#because i believe that in the show it was made clear that he groomed her
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One of the biggest HotD missed opportunities is not exploring the trauma that comes from having to marry your immediate family.
Not exploring how Targ women are raised to think of their brothers as their future husbands.
How damaging it is when the lines of what's familial and what's romantic blur.
Helaena grew up knowing she'll marry her older brother, never given an option to even think of finding love somewhere else.
Aegon not wanting to marry his sister but he is a Targaryen and as a Targaryen there isn't much of a choice in it anyway.
Aemond who says he will marry his sister because it would be his duty to do so. Who doesn't even understand how strange and wrong that is - the fact that he sees marrying his sister as just another duty to fulfill.
The fact that we don't see how Helaena (arguably the biggest victim in that situation) feels about it all is just criminal.
The fact that we were never showed Helaegon getting married is such a missed opportunity because it would give an audience a way to understand just how disturbing that Targaryen custom is.
Another missed opportunity is not seeing Helaena pregnant and/or giving birth.
But I especially, ESPECIALLY, hate the way the show implied that it was all Alicent's doing purely because it means that now that highly traumatic experience of not only children but also siblings getting married became an Alicent issue and not an issue of hundred years of one family's abusive blood supremacy tradition.
#house of the dragon#hotd#alicent hightower#aegon ii targaryen#helaena targaryen#aemond targaryen#team green#i hope it's something they can at least try to explore in s2#i would love to talk about daemon x rhaenyra#but i won't#because i believe that in the show it was made clear that he groomed her#it's just that the audience likes to act dumb#and pretend that what they have is healthy#and true love or whatever other bs
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I want to address what’s being said about me regarding my behavior as a teenager, because some of it is true. However, more of it is greatly distorted, and some of it is false. I won’t be reproducing the video that was made about me, the creator has acknowledged the misinformation present in it & has unlisted it, willingly ceding ground for me to give my own testimony. Some of it will require me to admit to things I am still ashamed of, some of it will require me to revisit a traumatic time in my life that I have mostly blocked out. The short version is that I believe I was being groomed at the same time and in the same place as many of the people who came out against me, and my ultimate goal is to find solidarity with those people and begin the healing process.
When I was 18, and just beginning to accrue an audience, I created a discord server. For a lot of external reasons, mainly spending my entire life up until this point being shuttled around different special ed schools, this ended up being the first real social circle I ever had. It represented the first positive attention I ever received from strangers. It’s a time where I made a lot of mistakes, it’s a time where I was gravely vulnerable. In all honesty, I was too young to manage a community of any kind, I was hot off the back of being desensitized in my adolescence by unrestricted access to early 2010s internet. I knew well enough to create special NSFW rooms, and was advised later to create further division by requiring users to self-apply for a special NSFW role to access those rooms This extra layer meant that the rooms wouldn’t even show up for people who didn’t have the role, which led to some believing they didn’t exist.
However, I did not intuitively understand the “meaning” of sexual content, I didn’t understand the baggage that came with it. I used cropped fetish porn as emotes and indiscriminately showed the source to anyone who asked, sometimes outside of the NSFW rooms, because I found niche fetishes to be amusing, and since it was “funny” and not “sexy” it didn’t have to mean anything. The worst consequence of this happened when I was first formulating the ideas for my video about youtuber Rags, and I discovered that his youtube avatar was cropped from a NSFW image he had commissioned of his feral dog fursona. I sent this image to just about anyone who seemed interested, and this included a then 13 year old. I’m going to apologize just like I did when this first came out, but I will not be pressured as I was then into assuming predatory intent in myself. I’m not making excuses when I say that I had been a legal adult for under a year and thought of it as just an interaction between two teenagers, a kind of interaction I had with many of my friends (and some adults) before I turned 18. It was a misunderstanding, *and* I hurt you, and I’m deeply deeply sorry.
There were some moderators besides myself, two were teenagers around my age, early adopters of the server who I felt I’d become friends with. One was a woman in her late twenties, who I won’t name simply because I’m not in the business of offloading my misery onto other people, but she knows who she is. She contacted me with a shower of attention & adoration, she left positive reviews for my albums when she noticed I was upset at their critical reception, she oversaw me as I posted my nudes in that server and later on my main twitter account. She encouraged this behavior in myself and others and participated in it too.
I want to make this clear, the bulk of the allegations against me boil down to punishing me for failing to surmise I was being exploited by the first social group I ever had. I jerked off in voice chats. I remember the day I started, I was surrounded by people older than me who were encouraging me to post my first nude pic in the self-nsfw channel, and I had to get hard for them first. I then considered this normal and did it often. At one point a 15 year old entered the room while I was doing it, and I went quiet until she left. I reconvened with this 15 year old recently, and she told me she only remembers being promptly told to leave. The claim that I “regularly jerked off in voice chat with minors” as if it were an orchestrated and habitual activity is an outright falsehood.
I remember posting my nudes on twitter in a fevered haze of dissociation and dysphoria after being goaded by other users in my discord server. I remember doing it again and again, so that it could maybe eventually feel normal. I was 18, going on 19. I had twenty to thirty thousand subscribers, I was hot off the heels of being given 150 bucks for making thirty minutes of music for a much bigger youtuber. There are others who were in that server who were similarly exploited, and I am not here to contradict those testimonies, but I was uniquely denied the ability to understand what had happened to me as grooming, because I was technically of age and I had the very beginnings of a youtube audience. However, 20k subs didn’t give me more power than someone over ten years my senior.
I was groomed, and just as I was beginning to understand what happened to me, the shame threatening to overtake me completely, I was slapped with the supposed news that I was the sole perpetrator of the entire situation that traumatized me so, that what I thought of as my first friend group all remembered me as a loathsome creep. The apology I wrote in abject panic was dissected and used as a cudgel against me in police-interrogation fashion, so I became afraid to say anything. A year and a half later, I made a post saying that I had been “groomed by a portion of my audience” and this immediately provoked a youtube video callout. I feel as if I have been beaten into silence and complicity, unable to form thoughts of my own regarding my experience. I am terrified, right now, writing this story that I firmly believe no one on earth will buy, because I have come to routinely doubt my own testimony.
Some accusations being made of me are so foreign that I have trouble piecing together what it could be referring to. I commissioned a NSFW size difference piece from dramamine, one where my lover is 11 feet tall, and I was pre transition at the time so I wanted a flat chest to help me feel feminine in my current body. It was wrongly tagged as “cub” (furry child porn) on E621, which I vocally protested at the time. This is the only thing I could point to as evidence for the claim that I commissioned cub porn of myself. I do not know how to convey the feeling of being flooded by accusations that require me to ponder what it could even be referring to, or to see my accuser insist that she’s receiving dozens of new horrible scoops on me without being able to see exactly what it is or what happened. I’m open to apologizing personally to anyone I ended up hurting in my adolescence who reaches out to me, I was a victim of grooming let off into a public space with a few thousand followers after all, but I’m not apologizing on behalf of people who might have heard something bad about me.
I am going to restate, my accuser has *of her own volition* unlisted the offending video & understands the misinformation she spread, there is nothing to gain from seeking her out and letting her know your opinion on the situation. I waited until this agreement was reached to make any statement at all for this exact reason.
I am staying offline for about a day after posting this, I am under a lot of pressure, I am very tired.
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Why the fuck does Laena Velaryon, who is canonically younger than Rhaenyra Targaryen in the show, look like a fucking 20-year-old in episode 5 while Rhaenyra, her elder, still looks fucking 13? Why the actual fuck did they change the YOUNGER girl’s actress and made her look older, but it’s okay for Rhaenyra to continue looking like a preteen? I’ll tell you why.
They’re trying to distract us from the fact that creepy ass Daemon is courting a 14-year-old. A FOURTEEN YEAR OLD. Rhaenyra is 15 in episode 1 and Laena is 12, meaning they have a 3 year age gap. Then, Viserys tells Rhaenyra that she must marry since she’s 17 now, making Laena 14, maybe 15 at best. So they obviously can’t afford having Daemon thirst over a child again, therefore this is a shitty attempt to cover up the fact that Laena still is a very fucking young child.
HBO what is this? Why do your casting choices indicate that you’re trying to use some kind of ageist technique to manipulate your viewers? Why are the supposedly good guys, Rhaenyra and her children, portrayed by very young actors? Is this to show how innocent and pure they are? Why are the characters who are supposedly evil, Aegon and Aemond, or the character for whom we shouldn’t worry too much about since she’s just a tool for Daemon’s story line to develop, Laena, portrayed by obviously older actors even though they’re all supposed to be kids? Because the youth = good people and old = bad people analogy is fucking gross and lowkey paedophilic. Not to mention how weird it is to make all the black girls in the show look like fucking grown ups. What kind of racist bullshit is this?
I can’t understand HBO’s decisionmaking for the love of me. Like, on the one hand, it’s so obvious that they’re forcing Daemon and Rhaenyra down our throats, to the point that I actually laughed out loud when the show runner said “he doesn’t get why people like Daemon”. Like, my guy, you MADE the show. You made him look like an appealing, dangerous, sexy, strong, victorious and mysterious man, so what do you mean you don’t get the appeal? On the other hand though, most of the actions that they allow Daemon to perform are so horrifying that it makes it impossible for a sane person to stand beside him and defend him. Like, they try to sugarcoat that he’s an abusive piece of shit yeah, but they somehow don’t shy away from the fact that he’s terrible? Are they doing both of these things on purpose? Are they trying to challenge the viewer, to show us how abusers, despite being openly deranged, still have their way of dazzling their victims, the average person, and hypnotising them with their charm? Is Daemon doing to us (and by us I mean you Daemon stans, not me, stay safe though) what he’s doing to Rhaenyra and Laena? Are the show producers testing the average viewer’s intelligence and ability to recognise an abuser? Will there be a lesson to be learned?
I would like to hope so but I highly doubt it, because while one could support this theory by arguing that changing Laena’s actress is an attempt to mask Daemon’s degenerative nature a bit so that it isn’t completely obvious that he’s a bad man, someone else could counter this argument by saying that we’ve already seen Daemon groom a minor so this wouldn’t be something new. We’ve seen him do much more violent crimes actually, so why shy away from the fact he’s a groomer when we are already aware of this? Idk man, I really want to think that HBO is trying to make us see that Daemon is an evil person, but then indirectly glorifying him constantly makes me believe they just want people to root for him.
P.S. I may anger a lot of people by saying this, so I’ll make myself clear by stating that I love and greatly respect actors who specialise in portraying evil characters, because doing so and not losing yourself is a challenge (*cough* Leto *cough*) but if done correctly, it’s a true showcase of one’s talent and hard work. Lee, De Niro, Hopkins, Bardem and Rickman are just a few to name. However, Matt Smith has never rubbed me the right way. No hate to the guy, I don’t even know him, but I’ve seen him play the villain in three separate occasions (HOTD, Last Night in Soho, Morbius) and I just get these weird vibes, but I usually told myself it’s just my imagination running wild. However, I recently found out that Smith claimed that Daemon is a loyal man who loves deeply and that his “heir for a day” brothel feast was his way of honouring Aema, which really disturbed me for obvious reasons. I don’t know if he said this because he’s trying to defend his character and by extension himself, or if he just wants to promote the show, or if he doesn’t understand Daemon or if he funnily enough has fallen victim to his own character’s charm and I don’t care because it is a dangerous thing to say. Painting this character, the arrogant, obnoxious, self serving, people slaughtering, wife murdering, backstabbing, abusing, grooming, lying, manipulating, war criminal of a man, in such a positive light while being a man yourself, knowing that most of this character’s supporters are young impressionable women who just find him hot, makes me lowkey wanna cover my drink in his presence, I don’t know.
#hbo#hbo max#house of the dragon#hotd#hotd critical#house targaryen#house velaryon#anti rhaenyra targaryen#rhaenyra targaryen#laena velaryon#anti daemon targaryen#anti daemyra#ageism#matt smith#anti targ stans#anti targ restoration#pro team green#team green#anti team black
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so let me get this straight
says she has dreams face reveal and he's only face revealing so she doesn't leak it first, then doesn't show the pictures, aka the one thing that couldn't be faked. she says they talked very briefly, give or take a month or 2. why would he face reveal to her, yet not friends of what would be 5-8 years at the time. he was so scared of his face being leaked he went out of state just to go to the dentist or to eat with his mom, so why would he face reveal to a girl he only knew for a month or 2?
the contact name on the text messages is either blocked out or cropped out. her only proof that this is him is that he "shows up in her TikTok contacts." now we know that since 2020 dream has been doxxed and his number has been leaked and changed AT LEAST once since then. this is common knowledge in the fandom but he even confirms it himself in his face reveal video. so how would she have his current number if this happened in 2020? the only way that would make sense is if he never updated his contact information on TikTok, which can't be true as he just restored his TikTok account last week and would need updated contact info or if she got his new current number from a doxx. or the video is fake.
she says "it crosses the line when he's sending me his huge house/inviting me." at that time dream lived in an apartment, there were even times when he said he was struggling to pay rent, what "huge house" is she referring to because he didn't move in with sapnap until 2021 and the huge house they live in now, they just moved into give or take 2 weeks before the meetup/face reveal
for the Snapchat thing there's really no way to prove that's even his snap profile unless dream leaks his private snap, and if it is his there's conveniently not a single saved message except for the "huh" so there's no way of knowing what was said in these chats
her boyfriend is an anti and the one driving this whole thing. she said they talked, nothing bad happened and they stopped talking because she got bored/he wasn't interesting NOT because she was manipulated. but the bf claims dream groomed her (we'll get into that in a moment). this bf is a full believer of the whole sex mod scandal and believes he's a pedo.
the twitter DMs. while these can easily be faked, I don't think they are. I think this is a case of "I had something real for credibility sake but added fake shit to make it worse". the reason I think the DMs are real is because why would she include messages of him saying "how old are you? 18 nvm" if she was trying to "expose him." it's likely she had 18 in her bio because it's clear Dream thought he was talking to someone who was 18. there's nothing damning in these DMs. it's literally just 2 people talking about school.
goes private as soon as it gets attention and doesn't elaborate on any of these claims. this is a serious situation and you're playing with someone's career, give context and elaborate.
and finally even if all of this is real, it's not grooming and it's not sexual assault. they never even met in person, they talked for like 2 months and there was no evidence of coercion in the messages shown. the only crime here is cringey ass flirting between a 20 year old and a believed 18 year old that made me want to bleach my eyes. people bring up power imbalance as well. her bf says she was never a fan of him. at this time dream smp hadn't even started, he had just blown up (2M subs), and again in the dms shown there is no evidence of this dynamic in play. if she was a fan, is it weird? yeah. is it grooming or sa? NO!
TLDR: there's a lot of holes in the story that just don't make sense and even if it is real it's not grooming or SA
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I follow some people who talk about baldurs gate 3, and the way the fandom almost largely goes out of its way to babygirl everything astarion does while refusing to give the same leniency to the far less evil characters is baffling.
I feel like Gale, Wyll, and Lae'zel are the ones who often make this the most clear. Under the cut.
Whether it's because of the glitch pre console release or just a general refusal to engage with his story, people like to paint this picture of Gale being some Narcissistic abuser who is only ever power hungry. I've seen people try and justify mystra's actions. Now even if Gale was a young adult when Mystra came to him, Mystra is his goddess. She's in charge of the weave. She had so much more power over him, student/teacher and boss/underling relationships are so looked down upon because of that inherent power imbalance. And I think there's also an implication that this is relatively normal for all versions of mystra to do to younger men.
Elminster isn't free of criticism because he actively brought a young Gale to be groomed into becoming a pawn for Mystra. Gale gets discarded by mystra for his seeming ambition and wants to move on, but is also still desperate to please her in anyway he can, and she tells him to kill himself. I don't understand how people go through his plotline and see him believing the only way he's useful is dead and then just assume he's just power hungry. Is he a bit full if himself? Yes. He's a wizard. They're like that. But he's not the worst person in the world, and he's definitely not the one people should claim as the abuser in his relationship with Mystra.
People call Wyll boring, some paint this idea of him being holier than thou/looking down on everyone around him. Since he was 17 Wyll has given his whole life to protecting people and trying to be a hero. He's self sacrificial, thrown out by his father for making a pact he only made to save the city he adores. Wyll talks so much about baldurs gate. He wants to return.
Wyll has his body altered unwillingly for doing the right thing and yet he never once regrets it. He's made into a devil, the creatures so many of the npcs and companions loathe, for his kindness. He's constantly tricked and mocked by Mizora who we know from the game was sent by Zariel to corrupt a good hearted person. Even still, Wyll is a kind and honest man. He's charming and a bit cheesy but that's fine. Wyll can be incredibly self sacrificial and stubborn in his morals, but if you're running around doing mean things to impress Astarion, you can't blame Wyll for not liking your character and judging you. He's a hero of the people, of course he'd stand with them. We also need to remember he got so heavily redone that he has barely 6 hours of in-game content now. Which is abysmal compared to everyone else.
Lae'zel was raised by a cult, a cult that spans all her people where they're taught to bow and serve a lich queen who promises them glory if they're good enough. She can be harsh and unfriendly, but we need to remember she's the one most aware of what the tadpole can do and with that in mind we know she's very desperate to get things done and cure herself. Next to astarion she's the most evil aligned origins companion, and even still so much of that is due to being brainwashed into a certain belief.
Lae'zel in canon is the youngest companion, very early 20s and it often shows. She's a skilled warrior who doesn't see the need for statements that are already obvious. She's been beaten into shape and filled with ideas that unless she's perfect as the creche commands then she is worthless. She's scared and alone in act 1 with people who most likely don't care about it the same way she does. Lae'zel is imperfect like all the other companions, but if you're willing to accept that astarion is soft under all his bluster, why can't you do the same for Lae'zel?
I don't hate Astarion, I liked him a lot my first playthrough, he was my main romance. But the way the fandom ignores that he's definitely evil in act 1 and 2 because "I just don't see him that way", how people act like he's the only character in the cast who was abused when abuse and the cycles of it are the main theme of the game, how people willfully misunderstand his ascension ending and paint it as his good one when the writers state repeatedly it's not, the way the fandom will insult and demean other characters for jabbing at astarion's trauma but applaud him when he does the same exact thing, when they ignored his racism towards gnomes and gur (which is anti Romani racism repackaged). There's also a chance that in his time, Astarion was a corrupt politician, something making his death more complicated but also adding interest to it that a lot of his fans want to ignore to make him pure.
Astarion isn't perfect, none of the companions are. And they're not supposed to be. But his special treatment by fans is becoming so incredibly tiresome to see.
#baldurs gate#baldurs gate 3#bg3#astarion acunin#molten rambles#wyll ravengard#lae'zel#gale dekarios
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What are your thoughts on the dance of dragons? I don’t mean about the show but the whole situation, characters, etc. Genuinely interested because you always bring up points and things I didn’t consider and I would love to get your insight.
Targ stans have been on a relentless and desperate (and doomed to fail) campaign to place all the blame on Alicent because they don't want Targaryens to be blamed for what happened. The truth is there would always be a succession crisis no matter what. Viserys could have married the type of woman they want Alicent to be - someone who accepts years of grooming, marital rape and neglect with a smile and the Dance would still happen.
Dragons plant no trees.
The truth is the Targaryens didn't bother codifying succession laws because they don't care about the long term, they're not building something that lasts longer than them. It's why their legacy is centuries of bloodshed, one measly road, and a crumbling, decaying city that one of their own will obliterate.
It started with Aegon marrying two women at the same time- Visenya was the one he was betrothed to but he married her sister as well (likely without consulting Visenya). He basically decided that Rhaenys would be the mother of his bloodline instead of Visenya and therefore he had no plans for Maegor. In fact, he outright ignored the kid.
After Aenys' death, Maegor seized power over his nephews and nieces which led to war. This was essentially the first Dance of Dragons. There were even bastard rumours floating around. Maegor like his father married multiple women without any plans for what would happen if he managed to get living children.
You'd think after that war, Jaehaerys the so-called wise king would sit down and make a clear-cut succession law but the only thing that man was interested in is making the lives of his daughters and wife miserable. He took the throne over Rhaena and Aerea, then passed over Rhaenys as heir, he called for a Great Council, got the results he wanted meaning that Rhaenys was passed over again, and STILL didn't codify the succession laws.
What instead happened was that it reinforced over and over to the people of Westeros that the throne could never pass to a woman. In fact, the only role that a Targaryen woman could ever hope for is that of a consort.
When Viserys named Rhaenyra as his heir (when he failed to produce the son he so obviously wanted), he could have made it possible for women to inherit but like his daughter, Viserys believed that Rhaenyra was the exception. Basically a one-time thing that even Rhaenyra herself agreed with based on how she ruled that younger brothers should inherit before older sisters. So the succession was very much not a settled manner when Viserys made the choice to marry Alicent and have 4 children he didn't care for.
Even if Alicent decided to serve Rhaenyra, war would have happened anyway. People would have gravitated to Aegon and his brothers or Daemon or Laenor because the succession laws that exist allow only men to inherit.
Rhaenyra's behavior didn't help her cause at all. I'm OK with her having bastards because she can't help who she married but a little subtly wouldn't kill. Some political acumen wouldn't have killed her - hiding away in Dragonstone (and turning the people there against her), marrying Daemon so soon after their spouses' deaths, practically flaunting her relationship with Harwin, the brothel incidence, hiding away in Dragonstone instead of coming to King's Landing and taking part of the Small Council, not seeking out allies and supporters throughout the Kingdoms because she was hiding in Dragonstone, etc.
Regardless, it's far easier for people to decide that Rhaenyra wasn't fit to be queen due to her actions and reputation because she's a woman. There's a much smaller threshold for tolerance for women. That's why Aegon II is considered King and why Rhaenyra's legacy is a dozen sexist nicknames. She should have been aware of the limitations she faced and worked to overcome them instead of relying on her father's leniency.
Blaming Alicent is the easy way out - she's not a Targaryen, she's a woman, she's kind of a bitch in the books but the real problem is House Targaryen. Self-destructive and incapable of planting roots in Westeros, they brought on their own downfall.
#Anonymous#alicent hightower#rhaenyra targaryen#anti targ stans#hotd#asoiaf meta#song of ice and fire#anti targaryen
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Thinking about what you said, I think it's highly probable Madelyn Stillwell raped Homelander when he was 14 or 15.
That's around the age he got stuck at, right?
I think fandom is probably right about her doing it as more of a means to control him than anything, but I think you're probably right about this making it worse and meaning she did much more than has been shown to us on screen.
Regardless, I think this would have to be the case and I would say is even implied, but you are absolutely right that it shouldn't matter why someone decides to be a child molester.
They're still a child molester and whatever reasoning they have, the act is still vile and inexcusable. There even being debate on that in fandom just seems like grooming apologism and abuse dismissal because of favoritism towards Madelyn.
But the results and actions are ultimately the same in the end. It's also implementing a clause to make it mutually exclusionary when it could very well be both.
In the final scene, she swears to him that she loves him but is afraid of him and Homelander thanks her for finally being honest with him before killing her.
What if she was being honest or at least believed her own words when she said she loved him?
And the other scenes between them never struck me as a one time deal or the first time something like them happened. He does look off put in some ways and not quite uncomfortable, but almost like he's regressing when he's with her. Like she maybe used to do that sort of stuff more frequently and hasn't lately.
The scene where they're finally together struck me as more regression too. He immediately apologized to her and she consoled him like it was something that has happened before and she was used to it from him. Even the words she used and the way she said it and the way things were.
"My special sweet boy." "You did good." "That was so lovely."
Do people really believe this or similar can't have happened before with the things she says? To me, they indicate the exact opposite of that thought.
The scene looked almost like it was his first time, and obviously not hers. But the only way that really makes sense is if he is experiencing a moment of regression, possibly to his actual first time with her.
The scene feels like mother and son incest after years of abuse where she's deliberately causing his regression and enjoying the power it gives her over him.
She's a predator and this to me is made pretty clear if not explicit.
OOOH~<3! my darling anon, i wish i could fucking kiss you<3!
you just put into a word exactly why i could never get behind the homewell ship or the homewell type elements being used in other ships in fics that were supposedly trying to *heal* him. easy way to get me to check out for a fic because you *CANNOT* use elements from someone's trauma and abuse, legit full on *exploit* them, and *then* dare to call it or frame it as *healing* and expect it all to be hunky dory, that is just not how that shit works. (at least speaking in terms of medical accuracy/no wonder this shit is so triggery for me, this ain't supposed to be fuckin' disney--)
obliviously or dismissively predatory, so not even in the fun way...
and i want to be clear here, because this isn't me trying to tell people to not like the ship or elements or stop making content for them or whatever the fuck else. i don't care if people have or indulge in toxic guilty pleasure ships or stories here and there (literally have my own), but i always think we should be self aware of our own shit (plus ranting is sometimes good for the soul~<3) and it really *really* shows some people just are not in this case.
i *also* know people don't always mean to set up that way, part of it is a major problem with society (i will get to that~) and the only way for people to be aware is to be *made* aware, butt~
"--you think love is to prey, but i'm sorry i don't pray that way!"
"once i ran to you, now i run from you, this tainted love you've given--"
1000% correct. madelyn, regardless of what happened *off screen* between her and homelander, what we *did* see of her is enough to confirm her as a *predator*, and this was *before* diabolical added to the story behind them. she is extremely predatory as a character, set behind a narcissistic 'mother knows best' filter and a lot of it has nothing to do with homelander.
look no further than starlight~<3
this woman attempted to get a victim of rape to have 'discretion' about what happened to her, TO HER FACE. and every step of the way, tried to bully starlight into 'line' for the company. literally using narcissistic abuse--guilt tripping and shame, questioning her core values, fucking gaslighting (all things we see homelander copy oh deary me what an *odd* cowinkidink!! I WONDER WHERE HE LEARNED IT FROM.)--among others with a 'motherly' frame and 'it's just constructive criticism' (BITCH NO IT AIN'T!!) to manipulate her into doing what vought wanted/what was best for the *company*, NOT for annie.
hell, i'd wager she fucking hired starlight *specifically* because they thought she'd be an *easy* target.
she was *vulnerable*, nearly alone in that big city. her only relative/support system was an extremely religious mother who was *pushing her* to push through any pain or abuse and still wear a smile *for vought* and *for her* because of *fame* and *fortune*, framed as *for annie* when no it def wasn't. (i do like that starlight's mum actually becomes self aware of this and tries to amend the trust she broke, but i digress)
her tapes and everything they showed us about starlight showed us a wide eyed, bright eyed girl who was *hopeful*--but also naive... and as much as it pains me, that would have made her more susceptible to vought's machinations.
and i think the main reason annie didn't completely fall down the vought victims rabbit hole is in part due her truly good nature<3, but also because she met *hughie* (side note, notice how every time hughie and starlight have a falling out or separate from each other, they both start to get *worse*. butcher also tends to swoop in--)
it doesn't get talked about enough, but butcher pulls the same kind of bullshit with hughie (honestly probably why i could never quite feel right about butchie, do still like it but i do prefer it if butcher catches some guilty complexes causa hughie lmao), another good kid who's just had something monumentally traumatic happen to him and is in a super fucking vulnerable place where he'd be easy to manipulate for whatever it is butcher has planned.
he scoped him out and *saw* that, something to *use* to his advantage. and recruited him as such. like a gotdamn predator.
the wrench in his plans (as well as madelyn's) came in *hughie meeting annie* because they *gave* each other a solid support system because they were both good people, dealing with trauma, who found each other~<3 (always a hardcore hughielight shipper)
and butcher even *knows* this, he *knows* annie actually *honestly* and actually HELPS hughie and ruins his plots for him, so of course that mofo is gonna keep trying to ruin everything and break them up. if madelyn had ever discovered hughie, she probably would have done the same shit if in her own faux 'concerned mother' way.
BUTT... you are absolutely right in saying that fandom is highly dismissive or even apologist of what madelyn did to homelander (like they are with fuckin' everything that happened to him honestly) and it doesn't matter what reason she had to abuse him, what should be looked at is the fact of the matter.
did she abuse him? yes or no
the answer is yes, period. asking if she was actually attracted to him or just wanted control becomes a moot point after that, she *still* fucking groomed him. people can go ahead and debate the other factors, but the least they could do is acknowledge the first bit and not use the others to try and deny or 'lessen' the gravity of what she did.
i blame part of this on ableism and victim blaming, but also with how dismissive people *still* are when it comes to male victims of just about anything. christ, we still have people in fandom who have watched the show and *refuse*, not hyperbole, they downright *REFUSE* to acknowledge that homelander could have *any* semblance of victimhood whatsoever. despite the fact that he was literally tortured as a child and fucking groomed and we are given glimpses of these facts on screen, they'll deny any form of nuance and paint it as completely black or white, because he became... pretty much the only thing that fate allowed him to become.
that's not limited to this site even, it's prevalent pretty much in any part of the boys fandom across the web. (which is ironic given the series exists to challenge this sort of thinking)
but how often do we still see cases of a male *child* being sexually assaulted by an adult woman and the fucking judge going, "wElL sHe'S cAnDy So He PrObAbLy LiKeD iT"?
thankfully, not as often anymore. but if i'm honest? TOO FUCKING MANY (once is fucking too many) and the thought is still INSANELY pervasive. and again, it leads back to the question.
did she abuse him? yes or no
it doesn't fucking matter if the kid 'liked it' or not, MA'AM, THIS IS A FUCKING CHILD--
*children can NOT consent*
or in homelander's case, an emotionally stunted extremely mentally ill person. and ALSO a child at one point.
*likewise, mentally ill/special needs/disabled people and informed consent is an issue all its own. all of these are among the most vulnerable to abuse and the least likely to get justice for it*
if madelyn had been a man, nobody would question this. (who am i kidding, i'd like to think that but i am well aware there are apologists of all kinds that would not give a shit and be equally gross about it.)
and you are def right, it *feels* 1000% like *regression* in the scenes he's with her. and now that you mention it, the scene where they're together?? oh, fuck me. anon... that is *dark* and it fucking hurts but you may be right.
it *was* absolutely the first time *we* as an audience saw them together, and i think that may skew the perception about. there *was* absolutely an effort to regain control over him in that instance. but the things she said and the way it plays out... no
plainly, just no... it *does not* feel like the very first time that has happened... it feels like something that is *rare* between them. but definitely something that's happened *before*, and perhaps something she maintains as *rare* specifically to keep a hold on him. (could this be one reason for the diabolical episode?? to further implicate this?)
and even his use of doppelganger hinted at this cause think of it.
a 'madelyn' that is *just* for him, *only* the parts of her that... gave him attention, the bits he *liked*. what she more than likely fed to him as *scraps* to keep him crawling back for more. but because it was never genuine, the confusion from the ratio with abuse was thrown off, and the entire illusion that it ever meant anything was shattered prior (along with stormfront manipulating him), well...
"i give you all a boy could give you, take my tears and that's not nearly--"
down to his hatred and jealousy of teddy. we have to imagine what things were like before she had him but i get the feeling homelander got a lot more attention before then. it was well over 20 years and people honestly think in all that time *nothing* else happened??? things were 'normal' and then boom, *random* mommy kink??? hell, even the kid was maybe just as much a means to 'reset' the balance and help her maintain control as he was for future profit for vought.
OW.
yes. madelyn is a predator. homelander is her groomed victim. and i don't think it gets mentioned enough in this discourse, but one of the biggest reasons predators prey on the vulnerable or even want to make a fucking victim of someone is *because* of the power trip it gives them over that person. (hell, homelander fucking does this *specifically* because it has been done to him his entire life!)
and *even former abuse victims* may not realize it when they pull this sort of shit. i'm not gonna dive into that because it is a fucking *depressing* can of tapeworms, but let's just say i've been there, i know people who've been there, and i know people who know people who've been there. so this shit is a big fucking problem for people when we don't notice it and massively persistent circle jerk of perpetuation.
but it's still fucking predation, it doesn't make a difference if it's done by someone with power/control kink, narcissistic disorder or 'mommy/daddy dearest' vibes, pedophilic disorder, etc. it still fucking harmful and victimizes someone (especially when they are unaware/cannot consent to the powerplay OH FUCK--)
goddammit... i just realized the problem lmao... PISS. POOR. BDSM ETIQUETTE. GOTDAMN.
and trauma management i guess.
basically, people tag dom/sub or top/bottom when they should be tagging a 'control' or 'abuse kink'. dom/sub play relies on the informed consent of both parties while 'control' relies on the lack there of (informed consent) from the 'sub'. and in homelander's case, this shit is particularly bad. (readers need to be given informed consent too!! always tag yo shit y'all!!)
which to be fair, ain't exactly the fault of the ship itself, but more so the lack of awareness/common dismissal on it. it's really hella normalized/often advertised as 'just a quirky lil guy with a mommy kink' when that's not even remotely the only thing at play here and it goes way deeper and darker than that. you toss in homelander's other traumas and it's just... it's a goddamn mess.
and now i understand why i am so incredibly grossed out by fics that push homelander through more of this nonsense (or worse) with a new person (any person) and never bother addressing the trauma he has *directly* related to this shit. (because my traumas directly deal in the control shit yayyyyyyyyyyyyy~... UGH--)
well.
call me a pussy if you must (i am a pussy and a cunt and a dick and an asshole, i wear it shamelessly~<3) but i just ain't all that interested in fics that only exchange *handlers* for homelander instead of actually help him (when that's what they'll claim to want to do). seriously, lining him up with another 'madelyn' of all things just leaves me wishing he could *get away* from his shiny new abuser (because that is what she was, and would ideally be the inevitable outcome anyhow!)
homelander needs at least *one* honest *friend* who genuinely doesn't want anything from him to help him unblur the lines of informed consent that madelyn intentionally muddled *before* he can even make informed consent when it comes to this shit, especially if we wanna *actually* heal that boi (all he's had is more people capitalizing on it over and over if not just people with no clue of the minefield they were navigating)
he'd need to be able to experience true *independence* and *agency* before he decided they were things he actually wanted to put in someone else's hands or 'give up', so to speak, both of which would come *after* healing.
and if i'm indulging in toxicity with him, i'ma make him *get back at his abusers*~<3, give him a chance at some revenge porn for once and make it so much worse for *them*, not the guy who literally never had a chance or got to breathe his own breath (and def tagged properly of course).
but of all the whack ass takes i could see in the sea of fandoms, ANYONE in that position over this boi (or any character in similar situation) as he is *unhealed* is *NOT* his ally and doesn't give an honest shit about him, it's 100% all about *control* over him (which i know is a huge kink for tons of people and hypernormalized in society, especially heteronormativity, but again, trauma central for me so it'd be really fuckin' nice if people learned the difference and also started tagging this shit~<3)
fun for some, but not for me.
i've always generally preferred push/pull powerplay that purposely leaves the question of 'control' open/eventually balances it and helps empower and individualize both characters to be the best versions of themselves, i want them to learn and grow together. positive masculinity/femininity and emotional maturity are way more of a turn on for me and i want these bois and gurls and inbetweens to graduate to *men* and *women* and fairly *reasonable adults* when i write them, while preserving their core personalities and the things that make them *them*.
i also don't view 'bottomhood' as 'punishment'/something to use to deliberately rob a person of control/self determination (as much as we may joke about it, and also that is just rape with a pretty veil that at least deserves to be properly tagged) and i normally focus on empowering them just as much if not more than my tops so it's just damn weird to me to see that kind of mentality get popularized on any character and leik.
gotdamn, first off, what the shit, and second, i realize getting to the places i wanna go reasonably and responsibly takes hard work and pretty intricate writing but please lawd satan tell me i ain't the only one to feel this way, PLEASE!?
but very good point about it possibly being both/more than one element here. control is more likely to be *one* reason, but not *the* only reason and it could very well be a factor of both attraction and need to/getting off on the idea of controlling him (which still stems back to attraction, honestly, even if she didn't feel it towards him the sense of him being a child, it would still mean she feels it towards him in the sense of him being vulnerable which is just as awful, honestly.)
and i do think his stunted emotional maturity is 100% indicative that something *very* specific happened to him around that age (*maybe* she waited till after the debut??), but among all the other trauma, that is actually a question worth asking. why *then* and not any of the other times? he's got no shortage of trauma for his brain to pick from, so what the hell happened then?
as far as it feeling like incest? lil bit, yeah (if pseudo, which obviously we know it's not but i do think the vibe there is actually intended), suffice to say that madelyn is to homelander what billy's father was to him...
and y'know... i gotta admit, knowing this i am surprised we don't see all that much of butcher being shipped with his father because that and homewell are pretty much the same thing on opposite spectrums.
UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH--
have fun y'all, as always butt leik... have fun responsibly--gawddammit i never thought i'd be *that* old fart but i guess i am... well i can still be fun about it... tipsy bartender is fun lmao<3<3<3 (altho these subjects are decidedly less fun... *sigh of the long suffering*...)
#rape#tw sa#tw grooming#tw child abuse#tw abuse apologism#madelyn stillwell#informed consent#homelander#the boys#billy butcher#hughie campbell#annie january#oof ouch owie#tainted love#meta#the boys meta#psa#precious anon
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Can we start a discussion? When it comes to Teen Wolf & Shipping. Do you know of any other age difference ships that don't get as much pushback that Sterek does? Such as Marrish, Because despite the antis complaining against it it's still in the top 3 ships of all time.
haha so we've chosen violence this morning.
@dear-massacre and i have brought this up before.
teen wolf is not the show to be watching if you're looking for "unproblematic" content. age gap ships have always been like at the bottom of issues with the show lol.
sterek is the ship that has always gotten the most push back. mostly because of it's exposure and the way the show queerbaited the fuck outta it. it's the one most people are aware of even if they haven't watched the show. therefore, it's the one that gets the focus.
hold on to your butts.
now i didn't watch s5 till the show had ended but people did find the age gap concerning and gross between jordan and lydia despite lydia being 18 at the time.
lydia turned 18 in season 4. natalie and her discuss this at the lake house i believe in time of death. this makes the birthday we see for lydia in party guessed her 17th birthday.
parrish tells jared in riddled that he's 24. by the time of 5a which takes place during the first semester of lydia's senior year 2012 she would've still been 18 and he would've been 25 because 3b was the first semester of their junior year 2011 so 5a is a year later.
jordan and lydia have a 7 year difference. while their age gap is concerning because of the power dynamics jordan wasn't grooming her and it wasn't illegal. i think the writing shifted to try to imply that they were drawn to each other because of the banshee and hellhound connection.
jordan giving those andy dwyer vibes.
now let's take a look at thiam. a pretty popular and accepted ship.
theo is the same age as our core characters. he is in their grade and knew them when he was young.
our baby beta liam was a freshman when he was introduced so that makes him a sophomore when theo is introduced in 5a.
by the time theo and liam become frenemies the age difference between them is basically the original age difference from the pilot presentation script as derek and stiles.
aiden and ethan were both romantically and sexually involved with lydia and danny in season 3 despite making it clear they were only pretending to be high schoolers. they may have been in their early 20s but they were adults fucking minors by deception.
danny's whole dating history is suspect too due to it being implied he had an older boyfriend and he was seen going to a gay club. like what. he's supposed to be the same age as our core gang. he did have a mild thing for matt though who was at least a peer.
there's also harris being shown to be at the rave with a much younger woman (21 he says). like bruh. this is never addressed.
mason and corey. liam and hayden. stiles and malia. lydia and jackson. allison and isaac. scott and allison. lydia and stiles. scott and kira. paige and derek.
those are all age appropriate actual canon relationships. i would also add derek and braeden too.
no one gives one episode wonder heather shit about kissing stiles nonconsensually either.
derek's age is never canonically given but like c'mon. in s1 he doesn't act that much older than scott and stiles. he acts like their peer.
jeff and the writers did age him up a bit because they realized they made derek 13 when he was involved with kate. they were uncomfortable with him that young and instead pushed it up to near 16. (still fucked).
i've seen it discussed on the subreddit (🤮) and people seem to deluded themselves into thinking derek was older when he and kate were involved. ding dong they are wrong.
visionary tells us plainly that derek and paige were sophomores (hello scott parallels) and kate got her nasty hands on him not long after paige died.
i think after sterek the most discussed age gap issue discussed is derek's seduction/enticement of erica. it was definitely out of pocket and questionable behavior on his part but it is rarely brought up by the antis that erica jumped him and kissed him nonconsensually later. or the manipulation and rape by deception jennifer commits.
notice a theme? people age up derek to try to say what kate did wasn't grooming and statutory rape and deny that what jennifer did was also rape. they'll deny derek any and all victimhood while turning it around on him calling him an abuser towards stiles and basically calling him a pedophile because of the sterek ship. antis really want to make a canonical victim of multiple instances of sexual abuse into the abuser.
or worse they'll call real life people these things over a fictional ship.
where have i heard this kind of narrative before i wonder? 🙄
besides, derek only does the steering wheel thing in retaliation for stiles using his body as enticement for danny without his permission. stiles is the one who did the bad thing and crossed a boundary. it's not nice or really acceptable for derek to harm stiles like that but there's context to the action. it wasn't random. it was pointed. he never does anything like this again and in fact spends a vast majority of his time trying to protect stiles.
nothing sexual or even overtly romantic occurred between derek and stiles in canon. their only crime was having too much chemistry.
the antis are mad because people ship sterek and it's not even canon. it's all fanon. sure i'm of the belief a deep connection and attraction is there between them but it's all subtextual and never acted on by either party.
let me reiterate this: antis are mad over a hypothetical ship of two fictional characters that never happened in the source material.
besides, by the time the show ends and i mean the last, last scene there's been a 2 year time jump. when the show ends it's 2015. stiles would've been 20 fucking years old and by the time of the movie he's in his 30s.
i think by then he'd be allowed to ride derek's dick off into the sunset if he wanted.
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Not sure if you’re still taking characters asks but if you are:
2, 3, 8, 23, 25 for Madelyn, please!
I sure am taking character asks always!!
2. Favorite canon thing about this character?
Her little outbreaks. I love when she keeps on the corporate facade and then, as soon as she's alone, she throws shit around or slams her hands down mid-party because Stan Edgar made her his successor or has a look of utter panic on her face when Homelander turns his back during the Becca scene. There's a human underneath the persona, and I love when we get to see her.
3. Least favorite canon thing about this character?
Diabolical!canon Madelyn. It is, unfortunately, part of canon, but she behaves sooo not like her in her scenes there that I simply don't like the concept. Sure, the Madelyn we see in Diabolical is a solid twenty years younger than the one we meet in the show, but she has nothing of what I admire about Madelyn in particular. Diabolical!Madelyn is just an empty shell that has Elisabeth Shue's voice talking lines that make me go: she would not fucking say that!
8. What's something the fandom does when it comes to this character that you despise?
Either vilifying her too hard or not vilifying her enough or not vilifying her for the right reasons. Like many characters in this canon, she is both victim and abuser, and that becomes very, very clear in her relationship with Homelander. She is not more of a monster than anyone at Vought, but neither is she an innocent. She's a power-hungry career ladder climber who will stop at nothing to get what she wants, but she knows her situation is dire, and if there is one thing I love, love, love about her, it's the "I'm scared of you" moment, so there you have it.
Other than that, painting her as a pedophile. One, it is way too crass for her and we never see any indication that she shows that proclivity. If anything, she is not 100% comfortable with Homelander's mommy shtick and uses it mostly when she can get an advantage out of his loyalty or when she tries to keep him satisfied so he doesn't, ya know, kill her or ask questions he shouldn't. Put a finger in his mouth and shut him up, girl, you've earned it. Two, the timeline simply doesn't allow for it. When she met Homelander, he must have already been at the very least an older teenager. Somewhere around 16-20. Now, do I believe she might have sexually groomed him? Yes. Do I believe she was doing it out of some perverted desire? Nope.
23. Favorite picture of this character?
I fell in love with her with that cocky, expectant lip bite she gives the mayor of Baltimore. I was like: now this is a woman I can get behind. She would have made a great politician. She would have made a great anything, to be honest.
25. What was your first impression of this character? How about now?
My first impression of her was: oh, girl, you are gonna girlboss too close to the sun. And then I continued the show. And I was correct about that assessment.
I know I never talk about her enough because there is zero audience for Madelyn Stillwell five years after her show death, but I truly think she is one of the greatest characters, and the brilliant-Vought-villain era ended with her. In a way, the things I loved in the first season: the way the heroes were depicted as actually doing their job, the way the humans handled them and how they kept them under their thumb, it all came to an end with her.
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tw// grooming allegations
about the dream allegations? im sorry but i cant fully believe amanduh's case because she has so many holes in her story to the point that she's also destroying her own case as well. i had a talk with my friend who was groomed for years and they told me what a victim usually acted when sharing their story.
i cant say if the victims should act like that all the time when exposing someone for grooming but it was really sus that she wasn't, uh how should i say this, emotional i guess???
(edit: i phrased that so bad but what im trying to say is that everyone has a different reactions to grooming but from amanduh's video, (i showed it to my friend after so that they'll the one who will judge her instead of me) both my friend and i noticed how she doesn't really put her heart into it in a sense? it's along that line technically but still not all victims have the same reaction as my friend.)
other than that, a lot of people were pointing out how the math ain't mathing with the story.
first, she said that she was turning 18 when dream texted her and allegedly started sexting her but in one of her tweets, she said that she just turned 17 last year. which is really confusing and downright idiotic if she lied about her age.
second, she said that she was with her boyfriend during the years 2020 to 2021 thus she stopped texting dream at that time range. but here's what confused me, she herself said that her and her boyfriend met at april 2022 tho??? someone might ask "but bella, this boyfriend might be the different one!!!" no, she didn't have an ex. she could have explicitly said "ex", "ex boyfriend" or "current boyfriend at that time" and her boyfriend confirmed that he was already with her when the dream situation happened.
third, she was still following dream up until today when people noticed that she made that post but still kept up to date with his life happenings in twitter. in fact, she was defending and liking posts about dream's face reveal no less than a week and few days ago. if she was a victim of his grooming, shouldn't she unfollowed and blocked him in all of his social media platforms??? make it make sense. (photos aren't mine, i forgot who the user is because of the sheer idiocy i witnessed).
fourth, she tried to get keemstar of all people to cover her case instead of going to literal lawyers if she wanted everyone to hear her and the "victims" voices. if she really want to make a credible case, she should hold her cards close to her chest instead of showcasing the evidences in the internet before she could even take legal actions against dream. it's literally the best and most logical action she could have done instead of this.
fifth, she already has a record of being...weird online?? like this photo for example is literally just crazy for me to read...i literally can't take face value if she's like this.
i also saw people how the first girl before amanduh already admitted that her claims were fake and i wont be surprised if this one is fake as well. look im not a die hard fan or a stan of dream but i do watch his content and my friend (from earlier) does so as well, and they're downright pissed at this situation because these girls might have destroyed the chances for actual victims of grooming to speak up about their own situations. all for what? clout? it disgusted me and my friend to see people using this serious matter for something so cruel and malicious. i used to believe on the "believe the victim first and foremost" but after the amber heard case and then this, i would be more on "listen and criticize if the victim's claims are true".
to the girls who made these claims and proven to be false, i hope you have a fun time in hell after all of this.
but if it was ever proven that dream literally did it, then i'll retract my statement and remove myself from the internet to reflect.
either way, only time will tell and i hope everything clears up.
edit: no way is amanda fr rn. cuz holy fuck the story is so messy right now, first with avril then anna. and i saw accounts saying amanda did the same thing to sapnap, bad, skeppy and boomer before and im like wtf is going on???
#mcyt#dsmp#dream allegations#dreamwastaken#dream#mcyttwt#allegations#you can tell how ridiculous all of this is
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i dont really like or care for warriors much anymore, but a lot of this recent discussion surrounding ivypool is making me want to heal my inner child because she was my favorite character. i think people need to step off of ivypool, they hate traumatized women and it shows!
"oh ivypool was too mean to her sister" is a valid criticism, because she definitely was, but to claim that she hates dovewing is absolutely insane. she had been forced to witness the horrors during her developmental years and was repeatedly manipulated into believing that dovepaw and everyone else in the clan thought she was inferior to her sister. hawkfrost PURPOSELY helped her build an emotional barrier between herself and the people she cared about so that he could manipulate her further.
ivypool definitely loves dovewing, but that trauma doesnt just disappear when you become an adult. its clear that she has a fear of abandonment and is incapable of expressing her emotions, since thats what she was taught from the moment she was a kid! she has every reason to hate tigerheart considering that he joined her in the dark forest and repeatedly mistreated (and groomed, he was a full grown warrior going after a newly made apprentice) dovewing in oots. she has every reason to feel upset and abandoned when dovewing straight up leaves. not because she hates her mind you but because she finds it to be a sense of betrayal, something you WOULDNT feel if you hated someone. i'm pretty sure that fear of abandonment even manifested when she went off to meet tigerheart, as you can read her inner dialogue in oots, and she expressed feeling betrayed and hurt from her sister, because guess what? She loved her but quite literally didnt know how to express it properly!
now for the record this isnt me excusing her actions, she did treat dovewing awfully and didnt provide her the support she needed during her pregnancy, and thats not something you can overlook. however to lie and just straight up pretend ivypool's backstory doesnt still impact her today is just mind boggling to me. sometimes symptoms of trauma dont manifest themselves in the best ways and thats something a lot of people here are failing to comprehend.
#☕.txt#txt#warriors#warrior cats#ivypool#she is such a deep and complex character to me even if it wasnt intended to by the authors#dove unfortunately fell to the female mc curse of revolving your entire character around a man otherwise i would like her more#fandom dovewing is lovely though#dovewing
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curious as to your thoughts on the may december discourse (some spoilers i guess) - vili has come out and essentially said that he felt the film contributed to his victimization and hurt him. and the response from a lot of film twitter seems to be to yell ITS NOT A BIOPIC and to say he doesnt understand the film (gross). i feel like i dont really care if its a biopic or not, when the film literally quoted vili/mary kay, recreated the mary kay in prison photo exactly, and both charles melton and julianne moore studied vili/mary kay for their performances. to hand wave that all as "not a biopic" feels like a way of writing off any discomfort. i feel like the film should not have made those specific choices, but having done so they had a duty of care to vili. i dont think the film that ended up getting made is worth the continued trauma to vili even if it is art. there were other ways they could have told the story to minimize the harm and they chose not to - and i dont think that choice is a great commentary on tabloids or whatever, its just a ghoulish thing to do
I did see that, anon, and I do have thoughts on it as it's a real grey area in terms of creative license, art and storytelling, and it's a grey area that's been around really since storytelling existed, but before I get into that I just want to quickly clarify what Vili said, because I do think it's important.
Vili didn't say that the film contributed to his victimisation and hurt him, he said the film offended him because it was a ripoff:
“I’m still alive and well,” says Fualaau, now 40 and still living in the Seattle area, where the scandal unfolded. “If they had reached out to me, we could have worked together on a masterpiece. Instead, they chose to do a ripoff of my original story.
“I’m offended by the entire project and the lack of respect given to me — who lived through a real story and is still living it,” he adds.
“I love movies — good movies,” he says. “And I admire ones that capture the essence and complications of real-life events. You know, movies that allow you to see or realize something new every time you watch them.
“Those kinds of writers and directors — someone who can do that — would be perfect to work with, because my story is not nearly as simple as this movie [portrays],” Fualaau adds.
The reason I think this distinction is an important one to make is because in interviews since Mary Kay Letourneau passing, it's pretty clear that Vili - while absolutely being a victim-survivor - doesn't see himself that way, and even says pretty specifically in his Doctor Oz interview from 2020 that he doesn't see her as a predator or himself as having been preyed on ('there was no perversion...she was my wife and my best friend' are his exact words), and he's pretty clearly open to the idea of a film being made about his story.
I'm not saying this to diminish his feelings about May December at all (I strongly believe that Vili is entitled to feel any and every which way about the film) or to patronise his own understanding of what he experienced - I can't even begin to imagine the complexity of trying to unpack the life he shared with her - but I think it's important to reflect his feelings accurately and to provide a little context to those feelings.
With that said, do I think the creative team should've reached out to Vili before making the film?
Honestly, I don't know.
I think it's one of those questions in art where there's not really a right answer. If Vili's feelings towards Mary Kay are still lost in the silver linings of her grooming, any film that has his direct approval or involvement is going to run the risk of tacit endorsement. It also hamstrings the creative team and opens them up in terms of liability (I actually was a writers assistant on a TV show a million years ago that was sort of a bio pic and I can tell you for a fact that it was a disaster once the person it was based on got involved), and, of course, it runs the risk of shifting the focus of the story the writer is wanting to tell.
And that's the thing about art, right? By design, art is supposed to reflect us back to ourselves in ways that we might not always be comfortable with. Of course, that usually happens less literally than in how Todd Haynes has used Vili and Mary Kay's stories, but not always. Todd Haynes is certainly no stranger to the technique given Velvet Goldmine is pretty transparently inspired by David Bowie and I'm Not There is often confused as a Bob Dylan bio pic despite the fact that it's actually not.
Hell, everyone loves that Succession points a pretty clear finger to the Murdoch's, and while, of course, the Murdoch's - and Bowie and Dylan for that matter - have social, political and economic power that Vili doesn't which does impact the ethics of the decision, it's still made under the same creative ideology that aspects of a real story can render an artwork, a story, a film more emotionally authentic, can create greater resonance, can offer a sharper reflection of the world we live in and offer, perhaps, a message or a question that lingers.
All of this has actually kind of been funny timing as I just finished reading Sarah Weinman's The Real Lolita the other day which is a really excellent blend of true crime, literary history and critical commentary on this exact topic. The book explores the real life case of Sally Horner who was kidnapped by a pedophile in 1948 when she was 11 years old and was forced to roadtrip with him around America for two years. It's actually mentioned in passing in Nabokov's Lolita, but once you go a little deeper it's pretty clear how much of Horner and her story Nabokov used to create Dolores Haze / Lolita.
In the book, Weinnman asks the question as to why Lolita gets to be remembered when Sally's been left to obscurity, and of course, the answer is that there are other Sally's in the news cycle, but only one Lolita in art, and that hopefully in her writing Sally Horner's story she can write her back into bookshelves and place her back into this artwork but who knows if that's what Sally would've wanted (Sarah does, at least, talk to Sally's lone surviving family member, and makes a measure to show that it's very unlikely Nabokov ever did the same).
Was Nabokov wrong for not seeking out Sally's family for Lolita? Honestly, I doubt it even would've occured to him to do so, and the fact that we do now ask questions like this about the ethics of inspiration is, I think, a good thing. We should be critical of how stories are told and who is, and isn't, involved in the telling of them, but again, I don't actually think there are right or wrong answers here.
Fiction is always inspired by real people, real events, real life, it's a part of creation, it's a part of capturing a moment in time, it's about reflection and authenticity, but of course that's been rendered more complex in recent years by the fact that we live in a world that's ever shrinking and the people or the events that inspire new stories are inevitably brought into the public narrative in a way they just weren't back in 1955 when Lolita was first published.
So what does that mean for creativity and inspiration? I don't know, but personally I guess my thoughts would be that Vili is absolutely in his rights to be offended by the film, but I also don't think the filmmakers were wrong necessarily to not reach out. It's not the most ethical choice, but I also don't think it was an inherently bad one either. This isn't a Blonde situation where they write fiction and present it as fact, the creatives have been clear about it being inspried by what happened between Mary Kay and Vili, but they're also not saying Vili and Mary Kay are Joe and Gracie.
I appreciate you feeling like it's much of a muchness though given how they've apparently lifted entire scenes of dialogue. It's a murky question after all, and it's certainly one that's more complex when it comes to people like Vili and Sally than it is with the Murdoch's or even David Bowie, but yes, I'm not sure I see it as something inherently wrong, and I don't personally think it was ghoulish. I just think the specifics of this particular case just kind of shows how the sausage is made when it comes to storytelling.
#the ethics of inspiration is genuinely a pretty interesting topic#when i used to work at the writers centre there was this huge scandal about remix poetry#namely poets being inspired and riffing off other poetry#and oh man the DISCOURSE#anyway#sorry this is so long and rambling#i do recommend the real lolita btw#i finished it on the plane the other day and everyone in my row wanted to talk to me about it when they saw the cover lmao#may december#film asks#welcome to my ama#full disclaimer i still haven't seen the movie as it's not out in aus until 1 feb#but i am planning on seeing it
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🎃Kinktober Day 28🎃
Day Prompt: Grooming/Cloning & Selfcest/Tentacles (I hate all of the prompts so I chose to use one from day 10 instead)
Word Count: 1,207
Warnings: +18 (MDNI), female reader, blowjobs, handjob, anal play (male receiving), forced fem, teasing, role-playing, cross-dressing, dom/sub dynamics. It's a mess, but what's new about my writing?
A/N: This is kinda shit because I kept forgetting the point of the prompt lmao.
Tom Holland!Peter Parker x F!Reader
It had been a fucking dare. It really had. Neither of you had thought it would go as far as actually doing it. You had brought it up half tipsy, a giggle escaping you as Peter blushed with wide eyes.
“I dare you to put on a maid dress the next time we have sex.”
You hadn’t meant for it to be taken seriously, hoping that it would go forgotten by the morning. But Peter hadn’t forgotten, and he had sat on that idea for a week before it had turned into more of a fantasy than just mere curiosity.
So he had bought the stupid maid dress, his first excuse being that it was just a joke as Halloween was just around the corner. But then he had put it on because his eyes wouldn’t stop looking at the damn bag…and then he was standing in front of the mirror watching with horror and indignation at how well he fucking looked. He knew was slim even with all the fucking muscle he’d gained, but he was starting to believe he was always meant to be subjected to this. He felt shame, but the idea of you getting turned on at the sight of him had given him a boner. The flimsy material of the skirt lifted as his bulge grew under his underwear.
And his greatest shame was how he’d gotten off to the image on the mirror and the thought of your mouth around him while you called him whatever praise you always had for him.
And all of that had led to the moment you had walked into your shared apartment, a grocery bag in hand, keys in the other. Both dropped to the floor when you saw Peter, in the middle of the living room, standing awkwardly. He looked like a girl showing her cute little flimsy and enticing lingerie for the first time.
Peter looked very sensual. His toned legs were exposed, the heels he’d chosen to steal from your closet making them stand out more even if he was stumbling a bit. His arms were exposed, making you watch his biceps which he normally covered with hoodies, and you couldn’t stop to think about details because you had walked up to him while staring at him.
“Babe-” he began but your lips pressed on his softly. Peter relaxed into you, his hands on your hips. Your own hands were on his lower back before they slid down to his ass. You grinned against his lips as you gave the cheeks a firm squeeze. He yelped, pulling back slightly.
“Sit down, baby,” you said. Stepping away from him. Peter tensed up again, but a sweet smile from you, and he did as told. Watching you, he let himself fall against the couch, but even then he sat oddly straight. You smiled again.
“Take the shoes off, I know they must be uncomfortable,” you grinned. Peter let out a chuckle, his face red as he kicked them off like you did after a fancy date night when you could afford it. “What’ve you been up to all day? Busy?”
Peter smiled at how you were trying to put him at ease, and he relaxed watching as you shrugged off your coat and threw next to him. He couldn’t help but feel like you were acting like him when he came home to you after a long day from college. Today had been his free day, which he now found totally amusing.
“Nothing much,” he cleared his throat and offered you a stupid smile, “cleaning, and doing the laundry you’ve been putting off.”
You held back a bark of a laugh as your line got thrown back to you. Peter was the one who needed to be reminded to clean and do his laundry.
“Sorry,” you grinned, head tilting to the side giving him your best puppy eyes as you kneeled in front of him, parting his legs to situate yourself. Peter looked down breath hitched. This was his move, the one that made you forgive him for every little stupid thing he did. “I’ll make it up to you, baby. You’ll see.”
And Peter wasn’t sure how things moved after that, but he was now panting his hands gripping the cushions as he watched how your mouth sucked him off, lips wrapped around his cock while—after endless teasing—one of your fingers was inside of him, hitting a spot that he was ashamed to find he liked.
Peter wasn’t one to outwardly tell you how bad he needed that extra pleasure, that he needed more than your mouth on his cock, a hand playing with his heavy balls, while one of your fingers teased his puckered hole just to rile him up to the point he could only think about every single never coming together to give him a very intense orgasm.
“Mhm, you’re gonna cum?” you teased against his tip, stopping most of your movements, letting your curling finger be the only thing allowing Peter to not kill his progress to orgasm.
“Y-yeah, imma cum,” he moaned, head trashing back before looking at you with pleading eyes.
“How bad do you want to cum?” you asked, your thumb pressing on his tip which made him hiss.
“Really bad, please,” he moaned, his eyes turning glassy as his hips lifted in search of a stroke from your grip, but nothing. Only your finger kept giving him repeated hits to which he kept gasping for air.
“Mhm.” Your tongue replaced your thumb, and from there you traced the length of him like he did your slit on those damn days he felt like teasing you. Your tongue made a mess out of his balls, heavy on your tongue as you resisted the urge to suck on them, then your tongue met the finger which kept being swallowed by his asshole. Peter grabbed your head, his legs quivering as he whined your name, pleading to let him cum as he could only hold off for so long, not wanting to cum without permission because you were always so good to him when he did the same to you.
Your tongue licked around the clenching hole as your other hand took back on stroking him at a fast pace, the wetness making lewd sounds echo along Peter’s moans.
You looked up, eyes fluttering as concentrated on pumping your finger faster, licking and sucking. You watched as Peter shut his eyes, mouth hanging open, his muscles flexing making the dress tightened against his toned body as he squirmed, all red from the neck to his face.
“You look so pretty, Peter, all pretty for me.”
Peter’s ears rang as he whined your name, letting his voice take over as spurts of cum shot out from his very red tip, making a mess out of the flipped-over skirt of the dress, definitely staining the costume. Your hair and the hand stroking him also came out a mess as you let go. You pulled away, finger fighting off the still clenching of his asshole. You kissed the sensitive tip of his cock.
“Next time I’ll have you wearing a pair of my undies while I fuck you silly.”
#theravenclawlover#Kinktober 2022#Peter Parker#Peter Parker smut#Peter Parker x reader#Peter Parker x reader smut#MCU#Marvel
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On Otto, briefly
TL;DR: What’s most tragic about Otto is that this is a man who loves his daughter but is separated from her by societal mores.
He cannot speak the language of girls.
He cannot meet the person he loves the most.
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Before I get into it, I want to make it clear that Otto is one of my favorite HOTD characters, mainly because both sides of the fandom hate him but also, he’s interesting! He’s one of the few political players we get (unless the writers need him to flip character scene by scene). So yes, I’m going to be biased but I don’t want any of this to come off as apologia.
One of my biggest gripes with the show is how it refuses to engage with the politics of its society and in doing so, I think we miss out on the external forces influencing these characters.
My reading of Otto is that he’s a product of his society - a second son who has nothing to inherit but has a deep interest in politics. His ambition aside, I do believe he cares for the realm.
However, he has no outlet for meaningfully accomplishing his aspirations. He has to work twice as hard as a second son to ensure the safety and prosperity of his family, his children.
So do I think Otto brought Alicent to court with the intention of having her seduce Viserys? Nope.
We don’t know the exact reason why Otto brought Alicent to court, but we do know that she was a lady-in-waiting (and not just a glorified friend). Meaning, she was educated alongside the princess, mingled with the court (aka politicking), and it was expected that by coming to court, she would build connections to hopefully advance her position.
If Aemma hadn’t died, maybe Otto would’ve married Alicent to some other lord of equal standing. He didn’t bring his daughter to seduce the king while the queen was alive. No way would he put Alicent at risk over a “what-if”.
Unfortunately, Aemma does die and because he does not understand his daughter (because he’s the patriarch, he knows what’s best for his daughter, his family - as a man) he sees an opportunity to not just make his daughter the most powerful woman in the Seven Kingdoms but to marry her to a “good man” - one who doesn’t belittle his wife in public (but because Viserys is the worst, he did just that!), who doesn’t beat her, who doesn’t hold her down and violently rape her (but don’t get it twisted, Viserys does rape Alicent).
“I made you queen of the Seven Kingdoms.”
Not for power, but for security, for protection. For a lord-father in Westeros - for a second son who made his way up to Hand of the King, he’s giving her the best education, presenting her with the best crop of men who will provide for her and protect her and her future children like husbands are expected to. He’s doing his duty to her.
He’s making sure his wife’s daughter is taken care of.
(Maybe one day I’ll write about how marriage isn’t just a chain for women. Is it ideal? Most often, no, but it’s not a lasso of misery either. In Westeros where women have to put up with a lot of bullshit, protection comes from men. Their fathers should ensure that their daughters aren’t disrespected (at least publicly). To do so is an affront to their family house and name in front of the entire realm. And that’s if their daughters are not loved. Some will wage war for their daughters in the name of love.
In exchange, the very least women can expect is for their children to inherit. In a society where women are mother’s first (extensions, social roles), their children must be prioritized because otherwise, they’re just glorified concubines. Their sacrifices have been in vain.)
And the thing is, Otto wants to work with Alicent! His bet with Alicent in episode 9 was silly but Otto honored his side of the deal. It looks like he’s involved in grooming Aegon for kingship, right there with his daughter. He councils her. Alicent knows he’d choose her just as she chooses her children.
——————————————
I mean, imagine Otto, a man who worked his way up as Hand, who loves his daughter dearly (but is such a man) and so he gives her everything and more a second son could ever dream of offering.
But Viserys, his friend, a man he thought he knew, betrays him, his daughter and the realm. Then he’s forced to leave her in the dragons den just as he realizes that they’re headed towards war.
So he turns to his daughter and realizes how young she is, how naive, and how vulnerable she is.
How it’s all his fault.
The only thing he can do is try to connect with her as a parent who loves their children. Who has to work twice as hard to get half of the liberties their companions take. For them, a mistake means death and he’s trying so hard to keep them alive.
But he still cannot say he’s sorry for what happened to her.
Look.
“What could you possible kill that you love so much, it would make the sun rise again?”*
L o o k.
#otto hightower#alicent hightower#*from succession#this was originally 3000+ words but it’s 1am so I cut it#hotd
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If you think Daemon cheating make no sense you didn't pay attention and i can see you watch the show only with shippers eyes cause Daemon being unfaithful is set up there from the beginning. Rhea ok he hated her but then he leaves Mysaria for Rhaenyra, Rhaenyra for Laena at the wedding and again Laena for Rhaenyra. Daemon is fickle man, when he gets something, he gets tired of it faster and desires something new, that's cause he's that chaotic that can't stand to be stucked with one only thing, one only person, he needs new emotion to feed his fire. “fucking is a pleasure, marriage is a duty but that doesn't stop you from fucking who we want” he wasn't talking exclusively about Rhaenyra, which set up with definitely the possibility of him having affair with Nettles in the future, if they want, it wouldn't be random nor surprise cause would make perfectly sense leading to that, and to be honest, i don't think they portrayed Daemyra to be goals. Rhaenyra thinking they're soulmates it's cause she is his victim and he made her believing that. It's the consequence of grooming. She sees him as her only support, he made himself to her necessary, that makes her easily vulnerable and eventually manipulated. They're not healthy. They never was and never will. It's not about hating, you're no rational just attacking some people who don't think the same way as you, cause fairly they see the abusive side of the relationship that you conveniently ignore with your own headcanons. Not only you, all the Daemyras lack of rationality making up stuff that nor cast, writers or the author ever said.
This dialogue in episode 4 is literally just there to show that Rhaenyra can do whatever she wants in a marriage that is supposed to be a DUTY at the time instead of a pleasure. A way to find comfort and freedom in a forced relationship. I doubt anyone with a functioning brain would have thought that this was proof that Daemon was a fundamentally unfaithful man in any type of union he had in the future. That's an overinterpretation to fix your biased vision of a horribly villainous Daemon.
Then Daemon didn't leave Mysaria for Rhaenyra. It's not even clear how they actually broke up on the show. (In the book, it's mainly Viserys' fault) Probably because he was away at war for 3 years maybe? You don't know anything about it. I do not know ? It's not specified in the series what exactly happened between these two.
Then, Laena flirted with Daemon during the wedding in episode 5, but Daemon had originally come to look for Rhaenyra, except that we learn in episode 7 that he wanted to "spare" her for stupid storyline reasons. Rhaenyra apparently being a child when she was 19 years old, an adult by our standards and those of Westeros. When I say that this show is written haphazardly... Whereas in the book, after asking for Rhaenyra's hand, Daemon was simply exiled by Viserys under penalty of death if he ever returned to Westeros.
Then, as already said : for a man who apparently all of season 1 has been preparing him to be a future cheater for season 2, it's a bit stupid that we've never actually seen him cheat and in reality faithfully to every woman he's been with in couple in a consensual manner. Wow. What an incredible set up indeed.
You can complain all you want, but it's a fact that we've never seen Daemon cheat on his companions in the series. And it's not this quote that you take out of context that proves anything, and even if Daemon cheated on Rhaenyra in the rest of the show, it would still be a shitty set up, and in fact, not one set up at all. And even less the stupid shit excuse that the writers came up with to explain Daemon's departure for years, even though they literally had the book on hand for that.
Also, I'm repeating myself, but the show canon will never interfere with book canon or you'll never be able to know for sure whether Daemon cheated on Rhaenyra or not.
And I never denied that there was a toxic aspect to Daemyra in the show. (impossible that this is not the case with the OCC strangulation scene of episode 10) On the other hand, in the book, apart from saying that it may seem problematic in view of the differences in modern morals that we have, there is nothing fundamentally unhealthy / problematic / toxic about Daemyra's relationship in Fire and Blood. (Besides, @horizon-verizon did an excellent post on this specific subject that I recommend if you have the courage and open-mindedness, which I doubt)
And once again !
Also, I highly recommend @horizon-verizon educate you on all things historical context, daemyra + grooming bullshit, daemon being a predator of young women, with Daemon seemingly being a pure villain instead of the gray character he is, Daemon and his relationship with Nettles and much more.
#daemyra#daenyra#daemon x rhaenyra#rhaenyra x daemon#daemon and rhaenyra#rhaenyra and daemon#pro daemon targaryen#daemon targaryen#rhaenyra targaryen#pro rhaenyra targaryen#team blacks#pro team blacks#anti team greens#anti greens stans#anti greens#anti green#fire and blood#f&b#anti hotd#hotd#anti house of the dragon#house of the dragon#grrm#grr martin#george rr martin
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Silver Cats & Black Roses
Chapter 2 – Wedding Bells
A/N
Chapter 2 here and somehow I managed to write around 10k words with this one... Guess this is what happened when you have four povs and a lot to tell^^
I like this chapter a lot, as it's definitely put some things into motion for our two main couples 💜💙
Ao3 link
♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣
Three months later…
“Oh my, look at this fine looking groom.”
“Would you at least stop teasing me on my wedding day?”
“Sorry, that’s impossible knowing me. And because I’m a nice best friend, I actually did hold back a bit. Couldn’t you tell?”
“No, not really.”
Vanessa laughed and Finral allowed himself a chuckle. He was really looking good in his white smocking, and the bottle green bow tie. Vanessa just knew that lady Finesse was a very lucky woman and given how the bride looked at the groom whenever she could, it was clear that she knew it too.
The wedding ball was still in full swing, the buffet was well visited – somehow, Finral managed to convince the Kiras and the Vaudes to let Charmy help with the food – and the dancefloor never looked empty, the orchestra never stopped the music. There was some nice dances, but Vanessa was kinda disappointed that there weren’t any more exciting dances, like some slow dances. She would have tried to meddle a bit to pep the music up, but Finral had explicitly asked her to not try anything that could angry the Kiras.
Vanessa didn’t understood why, but it seemed important to Finral and she surely wouldn’t try to ruin one of the most important days in his life.
“I can’t believe they managed to organize such a wedding in just three months, just after the war in Spade and while there’s still consequences from the Eye of the Midnight Sun’s attack.”
“Well, it was arranged and planned for a long time, which probably helped to get everything ready on such a short notice. Also, it’s probably to show that royalty, in this case the Kiras, are still strong and that despite everything, there is nothing to worry about. Basically that nothing had changed in their power.”
Change…
That brought Vanessa back. To a discussion that happened in Spade, just three months ago…
Vanessa couldn’t help but search for Nozel in the crowd.
Since their discussion, she tried to keep in contact with him, somehow. Vanessa more often than not took the Black Bulls communication device to reach Nozel, since they wouldn’t cross path each and every day.
At the beginning, he just cut the communication immediately after realizing who was calling him. But he slowly started to listen to her rants and even answered back. Vanessa often had the impression that she was bothering him most of the time and that thought make her sad for some reason.
But she still hasn’t given up the hope to took another look behind his cold mask. That discussion she had with him in Spade, the cracks she saw, it had make her curious about him. Vanessa wanted to know more about Nozel Silva, she wanted to know what made him wear that cold mask. In Spade, she started to believe that he was deeper than he looked at first glance. She had no idea why she was this curious and what it would gave her to find out. But Vanessa remembered the moment where there was that specific crack in his mask, when she felt kinship towards Nozel, when he looked like he was in a cage…
Whatever her still unknown reasons were, she wanted to continue what she started.
Which was easier said than done, because normally there was no reason for their paths to cross again. Calling him per communication device was the closest thing Vanessa could do, but she couldn’t see him that way. One reason why lately often volunteered if there was a document, a report or something else to deliver at the Silver Eagles Headquarters. Vanessa sometimes got a glimpse on him, even got a greeting when she was lucky, but most of time, she didn’t got the chance to see Nozel, because his vice-captain was usually the one she needed to bring those reports and documents to.
Then, there was Noelle who went visiting her oldest brother more often since they came back from Spade. Their relationship was clearly on the way of betterment and after the discussion she had with Nozel in Spade, Vanessa was more happy about it than she maybe would have been before, given how protective she was about Noelle. There was still a lot of work to do, especially considering the other two siblings. But with Nozel, it was already a lot and it meant the world to Noelle.
Vanessa always asked her squadmate news about Nozel and even though it surprised Noelle every time, she always answered. Not much, especially that she was somehow convinced that Vanessa disliked Nozel a lot, but at least, it was another way to keep in touch indirectly with the handsome captain of the Silver Eagles.
Another dance started, probably a waltz or something. Vanessa tried to discover Nozel in the crowd, but there were too many couples dancing and she didn’t recognize most of them.
“Why are there so many nobles? I don’t think that even your parents know this many people.”
“They don’t, but it is actually normal.”
“Normal? Really?”
“For a royal wedding. The finest families of high nobility are always invited to a royal wedding, medium nobility also sometimes and if they’re lucky, some families from low nobility with a house older than three centuries. I think it’s mostly to renew the alliances with the three royal families and it is also an occasion to discreetly show of their own candidates as future royal spouses.”
“What? But your wedding shouldn’t be a place to discuss future royal weddings! Geez, this is supposed to be a party!”
“This is how it works, a royal wedding and an arranged marriage. I’m lucky that Finesse and I are in love, not everyone got that chance in royalty and nobility. And there’s the fact that house Calmreich is a secondary royal branch of the Kiras, otherwise they would have gotten the same name as the main house.”
“Okay, don’t start with how it works with noble and royal lineage, I never got it and honestly I don’t want to get it,” Vanessa groaned while she rolled her eyes.
Finral laughed. “I know, sorry. I won’t go into details. But well, as a secondary branch, there less interesting for marital importance. Most nobles rather would like get married into one of the main royal branches, especially now, most of them are still single.”
Like Nozel… Vanessa couldn’t help but remember again what he said in Spade. It hadn’t been direct, but he clearly had the intention to get an arranged marriage for himself so that his siblings would be free. Vanessa still didn’t like that thought and after three months, maybe it wasn’t even only for Noelles sake anymore.
Speaking of…
“Do you think some nobles are also after Noelle?”
“Yes, of course.”
“What do you mean, of course?”
“Don’t get mad, Vanessa, I didn’t meant it like this. I don’t like it just as much as you. But it’s not only Noelle, all the Silvas are within nobles radar when it comes to a potential marriage. There’s only four of them left and none of them are married. There are rumours that house Silva is cursed, because most of the members either die young or in celibacy, often in tragic ways. At least, that’s what my mother-in-law told me. I don’t think that it’s true, but well… given that there’s only four Silvas left and how nobles can be disrespectful to even some royals, that topic might be a bit tense sometimes within noble circles.”
“Well, it’s not like the Black Bulls would let Noelle get married against her will.”
“Of course not. But thankfully, we probably won’t even need to intervene, as captain Nozel surely won’t force an arranged marriage on her. As for any of his siblings.”
Yes, Vanessa already realized that. But she was also almost certain that it was deeper. And hidden also, even though she couldn’t really say why. For now, it was just a feeling.
“Um… and why do you believe that?” Vanessa asked carefully.
“I thought you weren’t interested in nobility or royalty mess like this.”
“It concerns Noelle, so it’s an exception.”
At least, she didn’t need to lie by saying that. Even though it wasn’t the whole truth.
Finral just nodded. “Yes, that makes sense. Well, let me try to explain at least the base to you. Within nobility and royalty, usually future marriages are arranged very soon, usually years before. Sometimes while the future betrothed are still little children. Don’t look at me like that, it is a reality! As for the wedding itself… Usually, when you’re a noble or a royal, you’re getting married around the time you got your grimoire. Maybe one year afterwards, maybe two sometimes, especially when you’re a woman, it is always a bit later for men. There are some exceptions, like Finesse, the reasons can be various. But considering Noelle, normally she should at least been already engaged or having some suitors to court her when she joined the Black Bulls. And lady Nebra should normally have been married like a decade ago. And since none of them have the luxury of being Mereoleona Vermillion, well… Nozel Silva has the reputation of being the perfect royal, but even though he is not one of the most open-minded royals, I believe that he still won��t marry Noelle and his other siblings off. The fact that none of them are betrothed or married already speaks for him.”
“Hm.”
Vanessa had no idea what to say, but her thoughts were racing right now.
If what Finral said about to common married age for nobles and royalty was true – and she had no reason to doubt her best friend – then it certainly would confirm that captain Nozel will never marry Noelle off and neither his other siblings.
She has no confirmation though, if he would really sacrifice himself or not. Given what Nozel had said in Spade, Vanessa of course suspected that he would. But… He was now 31 and still not married. Granted, Fuegoleon Vermillion was about the same age as him and not married either. Damnatio Kira as well and whoever the other royals that age were, some of them surely weren’t married either.
But if he wanted to sacrifice himself for his siblings, why wasn’t he married yet? Wouldn’t it have taken a burden from him?
Maybe her suspicions were wrong, maybe he had no intentions to get married into a loveless marriage. But with what Finral had just told her… Vanessa still didn’t understood all those royal and noble complicated duties and mess and whatever. But she came to understand that it was definitely pressuring.
Since when do I even care about that kind of stuff?
A question she asked herself quite often since she came back from Spade. But Vanessa never really tried to find an answer, because she would have started to overthink and she hated overthinking.
“Um, Vanessa? You’re still here with me?”
Finral waved a hand in front of her face, which made Vanessa laugh.
“Of course I am, Fin. Why should I be anywhere else, when my best friend is getting married to the love of his life?”
“What did I say about the teasing? You just felt a absent for a moment. And it’s not the first time since we came back from Spade. Did something happened that bothers you?”
Vanessa bit lips softly, not answering. Finral knew her well and he was observant. Of course he would realize that something was on her mind. But Vanessa didn’t think she could tell Finral yet. She hated having secrets on her best friend, but at the same time, that secret was also something totally new for her and something she still needed to figure out. What it meant to her, why she cared, why her curiosity was racing…
Vanessa decided that she would tell Finral one day. But not today, not on his wedding day.
“Nothing worries me. I just decided something, but if I tell you know, you might get worried, knowing you. And it’s your wedding day, not the time for you to get married.”
“I admit that this is a good argument. But even though I’m married now, it doesn’t mean that you can’t come to me when something is bothering you. And you can also talk to Finesse, she likes you a lot.”
“Why, thank you, I like her too!”
During those three months, Finesse Calmreich visited the Black Bulls a lot. It wasn’t a duty due to the betrothal and upcoming wedding, she just wanted to meet the people so close to Finral. The Bulls liked her so much that she was quickly called an honorary Black Bull. And given that there wasn’t any paperwork to do to give this title, Yami had nothing against it.
Speaking of Yami, Vanessa hadn’t seen him since the ceremony in the cathedral of the royal capital. She wondered if he was at the buffet or if he went to the toilet, taking a dump even on Finrals wedding.
Thinking of Yami made her think about another squad captain. She saw him at the ceremony in the cathedral, sitting next to Noelle.
Noelle hadn’t come with the Black Bulls to the wedding, which honestly sucked, as a royal wedding, she had to come as a royal. Especially since it was the first royal wedding since at least twenty years. Finral had told Vanessa that Nozel actually tried to get his sister out of this duty for the day, but king Augustus and the Head of House Vermillion had protested against it.
Finral didn’t know more and Vanessa wondered if there was more to that. Another little thing about Nozel that she was curious to know more about.
At least, it meant that Nozel was indeed working on being a better brother for Noelle and even though he couldn’t get her of duty for Finrals wedding, Vanessa did saw how he was standing at his sister’s side during the ceremony, clearly carrying her when Noelle looked at lost with all the royal things to do.
“Did Asta actually asked Noelle for a dance already?” Vanessa asked suddenly.
“As far as I know, he didn’t. I saw him not too long ago at the buffet with Magna and Noelle, well, she danced with captain Nozel once. Otherwise, it looked like she was avoiding Asta.”
“What is wrong with her since we came back from Spade? I don’t get why she tried to avoid Asta sometimes or why she can’t hold a normal conversation with him anymore most of the time! Argh, it really sucks. She probably still denies her feelings for him and Asta is still so dense like before Spade. I had hoped that it would change after our return, but nope, this still hadn’t changed!”
“Give them time. You know how stubborn Noelle is and Asta, well, I don’t think he’s in love with anyone in general.”
“Except with the nun that raised him.”
“I don’t think that this counts, it’s a childhood crush and Asta is just too stubborn to let go of it for now. But I think that he will one day, he matured since his first day as a Black Bull. But you can’t force him to be in love with someone else just like that. Be it Noelle or anyone else.”
“I know.”
“No, if you’ll excuse me, I promised the next dance to my mother-in-law.”
“You seem to get along very well with Finesses mother.”
“Lady Douce is honestly the nicest one in Finesses family and at least, she likes me truly. Can’t say the same about the rest of the Calmreichs and Kiras, though.”
Finral waved to her before he disappeared in the crowd. Vanessa sighed, searching for another person to talk to. She hated to be alone within a crowd.
She still hoped to get at least one glance at Nozel. Maybe talk to him even, but that seemed a bit like too much to ask. Surely he had duties on this wedding, as one of the three royal house heads. Vanessa had no idea what those duties were, but surely there had to be some.
She also hoped that he was fine. It was strange that she slightly started to care about him. Not yet as much like a Black Bull, but still more than someone from outside the squad she was friends with.
Was he looking at the invited nobles, searching for a candidate for an arranged marriage? Could he still choose as a head of house or was it something he had no power over?
Or was he instead trying to get his siblings away from possible suitors? Was Nozel trying to protect Noelle, Nebra and Solid from manipulative nobles?
Any of those possibilities didn’t felt out of place to Vanessa and she really didn’t like it. Hopefully he would also have good time on this wedding.
But does Nozel allow himself to have a good time in general?
Vanessa just continued to walk, looking at the crowd, searching for Nozel or someone else she knew and could talk to.
Charmy was at the buffet, of course. She probably ate at least half of it all by herself, knowing her. Asta and Magna where not too far away from Charmy, Luck was with them, trying to fight Magna who tried to avoid a fight. Asta just seemed to have a good time, smiling as he was. He was such a kind hearted person.
She saw captain Fuegoleon dancing with a purple haired woman she didn’t know. Maybe another noble lady, maybe one of the eligible candidates to be wed off to a royal. But that lady’s smile didn’t looked fake, so maybe it was a nice noble. Leopold Vermillion was dancing too and probably stepping on the feet of his dance partner, given the girls face.
Vanessa also saw captain Charlotte, looking gorgeous in her blue dress, standing with a group of women, near one of the tables. The captain of the Blue Roses looked kinda done, while the women around her seemed to be babbling happily. Vanessa hoped that they weren’t making fun of Charlotte.
Three months since the confession and there was still nothing new between Charlotte and Yami, as far as Vanessa could tell. It wasn’t even a topic talked within the Black Bulls, Asta and Magna even firmly believed that Charlotte loved Yami the same way the Bulls did. Only Finral and Gordon seemed to do something about it, as they started to visit the Blue Roses headquarters quite often since a few weeks.
It was frustrating, but Vanessa also felt guilty about it. She was over Yami, she realized that she didn’t loved him in a romantic way and even hoped that captain Charlotte would get together with him. But Vanessa hasn’t done anything to help Charlotte. She had no reason to not help her and still she didn’t. And she had no idea why she didn’t, she didn’t even disliked captain Charlotte, she didn’t even thought that the Blue Rose captain wouldn’t be the right one for captain Yami.
Maybe it was another thing she needed to do, after the wedding. Get a grip of herself and finally talk to Charlotte Roselei, offering her help to win over Yamis heart.
Suddenly, Vanessa discovered Noelle at another table, sitting with her cousin, Mimosa Vermillion. Noelle looked like she was complaining about something – Vanessa wanted to bet that maybe it has something to do with a certain magicless peasant and member of their squad – while Mimosa just listened to her with a comforting smile.
Probably she could sat with them. Vanessa always loved to spent time with Noelle and Mimosa Vermillion was such a nice girl to talk to. Besides, the pastries the cousins were eating looked really delicious.
But first, Vanessa would get herself a bottle wine and a glass. She still haven’t got the occasion to drink the whole day and given her reputation as the Drunken Witch, that was almost a crime.
But just as she was to get to the buffet table with the drinks, he just appeared right in front of her. Nozel Silva.
Vanessa just froze, as if she an ice magic user just put a spell on her and it looks quite the same for Nozel. His metallic purple eyes looked at her, but without the cold mask. Surprise was glowing in his glance. He kept his mouth shout, but somehow he looked like he was trying to say something.
Vanessa definitely wanted to say something, but her mind was kinda disconnected from the rest of her body. That never happened to her before, with anyone, especially if she wanted to say something teasy.
It somehow felt like a cruel irony. She didn’t find him while she was looking for him and when she wasn’t, he appeared right in front of her!
And why the hell was he looking so good?
His hairstyle hadn’t changed, even for the wedding, still that braid covering his forehead, but Vanessa definitely didn’t found it ridiculous anymore. Probably since Spade…
Nozel didn’t wear a smoking like Finral and like literally almost everyone else. It was a dark blue ceremonial uniform, with silver buttons and some silver embroidery on the sides, the sleeves and shoulders. The silva emblem was marked on the buttons, but the embroidery had a vaguely feather and bird theme. Maybe it was supposed to symbol eagles? It looked so simple, with the unicoloured dark blue trousers and the black boots, and still so royal. But the best part was probably the short one shoulder cape, in the same dark blue as the uniform, with a simple silver border and silvery like fur attached to the shoulder, a bit like most of the Silver Eagle robes.
Gosh, why wasn’t he wearing darker colours more often? It suited him so well, he looked pale but not in a sickly way, he was more like glowing. He looked definitely more royal than the king, who was covered in jewels and such gaudy clothes that it hurt the eyes.
Just for a second, Vanessa regretted that she was just wearing a second hand and simple dark burgundy dress and that she decided to let her hair down and free. It couldn’t hold a candle to the colourful satin and silk dresses and the complicated hairstyles of the noble ladies. It was her best dress, she loved having her hair falling free on her shoulders and she looked actually pretty well for her best friend’s wedding, but it still wasn’t on at least low nobility level.
Just a second… But one more look at Nozel made her forget those silly issues. There wasn’t disappointment or reproval in his eyes and behind the surprise in his eyes, Vanessa hoped that he liked what he saw.
Wait, why do I even care about that?
Vanessa barely paid attention to the people around them. She heard some coughing and whispers, some music in the background, but everything was so blurry in her ears. And her eyes too, only Nozel was perfectly visible.
Holy witch hat, what was happening to her? That wasn’t normal, she hadn’t felt that way in Spade either. Or did she? She couldn’t tell. For some reason, the memory was blurry, while it had been so perfectly clear during three months.
For a pretty long moment, at least in her shoes, they were staring at each other, the tension almost thick enough to be cut with a knife.
But just before it definitely would have become awkward, Nozel finally looked away, breaking… whatever that tension was. But after a short cough, he put his eyes back on Vanessa, looking somehow determined and a bit scared at the same time. And was that a slight blush on his cheeks?
But before Vanessa got a grip on herself and tease him about the blush, Nozel bowed curtly in front of her and extended his hand.
“May I have this dance?”
“That would be lovely.”
Before Vanessa actually realized what happened, her body and her tongue already acted on their own and Nozel was leading her to the dancefloor.
♣♣♣
“Come on, Charlotte, my dear. Just because this is a royal wedding doesn’t mean that there can’t be some eligible lords or even royals for you to choose.”
Charlotte tried her best to hold back a role of her eyes, not bothering to answer Florence Roselei, one of her countless aunts.
“She’s right, my sweet cousin,” lady Cunégonde added, a distant relative from house Ceres, who was actually over twenty years older than Charlotte. “You’re so close to thirty and not married yet. Oh, I heard that lord Aquarius from house Seashell is actually finally looking to find a wife and since you’re about the same age… I heard that he is quite handsome.”
And lord Aquarius Seashell was probably also searching for a wife with a very important dowry, in order to pay his countless gambler depts. It reminded Charlotte almost of Yami, but lord Aquarius was still someone of a different kind. Yami still has respect, while Aquarius was always a jerk, it didn’t matter if he win or lose.
Once a member of the Silver Eagles, Aquarius Seashell lost both his Magic Knight robe, his salary and more than half of his mother’s jewellery in just one hour of gambling and betting. Nozel kicked him out of the Silver Eagles three days after, rightfully so. After all, it was not every day that Nozel got the occasion to get rid of the Magic Knights who just had the title, never came to work and let more capable knights, even their own captain, overwork themselves to compensate their own lack of work.
Charlotte wasn’t interested in gossip, but you just couldn’t avoid them when you were a noble, even if you wanted to. Not to mention that most of the Blue Roses loved gossip and often told her about every kind of rumour they heard. But to be fair, the gossip of the Blue Rose knights were far more joyful and fun than the ones Charlotte heard from other nobles.
“Not a bad choice, I have to admit,” lady Rosamund Roselei replied, an aunt married to one of Charlottes father’s many brothers. Or cousins? “But I think that lord Reginald of house Évantail is the better choice here, he was widowed last year, the poor man. A new wife would surely cheer him up.”
Which would be wife number six and given that the previous four always died at some point or another, it wasn’t really a comforting perspective. Not to mention that lord Reginald had already children from each one of his marriages and his oldest daughter was five years older than Charlotte.
“Oh, what about lord Cumulus from house Wolke?” asked Josephine, Charlottes fifteen year old cousin, who was naïve and rather nice, but already got one of the worst snobbish attitudes in the family.
“Impossible, my dear,” Florence replied, “He’s already married and if I remember correctly, lady Ludivina, his young wife, is pregnant with their first child. Sixth or seventh months, I think, after all she isn’t present today.”
“Ludivina can still die at childbirth, it wouldn’t be a big miss within nobility and lord Cumulus would be free for a new bride,” Rosamund said, subtly clothing her words with venom.
Charlotte clenched her fists. She always hated her aunt Rosamund and her viper tongue. Always trying to paint others dirty in all subtility, most of the time just for her own joy.
But just as she was about to reply, lady Orchidea Roselei, her own mother, said, “Those are all mostly eligible candidates, I have to say. But those are nobles and I still hope for my daughter to get married into royalty.”
Oh, please, not THAT topic again!
“Charlotte, my dear child, given your reputation and how far you came as a Magic Knight, I actually think that marrying into royalty wouldn’t be too much for you. And imagine your suitor would be lord Nozel or lord Fuegoleon. You already know them, so the usual period to get to know your future husband would be short and you could get married quite rapidly.”
Charlotte wanted to say no, to scream no. No, she couldn’t possibly marry either Nozel or Fuegoleon. They were her colleagues as squad captains! At best, they were friends, but she couldn’t consider any of them as a potential spouse, someone to spent her life with!
Not to mention that she wasn’t in love with any of them both. But love was never considered important for nobility when it came to arranged marriages. And the only captain, the only person Charlotte could imagine spend the rest of her life with, was a foreigner, considered almost less than a peasant, captain of the Magic Knight Squad with the worst reputation and he was dense, so dense…
“That is actually such an excellent idea, Orchidea!” Cunégonde said enthusiastically. “Marrying into royalty would be such a great opportunity for house Roselei and house Ceres as well, given our relations.”
“Oh, I know that, cousin.”
“But which one of the two?” Florence asked, letting her pale green eyes wander over the dancefloor, probably searching for either Nozel or Fuegoleon. “Lord Nozel is already Head of House and still not married. But lord Fuegoleon is so in charge, so charismatic and he even got chosen by the Fire Spirit Salamander himself. But Nozel has such a reputation of a prefect royal. But Fuegoleon has done less questionable decisions for his house. But lord Nozel has more admirers within the kingdom. But there’s no scandal involving lord Fuegoleon. But-“
But Nozel, but Fuegoleon… Florence had the questionable talent to find any potential flaws within others, especially when it came to royals. Charlotte looked away for a second, in order to roll her eyes without any of her relatives seeing it.
“Is lord Fuegoleon still available, though?” Josephine asked. “I‘ve only seen him dancing with Lital Lys during the ball and this is their third dance.”
She was right. Charlotte took a quick look at Fuegoleon, who was indeed waltzing with lady Lital of house Lys, a beautiful young woman with dark purple hair and nacreous eyes.
Third dance already? Charlotte knew that by noble society standards, it would mean that a serious courting was taken place. But Charlotte had no idea that Fuegoleon intended to settle down and get married. And if a royal was courting a noble lady, the Head of this lady’s house would at least brag about it. The Head of house Lys, lord Basilio, was known to be a great bragger and to use anything to his advantage to make himself and his house shine in society.
But Charlotte didn’t hear any rumour or gossip about lord Basilio Lys bragging about captain Fuegoleon Vermillion courting a member of his house. Would it mean that Fuegoleon and Lital didn’t go the usual way, maybe they were even directly dating? Given how they smiled at each other, it was probably true.
Charlotte hoped that it was true. And she also hoped that they could make it official and be betrothed soon, so that the women of her family would have one candidate less to try to pair her up with. If Nozel could find someone too, it would be perfect.
But of course, Rosamunds venomous tongue had to intervene again. “House Lys might be from high nobility, but it is an open secret that Lital is a bastard. She can’t be a candidate for a royal. Goodness, I’ll never understand why lady Corazòn took her husband’s bastard in to begin with.”
Maybe because lady Corazòn Lys was one of the rare noble ladies with nobility in her heart and who didn’t put the blame of her husband’s infidelity on a child, like someone else I know?
Charlotte would have loved to say this out loud, but she knew from experience that it would end ugly for her to directly counter Rosamund Roselei.
“But isn’t lady Lital the only one of Basilios grandchildren to have inherited his late mother’s star magic? You know how he loves to brag about the family hero of their house.”
“Just a detail, Florence. Just a detail. Lital only has that and nothing else. I mean, look at her.”
“I actually find her very beautiful, even if her dress isn’t from Soie Velours” Charlotte replied as neutral as possible. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I really need to powder my nose.”
Which meant that she needed to flee this uncomfortable family circle before she went mad. Charlotte immediately walked away before any of those ladies could hold her back.
“Don’t take too long, Charlotte dear, I still need to present you to lord Reginald.”
“Do you want me to reserve a dance with lord Nozel or lord Fuegoleon, my sweet daughter?”
Charlotte heard Rosamund and Orchidea very well, but she refused to answer them, she just walked away.
She only stopped when she found an alcove in an empty corridor, just near the toilets. Hopefully she would be left alone. She would need some time before having the nerves to face her mother and her relatives again.
Charlotte always hated those talks about her getting married, but after Spade, she got to endure more of them than all those combined since her fifteenth birthday.
Somehow, there were more marital talks within noble circles than before the raid. As if nobles were afraid to lose any chances of good alliances, especially marital ones, if something like the Spade raid happened again. Charlotte couldn’t understand such a stupid fear and even if she wanted to, she probably won’t be able.
And of course, those talks also didn’t stop with house Roselei. Lady Orchidea always wished for Charlotte to get married into an advantageous alliance, another noble house or even into royalty, and now that aunts and cousins and any other relatives came on board, Charlotte had to drown herself in work in order to keep those talks to the strict minimum.
Charlotte wasn’t against marriage, not at all. But the vision nobility had of it was something she despised. It was just alliances between houses, political, financial, to hide some scandals. Love never had a place within arranged marriages. Those were always concluded between the houses, the newlyweds never had a say. Or at least one of them, if the other one already had some kind of power.
Having been in love for ten years, Charlotte knew that she couldn’t accept to marry someone she didn’t love, despite all the advantages house Roselei could gain from it. It just wasn’t right in her book. But she certainly was the only one in her family to see it that way. Even Josephine, despite her naivety, already got her say on which houses the Roseleis should get an alliance through marriage and which ones they shouldn’t.
Being one of the most renown single members of her house – and also one of the rare Roseleis to not be tainted by any scandal, despite the curse – Charlotte had the most pressure about those kinds of talks. She almost missed when it was mostly her mother talking about it. At least, lady Orchidea cared a bit that her daughter has to find some kind of happiness with her future spouse. But now that the rest of her relatives pushed their own agenda on the subject, Charlotte felt like a tool in their schemes.
House Roselei was from high nobility and financially pretty stable. But they were also one of the noble houses with most scandals to their name. One reason why a prolific, advantageous marital alliance was needed in their eyes.
Aunt Rosamund, who cheated on her husband because he cheated on her – honestly, it was hard to definite who started it and both were so selfish people anyway – to a point that one of her children was not from her husband, but from another noble. And that was just a normal scandal for house Roselei.
As well as her father’s own scandal…
Charlotte hid her face behind her hands. She hated to remember, but she still didn’t want to forget that fateful day. When that woman from the Forsaken Realm came at the Roselei mansion with a baby in her arms. Her father’s bastard. That poor woman demanded to speak to lord Fidel Roselei, probably to help her and their child, but Charlottes father just throw her out, calling her with names she didn’t deserved.
Lord Fidel never knew, but Charlotte learned that day that her father cheated on her mother, that he had a bastard child and that he just throw the mother and said child away, like a broken toy. He never knew that Charlotte learned that day that she had a sibling out there, somewhere and that his behaviour was the reason why she became distant towards him.
Charlotte never knew what happened to that poor woman, she never knew if she had a brother or a sister. She had no idea what their names were, if they were still alive, if they still lived in Clover or in another country.
Her father’s scandal, her own curse… Charlotte had many reasons why she tried to be strong on her own, without the help of any man. She was proud of what she had accomplished until now, as a Magic Knight, as a captain. She lived like that for long…
But something changed after Spade… something that couldn’t be seen, but it was there. Her family’s talks about to get her finally married, it still was getting on her nerves, but not like it did before.
Her love for Yami just got stronger and deeper after the tearful confession. And she still hasn’t do anything to make a step forward. Yami was still so dense, almost nothing changed between them. A notable change was that Finral Vaude and Gordon Agrippa actually got that she confessed her love and were now visiting the Blue Roses quite often, in order to help Charlotte to get closer to Yami. Much to the Blue Roses joy.
Asta and Magna were still talking to her as one of captain Yamis friends, but the rest of the Bulls never mentioned the love confession and Charlotte had no idea what to think about it. She also refused to overthink that fact, because he would freak her out and that was the last thing she needed right now.
Between her family trying to get her somehow to the altar and how she had no idea how to continue with her feelings for Yami, between the afterward of the war and the duties as captain, Charlotte felt lost.
She couldn’t continue like that. Uncertainty didn’t help her and she really needed someone to confide in. She really needed to lean more on people she trusted.
How ironic was it that Yami of all people never stopped to tell her that?
Charlotte sighed deeply. She really wanted to finally settle things with Yami. She couldn’t continue to live like that, her feelings locked inside of her. It was easier said than done, but Charlotte wished every day more and more to finally get that burden out of her heart.
Of course, she couldn’t tell if Yami would love her back or not, she had no idea how she would take it if her love was only one-sided. But she felt herself also unable to think that far.
Am I somehow contradicting myself?
She really needed to make a decision, whatever this decision might be in the end. But would she be able to make it now, in her nervous state?
“Prickly Queen?”
Charlotte yelped and turned around, even though she recognize that nickname and that voice immediately. There was only one person in the entire world to call her that way.
Yami Sukehiro stepped out of the toilets, facing her with an unreadable glance.
♣♣♣
What was he doing? What was he thinking?
Nozel couldn’t help but ask those two question again and again while he danced with Vanessa Enoteca, the Black Bulls witch.
And also immediately felt ashamed to have those thoughts, because it sounded so impolite in his books. Especially since he asked her.
“You’re alright, handsome?”
Vanessa just looked at him with a teasing glance, but also a bit of concern. The same concern he saw in Spade…
“I’m fine. I apologize for being distracted.”
“Distracted? Couldn’t tell, you’re still leading perfectly.”
Not that she mentioned it, it was true. Nozel was still leading her perfectly through the waltz. There had been no out-of-step chaos coming from them. Unlike his cousin Kirsch, who couldn’t help to pose during his own waltz, to the utter irritation of the noble lady he was dancing with and the other dance couples near him.
Nozel had made sure that Vanessa and he wouldn’t waltz near Kirsch.
Glancing back at Vanessa, Nozel couldn’t help but remember again their talk in Spade. Honestly, their encounter after the raid always came back to his mind since those last three months. It didn’t help that she called him every day directly on his own communication device and she became mostly the one the Black Bulls sent when the needed to bring a report for the Silver Eagles. During her visits, Noelle even mentioned that Vanessa always asked about him when she came back.
Whenever she talked to him, be it through the device or on the rare occasions they crossed paths at the Silver Eagles headquarters, it was always teasing, probably also what others called flirting. But behind that playful tone, Nozel also believed to hear some concern.
The same concern he heard in her voice during their talk in Spade…
And Nozel didn’t understood that. Why would a witch feel concerned about him? Their status were too different, their ranks as Magic Knights as well. She was part of Yamis squad, who didn’t care about status and reputation – one of the reasons why he sent Noelle to Black Bulls in the first place. Speaking of Noelle, the witch definitely knew… She had a good reason to not talk to him, to hate him even.
But she didn’t.
In Spade, she made him talk, she made him open up a bit, to let go partly of his mask. Nozel wasn’t used to that. Not since he lost his mother. But Vanessa talked to him in a way that he wanted to confide to her.
At least partly. Nozel was so used to keep up his cold mask for over seventeen years, it was impossible to let go of it. Or so he thought.
It just had been a bit. Just a bit of letting go. Just a bit… and Nozel had felt something melt within him.
Which wasn’t good. He didn’t deserve it. That kind of concern, the invitation of confide in, to let go of his burden, to open his heart to someone. After everything he had done, after making Nebra, Solid and especially Noelle suffer, for all the mistakes he’d made, he didn’t deserved it. Nozel knew that, he knew that for over a decade. He lived like this since his mother died, since he became Head of House. He had no other choice than to continue.
But something changed since Spade. After he returned, it became more difficult to live like that. Oh, Nozel continued to try to make amends with Noelle and despite everything, it meant a lot to him that his little sister seemed to love to visit him more often. It was still awkward, but they were both trying.
Nozel also wanted to make amends with Nebra and Solid, to finally tell them the truth about how their mother. Something he should have done a long time ago. Another mistake on his countless list. At least, now that the curse had been lifted, Nozel didn’t need to send them to Dorothy and her Glamour World. Besides, he needed to do it by himself.
Solid didn’t quite understood, he probably still didn’t. Nozel always found that his younger brother was difficult to talk to. Solid didn’t really changed his attitude since then, something Nozel clearly didn’t liked.
Nebra, on the other hand, had caused a tantrum and had been extremely mad at him for never telling her, rightfully so. But she still forgave him, just like Noelle. Something Nozel still tried to understand why his sisters had forgiven him, especially since he didn’t deserved it. Nebra also tried to make amends with Noelle. They weren’t there yet, for now his sisters only met when he was present as well, but Nozel wanted to believe that it was already better since they discovered their common secret passion for spooky novels. Why did Nebra and Noelle liked this kind of literature in the first place.
But those were changes that needed to be done. What Nozel felt was another change, something he didn’t realized was taking place. It was within him, but he couldn’t tell what exactly. Except that he has to do with the Black Bull’s witch and how there was always something like care in her teasing voice every time she talked to him.
Nozel tried to ignore her calls and her attempts of small talk at first. It was less because he couldn’t accept that someone out of his circles was acting so casually with him, more because… he didn’t deserve that kindness, that care. In fact, it even scared him a bit. Which was so utterly pathetic of him. Being afraid of kindness someone was showing to him. It still didn’t change the fact that he didn’t deserved it.
He really was pathetic.
But Vanessa was stubborn, she wouldn’t let go, so he not really had any other choice than to give in. Maybe he also didn’t defend himself that much against that kindness. Maybe he couldn’t help but wanting that.
But he shouldn’t, it was selfish of him, his duty and his guilt didn’t allowed it.
He felt so contradictory. What was wrong with him lately?
Vanessa was giggling, making Nozel looking at her. She was so clearly happy to be here, she was enjoying herself.
With him of all people.
“What is so funny?”
“Nothing, cap’, nothing at all. It just happens that I giggle without any reason.”
“Is that even possible?”
“With me it is. Just ask Noelle next time she visits. Speaking of Noelle, she told me that she’s starting to meet with her sister as well. But she’s not telling me much details. Is it fine?”
The tone changed so suddenly that Nozel almost stopped waltzing. There was concern for Noelle in her voice, but also some distrust. Surely towards Nebra, but probably also towards him.
He didn’t liked that.
“It’s getting better, from what I witnessed. They discovered a common passion, which helped. But for now, Nebra and Noelle only met in my presence. They’re still quite unsure around each other and honestly, I’d rather stay with them until they feel more comfortable around each other.”
“That’s good to hear. I’m sure those meetings won’t go south under your watch.”
Nozel would have expected sarcasm, the same distrust. But there wasn’t any in Vanessas voice.
“You think so?”
“Yes. You’re trying and you already got some success in my books. And it means so much for Noelle. I just hope you’re not too harsh on yourself.”
She gave him a gorgeous smile. Not a smirk, no teasing or anything, a real smile. One of the most beautiful smile Nozel ever saw.
I don’t deserve it.
But I also don’t want her to stop.
The waltz continued and they danced silently, just enjoying the music. It felt so peaceful, Nozel almost wished that this dance wouldn’t stop. It was such a nice feeling.
A feeling he didn’t deserved, Nozel reminded himself.
From the corner of his eye, he saw some random nobles standing beside the dancefloor. Looking at him. Judging him, frowning. Because he was dancing with the Drunken Witch of the Black Bulls.
Nozel was used to be judged, to be criticized by nobles and most royals. It had been like this since he was fifteen, since he took over house Silva the very same day he got his grimoire. Those judging eyes of nobility always had been subtle, he still managed to get a reputation of perfect royal and Head of House. But Nozel could still feel the glances, he always had and it would never change.
They could judge him all they wanted, he didn’t care anymore. But he didn’t like that Vanessa was also judged. For some reason, it even made him sick.
To Nozels dismay, Vanessa did saw those glances as well.
“Geez, what’s wrong with those people? This is supposed to be a happy party, not to look like cats that got their milk stolen.”
“Maybe because they wanted me to dance with one of their daughters or nieces, I believe. Nobles always try to marry some member of their houses into royalty. Especially my family.”
Nozel sighed in resignation. He got marriage proposals for him or his siblings every day and if wouldn’t have been vital to maintain good relations with many of the noble houses, he would have threw all of them in the fire.
Sadly, this was also something that just got louder after Spade. He got surely ten times more marriage proposals when he returned, for Nebra and Solid, for Noelle too, although the reasons were different, but still despicable. And for him… Worse, king Augustus and Achilles Vermillion, Fuegoleons grandfather and head of house Vermillion, came to talk to him about that topic personally. Especially Achilles couldn’t help to do one of his favourite hobbies… putting shade on house Silva and subtly pointing all the mistakes Nozel made in his opinion, while also referencing how perfect his father was, despite that he only married into royalty.
Nozel closed his eyes for a second. He refused to think about his father. He always refused to think about his father and today was no exception.
“You seem to dislike it, handsome.”
Nozel opened his eyes quickly, focusing back on Vanessa. She eyes were on him, looking concerned.
Again.
Nozel swiftly swallowed his guilt. He was so used to that feeling for years, but now he could feel it heavier on his heart.
“That nobles wants to marry into your family. You already hated it back in Spade.”
“I always hated it. Ever since I took over the house and I was fifteen back then. Some nobles are even bold enough to send the same proposals at least five times in a day.”
There was it against, the urge to confide, to open his heart a bit. Why did she have that trusting aura around her? And why didn’t he mind it?
“No respect for boundaries, I see. It’s weird.”
“What do you mean?”
“I always thought that nobles respected royalty. But the way you tell me this, it seems that they have the same disrespect for royalty as for peasants and commoners.”
“I won’t say that it’s the same kind of disrespect.”
“It’s still disrespect. I had no idea, because it never looked like it.”
“It is more complex behind the scenes.”
Vanessa just hummed. She looked thoughtful. Nozel didn’t liked that they had this kind of conversation during a waltz. He didn’t want to think about despicable marriage proposals, he didn’t want to think about his duty to get married and give heirs to house Silva, in order to give his siblings a freedom he would never have. He just wanted to enjoy the dance with her, forget the world around them.
What was wrong with him?
“Have you find someone new?”
He couldn’t help but ask. Nozel never forgot what she told him back in Spade. How she had a crush on someone and got her heartbroken, how she never realized that she already moved on and cling on it, just to realize that she wasn’t in love as someone else confessed to that person.
That realization seemed to be still a lot to process for her. Vanessa clearly needed to think about it deeply. Nozel couldn’t but feel compassion for her, more than he should have.
For the first time in his life, he cared for someone who wasn’t a member of his family or at least one of his knights. He didn’t know why, even if he should. But Nozel couldn’t help but feel for her.
Vanessas story reminded him more than it should the relationship between his parents. It wasn’t really the same situation, but like Vanessa, his mother was in love with his father and despite the fact that he clearly would never returned her feelings, Acier hold years onto that delusion. A memory that pained Nozels heart, he would never wished something like that to anyone else.
Nozel looked more closely at Vanessa. She was definitely a beautiful woman. Objectively speaking. Her eyes purple like his, but a different shade, shining like amethysts between those perfect eyelashes. She didn’t have a complicated hairstyle like most women today, her curls fell freely on her shoulders, in the most beautiful rosewood shade Nozel ever saw. Her skin was soft as silk and softly pale like porcelain, while her cheeks had the colour of pale pink rose petals. She even smelled like roses, a subtle perfume. The dress she was wearing clearly didn’t came from Soie Velours, the most renown modiste in the Clover kingdom, but she looked so much better in that simple burgundy dress than many noble ladies in their overly frilly and complicated looking gowns. Her smiles were gorgeous and most importantly, she was also kind and caring, so free.
If she wanted to be in a relationship, she deserved someone more than good for her.
“No, I haven’t,” Vanessa answered, a small smile on her lips. “I have decided to put my love life on a different path, that’s for sure. But I take it slow, I won’t stress myself about it. Besides, it’s my best friend’s wedding today, so I didn’t really had the time. Which is not a bad thing.”
“Finral Roulacase is your best friend?”
“Yep. I’m really happy that he got to marry the love of his life. I know it’s an arranged marriage, but they’re so lucky to be in love still.”
“They are. It is sadly a rarity.”
“Maybe, but I hope it will be the same for you, if it happens.”
Nozel looked at her, surprised. But Vanessa just smiled at him, maybe a little sad, maybe compassionate, but genuine. Nozel had no idea what to say, so he just nodded.
They continued to dance, not talking anymore. Nozel wished again for the waltz to not stop. This was actually the best thing of this royal wedding.
But of course, the music had to stop.
The other couples around them left the dancefloor, leaving it for other dancers. But Nozel couldn’t go away. He couldn’t leg of that moment, a rare instance of peace in his life.
But he needed to. It wasn’t proper and he didn’t deserved it in the first place.
“Um, honey?”
“Hm?”
“Don’t you think you should let go of my hand?”
Puzzled, Nozel looked down, only to discover that he was indeed still holding her hand. He really should let go. Vanessa couldn’t spend the whole ball with him, she said that this was her best friend’s wedding and she surely wanted to celebrate with the Black Bulls more than with him.
But…
Bringing her hand up to his mouth, Nozel softly blow a kiss upon the back of it. It wasn’t more than like the touch of a butterfly, but somehow it felt like a spark through his entire body.
“Thanks for the dance… handsome.”
“You’re welcome, miss Enoteca.”
Usually, Vanessa laughed and said that he should called her just “Vanessa”. But this time, she didn’t. Did she felt it too? Or was it just an illusion?
Nozel didn’t even wait for an answer, as he turned away, leaving the dancefloor. And holding his hand. He could still feel something electric in it, pulsing right into his entire body and it just wouldn’t stop?
What is wrong with me?
♣♣♣
“What are you doing here, Yami?”
“Attending one of my brats wedding?”
“That’s not what I meant!”
Charlotte looked away, clearly offended. Yami couldn’t help but smirk at this sight.
“Well, wedding or not, a fearless battle can’t wait and I haven’t taken a dump since yesterday evening, not to mention that a boring dance party like that is the perfect occasion to go take a shi-“
“Don’t say that, you disgusting brute!”
“Hey, that hurts my delicate little heart here. And you wanted to know.”
“I don’t need to know the details of your… your… bowel habits, thank you very much.”
“Why so grossed out about something very natural, Prickly Queen? It’s not like you don’t do it at all.”
“Just because something is natural doesn’t mean that it needs to be told in public.”
“But we’re alone, Prickly Queen.”
“And? Doesn’t change anything to what I just said!”
Charlotte crossed her arms and turned her back to him. Yami smirked again. Now that was the reaction he was looking for. He clearly missed that.
Back from Spade, Yami had the unsettling feeling that something changed. Not on the surface, so first he thought it was just his imagination. But the unsettling feeling refused to leave him, so maybe the changes were more under the surface.
It was mostly due to the fact that Finral and Gordon started to visit the Blue Roses quite often and somewhat tried to talk to him about Charlotte. Given their Ki’s, they wanted to say more than they actually did, but Yami couldn’t pinpoint what they could want from him.
Maybe something like Asta and Magna? Those two were quite direct and somehow got the idea that Charlotte didn’t hate him and wanted to be his friend. Apparently, Charlotte did say something like that back in Spade. But no one else were talking about that, not even Finral and Gordon. Plus, Asta and Magna were such idiots, so Yami didn’t really paid attention about what they pretended.
Still, during those three months, Charlotte became quite distant with him, speaking so rarely even at those boring captains meeting. Heck, even Braids had been less distant than her after the whole Spade raid. Yami had feared for a moment that he did something wrong.
But given her reaction, it clearly had nothing to do with him and that was a real relief. Maybe she had a lot to do with the aftermath of the raid. Charlotte always took her job as captain way too seriously for his liking, she really needed to chill out more.
Charlotte was wearing a blue dress he already saw once. Wasn’t that the same one of the dinner party a few months ago, when she jumped out of a window after touching him?
“Still having this one, huh? I already told you that must get chilled in this frilly dress.”
“No, I don’t get cold. And I don’t care if you don’t like it.”
“Hey, I never said that I don’t like that frilly thing, don’t get insulted! It does look good on you at least, don’t get the wrong idea.”
“Why haven’t you told me that back then, at the dinner party?”
“I thought it was obvious that it looks good on you, no one said that to you?”
“My knights told me, it was even them who chose it in the first place.”
“Well, then I didn’t need to say it, you can trust your girls.”
“Haven’t you even thought about that a compliment would have still felt nice?”
“Nah, not my style.”
“Sadly.”
She turned her back to him again, arms still crossed.
Yami was stunned for a moment. Did he upset her somehow? That wasn’t his intention. He liked to tease her, since it was so easy to, but never would he dare to upset Charlotte.
“My mother wanted to get me a new dress, especially for the wedding, but I refused. I’m the only one in my family who didn’t want a new one, everyone else had spent days at the atelier of Soie Velours to get a new gown for the occasion.”
“Soy… who know?”
“Soie Velours, the most renown modiste in the kingdom, at least for nobility.”
“Ah? Never heard of her. No wonder if she’s working from stick-ass nobles.”
“Didn’t at least Finral Roulacase talked about her?”
“Maybe, but I don’t wear dresses, so I probably didn’t listened.”
Charlotte sighed again and given her Ki, it could either mean she was still upset or understanding. Knowing Charlotte, Yami was sure it was the first.
“This dress here isn’t from Soie Velours,” she suddenly spoke, caressing her dress. “But my family doesn’t know it. Otherwise they would have never allowed to wear it. But I only wear it once, at the dinner party and I’m quite fond of it. There are some good memories bond to it.”
“If it’s a dress you girls gifted to you, no wonder you have some good memories of it.”
“I wasn’t talking about my knights! Well, not only.”
“Huh? Don’t tell me that you have good memories of that dinner back then.”
“Well, of course I have!”
Geez, why though? Surely not because of him, Yami was certain. The food was definitely good, so there was that. Good food were always bond to become good memories, it might be definitely the food.
“Did you enjoy the wedding?” Charlotte asked suddenly. Yami frowned a bit, since when was she the first to try small talk with him?
“My wheels is happy to finally get married to his lady love, no one can’t take that away. But else… it’s a stick-ass royal noble party and if it weren’t for Finral and his girl who’s quite nice, I don’t think I would have shown up. My brats were excited though, nothing can hold them back to celebrate. Maybe I should’ve let them present the Bulls and staid at the hideout. Missed occasion, really, it is rare to have a calm moment at the hideout. For once, no one would have disturbed me while taking a dump.”
“Yami, please!”
Yami just laughed. Gosh, he really missed that attitude of hers. In the end, nothing had changed between them.
Right?
But before he could have any doubts, Charlotte spoke again, “To be honest with you, I don’t like being here either. More because my whole family is here as well and the other single members of house Roselei always hope to snatch a potential future spouse during such an event.”
“Well, can’t be you, then. After all, you’re married to the battlefield,” Yami laughed, happy to use this old joke again.
Even though it felt somehow out of place right now.
“This is not true, Yami, and you should-“
Charlotte froze.
Yami froze.
He hadn’t realized how close they were. In fact, he never had been this close to her in his whole life. Geez, this close, Yami couldn’t help but just stare at her.
Did she always had those perfectly full lips? Had her jawline always been so delicate? He already knew that she had a rather pale skin, but never did Yami realized how shining it was, especially with those red cheeks, just like red roses. Her was looking like bright gold or vanilla cream or a winter sun, depending on the lights…
Okay, since when was he so corny? Did he took not enough dumps for today? Had there been something in the food Charmy made for the buffet? Of course he knew that Charlotte was pretty, objectively. Noelle and Vanessa were pretty too, and Sleepy Hat as well. Yami knew plenty of pretty women, Charlotte was not special on that just because she had… such big beautiful eyes, between perfectly long eyelashes and in a very special blue that seems… kinda familiar? And her smell, geez, it was nothing too much like roses, surprisingly. A more spicy note was more covering the roses, somehow.
“Do you have a new perfume, Prickly Queen?”
“What? No, no I don’t!”
And with that, Charlotte just run away screaming, like she usually did. Only that Yami wasn’t that reassured about her reaction. More like confused. And maybe a bit hurt.
So much for nothing changed, he thought as he went back towards the ballroom. What just happened between them, while there were so close… Somehow it was a spark, definitely new, but what kind of new. Yami had no idea and he didn’t liked it.
Something had changed since his return from Spade. There was no denying about that anymore. But what exactly? Yami had no answers right now and it really pissed him off.
Back to the ball, Yami started to look for Charlotte. He really wanted to talk to her, even though he had no idea about what. Just that something needed to be settled between them. But she was nowhere to be seen.
Instead, Yami saw Vanessa kinda turning and dancing around, probably drunk, but not her usual drunkenness. Weird. And wasn’t there Nozel on the other side of the room, holding his hand like he was hurt or something?
Okay, Yami definitely had the feeling that he was missing something and of course, he had no idea what it was. In the end, maybe it was better to not pain his head with complex thoughts for today. He was already feeling worn out and the ball wasn’t even over yet.
“I’ll better deal with that stuff later. This should be future Yamis problem, not mine.”
#Black Clover#Black Clover Fanfiction#Silver Cats & Black Roses#My Writing ☘️♣️#Nozessa#YamiChar#Vanessa Enoteca#Nozel Silva#Charlotte Roselei#Yami Sukehiro#Nozel x Vanessa#Yami x Charlotte#Final Roulacase
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