adoration laced within his filtered voice as he carefully nudges his helmet against your bare forehead, "I want to kiss you so badly right now.”
"But your--"
"Close your eyes, please, close your eyes--"
Your breath hitches at the desperation in his filtered voice, "You trust me this much?"
He huffs as his thumb tenderly grazes your bottom lip, “I would trust you with a blaster to my chest, cyare.”
“I think your Beskar would hold up just fine.”
He snorts--a distorted sound that his modulator barely picks up--and as soon as your eyes slip shut, he rips his helmet off and has his lips pressed against yours in a kiss that is something more passionate than all the ones you shared the previous night.
You jump a little upon the foreign feeling of his tongue grazing your bottom lip and curiously open your mouth for him to explore, earning a deep groan from him; your heart is beating wildly as he tenderly cups the back of your head to keep you close, his other arm slung across your lower back and you feel part of his helmet barely digging into your waist.
A shiver rips through your body when he pulls away with a small gasp and immediately teases the underside of your jaw with his teeth and wet tongue, his helmet dropping to the floor with a loud clang that you two barely notice as a whimper leaves you at the pleasant sensation his lips bring you.
��Paz,” Your voice leaves your mouth in a way you’ve never heard from yourself, all breathy and more of a little whine as he gives you what you think is the only kind of mark he’d ever leave on your body.
“Everything you do just makes me--” He cuts himself off with a soft sigh as he skims his mouth along your jawline, ultimately ending up at your earlobe and you shudder again when he presses a tender kiss to the hot skin there, “Can’t believe you thought I’d make you leave the covert--you’re an angel, I’m sure of it.”
And you’ve never heard someone call you such a thing--an angel--but as he continues to mumble sweet praises and compliments against the column of your neck, you hear the sincerity in his raw voice and you feel his love deep in your soul. As your hands cup his scruffy jaw to guide him back to your lips, you wonder if there’s some sort of invisible wire that connects two people and their souls together and if you and Paz had somehow been connected as soon as he walked into the infirmary. You think of all the bad luck you’ve had in your life and how you’ve lost the only ones who have ever loved you, leaving you with a cruel father that felt no shame in beating you down countless times.
But then you think of Paz.
You think of the man that had walked you home and had been so determined to show you that not everything on this planet was awful, and now, pressed up against the desk with his lips, teeth, and tongue all teasing at your skin, you grin a little.
You finally feel as though you have found your home within his heart.
The thought of soulmates and fate immediately disappears as he eventually pulls away and gently nudges your forehead with his, instantly making your heart bloom like a wildflower when you think of all the times he’s rested his Beskar helmet against your forehead. A tear trickles down your cheek, though you think it is a happy one as Paz lifts his head to kiss your forehead, letting out a deep sigh that fans across your already warm skin.
You’re surprised when you hear him clear his throat before he speaks, “I am glad you accepted my apology, but I don’t think I’ll ever forgive myself for raising my voice at you.”
You hear how his voice is thick with emotion and you realize this is something he is not going to let go any time soon; he drops his head against the curve of your neck as you speak, “Then let it serve as a reminder to never do it again, Paz. Like I said, everyone makes mistakes--it’s how we learn and grow--and if it happens again, it will only show me that you have not grown.”
“And what about him--Djarin--did he apologize when you were fixing him up, cyare?” Paz questions against your shoulder, his voice slightly muffled, “Because if he didn’t I can--”
“You Mandalorians,” You huff a small laugh, grinning a little when he squeezes you to him tighter, but making sure to remain mindful of crushing you against his armor, “Always so scornful, even towards your own kind. The bounty hunter did apologize to me and he seemed to genuinely regret what he did.”
“I understand that you do not wish to see him lose his place with the tribe or see him suffer, but I still don’t think he deserves your forgiveness,” Paz sighs again, moving to place tender little kisses against your shoulder and the side of your neck; he chuckles a little when you find yourself slowly tilting your head to the side.
“I accepted his apology but did not forgive him,” You inform Paz quietly, finding it harder and harder to keep your eyes shut for him, though you persist for the sake of his honor, “I could not because it would have made me a dishonest woman.”
You feel him smile against your jaw as he tends to the sensitive skin with plush lips, “And you are not a dishonest woman, ner cyare.”
You grin, remembering how you had spoken out against the bounty hunter earlier when you had been resetting his shoulder and a part of you is tempted to tell the Mandalorian, thinking that he would gain some sort of satisfaction just as you had. You think of the bounty hunter’s story of how Paz had protected him when he’d first come to the covert and your heart melts at the thought of a young blue warrior protecting a small foundling who must have been just as afraid as the little one you comforted earlier.
“No, I am not.”
Before he can say anything, a loud female voice from outside the alcove startles Paz nearly right out of his skin and you raise your brows as he hastily retrieves his helmet and gloves from the ground.
“Ori kebiin di’kut!” Ima’s voice is practically screaming at him and you grin when Paz gives you the okay to open your eyes; something about his exasperated sigh makes you think this isn’t the first time she’s done this to him, “Khai pushed Vhan down the stairs again and could probably use some medical attention. Think you can manage to be away from your riduur for more than five minutes?”
You raise your brows as you follow him out of the alcove, coming face to face with Ima, who you’re certain must be smug as she cocks her helmet at the sight of you. She then reaches out to skim a finger along your jawline and your eyes widen at how tender the skin there feels, your cheeks instantly feeling like a raging wildfire that spreads to your ears; there must be a small mark he left there with his teeth.
“Looks like you two already made up,” Ima snorts, glancing up at Paz who is shaking his helmet at her, and you remember what he had told you about being picked on like a sister, though you think it makes you feel more like part of the tribe, “C’mon saviin’ika, you have a long day ahead of you.”
She grabs your hand and happily urges you to follow her, all while still teasing you.
As you leave a flustered Paz behind, you think Ima is the first person you’ve trusted completely since meeting your warrior and a fond smile stretches along your lips as she nosily asks you if he had gotten on his knee to apologize to you.
You had forgotten what it felt like to have a family, but perhaps with enough time, you can learn again.
Translations:
Vod’ika=Little brother/sister
Di’kut=Idiot, useless individual, waste of space (Lit: someone who forgets to put their pants on)
Mirdir be pehea gar kelir sirbur Ni ceta at kaysh=Think of how you will say sorry to her
Gar ganar ner kar'ta ratiin, cyare=You have my heart always, beloved
Saviin’ika=Little violet
Ner=Mine/My
Cyare=Beloved
Ori Kebiin=Big blue
Riduur=Partner, spouse, husband/wife
A/N: As always, thank you all so much for all the support and sweet words!! It makes me so happy that you guys are enjoying this story as much as I love writing it, because I really do always have such a lovely time writing these two soft lovebirds :) I love you all and adore hearing all your thoughts and ideas because they always inspire me so much!
I love you guys and please have a wonderful day! I hope you enjoy this chapter :)<3
Taglist: @parabatai-winchester @auty-ren @theocatkov @oloreaa @talesfromtheguild @blindedbyyourgrace17 @datmando @dartheldur @miscellaneous-mando @karpasia @ben-is-a-hoe @the-feckless-wonder @whatababeleia @maybege @aeryntheofficial @corrupt-fvcker @lackofhonor @phoenixhalliwell @crazy-kat-in-the-hat @roxypeanut @mandolovian @honestlystop @teaofpeach @macabrefaerie @acynicalcat @spaghetti-666 @readsalot73 @lanatheawesome @absurdthirst @anakinsittinginsand @yes-music-is-my-religion @tangledlove27 @justrunamok @peqchynero @haloangel391 @awhiskeywithwinchester @aliciaxglasgow @bonesaldente @kawaiitimecharm
#paz vizla x reader#paz vizsla x reader#paz vizla x you#Paz vizsla x you#my writing#mandalorian x reader#mandalorian x you#the mandalorian fanfiction#THIS IS A ROLLERCOASTER IM SO SORRY YALL LOL#ALSO TUMBLR BETTER NOT FUCK UP MY TAGS AGAIN
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