#because i really want to
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Is it bad that I would like to pull him by his tie?
#because i really want to#oh my gosh#i'm fawning right now#im so 😵💫😵💫😵💫#😮💨😮💨😮💨#goddamn son#sir 🥵🥵🥵#sexy ass dilf#my sweet alfredo#my heart#❤️❤️❤️❤️#alfred molina
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man i REALLY wanna make a long post basically debunking all the arguments in that Hunter and Mattholomule aren’t “good enough” for Willow and Gus BUT I’M SO TIRED
#me and my sister were arguing about this earlier so thats the inspo#if yall wanna see that then PLEASE hype me up#because i really want to#i feel like i could do it#and i might do it like in the weekend or next week#i THINK i'm putting it in the ship hashtags so that i know if people wanna see this from me#huntlow#gustholomule
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guys should i put my really bad thoughts onto the internet or no
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Does depression posting still count as posting or is that to personal for my fuck~me~senseless~till~i~cant~fucking~walk asthetic? <3
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Just letting my mutuals who are also doing Artfight know that if you've attacked and I haven't drawn a revenge yet ; I'll be sending art after Artfight is over.
July is always a busy month for me and it was especially true this year, but I still plan on drawing revenges for all the cool art I've received and "attack" a few more people after the event is over.
#my mental health has been taking a dive for a while so drawing in general has been particularly difficult#but i'll get around to it!!#because i really want to
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GUYS they have the Cullen lucky coin back in stock on the bioware gear website do I waste $22 on it?
#please someone tell me not to#because i really want to#for the serotonin#but like actually what am i gonna do with it?#dragon age#cullen rutherford
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really wanna post more writing for billy hargrove but i know that’ll really piss off 90% of the stranger things fandom because they just can’t cope with the fact that some people actually like billy for a reason other than his looks
…should i?
#yes this is me asking for opinions#because i really want to#but i know that some people in the stranger things fandom are complete cunts when it comes to anything to do with billy#and that’s the nicest way of me saying it#if y’all knew how many fics i have planned for this man#you’d think i was insane#but guess what?#i don’t write him the same way your beloved little duffel bags did#i write him based off of everything we’ve learned from dacre montgomery#which is vastly different#billy hargrove#morgan’s dumbass thoughts💬#morgan’s rants and rambles
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Wouldn’t it be so goddamn funny if Matthias’ second wife was supposed to be his first wife? For the sake of the clarity, I’m just going to call her Serenity. As Matthias grew up, his parents noticed that he has a tendency to be a floozy and not really caring about settling down (and of course they want an heir with a crest), they get concerned about it so they betroth him off to a noblewoman named Serenity. Their relationship isn’t the best, but he, for some reason, decided to make it work. But as soon as he goes to the academy and meets Raven, that went out the window and he falls in love with her instead and breaks off the engagement with Serenity.
But a couple of years after Raven dies, he ends up marrying Serenity anyways. And it’s still the rocky relationship it always was. But to his surprise, she loves Miklan even though all of that relationship fails.
#bun bun talks#lskajf;dlfkas because this is exactly what#i am thinking should be the lore behind matthias#also should i post up my hcs about#rodrigue's and lambert's wives#because i really want to
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MY BOOK CAME TODAAAAAY~!!
This is the Titanic book I told y’all about and it’s gotten like 4-5 star ratings and nothing but good reviews! So excited!
And here’s some other books that I’m excited to read and how my bookshelf currently looks! (I’ve BARELY nibbled on 1Q84, it’s a monster of a book)
🤩✨❤️
#I think I counted that I have 44 that I’ve collected over the months#(3 were gifts and I got some of the others from a little library)#anyways#I hope my adhd lets me read these#because I REALLY WANT TO#the spirit engineer#a j west#1q84#haruki murakami#th1rt3en#Steve cavanagh#books#bookblr#book collection#titanic#historical fiction#me post#pic#🖤🖤🖤
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my mom loves to lie and like she always swears she was NEVER homophobic or anything to me as a child “i even have a gay work friend” but a really funny memory resurfaced recently where i asked if i could use birthday money i had to buy a rainbow flag when i was like ??? 7?? because i LOVED rainbows. and she said no that means something Evil and god will hate you . so what did i do. but ask my grandmom for a rainbow sweater for christmas and proceed to only wear that sweater for three years when it got cold because i didnt like the idea that god hated colors and i wanted to challenge him
#id also stare really hard at the sky when i wore it because i wanted to see if he would#acrually strike me with lightning because i thought it would be a cool way to fie#die*** <- and no i didnt realize rainbow = gay for another SIX YEARS#that was AFTER years of g#‘google images girls kissing’#scratchpost#txt
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i want nothing more than to play sims and post here but life has been filled with The Horrors for months now and i am barely alive atp
#.txt#ill be back eventually#because i really want to#but fuck#i open the game and immediately close it#cause i cant fuckin focus
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I can't keep being fundamentally changed as a person by animated movies, it's just not sustainable.
#animation#animated film#animated movies#across the spiderverse#across the spider-verse#spiderverse#puss in boots#puss in boots the last wish#puss in boots 2#nimona#nimona film#yes i'm posting this specifically because i just watched nimona and am feeling all kinds of things but really these are all PEAK TIER#the fact they have ALL been released within 7 months of each other...like...woah we are thriving right now#stylised animation with its own unique style reflecting the movie i love you forever kissing you on the mouth#films that make me ferally rip up any and all art blocks to shreds#and that's just the animation side of things#i won't get started on the plots. they also make me want to bounce off of walls#hugging all these close to my chest#as well as all the other great animated movies that exist because animation wins all catergories for me always#(let's not forget anime movies either; y'all are beautiful too! keeping 2d animation alive and i'm so here for it)
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Ok I am going to do this simply because the first thing I will put here I NEED to do it and I have 0 motivation to do it even though it is EXTREMELY important
In fact, I think that's the reason why I don't want to do it... anyway
If this gets to 30 notes, I do that thing ✅️
50 notes, I call to ask if my doctor's appointment has been scheduled (I've been avoiding it for two weeks now) ✅️
100 notes, I go wash my shoes that have long needed washing and are just sitting there, existing, waiting for me to deign to wash them. ✅️
200 notes, I finish organizing my room (I organized it halfway and then left a bunch of things that still don't have a defined place) ✅️
500 notes, I use the things I have to bleach and color my hair. The only thing that has stopped me is the fear of doing it wrong or being too lazy to maintain it.
1k notes, I stop doing things that I know will trigger my chronic pain with the pure intention of confirming that the pain was indeed real (don't do this. 0 recommended) ✅️
5k notes, I try some new food without fear of wasting money by buying something I most likely won't like (my autism hates new foods) ✅️
10k notes, I wear my bi flag earrings in front of someone I wouldn't usually wear them with. I trust that they possibly wouldn't have a problem with me being bi, but I would never get up the courage to tell them anything ✔️ (I haven't, but that person was in my room next to where the earrings are. They were 0% hidden)
20k notes, wtf I have absolutely no idea. If it comes to this, ehhh... Honestly, I have no idea what I'm doing here. Do I promise to be honest in therapy and stop telling them that everything is perfect even though nothing has ever been perfect? Yeah, that probably works. Please don't go this far, I don't know how to do this. Maybe I should... but... it would be awful to learn it
April 2024: I stop procrastinating editing this post with the things I've already done. I WANT THE HAIR SO MUCH BUT IT'S SO DIFFICULT
#Just my random stuff tag because I don't want to do any of this stuff#but i do want to do this stuff#fuck i really hate wanting to do things and at the same time wanting to simply... stop#fuck#jay and... jay what are you doing?
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when making a character remember! are they a FAG?
Fucked up beyond belief
Actually would suck in real life (and ideally in the story too)
Gay
#krill chirps#my stuff#🕷️#didnt use the quirk because i dont really like using it on public posts#especially this one#which i really want to go far
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seriously have been thinking about this all night long. call me autistic but the fact that 90% of workplaces the point is not to get your work done and then be done doing it but to instead perform an elaborate social dance in which you find something to do even when you're done doing everything you need to do in order to show your fellow workers that you, too, are Working . because you are at Work . disgusting why cant we all agree that if there is no work immediately to be done. we just dont do anything
#i personally like to not be doing things constantly at all times. it stresses me out#i know there are ppl who thrive on cosntant activity#but me i like to chill out.#and the problem then becomes that i only ACTIVELY remember to do work and Find More Work To Do when im stressed#at the thought that others might want to see me working#if im ever relaxed i just dont look for stuff to do#catch 22 of modern work culture which permeates even ostensibly noncapitalist structures like public libraries#for instance: will it really kill anybody if the books get shelved by me now after a very busy day?#or shelved tomorrow morning by. well probably me since i'll be the one at the desk#not in the slightest#but it was work that wasnt being immediately done by me. therefore it was incorrect behavior#that i failed to identify because my instinct is to relax when not immediately presented with a Situation#this got me labeled as 'having no initiative' by my dad from a very early age#and even as an adult i still feel like im a child with no initiative
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I think so many people are so deeply alienated from themselves that they have no clue how to exercise their free will and autonomy. For some, this alienation runs so deep that they are afraid of their own autonomy and humanity. It is completely understandable why one would have those feelings, but it can be worrisome.
I want to help others who feel this way, so here are small things I have done to exercise my free will:
Add "guilty pleasure" songs to playlists and actually listen to them (I have a ton of late 1990s-early 2000s music I listen to now proudly that I never listened to in the past out of shame)
Getting the décor item, bath set, bed spread, ect. in the patterns you like, even if it's "childish" (I got a dinosaur-themed wastebasket from the kids' décor section and I adore it)
Taking a new route to get to a place you go to often
Eat dessert first
Celebrate well, and often
Collect things that are "odd" or don't seem like an "acceptable" thing to collect (somebody on my "for you" page collects dandelion crayola crayons and it was so cool!!!!!!)
Incorporate one new piece in an outfit you wear frequently (e.g., a new chain, a necklace, ribbons, bracelets, ect.). Challenge yourself to add onto the outfits if you feel up for it.
Sing along to songs without worrying that you sound "good" or your intonation is completely accurate
Read a book from a genre you weren't allowed to read as a kid (comics, thrillers, mysteries, anything!)
Walk without having a specific destination or goal
Pick up a new craft without expecting yourself to master it or to ever be "good" enough. Get your hands messy.
I don't want to shame anybody for not feeling as though they have free will or that they are exempt from exercising it. However, I wanted to give ideas so that you might read this list and find your own ways to express your intrinsic autonomy and will. You deserve to be a person, to feel alive, not just living. That is what our lives are for.
#mental health#mental health support#positivity#if anybody has ideas of their own definitely include them!#i just think being stuck with this feeling that you don't have autonomy and that you ultimately aren't an equal person or a person at all..#...in comparison to other people can be a really troubling and dangerous place to be in...#...and that isn't the person's fault for feeling that way. they didn't pluck those thoughts out of thin air...#...like i have felt that exact way all my LIFE because i have been abused for. probably 2/3s of my life...#...only within these past few years have i even FELT alive. frankly it's going to take a while to repair what i have been left with...#...so i know the feeling and i want to help others feel even a LITTLE bit alive. you deserve it...#...you deserve to take in a deep breath before slowly realizing 'oh my gd this is what it feels like to be alive' and SMILE about it#i want that for you even if it is brief. even if it is small. even if it is a whisper. i want you to feel alive#unironically getting rid of the idea of 'guilty pleasures' has made my life SO much better
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